On the topic of rejection

posted by Eivind on February 16, 2011, at 9:02 pm

Dropped by a pub on the way from work today. Turned out the girl behind the bar was a girl I had connected quite strongly with some weeks previously. She was there with some cute friends. She expressed her appreciation for our connection by serving me for free. And I had a fairly decent connection with her friends as well.

Though I left the place feeling really dissatisfied. Actually, I felt rejected. Strange thing to feel I thought to myself. It got me thinking that feelings of rejection never have anything to do about anything outside of ourselves. It's missing the point completely. Feelings of rejection arise when something authentic arises inside of ourselves and we choose not to act on or voice it.

That's what happened today. I wasn't present enough to really tune into my curiosity about these girls, so I kept it pretty safe and surface. My soul never appreciates that. There was so much I wanted to know that evaded me in moments when I wasn't fully settled in myself.

There's a lot of wisdom here for me. If I feel unhappy or depressed, it's always because I'm out of alignment with my authentic Self, or my Soul if you will. There were things about these girls that I wasn't aware of being curious about until after leaving the place. But on a deeper level, I knew.

Through feelings we label "bad", we are always given exactly the information we need to be authentic. This human machine we inhabit is so amazing - we always get exactly the information we need to be absolutely blissful. The unhappiness arises in our rejections of the "bad" psychic material, which are nothing but perfectly crafted signposts that lead towards our authentic selves (joy is found there).

Feelings of rejection, depression, vague feelings of unease - always, ALWAYS these are treasures posing as shit. Our happiness comes in embracing the shit, because it's always friggin' gold. So I'm just going to sit with the ways in which I rejected myself now. Everything forever perfect. I make things so fucking complicated.

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