Life is challenging right now

posted by Eivind on February 4, 2010, at 11:12 pm

Okay, I'm about to go super vulnerable here. That's pretty scary, but I'd like to get a couple of things off my heart.

These last weeks after I split up with my girlfriend of several years have been tough. Not only have I been heartbroken, vulnerable and lonely, but I've also had my ego put through a meatgrinder. My self image as an excellent communicator has taken several hits, at work as well as with friends and acquaintances. It used to be that when I had done something stupid or made a mistake, I could just love my girlfriend, try my best to serve her, and somehow I was magically cured of my bad state. My serving her served me.

I don't have that now. And I realize I must develop new techniques for life mastery. I actually thought that I was so on track with my mission in life that I would just magically transition over into working hard on that and that I would somehow be doing just fine. It hasn't been that easy. Some days, I'm strong and energetic, but often I'm just...well...scared.

I've been hurting a lot these last weeks and feel like I've let a lot of people down. But I remain strong in the faith that this is just a transition to something far greater. Something is coming through. Time will tell what form it takes.

One of the hardest things, Ihave discovered, is finding the right balance of  intimacy vs separation with my ex. This is very confusing.

If anyone has some input on how to skillfully remain friends with someone who you've loved for a long time, please give it below.

Thanks for reading,
Eivind

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