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In honor of my ending intimate relationship

posted by Eivind on January 3, 2010, at 5:37 pm

cathrine-eivind

I have been with my girlfriend for almost three years now. It’s been an extraordinary time. The opportunities to practice love that have arisen in myriad forms along the way have made me a stronger, more committed and more open-hearted man. Before I met Cathrine, I had very little experience with intimate relationship. I was a serious spiritual practitioner, meditating for 1-2 hours every day for many years, but relationships were a whole other ballgame. An experience in Boudhgaya, India at the end of 2006 changed my life. I transitioned then into a time of study the arts of women, love, and relationships. The relationship was the culmination of that work.

I have come to know Cathrine as a healer. Not in the sense that she has warm hands and reads auras – although she *has* warm hands and *can* read auras – but in the sense that I have known deep healing in our relationship together. In serving and being served by Cathrine, I have experienced a kind of inner revolution. In truth, if it weren’t for the dynamic nature of our relationship, the profound love we have shared, and the challenges that her shifting forms of feminine embrace and resistance brought into my life, I would not be half the man I am now. I have learned to love no matter what (well, almost). Most of the time, she has made it very easy for me. Sometimes, she has made it incredibly hard. But I would have it no other way. It has been her gift to me.

The two of us both know that many have expected us to marry and have children. Many of those of you who know us personally have WANTED us to marry and have children. There are many good reasons for that. We have been a great couple. We have shared extraordinary love. And spending the rest of my life with her would be a pretty good way to live. But there is an even deeper recognition – the purpose of my life needs my attention. The work I’m doing is starting to take off. And starting a family now would force me to call off those plans – or at least put them on hold.

My relationship has been in service of my life’s purpose. I would even say that it has *defined* my life’s purpose. But with the dream of children – and the recognition that it is too early for me – we have sensed a shift for a long time now. In fact, we sensed it from the very beginning of our relationship. But our love caused us to ignore that and to plunge into a relationship nevertheless. For as long as I live, there will never be a thought of regret in my mind for that. It is, perhaps, the best choice I ever made. And in many ways, I know she feels the same. But children for me are some years into the future – when the pursuit of my life’s purpose has come into full bloom and I feel that my calling to serve the world in the way closest to my heart has been realized.

I have cried in her arms. She has cried in mine. Sometimes I think we’re crazy. But I believe we are doing the right thing. I don’t expect all of you will understand. For I can in truth say that I don’t always understand myself. But I have learned something about love lately. It has its own intelligence. And it speaks with a silent whisper. And it walks hand in hand with truth. Love seeks truth just as truth seeks love – and together they have decided to take the wheel. So you see – it is, in a sense, not up to us. We merely obey the silent whisper.

I have never known love like I have over these almost three years. And I have never felt stronger. And now it is with sadness, grief, but most of all deep joy, love, appreciation, and gratitude that I give her back to the world. Thanks to those of you out there who have been part of this journey. And to those whose hearts will be broken by this news, I am sorry. Know that we have reached this decision together. Noone has been dumped and there is not a hint of anger or bitterness. I will forever love her. And now, I am moving on. Up ahead, there is a woman waiting for me. And there’s a man waiting for Cathrine. And they will get to know a one whose heart has deep imprints of another. And if they are to so much as qualify – they must understand that this is a good thing. It is our gift to them.

Happy New Year everyone.

Eivind

  • Andrew

    Eivind,

    You speak from the heart and with integrity. I have recently been through a similar experience and it has resonance for me. Thank you for sharing this. I wish you both well.

    Andrew

  • http://www.masculinity-movies.com Eivind

    Thank you, Andrew. It is tough for the both of us – of course it is – even when the love is so strong in the midst of it.

    Kudos to you for managing to go through the end of a relationship in such a way yourself. How long ago was that?

    Eivind

  • http://www.pellebilling.com Pelle Billing

    Thank you for your vulnerable sharing Eivind. This post has been written by a man living in integrity, a man with a full and open heart. I understand your choice, even though other people in your live may feel upset.

  • Andrew

    Thank you Eivind It really ended last summer when we moved out of our house together, although we had ‘officially’ separated when I moved into the spare room before Christmas last year. We were together for 7 years and engaged to be married. We’re still close friends, although we have kept some distance to let ourselves breathe. It was one of the most transformative periods of my life. While sometimes such intense periods of change can bring people closer together in many ways, I’ve found they can also set people’s lives off on different trajectories. Only time will tell how it plays out. As in your case aswell, no doubt. Again, I wish you both well wherever your journies take you.

  • http://www.masculinity-movies.com Eivind

    Thanks, Andrew. Indeed we will see what happens to the two of us.

    It’s good that the two of you have managed to stay close friends. There seems to be a quality of heart-connectedness – or soul-connectedness – that doesn’t go away when a great and long-term relationship ends lovingly. It means a lot to maintain that through a friendship.

    Thank you for your well wishes. And thanks a lot for tuning in during this challenging time.

    Eivind

  • http://www.masculinity-movies.com Eivind

    Thank you, Pelle. You understand.

    I bought tickets today. See you soon! :-)

    Eivind

  • Mohamed Mahmoud

    wonderful ! I really admire this writing wish you keep it up and want more of those writings if it possible

    I just saw your profile on facebook then log onto your blog I consider this a nice chance for me to be here ;)

    have the best always Eivind and my greatings to you from Cairo >>>>> Egypt

  • Leon

    Wow Eivind, you struck my hart with your story! Deep respect for a man trying to live his deepest purpose, always… thank you for sharing this! Wish you all the best.

  • Eric

    … beautyfull !!
    Happy new Year Eivind.

    Greetings,
    Eric

  • http://www.masculinity-movies.com Eivind

    Mohamed, Leon and Eric: Thanks, guys. It means a lot to me. Especially when I hear I’ve struck your heart, Leon. A man’s relationship to his heart is often complicated. He’s so afraid to feel it, and so constrained by not doing so. I’m glad you feel it. Makes you powerful.

    Eivind

  • Kraye

    “And starting a family now would force me to call off those plans – or at least put them on hold.”

    How so?

    There’s that line from, “Illusions”, “Argue your limitations and, sure enough, they are.”

    Or from a movie, “Don’t tell me why you can’t. Tell me how you could.”

    While there is no “right answer”, “You can never solve a problem on the level on which it was created.” Albert Einstein

    Not engaging with the “problem” is one way of “handling” it.

    Kraye.

  • http://www.masculinity-movies.com Eivind

    There’s no wrong word in what you are saying, Kraye. And if I pretended to know exactly what we’re doing, I would be lying. But we are certainly not doing this because it is the easy way out.

    This is a very complex situation, and Cathrine and I feel that we have given it all of our love and consciousness. We may still turn out to be wrong of course, but we are in agreement that this is the way to go.

    It still fucking hurts of course, and I would lie if I said I have not shed a tear over this. Love and life is confusing is all I can say. And my only compass is that small inner voice. It spoke for us both and we obeyed.

    And I miss her.

    Eivind

  • Eric

    The way i see it:
    Love is a law of nature to reach a certain harmony, a merge betweem two individuals, yin and yang. There is a natural cohesie betweem two individuals to reach this harmony.
    Life is a pad to learn lessons and finding a way through this law of nature, to reach this harmony.

    Greetings,
    Eric

  • http://www.masculinity-movies.com Eivind

    So what you are saying, Eric, is that life is an arena in which your goal is to learn to love?

    I think you are right. Life truly is about learning to love. Powerfully. There’s a trick here, though, and that is that you sometimes have to move apart to increase the love.

    Life is full of paradoxes.

    Eivind