Lars: Well, Bianca can help you. She's got nurse's training. Gus: No she doesn't. That's because she's a plastic...thing. Lars: That's amazing. Did you hear that? Bianca said God made her to help people.
posted by Patrick Timmermans on December 26, 2010, at 3:33 pm
Patrick Timmermanns, host of Meetings with Men (added by editor)
Eivind inspired me in writing an article about the movie nights for men in Amsterdam which I organize. I waited some time before I started writing and now I know why. After five monthly movie nights I can reflect on them by writing about it and share it with my brothers.
I started the Meetings with Men Movie Nights in August after I was again inspired by Eivind. By organizing his movie nights in Oslo I found my way at this moment in giving my energy to wake up men. I studied film science as a passion and knew I wanted to organize movie nights with movies that would wake up the viewer. Never knew what my audience would be until I discoverd Masculinity Movies through a friend whos men’s training I did at Venwoude. After that training I felt that I have a part in waking up men and saw the possibility of film in this.
So the idea was there. I shared it with some friends who were enthousiastic about the idea. I thought about the practical part and then I laid it to rest. As I do with many ideas I find it hard to take action. I have the direction but miss the action. What I needed was a push forwards and I found it at a spiritual festival here in Holland. I knew I had to do it and did it. So instead of shoving the starting date forward and forward I found a place to screen the movies and just send out the invitations. The last Saturday of August the first Meetings with Men Movie Night was a fact.
The movie shown on that night was “Revolutionary Road”. I was fascinated about the way the man in that movie was choosing for safety instead of challenge and how he couldn’t cope with the “madness” of his wife. Recognizable for me and the seven other men attending the screening. We shared after the film and like always I found it great to share with brothers. Even though I didn’t have an idea of how to do it all went like it had to go. And when a kind of discussion grew I had to stop it because I wanted to stay out of discussing about and let men share what was the truth for them. So I learned from that evening how I would do it next time.
The next screening was a month later. The movie nights are the last Saturdays of the month. An exemption was this month since many men including me would celebrate Christmas. On the second movie night I showed “The Road”. Only one man, a good friend, showed up because many couldn’t even if they wanted. I felt dissapointment and decided not to act to that feeling. I enjoyed watching the movie with him and was touched by this heavy film. I didn’t watch it before the screening like I usually do because I wanted to be surprised. After the film I had a good conversation and knew it wouldn’t matter how many men would come it is always good.
On the third screening I wanted to show a film about mentorship so I showed a film that was on my list for a long time: “Buddha’s Lost Children”. Four men showed up and it was again a good night. We had a good and brotherly sharing and in that sharing we touched the topic of man and agression. Some men were triggered by how the monk in the film used agression for making his point. So for the fourth screening I chose “A History of Violence”. Again a night to remember by and share about this topic with which I’m not finished yet.
It’s great to experience the power of letting go of a plan and seeing the best thing for that moment popping up at the spot. I don’t have a list of which film I will show when. What I mostly did is look at the movie database that Eivind made and feel which film chooses me. And like after the third screening somebody came up with an idea and I reacted upon it. For the fifth movie night I had to show a movie that touched me deeply. It was “The Boys are Back” and I wanted to show it because I wanted to talk about being a father.
As a father myself for 9 months now and not knowing how to be a father I wanted to make contact with that part through that film and by sharing this with other men. And it was the best choice ever. Three men showed up. One of them being a father for a long time, me being a father for a short time, one of them becoming a father within weeks and one of them just decided he wants to a father. That was bonding I can tell you. And it gave me insights in how I do things like how I recognized myself in the father of that film who’s survival modus is not taking responsibility and running away. He finds himself left alone with his 8 year old son after the dead of his wife and soon his elder son from a former marriage shows up. Moving, funny and interesting how he deals with this situation.
So here I am after five movie nights. The next one in January already planed with “Sideways”. I want to talk with the men about male friendships. It gives me energy to be together with men and enjoy a movie and talk about it afterwards. It gives me energy to hold the space on these nights. It gives me energy to see and hear the men enjoying these nights and wake up a little bit more. It gives me energy to give my energy in this way to my brothers. And though I always get scared and shit in my pants in the week before I just know I have to do this and dot it. This is my contribution in awakening men in Holland!
You are very welcome one of the Meetings with Men Movie Nights or on the Facebook page of Meetings with Men.
I want to tell you about a day that Peter, Pelle and I recently had at Venwoude, a Dutch retreat center. The three of us had met up to have our quarterly brotherhood touchdown and had already done a lot of deep, penetrating work by the time we made our way through thick, wet snow on the roads nourthbound for Venwoude.
Headed for Venwoude
Venwoude is a retreat center which has increased in my awareness over the last year. Peter and I dropped by in May out of the blue just to check out the place and I felt that I would be back. I have met two great men who are part of that community through this website. One of them, Leon Gras, contacted me after the entire story around the manifesto for conscious men and we had a brief exchange about why that was an important debate and that the approach taken in that manifesto didn’t sufficiently honor levels of development.
He proceeded to invite us to drop in on a workshop called ‘Sex, Spirit & Sexuality’ with Diane Hamilton and Marc Gafni which was being held at the same that we would happen to gather in Holland. It was a generous offer and we accepted.
On the way to Venwoude on Saturday, I was again reminded of just how dull nature is in Holland. I find that a visit to Holland makes me grateful for living so close to “real” nature here in Norway. But in the woods around Venwoude, things change. I recognize how much nature means to me these days; just being amongst the trees leading up to Venwoude makes me breathe more easily. And there was a majestic bird that came swooping down on our car and I just let out a sigh. Thank heavens Holland hasn’t been entirely domesticated.
Peter, Pelle and I at Venwoude. Also say hello to Mr Happy - the mascot for our meeting that we left behind to keep the Venwoudians happy.
Triggered by green
Venwoude is a beautiful place. And the hospitality we were shown was incredible. It was great to meet Leon. He was a magnificent host. We also got to meet Diane Hamilton, the zen master who holds such an important role in the integral movement. That was a nice experience – she seemed lovely, even though she did trigger me by saying that the three of us probably needed more Spiral Dynamics green in our lives than does she and Leon.
It was a strange comment, though it was interesting to sense how I reacted to it. Who knows, maybe it’s proof that she’s right. Why, after all, would I immediately interpret that as an insult? That is saying something about how I still view the people who are “green”. Sorry new-agers, feminists and cultural relativists of the world – I will commit to loving you even more in 2011.
Feminine delight at the workshop
Diane Hamilton and Marc Gafni welcomed us into their workshop space with open arms and I felt really included and taken care of there. The lessons that we took part in were fun, especially an exercise where we shared vulnerably about sexuality based on a model of six stages of sexuality that Marc presented for us. We were four in our group, three men and one woman. It was refreshing to speak so openly about sexuality with these great people. I shared about how my ex didn’t like it when I started fabricating a way of being in bed that felt inauthentic to her, even though my intention was to go deeper into my masculine to serve her.
The woman shared how much she liked feeling a man’s cock get hard in her hand. She blushed a little as she said that and I just soaked up the delicious and fun energy that exuded from her. In closing the group afterwards, I told her how much I had enjoyed hearing her speak about how turned on she would get and she blushed big time and giggled. Just writing about this makes me smile and happy to be alive.
Initiation at Venwoude
Leon shared something with us which had us all excited – they have started initiating boys at Venwoude. Just in simple ways, but they are doing it. This is incredible. I was so happy to hear this. Leon is one of the ritual holders for that process and he should therefore know a thing or two about what is important in a boy’s growth to manhood. Granted, their initiatory rites are still in their early stages, but the fact that this is happening on Western soil is very heartening. It was probably Leon’s insight into the male psyche and a boy’s path to manhood that had him resonate with me in my critique of the manifesto.
I’ll be back
It’s rare that I have felt so welcomed anywhere and in the car on the way back to Weert, I reflected to Peter and Pelle that I hadn’t understood just how welcomed and served we had been there before after I had left. It was very humling and I felt my heart soften and open up afterwards.
I have a sense that some important connections were made there that will manifest in their full potential in the future. Thanks also, Venwoude, for offering me with some delightful meetings with beautiful women. They were brief, but delicious.
posted by Eivind on December 13, 2010, at 12:34 am
Finally, as promised, here it is. This is the first video in a series of four on the King, Warrior, Magician, Lover archetypes. The first deals with the King.
This is my first time teaching on video like this and I want you to be real honest with me how you experience it. It’s kind of foreign to me and I’m still getting used to it. Tell me what works and what doesn’t so I can give you more of what you want and less of what you don’t.
For the past year, I’ve been running an online film club on a community site consisting of people from the now dissolved “The Deida Experience”. We’ve watched eleven films and are about to watch our 12th. This is the list of the movies we have covered:
It’s been a great experience to lead a group of this type and I have enjoyed it immensely. Actual growth has taken place as a result of the Polarity Film Club. But now, it is closing down. I tell you this, dear readers, because I want to honor the end of something that has been important to me. This represents the dissolution of a group of people I have come to appreciate a lot. I also tell you this because I wonder if there is interest for an online film club hosted on Masculinity Movies, where we discuss movies in a forum setting and see what gems we can excavate together. My energy must move towards this webpage now. 2011 is going to be an important year.
To give you an idea of what a filmclub like this may mean, I include here part of the text I wrote when the Polarity Film Club opened.
For the last year, I’ve been building a website about masculinity in movies on my spare time. It’s called Masculinity Movies and can be found on www.masculinity-movies.com.
Prior to and during the development of the site, I have spent a fair amount of time reflecting on the role movies have in shaping our identity, society, sexuality and intimate relationships. I set out with a working hypothesis – that movies looked at from the right perspective can serve as great teachers of universal principles. With some mileage under my belt, the hypothesis still holds firm; I believe it is true.
I have found that when we take our time to really penetrate to the core of what good movies are trying to tell us, some timeless laws of great importance make themselves manifest. These laws are what I hope to extract from the movies and put on the table for us to investigate and discuss.
