Lars: Well, Bianca can help you. She's got nurse's training. Gus: No she doesn't. That's because she's a plastic...thing. Lars: That's amazing. Did you hear that? Bianca said God made her to help people.
This week they talk about why New Year's resolutions are like Vegas marriages. Good thing to contemplate in these days when so many of you probably have a lot of your personal integrity hinging on keeping them (making promises to yourself that you don't keep is the surest way to losing your personal power and vitality. Heck, it can even destroy your sex life).
They are also talking about choice architecture; how you can set up your environment to work with you, not against you. For me, that means not using my iPhone as an alarm clock. Leaving it on the nightstand means I end the day reading e-mails and checking the web and I start the day in the same way. And when I do that, I'm off on a tangent already. Not good for my focus. That's why I got myself a good old-fashioned alarm clock at a Brookstone store at Portland International airport in October. The concept is that even when you are unconscious, your environment should facilitate your movement towards success.
There's also some great stuff about why perfectionism is such a lousy thing (my motto is "progress is good enough"), how you should set up a punitive nudge system with a partner to force yourself to follow through (I've done this for several years, and believe me - it works big time!), why hope is the raw material of losers (unless you're Barack Obama), and a fun story about why house flies in a urinal at an airport reduced urine spilling by 80%.
Listening to Tripp Lanier's latest New Man Podcast, I was reminded of some very important principles of male growth. In it, energy healer Sarah Ingier talks about how men are submerged in the Feminine, being both born from and surrounded by it at all times of the day (in the form of nature, women and everything that is in motion). She then describes something that is at the core of my own work: How it is important with some very strong rituals – initiations – in which the man separates from the Feminine and becomes a true Man, a person who can relate with the Feminine not from a state of reaction or enslavement, but of standing free in intimate communion with it.
The macho jerk and the new age wimp that David Deida talks about are both under the control of feminine energy. Only the truly mature man, a 3rd stage man, has freed himself from it. This is the hero's journey in KWML. Yes, true initiation into manhood IS the hero's journey.
They talk about more topics in the podcast, but their discussion of what I outlined above is the best part of it. If it's not enough that I'm saying these things, then please – for your own good – listen to Sarah and Tripp say them.
I have been with my girlfriend for almost three years now. It's been an extraordinary time. The opportunities to practice love that have arisen in myriad forms along the way have made me a stronger, more committed and more open-hearted man. Before I met Cathrine, I had very little experience with intimate relationship. I was a serious spiritual practitioner, meditating for 1-2 hours every day for many years, but relationships were a whole other ballgame. An experience in Boudhgaya, India at the end of 2006 changed my life. I transitioned then into a time of study the arts of women, love, and relationships. The relationship was the culmination of that work.
I have come to know Cathrine as a healer. Not in the sense that she has warm hands and reads auras - although she *has* warm hands and *can* read auras - but in the sense that I have known deep healing in our relationship together. In serving and being served by Cathrine, I have experienced a kind of inner revolution. In truth, if it weren't for the dynamic nature of our relationship, the profound love we have shared, and the challenges that her shifting forms of feminine embrace and resistance brought into my life, I would not be half the man I am now. I have learned to love no matter what (well, almost). Most of the time, she has made it very easy for me. Sometimes, she has made it incredibly hard. But I would have it no other way. It has been her gift to me.
The two of us both know that many have expected us to marry and have children. Many of those of you who know us personally have WANTED us to marry and have children. There are many good reasons for that. We have been a great couple. We have shared extraordinary love. And spending the rest of my life with her would be a pretty good way to live. But there is an even deeper recognition - the purpose of my life needs my attention. The work I'm doing is starting to take off. And starting a family now would force me to call off those plans - or at least put them on hold.
My relationship has been in service of my life's purpose. I would even say that it has *defined* my life's purpose. But with the dream of children - and the recognition that it is too early for me - we have sensed a shift for a long time now. In fact, we sensed it from the very beginning of our relationship. But our love caused us to ignore that and to plunge into a relationship nevertheless. For as long as I live, there will never be a thought of regret in my mind for that. It is, perhaps, the best choice I ever made. And in many ways, I know she feels the same. But children for me are some years into the future - when the pursuit of my life's purpose has come into full bloom and I feel that my calling to serve the world in the way closest to my heart has been realized.
I have cried in her arms. She has cried in mine. Sometimes I think we're crazy. But I believe we are doing the right thing. I don't expect all of you will understand. For I can in truth say that I don't always understand myself. But I have learned something about love lately. It has its own intelligence. And it speaks with a silent whisper. And it walks hand in hand with truth. Love seeks truth just as truth seeks love - and together they have decided to take the wheel. So you see - it is, in a sense, not up to us. We merely obey the silent whisper.
I have never known love like I have over these almost three years. And I have never felt stronger. And now it is with sadness, grief, but most of all deep joy, love, appreciation, and gratitude that I give her back to the world. Thanks to those of you out there who have been part of this journey. And to those whose hearts will be broken by this news, I am sorry. Know that we have reached this decision together. Noone has been dumped and there is not a hint of anger or bitterness. I will forever love her. And now, I am moving on. Up ahead, there is a woman waiting for me. And there's a man waiting for Cathrine. And they will get to know a one whose heart has deep imprints of another. And if they are to so much as qualify - they must understand that this is a good thing. It is our gift to them.
posted by Eivind on December 22, 2009, at 12:07 am
One of the things that we are not focusing nearly enough energy on in our struggle as a gender to reclaim our true and authentic masculinity is how our modern diet is filling our bodies with hormones - feminine hormones to be exact. Men are actually being chemically castrated by staple foods and drinks such as soy and beer.
I think this interview Daniel Vitalis on testosterone, fertility and estrogen is worth listening to. Among other things, Daniel will tell you that beer feminizes you, reduces your libido and makes you impotent. So much for beer being masculine. No wonder I hardly ever drink it.
posted by Eivind on December 12, 2009, at 11:13 pm
If you take your masculine development at all seriously, you probably already know David Deida. What you may not know though is that a workshop he did in Australia at the beginning of the decade has just been made available on YouTube. I'm not quite sure if the people who published it are violating any copyrights, so watch it while it's still up.
Just check this one clip out.
Find all twelve parts of this amazing film production on Youtube.
That just made me smile. What do you despise about it?
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