Masculinity-Movies blog
posted by Eivind on February 23, 2010, at 10:14 pm
I just had a very unconscious meeting with my ex-girlfriend, which inspired me to write this blog. It’s always lovely to see her, but earlier today, I had decided that this was going to be an important evening of work at home. I was looking forward to it. In fact, I was excited that my work seemed to be calling out to me so temptingly. Happy that I felt inspired about the stuff I’m doing. When she invited me out, I defaulted to “that sounds nice”, ignoring my subtle feeling of being out of alignment with myself.
After having spent some time with her, totally unable to serve her with my presence, I was called to reflect on integrity. The most basic level of integrity is being true to your word. It’s the integrity of Deida’s 1st stage of masculinity. This integrity is central to the masculine. Interestingly, since stage 2 men are less masculine than stage 1 men, they tend to be less true to their word. It’s an odd paradox of evolution that becoming more conscious means you are becoming less true to your word. But as you know if you have seen the madman in”No Country for Old Men” by the Coen Brothers, you know that if saying “I’m going to kill you” binds you to become a murderer, integrity to your word is not necessarily a good thing.
So we understand there is a deeper level of integrity. This deeper level of integrity is acting in alignment with your core values, and with your own inner knowing. The call to act in accordance with this deeper level of integrity exists inside any man, although the fewest know it. Only the more evolved men are conscious of this. What happened to me today was that I overruled my own inner knowing of what I was meant to do with my time and I became conscious in the process. I was out of integrity with myself. Whenever any man with a masculine essence is out of integrity with himself, he goes unconscious. And he hates being unconscious.
The majority of men are out of integrity with themselves at least 90% of the time. This is why they are unconscious and depressed. This level of integrity that we are talking about here is an absolute prerequisite to consciousness and happiness for any man. We must understand that most of the maneuvering we do in our life, whether it is buying fancy stuff, meditate, have sex, whatever, we do because we are on a downward spiral due to constantly being out of integrity with ourselves. The mystery of inner evolution is that as we become more conscious, we understand that the deep values and convictions that our new level of consciousness uncovers have really always been there. We understand that our lack of satisfaction in life came precisely because we always did other than what we really desired in our deepest self. We understand then how we have spent most of our life sabotaging ourselves, simply because we never bothered to look for what was important to us.
Any man should meditate or do other types of practices to train his consciousness. It will help him spot integrity glitches more easily. But understand that no amount of formal practice in and of itself will cure you of your unconsciousness if you, in the informal paths of life, keep going against your deepest integrity. If that’s all you do, you will do all these practice for naught because you will always fuck it up the minute you enter the marketplace. Your lack of integrity will keep pulling you back to where you started, effectively ending any hope of progress in life.
The conclusion is that following your deepest integrity is the Holy Grail of manhood. It is what it is all about. Every time you are unhappy or unconscious in that nasty, inauthentic way, it is precisely because you are out of integrity with yourself. Not just in word, but in the core of your being. So get to know what you are all about, and then the issue of staying in integrity becomes a little easier. Even if it means saying no to having coffee with a woman you love.
PS! Check out the guys at the Authentic Man Program for some great stuff on integrity. They teach that Presence and Appreciation are the building blocks that precede Integrity.
posted by Eivind on February 13, 2010, at 6:59 pm
I’ve watched a fair share of porn in my life. I’ve even been a member of a couple of porn sites in the past. But as I’ve matured, I’ve come to realize that men’s relationship with porn is fraught with problems and pitfalls. I have nothing against porn. I still watch it from time to time, although none of that weird shit that is popping up more and more out there.
The main problem with porn is that I’ve found that it, for the most part, hurts my sex life. The problem is that it externalizes sex. It becomes this thing “out there”. An impersonal thing which you observe from a safe distance. There is no love there, no connection. There is just wham, bam, thank you m’am. And the goal is always ejaculation.
I’m training myself these days to become a multi-orgasmic man and in this period, I’ve consumed porn only once. That one time severely damaged my consciousness, however, and much progress vanished in one fell swoop. A man who is overstimulated by what he sees and who sees ejaculation as the goal, will be sexually limited. So I have committed to not watching any more porn as long as I’m so vulnerable to its damage.
I include a link to a good documentary about the porn industry and how much men and society are hurting through overconsumption of it. It’s in English, though, so you can watch it too. It uses Silverlight technology, so you may be better off with using Internet Explorer.
http://www.nrk.no/nett-tv/klipp/601137/
It’s worth watching.
posted by Eivind on February 4, 2010, at 11:12 pm
Okay, I’m about to go super vulnerable here. That’s pretty scary, but I’d like to get a couple of things off my heart.
These last weeks after I split up with my girlfriend of several years have been tough. Not only have I been heartbroken, vulnerable and lonely, but I’ve also had my ego put through a meatgrinder. My self image as an excellent communicator has taken several hits, at work as well as with friends and acquaintances. It used to be that when I had done something stupid or made a mistake, I could just love my girlfriend, try my best to serve her, and somehow I was magically cured of my bad state. My serving her served me.
I don’t have that now. And I realize I must develop new techniques for life mastery. I actually thought that I was so on track with my mission in life that I would just magically transition over into working hard on that and that I would somehow be doing just fine. It hasn’t been that easy. Some days, I’m strong and energetic, but often I’m just…well…scared.
I’ve been hurting a lot these last weeks and feel like I’ve let a lot of people down. But I remain strong in the faith that this is just a transition to something far greater. Something is coming through. Time will tell what form it takes.
One of the hardest things, Ihave discovered, is finding the right balance of intimacy vs separation with my ex. This is very confusing.
If anyone has some input on how to skillfully remain friends with someone who you’ve loved for a long time, please give it below.
Thanks for reading,
Eivind
posted by Eivind on January 19, 2010, at 11:32 pm
Another awesome episode of the New Man Podcast is out. Seems like I’m liking them more and more. Tripp Lanier is doing an excellent job with these shows. I’ve learned a lot from them!
This week they talk about why New Year’s resolutions are like Vegas marriages. Good thing to contemplate in these days when so many of you probably have a lot of your personal integrity hinging on keeping them (making promises to yourself that you don’t keep is the surest way to losing your personal power and vitality. Heck, it can even destroy your sex life).
They are also talking about choice architecture; how you can set up your environment to work with you, not against you. For me, that means not using my iPhone as an alarm clock. Leaving it on the nightstand means I end the day reading e-mails and checking the web and I start the day in the same way. And when I do that, I’m off on a tangent already. Not good for my focus. That’s why I got myself a good old-fashioned alarm clock at a Brookstone store at Portland International airport in October. The concept is that even when you are unconscious, your environment should facilitate your movement towards success.
There’s also some great stuff about why perfectionism is such a lousy thing (my motto is “progress is good enough”), how you should set up a punitive nudge system with a partner to force yourself to follow through (I’ve done this for several years, and believe me – it works big time!), why hope is the raw material of losers (unless you’re Barack Obama), and a fun story about why house flies in a urinal at an airport reduced urine spilling by 80%.
All in all, a fantastic episode. Check it out.
Eivind
posted by Eivind on January 10, 2010, at 11:49 pm
Listening to Tripp Lanier’s latest New Man Podcast, I was reminded of some very important principles of male growth. In it, energy healer Sarah Ingier talks about how men are submerged in the Feminine, being both born from and surrounded by it at all times of the day (in the form of nature, women and everything that is in motion). She then describes something that is at the core of my own work: How it is important with some very strong rituals – initiations – in which the man separates from the Feminine and becomes a true Man, a person who can relate with the Feminine not from a state of reaction or enslavement, but of standing free in intimate communion with it.
The macho jerk and the new age wimp that David Deida talks about are both under the control of feminine energy. Only the truly mature man, a 3rd stage man, has freed himself from it. This is the hero’s journey in KWML. Yes, true initiation into manhood IS the hero’s journey.
They talk about more topics in the podcast, but their discussion of what I outlined above is the best part of it. If it’s not enough that I’m saying these things, then please – for your own good – listen to Sarah and Tripp say them.
