Okay, I’m about to go super vulnerable here. That’s pretty scary, but I’d like to get a couple of things off my heart.
These last weeks after I split up with my girlfriend of several years have been tough. Not only have I been heartbroken, vulnerable and lonely, but I’ve also had my ego put through a meatgrinder. My self image as an excellent communicator has taken several hits, at work as well as with friends and acquaintances. It used to be that when I had done something stupid or made a mistake, I could just love my girlfriend, try my best to serve her, and somehow I was magically cured of my bad state. My serving her served me.
I don’t have that now. And I realize I must develop new techniques for life mastery. I actually thought that I was so on track with my mission in life that I would just magically transition over into working hard on that and that I would somehow be doing just fine. It hasn’t been that easy. Some days, I’m strong and energetic, but often I’m just…well…scared.
I’ve been hurting a lot these last weeks and feel like I’ve let a lot of people down. But I remain strong in the faith that this is just a transition to something far greater. Something is coming through. Time will tell what form it takes.
One of the hardest things, Ihave discovered, is finding the right balance of intimacy vs separation with my ex. This is very confusing.
If anyone has some input on how to skillfully remain friends with someone who you’ve loved for a long time, please give it below.
Thanks for reading,
Eivind
1.
bj0rnborg wrote
on February 10th, 2010 at 3:02 pm
Hang in there buddy!
Your friends love you and will be there for you. You are never alone, only by choice. When you need them, invite them, and they will be there, no matter what you have, or think you have, done. This I can tell you straight from life experience.
Sadly I havent had any good experiences with keepin on contact with any of my exes. Not bad blood, it just tends to slip like sands through my fingers as time goes by, and maybe, well probably, its because our mutual importance to eachother fades over time.
I think my advice would be to try to remember what aspects of her personality that you liked before you became a couple, focus on that and see if that is enough to base a friendship on. Because only memories of love lost is not. :/
Love and respect from the other side of the border
2.
bj0rnborg wrote
on February 13th, 2010 at 11:07 pm
I distinctly remember writing a comment here. Maybe I fouled up somehow.
But hang in there buddy, separation is always painful, but it also purifying and you always come out a stronger person on the other side.
3.
Eivind wrote
on February 14th, 2010 at 9:43 pm
Yes you did. They were caught by my spam filter for some reason. I replied in a private e-mail, so I won’t bother here.
Thanks for your support, brother!
E