In honor of my ending intimate relationship

posted by Eivind on January 3, 2010, at 5:37 pm

cathrine-eivind

I have been with my girlfriend for almost three years now. It's been an extraordinary time. The opportunities to practice love that have arisen in myriad forms along the way have made me a stronger, more committed and more open-hearted man. Before I met Cathrine, I had very little experience with intimate relationship. I was a serious spiritual practitioner, meditating for 1-2 hours every day for many years, but relationships were a whole other ballgame. An experience in Boudhgaya, India at the end of 2006 changed my life. I transitioned then into a time of study the arts of women, love, and relationships. The relationship was the culmination of that work.

I have come to know Cathrine as a healer. Not in the sense that she has warm hands and reads auras - although she *has* warm hands and *can* read auras - but in the sense that I have known deep healing in our relationship together. In serving and being served by Cathrine, I have experienced a kind of inner revolution. In truth, if it weren't for the dynamic nature of our relationship, the profound love we have shared, and the challenges that her shifting forms of feminine embrace and resistance brought into my life, I would not be half the man I am now. I have learned to love no matter what (well, almost). Most of the time, she has made it very easy for me. Sometimes, she has made it incredibly hard. But I would have it no other way. It has been her gift to me.

The two of us both know that many have expected us to marry and have children. Many of those of you who know us personally have WANTED us to marry and have children. There are many good reasons for that. We have been a great couple. We have shared extraordinary love. And spending the rest of my life with her would be a pretty good way to live. But there is an even deeper recognition - the purpose of my life needs my attention. The work I'm doing is starting to take off. And starting a family now would force me to call off those plans - or at least put them on hold.

My relationship has been in service of my life's purpose. I would even say that it has *defined* my life's purpose. But with the dream of children - and the recognition that it is too early for me - we have sensed a shift for a long time now. In fact, we sensed it from the very beginning of our relationship. But our love caused us to ignore that and to plunge into a relationship nevertheless. For as long as I live, there will never be a thought of regret in my mind for that. It is, perhaps, the best choice I ever made. And in many ways, I know she feels the same. But children for me are some years into the future - when the pursuit of my life's purpose has come into full bloom and I feel that my calling to serve the world in the way closest to my heart has been realized.

I have cried in her arms. She has cried in mine. Sometimes I think we're crazy. But I believe we are doing the right thing. I don't expect all of you will understand. For I can in truth say that I don't always understand myself. But I have learned something about love lately. It has its own intelligence. And it speaks with a silent whisper. And it walks hand in hand with truth. Love seeks truth just as truth seeks love - and together they have decided to take the wheel. So you see - it is, in a sense, not up to us. We merely obey the silent whisper.

I have never known love like I have over these almost three years. And I have never felt stronger. And now it is with sadness, grief, but most of all deep joy, love, appreciation, and gratitude that I give her back to the world. Thanks to those of you out there who have been part of this journey. And to those whose hearts will be broken by this news, I am sorry. Know that we have reached this decision together. Noone has been dumped and there is not a hint of anger or bitterness. I will forever love her. And now, I am moving on. Up ahead, there is a woman waiting for me. And there's a man waiting for Cathrine. And they will get to know a one whose heart has deep imprints of another. And if they are to so much as qualify - they must understand that this is a good thing. It is our gift to them.

Happy New Year everyone.

Eivind

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