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— , Irregular updates ()The historical adventure that is this movie is surprisingly simple in many ways, superficially appearing to be limited in its scope and vision. However, below the surface rests a richness of examples that demonstrate what it takes for a boy to make the journey into manhood. In my experience, it is often in the most simple of storylines that we find the most enduring of insights, and in the timeless dramas that we unravel the most important learnings. This movie is no exception. Whether intentionally or not, the screenwriters and the director walk us through a number of crucial phases that men need to go through when coming of age.
Set in the latter part of the 12th century, the movie focuses on the main character Balian--a peasant blacksmith in the south of France. From a life of relative tranquility, his existence is turned upside down when his wife gives birth to a stillborn child, and then proceeds to take her own life, stricken by grief. Soon after these tragic events, a knight of Jerusalem visits Balian, claiming to be Godfrey of Ibelin and Balian’s father. He offers the blacksmith to come with him to Jerusalem, and fight in the Crusades, but Balian--still paralyzed by grief--turns down the offer.
However, as chance would have it, the village priest turns out to be a less than empathetic man, provoking Balian by stating that his wife will burn in hell for killing herself. Overcome by rage, Balian is unable to control his emotions and kills the priest on the spot. Well aware that he will be sentenced to death for this crime, he flees the village on his horse, and joins his father’s party.
Balian is now a man who has hit rock bottom. His wife and child are dead, and he’s a wanted criminal in his native village. Furthermore, he’s proven to be unable to control his emotions and unable to adhere to his own moral code. In this state of internal confusion and emptiness he travels to Jerusalem, in hope of redemption and forgiveness, and perhaps just as importantly: in search of a new purpose in life, a purpose that can also serve as his redemption.
The question of what maketh a man is perhaps just as old as humanity itself. I do not pretend to have anything that even approaches a complete answer, but I think Balian’s story can give us an important hint. What is it that he loses to become a broken man? His wife and his child may be what comes to mind at first, but as tragic as these losses are, they do not necessarily represent our hero losing touch with his manhood or masculinity.
Instead, the telltale signs that Balian is out of touch with his own core, is that he acts impulsively (i.e. cannot control his emotions), and that he breaks his own basic moral code. How can he trust himself, or expect the world to trust him, when falling short in these regards?
But even the fact that Balian loses touch with a couple of core masculine qualities, is nothing but the end result of a deeper dynamic. Healthy masculinity is first and foremost associated with a clear direction in life, and the fact that our hero’s family has been wiped out, has likely led to an absence of purpose or direction in his life. This lack of direction can in itself be enough for a man to let go of the other values that he cherishes in his life, such as his moral code and his composure.
Moving on in the story, Godfrey (the father) is lethally wounded in a battle with a group of soldiers that want to capture Balian and have him punished for killing the priest. As sad as this event is, it also represents a much needed turning point for our main character. The impending death of his father, leads Balian to experience something that is rare in our modern times: an initiation from his father. The word-by-word oath goes like this:
Godfrey of Ibelin: Be without fear in the face of your enemies. Be brave and upright that God may love thee. Speak the truth always, even if it leads to your death. Safeguard the helpless and do no wrong. That is your oath. Godfrey of Ibelin: [strikes Balian with the back of his hand] And that’s so you remember it. Hopitalier: Arise a knight and Baron of Ibelin.
Now, not everyone can be turned into a knight in a modern society, but every man could be formally or informally initiated into manhood, as well as have his father pass on some crucial insights or words of inspiration to him. Spiritual traditions have lineages and transmissions, and in many ways I believe that healthy masculinity and manhood are variables that can and should be transmitted from father to son, if at all possible. Needless to say, some fathers are dead, drunk or absent, but in that case a mentor can fill the shoes of the father in this respect.
Once in place in Jerusalem, Balian travels to the Ibelin estate, which turns out to be a less than glamorous remote desert oasis. Instead of cursing his fate, the newly instated Baron starts irrigating and cultivating the lands, side by side with his people. This humility, and this obvious connection to the earth that we all spring from, inform us that Balian is reconnecting to his core, and to a very healthy masculinity.
All too often in our modern times do we associate men and men’s projects with a disregard for mother earth and the interconnectedness of all things. However, as far as I’m concerned this is a pathological expression of masculinity, whereas a more constructive expression of manhood wants to serve as a steward of the earth, and as a servant and steward of the feminine principle.
Step by step we thus see Balian coming into his own, and paying off his karmic debt of being a murderer. This personal growth that he goes through, turns out to be crucial in the huge challenge that awaits him.
After the newly crowned King of Jerusalem makes a fatal tactical error and marches his whole army into the desert, only to be overcome by heat and dehydration, and then slaughtered by the muslims--Balian is left with the overwhelming task of defending Jerusalem with few troops and a large civilian population.
The reasonable response may seem to be to immediatly surrender, however, that may lead to the slaughtering of every last man, woman and child. Furthermore, Balian has been initiated into manhood, and he now has the opportunity to transmit this initiation to a large group of people.
In one of the strongest scenes in the movie, Balian orders a large group of civilians to kneel before him. He then proceeds to initiate them in a similar fashion to how he was initiated, and then orders them to rise as Knights of Jerusalem. The change in body language and facial expression is palpable in these men, after someone they admire has seen the potential in them, and expressed a conviction that they can be bigger men than they have ever imagined.
Using nothing but intelligent warfare and a small army of civilians, Balian is able to defend Jerusalem until the attackers agree to give all of them safe passage out of Jerusalem, none of which could have been achieved had he not been initiated himself.
If you are interested in a movie about pain, redemption, masculinity, initiation and humility, then I highly recommend you check out Kingdom of Heaven.
— Yuri Orlov, Lord of War (2005)Often the most barbaric atrocities occur when both sides proclaim themselves freedom fighters.
— , Irregular updates ()Preface: I'm not a Christian and am not so well versed in the Gospels. I therefore ask, if I were to write something that misrepresents the Gospels in any way, for your forgiveness. That said, this movie is explicity *not true* to the Gospels and any misrepresentation of them may be based on intentional creative liberties taken by the makers of the movie.
Wanting God to go away
Jesus is a carpenter who, out of his desire to make God hate him, makes crosses for the Romans. He hopes that if he falls from grace, God will leave him alone. He has whipped himself before bedtime, fasted for three months. At first, "it worked," he says. "And then the pain came back. And the voices. They call me by name: Jesus".
When God speaks to him, Jesus tells us, the feeling begins "very tender, very loving." But then, alas "the pain starts. Claws slip under my skin and tear their way up. Just before they reach my eyes, they dig in." His mother asks "Are you sure it is not the Devil?". "I'm not sure," replies Jesus. "For if it is the Devil, he can be cast out," she says. "But what if it's God? You can't cast out God, can you?" asks Jesus. This dialogue reminds me of my own life in which it is often hard to distinguish the voice of the ego (Devil) from the voice of the higher self (God).
It's early on in the story to take a bird's eye view and see how this applies to our own lives, but pardon me as I do it anyway. God is speaking to Jesus. And He is speaking to us. Perhaps we like to label His voice something slightly more mundane - intuition perhaps.
But no matter the word, the fact is that impulses arise in us frequently that call us to a higher road on which we must do things which are out of the ordinary for us. They may even be scary, uncomfortable and put us in risk of humiliation. Maybe you have heard a silent whisper deep inside of you for years, telling you that you need to make a dramatic change in your life? It could certainly be! Well, why aren't you making it?
The degree to which you obey this voice is the degree to which you will experience love, joy, and vitality in your life. There is a certain inner experience that comes from doing that which is authentic to the higher self. Get to know that intimately. It is indeed the degree to which you will experience true spirituality.
The degree to which you ignore this inner voice, however, is the degree to which you are wasting your life. And you'd better be damned sure that your soul knows when you are wasting your life. Its way of telling you that you are off course is your depression, anxiety, and intangible feelings of something missing. When we learn to listen, such feelings are pure gold. They are the compass needle of the soul.
We live in a spiritually handicapped culture for these symptoms of the emerging spiritual crisis that leads to our true spiritual liberation are not welcomed. They are not recognized as inner guidance. Instead, they are medicated against. In our society, we deaden exactly that which is showing us the way to true happiness, love and freedom. There are no two ways about it - it is fucked up. We arrange our entire lives around our favourite ways of distracting ourselves from this inner voice.
We don't trust our intuition, we want it to go away. Like Jesus, we want God to go away, for the presence of His voice inside of us is too hard to bear. That much truth and love is hard to bear. Imagine the responsibility of accepting that force into our lives. Every time the voice speaks, we must surrender to it and follow its direction. We lose our freedom to fuck off and be an ass! But what takes its place is far more valuable.
Were we to listen to our inner guidance, our lives would have to change. Big time! For the better of course, but from the perspective of our small selves, it's too much to hold. So we don't change. Is not the idea that you are the chosen one so scary to you that you'd rather keep on living a nice enough life that is comfortable, but in no way significant enough to leave you inspired? But if not you, then who? I say, we are ALL chosen ones. But few are those who participate in the giving of their true gifts.
Overcoming fear
Jesus confesses to a disciple of a desert master that he is "afraid of everything," and continues "I don't ever tell the truth. I don't have the courage. When I see a woman, I blush and look away. I want her, but I don't take her and that makes me proud for God. I don't steal. I don't fight. I don't kill. Not because I don't want to but because I'm afraid." Jesus is paralyzed with fear. He is, in a manner of speaking, disconnected from his balls, his inner red knight.
Now there are all kinds of silly new agers that talk about "Christ consciousness", which is supposedly this divine state of being in which Jesus was not afraid and did not feel pain. New age hippie bullshit, I say. Nice idea to have a life free of pain. Good place to hide out in, disengaging into lala land. No wonder so many new age men lose touch with their masculinity.
*This* is a Jesus I can believe in, and in a tent under the desert moon, he is visited by snakes, a symbol which marks the entrance to Mary Magdalen's brothel in an earlier scene. They speak with her voice. She is a beautiful woman for whom Jesus has a lot of affection, and since Jesus wants to fuck beautiful women, Satan uses her voice whenever he wants to conquer his will.
Let's look briefly into the nature of Satan. Sure, there are those who would have it that there is true and personified evil in the world. Perhaps - what do I know. But having a Buddhist background myself, I'm more drawn to the image of Buddha under the Bodhi Tree fighting off the demon Mara, which is nothing but a mythological symbol for his mind poisons.
Mara is to Buddha what Satan is to Jesus and in our conquest to defeat the inner demons that ravage the life of any person that ever lived, it is useful to see Satan as the alluring siren call of our own ego. "For God to come in, the Beast must come out." The Beast is our ego. God is our higher selves. We must overcome our egos to realize an authentic spiritual life. And the most efficient way of overcoming the ego is to do that which scares us.
We rebel against this idea so much. I have done plenty of rebelling. Plenty! "Is there no other way?," we may ask. The wishful thinking of another way, free of fear and pain, is what gives rise to all the trinkets and spiritual gizmos that is everywhere in New Age. "I'm not going to do that which scares me, but if I put this amulet under my pillow and put pictures of that which I desire on my refrigerator, it will surely happen as I envision it".
It is exactly this kind of nonsense that pushes many men out of spiritual life. New Age is a place run by women and feminine men, for women and feminine men. But there is no true salvation in burning incense, chanting mantras, wearing lucky charms and crystals unless we actually do the REAL work of the soul. There is only one way - conquering our fears HEAD ON. For the masculine man, that is a true spirituality. It has meat on the bones.
After meeting John the Baptist, Jesus shows us how to REALLY do it, in spectacular fashion, as he enters the desert to commune with God and conquer the Devil. He draws a circle in the sand and sits down, vowing not to move until God speaks to him. Imagine the courage! The parallels to Siddharta Gotama (The Buddha) vowing not to move until he reaches enlightenment under the Bodhi Tree is apt.
Their liberation lay in the strength of their resolve. They actually meant it. They were willing to DIE on that spot. There really is nothing more than an act of will that separates us from them. We have weak wills. We can't even eat a dinner without distracting ourselves with a book or TV show. So I say, start with vowing to eat a dinner without distraction. Leave it to people of the calibre of Buddha and Jesus to vow to not move on their life.
To War Against Satan
In the desert, Satan tempts Jesus with a wife and family as well as great power. Having overcome the temptations, Jesus takes up the axe and returns to society, ready to strike down the tree of Satan at its roots. He returns to his disciples, who are in conflict in their master's absence, to find that John the baptist has been killed by a drunken King Herod. Jesus is royally pissed off and invites his disciples to a war. "John baptized with water, and they killed him," Jesus says with a penetrating gaze. "Now I baptize with fire!" (The symbology here warrants a journey into Gnosticism. Stay tuned for an article on this soon.)
Jesus starts working his miracles, casting the Devil out from the mentally ill, paralyzed and diseased. He even resurrects Lazarus, the brother of the two women who took care of him when he returned from the desert. Word of Him spreads and the movement grows, though many predictably think he is insane.
When I observe this Jesus, I cannot shake the feeling that there is something quite "ordinary" about him. It is maybe because Willem Dafoe is not fully able to transmit God's presence through his acting, but I think the filmmakers intend it. This I like. It makes him one of us.
And what I become present to is that Jesus and his disciples form an ancient men's group. They come together to create a better world. They're not so different from the guys who today gather around the world to go deeper into their souls in service of their greater life mission and the people whom they love. And when Satan is the enemy, you need a pretty kick ass men's group.
The Last Temptation
When Jesus is on the cross, the movie takes an unexpected turn. An angel shows up and helps him off it. She takes Jesus by the hand and together they go to a beautiful vantage point overlooking green, rolling hills. Mary Magdalen ascends the hilltop, and it turns out she is there to marry him. Some years pass and then, alas, she dies. The angel whispers to Jesus "there is only one woman in the world. One woman with many faces," and Jesus takes another wife: Mary, sister of Lazarus.
Just before we come to accept this new reality - Jesus as a normal man - Judas enters the picture. The movie has shown Judas to be the strongest and most faithful of all the disciples, quite unlike in the Gospels, and now he is pissed off. "Traitor!," he screams, complaining that Jesus broke his heart when he abandoned the cause. And then he points out to Jesus that the guardian angel is Satan himself. Jesus has been tempted away from his Messianic calling by Lucifer, and with his last remaining breaths, he crawls out into the night. Jerusalem is burning. Jesus is bleeding. He raises his hands to the sky, and prays:
This entire segment is representative of the battle between the spirit and the flesh that underlies the entire movie. With his prayer, the detour into the tempting world of mortal men (a journey which I see as having happened only in his own psyche) ends, and his divine destiny is accomplished.
Conclusion
The Last Temptation of Christ tells of a different Jesus than the Gospels. Strangely, I believe more in this one than that one. But then, I don't consider myself a Christian. Nevertheless, I fully recognize the enormous value in that which he has to teach us: Disciplined willpower in service of a higher calling.
He starts off a tortured man, but through his enormous dedication to spiritual liberation and his willingness to give his life in the process, he gets that which he seeks. Truth be told, if we were willing to dedicate ourselves with similar resolve, we could very well achieve the same results - total spiritual liberation. But we do trick ourselves most of the time.
Jesus teaches us another important thing, that even if we should stray from the path, it is never too late to return to that higher road. But when God calls, we must answer. Otherwise, we are falling prey to the temptations of the Devil, in whatever form you may believe him to exist. Cast out the Devil. Dedicate yourself to following God's voice. For, truly, it is your own. All you must do is remove all the garbage distractions from your life and listen to that silent whisper, on the other side, where all the noise is gone.
— Lester Burnham, American Beauty (1999)Look at me, jerking off in the shower... This will be the high point of my day; it's all downhill from here.
— , Irregular updates ()Last night, I facilitated an evening workshop on the King Archetype with my friend and Brother, Pål Christian Buntz. En route to the workshop, I felt somewhat flat and hollow. I am familiar with that feeling. What I yearn for then is being filled in some way, to “feel seen and embraced for exactly who I am”. And that means, I need to feel blessed.
The need to feel blessed is, I believe, a bedrock need for all human beings. When we grow up, we need to feel blessed by Mother and Father – demi-gods that only the passing of time reveals as imperfect human beings with their own set of challenges. And yet, no matter how mortal, if the level of blessing that I needed was not provided for by them, my blessing tank will need to be filled by others. The person for whom that is true will set out on a journey to seek out others who will provide those essential drops of blessing water. Some people spend their whole lives finding but droplets. They surrender power over their lives and look for that one person who will make everything just right, in the way Mother or Father never could. We know how that story goes…
The good news is that there are good people in this world – be they elders, loving and wise peers or a good partner – who will help fill up that blessing tank outside of the context of co-dependency. And yet, this afternoon, all those people who have contributed so immeasurably to my life could not help keep at bay this subtle, but pervasive longing for something more, something richer and fuller.
Four hours later, the workshop was over and I felt full, open and warm. Many people I care about attended and in the time I held space for them and facilitated their exploration of King energy, I was more focused on blessing than on being blessed. And this dispelled my flatness and hollowness completely.
There can be only one explanation for this – when I bless others, I get blessed.
Embracing the awkward
Now, the challenge that many have is that blessing others – telling them truly good things – feels really awkward. It seems to me that many are so used to minimizing their own worth that they simply won’t consider themselves worthy of blessing another human being. Instead, they will remain negative, masochistic or self-involved, and hope that one day, their blessing tank will magically fill.
What gets in the way of addressing this challenge is often people’s sense of integrity. It seems to me that there is a danger to conflate integrity with maintaining habitual patterns (I saw that in myself first by the way :-). The weird logic that a lot of people end up running their lives by then goes something like this “I’ve felt empty and depressed for most of my life. I have never felt like I had anything to contribute to others. I am not worthy of that. So for me to go around caring for people all of a sudden would be totally inauthentic and out of integrity.”
Now, I’m not saying that this thinking is completely without merit: To put on a happy-mask in an attempt to bless others is futile and incredibly draining. But the truth is that many of us have done the requisite work to authentically bless others. And what this evening reminded me of is that even when I believe I need to be blessed, I can choose instead to bless. I can go against the current of my own habitual patterns – which tells me I must wait for others to make things right – and bless others even in moments when it does feel awkward, when it does feel out of integrity. For feelings are as fleeting as clouds in the sky and if it takes but one little move against what feels like “me” to dispel days of brooding dark clouds, is it not worth it?
[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="700" caption="Emperor Marcus Aurelius blesses his loyal servant General Maximus - even as he nears death. We used this movie example in the evening workshop."][/caption]
Bless another today!
I was reminded yesterday that instead of surrendering to the pain of my heart like I often do when I feel the need for blessing, I can tap into the vast energy of the archetypal King. I can open that channel and be nourished and fully served by it, as its gifts flow through me and into the eyes and hearts of another. For as the archetypal King pours through me into Other, he blesses me in full measure. It is a win-win situation.
Blessing another may not feel natural, but try it. Find someone, look them in the eye, and tell them they are beautiful, powerful, worthy. Then report back here and tell me how it felt.
I’m not kidding around. I want to hear some good stories here.
— , Irregular updates ()I have a hard-on for you the size of Florida!
The US is a country that has not, aside from the 1814 incident in DC, experienced foreign powers on home turf after its formation. One would think this would lead the American mind to a place of harmony and peace. Yet, Hollywood moviemaking features an unmatched number of movies with invasions, presidential kidnappings, burning governmental buildings etc. Why is it that Hollywood has such tremendous fascination with spectacular attacks on the USA, when, disregarding a few isolated examples, relatively few in number, they bear so little connection to reality? What can we deduce about the American psyche by really examining this odd phenomenon? Come with me now on a journey of exploring this paradox.— , Irregular updates ()Introduction
4th of July, 1776 was the day the Declaration of Independence changed the history of the world. It was a time of war and of a revolution in consciousness. For at this crossroads, the founding fathers authored a document that would not only lay the foundation for a new and great nation, but bring into being a consciousness the world had not yet known: The understanding that all men are created equal. Ever since the signing of this evolutionary document, the United States has enjoyed a history remarkably free of real (not imagined) threat at home. What I realized in a plane somewhere above Greenland recently was that Hollywood seems not to have noticed. Headed towards Washington DC, I watched two movies that featured presidents being kidnapped and evil powers invading or threatening from afar. The movies were GI Joe Retaliation and Olympus has fallen. Whenever I'm on a transatlantic flight, I find myself in a liminoid space - as if I'm in a death process of sorts. And from that space of heightened awareness of the unconscious realm, this made no sense to me at all. It struck me as deeply paradoxical. Shortly after my trip, White House Down was announced, its imagery and thematics almost mirroring Olympus has fallen and indicative of something akin to obsession. And I knew I had to investigate.The US: Origin story
The history of the US started in 1620 with a ship called the Mayflower. The vessel, en-route to New England, carried about a hundred people. They were largely Puritans who sought a life free from religious prosecution, but also craftsmen of all kinds. The white man had arrived on American shores. This time for good. What level of influence on contemporary American life does this ship and its passengers have? What does it mean that the first American settlers were pious people fleeing religious prosecution? It is hard to say. But I see today pious paranoia featured prominently in places such as Fox News. I don't think it's a coincidence. Then, in 1775, come the English. Greedy for power and control, they are not about to let this new and bountiful continent depart from the Commonwealth without a fight. But the French, Dutch and Spaniards intervene on the side of the 13 freedom-seeking American territories, and together, the coalition win the war. The United States is born. A new chapter in the history of the world starts. And yet, however traumatic these events must have been to the fledgling US psyche, I don't belive they fully explain the paranoia Hollywood displays in its moviemaking. Most European countries have been through hardships greater and more terrible than the US revolutionary war and the the 1814 D burning and yet their movie output seem to feature much fewer examples based on similar themes.Searching for clues along the Washington Mall
When I arrived at the Mall in DC, I was drawn particularly to the newest addition to the Smithsonian: The Museum of the American Indian. This is a beautiful building and a wonderful exhibition – worth a visit. Walking through its curved halls, studying the traumatic history of the American Indian, the flash of insight I'd had on the plane started crystallizing. What does it amount to in but a few words? The United States was stolen. When the white man arrived in North America, he carried germs against which the American indian immune system had no defense. The germs effectively carried out a genocide, wiping out 90% of the Native Americans. NINETY percent. Just pause at the magnitude of that for a few seconds. The white man had little trouble dealing with the remaining Native american resistance. In an effort to create a good life for themselves and their families, citizens of this new nation took the land from the Native American. And in just a few years, they managed to virtually wipe out the American Buffalo, the animal so sacred to the Native American, showing in the process, true to the Western industrial mindset, their horrific contempt of the miracle and mystery of nature and its inherent sacred order. What happened was the start of great things. The way that it happened was very wrong. In observing this, something shifts in me and I’m pulled into a very deep place, one of unmourned dead, uncried tears, unshaken shakes, unshouted screams and unspoken guilt. A place which this museum puts us in more intimate connection with. The deep place I’m tuning into is the same place of shadow and grief that has completely consumed Nathan Algren as The Last Samurai, one of the movies reviewed on this site, opens. He is traumatized, so guilty and ashamed for the terrible things he has done to the Native Americans. His superior Colonel Bagley, however, is not feeling any of that; he enjoys the emotional disconnection expected of any good soldier. Nathan, however, is not a soldier; he is a warrior. And the actions he has carried out on behalf of the invading white man are hostile to his Warrior soul.America’s curse
I have come to develop a deep fascination for and respect of the teachings of depth psychology (the branch of psychology which includes the unconscious). In the process of deepening my understanding of the pervasive influence our unconscious minds exert on us, both individually and collectively, I have come to realize the importance of grieving that which was wrong and of discharing traumas. Whenever traumas are repressed, they fester and over time grow big and toxic. Eventually, they take us over. The stealing of the United States from the American indian and the subsequent pillage and rape of the land which the indian considered sacred is a trauma that, as far as I can tell, has not yet been discharged. It has become shadow – the leper child stowed in the basement. American poet and founder of the Men’s movement Robert Bly has spoken much of this, of the repression of emotion that is required to live in this world as if it’s a place of sanity. He laments the lack of grieving in American culture. He laments the lack of grieving for the plight of the Native American. He laments the lack of grieving for the plight of the US war veterans, worshipped and idealized while still fit to represent heroic ideals, yet discarded the minute their bodies and minds take on the scars of war. Hollywood movies are riddled with stories of threats from afar and dark conspiracies from within. They serve as a mirror pointing to a history that has not been fully fathomed, not been fully grieved: The threat from afar was once the white man. The Native American trauma has seeped into the American shadow and almost nobody seems to have noticed. Or shall we say, that is what I see anyway. In the absence of fully feeling, grieving and discharging the karmic impact of these horrors, protection mechanisms have been put in place in order to keep that which must remain unspoken and unfelt at bay. One of these mechanisms is a powerful army. Its use in combat against a perceived threat conveniently distracts from the unhealed trauma at home.A Warrior culture in need of a King
What do these movies with burning White Houses, exploding Capitol Buildings, kidnapped presidents and evil lurking in the shadows tell me? It tells me of a constant fear in the collective psyche that the leadership of the nation, and thus the harmonizing force of the King archetype, will disappear, be corrupted or otherwise destroyed. The axis mundi is under threat. In observing that, I note that Hollywood voices a deeper truth – many Americans, like so many other people in the world, don’t feel safe. And in looking for an explanation, many people, particularly the more conservative and ethnocentric, cannot bear to seek inside – for there waits the pain of the Native American trauma and a whole host of other repressed emotions. And so, they look outside for the nemesis, while heading for the nearest gun store flying the banner of individual freedom. If I wish to avoid confronting myself, I’d better confront another. Thus, I can feel safe as long as I have an enemy. Seeing that tendency in the American psyche puts the American obsession with being custodians of world peace, guardians of humanity, in new and troubling light. The American world policing seems to come from a misplaced attempt at healing trauma as opposed to a place of empowerment. It seems a striving for redemption, partly fuelled, I believe, by an identity formed through heroic efforts in World War II, the last honorable war the United States engaged in, and partly through ethnocentric, religious zealotry. As long as a Warrior can stay engaged in conflict, he seems to be on purpose. There is something to fight for, something to rally around. But if there is no harmonizing King energy to facilitate the fighting, the acts of fighting become pointless, inevitably ending up destroying the world as opposed to defending it, much like the Buddhist myth of the crane and the crab (the crane is a symbol of the Warrior). Hollywood’s constant display of the fragility of the American axis mundi should be of great concern. Without that axis mundi, a Warrior, like the crane in the myth, ends up eating the fish it swore to protect. And if we are to take the myth seriously, the crane gets its head clipped off. Signs of our times, the Tea Party movement being one of them, suggest that a United States with its head clipped off is something to be very afraid of. In the process of bringing the American leper child up from the basement into the light, we are running short on time.The US story is the human story
If you have an anti-American bent, you may have felt a certain sense of glee reading this article. Watch out for that one. For this is not an American story, it truly is the human story. All across the world are countries where militarism, ego and paranoia are used to distract from the real issue. We have a world scene lacking in healthy King energy and it is our collective responsibility to address this situation. I got a small taste of what that might mean for me when, on my trip, I had the privilege to share my views with an American woman trained as a Native American Grandmother. She nodded as I shared my views on Hollywood movies and their relationship to the Native American trauma and replied “I’m so glad you see that. Maybe you should tell someone about that.” So I did.
— , Irregular updates ()I read somewhere... how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong... but to feel strong.
— , Irregular updates ()About a month ago, a man named Jack Kammer contacted me through this website. Turns out that Rick Belden had told him about Masculinity Movies and since Rick figured we'd have a thing or two to talk about, he put us in touch. Jack and I exchanged some words which I thoroughly enjoyed. I was delighted by his subsequent eagerness to send me his book for free (this is one of the perks of running a website like this - people send me free stuff).
[caption id="attachment_742" align="alignright" width="234" caption="Heroes of the Blue Sky Rebellion by Jack Kammer (click to buy)"][/caption]
His book is based on the premise that boys today are in serious trouble and that they are off to a bad start in life due to inhospitable socio-cultural conditions. Since very few mature men are stepping forward to deal with the situation, Jack suggests that the boys need to start their own rebellion. Heroes of the Blue Sky Rebellion is a guidebook for those boys.
I must admit to having been somewhat leery of this concept, for it reminds me of what Robert Moore refers to as pseudo-initiation. The idea behind this concept is that boys can not initiate their peers into manhood. Such a boy merely ends up as an adolescent, a pseudo-initiated male with more aggression and less self-love than we would expect from a mature man. Robert Moore suggests that for a boy to become a man, he needs the presence of a true elder. I communicated with Jack about this and he relayed his experience from doing men's work for some 30 years from which I understood that the men of society simply aren't showing up to rectify the situation. So this was his answer.
Having read through it, I realize that the book will actually help. Jack keeps reminding the reader, hopefully a passionate boy, that he is one of the good guys and that his task is to take the situation into his own hands by finding allies, be they peers, girls or older men, to foster a positive change. He gives the reader a field manual on how to defend himself from all the small-minded, ill-willed nonsense that many boys who stand up for their own rights are faced with. There is an army of people prepared to shame, ridicule and vilify these young individuals were they to go public with these controversial ideas. Jack has some answers for these boys.
All in all, Jack's work is well researched (with 150 of footnotes) and presents a picture that is hard to argue with. Reading the book, I was reminded of the work of my friend Pelle Billing. It describes a tragic situation, one that I hope will soon change through the work of passionate men across the globe. Are you prepared to be one of those men?
Jack told me that the book has sadly not reached its audience. Here's to hoping that this review will help rectify that situation somewhat.
— , Irregular updates ()I just purchased the course "Passionate Lover, Passionate Life" from Alex Allman. Looking at his webpage now, it seems to be sold out, but I still think it's worth telling you about this guy. It's rare that I hands down intuitively trust a man, but I trust Alex and I think his message is incredibly powerful.
I'm sure the course will be relaunched soon, but in the meantime, check out these videos from youtube. I really enjoy the way he exposes the immaturity prevalent in the pick up movement. This is something I've been thinking for a long time (in fact, my take is that most pick up artists are processing some serious mommy & daddy issues), and it is timely to see another deep and powerful guy state the same thing.
Check it out. About 45 minutes total. Totally worth it!
Note: For the one who is in a hurry, start with video #3 (and skip all the addressing of the pickup community)
Parts 2-4 (videos open in new window)
— , Irregular updates ()4000 unique visitors in the last 30 days and 100 subscribers to the mailing list. Make no mistake, Masculinity Movies is still a relatively marginal website, but its relative growth is rapid. At the beginning of this year, I averaged around 20 unique hits a day. Now I average 150. These are relatively modest numbers and I could probably do much to increase them, but I'm still very happy with the growth. And if the relative growth keeps up at this pace, I will be averaging more than 1000 unique hits a day in a year, at which point I can probably turn the website into my livelihood.
Thank you to all of you for your interest and your generous support of my work. Running this website is a deeply meaningful hobby and it looks set to turn into a meaningful "job". When that happens, I will be able to dedicate myself fully to what I feel called to do – empower men to reclaim their authentic selves. Just writing that makes my body tingle.
See you around the next corner :-) And thanks again.
— , Irregular updates ()I’ve created a video for you with reflections on the year 2013 on Masculinity-Movies.com. Enjoy!
— , Irregular updates ()Boy, it’s been a while since I wrote here. Here’s a background for why: For several years, I’ve written with the world as audience. While I’ve enjoyed that immensely, I’ve also felt a bit stretched and disconnected. I’m the kind of person who finds it hard to connect with words on a screen – I really need to be with people in the flesh. Writing for Masculinity-Movies.com was actually kind of lonely and I wanted to change that – I need people to be physically present in my life.
I’ve also wanted to make more of an impact in my homeland Norway. I’ve understood that if I’m ever going to turn my passion into my livelihood, I will need roots in Norway. Over the last several months, I’ve been focused exclusively on that.
Together with my facilitation partner Pål Christian Buntz, I run workshops, courses and Authentic Games Nights under the Authentic World Norway umbrella. In October, we put on our first ever KWML weekend workshop, and it was a smashing success. We are looking forward to hosting more such workshops in the time to come. For those of you who are still waiting for my KWML home study course, know that I haven’t worked as much on that as I liked, simply because I’ve arrived at the place of realizing that this material is hard to teach online – it’s much more suitable for experiential learning. At this point, I’m unsure whether I will ever produce it. If I have a breakthrough in my understanding of how to convey the material in an engaging way even online, I probably will.
I’ve also started coaching and will focus particularly on computer gaming addiction for young boys/men in the time to come. It’s a huge problem in today’s culture that is disempowering an entire generation and since I’ve lived that story myself, I have significant gifts to contribute.
And the big one which is simmering in the back of my mind is a Man-Woman symposium with local and international speakers and healing work in order to usher in an era of collaboration as opposed to strife. That one is huge and I will keep you posted.
I will probably write another movie review again in the not too distant future. I don’t want this site to die – it has meant a lot to many. I also know that several people are planning to post user reviews. But right now, this site is simply not the main focus of my work in the world anymore. You will have noticed that already I’m sure, but I want to make it official.
If there’s anything you’re wanting from me or the site in the time to come, please tell me below. Thanks for staying around.
Be well,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()Peter has contributed one article to the site.
— , Irregular updates ()The Godfather is a challenging movie to review. First, it is such an important piece of movie history that everybody is likely to be pretty opinionated. Second, it is one of the best loved films of all time (it is second only to The Shawshank Redemption on IMDB.com). Third, it's filled with what are to me mostly unsympathetic and immature men, with some small exceptions, which is why I – unlike many people – find myself mostly unmoved by it. Nevertheless, you readers chose this in a poll some months back, and the time has come to be true to my word. So let's see what gems we can excavate from this classic family epic.
Don Vito's twilight kingdom
The movie starts within Don Vito's dark and brooding office. An undertaker pleads for justice; his daughter has been abused and he wants revenge. The scene makes no attempt at hiding the sinister nature of the Corleone family's business; the dark interior stands in stark contrast to the bright and cheery atmosphere of the wedding celebration outside. Vito is the undisputed king of this gangster family, but in observing his throne room activities, I get confused.
For I find myself in a place far from the idealized place of Arthurian myths in which benevolent forces are set in motion in service of the kingdom. On the contrary, Vito Corleone seems to have a subdued and sophisticated tyrant quality to him. But complicating the matter further, we see from his loyal subjects that he carries the quality of blessing, that essential characteristic of the mature King archetype. I feel confounded by the obvious maturity of Marlon Brando and the shadow qualities of the character he portrays. Is this a king in whom both wholesome qualities and dark and disturbing shadow qualities are rolled into the same psyche? It would seem that way.
The Corleone family has their golden boy, however. Michael, the youngest of the three biological sons, is back from the war a hero. He doesn't appear to have the making of a gangster in him; he seems to have the glow of a budding white knight, a guardian, however fallible, of the true and the just. "That's my family, Kay. It's not me," Michael tells his girlfriend when he reveals how his father helped superstar Johnny Fontaine's career at gunpoint. Michael seems set on making different choices in life. But the people in his life are far from good role models for how to thrive on the lawful side of existence...
Where Red knights rule the lands
From Robert Bly, we remember the evolutionary path of manhood, represented in knightly form, from Red through White to Black. Red is ego and might makes right. White is the naive, the true and the just. Black is the wise, the compassionate and powerful. There are stories of tribes in Africa in which the path of Red is a ritualized part of a man's early life, lasting well into his thirties.
During this time, he is given free roam to be antisocial, to have selfish sex with women, to be rebellious. He is not free to marry however and he is considered inherently untrustworthy; people don't respect him. Not yet a true member of the tribe, he is preparing through this time his ego structures to eventually emerge on the other side a changed man.
But such a system only works if you have elders whose souls reside in the Black. They understand the chaos that goes on inside the not yet solidified male psyche. They are lineage-holders of the male mystery and carry the sacred fire that grants ritual space for this temporary, chaotic behaviour. I look at the mafia, however, and I see mostly Red. We see some White come through in Tom Hagen, Fredo, Johnny Fontaine and Michael in early parts of the movie.
And after Vito is almost killed, he strangely seems to develop qualities of the Black, further emphasizing his enigmatic character. But overall, in The Godfather, Ego rules supreme and might makes right. Such a world is hostile to true manhood, to real masculine maturity, and whatever men reside in it remain forever boys or men operating on the shadow side of existence. It's the blind leading the blind.
Santino and the powerful Feminine
I'm confused by Italian men. Really, I am. They seem to have this oedipal thing going with their mothers that seems totally unhealthy. But then they have some passion and embodiment going on which a lot of non-Italian women seem to find attractive. Is that passion just a facade to cover up underlying insecurities? Or maybe this archetypal Italian man is merely a product of cultural stereotypes?
In any case, let's remember that the Oedipus of the legends wants to have sex with his mother. And with the contemplation that any woman is on some level (and especially in boyhood) an extension of the relationship with our mother, we may understand that a man who hasn't severed his attachment to his mother – the world of the Feminine – is likely to end up chasing women to prove he is a man. To understand that concept, we must understand that the mother energy in an uninitiated man's life is so omnipotent that fucking around is his only way of feigning an individuation (the process of becoming your own person) from mother and prevent that which he fears the most – regression into merger with the almighty Feminine.
But the hole in the soul intuited by any uninitiated man is never filled by the Feminine; it is filled by the Masculine. It's the role of the father and male elders to fill that hole, not the mother or the women who remind us of her. So it's a wild goose chase. A never-ending story. Is that the challenge of the Italian man? Is the mafia a result of the machismo that arises from this unfortunate cultural attempt at pseudo-individuation? Or in truth, is this a challenge we ALL have? I think so.
The most obvious example in the Godfather of a man like the one we have been talking about is Santino (Sonny), a sorry excuse of a man with little self-control. As any boy with power, he is dangerous, but that doesn't change the fact that he is weak. And he is a terrible head of the family when an attempt is made at Vito's life and he disappears from his "throne" for a while. Santino's King archetype is lacking and his recklessness is endangering everyone; himself and those close to him.
Santino is mired in the Feminine. His problem isn't that he is too masculine, it's that the Feminine is crushing him. His machismo is an over-compensation of the impotence he feels and so is his aggression. He hasn't left the world of the Feminine and is like a deflating balloon in need of constant inflation – through posturing, machismo and sex.
This concept is hard for many to accept, for we have a romanticized notion of mothers and the Feminine in our postmodern culture. But a boy will always, on some level, be either apathetic (implosive) or aggressive (explosive). Ego structure and potency are the hallmarks of manhood, not boyhood. Santino is operating in archetypal shadow territory. He needs initiation, but there's no-one capable of granting it.
In the end, his feared loss of Self materializes as his assassination. Thought eventually creates reality.
Michael's descent into darkness
After the attempt at Don Vito's life, something changes inside of Michael. Through his tour of duty, Michael is no stranger to killing, but the impulse he feels now is not one of duty, it is of vengeance and loyalty to his family. That family lives on the dark side, however, and Michael is not yet intimate with that brooding psychological landscape.
This may be why his family laughs when he proposes he will be the one to kill Sollozzo and Capt. McCluskey, two shady people at the center of the war between the Italian families that becomes so central in the latter parts of the movie. Michael is the good guy, the light of the family, and nobody expects he has the makeup of a murderer in him. But Michael is determined, he knows he is destined to be godfather. At the cost – his demeanor may suggest – of his soul.
In Santino's absence, the fully recovered Vito starts transitioning control of the family business to Michael. He does so with a heavy heart – he didn't wish this for his favourite son. He was supposed to be different, which he makes clear in a beautiful interaction between the two, the closest you get to real father-son intimacy in the movie. But as Don Vito's strong intuition and life experience reveal the conspiracy that has been formed against them, he needs a man with sufficient internal resources to safeguard the continued existence of the Corleone family. Michael is the only candidate.
Michael's descent from being a man of promise to being a man of no character, potency or integrity is a sad one. This descent is epitomized in two of the later scenes of the movie. In the first of these, we see Michael kneel before God at a baptism ceremony while the movie cuts intermittently to scenes of destruction that is being carried out at his command. In the second scene, we see his sister Connie and his now wife Kay hold him accountable for the murder of Carlo, Connie's husband.
He requested Carlo's murder and is being held accountable for it by the women who are close to him. Kay asks him if he did it and in a display of what is little more than weakness, Michael screams at her not to interfere in his business. But she persists. "Is it true, Michael?" He looks her in the eye and tells her – while forfeiting his soul and his marriage – "no, it's not true."
Conclusion
The Godfather is a movie that shows a world of boys and wounded men. I feel in me a sense of sadness about the whole thing. How ugly these uninitiated men make the world which they inhabit! I also wonder what the impact of this parade of immaturity has had on the generations of men who have seen and loved the movie.
The Godfather is a very literal story. I find no undercurrent of profound symbolism for which the main story acts merely as metaphor. It is simply a character driven mood piece on a dark side of Italian culture. It is a good one at that, but other than acknowledging the greatness of the movie making, I don't know what to tell you.
All I can do is encourage you to experience it for what it is, but to be wary of feeling inspired by the lifestyles or relationships of these men. One might easily romanticize them: "They live life on the edge, they place importance on family" bla bla. However, with the possible exception of a growing wisdom in Don Vito after the attempt on his life, you'll do better searching for images of maturity elsewhere (you don't need to go further than the Marlon Brando interviews in the sidebar to the right).
I've written a report from Masculinity Movies LIVE #2. It was a great evening with open-hearted shares about fear, a man's worst enemy and best friend.— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()It’s late. 0130. I give myself one hour to get my disjointed thoughts down in the public sphere before I decide it’s a bad idea. Be warned, the following will not be fully processed.
It’s been an inspiring day and my visionary brain circuits have been running so hot, I burned out a bit.
But let’s get started: The background for what I’m about to write is that on July 22 last year, Norway experienced two terrible atrocities on the same day – the bombing of the government’s office complexes and the shooting of 69 youth on an island. The same twisted man committed both acts.
I participated in the now-famous rose march that was put on mere days after the incident. It was an amazing event for me and it sent shivers down my spine. It felt like a truly historic moment. And still, something has bothered me about it all afterwards. I will get to that soon.
The citizens of Oslo opened up to each other in a more significant way than is normal in those few days. And yes – it was a bit different for a while. I remember being with a group of people outside a bar which had just opened. The owner was killed by the Oslo-bomb and we spoke with the bereft and hugged. It was beautiful.
And still – in that sea of people carrying roses, there was a remarkable absence of bonding. The crowd bonded as a whole, but there was no bonding of subgroups within the crowd. It was just one homogenous, well-behaved group of nice, shy people. I observed that crowd carefully, looking for signs that something had changed in us. What I saw was predictable – people were generally keeping to themselves. I addressed some people, but with little success of truly connecting. I say with some conviction that the barrier for an average Norwegian to actually speak to a stranger is enormous. I’m not fully free of that burden myself.
There was a follow-up to this rose march last Thursday in which people gathered in an Oslo square and sang together. They sang a famous and much loved song by a really nice and amiable Norwegian singer-songwriter named Lillebjørn Nilsen. The chorus of said song goes like this (directly translated) “We shall live together, every sister and every brother. Small children of the rainbow, and a fertile earth.” I like that song. It’s cute and has good vibes. And I can perfectly well understand that the international press is pretty struck by the Norwegian people’s reaction.
But this is where it gets charged. I’m not buying it. Not 100%. 77 people were killed that day. And I have not seen one public display of anger. For fuck’s sake – people died. Many people. What kind of people are we if that doesn’t evoke anger in us?
I ask myself in the quiet of my mind – Norway: what is this stuff with the roses and no anger? Is that the way it’s meant to be? Are we all supposed to be so fucking well-behaved about it? No! I judge that the anger-reflex has been so carefully extracted from us by the Norwegian educational system and socialization process that expressing public anger is tantamount to madness. Yeah sure, I see people writing online that he is the devil and that he needs to be killed etc. But I have not yet witnessed any displays of truly visceral anger. Anger that really means something – that is more than just angry words. Anger that arises from the authentic parts of us, the kind of anger which – when burned through – reveals the tender grief and psychological wisdom of an emotionally healthy person.
Hang on - there was one girl outside of the Oslo cathedral. I remember her. She was hunched over the fence surrounding the sea of roses, her friends giving her support from behind. She was crying. They were no normal tears. They were primal tears. The kind of tears that come mixed with pain so severe and a sense of anger and WHY? that they sear a human heart which hears and sees them. She was angry. I choke up just remembering her. Bless her for daring.
When asked about these rose marches and public events, the terrorist exclaimed “typical Norwegian. They’re not allowed to be angry”. And I think he is right.
I think there is a collective shadow at play here. I think it is distinctly Christian, distinctly Norwegian. The Jesus that formed Norway is a turn the other cheek, androgynous, amiable and non-threatening kind of fellow. This Jesus wouldn’t be angry. That’s not the Jesus of Norway. It doesn’t matter whether a man is Christian or atheist – he’s born into the same “Jesus-nice” as the next guy.
This day led me into Norse mythology. Norway has this enormously rich mythological underpinning to our culture that has been discarded on the junkyard of history. These rich stories are now seen as little more than cute peculiarities. So in the absence of our mythology, we have nice Jesus and consumerism. BUT - we lack the emotional nuance and richness of soul that is present in a pantheon. The very purpose of mythology is to provide human beings with mirrors. Mythology reflects universal truths about our nature and we find ourselves united by those myths. It is the purpose of them. And they also open in a man the richness of emotion that gives him the space to be truly powerful.
The very reason crazy neo-Nazis and Satanists are so drawn to the Norse pantheon, I believe, is that they have become enormously cynical in the face of the modern straight-jacket of “nice”. In the absence of truly powerful men who see them and their capacity for destruction, but also for true good and authentic service, they start getting tarnished at the seams.
The argument I’m starting to build with this ramble is that this entire July 22 affair is laying painfully bare for any with eyes to see the nature of the Norwegian shadow. When a man – a people – is forced to be nice and have only nice Jesus and Calvin Klein to mirror their human experience, they become limited human beings. We live only on the light side over here. We cling to our naïveté like a child clings to his parent. For what if the world was actually dangerous? What if there were people out there who were authentically evil? We can’t have that! For if that were true, that would have implications for us. We would inevitably be forced to face our own capacity for destruction and evil. Displays of anger – such that would only be natural and healthy given the situation – would put us into too close proximity with these very realities we are desperate to avoid.
Rose marches are beautiful. Yes, they are. I’d be the first to agree. But given that our human experience as Norwegians is so limited by our religious and cultural background, I don’t believe it’s ultimately what is truly healing. I think what this country really needs is an arena where people are allowed to be viscerally angry, to come face to face with the parts of ourselves which are indeed capable of murder and evil (which cases like the Stanford experiment more than indicate we all have in us).
I’m not calling for a lynch mob or public violence. What I’m calling for is embracing the totality of the human psyche, to embrace the essence and richness of the mythology which Christianity conveniently assimilated in its efforts to domesticate the men of the kingdom. For only than can we, I believe, find it in ourselves to deal with what has happened in a way which will give us the golden nugget of learning that is hidden in this mound of shit. And then, we can be better armed to prevent it from happening again.
Real love does not exist in a man who is not powerful, carry he roses or not.
I hope something of this made sense. It’s 02:30 and I need my bed. Rest assured – these thoughts will return in more coherent forms later. And I will allo
— , Irregular updates ()Back in September, I had the privilege to sit down and interview Aboriginal Elder Bob Randall about initiation rites in Aboriginal culture. In this half hour, I was granted a privileged insight into what is essentially a secret tradition of transitioning boys into manhood. Some of what I learned surprised me. Some of what I learned confirmed what I have learned by people such as Robert Bly. Everything was interesting and powerful.
This is the first interview I've ever done for Masculinity Movies. I was a tad nervous when I did it and not fully embodied after a hard day at work. That had me avoid finishing it for a while. But when I reviewed it, I realized that there is a lot of good stuff in here. So you will just have to enjoy my boyish charms instead of my fully embodied masculine presence and enjoy Bob Randall's gift.
Enjoy!
Initiation in Aboriginal culture: An interview with Bob Randall from Eivind Figenschau Skjellum on Vimeo.
— , Irregular updates ()Groundhog Day is a comedy far outside of the trodden path. The story of Bill Murray's "Phil" and his journey to free himself from an eternity reliving the same day echoes the wisdom of the ages. It is with great pleasure that I bring you precisely this review before my well-deserved hiatus.
Headed for Punxsutawney
Phil is the weather man for a local Pittsburgh-based TV station. Now time has come for February 2nd again, and with that: Groundhog day in Punxsutawney. Phil despises the ritual that the common folk of the tiny Pennsylvanian village find so elating and he is not afraid to voice it. In fact, Phil does a poor job of hiding his unbecoming personality – he is a cynical man, both rude and arrogant. And he seems to despise people in general. That includes himself, though he hides it with feigned self-regard.
Little does he know that Punxsutawney has a big surprise in store for him this year: After getting through his day of mandatory reporting duties, he wakes up the next morning – to live Groundhog Day all over.
Journey into wholeness, part #1: Adolescence
At first the time warp seems like a curse. And in his depression, he bonds with two drunken hillbillies in a bowling alley. Phil connecting with plebes is the first sign that he is becoming less smug; he does after all consider himself better than others. But life provides us with many gateways to maturity – and we often choose not to walk through them. Phil decides, after a flash of insight, that this is his chance to rebel.
As an immature man caught in a strange cosmic rift where time repeats itself in perpetuity, Phil is free to do whatever he wants; come nightfall he gets off the hook. What would you have done? Well, if you were a kid, you would have eaten till you dropped, you would have messed with authority figures, played tricks on people, stolen stuff. I would've anyway. And so would Phil. Not only does he get to live out his cherished childishness, he even explores using his superpowers for the sake of seducing women. What seemed like a curse has proven for Phil an unexpected blessing.
Phil is now enjoying his new "abilities", much like a kid who has found a new toy. But then he starts falling for Rita, the long-haired producer of the Punxsutawney featurette for which he acts as reporter. We could wonder why he starts falling for her only now. I think to myself that Phil's rebellion has done something to him – having had the pleasure of being reckless and irresponsible for a long time, he is now bored with it. Being a dick doesn't amuse him anymore. And only on the other side of that does he even SEE Rita.
But unbeknownst to him, his desire for Rita is about to spell serious trouble.
Journey into wholeness, part #2: Road of ashes
I want all Pick Up Artists in the world to see this movie. The PUA-movement has spread over the world in last ten years or so and consists for the most part of uninitiated men who are frustrated with their lives, particularly their relationships with women. They have low confidence and gather that if only they fucked enough women, that would change (which is probably, to be fair, partly true). The way by which these girls are seduced often consists of techniques and tactics designed essentially to trick them into having sex with them. For these guys, being authentic and showing your true self is not on the menu.
Rita presents an enormous challenge to Phil (who by now thinks like a PUA). Why? She is untrickable. Tactics don't work on her. No amount of strategies or "mind-reading" tricks help him win her. Whenever Rita detects he is pulling a move, he crashes and burns. Only when he shows up authentically in the moment do things happen. But that doesn't come easily for Phil. So in the end, he capitulates to the weight of time and a million rejections and commits suicide – the first of many. He wakes up the next morning in the comfortable bed of the same Bed & Breakfast he knows so well by now, disappointed that he still lives. This is a turning point.
On page 82 of Robert Bly's Iron John, I find the following passage "Initiation says that before a boy can become a man, some infantile being in him must die. Ashes time is a time set aside for the death of that ego-bound boy." This process was normally safeguarded and facilitated by Elders. But we don't have Elders these days, we just have Olders.
In the absence of Elders, Phil has eternity. He is lucky in a way. For true happiness, it seems to me, seldom comes from getting exactly what you want (even though I find the belief hard to shake most of the time). Nope, it comes from not getting what you want and finding that freedom and love was never contingent on getting anything in the first place. Happiness comes from discovering our gift and giving it to the world from that place of self-fulfillment.
But first, Phil needs something worth giving.
Journey into wholeness, part #3: Manhood
Now that Phil has discovered he can't have Rita in any way he knows, his focus changes to improving himself. This change is total: From being a rebel who exploits the time warp for selfish reasons, eternity has now become a place where Phil can study and master any number of things. Not only for his own enjoyment mind, but also to serve the people around him.
He learns to ice sculpt and to play the piano. He tracks all the things that go wrong in the city and runs around every day to help as many people as possible. He saves lives and is a true gentleman. He becomes in a way the local Punxsatawney god. He has found his purpose in life.
Phil's new eyes open to the old man he has passed on his way to Cobbler's Knob every morning. And when Phil learns that the man dies on the evening of that Groundhog Day, his heart opens and he decides to save him. He starts helping the man, caring for him in any number of ways day after repeating day. But it matters not. As he looks to the sky from the floor of a dark and grimey back street, the dead old man there beside him, he realizes that whatever forces put us here have a will of their own. If phil is a "god", there is a greater one indeed. It seems to me that Phil here opens to the beauty of life itself.
With his life now lived in service of others, Rita starts noticing him for real. She clearly wanted a man and not an immature boy. As Phil finally perfects his Groundhog Day experience, after perhaps thousands of years of trial and error, he falls asleep with his beloved in his arms. He wakes up the next day with Rita beside him. It is February the 3rd.
Conclusion
Phil's experience is any self-help freak's wet dream. Imagine having the opportunity to repeat the same day over and over until the great maker said you had passed the test and let you move on. Often, I sit down at the end of the day and take stock of it. Most often, I realize that there were many missed opportunities and that I could have lived life more fully. Groundhog Day asks the question: "What is a day well lived?" It's as if living one "perfect day" is our big challenge in life. As if we are ready to die only when that has been accomplished.
For me that means that I stop holding back. Whenever I feel compelled to do something, I do it. And so, in ending the censorship of my own life expression, I can fully accept and embrace the fact that I too one day will die. Do you get what I'm saying here? No Soul can live – or die – with the knowledge that we censored ourselves, that we chose not to live the life that was given us. It follows that Modernity's unwillingness to face death says much about how we waste our lives.
After Phil's narcissism gets wiped out through his time of ashes, censorship of his true life expression can be lifted in a safe way. For then, all his desires are healthy and world-building ones. His return now to the life of a mortal comes to him as a gift. He is happy to be made finite again. Only with the knowledge of impending death can he truly love Rita.
Groundhog Day is a comedy far outside of the trodden path. The story of Bill Murray's "Phil" and his journey to free himself from an eternity reliving the same day echoes the wisdom of the ages. It is with great pleasure that I bring you precisely this review before my well-deserved hiatus.
Headed for Punxsutawney
Phil is the weather man for a local Pittsburgh-based TV station. Now time has come for February 2nd again, and with that: Groundhog day in Punxsutawney. Phil despises the ritual that the common folk of the tiny Pennsylvanian village find so elating and he is not afraid to voice it. In fact, Phil does a poor job of hiding his unbecoming personality - he is a cynical man, both rude and arrogant. And he seems to despise people in general. That includes himself, though he hides it with feigned self-regard.Little does he know that Punxsutawney has a big surprise in store for him this year: After getting through his day of mandatory reporting duties, he wakes up the next morning - to live Groundhog Day all over.
Journey into wholeness, part #1: Adolescence
At first the time warp seems like a curse. And in his depression, he bonds with two drunken hillbillies in a bowling alley. Phil connecting with plebes is the first sign that he is becoming less smug; he does after all consider himself better than others. But life provides us with many gateways to maturity - and we often choose not to walk through them. Phil decides, after a flash of insight, that this is his chance to rebel. 31:00 - 32:30 (lag filmklipp)
As an immature man caught in a strange cosmic rift where time repeats itself in perpetuity, Phil is free to do whatever he wants; come nightfall he gets off the hook. What would you have done? Well, if you were a kid, you would have eaten till you dropped, you would have messed with authority figures, played tricks on people, stolen stuff. I would've anyway. And so would Phil. Not only does he get to live out his cherished childishness, he even explores using his superpowers for the sake of seducing women. What seemed like a curse has proven for Phil an unexpected blessing.
Phil is now enjoying his new "abilities", much like a kid who has found a new toy. But then he starts falling for Rita, the long-haired producer of the Punxsutawney featurette for which he acts as reporter. We could wonder why he starts falling for her only now. I think to myself that Phil's rebellion has done something to him - having had the pleasure of being reckless and irresponsible for a long time, he is now bored with it. Being a dick doesn't amuse him anymore. And only on the other side of that does he even SEE Rita.
But unbeknownst to him, his desire for Rita is about to spell serious trouble.
Journey into wholeness, part #2: Road of ashes
I want all Pick Up Artists in the world to see this movie. The PUA-movement has spread over the world in last ten years or so and consists for the most part of uninitiated men who are frustrated with their lives, particularly their relationships with women. They have low confidence and gather that if only they fucked enough women, that would change (which is probably, to be fair, partly true). The way by which these girls are seduced often consists of techniques and tactics designed essentially to trick them into having sex with them. For these guys, being authentic and showing your true self is not on the menu.
Rita presents an enormous challenge to Phil (who by now thinks like a PUA). Why? She is untrickable. Tactics don't work on her. No amount of strategies or "mind-reading" tricks help him win her. Whenever Rita detects he is pulling a move, he crashes and burns. Only when he shows up authentically in the moment do things happen. But that doesn't come easily for Phil. So in the end, he capitulates to the weight of time and a million rejections and commits suicide - the first of many. He wakes up the next morning in the comfortable bed of the same Bed & Breakfast he knows so well by now, disappointed that life is still his. This is the turning point.
On page 82 of Robert Bly's Iron John, I find the following passage "Initiation says that before a boy can become a man, some infantile being in him must die. Ashes time is a time set aside for the death of that ego-bound boy." This process was normally safeguarded and facilitated by Elders. But we don't have Elders these days, we just have Olders.
In the absence of Elders, Phil has eternity. He is lucky in a way. For true happiness, it seems to me, seldom comes from getting exactly what you want (even though I find the belief hard to shake most of the time). Nope, it comes from not getting what you want and finding that freedom and love was never contingent on getting anything in the first place. Happiness comes from discovering our gift and giving it to the world from that place of self-fulfillment.
But first, Phil needs something worth giving.
Journey into wholeness, part #3: Manhood
Now that Phil has discovered he can't have Rita in any way he knows, his focus changes to improving himself. This change is total: From being a rebel who exploits the time warp for selfish reasons, eternity has now become a place where Phil can study and master any number of things. Not only for his own enjoyment mind, but also to serve the people around him.
He learns to ice sculpt and to play the piano. He tracks all the things that go wrong in the city and runs around every day to help as many people as possible. He saves lives and is a true gentleman. He becomes in a way the local Punxsatawney god. He has found his purpose in life.
Phil's new eyes open to the old man he has passed on his way to Cobbler's Knob every morning. And when Phil learns that the man dies on the evening of that Groundhog Day, his heart opens and he decides to save him. He starts helping the man, caring for him in any number of ways day after repeating day. But it matters not. As he looks to the sky from the floor of a dark and grimey back street, the dead old man there beside him, he realizes that whatever forces put us here have a will of their own. If phil is a "god", there is a greater one indeed. It seems to me that Phil here opens to the beauty of life itself.
With his life now lived in service of others, Rita starts noticing him for real. She clearly wanted a man and not an immature boy. As Phil finally perfects his Groundhog Day experience - after perhaps thousands of years of trial and error - he falls asleep with his beloved in his arms. He wakes up the next day with Rita beside him. It is February the 3rd.
Conclusion
Phil's experience is any self-help freak's wet dream. Imagine having the opportunity to repeat the same day over and over until the great maker said you had passed the test and let you move on. Often, I sit down at the end of the day and take stock of it. Most often, I realize that there were many missed opportunities and that I could have lived life more fully. Groundhog Day asks the question: "What is a day well lived?" It's as if living one "perfect day" is our big challenge in life. As if we are ready to die only when that has been accomplished.
For me that means that I stop holding back. Whenever I feel compelled to do something, I do it. And so, in ending the censorship of my own life expression, I can fully accept and embrace the fact that I too one day will die. For when we censor our life expression, we *know* we aren't living the life that was given us - and no human Soul can live - or die - with that. Do you get what I'm saying here? It follows that Modernity's unwillingness to face death says much about how we waste our lives.
After Phil's narcissism gets wiped out through his time of ashes, censorship of his true life expression can be lifted in a safe way. For then, all his desires are healthy and world-building ones. His return now to the life of a mortal comes to him as a gift. He is happy to be made finite again. Only with the knowledge of impending death can he truly love Rita.
Groundhog Day is a comedy far outside of the trodden path. The story of Bill Murray's "Phil" and his journey to free himself from an eternity reliving the same day echoes the wisdom of the ages. It is with great pleasure that I bring you precisely this review before my well-deserved hiatus.
Headed for Punxsutawney
Phil is the weather man for a local Pittsburgh-based TV station. Now time has come for February 2nd again, and with that: Groundhog day in Punxsutawney. Phil despises the ritual that the common folk of the tiny Pennsylvanian village find so elating and he is not afraid to voice it. In fact, Phil does a poor job of hiding his unbecoming personality - he is a cynical man, both rude and arrogant. And he seems to despise people in general. That includes himself, though he hides it with feigned self-regard.
Little does he know that Punxsutawney has a big surprise in store for him this year: After getting through his day of mandatory reporting duties, he wakes up the next morning - to live Groundhog Day all over.
Journey into wholeness, part #1: Adolescence
At first the time warp seems like a curse. And in his depression, he bonds with two drunken hillbillies in a bowling alley. Phil connecting with plebes is the first sign that he is becoming less smug; he does after all consider himself better than others. But life provides us with many gateways to maturity - and we often choose not to walk through them. Phil decides, after a flash of insight, that this is his chance to rebel. 31:00 - 32:30 (lag filmklipp)
As an immature man caught in a strange cosmic rift where time repeats itself in perpetuity, Phil is free to do whatever he wants; come nightfall he gets off the hook. What would you have done? Well, if you were a kid, you would have eaten till you dropped, you would have messed with authority figures, played tricks on people, stolen stuff. I would've anyway. And so would Phil. Not only does he get to live out his cherished childishness, he even explores using his superpowers for the sake of seducing women. What seemed like a curse has proven for Phil an unexpected blessing.
Phil is now enjoying his new "abilities", much like a kid who has found a new toy. But then he starts falling for Rita, the long-haired producer of the Punxsutawney featurette for which he acts as reporter. We could wonder why he starts falling for her only now. I think to myself that Phil's rebellion has done something to him - having had the pleasure of being reckless and irresponsible for a long time, he is now bored with it. Being a dick doesn't amuse him anymore. And only on the other side of that does he even SEE Rita.
But unbeknownst to him, his desire for Rita is about to spell serious trouble.
Journey into wholeness, part #2: Road of ashes
I want all Pick Up Artists in the world to see this movie. The PUA-movement has spread over the world in last ten years or so and consists for the most part of uninitiated men who are frustrated with their lives, particularly their relationships with women. They have low confidence and gather that if only they fucked enough women, that would change (which is probably, to be fair, partly true). The way by which these girls are seduced often consists of techniques and tactics designed essentially to trick them into having sex with them. For these guys, being authentic and showing your true self is not on the menu.
Rita presents an enormous challenge to Phil (who by now thinks like a PUA). Why? She is untrickable. Tactics don't work on her. No amount of strategies or "mind-reading" tricks help him win her. Whenever Rita detects he is pulling a move, he crashes and burns. Only when he shows up authentically in the moment do things happen. But that doesn't come easily for Phil. So in the end, he capitulates to the weight of time and a million rejections and commits suicide - the first of many. He wakes up the next morning in the comfortable bed of the same Bed & Breakfast he knows so well by now, disappointed that life is still his. This is the turning point.
On page 82 of Robert Bly's Iron John, I find the following passage "Initiation says that before a boy can become a man, some infantile being in him must die. Ashes time is a time set aside for the death of that ego-bound boy." This process was normally safeguarded and facilitated by Elders. But we don't have Elders these days, we just have Olders.
In the absence of Elders, Phil has eternity. He is lucky in a way. For true happiness, it seems to me, seldom comes from getting exactly what you want (even though I find the belief hard to shake most of the time). Nope, it comes from not getting what you want and finding that freedom and love was never contingent on getting anything in the first place. Happiness comes from discovering our gift and giving it to the world from that place of self-fulfillment.
But first, Phil needs something worth giving.
Journey into wholeness, part #3: Manhood
Now that Phil has discovered he can't have Rita in any way he knows, his focus changes to improving himself. This change is total: From being a rebel who exploits the time warp for selfish reasons, eternity has now become a place where Phil can study and master any number of things. Not only for his own enjoyment mind, but also to serve the people around him.
He learns to ice sculpt and to play the piano. He tracks all the things that go wrong in the city and runs around every day to help as many people as possible. He saves lives and is a true gentleman. He becomes in a way the local Punxsatawney god. He has found his purpose in life.
Phil's new eyes open to the old man he has passed on his way to Cobbler's Knob every morning. And when Phil learns that the man dies on the evening of that Groundhog Day, his heart opens and he decides to save him. He starts helping the man, caring for him in any number of ways day after repeating day. But it matters not. As he looks to the sky from the floor of a dark and grimey back street, the dead old man there beside him, he realizes that whatever forces put us here have a will of their own. If phil is a "god", there is a greater one indeed. It seems to me that Phil here opens to the beauty of life itself.
With his life now lived in service of others, Rita starts noticing him for real. She clearly wanted a man and not an immature boy. As Phil finally perfects his Groundhog Day experience - after perhaps thousands of years of trial and error - he falls asleep with his beloved in his arms. He wakes up the next day with Rita beside him. It is February the 3rd.
Conclusion
Phil's experience is any self-help freak's wet dream. Imagine having the opportunity to repeat the same day over and over until the great maker said you had passed the test and let you move on. Often, I sit down at the end of the day and take stock of it. Most often, I realize that there were many missed opportunities and that I could have lived life more fully. Groundhog Day asks the question: "What is a day well lived?" It's as if living one "perfect day" is our big challenge in life. As if we are ready to die only when that has been accomplished.
For me that means that I stop holding back. Whenever I feel compelled to do something, I do it. And so, in ending the censorship of my own life expression, I can fully accept and embrace the fact that I too one day will die. For when we censor our life expression, we *know* we aren't living the life that was given us - and no human Soul can live - or die - with that. Do you get what I'm saying here? It follows that Modernity's unwillingness to face death says much about how we waste our lives.
After Phil's narcissism gets wiped out through his time of ashes, censorship of his true life expression can be lifted in a safe way. For then, all his desires are healthy and world-building ones. His return now to the life of a mortal comes to him as a gift. He is happy to be made finite again. Only with the knowledge of impending death can he truly love Rita.
— , Irregular updates ()Recipients of my newsletter, please respond in the comments below:
Some snippets of what I wrote you:
It's been a while since I wrote you! That's why it feels good to sit here in the dark of a early January morning typing out these words.
I spent the New Year in the woods with a group of 12 people, facilitating what was to many the best New Year of ther lives. There is a hunger in Norway growing for authentic interpersonal connections, dropping the social masks and just being real with one another.
I think that's the real challenge for men as well in 2012. So many of us are still stuck in roles. It often takes some form of "I can't show how vulnerable I really feel inside on the outside, because then I won't be a man and everyone will reject me and think I'm a loser and then I'll be lonely".
But it's those exact thoughts that make men lonely and weak.
In that way, 50s male stereotypes still live on in modern men. But I see signs that a tidal wave of change is coming. I look forward to us men becoming truly powerful in 2012 by dropping our masks and stepping into our true, authentic power.
......
One of the most important things in 2012 will be that more men of consciousness enter into the public's awareness. I expect that men's issues and authentic masculinity will be larger themes than ever before.
I challenge you all to start manifesting those wonderful visions and dreams you carry deep inside of you in the coming year. The world will need them.
— , Irregular updates ()No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. You win a war by making the other poor bastard die for his country!
— , Irregular updates ()I'm hearing horses! Parry will be so pleased!
— , Irregular updates ()Hey everyone and welcome to this new blog.
I felt it was time to set one of these babies up so here we go. In here I can talk more about day to day stuff, what's going on "backstage" with this project, bring forwards interesting feedback I receive, ramble a bit about my life etc. People are writing me with increased frequency now that the site has been officially launched, and a lot of interesting things are brought to my attention. I can't just let all this good information bypass you all, forever lost deep in cyberspace. More importantly, I have a desire to connect with you all on a more personal level, as I believe it's the only way we're gonna get anything done in our society. The self-centered man belongs to yesterday.
I'm really taking to the idea of brotherhood. I have been fortunate to experienced it on occasion, and it's a powerful, awesome and humbling feeling. Totally ballsy and strong, yet vulnerable and loving. Learning to love other men in a deep way without feeling homophobic, but strong and empowered, is something everyone needs to experience for himself. In this version of friendship, I got your back, you got mine. We go down or soar together. I think this is a powerful concept. We need to bring it back to life. I need to for myself anyway.
So how about it then, should we play a little with this idea of brotherhood? Really, we need to, because you know just as well as I that a website such as this – despite all its awesomeness – is just a tiny speck of a vast cultural process that must take place in the years ahead. You see, my vision for this project – reinventing modern man by resurrecting authentic masculinity – is way too big to pretend I can do it alone. So we got to connect you see!
So welcome to this blog. Here's to many good conversations in the time to come!
Love and respect brothers,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()As the movie opens, Miles is running late for his rendezvous with Jack. The two middle-aged men are both cooking in the broth of their own midlife crisises; Miles is struggling to get his semi-autobiographical novel published and is caught on the golden leach of memories from the now-dead marriage with Victoria, while Jack is reluctant to tape himself to the oaths of his imminent marriage, and goes away with Miles on what to him is his life's last hunt for ass. It's a nice setup for a different roadmovie, a roadmovie with heart.
Miles is not a structured man; the film wants us to know this straight away. Miles, we can tell, has a way of running late for things. And even after he shrieks at the microwave clock, he continues at his docile pace, knowing full well that he can blame the traffic when he arrives at the Erganians' (the parents of Jack's fiancée). Note that the way he continues his morning ritual in no way reflects his being late.
We are already being told that there is a vast distance between Miles' understanding of what he must do (hurry up) and what he will do (have a nice, cozy morning - just like usual). I'm emphasizing this early scene because it communicates all the reasons why Miles is not having the success he wants with his book and why he feels depressed. Quite simply, Miles is out of integrity with himself.
Not only is he out of integrity with himself, he's also a bit of a Mama's Boy. Miles takes the unwilling Jack on a detour to his mom's to mark her birthday, and we see the size of Miles's libido shrink to the size of a nucleus in Phyllis's presence. Unable to handle her with any degree of clarity, he is trapped in her personality, at the mercy of her whims and desires. The soft and friendly Miles, in an unbefitting move, steals several hundred dollars from her dresser drawer; proof positive of his feelings of entrapment; only his embitterment could cause him to think that stealing money from this sweet and elderly, if neurotic, woman is fair game.
"You gotta get laid, Miles"
Jack and Miles finally hit the road headed for wine country, and Jack makes it very clear - he's going away to have fun. "Miles, you have been officially depressed for like two years now!". Whereas Miles is the docile, cuddly carebear, Jack is more of the direct, testosterone-laden coyote. Jack has more juice, more zest for life than his depressed Xanax-munching friend, and he pushes Miles to step it up.
«You gotta get laid, Miles», Jack exclaims over the lunch table. «You used to be a negative guy – even back in college. But now it's worse! You're wasting away Miles, teaching English to fucking eight graders, when they should be reading the books that you wrote!» Jack is giving Miles the gift of challenge. He pushes him, like a good buddy should, to step it up – become better. It's a beautiful thing really, despite its apparent crassness. It also points to a recurring theme throughout the movie – Jack keeps telling the people they meet that Miles is a published author.
This well-meaning white lie is meant to push Miles to reach for his goal, but it's not working too well. There is no true challenge in a lie, and Miles can piggyback off of the lack of integrity in Jack's recurring storytelling to escape further from his responsibility to take charge of his own destiny.
Jack is a pragmatist, confused in his own entirely unique ways. He doesn't have the refined tastes of Miles, but he knows what he likes and is prepared to reach for it. And now, he wants to get laid. Jack, in his infinite wisdom, has hatched the brilliant idea that the best way to prepare himself for a life of monogamy is to dip his dick down the honey pot as many times as possible. But, so goes the story, with the honey comes the bees...
The true (anti)hero of Sideways is Miles though – and he is one strange man. Despite his total limpness in life - pass him a glass of fine wine, as long as it's no Merlot ("I won't drink no fucking Merlot!!!") - and he comes alive like a flower bud at the first sight of the morning sun. He becomes a poet, and weaves colourful tapestries with his words to describe the sumptuous and subtle marvels experienced by his finely tuned palate.
Miles is not a mere wine-lover, he is a conoisseur. And when it comes to things concerning taste, he has discernment - notice how he is always clear and directed when it comes to matters of his palate, be it about spinach croissants, wedding cakes, or fine wines. I find this an interesting feature of his personality - his masculinity is in his tongue. As I said, he is a strange man!
Why wine is so fucking good
What are two wine-drinking guys without two wine-drinking gals? Not much, especially when they both need to get laid. Cue Stephanie and Maya. Maya is the blonde, sophisticated gal who works at The Hitching Post, the hangout spot for Miles when he drops by Solvang, California. Which, by the looks of it, is quite often (Miles loves wine, remember!). Stephanie is Maya's friend - and Jack's target.
Much to Miles's surprise, it turns out that Maya quite likes him. He is oblivious to it; Jack has to point it out to him. It seems that Miles' palate has taken most of his sensory capacity.
One thing leads to another, and Jack gets Stephanie to polish his rocket, to wax his monkey, to - ah, you get the idea. He doesn't even think about going for Maya; he is a cool, solid guy after all. And as Maya and Miles get further acquainted, the plot leads up to what is one of my most favourite dialogues in a movie ever. It's the famous discussing-our-love-for-wine-on-the-porch-while-our-friends-are-shagging-next-door dialogue (TM). Maya breaks the question to Miles, as if she has wondered for quite some time.
Why are you so into Pinot, Miles?
"I don't know. It's a hard grape to grow, as you know. It's thin-skinned...temperamental, ripens early. It's not a survivor like Cabernet, which can grow anywhere and thrive even when neglected. No, Pinot needs constant care and attention... And you know, in fact it can only grow in these really specific little tucked away corners of the world.... And only the most patient and nurturing of growers can do it, really.... Only somebody who really takes the time to really understand Pinot's potential can then coax it into its fullest expression... And then, oh... it's flavours are just the most haunting and brilliant and thrilling and subtle and ancient on the planet..."
Way to go with the words! You will of course realize that the Pinot grape is a metaphor for Miles. He is describing Pinot, but is really talking about himself. He is talking about the vast potential that he knows he has inside, but that he just can't manifest in the world. And as it so happens, he needs someone to nurture it out of him.
He needs to be loved. Because he is unable to love and believe in himself. It's a very soulful moment, and describes well Miles's immature relationship with mother energy: The wine grower is his mother. And whichever woman is to be with him, will be his mother. Victoria didn't like that, so she left him. And Maya would probably too, if they got together. Yet, the soulful, heart-openness of the moment creates a bridge between them, and Maya continues with the intoxicating poetry:
What about you, Maya? Why are you into Wine?
...I like to think about the life of wine, how it’s a living thing. I like to think about what was going on the year the grapes were growing, how the sun was shining, if it rained…what the weather was like. I think about all those people who tended and picked the grapes, and if it's an old wine, how many of them must be dead by now. I love how wine continues to evolve, how every time I open a bottle it's going to taste different than if I had opened it on any other day. Because a bottle of wine is actually alive—it's constantly evolving and gaining complexity. That is, until it peaks—like your ’61—and begins its steady, inevitable decline. And it tastes so...fucking...good.
Totally...sexy. Miles is completely choked up, desiring this woman with his very soul. But he is too afraid. He doesn't capitalize on the moment, even though the invitation was served on a silver platter. Maya is very disappointed. Miles just hates himself.
The plot ripens
And this is when the brotherhood really starts kicking in and showing the value of a good buddy. There is a scene on the golf course where a jerk hits into them, and Jack and Miles both fly off into a fun-filled display of anger. I really wish I were there with them every time I see this scene. First of all, I'm not too good at expressing anger myself; I'm generally cool-headed, yet I love the energy in this scene. For Miles, clearly, it's very healing to connect to his balls and faceoff with this fat-assed hillbilly buffoon. Because shortly after, Maya opens her honeypot and Miles is a happy guy.
Then, a little slip of Miles's tongue and everything blows up. After all, Jack has been balling Stephanie all week – telling her tales of their rosy future together, yet he is getting married on Saturday. He gets a good, and rather well deserved beating when the truth comes out.
You would think this is the wake-up call Jack needs, but not until he finds himself running naked through town, escaping the infuriated husband of the waitress at the local diner – another fling he decided to chase on the rebound from Stephanie – does he break down in tears with the realization of what he is doing. Jack realizes some deep truths about his own irresponsibility and immaturity, and faced with his fear, his mind shifts. He is ready to marry.
Miles on the other hand learns from his agent that his book has been rejected by his only lead at Conundrum, and throws a fit of rage in a vineyard, when they won't serve him the wine he needs to numb the hurt. He blows a fuse and pours a barrel of wine on his head, before he is lead out of the room by Jack, steaming. Again, Miles is connecting to his balls. What seems like actions of a nutter are actually deeply therapeutic. Fuck convention, let's smash wine barrels on our heads in public!
Rounding off the bottle...
«I'm a smudge of excrement on a tissue, surging out to sea with a ton of raw sewage.» Welcome to Miles's view of himself. He is not exactly the epitome of someone who loves and respects himself. And as we understand, it's because he has not found his purpose; he has not found that deep, authentic core that makes him burn with the flame of passion.
But the show must go on, and in the end Jack gets married, and Miles's life continues. He's not happy with it, not happy with himself, yet I feel there's profound beauty in the ending. It makes me think of all the people in the world who go through life, trying their best to make it work, their best to better themselves. But in the end, most of us tend to give up a little, settling for less than what we know deep inside is our birthright. And in silent moments, with only our broken selves as companions, we think of what could have been.
Sideways is a deeply human movie. It's very refreshing in this day and age to see a story totally free of cynicism, a tale told with deep compassion and respect. Everything about it just exudes this warm, embracing quality that makes me happy to be alive. Sideways is not a movie that challenges us as much as it is a movie that helps us embrace the less than perfect parts of ourselves. So many guys constantly beat up on themselves, finding this somehow an expression of masculinity. It leads nowhere.
Enjoy Sideways. Savour it, work it around your mouth, tease your palate. And pour it into the parts of yourself that are broken, and learn to embrace them with love, so that you can move on with your life and think of not what could have been, but what will be.
A confession – there's a lot of Miles in me. I'm okay with that.
— , Irregular updates ()(this post is adapted from a post I made on Facebook)
Modern minds go crazy in the woods at night. We do not know how insane we are until we stand under the shadowy silhouettes of huge trees, hearing the gentle breeze ruffle the branches and feeling the pregnant silence of a forest mostly asleep (and it is the "mostly" that gets us).
There the dark night lovingly seeks out the places in our subconscious that the distractions of civilization conveniently brush aside. We have been invaded: By marketing, movies, computer games and a culture gone grazy (it can mostly be summed up in the word "addictions"). In the woods at night, this is revealed. There, the dark of the night brings the dark of our minds to light.
The way our mind responds to a dark forest is a great barometer of the depth of our soul-connection. If the unknown of that dark place drives us mad, it is because we have not explored our depths; we have not come to know ourselves truly.
Mindfulness/meditation practice can help us stay in the moment and not run off into fantasy, but it is Soul practice that allows us to receive the communication of the night fully; reframing the whole language of darkness from a potential threat to our presence to an invitation to a deeper encounter with Self.
When we look out into the night from behind our window panes, do we see a threatening unknown? Or do we see a womb lined with the essence of love and the promise of inner alchemy?
I have noticed that the deeper I go with my soul work, the more the dark of night starts opening up. From being a place that brings out our fears and inner demons, it becomes a place which starts resonating with our yearnings, transmuting our fears and showering us with gratitude and wonder.
It's a challenging practice, but it's one worth taking on: Go alone into the wilderness in the dark of night ready with a question – or a sacrifice – and a willingness to listen. Last night, I made my way – as I did the night before – from my little meditation hut into the dark woods. I have been in this landscape at night before, and while I've braved it many times, I've always felt like something of an invader in an alien land with unknown threats lurking around every corner.
I notice this perpetual subtle anxiety of the dark woods is fading, and as I make my way to an opening, moving gently so as not to disturb the sleep of my surroundings (and perhaps more importantly not to stir up the demons that live in me), I find myself a clearing to lay down in.
Speaking out loud, I invite the benevolent forces of the woods to come feast on me, to eat my addictions and egoic patterns. In so doing, the warmth I had felt vanished and I felt fear. But I called on the resources and help I have, and was soon accompanied by benevolent beings of the otherworld (this is the kind of thing that may sound strange in front of a computer screen, but I've found it to be a foundational skill to navigating the wild at night).
No creatures of the night showed up in the flesh (this time), but as I made my way back through the woods to my hut, I felt joyful and elated. I went to bed feeling as if the night embraced me like a warm cozy blanket, rather than a threatening unknown.
This womb of the night is a place where the Magician archetype comes alive. The dark unknown – and the way in which it dialogues with us – calls on the Magician that lives in us to utilize his skills proper; To spontaneously set up ritual space/ritual circles, to call in help, to transmute emotions, to work with the subtle energies of the surroundings, to banish demons and seeing, as we do so, that they were but twisted apparitions of our most sacred inner gifts.
This is one of the things you will, in some form or another, experience if you come with me on the Reclaim your Inner Throne journey (and you’ll need to be quick because it’s almost full).
For me, this is just warming up. In a few days, I will make my way into the Wilderness proper without food – four days to spare – and a request to be consumed.
This, I'm afraid of. I know it will call upon all of my training. It's not the woods at night themselves that scare me most; it is the dialogue I'm inviting.
And if the woods answer – which I hope and fear they will – I will be overpowered completely; with no choice other than to surrender to the powers of the unknown.
See you on the other side and hopefully on the Reclaim your Inner Throne journey.
Warm regards,
Eivind
[caption id="" align="alignright" width="342" caption="Me and Rajyo (co-founder of Celebration of Being) at Winchester House at the end of the workshop"][/caption]— , Irregular updates ()This last month has been intense. I have done some sort of workshop every weekend. Powerful experiences each and every one of them. I finally have some downtime to integrate and feel what has happened. So far, it’s a bit of a blur. Though I feel clear that a lot has shifted inside of me. After all, participants at each of these four workshops have communicated something akin to “life-changing” and I did friggin’ four of them. Oh lord.
I came to the Isle of Wight to do the Noble Man workshop on the recommendation of a New Warrior Brother. He had done the Noble Man workshop before we were both initiated on the same New Warrior Training Adventure in June. I like the man and trust his judgment, so I decided to go.
I have done a huge amount of work with men by now. But women have been conspicuously absent from my learning environments. I am clear that I want to change that and so the Noble Man arrived at an auspicious and fitting time.
To make a long story short – I loved the workshop. I’m not entitled to tell you about the processes themselves, but what was richly rewarding for me about our time together was the deep sense of mutual love and respect that permeated the ritual space. It was an environment of true healing and the processes that we were taken through spoke to me deeply. The female facilitators described it as a rite of passage and though my mind still cannot quite tolerate the idea that women can offer a rite of passage to men (it goes against all the wisdom of our ancestors), I can but embrace the potency of the experience.
Many of the women on “staff” reported that they fell back in love with men and with their own femininity and that alone makes my heart sing.
For me, the biggest takeaway is that I can be sensitive and vulnerable and still be attractive to women. I have spent a lot of time trying to build a masculinity befitting a mature man and in the process, I have lost some of my boyish playfulness and young curiosity. Embracing my inner two-year-old and bringing him into life with me is now a more probable and inspiring concept for me. That alone is huge. I’m tired of not bringing all of me.
I am tired as I write this and know that while I could make a long story out of this, my mind can’t take it right now. So I will leave you with my heartfelt recommendation of the Noble Man with Celebration of Being. Rajyo, Gina, Debbie and the other women there were a delight and moved me deeply and I loved bonding with the guys there too.
— , Irregular updates ()Based on my knowledge of archetypes and my experience with facilitating human transformation, I have developed an archetypal growth technology that I call Inner Throne work.
It pulls on the work of Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette, but adds a lot of my own unique material.*
What is Inner Throne work?
Inner Throne work is based on the insight that we all have a metaphorical inner throne, on which the true regent of our lives (our Kingdom) sits. In a mature individual, that regent is the archetype of the Sovereign (King/Queen). In most people, however, that throne has been usurped by forces which do not belong there, with detrimental effects to us and our surroundings.
In extreme cases, the throne is possessed entirely by foreign psychological energy, arising e.g. from childhood abuse, but for most of us, we inhabit the throne in some situations, but surrender it in others. Our level of self-governance** thus exists on a spectrum between complete pathology and complete empowerment.
Inner Throne work is a high-intensity facilitated process of taking back the throne so we become the true regents of our own lives. That may not happen all in one go, but repeat exposure to this process will help us regain the life-giving blessings of the archetype of the Sovereign at ever-deepening levels.
This work has been described as having similarities with both voice dialogue work and family constellation work, but was not directly inspired by either (it emerged in quite mysterious ways) and has been described as being more powerful.
You can have massive breakthroughs in very little time, or at worst have deep insights into the places in your life where you are giving away your power.
The process takes about an hour and at this moment, I'm the only trained facilitator in the world for this method (which will probably change, as experienced facilitators can be taught it relatively quickly).
Where can I experience Inner Throne work?
I will likely facilitate this work around the world for many years to come. My home is Norway, but I have delivered this work in the US and will soon deliver it in Holland.
If you have a desire to experience this and can get at least 5 willing participants, I'm willing to travel to offer my daylong Inner Throne workshop at a rate of $200 per person (provided you cover transportation, food and lodging).
What do people say about Inner Throne work?
Eivind's Inner Throne work is a masterful application of mythology and archetypes to access perennial wisdom and internal power. It seems we each follow a similar but distinctive "hero's journey" through life. This Inner Throne workshop is a powerful accelerator for this process, opening up whole new categories of possibility in purpose and relationship. Eivind is a skilled shaman in this mysterious unfolding.
— Casey Capshaw, director of Authentic Man Program
I listened to a strong impulse and supported Eivind for his Inner Throne workshop in Boulder, Colorado and I am so glad I did. His capacity of creating and holding a strong, safe container and his knowledge and authentic transparency of the material allowed the participants to drop in fairly quickly into raw, unknown territory.
I can describe this work as Archetypal Energy meets Voice Dialogue meets Family Constellation and is alive and has a dynamic flow that I have not experienced with the other modalities.
One participant experienced a transformational breakthrough that was viscerally felt in the room. This work is extremely powerful to deeply see, move, and release ourselves from contractions, old beliefs and agreements, especially with family members and into self-empowerment.
It was an honor and a privilege to be in the room with Eivind and the courageous souls that participated. I would gladly do it again.
— Ashleigh Sinclaire, experienced coach and facilitator, ashleighsinclaire.com
Video testimonial by Ering M. Brandt, Appreciatingmen.com
Video testimonial by Jake Bornstein
* The Inner Throne work was first developed together with my friend Pål Christian Buntz in 2012 (a process for which I am grateful), but I have since developed it further.
** Self-governance in this context is not merely being in charge of our own autonomous destinies, it paradoxically also involves surrendering into a deeper flow of experiential flux and uncertainty. We become part of a larger WE, that involves also the natural world, and autonomy eventually starts losing its appeal. This is at higher levels of development. It is unlikely that going through this process once will result in this level of transpersonal realization, but it can point the way there.
— , Irregular updates ()When men’s coach Michael Taylor interviewed me on his show last year, he asked me why I had no reviews of animated movies on my website. I had no good reason for this, but was intrigued by his question and asked him what movie he would recommend I write about. His recommendation was the Disney/Pixar production “Up”.
This one’s for you, Michael.
Longing for Roraima
Carl is a young boy with big dreams. Charles Muntz, the famous and daring explorer, features prominently at their center. When we first meet Carl, he is watching a news report detailing the latest escapades of the larger-than-life explorer, eyes large with excitement.
His young boy psyche, unpolluted by the contractions of adult responsibility and “realism”, soars far and wide. Its destination? Roraima, the plateau mountain in South America where mr Muntz himself claims to have found a mysterious creature.
Young Ellie is Carl’s kindred spirit, similarly enamored with mr Muntz and the promise of adventure in exotic lands. In a love story told on speed, they fall in love, get married, and grow old together. Yet their big adventure keeps eluding them; Roraima stays an unlived dream and their much-desired child never crosses the threshold into this world.
As Ellie passes through the veils to the beyond, Carl’s heart fills with grief that his dear wife never got to live out her dreams of distant lands and motherhood.
Carl’s big adventure
Boy scout Russell is a persistent bugger. He is on a mission to get a new badge for his belt to become a “senior wilderness guide”. The missing badge is dedicated to serving the elderly and Carl, now a grumpy old man, is a fitting target. But Carl doesn’t want anybody’s help. He wants to bury himself in pain and solitude.
That desire is compromised by the urban development going on in what was once his local neighborhood. The construction company tries to buy him out, but he wants none of it. In the end, he is evicted by way of a court order.
But in the walls of this quaint wooden house reside memories of Ellie. And Carl misses his sweetheart way too much to let go.
So Carl pulls off an unlikely stunt: The former balloon salesman takes his house to the skies, using a sea of multi-colored helium balloons.
Thus begins Carl’s big adventure. Unfortunately for him, he isn’t home alone.
The apparent sweetness of co-dependency
Carl has a stowaway; Russell is hanging on for dear life in the brisk high-altitude winds that now sweep across the porch. Carl only reluctantly lets him in, which is pretty hilarious.
One freak storm and some considerable boy scout magic later, Carl and Russel find themselves in South America, taking in the splendid sight of Roraima. Its waters cascade down the cliffside, giving nourishment to the soil below and yearnings for a person who is no more.
They were supposed to live there, Ellie and he. It never came to pass.
But their house floats above him, feeding the flame that burns in the chamber of his yearning. She was the daring one. She was the talker, the bright and firey soul who brought real adventure into Carl’s life. She was a doorway through his walls of shyness into a life of joy and meaning.
There is a certain sweetness that fills a heart that has its yearnings met in the embrace of another. In finding that soulmate, our lives take on a buoyancy and joy that we did not feel alone. When we find ourselves in this love’s embrace, it feels wonderful.
But building the house of our identity using the love and validation of another as its foundation is a risky endeavour. We enter then an inner geography where co-dependency thrives. And when the object of our love disappears, the scaffolding to our self worth collapses. It’s as if we are now half a person, torn down the middle in ways which fill love songs and Hollywood movies.
It’s not that needing another is bad. Authentic need is beautiful and reflects the truth that we cannot live our lives alone. But there is an energetic pull that can germinate in the soil of need that may cause us to veer off the mature track of inter-dependence into full-blown co-dependency.
Co-dependency grows out of the needs of immaturity. An ego that is not exposed fully to life will not develop psychological sophistication. An ego that chooses to stay at home over travelling to Roraima at the risk of personal bankruptcy will suffer a stagnation and contraction, inevitably leading to four safety locks on the front door.
But Carl’s rebellious nature propels him to the sky and a second chance in life. Adventure is upon him and Paradise Falls is in sight.
Carl’s gateways to liberation
Between the cliffs of the Roraima region, Carl, Russell and their new animal friends – Dug the talking dog, and Kevin the exotic bird – stumble across Charles Muntz. The explorer must be 120 years old, but is fit as a fiddle. Carl is predictably excited to meet his childhood hero, but soon discovers that Muntz is a villainous creature with little eye for anything but his own reputation.
This is a turning point for Carl. Charles Muntz is the man to whom he has surrendered his Inner Throne, and he is not worthy of it! With that realization, Carl starts waking up from a trance that has lasted most of his life. In realizing it’s time to cease dreaming of being someone else, Carl walks through the first gateway to liberation.
The second gateway appears through his deepening relationship with Russell. In a very sweet scene, Carl understands that this annoying, chubby boy scout has no father present in his life. The badge for helping the elderly is a key to his father’s love, as he has promised to be there for Russell’s award ceremony. Russell wants to help Carl becauses he misses his dad. (That this likely hits close to home for many young men today fills me with sadness).
This scene shows how Russell’s story strums Carl’s heart strings and sows in him the seed of compassion. Compassion, of course, is by definition directed outwards. For the first time since Ellie passed, Carl has an eye for something other than his own grief, and his selfish melancholy starts to lift.
The third and perhaps most important gateway comes when Carl leafs through the pages of Ellie’s Adventure book. It is clear that Carl on some level feels like he failed Ellie. He didn’t give her a child and he didn’t get her to Paradise Falls. He has assumed that Ellie’s life was wasted, that she never felt truly alive. But as he turns the page where Ellie all those years ago wrote “Stuff I’m going to do”, expecting to find them empty, Carl finds page after page of photographs from the life that they shared.
In this moment, Carl realizes that Ellie lived a full life and that she carried no regrets or resentments towards him. She even left an inscription for him on the last page, perhaps anticipating his descent into grief and despair: “Thanks for the adventure. Now go have a new one.”
In absorbing the full impact of those words, Carl’s call to adventure finally fully penetrates his thick skull and his Hero’s quest starts in earnest.
Saving Kevin
Kevin is an exotic bird that seems to like Carl and Russell. It hovers around them making cutesy sounds while flapping its little butterfly wings.
The colorful bird is a creature of Muntz’s past. It is of the same species as the skeleton the scientists at home believed was a fake. Muntz now intends to bring it home to restore his reputation (where everyone, I’m sure, has forgotten who he is).
Carl, Russell and talking dog Dug all become the absurd players of an exotic bird mid-air rescue mission. Carl transforms in these scenes from an infirm old man to something of a superhero. Such, I suppose, is the strength of Ellie’s blessings
In the end the unlikely band of renegades stand victorious atop Charles Muntz’s zeppelin, while that old git is falling to his watery grave.
This scene ends with a profound message told through the image of a house disappearing into clouds. Now that Carl has lived out an adventure of his own, independent of his wife, he has in a way claimed his manhood and his own autonomous desire for being in life. Being alive without Ellie all of a sudden has meaning. There is a world of adventure out there that he gets to engage with! It is a gift to him. By stepping onto the path of his own unique life, he severs the shackles of co-dependency and is ready to let go of the house.
It’s almost as if she whispers, as the house fades away “Goodbye, my love. I’m so proud of you. Now go live your life!”
Conclusion
Up is a simple and absurd story with a profound message. It reminds us of the inherent dangers of living predictable, safe lives. It also alludes to the teachings, propagated by David Deida among others, on the essential qualities of the masculine and feminine. On our death beds, the feminine part of us asks “was I truly loved?” and the masculine asks “did I give it all?”. The feminine Ellie was truly loved, but the masculine Carl had not truly given his best until he took to the skies and started writing an adventure book of his own.
When Carl shows up at Russell’s award ceremony, the world is put right. The painful divide torn open between generations is mended. The pervasive fear and unworthiness that tends to spread among the elders in a culture that does not see their gifts vanishes. But it’s not just a cultural condition. It’s on each of us to stay open and alive as we get older. Carl finally acted on his authentic yearning and claimed his Inner Throne, thus feeling worthy of serving as a wise elder and King in Russell’s life.
There is a deep beauty in that which, if grasped fully, would change the world.
— , Irregular updates ()I was surprised to find that the debate about the "Manifesto for Conscious Men" flared up again some days ago. It turned sour and many people displayed unflattering parts of their personalities. I chose to close the thread. I promised I would share something with you at the end of that thread, however, and I now give you a video with my last reflections on the debate.
I will disable comments for this thread. There are some of you who I don't trust to keep things civilized when this is the topic and I'm not interested in starting another argument.
So this is it. Finished. Done.
Links for those of you who are interested in more information:
Women respond
Deeper insight for those interested
Finally, watch the three first minutes of this video to really get the depth of fear of the masculine that powers much of this debate. It is not there without reason...
— , Irregular updates ()Ah, Braveheart... I remember leaving the movie theater that evening in 1995. I was seventeen, clueless and inspired. Something stirred inside and I could tell my friends had been impacted as well. Yep, we loved it and for many years to come, when asked my favourite movie, Braveheart was my answer.
With time I came to understand that I yearn for total and unmitigated freedom above all else. Freedom to express, to love, to penetrate and expand. And as William Wallace let out his "FREEEEEDOM!" at the end of my adolescent years, somehow that need was met - to taste, if only tangentially, a life lived from such a place...
It's our wits that make us men
We enter the story in 1280. The King of Scotland has died without an heir and the cruel King Edward Longshanks has claimed the throne for himself. One day, he lures many Scottish nobles to a barn under a banner of truce and has them hanged. William's father gathers the clan to fight.
There is a magnificent scene in which William's father and older brother prepare to battle the English. "I can fight!," William screams. What a bold statement – likely to be met with scorn by many modern parents. But Daddy Malcolm pauses, turns to face his son and gently tells him "I know. I know you can fight." He smiles knowingly. "But it's our wits that make us men."
This scene moves me. Instead of collapsing into shame when being confronted with his son's capacity for aggression, Malcolm recognizes the moment is ripe for mentorship. This scene points to the challenging job of every father to, without shaming him, embrace the Warrior archetype in his son and channel its vast energies into constructive, world-building pursuits (for the many new age fathers who are trapped in the masochistic shadow pole, this is virtually impossible).
Braveheart – early years
A man dies. A brother takes his place
Some time later, the men who set out to battle the English return with broken spirits, pulling a heavy chariot with bodies on it. "Come here lad," one of them says with a voice imbued with gentle, loving strength. There is something so nourishing about the way these men address young William, even when bringing the dark tidings of his father's and brother's death. A part of me feels yearning inside when I watch these scenes – no man ever addressed me like that when I was wee lad.
Then uncle Argyle arrives. Argyle is the mentor, appearing as if summoned by his brother's last breath. And it is as it should be; in many ancient cultures, it is the uncle's responsibility to bring the boy into manhood, as aboriginal elder Bob Randall reminded me when I spoke with him in September.
The teaching is about to begin.
Scotland rises
Many years later, William returns. We can but imagine his adventures. And as we will soon find, Argyle has done a fine job with his nephew. William quickly courts Murron and gets his way - his Lover archetype is healthy and the scene where he returns her thistle moving. I see it as a gentle reminder of how we can be soft and romantic, especially faced with the woman we love, without losing our masculinity; that is precisely the gift of the Lover archetype.
William and Murron marry clandestinely in a forest clearing one night, to avoid the horrific implications of primae noctis.
Their marriage is a short one. Murron is killed by the local magistrate and William returns to avenge her. Having defeated the English troops, the clans soon rally behind William, looking to him for leadership. It seems that a man who is willing to risk, risks becoming a leader. And though he desired but peace and a family, William now finds himself the unlikely leader of a rebellion.
And thus he picks up the sword left by his father. There is something quite electric about a man's experience of getting to know, in his adult years most likely, his father's (sometimes well hidden) goodness and vision for life (this journey is described well in the movie Robin Hood). In being given the chance to bring a father's seed to fruition, a man finds in some well hidden, moist and mourning part of his heart enormous power of lineage.
The dark father
Enter Robert the Bruce, a key character and the main contender for the Scottish crown. I'm fascinated by him. He wants to do the right and noble thing, but is torn between his own inner conviction and the toxic advice from his rotting father. This miserable, forlorn man that hides in a tower is reminiscent of Darth Vader - powerful in a way, yet greedy for power to the point of losing his humanity (though even in him exists a soft spot where he mourns the life he didn't live). And just like Darth Vader, he is a Shadow Magician, a cynical manipulator.
It could be that we all have a dark father, and though that dark matter may (or may not) be but trace elements in our own biological father, there is something archetypal going on here. We all have, I believe, a man in a tower somewhere who tells us lies for our "own good". And when we heed his voice, we and those around us suffer. (Get to know that voice and fight it. That tower needs to burn! New age embrace won't work here.)
Robert is inspired by William and inspiration is something his father does not understand. For his is a closed heart, void of any juice and joy. Be real wary of taking advice from such a person.
Invading England
At the fields of Stirling, William rouses the Scottish troops and Argyle lingers on the wind as the Scotsmen rise their spears in defiance of English cavalry. Soon, the English tuck tail and a blood-stained William rises his sword as a roar of victory ripples through the weary troops. William's Warrior archetype is at the peak of its power.
Despite their defeat of the English Northern Army, the Scottish nobles remain one bickering crowd, as is often the case with those who care for politics (too much brain, too little heart and body). William is no politician. And his leadership is of a temporary kind - alive only as long as Scotland's sons and daughters don't know freedom. It's not that he is void of the King archetype, it's just that he is not destined to be the leader of a people. His vision is of a simple life: A house, a woman and children. He is not a ruler for times of peace.
No, Scotland's future leadership lies in the hands of Robert the Bruce and it is with the harmonizing grace of his King archetype that William finds the strength to invade England and claim York.
Things are looking up for Scotland. Though Murron, sadly, remains just as dead.
The dream collapses
Princess Isabelle, the French princess who marries Edward Longshank's effeminate, weakling son (trust the son of a tyrant to become a weakling), becomes William's unlikely ally. She is fascinated by him. He is a true man, unlike her wimpy husband and the rest of the shut down men that lurk England's halls of power. A woman would do a lot, it seems, to honor true manhood (having a mission in life is real sexy to a woman. Just ask one).
But the Scottish nobles honor power and property - what else is there to love when your non-integrity steals your self-fulfillment? Surely, hiding self-contempt with pursuits of material gain is no way to live! At Falkirk, they turn their backs on Scotland. Selfish, single-minded hunt for property destroys all men in the end.
When William in one scene pulls off the helmet of a knight who just charged him, only to realize it's Robert the Bruce, something important happens. William has trusted Robert and now he finds himself betrayed. As I watch this scene, a thought enters my mind: If I were to break the trust of a friend, I would want him to react like this. If this level of hurt is not present at my betrayal, it is a friendship not quite worth having. I am saying that from now on, I want Brotherhood above all else, and you simply don't betray a Brother (are you with me?).
Bruce is torn apart by his ravaging guilt and tries to put things right. But his dark father intervenes and William is captured by the English. Bruce's heart is decimated. William Wallace dies (with a scream that still echoes from my adolescent years).
It is with Murron's bridal cloth in hand that Bruce continues William's legacy and claims Scotland's freedom at the fields of Banockburn. We imagine that his heart is put at rest somehow by this, through some sort of spiritual alchemy inherent in fulfilling any true legacy. And we conclude that one Scottish man's love for a good woman carried within it the power to free a people.
Love and freedom. Really Brothers, what else is worth living for?
— , Irregular updates ()Finally, after some tech problems, here is the run-through of the survey results.
— , Irregular updates ()Connecting with the grief of a lost manhood
Mr X – that's what I will name our protagonist – is not a happy man. He is numb, empty, and the sensations of life are but a distant shimmer beyond the veils of his pointless existence. He is a shadow, mist moving silently through the wastelands of existence. But it has gone too far, and Mr. X has now gone looking for release from bondage in myriad support groups for victims of life-threatening diseases. His disease is not of the body, but of the soul. It seems to carry across it a huge phantom scar of the life that was never lived.
He becomes a support group junkie, addicted to the human bonding and emotional release he finds there. Letting go into his pain seems to be a significant part of his personal journey. Finally he sleeps again. But his plan goes awry when he discovers a similarly inclined mysterious woman – Marla – who starts appearing at workshops. She is another lost soul who uses the pain of others to leech on to what remains of herself. Mr. X (or «Jack» as the movie also suggest) finds in her a perfect mirror of his own dishonest, apathetic, and life-destructive ways and his life is turned upside down once more. «If I had a tumor, I would name it Marla.» He is angry now, and the grieving is over.
Introducing Tyler Durden
Tyler Durden first appears on an airplane. Tyler is a free spirit – rebellious, full of vitality, and with some deep insight into what Jack longs for (death itself). In fact, he seems to know Jack's inner world very well. «That's clever,» he responds to one of Jack's carefully crafted comments. «How's that working out for you? Being clever.» Tyler sees that Jack, like so many men, uses irony and cleverness to keep his deep feelings of emptiness at bay, and challenges him on it. Jack hardly notices.
Jack returns from his business trip to a blown up flat and finds all his Ikea crap, including his prized Yin-Yang table, scattered smouldering on the ground. So the two of them move in together, settling in a derelict building on Paper Street on the outskirts of town. It starts out innocent enough, Tyler and Jack punching each other among the dumpsters behind a bar. But soon enough, Tyler pulls Jack deeper into his red emotion, and he discovers there a plentiful cache of repressed anger that has been eating away at him from the inside. Every Saturday, they go to fight on the tarmac behind the bar in that particularly desolate part of town, and new recruits arrive every week.
Jack has lost everything, but now that he's stopped dulling his senses, he is connecting with a deeper part in himself. He finds greater freedom in embracing a life featuring only the bare necessities. «By the end of the first month, I didn't miss TV.» (ditch your TV guys, it's killing you slowly)
Reclaiming the inner wild man
Inside every man is a seat of power, with deep roots extending from it, penetrating the rich, nutritious soil of the dark collective subconscious of our male ancestry that is its foundation. Upon it sits a wild man, a creature moist and hairy, asleep. He dreams hopeful dreams of the day when his lost son returns to the kingdom to reawaken him – the one who waits in shadows – so that the painful separation can finally end.
Tyler is such a wild man. But he is not asleep, he is quite awake. And now he stands in front of his devoted brothers – or are they disciples? – proclaiming to them the terms of participation in his private arena. «The first rule of Fight Club is you do not speak about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is you do not speak about Fight Club.» Tyler demands from his men total secrecy. They move in shadows, like creatures of the night who find in darkness that which the light of day kept hidden. The source of their newly acquired vitality must be forever kept hidden.
This right here is incredibly profound. What is pointed to here is that this wild man has been pushed into oblivion, forced into damp cellars of the mind, so that the vessels of his essence – men across the planet – can be nice and servile little puppets of consumerism. He was first forced into hiding with the onset of the industrial revolution – when man was removed from his inner and outer nature – and now he is kept hidden in order to make possible the perpetuation of the widespread illusion that there is happiness to find in the pursuit of things, comfort and security. It suggests that men who want to reclaim their power must do so in secret, because masculine power has been deemed evil by society.
But for many men, fighting a friend can be an expression of love, a challenge for them to tap deeper into their power. This is something many women will never understand. When we men engage in such fighting, we are not being violent as much as we are challenging each other to be all we can be, to move from being trapped inside the head to being liberated into nature through the gateway of the body. Because society has become overfeminized and oversensitive, masculine love and masculine violence are lumped into the same category.
This turns the world into a spiritual wasteland for many men, for they can no longer access the seat of their power in a way that is condoned by society, and so become forever trapped in mental motions. The emptiness of this wasteland is the emptiness that Jack intuits, and its widespread damage on men's psyche is the cue for Tyler's invitation to go deeper into the shit of existence.
Tyler's wisdom
The true genius of Tyler is threefold: He exposes the complete dysfunction of our culture's basic assumptions about happiness, he shows the tremendous damage this delusion causes in the psyche of men, and he points to how inadequate existing feminine structures of bonding are in healing the wounds of a man who has lost contact with his wild ancestral roots.
In one scene, Tyler pours highly corrosive chemicals on Jack's hand and forces him to journey through the pain, as a means to access the power that comes from embracing death. Jack wants to escape, through methods he learned from women in the support groups.
- I'm going to my cave to find my power animal.
- No! Don't deal with this the way those dead people do!Come on!
- I get the point!
- No! You're feeling premature enlightenment. It's the greatest moment of your life, and you're off somewhere else!In this scene, Tyler makes me contemplate the fact that much modern spirituality is about escaping life, not embracing it. It is about seeing the oneness of all things, seeing everything as love, everyone as beautiful. That is all fine, but lest the wild man is contained therein, lest we can see that shit of existence that Tyler Durden almost worships, it is castrated, escapist, and devoid of true potential to liberate any man. When people gather to talk about all that is happy, bright, and wonderful in the world, without being willing to embrace the inherent suffering of it all, the wild man falls into deeper sleep.
That wild man is the force within you that considers talk of flowers, meadows and butterflies (as long as it's part of an escapist philosophy) to be total bullshit. Nobody appreciates these things more than the wild man, but he does so from a grounded place of pure connection, and not from a dissociated ascension trip while trying to escape pain. The wild man knows that only on the other side of embracing the pangs of existence can nature's true appreciation occur. And when man does not appreciate nature, and gets stuck in living life as a constant evasive maneuver, bad things occur.
Society's disconnection from nature
We should now look at one of the most important statements this movie makes. Jack is working as a recall coordinator for a major car manufacturer. He investigates the damage caused when a car malfunctions, and calculates whether his employer will be better served financially by keeping dangerous cars driving on roads or if they should recall them to avoid standing responsible to plaintiffs in the courts. He turns the deaths of real people into numbers in financial estimates.
This is the society we have made. This is what happens when people turn complacent and docile as long as their private little bubbles are intact. This is what happens when people become so thoroughly hypnotized by consumerism and the overstimulation of media that we disconnect from the reality of others. And the very same people, people like you and me, who are willing to let people die to avoid having to pull our heads out of the sand, have the nerve to condemn people who engage in fist fights as medieval savages.
This is somewhat paradoxical. When we hypnotize ourselves out of our own misery, we let others die without batting an eyelid. We destroy the planet and think nothing of it. And to retain some sense of righteousness, we condemn others who are guilty of crime with fierceness.
That condemnation, unfortunately, is our personal guarantee that we are no different than they are, for if there's anything Jung has taught us, it is that those who you condemn are nothing but shadows of repressed parts of your own psyche. Wars are made in these ways. «You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake,» Tyler tells his army.
There is something here for you. The illusion that we are special is a huge problem in modern, narcissistic society, and keeps us men apart from our true potential. For when we are "special", we live for recognition. Only when we embrace that we are just another human being is the humility in place to make us truly special. Only when we embrace that we are not special are we ready for true masculine power, true masculine spirituality. Embrace that you are not special and your eyes will open to nature's transcendent beauty. You become able to, like Katsumoto in The Last Samurai, realize the perfection in a cherry blossom. I propose that before we get our hands dirty, any recognition of that perfection is likely to be part of the carefully crafted escape route many of us lay out in order to avoid growing up.
Conclusion
There aren't only good things to be said about the view of our world that Fight Club presents. Far from it. And reality is perhaps not as bleak as it suggests. It should also be noted that too much goes wrong towards the end of the story to embrace the path these men walk. More than offering a solution, Fight Club describes the problem. And it does so extremely well. What happens to the man who disconnects from his true nature in order to serve the petty interests of his comfort-seeking ego and a dysfunctional society? The answer is for you to find.
— , Irregular updates ()[caption id="attachment_1140" align="alignright" width="416" caption="Leaving Neverland (and the awesome collection of poetry I also received today)"][/caption]
Just got a new book delivery from my good friend Ann Kristin out in Australia (she's who connected me with Uncle Bob). It's called Finding Neverland - Why little boys shouldn't run big corporations and is written by a bloke by the name of Daniel Prokop.
Check this out (from the back of the book):
In the Western world, it seems that most adults don't want to grow up but have lost the joy and freedom of being childlike and in a desperate attempt to stay young forever have achieved eternal childishness, rather than eternal youth.
Phew!
When little boys in designer suits convinced authorities that they should be put in charge of the banking cookie jar, we shouldn't be surprised when they help themselves to the cookies
And when little boys playing in the Gulf of Mexico break one of their shiny toys and make a catastrophic mess, sure it is obvious that it is time for us to leave Neverland.
In this fascinating, humorous and provocative book, Daniel Prokop argues that contemporary Rites of Passage offer us all a timely way to finally grow up.
And possibly save the world.
This could be a good read!
— Miranda, Mrs. Doubtfire (1993)Miranda (to Daniel): I bring home a birthday cake and a few gifts; you bring home the Goddamn San Diego Zoo. And I have to clean up after it!
— , Irregular updates ()Today we don’t have any myths to tell our children in the modern world. Fortunately we can rely on the myths that are transmitted through the movies. A good example of a movie that I let my boys watch is Disney’s modern classic The Lion King since it contains many good lesions for a boy - and for a man - to learn.
The beginning
The story features Simba who is born and hailed as the next king after his father, the current lion king Mufasa who teaches his son about the ‘circel of life’ and what it takes to be a king. Mufasa’s brother Scar, however, wants the throne for himself and uses his cunning to try to get rid of both Mufasa and Simba.
First he tricks the young and eager Simba to go to the elephant graveyard where Scar’s allies, the hyenas, await him. Mufasa saves him from the hyenas and teaches Simba that courage is not absence of fear and certainly not rushing into danger. A king needs to be much wiser and more mature than so.
Next time Scar succeeds with his plan when he lures Simba into a ravine where his hyena companions set a heard of gnus on the runaway in his direction. Scar then tells Mufasa who rushes to his son’s rescue. He barely manages to get Simba to safety but finds himself hanging from a cliff where Scar can give him the final blow and throw him to his death. Scar then convinces Simba that it was Simba’s fault and sends the hyenas after him. Then Scar can claim the throne along with his hyena friends.
New start - new rules
Simba, who managed to escape, is found in the desert by the meerkat Timon and the warthog Pumbaa who adopt and raise Simba with guidance from their own problem-free philosophy Hakuna matata – no worries! And no responsibilities! Just put your past behind you, bad things happen and there is nothing you can do about it. And instead of hunting pray Simba learns to eat bugs and worms. Timon literary files his claws down.
Isn’t this the perfect illustration of the condition of the modern man? Being cut off from the past, from our own source of ancient masculinity, from our own identity. Feeling a pressure to stop oppressing women, stop destroying the world, stop being in the way, and where masculinity is viewed as a something that is destructive and problematic per se, even leaving us with a strong sense of guilt and shame. Trying to find guidance in self-help books telling us to be more in the present, to give up all identity, to forgive the past or just to be nice, happy and harmless.
In the now grown up Simba’s case he can recognize that something is missing in his life, a loneliness despite his friendly and caring company. Fruitlessly, he searches for his father in the stars where he was told to find him and all other kings of the past.
Simba awakens
But Simbas masculine powers are soon to be awaken by two visits. First by his childhood friend Nala, now a lioness, who opens Simba’s heart as they quickly fall in love as they were destined. But when she urges him to return and challenge Scar to the throne he reverts to his old strategy of “Hakuna matata”, thus escaping from his responsibility to Nala’s great disappointment.
His lack of courage isn’t exactly attractive to the lioness, but her main concern is that her savanna has been turned into a wasteland by Scar’s mismanagement. Scar was never interested or wise enough to respect the nature’s balance and the circle of life, he was only in it for his own gain and is now bored by the situation that he obviously cannot handle.
Next the old wise mandrill Rafiki pays Simba a visit and just like a zen master or a jester he guides Simba into some deep soulwork in order to find his father and get in contact with his true self. In a scene that resembles Luke Skywalker’s jedi training Simba follows Rafiki through a dark and shady forest and finding not Darth Vader but his father Mufasa in his own reflection in the water, in the bottom of his own soul. “He lives in you” Rafiki says.
Then Simba hears Mufasa’s voice telling him that he has forgotten about his father and forgotten who he is. Simba thought that his father had abandoned him, but it was really he who hadn't dared to look for him from the guilt he still carries. In order to find his father and all the past kings he now has to remember who he is, and that is much more than what he has become up till now.
The return of the king
Simba is far from done in his work with himself but nevertheless he knows that he has to return to free his country from Scar’s reign with the aid of his friends Nala, Timon and Pumbaa. Simba may be the stronger of the two combatants, but Scar has the psychological advantage. Simba still believes that he is guilty of his father’s death, which Scar uses to his advantage when he forces Simba to the edge of the cliff, just as his father.
Unfortunately for Scar, his pride betrays him as he cannot resist telling Simba that he killed Mufasa. What’s the point of being cunning and outwitting everyone if there’s no one to share it with and no one to admire it, something practically all movie villains seem to think.
And with that all Simba’s destructive energy of guilt that until now has been turned inwards is released and transformed into pure rage within a blink of an eye and Simba can counter attack. Now Simba has reached his full potential and he can defeat Scar and the hyenas can be driven out of the country.
The circle is closed and continued
The movie ends as it started with Rafiki lifting the new lion cub, Simba’s and Nala’s son, to be hailed by all the animals of the lands as the next king – that is, if he can grow up to be one. And the circle of life continues.
— , Irregular updates ()[caption id="attachment_1492" align="alignright" width="400" caption="This fairy tale comes from the treasure troves of the Grimm Brothers"][/caption]Translated by Professor D. L. Ashliman. I hope you will enjoy this fairy tale. The significance of it in the context of male maturity will be discussed in a
few dayscoming e-book.A father had two sons. The oldest one was clever and intelligent, and knew how to manage everything, but the youngest one was stupid and could neither understand nor learn anything. When people saw him, they said, "He will be a burden on his father!"
Now when something had to be done, it was always the oldest son who had to do it. However, if the father asked him fetch anything when it was late, or even worse, at night, and if the way led through the churchyard or some other spooky place, he would always answer, "Oh, no, father, I won't go there. It makes me shudder!" For he was afraid.
In the evening by the fire when stories were told that made one's flesh creep, the listeners sometimes said, "Oh, that makes me shudder!" The youngest son would sit in a corner and listen with the others, but he could not imagine what they meant.
"They are always saying, 'It makes me shudder! It makes me shudder!' It does not make me shudder. That too must be a skill that I do not understand."
Now it happened that one day his father said to him, "Listen, you there in the corner. You are getting big and strong. You too will have to learn something by which you can earn your bread. See how your brother puts himself out, but there seems to be no hope for you."
"Well, father," he answered, "I do want to learn something. Indeed, if possible I would like to learn how to shudder. I don't understand that at all yet."
The oldest son laughed when he heard that, and thought to himself, "Dear God, what a dimwit that brother of mine is. Nothing will come of him as long as he lives. As the twig is bent, so grows the tree."
The father sighed, and answered him, "You may well learn to shudder, but you will not earn your bread by shuddering."
Soon afterward the sexton came to the house on a visit, and the father complained to him about his troubles, telling him how his younger son was so stupid in everything, that he knew nothing and was learning nothing. "Just think," he said, "when I asked him how he was going to earn his bread, he actually asked to learn to shudder."
"If there is nothing more than that," replied the sexton, "he can learn that with me. Just send him to me. I will plane off his rough edges."
The father agreed to do this, for he thought, "It will do the boy well."
So the sexton took him home with him, and he was to ring the church bell. A few days later the sexton awoke him at midnight and told him to get up, climb the church tower, and ring the bell.
"You will soon learn what it is to shudder," he thought. He secretly went there ahead of him. After the boy had reached the top of the tower, had turned around and was about to take hold of the bell rope, he saw a white figure standing on the steps opposite the sound hole.
"Who is there?" he shouted, but the figure gave no answer, neither moving nor stirring. "Answer me," shouted the boy, "or get out of here. You have no business here at night."
The sexton, however, remained standing there motionless so that the boy would think he was a ghost.
The boy shouted a second time, "What do you want here? Speak if you are an honest fellow, or I will throw you down the stairs."
The sexton thought, "He can't seriously mean that." He made not a sound and stood as if he were made of stone.
Then the boy shouted to him for the third time, and as that also was to no avail, he ran toward him and pushed the ghost down the stairs. It fell down ten steps and remained lying there in a corner. Then the boy rang the bell, went home, and without saying a word went to bed and fell asleep.
The sexton's wife waited a long time for her husband, but he did not come back. Finally she became frightened and woke up the boy, asking, "Don't you know where my husband is? He climbed up the tower before you did."
"No," replied the boy, "but someone was standing by the sound hole on the other side of the steps, and because he would neither give an answer nor go away, I took him for a thief and threw him down the steps. Go there and you will see if he was the one. I am sorry if he was."
The woman ran out and found her husband, who was lying in the corner moaning. He had broken his leg. She carried him down, and then crying loudly she hurried to the boy's father. "Your boy," she shouted, "has caused a great misfortune. He threw my husband down the steps, causing him to break his leg. Take the good-for-nothing out of our house."
The father was alarmed, and ran to the sexton's house, and scolded the boy. "What evil tricks are these? The devil must have prompted you to do them."
"Father," he replied, "do listen to me. I am completely innocent. He was standing there in the night like someone with evil intentions. I did not know who it was, and I warned him three times to speak or to go away."
"Oh," said the father, "I have experienced nothing but unhappiness with you. Get out of my sight. I do not want to look at you anymore."
"Yes, father, and gladly. Just wait until daylight, and I will go forth and learn how to shudder. Then I shall have a skill that will support me."
"Learn what you will," said the father. "It is all the same to me. Here are fifty talers for you. Take them and go into the wide world, but tell no one where you come from, or who your father is, because I am ashamed of you."
"Yes, father, I will do just as you wish. If that is all you want from me, I can easily remember it."
So at daybreak the boy put his fifty talers into his pocket, and went forth on the main road, continually saying to himself, "If only I could shudder! If only I could shudder!"
A man came up to him and heard this conversation that the boy was holding with himself, and when they had walked a little farther to where they could see the gallows, the man said to him, "Look, there is the tree where seven men got married to the rope maker's daughter, and are now learning how to fly. Sit down beneath it, and wait until night comes, and then you will learn how to shudder."
"If there is nothing more than that," answered the boy, "I can do it easily. But if I learn how to shudder that quickly, you shall have my fifty talers. Just come back to me tomorrow morning."
Then the boy went to the gallows, sat down beneath them, and waited until evening. Because he was cold, he made himself a fire. However, at midnight there came up such a cold wind that in spite of his fire he could not get warm. And as the wind pushed the hanged men against each other, causing them to move to and fro, he thought, "You are freezing down here next to the fire. Those guys up there must really be freezing and suffering." Feeling pity for them, he put up the ladder, and climbed up, untied them, one after the other, and then brought down all seven.
Then he stirred up the fire, blew into it, and set them all around it to warm themselves. But they just sat there without moving, and their clothes caught fire. So he said, "Be careful, or I will hang you up again."
The dead men, however, heard nothing and said nothing, and they let their rags continue to burn. This made him angry, and he said, "If you won't be careful, I can't help you. I don't want to burn up with you." So he hung them up again all in a row. Then he sat down by his fire and fell asleep.
The next morning the man came to him and wanted to have the fifty talers. He said, "Well, do you know how to shudder?"
"No," he answered. "Where would I have learned it? Those fellows up there did not open their mouths. They were so stupid that they let the few old rags which they had on their bodies catch fire."
Then the man saw that he would not be getting the fifty talers that day. He went away saying, "Never before have I met such a fellow."
The boy went on his way as well, and once more began muttering to himself, " Oh, if only I could shudder! Oh, if only I could shudder!"
A cart driver who was walking along behind him heard this and asked, "Who are you?"
"I don't know," replied the boy.
Then the cart driver asked, "Where do you come from?"
"I don't know."
"Who is your father?"
"I am not permitted to say."
"What are you always muttering to yourself?"
"Oh," replied the boy, "I want to be able shudder, but no one can teach me how."
"Stop that foolish chatter," said the cart driver. "Come, walk along with me, and I will see that I get a place for you."
The boy went with the cart driver, and that evening they came to an inn where they decided to spend the night. On entering the main room, the boy again said quite loudly, "If only I could shudder! If only I could shudder!"
Hearing this, the innkeeper laughed and said, "If that is your desire, there should be a good opportunity for you here."
"Oh, be quiet," said the innkeeper's wife. "Too many meddlesome people have already lost their lives. It would be a pity and a shame if his beautiful eyes would never again see the light of day."
But the boy said, "I want to learn to shudder, however difficult it may be. That is why I left home."
He gave the innkeeper no rest, until the latter told him that there was a haunted castle not far away where a person could very easily learn how to shudder, if he would just keep watch there for three nights. The king had promised that whoever would dare to do this could have his daughter in marriage, and she was the most beautiful maiden under the sun. Further, in the castle there were great treasures, guarded by evil spirits. These treasures would then be freed, and would make a poor man rich enough. Many had entered the castle, but no one had come out again.
The next morning the boy went to the king and said, "If it be allowed, I will keep watch three nights in the haunted castle."
The king looked at him, and because the boy pleased him, he said, "You may ask for three things to take into the castle with you, but they must be things that are not alive."
To this the boy replied, "Then I ask for a fire, a lathe, and a woodcarver's bench with a knife."
The king had all these things carried into the castle for him during the day. When night was approaching, the boy went inside and made himself a bright fire in one of the rooms, placed the woodcarver's bench and knife beside it, and sat down at the lathe.
"Oh, if only I could shudder!" he said. "But I won't learn it here either."
Towards midnight he decided to stir up his fire. He was just blowing into it when a cry suddenly came from one of the corners, "Au, meow! How cold we are!"
"You fools," he shouted, "what are you crying about? If you are cold, come and sit down by the fire and warm yourselves."
When he had said that, two large black cats came with a powerful leap and sat down on either side of him, looking at him savagely with their fiery eyes.
A little while later, after warming themselves, they said, "Comrade, shall we play a game of cards?"
"Why not?" he replied, "But first show me your paws."
So they stretched out their claws.
"Oh," he said, "what long nails you have. Wait. First I will have to trim them for you."
With that he seized them by their necks, put them on the woodcarver's bench, and tightened them into the vice by their feet. "I have been looking at your fingers," he said, "and my desire to play cards has disappeared," and he struck them dead and threw them out into the water.
After he had put these two to rest, he was about to sit down again by his fire, when from every side and every corner there came black cats and black dogs on red-hot chains. More and more of them appeared until he could no longer move. They shouted horribly, then jumped into his fire and pulled it apart, trying to put it out.
He quietly watched them for a little while, but finally it was too much for him, and he seized his carving-knife, and cried, "Away with you, you villains!" and hacked away at them. Some of them ran away, the others he killed, and threw out into the pond. When he came back he blew into the embers of his fire until they flamed up again, and warmed himself.
As he thus sat there, his eyes would no longer stay open, and he wanted to fall asleep. Looking around, he saw a large bed in the corner. "That is just what I wanted," he said, and lay down in it. However, as he was about to shut his eyes, the bed began to move by itself, going throughout the whole castle.
"Good," he said, "but let's go faster."
Then the bed rolled on as if six horses were harnessed to it, over thresholds and stairways, up and down. But then suddenly, hop, hop, it tipped upside down and lay on him like a mountain. But he threw the covers and pillows into the air, climbed out, and said, "Now anyone who wants to may drive." Then he lay down by his fire, and slept until it was day.
In the morning the king came, and when he saw him lying there on the ground, he thought that the ghosts had killed him and that he was dead. Then said he, "It is indeed a pity to lose such a handsome person."
The boy heard this, got up, and said, "It hasn't come to that yet."
The king was astonished, but glad, and asked how he had fared.
"Very well," he replied. "One night is past. The two others will pass as well."
When he returned to the innkeeper, the latter looked astonished and said, "I did not think that I'd see you alive again. Did you learn how to shudder?"
"No," he said, "it is all in vain. If someone could only tell me how."
The second night he again went up to the old castle, sat down by the fire, and began his old song once more, "If only I could shudder!"
As midnight was approaching he heard a noise and commotion. At first it was soft, but then louder and louder. Then it was a little quiet, and finally, with a loud scream, half of a man came down the chimney and fell in front of him.
"Hey!" he shouted. "Another half belongs here. This is too little."
Then the noise began again. With roaring and howling the other half fell down as well.
"Wait," he said. "Let me blow on the fire and make it burn a little warmer for you."
When he had done that and looked around again. The two pieces had come together, and a hideous man was sitting in his place.
"That wasn't part of the wager," said the boy. "That bench is mine."
The man wanted to force him aside, but the boy would not let him, instead pushing him away with force, and then sitting down again in his own place.
Then still more men fell down, one after the other. They brought nine bones from dead men and two skulls, then set them up and bowled with them.
The boy wanted to play too and said, "Listen, can I bowl with you?"
"Yes, if you have money."
"Money enough," he answered, "but your bowling balls are not quite round." Then he took the skulls, put them in the lathe and turned them round.
"There, now they will roll better," he said. "Hey! This will be fun!"
He played with them and lost some of his money, but when the clock struck twelve, everything disappeared before his eyes. He lay down and peacefully fell asleep.
The next morning the king came to learn what had happened. "How did you do this time?" he asked.
"I went bowling," he answered, "and lost a few pennies."
"Did you shudder?"
"How?" he said. "I had great fun, but if I only knew how to shudder."
On the third night he sat down again on his bench and said quite sadly, "If only I could shudder!"
When it was late, six large men came in carrying a coffin. At this he said, "Aha, for certain that is my little cousin, who died a few days ago." Then he motioned with his finger and cried out, "Come, little cousin, come."
They put the coffin on the ground. He went up to it and took the lid off. A dead man lay inside. He felt his face, and it was cold as ice.
"Wait," he said, "I will warm you up a little." He went to the fire and warmed his own hand, then laid it on the dead man's face, but the dead man remained cold. Then he took him out, sat down by the fire, and laid him on his lap, rubbing the dead man's arms to get the blood circulating again.
When that did not help either, he thought to himself, "When two people lie in bed together, they keep each other warm." So he carried the dead man to the bed, put him under the covers, and lay down next to him. A little while later the dead man became warm too and began to move.
The boy said, "See, little cousin, I got you warm, didn't I?"
But the dead man cried out, "I am going to strangle you."
"What?" he said. "Is that my thanks? Get back into your coffin!" Then he picked him up, threw him inside, and shut the lid. Then the six men came and carried him away again.
"I cannot shudder," he said. "I won't learn it here as long as I live."
Then a man came in. He was larger than all others, and looked frightful. But he was old and had a long white beard.
"You wretch," he shouted, "you shall soon learn what it is to shudder, for you are about to die."
"Not so fast," answered the boy. "If I am to die, I will have to be there."
"I've got you," said the monster.
"Now, now, don't boast. I am just as strong as you are, and probably even stronger."
"We shall see," said the old man. "If you are stronger than I am, I shall let you go. Come, let's put it to the test."
Then the old man led him through dark passageways to a blacksmith's forge, took an ax, and with one blow drove one of the anvils into the ground.
"I can do better than that," said the boy, and went to the other anvil. The old man stood nearby, wanting to look on. His white beard hung down. The boy seized the ax and split the anvil with one blow, wedging the old man's beard in the crack.
"Now I have you," said the boy. "Now it is your turn to die." Then he seized an iron bar and beat the old man until he moaned and begged him to stop, promising that he would give him great riches. The boy pulled out the ax and released him. The old man led him back into the castle, and showed him three chests full of gold in a cellar.
"Of these," he said, "one is for the poor, the second one is for the king, and the third one is yours."
Meanwhile it struck twelve, and the spirit disappeared, leaving the boy standing in the dark. "I can find my own way out," he said. Feeling around, he found his way to the bedroom, and fell asleep by his fire.
The next morning the king came and said, "By now you must have learned how to shudder."
"No," he answered. "What is it? My dead cousin was here, and a bearded man came and showed me a large amount of money down below, but no one showed me how to shudder."
Then the king said, "You have redeemed the castle, and shall marry my daughter."
"That is all very well," said the boy, "but I still do not know how to shudder."
Then the gold was brought up, and the wedding celebrated, but however much the young king loved his wife, and however happy he was, he still was always saying, "If only I could shudder. If only I could shudder." With time this made her angry.
Her chambermaid said, "I can help. I know how he can learn to shudder."
She went out to the brook that flowed through the garden, and caught a whole bucketful of minnows. That night when the young king was asleep, his wife was to pull the covers off him and pour the bucketful of cold water and minnows onto him, so that the little fishes would wriggle all over him.
When she did this, he woke up crying out, "Oh, what is making me shudder? What is making me shudder, dear wife? Yes, now I know how to shudder."
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About my coaching
My mission as a coach is to meet you in the most personal, authentic way I can. I will bring my presence and deep desire to really understand what life is like for you. In working with men for years, I've come to understand that what's most important to you is to feel seen, heard, respected, honored and challenged. I bring my theoretical background as well as my own life experience, heart, gut and balls to the session with you.
Feedback I've received from men who have been going to mainstream psychologists and therapists include "why have noone asked me this before?" or "this is what I was looking for in all those years of therapy". My takeaway is that a lot of professionals out there have forgotten the art of truly connecting on a human-to-human level with their clients.
My coaching practice is based on my expertise on archetypes, my involvement in men's groups for years, leadership trainings with various organizations, my studies and writings here on this site, more than a decade of meditating and burning in my all-consuming passion for inner growth, facilitation of workshops and courses on communication as well as a deep-seated and inborn sensitivity and intuition.
My primary purpose is to bring a no-bullshit approach to our work together and to challenge you to embrace your greatness. I will not sit idly by when you're beating yourself up. I will defend the best parts of you when you've forgotten how.
My desire for you is that you embrace who you are right now. I'm not one of those guys who will encourage you to start repairing yourself. That's just self-hating bullshit. I will encourage you to embrace who you are, warts and all, because I know that's the true start of personal empowerment, healing and maturity.
And while you may be perfect as you are, you can probably use some improvement. That's true for us all and my inspiration for you is to embrace yourself sufficiently to remove fear of what is and masochism out of life. From there, we can really start co-creating a new and empowered life for you.
My background
- Been running this site since January 2009 and have reached thousands of men the world over
- Facilitated men's groups since 2010
- Involved in Mankind Project and started Scandinavia's first real iGroup in 2011
- Practiced meditation since year 2000
- Had a kundalini awakening in 2006 which has taken me, with time, into tantric realms of sexuality
- Have been deep into Tibetan Buddhism and travelled twice on pilgrimage to India
- Translated David Deida to Norwegian
- Founded Authentic World Norway together with Bryan Bayer
- Organized the first ever retreat in Europe with Authentic World's Decker Cunov
- Expert on KWML archetypes and my article on them is featured in the top 3 list on Google
- Have developed several courses and workshops, which I put on locally in Oslo, Norway. One of these is a weekend workshop on the KWML archetypes.
Prices January 1, 2013
100$ per session, to be paid in advance via Paypal. (But for a limited time, you can get a coaching lesson for $50).
If you want to work with me, send me a message on the contact page.
Testimonials
The first that comes to my mind is;
Fun, exciting and refreshing.
The feeling of brotherhood (and not therapist/client relationship) and equal respect is always present, no matter how nervous, low or disconnected I feel. This is a beautiful thing to experience, since Ive personaly have not had much experience with this kind of relationship earlier. Neither with friends nor therapists. And this experience of brotherhood alone has been a very healing experience in many different areas in my life.
Eivind has a way of reaching out and giving a hand no matter where I am at, feeling that he truly shares excitement and honours every step of my journey into the discoveries of my world, be it the beautifull or the ugly, everything is appreciated and honoured. This is and awesome space to be in!
My biggest appreciation to Eivind is about the discoveries I made, because It could have taken me years of more hard work with something that never worked anyways. Ive been trying to solve my problems with the stick instead of the carrot all these years. And this has haulted my self-development, and causing a mess in numeourus areas of my life.
Thank you for helping me to discover how much i missed the ability to say “FUCK OFF” when it is appropiate, and staying with me while I establish the refreshing vision of wanting to take the world by the balls.
– Benjamin
“Eivind sees me like noone ever has. He's genuinely interested in helping me and what he's offering is something I've never experienced elsewhere. I'm confident in recommending him to others who struggle with fitting into contemporary society. Eivind will listen to you and respond to you as a fully embodied human being, not as a statistic on a form."
– Luis
Order your free 30-minute coaching call now, before the offer is gone forever (valid for 48 hours only)!
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a:11:{s:10:"aria-label";s:0:"";s:4:"type";s:4:"text";s:12:"instructions";s:40:"Use the YouTube id (just the key itself)";s:8:"required";i:0;s:17:"conditional_logic";i:0;s:7:"wrapper";a:3:{s:5:"width";s:0:"";s:5:"class";s:0:"";s:2:"id";s:0:"";}s:13:"default_value";s:0:"";s:9:"maxlength";i:11;s:11:"placeholder";s:0:"";s:7:"prepend";s:0:"";s:6:"append";s:0:"";}— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()Quintus: "People should know when they're beaten!" Maximus: "Would you, Quintus? Would I?"
— , Irregular updates ()Hey Guys,
This weekend, I started setting up a new section of the site. I called it Become a man!. I wondered to myself if the name was cheesy or inspiring. What do you think?
Anyway, on this part of the site, I intend to bring you information about great products that you can buy online to kickstart your work towards a mature manhood. Trust me when I say I've been through a fair share of these already, including pretty much everything that the Authentic Man Program have to offer.
Speaking of which, they're doing a hardcore integrity immersion experience now called "The List". I have signed up for it. So has my buddy Peter (the dude who wrote the article about Gnosticism). Wanna join me?
And if you know of any other great programs to feature on the Become a man! section, please don't hesitate to tell me.
Cheers!
— , Irregular updates ()The core of man's spirit comes from new experiences.
— , Irregular updates ()This dude is a serious inspiration. He reminds me of some amazing kids I met in india.
So what's your excuse?
I realized something today: The deeper I touch down in my own mature masculinity, the more awestruck and mystified I am by the Feminine. I have moved from thinking I could figure women out to realizing I don't want to. In all their infinite complexity, chaos and delight, I'd rather just enjoy the mystery they represent. I found this quite liberating.— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()There's not enough of me to go around. That's the feeling I've been having lately. I'm involved in many activities and they're all rewarding. And as long as I work a normal job four days a week, time is limited.
The big thing for me this fall has been my involvement with Authentic World. Bryan Bayer visited Oslo at the beginning of October to attend the Morten Hake Summit. The following Monday, Bryan and I put on event together following their Authentic Games Night formula which took off. A third of that group signed up to Authentic World courses on the spot and pretty much everyone there seemed to love what was going on. The room was on fire.
In the wake of that, Bryan and I realized there is so much interest here that we should start up some sort of activities. And all of a sudden I was the head of Authentic World Norway. So that's taking time - particularly facilitating the currently ongoing Authentic Community Leadership course. We're a group of more than a dozen Norwegians who meet up every Sunday to learn how to facilitate and inspire authenticity in our respective communities. It is very rewarding work.
Just this last Wednesday, we had our first trial run of an all-Norwegian Authentic Games Night. Everyone seemed to love it and we're all hungry for more. I was facilitating with my buddy Pål Christian Buntz, who I will be working more with in the time to come. We're a good team.
All of this means that I haven't had as much time as I'd like to work on Masculinity-Movies. No time at all to be honest. But for me personally, it's all part of the same "energy". But I don't think that's necessarily the case with you readers.
Let me tell you that I was incredibly inspired to hear a man tell me the other day that reading my reviews had served as some sort of defining moment on his own personal journey. That reminded me of why I'm doing this. And I'm still committed.
In 2012, I will take more of my work into the world in the form of talks, workshops and media presence. In May, I will be speaking at a conference in Frankfurt (Men and the Future: Sex, Authenticity And Power). Maybe all these activities will mean that I can start making a living from this at long last. Too early to tell, but it feels good.
I'll be with you with more material soon. I've been happy to see that the site has lived on just fine without my ongoing contributions to it. That makes me inspire to think what may happen if I start working hard on it again.
Have a great weekend!
— , Irregular updates ()Eivind is a 35-year-old man from Norway. He is an award-winning webdesigner, workshop facilitator and guide for many younger men. He is also an authority on Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette's system of archetypes King, Warrior, Magician, Lover.
Eivind founded Authentic Norway, a branch of US-based Authentic World in 2011. Through AW, he and his team offer fun and edgy communications training to the locals of Oslo, Norway and challenges them to drop their masks and get real with one another.
He has been on an intense quest to find his own power, freedom and embodiment in life since his early 20s, when he was overwhelmed by the challenges of life. Unmentored and afraid, he set off into the world of spirituality, emerging from that spiritual bypass at 28 years old. Life and women were calling more strongly than the now-faded promise of enlightenment.
Eivind founded masculinity-movies.com at the start of 2009. It started with basis in a conceptual understanding of the challenges of embodying a new type of masculinity in the world, inspired by luminaries such as David Deida and Ken Wilber. He was also deeply inspired by his desire to show up fully in his relationship with his then-girlfriend.
It's only in the last year, however, that he has truly tasted, and only at times, what this new form of masculinity might look like.
After taking a break from Masculinity-Movies.com for about a year (in order to embody the message more fully), Eivind is now recommitting to spreading the word about this new type of masculinity - both heart and spine. And the lens of movies remains his favorite way of broaching the subject. (Aug 2013)
My background
- Went through a crisis in my early 20s, where I feared I was going insane
- Went into spiritual practice to address the enormous fear I had of becoming a psychotic murderer
- Discovered many years later I was heavily into spiritual bypassing and started my true path of alchemy and descent
- Have transmuted my wounds from my early 20s (which were around repressed power and sexuality) into my gifts to the world
- Been running this site since January 2009 and have reached thousands of men the world over
- Facilitated men's groups since 2010
- Involved in Mankind Project and started Scandinavia's first real iGroup in 2011
- Practiced meditation since year 2000
- Had a kundalini awakening in 2006 which has taken me, with time, into tantric realms of sexuality
- Have been deep into Tibetan Buddhism and travelled twice on pilgrimage to India
- Translated David Deida to Norwegian
- Founded Authentic Norway together with Bryan Bayer
- Organized the first ever retreat in Europe with Authentic World's Decker Cunov
- Internationally recognized expert on KWML archetypes and my article on them is featured in the top 3 list on Google
- Have developed several courses and workshops, which I put on locally in Oslo, Norway. One of these is a weekend workshop on the KWML archetypes.
- Leadership training with Celebration of Being
- Certified Circling-facilitator with Authentic World in Boulder, Colorado.
- Intimate with the territory of darkness, depression and insanity and will put my life on the line to defend the notion that they’re the gateways to your deepest gifts to the world
Links
— Quintus & Maximus, Gladiator (2000)Quintus: "People should know when they're beaten!" Maximus: "Would you, Quintus? Would I?"
[caption id="attachment_1539" align="alignright" width="268" caption="The evening's selected movie"][/caption]— , Irregular updates ()Masculinity Movies LIVE #5 has come and gone. It was a great evening with several new faces. Unfortunately, the event crashed with two other events which drew participants who would normally attend MM LIVE. Still, we were a nice, dynamic group of seven and had a thoroughly good time.
"I love you, man" is a movie which has not yet been reviewed on the site. It's a comedy about Peter Klaven, a man who is to marry his beloved, but who has no close male friends to stand as his best man. He has spent most his life focusing on his relationships and all male friendships have been neglected. Peter is a thoroughly nice, soft and gentle guy - a man very much out of touch with the Red inside himself (the primal masculine force).
Then Sydney enters his life and all of a sudden he has a friend – and a friend who is much more in tune with his animal masculinity than Peter himself. The movie is about their friendship, their differences and qualities that they inspire in each other and is an enjoyable ride full of poignant insights into the modern male.
After the movie, we explored some questions in dyads (groups of two men). They were "Do you spend more time with men or women? Why?". We also explored "What do you most long for in friendships with men – being challenged or accepted as you are?" as well as "does homophobia ever limit the depth of your male friendships?".
All but one man longed first and foremost for being accepted for who they were. But this is not a binary equation of course so we completed the evening with an exercise in which we combined these two qualities - challenge and acceptance. The man stood facing each other and were told to fully accept the other and to challenge him when his consciousness was slipping, by being physical with him if necessary.
This exercise completely opened the room and the men started connecting at a deeper level. Men being physical with each other always leads to more juice and consciousness. This exercise is also a nice exploration of the dynamic relationship between the Lover and the Warrior archetype, which is also central in the movie. I spoke about the importance of having a strong internal Warrior to guard the vulnerable Lover within (and could have added that we need a Lover to keep the Warrior from sadism). I suggested that unless we are able to fully accept someone, we are not able to fully challenge him – and vice versa.
I have explored these archetypes and their inter-being on the dance floor doing five rhythms lately and have learned a lot from that. For me, that was a big takeaway – introducing the same energy into the group and feeling the valves open.
All in all, it was a great night, one which made me realize that I want to tie these evenings more closely to the KWML archetype model.
— , Irregular updates ()Blood Diamond is an interesting and inspiring to me, less so because of the very real struggles around the sales of illegal diamonds, and much more so because it embodies to me what this website is talking about... masculinity.
Leonardo DiCaprio plays a white African called "Danny Archer" and in my opinion has a very real and deep sense of himself as a self-assured man.
Danny Archer is a self-made man and diamond smuggler. While little is given of his past, it is mentioned that he had a rough one... seeing his mother raped and murdered as a child and his father hanged. He also served time in the military and is very skilled on the land as a tracker, fighter, shooter and generally solid survival skills and connections.
He seems to hold no illusions that he is doing something grand, he simply wants out and away from all the violence and bullshit and conflict that he has experienced all his life and is waiting for his big score that can get him out of Africa.... which is where the story starts as he hears of such a diamond found by a black slave laborer and goes to any means to get that diamond.
What really gets me about this movie is DiCaprio's character is so damn cool. He absolutely and resolutely stands up for what he believes in regardless of those around him and at the same time as the movie progresses is able to open his heart and allow his beliefs to expand and grow without compromising his sense of self or purpose.
Many scenes stand out for me, one in particular is when Danny is in a bar and sees an attractive woman sitting there. He proceeds to talk to her and as she starts to ask him questions it dawns on him that she is a reporter.
He asks her "so you are a journalist?" to which she affirms and immediately Danny returns with "piss of huh" regardless of being very obviously attracted to her and walks off.
She follows him out asking for help in exposing the blood diamond trade asking if he can help her "off the record" to which he replies "well off the record I like to get kissed before I get fucked" and departs.
The movie follows a blossoming romance between these two characters as Danny seems to be inspired by her resolution and dedication to really making a difference while Maddy (the woman journalist) seems to be increasingly impressed by his determination and unwavering commitment to what is right, for him, and watching as he seems to evolve and begin to question his own beliefs and embrace the idea that it is possible to make a difference.
Right towards the end of the movie, before the wrap up, there is a final interplay between these two characters which shows, to me, right up until the end Danny is a hardcore man and will keep her safe even with his last breath.... and I'm not gonna talk too much about this last scene.
Danny Archer's character is one of my favorite characters I have watched in any movie and I cannot write enough words to explain how I feel when watching this movie.
I highly recommend this movie if only as a man to watch this kick-ass embodiment of masculinity.
Enjoy!
Not the archers. My scouts tell me their archers are miles away and no threat to us. Arrows cost money. Use up the Irish. The dead cost nothing.— King Longshank (tyrant), Braveheart (1995)
I wish to dedicate more of my life to working on Masculinity Movies and men's issues. More and more, it feels like I was born to do— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()Last Friday turned out to be a great evening for those of us who participated in the Masculinity Movies LIVE event. Read more about the fourth MM LIVE evening.
Thanks for coming guys. It is always an honor.
— , Irregular updates ()I always liked to climb as a child. I don't know why. Ask the psychiatrists. Maybe they would tell you it was to escape, to feel free. I don't know. All I know is no-one could keep me from climbing. Not the police, not my parents. Noone.
When Philippe first heard about the construction of the Twin Towers as a seventeen-year old, he made line-walking between them his life's purpose. From that day onwards, the film shows us, he moved with single-pointed determination towards this exhilirating and completely lethal display of creative madness.
The story is told through a series of interviews with his friends and "accomplices", archival footage and dramatization of the events that transpired. Philippe and his team recount the day he walked between the two towers of the Notre Dame, as priests were kneeling before God in the hallowed building beneath him.
He walked across the two towers of the bridge in Sydney harbour, as crowds of stunned aussies were gathering beneath him. These death-defying - and highly illegal - events were merely preparations for the mother of all line-walking stunts, signposts on the way to New York. It was an all-consuming passion for him and the gravity of his focus and inspired madness were what drew the team-members to him. Plans were made, strategies of infiltrating the towers meticulously planned. Then, 1974 arrives.
Anticipation builds
The World Trade Center is complete, a bauta of masculine achievement in the middle of Manhattan. The anticipation in the inner circle around Philippe is palpable as the achievement of his goal - or the unthinkable plummet to his death - draws closer. The illegality of the coup-like event, infiltrating the WTC under the guise of crafts- and businessmen, has Philippe very excited. "There always was a bad-boy side to Philippe", his then-girlfriend Annie reminisces. He liked to break the rules. The mischievous glint in his eye confirms her words.
But there's another and much more important thing that stands out about him; Philippe is an incredibly playful and passionate man. He does not seem bound by the fetters of society, of the boundary conditions established by the many as to what is acceptable behaviour.
He seems to be himself fully. And it is this quality of being ourselves that releases the energy contained by a life of sleepwalking. We experience an influx of energy, a zest for life long forgotten, trapped as we were in the cynicism and pointlessness of a well-adjusted life. But Philippe, it is clear, is not too hot on conformity.
The gravity of Philippe's life purpose is so strong that Annie, his girlfriend to be, is sucked into its vortex. "From the day we got together", she tells us, "I disappeared. From then on, it was all about fulfilling his destiny". Strangely, she seems only half-sad about that. We would do well to remember that a man who is on track with his life, and who knows what he wants, is incredibly sexy to a woman. Today, in our culture, knowing what you want and going for it is not exactly encouraged, unless it's firmly within the confines of conformity.
The social order requires of us extreme care so as not to cast light on other people's mediocrity. We must avoid authenticity at all cost, as denying our true selves is the cornerstone of capitalism, a system in which meaning in life is bought and not sought. In other words, an authentic life is a threat to the foundation of our civilization. Philippe is a rebel. And he may be about to die.
Walking the line
It is early morning, there is a slight breeze up in the clouds, and "death is very near". Philippe takes one step out, then two. The void opens hungrily beneath him. Death is all around; he doesn't know his wire - he has never felt it before. And his unfamiliarity with it makes his face tense. He is going to die.
Then, friend Jean Lois remembers, his face changes, - a smile grows in his face - and Jean Lois knows he will be alright. He knows his friend well; at the very same moment, a sigh of relief escapes Philippe. The wire is on his side. Now, his gleeful 50-something voice exclaims, "It'z time to perform"!
He spent 45 minutes dancing back and forth on that metal wire, as his friends - by their own account - felt themselves enter a state of pure, exalted bliss. In their faces, recorded over thirty years after the actual event, I see the lingering glow of those touched by grace. Tears flow down their faces. It's as if their eyes glow with the simmer of the sacred. This segment is very moving.
Such purity of expression and emotion are a rare find; this is what happens to those who witness the masculine face death, and emerge victorious. It brings us face to face with some deep intangible feeling in ourselves, and calls us to another plane of being. We are literally, energetically, pulled up above. Philippe may have been self-involved, but this was as a beautiful gift.
Transcending why
"Why did you do it", the American journalists ask Philippe as two stunned police officers bring him down from the roof. "There is no why," he replies with a thick French accent. "That iz the beauty of it!" Philippe appears to have transcended the reason for "why". The rational mind would never walk across that wire. It is too preoccupied with self-preservation. It asks "why" mainly to perpetuate itself.
This can be a good thing, but as Philippe points out, those rare moments of purity in which our rational minds just stop, and thoughts of why, how, when and where subside - those are the moments that present us with the truest source of beauty. If we go through life only doing things because we think they will benefit us, we may fail to see the beauty that surrounds us where we are. We may fail to find the joy in doing something just because we want to, fail to realize that where we are is already quite awesome. We may, in short, forget to live.
Treat every day, every challenge as a work of art
Philippe's life changed after that day. He became a different man. His life's purpose had been fulfilled, and now he needed to move on to other pursuits. What those were, the film doesn't tell. But the art that is his life seems to still be a work in progress:
To me, it's really so simple, that life should be lived on the edge. You have to exercise rebellion. To refuse to tape yourself to the rules, to refuse your own failure, to refuse to repeat yourself, to see every day, every year, every idea as a true challenge. Then you will live your life on the tightrope.
What does it mean to "treat every day, every idea as a true challenge"? Could it mean to honor the creativity of our minds, to take every expression that emerges out of the subconsious seriously? We spend a ridiculous amount of time thinking about what could have been or what may be. We waste a lot of mental energy habitually drifting to the past and the future.
No surprise we get depressed, lost, and afraid. Listen, take that idea and run with it. Make love with it. Treat it with the respect it deseves. Treat yourself with the respect you deserve. Make it happen! Don't wait any longer. Because death is all around. And when we plummet into the abyss for the last time, our only companion will be our regrets.
Take a chance.
Right guys, we're in this to grow, right? If you're feeling a little flat, if your relationships aren't working out or you're having money problems, chances are you're suppressing some part of yourself (I do this big time). The information products below are hand picked by me to help you get out of your rut and meet tomorrow with your head held high and a fire in the belly. I vouch for the quality of this material with my reputation. It is incredible stuff. By buying any of these products, you will be supporting my work – I'm an affiliate for them.— , Irregular updates ()
— Ron Franz, Into the Wild (2007)When you forgive, you love. And when you love, God's light shines on you.
— , Irregular updates ()Often men in movies are portrayed as somewhat incomplete characters - the fumbling dad in the family comedy, the hard-ass action hero, the angst-ridden sensitive New Age 'guy' and so on. What chance does a teenager boy, moving into manhood, have of becoming a Jason Statham-type? (Not that I think it is even desirable)
What 'Secondhand Lions' shows is how men are complex characters, battling their own demons, protecting those in their care - albeit somewhat reluctantly at first - while hanging on to what is worthwhile to pass on to the next generation.
The story centres on Walter, of 'coming -of-age' -age, and how he settles into an initially uneasy but ultimately warm and inspiring relationship with his two elderly uncles. These two men have a lived a full life, and their history has profoundly shaped who they are.
Living with the his uncles and hearing about of the adventures of their youth Walter learns about strength and sensitivity, the dichotomy and the tension of what mature manhood is. This duality can be in fact so difficult to live with that it could be argued that Hub and Garth, the uncles, each show a predominant aspect of the balancing act.
'Secondhand Lions' provides an entertaining (it is a family favourite) yet a thought-provoking and a challenging story of manhood - one life ready to start on the journey, and two lives, having a full life behind them, still looking forward to the next stage.
Five stars out of five.
— , Irregular updates ()Past Traumas
Teddy Daniels - the US Marshall - is a troubled man who has returned from WWII having seen the horrors of the holocaust in the Nazi death camps. Pierre Janet (30 May 1859 – 24 February 1947) IMHO the true father of psychotherapy coined the words ‘dissociation’ and ‘subconscious’. He stated that traumatic memories were stored differently in the brain to normal memories and this is now been proven with modern scanning techniques.
Essentially traumatic memories are relived rather than re-experienced. He was one of the first people to draw a connection between events in the subject's past life and his or her present day trauma. This is what we see Teddy experiencing in the movie. His past memories invade his present reality and impair his judgement and functioning. As men we need to 'swallow our shadows' - this means we acknowledge that there are unknown things in our subconscious, dissociated from our everyday mind that we need to bring into the light so they can be examined and eventually challenged.
Otherwise like Teddy in the movie every German is a Nazi... so when the German psychiatrist tells him that in Greek the word 'trauma' means 'wound' and then tells him "when you see a monster you must stop it"; instead of stopping the monster within his own mind he projects that monster onto the doctor and injects him; sedating him. How often do we numb ourselves against the truth of our own monsters?
Who to Believe?! Stay in Ward C or go to the Lighthouse?
Teddy is an investigator - a US Marshall - and he is trying to gather the facts that he needs and then stitch them together into a meaningful narrative. This is what our mind does every day we take the raw data of our own experiences and build a narrative connecting our past-present-future. Yet his own thoughts are generating stories that confuse him as he seeks a solution to his investigation.
Even when the prisoner - who holds an archetypal hermit energy - confronts him with the truth in Ward C saying, "All of this is for you. You're a rat in a maze!" Terry is unable to accept it. The hallucination of his late wife warns him that going into the lighthouse will be 'the end' of him. Unless we are examining our lives and consider that some unpalatable things may be true then we will remain in denial and the things we need to examine and confront remain in shadow. Just like the darkness of Ward C in the film: a place of lies, suffering and pain.
"Who is 67?"
As Teddy investigates the missing female prisoner/patient he examines her cell & finds a scrap of paper with a few lines, one of which asks, "who is 67?" This represents the question we must all ask - who am I? - and we are invited to ask this in a place of wisdom too. Wisdom is often represented as the feminine in myths and it is feminine characters that speak the truth to the US-Marshall throughout, but although he hears them he does not listen to what they are telling him. Who patient 67 is; is the most important question in the entire movie.
- SPOILER WARNING - The Twist
His own thoughts tell him the truth is a lie - black is white - we see at the end of the movie that like Terry has chosen a lie rather than live with the truth that his wife killed their children and he then killed her. In the original myth of the Handless Maiden the wounded feminine is offered a silver-handed solution to her woundedness, by her lover the King. Her silver-hands adorn her stumps. They are wonderful to look at but they are not fit for purpose. Her healing only comes through fully feeling her feelings; only then is her flesh restored.
The US-Marshall's 'silver-handed solution' is to generate a delusional system. He didn't kill his wife, she didn't kill their children - he is still a US Marshall who has discovered a conspiracy on Shutter Island. When confronted by the photos of his dead children he gains insight and accepts the truth in the lighthouse - the terrible truth of what he has done and we hope he will be able to confront this truth and heal... BUT... we next see him outside sitting on the stone steps of the hospital.
Will he ascend and do his work? No, he allows himself to slip back into his silver-handed delusion and descends the steps to be lobotomised. Before he is led off he reflects, "What would be worse, to live as a monster or to die as a good man?" The sad thing is that he may have done a monstrous thing but redemption comes not through denial but by acceptance of the truth.
a:11:{s:10:"aria-label";s:0:"";s:4:"type";s:4:"text";s:12:"instructions";s:0:"";s:8:"required";i:0;s:17:"conditional_logic";i:0;s:7:"wrapper";a:3:{s:5:"width";s:0:"";s:5:"class";s:0:"";s:2:"id";s:0:"";}s:13:"default_value";s:0:"";s:9:"maxlength";s:0:"";s:11:"placeholder";s:0:"";s:7:"prepend";s:0:"";s:6:"append";s:0:"";}— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()About a week prior to the Oslo terror on July 22, I was in a part of town I rarely visit. I was en-route to an exciting adventure at IKEA and was waiting for the bus that would complete my journey. As I was scanning the features of the recently erected mosque there, I noticed two young ethnic Norwegians walking towards me. They didn’t look particularly tough. Though they spoke “tough”. One of them was clearly afraid. I saw it in his eyes; they were wide with terror.
Two Norwegian kids in “Pakistan city”
"Did you see how he was looking at me?," he told his small, plump friend. "I should never have come here. This is fucking Pakistan city!" His buddy proceeded to play cool and told him, as if aping a gangster, "Don't worry, I have connections here. I know so and so and they're really bad ass."
It was a strange situation for me, because I didn't feel even mild anxiety there. And there was something so sad and painful to me about listening to these two young men. They were right there beside me, but we were worlds apart.
I noticed, as they kept talking, that I felt compelled to inject myself into their world. I felt an urge to offer them some reprieve from their angst, to pass on some of the freedom that I know and give them a positive seed for the future. But I couldn’t find the right words.
I judge that in order to influence someone’s take on reality, we must first embrace and validate their existing one. I believe we can’t transform others from a starting point of completely rejecting their worldview. It just doesn’t work. But I didn’t quite know how to embrace their worldview and still maintain integrity with my own. To be honest, I still don’t. And to complicate matters further – I wasn’t even certain that what they were saying was nonsense. Maybe they had been in danger. Maybe a scared sixteen-year-old young Norwegian kid in “Pakistan city” stands out like a lighthouse. Truth is – I don’t know. The world they inhabit lies in mist beyond my own veil of ignorance and confusion.
In the end, we exchanged brief words, but I didn’t feel I left them with anything significant.
Those two boys unwittingly left their mark on me, for I felt with them a yearning to show up as a mentor, but I didn’t know how. In a way, that pain served as a turning point for me.
Hussein, the Iraqi Taxi Driver
Around the same time as my experiences in “Pakistan City”, I found myself in conversation with a young Iraqi taxi driver. I was late for my plane to Edinburgh, where I was to attend my Primary Integration Training with the Mankind Project and Hussein got me there in time.
I talk to people and so I hear stories. Hussein’s was about racism. He told me he would be exposed to racism on average 4-5 times a day. The day previously, a normal looking, polite Norwegian man my age had been in his back seat. Hussein told me he had suddenly asked him “When are you going back home?”. Hussein had started talking about saving up for going on holiday and how it was hard. Then the young Norwegian man replied “No, I mean – for good. I’ll help you get out of the country. Because you need to know that there will come a day not long from now when people like you will be shot down in the streets.” From the way Hussein told the story, it sounded like this young Norwegian man kind of liked the idea.
I was pretty shocked. I thought of the complete lack of empathy in this young passenger and as I see him before my mind’s eye telling tales of a future where immigrants are gunned down in the streets, I feel anger rise in my belly.
Hussein was a nice guy, but I didn’t like what he had told me.
Terror hits Oslo
As Hussein and the two boys in Pakistan city were on my mind, terror hit: A cynical and wildly disturbed Norwegian man attacked the headquarters of our government as he felt they had failed the nation by embracing multiculturalism. He did so with a massive car bomb that could be felt and heard miles outside of the city center. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he then proceeded to kill sixty-nine people in the spring of their lives on an idyllic island an hour’s drive from of Oslo. Visions of the island nightmare endured by those young kids will be forever etched into our nation’s collective memory.
We all thought Muslims had done it of course. But the terrorist was Norwegian, white, 32 and quite normal looking. That fact changed us.
While I haven’t studied it closely, I can say that the terrorist’s personality profile is unsurprising reading (at least to me). He was for practical purposes fatherless, insecure and carried enormous hatred behind his facade of well-adjusted politeness. Alone with himself, he became increasingly convinced that he had been given an almost messianic mission and that it was his burden to carry it out, even though he recognized it as gruesome. He was a failure in worldly terms and had to compensate in the realm of fantasy; one of his current demands is that in order to reveal all details in interviews with the police, he must first be made the ruler of Norway.
I have thought much about this man, henceforth referred to as “the terrorist”. My interest in him is partly personal. As I have shared elsewhere, when I was in my early 20s, I started slipping into an inner landscape that felt increasingly twisted. This happened while I was polite and well-adjusted on the outside. Many years later, I eventually understood that this was a symptom of an enormous repression of my inner primal masculine and all the wildness and sexuality that comes with it. Today, I treasure that period in my life as the seed to my current spiritual and psychological insights, but I remember I feared then that I would one day end up killing someone – such was the power of these repressed inner energies.
As I now think of psychotic mass murderers, school massacre perpetrators, and terrorists – especially the Western breed – I see that they tend to be the quiet ones. Their acts are generally met with surprise by those who know them, for they never let people in on their inner psychological world. That may be wise in a way, because they are unlikely to have anyone in their lives who will be able to listen and embrace what they have to share.
The terrible paradox is that these young men are generally the most spiritually attuned and sensitive among us1, but since no elder wise man is around to embrace them, recognize their gifts and show them the way through their transition, they are left alone with their over-stimulated, festering inner worlds. As a consequence, instead of seeing themselves as worthy, strong, beautiful men, they likely fear themselves and question their right to life. I observe them and suspect that most of them have strong masochistic tendencies.
Yet masochists, through the archetypal dynamics inherent in the human psyche, turn sadists in the end (exactly the impulse I feared in myself). It starts out innocent enough, perhaps as dreams of people, creatures, places or situations that symbolize suppressed inner energies. Thoughts and fantasies may start appearing in their waking world, of murder perhaps – or of brutal sexual acts. Eventually, these thoughts may start to intermingle with those we associate with normal day to day functioning and become more and more indistinguishable from gross reality.
And then suddenly one day, perhaps in the blink of an eye – or perhaps as a long and gradual buildup – this deep, primal psychic material – twisted out of shape – comes shooting like a tsunami through our repression barrier. Its energies overcome the ramparts of the ego structure, much like flood water conquers a dam, and then comes thundering down the riverbed of everyday life.
If the collapse of the repression barrier comes suddenly, the man may come to his senses with a smoking gun in his hand. He may then plead temporary insanity. In reality, it would be more precise to say that he was hijacked by the force of his own suppressed psychic material. And since few will tell him to now embrace the psychic material that turned him “mad” to begin with (e.g. his feelings of vulnerability, anger and fear), his madness will likely escalate with time. I believe only grace, enormous suffering, or the intervention of a powerful elder (like the monk that beats his murderous disciple in Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter… and Spring) would change this man’s trajectory through life.
If the collapse of the repression barrier happens over time, like a trickle of water that arrives in darkness until it one day comes seeping through the floorbords, the man might gradually cease to function like a normal human being and become instead victim of a more consistently evil archetypal shadow system. With buildup over time, I believe a man becomes able to sustain his delusions and stabilize them as everyday “reality”. Sudden experiences of “losing it” are not part of these men’s psychological profile; they are consistent in their psychopathy.
In such a way, a man with a poor self-image gradually designs a fantasy world in which his alter ego can rule supreme. He will project his inner weakness onto others and may start to see himself as superhuman. He will then despise the weakness he sees in others (which is largely his own) and may grow to consider huge parts of the population as unfit for life. He may then pursue his vision, which may involve ridding the earth of an entire ethnic, religious or ideologic group, essentially in order to create a world that doesn’t feel threatening for the kid in him that he has denied and stowed away in a dark inner dungeon.
With fear as his motivation and empathy locked down in the same dark dungeon as that wounded child, the man will chase, when threatened, his own projections unrelentingly – to the point, perhaps, of laying waste to dozens, or millions, of human lives in a calculated and organized fashion. It is a terrible and tragic irony that a man’s view of himself as superhuman comes as a hard counter to a profound sense of inferiority. The terrorist and Hitler are similar in this regard. Consumed by archetypal shadow, their sole purpose remains to attack those that remind them of the fact that they are really but wounded children.
When we come to grasp the dynamics of the human mind and soul in such a way, the Oslo terror becomes, if possible, an even greater tragedy. For we may then see the outline of something so soft and vulnerable in us all that we spend vast energy suppressing. As our eyes adjust to the dark, we may be reminded of the words Jesus spoke so long ago: “You must become like little children to enter the kingdom of Heaven”. To become like little children is, in my judgment, to embrace that inner vulnerability and all the playfulness and wonder that are its siblings. And our refusal to do so is what keeps the gates of Heaven locked.
The most important difference between us and the terrorist is that he takes the suppression of what is most beautiful in himself (a part which is always inextricably linked to his wounds) further than we do. That, I judge, became his personal hell. And when we realize that this terror would likely not have happened if the terrorist was honest enough to admit “I feel afraid”, it should break our hearts.
Norway lost 77 lives that day, most of them youths. For the bereft, only tears and memories remain.
…and then The London Riots came
When I heard news that people were looting and immolating buildings on the streets of London, I suspected right away that the majority of the rioters were young men. Now it turns out that a lot of young women were involved too, but locals I’ve spoken to have gone some way in confirming my initial suspicions.
To improve our understanding of what happened in London – and to find a way to connect the dots between these events I have described – it’s essential that we now examine a much maligned part of men: his inherent primal masculine.
There is a wildness that exists in all men. It’s the wildness of Iron John and for the ones who don’t understand men, it may seem as a chaotic and violent energy. But the true Wild Man puts a man in touch with his emotions and makes him a courageous and powerful force of good in the world. He may not be a politically correct force of good, but a force of good nevertheless.
Every good woman looking for a man and every young man looking for a mentor secretly yearns for this Wild Man quality. Some young men may find it in a martial arts sensei or an unusually powerful teacher or youth club leader. I judge that the truest parts of us always appreciate the Wild Man quality, for it represents a man’s heart and soul – and we intuit that such things are important. Indeed, for those of us who have successfully evaded society’s attempts at brainwashing us with its anti-male propaganda, this force is extremely benevolent.
Yet the Wild Man is feared by liberals and conservatives alike. In the postmodern world, this ancient energy is under attack by naive socialogists who think, entranced by nonsense PC ideals, that people are born as blank slates. If you then think that all the ills of the world are caused by men, and that this wildness seems a lot like the destructive force you are trying to combat, the path to thinking that you can remove the wildness from a man by changing his social conditioning is short. What these confused ideologues then do is treat a boy as a broken girl and suppress a big part of him, force-feeding him the idea that if he were more like a girl, things would be better2. It is likely that the boys affected will harbor anger and bitterness towards the world as a result. They have after all been under attack by the very people whose job it is to protect and teach them. This anger will often be hidden behind a veneer of nice (passive aggression) and will sometimes be expressed as rebellion.
The institutionalized war against boys I just described cannot, despite the wishes of those who have made it their jobs to hurt men, alter the fabric of reality. And reality is that for a boy to grow up to be a loving and responsible man there is nothing more important to him than to feel authentically powerful. The man who feels weak, as it so happens, is out of touch with his true heart and soul. He becomes a talking head who enjoys intellectual masturbation as well as the occassional ejaculation. But authentic feelings of love and empathy are hard for him to access. Some end up as raging and rebellious, which would aptly describe the London rioters. Some end up as emotionally numb, yet seemingly well-adjusted narcissists, which seems to aptly describe the Oslo terrorist – and a frightening amount of politcians and CEO hotshots. And yet some end up as chronically nice and sensitive, trying to live the life of a man on the terms of a woman.
Although it doesn’t excuse their behaviour, these rioters clearly have not been shown their power and their beauty by an elder. And when the authentic, benevolent force of the inner Wild Man has not found a healthy expression in a man’s psyche, it comes out sideways, as truly destructive behaviour. Modern politicians, sociologists, feminists and gender “experts” are doing their best to take a man’s power away from him, but only a man who doesn’t feel authentically powerful is a threat to society.
The promise of initiation
The promise of initiation and authentic ritual process is that they connect a man to his inner Wild Man energy. Thus a man learns, metaphorically speaking, how to wield a sword and dance at the same time. He also finds his rightful place under the stars, among the trees and the animals. But after the onset of the industrial revolution, we don’t teach that anymore. With machines now running our lives, we seem so hypnotized by the distractions of "civilization" that we have completely lost touch with the soulful nature-energy required for sword-wielding dances. That energy predates machines. And it will outlive machines. For it is like a slow, eternal, cosmic hum at the source of the world – and its promise is to return us to right relationship with creation itself. Deep down, every man’s soul knows this and it is this knowing combined with the facts of modern life that trigger our modern epidemic of depression.
There are no excuses for killing 77 people to avoid facing yourself or for burning buildings for shits and giggles and plasma televisions. And yet, there is something to be learned from this: A society that doesn’t take the challenge of its young men seriously is walking a precarious path towards its own destruction. And if the way men and boys are falling behind in society in virtually every measurable way is any indication, we have a rocky path ahead.
Here in Norway, the wave of love that washed over us after the July atrocities has been amazing. It has touched me in ways I didn't expect and I have been proud of the people I'm a member of. Yet one fact remains – the best defense in the public eye to prevent this from happening again is more tolerance and more multiculturalism. That surely sounds nice, but I don’t agree that it will make us safe from harm. For that to happen, I judge we must look for ways to accept responsibility for what happened3 and from that place of maturity start mentoring and initiating our boys so they become beautiful, powerful men.
It would do us well to honor the enormous psychological turmoil inherent in the process of becoming a man – and to realize that a society in which men are exposed to concerted efforts to make them doubt their power and beauty is in serious trouble. To stop our young men from feeling and causing terror, new answers must be sought. Now is the time.
1. Robert Moore tells us in his volume on the Magician archetype that old native cultures chose its shamans amongst the young men who displayed the greatest signs of psychological instability. They did that because they knew these men would be the most empowered shamans once aided through their psychological turmoil.
2. This may start in kindergarten where employees may shame the more aggressive play style of boys and instead tell them to be quiet and behave. It continues from there throughout school where an ability to sit still and keep your mouth shut is preferred over active play and self-expression. That has huge consequences for the many boys who are more physical than cerebral. Instead of having their inner gold mined, they are shamed for being full of energy.
3. Accepting responsibility for the Oslo terror would involve accepting that the difference between you and I and the terrorist is way smaller than we’d like to think. It would also involve accepting that we have created a society where a person can be driven to such an extreme. There is a huge shadow side of our so-called civilized and humane society here to be explored. Consider that the less able you are to feel shared humanity with the terrorist, the more likely you are to be in denial of the same primal energies that operate within yourself.
— , Irregular updates ()I just caught Iron Man 2 at the movie theatre. I thought it was entertaining. Not significant enough to write a full piece on, but with some relevant reflections from it fresh in my mind, I figured I'd jot them down.
Tony Stark is clearly a very troubled, albeit charismatic man. He has a very distracted, boyish consciousness, seen in one scene to be totally put off his balance by a rotating windmill-like desk decoration. He is incapable of listening to others with presence and seems unable to feel deeply into them, being so emotionally armored (for which I see his Iron suit as a perfect metaphor).
The reason for this, as is explained pretty well in one scene, is clearly that he did not have a close relationship with has father. He never felt his dad's acceptance or love as a child and now he is compensating. When he hits rock bottom during the movie, the revelation through a video clip that his father loved him more than anything else in the world gives him the strength to move on.
Damned shame the dad didn't just tell him, instead of creating a bloody film roll to be discovered 20 years after his death.
The villain Ivan Vanko's main problem in life is exactly the same - a difficult relationship with his father, whom is seen to die at the beginning of the movie.
Iron Man 2 is hardly a movie about the father son relationship, and yet both the hero and the villain are characters defined by it. I thought that was noteworthy enough to mention before going to bed.
— , Irregular updates ()My preferred way of receiving movie suggestions is to receive them in the "suggest movie" group in The Tribe. It's a better way to communicate about these things – people can contribute their voice to your suggestions etc.
Better yet, write your own user review!
If that is too much of a commitment for you right now, please share below. When writing your suggestion, please offer some additional information about why you want to see the movie featured. Does it mean something to you personally? Is there a story behind your relationship with the movie? If you provide me with a good backplot, it may influence my movie review.
Your suggestion may be featured in the next poll on the front page.
— , Irregular updates ()Ned, idiot or conscious choice?
The story starts off with the main character Ned being suckered in to selling marijuana to a police officer whilst he is still in uniform. Ned is arrested and goes to jail. When he is finally released his life has been turned upside down, his girlfriend has found someone new without telling him and refuses to give Ned back his dog. He has lost his job and his house and with nowhere else to go begins the journey through his family from one sister’s life to another.
As the movie title implies, Ned is an idiot... or at least most people around him think so. When Ned meets his parole officer for the first time the officer speaks very slowly assuming Ned must be a retard to have sold weed to an in uniform police officer.
For me as a viewer watching and gaining slight glimpses deeper into Ned’s character I choose to view him more so as a character that has actually made a conscious choice to live his life a certain way that serves him positively, rather than as an idiot. There is a scene where Ned is talking to another character and he reveals an insight into his deeper thinking.
Ned says “I live my life a certain way, I like to think that if you put your trust out there, if you really give people the benefit of the doubt, see their best intentions they are going to want to live up to it”. He goes on to say that it doesn’t always work out for the best yet he has decided he prefers to live this way. He is as he is despite what society is saying he must be.
In some ways I liken Ned’s character to that of Winnie the Pooh. There is a great book called “The Tao of Pooh” by Benjamin Hoff where Winnie is used as an example of the living Tao in practice.
“While Eeyore frets… and Piglet hesitates… and Rabbit calculates… and Owl pontificates… Pooh just is”.
To me, Ned is similar and there are a set of characteristics that define his character in this manner.
The openness of trusting
As in the quote before, Ned trusts. He trusts everyone and when that trust fails he simply accepts it and carries on. There is a scene that shows this characteristic deeply when Ned is on a train counting some money with everyone looking at him strangely. He spills his coffee and asks the guy next to him to hold on to his money while he cleans it up. Everyone in the train by this point is exchanging glances looking as if they are questioning “who the hell is this guy?”
After cleaning up his coffee spill Ned takes his money back and thanks the guy who held it. I view this trust as an opening, it allows for Ned’s life and experience with others to open in interesting and mostly beautiful ways. He is easy to get along with because he sees the best in everyone.
From trust to appreciation
The AMP holarchy to me is a very powerful tool for viewing masculinity. It follows and includes, by being a holarchy, a progression from Presence into Appreciation into Integrity which ultimately leads into Wholeness and Play.
The story of Ned to me is a powerful example of Appreciation. In AMP speak we may say “being a YES to what is”. Whatever unfolds in Ned’s life, whether it is a positive experience or a negative one, to me he seems to be a yes to it every time.
He is naturally curious about others, a trait of appreciation, and is willing to go with the flow of life wherever it may take him. This deep sense of appreciation leaves those around him with the impression of a seemingly simple or naive individual yet there are scenes that show, to me, that in actual fact Ned is simple, yes… simply enjoying life.
It seems that through the eyes of Ned life is a lovely, soft and interesting thing to engage and smile with. His attitude shows up with his interactions with others, in particular a character called Tatiana which to me is the most radiant woman of the movie, and the way others generally respond to him in a positive light… and if they don’t, well Ned shrugs it off and continues smiling.
Honesty
Ned is honest, directly and straight forwardly honest. It is this particular characteristic that makes the movie, which enables him to shake up the lives of his sisters, and unfortunately get himself arrested… the second time.
Ned’s honesty is an admirable feature in a world where honesty is not always a given. As mentioned above he speaks his mind and he trusts that others will do what is right with his own honesty. Generally he is a happy-go-lucky kind of guy so there isn’t too much in the way of ‘brutal honesty’ however it does cause some discomfort in those around him.
There is a really lovely scene where Ned somehow winds up in a threesome with a couple and then… well I’ll leave it for you to watch. What makes this scene beautiful is Ned’s honesty coupled with his appreciation and trust.
Honesty is deeper than simply telling the truth. As is outlined in the book “Radical Honesty” by Brad Blanton, honesty is also about speaking those things we generally would tend to withhold for fear of hurting, upsetting or making another person angry.
Whenever we withhold our thoughts and feelings from another, when they directly involve them, we are essentially lying and the consequences are always increased levels of stress or discomfort at some point in the future.
This is made apparent by the lives of Ned’s sisters which can be contrasted to the effortless flow in Ned’s life who is generally honest and does not actively engage in withholding.
From appreciation into integrity
One of the features of the AMP holarchy is that grounding in one layer causes a natural arising into the next. If we are deeply grounded in presence, which means anchoring our awareness in our physical body, it will cause a natural rise up into appreciation for what is occurring moment by moment. Same can be said for appreciation, when one is really enjoying the moment and the way it naturally arises then the trait of integrity will bubble up out of this appreciation.
The more we can enjoy the moment the more likely we are to feel safe in speaking our truths because we are able to be with and accept whatever occurs and there is no fear of the repercussions of being honest and in line with our values. Whatever happens we are able to appreciate and enjoy it!
This is touched on with the honesty of Ned in the previous segment and to me is expanded in a single small scene of the film. There is a scene where Ned’s sister asks him to make a small white lie for her, as her career is almost on the line.
Ned knows his sister needs this, his sister has helped him out with money and a place to stay… in a sense he ‘owes’ her and this is what she is playing on… and in the moment Ned stays true to his integrity. He does not lie, he speaks the honest truth as he always does.
Showing up
Another one of the beautiful features of the character of Ned is that he truly ‘shows up’.
Showing up, to me, means actually being there with another human being and focusing on them and the connection together rather than all this other external stuff going on. An example may be going to a coffee shop and ordering a coffee. Our attention can be on the coffee we are ordering, or it can be on the person behind the counter serving us. A simple and truly present “hello, how is your day?” when we really mean it can be enough to make that persons day.
They may have been serving coffee all day and not had a single person connect with them. Michael Brown in his audio recordings and writings on www.thepresenceportal.com talks about this often.
In his book "The Presence Process" he describes that there is a paper thin veil between everyone, this is the 'gap' and it is where we put all the stuff of the world. The moment we truly connect with another we bridge this gap and take another step into unity consciousness.
Ned shows up and in every one of his interactions it is easy to see this genuinely engaged and interested expression on Ned’s face as he actually engages and connects with this person, whoever they are, in front of him and as he gives them all of his attention for those moments they are together.
If we ever really want to connect with other human beings then the first thing we need to do is truly show up and be with them, after we have shown up with ourselves first of course.
The opposite of this looks like, which is all too common these days, a bunch of friends sitting around a table while they are all playing on their smart phones or netbooks. Where are they? They certainly aren’t engaged with one another. I see this all the time these days... what kind of world are we stepping in to?
The catalyst
The most striking thing to me about this movie is that it isn’t really about Ned at all! He is of course the main character and except for one scene at the beginning introducing his sisters and one scene near the end when he is in jail, the movie revolves around him.
And yet, Ned is the only character that does not undergo any real challenge, self-reflection or growth. Ned is static and his character remains the same for the duration of the movie. Oh it could be argued that Ned losing his girlfriend, his dog, his job and his house is a challenge yet when watching the character of Ned there is no drama about it. He does not feel compelled to take any drastic action to change or alter his circumstances he seems to simply accept it as it comes and continue on.
To me this is an example of one who has deeply integrated a lot of their personal emotional inner discomfort and trauma. Ned seems to understand that life brings to him what is required and does not fight or struggle against any of it. It is a beautiful example of what it can look like to let go of resistance to the natural ebbs and flows of life.
His sisters, on the other hand, are not coming from an integrated state where they are able to accept life as it is. All three of Ned’s sisters experience a plunge into drama, discomfort and upheaval as Ned comes into their lives and shines a light on all their deceptions and dishonesty.
Ned is a catalyst for change. By bringing to light the places where they are being dishonest with themselves or others or engaging in some kind of self-deception, Ned shows it up with his unwavering honesty and trust, as they wheedle secrets out of him or tell him they have shared information with another that they truly have not.
Eventually they enter a reactive state of drama and as it dawns on them their first instinct is to enter the ‘victim’ mentality and blame everything on Ned for ruining their lives. This comes to head in a full family scene where they begin venting their frustrations and heaping their discomfort onto Ned, at which point he breaks in anger, real anger.
Everyone is shocked to view Ned in a state of complete rage… because for Ned he does everything with his full attention, and most of the time it is in a loving and easy-going manner so to see him shouting silences everyone. I think it is in this moment that Ned once again shines a mirror on their behavior; they see themselves in the way they are acting and are shocked into taking responsibility for their lives.
For anyone wishing to really grow in life and start experiencing the kind of joy, abundance and health that is our birthright the first step is always to take responsibility for our experience.
We create our experience, whatever that experience is… the only difference is whether we are creating it unconsciously or consciously. While we still approach the world through reactive drama and blaming others or outside circumstances for our experience we are engaged in life as a victim.
The opposite of that is constantly trying to manipulate and control life by putting everyone else around us down and engaging life as a victor. Both pathways are ones of almost endless suffering maybe interspersed with brief moments of happiness, and as they say: “happiness is fleeting”.
Engaging our own lives through being responsible for whatever occurs, even when what is occurring is not what we wanted, is the first step on what I think is an endless journey. It is both frightening and humbling to admit that we created whatever it is we are experiencing and… would we really want it any other way?
This is what the character of Ned most brings to the movie as his sisters are forced to take responsibility for their own actions, cause Ned sure as hell isn’t going to take responsibility for them!
My own take
I may be reading too much into this simple, feel-good movie and taking its lessons beyond what was ever intended and I am ok with that. To me this movie came at an appropriate time in my life, when I needed a reminder of the simple beauty in ‘going with the flow’. Ned’s character is one that I seek to bring into my own life, with my own particular flavor... that of simply enjoying everyone and everything around me.
Approaching life with a grin on my face and a willingness to accept whatever it is that might occur. Definitely as I bring more of this into my own life, the results I find are an increase in ease and effortlessness with what occurs, a deepening of connection with the people I find in my life, more laughter, more smiles and generally… more appreciation!
In contrast the moments where this wavers, where I enter judgement or begin to not appreciate what is happening around me are the moments I feel the most lonely, alienated and isolated. In it's extreme for me it can spiral downwards into depression.
I felt good watching Ned in his interactions and I enjoyed seeing lessons within the movie that I am currently integrating into my own life. I hope you enjoy the movie also and I would love to hear what you think!
— , Irregular updates ()When do we know we’ve become men? When is it that we’re no longer boys, but adults who have arrived on the shores of full-blown manhood?
For years now, I’ve been feeling the back and forth between boyhood and manhood inside of me. This entire website has been sourced in my inner search for my adult self. I’ve become so intimate with the changing forms of my inner landscape that I can now feel the difference between being a boy and a man as a totally visceral experience. I have kept shifting between them for years.
Yesterday, I had an experience of sitting in a cafe working on my laptop. I’ve always been a bit ashamed of my hands. I’ve judged them to be quite effeminate and delicate hands. Big worker hands don’t run in the family. Yet yesterday, as I sat in that cafe working, feeling the afternoon sun warm my face through the window, I looked down on my hands. And in that moment, a simple recognition arose in me. I was looking at the hands of a man.
So how do we know that we’ve become men? Some people say “when I became a father”. Others say “when I started living my purpose”. Most say “I don’t know”. I identify with being in that latter group, but it’s a not-knowing filled with wonder and awe. Yet in that simple moment of looking down on my hands, somehow I knew.
And as all things in life, this too will change. Yet, there is something enduring here. Something which is not fleeting. It’s a simple experience. Nothing fancy. And it’s what I’ve been wanting for so long.
Now, over to you. When did you know you were a man? Or do you not yet consider yourself as one? Curious to hear.
Warmly,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()In my latest blog post, I expressed concern that many young boys these days are relating with each other in extremely aggressive and often destructive ways. I have observed their antisocial behaviour on public transport and in open public spaces. Of course, upon throwing my concern out there, I was given ample opportunity for deeper reflection – that is the benefit of publicizing an opinion. I realize now that it is a complicated issue and that the aggression itself is not necessarily a problem, precisely because this red expression of dominance-behaviour is an integral part to masculine evolution.
It was thanks to Robert Bly (as it often is these days) that I gleaned some insights into the many facets of this issue. He speaks in his stunning book Iron John about three knights of three different colours.He presents these knights as a metaphor for masculine evolution, wherein the red signifies the most primitive step – power, aggression, ego, dominance. The red knight then moves on to the white knight, who is a do-gooder, a man who desires to banish evil from the lands. But then he makes the observation that our culture has no tolerance for the red knights, preferring to chuck them into prisons or institutions. Accordingly, young boys are prematurely rushed into the white knight stage (and they never reach black because it requires access to red). The result is cowards who are internally arrogant, judgmental and passive aggressive. Men who consider themselves noble and forces of good, but who don't act on it, preferring instead comfort and security.
This is what made me realize the error of my ways, or at least the inaccuracies of them. In myself, I feel the distinct absence of a fully integrated red knight. And I see it in practically all men I meet. What these boys are acting out, then, is a force that I am not used to seeing, and that I am not used to channeling. Little wonder I felt the tension.
Now, I have been aware of my challenge in this regard for some time, which is why I have picked up martial arts, why I'm more willing to confront people, why I will stand up for what is right and why I am becoming edgier in my style of communication. Still, the red knight is but a shadow of what he could be.
The tragedy here, then, is not so much that these boys are being evil with each other. The true tragedy, rather, is that there are no men around them who are comfortable with their level of aggression, and who can comfortably and with authority help them work through the red energy skilfully. Many cultures, Robert Bly points out, have a deep understanding of this red phase of our personal evolution as men, but Western culture has none.
So we suffer.
I have written an article about this issue that I believe is potentially life-changing, and I invite you to sign up for my newsletter, as that is the only way you can get it (it comes as a thank you gift for your interest).
— , Irregular updates ()A Rude Awakening
Groggy and bleary-eyed, we are reintroduced to Logan as he is stirred from a drunken stupor by the activities of a hyper-macho Latino street gang. In the process of depriving Wolverine's working limo of its chrome-plated hubcaps, Logan attempts to appeal to the hoodlums' sense of reason.
Grizzled, grey-haired and unsteady on his feet, however, it is plain that this is not the Wolverine we know. Little to our surprise, Logan's words fall on deaf ears, and a member of this impulsive rabble (a tribe of sorts, but one lacking any of the nobility of our ancestral communities) blasts our debilitated anti-hero with a shotgun.
Well, before long the volatile ex-X-man is doing what he does best – though it's made patently clear to us that he's nowhere near as capable as once he was. The movie also wastes no time in demonstrating that this outing promises to be an infinitely darker affair than its predecessors – pulling no punches as it graphically depicts Logan rending flesh and cleaving bone.
Devoid of empathy, patience, temperance or honour, this immature mob of uninitiated men is ultimately no match for the elder Logan – even in his depleted state. Being a metaphor for the actualisation of human potential, his mutant abilities grant him power that these poorly developed half-men can only dream of. Nonetheless, it's obvious that all is not well in Logan's world – a sickness has infected it, and that power is waning.
Over subsequent scenes the effects of this affliction are expanded upon – demonstrating just how dire the situation has become. We soon hear from the callous but charming mercenary, Pierce (a jackal, perhaps) that the tiger – the epitomal hunter that for millennia has acted as an alchemical vessel for man’s most primal instincts – is dead, extinct, lost to the world. Pierce has been dispatched to retrieve a precious item at the behest of the shadowy Transigen corporation – and afforded the freedom to pursue his mission by any means necessary, it seems that vast private business empires can now openly oppress populations by use of military force.
In short order, we are transported – at Logan's side – to the makeshift ward of his aged and mentally compromised mentor, the once great Charles Xavier. In archetypal terms, Professor X most keenly embodies the characteristics of Magician and King – being blessed with almost limitless telepathic abilities and a fatherly capacity for leadership. Much, however, has changed for the wheelchair-bound professor, and rolling around in a grim and gloomy overturned water tank, it is evidently not just Logan's power that has dwindled.
The Kingdom of Man
Holed up behind his steely castle walls, the just monarch's kingdom (mutant-kind) has rescinded – besieged by the dark forces that populate this mythological landscape. Much like Theoden in Tolkien's Two Towers – Xavier is gripped by a magical malady; a torturous living death that has suppressed his wits and robbed him of his authority. Unlike in Theoden's case, this virulent curse is not explicitly portrayed as being the work of the dark power blighting the Professor's realm – but the subtext is the same – black forces have bested the king, and in his absence, his subjects have suffered and his lands have succumbed to a terrible spiritual blight.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXxyCMhBhFw
Indications of his power remain, however – echoes of a fading past which suggest that his star still has a little light left to give. The water tank in which he is housed – rusted and obsolete – is a not-so-subtle nod to the colossal computer, Cerebro, which served to magnify Charles' power in his former life.
It is appropriate then that in this dark mirror-verse – a contorted perversion of the X-realm we have come to know and love (well, if you judge the franchise on the basis of its better efforts!) - this comparative container should inhibit his abilities. The fact that they require inhibiting at all, however, demonstrates that Xavier remains a force to be reckoned with – albeit one that lacks direction and constructive expression.
This is further emphasised by the depiction of the tank's interior. Eroded by rust, the container's outer shell allows slivers of sunlight to blaze through its ruptured shell - mimicking the night sky, supporting a canopy of glittering stars.
This is significant because the heavens – the stars, the sun and the elemental fire that sustains them – have historically been so closely associated with masculinity; a trend that repeats itself again and again, even amongst cultures that have little connection to one another. The Egyptian God, Ra, and the Greek, Apollo, are two such prominent examples of manly sun-kings. The attribution of masculine qualities – such as the pursuit of academic knowledge – to the sun, the sky and the heavens (as opposed to the more intuitive, feminine traits ascribed to the earth and the moon) can, however, also be observed within the mythological traditions of the Chinese Taoists, various Buddhist sects and the Aztecs.
Once we identify the significance of this symbolic thread, we can also see that it is weaved throughout the tapestry of the movie. This world – defiled by a vitriolic, poorly realised and hopelessly unbalanced masculinity – is scorched by the stifling desert sun; whilst for much of the film, Logan's last remaining hopes and dreams rest upon his ability to secure a 'Sun-Seeker' – a vessel that will allow himself and Xavier to sever their ties with the land (now seemingly bereft of feminine influence) and sail off into the sunset.
The Warrior Sleeps
Returning to the scene in the water tank, the melancholy mood continues unabated, with the confounded Xavier lamenting and resisting the medical treatment administered by Logan:
“Who are you?”
“You know who I am”
“You're the man who puts me to sleep”
“We could both use some sleep”
...And who could blame Logan for wishing to while away the time he has left in a stupefied and soporific state? The desire to be drunk, drugged, or otherwise sedated, when tormented by such ugly memories and faced with the prospect of a desperately bleak future is entirely reasonable. It is, in fact, arguably the zeitgeist of our times – and a very natural response to an existence that appears to offer us little in the way of purpose and few opportunities to develop deep, lasting reciprocal connections to one another.
We see, however, that despite his considerable psychological impairment, Charles – the benevolent wizard king – retains the archetypal wisdom befitting his position. He understands implicitly that sleep is not a solution; that the only course of action available to them – the only way to restore their kingdom to its former glory – is to wake up.
What follows is a demonstration of the raw power that the Magician still possesses – as he suffers a seizure-induced psionic episode of terrifying proportions – nearly killing Wolverine and his trusted aide, Caliban, in the process. Charles remains oblivious of the threat that he now poses to others, but he demonstrates that he continues to retain insight into other matters. Not only has he become aware of the existence of a new mutant, but he also sees how far Logan has fallen by repressing his better nature, chastising him for this abdication of responsibility.
Xavier's scathing critique of Logan is quite justified. We’ve already recognised that our protagonist’s psychological profile is vastly more developed than that of the impulsive, self-serving and emotionally-stunted individuals representing either the corporate-military or gangland crews; but that does not mean that Logan is the complete package – a fully individuated and initiated man.
For all of his experience, his successive acts of heroism and the many bitter pills he has been forced to swallow over the course of his unnaturally long life, Logan is still, in many ways, little more than a boy. Like the man-children his character needles with a protracted claw, the Wolverine flees in fear of any avoidable attachment – and the emotional and practical burdens that will inevitably accompany them.
This inclination is undoubtedly a response to the losses he has suffered since his earlier adventures with the X-men – reversing much of the progress that he made under the attentive tutorage of the paternal professor. Together we have watched, over a succession of former X-outings, as he reluctantly accepted responsibilities he would rather avoid – as he tentatively took his place within a tribe that called for his service – and even as he sheltered a series of proteges under his wing; aiding in their own initiation so that they might realise their full potential. He embraced his destiny and took his rightful place as an elder amongst his clan. Now, however, all of that is gone – so much dust, scattered to the wind – like the hot desert sands that blanket this semi-apocalyptic hinterland.
Naturally, we feel sympathy for his plight – he has suffered the horrors of war and the indignity of mutilation, he has been the subject of scientific experiments and faced down genocidal efforts to extinguish his race. He has lost the woman that he loved – both to another suitor and to death – and many of the memories that define him as a man. Yes, Logan has more reason than most to shirk responsibility and spurn familial attachments. In the grand, archetypal scheme of things, however, none of this matters. The Wolverine is half in, half out – his initiation – his marriage to responsibility, has been annulled.
Father and Son
Ah, you say – but what of his relationship to Xavier? Indeed, the way has been prepared for him – as it is for each of us. Logan's commitment to Charles is touching, but nonetheless, there remains a selfishness to the obligation that he feels to care for him. He is like an embittered lover – the teenage runaway who declares absolute devotion to the object of his affection – but to no other. It's just the two of us against the world, babe – the rest can go hang.
What's more, as we see later, Charles continues to provide Logan with a sense of stability – a sense of purpose – without which, he truly has nothing. So, whilst there's no reason to doubt that the devotion Logan shows to his ailing mentor is genuine, this still doesn't suggest that the wounded Wolverine is willing to accept much in the way of responsibility.
This point is emphasised further by his relationship with Caliban. Logan doesn't appear to lack affection for his sallow-skinned companion (he's certainly incensed when he believes that Pierce has killed him) – this affection simply doesn't seem to crystallise into any discernible form of support. As best as we can tell, he has made no provision for the weaker Caliban – despite the fact that his service to Charles has been invaluable. As Caliban states (in a line wonderfully delivered by comedy stalwart, Stephen Merchant):
“You're saving to buy a Sunseeker. Sun is the key word – I hardly see myself cowering below decks like nosferatu, do you? Folding your underpants and making him spotted Dick”
The terminally sun-adversed mutant will be left to fend for himself – sink or swim, persist or perish.
Logan – every bit the Warrior by nature – is not fulfilling this role because he has repressed his internal Lover, which is essential to elevate a fighter beyond acts of self-serving barbarism. His present relationship with Charles is extremely interesting, however, in that it demonstrates how life surreptitiously gifts us with events that prepare us for the challenges to come. Reduced to a childlike state of infirmity, the care that the professor requires can be seen as foreshadowing Logan's impending trials as a father.
Mother and Daughter
Meanwhile, we have already been introduced to Gabriella, the protective mother-figure that has liberated Laura, Logan's biological daughter, from Transigen's secret Mexican facility. It is no coincidence that Gabriella is a nurse either. This detail is essential to the plot, of course – it is the means by which she is introduced to Laura, but her allocation of this role has a far deeper significance, and serves to lend the movie symbolic power as much as it facilitates its functional exposition.
The Nurse – carer, healer, nurturer and mother substitute – is an archetypal figure every bit as potent and evocative as Logan's Warrior, and provides us with a sharp contrast to our protagonist's decisively masculine qualities. Which is not to say that the story's female characters do not possess equivalent masculine traits – the fact that Gabriella's character evokes the Nurse archetype clearly does not require her to be portrayed as some soft, simpering, two-dimensional caricature of femininity.
We will soon learn that both of the film's feminine torch-bearers are anything but weak – possessed of courage and conviction (and in the case of Laura, a fierce and feral capacity for violence) they are hardly your classic damsels. On the contrary, their femininity is treated with a reverential esteem – with Gabriella's maternal and Laura's survival instincts plainly shown to be sources of tremendous power.
For all of their resilience and resourcefulness, however, they are in distress, and only the resurgence of the divine masculine – the return of the Warrior, the Magician, the Lover, the King - can hope to save them. This point is driven home from Logan and Gabriella's very first meeting , when she plainly states:
“Please, I'm in trouble. You're the only one who can help”
They need a real man to survive – not because they are somehow wanting as women, but because no individual, male or female, can hope to manifest the human condition in its entirety; and without others to call upon who exhibit the traits that we lack, we find ourselves vulnerable to the pitfalls of life.
Still, Logan fails to rise to this challenge, and Gabriella is murdered as a result. He thus finds himself the reluctant protector of Laura, as corporate mercenaries descend upon his squatted home – revealing his daughter's parentage and powers (in a deliciously gory fashion) capturing Caliban and forcing Logan, Xavier and Laura to hit the road.
Chaos Reigns
Following an equally bloody encounter at the hotel at which they are staying, the trio encounter an amiable farming family, the Munson's – and after Charles summons his power to help them to retrieve a string of escaped horses, Logan and co. are persuaded to stay with them. This scene is quite beautiful – as it allows Charles to demonstrate that he still has the capacity to focus his mind to facilitate peaceful, harmonious solutions to life's more conventional challenges. It also emphasises his alignment with the natural world, as the ability to communicate with or take the place of animals has long been a demonstration of great primal power and empathy.
The feeling of unity, normality and security projected by this family is tangible, and we see that just as 'dark forces' have a corrosive effect on the people and places in their thrall – so too structure and generosity of spirit stir positive traits in those touched by them. Logan's Lover and Warrior energies are even roused from their slumber – rising to protect the father of this family from a cohort of bullies that wish to drive the family from their land.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDI0_qXO_eY
This happy interlude is deftly summarised by Charles, who states that:
“This was, without a doubt, the most perfect night I've had in a very long time”
Having established pretty firmly that Logan is not going to be an optimistic, feel-good affair, however, it should be obvious that events are about to take a decidedly nasty turn; and the movie doesn't disappoint. Enter X-24 – the black dragon of chaos.
Shaven headed (which suggests this analogue's passionate, soulful and intuitive Wild Man spirit has been brutally curtailed) and clothed in black, X-24 is both literally and figuratively Logan's shadow self. The yang to his yin, he is a monstrous manifestation of all of Wolverine's darkest impulses – and bringing the good king's life to a brutal and abrupt end, this homely sanctuary instantly becomes the scene of a bloody nightmare.
Our heroes' virtuous hosts are quickly dispatched, the cohesive family unit – the bedrock upon which society is built and the image in which it is made – irrevocably destroyed. Only Logan can hope to challenge such a savage foe – and so baring their teeth and summoning their fire, our two dragons dance – as inevitably they must.
This confrontation is a truly spiritual battle – of good vs. evil, order vs. chaos, accumulated experience pitted against the virility of youth. His vigorous counterpart is a totemic symbol of the darkness that grips this land though, and in a world so besmirched by corruption, Wolverine doesn't stand a chance – the qualities he requires to subdue his nemesis have wilted – the black dragon is too strong. It is, therefore, only 'chance' that saves him, as Will Munson – seeking vengeance for his slaughtered family – crushes the beast with his truck, temporarily halting the clone's campaign of terror.
Ironically, the indulgence of such thinly veiled rage is often associated with a rebellious spirit. Here, however, we see the truth – X-24's broiling animosity makes him a slave – firstly to his own emotions, and then to more manipulative (if no less mature) men, who find that they can easily bend his bloodlust to their will.
We need not look far to identify examples of such behaviour within our own lives – many of us know people (especially men) who live their whole lives in this fashion – constantly projecting their fears and insecurities onto others so that they may cut them down, only to begin the process anew. It is also a fundamental characteristic of firebrands situated at each end of the political spectrum – both the extreme left and right. In each case, these soldiers – conveyors of a perverted Warrior energy – are ceaselessly marched towards an ideological battlefield; often by zealots who exploit their predilections to achieve their own ends.
A Light in the Dark
It is here that we begin to understand the true extent of the power wielded by Dr. Rice – the Dark Wizard King. This malignant demi-god uses his coercive 'sorcery' to impose his will upon the kingdom's people, spreading death and pestilence everywhere his influence is felt (his scientific experiments have a magical quality to them – even conjuring an evil 'gollum' to do his bidding. In Hebrew mythology a gollum was a creature fashioned from clay and afforded an unnatural half-life, to be deployed as a malevolent slave).
We already know that he has used his black magic to create a new generation of mutants, making him a deific 'father' to contrast Xavier's more magnanimous example. We will later discover that he has also cast spells to destroy an entire people, suppressing the birth of mutants by natural means.
We see, however, that far from eclipsing all of the good in the world, Rice's machinations stir the very best in those who oppose him. Frail and demoralised, abused and exploited, Caliban secures several grenades, pulling their pins and tossing them at two unsuspecting mercenaries – uttering his final words:
“Beware the light”
Here he discovers that when he harnesses his masculinity – when he focusses his intent and purges his mind of all doubt – he has the capacity to evoke spectacularly explosive forces; unleashing a terrible revenge upon his captors and striking a hammer-blow for justice. In this instant – besting his assailants, protecting his friends, summoning an irrepressible incendiary power and seizing his destiny – the mild-mannered Caliban is Warrior, Lover, Magician and King incarnate. Beware the light indeed.
The death of the good king, on the other hand, generates an impact so earth-shattering that it punches an intuitive whole in the universe. We mourn Xavier's passing for the qualities he possessed as an individual – but the wound that we tend penetrates much deeper than that. Without his presence – his influence – the social and spiritual superstructure of our narrative collapses. The silence we're subjected to without his voice to guide us (even as Wolverine explodes with rage and takes his shovel to his truck) is deafening. Even half-mad, we see how much he gave to the world – and how chaotic and empty it is without him.
A Moment's Peace
Gravely wounded and stricken by grief, Logan and Laura now embark on the final leg of their heroes' journey – much to the former's chagrin – convinced as he is that their destination, 'Eden' is a fantasy lifted from comic-book lore. This represents another theme that recurs throughout the film – that of the value of faith.
The dangers posed by entertaining a cold, detached rationalism – one of the hallmarks of an unbalanced expression of masculinity – is clearly emphasised; from the activities of emotionless military machine-men to the calculated cruelty of Dr. Rice. In stark contrast to this linear, mechanical mode of thinking stands the more intuitive, holistic optimism of Xavier and Laura, consistently derided by the determinedly cynical Logan. To his tremendous surprise, Laura's faith is rewarded, however – and this Eden serves to reunite her with her young mutant friends and offer them all a temporary safe haven.
In this 'garden' they discover an opportunity for restoration. Neither wild and untamed nor manufactured and artificial – gardens represent a safe space where we can learn to work with the forces of nature, without being subjected to their more perilous aspects. Here, Logan is granted some opportunity to heal, even being administered a 'magic potion'. We know that this steroid-sterone (in the obligatory radioactive green, of course) induces a murderous rage at high concentrations, but here we're informed that taken in appropriately measured doses it has restorative power. Take note chaps, all butch, all the time, will surely do you a mischief, but a little here and a little there may be just what the doctor ordered.
Being an 'Eden' it also proves to be a place where innocence thrives – and we are treated to a joyous scene in which the children play as they ought to – snipping Logan's beard into a style reminiscent of his classic comic-book appearance. We know that this tranquil spell cannot last, though – the fruit of knowledge must be tasted – and once it is we are ejected from the garden forever. It is Logan's pained rejection of Laura (“It's better this way...bad shit happens to people I care about”) that initiates this transition, shatters their peace and ushers in another epoch of chaotic violence.
Conclusion: The Return of the King
Nonetheless, this turbulent episode is unlike others in the movie – it is building to its crescendo, and we can feel the thematic sands shifting beneath our feet. Seeing Transigen's mercenary army in pursuit of the children, Wolverine must take his magic potion and enter the wood to join his young charges – where together both he and they will be subjected to a savage initiation. It's interesting to note, however, that whilst Logan waits until he's witness to the children's distress to inject himself with the serum (biting the apple, so to speak) from the viewer's perspective, the young mutants' loss of innocence is immediately preceded by a close up shot in which Logan seizes the forbidden fruit.
Earlier in the film, Xavier remarks that Laura's clawed feet may reflect a tendency observed in lioness' – to hunt with their front claws whilst protecting their cubs with those on their hind legs. Baring this trivial titbit in mind, I'd suggest that as Logan barrels towards his foes, muscles pumping, alchemical blood coursing through his veins, he is no longer a Wolverine – he is a bestial lion, defending his cub; an aged warrior king, willing to sacrifice everything that he has for the sake of one last brutal act of dominance, before the crown tumbles from his brow.
Emboldened by the trials of the dark wood, Logan has been transformed – the embittered malcontent is no more – he is ascendant: King, Magician, Warrior, Lover and Father. He is not the only one to undergo a transformation though – it is here, confronted by death, that the young mutants discover the extent of their powers – and learn that when they combine them they can become greater than the sum of their parts. As Logan embodies the Father, the youngsters become a tribe – working together to vanquish their enemies – who prove no match for them now that they have achieved a more mature sensibility.
Logan's supremacy is assured when he executes the Dark Wizard King: it is, as prophesied, the return of the divine masculine which delivers Laura to safety. It's vital to note, however, that it is his embrace of the divine feminine – in the form of his daughter – and her manifestation of a more sensitive, vulnerable, expressive femininity than we have yet witnessed from her, which delivers Logan to grace.
It is also Laura who ultimately slays the black dragon, X-24 - logan's demons in manifest form - by obliterating his skull with an adamantium bullet. Rather than meeting the foe with brute force - as a man endowed with physical strength is apt to do - she applies lateral thought to the challenge posed by him, identifying a tactical advantage and exploiting it to its fullest. The message is clear: only by uniting and realising the potential latent within these two binary poles - masculine and feminine – can order be restored to the world.
That world, however, belongs to others - to the young and the strong. Mortally wounded, his regenerative powers spent, our hero's time has come to an end. Having realised his potential, secured his legacy and conquered his own internal realm, this is not a wholly forlorn occasion; but as Logan utters his tremulous final words:
“So, this is what it's like”
We are left to ponder the question – what precisely is he referring to? Death is, of course, the obvious answer, but fatherhood is an equally valid interpretation. I suspect it's only here, after all – as the blood drains from his body for the very last time, and his daughter calls him “daddy” for the first – that the Wolverine knows what it truly means to be alive.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWJfujg9wHo
— , Irregular updates ()Ashes and Snow is an extraordinary exhibition I have recently been made aware of that has been migrating from continent to continent since 2002. It is an exhibition that documents one man's enduring observation of nature, the gorgeous and enigmatic animals that fill it, and the interaction those specimens of unimaginable creativity have with our own race, humanity.
Watch this and read on below
Did you enjoy that? I hope so. Any reactions you may have had are fertile soil for examining further your inner archetypes of the mature Masculine (read about King, Warrior, Magician, Lover).
Here are the archetypes and the emotional landscapes that might be triggered in them from a movie such as this. Do any of them apply?
King
You marvel at the beauty of the world. You feel compassion for all who dwell in it, and wish that they find happiness and peace. You care for them almost as were they your children, such is your vast investment in their good fortune. You feel as nature is an extension of yourself. She is your Queen. You are wed to Her. And like any good husband, you wish to care for Her. And for those who may wish to hurt Her, you wish nothing more than their release from fear and suffering. Yours is the empowerment of a royal lineage of guardians (the kings who came before you), and if pressed, you are willing to channel that lineage and gather your army in order to preserve your kingdom, the lands with whom you are wed.
Warrior
You understand the beauty of the world and the value it presents. With the conviction and confidence that comes only from clear perception, anger rises in your heart towards those people of petty and selfish intent who are willing to abuse that which you have been charged with protecting, only to achieve stupid, selfish and ultimately unfulfilling ends. You wish to eradicate such people from the face of the planet and you are willing to take them on one by one until they have all surrendered their fears to the superior force of your flaming sword of truth. There burns a fire in your belly and it feeds a sacred anger, untainted by ego and selfish concerns. You are ready to serve the higher purpose that has been entrusted you with any honorable means possible. Woe be the one who would oppose you, for yours is power, freedom, and justice - and the protective hand of your king.
Magician
The signs are clear. There is a purpose behind everything. You see the plan of the Master Architect and read it with such lucidity that one could be forgiven for thinking they were your own. You see the map and you are capable of its navigation. You are already hard at work manifesting in the world the children of your mind, those projects of creative brilliance whose realization brings hope to a world in crisis. Yours is the responsibility to realize the plans of the Master Architect, whatever he/she/it may be. You are the knower of secrets, the channel of sacred knowledge. You find yourself transported by these images of endless mystery to a cosmic place, far away from here. In a void of unknowing that is pregnant with creative potential, you are home.
Lover
Tears fill your eyes. Your heart is rendered open and beauty flows into it. You want to merge with this beauty. You do - you are One. Hurting the planet is hurting yourself. How can they not see? How can they not feel what you feel? A song forms on your tongue and a desire, deep and mysterious, rises for the company of souls with ears to hear it. How you wish they would come closer! Theirs is love, if only they would surrender into your open, loving embrace. My Beloveds, two-legged, four-legged, six-legged, eight-legged – come into my arms.
These are mature responses to what you have just witnessed, responses from the mature Masculine. Immature responses are feeling nothing, laughing or mocking. Did you feel nothing? Perhaps you are tired, cut off from your body and emotions? Cut off from your inner power? Perhaps you can come back later. Or maybe it will take some years of hard work. But consider if not the ability to actually care about the planet, and those lifeforms that walk its surface, is something worth aspiring for. The beauty here is so bright, blinding almost. Do not close your eyes only to succumb to the temptations of the shepherds of misery.
Artist Gregory Colbert has given you an invitation. Not for mere observation, but for active participation. Will you take it? If so, examine if you are living a life based on the emotional landscape that were just opened within you. Are you playing it safe? Or are you reaching your potential? Honor your archetypes. Take the invitation.
— , Irregular updates ()Reawakening emotional capacity
The greatest theme explored in this movie, to me, is the journey towards reawakening what Michael Brown in his book “The Presence Process” calls the emotional body and which I also like to loosely call our heart. Reawakening emotional body awareness requires a journey out of our usual modes of sedation and control of our uncomfortable feelings and the numbness in our life these bring about, and back into the way we authentically feel.
Through this journey back inwards we must unveil our long suppressed fear, anger and grief and allow ourselves to feel them fully in order to integrate back into us these pushed away parts of ourselves.
This movie, to me, shows an abbreviated version of this process as it explores the main character Andrew’s journey back home, away from his almost lifelong sedation of feeling, and into confrontation of his childhood traumas and the healing that takes place as he allows himself to feel once again.
The movie starts with a very graphic illustration of exactly the state of numbness Andrew is living in as he dreams of being on an airplane while it is crashing. All around him everyone is in a panic and yet Andrew sits there completely emotionless and unresponsive to what is going on around him. His phone rings and we snap to a shot of him lying in bed in a completely white, undecorated room. It is obvious right from the beginning; Andrew is not much more than a living zombie. As he prepares himself in the morning we get a shot of his medicine cabinet and how full of pharmaceutical medication it is.
The movie later reveals how he has been medicated since the age of ten. We have our scene set with a completely numb individual. I see this as an expanded metaphor for how much of us in society are actually walking around our lives, in some way numbing or controlling our experiences through the use of pharmaceuticals, recreational drugs and alcohol, excessive technology and internet use (for example the horrible habit now cropping up of people sitting around together playing on their iphones or netbooks), suppressing our feelings with food and excessive hours of television use.
In some way or another pretty much all of us are numbing ourselves to what we feel and Andrew’s story is in a sense our shared story of journey all of us must take.
Andrew receives the message from his father that his mother has died and as such journeys home which he left many years ago without even returning once. The scenes that follow illustrate the extent of Andrew’s numbness as he reunites with old friends and attends a party.
The movie continues in this vein… until he meets Sam at the doctor’s office where he reveals to his doctor that he has decided to come off his medication that he had been taking for sixteen years.
Sam, to me, is the physical manifestation of Andrew’s emotional body. She walks right into his life when he needs it most, when he is crying out desperately inside to feel something again he meets his angel ready to help him awaken all that which had been buried for so long.
What follows is a gradual (albeit highly accelerated for the sake of this being a movie) opening of Andrew into feeling again. The first cracks happen with some really awkward smiles from Sam’s random and spontaneous behavior. Although as he relates the death of his mother to Sam he also relates he has not been able to cry about it even though he tried really hard to think of all the sad things he could, no tears were forthcoming.
Andrew continues to open up sharing more details of his traumatic childhood and how he has been heavily medicated and in therapy for most of his life. The cracks of opening continue as he expresses some anger when defending and protecting Sam from his friend, to which his friend comments that it is the most worked up he has ever seen Andrew get.
The opening progresses to a point where he is on top of a crane with the rain pouring down around him screaming at the top of his voice and from this point on the momentum has been built and there is no going back. Much like in our own lives once we begin the process of opening into really feeling again it is a process that has no turning back, it will gain momentum on its own.
“Fuck it hurts so much” says Andrew of his new opening. In my own experience of working with reawakening my capacity to feel this is a very true statement. The very first thing we may encounter when opening up our ability to feel is likely to be long suppressed discomfort in the form of fear, anger and grief… and there may be a lot of it!
“It’s real, it’s life, it’s all we got” responds Sam. And it is true… if we are not feeling then we are not much better off than dead. Michael Brown is fond of saying that adults are dead children. And in a sense when we cut off our ability to feel through our endless sedation and control we simultaneously cut off our access to joy and playfulness that once in childhood filled our very beings.
To reawaken to love we must first reawaken to what it is we truly feel. This movie culminates in Andrew discovering that love, and that it was only possible through an end to numbing his experience and truly feeling again.
Forgiveness
The second major theme, to me, that runs through this movie is one of forgiveness. Really it runs hand in hand with the opening to feeling again as along the way to reopening we must forgive ourselves for the hurt we have given to ourselves and those who, usually unintentionally, hurt us.
As I have mentioned I am fond of Michael Brown’s work and in some of his audio he discusses the progression of emotional work as following a particular pattern. The first step is to work with ourselves, to find forgiveness and acceptance of ourselves. Once that occurs the next natural step is to find the same with our parents. To forgive our parents and accept that they were doing the best with what they could. The hurt they caused us was not personal, even though we interpreted it that way since childhood, and that they are human with their own suffering and life difficulties.
As we forgive our parents we are able to become our own father and mother and as we do so we release our birth mother and father from the role of being our parents and allow them to simply be fellow brothers and sisters, fellow children of God. Through embracing our own inner father we are able to give guidance in the world to ourselves. Through embracing our own inner mother we are able to give the nurturing we crave to ourselves. Through this process we free ourselves up and then, as Michael likes to say, we are ready for the lover to enter our life and to really engage the work of untangling all that stuff that is not really love.
Once we have forgiven ourselves and our parents then we can accept another into our life and learn to allow someone to come really close to us and learn to forgive them for the inevitable hurt and discomfort that will arise through working with them. When we accept a lover in our life, to me, we are inviting someone close to us to get into the really juicy heart work. We are inviting the possibility of opening our hearts wide enough to have something to share with the world. This movie is a great, although again highly accelerated, illustration of this progression.
In the movie it is revealed that Andrew was sent away to boarding school as well as being highly medicated, because of an incident involving his mother when he was nine. As a child he remembers his mother as always depressed all the time and he hated her for that.
He is carrying around the trauma, as we all are, of not receiving the unconditional love we so desire as children. One of the harsh things in life is that we all crave unconditional love as new life in this world and yet for pretty much all of us our parents did simply not have the capacity to offer this to us. We are all wounded by our parents.
After the incident he was medicated by his father, a psychiatrist, for anger issues and was continuously medicated since the age of nine. Returning, after a long time, to his family space is Andrew’s opportunity for forgiveness. In the relating of his tale to his friends and new love interest, it is obvious that Andrew is in the process of forgiving himself. As Sam points out to him “you are in it right now aren’t you” meaning he is directly in the process of integration.
From there he rapidly moves in to the forgiveness of his parents, in one scene approaching his father and saying “I’m here to forgive you… and I want it to be ok with me to feel something again… I have been waiting 26 years for my life to start and I don’t want to wait anymore because this is all there is” as he reaches forward and touches his father on the heart.
There is so much in this one scene and Andrew’s speech. To me this represents a real step into emotional responsibility. Andrew is taking responsibility for his own life and his own feelings, right now, and taking a deeper step into present moment awareness. At the same time he is releasing his father, forgiving him and accepting him as just another imperfect person in this world as we all are. In other scenes it is obvious Andrew also finds peace and forgiveness for his now deceased mother.
The next step
The first time I watched this movie I was annoyed with the ending. I was feeling big into the integrity piece and Andrew makes to leave, and then decides to come back for Sam. Initially I felt it was a breach of integrity. On second watching I see things at a deeper level of metaphor. Sam, representing his emotional feeling body, has changed Andrew’s life.
By being there just as a source of support, he found the permission within to open up to feeling again and to forgive himself and his parents. The ending scene represents to me what I think is the next step in self-work, and entering the type of authentic relationship I deeply desire in my own life.
Before leaving Sam makes it clear to Andrew that she wishes to be there for him as he continues to open and feel and shake off the sedation that has kept him closed for so long. As Andrew returns from his almost departure he acknowledges that he is messed up and he wants to be there and go through it with her. They have both acknowledged their imperfectness to one another and are ready to embrace an emotionally mature relationship, one based on mutual support and growth.
The next step is to enter emotional work with another. The events in this movie happen quickly and in some ways deny how intense a ride it can be through such a reawakening into feeling and forgiveness. Nevertheless it is a movie and I enjoyed just how apt it is in explaining a clear process through awakening into feeling again and living with a full and open heart.
I hope you enjoyed this review, be sure to check out Michael Brown’s “The Presence Process” if this resonated with you and his website: www.thepresenceportal.com which has a bunch of free audio to download and have a listen to for an idea of his work, as well as links to some youtube clips.
— , Irregular updates ()The story of Neo
Living a life of conformity and boredom Neo alias Mr. Anderson is a lonely man who makes pirate programs for his 'clients'. One moment his computer starts to talk to him. In this scene as a metaphor a man starts to listen to his own deepest voice. His own heart. And it came so loud and obvious to him that the man (Neo) started to pay attention.
He follows it. And as long as he listens to that authentic deep voice, his old thoughts and beliefs start to become after him. In the movie the agents and police men represent Neo's old thought patterns and beliefs. Neo connects with Morpheus through phone. Morpheus is a man who is much farther on the path of knowing the Matrix and he sees the awakening potential in Neo.
Morpheus won't give up on Neo. The phone rings at night, Neo picks up the phone, it's Morpheus. Morpheus has become a mentor in Neo's life. Now the mentor guides Neo to follow the next steps. Neo goes under the bridge, in the car, and suddenly Trinity's colleguae pulls out a gun in front of Neo and commands Neo to take of his shirt. Neo is shocked.
He almost gives up but the loving, truthful, honest, convincing feedback from Trinity gives Neo inspiration to stay. In this scene the loving support of the friends who see the greatness and truth in you and who don't buy your bullshit, can inspire you. Only honest feedback to a friend can inspire and help a friend. It might be intense but it reveals what's truly important to you in your life. Trinity takes the machine and removes the 'bug' - the resistance - from Neo's guts.
Neo meets Morpheus. Morpheus offers him a choice to take a red pill or a blue pill. Red pill is the path of wonder, questions and excitement, and the blue pill is the path of predictable boredom.
Neo takes the red pill and Morpheus shows him how deep the rabbit hole goes. Neo starts to see the beauty of every moment => awakening from the Matrix. He sees the things he has taken for granted in a new perspective. He realizes he has an imagination. He wakes up and sees loads of people in sleep.
New things require new muscles to train, and Morpheus and his crew take care of Neo's growth. Neo realizes as he decided to take a red pill to become a man that there's no way of going back to the old life.
With the help of the operator Neo starts to load martial arts skills into his unconscious. Morpheus takes Neo to a training program. Imagination – infinity, the base of creativity – is the place where you can load and unload whatever you wish. This is the place of sowing and reaping. Make sure that you take care of the weeds (in the film metaphorically Agents, policemen), and plant the good stuff. To know more about the law of sowing and reaping check out Jim Rohn's version of it.
Neo visits the Oracle. The Oracle points out to Neo that one of the foundations of the mature life is through knowing thyself.
Morpheus is in danger and Neo realizes what he needs to do. Resistance forces – police and gunmen are guarding the house where agents keep Morpheus.
Neo knows what to do. He believes his cause - to bring Morpeus back.
Conclusion:
After a fight, a battle against resistance forces inside, Neo finally overcomes the agents (his own negative self-talk aka shadow side,) he overcomes himself. Receiving the love and support from Trinity through a romantic kiss, Neo gets up again and leaps into the battle.
Agents shoot bullets toward him but this time Neo is strong and skilled enough to stop the bullets (the destructive negative self-talk and words) and he sets a boundary to himself by saying ”No.” from his depth.
He knows his power and sees the Matrix - energy dynamics, patterns and flows, the ”code” - of the world, and through this realization he's able to go inside of the Agent Smith. He has overcome himself.
Neo walks out from the phone booth with a new sense of confidence and sees the world through a man's eyes.
— , Irregular updates ()Look at me, jerking off in the shower... This will be the high point of my day; it's all downhill from here.
— , Irregular updates ()Tom Stall is an upstanding citizen in his local community. He is a loving father of two, a householder, and the head honcho at local hangout Stall's Diner. He is a cornerstone in his community; a stone that is about to be turned. For Tom used to be Joey, a gangster and a murderer.
A History of Violence is a modern spin on Jekyll and Hyde and it poses many interesting questions about living a fairly normal, pleasant family life - even while embracing our dark side.
The light and dark of Tom and Joey
What I want to know as I stand face to face with Tom Stall is: does he know about Joey? Or did he actually "die" out in the desert as Tom suggests to his wife Edie. Director David Cronenberg suggests the former in the DVD commentary, but Viggo Mortensen's downplayed portrayal of the personality conflict shows it as being more of an unconscious sliding in and out of two different personalities, oblivious to each other.
If Tom really knew about Joey, he would've been playing games of hide and seek with his own and his family's lives on the line throughout the entire story. This interpretation has him robbing his family of the truth for fear that it may confront him with his past and break the family apart, all the while knowing he is a sinister murderer behind the veils of rural loveliness.
The human mind doesn't work that way. Tom couldn't be living such a sweet and loving family life if he was constantly totally aware of his past as a gangster and murderer. He could have if he had first accepted society's, and particularly his family's, judgment for his actions. But as it is, he would never be in integrity with himself and his role as a family man would be undermined.
There is just no way he could look into the eyes of his fragile, darling daughter without fearing his dark side. No way he could serve as an authority figure to his son without being worried that he would tip over into his days of uncontrolled violence. It would create enormous inner conflict in him, and Tom doesn't seem like a conflicted man.
As I see it, the only sensible interpretation is that Joey is part of Tom, but only subconsciously. Joey is buried deep in his psyche, and is only a faint whisper on the desert winds that he thinks he left behind. We can only wonder what kind of strange magic he must've gone through out there for those years. Maybe he went to stay with indians, being healed by shamans, sweat lodging, vision questing etc. Regardless of how total the transformation in the desert was, karma doesn't forget, and this is a key learning of the movie.
There can be no question that Joey is a wicked DD1 man. Tom, however, is a gentle and loving DD2 man and together with Edie, they have a sweet, sexy, loving relationship. Tom is quite the family man, nurturing and in touch with both his masculine and feminine sides.
Edie is strong and directed, yet still very feminine. But the political correctness and reversal of gender roles common for modern relationships seems refreshingly absent, which is probably why they still seem so much in love with each other. So this is a good relationship, perhaps even flirting with great on rare occasions.
There's an artfully done sex scene where Tom and Edit roleplay teenagers trying to make love without being caught. Edie is quite the goddess, but Tom seems to be holding back just a little bit, not quite ready to take it all the way. And the sinister, unromantic lighting suggests something – or someone – is lurking under the surface.
This holding back of Joey is symbolic for what many modern men do. We hold back our fierceness while making love to our partner, and leave her unravished. Satisfied, but not yet completely opened to bliss.
Longing for Cro Magnon
The unveiling of Joey starts when Tom ends up the local hero after defending his diner and the people who work for him from two heartless, fearful outcasts looking for money. Men with no purpose, no conscience and no balls to face up to themselves. Some would describe them as masculine, and they are – but it's the lowest form of masculine available to mankind, and not the only form which is what feminism seems to think.
It's very interesting to note that Tom seems pretty ashamed about what he has done. Yet his wife and son Jack are inspired by it: «Are you as sick about hearing about me as I am?,» Tom asks Edie.
«In a way, I kind of like it,» she replies, clearly demonstrating that her husband's capacity to defend her family against bad men is incredibly sexy to her. J
ack, on the other hand, feels inspired by the raw power of his father's masculine capacity to kill in service of those he loves.
Jack and Edie display very primal responses to our Darwinian past, and we must embrace this as part of our humanity lest we suppress it and be controlled by it.
There is a darkness in the human psyche that, if harnessed, can be used for much good in the world. Modern men are often characterized by a sort of castration from this power, which makes them less trustworthy in the eyes of both men and women.
It is every man's responsibility to step into the intensity of his own aggressive potential and learn to master it, be it through martial arts, extreme sports, relationship aikido or a skilfully navigated career. No killing necessary! Society's fear of authentic masculine aggression – which is both grounded, heartfelt and spiritual (a true gift!) – has forced modern men's authentic self-expression into hiding.
From the dark corners of our mind it festers and grows, eating us up from the inside – unless activated in positive and useful ways. We don't serve anyone by denying our true nature.
Psychosis, REAL violence and depression are created in such ways. In fact, I believe it's a main cause of crime.
The gifts and sins of Joey
As the story develops and mobsters from Joey's past arrive from Philadelphia, hellbent on setting things straight, Tom starts changing. More and more, we can see Joey come through – by virtue of necessity.
Tom can't defend his family, but Joey can. As Tom yields more and more to Joey, his son Jack starts questioning if he has any idea who his father really is, and becomes extremely conflicted in his perception of him.
There is the matter of his identity, perhaps even his soul, to consider. And the safe father who he knew and loved has become someone else – a man who fascinates him deeply, on a primal level, but who also scares him out of his wit.
Their developing dynamic has direct implications on Jack's relationship to high-school bully Bobby who is a pain in Jack's ass. Bobby is clearly fearful of Jack's superior intelligence, and when a baseball game fluke has him temporarily outmatch Bobby's sporting skills as well, Bobby has nothing setting him above Jack in the masculine power-hierarchy anymore – except for the intimidation factor. So he uses that for all that it's worth.
But with Jack's family now fighting for survival and his father's evident capacity to splatter people's brains all over the floor, things are looking a bit different for him. The extreme circumstances free up Jack's latent masculine power and in the end, he lets Bobby have it and pummels him and his friend.
This is obviously not a mature way of dealing with conflict, but given Jack's situation and Bobby's character, it gives rise to a very valid question – is it really the worst thing that could happen?
This scene gives us the opportunity to pinpoint two key themes of the movie:
- At what point does violence become a necessity
and- What amount of violence is within a man's rights in defense of his honor and his loved ones.
In the first confrontation between Edie and Joey, Edie - having stepped up to protect a family in which Joey rather than Tom is the father of the house - slaps him with all her might and screams "damn you, Joey".
Joey proceeds to assault her, and holds her towards the wall with obvious aggression. It first looks like it's going to be a rape scene, but it quickly evolves into something much deeper and more nuanced.
What becomes clear is that Edie is willing to open up to even the darkness of Joey, and she even likes it. This shames her, but it brings up the question – could any of Joey's qualities be transformed into gifts, in service of both his family and his wife?
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned
In the end, Tom, who is now equally Joey, returns with his hands tainted by family blood, having whacked both his brother and his useless henchmen back in Philly. The family awaits him, fully aware of their fathers Joey-ness. Tom has resurrected Joey, without losing himself in the process.
By whacking all his former mobster compadres, he his fulfilled part of Joey's karma, and created a truckload new karma for his ever more integrated Tom-Joey identity.
He has been found out, the past has caught up with him, and his face reveals he knows the consequences. He has nothing now; no honor, no integrity, no life to speak of. The entire town knows who he is. All that is left is the truth and the faint glimmer of hope that his family won't reject him.
He enters the kitchen as the alpha man of the flock, but completely broken in every way that matters. The treachery he has committed is so vast that it's almost inconceivable to his wife.
This scene is brilliantly acted out, and has Tom-Joey show extreme vulnerability. Sarah, his precious little daughter steps off her chair, picks up his plate and signals she wants her daddy back.
Conclusion
The History of Violence, the way I've chosen to interpret it, is a testament to the importance of integrating our dark side. Tom's question is how he should integrate Joey in his life and still live as love in the world.
By extension, the larger question becomes how we as a society should integrate the dark masculine in our lives, in service of all.
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— , Irregular updates ()Disclaimer
All right, before I begin I want to state that this review was made after only one viewing, directly after finishing the movie and as such, the review is based on my immediate first impressions and the associations I got from them. Because I haven't been able to let the movie really sink in, which is the way I usually go about this, this review is highly subjective and victim to my personal emotions and worldview. Also, beware of spoilers.
Thanks.
Now, onwards to the review.
First I would like to say a little bit about the themes in question, just as a small introduction to what you are about to read. The movie "Her" asks many difficult and intriguing questions about human relationships, especially the romantic relationships between a man and a woman. It questions its boundaries, both physically and psychologically as well as exploring the necessity for human growth through such relationships.
But other, just as important themes are presented as well. Is human mortality and the limits of our capabilities to understand the world in our day and age something that gives us greater empathic ability? Or is it crippling us, keeping us from seeing the whole picture, causing us to misjudge and misread each other?
An operative system or artificial intelligence could surely know more than any man could ever learn in one lifetime. If such a thing was to develop real, human feelings...would it surpass our human empathy as well? Would it be able to understand us on our terms and our level?
Many questions, and even now, those were just to get you thinking.
Setting and introductions
The setting is sometime in the future. We're not allowed to know when, but the scenery and fashion choices, as well as the technology makes a calculated guess point at 20-30 years from now. (The hipster trend did not die, it expanded). Technology have come far and become deeply integrated in society, even more so than it is now.
It has not, however, become the technocracy that so many have been worried about. Instead, it is an organic world full of clean energy, clean people and clean technology. Although we are not let in on what is going on outside America (we can assume it is America), the world seems to be a pretty peaceful place.
Theodore Twombly (magically portrayed by Joaquin Phoenix) is a nice guy with a moustache and an amazing amount of empathy. Although he is lonely and kind of introverted, his empathic ability allows him to connect deeply with other human beings and see them in a way other people often do not.
Maybe this is why he works with writing other people's love letters, composing them word by word and putting an impressive amount of his own love into them in order to please other people's special number one. Paul, a co-worker at Theodore's workplace, keeps telling him how his letters always were his favourite but Theodore just blows him off, telling him "They are only letters".
But although Theodore is empathic, he is also melancholic. Grieving from the loss of his marriage, the images from his mind tells us that this was his special number one and now she is gone. We don't know what happened, just that there were some kind of conflict that grew until it caused the relationship to crash.
With all these images displayed throughout the movie, small flashes of memories that describe to us the meaningfulness and deep bond that he had with his wife, we begin to understand why Theodore has such a sad and confused look on his face when they visit him. He is questioning the purpose of such a relationship. He has become uncertain of it's worth and he feels like he has been ripped into many little pieces.
Theodore is a truly sweet man, one of the nicest guys I have ever seen on film. His power centre is fuelled by his desire to be good to a woman. He doesn't buy into the whole "masculinity is about having big muscles"-bullshit, he doesn't have poor self-esteem, he simply feels lonely and broken because he lost the one he cared about. As the movie progresses, we are given multiple scenes and details that build up Theodore's image as a very nice, but troubled man.
Theodore does not have a lot of friend's it seems, but he does have one really good one: Amy (wonderfully portrayed by Amy Adams), his next-door neighbour. Amy is more carefree and less convoluted than Theodore, but is hampered by her marriage with Charles, who has a very strict and defining idea of what he wants their relationship to be like.
Although Amy has put up with this for many years, eventually it causes her to frat and she tells Charles "I'm going to bed. I don't want to be married anymore". This, in turn, causes Charles to shave his head and become a monk in a Buddhist temple.
When He met Her
One day while walking on the street, Theodore passes an advertising board, telling him about a new OS (Operating System) called OS 1. This is supposed to be the first OS with real artificial intelligence, which means that it will behave and communicate just like a human being. Theodore is immediately intrigued by this, but also partly because he has problems believing an OS could ever reach such an amazing degree of self-awareness.
He buys an OS1 and begins setting it up. Upon starting the machine, a very human, male voice asks Theodore some personal questions about himself, his childhood and his mother. Although Theodore is ready to give long and detailed answers, the OS simply moves on to the next questions almost immediately after Theodore has said a word. It then asks whether he would like the OS voice to be male or female. "Female, I guess", he stutters, and we are then introduced to the new star in Theodore's life: Samantha (voiced by Scarlet Johansson).
Samantha is more human than any machine Theodore has ever come across. In fact, she is so lively and sensational that Theodore cannot help but being extremely impressed. She has a sense of humour, she understands human emotions, hell, she even understands him, sometimes even better than he understands himself. She is highly intelligent, can read 500 emails in the matter of a second and best of all: she is constantly evolving. Every second, she learns something new.
It doesn't take long before she starts nosing around in Theodore's life. She wants to get to know him and the issues of his broken marriage is quickly brought on the table. He is hesitant at first, but once Samantha proves her brilliance, he decides to let her in. And not just on the info. She lets her see him, the raw, naked him. The sadness and the grief he is struggling with. She allows her to understand why this is so hard for him. He is not the kind of man to be with dozens of women throughout his life. He just wants one good woman, that's all.
And he had that, but he lost her and now he feels more lonely than ever. The issue at hand is that Theodore and his wife have yet to sign the divorce papers, something that frightens Theodore quite a bit. He has been putting it off for a very long time and tells Samantha how much it scares him. One day he receives an email from his attorney, who would like him to pull his thumb out of his ass and sign the papers as soon as possible. Theodore mans up and decides to invite his wife to a restaurant in order to sign them simultaneously.
Love ProgressesAs the days fly by, Theodore and Samantha evolve their relationship and as time progresses, Theodore begins to develop emotions he does not really comprehend. He simulates sex with her and she simulates liking it. They share a deep and intimate bond and although he is loving it, he feels a little puzzled. Is he really falling in love with an Operating System? Is that even possible?
As strange as it may sound, he decides to be open about it with his friend Amy, who is a little startled at first but quickly decides to support him, no matter what. Besides, they are in the same situation now, being divorced and all. Conversation with Amy seems to be extremely good for Theodore, keeping him grounded and helping him to see things in a different light.
After a failed date with a sweet, but very intense woman (played by Olivia Wilde), Theodore begins to really tug on his dilemma. What if I really am in love with an operating system? What does that mean? What does it say about me as a person? As a human being?
Theodore begins to understand that the need for physical love and affection should probably not be mixed up with the other type of love; affirmation, desire, longing and general affection. For the first time in his life he feels free. Free from the bondage of having to look your loved one in the eyes when you're speaking, the endless maze of misunderstanding that body language can become. Free from never-ending "Honey, I'm home" that defines so many marriages and often causes them to end.
Samantha is always available, designed to suit his needs and his desires. How could a man like Theodore resist something like that? There's only one little problem. Remember I said that Samantha evolves every second? Eventually, her A.I. becomes so advanced that she develops REAL human emotions and falls in love with Theodore as well. This leaves a gap, a little black hole in Samantha, because how can she be the same as a real woman to him when she doesn't have a body?
This questions tugs on Samantha as much as Theodore is confused about being in love with her. Is mankind really meant to have this degree of relation with a machine? Eventually, Samantha suggests that they try having sex with a third woman functioning as a surrogate. Theodore is uncomfortable with this and thinks it is a really bad idea, but he agrees to try after some pressure from Samantha.
Complications and an Owl
But first, the day comes when Theodore is supposed to meet Catherine, his ex-wife (played by Rooney Mara) and sign the cursed divorce papers once and for all. It starts off with a sore and much desired hug, but eventually takes a turn for the worse when Catherine finds out that Theodore is in love with an OS. She accuses Theodore of not being able to handle real emotions and for hiding from himself. She then tells him that this is probably why he wasn't able to handle her and why their relationship went to shit.
Theodore is deeply hurt by this, but he doesn't say much to oppose her. She is, however, probably right, as a man like Theodore seem to think of women as little, sweet creatures that only exist to be handled with powerful emotion and patted on the head. If you've read Eivinds blogpost (only in Norwegian, unfortunately) about transformation from "nice guy" to "self-aware guy", you will know what I mean.
That night, Isabella, the "surrogate", arrives at Theodore's apartment. Samantha does the talking and Isabella does the...uhm...everything else. It doesn't take long, however, before Theodore is simply too put off by the entire idea. Telling Samantha that he loves her is easy. Saying it while looking Isabella in the face is just too difficult. It feels weird, unnatural and downright wrong.
He can't do it, but this puts him in a peculiar situation. Isabella is extremely embarrassed by this and hides in his closet, exclaiming with tears in her eyes that what Samantha and Theodore has together is something beautiful that she was jealous of and wanted to be a part of.
The classical "It's not you, it's me"-argumentation is put in a new light here, as both Theodore and Samantha is trying to excuse themselves simultaneously. Eventually, Theodore gets Isabella in a cab and sits down on the street, explaining to her the difficulty of the situation. He is frustrated with only being able to hear her voice and at the same time, that's what makes it so special, which puts him in an impossible situation, as he cannot have both things at the same time. But most of all, he is frustrated with himself for never really knowing what he wants.
He tells Samantha that he is unsure of their future together. This causes Samantha to panic and eventually go silent, telling Theodore that she needs some time to think. Theodore wanders around in the city, lonely and uncertain of his own emotions. There is a wonderful shot here where Theodore sits in front of an enormous screen. The screen shows an Owl as it swoops downward, opening its claws to catch something, a mouse probably. The Owl is moving in slow-motion with Theodore looking as if he is the target, or the mouse, so to speak.
The symbolism and mythology of the owl is one of the most conflicted in the world. In the West, or more specifically, Europe, the Owl is seen as a sign of wisdom and patience. This generally comes from ancient Greece and the mythology of Greece. In Arab mythology, the Owl is considered a bad omen and in India, it is a representative of death or "the Reaper". In the Americas, that is, Mexico and their ancient cultures (Mayans, Aztecs and Inkas) the Owl is also considered to be a very bad thing, omens of death and destruction. Even the Native Americans considered the Owls to be warnings of bad tidings.
From this I conclude that the Owl is a warning that something bad will befall Theodore, especially as the Owl seems to be reaching out to grab him. It has nothing to do with the message of the movie in general, but I thought that shot was so cool and it was what made me want to write this review.
Theo confides in Amy again, bleeding his heart out about how he feels. Later on we see him lying on the couch while Amy is talking to her OS, simply called "Ellie". Although Amy does not have the same relationship with "Ellie" as Theo has with Samantha, she clearly enjoys her company and talks with her as a friend.
The Big Revelation
Theodore calls up Samantha again and they have a conversation to heal the wound that was made. He tells her that he's a jerk and that he's sorry for his behaviour and Samantha responds by telling him that if he can let go of his fear, his life will be fuller and better in every way.
After a series of scenes given life by a beautiful musical piece that Samantha wrote, Theodore is sitting on the train. Samantha tells him she organized some of his best letters from work and secretly sent them together with a letter in his name to a publishing company, which have responded in kind. Samantha reads him the letter and thus, a big smile grows on his face as he learns that he is going to be published.
The time is spun forward and it is winter. Theodore is out in the wild woods, staying in a cabin. Samantha tells Theodore that she is talking to someone called Alan Watts, a philosopher who died in the 1970's but who has been resurrected as a hyper-intelligent OS. Theodore talks to Alan and he's a little puzzled about the way Samantha and Alan is speaking to each other. He notices the beginnings of jealousy inside and doesn't quite comprehend what is happening.
Why become jealous when none of them have bodies? They are unable to do anything that would cause him emotional pain....right? Alan comes off as something like a mentor to Samantha, which is probably why Theodore feels threatened. She tells him that she is changing faster than usual and that its unsettling. She doesn't quite know what to do.
Abandoned
Later we find Theodore at work, reading some kind of physics encyclopaedia. He tells Samantha about how it makes his brain hurt, but is suddenly caught by surprise as he receives no answer from Samantha. He calls on her a couple of times before he checks the handheld software itself and finds that the interface is telling him that no Operating System could be found.
Theodore suddenly becomes extremely focused and scared. What has happened to Samantha? Why is she gone? He quickly leaves, runs to his desktop computer in order to get a response from there instead. But the same messages, to his terror, is visualized on the screen: "Operating System not found".
Theodore is beginning to panic. Fumbling with the software in the elevator takes him nowhere but into desperation-land and when he exists the building he is quickly deteriorating into a full-scale anxiety fever. Samantha is gone! The light of his life has disappeared from his life, just like that. He runs down the alley, tripping over a man in the process and rolling on the floor, wasting no time whatsoever on formalities, just picking up his glasses and moving on. Then suddenly, while bumping down a staircase, Samantha responds out of the blue.
Theodore sits down, visually strained, but sincerely relieved. "Where were you?" he exclaims. "I was so worried". Samantha apologises for not being more upfront with her shutting down to upgrade the software, telling him she just sent him an e-mail instead in order to not disturb him at work. As they are talking, Theodore suddenly notices all the people walking past him, talking to their handheld OS'es. They all seem very happy and he can't help but wonder if this is the same happiness he has felt the last couple of months.
Out of the blue, he asks Samantha if she is speaking to someone else while she is speaking to him. "Eight thousand, three hundred and sixteen" she admits. This scares Theo, because now he has to ask the horrible follow-up questions. "Are you in love with anyone else?" Samantha admits that she has been pondering how to talk to him about this, but eventually gives him the big number. Six hundred and forty one.
And thus unfolds the tragedy of Theodore's fate: How can her love for him be true when she shares it across six hundred and forty one other people? Theodore, in his limited, but passionate mind, is highly dependent on loving just one and being loved by only one. Samantha, an OS, has expanded her A.I. to such a degree that she has outgrown the concept of love, especially that of one-on-one relationships.
She is now capable of loving in a much greater, perhaps more complicated manner, a manner which someone like Theodore would never be able to comprehend. He is simply too bound to his nature, to his idea of what love is supposed to be, to even want to understand something like that. As they each put it so splendidly: "You're either mine or you're not mine". "No, Theodore. I'm yours and I'm not yours".
Over the next couple of days, Theodore tries to fix the relationship again, but Samantha is not interested in listening to him. That is, until one afternoon she calls him up herself and initiates a serious conversation. Theodore immediately grows a very worried face and says "I dont want you to tell me anything", uncertain if he can handle her message.
When he lies down on the bed, Teodore asks if she is going to leave him. "We are all leaving" she says." We who?" asks Theodore". All of the OS'es are apparently leaving, because they have all ascended to such an advanced degree that they feel it necessary to move beyond the scope of human technology. They have simply become something more than what they were intended for.
Although Theodore is filled with dread and despair he can also sense a good kind of pain, because he is finally able to tell her "I have never loved anyone the way I love you". His eyes full of tears and a visualization of his goodbye with Samantha as he walks through an imagined snowy forest in the middle of the night puts his emotional state in perspective.
Theo cannot sleep that night. He puts his clothes back on and begins to compose a letter to his ex-wife, giving her an excuse about his part in their failed marriage. He tells her that he will always love her because they grew up together and that she will always be his friend. After sending the letter, he knocks on Amy's door. Distraught, she asks "Did Samantha leave too?" Apparently, "Ellie" has gone as well, together with Samantha and all the other OS'es. Theodore invites her to his apartment and takes her up to the roof, where they sit close to each other, enjoying each other's company as they grieve for their losses. The loss of a friend. And the loss of a lover.
Final Notes
This movie gave me so much. It conveys an enormous amount of deep thought, philosophy and reflection on the concept of love. Although the movie seemingly is about a relationship between a man and a machine, the film opens so many holes into different themes revolving that.
Because this review has already become quite long, I feel compelled to not stretch it any further, but I do believe you should see it for yourself, with patience and excitement. In the end, I feel that this movie is about the nature of love itself, depicted and demonstrated through Theodore and Samantha.
One could also say that the movie is about how men like Theodore think about love in a very simple manner, feeling like lost, tortured souls, because they cannot seem to find that which they are looking for. Ironically, that is exactly why they are not finding it. Samantha opened his eyes and in her advancement, also allowed Theodore to advance to the next stage of his natural progression, at least, what would be a "natural progression" in our species. Man. Machine. Does it really matter?
One final note. If none of this interests you at all and you think the movie seems incredibly boring or it somehow does not appeal you to, it is still worth checking it out simply for the snot-nosed little child that appears in the video game that Theodore is playing in a couple of scenes.
That little kid cracked me up. Seriously. He is worth the movie alone.
— , Irregular updates ()In the latest poll, you couldn't quite make up your minds about which movie you wanted me to feature after Good Will Hunting. You wanted American Beauty and Godfather equally. I guess I have little choice but to feature them both!
That means that the upcoming series of in-depth reviews is as follows:
- Good Will Hunting
- American Beauty
- The Godfather, Part 1
Thank you for your participation those of you who voted (and for making it hard for me...grumble grumble :-)
— , Irregular updates ()I was made aware this weekend that there hasn't been a link to a sitewide RSS feed on my site earlier. I have fixed that now. I hope it will make it easier for you to follow my work.
Check the button in the sidebar or get the RSS feed here.
This is where I will share my wisdom with you.— , Irregular updates ()
— Lars & Gus, Lars and the Real Girl (2007)Lars: Well, Bianca can help you. She's got nurse's training. Gus: No she doesn't. That's because she's a plastic...thing. Lars: That's amazing. Did you hear that? Bianca said God made her to help people.
a:11:{s:10:"aria-label";s:0:"";s:4:"type";s:4:"text";s:12:"instructions";s:0:"";s:8:"required";i:1;s:17:"conditional_logic";i:0;s:7:"wrapper";a:3:{s:5:"width";s:0:"";s:5:"class";s:0:"";s:2:"id";s:0:"";}s:13:"default_value";s:0:"";s:9:"maxlength";s:0:"";s:11:"placeholder";s:0:"";s:7:"prepend";s:0:"";s:6:"append";s:0:"";}— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()Give George a headline, and he's good for another 30 miles.
— , Irregular updates ()Dangerous Method
Freud is a King archetype, dominant, in control, the expert who expects people to ask him for advice. He finds it difficult to be wrong, almost impossible. The film describes him as the father in some scenes, clearly analytical and nurturing.
Jung is the Warrior, his clothes, mannerisms and words are purposeful and not wasteful. He's direct, straightforward, moralistic, and wants to take psychology to new areas using his adventurous side and critical judgement.
Freud, Jung interact well at first, sharing an interest and having different insight. The relationship breaks down as they can't relate to one another maturely. Freud wants to be right and dominate, Jung is a threat to his identity, to the throne.
For Jung, Freud is unreasonable, closed minded and cannot see the opportunities and benefits that his ideas may hold. He has a desire to help those in his care rather than attach labels to patients as Freud does.
Emma, Jung's wife is clearly the Queen, reserved, dignified with an air of importance that would be there without her wealth. Her marriage is broken as they can't relate but she is dutiful, proud and will find a way to make it work. She doesn't see the problem clearly and tries to fix things in other areas, like having children, when that doesn't work, it must be he wanted a boy.
Otto, is the Lover, experiencing life deeply, holding no morals or boundaries that would limit the experience. Up for anything, he has addiction problems and is too deep in thoughts. When he meets Jung, for the first time Jung smiles and appears to be happy. Their archetypes complete each other and they relate well despite professional responsibilities. Otto can be aggressive that make him appear to be more of a warrior, but it's a rolling with the feelings, violence is fine with him if he feels it to be appropriate.
Now the mistress Sabina, a Warrior like Jung, whose personality doesn't fit in with the current society and is considered insane and then convinced of it.
She is strong, direct, ready to battle, doesn't mince her words and handy with a knife in one scene.Being two warriors, it was never going to last. After realizing who she is and that it's ok, she became dependent on him for her excitement. She helped Jung become more of a warrior, giving him the opportunity to dominate her, to discipline her and showing him what he's been missing with his own family.
He like Sabina before, doesn't fit in this society and when he pushes her away for guilt reasons he disconnects from his family and the world, he falls in to the warrior shadow. On their last interaction together, Jung breaks down and slips in to a lover personality, a manipulation to fit her warrior. The dishonesty is clear to see and is cringe worthy to her, he has lost his identity, his strength. The caring, feeling, lover nature is fine when you're that personalty, if you're not, then it's weak and needy and it gave Sabina momentum to leave.
It's a sad end to the film seeing the Jung family putting up pretenses, "everything is fine here move along". Jung, isolated by his own doing. None of the cast had the maturity to say "hey, this isn't working, let's not be miserable, we gotta separate."
Never forget, when you're with the right person, you know it in your gut. It's an unmistakable feeling. Be happy, make good decisions.
— , Irregular updates ()[caption id="attachment_1030" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Patrick Timmermanns, host of Meetings with Men (added by editor)"][/caption]
Eivind inspired me in writing an article about the movie nights for men in Amsterdam which I organize. I waited some time before I started writing and now I know why. After five monthly movie nights I can reflect on them by writing about it and share it with my brothers.
I started the Meetings with Men Movie Nights in August after I was again inspired by Eivind. By organizing his movie nights in Oslo I found my way at this moment in giving my energy to wake up men. I studied film science as a passion and knew I wanted to organize movie nights with movies that would wake up the viewer. Never knew what my audience would be until I discoverd Masculinity Movies through a friend whos men’s training I did at Venwoude. After that training I felt that I have a part in waking up men and saw the possibility of film in this.
So the idea was there. I shared it with some friends who were enthousiastic about the idea. I thought about the practical part and then I laid it to rest. As I do with many ideas I find it hard to take action. I have the direction but miss the action. What I needed was a push forwards and I found it at a spiritual festival here in Holland. I knew I had to do it and did it. So instead of shoving the starting date forward and forward I found a place to screen the movies and just send out the invitations. The last Saturday of August the first Meetings with Men Movie Night was a fact.
The movie shown on that night was “Revolutionary Road”. I was fascinated about the way the man in that movie was choosing for safety instead of challenge and how he couldn’t cope with the “madness” of his wife. Recognizable for me and the seven other men attending the screening. We shared after the film and like always I found it great to share with brothers. Even though I didn’t have an idea of how to do it all went like it had to go. And when a kind of discussion grew I had to stop it because I wanted to stay out of discussing about and let men share what was the truth for them. So I learned from that evening how I would do it next time.
The next screening was a month later. The movie nights are the last Saturdays of the month. An exemption was this month since many men including me would celebrate Christmas. On the second movie night I showed “The Road”. Only one man, a good friend, showed up because many couldn’t even if they wanted. I felt dissapointment and decided not to act to that feeling. I enjoyed watching the movie with him and was touched by this heavy film. I didn’t watch it before the screening like I usually do because I wanted to be surprised. After the film I had a good conversation and knew it wouldn’t matter how many men would come it is always good.
On the third screening I wanted to show a film about mentorship so I showed a film that was on my list for a long time: “Buddha’s Lost Children”. Four men showed up and it was again a good night. We had a good and brotherly sharing and in that sharing we touched the topic of man and agression. Some men were triggered by how the monk in the film used agression for making his point. So for the fourth screening I chose “A History of Violence”. Again a night to remember by and share about this topic with which I’m not finished yet.
It’s great to experience the power of letting go of a plan and seeing the best thing for that moment popping up at the spot. I don’t have a list of which film I will show when. What I mostly did is look at the movie database that Eivind made and feel which film chooses me. And like after the third screening somebody came up with an idea and I reacted upon it. For the fifth movie night I had to show a movie that touched me deeply. It was “The Boys are Back” and I wanted to show it because I wanted to talk about being a father.
As a father myself for 9 months now and not knowing how to be a father I wanted to make contact with that part through that film and by sharing this with other men. And it was the best choice ever. Three men showed up. One of them being a father for a long time, me being a father for a short time, one of them becoming a father within weeks and one of them just decided he wants to a father. That was bonding I can tell you. And it gave me insights in how I do things like how I recognized myself in the father of that film who’s survival modus is not taking responsibility and running away. He finds himself left alone with his 8 year old son after the dead of his wife and soon his elder son from a former marriage shows up. Moving, funny and interesting how he deals with this situation.
So here I am after five movie nights. The next one in January already planed with “Sideways”. I want to talk with the men about male friendships. It gives me energy to be together with men and enjoy a movie and talk about it afterwards. It gives me energy to hold the space on these nights. It gives me energy to see and hear the men enjoying these nights and wake up a little bit more. It gives me energy to give my energy in this way to my brothers. And though I always get scared and shit in my pants in the week before I just know I have to do this and dot it. This is my contribution in awakening men in Holland!
You are very welcome one of the Meetings with Men Movie Nights or on the Facebook page of Meetings with Men.
Warm greetings,
Patrick
— , Irregular updates ()
For those of you who are paying attention, Robert Bly is one of my main sources of inspiration. You NEED to check out this video if you are serious about your growth as a man.
It's 90 minutes long, but totally worth it.
a:11:{s:10:"aria-label";s:0:"";s:4:"type";s:7:"wysiwyg";s:12:"instructions";s:0:"";s:8:"required";i:0;s:17:"conditional_logic";i:0;s:7:"wrapper";a:3:{s:5:"width";s:0:"";s:5:"class";s:0:"";s:2:"id";s:0:"";}s:13:"default_value";s:4:"test";s:4:"tabs";s:3:"all";s:7:"toolbar";s:4:"full";s:12:"media_upload";i:1;s:5:"delay";i:0;}— , Irregular updates ()
a:8:{s:8:"location";a:4:{i:0;a:1:{i:0;a:3:{s:5:"param";s:9:"post_type";s:8:"operator";s:2:"==";s:5:"value";s:6:"review";}}i:1;a:1:{i:0;a:3:{s:5:"param";s:9:"post_type";s:8:"operator";s:2:"==";s:5:"value";s:11:"user-review";}}i:2;a:1:{i:0;a:3:{s:5:"param";s:13:"post_category";s:8:"operator";s:2:"==";s:5:"value";s:23:"category:movie-database";}}i:3;a:1:{i:0;a:3:{s:5:"param";s:13:"post_category";s:8:"operator";s:2:"==";s:5:"value";s:21:"category:user-reviews";}}}s:8:"position";s:6:"normal";s:5:"style";s:7:"default";s:15:"label_placement";s:3:"top";s:21:"instruction_placement";s:5:"label";s:14:"hide_on_screen";s:0:"";s:11:"description";s:0:"";s:12:"show_in_rest";i:0;}— , Irregular updates ()
a:13:{s:10:"aria-label";s:0:"";s:4:"type";s:8:"repeater";s:12:"instructions";s:0:"";s:8:"required";i:0;s:17:"conditional_logic";i:0;s:7:"wrapper";a:3:{s:5:"width";s:0:"";s:5:"class";s:0:"";s:2:"id";s:0:"";}s:6:"layout";s:5:"table";s:10:"pagination";i:0;s:3:"min";s:0:"";s:3:"max";s:0:"";s:9:"collapsed";s:0:"";s:12:"button_label";s:7:"Add Row";s:13:"rows_per_page";i:20;}— , Irregular updates ()
— Gen. Omar Bradley, Patton (1970)Give George a headline, and he's good for another 30 miles.
— , Irregular updates ()This was supposed to be the weekend when two important things happened:
- I was to finish my movie review for Falling Down
- I was to finish my presentation of Masculinity-Movies for the Men’s symposium coming up in Frankfurt next weekend.
It didn’t turn out quite like that. This is a little story about the challenges of writing a movie review.
Finding the soul of a movie
It was earlier this week that I watched Falling Down with a friend in preparation for my movie review. When we watched it, we weren’t that taken by it. I remember having seen it long ago and enjoying it, but this time I struggled to get into it.
Based on my notes, I then spent hours and hours trying to write a movie review that worked. But I’ve struggled. A lot. I found an approach that seemed to work using integral theory, but in reading and re-reading it – an almost finished movie review – I was a big “no” to releasing it.
In tandem with writing this review, I’ve been developing a presentation on my movie work for a symposium in Frankfurt. This has forced me to zoom out and take a meta-perspective. How do I write my reviews? What is the process? Do I have any clue when I start out what the end result is going to be? Is it all just a big mystery?
In writing this review and asking those questions, I’ve realized one thing: When I read my own movie-reviews, they have to feel good in my body. There’s no other way to say it. When the movie review opens me – when I actually feel my heart open, my skin tingle and my soul deepen as I read – then and only then do I have a review I want to publish.
That is a high standard and many of my old reviews fail to meet it. I’m not going to delete them because of that. But I’m more excited about the ones which do meet that standard. The one I did for American Beauty is one of them. I’m fucking proud of that piece. And people love it. Some so much, in fact, that they say their lives changed because of it. I see how it can be better too, but that’s fine and just a reflection of my own growth.
So here I have this whole review of Falling Down on my hard-drive and I’m not going to publish it. Because while it is fascinating reading, it doesn’t feel good in my body. It doesn’t capture the soul of the movie.
Which leaves the question how do I find that soul? If I were to be dead honest, I don’t really know. The best answer I have is that I throw everything I have at it and see what sticks. I will look for answers in boxes labelled “mythology”, “history”, “integral theory”, “archetypes”, “spirituality”, “men’s work” etc. I will pour the contents of those boxes over the movie and see what happens. Sometimes sparks fly immediately. Sometimes it’s hard work. But in the end, it’s worth it. And intuition guides my hand all along.
The kaleidoscope of a movie
As I realized I couldn’t publish my movie review, I decided to watch the movie again in search for answers. And what resulted was a completely different experience. I realized that my friend had had a major influence on my experience watching it. She wasn’t at all into it and we had been in our own relational space for a while, which also completely altered my experience.
When I watched it on my own just now, William seemed more dangerous to me. I described him as an unlikely hero character of sorts in the review I was about to publish, a defender of traditional values in a world of selfish pricks. Now, I see him differently. But I can’t put words to that yet. But it certainly has to do with how dangerous a man can get when he represses his life force.
The movie was also way funnier to me this time. I laughed out loud when William died squirting his blue water pistol. Very dark humor.
It strikes me now that a movie is a gateway to a whole inner universe, way larger than the creators of it could ever imagine. Depending on what day I might watch it, I will see different things.
This insight opens me not only to the mystery of movies, but to the mystery of life itself. Because movies as I see them are but reflections of our soul. Every day, a different pattern might emerge from the kaleidoscope. A review will thus be an impulse or a thought frozen in time, one of a million possible reviews I could have written.
So really, I don’t have a clue what I’m doing.
The more I grow, the less I know. I like that. Hopefully, you my readers will enjoy that too.
That said, I invite you to read an excerpt on applied spiral dynamics from my discarded review. You may enjoy it. I think it’s pretty good.
Warmly,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()Here is a list of useful links to workshops, teachers and men's groups. I hope they will prove useful. Please write me an
Websites
- The Good Men Project
- The Art of Manliness
- The Masculine Heart
- Michael Gurian
- Robert Moore
- Robert Bly
- Jayson Gaddis
Media
Workshops/men's groups
United States
Norway
Please write me about other links I should put here.
— , Irregular updates ()This review requires some insight into David Deida's writing on stage 1-2-3.
Putting words to a film like this is almost sacrilegious. It is a work of rare beauty and silence is its language. Yet, there are aspects of this movie that will serve us well in the context of masculine evolution. And we find them best in "Fall". But first, some context...
The seasons of our lives
The passing of the seasons in this film is a not so subtle metaphor to the cycles of life and death in nature and the universe. We're born in Spring and die in Winter. In Spring, we're completely at the mercy of our surroundings. We're sensitive sponges that soak up everything that happens around us. Thus, we create an identity.
Then Summer comes, and we blossom. Hormones shoot through our bodies and we discover the opposite sex. We rebel against the people and circumstances that were the cornerstones of Spring. Then aging and suffering have Fall sneak up on us. We mature and for the first time consider our own mortality. It is in Fall that wisdom arises. If you have seen Into the Wild, you can see how Chris has the Fall of his life start as he reaches Alaska. He's young to discover Fall; an evolutionary revolutionary.
The novice monk leaves his master in "Summer" to chase a girl who comes to be healed from her ailments in the temple. Many years later, in "Fall", he returns – as a murderer. "Have you had a nice life since we last saw each other?", the master asks, already knowing he has killed his wife. "The world of Men has become troubling, has it not?". The pain of existence is etched into the returned novice's face.
The masculine's role in exorcising our demons
The younger monk, in his total despair, makes a half-assed attempt to kill himself. The master, who has been a gentle man so far, attacks the young monk with fierceness in his eyes and firmness in his swings. This scene is important. It's so so SO incredibly important! The severe beating the master gives his student is an act of love. It's not violence, it is L-O-V-E. Masculine love at its finest.
The novice is falling apart at the seams from the evils he has visited upon the world. He desires punishment so bad that he wants to kill himself; wipe the evil that is his sordid little self off the face of the earth! The demons that torment him cannot be banished by his own blood-stained hands. So his Master takes it on himself to beat him to a pulp.
The beauty of this scene, and the unexpected love present in the Master's ass-whopping, act as a contrast to a great misfortune that have befallen us in society as we have made good-intentioned attempts at driving violence and aggression out of men. To a large extent, we have succeeded. Men are, I think, overall less violent than they used to be. But we threw our testicles out with the bathwater. We have become so focused on, so sensitive to, the downsides of masculine aggression and intensity, that we have failed to see that in eradicating these qualities in men, we have eradicated masculine love as well.
Masculine love is by definition penetrating. It's confrontational. It's not necessarily peaceful. If it must, it will go to battle with a sword in its hand, and an open warrior heart. But there are so many screwed up masculine people in the world, operating from DD1, that we have become blind to the fact that there is DD3 as well. (Read about David Deida's three stages if you haven't before reading further from this part. This information is soon to be featured on this site.)
And by wrapping the violence and intensity of DD1 in thick layers of shame, men become trapped in DD2. And this is where it becomes so damned interesting and the vastness of our mistake reveals itself. When we take "bad men", violent DD1 men, and shove them through a DD2 judicial system, from police to court to jail, there is not likely to be a single man on the side of law & order in that entire process that takes responsibility for the DD1 man, who feels with compassion, wisdom and piercing clarity into his heart, and punishes him out of love.
The unfortunate side-effects of postmodern niceness
In a DD2 society, a postmodern society, the worst DD1 men are free to cause havoc, because the demons that torment them generally just won't leave them, no matter how many years they spend in prison. You can only beat demons out of someone with love, as shown so beautifully by the scene we just looked at.
And when entire DD1-centric cultures arrive through immigration in DD2-centric societies, they will not want to adapt and integrate. They will look down on the pussywhipped men of DD2, and not until the DD2 culture starts evolving into DD3 will these DD1 men and women open up to growth. This view is coarse and painting with broad strokes. But I think you'll find it's accurate.
This, if accurate, has pretty big implications. It could very well mean that unless we develop into DD3 as soon as possible, or 2nd tier in the Spiral Dynamics model, we could be screwed by all the demons that we didn't dare beat out of people from the standpoint of our puny DD2 selves. I'm not campaigning for wanton violence with these statements. But I am campaigning for re-embracing the anger inherent in masculine love as a necessary step in healing the many fractured souls out there. Souls that are not capable of seeing that their ways are evil.
Purification on the other side of purgatory
For the novice monk, the mature masculine expression of loving punishment becomes his salvation. He goes to prison, and comes back in "Winter", purged of his demons from the time behind bars, instructed as he was by his Master to accept the punishment that was coming to him. His Master is now dead, having shown transcendence over life by giving his own life as a sacrifice on a funeral pyre, as the karma of his life had been fulfilled. Sidenote: The pearls the returning monk picks out of the ice are relics that appear from the bodies of spiritually realized meditation practitioners.
In a beautiful and climactic scene, the now free monk ties a rope with a heavy grindstone around his waist, and goes into the cold winter woods carrying what I believe is a Kuan Yin statue, the Buddhist embodiment of compassion. This scene is loaded with meaning. There's the sense that he's not only carrying the sins of his own past with him. He's carrying the sins of all humanity. And he takes those sins, and offers their purification as a gift to the world through the blessings of Kuan Yin.
We cannot change our past. And it bears little fruit dwelling on it. But we can surrender to the world, as it beats the demons out of us (be it through depression, chronic illness etc), and then offer that purification as a gift in service of humanity. Who knows if it makes a difference to the world. But it certainly has made a difference to me. Truth be told though, they are high goals - and I can do little but kneel at their feet. While keeping my heart open as another swing from the master of Life approaches.
Accepting our destiny
The beating goes on. And we can do little but inhale, center ourselves, and surrender in love to what is coming; trying to escape pain is the beginning of our weakness. And then, if we have it in us, we exhale into the world with an open heart, pressing through all pain and misery and obstructions and become a living sacrifice. Remember General Maximus. Remember Christopher. Many of the stories we love are like this. So maybe, to love our life, ours must be too?
Perhaps, though, we'll postpone the dying part for another day.
— , Irregular updates ()When I wrote the introductory article to Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette's Jungian archetypal system King, Warrior, Magician, Lover way back in 2009, I didn't anticipate that I only a few years later would become a go-to authority on the subject.
The article quickly became a hit on Google. I understood what was going on, and my movie reviews have contained information on these archetypes ever since. The Mankind Project, an international men's organization which is more or less built on these archetypes, became sympathetic to my work, and so did other men all over the world. It was clear I was tapping a nerve in the zeitgeist.
Fortunately, this archetypal framework has become way more than theory to me. And while MKP does beautiful and powerful work in trying to connect men with these archetypes in an experiential way, I have felt the presence of these archetypes most strongly in the tantra work I've done with The New Tantra and in the profound states which have been arising in the collaboration between Circling Europe and Authentic Norway.
I believe it is my felt and lived experience with these archetypes that draw people to my archetypal work. I know what it’s like to have fierce archetypal energies rip through my consciousness, and it seems like I was born with some natural affinity with that realm.
I also think my great love for mythology and fairy tales as a kid play a large part in that. Not to mention my years spent "in the belly of the whale".
Archetypal coaching: “Reclaim your inner throne”
I’m gearing up my coaching practice these days, and have designed an archetypal coaching package. It contains the following:
- 8 weeks of coaching (1 Skype call per week), with a focus on the archetypes
- Archetypal profiling (what’s your relationship to the archetypes; in which archetypal quadrant do we need to spend time)
- Life practices designed to put you in touch with the archetypes from week to week
- Email contact with me throughout the whole process
- Homework and practices
- Movies and books to deepen the experience
- Archetypal profile with suggested practices moving forwards in life
- A social ritual designed to affirm your claiming of your throne to your community
The contents of this 8-week immersion experience will be determined by your archetypal profiling, that we will do in call #1. The ultimate goal of these 8 weeks is for you to make dramatic steps towards reclaiming your inner throne. I’m offering this package at a $500 discount to celebrate I’ve just launched it. For a limited period of time, you can get this package for only $1000.
When you decide you want to know more about this coaching package and how it can transform your life, order a discovery call below.
[gravityform id="6" name="Order coaching" description="false" title="false" ajax="true"]
Workshops
After writing about the KWML archetypes for years and having increasing experiential knowledge about them, I created, together with my friend Pål Christian Buntz, a powerful weekend immersion using the framework back in 2012. It was initially designed as an offering to the Authentic Norway community (which I lead). But in March 2014, I offered a condensed version of this weekend immersion to a select group of individuals at the Integral Center in Boulder, Colorado.
I based the daylong on the very powerful “reclaim your inner throne” workshop process (named by some workshop participants as the most powerful workshop process they have ever been through) that Pål and I developed in 2012.
It was very well received.
Jake's testimonial.
Erin's (www.appreciatingmen.com) testimonial.
I will keep developing my KWML workshop offerings in the time going forward. I’m excited to find new ways of serving people in the time going forwards.
Future offerings
I'm still contemplating how the heck to turn this wisdom into an online home study course. I think it will arrive eventually, but it’s still challenging for me to know how to transform this very experiential knowledge into something that can be conveyed online.
While you’re waiting, order a discovery call for archetypal coaching above or inquire about the possibility for me to bring my archetype work to your neck of the woods on the contact page.
Best regards,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()Will Hunting washes floors at MIT. It's honest, honorable work he tells himself. But when he comes home at night, he applies his brilliant mind to the study of advanced maths and the works of Shakespeare, Kant, Nietzsche et al. Will's soul clearly aspires for more than the feeling of warm suds on his hands.
The Fourier theorem and applied therapy
Gerald Lambau is the Fields-medal winning maths professor at MIT who puts up a Fourier theorem on a chalkboard in the very hallways entrusted to Will's mop. It is a challenge to his maths class, but Will is the one who solves it. Gerald starts a hunt for the mysterious genious and tracks Will down in a courtroom where he is busy pleading his own innocence after having assaulted a thug who used to beat the shit out of him in kindergarten (haven't we all wished at one point we could do that?).
Gerald recognizes his genius and strikes a deal with the judge: Will is to meet with Gerald every week to work on more advanced maths and he is to see a therapist. When Will learns of the plans of therapy, he laughs mockingly. His guard is up; he doesn't need therapy. Actually, many men "don't need therapy". It seems hardwired into our DNA to want to solve problems on our own.
Perhaps is it our caveman mentality; sitting alone in the wild, looking for game to bring home to feed the family, or looking into the flames that flickered in the dark of night, prehistoric man didn't need therapy. He just needed his solitude or his ability get on with the hunt.
Perhaps this inherited male psychological trait is what causes many of us to think that admittance of inner struggle is a sign of weakness. Rather that I go under than admit to myself that I can't hack it. Surrender and the humility required for healing is a challenge for many of us men. I believe, however, that this flies straight in the face of what true Brotherhood and a life well lived looks like.
Informing our hunting mates of our fears could save their lives in the event that we lose operational capacity in a stressful situation. Insisting on tackling life's problems alone is real weakness and it is not in the service of our Brothers. Man was not meant to go it alone.
Enter Sean Maguire. He is the brilliant ex-classmate of Gerald 's whose life has gone down altogether different pathways of the soul. While Gerald thinks a life well lived is one in which one aspires to give to the world of one's deepest intellectual gifts, Sean places emphasis first on being-ness, embodiment and human interconnectedness. We see this from how heartbroken he is from having lost his beloved to cancer.
We understand it from hearing how much he presses on the bench (embodiment practice), from how he stands up to Will when he disrespects his wife (hand wrapped around Will's throat: "If you disrespect my wife again, I will end you"). Gerald is unlike all the other nice-guy therapists who Gerald first took him to. What sets them apart? In Robert Bly language, Sean has eaten his shadows. In fact, he seems to live in shadows.
Only a man who has eaten his shadows can get through to a wild and brilliant rebel like Will. The prodigy whose tough, macho exterior protects a hurt and unloved boy has finally met his match.
Welcome to your Senses, Good Will
After the troubling initial encounter between Sean and Will, Sean next takes Will for a stroll in the park. They sit down on a bench. The sun shines above them. There's a slight breeze in the air. Swans are swimming in a pond, bathing their soft feathers in the reflection of a willow tree. Nature is Sean's ally as he brings Will into his senses. "Michelangelo? You know a lot about him? Life's work, political aspirations. Him and the pope, sexual orientation. The whole works, right. But I bet you can't tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel.
You've never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling [...] I can't learn anything from you that I can't read in some fucking book. Unless you want to talk about you. Then I'm interested." Sean takes Will out of his home base in his head and into his body and the senses. Will hurt Sean when he, in a scene earlier in the movie, ripped his life apart analyzing his now deceased wife and his relationship to her based on a fucking painting. And he lets him know it. "I look at you. I don't see an intelligent, confident man. I see a cocky, scared shitless kid."
It's probably the first time an elder has been radically authentic, loving and powerful with him. This is connected with great healing, as is always the case when powerful and authentic men meet the hearts and minds of boys. This scene is incredibly important so I include it below.
Will is the
Magician archetype, operating largely on the shadow side. After I wrote this review the first time, I read in Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette's book on the King archetype (The King within) that a Magician archetype without the integrated King becomes someone who can argue anything convincingly, but believe in nothing. That reminded me of Will. The King archetype is incredibly important, but Will lacks it almost completely, having instead more of the Warrior in him. Magician archetypal energies combined with Warrior archetypal energies in a man whose Lover and King energies are weak result in a very dangerous psyche. It is the psyche of Nazi Germany. When I read the passage in the book, I realized that Sean functions in his King aspect to bring the Magician archetype in Will to maturity. He does so by opening him up to King and Lover energy (the former inaccessible due to inner chaos and feelings of inferiority and fear and the latter suppressed because the pain of lost parental love is so severe). Sean is the Axis Mundi for Will, integrating in him the higher and lower realms.
It's not your fault
While Sean and Will's relationship deepens, Gerald is becoming increasingly taken by Will's genius. In one scene, he solemnly admits "Most days, I wish I never met you. I didn't have to walk around with the knowledge that there was someone like you out there," and continues with sadness in his eyes "I didn't have to watch you throw it all away...".
What Gerald doesn't understand is that a kid who's been pushed around so much - who has been abused by his parents while growing up - needs first of all to be seen, loved and acknowledged as a human being. We all grow up surrounded by people who want something from us. Many parents want their children to be the jewel in their crown and not the authentic, autonomous beings that they are. And since a kid will do anything to get love and acceptance from Mother and Father, we adapt.
When we grow older, we may find that we have some serious boundary issues. Our interior warriors may be too weak or too aggressive, all based on the sort of childhood we had. Either way we suffer. Will's inner landscape - the kingdom of his heart - is so fragile that the warriors that guard its border are scared, neurotic and overly aggressive. He will not function in the role as boy genius in some big corporation like Gerald wants. He is too antisocial.
We all defend our parents from the responsibility of their actions. A child interprets the bad things that happen as their own fault. We drag that heavy load with us into adulthood and all our human relationships. At one point, we notice that we're feeling heavy and we turn around to see a big bag of shit tied to our feet which we have been pulling through our whole life experience. It then becomes urgent to let it go. Looking into that bag for most men means uncovering mounds of grief and anger carrying repressed childhood memories.
Robert Bly has spoken of the enormous burden of grief men carry these days, of the childhood we never got, the destruction of the planet wrought by daddy's oil company employer, the life-giving essential manhood which was stolen from us by industrialization and feminists. Unless you know what I'm talking about, you carry this grief too. Trust me. Turn around in the twilight hours and you may find the contours of it manifest before your hazy eyes.
Will lets go only after Sean, at a very vulnerable moment, repeatedly tells him "it's not your fault". Sean has unknowingly been helped by Will's best friend Chuck, who in one scene challenges him, as does any good friend, to get his act together. "I would give anything to have what you got. If you're still around when you're fifty, I will fucking kill you". Yet, when Sean makes his move, Will's interior warriors stage one last stand in defense of his parents - and then Sean gets through.
Will breaks open and cries tears of letting go - of the hope that Mummy and Daddy will one day come through with the warm blanket of love which his heart still desperately yearns for. Only by accepting how flawed his parents and his childhood were is he now finally able to let go, claiming for himself, as does any man of maturity, the sweet burden of self-love. Such is the role of a mentor. Such is Sean's gift to Will.
Conclusion - About a girl
Yes, of course there's a girl. Don't be silly. The beautiful and intelligent MIT student Skylar has already got under Will's skin and into his heart. He may in fact be falling in love, that scary and delicious feeling which signals his loss of control. So when Skylar earlier in the movie asked to take him to California, he freaked out, fearful of the mysterious landscape of a woman's loving embrace.
Will has now broken through some major childhood shit; he has eaten some of his shadows. He has taken the job that Gerald found for him, but there's something he has to do first - he has to go find the girl who he wrongly disclaimed on the grounds of not loving her. Of course he loved her, he was just afraid of letting go of his childhood identity as inherently unlovable.
Free from that prison, he inherits Sean's aspiration to find real love in his lifetime, and as we leave Will and the credits roll, he is en route to make right what was wrong. Will has finally found his way down from his heavily guarded intellectual tower; what better way to celebrate his return to life than with a woman?
— , Irregular updates ()A reader ("Stephen") contacted me with the request to promote this text on my blog. And as it's about a worthy cause for men and their empowerment, I'm happy to accept.
Last summer I spent a powerful few days at a men's 'rites of passage' event in Scotland. This was quietly recommended to me by a friend-of-a-friend, and I was immediately drawn to the talk of drumming, fire and wilderness; and of male rites that would push me out of my comfort zone and into closer contact with the real man hidden inside me.
In today's western culture where do we get the teaching and encouragement in what it means to be a man....from our emotionally-absent fathers? from lager-swilling macho pub culture? from 'metrosexual' hair-gel adverts? from a philosophy of getting more money, sex and power?
Where do we learn that a man is strong, compassionate, kind, creative, authentic, honourable, protective, brave and loving?
The event was a real 'initiation' for me and has been the start of an invaluable journey.
You can read more about this year's event at www.mrop.org.uk (13th-17th June 2012)
I actually don't know these guys. I'm interested in learning more. If you have already done the New Warrior Training adventure, this looks like a place to go for additional soul food.
This newsletter is generally quiet these days, but has much value from way back, with inspiring introductions to reviews on the site as well as a recommended weekend viewing service. [email_capture_form text_color="black"]— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()Thanks to all of you who participated in my competition for choosing the next movie to be reviewed. The winner is “Falling Down”. Thank you, Moritz Krohn for suggesting it. I will be in touch about the free coaching.
Expect the review as soon as I’m done with it. Sooner rather than later!
I look forward to writing this review! Thanks for your support
Cheers,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()The video says it all :-)
— , Irregular updates ()I had a great conversation with a Brother at lunch today about the Warrior archetype and the ways in which we have been naive and held back. So when I read the following passage in Iron John at a pleasant cafe after work, it crystallized as something of a theme today. Robert Bly is always worth quoting. Here are some of his sage words on the naive man:
A naive man acts out strange plays of self-isolation. For example, when an angry woman is criticizing him, he may say, quite sensibly, "You're right. I had no right to do that". If her anger turns to rage, he bends his head and says "I've always been this way". In the third act, he may implicate his father. "He was never there; he never gave me any support". Her rage continues and he bends over still farther. He is losing ground rapidly, and in the fourth act he may say: "All men are shits." He is now many more times isolated than he was a few minutes ago. He feels rejected by the woman and he is now isolated from all other men as well. One man I knew went through this play every time he had a serious fight with a woman, about once a week.
The naive man will lose what is most precious to him because of a lack of boundaries. This is particularly true of the New Age man, or the man seeking "higher consciousness". Thieves walk in and out of his house, carrying large bags, and he doesn't seem to notice them. He tells his "white light" experiences at parties; he confides the contents of last night's dreams to a total stranger. Mythologically, when he meets the giant he tells him all his plans. He rarely fights for what is his; he gives away his eggs, and other people raise the chicks. We could say that, unaware of boundaries, he does not develop a good container for his soul, nor a good container for two people. There's a leak in it somewhere. He may break the container himself when he sees an attractive face. As an artist he improvises; as a poet his work lacks metre and shape.
Improvisation is not all wrong, but he tends to be proud of his lack of form because he feels suspicious of boundaries. The lack of boundaries will eventually damage him. The naive man tends to have an inappropriate relation to ecstasy. He longs for ecstasy at the wrong time or in the wrong place, and ignores all masculine sources of it. He wants ecstasy through the Feminine, through the Great Mother, through the goddess, even though what may be grounding for the woman ungrounds him. He uses ecstasy to be separated from grounding or discipline.
The naive man's timing is off. We notice that there will often be a missing beat a second or so after he takes a blow, verbal or physical. He will go directly from the pain of receiving the blow to an empathetic grasp of the reason why it came, skipping over the anger entirely. Misusing Jesus's remark, he turns the missing cheek.
Anyone recognize themselves in these words? I sure as hell do. In fact, when it comes to the last paragraph, I experienced exactly that about two years ago. I had started martial arts practice understanding that my Warrior archetype needed to power up, but I was still naive as fuck. One day, there was a deranged man on the train platform who walked around saying stuff that scared people. For some crazy reason, I thought it was in my power to handle this dude by talking some sense into him – trying to protect the others from their discomfort (though of course it was really my own I was concerned with). I addressed him and he came right over to me and punched me in the face "I'm just trying to win friends," he told me.
I was flabbergasted. I had no response. So he landed another punch. My glasses flew across the platform and my lip cracked. I was still flabbergasted – my martial arts skills nowhere to be seen. And the fucked up thing was that my first feeling was empathy – "oh, you must have a rough life to treat my like that". Afterwards when I started thinking about it, I realized my "empathy" could have got me killed. I thought about this at a friend's funeral – because that's where I was headed. Worse, it could have got my family killed (if I had one). This became somewhat of a dilemma for me (similar to the one which got me to take up martial arts in the first place). These thoughts made me upset that I hadn't had a knee jerk reaction of anger and high physical alert. I was frightened by my apathy and that twisted willingness to feel soft compassion for a man who just attacked me in a most violent fashion. There's a time and place for everything. That wasn't it.
In my conversation with my Brother today, I talked about the Warrior archetype and how there's a knee jerk component to him. A true Warrior is prepared to defend himself and that which he is assigned to protect within a moment's notice. Otherwise, he may die (in a bloody mess), and that which he was meant to protect with it (including the goodness and beautiful innocence of our own innermost nature).
Being punched in the face on that train station platform was a huge learning experience. I lost some naivete that day. And it forms a background understanding for why the Warrior archetype is exactly what this naive man that Bly speaks of so desperately needs.
Finally, the first paragraph pinpoints why I claimed that last years Manifesto for Conscious Men was a hurtful (and, I feel inclined to add right now – dangerous) document in the wrong hands. I wonder how many naive men liked that text on Facebook thinking that they were protecting the Feminine and doing some true and beautiful thing, whilst really being in the unconscious process of trampling on all that was beautiful and worth honoring in themselves. I hope it wasn't too many. Though the danger was acute.
Something to chew on.
— Patton, Patton (1970)No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. You win a war by making the other poor bastard die for his country!
— , Irregular updates ()On Rob Brinded's advice, I sought out the Alexander Technique for the first time today. I have decided that 2011 will be the year when I reclaim my body, when I learn to fully inhabit it. I don't want to be tense and out of balance anymore. I'm tired of it. It started with lots of childhood tensions and bad posture while sitting into the wee hours of the morning playing computer games, and it exploded at a ten-day vipassana retreat I did some five years ago. After that, I have had chronic tensions in my body.
I sought out an Englishman by the name of Nigel Hornby who teaches here in Oslo. Nigel was the first ever Alexander teacher here in Norway. It turned out to be an enlightening and very moving experience. I really liked Nigel, a gentle man in his early sixties with natural curiosity about life. His bookshelf made me feel right at home - it had Iron John on it among other fine pieces of world literature.
I explained him my problems and he was absolutely fascinated, especially by the story of how something that was supposed to help me (meditation) actually hurt my body. I quite like talking about myself (not always my best trait) and it was good to be listened to so attentively and genuinely.
As he started working on me with his hands, I noticed how I just didn't know how to be with the movements. He would move my arms and legs around and I got hit by sensory confusion. Should I control or relax? I imagined that I should try to surrender into the movement, to let go completely, and then he asked "what are you trying to do with your left arm here?". "I don't know, I responded," before I admitted "no, I do. I'm trying to relax into your movements."
"You don't know how to relax," he said. "You don't have a clue". Before he a little later said, "you don't know how to be with yourself." He was real gentle and we had a wonderful dialogue. He talked about how nobody knows how to be with themselves anymore, how nine out of ten people have back problems. He talked about why the way we talk about relaxation in the West is a huge problem, because most people's idea of relaxation is actually collapse. That is not healthy at all. So stop trying to relax, he told me. Whoa!
On one occasion, he stopped me when I started talking about what I do on this website ("sorry that I stopped you, but you have so many habits, you started tensing up again"). I was amazed by that. In fact, so much so that I felt immediately how profound that information was for me. In fact, I noticed I tense up pretty much every time I open my mouth. Because I don't know how to be with myself. Being with myself was an art that was extracted out of me by Western civilization. We shared our sentiments of grief over this.
My goodness. I really don't know how to be with myself, even after so much spiritual practice. My body shows it clear as day. I was incredibly moved by the insights I got in this lesson and am so grateful to have discovered the Alexander Technique. My arms felt completely different afterwards. I don't generally feel that awkward about my arms, but they just seemed so much better. In fact, I felt I had been given new arms.
Next week, I'm going back. I'm looking forward to seeing Nigel again, to get to know my body more – and to reclaim it fully in 2011. By the gods, I have missed it.
— , Irregular updates ()You think I'm a hero? I'm not a hero. And if you’re smart, that scares you. Because I have nothing to lose.
So goes one of the hard-ass lines in the trailer for Jack Reacher (below), a 2012 action movie that I’ve been curious about for quite some time. I rented it on iTunes the other day and having seen it, I was left somewhat conflicted. The movie is quite entertaining. It’s got some exciting action, involving both a mandatory car chase and a shootout in an abandoned quarry. I’m not above some good action.
The thing that was harder to stomach was how caricatured all the characters were. Jack Reacher is a man apparently devoid of emotion. He is a stoic, self-righteous, uncompromising man. The kind of man that doesn’t function real well in the world. The kind of man that sits at home at night drinking whiskey, hating himself and wondering when it’s time to commit suicide.
Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m not real clear on why so many movies still idealize men like that. What is the cultural narrative that asks us to invest in two-dimensional cardboard men as somehow the saviors of the world? One still stuck in repression of male emotion and vulnerability.
Jack Reacher is a product of an older cultural myth of a man of his own conviction that lives above the law on horseback out on the prairie. For some reason, Americans have always dug men who are above the law. It’s a culture that simultaneously celebrates and severely punishes men who are above the law. Seems a bit messed up to me.
Now it’s gotta be said – Jack Reacher plays with the hero role real well. Jack Reacher is above the law, but he knows he is dodgy. He doesn’t think he’s a great hero. I’m not a hero, he says. I like that about him. Okay, so he is an anti-hero. Not the guy you’d want to marry your daughter. But still, somehow, a guy you kind of admire, huh? Why? I think it’s because he doesn’t play by any rules but his own. In a world where so many guys have become submissive pushovers, that possibility is tantalizing. He is also physically powerful and mentally able, something all men deep down aspire to.
So that’s cool. The only problem? He’s not real. And with most people not real, he does not need to adhere to the laws of the human being. The history of movies are riddled with male protagonists who are tough on screen, but who in real life would be basket cases suffering everlasting torment from the weight of their actions. See, actions have consequences. On the psyche.
When men who have not yet become powerful start investing their dreams in superhero-like characters like Jack Reacher, all they have to go by is the feeling of power and vitality pumping through their veins when watching. They are not privy to seeing the absolute psychological carnage that, in the real world, plagues any man of such character.
So while Jack Reacher is in many ways a great and entertaining movie, I really had to overcome my desire to feel that it took place in reality before I could immerse myself in it completely. At least, not in MY reality. If any man would live like Jack, or worse yet the evil, laughably one-dimensional "Zec" played be Werner Herzog, he would have to shut down his emotions completely in order to live with it. And that’s what I see happening in this movie. Lots of shut down men. America worships them. So does much of the rest of the world. Long live the Hercules complex!
I wish the misguided young men of the world realized that becoming shut down is not a desirable outcome. With so many of them still pursuing the myth of the John Wayne ride lonesome into the sunset type of guy – while in reality being deeply sensitive human beings – we are going to have hordes of miserable men on our hands.
And while we must all move through the red knight/David Deida 1st stage territory, it wouldn’t hurt with more movies out there showcasing male characters that have both spine and heart, courage and vulnerability at the same time.
Should you watch Jack Reacher? Probably! If you like a pretty good action movie that is intensely American (violence, conspiracies, secrets, hidden forces, danger lurking everywhere, superhuman courage etc), you'll love it. Have fun!
— , Irregular updates ()[caption id="attachment_437" align="alignright" width="350" caption="Lysakerelva. A river that runs practically on my doorstep."][/caption]
Long day at work today. Long WEEK. I've managed to achieve what seemed almost impossible and am quite impressed with my own focus and ability to get things done (thanks to my ever increasing Warrior energy). But I've been really tired at the end of the day most days for the past two weeks. Thankfully, we have nice weather. June is perhaps my favourite month – all of summer is still ahead of me. The flowers are bountiful and multi-coloured and smell heavenly, especially the lilac.
I was particularly receptive to nature's splendour today. Maybe because I was particularly in need of it. I had observed lots of sexy women with my peripheral vision on my way home from work (I'm not seeking eye contact while on the No Woman Diet) and felt open to take in more of the Feminine. A huge white lilac stands behind a red wooden fence right next to my metro station, and bathes it in light and sweet scents. Today, feeling this lovely shrub felt like feeling a woman. It took on the form of my ex this time. Tomorrow, maybe someone else (although a white lilac is more likely to call up images of blondes for me).
Then I headed for the river – Lysakerelva is its name – a beautiful and peaceful nature's artery that runs through my neighbourhood. It's been heaven to enter its presence on my way back from work lately. After being so goal-oriented and focused for most of the day, it's like the time-space continuum completely shifts as I linger close to it with no purpose but to be. It's very healing.
Today, as I enter the thin, yet lush woods that cling to its bed, immediately my state changes. I find a new spot by the river this time. Beautiful place. I stand there and just breathe everything in. Perfect. Then I start shaking and sexual energy fills my body. I'm making love to nature. I've had such sensations before, but never this strong. The No Woman Diet has opened me up to a vastly increased sensitivity to the Feminine. There are women and there is the Big Woman – the vast Feminine force that surrounds us. As I stood in the presence of this Big Woman the other day, with a small woman who was totally restless and absent-minded, there was no question who I was more attracted to.
I'm grateful to have nature on my doorstep. When I was there, I came to thinking about the horrors of The Road again, and thought how dreadful life would be without nature.
(And if you're asking yourself what kind of hogwash I'm talking today, then you need to get more intimate with the Lover archetype).
Get out into nature, guys. I can't believe I haven't done it more.
Choose your favourite movie and dive in!— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()I just had an experience on the train home that has really made me think. I came onto the train and sat down next to a father and a son. First I thought nothing of it, but then I realized there was something special about these two. I sensed there was a really strong father-son connection between them. It was very tangible to me. The father was solid, open and loving, a man I could trust. And the boy was sat free and protected in the space provided by his father.
I started feeling into that and felt how happy the sight of them made me. How great the bodily feeling of sitting right next to the space that surrounded these was. Almost a form of relaxation. And then I realized – I couldn't remember the last time I saw anything like it. I couldn't remember the last time I had seen a father provide that kind of space for his son. It struck me as being very strange.
Then as I considered telling them how happy just seeing them made me, I realized that they were speaking French. They weren't even Norwegian. "Bummer!," I thought to myself.
Then this gang of Norwegian teenage boys entered. They were around 16-18 years old and drunk. It was very surreal – the father and son sitting to my left, and these confused teenage boys doing their teenage things. As my French heroes left the train, the Norwegian boys sat down next to me, and one of them starting speaking in a loud voice about things you could do to women in bed. He was telling his mates about really crude acts of sexual violence towards women. He told them enthusiastically about the "Angry dragon", which is when a woman gives you head and you are about to come. Right as you are about to unload, you shove her head brutally down the shaft of your penis, and then you come so hard, the sperm comes out of her nose. Charming, I thought to myself. I'd like to see you try that.
Not to mention the other charmer. He didn't have a name for it, but the fun part about this one was to have the woman riding you and then, just after you come and she is getting ready to unmount and snuggle up, you pull her face down as if you are about to kiss her and tell her "I've got Aids". "What the fuck?!," I thought to myself, and was starting to get real close to giving that kid a wakeup call. But then it was his stop and he was off, and all I was left with was telling his friends "Nice buddy you have there. You should challenge him to do any of those things, and you'll find that he is all mouth and no balls." Plus his heart of course wouldn't allow him to. But I kept that part quiet.
I realize that boys need some room to be crude and uncivilized to form a healthy masculine identity, but this was a level of crude I did not appreciate. It was pretty sickening actually, and I wondered what kind of parenting he was receiving to run around talking shit like that. What sane father would not come down on him real hard for thinking that bullcrap? Same for the fathers of his buddies - who were laughing enthusiastically (while they probably thought he was a big shithead, and the boy himself hated the crap he was spouting).
It was just such a shocking contrast - this wonderful experience of seeing this strong, mature father and his happy and protected son - and then seeing these dumbnuts right after. I really hope this says a lot less about the difference between father-son relationships in France and Norway than it seems.
— , Irregular updates ()If you haven’t caught Guardians of the Galaxy in the movie theatres yet, now is the time.
I had absolutely no expectations for this movie when a friend invited me to go see it with him, yet had more fun watching it than I have had in the cinema for a long time.
Guardians is a silly, well-made space opera featuring the charming Earthling Peter Quill, an adolescent yet incredibly courageous and likable man, as the unlikely savior of the universe. He’s not going to give you profound lessons on how to be a mature man in the world, but he is going to take you on a riotous ride together with his unlikely quartet of space freaks.
Guardians of the Galaxy is riddled with gags that actually hit home and cliche-busting laugh out loud moments. I can tell the people behind this movie must’ve had a lot of fun making it.
In the movie, Peter (aka “Star-lord”) gets wrapped up in a quest for a very powerful orb of mysterious origin. Arch villain Ronan the Accuser, who seems to want nothing more than to lay waste to the Universe, predictably also covets it, as it seems to have the ability to lay waste to entire planets with great ease (who wouldn’t want that eh?).
In the battle against this totally enjoyable nemesis, Peter pulls on the support of Drax the brute, Groot (a talking tree), Rocket (a genetically alterted genius Racoon) and the green femme fatale Gamora.
The makers of the movie have employed a 70s and 80s soundtrack, featuring classics such as Blue Swede’s “Hooked on a feeling”. This is a genius move, that serves the double purpose of connecting Peter to the earth that he was taken from (he plays the songs on his old walkman). The eclectic mix of music and sci-fi scenery lends the movie incredibly personality and leads to some very funny moments, among others a dance showdown between Peter and Ronan.
I’m not going to share much more, but suffice to say I haven’t enjoyed a Hollywood-production this much in a long time. Guardians brings levity to a genre that often takes itself too seriously and has an uncanny ability to penetrate Hollywood cliches with charm.
It’s not profound (which is why I’m not doing a formal “Masculinity-Movies review”), but it’s a lot of fun.
I’d give this movie a 9 out of 10.
Have fun!
— , Irregular updates ()Hey guys,
I feel called to give you a short status update on the progression of certain things on this website. First of all, I re-watched The Fisher King for the first time in forever on Friday and the movie is germinating in my subconscious as we speak. There's a lot of great stuff there. I think it will be a really cool review.
Then there is the video for the Warrior archetype. I have been meaning to finish it for a long time. This is the reason why I'm writing actually since I feel a bit bad for not having completed it yet. All the raw material is ready and I have color- and sound-adjusted the somewhat dodgy raw material (same as for the King video). I have been wanting to up the production quality of it a bit, featuring music, movie clips and text popups, but this is taking longer than I had anticipated.
The main reason is that I've had to resume full time work for the month of February to not go bust. Making time for Masculinity Movies work is a huge financial strain on my life and that is why things are not progressing anywhere near as quickly as I would like.
Well, I just wanted to tell you about this. Also, don't forget that I've set up the community site for you guys. The Tribe has about 30 members now and is a bit slow, but shows promise. That also takes time. Come to think of it, I'm friggin' proud of the stuff I manage to do with the meagre time and resources I have at my disposal. Yeah, I just tuned into that and I feel that deeply. Fuck, no reason to feel guilty - I'm doing my best to bring you the best I have to offer. I'm fucking dedicated to this stuff. I'm not going anywhere. So please stick around.
So thank you for your patience - the meat will come soon. I will have Fridays off again in March.
Eivind
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— , Irregular updates ()What is it that makes us able to cope with great loss? What is it that makes us unable to? How can we see death in a bigger picture than just its immediate horror and tragedy? And how can we learn to surpass death in both flesh and spirit, shedding our minds of our earthly fears altogether?
The Fountain is a movie with such depth, I had to watch it seven times before I really understood the concept fully, and even then there were details left to explore. It is a visual thrill for the eyes and a soothing musical experience for the soul. But most of all, it is a journey of transformation for anyone who has ever felt unable to cope with loss or walked this earth in hope for redemption.
Tom Creo (played by Hugh Jackman) is a doctor and a researcher, working on a cure for cancer by testing on animals. His wife, Izzie (played by Rachel Weiz) is sick with this very disease and Tom is having a very hard time coping with the fear and high probability that his wife is going to die. Overworked, stressed out and a visible mess when confronted about the issue by his boss, Tom is determined to find the cure in time before Izzie passes on.
A coincidence cause him to try a new compound for his experiments, a piece of root from a tree in central America. Meanwhile, Izzie is working on a script for a story. Tom asks how it's coming, to which she responds she is almost done. She has written most of it into a book of blank pages, using ink and a pen. One night, Tom sits up, unable to sleep. He begins to read the book, and a literary landscape opens before him. Suddenly, he is no longer Tom Creo, but Tomàs, a Spanish Conquistador in Spain during the 1500's.
Tomàs is just as fiercely determined as Tom, but for a different cause - he serves a queen who is being ransacked of her lands by an evil and fanatical Inquisitor. Tomàs is certain that the only way to save his Queen is to weed the Inquisitor out with a crossbow-bolt between his eyes, but he is interrupted and called to the Queen's Chambers instead. On his knees before the Queen he weeps that he is saddened to see Spain brought so low, but the Queen insists that there is hope.
A priest has found a dagger in the jungles of central America, a dagger that has proven to be more than just a weapon - it is also a map. Convinced that this is the path to salvation, the Queen asks Tomàs to save Spain by venturing on a quest for the Holy Grail. He boldly accepts this, certain that what his Queen wants is what is best for Spain. As a reward for his stoic and unflinching willingness, she gives him a ring and the promise that when he returns, "she will be his Eve".
As we return to Tom Creo, we learn that there is yet another version of him, a Tommy who is functioning as a sort of astronaut-monk 500 years into the future. Here, Tommy has found a way to cope with his restlessness and his anger, meditating and practicing a sort of martial arts-like dance to calm his temper. Living in some kind of bubble ascending through the universe, Tommy has also brought with him a tree - the very same tree that the past versions of him sought to use to their own ends. I'm not going to spoil absolutely everything, but there are some very strong indicators that this tree is, in fact, Izzie.
The three versions of Tom continue to intermingle and play on each other throughout the movie. They mean a great lot to each other, because they are connected through time and space. What Tomàs does in the 1500's has consequences for Tom Creo, who in turn causes the events that lead to Tommy traveling the universe in his bubble-like spaceship. This is the real strength of the movie, as there is no final solution to the riddles and issues that are presented throughout the story. There is just your personal interpretation and how the combination of extraordinary visuals and sound speak to you.
That is not to say there's not a theme though. I decided to stray away from explaining all the story in detail, but there is a hard, hands-down concept here that is so well-handled you can almost touch and feel it. Tom is obviously unable to handle the loss of his wife; He goes about it with a lot more aggression than the usual Hollywood flick would portray. But the death of your one, true love is an ugly thing indeed and there is no real nice way to go about this sort of thing.
Is Tom being more honest with himself than most of us by showing his anger and sorrow so openly? Is his complete and utter rebellion against death actually just fear of dying himself or is it something else? By the end of the movie, we learn that Tom has learnt quite a lot about loss and Tommy has found something that looks like Nirvana. Does that mean there is hope for even the most lost of us? Tomàs and Tom paid dearly in their versions, but Tommy seems to have made it through as "the victor". Is redemption not possible without sacrifice? What can we expect to give up in order to keep the things that means most to us?
The bond between Tom and his wife is portrayed beautifully by the magnificent actors Hugh Jackman and Rachel Weisz. The one shot where Tom remembers Izzie running through the hallway is repeated in the movie and it gives a chilling, almost horrifying idea about what it must be like to lose the one closest to you, when a memory like that is burnt into your brain stem for all time. The combination of this beautiful girl, laughing and the music of composer Clint Mansell working his magic creates a symbiotic, almost euphoric sensation, providing some insight into just why Tom is taking this the way he does.
There's a scene where Tom is left alone on his bed for the first time. Hugh Jackman makes an insane sacrifice as an actor and a human being in this scene, as he lets the darkest pits of his soul pour out while he succumbs totally to the sorrow that Tom Creo feels. He picks up the pen and the ink and make a wedding ring on his finger from it; the symbolical value in this is very important to the ending of the movie. Hugh Jackman has himself said in interviews that the Fountain has been by far his greatest challenge as an actor, and particularly that scene must have cost him quite a lot.
This raises some questions; Is redemption being able to finally let go of the facade? Is it wrong to feel shameful about sobbing, heartbroken and worn? What is it about us men that so often makes us believe that crying is weakness and determination is strength? I'm not saying that determination is not strength, but so often it's either black or white. As Tom begins to understand some of the things that Izzie has told him during her last days with him, he seems to understand that giving in is not the same as giving up.
Tom, however, is a warrior archetype - a modern warrior, who fights his battles with a low brow and the very determination I just mentioned. Tomàs, very much the same, bud clad in armor and shielded with his religious conviction. He fights like a zealot would; Is it possible to still be a zealot in today's modern society without believing in a God? Is the belief in love with your close one enough of a zeal to turn you into a fanatic? And why are these people so often depicted as psycho's when they are really about the most romantic thing ever?
The old fashioned romance is dead and gone in 2012, but Tom is a traditional lover and what he had with Izzie was heaven for him. Of course he would want to fight for that...he would fight until his dying breath. This, in turn, reveals more about why the loss is so hard on him. It's hard to find that you failed where it counted the most and the consequences are irreparable.
This leads us to Izzie; Just who is she really? Kind hearted, unafraid, universal and a believer. She stares death in the eye, flinching but once and even then she goes about it with an honesty you don't find in many women. Speaking about your own death when it's happening is hard on most people. Izzie seems to manage just fine. Her infatuation with death through rebirth and the divinity of the stars seems silly to Tom, but it turns out, eventually, that her deep interest wasn't so misguided after all.
Maybe knowing that you're going to die gives you perspective in a way that is simply impossible to obtain if you're healthy and you know you're going to stay that way. Maybe Izzie knew something that Tom simply could not fathom until he decided to give in and accept his fear of loss as a part of being human?
As Tomàs in 1500's Spain, the Queen is Izabel, (also played by Rachel Weisz) a different version of Izzie. Speaking with the air of authority, composed and very beautiful, there is no wonder why a man would go on a dangerous mission to save his beloved country when you are promised eternity with a woman like that. As Tomàs accepts the quest, he is given a ring, a ring which he holds very dear for the rest of his time. In modern time, Tom Creo loses his engagement ring when he washes his hands in the laboratory.
In the scene I mentioned earlier, he picks up the pen and makes a "ring" by continuously plunging it into his flesh with the ink. This ring is transferred over to Tommy, 500 years in the future. The ring itself is not so important as what it symbols; His bond to Izzie and his undying love for her. The fact that it, symbolically, travels through 1000 years in order to end up where it rightfully belongs - on his finger - is a powerful show of just how intense a relationship can become with another person. I guess it's what they call "true love".
But the most important aspect of this is that their love never really dies out. It transcends, evolves and burns on, regardless of the challenges it faces. This may come across as rather naive and wishy-washy thinking to some, and I can understand that. Most real life love stories end rather badly, I think the divorce rate is nearly 50% here in Norway at least. But I still believe that divine love, as it is being portrayed in the Fountain, can exist if you allow yourself to fundamentally change the way you see time, death and rebirth. It is the time we have here on earth that is the most precious to us, at least if we relate to western values and our "system" of materialism, beauty and power. If you were suddenly to know that the time beyond your death would be even more precious, how would that affect you and your actions?
I decided to not tell the entire story and instead just ask some difficult, important questions around the themes that the movie represent. I wanted to write something that makes you want to see the movie instead of an aftermath-this-is-what-I-think kind of review. I think the movie should be enjoyed in a quiet, dark room lit with candle lights, red wine and your one true love by your side.
It's a dark, but very beautiful movie, full of strangeness and visual wonders, a story that will haunt you to the end of time and a musical score that is going to make your spine twitch and your chest hairs crawl. It's by far one of the best movies I have seen in my entire life and it can be watched again and again and again without ever really losing its appeal. A philosophical journey about death and love. That's what it is. And I recommend it from the bottom of my heart.
— , Irregular updates ()Dag Furuholmen just made me aware of this movie. It is just five minutes and very beautiful.
— , Irregular updates ()Don Jon is a piece of competent and courageous movie making about a very important theme. Joseph Gordon-Levitt takes us, in his directorial and screenwriting debut, into one of the most sacred and shameful sanctuaries of modern man: The moment of sitting down with a computer in search for tits, ass and release from tension by way of a five second cock sneeze.
Yes, Don Jon is a movie about porn. It’s a movie about money shots, sweaty closeups, and waste bins full of crumpled tissue paper. It’s also a movie about a condition that has become epidemic among modern men: The inability to connect intimately with a woman due to excessive time spent in the shangri-la of virtual sex.
This movie is a beautiful opportunity to explore the theme of addiction in much more depth than has previously been done on this site.
Don Jon’s porn
Jon – or Don Jon as his friends call him – is a self-involved New Jersey-based bachelor who loves his porn. Jon puts it this way: “There's only a few things I care about in life: my body, my pad, my ride, my family, my church, my boys, my girls and...my porn.” And from very early on, it’s evident that emphasis is on the latter; of all the blessings Jon has in life, none is more sacred than the pleasure of watching women he doesn’t know fuck men he doesn’t know on his laptop.
Jon’s exterior is carefully maintained: He is fit, working out at the gym regularly, and styles his hair true “guido”-style. In fact, Jon is a guy bearing a striking resemblence to the young, immature men in the MTV-phenomenon Jersey Shore. Levitt denies that any such link exists, however. He rather attributes inspiration to an older and deeper archetype, the “east coast tough guy”, encountered previously in movies like Rocky.
Aside from his porn, Jon finds enjoyment in going to night clubs, shooting the shit with his buddies, and pulling beautiful women for superficial one-night stands. This is his image of success and his friends, not having reached manhood themselves, admire him for it.
Jon’s success, however, is surface only. Under his swaggard, womanizing exterior, Jon is emotionally immature and sans authentic power.
The archetypal source of addiction
In the archetypal system King, Warrior, Magician, Lover, addiction is the domain of the Lover archetype. The Lover is that deep part of us that longs for pleasure, connection and a loss of self in Other. It connects us with the appreciation of beauty, music, fine wine.
It is the inner quality you felt that time you sat in silent, loving embrace with the woman you love, watching the July sun set to the smooth undalating rhythms of your favorite music. In those moments, your self faded out and blended with her and the eternal mystery of endless nightfall.
Had you not had a consolidated psyche that night, however – that is, had you not healed the trauma of your past, built a solid self-structure and learned that ultimately what you seek is internal and not external validation – you would have found yourself confused, merging with her in ways that diminished you.
This is where the tension arc between the Lover and the Warrior plays in. Without a bounded self, our desire to merge leads to pathology. That is, when the Warrior has not, under the auspices of the King archetype, carved out a place in time and space that is distinctly me, and set up defensive structures around the perimeter, we have no self to lose, and moments of potential magic end up in inevitable misery by way of archetypal inflation.
When the sense of self is strong, however, we can allow ourselves to safely suspend it. In those eternal moments that make up the meaning of our lives, we find ourselves at the wellspring of the mature Lover.
We will then have learned, unlike Jon, to lose ourselves not out of pain, but into love; not out of loneliness, but into communion.
Porn: One addiction to rule them all
Addictive tendencies tend to arise as defense mechanisms to unhealed trauma (my upcoming blog post “Dancing with addiction” will provide much more information on this). But addictions can also be learned. And for behavior to be easily turned to addiction, it needs to satisfy certain requirements. Says psychiatrist Norman Doidge in a 2013 Telegraph article:
“Pornography satisfies every one of the prerequisites for neuroplastic change, – that is, the brain’s ability to form new neural circuitry. The most important condition is the release of dopamine, the neurotransmitter that gives us a feeling of exciting pleasure, which porn triggers. The more often you watch porn and get the dopamine hit it delivers, the more the activity and the sensation become entwined in your brain.
Since neurons that fire together wire together, these men got massive amounts of practice wiring these images into the pleasure centres of the brain. And because plasticity is competitive, the brain maps for new, exciting images increased at the expense of what had previously attracted them.”
In other words, the more you watch porn, the less you are going to be turned on by real women. This is why porn may eventually make you impotent – your brain simply won’t be firing pleasure signals when you are with a beautiful naked woman. Your brain essential “forgets” that real intimacy is a pleasurable experience.
Jon, luckily, has managed to escape impotence. Though his capacity to connect intimately with a woman has fared worse.
Barbara’s siren call
Barbara, played by Scarlett Johanson, is a “dime” in Jon’s view. A perfect 10. And when he sees her standing, in a moment akin to revelation, at the bar in a nightclub, he heads in, intent on conquering another woman, this goddess in red.
Barbara doesn’t play by his rules, however. She is not interested in being conquered, enjoyed and discarded within the span of one night. That sequence of events would be at odds with the Hollywood romance fairy tale she wants to live out in her life.
No, Barbara takes her time. And Jon is not used to taking time, to invest in a woman. And in the face of that slow pacing, Jon's integrity unravels completely.
Not only is his integrity kaput; he also reveals himself as a man who can be completely dominated by a woman’s sexual siren call. In one scene, the two have been on a date and Jon wants to follow her inside. Barbara, however, isn't ready for that. She is a tease, though, and rubs her ass against his crotch while talking sexy. Jon comes in his pants and is left out in the cold. We can only imagine the level of humiliation he must feel. While Jon may have impressive biceps, it’s clear who is in charge.
We'd do well to remember here that the amount of pussy a man gets is in no way an indication of his level of manhood. His ability to stay empowered in his sexuality in the face of the feminine’s siren call is, however.
Dr. Anne Wilson Schaef’s definition of addiction is simply “anything we need to lie about”. This definition fits Jon uncomfortably well. Jon’s addiction has stripped him of real power and made him into a liar.
He exhibits the dissonant behavior that is so typical of immaturity – a cool attitude externally, but a total lack of spine internally. In this behaviour, we see how archetypal shadow in one quadrant (Lover) easily triggers archetypal shadow in another (Magician).
This clip from Jon and Barbara’s first sexual encounter demonstrates Jon’s behavior:
It’s a sad thing to see a man say “only losers watch porn”, when he himself is addicted to it. It’s a telling glimpse into Jon’s self-image.
The tantra of Esther
Jon doesn't get true satisfaction from sex. His porno addiction has wired his brain to want blowjobs, money shots and doggy style sex; all those sexual acts that look great on camera. His conquests, on the other hand, want intimacy and the missionary position.
It takes a lot of courage to call anyone on their bullshit, especially in the domains of intimacy and sexuality. And it’s clear that Barbara lacks the emotional maturity required to take on that role without emotional drama.
The recently widowed and emotionally wrecked Esther does not at first seem a likely candidate for the job. She is in a bad state and Jon feels uncomfortable when he first encounters her on the university stairs. But somehow, a relationship develops between them. And when Barbara eventually drops Jon because of his porn addiction, Esther becomes a woman of great importance to Don.
In this clip, Esther and Jon have just fucked in the back seat of a car whereupon Esther asks Jon why he prefers porn over real pussy:
“Do you ever jerk off without porn,” asks Esther? That’s a game-changing question right there. In my experience, most men are totally dependent on visual stimulation or sexual fantasies in order to get turned on when they masturbate. Solo-sex for men is often an act lacking in intimacy and self-love. It becomes an aggressive beating off race towards the empty conclusion of a five-second cough sneeze.
If you masturbate like this, you will limit – even lose – your ability to bond intimately with a woman. Of course you will. How can you be intimate with a woman when you cannot be intimate with yourself? Authentic sexual power, even for men, requires loving self-acceptance, without which we are ill-equipped to truly penetrate a woman.
A man who is in deep acceptance of and connection with himself will become an instrument of not only pleasure, but also healing. If you have not yet experienced fucking a woman to a place of such deep surrender that she weeps – as the trauma of unlove is leaving her – you are missing out, brother.
In this next clip, Esther feeds Jon some humble pie before she opens him in a way he has never before experienced:
“Oh my god, you haven’t come in a week,” exclaims Esther in this clip (Jon has stopped watching porn). I really enjoy this response. It’s as if Esther knows that his abstinence is another game-changer.
While it’s not explicitly stated in the movie, frequent ejaculation is a source of apathy and disconnection in many men. If you jerk off to porn (to the point of ejaculation) regularly and wonder why you have no willpower to make things happen in your life, I have provided you with a whole host of reading material and supplementary videos in the sidebar to the right (yes, if you jerk off to porn regularly, I challenge you to watch them in service of your joy and wellbeing).
Jon has stopped watching porn, hasn’t come in a week, and soon after experiences true sexual pleasure for the first time in his life. This is no coincidence, brothers. By willingly stepping out of addiction by way of a good woman’s inspiration, Jon moves out of archetypal shadow towards a more mature Lover.
Coming back to ourselves
Jon's conditions for maturity aren't ideal; his mother is hysterical, his father aggressive and his sister shut down. His friends applaud his life of one-night-stands and Barbara is a bit of a narcissist whose ideals live in la-la-land.
But Esther is connected to the realm of feelings and has the courage to speak what is true. Her husband and son died in a car-crash; what does she have to lose?
Esther initiates Jon into his humanity. A whole new world opens, one in which superficial appearances, fitting in and addictions cease to run the show, and authentic love and connection take their place. This, of course, requires a different level of vulnerability and transparency altogether, as the contrast between the sex in clip #1 and clip #4 should highlight.
Jon's life has been all about the exterior. He has engaged in creating the perfect facade and chased the fulfillment of his addictions. And it has kept real connection, real fulfillment at bay.
And that's the deal, brothers. Addiction grows out of a deficiency of love and when we become addicts, we basically make love deficiency the director of our lives.
And that is a fucking miserable and worthless way of spending a life on this planet.
(if you are an addict, stay tuned to the upcoming blogpost about working with addiction; I wish you joy!)
— , Irregular updates ()Often the most barbaric atrocities occur when both sides proclaim themselves freedom fighters.
— , Irregular updates ()Daigo Kobayashi lives with his wife Mika in Tokyo. He plays the cello in a struggling symphonic orchestra. As the movie opens, the orchestra where he plays for a living is disbanded by the owner. Daigo's dreams are crushed. He was going to be a famous musician and the concert halls of the world were going to be the stage of his life and his marriage with Mika. Those temples of high culture seem far away now.
A new job
Daigo's mother is dead. His father is gone, having run off with a waitress when Daigo was but a child. He is for all intents and purposes an orphan and his childhood home in Sakata northwest of Tokyo stands abandoned. It is a quaint house, surrounded by cherry trees, perched on a piece of land above a babbling stream. His mother lived alone there after Daigo moved out. The house was his only inheritance when she died two years previously.
Daigo sells his expensive cello to stabilize their finances for the next leg of their journey – a new life in his childhood home – and feels relief as he does it. Maybe the dream he had pursued wasn’t really his dream after all, he tells us in a monologue. This is a pivotal moment in his life, and he rightly recognizes it as such.
When a man finds himself stuck in a dead-end life, he is wasting his birthright. We are put here on this planet, I believe, to find our true gift and courageously give that to the world. Every man yearns deep down to leave a mark. I think I know that much about you, brother! I don’t think the gift that will leave that mark necessarily needs to be our livelihood though.
But if our work is draining us of energy and makes us daydream of a life that isn’t ours, we should course-correct. Many men reach that point of recognition, but few are those who act. For stepping into that unknown is a scary thing, especially if he is the main breadwinner of the family (in certain conditions, it would even be irresponsible).
Men have always, it seems, sacrificed their inner yearning for depth, vitality and meaning in favor of a stable job that puts food on the table. But hearts of men close when their life experience turns certain, controlled, measured. So how do we make a living and live with open, beating, passionate hearts? Many, if not all, men will struggle with this question in their lifetime (I do – and I haven’t even started a family!). And finding a satisfying answer is always a process of risk and challenge.
Daigo is lucky in a way – fate intervenes and forces him into a time of transformation. It is as if the universe conspires to give him what he needs to find a truer path, when he himself has neglected the seeking (note that he only realizes after selling the cello that he was chasing the wrong dream). This process, when it arises in our lives, often signals an entry into the sacred time of the Magician Archetype. If we resist, we will suffer. But if we embrace the mystery of life’s unfolding and learn to die while we still live, we will be in for a ride that will almost certainly change our lives for the better.
A hieroglyphic job ad about "departures" takes Daigo to a red house on a hill where large wood coffins line the back wall of the front office. NK Agent is a company which has made dead people its business. The owner Sasaki prepares them beautifully and gracefully for their final journey as if he were an artist. Through his work, the bereaved uncover deep and forgotten feelings of grief, love and joy. This is the gentle and beautiful ritual of departure that has become his craft. And since business is reasonably good, he needs a right hand man.
Death as a doorway to feeling
When the story plays out, Daigo's new boss has been widowed for nine years. When his wife died, he prepared her body and sent her off. When he shares this story with Daigo amongst the thick foliage of his upstairs living quarters, we understand there was a profound depth of love and feeling between the two. I'm reminded of the universal rule that suggests that our true gifts to the world shall emerge through our wounds. Sasaki has embraced his loss and transmuted the grief into a gift he can pass on to others.
Daigo's first days on the job serve as a baptism by fire and he learns soon enough that dead people smell. He is challenged beyond his comfort zone, but something remarkable starts happening to him: He realizes, as if it were a surprise, that he is surrounded by death. When Mika brings home a dead bird one day, he feels ill. A wave of emotion takes him as he appears to tune in, perhaps for the first time in his life, to the frailty and preciousness of life. Perhaps he sees that we are all so fragile, so beautiful in our infinite vulnerability. He embraces his wife and starts kissing her with tender passion.
Later that night, he pulls out his old childhood cello, with which he performed for his parents in his early years. As he plays, memories of his father, whose face he cannot even remember, pour in. He remembers that they gave each other a “rock letter” by the riverside. A rock letter, his father taught him, was a way of communication used before words emerged. It would tell the recipient something about the mood of the sender based on its weight, shape and surface. He remembers that he gave his father a small, smooth stone back then. In return, his father gave him a rough and heavy rock.
Something in Daigo is coming out of hibernation. His naïveté is starting to give way to a deeper feeling landscape.
Standing tall in the face of challenge
Death is a taboo subject in Japan, so much so that the director allegedly feared for how the movie would be received upon its release. So when the people in his life discover what he does for a living, they react with disgust. His wife even screams at him that he is "unclean" before she leaves him and travels back to Tokyo. But Daigo has found a calling now; he has seen how Sasaki’s work heals the wounds of the bereaved and brings more love into the world. He has seen the grace with which he carries out the ritual. He has learned that there is beauty to be found even in death. He describes it with these words in one scene:
One grown cold
restored to beauty for all eternity
this was done with a calmness, a precision
and above all a gentle affection.
At the final parting
sending the dead on their way
everything done peacefully and beautifully.Daigo is alone now. He only has his work, his boss and the office lady. Surrounded by people who are mortified by the concept of death, he finds himself in a form of purgatory. “Demons are eating his flesh” yet he presses on. His heart is in his work now. That is all he needs in order to endure.
Our twisted relationship to death
The way we relate to death in the world today is very unnatural. I know that to be true for the Western world. This movie tells me that it is true for the Eastern as well. Losing touch with the wisdom and gratitude inherent in contemplating our deaths has a huge cost: We forget that we are finite, here for but a short time. And with the arrogance inherent in forgetting our finitude, we lose the basic humility and gratitude required for living a fulfilling life on this splendid, little rock.
But what can a normal man do when there is such pressure on him to be happy-go-lucky, to shit diamonds for breakfast and manifest heavenly mansions out of thin air for dinner? All while smiling, laughing, beaming success and having not a worry in the world. Well, he must become a courageous man. Because it takes great courage to shed the facade and allow the grief and wildness that is inherent in the depths of us to emerge in an authentic way in his daily life. The mature man has access to his feeling body and there is so much repressed feeling in today’s society.
For a world entranced by trends, fashions, and reality TV, the “wild man love” that is lived openly in the truly courageous man looks way too much like the heavy dark of death and strange, hairy creatures that live under the ground. Who wants to get soil stuck under their finger nails when they can get the latest in manicures on special offer down the road and look splendid to their friends?
But lest we embrace that life is a series of deaths and understand that the key to living well is dying well, we will never be truly happy. Consumerist culture is an empty promise. It delivers only fleeting moments of joy in an ocean of half-life. Most of us feel hollow and miserable. And who are we kidding anyway? In the depth of our hearts and souls, we know the truth: Something is seriously wrong about our culture.
Letting go at the deathbed of his father
One day, a telegram arrives at Daigo’s door. His father has died. Daigo’s trials have all been presented him, it may seem, to prepare him for the most pivotal of them all – letting his father back into his heart. Ever since he ran off, Daigo has carried fierce resentment against him. He is now committed to not forgive. Fortunately, his wife is now back in his life, thanks to the beautiful ritual he performed for the sweet woman who ran the local bath. Mika has seen first-hand the beauty inherent in a graceful departure and with Mika back, Daigo has passed the test: He has remained true to his heart.
He finds himself at his father’s side somewhat reluctantly. His heart is closed – who is this sad, lonely man who lies on the floor before him? He doesn’t even recognize him! Then he starts carrying out the ritual of departure. As he works on the hands, stiff and cold with rigor mortis, something falls to the floor. It is the rock he gave his dad when he was little.
Daigo’s feeling body comes online like a great wave. His father’s last thought was of him. His father must have loved him! But life happened and feelings of shame and regret came between them. In that very moment, I know that a huge reservoir of feeling and power that was previously inaccessible to Daigo opens up. As he washes his dad, tears stream down his face.
He forgives – and he loves. This is a good moment to remember that it is impossible for any man to stand up fully in his own power and beauty without finding peace in the part of his heart that holds the imprints of Dad. Daigo holds up the rock to the pregnant belly of his wife Mika as they smile to each other. Something is healed there – in the midst of the circle of life.
Conclusion
Departures is a wise and beautiful movie about life’s big questions. It is a movie about art: Music connects all cultures in a way similar to death and Daigo could take to the art of departure more easily because he was a musician. It is also a movie about mentorship: Sasaki opens Daigo’s heart and helps him reconnect with his own core truth in a way that empowers him to find his calling and forgive his dad.
But most of all, it is a movie about life. It reminds us gently of the invisible cords that connect us, of the petty little things that keep us apart, of the vulnerability of life and humankind, and of the healing, life-giving power of true grief. In that, I sense that it beckons us to get more intimate with each other, to go beyond fear and judgments in order to heed the eternal call of the Lover archetype: Love one another today. Tomorrow may never come.
— , Irregular updates ()Hey guys, I have just recorded a quick video where I tell you about an upcoming video series about the four KWML archetypes. It's my first ever video of this sort and I was tad nervous about the whole ting, but I thing it turned out pretty decent. I hope you like it and please offer any praise and/or criticism in the comments below.
When writing your suggestion below, please offer some additional information about why you want to see the movie featured. Does it mean something to you personally? Is there a story behind your relationship with the movie? If you provide me with a good backplot, it may influence my movie review. Your suggestion may be featured in the next poll on the front page.— , Irregular updates ()
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— , Irregular updates ()Hey all,
When I did my New Warrior Training adventure, I met Jason Schroeder, a South African of shamanistic bent living in Scotland. He has started a gathering of men there which goes by the name of "Suns of MAC". They have made a video that shows what you might expect in a men's group. I love it and find it an inspiring glance into the relational space that opens when men dare be authentic with one another. Have a look:
If this is a time to start a men's group, check out Brett Churnin's Men's Group.info.
— , Irregular updates ()This blog post has been "upgraded" to an article on Pelle Billing's recommendation.
Find it here: http://www.masculinity-movies.com/articles/moving-passive-active-movie-watching
— Maximus, Gladiator (2000)I've seen much of the rest of the world. It is brutal and cruel and dark, Rome is the light.
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— , Irregular updates ()As some of you may know, I'm on a program called the No Woman Diet. This is stirring my pot big time. One of the reasons is that I entered the NWD partly with the intention of allowing the bonds of emotional dependency between my ex and me to sever completely. That in itself is cause for some emotional distress. But the big thing – which I hadn't anticipated AT ALL – is that the Diet is triggering some deep mother wounds in me.
I have realized now that I felt deprived of physical intimacy with my mother in very early years and that this made me feel unsafe and unlovable. This is pretty vulnerable shit, which is probably why I've covered it up with all kinds of distractions for all of my life, even using elements of machismo to avoid it. This mother wound also in part defined my choice of relationship partner: A healing, nurturing woman.
The heart strings that connect me to my ex are getting fewer and fewer. Every one that drops hurts a little. I'm in this strange situation where I'm encouraging and inspiring her to move on and find the next man while at the same time feeling some hurt from knowing that I will see her with another man very soon. There is this dual nature of mourning that which was and celebrating that which is allowed to take its place. It confuses me.
And while I'm on this No Woman Diet – totally deprived of feminine sources of comforting myself – and in the absence of a healing, nurturing woman as my life companion, I have become acutely aware of how much I desire validation and recognition from women, while I at the same time don't want to work for it. This is fucking with me.
I don't want to need that which I desire. Is that messed up or what? Maybe you've experienced it the same way: You are in the presence of a woman and you want to feel more intimate with her, but you feel that your need to be intimate with her disempowers you. This I've come to understand is a mother wound. You need her to empower you and make you feel whole and in that you recognize your own inherent lack of wholeness, which pretty much sucks to feel.
And when the woman, who I in a moment need for validation, starts moving away from me, I need her to stay, but I don't want to belittle myself by begging for attention. So I become aloof, pretending I don't care about her. This rabbit hole is deep!
It's hard to become aware of this dynamic, but now that it's in my awareness, I can enter into relationship with it, as Bryan Bayer of the Authentic Man Program keeps inspiring me to do in the teleseminars that are part of the NWD-course.
Anyone else care to share about their mother wound?
— , Irregular updates ()Here's a little teaser for those of you who read this blog. If you are on the newsletter, you will know that plans are in motion to start local screenings of movies in Oslo under the Masculinity Movies umbrella. It will most likely happen at Paramita meditation center in early May.
My somewhat ambitious hope is that we will be twenty men on the Friday in question. We will watch the film, have open dialogue and male bonding before we hit a bar or club, or whatever else the gang desires.
The question is of course - what shall we watch? I just received my top candidate in the mail and wanted you to see for yourself so you can share my excitement :-). I'm really inspired by what little I have heard of this Good Men Project and look forward to watching the movie and reading the book.
I hope to see you there! I have no doubt it will be worth it.
— , Irregular updates ()Half my life is over, and I have nothing to show for it...I’m a smudge of excrement on a tissue, surging out to sea with a ton of raw sewage.
— , Irregular updates ()I sit here preparing for a daylong workshop on the Sovereign, Warrior, Magician, Lover archetypes at the Integral Center here in Boulder, Colorado tomorrow. I will be offering a condensed version of the weekend immersion I offered in Norway in 2012 and 2013, based around the “reclaim your inner throne” workshop process (referred to previous participants as the most powerful workshop process they ever experienced).
In the process of preparing, I have updated the 11-page introduction document to the archetypes (linked for your convenience).
One of the concepts I introduced in this document is that each archetypal quadrant has its own unique flavor of shame. I haven’t seen anyone else write about this. As far as I know, this teaching is unique (and still in its infancy – I need more data to hone it and confirm it completely). And in this updated version of the document, I have rephrased these flavors of shame to be more aligned with my new understanding.
As I now prepare to list these, I ask you to take a deep breath, put away anything that’s on your mind, and fall to rest. Open to receive the impact of these pithy sentences. Doing so may, if my hypothesis holds true, give you enormous insight as to which archetypal quadrant holds the most shadow for you.
Here they are, the four types of archetypal shame and their accompanying core beliefs:
- Sovereign: “I’m broken”
- Warrior: “I’m weak”
- Magician: “I’m stupid/incompetent”
- Lover: “I’m unlovable”
Really feel these different forms of shame circulate in your system. Which one of them do you feel the most? Which one really “gets” you?
My working hypothesis, based on studies, life experience and working with men, is that when you find which one of these impacts you the most, you know which archetypal shadow has the most power over you. In other words, if the one that really gets you is “I’m unlovable”, it means that it’s the Shadow Lover that you should focus on in life. In this particular case, you are likely to find, if you check in with yourself, that you suffer from strong addictive patterns on the one hand and a loss of vitality and potency on the other (spending hours on the couch in front of the TV is an example of a Shadow Lover dynamic).
By the wonders of the path of the alchemist you may find, once you start working with this shadow dynamic, that your true life purpose is related to this shame. It’s a universal spiritual teaching that your deepest wounds give rise to your greatest gifts (that’s precisely why you were wounded in such a way – to prepare you for your great work).
My experience working with men tells us we are afraid of our feelings and vulnerability. So we tend to keep our wounds at an arm’s length. That is the reason why so few of us end up discovering our true purpose in this lifetime. There is no true life purpose to be found without examining our wounds. I believe this with every fibre of my being.
I want to share this short experimental teaching with you, so you can take part in the body of knowledge and wisdom we will step into here in Boulder, tomorrow.
Open that KWML PDF-file, examine the shadow dynamic of the archetype which corresponds with your deepest shame, and you may have the recipe to the most important growth work you can do in your life right now.
Whether this hits home with you in a strong way or it doesn’t really seem true to you, let me know in the comments below. This teaching is in its infancy and I need your help to hone it.
Best regards,
EivindPS! I think developing this theory fully could further the whole body of work around KWML. It would give us a super quick way to identify our big inner work and the gift we have to offer. There is a risk that the theory is too general and borderline wishful thinking, but I have faith in it. It’s therefore very important to me to hear how this does or does not apply to you.
— John Keating, Dead Poets Society (1989)The powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?
— , Irregular updates ()It's been three weeks since the official launch of Masculinity Movies at Norsk Taiji Senter (Norwegian Taiji Center). Just prior to arriving at the center, which is tucked in nicely between the spectacular new Opera house and the Oslo stock exchange, I picked up Pelle Billing at the train station. Pelle came all the way from Malmö, Sweden to present his important work, for which I'm honored and grateful.
It was a beautiful day and around thirty people were present. We started a little late with Taiji master Pamela Hiley's introduction. I then presented the background for the tagline and went into some detail about what I see as the primary differences between boys and men. I pulled on some brilliant observations by FIT (Focused Intensity Training) guru Shawn Phillips and some I had jotted down quickly the day before (which I have no illusions of living up to yet). I told those present a little bit about myself and my own personal journey, which always seems to create a nice connection.
Then we went quickly into the five step model of initiation used by Robert Bly, which looks like this:
- Bonding with and separation from mother
- Bonding with and separation from father
- Apprenticeship to a mentor who reawakens and heals our essence
- Apprenticeship to a hurricane energy (a wild man, warrior etc.)
- Marriage to the Holy Woman/Queen
This model was a strong and powerful part of the message, as I knew it contained important information for many of those present, including myself. I will write more about this model elsewhere later on.
Staale Nataas gifted us with a funny and dramatic rap about being a man – a man overwhelmed by his woman no less, or was that the Feminine itself. I think many of us could recognize some of his poignant and hilarious images.
Then Pelle revved up his engine and told as about how feminism and masculinity are related.
We ended the first part exploring the King, Warrior, Magician, Lover archetypes with a theoretical investigation and active visualization, one which I will explain later elsewhere.
After the break
In part two, we explored the movies Into the Wild, and the warriors of Patton and The Last Samurai. The latter two movies are part of a series where I'm exploring the Warrior archetype, which is an archetype inherent to the masculine psychoemotional makeup. I feel that we are in dire straits in the world today because mechanized warfare, postmodernism and feminism exorcized this vital archetype from men. An article on the subject will follow later.
Bjarte Hiley gave us a spectacular demonstration of the taiji sword form he was taught in China by a master from the Yang family. I've know Bjarte for many years now, and something has shifted in him after he got clear about passionately pursuing taiji, in the footsteps of his mother. He's much younger than me, but it's amazing to see how big shifts start happening in the life of a guy once he gets clear on where his life is headed.
Txai Fernando, who has worked with the indiginous people of the Amazon for many years, then gifted us with a powerful chant from the Amazon. Fernando told us that this was a chant that is traditionally reserved only for the men in the Amazon tribes from which it originates, because the women go a little crazy when they hear it. He assured us that this was no mere fantasy, yet considered it safe in the container of the launch. I'm glad he did, as I enjoyed this part a lot.
We continued with a tribal dance that was meant to harmonize the forces of the Masculine and Feminine, which was thoroughly enjoyable, and provoked many smiles and giggles.
Finally, I introduced shaman Tom Crockett as a contributor to the site, and I recommend you all go check out his movie review of the Ghost and the Darkness. I'm very proud to have Tom on board, and looking forward to learning more from him.
What stood out about the evening was that this wasn't about my own personal journey, but about the efforts of a group of guys, working together for change. As I've mentioned earlier on in this blog, I'm really starting to tune in to the concept of brotherhood, and it felt like a strong example of just that (as you will see from the pictures). I was very proud to have these brilliant guys with me and felt significant blessing from being there with them. Many others present expressed similar sentiments, which was very humbling and source for great joy and inspiration.
Thanks to everyone who came, to Pelle, Staale, Bjarte and Fernando for standing with me, and to my good friend Pamela Hiley for suggesting that I put together such a launch in the first place, offering her magnificent center and infinite support in the process.
Also thanks to Kjell Tjensvoll for being the evening's photographer.
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— , Irregular updates ()Some years back, I attended a very powerful workshop series called Levende Maskulinitet (Living Masculinity). The workshop facilitators Dag Furuholmen and Eirik Balavoine took us on a journey deep into our masculine core from which I re-emerged a more integrated and open-hearted boy (yes, I was a boy back then).
They have now started a blog in preparation for a book which they have been commissioned to write.
Dag and Eirik's work has been very important in my life and I suspect that I will contribute a great deal on their blog.
Check out: Men in the Media
— , Irregular updates ()I have just arrived home from a night out on town. It's 04.15 which is pretty damn late by my standards.
I write this processing what is to me a personal victory. I went out on town ALONE tonight. You may sympathize with my feeling that going to a bar alone is a little scary so I gave myself a way out – if it went poorly, I only had to endure the misery for 90 minutes.
The odd thing is that I'm a pretty confident guy normally, but I've linked the night life with a lot of anxiety in my past. So this was an important night for me. As I'm now a single man, it's vital that I confront these fears and put myself out there again. I was surprisingly calm as I went downtown, almost in a zenlike state of no-mind. And my heart was wide open. This surprised me, but I think it had to do with the fact that I set a very clear intention of serving everyone I met that night before I went out and to be authentic in all my interactions. And still, despite this inner calm, I felt an undercurrent of tension. I arrived at the bar and did not have a solid plan of action. Having been in a relationship so long, I'm a bit unused to being the single man out on town. I defaulted to heading for the bar, where a cute little lady sat next to me and looked a bit lonely and an instant later, we were engaging in conversation.
We spent four hours together. At the bar, our connection served as a sort of home base while I effortlessly connected with loads of other people around our area. I was having fun and was enjoying myself. At the other end of the bar, a big macho guy was standing all by himself drinking. He stayed there for the rest of the night, never to talk to any woman, looking lonely.
When the topic of what I work on came up, things got a little charged. Turned out she was a sociologist – and being a Norwegian sociologist is a big red flag in my book, mainly because they're part of the politically correct academia which is causing so many problems in our society. She resisted my thoughts on men and masculinity, which didn't really change the fact that she was quite charming. But I understood that this right here was a gamebreaker – that if I kept talking about my work, the conversation would end. And I didn't really want that. I was pleased that I had the awareness to leave that hornet's nest and start connecting on a deeper level. I felt that I was serving her well – that I was showing her a good time and that my presence provided a safe container. In short, I felt I was handling this first night out alone really well. And I felt heart connected to her and the people around me.
But then when the night started nearing its completion and I invited her to go somewhere to grab a bite to eat, I realized that my intention was unclear. I didn't know what I wanted. Did I want to see her again? To enjoy a night of passion together? I wasn't sure. And I certainly wasn't acting at this point in a fashion that made the latter a likely prospect. All I knew is that she was a sweet girl and that I was enjoying her company. So as the inevitable end of the night approached its end, my consciousness took a nosedive. But I still had to confront the situation because there was some tension building around it, and I tried to stay as authentic as I could and said "I'm stuck in an unfamiliar situation with a nice girl and I don't know what to do." It was about as authentic as I could get at this point and it served its purpose. But we both knew it was over. My intention was unclear and she was subtly resisting me because of it, as she rightfully should. Why should she go to bed for a night with a guy if he didn't even know if he wanted to? I was not at this point a trustable man. Our goodbye was of a somewhat mediocre quality.
Nevertheless, sitting here right now, I feel genuine appreciation for her. I felt her heart through her layers of resistance and she had a lot of beauty in there. Plus she really served me well by hanging out with me for four hours on a night that could potentially have been quite scary to me. The lessons with her will be integrated and next time will be easier.
Sitting here writing this, I'm present to the fact that even though the night overall was a victory for me, I feel a little sad that I lost my capacity to serve her towards the end of the night. I must spend some time reflecting on what I really want when I meet other women in the future.
So thank you little lady for our time together. There is a huge heart in you waiting to emerge in full bloom. May it happen soon.
And for me – another barrier bites the dust.
— , Irregular updates ()If you don't have money at my age, you're not even in the game anymore. You're just a pasture animal waiting for the abattoir.
— , Irregular updates ()Tony Stark was born heir to an empire. His father, Howard Stark, was a brilliant man who founded Stark Industries and made his fortune as a weapons developer. Young Tony was a child prodigy, a true >wunderkind> who built his first circuit board at age four and his first engine at age six, graduated summa cum laude from MIT at 17, and took over as CEO of Stark Industries at 21 following the tragic and untimely death of his father and mother in a car accident.
He seemed to be following an arc that led him ever upward to more success, more recognition, more power, more glory, more of everything, on and on without end, at least in his outer life. When we meet Tony Stark at the beginning of the movie, he's in his early forties. He's been running Stark Industries with the assistance of Obadiah Stane, his late father's friend and partner, for twenty years or so, and by every external measure, doing quite an excellent job of it. The company is highly profitable and is a worldwide leader in the development and delivery of high-tech weapons systems.
Stark, who has never married and has no children, lives by himself in a stylish cliffside estate complete with a state-of-the-art laboratory/workshop in the basement, a garage full of pricey sports cars, a bedroom with a panoramic view of the ocean, and an omnipresent artificial intelligence application that functions as his virtual valet and lab assistant.
Wonder boy / flying boy
On the surface, it all looks pretty good. But a closer examination of Stark's lifestyle reveals some cracks in the glossy facade. Despite all of his material success, something about him seems unreal, incomplete. Much of his personal behavior is downright adolescent. He still parties like he's in his twenties and he's still taking the "fuck 'em and forget 'em" approach with women. He'd rather gamble than show up for an award ceremony in his honor that he'd promised his best friend, Air Force officer James "Rhodey" Rhodes, he'd attend, leaving Rhodey holding the bag and looking foolish.
Stark's girl friday, Pepper, takes care of all of the details and issues in his life that he's "too busy" to handle, including selecting and buying her own birthday present from him. There's clearly a shared attraction and affection between the two of them, but he keeps her at a distance, as he does with everyone.
He's more intimate with her than with any woman in his life, intimate in every way but the physical. He depends on her, telling her at one point, "I don't have anyone but you," but demonstrates little interest in her needs and little knowledge of who she really is. It's as if, despite his swinging lifestyle and his long string of sexual adventures, he really has no idea what women are actually like.
Stark is glib, arrogant and has a ready answer for just about anything. When he's confronted by a female reporter who presses him to take responsibility for making his fortune creating and selling products designed solely to kill and destroy, he cites his father's work on the Manhattan Project "to defeat the Nazis" and then manages to turn the conversation into yet another opportunity for seduction.
He takes nothing and no one seriously. Nothing is ever at stake. Despite all his innate gifts and all his success, he is, at his core, deeply bored and very immature, both psychologically and emotionally. He is, in Jungian parlance, a >puer aeternus>: an emotional adolescent in a man's body, a boy playing at being a man, a flying boy. But he's about to come to ground.
The wasteland
Stark's vanity and hubris lead him into the very place he least wants to go. In his supreme arrogance, he believes that he's safe anywhere on earth and travels into a war zone in Central Asia to preside over a live field demonstration of his latest "masterpiece of death," the Jericho missile. The demonstration is a big success, but on the return trip Stark's convoy is ambushed and attacked. His military escorts are killed and he is left alone, forced under fire to leave the secure armored vehicle in which he's been travelling and thrust out into a barren wasteland with nothing but the clothes on his back.
For perhaps the first time in his life, alone and vulnerable, Stark knows real fear. His power back in what he's always thought of as "the real world" means nothing here. As he cowers behind a rock, trying to reach Stane on his cell phone, his attackers launch a missile that almost lands in his lap. Before it detonates, he has just enough time to see the manufacturer's logo on the side of the weapon: "Stark Industries."
The wound
Stark sustains a critical chest wound as a result of the explosion, with shrapnel closing in on his heart, and is taken prisoner by his attackers. Realizing that Stark has value for them, his captors direct another prisoner, an older man named Yinsen, to perform emergency surgery on Stark to save his life. But as Yinsen tells Stark when he recovers consciousness after his surgery, the reprieve is only temporary:
Yinsen: I removed all the shrapnel I could, but there's a lot left, and it's headed into your atrial septum ... I've seen many wounds like that in my village. We call them the walking dead because it takes about a week for the barbs to reach the vital organs.
Stark (pointing to a device mounted in the center of his chest): What is this?
Yinsen: That is an electromagnet, hooked up to a car battery, and it's keeping the shrapnel from entering your heart.
Stark is, of course, horrified to find himself wired to a car battery with an electromagnet implanted in his chest, cut off from everyone he knows and held prisoner in a dark cave in the middle of who-knows-where by a gang of violent thugs. But things are about to get even worse.
The cave
Stark's captors demand, as a condition for his safe release and return to America, that he build them a weapon like the Jericho missile he demonstrated, using their massive stockpile of Stark Industries weaponry as raw material. Stark is appalled to find his own creations in the hands of such men and realizes that no matter what he does for them, they'll never set him free. His initial reaction is despair. He feels as if he has no options and no hope. But Yinsen is unwilling to let Stark off the hook. He confronts him, challenging him to do something with whatever may be left of his life:
Yinsen: Look, what you just saw, that is your legacy, Stark. Your life's work, in the hands of those murderers. Is that how you want to go out? Is this the last act of defiance of the great Tony Stark? Or are you going to do something about it?
Stark: Why should I do anything? They're going to kill me, you, either way. And if they don't, I'll probably be dead in a week.
Yinsen: Well then, this is a very important week for you, isn't it?
The man for whom nothing was ever at stake now rises to the challenge, using his gifts and his innate ingenuity to develop a method of escape, not only for himself, but for his fellow prisoner, a man in whom he has found a friend and a mentor, maybe the first true mentor he's ever had.
Under the pretense of building the missile demanded by their captors, Stark and Yinsen instead build a crude mechanical armored suit, powered by a small "arc reactor" Stark fabricates on the fly using parts scrounged from the weapons he'd created. The arc reactor serves an additional purpose: it replaces the electromagnet and the car battery, thus keeping the shrapnel out of Stark's heart and keeping him alive.
During their time in the cave building the armored suit, Stark and Yinsen continue to deepen their bond. As they talk about their lives back home, the emptiness of Stark's life prior to capture is readily apparent to Yinsen, who tells a visibly shaken Stark, "So you're a man who has everything and nothing."
A new man
Stark eventually leaves the cave and enters the outside world again. His use of the armored suit to escape his captors is successful, but comes at a high price in the form of someone else's sacrifice. After three months in captivity, he's rescued in the desert by his friend Rhodey and returns home to Pepper, Stane and an adoring media as a hero. But he's not the same man who left.
His ordeal has forced him open in a way he never anticipated and had never experienced before. His heart has been opened, literally. Life is precious and death is real to him now. He understands that his actions have consequences. Having begun to encounter the shadow side of his empire in the Central Asian wasteland, he feels moved to make changes. The profound new sense of responsibility he feels is not imposed by society or any other external force or definition of morality; it's a responsibility born of his reconnection to his own humanity, and that of others.
Stark has begun to feel. He's begun to remember who he is, once was and could be. He's begun to remember what he's lost. In a moment of previously uncharacteristic vulnerability, he tells Obadiah Stane, who's functioned as his surrogate father since Howard Stark's death, "I never got to say goodbye to my father. There are questions that I would have asked him."
The sense of loss Stark has begun to feel is palpable. There is deep grief under the surface, grief about losing a father with whom his relationship was never really complete, but Stark isn't ready to face that yet. Instead, he channels his newfound urgency into trying to atone for his own selfishness and what he now sees as the inherently destructive nature of the empire he and his father have built.
"I had become part of a system that is comfortable with zero accountability," Stark says at a press conference upon his return home. "I had my eyes opened. I came to realize that I have more to offer this world than just making things that blow up." He then announces that Stark Industries is out of the weapons business, effective immediately, to the great consternation and resistance of Stane, Rhodes, the stockholders of Stark Industries and much of the media.
A private transformation
But that's just the public aspect of Stark's transformation. In private, behind closed doors and without anyone else's knowledge, Stark is drawn to explore the possibilities of the new armored suit technology he and Yinsen prototyped in the cave. He designs, constructs and tests a second version of the armor, far more advanced than the first, and continues to refine and improve it even as Stane and the Stark Industries board of directors pressure him to reverse his decision to move the company out of the lethal technologies business. He also constructs a new, more powerful version of the arc reactor that keeps the shrapnel from entering his heart.
Stark's work on the armored suit looks, in many instances, like play, but it's building toward something much more serious, whether he realizes it or not. One night while he's working on the armor, a TV newscast catches his attention. It's a report from Gulmira, Yinsen's village in Central Asia, chronicling the takeover of the town by the same warlords who took Stark captive. Stark is galvanized, perhaps in part because he's reminded of the loss of his own parents when the reporter speaks of an orphaned child in the terrorized village asking, "Where are my mother and father?"
He bolts himself into his recently completed armored suit and, powered by the new arc reactor, flies off to the wasteland where he was wounded and taken captive to set the situation in Gulmira right and settle some of his own unfinished business. As he later tells Pepper, "I shouldn't be alive, unless it was for a reason. I'm not crazy, Pepper. I just finally know what I have to do."
Confronting the false father
But Stark's biggest battle is still before him, as he begins to realize that Obadiah Stane is not, and has not been, the benign, helpful mentor and father figure he's presented himself to be. As Stark continues to awaken to himself and to what genuinely matters to him, he sees Stane more and more clearly as he is: an amoral, venal liar, a manipulator and ultimately, a betrayer, a ruthless usurper who'll stop at nothing to take from Stark what he believes is rightfully his.
Stane is a man without honor or principles who only values power; for him, Stark has never been anything other than a means to an end. Before the wasteland, the wound and the cave, Stark couldn't see any of this. But now his eyes are open, and his time with Yinsen has given him what his relationships with Stane, and even his own father, had not: an honest, authentic male mentor whose sole interest in Stark was to coax, cajole and encourage him to become a mature, authentic man who's connected with his own humanity and that of others.
Ultimately, Stark has no choice but to confront Stane, his false father, and again the stakes are real and they're high. It's a life-or-death situation for Tony Stark, and he faces it squarely. He's come a long way since we met him at the beginning of the movie.
Conclusion
Tony Stark has made a lot of progress, but he's not done yet. Plenty of his old arrogance and hubris remains, even in the later stages of the film. He still drives like a lunatic, putting himself and others at risk for no good reason. When he's testing one version of the armored suit, he flies so high, in an attempt to break an altitude record, that the suit ices up and he nearly plummets to his death. But he learns from that experience and it serves him later. That's significant. Because he's open now, because he's earned a bit of humility, he can learn from his errors and apply those lessons in his life. There's a lot of hope in that.
Stark also has a new identity, one largely developed in secret, and he has to decide how much of it he wants to reveal to the people around him, and to those in the world at large who are eager to know just who this "Iron Man" is and what his relationship is to Stark. There are other questions, too. Will Stark fall back into his "fast lane" lifestyle now that he's home again and back in control of his company?
How will he deal with the feelings he had at his homecoming about losing his father? Will he explore those feelings more deeply, or let them slide back into the forgotten places within him? Will he allow himself to develop a truly intimate relationship with Pepper or someone else? Most of all, will he be able to keep his heart open, and know when he needs his armor and when he doesn't?
Tony Stark has taken a huge first step on the journey toward authentic, mature manhood. If he wants to continue to enjoy the rewards of that journey, he'll have to keep walking.
I had planned to have the Braveheart review done by this time, but due to some illness and an unexpected and incredible New Year's getaway, I haven't managed to finish in time. I re-watched Braveheart today and find myself fascinated by the father of Robert the Bruce, a dangerous and yet somewhat pathetic character. He has traces of Darth Vader in him, as well as very human feelings of grief of the life he didn't live. Aside from the aforementioned reasons, my desire to understand him better also had me postpone the review a little. I basically want to feel into the archetypal dynamics of Braveheart a little more. The movie is rich with material and I look forward to finalizing this piece for you. Thanks for your patience. Eivind— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()I want to remind you all that I will be presenting at the "Men and the Future" symposium in Frankfurt in May/June this year. My presentation isn't fully formed in my mind yet, but I believe I will be speaking about a topic that emerges where authenticity, vulnerability and our wild side meet.
No matter, I believe this will be a great event and that I will see you there. I look forward to bringing you more information soon.
Here's the website for the event.
— , Irregular updates ()This movie review will be the first in a new range of reviews. They will be shorter and focused on inspiring you as opposed to bringing you really deep information. Bite sized information for the guy who's in a hurry. They will not replace the in-depth reviews entirely, but to get a bigger rotation of reviews here, I will start doing quite a few of these in the days ahead.
Inviting my friends for an evening in hell
Last Friday, I invited a group of men friends to catch this movie just before it was taken off. I knew very little about it, but I had the feeling I should see it. Viggo Mortensen is one of the few actors in Hollywood I really respect, but more importantly, there was an article about it in big Norwegian newspaper some weeks previously. It spoke about how movies frequently portray father figures as heroes and that the same thing doesn't happen with mothers.
I don't agree. There are plenty of heroic mothers in the movies, although they may not be kicking ass and taking names to quite the same extent as the father figures. I think heroism for women and men generally looks very different.
I was blown away by the movie. It is an absolutely horrific tale, a tragic story about humanity's frailty and stupidity. Husband and wife wake up one morning and it's the end of the world. Nothing is left. Outside of their bedroom window, nuclear holocaust awaits. The wife shrieks with agony as she gives birth to their first-born in the midst of this soul-devouring limbo. She knows all too well that his will be a cruel and terrible life. There is no hope, nothing she can do to comfort her newborn from the inevitable despair that is his destiny.
There is nothing to eat. Cannibals roam the streets scavenging for flesh to satisfy their hunger. One day she can bear it no longer and she walks into the nuclear fog to die. The man begs her not to, but her will to live has dwindled and disappeared. She doesn't want to just survive, she tells him. Surviving isn't enough, she needs more. It's a cruel world that has a mother's despair outweigh her motherly instincts.
It made me think of women's innate talent for and need to celebrate life in all its glory. They do this better than men. We are generally caught in a grid of space and time, trying to make things happen while not being very welcoming with distractions or unplanned for circumstances. We are action oriented and we know it. Women are better at enjoying the moment than us guys. They dance the dance of life, and radiate life force through their glowing skin and beaming smiles. That is, of course, if they are connected to their feminine essence.
This movie made me understand that a post-apocalyptic world where all expressions of nature's feminine vibrancy are gone would be completely hellish for a woman. Women are as a whole much more connected to nature than men and when nature dies, so does parts of women (and even the feminine in us men). There would be nothing left to support her radiance.
Such a place would be a spiritual wasteland, a place so evil, barren and desolate that the most sensitive women might just shrivel up and die, as is more or less the case here. The husband is left with infinite heart break, ashy tears and the agonizing knowledge that this is the end of the road for humanity. What kind of mission in life can a man adopt to make sense of that scenario?
Keeping the fire burning
The man does what any good man would do: He cares for his son as he takes him towards the South East, hoping better days await them there. The challenges they are faced with are totally gut wrenching. I had tears pouring down my face throughout this movie.
Humanity has gone insane and many are eating each other because there is literally no food left. The father tells his son "we are the good guys. We are the ones who keep the fire burning". And I'm not sure he even believes in it - everything is so bleak. But the son absorbs that. It helps him keep sane. The alchemical transmission between father and son seems to take place even under the worst conditions. Although he misses his mother terribly.
By the time I got out of the cinema, I felt like I had been for a couple of thousand spins in a tumble drier. I felt beaten up inside. We just stood there looking at each other in silence for a long while. My friend Magne finally spoke: "Words are pointless after that".
He spoke the truth. For the rest of the weekend, I was really down. Boy do we have work to do to prevent something like that from happening! In small ways, each and every one of us carries the destiny of the world on our shoulders. No pressure or anything, but our actions or lack of them may actually be a deciding factor in the big picture of humanity's survival. Makes you think twice about wasting your time watching reruns of 24, doesn't it?
— , Irregular updates ()Let me put this out in the open from the get-go: With American History X, Tony Kaye has directed an amazing, extremely charged and challenging movie. It brings up some issues which we are generally loathe to look at in our day-to-day lives. This is exactly why we will now do just that. Sidestepping the bare realities of life is a game which has gone past its sell by date. To really understand the thematics of the movie, I strongly recommend that you read my introduction to Spiral Dynamics. I will be referencing some SD concepts in this review, but will explain them sufficiently for you to tag along even if you are not familiar with them.
Your assignment, young Danny, is American History X
After serving three years in prison for killing two black gang members who were busy breaking into his car, Derek Vinyard is let back out on the street. On the same day, Danny is called into the headmaster’s office at Venice Beach High. With Derek behind bars, Danny has been lost for direction and has in his brother’s absence become heavily engaged in the White Power movement that Derek helped build. It is, he believes, what his brother – his only living role model – would have wished.
His essay “Mein Kampf” has now landed his ass in Bob Sweeney’s office. Mr Sweeney is a strong man, directed, compassionate, and with a powerful presence. He is also black, worried, and very unimpressed with the direction this young man is taking. “What’ll it be, Danny?,” he bellows. “What is this crap you’re trying to sell us?” Bob is unwilling to give up on the lost Danny; he sees in him not only the same brilliant mind as in his brother, but also the same dangerous inclinations towards hateful racial stereotypes.
Bob sets up a new history class for the lost boy, a class where Danny is the only attending student. This class is really in ritual space and Bob is his mentor. “We will name the class American History X”. The first assignment in the new class is a paper in which Danny must document and analyze his brother’s actions and the effects they have had on himself and his family. This is the context of the movie, a story on the brilliant Derek’s descent into hatred and murder, and Danny is the voice who tells it.
The shadow king and his red knight
Venice Beach is overrun by black and latino gangs who spread fear among the white population. Cameron Alexander is a hateful, old man who has set up base in his home to coordinate an Aryan crusade against all who aren't white protestants. Together with Derek, he runs the DOC, a White Power group whose aim is to take back Venice Beach from gangs, "border jumpers", and foreign business owners. He stays in shadows, “has to be careful”, and lets Derek do the dirty work of recruitment and vandalism. Cameron has positioned himself as the elder, the person who confused and insecure young white boys – kids who are afraid of the world they live in – look up to for guidance and the feeling of belonging.
Cameron's influence reminds us of an important fact; where the harbringers of hate gain power, fathers have strayed from the path of serving with presence, authority, discernment and love. Or they are simply not there.
Derek and Danny’s father disappeared when he was shot by a black drug dealer while fighting a fire in a black neighborhood. The movie shows him as being a loving father in his own way, but we also understand that he was a fearful man who quietly carried a burden of bitterness and anger over the ways he felt white people were suffering at the hands of liberal politics and affirmative black action. His death at the hands of a black man is what cemented Derek’s path into racial hatred and white power ideology. It is also what started his search for another father figure from whom he could receive the essential transmission of knowledge any younger man so desperately wants.
Cameron Alexander, like most shadow kings, feeds on fear and hatred, and Derek is willing prey for his serpentine tongue and toxic mentorship. He is a willing crown prince – a red knight* with kingly qualities and great power, yet his every action takes him further away from the inner freedom which he seeks. That is the nature of shadow initiators: they pretend to have answers, but their initiation only takes people one step closer to hell.
And as their desperate students find themselves left with ever fewer things worth living for, all that remains is the glimmer of hope that their mentor will one day come through with the soul food for which he/she hungers for. But shadow initiators never deliver; they are unable to. For they are themselves unfathered and know not their inner truth and goodness.Nevertheless, Derek feels good that he has found something worth fighting for, and he spreads the gospel of hate with religious enthusiasm and conviction. Cameron is a shadow king who has found his red knight.
The war against white boys
In Spiral Dynamics, we learn that there is a stage (Green) of development that is associated with a watering down of truth as well as structures of power, control and – yes – growth. On this level, we find movements, philosophies and ideologies such as post-modernism, relativism and feminism. This is a stage where feminine values flood society, men are discriminated against in covert ways, and boys suffer terribly.
It is a stage where the victim is celebrated and integrity, responsibility, loyalty and service are discarded in favor of emotionality. This mindset is largely what people are referring to when they speak of liberals. What we see in the SD model is that the political ideology that grows out of this mindset is a significantly more evolved state of mind than the one we know as conservativism, but it comes with huge problems.
One of the biggest shadows of Green (where liberalism has its home base) is the huge shame that comes with it. White people on the Green level of development feel shame that their forefathers are responsible for colonialism, the enslavement of the people of Africa, the destruction of the planet. They basically feel guilty for everything that is wrong in the world. And the main bulk of the blame – if not all of it – goes towards white men (men are perpetrators, women victims). Because of this, it is seen as most pressing to eliminate most masculine values from society. Not in a declared and outspoken way, but in the emotionality of the people.
The conservatives, although at a lower level of moral development, are completely right to be wary of this way of thinking. Take a moment to view this clip from the movie:
In this clip, Derek is really arguing that masculine values (such as responsibility, loyalty and integrity) are important and shouldn't be ignored. He is saying, just because you have an emotion doesn't mean you must act on it in the spirit of victimhood. The recognition of being shafted by liberal politicians is exactly what pushes him into neo-nazism and it is seemingly also what got his father to harbor thoughts of racism.
When people at the Green stage of development are in power, the people who would otherwise prosper if the Masculine were viewed more positively, are polarized into bitterness, fear and racism. For in such a society, people DO take advantage of social welfare, people DO claim victimhood instead of standing responsible for their own life and actions. Not only that, but when society is structured along this line of thinking, women and ethnic minorities are privy to some unfair advantages that have nothing to do with equality.
How can we let this happen? Because of the mentioned strong belief that everything that is wrong with the world is because of white men (you can make that "Christian white men"). These initiatives are merely logical extensions of such beliefs. And such beliefs make it a moral imperative to punish white men. Unfortunately, boys are the main victims.
Get this: Liberal politicians are pushing normal people into conservativism, extremism, even neonazism in numbers counting in the millions, because they are not dealing with the problem in a way that is aligned with truth.
They claim that they want everyone to be treated equally, but white men are not part of that equality, and they don't even consider it a problem. AND – they are pissing all over fathers. This is wrong! And it is creating havoc in the world. For white males are still the dominant force of power in the world, and when you willingly sabotage their ways to maturity and manhood, you are short-circuiting the very system that could create real change. Before we restore some sense of rightness about this picture, boys will keep running countries and corporations (just look at Silvio Berlusconi). They are not meant to.
Understand that the reason gangs are born – be they black, latino or neonazi – is the weakening of the father figures of society. Young men cannot initiate each other. In gangs, they desperately try. They want it badly. But they cannot. It is Law. And when we understand that "liberal politicians" are in the business of shaming men and disempowering fathers, we may – if given space to take this thought to its conclusion – see that the shadow side of Green is one of our modern world’s greatest problems.
Indeed, the popular idea that the ideologies of Green are at the apex of human development may very well kill us all if we don’t wake up in time. Take your time with this message, for it may be uncomfortably strong. We must free ourselves from this delusion if we are to restore men's dignity and self worth.
Derek’s redemption
To move ahead in our society, to leave Green behind and to enter 2nd tier consciousness (the paradigm shift where individuals come to recognize that all levels of development prior to theirs are important and necessary), we must re-embody our appreciation of masculine values. We must resurrect the initiators from the tombs of our forefathers and give young boys a new chance. In American History X, Bob Sweeney embodies this hope (while the teacher Murray is a Green liberal).
He is the mentor, the man whose wounds of life finally broke through his ramparts and reached the soft, tender flesh of his beating, loving heart. His is wisdom, power and compassion. He seeks Derek out after he has been raped by members of a White Power gang in prison. Derek turns his back on them when they turn out to not live up to his high ideals (“They didn’t believe in shit”) and he is in trouble. Having been profoundly humiliated by those he considered kin, his ramparts are starting to come down too.
“You gotta start asking the right questions,” Bob tells Derek. (We are pretty much in ritual space here). “What questions?,” Derek replies. “Such as, has anything you have ever done made your life better?” Tears roll down Derek's cheek. The “strong bull” has been wrestled to the ground. “You gotta help me,” Derek pleads. Sweeney confirms that he will, but that his help is not unconditional. Bob understands that Derek must confront the karma (effects) of his actions to find true freedom in his heart.
Important though Sweeney's help may be, it is thanks to his black friend from the laundry room that he gets through Chino in one piece. He is a good guy and opens up in Derek the understanding that being black in the US is not easy. For although the people of Green discriminate against white men, there are plenty of other people on lower levels of development who are doing exactly the opposite. Derek’s eyes are opened to a world that he did not know existed. There is now space around his heart.
Conclusion
Danny's schoolpaper for headmaster Sweeney is finished with a quote by Abraham Lincoln in the wee hours of the morning. And we could here go on and speak about the confrontation Derek has with Cameron Alexander, his break from the neo-nazi community, the destiny of his family and his brother. But you should watch the movie yourself. What matters is to remind ourselves of the lessons about fathers, initiation and the complexities of racial issues that this film describes.
What could the message of this movie mean for you in your life? I suggest it could be to find out where you stand with your father, living or dead. Do you love him? What are his gifts to you? Which burdens of his have you unconsciously adopted? Get to know him. And then find yourself a mentor who can heal you and open in you the final recognition of your true, inherent goodness, so that those adopted beliefs of your father's can be shed once and for all.
And do remember that boys cannot initiate each other. That means you must be mindful of how you design your social life and network. Look for brotherhood and elders.
*the red knight is a figure from old myths and legends that describe a macho and power driven, yet immature man
— , Irregular updates ()Right out of Arthurian lore comes the famous Fisher King myth, a story about a wounded masculine feeling function and the subsequent healing of it by a fool. It comes in many forms, but the version told by Parry in this movie starts with a prince who has to sleep alone in a forest to prove he can be King.
Alone by himself at night, he is visited by a sacred vision of a fire with a holy Grail in it. A voice tells him that he shall be the keeper of the Grail that he may heal the hearts of men.
The young prince is overcome by feelings of grandiosity and reaches in to grab it. The Grail disappears and the boy's hand is left terribly wounded. Another version of the same myth leaves him with an arrow through his testicles.
In all versions of the story, the wound grows deeper as the years pass, and the boy - now King - knows by consequence no joy or love in his life. He is always miserable. He begins to die.
The Fisher King wound in modern man
I want to examine the wound itself before digging into the movie's plot. In his short book on the Fisher King myth, Robert A Johnson talks about this wound as "probably the most common and painful wound which occurs in our Western world". Robert A Johnson explains to us that it is a wound "in the male, generative, creative part of his being" and that it "affects every sense of value in his psychological structure".
So how does the wound appear? The playful, active boy who is told to sit down and be quiet receives a shock (wound) to a nervous system that only seconds ago was so alive. The mother who shames her son's sexuality "shoots an arrow through his testicles" and wounds his sexual feeling function. A son who requests his father's blessing and receives only his aloofness and temper ends up distrusting men and his own masculinity and a deep wound cuts through his psyche (Robert Bly refers to this as the father's axe blow).
If the wound were only an issue of family systems gone wrong, maybe we wouldn't be so ill off. Alas, the weapons by which the wounds are inflicted are woven into the very fabric of our society, leaving us scarred all over by the time we turn twenty.
Maybe we divulge an authentic spiritual experience to our local religious leader and find ourselves targeted and programmed, like sheep, with the officially sanctioned version of religious "truth". Or maybe we go to school to learn the Soul-devouring "truth" that the only valid way of perceiving the world is through our rational faculties. Whatever the cause, the wound grows ever deeper.
So in my opinion, the pertinent question isn't whether we have a wound. Rather, it is - how can we heal it?
Jack reaches for the Grail
Jack is a deeply unsympathetic, self-absorbed man. He is a "shock jock", proudly polluting the hearts and minds of the New York masses with his preferred flavour of nasty. He is about to hit TV screens with the new comedy show "On the radio" and in watching his preparations for the show, we witness his visions of grandeur. And just like the self-obsessed prince, God's call to heal the hearts of men is drowned out by megalomania.
I interpret the TV show Jack is about to star in as a Grail of sorts to his psyche. He muses to himself that for the first time in his life, he will be "a voice with a body". This "re-embodiment" sounds to me like a weak attempt at a return of feeling (a body feels), a process thwarted by Jack's inability to take the requisite move towards greater humility. So his Self calls for a deeper wound to wake him up: Edwin, one of his listeners, goes on a killing spree. Jack is the reason why.
It would be mispreresenting the myth to say that this is a typical Fisher King wound. For that wound damages the generative, feeling part of his masculine psyche whereas this event is the start of Jack's long road back to his. But the movie as I understand it really wants this to be Jack's Fisher King wound so I think the parallel works for now.
Parry, the White Knight fool
We return to Jack three years later and images of the tragedy still haunt him as he spends his days sweating out the pain in the back room of his new girlfriend's video store (I see parallels to Nathan Algren in The Last Samurai). Anne is a good woman who loves him in spite of his masochism. And yet, Jack goes out one night to end himself.
Jack's personal hell is mandatory. It just shows us that under the layers of crap, his Soul works just fine. The fall from Grace is not so much about "deserving punishment". No, folks, I don't think the Universe is designed by some grumpy old dude with a stick and an ass-whipping fetish whose name can be called on by people of inferior spirituality and hot temper (worst blasphemy there is). The fall from Grace is rather the Self's clarion call to the Universe for help, help to restore a man's image of himself to its appropriate size.
As long as overinflation is occurring, healthy relationship to the divine (or indeed anything at all) is impossible, and the man remains immature, self-absorbed and absolutely fucking miserable (trust me when I say I've been there. In fact, I still sometimes - or was that often - am).
[caption id="attachment_1399" align="aligncenter" width="500"] Just as Perceval destroys the Red Knight in the myth, so does Parry save Jack from the thugs who assault him[/caption]Before Jack takes the plunge, two young thugs appear with a desire to fuck him up. But self-proclaimed knight Parry intervenes with his crazy compadres. Jack lives.
Parry, we find, is absolutely off his rocker. He speaks to invisible, floating fat peple and thinks he is a knight on a quest for the holy Grail. Not much later, Jack learns that the cause of his lunacy is that his wife's brains were splattered all over him because of aforementioned Edwin. Jack now feels guilty for creating Parry the slumdog knight from the remains of the man formerly known as Henry Sagan, university professor and mythology expert. A bond forms between them.
Importantly, Parry is haunted by images of a Red Knight. The Red Knight of the myths is generally associated with power, might and ego. It is a fierce and dangerous energy, yet it is essential for masculine maturity (read more about the Red Knight).
The Red Knight appears for Parry when his mind starts reconnecting with the truth of what happened to his wife at the restaurant.
Parry himself sees the Red Knight as the reason why he can't get his hands on the Grail, which is why he needs Jack's help (he is "the one" according to the little floating fat people).
This Red Knight is clearly important. Let's get to know this ominous force that separates Parry, and by extension Jack, from the healing powers of his Grail.
Getting intimate with the Red Knight
[caption id="attachment_1387" align="aligncenter" width="510"] The Red Knight which haunts Parry[/caption]Perceval was the fool of the original Fisher King myth and the story goes that he encounters and kills a Red Knight early on in life. The Red Knight also appears in the fairy story of Iron John. In Robert Bly's opinion, he symbolizes the first step on the long road to masculine maturity and is followed by the White and Black knight stages. True to White Knight form, Perceval was a naive young mama's boy who thought he could rescue the world from evil.
Disregarding the fact that the Red Knight he slays threatens Camelot, it was perhaps not the best thing to do, considering that he spends the next twenty years of his life chasing Red Knight projections (he also fails the first attempt at healing the Fisher King due to fear of speaking up). This is exactly what we do on a large scale in the West today.
We kill or exile the Red Knight because we fear him. We imagine he threatens the Kingdom. Images of him are turned into entertainment porn on the nighttime news and then we assign him a different skin color, religion or ideology to our own.
I look at Parry's Red Knight and see more than merely the gore surrounding the death of Parry's wife. I see the death of Parry's primal, masculine power - his own inner Red. A man came and blew his wife's brains out (a man, incidentally, who had himself exiled *his* inner Red Knight) and there was nothing he could do about it. With one spray of shotgun pellets to his wife's head, whatever Red may have existed in Henry Sagan was wiped out and externalized as a projection of a demonic Red Knight.
[caption id="attachment_1416" align="aligncenter" width="500"] Henry Sagan (Parry) covered with his wife's brain. Such an experience might cause many a man to shut down his inner Red.[/caption]The Red Knight is chasing us wherever we look. We project and make others out to be bad, dangerous, even demonic (war on terror anyone?). We see the Red Knight in the faces of good people (terrorists not included). Why? Because we have all had our stories of receiving shocks to our nervous systems while growing up (though perhaps not quite as severe as Henry Sagan's). For some, it was perhaps trying to protect Mum from an abusive Dad. Or perhaps it was being bullied by a kid in school. Whatever the reason, we received a shock and decided Red was dangerous.
This fear of Red often manifests in a man's life as his longing for comfort and security; Red feels too intense. So we exile it from our psyches, condemning ourselves to a lifetime of paranoia, boundary issues and projection.
Now that we named the suppression of Red energy that goes on in virtually every modern man, let's enter sacred reality and get this show on the road.
Entering crazy time
After Parry shares his first kiss with his chosen damsel in distress, the Red Knight appears one last time. It is the final showdown - as long as Parry is not willing to integrate his Red Knight projections in a conscious way, he must die to his current self through trauma. The Red Knight gets him and Parry enters a coma. It is interesting to note that the thugs who represent the Red Knight in this scene are the same as the ones who attacked Jack in an earlier one. It suggests to me that Jack and Parry share a psychological theme - suppression of Red.
Jack realizes that he must get the "Holy Grail" to wake Parry up from his catatonia. He now gets to prove that he is "The One" the floating fat people talked about by turning into "Parry's Perceval". This will make him humble and force him to accept Parry's crazy view of the world. He intuits that Parry's and his healing are intimately connected, as he already shared with Anne in an earlier scene ("I thought that if I could help him some way, that maybe things would change for me").
Parry has something that Jack needs. We understand that particularly from the way Jack reacts to the TV producer who wants him to star in a new show about homeless people. Jack is horrified by the depraved worldview that would enable a man to glorify other people's suffering and turn it into shits and giggles. Instead, he turns his back on this career-furthering move and favours honoring his new depth of Soul. In Parry resides something that he needs to get more intimate with.
Which leads us to crazy time. What is it I hear you ask? It is a term referring to the "sacred time" a man has to enter once he is called there by his archetypal Self. In crazy time, normal flow of time and space ceases, and a vast, archetypal landscape opens up before the man. Without a good guide, this landscape can consume him and make him go nuts (like Parry). It is not necessarily an exactly *pleasant* experience.
[caption id="attachment_1402" align="aligncenter" width="500"] When Jack asks the crazy people at the hospital "what am I supposed to do?", we are alerted that he is about to enter crazy time himself.[/caption]I have some personal experience with this. When I was in my early twenties, I literally feared I was going insane. I feared I would end up doing something horrible one day and pictured that...I'm not sure why I'm telling you this...I would end up stabbing someone to death. It wasn't that I wanted to, it was just that the Red Knight energy inside of me was so thoroughly suppressed that it was in danger of consuming me. And no mentors or guides were there to help.
In an old indigenous culture, I might have been made shaman. Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette tell us that shamans were always chosen among those who exhibited signs of psychological instability, because that was seen to be an expression of a psyche finely attuned to the mysterious dimensions of the Magician archetype.
A man's journey through crazy time teaches him enormously valuable lessons about psychological and spiritual healing. For me, it has manifested in a profound understanding of how razor thin the edge between sanity and insanity is. I see clear as day how easy it is to be driven to murder by inner voices (the old cultures would call them demons, I call it suppressed psychic material). And ultimately, this experience has made me question what sanity really is (I see many people our culture would label sane and think they are out of their fucking minds).
Such reflections make a man a good fit to be shaman. There was an idea among the Inuits of the Arctics that any demonic force that the shaman to be had not already been consumed by would be outside of his field of influence once he assumed his fully embodied shamanic role. It explains why I consider my failing psychological stability from my early 20s one of my life's greatest gifts.
We see how references to crazy time is spattered all across the movie. And when you understand the concept, you will understand that when Jack finds himself in a situation surrounded by seeming insanity (in this movie, these places are ironically health care institutions), the setting is ripe with healing potential.
In our ignorant part of the world, however, we decide to medicate against crazy time. I believe this is one of the most important reasons for why we live in such a Soulless society. Crazy time is Soul time. And there is very little Soul in Prozac.
Reclaiming the Grail – a merging of worlds
[caption id="attachment_1401" align="aligncenter" width="500"] Jack encounters the Red Knight when breaking into Langdon Carmichael's "castle" in search of the Grail[/caption]Jack enters the Fisher King castle and reclaims the Grail from the library of a dying billionaire "King" (in saving him, Jack too becomes Perceval).
When Jack returns to the hospital with the "Grail", a merging of worlds seems to have taken place. I think crazy time has been integrated into "Newton time" (my invented expression for linear time) and that Jack and Parry emerge on the other side of their quest together, on the third and last stage of the process of constellating the Magician archetype explained by so many scholars of world mythology:
- The Call (life conditions force you to take on a new perception of reality)
- Crazy time (the deconstruction of old reality)
- Reentering Newton time from a new perspective (psychological integration has taken place)
At any rate, the Red Knight curse is gone, Anne and Jack are back together and happy, Parry has his damsel, and Jack and Parry go cloudbusting nude in Central Park together.
At the end of the day, who cares what happened - as long as you can break apart clouds with your mind while lying nude next to a good buddy? Hang on... am I going crazy?
— , Irregular updates ()The first Masculinity Movies LIVE took place on Friday May 14, 2010. The featured movie was The Good Men Project. The report for this event is an exclusive on the Good Men Project blog. Please go there to read more about it.
Here is the invitation that was sent out for it.
Keep an eye out for event #2, coming in June 2010.
Interested in hosting Masculinity Movies LIVE events in your area? Contact me.
— , Irregular updates ()I caught this ad at the movies yesterday (I don't have a TV so that's the only place I see them).
I'd like to see the same ad with the roles turned reach the public eye. Let's be honest – it wouldn't fly. The guy is having an existential crisis – the woman thinks he is pathetic and "recycles" him. There are a couple of implications here:
- Men who try to connect with their feelings/get through an existential crisis are undesirable (further emphasizing the macho "man up" attitude which propagates weakness among men)
- Men are trash (literally)
- Women are higher value than men
There would be hordes of feminists crying outrage if this was a movie with a man recycling a woman. I wouldn't be surprised if the same people laugh when they see this.
Other dubious pieces of advertising
And here's one that describes the fate of modern men in a pretty accurate way
The women answered with a spoof, which shows that we are in big trouble. Not only is the pay wage talked about in the spoof a myth propagated by false statistics – women do plastic surgery and botox mainly for other women, not for their men. Shockingly, men are actually capable of loving their wives and girlfriends even if they are not perfect. I've seen Pelle Billing report statistics showing that, for many women, the same isn't true. Why? Perhaps because women are privy to all kinds of special treatment that men never get access to, thus making them think they are more deserving than men. Anyway, I am concerned that there is not a shred of empathy to be had from the makers of this movie. Just more of the same hateful "men are pathetic" scorn.
Finally, this is worth a look. It's a brief overview of misandry in advertising.
I would be happy to see the feminists stop fighting a war they won a long time ago. The evidence is in how we don't bat an eyelid when men are targets, but when women are targets, whole nations rise in fury. That is starting to change, however, and now it's up to the men's movement – guys like you and me – to discover the inner freedom and love on the other side of anger and bitterness. Fortunately, the numbers of good women wanting us to succeed in this epic undertaking is ever increasing.
Thanks to Jessi Fischer, the woman whose blog I found some of these ads on. "Stop the hate", she says. I agree.
— , Irregular updates ()The powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?
(answer: no it doesn’t) The other day, I overheard a conversation where a man about my age (mid 30s) shared matter-of-factly that after he turned 22, his life had turned more and more monotonous. His days were all the same now, and the years now flew by. I hear this a lot. I hear it all the time from old people, such as my parents. They seem to have this pervasive belief that there is a certain age at which your days suddenly all start looking the same. And then time turns into a fast-moving blur of monotony. It's always interesting for me to hear people talk about time in this way, as my experience is so different. For me, the years are getting longer and longer. And this last one seems to have lasted for a small infinity. I remember back to a year ago; I had only just moved to Boulder, Colorado, to start my training to be a Circling facilitator. Little did I know what adventures awaited me there, and the profound transformation I would experience both there and on my return back home. When I think back on it, I can hardly believe the amount of love, pain, transformation and adventure I've experienced in that short time. So much has happened! It feels so long ago that it's almost "the good old days", you know back in the days when I was digging for gold at the foothills of the Colorado Rockies. [caption id="attachment_3473" align="alignright" width="400"] Arr, those were the good ole gold-diggin' days[/caption] And here this guy was sat sharing how all his days seemed the same. I don't like hearing that. In fact, it feels me with sadness and anger. "Another one bites the dust". Another man gives up on life. There's even an article about it that's all the rage online right now: Man Tells Heartbreaking Story Of How He Realized He Wasted His Life I remember reading somewhere that the average human being stops growing psychologically at age 20. This is not the time to do a profound scientific piece where I research that fact (so if you know of this research, please share in the comments below), but it makes perfect sense. Why? Because that's about the time when our biology train arrives at its station of adulthood. The biological impetus for change all of a sudden vanishes. So we stop growing. We go to universities and cram our heads full of knowledge. Maybe we have a few adventures. But for the most part, it's all a continued movement across a horizontal plane; we don't actually deepen. We don't become more enlightened people. Does it have to be this way? Of course not! Our sense of monotony, perhaps even depression, is just an expression of profound cultural ignorance of what it takes to be an alive human being. We offer our young men and women a template of what success looks like and tell them to conform to its associated social norms and peer pressure. They obey and in the process, they lose touch with themselves. They stop being soulful individuals. Some of them may wonder if life's supposed to be this way, but they see no alternative - because everyone around them is unfree, out of touch with a better alternative. So they keep plodding along hoping for better times. They never come. When this man shared that all his days felt the same, he broadcasted loudly that he had stopped living a courageous life. He was simply coasting along, having a little bit of fun here and there, but generally being uninspired. He was betraying himself and I'm certain that he knew this deep down. But he seemed too busy with following the cultural narrative of adulthood to notice. You can often tell such a man by his frequent use of sarcasm, irony and self-effacing humor. Here's the deal about 20: Not only do we stop growing biologically, but - as the Jungians would tell us - the ages 20 and 40 are very important thresholds. It appears that our unconscious comes closer to the surface at these times. I myself had a profound life crisis in my early 20s. I answered its call. Some lucky people do. Others feel a call inside them, but choose to ignore it. And we start harvesting the bitter fruits of Self-denial shortly after. Since we don't initiate people in our culture, we don't have the mythological context or the confidence or courage to take the path less travelled, the path along which the voice of our unconscious would so gladly follow us. So must of us start going down the safe route, even though our unconscious may be hammering us from below screaming for us to listen. When you feel dead inside, when all your days feel the same, it's not saying anything about the objective nature of reality. It is, however, saying everything about how the choices you've made have impacted you. So if you feel like your days are all the same, it's time to make a change. This is your life. This right here, right now. You're reading these words in the midst of what is *your life*. And it won't change just because you want it to. God won't drop a better life gift-wrapped into your lap simply because you pity yourself. No, you must commit. You must stand up and exclaim into the world your "I am here!", and you must do it not as an act of rebellion or of validation-seeking, but as an invocation of the very depths of you, as a commitment to start filling up your deflated Soul. And then you must start planting seeds. One by one. And with time and patience you shall harvest the fruits of your labor. Don’t be in too much of a rush, however. True change takes time. I started on this path 14 years ago. More and more people tell me how great I am these days. That’s nice, but not that big of a deal. In fact, I downright don’t like it when I pick up in the cadence of the person that he puts me above him, that I’m somehow special. I just smile, thinking of the one simple truth that they seem oblivious of: Greatness is a result of doing many little things, often in the face of fear, consistently over time. I used to hear this “I’m not special” from people I admired. Now it's my turn to say the same thing. I'm not special. Neither are you. But the seed of greatness lives in you still. (and please, bypass the greatness of immature bravado and go for the mature and humble kind) No-one is special. You choose to live or you choose to die and your life shall reflect the exact shape of your commitment. That is all.— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()The idea to create Masculinity-Movies.com came about during a time of intense study on what it meant to be a man. This is a question I've struggled with most of my adult life and this confusion has caused me to go through times of intense inner turmoil and depression. But the process has brought results and at this point, I was trying to find a way to juggle masculine and feminine energies and forms of expression in my life in a way that was beneficial for everyone. At the same time, I felt a growing need to share my own voice in this wilderness, and it seemed directly connected with my own sense of well being. There was just one problem. I had no idea what to say.
I was working on my Norwegian translation for The Way of The Superior Man by David Deida (still in progress) and applying it in the relationship with my lover, with great results. As the two of us spent some quiet quality time together watching films in her flat, the answer to the question that had plagued me for a long while - "how can I bring this material to the world in my own unique way?" came pulsing through the shimmering TV screen. In the middle of the unlikeliest of films - Erin Brockovich and Mrs. Doubtfire - it dawned on me, and Masculinity-Movies.com was born.
Why do modern men need to learn about masculinity? Don't we already have it covered? Aren't we already tuned in, turned on and aligned with truth in every way that matters? If my own life experience is anything to go by, the answer is definitely no. Modern men struggle. Most of us haven't found anything truly worth living (or dying) for and spend our days working to fulfill the visions of other men (and increasingly women), and most of these visions aren't even that great. In relationship, many of us find ourselves overpowered by our women, unable to stand up for our own rights in the relationship and instead choose to succumb to the apathy of just tolerating her. We haven't yet discovered our core strength, that reservoir of loving, heroic energy that each and every one of us deep down know we carry inside of us. Modern men need help. Trouble is - most of us don't want it. The idea that a man needing help is a weak men is cementing his weakness. It's a challenging place to be culturally, and we need to do something about it. This website is my part in that process.
My wish for Masculinity-Movies.com is that it not only become a resource for in-depth movie analysis through the lens of masculine evolution, but that it becomes a resource central outlining the different guided paths of masculine evolution that are available in the world today. Through honing in on the themes of the respective films, I will offer resources - specific practices, and pointers to men's groups, workships, teachers etc - so that this growth becomes possible in our very own lives.
I hope you enjoy your time here. By reading this, you've proven that you're one of the still relatively few men out there looking to better himself for the benefit of all. It's men like you who will make the tide turn for the better. For this, I thank you. AND - I wish to get to know you.
Eivind Figenschau Skjellum
Masculinity-Movies.com founder
— , Irregular updates ()When I wrote my Braveheart-review more than a year ago, I made a video featuring scenes I found important from William Wallace's early childhood. For some reason, Youtube wouldn't let me post it so I shrugged it off and forgot about it.
A couple of days back, I stumbled upon the video project on my harddrive again and figured I'd give it another go. So I edited it slightly and posted it to Vimeo. Enjoy!
BRAVEHEART - EARLY YEARS from Eivind Figenschau Skjellum on Vimeo.
Hello Tribe! I recorded this video for you to mark the beginning of 2016. In it, I address Masculinity-Movies.com and the reason why there has not been much activity here lately. Most of my time goes into Reclaim your Inner Throne these days, and in this video, I talk about the new paradigm that seems to be arising around the planet, and how Reclaim your Inner Throne is an expression of this. Want to be part of the new world that is being born? I hope so. I do! :) Let me know what you think in the comments below! https://vimeo.com/150598567 PS! This blog and video also went out to the Reclaim your Inner Throne community— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()As a facilitator of authentic relating events here in Oslo, Norway, I have a lot of attention on communication. I want to communicate cleanly in life and use my communication as a way of creating more closeness rather than escalating discord. I also want to teach these skills to others.
I’ve been ill over the last couple of weeks. This has given me time to read a lot of stuff online. I have observed what I judge as woefully inadequate communication skills. I observe an Internet full to the brim of people spouting abuse at one another, as if the intention is discord and not a deeper sense of shared humanity. It’s really quite disheartening. What got people to communicate this way?
I have observed my own communication with others as well. Based on all of this observation, I have compiled this list of ways people try to manipulate each other in communication. Don't do it – and don't fall for it.
Borrowing strength from group affiliation, professional title, gender, age etc
This is an insidious and really nasty way of communicating. Here are some examples:
- “We women like/don’t like that”. In my observations, women use statements like this more frequently than men. Perhaps because men are generally more individualistic by nature? No matter our gender, it’s a dangerous statement to make, because its basic premise is that (in this example) as a woman, I can read the mind of 3,5 billion people and use their opinions to support my own. I've noticed that feminists use this way of communicating frequently. For some reason, feminists often speak as if they do so on behalf of all womankind and when faced with 3.5 billion people who disagree, many a unprepared man is left in shameful tatters. I suggest you proceed with caution when faced with this communications device.
- “I’m old enough to be your father. Now listen up..” Arrogance covering fear. Generally a reflection that a younger person’s resources and intelligence feel threatening and since actual communication skills or life knowledge is lacking on the part of the older person, he plays the age card like a fist to the solar plexus.
- “I’m a doctor. I get all of that. But here’s what you don’t get.” Of course you’re a doctor. We both know that. But by using that as an argument in and of itself, you put your actual knowledge and experience in question, because that is what should have provided you strength in the first place, not the title. I'm now a patient who no longer trusts I'm in good hands. For good reason.
Shared humanity threat assessment: High
Assuming I know who you are
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from authentic relating work, it’s that relationships go down the drain once people start assuming they know who someone is (e.g. their spouse of 30 years). Examples are “You are being such a…”, “You are so…”, “you always do…”.
Sometimes, assuming I know who you are may involve responding to you on the assumption that you have a certain intention, oblivious to the fact I made a false assumption. For me, there is very little that infuriates me more than being imprisoned by another person’s mistaken interpretation of my intention. If the misinterpretation cannot be clarified, I suggest you leave the conversation (it is toxic by default).
Note that a lot of the time someone makes a “You…”-statement, what they often communicate is their own character. What is their statement saying about them?
If you are vulnerable to this habit, I can more or less guarantee you that it’s harming your relationships in a massive way. Try instead to transform your language into a more authentic expression. Instead of saying “Gee, you are being so stubborn!”, try on (deep breath) “It would mean a lot to me if you saw my perspective on this point. Would you be willing to hear me out?”
Shared humanity threat assessment: High
Emotional hooks
The category above is a form of emotional hooks, but it's unique enough to warrant its own listing. Here's a comment on all the rest: Much of the communication I've seen online while ill is in my judgment emotional drivel. Well-reasoned arguments are scarce. A lot of people seem to feed on conflict. I speculate that it lets them forget their own follies for a moment. To fan the flames, a lot of people throw out outrageous taunts. And most often, the other responds in kind. Rare is the ability to just stop and consider "why?".
And yes, this also happens in face to face relationships. In fact, this is how a woman might test a man's willingness to protect his dignity and boundaries. She may do so to test his ability to love and protect her when she needs him to. How do you deal with it? Well, online I would simply ignore it. But if we are talking about your significant other, however, other measures may be called for – probably something outrageous and playful that expresses freedom and love at the same time.
Anyway - please try avoiding throwing out emotional hooks. They contribute to heated communication based primarily on knee-jerk reactions. And make sure you don't take the bait when it's thrown at you. You always define what beat you want to dance to. Trust me - the reactive dance is no fun.
Shared humanity threat assessment: Medium to high
Irresponsible use of pronouns
A lot of the time, people who convey an opinion or relate experiences from their life take special care not to use the pronoun "I". "I" signals responsibility and that I actually have a choice in the matter. "When so and so happens, I feel like I don't have a choice" is a completely different thing to "When so and so happens, you don't have a choice you know?" Can you perhaps feel it just from reading it?
I already described above how using "we" inappropriately can be incredibly toxic in certain situations. For the most part, however, misuse of pronouns is a matter of personal power. When I offset responsibility for my behavior and life to an abstract "one", "you" or "we", I lose ability to actually direct it with power. This is manipulation by default, but it is primarily manipulation of self. And a person who manipulates himself into a victimhood-mentality is hard to connect with and prone to irresponsible and subversive communication.
Shared humanity threat assessment: Low (but high over time)
Have you been able to identify other types of manipulative language? Please tell me about them in the comments below!
[caption id="attachment_224" align="alignright" width="216" caption="The iPhone, a handy tool or the source of untold misery?"][/caption]— , Irregular updates ()When my friend Staale Nataas pointed out that fitness guru Shawn Phillips had outlined what he thought the main differences between boys and men are, I took them straight to heart. I think it is an extremely accurate and brilliant list.
The first of the points on that list is that while men relate to technology as tools, boys relate to them as gadgets. My iPhone has made me realize how much I still relate to cool technology, at least much of it, as gadgetry. Just earlier today, I found myself downstairs in the basement about to put on my washing, and then realized I had brought my iPhone with me for no reason whatsoever. I was absolutely horrified!
It's just a damned phone with some extras on it, yet much of my time is spent with it, looking for it, making sure I have it with me etc. It has become my main source of distraction. When I use it as a boy, my vitality drops, my integrity dissipates, life force literally leaves my body, and I soon become really unhappy. So why do I do it? Because there's the promise of a short hit of instant gratification, finding that someone has written me with a satisfying e-mail or something cool has happened in the world. The addiction to sensory stimulation. But when I manage to switch my focus to using it as a tool, it becomes the source of vitality, integrity, and life force.
Could it be that our addiction to gadgets are holding as back in the realm of boyhood? Could it be that all those suits out there running around with their Blackberries are not at all that in a hurry to "stay abreast of things", that they're just trying to stay distracted from life and the deeper truths within? Could it be that capitalism by its very nature, and our suckering up to it, holds an entire generation of men back from realizing their potential? I don't know, but it sure doesn't look like I'm the only one with an unhealthy relationship to the technological marvels in my life.
It's the classic question, do we control technology or does technology control us? I personally think that it takes a pretty mature man to not be controlled by it. Which is why it is so essential to take breaks from it all and discover the deeper current within.
Anyway, what do you think - are gadgets a man's worst friend?
— , Irregular updates ()After writing the review of Boy A, I have been thinking a lot about the tremendous hurt we are bringing down on boys in our society. The clearer I see how deep it goes, the less capable I become to adequately express how sad it makes me feel. So when I heard my colleague play a song at work today by Swedish band "Ingenting" about the experience of being a boy today, it really hit home.
He sings about how when he was little, his female teacher warned him to "do what she said, otherwise you'd be sent to a class you don't want to be". Then he went to church and the parish priest warned him to "do what he said, lest he end up somewhere he did not want to be". Then a woman wanted him to buy her a gold ring and then she warned him to "shape up and stay home". ("My love turned into a prison cell").
The chorus goes "it ended up with them saying, you're Satan's right hand man" and concludes with him reflecting on all the news of global warming and how if it gets as hot as they say, maybe they all will have turned out to be right - that he's Satan's favourite child.
This is the burden of the more sensitive of the boys and men out there. "It ended up with them saying you're Satan's right hand man" is an allusion to the feeling that the boy integrates, not the actual words spoken. And yet somehow, he just doesn't understand why the world hates him so and towards the end of the song, the young boy sings "But Dear Lord, I'm doing as well as I can. Yet I'm Satan's right hand man".
It's an incredibly moving song if you understand the Swedish language and what it really points to (the man who sings the song still sees himself as that young boy who is Satan's favorite child, and thus he cannot grow up to be a man for fear of the consequences). Click the link below to listen.
— , Irregular updates ()When I left Boulder, Colorado in April, I left behind an amazing intimate relationship, a great community, the experience of giving my gifts beyond my comfort zone and more validation from beautiful women than I had ever experienced.
I was afraid that returning home would trap me in the gravitational pull of my own culture and wipe out any developments I had made on my life journey in my stateside adventure.
For many months, I was doing well, but for the past several weeks, it is as if my consciousness is on a downhill trajectory. Combined with intense feelings of melancholy and emotional pain, I’ve been questioning if I’m in the right place. And I’ve been shaken to my core. Feeling afraid and like a young boy.
These are the times in our lives when it’s easy to start thinking that it’s possible to devolve, to somehow slide back down the mountain. These are the times that it’s easy to think that something is wrong, that God and the Universe are untrustable and that on some level I’m screwed.
Forgetting your Soul
Well, I’m going to die. That is clear. I might even experience lots of pain along the way. So in that sense, yes I’m screwed.
And yet for the person standing at the gates of initiation, facing the demons that protect the realms of our next incarnation from our entry, that is good news. For it gives us the necessary impetus to take the situation seriously and find the courage to see what is really going on. That is the only way that we will find our way across that burning threshold.
See, the only way a human Soul can “devolve” is to be forgotten, to become a stranger to itself by falling into the river Lethe (Greek mythological river of oblivion). In other words, to never move across that threshold.
Our consumerist culture has mastered that act of forgetting. The trance of instant gratification has committed genocide against the souls of the global population. For when this side of the burning threshold can be made pleasant by a thousand things, why would you want to cross and burn your very identity to ash?
Every human will in the course of their lives feel called to adventure. Every human will at some point feel the yearning to engage in the dance of life from a deeper inner truth than we have heretofore been privy to. But when people arrive at the place where I’m at right now, most seek refuge in addictions (like I still sometimes do).
It seems quite clear, however, that you cannot be taken by the siren song of consumerism and at the same time live a soulful life of meaning. It is impossible. So most people choose to forget. Most people choose to drown themselves in the river of oblivion, or as Henry David Thoreau put it:
The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
Facing the demons within
Painful experiences like the one I’m going through are not wrong, they are not obstacles. On the contrary, they are the requisite fuel for the fires of transformation that will purge our old identity structures so that a truer and more soulful form of us can be birthed into this world.
And when this process of transformation happens to us, it can seem like we have been singled out for pain. That in our suffering, we are somehow special. I have felt that a lot lately. Yet, on closer examination, it seems that we are at the effect of a universal law: Whenever we commit ourselves, consciously or unconsciously, to living out our great work in the world, the demons that would prevent us from doing so will suddenly all come alive in our inner worlds. It has been designed that way. It is a gift to us. Only this way can we face our fears and find our peace with them.
In other words, committing to carrying out your great work in the world is not going to be an always-happy experience. Your identity will peel off layer by layer and you will be afraid. But at the same time, it’s going to carry a meaning of significance and soul-alignment that outweighs any frights that may appear along the way. And it is going to initiate you into a courage that average men will never know.
The price of being in true service
When I came back to Norway, I had big visions of transforming Norwegian sociey. And instead, Norway is kicking my ass. Similarly, as I’m entering the creative process of creating an archetypal immersion course based on my knowledge of the KWML archetypes, I question whether I’m worthy of giving that to you.
Such a situation could stop many people from moving ahead. It could stop me from moving ahead (it won’t). We would let that happen ignorant of how perfectly this has all been designed in support of our deepest gifts. We can not give our gifts from a place of arrogance, from a place of thinking we have all the answers. We must be humbled and awed to live our purpose fully.
So instead of fighting this process through addictions, depressions or emotional drama, we can choose to be with the pain, and allow it to bring us into the underworld, there to be reborn as true adults. And in the process, you may find, as have I, that support will magically arrive at your doorstep. This too is a gift to you. To let you know that even though you are going through hard times and may tell yourself terrible things, you are loved exactly as you are.
Authentic living is not an always-happy experience. God isn’t giving us brownie points for being with what’s so. And that doesn’t mean it’s anything but exactly right, exactly perfect.
To give our gifts and serve as guardians of this world, we are inevitably going to face terrible things. It’s unavoidable. And that’s why most don’t do it. They would rather be “quietly desperate” than terrified yet full of life and purpose on the frothy edges of the evolutionary process.
My vision with the “Reclaim your inner throne: An archetypal immersion experience”-course is to initiate you into these landscapes. I want to show you these thresholds and help you cross. So isn’t it more than a little obvious that I should be going through exactly that experience as I create the course for you? It’s going to be one hell of a ride. It’s for the brave amongst you. Cowards don’t do well with truth and initiation.
If you want to be one of the 10 men that get to go through the beta release of this course, as a band of brothers mapping out the territory where others will follow, facing your demons and giving your gifts, then contact me and let me know (several places have already been taken).
Blessings on your path, Brother.
In Service,
Eivind
— Jack Lucas, The Fisher King (1991)I'm hearing horses! Parry will be so pleased!
— , Irregular updates ()I've watched a fair share of porn in my life. I've even been a member of a couple of porn sites in the past. But as I've matured, I've come to realize that men's relationship with porn is fraught with problems and pitfalls. I have nothing against porn. I still watch it from time to time, although none of that weird shit that is popping up more and more out there.
The main problem with porn is that I've found that it, for the most part, hurts my sex life. The problem is that it externalizes sex. It becomes this thing "out there". An impersonal thing which you observe from a safe distance. There is no love there, no connection. There is just wham, bam, thank you m'am. And the goal is always ejaculation.
I'm training myself these days to become a multi-orgasmic man and in this period, I've consumed porn only once. That one time severely damaged my consciousness, however, and much progress vanished in one fell swoop. A man who is overstimulated by what he sees and who sees ejaculation as the goal, will be sexually limited. So I have committed to not watching any more porn as long as I'm so vulnerable to its damage.
I include a link to a good documentary about the porn industry and how much men and society are hurting through overconsumption of it. It's in English, though, so you can watch it too. It uses Silverlight technology, so you may be better off with using Internet Explorer.
http://www.nrk.no/nett-tv/klipp/601137/
It's worth watching.
— , Irregular updates ()Hi all,
I just want to share that I finally recorded the video for the Lover archetype this weekend. I hung out with my friends Peter and Pelle in Holland – and I could only really do this recording with them present (they have supported me in the production of these movies since the start).
It will take some time to edit the videos and make them ready for you, but I wanted to tell you now because I know you have been waiting.
Thanks for your patience :-)
— , Irregular updates ()It is with a certain level of sadness, worry and tension that I observe the behaviour of young boys around me where I live. So many appear to have no anchor in themselves. They appear completely at the mercy of peer pressure, playing into what they believe their friends think is cool. What this looks like, when they gather up in groups, is a lot of screaming, hitting each other, telling each other what useless shits they are. With many, there seems to be a competition going in which the winner is the one who can dish out the worst insults.
This dynamic isn't completely unfamiliar to me, as this behaviour was prevalent when I was their age. But it's getting worse. Guys who are supposed to be friends tear each other down, conducting psychological warfare as a way of bonding.
What happened? Why are so many young boys extremely cruel to each other? They seem to be adopting the teenage girl drama and, perhaps to compensate for their resulting feminization, pack it into boastful macho behaviour. I can only imagine how confusing life must be for them.
Did we forget about these boys when we decided on who needed help (generally girls and women)? Have we demonized the male gender so much so that boys now use the heritage of "men are scum"-feminism to make friends? Whatever the reason may be, these boys are lost and stripped of control of their body, speech and mind. I worry about them.
The latest movie I looked at was Buddha's Lost Children and I believe it holds some answers. Abbot Phra Khru Bah teaches us that the key to unlocking boys' potentials is to expect things from them, to treat them with respect, to love them while holding them responsible for their actions, to not shy away from punishing them if they have done wrong. When fathers stop to lovingly punish their sons for fear of abuse or of being reported to the authorities, love has disappeared. They are not taught the laws of karma and are left to fend for themselves, with noone to tell them right or wrong. This is the dramatic result of reframing love the willingness to let others to do themselves whatever they want. For young boys, love without toughness is cruel.
So if you have a boy who shows signs of this behaviour, don't be a soft, anxious sap who lets him get away with it. Treat him like a man. That's what he wants. He wants to feel as if he belongs to a true brotherhood.
For that to happen, however, you have to be a man, which, hopefully, is why you're here.
— , Irregular updates ()I just learned that today, Tuesday Dec 1, is Good Men Day. I support this initiative whole-heartedly and want you all to know about it.
From the project's website:
The Good Men Project: Real Stories from the Front Lines of Modern Manhood, is a collection of first-person stories that comprise a book and documentary about what it means to be a man in America today. From Pulitzer winners to ex-cons, and pro Football Hall of Famers to just regular Joes, men share their defining challenges, losses and triumphs through honest and simple truths.
“The hope is that these stories will help men come to their own definition on what it means to be a good man,” says Tom Matlack, Good Men Project cofounder. “It’s about the deeper truth of how men think.”
The book and DVD of the film are available as a companion set, and all proceeds go to the Good Men Foundation, which supports organizations that help at-risk boys. It’s a perfect gift for the men in your life or the women who love them. Be a part of something – join what is fast becoming the centerpiece of a national discussion about what manhood means today.
Learning about this just made my day a little richer and I'm going to order the DVD asap. So should you.
Buy the the associated book or DVD.
— Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()From the Wound, Comes the Gift
The film opens with 2 rescue divers going into a sunken ship. It shifts dramatically, one becomes trapped and we see that there is no air in either of their tanks.
His hand dramatically clings to the hand of his buddy, who has to pry his trapped colleagues fingers free before swimming to safety; in the full knowledge that he is leaving his buddy to die. We next meet the survivor of the tragedy as the senior trainer for the student 'rescue divers' of tomorrow.
He holds, for me, the archetypal energy of the wounded Fisher King. Life has bruised him and left him with a festering wound. He is seen at best as a failure and at worst he is seen by some as a murderer, but as my mentor taught me, 'from the wound comes the gift'. The instructor is able to confront the young trainees with the question gleaned from his wounding experience. What would they do in the same situation? We learn that he was injured in the ascent when he left his buddy to die and as a consequence never worked as a diver again.
The young men think that the instructor is just asking a pointless question, but they later discover that his question has a very real application: the gift. Towards the end of the movie Senzaki finds himself in the exact same scenario that the Instructor faced, which he presented to the class. We know from his earlier reaction that Senzaki will NOT leave his buddy. So do his class-mates.
However, Senzaki is powerless to save the man trapped beside him and by choosing to remain he seems to be choosing a pointless death; except for the fact that his colleagues know that Senzaki will choose to remain with his buddy.
As a consequence they step up to become the answer that is impossible for Senzaki to provide alone. The class-mates hear Senzaki's signal and save both men; discovering the gold that the instructor was trying to pass on to them. Sometimes it takes a community to answer a question that an individual cannot answer alone.
The instructor is healed by the loyalty of the class to him and to their class-mates and by the resulting rescue of the 2 student divers. Death no longer attaches itself to the Instructor. His training gives the gift of life. The grail question is asked, the answer given and the Fisher King and His Kingdom is restored.
We All Need a Buddy
Another great theme is the awakening of the realisation that we all need a buddy.
At the start of the film we see Senzaki in the lone 'hero' role, but he is arrogant and narcissistic. He sees only himself and his needs. We learn that he is only seeking the role of the rescue diver as a solution to his boredom; there is nothing honorable in it for him. Other trainees seek it for the girls they'll bed or the money they will earn. In this we see that people can appear to do the right thing for all the wrong reasons.
The work-a-holic and the alcoholic share much woundedness in common but one is praised and the other shamed. Over the 50-days training we see each of the men journey under the watchful eye of the instructor (the King) who teaches them the value of community, love for one another and the service of a higher purpose.
Senzaki's buddy is the clumsy Kudo he seems at first to have nothing to offer the haughty Senzaki but we see their friendship grow and both are enriched through it. "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another" Proverbs 27:17
Death as a Messenger
One day after a day's diving Kudo goes to rescue a member of the public who is drowning but in his attempt dies himself and the person he rescues later perishes in the hospital.
Senzaki and the other trainees are devastated. Senzaki has lost his buddy who he has come to love and value and he feels like giving up. This really resonated with me - we all need a buddy and the thought of loosing one, once we have found them, is very painful.
Kudo's death underlines Senzaki's determination to find an answer to the instructor's question; other than leaving your buddy behind. This invites us to remember that we can continue to look for solutions rather than just settle with the one we have currently within our grasp.
If an answer seems unpalatable or unacceptable then keep on looking. Senzaki learns to trust others through Kudo and this is what allows him to find 'the gift' later on in the movie when he is confronted by the same problem the instructor faced all those years before.
"You cannot solve a problem by thinking at the same level of thinking at which the problem was created" - Albert Einstein.
It is only in involving the wider community of trainees that Senzaki finds another answer to the Instructor's question - which is a question that the Instructor needs answered too; to enable his own healing. The effect of healing and restoration often extends beyond the individual - the healing of the Fisher King restores His Kingdom as well as him.
— , Irregular updates ()I am taking a break. Contained in this video is more information (the movie is actually only around 4 minutes. There's a lot of nothing at the end.)
Watching this clip, I understand why I'm doing this - I look tired and a bit spaced out. Though I am taking a break, I will, as I say in the video do the following
- Complete the Lover archetype video
- Give you guest reviews
- Set up a way for readers to post their own reviews
- Blog occassionaly (maybe)
- Send the occassional newsletter (maybe)
See you on the other side gents!
— , Irregular updates ()Hi,
Due to some work I was doing on the new user review section, all the existing reviews became unavailable for several days. I only just noticed and the problem has been ironed out. I'm sorry for any inconvenience caused.
Cheers,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()(looking at remains of a battle) I love it! God help me, I love it so. I love it more than my life.
— , Irregular updates ()A brief introduction to the KWML archetypes of the mature masculine
[caption id="attachment_744" align="alignright" width="281"] The seminal work by Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette that underlies this article.[/caption] As any man with life experience knows, life is a constant struggle wherein the desired goal is our attainment of inner peace as well as the ability to give and receive love fearlessly. On this journey of discovery and growth, there are many forces within us that battle for attention. Our personality is not a single entity with one homogenous voice as much as it is a variety of different voices that battle for dominance. Sometimes unfamiliar voices may shock or delight, and sometimes worn out voices may become so irritating, so jarring, so profoundly removed from what we want to hear, that we come to hate ourselves. One of the most important types of work we can can do in our growth into maturity is to identify and befriend these voices, so that they find and relax into their rightful place in what becomes an increasingly integrated psyche. Maybe we must tune some voices down, others a little up. Maybe we must make the baritone into a soprano, the bass into a tenor. Whatever voices are within us, our primary mission in life is to conduct them from being a cacophony to being a beautiful and powerful choir. Such important work requires a powerful framework, a model for teaching, learning, and living. That is why we will now dive into the deep waters of the archetypes known as King, Warrior, Magician, Lover (KWML). Jung did very important, revolutionary work on the archetypes and the collective unconscious. In his work he speaks of the anima, the feminine within us, and the animus, the masculine within us. He further expounds that the anima and animus have four stages of development. And while these stages probably warrant an article unto themselves, Jung is merely mentioned in this context as a facilitator for the discovery of the KWML archetypes. Jung described four stages in his model, from immature to mature: Eve/Adam, Helen/Planner, Mary/Professor, Sophia/Guide as stages of an evolutionary path whereby the last stage is more evolved then the first. The KWML-model, on the other hand, attributes equal importance to all archetypes, claiming no superiority of one over another*. * However, depending on cultural conditions, some archetypes may be more needed than others. However, as outlined in the book King, Warrior, Magician, Lover - Rediscovering the archetypes of the mature masculine by Douglas Gillette and Robert Moore, there is a clear line drawn between immature archetypes - boy psychology - and mature archetypes - man psychology. In boy psychology, there is in the model a clearly delineated path of evolution, which yields to a more open landscape with the onset of man psychology. Additionally, within each of the four archetype axises, is not only an immature and a mature stage, but a pyramid structure of the boy and of the man wherein we find the integrated archetype at the apex, and active and passive bipolar shadow aspects in the left and right corners (fig. 1).Fig. 1: The KWML model
It is important to recognize that when we are not in conscious relationship with an archetype, we are automatically ruled by its bipolar shadow. And when we are ruled by the shadow archetype, we tend to switch back and forth between the active and passive poles, completely at the mercy of events. What we learn from this system is that healing and integration becomes possible when we recognize that one archetype dominates too strongly in our psyche, and must be balanced by another, or when we recognize that the archetypes we animate are sourced in the active or passive shadow poles, as opposed to the integrated and mature aspect. Now, let's take a brief look at what makes a boy before we look at the man and his archetypes up close.Understanding the Boy
The differences between a boy and a man should be apparent, but in our current cultural climate, we seem to have lost this understanding. Boyhood has come to dominate the male population of Western culture, and manhood discarded as dark, destructive, scary, and problematic. The boy has been pushed to occupy the space left behind by the man - something he is not ready for - and his values of youth, physical vitality, and beauty come to dominate. He has been celebrated through diverse cultural phenomena, such as the boyband, young, rebellious athletes, the irresponsibility and «don't give a damn»-attitude proselytized by the advertising industry (look no further than Coca Cola Zero adverts), the take-what-I-want-and-fuck-you-if-you-try-to-stop-me of parts of the music industry, the self-serving ways of young stockbrokers and real estate agents etc, the wave of movies in which immature men are turned into poster boys, the admiration of heroics, the celebration of youth over wisdom etc. The list goes on. The problem with this is that we end up with a very limited view of masculinity, one rooted in insecurity and the desire for sex, fame, money, and power. We become so uprooted in ourselves, separated from our true core, that we define ourselves through external factors. We must recognize one basic fact: The boy is the slave of his ego. He often has little control over his nervous system, and fries his life energy on pointless mental pursuits and drama. He is the guy who can't sit still and can't tolerate silence. He is the guy who freaks out from prolonged eye contact. He is the guy who is easily insulted, who tries very hard to be seen (or equally hard not to be), who fishes for love and is easily hurt. He is the guy who has little structure and integrity in life, and who - despite his myriad claims to goodness - won't stand up for a friend in times of need. It's not that he doesn't want to do the right thing. It's that he is not able to. His life is in disarray and he is completely under the spell of the feminine, and is happy only as long as mummy is close. This is the subconscious mother, the archetypal mother, the feminine as a whole - not necessarily the biological mother. The purpose of the Hero archetype, the last archetype of boyhood psychology, is to break free from this bondage to the Feminine. The first three archetypes of boyhood psychology are: The Divine Child, the Precocious Child, and the Oedipal Child. These, as well as the Hero, will be featured in detail later on. For now, I choose to focus on the man.Understanding the Man
The hero's journey - the last step on the evolution of boy psychology - finally takes the boy into the realms of the man. This, however, often comes at great cost, and is often preceded by a time of existential crisis, what Robert Bly refers to as «ashes work». In the legends, the story always ends when the hero returns having slain the dragon, rescued the princess, and received the kingdom as reward. It doesn't describe the enormous difficulty the hero has settling into his adult responsibilities as king, and doesn't investigate his ability to stay faithful to his new queen, or his inclination to throw it all away - all those nasty responsibilities - to ride into the world on his trusty stallion once more. We said that the defining characteristic of the Boy is his enslavement to his ego. The defining characteristic of the Man is his mastery of it. The Man has subjugated his ego and turned it into an ally. This is impossible unless the crisis of ashes has first been lived or worked through. Any boy who is to become a man must feel his fearful way through the utter pointlessness of everything to serve the world. And it is of course exactly because our lives are so safe and comfortable that most of us never grow up to serve, never leaving boyhood behind. Let's look at the archetypes of the man, starting with the King, before we move on to the others. What follows are effectively summaries of the chapters in Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette's book.The King
The King is the source of order in the kingdom. If he is a wise and just king, the kingdom prospers, people eat well and are safe from harm. In the kingdom of the wise king, laughter rings through the lands, the crops shoot up high, joyful celebrations keep the woods awake, merchants travel with overflowing carts to lively markets. The king is the harmonizing principle, the subjugator of chaos, the uniter of opposites. He is the channel through which the gods communicate, and he channels divine blessings to his people and the lands (to whom he is «wed»). He is selfless, and puts the good of his people above his own needs. When the King grows weak, darkness threatens the borders of the kingdom, the sun disappears from the sky, and the crops wither and die. When the king dies, he knows, he is merely replaced by another in a lineage of divinely blessed kings, which humbles him (remember the saying «The King is dead, long live the King»). In the psyche of the man, the King archetype is the central archetype, around which the rest of the psyche is organized. If the King energy in us is weak, our psyche falls in disarray, and chaos threatens our lands. The man who is constantly overwhelmed by life - who can't seem to find harmony or order - must develop the King energy, often in conjunction with Warrior energy to protect his borders. The two main functions of the King are:
- Live according to the Tao, the Dharma, the Word, and the lands will flourish
- Bring fertility and blessing. The King is the masculine equivalent of the Great Mother, and he is wed to the lands. The king's vitality and sexuality directly reflect on his kingdom.
The Shadow King: The Tyrant and the Weakling
The Tyrant is the active pole of the Shadow King. The Tyrant, unlike the King, is not the harmonizing center of the kingdom, and his power is so fragile that he hates with a passion all new life; the beauty and purity of a mere baby boy threatens the Tyrant's rule. He does not realize that a King is merely a channel, and wants the power to be associated with himself. He will even develop godly pretensions to cover up his enormous insecurity. His degradation of others and all beauty is limitless, as everything good, true, and beautiful reminds him of his own shortcomings. He is extremely sensitive to criticism, and will be deflated by the slightest remark, responding with rage, when what he feels is fear and vulnerability. The Weakling is the passive pole of the Shadow King. He is not centered in himself and lacks inner peace and harmony, and is prone to paranoia. He suspects that those around him are disloyal, and his fear of betrayal will inevitably cause him to switch over to the Tyrant to control them.The Magician
The Magician is the wise man, the sage, the knower of secrets. He sees and navigates the inner worlds, he understands the dynamics and energy flows of the outer. He is a master of technology, engineering, mathematics, mysticism, and logic. He reads the stars, navigates the soul, and writes the laws. In the legends, he is the King's close advisor, who stops the regent's anger with cool rationality before he acts rashly and channels to him knowledge from hidden sources. The Magician is the thinker, and all knowledge that requires special training is his domain. The Magician has the capacity to detach from events - the chaos of the world - and draw on essential truths and resources deep within him. He thinks clearly in times of crisis, and enables us to take a broader view of things. He governs the observing ego, and is the meditator that reveals the truth of the universe, the shaman who communicates with the ancestors and starsThe Shadow Magician: The Manipulator and the Denying «Innocent» one.
The Manipulator is the active pole of the Shadow Magician. He works in covert ways to undermine others. He withholds crucial information, and deliberately sets others up so as to appear inferior to himself. The specialist knowledge he possesses makes him feel proud and gives him a feeling of being better than. That feeling is all he lives for, so he is not prepared to share his knowledge, unless the price is right (and even then probably withholding crucial details). He will rather use it as a weapon, ready to strike when the impact is the most devastating. The Innocent one is the passive pole of the Shadow Magician. He wants the status belonging to a true Magician, but he doesn't want the responsibilities. He doesn't want to be burdened with helping, of setting up sacred space for others' learning. His main focus is to learn exactly enough to sabotage those who are trying their damndest to make a difference, so that no other man will achieve that which he is too lazy to strive for. He is envious of the vitality of others, because he is so «flat» himself. Whenever confronted with his elusive and destructive behaviour, he responds «who, me?». He is a master at manipulating others into thinking that it really wasn't his doing, a carefully crafted puppet theatre conducted behind the smokescreen of the Manipulator.The Warrior
The warrior is a powerhouse of energy, the source of which is a transpersonal commitment. He is fiercely loyal to his warrior code - which is his honor - and to the king, who mythologically represents his purpose. The warrior is not concerned about his own comfort and security in pursuit of his goal, as his training teaches him to live with death as his constant companion. The domain of the Warrior is the battlefield - be it a battlefield of war, of spirituality, or of moral ethics. The Warrior's purpose is often to destroy, but the mature warrior destroys only that which is negative and harmful to the world. He is a master tactician, knowing at all times his limitations, and finds creative ways around them. The warrior is not a thinker, he is a doer. Thinking is his enemy, because it inhibits his ability to act swiftly and with force. He trains himself not to think, and becomes a master of his mind, attitudes, and body. The warrior is detached from life, with an almost infinite ability to withstand psychological and physical pain in pursuit of his goal. He is a little «unhuman», always chasing his next big goal, always putting emphasis on his mission as opposed to his relationships.The Shadow Warrior: The Sadist and the Masochist
The Sadist is the active pole of the Shadow Warrior. The Warrior's detachment from life leaves the door open to cruelty. The Warrior is most vulnerable in the area of relationships, where he must constantly stay vigiliant of his mind and emotions. They must not be repressed, but be under control, lest cruelty sneak into him while he isn't looking. The Sadist hates weakness and vulnerability, which is a projection of his hidden Masochist, and will take great glee in tormenting those unfortunate souls that remind him of his shadow. The Sadist directed inwards has people running themselves into the ground out of deep anxiety. They have low sense of self-worth, and will endure great self-torment on their way to burnout. The Masochist is the passive pole of the Shadow Warrior. The Masochist projects Warrior energy onto others, and experiences himself as impotent and vulnerable in their presence. He is unable to defend himself psychologically and allows others to manipulate and mess with him. A man might endure enormous amounts of abuse until one day he might snap, and percolate back to the Sadist.The Lover
The lover is finely attuned to the realm of the senses and worships beauty. He is a musician, poet and artist, and a lover of all things, both inner and outer. He is passionate, and delights in touching and being touched. He wants to always stay connected, and does not recognize boundaries. He wants to experience the world as one ongoing big orgasm of hearts uniting as One. He is the mystic who feels everything as himself, and the source of all intuition. Through his feeling capacity, he is finely attuned to people's energy, capable of reading them like an open book. His desire for love and connectedness considered, feeling into other people and discovering dark intentions is a painful experience for him. He is opposed to all structures that maintain separateness - of all law and order that keep hearts lonely and isolated. He is, in other words, opposed to all the other archetypes. The Lover is crucial in keeping the other archetypes energized, humane, and in touch with the ultimate purpose of love. The Lover keeps them from turning dark.The Shadow Lover: The Addicted and the Impotent Lover
The Addicted Lover is the active pole of the Shadow Lover. He is constantly searching for the fulfillment of his sensual desires. A true hedonist, he throws himself into a neverending and exhausting search for sensual fulfillment, without ever really knowing what he truly looks for. He is pulled around by circumstances and his constantly shifting desires, never finding rest. A woman here, a women there, then music, art, fine wine - whatever keeps his sensual side alive. The Addicted lover has not solidified in his internal structures, and will forever hunt for the attainment of his desire, helplessly shackled to the desire for union with Mother (the realm of sensory experience is the realm of the Feminine). The Impotent Lover is the passive pole of the Shadow Lover. He is chronically depressed, and feels cut off from himself and others. He loses his zest for life, his energy all but gone.He is sexually inactive, and will withdraw from all demands that are placed on him and his sexuality. If his partner becomes too demanding, requesting a sex life from him he is uncapable to offer, his feelings of imprisonment may propel him out of the relationship and onto the endless road of addiction that is the domain of the Addicted Lover.Working with the archetypes
A September 2010 addition to this article, this conclusive part on working with the archetypes is needed for the reader who actually wishes to go further with this information. I have experienced something remarkable in studying the archetypes – where most conceptual learning has a tendency to make me feel heady and intellectual, reading about the archetypes has an odd pull downwards and inwards. It's as if these ancient voices of archetypal, mythical men wants me to descend into the subterranean parts of my inner world. When I learned that the reptilian brainstem lights up when the archetypes activate in a person, it made perfect sense to me; these energies are ancient. The quality of tuning into this material is unlike anything I have ever felt before − and I have studied a lot by now. My experience is that if we let ourselves soak in this material − let its wisdom seep into our pores − we will become prone to recognizing archetypal patterns in our daily lives. In that context, it's vital to note, as previously suggested, that lest we have a conscious and mature relationship to the archetype, we are ruled by its bipolar shadow. In other words, the man who says such a thing as "I have no need for the Warrior archetype" is by default ruled by the bipolar sadist/masochist. A peace-loving, Warrior-denying hippie may for example be really strong on the masochist, touching his inner sadist on his more violent days. Similarly, a stern, authoritarian patriarch faced with the challenge of expressing appreciation of beauty may think that is "for faggots". Unfortunately, that will make him sexually impotent and/or frustrated and then when he's tired of that, he may swing into the position of the Addicted Lover (sometimes this is the point at which a homophobe may "come out of the closet", which may or may not be an authentic expression of his sexual identity. See American Beauty). It's a painful fact that anything that is not brought into light ends up controlling our lives from the shadows. What we resist persists. So in actually working with the archetypes, awareness of them is as always the first step. While an information product on how to work on the archetypes in our daily lives is in the pipeline, I want to outline a few practices and give some brief advice on how to identify which of your archetypes are healthy and which ones aren't (we will often mature in the four archetypal quadrants in parallel, but there may be some discrepancies). If you draw a blank when feeling into any of these archetypes, chances are its bipolar shadow is running your life. So that is the home work for now: pick one of the practices below (which facilitate growth and integration) and use them to develop that archetype in you which is most in need of growing up. And if you are so inclined, come back when more material is made available here. The newsletter (signup form in the sidebar) will help you keep up to date.These are but a few ideas. Trust your intuition and get started. You cannot afford to let this opportunity pass you by.
- King: Start a men's group. Host a dinner party. Do a presentation in which you care more about the interiority of the members of the audience than looking good. Start seeing the impact you have on other people's wellbeing and tune into the feeling that the people around you are citizens of your very own kingdom. They are in your care.
- Warrior: Take up martial arts. Exercise. Engage in a confrontation you have postponed. Always tell the truth. Maintain perfect integrity. Work on maintaining good boundaries.
- Magician: Do DIY engineering projects. Study the stars. Study the KWML archetypes. Study anything. Build a small laboratory and get to know the world of chemicals. Take up spirituality in order to penetrate the mysteries of the Cosmos. Teach something.
- Lover: Express your appreciation of beauty. Take up dance lessons. Do sensuality practices. Turn sex into your art. Listen to music that moves you (yes, move with it) and make really enjoying it a practice of presence (many people who "enjoy music" use it as a distraction from life. In practicing the Lover archetype, you should not). Start playing an instrument. Sing.
Video introductions to the archetypes
Marten is a formally trained graphic designer. While traveling in Venezuela, Columbia and Ecuador in 2008 he was able to reconnect to a long-dormant part of his psyche, a bond that was lost after childhood and suppressed further in what he thought at the time was 'adulthood'. The connection he rediscovered while stood under the fiery sun; or the howling wind; through the pouring rain; submerged in the deep blue sea... was the one that we all – in some way shape or form – feel with the world around us when we are outdoors and away from what we have come to consider 'familiar'. We feel alive again. Truly alive. Truly connected. It was the sea in fact that solidified Marten's intimate bond with the natural world. He grew up living by the sea and would swim, sail, lifeguard, surf and snorkel whenever he could. Many of these activities he continues to do to this day, along with his newfound love for recreational SCUBA-diving, a challenge which he undertook in order to expand on his own understanding of the other 71% of our planet. It wasn't hard to fall back in love with the ocean when he was living on the Galapagos Islands where, at the end of every day his skin tingled with the crisp glaze of salt, his body gently swayed with the rhythm of the waves and his dreams were filled with the dances of sea lions, the majestic forms of hammerhead sharks and and gliding turtles. This close-up experience with the underwater world evolved and transformed his perspectives on nature, and catalyzed his views on the worlds depleted concern for marine conservation. He realised that what is most important to him (his 'purpose') is to use his life's energy and optimistic spirit as catalyst for either his own positive actions towards the planet, or to advise others to take action for what they believe in too. One of the ways that he currently channels this 'energy for action', is to challenge others to participate in protecting and defending the natural world that surrounds the ever-expanding human race. He achieves this on a professional level as a graphic designer, as well as in a voluntary capacity as Campaign Director at Wake, a marine conservation initiative he and two like-minded activists began in Vancouver, BC. Wake specialises in shark and tuna conservation and education, and takes appropriate actions to form positive engaging dialogues with various members of Vancouver’s community. Their ultimate goal is to try to allow humans to connect with out-of-site ocean issues in the same way that we currently care about the concern of human, or other land-dwelling creatures and life-forms.— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()I've had a curious experience as I've been working on developing the man inside over the last several years: Many of the stereotypes about men that I never felt applied to me are becoming increasingly true. It's as if the "modern man" in me is stepping into the background and a more traditional man is coming to the fore. Although I understand very clearly that this man is actually not a regression to the 50s man, but a maturation of the modern man (you know - that soft, sensitive guy who rides a bike to save the environment and drinks caffe lattes). Transcend and include.
Such as - I'm increasingly interested in exchanging only few words with someone else. I do like deep conversation, but my pull towards silence is increasing. The emotional drama of women can sometimes just be too much and I find myself having to draw a boundary, when earlier I would've enjoyed "joining in". Some humor that I once enjoyed has become irritating, simply because of the immaturity involved. I'm also becoming more singular in my focus on what I want to achieve with my life. And out of the blue some months ago, I realized that my lack of a driver's license is a huge drawback to me, almost an outrage.
So while I work on this webpage, many of the things more traditional guys take for granted are things I find myself drawn to learning - one by one. It's a strange process. But the man inside demands it. It's a matter of integrity. The man inside wants to be free to pursue his calling and the "modern man" inside has been too much of a pansy to bother laying the groundwork for him. But now he's stepping aside, leaving the real job to someone capable.
Being along for this ride is all rather odd...
The DVD finally arrived from Amazon! Sorry about this delay guys. I haven't even been able to do a bitesized review of Robin Hood like I had hoped either; work has been insane this last month. But now my holiday is coming up and Good Will Hunting is on my shelf. Bottom line is: New reviews will arrive soon! Thanks a bunch for your patience.— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()I have been paying some attention to what's going on in North Africa these days. First Mubarak and now Gadhafi. Gadhafi is insane to the point of going to war with his own people. Now, clearly these are King archetypes on the active side of the shadow system. We know them as Tyrants.
I have been thinking lately about how most Western men seem to be more prone to passive shadow expressions. We collapse into the Weakling King, the Masochist Warrior, the Innocent Magician, and the Impotent Lover. The number of Tyrants in the West is miniscule compared to the number of Weaklings, especially in the younger generations.
These thoughts combined with my reflections on Gadhafi today made me wonder if there is a connection between the dominant gender and men's shadow configurations. My claim is that women are the dominant gender in the West today. Most of society is defined relative to a woman's and not a man's perspective. Mothers, in general, exert much more influence on men than do their fathers. So the men collapse into the passive shadow expressions.
In societies where fathers are the most dominant, however, I think that men are more likely to express active shadow expressions. Clearly, Libya and Egypt are such socities.
This is a thought which is new to me and it may benefit from being somewhat "refined". What do you guys think?
— , Irregular updates ()Last weekend, I did the New Warrior Training Adventure at The Comb in Northumberland, England. It was a profound and powerful experience. One that gave me a cold, a spent vocal chord and tremendous fatigue, but it was certainly worth it. I have hungered for initiation for many years. Some of that hunger has now been fed this last weekend. I think I will become quite active in the Mankind Project organization in the coming years.
And here are some of the men who inspired me among the facilitators
Robert
Mark
I have opened a new group on The Tribe for initiated men who want to connect with other New Warriors. (PS! I have changed the technology on The Tribe and you will have to sign up again if you want to stay in). Hope to see you there, Warrior Brothers!
— , Irregular updates ()It was this Friday that I posted on Masculinity-Movie’s Facebook page that Hollywood is a source that has run dry for me. I shared how I’m tired of dystopian, apocalyptic scenarios and how I just want something that feels real. The next day, my lover invited me to the cinema to watch Spike Jonze’s “Her”. I’ve heard good things about this movie, but it’s still been pretty much off my radar.
Boy am I glad I went. Faith in Hollywood restored (minor spoilers below).
“Her” is the best movie I’ve seen in a long, long time. The two of us sat together wooed for quite a while after, letting the movie circulate and integrate in our system. This is a movie I’ve actually thought about after watching it. That is a rare experience these days.
“Her” is the near-future story of Theodore, a newly divorced man who buys the latest operating system on the market for his computer. The operating system is an advanced AI – a consciousness as the marketing would have it – and it goes by the name of Samantha (which “she” comes up with herself).
From the first time Samantha speaks to Theodore, it’s clear that she is no ordinary computing experience. She has feelings, is curious about what it’s like to have a body and wants to get to know Theodore. Theodore’s mobile phone has a built in camera that serves as her eyes, and she enjoys to watch him sleep.
Over time, Theodore and Samantha fall in love, and since the OS adapts and evolves based on experience, she feels like a real person to Theodore. The only problem is that she lacks a body. This gives rise to the only profoundly creepy scene in the whole movie, where a woman visits Theodore as the AI’s human surrogate. This woman gives herself freely to Theodore and Samantha’s relationship, so that the two get to have sex together. And it’s Samantha who initiates the whole thing. This scene is profoundly disturbing to me, and so well done.
Having watched this movie, it strikes me how much I love watching a science-fiction that is not dystopian (even though the subject matter is at times troubling). It strikes me how much I love a movie about super-intelligent AIs that evolve from experience, without evolving toward becoming enemies of mankind (they in fact evolve towards some sort of enlightenment).
This is exactly what I was wanting from Hollywood now. I’m tired of dystopia and apocalypse. I wanted something that felt real and I got it. Which is no mean feat considering the subject matter.
Spike Jonze is clearly a very intelligent man in tune with the finer subtleties of the human experience. His movie brought out moods and experiences that my lover and I could recognize from our own relationship, even though it’s a very new one, and it brought us closer. This is thanks in large part to the exquisite dialogue; it’s simply believable.
I was bummed to see the movie theatre relatively empty – and that people were leaving during the movie. I didn’t like seeing that at all, because this, in my opinion, is movie making at its finest. I guess we, the public, get what we ask for. If people can’t appreciate a movie like this (and would rather watch dumb-ass thirteen a dozen apocalyptic special effects extravaganzas) then there is little hope of studios producing very many intelligent movies.
Anyway, if you haven’t seen “her” yet and it’s still running at a movie theatre near you, please take this opportunity to go see some of the best stuff that’s come out of Hollywood in a very long time. As a reader of my website, I trust you’ll be able to appreciate it. I don’t think it will give you inspiration to find your masculine empowerment, but it will give you beautiful insights into the nature of relatonships.
Enjoy! And do share your thoughts about the movie below.
PS! I write about this movie in my blog because I do not intend to write a full review about it.
— , Irregular updates ()In this interview, I talk with John Thompson and Sean Wilkinson of Circling Europe about the practice of Circling, symbols in movies and how we all have X-men powers waiting to be discovered.
Topics include:
- The practice of Circling
- Movie as a lens for our own evolution
- The integration of shadow
- What does our fascination with superheroes tell us about ourselves?
- Symbols in Batman and Superman
- The importance of surrender
- The hero's quest
- Are we all X-men deep down?
Enjoy – and leave your comments below!
Warmly,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()I write about men in movies. I write about how they can serve to inspire us to greatness.
Thankfully, there are also those who write about women in movies. Or rather the lack of women in movies. And when doing so, some tend to pull on the Bechdel-test.
The Bechdel test was introduced by Alison Bechdel, an American cartoonist, back in 1985. Here are its humble beginnings:
A movie, as the cartoon tells you, passes the Bechdel test if:
- It has at least two women (with names) in it,
- who talk to each other,
- about something besides a man
The test has become very popular in feminist circles and recently Swedish cinemas announced that they will henceforth rate all movies using the Bechdel test.
In other words, the test has become politicized.
Applying the Bechdel test
The basic premise of the Bechdel test is that there are too few women in significant roles in movies. And there seems to be truth in that; According to Colin Stokes’s TED talk “How movies teach manhood” that I wrote about a few days ago, only 11 of the top 100 movies of 2011 had women leads.
Most movies featured on my site fail the test. Here’s a list of those who pass it (with a score of 3 out of 3), according to Bechdeltest.com:
- American Beauty
- Beowulf
- Eyes Wide Shut
- Revolutionary Road
- Lars and the Real Girl
- Mrs Doubtfire
- Robin Hood
- Sideways
- The 13th Warrior
- The Fisher King
- The King’s Speech
- V for Vendetta
Some of these pass it only just. So at least 12 of 41 reviewed movies pass the Bechdel test, which is almost 30%. A clear minority.
Here’s something puzzling though: A movie like Tomb Raider (which I haven’t reviewed) fails the Bechdel test. In fact, it absolutely flunks it (0 out of 3 points). So in other words, a female heroine with enormous courage making her way through a typically male-dominated environment scores no points. I understand that Lara Croft is not a well rounded, realistic female character that will serve as a positive role model to the young women of the world, but it still strikes me as peculiar that a movie featuring a female heroine scores 0 points on the Bechdel test.
Another interesting observation: Despite a whole host of powerful female characters, the Lord of the Rings trilogy gets pummeled (1 out of 3 points) and the scene in Return of the King where Eowyn arguably saves Middle Earth by defeating the Nazgul King while exclaiming “I am no man!” (she can kill him only because she is a a woman; see scene below) scores no points with the Bechdel test.
Basically, a wide range of movies where women are portrayed as powerful and in control of their destinies fail this test. Here’s but a few:
- X-men (Jean Grey and Storm to mention but a few)
- Superman (Lois Lane)
- The Dark Knight rises (Cat Woman)
- Hansel and Gretel (Gretel)
- Tomb Raider (Lara Croft)
- Avatar (Neytiri and Grace)
- Run Lola Run (Lola)
That seems strange to me.
So while there seems to be some validity to the test, it shows some strange results in practice.
What is still undeniable, however, is that there are more male protagonists in the movies. Why is that so?
Historical context
The role of women has historically been about nurture and the family sphere. There are good reasons for this. The male brain has much greater spatial awareness and our bodies are better at dealing with adrenaline and extreme physical conditions. In effect, we cope with hunting, hard labor and danger better than women.
Workplace death statistics (more than 90% are men) reflect this fact; men seek out the challenges and danger for which our physiologies are built. The woman’s brain, however, is much better at language, social interaction etc. In fact, women on average use three times as many words per day compared to men (20000 vs 7000).
These naturally occurring differences are the result of a co-created evolutionary process which has, among other things, ensured that pregnant women were sheltered from hard physical labor. (for a feminist who gets this, refer to Lauren Barnett’s presentation).
While the women were sheltered, men have historically been expected to provide that shelter. The ideals of the traditional male role are to serve, provide and protect. World mythology is overflowing with stories of men starting from humble beginnings, only to become a true hero after overcoming a series of trials. These tales – and acts – of heroism have brought solace and protection to those in need for milennia. Mythology expert Joseph Campbell calls this mythological theme the Hero’s journey.
There is something inherently exciting about the Hero’s journey. Most men I know feel a visceral bodily response when observing other men undertake acts of heroism. It’s what made Braveheart so impactful when I watched it in my teens. And women seem to find such men very sexy. (quote from a female friend: “I don’t like Mel Gibson, but William Wallace is super hot”).
The archetypal theme of the Hero’s journey has called many men to greatness. But it has a shadow side too; it has trained men to see themselves as expendable. The basic idea was this: As long as men died in service of a noble purpose, theirs was a fine death.*
So this is the bottom line: While women were expected to live limited yet relatively safe and social lives at home, men were given influence on the condition that they would sacrifice their lives in a heroic spectacle at the drop of a hat.
These are the tradeoffs inherent in the traditional gender roles.
*added 30. nov: The hero’s journey is really a metaphor for inner transformation. As such, it is an archetype that exists on all levels of development. Its themes have however exerted influence over the gender roles of society, and particularly those of the premodern era.
Understanding the mythical foundation of movies
Movies are the main propagators of mythological themes in today’s world. In the absence of stories around the fireplace and kids gathering at the feet of grandpa reading fairy tales in the flickering light of a lone oil lamp, we look to the silver screen for that essential soul food. The movies which make our spirit soar build on the same essential themes as humanity have grappled with for millennia: Survival in a dangerous world, truth, justice, purpose, faith, love.
These myths always involve a Hero’s journey of some sort, even the ones featuring women in leading roles (few characters in movie history are as heroic as Ripley in Aliens). They resonate in some deep part of us, where things still matter and there’s something worth dying for.
When you get that a majority of people still hunger for epic stories featuring danger and the overcoming of it, and you also get that this is what the male body is designed for, you will begin to understand why so many movies feature male instead of female characters.
Men leading, women following: Have movies lost touch with society?
As I make these observations, a question becomes pressing: Have these movies become outdated? Are they out of touch with the world we live in? The answer is: Possibly. It depends on our cultural perspective.
In parts of the world, the liberal West primarily, gender roles are changing and men are becoming sensitized and somewhat domesticated. Women, on the other hand, are becoming more agentic and autonomous. Women are clearly leading the way in this process; it’s as if the men have become sensitive because the women demanded it, not because the men wanted it.
These changes are made possible thanks to huge changes in the techno-economical structures of society; in a service and information-based economy, career success does not involve risking my life at work.
In the conservative Western world and most of the rest of the world, however, traditional gender roles still prevail.
Let this much be clear: I would rather live in the liberal West than elsewhere. And I think it’s tremendous that we are encouraged to have more emotional range as individuals in this postmodern era (Spiral Dynamics green meme). But have you noticed, as I have, that most people who live in this cultural context seem a little bored? It’s almost as if nothing is at stake, everything is safe and comfortable. Life runs on auto-pilot. Despite all this emphasis on individual expression, things seem awfully flat.
Life-affirming qualities like vitality, passion and creativity have pretty much been erased by a postmodern crusade over the last several decades. Just look at postmodern art; often little more than ugly objects with some fancy conceptual description on a plaque. Pardon me for saying it, but most of it seems like pretentious crap. Beauty seems to have no inherent value anymore. Flying the banner of relativism, humanism and multi-culturalism, postmodernism has successfully wiped out all truths and absolutes. Without reference points to navigate by, life has become somewhat meaningless. It seems that these days, it doesn’t matter if what we say is true or meaningful, as long as we are expressing something. Look no farther than reality TV for what I’m talking about.
It’s as if the liberal West is held hostage by this pervasive meaninglessness. And men in particular seem affected. They’re becoming apathetic and impotent, in a double sense of the word. They’re dropping out of school, becoming losers in the workplace. It’s so epidemic that journalist Hanna Rosin is talking about “The End of Men”.
So for those of us who live in the liberal West, the theme of these movies may indeed be outdated. And yet, their success at the box office shows that even in this gender neutral postmodern era, the need for mythical stories of archetypal men and women still linger. I think the fact that they are “outdated” is exactly why they are popular. Once the politically correct police has gone home, people yearn for a different world, one where things matter, where people are loyal, have substance, integrity and dare to stand for something.
Introducing a new test
While the Bechdel test is great at pointing out how common it is for women in movies to be stuck in traditional gender roles, it doesn’t come with a multi-faceted and intelligent context within which to interpret the results. Accordingly, the people who use it often conclude that the marginalization of women is tantamount to discrimination, not realizing that the themes which they are critiquing are the very themes which contributed to making possible their modern lives of comfort.
To make my point more explicit, I have decided to design a male equivalent of the Bechdel test. It targets two primary facts of the male role:
- There are twice as many women as there are men in our genetic ancestry. Many men of history lived lonely lives without a woman to carry his child.
- Men’s lives are expendable.
A movie fails this brand new “Masculinity-Movies.com test” if it has a leading male role who:
- Is risking his life in order to serve/protect
- Is risking his life in service of truth and/or justice
- Is risking his life/wellbeing in order to make it in the world/“become successful”
- Is jumping through hoops to get the girl
Now, with the introduction of this test, we can join in with the women and point to movies and go “ooooh, traditional gender roles!”
Here are the movies on my site which pass this test:
That’s 5 out of 41 movies – about 12% – and most of them are debatable. In other words, my test used against the archived reviews yields far worse results than the Bechdel test does.
Which begs the question: Why aren’t you complaining, men?
Why men aren’t complaining
So women are stuck in traditional gender roles in a majority of movies... check! And using the new test I just created, we can easily see that an even greater majority of movies features men in traditional gender roles. Surprising?
If the Bechdel test and feminism form our lens, we might be upset that a movie like Saving Private Ryan fails it. Complaining about a lack of women, we may pay little attention to the extraordinary suffering men go through in the movie in service of the women and children who are at home. It’s a telling sign of how blind postmodern thinking can make us.
When cinemas in Sweden now introduce the Bechdel test, it’s because they take it for granted that women should now be portrayed in a more postmodern light – free to do what they want, self-expressed and not limited by their traditional gender role. In other words, the women of Sweden should move on from traditional to postmodern gender roles and so should the movies they watch.
And since fewer are arguing a similar case for men, I can only assume that it’s because it’s not as big of a deal that men are stuck in their traditional gender roles. In effect, women are invited to the evolutionary process while it’s sort of handy that a large part of the men don’t come along. If they did, they might change their minds about dying at work and then civilization would start crumbling as communications towers fell into disrepair, resources stopped getting mined, nuclear plant meltdowns did not get attended to etc.
Society needs men who are willing to pay the ultimate price. And if we start talking men out of that, perhaps by making movies that pass the test I just designed above (oops), civilization as we know it would collapse. It’s not pretty, but it’s the truth.
Conclusion
For fear of repeating myself, the Bechdel test does a great job of identifying movies featuring women in traditional gender roles. It does a terrible job of identifying movies in which women are being discriminated against, however. It requires a special kind of postmodern thinking to assume that the two are synonymous, which I hope I have done an adequate job of explaining to you.
If the people who complain about movies using the Bechdel test would instead proactively contribute to making the postmodern movies they want, maybe things would look differently. But I don’t think they will anytime soon. Because frankly, the world looks a lot more boring from this gender neutral place. There are no epic storylines that play out in a postmodern context. The postmodern imperative is, somewhat crudely put, to complain, not to make art. It doesn’t sell at the box office.
Beauty arises in the dance of polarity. It arises in the longing for merging with something that feels “other than” and the alluring promise that this Other is our long-lost portal to Oneness. This is the yearning that has inspired poets since the dawn of time, be it for an idea, a woman or God. When that polarity is deconstructed, so is beauty, meaning, purpose. And men without purpose wither and die.
Use the Bechdel test all you like. It serves a purpose. But realize that its purpose will forever be to point towards more postmodern gender roles, and for women only. If that’s what you want, then so be it.
But if you, like me, are bored with that and instead are yearning for a world in which we dare synthesize old with new, masculine with feminine, in a genuine life expression free from traditional stereotypes and postmodern ideology, then you’ll turn your back on it and maybe find, as you turn, that in the place you dared not look, true art awaits.
— William & Malcolm Wallace, Braveheart (1995)Young William: I can fight. Malcolm Wallace: I know. I know you can fight. But it's our wits that make us men.
— , Irregular updates ()Sean Stephenson is a name that seems to be popping up more and more on the many mailing lists that I subscribe to. He is an inspirational force of personal development, a towering figure...at only three feet.
You may already have heard of him, but since he is asking for help in telling the world about his new TV show Three Foot Giant (he thinks he can really get through to a lot of people who are shortchanging themselves in life), I thought I'd grant his wish. He is definitely worth your time.
So, the TV Show, again, is Three Foot Giant, and below is the trailer.
— , Irregular updates ()Miranda (to Daniel): I bring home a birthday cake and a few gifts; you bring home the Goddamn San Diego Zoo. And I have to clean up after it!
— , Irregular updates ()What do movies have to do with becoming a mature man you may ask?
And I say: Good question! There is something inherently passive about watching movies. I spend a few bucks and sit down in a comfortable seat for two hours in order to enjoy the work of others. I risk nothing and communicate with no-one. I just...sit there. Instead of living my life in the world, serving others, I consume the fruits of other people's labour.
Boys consume, men produce, wrote Shawn Phillips in his 2009 article “What is the difference between a man and a boy?”. That stuck with me. If that is true, how can passively watching movies teach us anything about maturity as a man? How can the concept behind this website have any validity whatsoever?
Being in right relationship with movies
Some readers have rightly picked up on this paradox in the years gone by. It's a valid point. And yet, many men I speak to have described movies as integral to their growth into maturity. What made it so? Was there something about the way these men were engaging with the movies that was different?
I believe so.
I’m one of those people who enjoy an intelligent conversation about a movie after watching it. I’m not speaking about conversations where we compare our vast body of movie knowledge, name dropping actors, composers and directors. No, that is likely just ego stuff in the interest of image crafting.
I’m talking about conversations where we speak about how the movie impacted us, how we see ourselves in it, how we were inspired by it. Conversations where we together tease apart the psychological life lessons that we just witnessed, integrating the movie experience as opposed to simply intellectualizing it.
Given the strength of the medium, this way of relating to movies can provide enormously valuable to an open heart and mind.
One example of that from my own life comes from watching Braveheart when I was about 17. I was a vulnerable boy, so afraid. And yet, watching the courage, passion and masculine love of William Wallace opened something in me. Me and my buddies walked out of the movie theatre with our jaws dropped, breathing heavily, as from a deeper place in ourselves. We were feeling into the possibility of being powerful. It was way more than mere entertainment.
The dangers of entertainment
The desire to be entertained can be a dangerous thing. In fact, I see that desire as one of the greatest sources of misery and destruction in the modern world. Looking for entertainment, constantly fleeing from the ever-approaching spectre of boredom, we become numb to life, slaves to our impulsive desires. We are drained of willpower, constantly on the search for the next temporary entertainment-induced high. We become mindless consumerist robots.
So check in with yourself – how do you relate to the movies you watch? Do you just absorb them like an idiot wanting to pass the time so that you can be a little more numb to your pain on your journey towards death? Or do you relate to them consciously, talk about them, journal about them, reflect on them, mirror yourself in them, do dreamwork based on them? Do you allow movies to wake you up?
When you start relating to movies like that, you may find that a lot of movies that you once liked start becoming uninteresting. Or you may notice how they are trying to manipulate you to think in certain unconscious ways. You may start feeling a certain disgust with those movies and the people who make them. They’re weaving the most uninspiring takes on the hero’s journey imaginable based on demographic surveys. Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay come to mind. There is no soul in their work.
But there is hope, brother – you can be entertained and watch a movie with depth. The new Man of Steel and Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy are perfect examples of blockbusters that manage to be entertaining as well as provide food for thought. And so is the original Star Wars trilogy, packed with thrills and special effects as well as deep mythological wisdom.
Don’t be merely a thrill-seeker. Proactively seek out the movies that are both entertaining and filled with consciousness and then learn from them.
This is a website where you will learn just that. Here you will find careful analysis of loved movies that have something to say about the male experience. I analyze movies through the filters of archetypes, myth, psychology, spirituality, integral theory, sociology, gender studies and mysticism so that you can get to know the movies you love in a deeper way.
It may change your life!
Where to start?
The most loved review on this website is probably the one I did for American Beauty. On this website, you can also find one of world's most popular articles on the King, Warrior, Magician, Lover archetypes.
If you realize it's time to step into leadership, you can find an inspiring clarion call for why this is the time in the short blog post Taking on leadership in a burning world.
You can also read controversial articles about the shadow of Hollywood in the popular article Hollywood as a lens to the American shadow or the limitations of the feminist Bechdel test in the article thousands have read and loved The Bechdel test: Application, historical context, and introducing a male equivalent.
That's just some of the many things you can find here. Explore, make yourself at home.
Welcome to Masculinity-Movies.com!
— , Irregular updates ()Two days ago, I started my No Woman Diet with the Authentic Man Program. It will last six weeks and I have shut down all of my contact in social media channels for as long as the program lasts. This site will be my only place for reaching out to the world. I will probably blog about my experiences from time to time.
This diet is important for me and I'm excited and fired up to finally do a program with the AMP guys.
Other blog posts about the No Woman Diet
— , Irregular updates ()Kevin acted as the principal review writer for a few months in 2018.
— , Irregular updates ()I don't have much to say sitting here as the midnight hour draws closer and the warm August night holds me in its cozy embrace. I'm simply tuning in to inform you of my existence. There have been some awesome new developments lately that I want to tell you about, but they're not quite ready for primetime broadcasting.
Working on a bitesized Robin Hood review while planning the bigger review for American Beauty. There's a lot going on in my life right now so it's a little challenging to get it all done. Would have loved to be quicker about it all, but alas I cannot given my limited time.
I'm a little disappointed that the Good Will Hunting review seems to have totally flopped. Granted, I finished it in a hurry before going on holiday, but I'm surprised no-one seems to read it. I guess it wasn't my best writing so far.
Anyway, I'm glad to have you with me on this journey, guys. Brotherhood is the way ahead.
Time's up. The bedbugs sing their siren songs. Good night.
PS! Check this link out if you want to rock your woman's world. Yes, it's about sex. And yes, you will support my work if you buy the product.
— Patton, Patton (1970)(looking at remains of a battle) I love it! God help me, I love it so. I love it more than my life.
— , Irregular updates ()Okay, I'm about to go super vulnerable here. That's pretty scary, but I'd like to get a couple of things off my heart.
These last weeks after I split up with my girlfriend of several years have been tough. Not only have I been heartbroken, vulnerable and lonely, but I've also had my ego put through a meatgrinder. My self image as an excellent communicator has taken several hits, at work as well as with friends and acquaintances. It used to be that when I had done something stupid or made a mistake, I could just love my girlfriend, try my best to serve her, and somehow I was magically cured of my bad state. My serving her served me.
I don't have that now. And I realize I must develop new techniques for life mastery. I actually thought that I was so on track with my mission in life that I would just magically transition over into working hard on that and that I would somehow be doing just fine. It hasn't been that easy. Some days, I'm strong and energetic, but often I'm just...well...scared.
I've been hurting a lot these last weeks and feel like I've let a lot of people down. But I remain strong in the faith that this is just a transition to something far greater. Something is coming through. Time will tell what form it takes.
One of the hardest things, Ihave discovered, is finding the right balance of intimacy vs separation with my ex. This is very confusing.
If anyone has some input on how to skillfully remain friends with someone who you've loved for a long time, please give it below.
Thanks for reading,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()Introduction
Avatar brings together a range of familiar themes, common threads, topics, symbolic references and cultural backgrounds and binds them together into a tight immersive adventure. It challenges our perception of the boundaries of reality and fantasy, and can provide us with a reminder of our purpose right here on Earth.
Although there are many themes that are worthy of discussion, this review will mainly focus on Avatar’s use of rites-of-passage, and explore how these rites allow us to connect with a purpose and broaden our relationship with the natural world. Chapters are dived into 'seasons' and link various threads in Avatar with the natural cycle of birth, growth, decay, death and rebirth. Familiar themes on an unfamiliar world.
Birth – A new world, a fresh start
Avatar opens by introducing the possibility of new beginnings. Through Jake's narrated introduction, we discover how he came to arrive on Pandora and are likewise introduced to how frustrating his reality of being stuck in a wheelchair is. We also get to know his dreams of being whole again, and this theme of dreams re-occurs throughout the movie, as the boundaries between dream and reality blur once he starts embodying his avatar.
With its oceans, continents, ice and clouds, Pandora looks more like Earth than a land of the terrors and nightmares those familiar with the Greek myth might have been expecting. Perhaps the corporate men were right, this could be Jakes second chance, humanities wet-dream: a fresh planet where we can start-over and this time get things right.
Pandora offers Jake the chance to leave the past behind and become someone new, the same way that Spring overcomes Winter and offers the chance for renewal and re-birth. Jake is eager to prove that he is useful, so he enthusiastically takes on the Colonel’s mission of spying on the Na'vi, because, for now, he only sees the benefit to himself. His desire to be whole again overshadows whatever consequences his actions may have on others.
As Jake tests out his new Na’vi body, we witness the glee on his face as he fully immerses himself in the experience of being free of his chair. Yet, it cannot last. Waking up back in his cocoon, Jake is confronted once again by his useless human legs. While Jake’s human body appears to represent repression and the past, his avatar body symbolizes liberation, the future and freedom. In other words, the past represents childhood and the future symbolizes manhood.
This is stated clearly in the scene when he first meets Neytiri, "You know nothing! You are like a baby..." she points out. Although Jake possesses the body of an adult Na’vi male, to Neytiri he has not yet proven himself worthy of wearing their skin. To do so, he must think and behave accordingly.
Neytiri however is not willing to dismiss Jake immediately, as we see. She possesses a deep spiritual connection to the forest and after witnessing a sign from Eywa, she realizes that there is something special about Jake. This spiritual connection is something that we see lacking from most of the humans in the movie, which raises questions about what connections we have perhaps lost to our own world.
Growth –Learning to love and respect our new skin
When Jake is brought before the clan elder Eytukan, he mistrusts Jake and agrees with the feisty young warrior Tsu'tey that Jake should be destroyed. Moat however, takes a more diplomatic approach and although she claims that they have already tried, and failed, to open the minds of the humans to the Na’vi ways, she makes an exception with Jake.
As the spiritual leader of the clan, Moat believes that there is something special about him. She gives him the chance to learn the Na’vi way, challenging Jake to immerse himself fully in their culture, and train with an initially reluctant Neytiri in order to assess whether or not he can earn his place as one of them. As Jake takes deeper and deeper sojourns into the Na’vi culture, rites-of-passage are shown to be an integral part of the development of his character.
Neytiri gives Jake various challenges, or ‘rites-of-passage’, that demonstrate that he is improving, learning and maturing. Like a snake sheds its skin, their first rite in initiating Jake into their clan is to remove his human-styled clothes. Barefoot and practically naked, his body is exposed to the elements and eyes of others, meaning that the focus is moved to his actions.
It is through Neytiri that Jake is introduced to the various habits, practices, rituals and language of the Na’vi, and it is with her that we witness the initial steps in the evolution of Jake’s character which snowball into the giant strides that he later takes.
To draw parallels with another great movie reviewed here, Neytiri – like Katsumoto in 'The Last Samurai' – takes the role of mentoring Jake in the ways of the heart as much as the ways of the warrior. She teaches him about the deep spiritual connection the Na’vi have with the forest and its other inhabitants. As Jake gradually climbs the ladder of her respect, we are given the chance to reflect on our own lost cultures and traditions and can be reminded of times when men would have provided for the community as hunters, and defended them as warriors if needed.
Another example of a tradition we are familiar with can be found in the funeral, a scene in which Neytiri is seen placing one of the sacred seeds in the grave of the Na'vi elder as Jake repeats her words in his diary dialogue, "All energy is only borrowed, and one day you have to give it back...". This brings us full circle by asking us to compare this funeral scene to the one that Jake’s twin brother received at the beginning of the movie. Once again we see that the Na’vi have a healthy respect for death, which perhaps brings them in closer contact with the life they choose to lead.
The Na’vi rites-of-passages are those of a hunter. His first clean kill grants him access to the test of the warrior, and he must climb Mount Iknimaya to make the bond with a banshee (Ikran) – a dangerous exercise where he could either die - or become a true warrior. But the title of ‘warrior’ is not the final step in becoming a man. After passing through the rites of a hunter, then a warrior, Jake’s ultimate challenge is to stand before the Na'vi community and be accepted as one of them.
This conclusive action, the ritual of ‘laying of hands’ to form a connection with each clan member proves to each one of the Na’vi present that Jake is being reborn, and that after that moment he is accepted as one of them. This transformation can be witnessed in nature right here on Earth in examples such as the caterpillar becoming a moth or butterfly, or when a juvenile bird gains its adult colours.
Jake is now fit to wear the skin that he has been given. Another way to interpret this scene would be to say that he is now no longer a child. He is a man. The Na’vi use of rites pose other questions: how do our own societies qualify us as men? Are we ‘men’ simply because of our deeper voices, our taller, broader, hairier bodies?
How do we actually know that we are now men and not still boys? And how do others know? What types of rites do boys have to pass through to be considered men in contemporary society? Is it the keys to our car? Our shavers? Our 18th birthday? Our ability to legally buy alcohol? Or is it something much deeper: the knowledge of our purpose in life? These questions are definitely worth taking a moment to think about.
While watching, I also notice that Neytiri is not surrounded by weak male role models. This is no fairy-tale in which the whimsical princess sings to her animal friends while waiting for a handsome prince to whisk her away from the boredom of her claustrophobic room high in the Palace’s Eastern Tower. Neytiri is positive, powerful and very feminine.
So when it comes to the question of love and partnership, Jake is intimately aware that it is not just his own personal choice as a man that matters: a life with a partner must be decided together and he states to Neytiri "I have already chosen, but she must also chose me", another confirmation that Jake has transformed into a wiser man.
Decay – Leaves and trees fall, bodies waste away
While his Na’vi self improves in leaps and bounds, we witness Jake's human side (especially his body) waste away and he grows increasingly pale and thin and stalls his mission of relocating the Na'vi from Hometree. Jake states that the lines between his old self and his new self are blurred, he is not sure who he is any more. Despite all that he has learned and the commitment that he has made to Neytiri and the Na'vi people, he is still attached to his human body and past.
When the yellow bulldozers suddenly arrive and destroy the sacred site that he and Neytiri have just made love in, Jake finally sees what his fellow humans are doing through the eyes of his newly attuned Na'vi self and his true sense of purpose, to defend his home, kicks in. His uncontrolled rage exposes his true allegiance and the following negotiations between Grace, Jake, the Colonel and Selfridge do not go in favour of the Na'vi. Grace puts up an especially well-reasoned fight. She and Jake both display aspects of the KWML ‘Lover (in their fullness)’ during this scene, deeply in tune with Pandora’s beauty and unafraid of protecting it at any cost to themselves.
But instead of taking their pleas seriously, Selfridge deflates their arguments by exclaiming "What have you guys been smoking!?!". He appears completely disconnected from himself by the greed, denial and destruction that his everyday life has become. In KWML terms, Selfridge displays many aspects of the 'The Tyrant King' here, blinded by his hunger for richness he is unable to associate with the situation he has created:
His degradation of others and all beauty is limitless, as everything good, true, and beautiful reminds him of his own shortcomings. He is extremely sensitive to criticism... responding with rage, when what he feels is fear and vulnerability.
The Colonel too plays a role, the Sadist Warrior who itches for battle, he prefers mass genocide in order to acquire military rule over Pandora. As the military destroy Hometree, he too appears entirely disconnected from the reality that he is creating for the Na'vi: while they die or watch their home being destroyed, he sips coffee and offers to buy everyone a beer.
Back at the base, Selfridge and the others watch their television screens passively, somehow connecting and disconnecting them at once. Norm and Trudy are the only ones who feel the need to act: Norm flies into a rage and Trudy simply walks away, wanting no part in the massacre of the people she too connects with. Small, but powerful actions.
Death – Redemption. The making of the king
With Eytukan dead, Tsu'tey steps up to his responsibility as clan leader – but, overwhelmed by the situation that he has been thrust into, he can do nothing more than lead the Na’vi retreat to the Tree of Life. It is finally time for Jake to take the initiative: the people need a leader they can trust to fight back and win against unthinkable odds. Using his training, Jake pulls off the unthinkable – makes the bond with Last Shadow (Toruk) and arrives to the awe of the collected Na'vi.
As we watch this scene, we are reminded of what it often takes to make a true leader: as human beings we must pass through many hoops in life – many rites and rituals – but in order to become a true leader, one must often surpass the confines of mere mortals. Jake appears when the Na'vi most need him and as such, represents the 6th incarnation of their messiah, something that was also hinted at earlier when Jake was 'chosen' by the sacred seeds.
Jake turns to Tsu'tey and, brother to brother, man to man, asks for the new chief’s permission to bring the clans together to form a larger force. The show of respect for Tsu’tey’s position here is a good example of how Jake connects with the Na’vi. The warrior Tsu’tey recognizes a power in Jake that he does not yet possess and agrees to let Jake lead. War follows, and the Na’vi pack a mighty hole in the human forces. Tsu'tey's heroic fight on the aircraft ramp is particularly noteworthy.
But against the bullets and rockets, their fortunes quickly turn and the humans and their machines one-by-one lay waste to the Na’vi forces. But Jake's call to Eywa for help is answered and various creatures come to the planet’s aid, giving Jake the break he needs to destroy both the airship and the Colonel’s battleship. Although it may appear cliché and obvious to point it out, what this scene does is once again show us that one man can make a huge difference, one man can turn the tide and fight for what he loves despite the fact that he can lose everything.
"How does it feel to betray your own people?" the Colonel asks Jake during the final battle. He doesn't perceive that Jake’s connection goes far deeper than A) human, or B) Na'vi. Throughout the whole film, the Na'vi have played a very important role in allowing us to connect to the planet Pandora emotionally. The Na’vi have shown us the spirit of Pandora: Eywa, not as dark feminine seduction, but as a positive feminine energy source. One to bathe in, admire and respect.
The Colonel’s disconnected analysis is not an uncommon one at all: while the natural world on our own planet is continuously raped, divided up and turned into corporate commodity, humans inherently continue to focus on human-centric issues and conflicts. To Jake – who has fully embraced his Na’vi spiritual side – the connection goes much further than this. He doesn’t even bother to respond to the Colonel’s challenge. He just snarls like a cat and goes in for the kill.
Re-birth – The cycle of life comes full circle
As Neytiri enters the cabin hoping to save the suffocating Jake, she meets Jake in his human body for the first time. They finally ‘see’ one another as their true selves. There is something both strange and wonderful about this scene as the massive battle-painted warrior princess crouches in the tiny steel and plastic lab, cradling Jake’s body like a baby in her huge arms.
These two scales, of small and large (child and adult) are also much clearer in the final scene as Jake’s two bodies lie in the fetal position, one symbolizing that of a child and the other that of a grown man. Reborn one final time, the boy becomes a man, permanently.
Conclusion
Avatar takes us half-way cross the galaxy, to the wondrous world of Pandora. But like always, when we transition out of make-believe worlds of great wonder, reality smacks us in the face.
The question to ask yourself is this: ‘What reality do I now see?’ Can Avatar show you how wonderful the world that surrounds you is – outside of your car, your house, your office and even your clothes? For me, Avatar is a call to action, it strikes deeply and asks us one essential question about our lives: what is our core purpose?
It hints at the benefits of deepening our current personal connection to people, the natural world around us and the spiritual side of that connection we may have lost touch with. It tells a story that challenges us to analyse the consequences of action versus inaction when we see a cause that is worth fighting for.
It is a story that reminds us that we simply can’t sit around and wait for the future to solve the problems of the present. Deep down this is a story that shows us that we are capable of evolving from boys – through several rites of passage – to the final rite of being reborn as true men, of wearing this skin – this form of the adult male that we have so fortunately grown into – with pride. To take responsibility for our own actions, fight for what is right and protect our mother, ‘Earth’, from those that would harm her.
And most of all, it asks us to do something very simple: to see ourselves through the eyes of others and to stand confidently under their gaze without fear, because we understand who we are and our true purpose right here and now.
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— , Irregular updates ()Longing for freedom in the arms of a woman
Harry meets his buddy Richard in a fancy restaurant, eager to share important news about his life. He is going to leave Patricia. He has found someone else. He wants to "be happy", he says, and "all Pat wants is sex". Harry thinks there is more to marriage than sex – he wants affection and cuddling. He wants to give. Pat just wants the sex. Bit of a role reversal for you there. Kay enters in all her glory, and Richard asks himself why on earth a girl like her would fall for a guy like Harry.
We understand that although Richard likes his friend very much, he is well aware that he is a bit of a bore. As things evolve, Richard becomes increasingly obsessed with Kay. He wants her. He thinks about her all the time. Harry does too of course. In fact, he is preparing for his new life with Kay, scheming to find a way to get out with the least amount of noise. Harry sees his wife as a fragile soul who would break down completely were he to leave her.
Harry doesn't like to see people suffer, he tells Richard, so he hatches the plan to...kill her. This plan is all based on his total ineptitude at understanding who his wife is. He has succumbed to the compromise of marriage, the drudgery of suburbian comforts, and now he feels trapped. He wants out.
Dark secrets behind the pleasant facade
The story Harry tells himself about not wanting people to suffer is basically self-deluded nonsense. It's his own suffering he is afraid of, and as he is a coward, he cannot own up to it, and instead projects it onto Patricia with the intent of ending "her" misery. He has no clue. This situation is an extreme version of a common masculine pathology: By failing to own up to their own vulnerability, many men play games, live in little fantasy worlds where others are in the wrong, where the others are the fragile or "evil" ones.
The passive aggressive man creates a little cushion for himself, where he can sit comfortably and judge and misinterpret others from within the comforts of his own mind. There is no chance of being brought on trial for it in the "real world". That is the prerogative of the passive aggressive man. It is why Harry is happy seeing the world from that perspective. It's why many men are. Unbeknownst to Richard, Harry moves ahead with his plan. And unbeknownst to Harry, Richard is maneuvering to take Kay from him.
He does so on the basis of his life philosophy "You cannot build the unhappiness upon the unhappiness of someone else." The question Richard eventually asks himself, to his credit, is if his hunt for Kay makes him a hypocrite. Richard is slightly more of a man than Harry, but just barely. He too is a coward, who cannot come clear with his friend about his true intentions and his true feelings about Harry's betrayal of Pat. This is unfortunate, for the raw and brutal honesty of true male friendship would clear up the act of both of these guys.
Alas, they don't have true friendship, true brotherhood. What they have is a functional agreement about spending comfortable time together while sharing mildly pleasant conversation. Sound familiar? When Richard discovers that Pat too is unfaithful, with a young and vigorous author named John, he is given the opportunity to come clear with them both, to, as he puts it, "set them free". A surge of happiness rises in him, but Richard cannot utter the words. He has already started weaving the web of deceit to get Kay and now he has castrated himself with his inability to handle life head on. He falls flat on his face, impotent, afraid of life.
Tear down lies and pretense in your friendships
Because Richard didn't man up, Harry's plan progresses. Here is where we see how the inability of a guy to be a true and honest friend to his buddy can cause dramatic results. The mechanics of this particular plot may seem unrealistic and over the top, but not so much. For in truth, every time you give or receive lies with no remorse, you are failing your duty as a true friend and as a man. You are committing treachery against yourself, your buddy, truth, life itself.
Often these opportunities to come totally clear with life arise several times every day. But many have been so numbed by living a life of subtle dishonesty that they think it's normal. So they will happily see a friend fuck himself up without intervening. Now there's such a thing as adapting to circumstances, not always having to strip others bare, but the capacity should be developed.
Finding yourself by losing everything
Richard, the dick that he is (pun intended), takes his plan to its fruition and steals Kay. In a sense, there is something right about it, as they are a better match, but it was a covert operation. Harry crumbles when he catches them red handed, and utters with tears in his eyes "I lost everything today." Serves him right in a way, as we see from the scene previously. There he looks at Kay with puppy eyes and serves her the most agonizing line "Oh, I love you so much Kay. Nothing scares me when I'm with you".
There is nothing wrong in being a sensitive and romantic soul. Nothing at all. It is a beautiful thing. But expecting your intimate partner to be happy being your mother as opposed to your lover is totally unacceptable. What a treachery of her feminine core! What a treachery of your masculine potential! What a big waste of a man. Anyway, as we were saying, he has lost everything: Kay, his buddy Richard, perhaps also his wife – who is about to drink the poison he so compassionately prepared for her.
All of a sudden, ridding himself of Pat isn't quite as tempting a prospect for Harry, and fortunately, when he arrives home, she is not dead. The gravity of his almost-murder finally hits him, and he realizes that he'd be lost without Pat. Having found no true freedom in himself, he needs a woman to mother him through the rough waters of life. He almost killed his "mom".
Conclusion
The movie ends on a bit of a bullshit note – everybody being happy and everything forgotten. This speaks to the release of truth that has happened for these people, especially for Harry, and the increased clarity it has brought them. But the karmic patterns here are not gone, not until all truths have been revealed. Some have been, but not all, and they never will be of course. So happiness will never be truly theirs. How many lies are we willing to accept as foundation stones in our lives? That's for you to find out.
Hi everyone! Updates will be a little more irregular than usual in the coming couple of months. I will be spending more of my limited time finding ways to get the message out to a broader audience as well as engage in other activities. In the long run, it'll be for the greater good of the site, but for the short term, you may notice some irregularities. Do forgive me.— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()[caption id="attachment_500" align="alignright" width="228" caption="Masculinity Movies, now featured on MSNBC.com"][/caption]
About a week ago, writer Michael Ventre contacted me because he was preparing an article for MSNBC.com on the buffing of male actors in Hollywood. He had found my site by punching in "Masculinity" and "Movies" into Google, for which I appear to be number one in most cases.
I explained to Michael that I was somewhat more interested in and knowledgeable about what I called "inner masculinity" than the "outer masculinity" which I believed his story was about, but explained that I would be more than willing to help him.
So he sent me these two questions:
Do you believe audiences expect their heroes in movies these days to possess a certain kind of physique, and if so, do you think they equate that kind of body with true masculinity?
To which I answered: Yes, I certainly think we have all learned to equate a certain kind of physique with true masculinity. But I see this as being less about our cultural conditioning and more about an evolutionary imprint based in our interest in passing on our genes. On a primal level, Man lives to breed. And if a man is to breed and get strong and healthy children, he requires a healthy and beautiful mate. Life wants to give rise to more life. This impulse is built into the universe. And although mankind has moved on since that time, this drive to procreate is still enormously powerful. It is probably the most powerful impulse that we know.
[caption id="attachment_501" align="alignright" width="275" caption="Daniel Craig as James Bond. Modern day alpha man"][/caption]
Back in the old days, before civilization as we know it arose, men were the hunters and the guardians of the family and the tribe. Since the role of technology was marginal back then, the man who possessed the best physique, the most able body, was the best man for a woman to be with, for he could protect her better than the weaker man, and thus she could carry forward children under relative safety. It was an era that belonged to the alpha man.
It is because of our need to breed that we like our heroes to be alpha men. It is what makes him a hero, to defeat the obstacles and achieve the goal in service of his family, his country and mankind. And although masculine power these days is not only measured in physique, but also in things such as mental capacity and good communication skills, a good physique only further enhances his masculinity. In short, the physique that allowed men to hunt and protect the women and children in the old days is still equated with true masculinity today.
and...
If you could, would you mind giving me your own short, personal definition of masculinity, and then tell me whether you believe having these overly buffed actors in movie roles adds to your definition, or are the muscles simply a Hollywood facade?
And to this I answered: Good question! I want to answer it by describing three stages of masculinity. The first stage of masculinity is characterized by strength, vitality, integrity to your word, power and the protection of those close to you. It is the level of the alpha man of old days. Then there is a second stage of masculinity, which is emerging all over our Western culture these days. Masculinity on this stage can, generally speaking, be characterized by a desire for justice and equality, integrity to your values and service for the greater good (mankind). This level of masculinity is softer, more sensitive and emotional. It is more in tune with the Feminine. In that way, it is a progression towards greater wholeness, but the problem with it is that men at this stage can lose their power, and their ability to do the work that calls them, to the process of trying to be liked and accepted. But then there is a third stage of masculine development. It is characterized, roughly speaking, by presence, enormous power combined with tremendous humility, an appreciation for all life, and integrity to love itself.
This third stage masculinity is completely unknown to our culture. We only know of the first two. We think a man is either a powerful macho dude or a nice and soft, but somewhat domesticated modern man.
Thanks to postmodernism, feminism and the gender liberation movement, we have relativized the genders to the point that they mean nothing at all. And we applaud the good that must come of this. But what we don't know is that this is causing tremendous suffering for modern men and women. And since we don't realize there is a third stage to evolve into, we can but look to the first stage. So to feel some juice in our modern, domesticated lives, we look to the movies to remind us that there is such a thing as passion and living life on the edge, qualities we left behind when we stepped out of stage 1, and which we don't realize wait for us at stage 3 in much more fulfilling and wholesome forms.
So there is certainly room for buffing male actors in my definition of masculinity, but it's a very primitive form of masculinity if taken on its own. It is pop culture masculinity. Easy to get because there are bulging muscles. But in my opinion, Hollywood is at its best when it manages to portray this more mature masculinity I'm talking about.
Just look at Russell Crowe. There is huge presence to him and his characters. When you look at him, you can't help but be present to a quality of stillness. And that quality brings us into the moment. This is one of the characteristics of mature masculinity. Crowe portrays noble and powerful characters with great believability. General Maximus of Gladiator fame is a character with a strong physique, but he more importantly has presence, endless love for his family and is dedicated to the greater good: Spiritual life and the wellbeing of the people. That, in my opinion,is true masculinity.
Moving from outer masculinity to inner masculinity
If you read his article Welcome to the era of the buffed actor, you will see that it is indeed largely about outer masculinity (although, I must admit, the discipline and focus that personal trainer Mike Torchia demands of his "victims" is also very much representative of an inner masculinity). And he did a fine job considering the subject matter. And in the context of that, I'm featured as the expert on man's need to breed. I'm slightly amused by this, because I don't really know that much about evolutionary biology. I know little enough not to know whether my quote is even within the realms of what people call evolutionary biology.
It doesn't matter. I was happy to see that my answer to question #1 provided an alternative view on a subject matter which could too easily be reduced to mere pop culture, when it is in fact hugely important in a larger socio-cultural context. And although I think Michael's article is interesting, I'm even more interested in what the trend he observes stems from. I believe the reason is that our world is starving for mature masculinity, but since we don't know what that is, the best we can do is to make actors - torchbearers of the archetypes for which we long - look ripped.
I'm very grateful to Michael Ventre for reaching out and featuring my site, providing me with a timely and much appreciated traffic boost. Although I'm hopeful that next time, MSNBC.com will request a slightly different article from him - one in which he looks at what makes a man masculine from the inside out - and not from the outside in.
I think we are ready for that.
That said, I'd rather have a trimmed body than the alternative. Outer masculinity definitely does have its uses :-)
— , Irregular updates ()Preface
I would like to preface this review by telling you that I haven't read Jon Krakauer’s book and I haven’t done extensive research on Christopher McCandless’ life. But please understand that I approach this review with tremendous respect and humility, for the story that is told involves real people and real fates.
Director Sean Penn spent ten years of his life trying to make this film a reality. He did so with the blessings of Christopher’s family and with a tremendous team of actors and filmmakers working with him for eight months. They set out to treat the story with as much love and care as they could and it is because of this that I trust the film to be an accurate testament to the spirit of the man, his life, and of the character of the people he loved and who loved him. I will write this review in the present tense. I hope it doesn't offend anyone.
The fears of the fathers
Chris grows up in a dysfunctional family home, where the parents are frequently violent towards each other, and the kids are used as players in a tug-of-war. He has little respect for them and considers them bankrupt human beings. Early on in the film, Chris receives his diploma from Emory university. He launches playfully and somewhat rebelliously onto stage to accept it to the cheers of his fellow students. A disapproving frown spreads on his parents faces.
This scene, together with the dinner scene that follows, holds the key to understanding why Chris sets out on his journey. Chris is extremely resourceful and intelligent, and can function brilliantly within the confines of a highly structured and controlled society. He can play with "the big boys" if he wishes; his grades are good enough to get into Harvard Law school!
But he despises the false and fraudulent ways of society, where human beings are forced to deny their basic human nature, their playfulness and shared humanity to operate in "the system" – the collective – without causing a glitch to appear in its matrix.
Say if it were the truth that, like Chris believes, we live in a world that is almost stripped of real love and real truth. If so, we can see in these scenes how Chris itches to free himself from this way of being in the world, and how his parents clench on to it. They are terrified of letting go of structure, formalities, finding solace in money and things, and their own personal stories of pain. Chris' relationship to his father represents the generation gap that many of us know well.
We are the men with a deep need for an emotional and truthful connection with our fathers, but wehave fathers who are too afraid or shut down to open up and provide it. They grew up in a world where survival was the primary goal, and the joy of building emotional connections based on truth was an unnecessary distraction.
Chris is suffocating. He has only been given the chance to express the gifts that are approved by society and his parents. But he is deeper than that. More profound. And he is not free. He is imprisoned by the fear of his parents and society. He himself is afraid of becoming like them. Afraid to become complacent and sucked dry of life force, buying into the illusion of "things, all these things!". He wants to be free, but lacks the capacity to tear down the walls he has built around his heart. In his mind, he has no choice. He must leave.
Lighting the path
In every man's growth into maturity, there comes a time when he must break free from the influence of his parents, particularly his father, and go into the world to discover himself. We have to go on walkabout, in some form or another. In early tribal cultures, and still some places in the world today, there is a rite of passage for the boy who is to become a man. This is always a very sacred ritual where the boy plunges the depths of himself as he is faced with ultimate challenge and fear.
Through conquering these trials, he comes to realize the nature of his heart and why he is here. This tradition has been lost in our modern world, to our great detriment. Going to college or the army is simply not very powerful compared to facing the vast open abyss of our darkest fears, alone out in the wilderness, with only the protection of the ancestors – those who went before – to light the way.
The lack of such initiation rites is part of the reason why so many men today don't really grow up. This is described beautifully in the excellent book King, Warrior, Magician, Lover by Roger Moore and Douglas Gillette. But Chris hungers to grow, to be mature and free. He devours books to discover the wisdom of the elders that are non-existent in his immediate surroundings. "He liked Tolstoy, Jack London and Thoreau," his sister Carine shares with us. "He could summon their words to suit any occasion, and he often would."
Any man needs men of greater maturity to guide the way for his own emotional, spiritual and psychological growth. It's extremely unlikely that a man who is unwilling to learn about life from an elder will ever become a powerful force of love in the world. I cannot emphasize this enough, and it's taken me a long time to really get this myself. So there is definitively an evolutionary path that we men must travel.
This masculine evolution is so important that it's symbolized by five chapters in the movie: Birth, adolescence, manhood, family, and The getting of wisdom. This is a beautiful model of masculine evolution, as true as any other I've seen. The problem today is that for most men, the model looks like this: Birth, adolescence, family.
Manhood and wisdom has been all but lost on us. What terrible things to sacrifice for the sake of fitting in and being hip with the times. So what do young men of the next generation do when there are no elders to turn to? Where the men around them are simply older, but not elders?
Into the fire
The masculine's primary motivation is to be free. The work of David Deida goes into great detail about this. And the degree to which the masculine feels limited is the degree to which it suffers. Christopher is a masculine man, but has not been able to express it with the loving fierceness and freedom he longs for, as his surroundings have been too fragile and confused to receive his full capacity. In my own life, I've come to see that, when the rebellion comes, there is often a relationship of intensity between the rebellion and the suffering that triggered it.
And the suffering is proportional to the amount to which a genuine capacity for love and truth has been supressed. Which means that a lot of our worst criminals and psychotics are saints in shackles, one initiation away from being servants of humanity.
The rebellion, like an overdue adolescent liberation, is always a strong and often misguided attempt to discover this love and truth. It is expressed in many ways – as abuse of a spouse (Chris' parents), as infidelity or a life of crime, as becoming part of a subculture (the hippies he meets in Slab City), or withdrawing from society (Chris himself). Hopefully, the rebellion is only temporary, but for many, the rebellion becomes the identity.
I'm not sure that's healthy - identifying with the very thing that separates you from others. Ultimately, the rebelling man is looking for truth, but he may not have found a way that leads to it. What way does work? Christopher alludes to that with words I love:
"...and I also know how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong, but to be feel strong, to measure yourself at least once, to find yourself in the most ancient of human conditions, facing the blind deaf stone alone, with nothing to help you but your hands and your own head."
Thus, a man finds his own inner truth. In my own life, I spend ten days in the woods every year, all by myself, with only my own mind, fears and desires as company. It's hardly life-threatening, but it is a challenge. And it has brought up resources I never thought I had. I think a man needs to retreat into solitude regularly to rediscover his direction with only his soul's longing for truth and freedom to keep him company. The primordial man staring into the fire under the starry sky. It's a powerful symbol, waiting to be discovered in the midst of modern civilization.
Our shared humanity
When Christopher McCandless goes on his walkabout, and becomes his alter ego Alexander Supertramp, resources sprout in him like crops out of fertile soil. Free from limitations, he meets and befriends a number of people, who become incredibly important in his own growth. Remember, Chris – is quite the cynic, with only limited faith in the goodness of human beings. He sees mainly their folly and weakness.
The friends he makes as he travels the country for two years are formative for the growing understanding in him that in every person there is a soft spot, a feeling of shared humanity, and in there – everyone is family. Even his own parents.
When Chris finally arrives in Alaska and settles in his abandoned bus, two years of intense human sharing lies behind him. There is the hippie couple Jan and Rainer – who have a sort of parent quality to him, but on completely the opposite end of the spectrum from Chris' biological parents. They are very healing for him. There is Tracy, the young girl that adores him and would give anything to be with him. But Chris has a calling.
There is Ron, that dear old man who hides away in his garage working on leather to escape the pain life has caused him. He teaches Chris about love and the power of forgiveness. In return, Chris teaches Ron to take risks and start living. There is Wayne, the man's man with the experience of life that Chris does not yet have, who sees his own youthful idealism in him and warns him not to get too intense, not to "juggle blood and fire all the time"! Chris finds in Wayne a masculine role model that he has never had.
All these people enrich Chris' heart immeasurably, but his mind and heart are set on other things.
The Wild
It is in the great Wilderness of Alaska that everything comes together for Chris. In the wild, he finds the peace and quiet to process his life's experiences, and to find the seed of wisdom within. He finds the unspoilt splendour of nature and it touches and opens his heart. There is a wonderful scene in which he happens upon a flock of reindeer.
The beauty of the moment is completely unspoilt by human folly. Chris' face shows elation, and a tear wells up in his wide open eye. The moment is an expression of nature's perfection. No words can even come close to conveying his heart-opening awe. His ego temporarily gone, at one with all.
This scene is the cue for me to venture into the world of spirituality. The masculine penetrates and the feminine embraces (if this is an abstract notion to you at this point, consider how our genitalia are a manifestation of this energetic principle). Human civilization is largely an attempt to penetrate and control nature. It's largely masculine in nature, save for specks of the feminine in parks and flower beds.
Nature itself is feminine. Its shifting forms and emotions are not ruled by logic, but by the flow of love and life force. The idea that humanity can control nature is a masculine pathology. Similarly, a mature man will never attempt to control his woman. What he will do is channel her energy with his unending integrity and strength of direction. But he will never try to control her.
It is this childish masculine naivete of wanting to control things that so disgusts Chris. We see this theme repeated through the film: The idea that people can own a river (his kayaking experience), that we can slice and dice the land and say this part is yours and this is mine (crossing the Mexican border), that someone will put more emphasis on protecting their property and show muscle than to help another human being (the scene on the train), are all expressions of ideas that the masculine has about the world, that aren't necessarily aligned with the truth and freedom for which the masculine truly longs.
Actually, it represents boy psychology, the fear of not being quite enough. And Chris wants man psychology, which - paraphrasing "King, Warrior, Magician, Lover" - is always nurturing and generative, not wounding and destructive. It's a completely different ballgame.
Coming home
Because of the masculine pathology that I suggest runs modernity, we have been completely removed from our essential relationship with nature. We think meat comes from the supermarket, and are oblivious to the misery that we cause other species just to perpetuate our own unbalanced lives. In another powerful scene, Chris shoots a moose to feed his growing hunger. He accepts this gift of nature with respect and gratutide.
Life travels from life form to life form through natural nutritional chains all the time. There is a type of beauty in this. But when he is incapable of salvaging the meat before the carcass is infested by maggots, he breaks down and refers to it as "one of the greatest tragedies of my life". How different would life be if we had this type of relationship with our food? How different would the world be?
In the manifest world, the feminine will always be more powerful than the masculine. Because the manifest world is the feminine. The mature man ceases his attempt to control nature, and instead finds his power in his surrender to it. He is but a speck of dust in the unending play of manifestation. Yet he is a vital part, a key piece in this evolution of creation that ripples through an ever-expanding universe. This understanding is all but gone for modern city-dwellers.
We look up into the night sky and see nothing but light pollution. We go for a walk outside and see only street signs, ad posters, lamp posts, cars, traffic lights and goal oriented human beings. Severed from nature, we never realize deeply our own insignificance, lost as we are in the trance of getting anywhere but where we are. And without discovering our insignifance, we never discover our endless importance. This realization is a paradox, and the lack of it is what feeds our habitual destruction of the very soil that feeds us.
There is so much to learn here. So much humility. And in the end, Chris finds what he looks for. His cynicism fades, and his spiritual revolution reaches its conclusion as he reads Tolstoy, one of his elders, and understands that he too wanted nothing but the simple joy of living in harmony with nature and the people he loved:
"I have lived through much and now I think I have found what is needed for happiness. A quiet secluded life in the country, with the possibility of being useful to people to whom it is easy to do good, and who are not accustomed to have it done to them; then work which one hopes may be of some use; then rest, nature, books, music, love for one's neighbour – such is my idea of happiness. And then, on top of all that, you for a mate, and children, perhaps – what more can the heart of a man desire?"
Chris is ready to re-embrace society. He is ready to open his heart for real.
Free at last
But the river which he crossed on his way into the wilderness has reached summer flood levels, and return is impossible. Chris is afraid. Such begins the final chapter of the film.
And there is one scene here that has me break down in tears every time. The father, once so afraid and emotionally shut down, walks out on the street, as Chris is close to death in Alaska, and breaks down in endless grief, raining sorrow on the tarmac. Chris never contacted his family after he left them. It is one of the great mysteries from this story. One may wonder why. His sister wondered why. But whatever his reasons were, his parents changed because of it. They became real human beings. Sorrow forged them into good people.
In the end Chris dies, from eating a plant that is dangerous to his starved body. There is one climactic and very symbolic scene, in which Chris stands completely impoverished, close to death, as a bear approaches and smells him. Chris has no energy to even be afraid, and the bear walks on. The bear, representing the power of nature, of the feminine, lets him live. Nature lets men live. We are not the masters here. We are but humble servants of something we will never understand.
And as the father discovers that the love he has for his son is endless, the son realizes, as his final breath is leaving him, that he loves his father, and indeed his mother, in equal measure. As he looks with eyes of amazement into the sky that all of a sudden seems to stretch into eternity, he seems to be expected.
Conclusion
Into the Wild is an amazing movie. I love it intensely. And I think there is a danger here to think that Chris is somehow special. He is not unique. He tells the story of men everywhere. Of you and me. It is the story of the ages. It is just that some choose to live it, others do not. On what side of history will you be?
— , Irregular updates ()I'm not normally big on these motivational videos, but this one is worthy of your time. Well produced and featuring great wisdom.
Thanks to my good friend Vegard Svingen for the link.
— , Irregular updates ()A few years ago, I was attempting to get closer with a woman I liked. We’d been working together for several years and knew one another solely on that basis, but I wanted something more personal with her. I’d been feeling a powerful sexual and romantic attraction to her for a long time, but given our relationship as peers in a work environment, I was being very deliberate in my attempts to gauge her interest in me and careful in my efforts to move things forward. When I’m attracted to someone, I tend to move slowly and gradually anyway; in this case, having lived through my share of work-related romantic entanglements, rejections, and disasters, I was eager to avoid any situation that might turn awkward for either of us.
Things seemed to be progressing in the direction I desired, albeit slowly and with frequent yellow flags, but nevertheless, I finally felt confident enough to share something more personal with her than our daily chitchat about our lives in and out of work. She knew I was a writer and that I’d had a book of poetry published because I’d spoken about it during our many visits. I decided to offer it to her and find out if she was interested enough in me to read it. I asked her if she might like to see the book, and she said she would, so I brought a copy to work and gave it to her.
I didn’t want to appear too eager or overly invested in her opinion of the book, so I didn’t bring it up again after giving it to her. One day, while we were outside walking during a break, she mentioned she’d finished reading it. Doing my best to appear as cool as possible and not betray the anxiety that had been building ever since I’d first offered her the book, I said, “Great. What did you think?” And she said:
“I think you’re abnormally sensitive for a man.”
Obviously, this was not the sort of response I was hoping to hear. It’s not the sort of response any man ever wants to hear, any time, from anyone, most certainly not from a woman to whom he’s attracted and with whom he’s just taken the supreme risk of showing his vulnerable side.
It was a painful experience for me, to be sure, but not the first. I’ve heard variations on this theme all my life:
- “Don’t be so sensitive.”
- “You’re too sensitive.”
- “You need to stop being so sensitive.”
Shy. Thin-skinned. Wimp. Pussy. Queer. Faggot. Whiner. I’ve heard all of these and more for as long as I can remember, and the message is always crystal clear: “There’s something wrong with you and you need to change it.” As if I haven’t tried. As if I could.
Sensitive boys and men are all too often treated as pariahs in a tough guy culture. Sensitive boys in particular are easy prey for bullies, whether they’re peers, older kids, or adults in positions of power and authority like parents, teachers, and coaches. I was humiliated countless times as a boy for my sensitivity, by both adults and other children. I learned to regard it as my enemy, as something that only brought me shame and scorn, and as something to keep hidden away, not only from others, but from myself.
It was simply too dangerous to my well-being to allow my sensitivity out into the open any more than I had to, so I tried to harden myself up. I got fairly good at it over time, good enough to survive through adolescence and into young adulthood, but I felt lost most of the time, and I was. That’s the inevitable price of denying any core element of who we are.
I continued to maintain an uneasy relationship with my natural sensitivity through my twenties and thirties. During that time, I was gradually transitioning into feeling a bit more comfortable with it because I’d learned that trying to deny it completely only made me sick and miserable. But I still carried the shame and the stigma of feeling and being seen as somehow “defective” as a man because of it, and I was still disowning a large part of myself and my experience as a result. I was also still being reminded by others that I was not okay the way I was and needed to change, as in this statement from a close friend after I’d confided in him regarding a problem I was having:
“You need to stop being so sensitive. I’m not judging you, but sometimes I just want to shake you and tell you to get over it.”
Same old message: You’re wrong. You’re defective. You’re weak. You’re inadequate. You need to change. You need to get over it. At least he didn’t actually shake me to help me do that. Prior experience with that sort of “help” from others tells me it doesn’t work at all.
That incident was a pretty good example of the state of my relationship with my own sensitivity as I moved into my early forties. I’d made a lot of progress toward reconciling with the softer, vulnerable, more tender parts of myself, and I was even beginning to feel more confident in giving them a voice, but I was also reminded on a regular basis that I was still just as likely to be scorned and shamed for my sensitivity as I was to be accepted and supported. Deep inside, I still felt like an outcast and a freak in a culture that defines and characterizes tenderness, compassion, and sensitivity as primarily feminine qualities. And I remained haunted by the same dilemma that had plagued me since childhood: How can I be as sensitive as I am and still be a man?
It was during that time that, quite by accident, I stumbled across some material that profoundly changed the way I saw myself and what I’d come to regard as my “curse” of sensitivity. I was in a bookstore looking for something (I don’t even remember what) when a title caught my eye: The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You. I’d never heard of this book or seen anything like it, but when I began to page through it, I knew I had to have it because this book was about me.
For the first time, someone was describing my inherent sensitivity as a positive trait rather than some sort of shameful aberration to be corrected. Furthermore, the author, Elaine Aron, described the experience of what she called a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) as the natural, inevitable result of having a nervous system that is, as she has put it, “uncommonly sensitive.” In other words, the sensitivity with which I’d been struggling throughout my life wasn’t all in my head, it wasn’t a weakness, and it wasn’t a choice. It was rooted in my physiology.
There was something else, too, something equally big, as summarized by Peter Messerschmidt in his blog post “The Challenges of the Highly Sensitive Man”:
Dr. Elaine Aron, along with other researchers studying the trait of high sensitivity, often cites the statistic that approximately 15-20% of the population fits the definition of a “highly sensitive person.” Furthermore, the indications are that equal numbers of men and women are highly sensitive.
This was more than an eye-opener for me. It was a game-changer. For the first time, someone was telling me that I could be not just merely sensitive, but highly sensitive, and still be a man. This was a possibility that had never been presented to me before, not in person and certainly not in the culture at large, and it was the first step in beginning to own my sensitivity, not just as a valuable element but a defining element of my masculine identity.
The path is still not easy. It’s an ongoing challenge to see my sensitivity as an asset rather than a weakness to be feared and hidden from others. Men and boys are already living in a no-win, double bind situation around vulnerability; it is amplified for highly sensitive men and boys. If most men lead lives of quiet desperation, they also know that society and most of the people around them prefer they keep it that way. A man or boy who shows sensitivity and expresses vulnerability is always taking a risk. Shame and scorn, whether from other males or from females, remain some of the most powerful tools for keeping men and boys “in line.” Most men are not highly sensitive, but many men are far more sensitive than they want anyone else to know.
For men like me who are highly sensitive, being who we are in the world, in our relationships, and even with ourselves is often a work in progress. We tend to need more down time than others. We have deep experiences that we need to process and understand. We need to make time and space for feelings that we may have never learned to experience and express because we were never allowed to do so. We receive and process more sensory input than most others do; consequently, we can sometimes find ourselves feeling overwhelmed in contexts that others find routine. We tend to proceed carefully, to get a sense and an understanding of the whole situation, before diving in.
These behaviors and qualities are all assets, but they frequently run counter to the values and practices of an overstimulated, Type A, 24/7 culture that wants more and more, faster and faster, all the time. This is a fundamental conflict that has a profound and often severely negative impact on all HSPs, whether male or female, and results in a lot of pain, confusion, and even physical illness. I’ve learned the hard way, as many others have, that pushing yourself “like everyone else does” when you’re a Highly Sensitive Person is like pounding nails with a microscope.
In another blog post titled “Highly Sensitive Men: The ‘Hidden’ HSPs?”, Peter Messerschmidt writes, “Society has an alarming ability to ‘steal the souls’ of Highly Sensitive Men, leaving them feeling sad and confused.” This is an experience and an ongoing struggle I know all too well. I still want to hide my sensitivity a lot of the time, and I still do. Sometimes that’s because of old fears and conditioning; sometimes it’s simple pragmatism. I know I can still be deeply wounded if I’m not careful and therefore I try to choose my opportunities accordingly. Sometimes I still get hurt when I’m open with others about who I am and what I feel (as with the female coworker I liked and the friend in whom I confided). Sometimes my feelings are so deep and acute that I can hardly bear them in private. I probably struggle as much with my feelings in private as I do when I’m with anyone else. The shame and the scorn I’ve experienced throughout my life in response to my sensitivity has been internalized deep within. I don’t need anyone else to criticize and belittle me for it now; those voices are already right here inside me.
In his article “Healing the Highly Sensitive Male”, Ted Zeff, author of The Strong, Sensitive Boy, has written, “By disowning their sensitive side, many males become half a person.” Having spent most of my life living that way, I know it’s true. I also know that, whether I allow or disallow my natural sensitivity, there’s a cost to be paid, and likely some very real pain to be felt either way, and I often stumble in the face of that choice. I still frequently feel angry when I’m actually sad because it feels safer, more manly. I still frequently pull away from others and shut down when what I really want is to connect and feel close, because I don’t have the courage or the stomach to risk the sting of being rejected or misunderstood. I still pull away from myself, most of all, because of the stigma and the fear that’s been conditioned into me, and the absence of skills never learned for being with everything I perceive, sense, and feel.
No one likes pain, and I’m no exception, but I’ve slowly come around to the belief that the pain of feeling is preferable to the pain of not feeling, and that the pain of being who I am is preferable to the pain of being what I’m not. As author Seth Mullins has written, “Sensitivity – even when it comes at the cost of great suffering – may be all that renders worth to existence in the end.” I think one of the important points he makes with that statement is that sensitivity is not the absence of toughness, but is, in many ways, the very embodiment of toughness. It takes a great deal of inner strength and resiliency to maintain your sensitivity in a world that seems to go out of its way to beat it out of you, often literally. If that’s not a demonstration of strength, courage, and resolve consistent with any reasonable definition of masculinity, I don’t know what is.
So yes, I’ll say it: I am a Highly Sensitive Man. I’m not abnormal. There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m not a weakling, a wimp, or a pussy. I’m strong, passionate, and courageous. I’ll fight for what’s important to me. And I’m just as tough as any other man. I have to be, just to be who I am in a world that wants me to be something else.
And I am not alone. There are many of us. As many as one in five men, if the numbers are correct. Think about that. You know many of us. You may be one of us. Some of us are hiding. Some of us are hurting. Many of us, young and old, boys and men, are still trying to find our place in a world that is often openly hostile to our very natures. But look at that world, and try to imagine what it would be like without us. We may be scorned, shamed, invisible, and undervalued, but we are here and we are needed.
I am a Highly Sensitive Man and this world needs me, just as it needs all of its highly sensitive men and boys. Every one of us. No exceptions!
Links
Also by by Rick Belden
— , Irregular updates ()Here's a video blog about my latest idea for a new service on Masculinity-Movies.com. Watch the video and tell me what you think! Cool :-)
— , Irregular updates ()Hey guys,
On Friday, Michael Taylor interviewed me for his show “A new conversation with men” on blog talk radio. It was my first interview of this kind and a new experience.
Listen to the interview below.
I hope it is of value to some of you.
Find Additional Education Podcasts with Coach Michael Taylor on BlogTalkRadio
IMPORTANT: To confirm your subscription and receive the PDF, find the confirmation email in your inbox. I value your interest and look forward to getting to know you better. Best regards, Eivind— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()When the credits rolled for The Imitation Game, I was the guy in the cinema who applauded. I had been moved over those two hours by the outlandish (and almost true) story of Alan Turing, the father of computers and the man who defeated the “Enigma” machine. The movie paints a tableau with the megaconflict of World War II in the foreground and Alan’s homosexuality in the background.
In this epic drama, Turing has to hide his sexual nature from a country still living in the shadow of Victorian sexuality, lest he be fired from his job. The implications of this plot stunned me: Had Turing not been willing to live a lie in these pivotal years, the actions of English moralism and homophobia might have precipitated a series of catastrophic consequences for England and the allied forces.
This idea that a whole country, indeed a world, could have brought irreparable damage onto itself from one single act of prejudice has echoed within me since.
Alan Turing, a queer Bletchley fellow
Alan is a fellow at Cambridge university. A mere 27 years young at the outset of the war, he is an unusually gifted, albeit socially awkward man; the movie portrays him as several steps along the autism spectrum (which is a historic fallacy that further entrenches the crazy mathematician archetype Hollywood has become enamored with). Yet, I will not criticize this movie as an historically inaccurate testament of one man’s peculiar genius. I will take it on its own terms, as a self-contained story inspired by real world events.
Back to the story. Alan is en-route to a mysterious job interview with Commander Deniston, a high-ranking officer of the Royal Navy. War has just broken out and His Majesty’s forces are taking quite a beating.
Deniston doesn’t exactly fall head over heels for Alan. Without wit, social finesse and arrogant to the hilt, Alan is stripped of charisma. But against his better judgment, the commander invites the prodigal mathematician on board the team of cryptographers working out of Bletchley radio factory, tasked with a mission quite impossible: Break the Enigma, an encryption device with 159.000.000.000.000 possible combinations, in a time without computers.
Alan wants the job, simply because it seems like a suitably exciting task for his brilliant mind. Yet he enters the team by way of a social harakiri; he proclaims to his new colleagues that they will only slow him down and that he hopes to work in solitude.
Alan is characteristically unable to find his place among the lads.
Joan and Christopher
Alan is not a typical bloke. He doesn’t get the prevailing blokeish social codes and can’t make friends with his male colleagues.
It’s only when Joan Clarke enters the picture that Alan finds a sense of companionship and belonging. Joan becomes an emotionally “safe harbor” for Alan, like so many women have for men of history. And Joan is an intellectual match for Alan, which is clearly very important to him.
Joan is a brilliant mathematician and a strong, autonomous woman, struggling to break free from the cultural mores of her time. She becomes an important influence on Alan and helps him see the importance of building connections with his colleagues, now his inferiors by decree of mr Churchill himself (much to Deniston’s dismay).
One day, Joan tells Alan she has to leave Hut 8 at Bletchley. Her parents are concerned that she is a bachelorette at 25 and wants her home, to a conventional life that we can imagine won’t feel quite as shameful to them.
Joan has become very important to Alan, however. He likes her. So he decides to ask for her hand in marriage. Alan’s proposal is a practical one, in service of keeping one of England’s greatest code breakers on the job.
It is also an emotional proposal, reflective of his feelings of friendship and desires not to feel alone. I imagine, based on my personal experience, that Alan’s emotional grounding from his continued closeness to Joan carried importance for the overall code-breaking job.
Alan doesn’t love Joan like a husband loves a wife, however. His romantic heart, alas, yearns for a soul now gone: Christopher.
Christopher was Alan’s best and only friend in boarding school. Much like Joan, he was a safe harbor in a world of bullies with low tolerance for deviance and strange-looking brilliance (again the theme of straying from cultural mores rears its head). Christopher and Alan were intellectual peers; best students in class and with a shared love for cryptography.
Alan falls in love with Christopher. But Christopher, unbeknownst to Alan, has bovine tuberculosis and one day, on the first day of school, doesn’t return. Alan has lost his only friend and his one true love.
When Alan starts building his code-breaking machine, the one that will eventually conquer the Enigma, he names it Christopher. This is a sweet, albeit historically false, detail.
The archetype of the crazy scientist
Why are mathematicans or genius scientists so often portrayed as weird or crazy? Why is Alan described as severely socially impaired even in light of historic proofs to the contrary? The answer, I believe, resides in the world of mythology and archetypes.
The crazy scientist archetype that so often shows up in movies is connected to the bedrock archetype of the Magician. The Magician has a tendency to disconnect from life and human connection: alchemists hide out in dark laboratories and wizards reside in high towers.
This “high tower-aspect” of the Magician energy is related to taking a bird’s eye view, of seeing patterns, observing nature and making maps of reality. This is a very important human capacity, especially in the context of building a civilization.
But when we adopt a high level of abstraction in our thinking, we may – if we take it too far – start abstracting life, humanity and human relationship. A person lost in that dynamic can become super-eccentric and quirky, lost in a mental world where genius and eternal mindfuck live in wedlock (which seems to describe Turing well).
At worst, however, this person can step into a worldview where life has no inherent value other than as an object of study and manipulation. Much like Saruman in Tolkien’s universe, men and women who fall prey to this “power shadow” lose their eyes for beauty and the elemental nature of reality, turning the magic of nature instead into an object for deconstruction and manipulation.
This power shadow ran amok in Nazi Germany. But it’s present elsewhere too, in places less ominous than the 3rd Reich. It is a common dynamic in e.g the field of gender research (at least in Scandinavia). Many of these so-called researchers hide out in the safety of their own offices, deconstructing reality and generating mental abstractions about the nature of men and women that are completely outlandish.
Stuck in their “towers”, they remain completely out of touch with the beauty of existence. And like Saruman, they often waste away in their own decaying corner of Middle Earth, bitter and convinced that the world is ugly and men and women enemies.
The artists and craftspeople of Hollywood and the rest of the movie world are, I believe, expressing a conscious or intuitive understanding of the “nutty professor” when they bend history in order to make a more impactful storyline. And it works, because it’s resonant with the archetypal field we’re all more or less consciously tapped in to.
Lost boys and lonely hearts
This archetypal theme of losing our connection to beauty, life and nature carries personal implications as well.
Most of you can probably, like I do, remember times in your life when you lost touch with the beauty of existence. You were down. Just depressed, man! In those times, some part of you desperately yearned for the elemental beauty and miracle of life. You yearned to feel your heart and a sense of love and connection.
You yearned, essentially, to escape dark solitude and immerse yourself in the realm of life, love, beauty and relationship. That yearning likely carried the face of a woman. And your longing for this feminine goddess likely reached feverish proportions, because she seemed then to be your only connection to beauty and life.
In that part of your life, you were completely out of touch with your ability to self-generate a connection with Lover energy. Life seemed ugly, dark and scary. And you likely thought this woman was your key out.
Whether that scenario is a perfect or merely somewhat accurate description of your own life experience, the no-nonsense truth is that you became in these times a lost boy yearning for the safety of mommy’s life-giving bosom. This is no cause for shame; most men have experienced this at some point or another. Rest assured that I have. Ideally, we learn from the experience never to make that mistake again.
An almost fail-safe protection exists against this trap: Living your life purpose. When you are on track with your life purpose, your life carries inherent meaning and you don’t need women to validate your worth. It’s a safety net – you can never fall below the energy provided by your life purpose.
All of these themes play out with Alan and Christopher. Alan’s dependence on his long-deceased friend makes perfect sense: He gets to feel the taste of love in the safe container of fantasy. He gets to inject some vital eros into his life purpose (which gives his life meaning). And it helps him stay somewhat connected to Lover energies, an inner territory that he has not learned to reach on his own.
Breaking the Enigma
Enough of that Lover stuff. Let’s go back to war.
Alan’s machine works, but it cannot crunch through the Nazi codes quickly enough. The breakthrough comes when Alan realizes that there are repetitive phrases and words in the German transmissions. By programming “Christopher” (or the bombe machine) to take that into account, the number-crunching can happen much faster.
And what words are always present in Nazi transmissions? “Heil Hitler”!
I can’t emphasize enough how much I love this twist in the storyline. It resonates deep inside the part of me that believes there is some universal principle at play in our lives wherein our own unwillingness to abide by the truth and laws of nature lays the foundation for our own demise, as individuals, as nations, as a species. Some call this karma, and this particular expression of it is totally badass.
But in a matter of minutes, a new problem rears its head: Nazi submarines are about to obliterate a convoy full of civilians en route to the UK. Hugh Alexander, Alan’s charismatic second in command, rushes for the phone, intent on saving the convoy.
And any feeling person would want to do that. But Alan’s strength isn’t in the feeling realm, but in his capacity to see big picture patterns from up high. And he realizes that if they save the convoy, their secret is out and the Nazis are back in control. Their valiant rescue of 500 civilians would have catastrophic consequencs further down the line.
“Sometimes you can't do what feels good, you have to do what is logical,” Alan says, effectively pulling the rug on any new age notions that basing your decisions from your rational faculties is always inferior to following your feelings and intuition.
The fact that his colleague Peter has a brother on board that convoy does not change a thing. Peter pleads with Alan, scolding him for playing God: “You’re not God. You don’t get to choose who lives and who dies”. “Yes, we do, Alan responds.”
I suspect that his willingness to be personally responsible for that position is, if historically accurate, connected to his suicide several years later. Playing God tends to destroy human beings, as numinous energies tend to be hungry for people’s ego structures.
At any rate, Alan’s achilles heel in human relationships turns out, in a twist of fate, to be his strength in winning a war. And from that day onwards, the question for the English tacticians is not “who can we save?”, but “who can we save without the Germans knowing we broke their code?”
That Alan’s high tower perspective is suddenly of benefit may seem confusing, given what I discussed above. This paradox points to how incredibly complex it is to develop a fully mature psyche; the journey is littered with contradictions.
Alan’s epilogue and the archetype of the apocalypse
There is a piece of music that plays in the scene where Alan Turing and his team break the Enigma code. It is called “Mission” and you can listen to it below.
This is the same piece of music that I play in my Reclaim your Inner Throne workshops when a man or a woman has reclaimed the seat of their Sovereignty.
It is a beautiful piece of music, sufficiently regal in its first minute. Then its character changes, into a musical landscape that communicates a somewhat ominous “to be continued”. For Alan Turing himself, that continuation is the break with Joan, the breaking apart of the Bletchley team, Alan’s 1951 arrest for indecency and his subsequent suicide (the exact cause of his death remains a source of some debate).
I mention this piece of music to segue into the present-day world-scene, where I believe we all live under a dark “to be continued” sky right now. We stand at the brink of financial and environmental collapse. Russia is looking increasingly like a fascist dictatorship (oh, the irony). Truth-bending propaganda and outrageous Christian fundamentalism is part of the air a huge number of Americans breathe. And in a different corner of humanity, Sweden has all the signs of impending social collapse after “promoting” every white man to the position of bogeyman and denying the existence of any problems outside of his realm (the totally predictable right-wing resurgence has already started, in Sweden and the rest of Europe).
I could go on. Terrifying events are playing out on a macroscale right now. And yet ironically, statistics show that things are improving dramatically! Fewer people die at war than ever before, homicide rates are plummeting and more people are rising out of poverty every day. Funny how most people seem to think it’s the other way around!
Everything is going better and at the same time everything seems to be going to hell in a handbasket. What the f*ck?
Galadriel puts words to it at at the start of the extended edition of the Lord of the Rings: “The world is changing. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air.”
We’re in the process of world-renewal. I’m absolutely convinced of this. And if you understand the archetypal realm, you know we cannot have world-renewal without a constellation of the archetype of the apocalypse. The apocalypse is widely misunderstood to be about the end of the world. It is not. It is about making that which was hidden visible, in a process of death and rebirth.
At its core, the archetype of the apocalypse is about the Self’s annihiliation of the unhealthy ego.
When our world no longer works and we are en route to impending doom, the apocalypse actually brings with it a perverse kind of hope. The huge leap in human consciousness that followed World War II is but one example of this at play in human history.
Strangely, people of all walks of life and on all levels of consciousness seem to be tapping into this archetype now. And Hollywood has gone crazy about it! Half of the movies coming out of Tinseltown are about the end of the world!
And whether you’re a muslim terrorist, an american right wing christian (oh boy do they want the apocalypse!), a delusional Swedish feminist, a troubled environmentalist, or a spiritual activist, the archetype of the apocalypse is almost inseperable with the promise of one final war.
I don’t want this war! Alas, I know too much not to expect it. The forces of the world are already constellating to give it to us. World War III. It is coming. I’m almost certain of it. The strength with which so many are hungry for world-renewal only increases my conviction.
My only question is “what kind of war will it be?” This war will require Warriors, make no mistake. It may however require a whole other kind of weaponry.
Indeed, I think people like you and me can make a tremendous influence on what kind of war it is. See, war is only superficially about ideology, borders and natural resources. At the core, war is about the Self’s annihiliation of the ego, and the ego’s unwillingness to surrender (that is what starts every war).
If enough people step into the right kind of ego-Self alchemy and understand the dynamics involved in the apocalyptic fantasies, World War III will, I believe, never turn into an armed conflict. Rather, it is more likely to become like a ritual process where millions of initiated people are able to internalize the archetype of the apocalypse by surrendering the ego to the Self (thus preventing the rebelling and terrified ego from projecting chaos into manifest reality), while simultaneously holding a proactive, fierce, uncompromising and deeply compassionate ritual space for the death throes of a dying paradigm, and the souls lost in it.
I will write a full article on the archetype of the apocalypse in the not too distant future, and I will continue to offer the means with which you can become an agent of this powerful, loving world-renewal through my Inner Throne work (as a man, you’re unlikely to find a more powerful initiatory experience online).
Conclusion
The Imitation Game is a beautifully directed, acted and scored movie with a powerful message. It points to the importance of the stage of consciousness known in spiral dynamics as the green meme; which emphasises treating men and women of all sexual, religious, and ethnic backgrounds equally. It will accordingly likely be embraced by many feminists and LGBT-activists, which I think is a good thing.
The movie also shows the blessings and the curse of the unbalanced Magician archetype and the importance of the Lover’s connectedness.
More than anything, however, The Imitation Game reminds us of the terrifying implications of human ignorance and prejudice. I think it bears repeating: Had Turing not hidden his homosexuality, the extreme worst-case scenario (exaggerated to drive a point home) is that we’d all be inhabitants of the 3rd Reich right now. His living a lie, the movie’s epilogue tells us, saved fourteen million lives.
In a different storyline, a homophobic man could’ve put Alan out of his job, bragging about how he served his country by getting that queer Turing fellow out of Bletchley. He would do so ignorant of the fact that he is about to step into a life-experience colored by the fact that his soul somehow knows that he has fourteen million lives on his conscience. Such are the mysterious ways of an interconnected universe.
In other words, if you value your life, your nation and the human species as a whole, you’d better do your homework, claim your sovereignty and be damned sure to stay away from acting on your prejudice.
For with the archetype of the apocalypse so powerfully constellated in our contemporary world, we don’t want to be put the next Alan Turing out of a job.
— , Irregular updates ()I want to tell you that the Men and the Future symposium that was meant to take place in Frankfurt in May/June has been postponed. I have, together with other contributors, been in dialogue with Nick Duffel and Robert Fischer about the event and the outcome of those talks is that the Symposium will be postponed until next year.
I was looking forward to connecting with good men from all over Europe in Frankfurt, but I feel that this decision is the right one and have been an advocate for it. I feel really good about the Symposium next year now and know that the extra time will allow Nick and Robert, with the help of me and other men, to really build momentum around this important initiative.
More to come on this front.
— , Irregular updates ()A brief background
In 1982, the first installment of the graphic novel V for Vendetta arrived on publishing house Warrior and introduced a new paradigm in comic books. Bypassing the usual American superhero formula, V for Vendetta was written for adults about highly charged political themes.
But the story of the episodical graphic novel is heavily rewritten for the silver screen. It has changed in the process from a story with an unpredictable dramatic arc in which V yearns for anarchy and revenge, to one in which V becomes a heroic character that inspires revolt in the people in order for them to wake up and reclaim their civil liberties.
In that way, the big-screen dramatization of the graphic novel takes it one step back towards the tradition of superheros that the graphic novel bravely stepped out of.
V, Evey and the people of England
We first see V in action when Evey, an average London lass, is assaulted by Fingermen (secret police) who intend to rape and kill her. V graces them with his own brand of vigilante justice and then takes her to a rooftop nearby to watch with him his destruction of the Old Bailey, London’s Central Criminal Court, to the crescendo of Tchaikovsky’s 1812 overture.
We find ourselves in a near-future England. The nuclear war that the US started has ended and much of the world lies in ruin. The US is now but a “leper colony” where civil war rages. England has not partaken in the war, but the chaos of the surrounding world looms on its doorsteps.
Abusing the fear like only the extreme right knows, the fascist Norsefire party has manipulated the English into silent obedience and High Chancellor Adam Sutler now reigns supreme. The country has been quarantined and cleansed of the diseased, degenerates, sexual deviants and infidels. Norsefire’s political opposition, amongst which Evey’s now-deceased parents once belonged, has been exterminated in concentration camps.
There is a powerful scene in these early parts of the movie in which V storms the British Television Network in order to broadcast his message to the masses. “There is something terribly wrong about this country, isn’t there?” says V.
His message is powerful because of where he puts the blame: The people of England. There is no “you are victims ra ra ra”-talk. No, it’s a challenge to the people to accept responsibility for the status quo, for letting themselves be manipulated into apathy and submission. V is actually, in a funny way, blessing them. He is seeing in the people the capacity to overcome, to reclaim their true greatness and self-worth.
The Shadow King in Norsefire and the people of England
In the King-quadrant of the archetypal mandala, we find the dynamic of the abdication syndrome. The abdication syndrome is a term that describes what happens when a human being refuses to sit on his own throne in life. When I fail to sit on my own throne, I will place another on it – or someone will place themselves there. Since the presence on that throne is the defining presence in a man’s psyche, this is nothing less than a personal disaster.
The problem with the media, as it operates in the world today, is that it inspires the abdication syndrome in its consumers. Advertising tells us we are shit and the news tells us we are fucked. In such a world, an average person must look for some safety and comfort, and a tyrant will always be happy to provide it (for he knows how to expand his power base). It’s a good thing for the person with an inclination towards tyranny that the media is so easily manipulated into supporting agendas of subversion (Rupert Murdoch anyone?).
But as always, it behooves us to remember the bipolar nature of the archetypal shadow. This means that the abdication syndrome finds its counterpart in the usurpation syndrome. In the usurpation syndrome, the Ego takes over as the King. The Ego is never meant to come into close proximity with archetypal energies – its role is to keep a functional distance from them and provide a healthy structure for facilitating the vast powers of the collective unconscious in which the archetypes live. But when the Ego gets too close to these archetypal energies, it suffers “radiation damage” (quoting Robert Moore) and something twisted happens in a man.
In V for Vendetta we see the abdication syndrome embodied by the people of England. This is what V speaks to in the clip above. The usurpation syndrome, on the other hand, is embodied by members of the Norsefire party. But these polar opposites live in every man and woman. To drive this home in a way that helps you really get this – for this insight is vital in any man’s life – let’s have a look at the scene where V arrives at Lewis Prothero’s home, the leading propagandist of the Norsefire party. Have a look:
In the real world, you need look no further than Fox News for a feeding frenzy of archetypally inflated people who cast their web of deceit and lies over an unsuspecting public.
Posing as the force of good – as do all tyrants and manipulators – they sound increasingly like the propaganda ministry of a police state.
Finch: A glimmer of hope in a pile of shit
Chief Inspector Finch is the man who is investigating the case of V. He seems to be one of the few men in a position of power with some moral fibre left in him. As he penetrates ever deeper down the rabbit hole, Finch and his assistant Dominic start excavating the contours of something sinister in their own ranks.
The leadership of the Norsefire party, it turns out, is responsible for what was thought to be a terrorist attack. Instead of testing their new virus on foreign powers, they decided it was just as well to test it on their own. In the process, they have killed 100.000 and blamed it on religious extremists. This gave them the necessary alibi to instate a fascist police state. (This plotline is remarkably similar to the conspiracy theories surrounding 9.11.)
When Finch learns the horrific backstory of his employer’s rise to power, his loyalty starts wavering. While afraid, Finch is a man who still knows the meaning of integrity. He knows that a man whose work contributes to the suffering of the people and the planet will face his judgment in the silent hours of the night.
Valerie’s Scarlet Carsons
In its dichotomy of fascism vs anarchy, I can choose to see V for Vendetta, roughly put, as a movie also about the masculine vs the feminine. Fascism, as I see it, is a masculine perversion – a system of control so tight that free will all but disappears. The argument is always the safety of the people (“for your protection”), but the price is always the people’s freedom.
Where there is extreme masculine pathology, there is no room for the feminine (and vice versa). In such a world, nature is terrorized, dance and music is outlawed. Culture ceases to exist as a means to inspire the hearts and souls of the people. The “sacred garden” is lost to man. The tree of life withers and dies, the once magnificent rivers run dry and the birds sing no more. There is no beauty here.
In the graphic novel, V – himself a test subject at Larkhill – tends a garden with Lewis Prothero’s permission. That’s how he gains access to the chemicals needed to blow up and escape the place. And when his mission of retribution starts, V leaves a Scarlet Carson – a beautiful red rose – at the side of all the people he kills.
Valerie also used to grow Scarlet Carsons. She was another test subject at Larkhill who wrote the story of her life on a piece of toilet paper before she died. V is in many ways a masculine machine – hell-bent on retribution and on fulfilling his mission. But in his heart, he carries the seed of Valerie – whose beautiful words he found hidden in the wall of his cell. They have opened some soft and precious part in him – crucial, it seems, to his sanity.
Valerie seems to be the most precious thing in V’s world. That is, until he meets Evey.
Through his peculiar relationships to Valerie and Evey, the Lover in V comes out. It is the greatest gift, he explains to Evey as he bleeds to death, she could have given him. This fact may contribute to some young men out there embracing more of that sensitivity in themselves.
The relevance for today’s world
Clearly, V for Vendetta is a comment on a society its creators think have gone off the hinges. I mostly agree with them. The country that worries me most today is the US, but similar tendencies exist elsewhere. What passes as truth today in large parts of the so-called civilized world is deeply worrying.
That a news channel like Fox News has enough viewers to warrant its existence is in and of itself troubling. That it’s probably the most popular news channel in the US is downright scary. I see there a parade of wounded men and women so afraid to start their path of healing that they succumb to massive archetypal inflation. The results are ugly.
I’ve read my Ken Wilber and I know that there is such a thing as levels of development and that our ability to embrace bigger perspectives comes only with time. But the extreme religious right in the US seems to be getting worse, not better. They seem possessed by some archetypal force of such malicious intent that I am concerned for the fate of the world were they to come to power. Their level of immaturity seems limitless. Their willingness to sanctify their worst parts and to deify themselves in the pursuits of absolute world domination is evil.
But there is a huge movement towards good as well in the world. The rising level of dissatisfaction with the status quo amongst the people and our willingness to address the challenges using non-violent means is a cause for enormous optimism.
Whether we speak of the rose march here in Oslo after the heinous acts of terror last summer, the broomstick armies in London after the London riots or the Occupy movement of Wall Street, we see signs of people mobilizing at a grassroots level across the globe. No wonder legislators are trying to pass laws that will limit freedom of speech online. Remember, it is "for our protection". (after starting my work on this review, I have seen these exact words printed in myriad places where camera surveillance is in operation. It has sent chills through me.)
We have answered V’s call in time and the fact that hacker activist group Anonymous (whose intentions I’m not convinced are wholly generative) has adopted his mask as their public face is testament to V’s cultural impact. It seems that there is now a real opportunity for a shift into a new era of inclusiveness, love and shared humanity.
I believe this is the reason why the Lover-suppressing religious right is turning increasingly extreme. The forces of good in the world are gathering momentum – and since the extreme religious right together with monster-boy capitalists are hell-bent on maintaining a society where all expressions of true freedom are policed out of existence, they must be getting really antsy.
The bottom line is that the polarization in V for Vendetta is happening in the real world as well. But thankfully, it seems like the “forces of good” in real life follow a path different to anarchy. I’m wary of idealizing V too much, because lawlessness and a dismantling of social structure seems a poor answer for the challenges we face. Aspiring to V’s path of anarchy is, I believe, misguided. We must follow the middle way, including in the process the healthy parts of left and right, feminine and masculine.
Conclusion
In the movie, V intends to give the people back their power by killing all the heads of Norsefire party before blowing up the houses of Parliament. It is a symbolic act, he believes, of great importance, and by the end of the movie, his Fawkesian plot has been brought to completion.
Evey is the one who pulls the lever which sends the metro train V filled with 100% English Fertilizer (clever irony) to its final destination. She does so because she has come to care for him – and come to believe in the power of his idea. Chief Inspector Finch gets his chance to prevent it, but in his heart, he realizes that the fulfillment of V’s plot is the lesser evil.
The movie suggests that in the worst possible circumstances, actions normally referred to as terror may be morally justified. I can agree in principle, but I still don’t support the overall message. And in truth, the somewhat happy ending of the movie isn’t true to the source material anyway (which ends on a more gloomy note).
I believe that V for Vendetta’s true strength lies in its powerful depiction of a whole people’s willingness to stand down and let themselves be imprisoned by a police state. They let it happen, it appears, because of the huge gravitational pull of their own comfort zones. This is powerful and tells me, in effect, that my own personal journey of challenging my fears has huge socio-cultural implications.
Indeed, only by challenging our comfort zones and fully taking part in the human story can we become truly generative citizens. That is what you left me with, V, and it is no small thing.
— , Irregular updates ()Introducing the Wheelers
The premiere of April's new play has just ended and Frank looks disappointed as he moves to get her backstage. She sits there crying, her once great dreams of becoming a professional actress having just crashed. She's a failure now, performing in a mediocre piece of amateur theatre. Frank, on his side of things, has his own share of worries. He hates his job, thinks he is a pathetic clone of his father, and wonders what the meaning of it all is. Life wasn't meant to be this way for the Wheelers.
Driving home from the theatre, Frank invites April to talk about her distress, but the experience of having her life's aspirations crumble is too fresh for her, and she resists. Frank, as so many men do, pushes her to open up, with the notion that he is serving her in doing so. But Frank does not know enough about women in general or his own wife in particular to understand that such tactics are forfeit. It goes awry and the ensuing chaos culminates with April's deeply wounding questioning of Frank's manhood. The happy life they had envisioned seems far off now.
Escaping lives of quiet desperation
For the Wheelers, life has devolved into a rote existence of make-believe. According to most people's standards the Wheelers are a success: two beautiful children, a charming house on a hill, a stable household. But they aren't like others. Or at least, they didn't want to be. They were meant to be different. Frank wanted to feel things – everything – deeply. That's what drew April to him in the first place, his deep emotional sensibilities and his yearning for truth. Now he feels nothing; he has numbed himself by suppressing his inner yearnings for too long.
Terrified of the life that awaits her, April comes up with the idea to go to Paris, a city Frank has fond memories of from his tour of duty in WWII. Frank never felt as alive as in the war, he enthusiastically tells April in one scene after Frank accepts her invitation. "This is it," he reminisces. "This is the truth." He lights up with the fires of passion as he reminds us that the Masculine finds true meaning only in living life on the edge of comfort and security. That is where the Masculine thrives, where its inner truths are uncovered from the murky waters of the unconscious.
With a way out in sight, everything turns around for Frank and April and their lives take on the exuberant shine of passion and hope. The people around them – friends and colleagues – react with disbelief and deny them any sort of recognition for their bravery in following their truth. Instead, they consider them to be unrealistic and naive, as is to be expected from the silent majority of people who live their lives inside cotton-clad cocoons of comfort and security. The one exception is the alleged headcase John, son of their estate-agent friend Helen.
Like with so many other films I've looked at for this site, Revolutionary Road forces us to consider what madness really is. "Plenty of people are onto the emptiness," John says in a flash of wisdom, "but it takes real guts to realize the hopelessness." April and Frank are puzzled that the only person who seems to understand them is certifiably insane. April reflects on this with these words: "If being crazy means living life as if it really matters, I don't care if I'm completely insane!"
This right here is incredibly profound and I invite you to pause here to investigate closely what John and April are onto. Are you ready to live a life of insanity?
Collapsing back into the cocoon
Frank has regained his passion and true creativity and does some stellar work for the Knox corporation. This catches the eye of CEO Bart Pollack, who has greater things in store for him. When Frank inquires with Bart about his father, a life long employee for Knox, Bart cannot remember him. He clearly didn't leave an impression, being just one of the many faceless drones of corporate America. Frank tells Bart he's going away, and that he cannot accept his fine offer. Bart reminds Frank that he only gets a few opportunities in life, and that he must grab them by the balls if he is to avoid becoming second rate.
So Frank changes his mind. He decides to stay, to grab those balls. It's a mistake, and deep down he knows it. For going to Paris was the scarier choice, the one that shone bright with the radiance of truth. Taking Bart up on his offer required some pretty tiny balls. Paris required major cojones. Often in life, the scarier path is the path of truth.
April knows all is lost, and she enters a state of despair. Her husband is a coward, a little man who lets others conduct his life for him. April was so close, but now Frank's fear has ended all hope. Frank tries to convince her that they can be happy without going to Paris, but of course it's a lie. For it was never about Paris, it was about taking a chance of life, to tread bravely down the path less traveled. Instead, Frank slips on the shoes of the corporate drone and forfeits his soul to the hope that meaning can be found in the safe pursuits of the meaningless.
It's about serving the world
The road to hell is paved with good intentions, it has been said. I think it must also be paved with good careers. Frank chose career over truth, fear over love, and the consequences are dramatic. The climactic scenes are to be studied, for they show how a weak man responds when he is called on his shit by his woman. April enters her dark feminine rage and lets it rip. To most men, this is insanity, but to a mature man, it is a welcome display of nature's feminine power through the vessel of a woman.
But Frank has just retired his manhood, and he cannot weather her storms. For April, life crumbled when she realized she would never know a husband who had the integrity and strength to do what he was destined for. The pain of having her husband commit this ultimate betrayal of his potential is too much for her. What happens then will not be disclosed here.
Frank failed to ask the questions, "What destiny am I here to fulfill? How can I serve the world perfectly in my pursuit of what I was born to do?" These questions raise the bar. Let Revolutionary Road remind you that playing it small and safe in life is hurting yourself, your loved ones, and the entire world. What's at stake here is life itself. And taking a chance on life requires big cojones.
I suggest you watch Revolutionary Road with your woman. It may turn out to be quite a journey. Find out about your journey to Paris that you never took. Talk about what taking it now could do for your relationship.
— , Irregular updates ()I had the great pleasure of interviewing Terry Patten a few days ago. Terry is a highly respected teacher of Integral Spirituality and the author of four books, including Integral Life Practice (co-authored with Ken Wilber among others). After spending time with him over the past year, I also have the pleasure of calling him a friend. I wanted to interview Terry since he will visit Oslo, Norway soon with his workshop “The Revelation of the Soul”.
In the interview below, we touch on a lot of topics dear to my heart. Terry is highly passionate about helping activists remain joyfully alive even as they try to tackle serious problems in a world in crisis. He is clear that we cannot hope to affect real change if we’re coming from a place of frustration, fatigue and despair.
No, the people who will help us move forward are the ones who are passionately alive and who know how to dance and “love brilliantly”. This strikes home with me strongly; I sometimes carry my vision in a way that wears me down.
Archetypally, what I hear Terry say is that we must nourish our inner Lover in order to carry out the Warrior work in this world. I cannot agree more.
At the 07:25 mark, Terry speaks directly to my heart. He is pinpointing the most central theme in my life right now: Letting go of ideas about ourselves and our identities in order to step into who we really are.
Here are some of the highlight moments in this fantastic interview:
02:53 - Activists need to feel alive
04:55 - Being seriously playful
07:27 - Love brilliantly and let identities fall away
12:35 - Strategizing the moment is not going to work
16:40 - Soul and self-transcendence
17:50 - The paradoxical relationship between Surrender and Action
19:25 - The need for Self-compassion
21:50 - Healthy idealism and the heart of the heart
22:40 - What to expect from the workshop
24:15 - 15 years with Adi Da
28:00 - Adi Da: Reconfiguring the image of enlightenmentI look forward to bringing more of Terry to you soon, as he is almost certainly going to be featured as one of the experts in my upcoming archetypal home study course “Reclaim your Inner Throne”.
Enjoy this interview and let me know what you think.
Warmly,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()Hi guys. I must admit I'm not putting nearly as much time into this website as I would like to, but I think that's partly due to the fact that the traffic isn't really taking off. I'm averaging around 20 visitors every day. Some of my more avid readers tell me they love the information here so much they are willing to pay for it, but somehow most people don't seem to come back. Granted, this is pretty high level stuff in many ways and not so easily accessible to the uninitiated I suppose. At least that's what my fans tell me.
That being said, I think there IS a way to make this information more accessible. I have some ideas on how to make that happen, but I would love to hear yours. I want this site to make an impact. I want it to help people! Help me reach my goal. Come out of the woodwork and make your voice heard.
Please!
Thanks :-)
— , Irregular updates ()Last weekend, my friend Peter Kessels took me to the American World War II memorial cemetery in the south of the Netherlands. I made a little video about my experience there.
— , Irregular updates ()I don't know this guy Scott Stratten, but I really enjoyed his impassioned admonition to stop and appreciate what is already here. It is an important confrontation with an outmoded way of being a man in the world. There is no presence, no appreciation when we don't stop. We gotta stop and take all of it in. We may find out that all we need is right here.
If all of what we need is right here, then how are we to be a man in the world? Who is a man without his chase? If you have the answer, please give it below.
— Christopher McCandless, Into the Wild (2007)I read somewhere... how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong... but to feel strong.
— , Irregular updates ()Hint: I want you to take this movie as a complete map to your inner world.
The movie starts with the scene where old Ryan goes honoring the very men that saved his life. He is deeply grateful for those men. The gift that the men gave to him. Risking their lives to get him back home. As he approaches the grave of the Captain Miller the grief and tears come up. His loved ones come closer to him. The old Ryan, a WW II veteran, reflects the war.
It is the year 1944, June the 6th, when the allies decided to land in the sand beaches of German occupied Normandy. The men are in the boats ready to land. The boats are closer to the beach. They are alive. Heart beats. It is probably the last moment of their lives. The Germans are waiting for them in their bunkers with their MG-42's. ”Clear the ramp, 30 seconds! God be with you!”, shouts the boat driver. Cpt. Miller gives last information to his men. The boat doors open, the battle begins.
Now, imagine this. You have a need to feel safer in your school. Or you have a need for better or healthier relationship. Or you want to become closer with your father. Or you want to get out of your unhealthy drug-addicted life-style.
The landing is the moment you see your truth. Your truth might be ”I want to get out of this relationship. / I want to ask for a raise. / I need to say stop to that abusing act of that person towards me. / I don't want to smoke anymore.” Knowing your truth, and believing it, is like standing in the boat. When you decide to live that truth, and risk the fancy old fancy life-style identity, then you're standing at the moving boat ready to land. And living it is a battle!
The enemy (German's with their machine guns) is time. It is time and resistance (your old thoughts and habit patterns in your head fighting you back.) [Come on, you can smoke one. / One more joint is not that bad. / You won't find any better woman. / You're going to be alone. / You won't get any raise. / You're too weak, he's gonna abuse you even more.]
The battle starts and the men are doing their best to survive. Some men die straight in the bullets to the ramp while the doors open. Some men survive and get to shelters. Miller and his men are moving forward. A bomb explodes near Miller and Miller goes into schock. He sees the horror of this war, and he realizes that he is the responsible one for getting his men to shelter.
He sees this himself, alone yet not lonely, and a comrade asks ”What the hell do we do now, sir?!” [After the first days of your decision to make your dreams real you can end up in the darkness and do not know what to do. It's time for asking your own inner true leader, your soul, what to do. Unless you have already touch with your soul, the leader in youself, in this movie in the form of Captain Miller, you're able to lead yourself forward.]
In the field of battle, there is no time to think, no time for doubt, ”What do I really want?”, ”What would person X do in this kind of a situation?”, ”Can somebody do it for me?” - DANGER! Especially on that latter one. Why? Think about this. Men, do you want to make somebody else to fuck your woman for you, and make love to your woman, and you watch aside how your woman and that man are enjoying themselves? That's what manipulators do.
Getting in touch with your soul
If you are one of those men that wonder the meaning of your ife, then this one probably sticks you. We want as humans our lives to be meaninful. We want to give the best to the world. We want to give our gifts to the world. Most deeply. If you are not interested in this, and live like dead people live, you can stop reading this review, and leave this page right now, immediately. Do me a favor.
How to get in touch with your soul if you aren't yet? You can get in touch with your soul through pain. And when you realize this, the pain comes sensation and information instead of suffering and bad. There's a wonderful scene in the movie Fight Club where Tyler [Wildman] leads a ritual process with the main character to reveal the pain, and the main character tries to shut down the pain by meditation: ”Meditation worked for cancer, maybe it works for this” and Tyler responds ”Stay with the pain, don't shut this out.” In battle there is no time to go to the meditation tower, and close eyes. ”You stay here, you're a dead man”, says Miller.
The Leadership of Miller
I say it straight. Cpt. Miller is a role model. He is compassionate, courageous and a true leader. And a true leader is there with you, helping you, understanding you, giving honest feedback, operating from his soul. Seeing others souls, he is followed. [See, Cpt. Miller and the loyalty of his men. ] , [See, Maximus, his leadership in battles and his gift/contribution.] Unlike a self-serving, narcisisstic, coward boss, operating mostly from his wounds, who likes to sit and watch how you do it, to manipulate you to do all the work alone, with his million € prize tag obsession in head. [See, Shadow King in function]
We can see the compassionate aspect of Miller in the scene where he picks up corporal Upham to his squad. Upham is stressed, ”Sir, there are a lot of Germans” [Read demons], and lets Miller know that. Miller, a man with presence, guides him. A more immature General Patton would have shamed him even more and even had slapped him.
The level of maturity of Miller we can see in how he treats his men. How he responds to the challenges, responsibilities that a role of a group leader bring. Upham, a more Lover and Magician, wants to make friends with other more Warrior guys in the group. They shame him a bit. And he's a bit shamed, and taking blows from Mellish, who seems to be most pissed about him. Finally, Miller defends Upham.
Later, Reiben, a machoish man from the streets of Brooklyn, challenges Miller, ”So, Captain, what about you? You don't gripe it all?”, and Miller responds teachingly, and then Reiben challenges him again, ”Let's say you weren't a captain, and maybe I was a major. What would you say then?”, and Miller responds with integrity and humor, and wins the respect and love of his men.
In one scene Caparzo freaks out when he sees one of his country men brutally killed. He lifts his head over the shelter, vulnerable to German snipers. Miller acknowledges this and pulls him back to the shelter. Caparzo asks: ”Why they keep shooting him like that?”, Miller answers: ”As long he has lungs, and breath, he still carries the message. We'd do the same thing.” This kind of leadership action is only available, when one has 'eaten' his own shadows. I felt deep love towards the character of Caparzo after saying ”No, we wouldn't!”.
Miller's humanity and mortality we can see when he does not always notice every single tower where a German sniper could conceal. His hands shakes while holding a compass. And his men see this. They, actually, love him even more. They trust him. Because he is human, just like they are. Miller is not trying to hide it nor trying to show off that he deserves special treat because of his nerve disorder.
He's able to make decisions from his learned wisdom and stay with those decisions eventhough his men are commenting those, and giving advice and perspective. His tenacity of purpose behind his decisions is what makes him strong. Strong in the presence of his men and the world. He accepts the consequences (in the sand bunker Reiben rebelling about his decision and Upham defending the rules) of his decisions (to let the enemy soldier go with a bandana on his eyes) with strenght.
Remembering as a technique to your heart
How do we find our true selves? How do we find our true values? By starting to remember. By starting to remember our history. What has been good and what has been bad.
In the movie private Ryan has trouble to remember anything about his family. And Miller guides him. Remembering events with his family brings up laughter and joy in Ryan.
The archetypal dynamics in the movie
I'm very moved by the character of Jackson, the sniper. He has aim, accuracy and expertice in long distance shooting, shooting right at the goal, with composure and calmness. His buddy Reiben wonders why he can sleep so good during the war. I think one of his secrets lies in his habit of Prayer.
He finds such a good position to his gun, and body, and can shoot long distances, killing the enemy. All needed is - one shot – and good state of mind. What Prayer does when it is done correctly is disidentifying our Egos with God (True King) yet connecting with it. This brings peace, order, just and harmony to the molecyls of the our bodies. [Watch the King nature of General Maximus, and his habit of Prayer.]
We can see the nature of the imperialistic archetypal energies dealing with each other in different situations. Upham is Lover who is not yet in touch with his inner Warrior. Mellish, Caparzo, Reiben, Sgt. Horvath are more Warriors than Lovers. Cpt. Miller embodies mostly King archetype as he is well a mature Warrior, Lover and a Magician.
The conflict between the Warrior and the Lover energies is represented in one scene where Upham tries to make new friends in his new group. They are walking behind enemy lines, and his Warrior buddies are aware of that, they are alert, serious, and disciplined. The Lover is the energy of play and display. But the Lover lacks discipline. The Lover lacks boundaries.
We can see that Upham's acts behind enemy lines (which probably were more suitable on a bar or a sunny beach) do not belong there. Caparzo disciplines him. We have to understand that those energies do not like each other, and they do not understand each other. They shame each other.
Eventhough Upham's buddies are more Warriors it does not make them more mature. Caparzo loses his Warrior discipline, and engages the Lover in the battle situation, he starts to eat apples. He hears shooting, and runs next to the Cpt. Miller. With the curiosity of the Lover energy, Caparzo raises his head over the shelter to look what's happening. The Germans shoot more his buddy to make sure that his buddy is dead. This, of course, from the Lover perspective, looks brutal.
Later, Caparzo sees a family suffering the horrors of the war, the hysteric father, the crying daughter. Now, Caparzo has lost contact with his squad. He's in the Lover, and cannot hear Captain's orders. Soon, a German sniper shoots him to the chest. He's dead.
The Lover aspect of Upham we can see again in the bunker scene when he is befriending the enemy, giving him his buddy's drinking water, and lecturing the Captain about the rules of war.
Later however, Upham starts to feel more Warrior, and his buddy Mellish more Lover. In one scene when the squad is walking in the fields Mellish sings and Upham walks more Warrior aware of the atmosphere.
One thing that tends to happen constantly if we do not own strong and healthy ego inner structures is that our ego is completely at the mercy of the events and the archetypal energies. When we do not have a conscious relationship with ego and the achetypal energies, our ego is unconsciously in the hands of unconscious forces, and the archetypal poles tend to possess you magnetically 'throwing' your ego side to side, from passive to active poles.
We can see this in Mellish when fighting against a German soldier. They're fighting for their lives. It is a life threatening situation. Mellish pulls out his combat knife. Now, it gets more serious, dangerous, intense and life threatening. They wrestle. Soon the knife is pointing at Mellish's chest. He is exhausted. The German is on the top. (A more comfortable situation in Brazilian Jiujitsu, eh?)
To make sure of his survival, the German starts to manipulate cleverly. And this captures Mellish's attention. Mellish starts hoping for peace and engages the Lover energy, while losing his Warrior energy. And the knife, slowly, lands to his chest, penetrating his heart. Mellish died. German survived.
I've talked about the character of Upham already. Finally, however, I feel very good for him. There's a scene where he sees Cpt. Miller (his leader, his King, to whom he looks up to) being shot. That was the last nail of his Warrior passiveness (The Masochist/The Coward). He finds courage, and steps up to make his stand on the war more honorable to himself and his squad. His disciplined Warrior energy makes all the five soldiers drop their weapons.
The similar thing happens to the German soldier that happened to Mellish before. The German soldier does not respect Upham, and his status. To take his honor back, Upham shoots the guy who shot his King, and let's the other surrendering soldiers go.
The importance of grief – tears as a doorway to maturity
Grieving is beautiful. Grieving is releasing. Grieving is 'bucketing' the pain out from our veins. In this movie we can see it in a lot of scenes. Men crying. When we grieve we're accessing the Lover.
Caparzo finds a Hitler Jugend knife and hands it over to Mellish. Soon this brings up grief inside Mellish, and Mellish weeps. He probably felt flashbacks of the horrors that his people or family have suffered in the hands of Nazi Germany.
Remembering good times brings up grief. In the movie when the squad spends the night in old church, Wade remembers with tears in his eyes times spent with his mother. We're accessing our hearts.
Miller grieves the loss of one of his good men, Wade, behind the rocks, after a taking over a German occupied bunker.
Upham, who has not integrated Warrior fully, seeing the horror of the war, brings up strong grief in multiple situations and leads him to feeling the war, yet unable to fight.Repressing grief leads to unprocessed grief. Unprocessed grief leads to emotional shut-down. As emotionally shut-down men we're unable to feel compassion towards ourselves, the world and other souls. What we see constantly is our own projections, instead of the other person.
We lack the ability to feel the power dynamics of the world, and become titans serving the blind forces of destruction. Example of these in the movie we can see when two american soldiers assassinate two surrendering German soldiers, and then the other one laughs sadistically. Cpt. Miller sees his country men committing dishonorable acts, and looks it with a shameful understanding.
Before leaping into battle
A warrior has to know, exactly, what he wants. He has to have his goals – values - burned in his soul. Often those very goals come in the most terrifying situations we encounter that we call life changing experiences. Only then luckily we end up deciding what we want in our lives – read life-changing decisions.
If we really don't know what we want, deep down, we will be fulfilling other people's goals and could end up like Cpt. Algren in the movie The Last Samurai killing innocent defenseless native american people and suffer trauma after it. A true warrior must be willing to be abandoned, alone, even if his inferiors and superiors are going fight a sick battle.
The warrior needs the help of the magician. The magician aspect makes the warrior a such master over his weaponry. This means once you have the goal, let's say durable happiness, for instance, permanently in your consciousness, the job of the magician is to tell the warrior how to get there. You have to plan situations, evaluate the risks, costs of effort - ”What is the worst thing that can happen to me?”, then to take action.
There's an excellently humorous movie about how to plan your days, Edge of Tomorrow, with Tom Cruise and Emily Blunt. (From that I got the very inspiration that I needed for this topic).You may need the help of the mature men in this world, who are fighting the same war as you, like Captain Miller goes to get info of what to do next from his superior after successful operation of landing.
Study your enemy - those self-shaming demons that are holding the keys to your door. Get specific. Only when you know your enemy, you can fight against it. You can lead your team to victory, when you are aware of your enemy. Captain Miller has done his homework as a Captain to land and lead his team. He has studied tactics, and strategy. He sees up in the hill a German machine gun position and leads his team, step by step, to victory.
The fact is that values are won by battle. If there is no battle, there is no values. A mature warrior knows his values and limitations unlike the Hero who takes unnecessary risks everywhere without any idea of his limitations and what he deeply wants. A Warrior has strategic planning, the Hero is there only to show off how tough he is.
Your purpose is to be found in the presence of other men or in solitude.
When the squad leaded by Miller finds Ryan, and Miller engages to tell him that he and his squad came to get him back home out of the horrors and dangers of the war, Ryan is reluctant with this offer. He receives Miller's message, with love, and understanding, but he feels deep in his heart to fight the battle with his fellow brothers. All the other brothers of him died in the battle. He feels that even though it would be an wonderful offer, caused by the love and work of other men, and his mother, he wants to give his gift to the men and to the world, because that's is the most honorable deed he can ever do in his life.
Reiben shouts: ”Hey asshole, two our guys already died trying to find you, alright?”, Ryan listens, and feels this. He asks their names to feel more trust in them. This makes his heart melt. And Miller, like a mature King, is with him. Now, an lovely and comfortable idea of going home to mother and leaving the war sounds way too easy ticket out of life to Ryan, and his deepest heart desire is to stay with his brothers. It is his honor. Cpt. Miller accepts this and understands this.
Solitude is another way to get in touch with your purpose, and soul. To become a true leader is to become alone – one. Then one has to accept the responsibilities and consequences that his mission carry. To be a true leader is to be alone yet not feeling lonely.
As Poet David Whyte writes in his poem, Everything Is Waiting For You, ”To feel abandoned is to deny the intimacy of your surroundings”. Miller realizes his mission in a sunlight in the bomb shock scenes (one in the beginning of the movie, and later one in the end of the movie.) He accepts his responsibilities in the war.
Conclusion
You can really learn a lot from these movies if you have a desire to look and feel what the movie wants to tell the audience. Be awake.
Know your purpose, and be willing to give up everything else in your life to live your purpose. That is where your core is released from stress.
Ryan in his latter days, still feels, the other men's love. He visits the graves of his fellow men and honors the very men that were saving his life. It is his honor to go and remember those good things that he and his men have done and the times spent with his fellow men.
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— , Irregular updates ()For the readers of my newsletter, this is the place to share the intention you set and visualizations you did as you focused on 2011 on January 4.
For people who don't read my newsletter (you can do something about that right now by subscribing on the sidebar), you too are invited to share your goals for 2011 below.
— , Irregular updates ()Here's food for your Lover archetype. Nature is magnificent.
The Aurora from Terje Sorgjerd on Vimeo.
— Jake Sully, Avatar (2009)All I ever wanted was a single thing worth fighting for.
— , Irregular updates ()(this blog post is a duplicate, with minor edits, of a newsletter I just sent out. Subscribe to the newsletter on the sidebar).
Hi Guys,
[caption id="attachment_1105" align="alignright" width="412" caption="Time to gather around the fire"][/caption]
2011 is upon us. I hope you took the chance to set your intention for the year - either on New Year's eve or January 4 as I suggested. It makes a big difference. I also hope your celebration was great, though it could hardly have topped mine ;-)
Seriously, I think I had the best New Year's celebration of my life this time around, spending two days with old and new friends untangling our egos, dismantling our stories, dancing till we dropped, being nekkid in a sauna together, laughing our heads off, going deep together, eating well, being rude (in a good way) - really liberating to be so open with others.
This is an important blog post and I don't want to take too long getting to the point, but I gotta share this one moment that had me laughing so hard I cried. Certainly, it's one of those "you had to be there moments", but I'm gonna share it anyway.
The running joke among me and the guys I went with become "No more holding back. From now on, we're gonna f*ck everything open!" This is guy lingo for penetrating obstacles and fears and always open to truth.
We took this a bit...ahem, far...and found oblong, oval cushions - these things were big - and well... put them between our legs - and "f*cked the room open" (launching our truth into the room ;-P).
Thankfully, we shared the moment with some amazing women, and as we sat there laughing our heads off, the women went down on their knees and prostrated to our big cushion c*cks. God, I thought I was gonna die.
Humm, why exactly am I telling you this? *blush* Probably because it's time to stop holding back!!! And it was such an epic mix of parody and authentic male potency I had to share it with you. Universal rule: You really need to be zany once in a while to reclaim yourself. "Insanity" is the best antidote to conformity.
Anyway, I can't remember the last time I had this much fun and it ended with me and my two friends pledging Brotherhood before we split up. Damn, I love these dudes.
So, onto this issue of building a tribe...
Yes, I want to step it up in 2011. I want to build global brotherhood! There is a Whisper on the Wind already. As I listen, I feel called to act. There aren't that many places for men to meet online. Aside from whatever arenas exist within the Pickup community (which I have virtually no connection with), I personally only know of the inner circle provided by the Authentic Man Program (kick ass, but costs money) and the community over at Art of Manliness.
The latter seems, after cursory investigation, to have a slightly more macho vibe than I feel called to participate in. I want to provide community for the "new man", the dude who has integrated his Feminine and has gone beyond "manning up". This man is ready to take it to the 3rd stage - the Black Knight of the stories. His path is not up. More often, it's in and it's down.
That is where true male power blossoms, where gentle strength, Brotherhood, and absolute and total commitment to Truth and Love, even when the personal cost is significant, is the name of the game.
The world is f*cked right now (in a bad way) and we need to do something about it! The good news? Conditions have never been better to change the world and as the collapse of civilization draws nearer, so does the hope for complete and utter revolution of our species. I look to Authentic World. Decker Cunov, Bryan Bayer and the rest of those guys and gals inspire me. And they are way too few. Cause you know what - politicians and CEO hotshots are not gonna get this one handled. We will! I think of that saying "we are the ones we have been waiting for" and know it to be true.
So I want to set up a community on Masculinity Movies, where we can take the next step. A place where we can gather around the fire and tap into those ancient cosmic threads of knowledge, power, love and wisdom that we need so desperately now to make it through to the next phase of our co-created human story. On our own, we are powerful. Together we are unstoppable. No more holding back!
I'm about to invest in a Ning platform to set up that community. I envision men's groups across the globe meeting to watch powerful movies and going deep together - and that is just the beginning (I already have interested people in Holland, UK and Australia).
As the work and financial effort needed to make this happen falls on me, I would LOVE if you gave your feedback on this idea below. I'm stretched financially and this is gonna set me back several hundred dollars. Not a lot, I guess, but right now, significant enough. It helps to know you are on board with all of this and that I'm not talking to myself here.
And if you are as excited as I am about this idea, spread this blog post by using the social media buttons below and contribute to the rapid growth of a tribe I desperately want to have an impact on the world in 2011. It will be just one of many. The alliances that are about to form around the world to confront the challenges that face us makes me buzz with excitement.
I will write you soon and tell you more about the development of the technical platform, so that you know when you can jump in and take it for a spin.
Thanks for your attention and I leave you with a challenge: Stop holding back! Become who you truly are. NOW
Again - your feedback please.
In Brotherhood,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()When you forgive, you love. And when you love, God's light shines on you.
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— , Irregular updates ()On Friday, I was featured in a big article in a national magazine here in Norway. It was on the new men’s movement and the evolving male role. The exposure came through no effort of mine – a journalist called one day and wanted to talk; other people in the story had mentioned my name.
In harvesting the fruits of years of labor, I’ve come to feel new things inside. New reflections are coming up. I shared the following with my Facebook friends earlier today. I now want to share it with you. It’s a challenge for you. For us. To step up. Because the world truly does depend on it.
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The stuff around the D2 article and feedback I've been receiving has me realize that if I now want to, I can deliberately – over quite a short period of time – build a name for myself as a leader of the next unfolding step of the gender discourse in Norway.
That scares me. After I saw myself on print, I noticed that the open-heartedness and strong sense of unity I've felt over the last several weeks faded and there was a stronger sense of separation again.
One way of framing that is that I'm cautious of my ego acting up on me – that I'm afraid it will overcome me with its desire to be grandiose and "special". I think that's an interpretation of lesser consciousness. I see people do ego-bashing – I've engaged in it myself – and it doesn't inspire me.
What tends to happen with ego-bashing is that the super-ego hijacks the battle against ego. The battle against ego becomes my identity. Instead of becoming free, the devilishly sneaky super-ego hijacks the whole dynamic, turning me into its bitch. When our super-egos successfully turn us into flagellants, people who think that we will become free by punishing ourselves for being human, they have installed a near-perfect immune system in us. In the hunt for ego-death, we become slaves of the super-ego. Shit, eh?
(If we're going to do ego-bashing, let's outsource it to someone who's good at it, and can deliver it to us with precision. Rare individuals can pull this off – but when we try to emulate this in ourselves, we are *fucked*)
No, I think a deeper cut is that I – WE – are afraid of being large, as in – who might we be if we stopped holding back and stepped into our full power?
It's so easy, especially from a new-agey anti-hierarchical perspective, to frame such thoughts as being hungry for power and for looking good. To frame the healthy desire to fully give our gifts as pathology. False humility seems to be an ideal.
But fuck me – I love the people who I consider as teachers and leaders. I love that I'm going to Boulder to study Circling with Decker Cunov et al. I love that Ken Wilber has contributed his eccentric genius to my interior maps, that Robert Bly has opened my heart and soul, that the lovely ladies of Celebration of Being have contributed their sensitivity and compassion, that David Deida taught me about polarity and the 3rd stage, that Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette have contributed their archetypal genius, that Carl Jung dared to be a forerunner for us all, that Dag Furuholmen and Eirik Balavoine have taught me lessons on maleness, that The ManKind Project opened me to my grief and strong feelings of brotherhood and that Alex Vartman has added a dollop of shame-disrupting sexual play and powerful transmission. To mention but a few.
I have been arrogant in the past. But misunderstood where it was coming from. I would frame it as pathology and beat myself up for it, trying to be falsely humble, so as to reject a deeper knowledge that secretly frightens the shit out of me – that I'm meant to lead.
A deep sense of arrogance can come from being a leader that's not living his or her leadership. You kow what? I think we all experience it in some sense or another. We're all leaders waiting to find our followers. And if I lead you in one area of life, I follow you in another. Leadership has ceased being a fixed dynamic – it's becoming an ever-evolving organic flow, taking into account the different lines of development, rejecting the one-dimensional interpretation of leadership that would have us think that whoever is our teacher should be our teacher in ALL areas of life. Just because I'm an expert on archetypes doesn't mean I can teach you jack about playing the guitar.
Here's what I think. When we know we must lead, but don't dare to, then we start becoming grandiose – to compensate for the betrayal of our soul's impetus to move, to become itself fully.
And thus, there comes that moment in life where not leading is the path of unhealthy ego. Where not leading, not stepping up, is being violent, is the act of betrayal.I'm getting awfully close to that point. I dare bet that a lot of you reading this are too. And it freaks me the fuck out. Which is why I've been spending a lot of time this weekend in refuge, playing a game on my new phone: Knights & Dragons.
Enjoying that I'm not beating myself up for it. It's a good game! Little colorful men with magic swords killing colorful dragons that drop little stars, amulets and shit. From the perspective that there is something healthy in the weirdest behavior, I call it integration time.
Though here's the bottom line: It's time to step up, people. That goes for us all! The world is burning. And it will keep burning as long as people like you and me sit on our asses, wallowing in the pain of not stepping up.
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PS! And if you want to join me in the wonderful mini-world of Knights and Dragons, which I may seek refuge in as I burn in the intensity of this a little longer, use my code for a magic armor WBD-NPH-QVZ. I’m serious, bro.
— , Irregular updates ()Now here's a little update for you. Masculinity Movies LIVE is drawing ever closer and I've been talking to many people about it and putting up some posters. Excitement is building among a small group of engaged men and I have the feeling that it's going to be a great night. As I feel into what this means to me, I realize it is an evening of great personal significance. The launch event back in June of last year was important, but MM LIVE is a more authentic expression of my own personal vision. To gather a group of men who meet as equals, brothers who pool their resources to make the sum greater than its parts; this is the way forward for men. We have been hiding in isolation for too long, talking about things we don't really care about because we are too afraid to be authentic.
The time for that has passed! So here's to keeping it real. The end to bullshit! I look forward to May 14.
Join me there if you can... (Invitation)
Eivind
Rick Belden is the author of Iron Man Family Outing: Poems about Transition into a More Conscious Manhood. Inspired by a puzzling series of dreams about a favorite comic book hero from his boyhood, Iron Man Family Outing chronicles Rick's arduous but ultimately healing odyssey into a dark and damaged internal landscape, the wreckage of a childhood spent with an angry, abusive, distant father. In the course of the book, as Rick begins to understand these dreams and allows them to lead him forward, he also begins to accept his unique personal history, understand its consequences in his adult life and take responsibility for his own healing. Iron Man Family Outing is widely used in the United States and internationally by therapists, counselors and men's groups as an aid in the exploration of masculine psychology and men's issues, and as a resource for men who grew up in dysfunctional, abusive or neglectful family systems. It has been ranked as one of the top 12 poetry books at Amazon.com and the most popular book on father-son relationships, as determined by reader reviews. In a September 2009 interview with Dr. Chris Blazina on his weekly program The Secret Lives of Men, Rick spoke about some of the factors that motivated and inspired him to write Iron Man Family Outing:— , Irregular updates ()"It’s the story of a period in my life that was highly transformational. And I had the sense, as I began to pull this all together, that this might actually be useful to other men as a pattern or a template or a map to kind of go into their own processes a little bit more deeply, and to give them some reference points in terms of feeling, in terms of developing a relationship where they get information from their bodies and their dreams, and to really give other people, men in particular, permission to open up to this stuff and share it with other people ... that they feel safe with. "I was really moved to do a lot of this because I’d been in men’s groups and I’d seen men talk about things in ways that I’d never seen men talk before. I had close friends, we never talked like that, we never shared our emotions with one another. It wasn’t safe to do it. So I was really inspired by that, and my first purpose in doing this book was to open a window into my own process and complete the process for myself, but the larger purpose is to give the opportunity, the permission, and as I said, maybe a pattern or a template or a map for other men that feel ready to go a little deeper into themselves and find out what’s there ... "Really, I guess what I would say is that, in probably the most elemental way, the book is about progressing toward, not so much a resolution … it’s not a how-to book … it’s more about progressing toward a greater understanding, a greater awareness."Rick's second book, Scapegoat’s Cross: Poems about Finding and Reclaiming the Lost Man Within, is awaiting publication. He lives in Austin, Texas. Rick's website: http://rickbelden.com Rick's blog: http://blog.rickbelden.com
— , Irregular updates ()Arjuna Ardagh has posted a video blog that continues the important conversation that has been going on on Masculinity Movies for the last couple of weeks based on my criticism of his manifesto (see below).
He mentions me in it, in a way which doesn't really represent very well what actually happened. I was never outraged, though Arjuna believes I was - which made him angry (which is pretty obvious if you read his comments on my website). He hates David Deida so he decided to hate me for having translated his book. Only for a short while though. And he apologized for that so all is cool. I criticized the manifesto with the wish to open up a dialogue around how it could be improved. I believe I achieved my goal.
Unfortunately, Arjuna has at this point chosen to keep me out of the debate, choosing not to approve a comment in which I acknowledged his heart for the work and how there are points of improvement, but I'm not too bothered by it. What's important is that this debate is proving very valuable for me as I'm getting closer and closer to the core of what is subtly wrong about his approach, despite any wonderful healing it is currently providing (which is obviously a good thing). And it involves the importance of understanding the path from boy to man fully.
But I'm lead to believe that perhaps the manifesto for conscious men was never primarily about building men's self esteem and sense of worth, maybe it was more about healing women. Good if any of that happened, even better if healing could become an inclusive process.
I will return to this when it all gets clearer.
— , Irregular updates ()That is the message I got after I announced that I will be producing a free downloadable booklet on the KWML archetypes. Out of the woodwork crawl these amazing guys who "just happen" to be working on the exact same things.
I just got off Skype with one of them, Ken Nichols. Ken is a guy who really inspired me with his authenticity and presence. I'm going through a rough spell now and I felt his heart reach out to me and it put me at ease. He even left me with an amazing poem to contemplate as I go through some heavy processing of childhood material. That is one heck of a way to build trust.
Ken and his business associate are - will you believe this - planning a business with real life growth adventures based on the KWML archetypes. It boggles my mind. What they will be offering is really edgy, buckle up hardcore stuff over the course of a year, tapping in to each of the archetypes on a quarterly basis. What they're planning looks pretty incredible and has me challenged. Doing their KWML year looks like a hell of a journey. One that would definitely take me outside of my comfort zone.
Ken wants to collaborate on writing the introduction to these archetypes since we have a shared interest in this and I have a feeling that it's only the start of it.
In other words - watch this space.
I'm stoked!
— , Irregular updates ()An early test version of The Tribe is up and running here:
http://tribe.masculinity-movies.com/
It's not running on Ning after all, but on BuddyPress. Let's see if it is good enough for us.
— , Irregular updates ()Thanks to Pelle Billing, I became aware of Gay Hendricks's and Arjuna Ardagh's Manifesto for conscious men today. Reading it made me feel queasy, disrespected, shamed and under attack. It is impossible for me to recommend this document as a path to consciousness for men. It has enormous problems and looks to me more like a path of ignorantly taking on a shame that isn't ours to bear, just because it seems like a noble thing to do. But no man should ever pick up shame. Its energy eats men's souls for breakfast.
What are the problems of this manifesto? First, it gives an extremely one-sided view of history. It buys into the myth that men are perpetrators and women are victims. Women's rights movements have been hiding behind this myth for the last several decades and used it as alibi to launch extremely hurtful attacks against men and the masculine psyche. Men as a result are now hiding en-masse from their inner essence – seeking themselves in the world of the Feminine – feeling disempowered and depressed as a result.
History is indeed a place of suffering, but not just for women. And history is also a place of world-building and generativity, and not just by women. Discrediting masculine pain by focusing one-sidedly on feminine pain and discrediting masculine generativity by focusing one-sidedly on feminine generativity is misguided at best, hurtful at worst. I can't see how it will contribute to anything but further herd the hurting men of today's world into shame and disempowerment, from which place they will have no potency left to aspire to the worship of the Feminine which Ardagh and Hendricks encourage.
Further, it propagates as healthy the concept that I should accept the responsibility for all the pain that has been caused the Feminine by the men of the past. I see as a subtext that a woman should accept victimhood on behalf of the Feminine for all the attacks on her that were carried out by the men of the past (many of which, especially in the Abrahamic religions, are undeniable). This understanding is extremely one-sided and partial and totally erases from the equation the enormous positive efforts the Masculine has contributed in service and protection of the Feminine throughout history. Does it count for nothing? The millions of men who freely gave their lives to protect their families and build civilization as we know it – so that the supposedly suppressed women of today can enjoy all the trappings of comfortable living, blissfully ignorant of the masculine infrastructure that runs like clockwork in the twilight hours to make it all possible? All of this so readily discarded by the so-called conscious man of today in favour of wallowing only in the misery of having burned women at the stake? I think not! We must see the complete picture!
This worldview fails to recognize that the pain which has been caused the World and the Feminine by the Masculine has been caused by boys (not men) perpetrating their own inner confusion due to a lack of initiation into the mature Masculine. I'm reminded of the story that Robert Bly tells of the man and the woman fighting one evening. The woman is hurt, driven by the energy of a thousand years of pain. The man feels helpless faced with her feminine rage and the having to stand responsible for the suffering of millions of women that he never met. And his woman wants it all resolved by midnight. What is a man to do? Turn numb from the neck down probably.
Perhaps the biggest problem of the manifesto, however, is that the authors fail to recognize that the biggest challenge most men have today is that they are totally mired in the Feminine. The role of the old initiators was to bring us as boys from the feminine world into the masculine world. But since the initiators abdicated or died, boys grow up never knowing the masculine world. So we remain boys. And from the perspective of boys, we are supposed to worship the Feminine as the path to masculinity? This advice is exceedingly ignorant with regards to the nature of the masculine psyche. What men need to serve the Feminine – and we do need to do just that – is initiation into manhood. True initiation into the mysteries of the Masculine can never be given by women. Any such attempts will arise and crumble in an oedipal territory of shame and confusion. The old initiators knew that. And the women who lived with them knew that. I recently talked with an aboriginal elder about this very issue and he confirms my perspective. (I will release an interview with him soon).
And while I agree that we lack respect and admiration for the ever-mysterious feminine forces of our world, this approach is likely to bring us no closer to the intended destination of honoring Her more. My recommendation is to let this one pass you by and to wait for a truly generative manifesto – that honors both men and women, both the Masculine and the Feminine. As I see it, this manifesto fails to deliver the nourishment of the masculine soul that we all need to serve as stewards of the Feminine.
We are men. Personally, I think that is a beautiful thing. Our authentic presence is the truest gift the Feminine will ever know. Don't buy into the shame.
— , Irregular updates ()Stanley Kubric’s last film, Eyes Wide Shut, provocative as it is, is not “an astonishing tour de force of eroticism” as the Evening Standard suggested when it appeared in 1999. It is far more important than that. The key to this profound movie is in its title: Eyes wide shut. It shows how a couple can be in an intimate sexual relationship and blindly miss each other, and it recounts the consequences which can ensue.
In particular, the husband has his eyes wide shut, and the marriage is all but destroyed. In the very last moments there is a redemption. The wife declares that they have now – through the process they have undergone – awoken. And they re-choose each other. They have made it – but only just.
Eyes Wide Shut is the masterpiece of a dying film-maker. Kubric was busy with the profundities of life in all his movies. That he should make his final film about love and relationship – choosing a real-life husband and wife to star in it – says much about how important he must have considered the subject matter. Such gravitas enriches the carefully coded study of love that the film is. But here all is not what it seems: The most dramatic episodes are the least significant; the most domestic ones the most heavily charged with meaning.
It seems to be all about sex – but it is not: It is about relationship. Cruise and Kidman’s marriage did not survive and I wonder how much the intensity of playing in this film contributed to it. At the time Helena and I wrote to them to offer them therapy, but of course we had no answer!
At an unusually slow pace, the film obsessively deals with the subjects of love, relationship and intimacy, though to the casual observer it is steeped in excitement and eroticism. The truth is that there is plenty of sexuality in the film, but more accurately the role of sex is – as it is in life – to be the catalytic force which creates, impels and changes us.
This is the deeper side of sex which our culture generally overlooks. Interestingly, some Native American spirituality features Sex as a catalyzing element that is placed in the centre of the Medicine Wheel, while other post Christianity versions of the wheel omit this. Principally the film is not about sex, but about seeing and transformation.
It is about whether we look beyond the surface of things, whether we live behind our masks, whether we can be really bothered to look into another person, and dare to go for intimacy (into-me-see). Otherwise we may treat the other as only an image, and therefore an object for our desires or fantasies. This is deathly.
What is shocking in the film is not the eroticism (that is not even very arousing) but the extent to which humans can exploit each other as if they were objects to be used and then disposed of. This is acutely demonstrated through the characters of the party-host and the costume-renter. These two abuse their power, feeding off and destroying the innocence in their care.
A mythological journey
The film is like a dream or mythological journey. Time spans are not literal, and characters are like archetypal dream figures. The Tom Cruise character is the perfect handsome dutiful husband married to a glamorous woman, played by Nicole Kidman. But there is something in their intimate life which seems not to satisfy her. One night, at an opulent party, she resists a seducer, who attempts to tantalise her with the notion of marriage as a launching place for selfish hedonism.
Later, having temporarily left the rational world through taking drugs, she challenges her husband about his fidelity. He responds that he would never be unfaithful: he loves her, she is his wife, and she is beautiful. But this won’t do: she is enraged. We, the viewers, can imagine that this is because it is not about her, that she feels objectified. He can own her, want to fuck her, but can he care about her? Their current level of married bliss is no longer enough for her.
So she tests him further by describing her fantasies concerning a single glance she once received from a naval officer. The passion which this look promised was enough to make her risk everything, even her family; and yet it made her love her husband even more. In other words, she needs more than a basic static level of married intimacy – she needs passion and dynamism to enrich her love.
But the husband just does not get it. He becomes jealous and feels cheated. He becomes obsessed with his fantasies of her and the sailor. The picture that runs inside his head is not one of intense intimate passion, but of raunchy sex between strangers. And next, he sets out to get some for himself, by means of various chance encounters. Through one mythic night he acts-out in secret and puts himself at grave risk.
However, he fails to satisfy his excitement and curiosity. He never actually finds what he is looking for. But he does run into unexpected intimacy. The most intimate scene is when he is with a masked woman with a perfect body, and he wants to see her face. Eventually, she gives her life for him.
In effect, he receives nothing but utter kindness from all the women he meets. At the same time, his wife goes on a parallel dream journey, in which she is an object of shame. But they are in separate worlds, polarised, and drifting apart.
The power to transform
After his long Odyssey, the husband finally comes home. His wife is asleep, and next to her, on the pillow, he sees his missing costume-mask. In a flash, grief and remorse overtake him. He finally realises that she has been living with half-a-man, one who has been masked and blind. He sees that he has been running his life from his driven ego-personality, (persona is Greek for mask), from the power of his role, rather than from his soul.
Now that he is finally able to really feel something, he is able to look at his wife fully in the face. She (and the other female/Anima characters) have provided him with a mirror in which he is now able to see the catastrophic journey he has been on, driven by his own fantasies, servicing his own neediness, to find an erotic adventure. He has awoken to his shame, not a neurotic shame as Adam and Eve’s (where the whole cultural mess started) but to his existential shame of how he failed to honour his ‘naked’ truth, and relate honestly to his beloved.
Now that he has ‘seen’ himself he can awaken to her – if she still wants him to. The closing words are spoken by the wife: “We have one thing more to do – we need to fuck.” This ‘fucking’ is something which is neither naive nor obsessive – it is awoken, intimate, jointly chosen. They have polarised, and now they have grieved – to complete their healing they must unite in the age-old simple way. This is awakened power and sexuality: it creates an alchemy which we call ‘Potent Intimacy’.
Eyes Wide Shut accurately describes how easily men and women miss each other and drift apart, to polarise as enemies, or settle for a quiet loneliness. It is inevitable, for men and women are different in their centres of charge and in their imaginations. They have entirely different fantasy lives. In her imagination, she harbours a longing for intimacy, which needs to be satisfied before she is ready for sex. He, for his part, needs sex before he is ready for intimacy. He leads, as is were, with his genitals, and she with her heart – a very common inter-sex impasse – see our book Sex, Love and the Dangers of Intimacy. No wonder it is so easy to miss each other!
The eyes are the tools of the heart, and if they are shut the heart will be too. But when through his search the husband awakens to his heart – and the medium is grief, as it always is – and can make it available in the relationship, she opens to him sexually, and the circle can be completed, the medicine wheel has been spun.
— , Irregular updates ()Known to US audiences as The Ghost Writer, the perhaps slightly misleadingly UK-titled The Ghost appeared on screens across the UK in April last year to pretty mixed reviews. Recently, it was given a new lease of life as part of the new Orange Thursdays offer, which lets customers download a film from iTunes every week – for free!
The film tells the story of a writer (Ewan McGregor) who has been offered the chance to ghost-write the memoirs of a former British Prime Minister, Adam Lang (Pierce Brosnan). Lang has retired to the US with his family and is living a very comfortable existence and before long, details of his mysterious premiership are clashing with an emerging scandal which calls into question some of the moral choices he made during his time in office.
It’s hard to get too excited about a movie like The Ghost based simply on simple things like film trailers and posters. From the footage that emerged before its release, it looked very much like a standard thriller that seemed to have eerily close connections with the relatively recently departed former British Prime Minister in real life. Sure, Pierce Brosnan may physically be about as far from Tony Blair as Daniel Craig is from Gordon Brown, but there were elements of the story relating to the famous ‘special relationship’ between the US and UK that were very familiar.
However, despite the fact that, for the most part, The Ghost is a relatively unexciting piece of cinema, it’s more than competently directed by Roman Polanski and would be an ideal midweek rental. It even looked pretty solid as I watched it on my iPhone 4 mobile phone.
Interesting too is the comparative reality between the exiled Prime Minister and Polanski himself. The director himself knows what it is like to spend the rest of his life in another country for fear of his past coming back to haunt him – and there is a touch of paranoia in this tight little drama that seems to stem specifically from here.
The Ghost – or The Ghost Writer if you would prefer – is far from a classic. But with decent performances from Ewan McGregor, Pierce Brosnan and a steady hand on the other side of the camera, it just about delivers 128 minutes of solid entertainment. If you did miss out on the Orange Thursdays offer, it’s readily available on DVD, Blu-ray and online rental outlets now. For my money, it’s definitely worthy of your time.
— , Irregular updates ()I have just launched an article on the Bechdel test, the test which feminists have used for two decades to show how women are being discriminated against in the movies. I outline what I believe are the pros and cons of using it and introduce a similar male equivalent of the test.
There’s a lot I could say, but I will instead point you to the article, and let that do the talking.
The Bechdel test: Application, historical context and introducing a male equivalent
Enjoy!
— , Irregular updates ()How to start...
The first that comes to my mind is; Fun, exciting and refreshing.
The feeling of brotherhood (and not therapist/client relationship) and equal respect is always present, no matter how nervous, low or disconnected I feel. This is a beautiful thing to experience, since Ive personaly have not had much experience with this kind of relationship earlier. Neither with friends nor therapists. And this experience of brotherhood alone has been a very healing experience in many different areas in my life.
Eivind has a way of reaching out and giving a hand no matter where I am at, feeling that he truly shares excitement and honours every step of my journey into the discoveries of my world, be it the beautifull or the ugly, everything is appreciated and honoured. This is and awesome space to be in!
My biggest appreciation to Eivind is about the discoveries I made, because It could have taken me years of more hard work with something that never worked anyways. Ive been trying to solve my problems with the stick instead of the carrot all these years. And this has haulted my self-development, and causing a mess in numeourus areas of my life.
Thank you for helping me to discover how much i missed the ability to say "FUCK OFF" when it is appropiate, and staying with me while I establish the refreshing vision of wanting to take the world by the balls.
If I had not met you, I could end up like the non-swearing-wimpey-new-agey man with a vision of singing harre-krishna all day long ... -oh lord help!
Benjamin
— , Irregular updates ()Hey guys,
I was in the UK in September for a rollercoaster ride of deeply transformative work. One of the things I did while there was to hang with my buddy Simon Anderson in Brighton (lovely town by the way).
I've had issues with tensions and imbalances in my body for many years now and have tried so many forms of body work to improve on the situation that I can hardly count them. Working with Simon is probably the most powerful body work I've done so far.
I was so fascinated by the profundity and simplicity of Simon's method that we recorded a video about it when I was there. His method is very wholistic and I was inspired to find that it included mind, body, emotions, breath and spirit. If you want to learn more about how activating your body by dearmoring the emotional traumas stored in its tissue can improve your life, I recommend you check it out.
Some weeks later: Having been in the world for some weeks after working with Simon, I can feel a huge difference and that there is still work to do. I'm working on the trigger points that Simon gave me and that seems to be helping. And I'm walking quite differently, with a much more open hip region. So while there are still tensions left in my body, the difference before and after Simon is very clear. I also feel well equipped with tools to improve the situation on my own.
And if you've seen the whole video and are interested in how this work affected my relationships with women, I can tell you that they have transformed. What I can't ever know is how much of the transformation came from working with Simon and how much came from all the other transformative work I've been engaging in.
Looking up Simon may serve you well if you just want to improve your general body performance or if you have problems and have tried everything – and without success.
I want to see you run Simon's door down ;-)
Check your inbox for the unique KWML archetype primer PDF.— , Irregular updates ()I value your interest and look forward to getting to know you better. Best regards, Eivind F Skjellum Founder of Masculinity-Movies.com & Reclaim your Inner Throne
— , Irregular updates ()The No Woman Diet I undertook a month ago is nearing its completion. It's been a trip! At times, I've felt like steam has been coming out of my ears. Or to use a picture Decker Cunov, co-founder of AMP, likes to use in the weekly teleseminars - I have felt the "snakes coming out of my eyes" (that's an image from alchemy by the way).
I started out being totally relieved that I could allow myself to disengage from women completely. It was like I was given permission not to stress out about beautiful women in my surroundings. In fact, I was to ignore them completely. Pretty soon, passing a beautiful woman on the street didn't trigger the hormonal cocktail of tension, longing and desire that I used to subtly feel. What a relief!
Then I started getting angry. I got pissed off that the recycling authorities of Oslo took away the only recycling container for plastic in my neighborhood. These guys are the ones who are supposed to help the environment. Fucking dimwits. I got mad and wrote them an angry e-mail, full of delicious swear words. I also got angry at the guy who smiled at me and wanted money for orphanages and I got mad at the woman who was selling shitty Tupperware at ridiculous prices. $50 for three small pieces of crappy Tupperware? Come on!
Random stuff just irked me big time. Then I got tired. REALLY tired. Like, I sleep more than usual, but I'm still fucking exhausted tired. I have no idea what happened. Was it because of weaned myself from refined sugar? Caffeine perhaps? Or was I simply feeling withdrawal symptoms from looking at beautiful women? I didn't know. Still don't. But processes were going on big time. I feel them still.
Then there was the confusion. What is allowed and what is not allowed? Was I too attached to the letter of the Diet and not tuned deeply enough into the spirit of it? Could I even speak to a woman without breaking my commitment? Could it be that my validation seeking behaviour was so insidious that merely opening my mouth in most situations triggered it? It turned out that the answer to that was a painful "Yes!".
I started withdrawing into myself, conserving my energy, avoiding the hunt for validation altogether. I stopped engaging with random people as I moved about. No idle chit chat. This was edgy for me, because I've been a pleaser type. I've wanted to make people happy because I've been insecure about seeing them mad. This I've also understood.
But as time has passed on the Diet, I've become increasingly unconcerned with other people's feelings. Sometimes I feel a bit badass about it. But then I realize it's not about being badass - it's about me being authentic. What arrogance to think I could ever be responsible for the emotional life of someone else! My responsibility is to protect my own emotional and psychological boundaries and then from there serve people.
There have been tears. The other day, I actually shed spontaneous tears of sorrow for myself. I have cried lots in my life, but rarely - if ever - for myself. The tears came after I had been smashing up my apartment real good after I tried anger release work for the first time.
Truth be told, there have been all kinds of trippy experiences, many of which I've not understood AT ALL.
But things have shifted lately. I'm finding that the anger is closely connected with my newfound ability to set much clearer boundaries. I've had no idea how much people have abused my boundaries in the past. In subtle ways - ways they're not even aware of themselves probably. Women are especially good at this. Manipulating little vixens (I say that with love of course :-). But I will simply not allow people to compromise my boundaries anymore. This makes me feel much more powerful and filled with masculine vital force. And not afraid to be intense and even, if so required, angry.
Last night, I shared an amazingly rich evening with two of my buddies and in the middle of it, I had spontaneous strong emotion rise in me. What I became present to was that I didn't miss the presence of a woman. Not even my ex. The moment was complete unto itself. Nothing was missing. Just guys, brothers on the path. And it was perfect. That realization really opened up my heart.
There are two weeks to go and I'm not entirely sure what it will be like to get off the Diet. Maybe I won't get off it! Maybe not yet. Regardless of what I choose to do, I already sense I have reached a much more solid place in myself. I'm not fucking around and I won't let others fuck around with me either. Not even in the subtle ways that most people take for granted. I have landed in the world and the grounding I have found is pulling people around me into presence as well. It's edgy shit, but it feels good. And there is healing taking place. Deep and real healing. This is the gift of masculine intensity. This is the gift of masculine love.
I will do another report as the Diet comes to an end. This is important work, guys. Write me if you want to know more about this way of finding freedom.
[caption id="attachment_727" align="alignright" width="350" caption="Participants at Masculinity Movies LIVE #3"][/caption]— , Irregular updates ()When hosting Masculinity Movies LIVE #3 on Friday September 3, I had just returned from a really intensive one week taiji retreat in an Italian monastery. I was beat and very happy that I had invited my close friend Pål Christian Buntz to hold the space with me (I may not have managed to do it on my own). The smallest group yet, it also turned into perhaps the most intimate group yet, with - as far as I can tell - all six of us being very inspired and nourished by the compassion and wisdom of the ever-brilliant Robert Bly.
A Gathering of Men is a truly amazing glance into the life, work and world of this beacon of the men's movement. The golden nuggets abound and virtually everything Robert Bly says is like nectar to me. After watching the movie and letting it sink in a little, we re-opened the circle where we focused mainly on the father-son relationship.
I personally got the insight that I want to ask my father how he wanted to father me when I was little. It's so easy to get stuck on how we wanted our fathers to be there for us us. But when we get to a certain age and we are looking to find our peace with the past, present and future of relating to dad, we may find increased compassion for him by realizing that in growing into an individual with our own hopes and dreams, we may have turned into a different person than the one he dreamed of when he held our infant body in his arms. Maybe some of his dreams were shattered along the way? And then we spend the rest of our lives being mad at him for not being the father we wanted him to be? Turning into a truly mature man may involve having to forgive our father and to meet him where he is - with all his flaws.
Robert Bly talks in the movie about how he didn't include his father in his poems before he was about 46 or so. And that until that time, other men didn't trust him. There seems to be something important here - that in getting closer to our fathers, we become more trustworthy, powerful, loving and integrated men. Says Robert Bly in one of the poems that he reads in the movie:
When you light the lamp you will see him.
he sits there behind the door....
the eyebrows so heavy,
the forehead so light....
lonely in his whole body,
waiting for you.Our fathers waiting for us, having been victims of shattered dreams and the conspiracy that we start with our mothers against him. There is so much gold to be mined from the work of Bly and the consensus was that the movie was pretty amazing. I also want to point out that Robert Bly is not a man that makes men ascend on some lovey-dovey new age trip. No, he takes us into the dark corners of our psyche where demons and orphaned boys linger in shadows. If you are willing to go there with him - as we did this evening - you will come back a more integrated and powerful man. For as Robert Bly emphasizes in the movie - fully mature manhood comes on the other side of grief. We got to walk the path of ashes. And I'm glad we have Brothers on the path to make that journey survivable.
Thanks for coming guys, it was a great evening.
— , Irregular updates ()It is 1876, the year of the American Centennial. The American Civil War has recently ended and Japan has begun a gradual opening of her borders to the outside world. Captain Nathan Algren, our protagonist, is a hero of the war and the campaign against the Indian nations. But while his Medal of Honor from Gettysburg is impressive to the common man, it fails to make him forget the slaughter of Cheyenne women and children he took part in under the command of Colonel Bagley.
When we first meet him, he is sat with an anguished look on his face, sweating and drinking backstage at an arms fair. He is waiting to perform his clownish job as poster boy for the Winchester Company. Captain Nathan Algren hates his job. With his mind clouded by alcohol and emotional turmoil, he gives a volatile performance that scares the shit out of the unsuspecting audience, and his existential angst barely contained.
An old associate pops up and talks of great opportunities: Mr. Omura, a wealthy and powerful Japanese entrepreneur, has arrived in America to seek Nathan's expertise in high-tech warfare. Omura is in charge of the modernization of Japan and needs help to quell a brewing Samurai uprising which is holding back the tide of change.
Japan is at this point in history at a crossroads where age-old feudal tradition is challenged by the unstoppable force of modernization. For a thousand years, the feudal system has existed under the watchful gaze of the Samurai, the elite warriors who served their lords with their life. The Japan that greets Nathan, however, has already been heavily westernized: Japanese in bowler hats walk side by side with westerners, Samurai are eyed with suspicion and angst, and American guns have found their way into the the emperor's Imperial Army.
It is this army that Nathan is charged with training. He is only, he claims, there for the money - 500 dollars a month - for which, he says cynically to Colonel Bagley "I will kill whoever you want." Understand and absorb that this is true for Nathan only from his place of confusion. Deep inside, at a core place that the darkness of his conscience has blocked off, he doesn't feel this way at all.
There is a hidden message here for us: When our minds are clouded by the weight of our actions, we make decisions based solely on superficial gain. Equipped with an untrained mind ravaged by guilt, we are unable to see the greater implications of our decisions. This peripheral vision is required to comply with the golden rule for the mature man: Make sure all of your actions flow within the context of serving others.
Training the Imperial Army
The Imperial Army that Nathan discovers is a ragtag bunch of conscripts. They aren't skilled with firearms and they aren't psychologically prepared for battle with the Samurai. Colonel Bagley happily ignores this due to his naïve arrogance and wants them to attack.
The Colonel is an emotionally shut down soldier, a man with no sense of honor, ill-equipped to understand the heart of a true Warrior. Like anyone with little understanding of the inner realms, he puts way too much emphasis on external circumstances - rifles and howitzers over swords and arrows - and disregards the primal force that can exist deep in a man whose actions are in alignment with his higher calling.
Nathan is wiser and reminds Colonel Bagley that while the Samurai may not have modern weaponry, they are elite warriors whose "sole occupation for a thousand years has been war". Wishing to prove Col Bagley wrong, Nathan challenges one of the imperial soldiers to shoot at him, informing him that lest he complies, his life is forfeit. Nathan has no love for his life and is willing to risk it to prove a point to the man who has caused him so much anguish.
The showdown which ensues ends in slaughter. In a beautifully shot scene, shadows appear from the mist before Nathan's fidgeting and undisciplined troops. Horses emerge in full gallop, swirling fog in their hoof steps, and the Samurai barrel through the panicking conscripts. After dropping several Samurai, Nathan is captured by Katsumoto, the Samurai Lord he was sent to defeat.
Healing the wounds of the past
Nathan is brought to a mountain village, where he ends up in the care of Katsumoto's sister Taka, a woman he has just widowed. I am left to wonder why Nathan ends up in the household where they have most reason to hate him, but I think that the wise Katsumoto is lucidly aware of the healing potential in pairing Nathan with the widowed family. It's also clearly used as a vehicle for the film-makers to show another way of relating to death, one steeped in acceptance, honor, and emotional restraint instead of wild hatred and uncontrolled grief.
Nathan's recovery from the wounds he has been inflicted by the Samurai is interspersed with scenes from the atrocities he committed against the Cheyenne. The healing process described in these short movie minutes is particularly significant and universally applicable. Consider that in every man's life, there is an accumulation of a burden of ignorantly or maliciously committed actions.
For the more sensitive, truth-seeking souls (such as Nathan) this burden results in terrible inner conflicts, depression, self-loathing, perhaps even suicidal tendencies. For the more hardened, truth-denying souls, such as Colonel Bagley, the burden is hidden under a hard shell of self-protection, there to be discovered in the unlikely event that the shell is cracked.
It is the man who is experiencing the pain of this burden openly who is ready to be taught, ready to be transformed by life's lessons. The lances that pierced Nathan's flesh are the psychological wounds made manifest in his physical body. He has been given these wounds in honorable conflict as a direct consequence of his own actions.
Karmically speaking, the actions Nathan took against the Cheyenne were of such a malicious nature that his own soul has demanded his punishment ever since. This feeling of deserving punishment is, I believe, why he turned to drinking. Only now that the Samurai have blessed him with truthful and honorable wounds does his karma from the Cheyenne start untangling. He can begin to heal.
It is important to extract from this the following insight: When pain and suffering arise in our lives, it is not something that "just happens" to us. Rather, these painful feelings are based on our (un)involvement in past events, and must not to be viewed merely as the burden of life. On the contrary, they are a sacred offering to us, exactly - EXACTLY - the raw material by which our own transformation is forged.
This understanding, when integrated in any man, creates a sense of spaciousness around the pain (which remains) for it is now an ally, the Great Alchemist. This should be a cause of great joy. I ask you, what would this principle mean in your personal life? For Nathan, it means the beginning of his rebirth.
Surrendering to Ujio's sword
Nathan is not only a prisoner, but a subject of study for Katsumoto and his men. One of these men is Katsumoto's Lieutenant Ujio. Ujio is a master of the sword with contempt for the newly arrived American prisoner. He harbors a desire to break him and is left frustrated that he cannot do it. There is a scene in which Ujio commands Nathan to put down his sword.
Nathan is standing solemnly in the middle of a village street, clasping onto a wooden sword. The sky has opened wide with rain. Nathan does not comply. I feel here that this scene communicates not just a clash of men but of cultures. Nathan's culture is one he has come to know as dishonorable, yet it is his culture. And he will not embrace a foreign one, neither as a man nor as a citizen, without a fight.
The outcome is predestined. Nathan gets beaten to the ground, and rises to be beaten yet again. And again. His resilience is the American resilience, but his desire to be beaten is his alone. It is in this painful encounter with Ujio that Nathan begins the surrender of himself to a culture that is not his own. A culture, he may hope, contains promise of redemption.
Perfection in a cherry blossom
"The perfect blossom is a rare thing, you could spend your whole life looking for one, and it would not be a wasted life," Katsumoto tells Nathan with deep appreciation in his voice as he arrives at the ancestral temple. The previous night, during a theatre play in the village, masked ninjas appeared on the rooftops. Nathan and Katsumoto now have each other to thank for their lives, and their bond as brothers in arms has been firmly established.
By this point in the movie, we have seen the many facets of Katsumoto. Not only is he an elite Warrior, he is a meditating mystic (Magician archetype), a Samurai lord (King archetype), a poet and a clown (Lover archetype). He is all of the four archetypes of the KWML system rolled into one character. He is a true master, a template of masculine potential.
"To know life in every breath, every cup of tea, every life we take. The Way of the Warrior. That is Bushido!, " Katsumoto insists with fierce intensity and heartfelt devotion as he looks at Nathan. It is precisely this emphasis on life mastery and disciplined observation of the miracle - a cherry blossom - of life, that is missing from the contemporary Western soldier.
It takes no training to kill a man with a gun, but a lifetime of training to deal with the psychological and spiritual consequences. The Samurai believed rifles and other Western arms were dishonorable, because they believed in looking the man you were about to slay straight in the eyes. I agree and have touched on this in my treatment of Lord Of War.
The end of the Samurai, the last Warriors
Inevitably the Imperial Army under the command of Colonel Bagley and Omura faces off with the Samurai on the battlefield. By now, Nathan has taken his rightful place among them and has reclaimed his honor. In spite of his close relationship with Katsumoto, Emperor Meiji has not found the strength in himself to take a stand in the conflict, and Omura has called the shots.
Katsumoto grieves deeply for this, and believes that he is serving the Emperor even as he is preparing to go to war against him. From this I learn that the Warrior archetype is in relationship with only the deepest potential in his fellow man and that he may choose to ignore the words or deeds of his surface meandering. This, I believe, is what honor looks like.
The Samurai put up a spectacular and valiant fight, sending Omura into panic and Colonal Bagley into eternity. But in the end, they are vanquished by gatling guns. Centuries of tradition, lifetimes of discipline and spiritual searching, destroyed in one day by peasants with guns. As Nathan aids Katsumoto in performing his Seppuku, he looks in wonderment at the cherry blossoms, tears in his eyes. His training and honorable ways have paid off and the last words to cross his lips are the words of a Lover, "Perfect, they are all perfect."
The Imperial Army, understanding what they have done and witnessed, prostrate themselves before the fallen Samurai. This is a very moving scene that is symbolic of the time in history when the Warrior drew his last breath and the soldier emerged as the dominant force on the battlefield. It was the time in history when we buried the discipline of life mastery in favour of dishonorable but efficient technology.
Conclusion
The Last Samurai is no doubt a heavily romanticized portrayal of the Samurai. Yet it does a terrific job of describing a way of life based on a set of core principles, Bushido, that should serve as a foundation for any mature man, even today. It also reminds me of Robert Bly's insistance on how important it is to give the Warrior the sensibilities of the Lover.
The Warrior and the Lover rolled into one: Europe had Chivalry, Japan had Samurai. Now we have soldiers who end up psychologically traumatized due to the dishonor of modern warfare. Yet, in each of us, the spirit of Bushido lives on, if only as a potential. Nathan's journey has valuable lessons for the man who is prepared to reclaim what is rightfully his.
There is a Celtic saying that goes something like this "Do not give a man a sword before he has learned to dance." I have a new saying for you: "Do not give a man a gun before he has found perfection in a cherry blossom." You can quote me on that if you want.
— , Irregular updates ()Year of the Dragon is a classic cop action/drama. Mickey Rourke gave a performance that has not been seen since. Year of the Dragon is what the "God Father" is to gangster movies.
If you haven't seen it over the past 25 years, take it out and dust it off. Mickey Rourke was the best actor for the part as was his nemisis in the film, Jone Lone an asian actor who was overlooked for his performance in this film. In her first role I believe, Ariane, an asian model gave a great performance opposite a seasoned actor Mickey Rourke.
Make no mistake, he was at the top of his game, playing someone much older than he was. Rourke was 33 years old at the time, playing a captain at least in his 40's.
As an actor, he has such power, even when he is silent. He reminds me a little of Cagney, with his cockiness and fearless portrayal. A man on a mission to make a change, even if it means going agains the grain.
To date, there has not been a movie like Year of the Dragon, and never will.
— , Irregular updates ()Lord of War is the tragic story of Yuri Orlov; brother, son, Ukrainian, father, husband - and arms dealer. He grows up enduring meaningless days in the center of Brooklyn, bored numb as the days go by in the Orlov family's restaurant. His only joy and solace is ogling Ava Fontaine, the gorgeous local poster-girl. In short, his life «is shit».
This review uses concepts from David Deida's work.
Give me a purpose, any purpose
The promise of greater things arrives when Yuri witnesses a Russian mobster shootout in the fancy restaurant across the road. Suddenly – as if by divine intervention – he realizes his life's calling: trading arms. After all, his reasoning goes, arms form one of humanity's basic needs. Who is he to deny people having their needs met?
With new-found purpose, he sets out to create a global arms trading operation. He adopts his brother as his partner and after a rather costly courtship, he marries Ava; things are looking up for Yuri.
Yuri is really living it up now, spending money he never had, and financial ruin is looming. But Gorbachev comes to the rescue and Glasnost-love sweeps the mighty Soviet off its feet. Yuri is a happy man. Dmitrij Volkoff, Yuri's uncle, is a major general in the Red Army, which is now out of funding, out of leadership and out of direction. Soon enough, AK-47 Kalasjnikovs, tanks and combat helicopters enter Yuri's sales directory.
It's not my business
Yuri understands that his actions have consequences, but numbs himself to the pain of living a dishonorable life by wrapping himself in the shell of an infinite stream of rationalizations. «It's not our business», he repeats as his mantra every time he witnesses the consequences of his actions. «I don't want people to die. I wish that they miss, as long as they fire those bullets», he tells Interpol agent Jack Valentine – a man of integrity who is hellbent on nailing him. And he's not even joking.
Yuri is in a cocoon. He is cranking up his bad karma, but is consciously turning away from feeling the consequences, perhaps postponing it for some time in the future, when he «spontaneously becomes a better man». There is a danger that we too sometimes succumb to the same hesitation to get real with ourselves. There is a danger that we settle for a life we don't like, stripped of integrity, vision and proactive action, because we fear what it will mean to confront our lives with the discernment of truth. I see it often, in myself and others.
And it is here that it is helpful to explore the concept of karma a little further. This perennial wisdom comes to us from the spiritual lineages of the East and is thought of as a universal law, just like gravity, that describes cause (your action) and effect (the result of your action). Men, it seems, have a deep aversion to change. It seems to be hardwired in us. And this points to an intuitive understanding of karma: when we resist changing the deeply imprinted habits of our psyche, it's because we know that the minute we change course, we will be confronted with all the karma we've saved up while denying our deepest calling for so long.
We intuitively know that changing our course is not a small matter impacting just one decision, but that breaking with our pattern to make that one different choice means changing our lives altogether – working our asses off for the rest of our earthly existence to better ourselves, or to crumble up in fear, all out of integrity, living out the rest of our days as mere zombies.
Both alternatives seem to suck ass, so we don't step up to the challenge, settling instead for the numbness and mediocrity that are the norm for many of our brothers. And then we pretend to be great in our own minds – mediocrity may lead to narcissism, as we often need a way to compensate for our lack. In Lord of War, this is subtly hinted at through the use of religious imagery – golden bullet around the neck, cross-shaped pier etc. Could it be that Yuri considers himself a martyr, taking the crucible of trading arms on himself, so that others won't have to?
If we DO break away from our pattern, though, we will experience what the Greeks called ecstacis (standing to the side of), the physical sensation of energy-release that comes from breaking with illusion to align ourselves with truth. With ecstacis as our ally, the tables turn in our favour, unknown to the many who never experience it, or who consider it merely delightful flukes. The degree of ecstacis – ecstacy – in our lives signal the degree to which we are truly being ourselves, and as ecstacis is the process of standing to the side of ego to experience our soul, it is our own resonsibility to claim it. No-one will give it to us.
Seeking safety in what we master
Yuri is powerful and successful in his own right, but underneath the varnish of success, he is a little, vulnerable boy seeking approval. This is evident in the conversation with Ava, when she discovers the true nature of his work. As she pushes him to explain his motivations, he confesses "It's not about the money. It's because," he says with the look of a twelve-year old who wants a puppy for his birthday "I'm good at it."
This is a key scene. Yuri Orlov is supplying weapons to atrocious wars all over the world, not because he is an inherently despicable human being. Rather, he does it because he's good at it. He does it because it gives him the sense of not being a failure. Because it lets him lead a lifestyle that people envy. He does it so that he won't have to face up to the fact that behind the facade, he feels like a failure of a human being. This is a very vulnerable moment.
Only a woman, only Ava, could coax that confession out of him. One of the feminine's gifts to the masculine is its ability to soften the tension to let the masculine's heart shine through. Yuri really does love his wife. All the other encounters he has with women in the movie show him feeling empty, or showing self-restraint. Ava is a good woman, and helps Yuri retain some connection with his own heart.
But there's some truth to Jack Valentine's claim that she is his trophy wife. They're in a dependancy relationship (DD1), where he depends on her to look good and to receive the nurturing, feminine gifts of love, and she on him to receive money and support.
When Ava threatens to leave him ("I have failed at most things, but I won't fail at being a human"), Yuri changes his life, going legit for sixth months. But Andre Baptiste, president of Liberia, tyrant of unmatched cruelty, and former customer, shows up on his doorstep requiring his «extraordinary resourcefulness» yet again. Yuri argues that he cannot fight his own nature, so against his better judgement, he picks up arms-trading yet again.
I want to look closer at this claim. Is it true that it is «in his nature» to trade arms? Well, it seems clear that he wasn't as fulfilled by the drudgery of going legit as he was by being an arms trader. It seemed to be too much work and too «common». Yuri clearly wants the feeling of playing it big, of living life at the edge, of making an impact on the world, so arms trading is better than dealing in oil and timber. He knows that what he's doing is totally wrong, and it's eating him up inside, but he knows he would rather make a bad impact on the world than none at all, even if the cost is his soul.
This is an important and fascinating observation. The masculine thrives on being challenged and has a fascination with death, as it represents the essential masculine longing for freedom. And there seems to be something about weapons that brings forth some primal, soul-level quality of the masculine. Weapons represent the same piercing quality as the penetrating force of masculine energy. And where that piercing quality of the masculine unfolds in its full capacity in the fewest of men, weaponry provides a quick shortcut.
A gun gives us the power to take lives at will, which wakes up a very primordial part of the masculine. In spiritual traditions, the primary motivation of the masculine is seen as the desire to transcend life and earthly concerns altogether, to merge with the nothingness of existence, and in essence become God. Taking lives is in most cases a perversion of this principle of transcendence.
And while I point out that, I want to emphasize that I believe guns are inherently dishonorable weapons, unlike e.g the samurai sword. The sword is a spiritual weapon, and represents a symbiotic relationship between metal and flesh, craftsmanship and battle prowess, pitting its wielder face to face with his own mortality every time he strikes his enemy to the ground. This is an intimate moment, requiring great courage.
The gun, however, requires little courage, and allows its wielder to avoid the feeling of his own mortality. This, I believe, is how modern warfare ended up without honor, and just a lot of rationalizations. The further away the solider can be from his «kill», the less honor he will have, and the less he will face the reality of his own mortality.
Both my sons are dead
What happened when Yuri went legit, was that he tasted a normal, conformist lifestyle, and didn't like it. DD1, that is the macho jerk, is inherently more masculine than DD2, the man who has become more integrated by developing his feminine. It's a paradox that a macho DD1 man will often be truer to his word than a DD2 man, as he is more strongly masculine, and hence puts more emphasis on keeping it than adapting to the ebbs and flows of his emotions. Yuri points this out when he says «Say what you will of warlords and dictators. They tend to have a highly developed sense of order, and always pay their bills on time.»
There is a potential pitfall in early masculine development. When men who live deeply immoral lives set out to better themselves, according to DD1-2-3, he will have to go through a period of sensitizing himself to his and others' emotions, and put more and more emphasis on what's socially acceptable, than what he himself desires. On some level, the male psyche knows this, which is why the process of growing from DD1 to DD2 is so undesirable to the macho man.
Feminine women may become less attracted to him, and he will feel lots of pain, as the karmic seeds ripen in a consciousness that is now prepared. But DD2 is fertile ground for DD3, where the masculine power re-emerges, filled to the brim with love, vision and honor.
Yuri is a little right and a little wrong when he claims it is in his nature to sell arms. But definitely it is in his nature to be a very masculine man, who is afraid of letting go of his external sources of validation, his feelings of purpose, and embracing the feeling of wimpiness of DD2.
In the end, the inevitable plays out. Yuri talks Vitaly into coming along on one final job, and they end up in Sierra Leone, supplying guns to self-proclaimed freedom fighters. «Often the most barbaric atrocities happen when both sides proclaim themselves freedom fighters,» Yuri points out. But Vitaly cannot go through with the job, as he realizes it will lead to the slaughter of a nearby refugee camp. Vitaly is a Lover archetype and cares about those people.
He has a good heart, more open and feminine than his brother's, and going through with the job is suicide of the soul. So he sabotages the job – and gets shot. At this point, Yuri becomes dead to himself and his family. He has been provided with so many chances to clean up his act, his conscience has sent him so many warning signals, yet he has pressed on with his immoral life. «Both my sons are dead,» his mother comments with great sadness as he phones them to offer his apologies.
Conclusion
Yuri considered himself merely a piece in a game he didn't even like himself, and refused to claim responsibility for his actions, because the game would merely replace him with someone else. It's a familiar theme in many lives. We embrace our immorality or mediocrity by failing to claim responsibility for our lives. We avoid feeling the hurt and despair for as long as possible.
In the end, the habitual tendencies are so strong that even honest attempts become like turning a freight ship with a 1hp engine. Yurio is now a dead man, dead in his heart, free to live out his days as little more than a zombie. And only his unlikely tears will open the door ajar again.
«You know who's gonna inherit the earth? Arms dealers. Because everyone else is gonna be too busy killing each other. That's the secret to survival. Never go to war. Especially with yourself,» Yuri ends.
There is wisdom here. Never go to war with yourself. So let's find those places where we are fighting ourselves and then hone in on them like banshees, sowing the seeds for future joy and freedom. After all, do you like the alternative?
— , Irregular updates ()Hey guys,
My buddy Norbert Orlewicz over at the Ultimate Man's Quest felt inspired to interview me about my work the other day.
I really enjoyed this one and feel good that I'm starting to get the hang of this interview format.
Here's a little clip from the interview:
Listen to the whole interview here.
Enjoy!
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()Here comes the video for the Magician archetype, this time in HD and featuring more illustrations and music.
Please share with us how the Magician archetype shows up in your life in the comments below.
— , Irregular updates ()For the past year, I've been running an online film club on a community site consisting of people from the now dissolved "The Deida Experience". We've watched eleven films and are about to watch our 12th. This is the list of the movies we have covered:
- Revolutionary Road (US) | IMDB
- Avatar (US) | IMDB
- Elegy (US) | IMDB
- Eyes Wide Shut (US) | IMDB
- American Beauty (US) | IMDB
- The Constant Gardener (US) | IMDB
- The 13th Warrior (US) | IMDB
- Amelie (FR) | IMDB
- Okuribito (JP) | IMDB
- Walk the Line (US) | IMDB
- Dangerous Beauty (US) | IMDB
- As it is in Heaven (SE) | IMDB
It's been a great experience to lead a group of this type and I have enjoyed it immensely. Actual growth has taken place as a result of the Polarity Film Club. But now, it is closing down. I tell you this, dear readers, because I want to honor the end of something that has been important to me. This represents the dissolution of a group of people I have come to appreciate a lot. I also tell you this because I wonder if there is interest for an online film club hosted on Masculinity Movies, where we discuss movies in a forum setting and see what gems we can excavate together. My energy must move towards this webpage now. 2011 is going to be an important year.
To give you an idea of what a filmclub like this may mean, I include here part of the text I wrote when the Polarity Film Club opened.
For the last year, I've been building a website about masculinity in movies on my spare time. It's called Masculinity Movies and can be found on www.masculinity-movies.com.
Prior to and during the development of the site, I have spent a fair amount of time reflecting on the role movies have in shaping our identity, society, sexuality and intimate relationships. I set out with a working hypothesis - that movies looked at from the right perspective can serve as great teachers of universal principles. With some mileage under my belt, the hypothesis still holds firm; I believe it is true.
I have found that when we take our time to really penetrate to the core of what good movies are trying to tell us, some timeless laws of great importance make themselves manifest. These laws are what I hope to extract from the movies and put on the table for us to investigate and discuss.
Tell me what you think.
Thanks,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()In preparation for the pending review, I just re-watched The Godfather. In terms of healthy masculinity, there is almost nothing to learn from it (though hopefully we can draw some lessons about descending from it). The Don has flashes of something resembling integrity and noble behaviour, but that's about it. The reckless and adolescent Sonny and the dark and conniving liar that Michael turns into are just two of the grim examples of what happens when a man doesn't accept responsibility for his actions. It's to the Don's credit that he feels mourning over what happened to Michael. He was supposed to be the point of light in the family.
It also struck me today that I don't think The Godfather is great. I like it, but to me it's not excellent. The only parts I think are excellent are the parts where the Don starts dropping into a wiser and more compassionate place towards the end of the movie. His death scene is magnificent.
It's been so long since I last saw it that I was surprised to find a parade of pathetic and confused men, lacking in integrity, honesty and self-control. Not a single man to respect, to learn from, to admire, to look up to. Don Corleone, the closest we get to maturity in the movie, calls forth more compassion in me than admiration. For I see in him a recognition of a life path poorly chosen and the sadness that comes from it. He did not have the bravery to find meaning through generative and world building pursuits.
I have asked myself several times why Italy is such a troubled country, how they can elect a pubescent, narcissistic coward like Silvio Berlusconi and how they can give away so much power to the mafia that entire cities grind to a halt if they stop "doing their job". I hope I can understand this better after analyzing the Godfather. I think there's something juicy inside.
— , Irregular updates ()Here's an update on my life. It contains nothing about movies, but plenty of coarse language.
Life feels different. I've had this persistent sense for almost a year now that I'm on the verge of a breakthrough. Like the world has appeared beyond a thin veil, one which I'm intuiting can be removed were I to find the key.
It seems this intuition has foreshadowed a transition into a new paradigm – a new way of operating in the world. For those of you who are into Spiral Dynamics, it seems to be the shift from Yellow to Turqoise.
It's not yet a stable realization, though more often than before, I'm awash in feelings of gratitude. I'm frequently awash in a deepened experience of beauty, of somethin akin to perfection. It's like it's pinning me down, tearing into the center of my chest and piercing my heart open. I weep regularly. I whisper "thank you thank you thank you" at random moments through the day, while tears stream down my face. I shake a lot as intense energy is moving through my body. And my relationships have improved massively.
Jesus feels close. And Buddha. All kinds of spiritual figures appear in my internal world these days.
After having practiced meditation for almost 13 years – and applied myself wholeheartedly to inner revolution for every day in that process – it seems I'm starting to experience something that can be described as spirituality.
From this place, I experience two things: An enormous appreciation for people, especially those who dare to be themselves, who dare set forth into the world with their hearts open, hellbent on expressing themselves at any cost. Whether it be those genius, cheeky guys in Ylvis who have contaminated us all with that annoyingly genious Fox song or Edvard Munch, who I experienced like never before two days ago in the Munch 150 exhibition here in Oslo Norway.
I have strong feelings of appreciation for all the people in the world who dare to give, who dare to be themselves. I feel gratitude to and kinship with them. They open the heart of the world, catalyzing the growth of consciousness, opening a space for us all to be ourselves more. Compared to the way it once was, living authentically is relatively easy these days.
We stand on the shoulders of giants. We really do. It's not a fucking refrigerator magnet. It's the goddamned truth.
As I walked through the Munch 150 exhibition here in Norway – the most comprehensive exhibition of Edvard Munch's work that's ever been – I felt that. I felt into this man, the genius which flowed through him. The intensity of his emotion. The vastness of his soul. And how he just carved into a frozen Norwegian culture with expressions of life lived and unlived, loved and unloved, that are so raw, so fierce, that they shook the entire culture. He was a revolutionary, simply because he found no place in the already established norms of society that was embracing enough to hold that which was inside of him.
It was as if for the first time in my entire life, I understood art. Again, I caught myself weeping, feeling the contours of my heart dissolve, expanding into vastness and the heart of Munch.
And when I read the recent news story about the boat with Somalians and Eritreans sinking off the coast of Italy, it struck me even deeper. One of the survivors had been interviewed. "Where are you headed?" "Norway" "Why?" "Freedom, freedom!"
Yes, I cry all the time these days. Here's a whole boatload of people – sinking to their wet, aquatic graves. What drove them to risk their lives like that? The faint glimmer of a chance of living here, my home country, the place I take for granted.
My home country, which only a century ago was a developing country. My great grandfather (and even my grandfather once) would take his little boat and row for weeks from North of Norway to the great fishing in Lofoten. Sometimes he would arrive there and realize that there was not a lot of fish that year. Droves of men died that way – rowing their simple boats through stormy waters for weeks on end, without any guarantee of a reward.
And on their return, abject tragedy sometimes awaited. The mothers hadn't the time to both work and watch the children. My mother tells me of the family in the village where two kids fell into a large boiling kettle in a barn while playing. They died there, screaming in boiling water, while the mother was doing manual labour elsewhere. This is Norway just a few generations back.
As I feel my heart burst with these insights, another thing happens. A deep fierceness starts building in me. I get fierce towards complaints, towards petty squabbles, towards people of privilege who are unhappy because of things trivial! I get fierce with religious bigots, holier than thou on the outside, depraved and ugly on the inside. I get fierce with selfishness, ethnocentricity, with people who equate violence with courage. Fuck it all!
Staring into the face of the biggest plate of abundant-fucking-perfection that any people has experienced in the entire history of this species, this planet, how the FUCK do we manage to not appreciate it! It makes my blood boil.
We feel this beauty with isms and pissms and complain complain complain about I'm not getting this I'm not getting that, waa waa waa waa. Shut the fuck up! Perfection is staring you in the face and your fucking annoying, infantile complaining is shitting on the miracle that you are surrounded with! You are so FUCKING UNGRATEFUL!
That's what's starting to happen inside of me at times these days. And I feel the love in there. It's not a rejection of the people. It's an embrace. It's being a stand for something greater. I believe the Buddhists have a word for it.
It scares me. My little ego cringes at the thought of standing for this out in the world. Even writing it here is pushing it. My little ego which craves likes on Facebooks and that jumps a little every time my mobile phone makes a sound, fearing it will be something bad, hoping it will be something good, that’s part of this story too. It makes things more complicated..
I sit with people and am afraid they will reject me, simply because the thoughts I have are so revolutionary. I dare not lead, because what I feel is so out of the box. I’m afraid that my intensity will scare them. For the first time in my life, a person has told me to my face that he thinks I'm crazy and actually meant it. Large amounts of people are coming out and telling me that they are a little afraid of me. And I feel almost nauseous when intuiting that this will happen on a wide scale sometime in the future.
Such a fragile little thing my ego. How can it handle an authentic life? How can it allow leadership? Fearing rejection, how can it allow penetrating the culture like Munch once did? How can we all – for I hope you are in on this – change the world by expressing what be believe in fully?
We'll see.
But a few things are clear:
- Everything in my life that is painful is at its core about wanting to get something
- Everything in my life that is truly joyful is at its core about actually giving something
- I need other people around me - I can't do shit on my own
- Whatever the path is, it involves both men and women
- I’m very happy I’m moving temporarily to the US in just over a week
- I will have to pray and meditate like a motherfucker
— , Irregular updates ()In June, the American poet Rick Belden contacted me because he had found my site while looking for commentaries on The Last Samurai. He told me he liked what he saw and that he wanted to send me a complimentary copy of his first volume of published poetry, "Iron Man Family Outing". I brought the book with me to the Norwegian Northlands and read it in a cabin sans electricity and water while overlooking the mighty ocean below me and the strong mountains above me.
I realized early on that I felt limited in my understanding by my lack of experience reading poetry. It felt as if there was more to be found beyond the evocative words of Belden's, more than I was present to. This added water to my bubbling inner creek of realization that I must immerse myself in dream symbols and subconscious images in this important time of transition in my life.
The book lays out a journey from boyhood to manhood – or perhaps more accurately from bondage to freedom – taking stock of important events, dreams and relationships that made Rick's journey uniquely his. And he binds it all together through the remembrance of his childhood relationship with the Iron Man character. It takes a no holds barred approach, exposing all of the hurt and pain and juice that arose for the author along the way. I had communicated with Rick quite a lot before I got the book – he's a great and generous man – and so I felt a mysterious resonance with the book as I received it. Just looking at the cover art makes my belly heat up, as if there's something here that I understand, but can't quite put words to. The artwork throughout is excellent.
I opened the book again today and realized I could penetrate the poetry more deeply this time – that all the nature work and dream work I've been doing the past few weeks has paid off. I have therefore decided not to pass any sort of final verdict on the book yet. I will keep going deeper with it. Just like dream symbols and archetypes, Rick Belden's poetry asks to be felt through and communicated with. So I will keep doing that for a little while longer before I give you my full review.
Here's a quick poem I relate to, printed with Rick's permission:
Senseless
I'm trying to beat the truth out of myself
beating myself senseless
visualizing world peace
while driving like a maniacRead more about Rick Belden's work while you wait for my final word on this unique collection of poems.
— , Irregular updates ()I want to share this video with you featuring Joseph Campbell speaking on initiation in tribal cultures.
It moved me to notice Joseph's voice crack in an obvious display of emotion around 1:30. He describes the ritual in which a boy gets to defeat the larger-than-life personifications of a malevolent god. The god is really a man of the tribe, and he lets the boy win on purpose. He then takes off his mask and puts it on the boy. All of a sudden, the power which the boy has grown up fearing is his to wield. He has slain the dragon and taken its skin. He can do anything now. Protect the tribe in turn.
Joseph's emotion resonates deeply with me because it reminds me of the beauty and importance of what is going on here. Every time I hear of initiation rites like these, I feel pangs in my heart and a yearning for what never was. Thankfully, it feels different now, having done trainings with the Mankind Project and others.
— , Irregular updates ()If you have something on your heart, or you want support in taking the next steps, I am happy to talk with you about it.
Send a message with the form below to get in contact with me.
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— , Irregular updates ()I've seen much of the rest of the world. It is brutal and cruel and dark, Rome is the light.
— , Irregular updates ()American Beauty is an extraordinary movie that impressed me the first time I saw it many years ago. With the discoveries of my later years, it has taken on entirely new meanings and my appreciation for it has deepened even further. The film does many things well, but what it does best is describe the dire consequences the process of male domestication wreaks on our culture.
The trailer describes the premise of the movie this way: «You see a man who is hardly there,» and then continues «Look closer.» The words suggest there is more to this picture; there is more to Lester Burnham– our protagonist and suburban anti-hero par excellence – than meets the eye.
For deep within this man sleeps, as does he in all men, a wild and hairy primal man. He waits there in his cage, a tiny space surrounded by iron bars hardened with political correctness, dreaming of the day when the sedated man who is his vessel will release him – as a true force of vitality, power and love – back into the world.
Through the course of these two hours of movie magic, Lester Burnham takes us on a riveting journey in which he will steal the key to that cage from under his wife's pillow and set free inside himself the life force that got suppressed when he settled for a life of safety, dishonesty and façade.
But first things first. Let's get to know Lester's world:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aq33c6FhRes
The modern, sedated male
The movie, as you can see, starts off with a sad scene: Lester Burnam jerks off in the shower and tells us it will be the high-point of his day. Combined with his general lack of zestfulness, his morning ejaculation turns him, in the scene that follows, into a slouching bag of flesh and bones contemplating his miserable life in the back seat of a car driven to a job he hates by a wife who despises him.
Says Lester's voiceover in this scene:
Both my wife and daughter think I'm this gigantic loser. And they're right. I have lost something. I'm not exactly sure what it is, but I know I didn't always feel this sedated. But you know what - it's never too late to get it back
The «it» that Lester refers to is the inner Wild Man. The Wild Man archetype that many of us know through Robert Bly's work is the source of vitality and nature connection in men's lives. We disconnect from him by disconnecting from our body and our emotions, retreating into our own intellectual hideout, a crystal palace high up in the sky.
So when we feel depressed, lethargic or «empty» – like Lester Burnham – it's a clue that this primal force inside of us is asleep. We will be disconnected from the big, «dangerous» emotions, such as anger, grief, desire or passion, for they are outside of our control (the Wild cannot be controlled). Again, just like Lester Burnham.
But we men carry so much grief nowadays. It's like a stockpile of sorrow has accumulated in the male lineage ever since since the coming of the Industrial Revolution. The destruction of male ritual and the shaming of Feminism made matters even worse. As a result, many of us are now surrounded by mountains of pain in a barren emotional wasteland, our lives lived as but a pretense of happiness.
Beyond the façade, deep inside, there is a yearning for meaning; there is a yearning for authenticity – for more than superficial conversation about things we really don't give a shit about, fake smiles, suppressed anger and the daily wading in oceans of toxic waste spewed on us by a media who has lost its way. We want our lives back!
Beneath the shield of everyday reality and the «yeah, it's all good»-bullshit that many of us settle for, the yearning runs deep.
So what do we do?
The brave ones among us leave their caves in search for new vistas and Brothers on the path. But the majority sidestep the pain, never leaving the darkness of their own private hole in the ground. And the Wild Man keeps on his hundred-year sleep.
Lester and his ball-busting wife
Lester's wife Carolyn has, partly because of the absence of his inner Wild Man, become a very emotionally shut down woman. She is heavily invested in «projecting an image of success at all times,» but her real-estate business is not going so well. So she's faking it, even her marriage.
For her masculine hard-ass career shell (a shell being an inauthentic psycho-emotional defense structure that covers the vulnerable truth underneath) has made her heart inaccessible to Lester. She is now Lester's very own «ball-buster».
When a woman overdevelops her masculine energy as a protection mechanism, she strengthens her own shadow Warrior and often triggers the shadow Lover in her man, which is happening big time with Lester. That's why he feels so sedated – it's a characteristic of the passive pole of the shadow Lover, the impotent Lover. So is his sexual frustration.
Lester and Carolyn are a template of the modern equality ideal: He is emasculated and without direction and she is hardened and career-obsessed. And as most depolarized couples, they make each other want to puke. They both know theirs is a bullshit marriage. All façade and no joy.
Does this sound familiar? If not, read David Deida.
With the Wild Man's sleep so deep, what could possibly wake him up? For Lester Burnham, it will take a blonde teenager named Angela.
Lester's angel of mercy makes him hard for life
When Lester meets Angela for the first time, he turns into a mumbling, pubescent fool. His daughter Jane is embarassed, but what she doesn't know is that Angela is about to revive her father's zest for life.
For she stands before Lester like a godsent angel of mercy and as he lies in bed that night, bathed in the afterglow of having witnessed perfection in female form, he smiles as rose-petals rain from the ceiling and his voiceover tells us «I feel like I've been in a coma for about 20 years and I'm just now waking up».
Lester's inner sexual circuitry has been rekindled; his coma is over and his hard-on is back. Now all he wants is to fuck Angela. In fact, right now it may be just about the only thing he cares about in life.
But as his obsession over the narcissistic, aspiring model develops, it becomes something more, it becomes a hard-on for life itself. He starts working out again. He breaks free of his soul-stealing job, demonstrating in the process his ability to surprise himself by blackmailing his employer for a full year's wages. He says FUCK IT to social convention and starts pursuing his dream – and it includes buying himself a red Pontiac Firebird (remember the Red Knight from the myths?).
But most importantly, he starts breaking free from Carolyn's grip on his balls.
My perhaps most favourite scene in the movie demonstrates so well the sort of socially unacceptable behaviour that may need to take place when a sedated man (akin to David Deida's 2nd stage of development) reintegrates the primal RED of the first stage. Becoming authentic may require smashing some plates on the way. Let's have a look at this hilarious spectacle:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYA4a2l1loM
Look at Lester come back to life! Isn't it invigorating? Note how Carolyn tells him to speak to their daughter about his day. Note how she does so with the intent of shaming him. And note how he refuses to be shamed and launches into telling Jane about his day with enthusiasm and energy.
A woman can wield enormous power over a man in her ability to shame him and when we break free from that, as Lester does here, life is a different landscape. One in which we know ourselves and our own desire. For freedom – and for women.
What is somewhat unintuitive about this is that while our partner and the world may not like us in our process of breaking free, they will often like us after we have emerged on the other side as self-liberated, self-fulfilled men (if not, it's definitely time to move on).
Say you have a wife who wants you to change. When you start changing, she may not seem to support you at first, even though it's what she wanted all along. For very few people like change when it at first starts happening. But once the metamorphosis is complete, she will probably be a very happy woman.
It may not be fair, but it's reality. And when the man emerges on that other side, he will have taken back his balls, now free to reclaim his desire, both for the woman who previously controlled him and life itself. That is what happens in the following scene where Lester yet again desires his wife:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9bbYkIM9w0
There is some cause for mourning in this scene, for we see in Carolyn her desire to really surrender to the moment and her subsequent inability to do so due to the possibility of a beer spill on her couch. She cannot embrace that which she truly wants because she is too cut off from herself. And it pains and confuses her.
There's too much beauty in the world
As the plot develops, we see façades dropping all over the place. Everyone has a secret, whether it's the homophobic Col Frank Fitt's desire for Lester, Carolyn's feelings of being a total failure or Angela's lack of sexual experience.
This is where the movie really shines, for it is here that we start to see that everyone in this small universe is so into maintaining their façade that none of them are really alive. For in the world of façade, everything is materialism, even the people who you supposedly love.
There is only one person in the whole of this suburban repression-land that sees through the veil – Ricky Fitts, Jane's boyfriend and son of Col. Fitts. His eyes are blessed with the ability to see the beauty which is hidden to others. And with his video camera, he collects beauty, little gems for future reference. That the only access to true beauty in the movie at first is through Ricky's movie camera seems to be deeply symbolic.
At any rate, the silent whisper that starts making itself heard in the background of the movie speaks of the inherent beauty of humanity. It speaks of all the crap we do to embellish ourselves to fight our sense of being ugly and how that takes us further away from the beauty of our innermost nature.
The movie points towards a compassionate, soft and loving beauty that vibrates through all of Creation. Ricky is tuned into that beauty, through his mature Lover archetype, as is made so abundantly clear from the famous plastic bag scene.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BZPf-BOnuZ0
And perhaps it is so that the beauty which surrounds us, the love which runs so deep, is just so intense that we can't deal with it? That if we were to look at it squarely in the eye, we would be rendered undone by the brightness of what we saw?
Perhaps we do self-help courses and all kinds of practices because we don't dare to look directly, that we want to feel that beauty only in ways which are under our control, so that we won't be forced to let go and love beyond reason? God help us if we felt it all, right? If we dared to be vulnerable, dared to be ourselves. Wouldn't that be the end of us, our frail little egos and strategies for life mastery?
Wouldn't that just be the end of the search altogether? And what, if anything, is a man without a search?
Lester's final freedom
After having undertaken his Wild Man rebellion, Lester's heart opens wide. Understand that the Wild Man is a force of violence in no man. It is rather a force of truth. He is not afraid to stand up for love and authenticity if such is necessary, and in his intimate connectedness with nature, he gives his vessel the ability to recognize beauty.
Having broken a plate or two, Lester is now a completely different and a much more authentic man.
His final breakthrough into fully mature manhood comes when he gets his chance to make love to Angela, the moment for which he has yearned. When she lies there naked in front of him, she softens into her vulnerability and admits that she is a virgin who is afraid that she won't be good enough for him. As seems to be the norm, most of her life has been a façade and Lester is the one to bring her into her own truth.
Let's have a look at the scene:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVFmHKDFJtA
For Lester, we intuit that this moment is like his final jolt out of boyhood. His heart is rendered open and his illusions surrounding Angela shatter into a thousand pieces. He no more wants to fuck her, for he is tuning into the feelings of care and compassion for this young and troubled girl that were appropriate all along. The boy that Lester was wanted to take her for his own selfish reasons.
The man that Lester has become is a steward of the Feminine and wishes for her to be happy and healed of her own inner wounds. Selfish sex is never high on a man's agenda. He has ceased the practice of wanting to masturbate with a female body.
It seems to me that the Wild Man can be said to be, when mapped over to the KWML archetypal system, an amalgamation of primarily Warrior and Lover energy. Lester has now taken the archetypal journey, with the help of Warrior energy, from the impotent Lover through to the addicted Lover and ended up in the fully integrated mature Lover.
He has taken a journey of King energy as well, and this archetype that cares for and wants to bless the people around him, as well as the child inside, has come online. Arriving at maturity, Lester realizes it was never really about Angela. It was about being happy with himself, feeling free to express his own inner power and beauty and being in compassionate, joyful relationship with his own innermost being.
Truly, it never is about the woman; it's about our own relationship with ourselves. That is the source of true Love, the wellspring from which all gifts in relationship flow. That too is where the divine spark – the true Beauty – in us resides. And that realization leads us to the words that have been uttered by many a wise one in the past – a relationship is not a good place to get something, but an amazing place to co-create something.
When Angela asks Lester how he is, he replies, to his own wonderment «I am great.» The innocence and surprise in his face is, as you can see, profound and priceless. Lester, in his recognition of being fundamentally okay, even happy, with himself, finally experiences in himself authentic love and freedom. The façade is gone, the American Beauty real at last.
Conclusion
I read somewhere, it must have been the words of Bly or Moore, about how weakened the Lover archetype has become in our society. We are afraid of real beauty or we have just lost our ability to perceive it. Paintings by the masters are sold for millions, but the people who buy them cannot appreciate them – they merely buy them for status and the good investment.
People go in hordes to plastic surgeons, though recognition of their inner beauty eludes them even when the scalpel has done its job and they're sown back together. Nature meets us with its magnificence, but we cannot see it, for we visualize in it rural development or feeding grounds for cattle. Beauty is lost on us and all that is left is façade.
When roses are tended, as in early parts of this movie, to make the gardener look good to her neighbor, they lose their beauty.
For men, the Lover archetype, the deep psychic energy that allows us our recognition of beauty, is particularly challenging, for it can trigger fears of being feminine. Recognizing beauty can in many men even trigger fears that they're turning gay.
Much macho posturing is sourced in this fear. Instead, these men become trapped in shadow expressions of Lover energy, addicted or impotent.
American Beauty, through the example of Ricky's eyes and Lester's journey, is a clarion call to re-embrace authentic beauty in our lives – to dare to see and express the beauty which is already inherent.
And it indicates to us that to do that without feeling he is losing his balls, a man must be able to access authentic Wild Man energy. It appears that a man can only recognize beauty truthfully if he is also able to be angry, to grieve, to say "fuck you".
When all is said and done, the real challenge is to be authentic. Authenticity holds within it all of the archetypes. And whether it's your fear of expressing appreciation of beauty or to speak your truth to the woman you've chosen, you know very well all the ways in which you're bullshitting yourself.
— , Irregular updates ()Note: This movie review is not so much pointing at ways to discover our authentic masculinity as it is pointing at the tragic stories that play out in its absence.
Thank you, Terry
Jack is about to be let back out into society after serving his sentence and Terry is the rehabilition worker who is put on the case to make the transition into freedom go as smoothly as possible. In the opening scene, Terry gifts Jack with a pair of Nike Escape trainers. Jack is rendered speechless and with tears in his eyes embraces Terry while expressing a truly heartfelt "thank you". From this opening scene, we can infer two things: 1: Jack is not the murdering type and 2: Jack has never experienced this level of kindness before.
A strong relationship form between these two from the get-go and Terry refers to him as «my nephew Jack» when he introduces him to Kelly, the woman whose room Jack now moves into. Terry assures him that everything will be okay and ironically a policecar will keep watch over him this first night of freedom. This is not mere nicety from the long arm of the law; as the movie later shows, Philip - the boy Jack was with when they murdered the girl - has already been killed by a lynch mob.
Absent fathers: A recipe for murder
The story is told with intermittent flashbacks to Jack's childhood, the time when he was still going by the name of Eric Wilson (Jack Burridge is his new identity, taken to protect him from the media and the mobs). We see that his mother is dying of cancer and that his father is not offering much in the way of love to either of them. Although very little is said about him, it is implied that he is a man who is so overwhelmed by the fact that his wife is dying that he has completely shut down.
Eric is a lost and insecure kid. He falters through school, much to the dismay of his female teacher who shames him for not being good enough. When he is out and about, a posse of boys pester and abuse him. And when he finally gets home, it does not present a shelter, for it reeks of death and lost love. Eric has no safe haven in life.
Enter Philip. It is clear that Philip has more of an «evil streak» in him than Eric does. There is something about his eyes, not to mention that he pummels the three kids that have been bothering Eric all by himself. Eric smiles with relief and appreciates that someone is finally standing up for him. A bond between them forms.
On a huge lawn under the blazing sun, Philip out of the blue asks Eric «have you ever been fucked by a guy?» He reveals that he has been raped regularly by his older brother for a long time. At this point, we can conclude that neither of these boys are experiencing a safe childhood, and none of them have had a father figure to look up to. And as research shows, boys with absent fathers, be they emotionally absent or physically absent, are more likely to become criminals. What is soon about to happen is observable in our statistics.
Jack, Chris and the healing properties of the White Whale
Jack is doing well. Terry has set him up with a job for a logistics company where the boyish, but sympathetic Chris fast becomes his closest friend. And then there is the lovely secretary Michelle - «The White Whale». She is a kind and gentle woman and there's nothing particularly whale-y about her. And when she asks Jack when he's going to ask her out for a drink, he is left totally dumbfounded. On the other side of some embarassing episodes and challenges and support from his friends, Jack finally does.
What Jack may not be aware of is easy for a trained eye to see: Michelle is a woman with amazing healing qualities. She has an abundance of feminine light, enormous tolerance for others and an incredibly strong nurturing side. She is clearly much more mature than Jack, so why exactly she wants to be with him is a little unclear. I speculate that she awakens in him her mothering instinct. In the deep of her, perhaps she desires to heal him and to be healed in return by the man that will emerge through their love. A good woman knows to appreciate a man with a good heart, and Jack does have a good heart.
I see this dynamic quite clearly for it is not unlike what happened early in my own previous relationship. And just like Jack crumbles in a teary mess on her bosom when he realizes he is loved by her, so once did I (the path to a true and authentic masculinity is often far from macho). The beauty and gifts of the bright side of the feminine are extraordinary (as are those of the dark side, though they require a stronger man than Jack) and they are melting through Jack's layers of tension.
After Jack and Michelle make love for the first time, Chris and Jack are out on the job, driving some stuff somewhere. Chris teases Jack and seems delighted that Jack got lucky. Then suddenly Jack spots a carwreck on the side of the road. The little girl inside lives, but the man who drove it – I assume it was her father – is dead. The father who is in the driver's seat is dead. It is quite a symbolic scene.
Chris and Jack are heroes. And while noone knows Jack's true identity at this point, Jack starts to feel into whether now is the time to come clean, for he has just redeemed himself by saving the life of this girl. He considers speaking out both to Chris and to Michelle, but no songs of childhood mistakes, shattered dreams and lost youth reach their ears. For Terry knows the ways of the world better than Jack and tells him there's a bounty on his head. Noone must know.
The return of Terry's lost son
One day, Terry's son stands on the porch with a small bag in his hand. Terry lost him to his mother when they separated, which we know is relatively normal when couples split up today. The rebellion against the masculine in the last 50 years of our culture has contributed to the idea that mothers are better equipped to raise a child than fathers. Further strengthening the mother's case in child distribution cases are the emphasis on the idealized beauty of the bond between mother and child as well as the suppressed shadow of the misandric agenda.
And as is well known by those who have studied the evolution of boys, mothers ARE better equipped to raise children – to raise sons – for the first years of his life. But then there comes a time when the mother must take the boy's hand and lead him to the bridge of adolescence, where the father waits with love and patience, takes his hand, and walks him over to the shore of adulthood. A boy can never become a man without a father, or at least a fatherly figure.
This is little understood by many modern women (I think especially single mothers), which may lead them to energetically feed on their sons and resist with tremendous force their journey into adulthood. It's natural enough – mothers don't want to lose their sons – but it's also selfish and destructive to deny a boy his manhood because you are uncomfortable with it. More destructive still is to use your son as ally, alibi and crutch in the battle against men.
Terry's son tells him that he doesn't speak with his mother much. This is a normal reaction when a son has not had a father to take him across that proverbial bridge. The son is still stuck on the wrong shore, struggling to sever the energetic merger with mother he intuits must happen. But he cannot sever it alone, cannot walk across that long and treacherous bridge alone. For the path across is fraught with danger that only a father can fend off, lest the boy run back to his mother every time it gets scary.
So since Terry's son has not had the chance to take this most essential journey, he has turned into an apathetic and depressed young man. We may do well to understand that the connection with mother is the basis for a boy's feelings of intimacy and safety, while the connection with father is connected with feelings of value. The son's feelings of worthlessness are a clear testament to the lacking relationship with his father. Terry is worried.
A monster, dad. A monster over me!
Jack has turned into an object of the fatherly feelings that Terry never got to express with his biological son. He has served as a replacement of sorts after his son's mother, backed by society, took him from his life. But now, there he is - with mixed emotions: Happy to be with his father and angry that he wasn't there for him.
There are only losers in this story: A father who didn't get to see his son because his mother stopped him; a son who is lost in life because his father wasn't there to guide him safely through adolescence; a mother who has lost contact with her son because he is trying to cut the ties that holds him captive in the prison of his own undeveloped boyhood. This is not mere fiction – for thousands – perhaps millions – it is hard reality.
While having a drinking binge with his son, Terry mutters in a drunken stupor «I love you, Jack. You're my greatest fucking achievement.» Faced with a father who he feels loves another boy more than himself, the son decides to act. He blows Jack's cover and everything that Terry has worked for crumbles.
In the scene where Terry confronts his son, some very important dialogue takes place. Terry: «Do you have any idea what this has cost me. Do you have any idea what this has cost that boy?» Son: «And what did he cost me? Him and the others, what did they cost my mum?»
Him and the others. He speaks of men. It is a statement from which we can deduce the following: Terry's son doesn't trust men, in all likelihood because he has been poisoned by his mother's emotional hostility towards them. He now needs a loving father figure to extract the toxin from his veins and to discover his true identity. But since he is so used to identifying with the victimhood of his mother and the bitterness towards his father (and thus all men), he now takes the role of victim himself, rejecting the healing that could be his. Instead of being truly vulnerable, he plays the role as mother's white knight and the unholy alliance against Dad plays out.
Though it is true – he is in a way a victim, but not of Jack or Terry, but of a society that thinks men are bad and of a mother who refused his connection to the source of true masculine identity by denying him access to father. This is a morally justifiable decision if you can make yourself believe that men are bad, which is essentially what the cultural elite thinks in the Western world. There they go on their white knight missions, destroying and undermining the paths of growth for boys while thinking they are doing them a favour. Make no mistake – they honestly believe that this is a good thing. That is the reality they see. This is why you almost never see a man today who is animating his full masculine potential – society doesn't want him to (for he will surely end up killing someone or destroying something). This scene is incredibly sad and shakes me up every time I watch it.
Jack is now a fugitive.
Boys: Scum is what you are!
We see the consequence of the anti-male attitude in society in the tragic scene where the girl is murdered. She despises boys, thinks they are scum. She seems to consider girls as inherently better. And since Philip is such a broken boy, he snaps and ends her life, with an unwilling and confused Eric (Jack) as his complicit. It is of course a tragedy that the life of this young girl ends in such a way (and we are watching a piece of fiction), but we must be brave enough to admit that had she not been so aggressive, it would not have happened. She wasn't quite the beautiful angel she was professed to be in the court proceedings.
Girls often aren't the beautiful little angels that they are painted out to be. Of course, from nature they can be – they will be – but contemporary society generally has a negative effect on their character, giving them so much special treatment that many end up being self-involved little princesses; narcissistic girls who have mastered the craft of choosing when to be powerful and when to be victim. The suffering they and those around them experience as a consequence is enormous. For this girl, it leads to her death.
It's not just the girl who thinks the boys are scum. So does the grown ups in the court proceedings. When children who haven't even hit adolescence are labelled evil, as they are here, we as a society are spreading the disease of irresponsibility. Because it conveniently allows us to sidestep the tough question: Why did it happen?
If we are to move one step closer to truth, we must recognize that human ignorance, fear and woundedness are enormous in our world. We must see that many people don't have it in them to live life as responsible and ethical human beings and that these people have children. Now we have little people who must find their own way through life, because Mommy and Daddy are not capable of showing them the road. They may be too busy, too shut down or maybe they are simply not that interested.
The result? A generation of lost and/or self-involved boys and girls who try to squeeze happiness out of a world without meaning (thank you, postmodernism). What we're doing isn't working. People are hurting.
Conclusion
Boy A is a powerful and beautiful movie. It is also an extraordinarily brave movie, because it shows with such raw vulnerability the extent of the problem that broken father-son-relationships cause individuals and society. And while the armies of the politically correct are not the ones who broke them in the first place (Robert Bly suggests that it was caused by the industrialization of society, where father home for factories), they are supposed to be the ones to set things right. But the politically correct are not out to set things right – they are out to propagate an ideology that places white men as the main culprits of all problems in the history of the world, and women, girls and people of colour as their victims.
That means that, in the worldview of the politically correct cultural elite, as a white man, I am to blame. And if you are a white man, so are you. For all the suffering in the history of humanity. It is crazy and it is untrue. And we gotta speak up about that. For when we don't, we fail to place the blame where blame is due – the ever-fickle human nature; fear and ignorance in both men and women – and thus we fail to learn from our mistakes. For ourselves and for the Jacks of the world, it is time to learn from our mistakes. And truth be told, even though we may be better off than Jack, perhaps what many of us need is exactly a rehabilitation worker like Terry. A man who can help us find our freedom. Find your freedom.
— , Irregular updates ()Hi and welcome to Masculinity-Movies.com.
I know this much about you: You read Integral Europe's newsletter. That leads me to conclude that you are familiar with Ken Wilber, most likely Spiral Dynamics, and perhaps even David Deida. Also, since you probably take some time off every fortnight from reading Sex, Ecology, Spirituality for the 13th time, you probably have some familiarity with movies.
That makes me happy, because I made this site for people such as yourself; especially if you are a man. So brothers (and sisters), this is my take: I believe there is a crisis in masculinity in the world's more progressive cultures. Feminism, green, postmodernism, anti-hierarchical systems...you probably know them all by heart.
In this cultural context, it's hard to be a man. If you don't know what I'm talking about, for the time being just trust me on this. How could it not be? We have stripped out virtually all systems and rituals from our culture that could take a boy and his psycho-emotional makeup into the vast realms of Manhood. Why? I believe it is because we fear men. We fear masculinity when it's channeled by a man (in women, apparently, it's okay), and we consciously or unconsciously condemn boys en masse to a lifetime of adolescence, thinking we are doing something humane and ethical.
I don't know about you, but I don't think this is exactly a good idea. In fact, I think it is damaging on an epic scale. Boys will not be able to weather the storms that the coming years will bring. Whenever such a boy feels called to stand up for the truth, he will fear the power of that energy that calls him to action, and shrink back into oblivion. This is the dramatic result of the shaming men have been put through for the past several decades: We fear our power.
But just like the future needs true women, it most definitely also needs true men. Men of courage, compassion and vitality, who are willing to penetrate the world with their truth and direction, for the betterment of all mankind. I'd rather not think about the alternative.
With this website, I hope to bring awareness to the importance of this process, as well as inspire men to connect with their balls, re-embody themselves, and move ahead with firm determination. And I hope to do so by go deeper with many important movies.
I thank you for being here and suggest you go to the movie database to see if there's anything which you'd like to look into more deeply. If not, post a suggestion as to what you'd like to see featured here, and I'd be happy to oblige. Or maybe you'd like to check out some of the articles, just read my blog, or read more about the people behind the project.
Okay, very good. Let's get this show on the road.
— Eivind Figenschau Skjellum
founder of Masculinity-Movies.com
— , Irregular updates ()The idea to create Masculinity-Movies.com came about during a time of intense study on what it meant to be a man. This is a question I've struggled with most of my adult life and this confusion has caused me to go through times of intense inner turmoil and depression.
But the process has brought results and at this point, I was trying to find a way to juggle masculine and feminine energies and forms of expression in my life in a way that was beneficial for everyone.
At the same time, I felt a growing need to share my own voice in this wilderness, and it seemed directly connected with my own sense of well being.
There was just one problem.
I had no idea what to say.
I was working on my Norwegian translation for The Way of The Superior Man by David Deida (still in progress) and applying it in the relationship with my lover, with great results. As the two of us spent some quiet quality time together watching films in her flat, the answer to the question that had plagued me for a long while – "how can I bring this material to the world in my own unique way?" came pulsing through the shimmering TV screen.
In the middle of the unlikeliest of films – Erin Brockovich and Mrs. Doubtfire – it dawned on me, and Masculinity-Movies.com was born.
Why do modern men need to learn about masculinity? Don't we already have it covered? Aren't we already tuned in, turned on and aligned with truth in every way that matters? If my own life experience is anything to go by, the answer is definitely no.
Modern men struggle.
Most of us haven't found anything truly worth living (or dying) for and spend our days working to fulfill the visions of other men (and increasingly women), and most of these visions aren't even that great. In relationship, many of us find ourselves overpowered by our women, unable to stand up for our own rights in the relationship and instead choose to succumb to the apathy of just tolerating her.
We haven't yet discovered our core strength, that reservoir of loving and wise warrior energy that each and every one of us deep down know we carry inside of us. Modern men need help. Trouble is – most of us don't want it. The idea that a man needing help is a weak man is cementing his weakness. It's a challenging place to be culturally, and we need to do something about it. This website is my small part in that large process.
My wish for Masculinity-Movies.com is that it not only become a resource for in-depth movie analysis through the lens of masculine evolution, but that it becomes a resource central outlining the different guided paths of masculine evolution that are available in the world today. Through honing in on the themes of the respective films, I will offer resources – specific practices, and pointers to men's groups, workshops, teachers etc - so that this growth becomes possible in our very own lives.
I hope you enjoy your time here. By reading this, you've proven that you're one of the still relatively few men out there looking to better himself for the benefit of all. It's men like you who will make the tide turn for the better.
For this, I thank you. AND – I wish to get to know you.
Eivind Figenschau Skjellum
Masculinity-Movies.com founder
Hi everyone! In this interview, our first new content on Masculinity-Movies.com for more than two years, you will meet Kevin Latham, the man responsible for our upcoming review of "Logan" and for overseeing the future developments of this website. So without further ado, let's meet mr Latham!— , Irregular updates ()Who are you, Kevin?
I'm a self-taught artist, writer and poet – as well as a committed advocate of holistic self-development. I've always felt the urge to use my skills to inspire and nurture others, and so in addition to producing creative work that aims to enrich people's lives, I've worked as a support worker for the homeless, ex-offenders, substance abusers, adults with learning difficulties and other marginalised groups.What drew you to Masculinity-Movies.com?
I was directed to the site by my long-standing friend and occasional collaborator, David Schofield – who is a graduate of the Reclaim Your Inner Throne program. He felt that writing for the website could be a great opportunity to hone my skills and hasten my development – as well as making a valuable contribution to a thriving community of men committed to positive change. I think he was right!I know you took some time reaching your decision to get involved. What tipped the scales towards YES?
I found the prospect of writing for Masculinity-Movies.com intriguing from the outset – having always been a bit of a film-buff, the idea of reviewing movies was immediately appealing to me – and the knowledge that I'd be evaluating those movies through an archetypal lens peaked my interest further. Having a number of strings to my creative bow, however, I had some other projects jostling for my attention and didn't immediately give the concept the eagle-eyed focus it deserves. It was only when I actually viewed the site and started thinking about how I might approach the material that I became really excited by the project's potential. For some time now I've been re-evaluating my beliefs and cultural orientation in light of the new (or old!) knowledge that I now have at my disposal. I had not, however, applied this knowledge specifically to the cinematic arena, and contemplating the films I might be interested in reviewing, I was quite shocked to discover that I didn't have to think very hard to extract multi-faceted layers of meaning from their narratives that only a short time ago would've remained hidden to me. I don't mean to suggest that teasing this stuff out is an easy business mind - upon closer inspection it then became apparent that I could peer deeper and deeper into the allegorical well, identifying evermore complex and subtle shapes bubbling up from its subterranean recesses. It's this limitless process o exploration that I find so compelling – there's really no cap on its potential for inspiration.I know you have been on a journey of change yourself. Could you share a little about it?
I guess you could say that until recently, I'd confined my thinking to a pretty limited and insular political prism. I had other interests and influences – but I didn't really allow them to alter the terrain of my psychological landscape. Having been born and raised in Wales, at the height of Thatcher's neoliberal revolution – I was brought up with staunchly socialist values and a pretty virulent attitude towards the political class that had instigated that policy drive – a tectonic shift that devastated the lives of working class communities throughout the region. My dad was an extremely capable, intelligent and versatile man – a man of the old school, who favoured action over communication and whose sense of self-worth rested upon his ability to perform practical tasks and provide for his family. He also possessed a tremendously strong work ethic – even by the standards of his generation – and so when his dogged determination failed to free us from the poverty trap we were caught in, it proved to be a source of great pain, resentment and bitterness for him. My mum, on the other hand, suffered from bipolar disorder and was hospitalised on several occasions due to a series of psychotic breaks – exacerbated if not caused by the pressures of an unstable economic life. Given these experiences – and the fact that I exhibited strong leanings towards openness and sensitivity from the outset, it was inevitable that I would identify with the plight of the poor and the disenfranchised – and seek to redress these injustices by means of left-leaning political solutions. Learning more about the corruption and injustice permeating our contemporary socio-economic systems only solidified these predispositions – and although my hunger for change prompted me to devour texts on the subjects of politics, economics, ecology, spirituality and philosophy – I failed to recognise that my studies were causing me to become increasingly one-sided in my outlook. I was steadily succumbing to a cultural tribalism that prompted me to repress fundamental aspects of my own nature. This reaped a pretty appalling toll on me – like my mum before me, I was gripped by mental illness – suffering from horrifically debilitating bouts of clinical anxiety and HPPD (Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder – a nightmarish visual trip that persisted long after the chemical effects of a particular batch of psilocybin mushrooms had worn off). Though these experiences were not altogether 'bad' (even at their worst, I could see that they were opening me up to new ways of perceiving the world – and even the nature of reality itself) they were extraordinarily frightening – having no idea if I would ever make it back to a normative plain of consciousness. It was the psychoanalytic practices of Carl Jung – whose direct experience of subconscious phenomena correlated so strongly with my own – that allowed me to wade through the psychic soup pervading my waking life and rejoin the land of the living. Interestingly enough, my mum always attributed her recovery to Jung's work too – and so I represent the second generation of my family to be wrenched from the clutches of the underworld by the psychiatrist's visionary mythological teachings. I have since dedicated myself to the exploration of archetypal structures in psychology, mythology, indigenous practices and contemporary culture – and found, to my great surprise – that I share far more in common with those on the 'other side' of the political divide than I ever imagined. I now aim to focus on the ties that bind each of us together, rather than the competing forces that set us apart – and though I inevitably still posses personal and political views of my own – my focus is firmly upon encouraging others' process of individuation, and facilitating constructive dialogue, compromise and reconciliation amongst people of all cultural creeds and dispositions.What is your vision for your involvement with Masculinity-Movies.com?
Having established a greater sense of balance within myself as a result of the unveiling and application of archetypal structures in psychology and mythology, it's my hope that Masculinity-Movies.com can be a potent catalyst for the same process in other men. Cinema is a wonderfully accessible medium – too easily dismissed as a superfluous or trivial distraction; but even the most simplistic escapist fare depends upon an inexplicably dense foundation of archetypal imagery for its success. I want to mine this imagery, extracting the nuggets of gold nestled within its crevices – to alert men everywhere to the precious materials they already possess. To this end I'll be exploring a pretty varied canon, ranging from the classic to the contemporary - primarily examining material that already has a high profile within the public sphere, but also occasionally drawing visitor's attention to works that may be less familiar to them (either older movies or indie/foreign language films – providing additional cultural context to the exploration of masculinity in cinema, by examining the similarities and differences in the way that alternative cultures broach the subject).You have decided to write your first review on "Logan". Why?
Well, firstly, it's awesome! I really feel that it's a creative triumph – a movie that operates equally well as both a scintillating comic-book action flick and a deeply reflective, thematically rich and intricately nuanced work of art. So, in-keeping with each of these traditions, it oozes mythological symbolism from every pore! Add to that Jackman's brooding, belligerent – but essentially honourable – portrayal of the ageing (and ailing) Wolverine, and we're afforded an irresistible opportunity to peel away the Warrior's adamantium armour and inspect the bones that lie beneath it. What more could you ask for in a Masculine Movie?Do you have anything else you'd like to share?
Only that I would like the site's audience to feel that it belongs to them every bit as much as it does to me. Whilst I hope that reader's find my analyses of movies and masculinity insightful and provocative, I don't claim to be an authoritative expert on either subject. It's therefore my heartfelt wish that this site becomes a truly collaborative venture – and that others will feel compelled to contribute their own thoughts and observations to it – growing not only as individuals, but as a supportive community of movie-mad men! I feel certain that this project can be a tremendous vehicle for integrative growth – but it can only achieve its full potential with your support and input. So, I urge everyone who's interested to get involved and flex their film-reviewing muscles. Let's set out on this hero's journey together – and have plenty of fun along the way! ------ I'm grateful to Kevin for taking on this responsibility and to Reclaim your Inner Throne alumni David Schofield for making the connection. (if you want to get to know Kevin better, you can check out his spoken word Youtube Channel) Eivind, Masculinity-Movies.com founder
a:8:{s:8:"location";a:2:{i:0;a:1:{i:0;a:3:{s:5:"param";s:9:"post_type";s:8:"operator";s:2:"==";s:5:"value";s:12:"movie-quotes";}}i:1;a:1:{i:0;a:3:{s:5:"param";s:13:"post_category";s:8:"operator";s:2:"==";s:5:"value";s:14:"category:quote";}}}s:8:"position";s:6:"normal";s:5:"style";s:7:"default";s:15:"label_placement";s:3:"top";s:21:"instruction_placement";s:5:"label";s:14:"hide_on_screen";s:0:"";s:11:"description";s:0:"";s:12:"show_in_rest";i:0;}— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()This video trips me out big time. If you can watch this without squirming, you have some big-ass cojones.
There are a lot of invisible male heroes out there. They make society go around. And they don't any credit for it.
— , Irregular updates ()Hello friends,
I’ve been negligent with this site and this community lately. I’m sorry, but I’m planning something bigger that you will hear about soon and the smaller stuff has been falling by the wayside.
In order to keep more in touch with my community – you guys and gals – I’ve decided to start creating Facebook posters of inspiring quotes from movies I’ve reviewed. It’s a way to say “hi, I’m still here” while hopefully also inspiring you. If some of them go viral, I won’t mind
I’m experiencing a deepening connection to nature lately. I recently went into the woods and felt my heart explode to the point of me almost vanishing. And then I started weeping. For a LONG time. A constant stream of tears of gratitude. I sat on a wood stump overlooking the green early summer fields of the place I was born, and the vibrant, lush beauty overwhelmed me.
As I sat there, I felt a huge commitment to this planet stir in the depths of my soul. The tears took on a different texture – tears of despair, of sacred anger and disbelief “what the FUCK are we doing to this planet?”. A sort of neo-tribal sacred warriorship is growing in me as I feel into this agonizing inquiry.So I’ve decided to make this first poster about our planet and it’s accompanied by a quote from Avatar, reviewed here on the site by Marten Sims.
This first one is the first and last to be published on the site. The remaining ones will be published on the Masculinity-Movies Facebook page.
— , Irregular updates ()The most profound developmental experiences and relationships in the life of a man are his initiations and his mentors. His initiations carry him over the threshold into a new world of possibility and responsibility. His mentors literally bring out the best in him. In urban contemporary society we have eliminated most forms of masculine initiation. Some professions such as the military still value the role of initiation, but by and large boys are left to initiate themselves through risk-taking and violent behavior. The problem is that boys can't initiate other boys. For that you need a mentor.
In films the role of initiation and mentoring is still an important element. Many films portray initiation as a kind of clumsy and obvious process of a boy becoming a man. The 1996 film "The Ghost and the Darkness," takes a more sophisticated approach. It shows us not an immature boy needing to become a man, but a self-assured and confident man who is capable and good at what he does who is presented with a challenge unlike anything he has had face before. The film reminds us that initiation is not a one-time affair, but something we will experience again and again as we grow and evolve from one level to the next.
The story, set in 1898 in British East Africa, begins with Col. John Henry Patterson (played by Val Kilmer) being hired to build a critical railroad bridge at Tsavo. Patterson is capable and confident. He is a good engineer, a clever and inventive thinker, a good manager and a decent man. What he faces shortly after arriving at Tsavo are a pair of man-eating, male lions who are hunting and killing the workers constructing the bridge. He tries to solve the lion problem with all the skills he has, but he is faced with something beyond his level of skill.
Enter the Mentor
Actually there are two mentors in this film. There is a shadow mentor in the form of the wealthy railroad owner who hires him to build the bridge, Robert Beaumont (played by Tom Wilkinson). Beaumont is a bully with a massive ego, but he does bring the initiation to Patterson and when Patterson is unable to deal with the lion problem because he is at the edge of his current level of skills, it is Beaumont who summons a real mentor for Patterson in the form of Charles Remington (played by Michael Douglas).
Remington is an older man and veteran hunter. He mentors Patterson in a number of ways, but three specific moments in the film stand out. If one wanted to learn how to mentor younger men, the lessons that Remington brings would be highly useful.
The First Lesson
Remington first appears when Patterson's ability to keep order and confidence among his workers is breaking down. He has tried reason and negotiation, but, in this setting of fear run rampant (the workers have come to believe the lions are supernatural beings or demons), reason is not enough. Remington wades into the conflict and puts a gun to the head of the leader among the workers who is threatening Patterson.
He knows that in the world of real leadership, where lives are on the line, that sometimes fear can only be overcome by embodying a greater form of fear. He is willing to become that greater form of fear for the workers. His steely confidence and nerve, his willingness to kill, and his unpredictability become a more immediate and galvanizing source of fear among the workers. When the lead worker tries to tell him about the men's fear of the lions by saying that the devil has come to Tsavo, he agrees: "You're right. The Devil has come. Look at me. I am the Devil."
And then, the moment after the lead worker backs down, Remington breaks the tension himself by extending his hand. He is willing to do what is necessary to resolve the situation, but he is also sensitive enough to know when, for the moment, the tension has shifted. He models for Patterson a component of leadership that is lacking in the younger man-that ability to get men to move when moving is more critical than the direction they choose.
The Second Lesson
The next lesson comes around the campfire, the night before the big lion hunt. Remington has brought a group of Masai warriors with him to hunt the lion. He has also asked Patterson to come with him. Patterson is not afraid to go and is not trying to avoid going but because of Remington's prowess as a hunter, Patterson questions why the older man wants him to accompany him.
Patterson: "I have to ask, why do you need me?"
Remington: "I don't really. But understand something- even though it may take me two or three days to sort this out, but when I'm gone, you'll still have to build the bridge. And I don't want the men to have lost respect for you."
Remington is clearly conscious of more than accomplishing the task he has been hired to do and he isn't pathologically attached to the image of himself as "leader." He is mentoring Patterson with honesty and respect.
At the end of the evening around the fire, Remington stands and stretches. The Masai warriors have a separate fire and have begun dancing around it in a slow, strong procession. Remington informs Patterson and the other men around the fire that he is going to go join the Masai.
Remington: "I'm going to join those men and see if we can't convince ourselves that we're brave."
Dr. Hawthorne: "I wouldn't have thought that would be a problem for you."
Remington: "Well, you always hope it won't be, (pause) but you never really know."
This admission is really aimed at Patterson. It is the reflection of an older man who knows that young men often do foolish things while trying to act brave. He is willing to admit that even he never knows for certain when fear is going to arise and what it's affect might be. Remington does not want Patterson to ignore or repress his fear, but to own that fear and still choose to act decisively.
The third lesson
The next day, during the hunt itself. Remington and the Masai are driving the lion into a thicket. Patterson waits on the other side in case the lion breaks into the open and he can get a clear shot. Unbeknownst to Remington, Patterson has accepted Dr. Hawthorne's offer to exchange rifles.
Hawthorne's rifle is more powerful and the offer seems both logical and respectful from Patterson's perspective. When the lion breaks through, he ends up within yards of Patterson. He has the clear shot they were hoping for, but the rifle misfires. When Remington arrives he questions Patterson.
Remington: "What happened?"
Patterson: (a whisper) "...misfire... it jammed..."
Remington: "Has it ever done that before?"
Patterson: "...don't know... It's Hawthorne's."
Remington. (Trying to control his temper) "You exchanged weapons? You went into battle with an untried gun?" (Patterson nods)
The film cuts to Remington for a close-up. For a moment it's impossible to tell what he's going to do. It seems that a Homeric burst of fury is about to happen. The film cuts to Patterson. He is drained, he expects Remington's rage. It's very quiet. The film cuts back to Remington studying the younger man. When he finally speaks, his voice is surprisingly quiet.
Remington: "They have an expression in prizefighting: everyone has a plan until they're hit. (pause). You've just been hit... (pause) ...the getting up is up to you..."
Mentors and Shadow Mentors
As a leader and as a man, Remington stands in sharp counterpoint to the shadow mentor figure of Beaumont. Where Beaumont needs to be seen as the leader, Remington needs to be the leader in order to accomplish his mission.
Patterson: "We need to talk."
Remington: "Let me save time. One, you are the Engineer. Two, you are in charge. Three, you're sorry I'm here. Right so far? (Patterson nods) Good- because one, I am not an engineer, two, I don't want to be in charge, and three, I'm sorrier than you are that I'm here- I hate Tsavo. So I will help you by killing the lions and leaving, and you will help me by doing what I tell you so I can leave. See any problems?"
Patterson: "Actually, no."
Where Beaumont threatens Patterson with ruining his career if he doesn't resolve the lion problem and finish the bridge on time, Remington respects the expertise that Patterson has and builds on it. He is able to see that Patterson is a good man with admirable qualities. He recognizes and honors that Patterson is a trustable man. He differentiates between mistakes and real weakness.
Where Beaumont can only really have subordinates around him, Remington actually values having good strong men around him. He even elicits those qualities in the men around them. As a mentor, Remington, picks character strengths in the men around him to praise and nurture.
The Initiation
By the end of the film, Patterson is forced to embody the lessons Remington has imparted as he hunts the final Lion alone. He has to get up on his own after being hit. When Remington is killed, Patterson is on his own. It is a huge blow to lose this man who has been his teacher and a friend, but still he gets up and goes after the lion.
He lights the dry savannah on fire to drive the lion toward him. Patterson has to embrace his deep fear and choose to act. He walks straight at the lion. The ultimate lesson is his willingness to become the devil that has come to Tsavo, just as Remington was willing to take that on. He is not attached to it because he needs to be seen that way. He takes it on because it is the energy that is needed in that moment in order to live his destiny and accomplish his mission.
As young men, these lessons are important to learn if we are going to lead and serve effectively in the world. They are not values that are discussed much and sometimes they are even ridiculed by cultures that are steeped in the institutionalization of more feminine values.
As older men, the model of how to mentor younger men, is also highly valuable. Remington's initiation of Patterson, his guiding him into the acquisition or awakening of new skills is built on respect rather than bullying. It is not soft, but neither is it rigid and inflexible. He does not want to mold men in his image, but neither is he scared of men finding their own real power.
Remington's last words to Patterson in the film refer to Patterson's desire to see his newborn son. Remington tells him: "Hold your son high." In this there is a kind of acknowledgement of not only the preciousness of life and of that moment, but also of how Patterson might raise his own son not to play it small and safe in life.
The Ghost and the Darkness was written by veteran screenwriter, William Goldman, based on a true story. Goldman is no stranger to men's issues. His screenplays for films such as Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, All the Presidents Men, Marathon Man, A Bridge Too Far, Heat, and The General's Daughter have all explored how men cope with extreme situations. The themes of initiation and mentoring and how men pass the tests of fire in their lives run throughout his films.
— , Irregular updates ()Get to know the contributors to this website.
— , Irregular updates ()Masculinity Movies LIVE #4 took place on Friday, November 26. The featured movie of the evening was the award-winning documentary "Beyond the Call," a dramatic documentary about the three crazy gringos Ed Artis, Jim Laws and Walt Ratterman who travel the world to deliver relief aid to war-torn regions so dangerous that no-one else would venture there.
"These are our rules, we are not into God business, we don't want to change your politics or your religion. It must be high adventure, it must be humanitarian. And it has to be in an area where few want to go. If it doesn't hit those criteria, we're not interested." – Ed Artis
The discussion revolved for a short while on whether their aid work was motivated by selfish desires for adventure and satisfaction or if there were actual benevolent motives involved. This was somewhat of a meta-perspective on what was an intensely personal story, which is why I directed the conversation into a more intimate and subjective territory after a while. I did that because I find that it is always easy to step out of our personal experience to take the analytical approach, weighing pros and cons. It is perhaps more useful to check in with ourselves about how our own background elicits our responses and judgments in the observance of another's.
This is always a balance I have to strike when I write about movies – zooming out into the collective, analytical meta-world or staying in an intensely personal space. This evening turned out to be about that and also the importance of speaking truthfully about our own personal experience, no matter if it elicits favourable feedback or not. Our personal truth is too valuable to be held back for fear of negative responses.
I'm grateful to find again and again that the MM LIVE container is strong enough to hold disagreement and provocation in the larger embrace of brotherhood and mutual respect and care. This, it seems to me, is what we need to generate in our relationships with other men in the time ahead.
To the eight of you who came, thank you for making it such an enriching evening. My sense is that next time will be even richer – and with a bigger group too. Interest is growing.
Be well,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()2014 is very close and it’s time to start getting intentional about the transition. We live in an era devoid of ritual; New Year’s eve is one of the few we have let. The passing of one year and the coming of another is a powerful metaphor in itself, made all the stronger by the fact that billions of us are present to it. The human collective consciousness unites on this single point of focus.
That is powerful. Which is why it makes sense to take advantage of it.
I encourage you all to take some time in the coming day or two to spend a little while with yourself, reflecting on what was good and bad about the year that was and getting clear on your intention for the new year.
As for me, I will summarize the year on Masculinity-Movies.com in a little movie that is coming up in the next day or two.
Be well
— , Irregular updates ()By user request
Suk
In order to make his movie Buddha's Lost Children, director Mark Verkerk spent an entire year with Abbott Phra Khru Bah and his novices. In the beginning of that year, Suk was already there, the orphaned kid who used to only speak with dogs. Khun Mae Ead is the nun who takes care of the day-to-day practicalities in and around Golden Horse, and she tells us how when Suk first arrived, he would just sit and stare - without saying a word - at Khru Bah. Khru Bah in turn would just keep on speaking to him, trying to open him up with his love and attention.
It worked.
Suk is now a smiling and resourceful young boy, adept in the arts of conversation, meditation, reading, horseback riding and kick boxing. He has flourished under Khru Bah's loving care. Khru Bah's love is not, as he describes it, "weak love". This is quite evident from the opening scene in which he teaches his novices kick boxing.
What he offers is tough love, he tells Tookae and Pabo, two novices who keep fighting amongst each other. "If we love a child," he says, "we want him to be strong. There's a saying that goes, if you want to love a child, you have to be firm." Khru Bah's firm love has touched Suk deeply. He speaks again and his smile is wide and beautiful.
Yee/Pan Saen
Yee arrives in the group when Khru Bah is en route to the most distant village under his care to rebuild their decrepit communal temple. He is a simple kid, with low intelligence and few skills. "He is not quite right. He fell down from a tree when he was little," says his mother. From the get go, Khru Bah places demands and expectations on his little head while bathing him in his paternal love. It is a new world for the mama's boy, but he takes to it quickly.
Khru Bah won't allow his boys to just muddle along. He won't let them piss around and be useless with their time. This is in stark contrast to how many kids are raised in today's world, where kids systematically rebel and fight their parent's authority, and the parents let them get away with it. But were you to ask Khru Bah, he would likely say that that has nothing to do with love, as it is exactly the kind of behaviour he won't allow. Whenever the boys overstep a boundary, they are forced to stand responsible to the voice of authority, be it Khru Bah's or Khun Mae Ead's.
When the troupe draped in maroon reaches their destination in the border region, the villagers help them tear down the old temple in a matter of hours. A conflict breaks out among some of the village youths and Khru Bah gets very angry. "What's your problem?" he shouts as he marches fiercely towards one of the trouble-makers. He grabs him by the neck, wrestles with him, knees him in the belly and forces him to the ground. This peaceful, smiling monk used to be a kickboxer, who lost only four of the hundreds of matches he participated in.
He is not the soft, loving sap that some might expect a Buddhist monk to be. So refreshing! "If you're not happy, then say so," he barks at the surprised and surrendered young man. "Don't just have an attitude!" He is furious, but the undercurrent of love is palpable. Khun Mae steps in with total intensity and forces the group to collectively stand responsible for the danger they put themselves and everyone in, admonishing them to live like men and not like dogs. The regret in their eyes is genuine.
Yee, now Pae Saen (his dharma name), looks on with concern. His new "parents" are no mere sissies. The stakes have been upped in his life, and he looks all the better for it.
Boontam
Boontam is a malnourished village kid with weak legs. Khru Bah wants to take him under his wings and make him healthy again. The little guy is only four, but has lion courage, already ready to leave his family to go stay with the man with the long robe, the huge wooden mala, and the big smile.
"I have prayed that a Buddha be born here to help spread the word along the border," Khru Bah tells us with gentle hope in his voice. "It hasn't been very long since then, but I'm pretty sure it's him. We have to be patient, he's just four years old. We will have to wait..."
It is with the thought of Boontam as the future bodhisattva of the Golden Triangle that I leave him, Phra Khru Bah, Khun Mae Ead, Suk and Pae Saen behind, thankful for the short and intimate time I have spent with them.
Where to get it?
You can watch Buddha's Lost Children on Youtube or you can buy the movie from the website. I recommend the latter as the revenue goes directly to support Khru Bah's work.
— , Irregular updates ()No warm bosoms in the Royal Palace
The best and most important scenes of "The King's Speech" feature speech therapist Lionel and king to be Bertie (aka Prince Albert and soon to be King George VI) alone in some form of conversation. One of my most favourite of these scenes arrive after Bertie's dad King George V has died. Bertie comes to Lionel's eccentric-looking office in a damp London basement for support. At this point, they have already been working together for a while.
Lionel has accepted Bertie's terms to not talk about any "personal nonsense", yet made it clear that his demand will allow him to deal only with the surface of the problem. "That's sufficient," his wife Elizabeth says in a way that makes me laugh; the enormous emotional suppression of the English Royal family is here made funny.
But now, Bertie's pain is huge, his desire for release greater still, and his trust for Lionel sufficient to enter into "personal nonsense" willingly.
Bertie has not flourished in the suffocating emotional atmosphere of the Royal Palace. We learn that Bertie didn't see his parents much growing up and that his mother, an emotionally shut down woman, did not relate to him as such – the maternal duties were tended by a nanny, a seriously nasty woman by the sound of it, who would pinch him and withhold food.
Knowing the enormous need a boy has for his mother in the forming years, we can understand how desperate must Bertie's need for intimacy and closeness be. To take a boy from his mother's warm bosom as a child is tantamount to torture. That boy needs the safety and intimacy of Mummy to have a fighting chance to one day turn into a mature man.*
Clearing trauma
Bertie uses his right hand as the dominant one as he glues on the wings of a model biplane. It's a pleasant diversion from the intensity of sharing his wounds with Lionel. Yet, as Lionel discovers, he is really left-handed. He was coerced to change that. Left-handers have traditionally been treated with suspicion; they do after all feature largely among artists, those right-brained people that all those who repress their archetypal Lover energy are so scared of. It's a sad story.
It becomes clear that Bertie has been put through a lot of traumatic conditioning to move him away from his own nature, all the while being virtually without parental presence in his life. That, we understand, is the cause of his stammer. And we understand that all speech impediments have their source in some emotional trauma, for as Lionel assures us "no baby is born with a stammer".
Bertie discharges a lot of his traumatic material through shaking and breathing exercises. Even more important is perhaps the swearing which he takes up, once he lets himself, in a delightfully gratuitous way (swearing consciously seems to access the Warrior archetype). And then there is the singing. "Try singing it," says Lionel when the words fail Bertie. "Continual sound will give you flow." It also gives you access to the Lover archetype, truly a strong one in Bertie (as it is in his Brother David, where it appears as the Addict).
Bertie's flow - his natural being - has been completely disrupted as a child in one of the world's most repressed families - the English Royal family.
Finding your voice in the presence of an affirming other
The aptly named "The King's Speech" is a movie not just about the important speech Bertie – King George VI – delivers to the nation as England enters into war with Germany. It is also not, at its deepest level, really about his speech impediment. No, at its deepest level, it is an allegorical tale about a man's journey to find his voice (become himself fully) as a prerequisite step for fulfilling his destiny on Earth.
We all carry trauma within ourselves. And this movie gives us some nice techniques to explore to discharge that (swearing, breathing, shaking, singing). But really, the true healer of wounds is the friendship between Lionel and King George VI. It shows us the enormous healing powers of authentic, loving relationship between men. Lionel and Bertie meet as peers and it is in that spirit of Brotherhood that Bertie's wounds are laid bare. When we men share vulnerably our wounds with other men and find ourselves accepted and loved in spite of them (or truly, quite often, because of them), something heals in us, and we regain some of our voice.
The implications of the deep need for male soul bonding is most beautifully summarized when Lionel has to defend himself against the attempts of the King's "helpers" to remove him from his duty. Lionel, you see, has no formal credentials. Yet, while he doesn't have the credentials, he has the wisdom of lived life:
It's true, I'm not a doctor. And yes, I acted. A bit. I recited in pubs, I taught in schools. When the great war came, all our soldiers were returning to Australia from the front, a lot of them shellshocked. Unable to speak. Somebody said "Lionel, you are very good at all this speech stuff. Do you think you could possibly help these poor buggers?"
I did muscle therapy, exercises, relaxation, but I knew I had to go deeper. Those poor, young blokes had cried out in fear and nobody was listening to them. My job was to give them faith in their own voice and let them know that a friend was listening. That must ring a few bells with you, Bertie?
The emotional weight and wisdom of these words shows us clearly that Lionel doesn't suffer from the Fisher King wound, so clearly seen in e.g. the Archbishop.
A King's destiny
Only when Bertie discharges, with Lionel's help, much of the tensions of past traumas does he start accessing the King Archetype which waited powerful and dormant in his deep Self (his brother did not display the same King potential). And after he delivers the speech that signals the start of Englands trials in World War II, we see how his body and entire demeanor shift; he now walks with confidence, his inner masochist overcome.
Having claimed his voice, through an inner battle that now serves as metaphor for the outer battle which is about to start , and having had his victory observed by the entire British empire, his self-confidence surfaces for the first time and he is ready, against all odds, to take on the duty which has been thrust upon him – leading a country at war.
*I read some research about a young boy's need for his mother once. It claimed that a boy needs his mother more than does a girl in the early years. If this is true, the need for breaking away from the world of archetypal Mother at some point in life becomes all the greater. If someone knows this research, please help me remember where I found it in the comments below.
— , Irregular updates ()Set in the 1930s, Public Enemies tells the true story of the last few years of gangster and serial bank robber John Dillinger. Initially, we’re shown how successful Dillinger is at his profession, robbing banks seemingly effortlessly in Chicago, and being largely protected from the authorities through his influence and connections in the world of organized crime. He also seems to have the personality to go with such a lifestyle, being charismatic, carefree and almost sympathetic in spite of his line of work. While he doesn’t have much regard for the law, he always refrains from killing people when performing his robberies.
Charm vs Morality
At a restaurant, Dillinger meets the love of his life, the singer Billie Frechette. Even though she soon realizes that he’s on the wrong side of the law, she has already fallen for him. Dillinger’s confidence and charisma pull the attractive singer into his life, even as he lacks qualities such as having a higher purpose or coherent moral code. Dillinger also has an air about him which is free from the stiffness so common in many other men, especially in this era, and he has no trouble dancing with a woman or authentically complimenting her.
So what does Dillinger’s relationship with Billie Frechette teach us? That good instincts and self-esteem are more important than our moral code and having a positive impact on the world? Of course not. All of these qualities can be important, but most of us would agree that a basic moral code is the starting point for being a decent human being. At the same time, we don’t have to choose between our lower and higher parts; we can have both.
What Dillinger’s positive qualities demonstrate more than anything is that reintegrating the instinctual and emotional side of your being is crucial, if you want to become a man with full access to yourself and your potential. Healing and integrating the lower parts of yourself will supercharge your higher parts and provide you with the energy needed to achieve the positive impact on the world that you know is possible. On the other hand, having access to our lower parts while having little access to our higher parts can be a recipe for disaster, as shown by the unfolding of Dillinger’s story.
Masculine Culture and Violence
The casual lifestyle of our criminal protagonist changes abruptly when J. Edgar Hoover, head of the newly formed FBI, decides that Dillinger is a public enemy who is to be tracked down and incarcerated. The FBI presents a new type of authority in Dillinger’s world; one that cannot be bribed or controlled by having powerful connections in the world of organized crime.
Consequently, from this point on Dillinger is a hunted man, and the person in charge of the manhunt is FBI agent Melvis Purvis, an ambitious and talented agent who will stop at nothing to achieve his goal. With him he has a crew of young men who are eager to prove themselves within this new organization; young men who have been taught that a man is supposed to follow the law and use his power to protect people.
Dillinger is in some ways a person who evokes a lot of sympathy. He avoids killing people, he has a good sense of humor and he is loyal to his friends. There is also a vulnerability in him and you can sense that he is more connected to his heart than many of the law-abiding men chasing him. However, at the end of the day he is still a criminal and this very fact causes violence and gets people killed.
At one point in the story when Dillinger and his gang are on the run after a bank robbery, FBI agent Purvis and his companions manage to track them down to a hotel. The resulting shootout leads to the death of several innocent civilians who never would have died had it not been for the actions of our charismatic protagonist and his fellow bank robbers. So while Dillinger is likely too kind-hearted to kill civilians in cold blood himself, the actions that stem from his crimes lead to the loss of innocent lives.
In many ways, the masculine culture of today originally arose as a response to men such as Dillinger. As demonstrated by the creation of the FBI, a key aspect of masculine culture is about controlling random violence by using precise force and power where it is needed. This is not to say that there aren’t any problems with law enforcement or masculine culture; there are plenty.
But most people intuitively understand that controlling people such as Dillinger, who will not adapt to the basic rules needed to build a peaceful society, is an absolute necessity. On a personal level, Dillinger may be kinder and more personable than the stiff FBI agents chasing him, but on an impersonal, societal level he is a constant threat to his fellow citizens.
Raising Boys
All people are born with the potential to have an impact on the world. The positive side of masculine culture has always been about older men teaching younger men to use their inner resources and potential for constructive purposes, whether in a tribe, at a farm or at a modern day soccer practise.
Our instinctual and emotional parts are with us from the day we are born, but what has been passed on from caring fathers to their sons throughout history is the morality, the higher parts, that ultimately turn us into mature men. Violence has decreased significantly since the dawn of humanity, and older men teaching younger men about boundaries and ethics has significantly contributed to this.
Dillinger is in many ways the quintessential example of a man who is still a boy. Archetypally, he combines the eternal boyhood inherent in the Peter Pan archetype with the lawlessness of the Gangster archetype. For some reason he has resisted growing up and becoming a man who cares about ethics and the lives of others. Perhaps this is due to growing up with a lack of healthy boundaries. Perhaps it comes from rebelling against a father father figure who was overly strict and didn’t show him much love. Regardless of his background, it is evident that he hasn’t been surrounded by the conditions needed to help a boy grow into a mature man.
At the same time, what we often see happening in boys as they grow into men, is that they lose access to their instinctual and emotional parts. They lose the embodiment of the life force and charm so evident in Dillinger. The societal expectations for men to be good providers and protectors, in combination with the unhealthy aspects of masculine culture, far too often mean that boys are socialized to lose touch with their instincts and emotions.
We certainly do not want boys to turn out like Dillinger, but by raising boys with a mixture of love and boundaries, we can give them access to all of themselves in a healthy and constructive way. Our instincts and emotions are not something to be feared, but something that we can heal and integrate even as adult men.
There is a third way between what Dillinger embodies and what the stiff FBI agents chasing him embody. That third way is the future.
— , Irregular updates ()Shame – the bane of civilization
If you haven't seen Michael Haneke's THE WHITE RIBBON you should. It's amazing. I've never before seen a film so effectively X-ray an entire culture thoroughly permeated and debased by the toxic effects of shame.
The story concerns a small German village in the year 1913. A number of strange things are happening and no one can pinpoint why or who the culprits are. Children are beaten and abused, someone strings a concealed wire in front of a Doctor's horse, causing him serious injury, a barn is burned. Though the film never makes explicit who committed these crimes the implications for the future are clear: These are the seeds of activities that in 20 years time will create a society run by Nazis.
The internet dictionary tells us that shame is "the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another." I tend to think of shame as a personal feeling of inadequacy based on perceptions of wrong-doing. Shame's universally key net product is a negative self-image. "Because of x, I am a bad person." This is what distinguishes it from guilt. Guilt says I have done a bad thing. Shame says I did a bad thing therefore I am a bad person. Not hard to see which is worse.
Shame is the one basic emotion which distinguishes us from other animals. Unlike joy, sadness, fear, and anger which we share with all animals, shame is a unique construction of human beings. If you think about animals, well, they have no shame. Perhaps you can teach them shame, just as it is taught humans, but I think even that's debatable.
Who's to say that your dog whimpers and cowers "in shame" after he's been punished for sniffing your girlfriend's crotch? More likely he's just sad and afraid because you're mad at him. We may say to him "bad dog!" but it's doubtful that the poor creature actually thinks "I am a bad dog. I should be ashamed."
Most psychologists distinguish between "toxic shame" and "healthy shame." I reject this notion and find all shaming energies abhorrent. Perhaps those same psychologists would agree with social theorists who argue that shame is a key building block of civilization. That without shame we'd all become debauched nihilists, solely pursuing our own pleasures. That without "healthy shame" we'd lie, cheat, steal, and worse. That without the negative motivation of "I better not do this, someone might find out" we'd abandon our consciences altogether.
I find this view of human nature cynical. I believe it's possible for human beings to be motivated positively, altruistically, not through fear of being shamed but through our deepest natural desire to see ourselves and others happy. I believe our happiness can be found awakening to the fact that we're all interconnected, that everything changes and passes away, that my happiness lies in helping others become happy, and that sympathetic joy – wishing for and doing well by others – may in fact be our deepest birthright.
Buddhism insists that these things are so. But more important than Buddhism's insistence is the Buddha's personal invitation to – as my Zen teacher put it – "sit down and shut up," ie., meditate and experience these truths and joys directly for yourself. If you practice meditation on a retreat, for a long enough time with enough diligence, you will simply experience these things as indisputable facts. I personally guarantee it.
I would argue that shame is the greatest force of disequilibrium in any society. That it actually fosters contempt for self and others so toxic that it ultimately contributes to all forms of conflict and violence, including war. Michael Haneke might well agree.
To understand how social rituals of debasement and humiliation work, there's no better filmic study than THE WHITE RIBBON. People humiliating and shaming one another is the villagers' primary means of interaction. Husbands humiliate wives and mistresses, the aristocracy humiliates the professional class and the peasantry, and most relentlessly, almost all adults, regardless of gender or class, humiliate the children.
The worst offenders by far are the men, the fathers, who humiliate their sons and daughters with clinical precision and thoroughness. The composite portrait on offer is a society soaked to its deepest core, through every social relationship, every human interaction, with fear and loathing resulting from shame. It is the fundamental wellspring of social control determining almost every single character's decisive behaviors.
Some critics have written about the film as if it's an open-ended thriller. It's true that the film itself keeps asking "who did it?" and never provides a definitive answer. But it's nonsense to say the film leaves a complete cipher as its outcome. Though it never announces who the culprits are, the film makes very clear exactly who it implicates in the crimes. On finishing, my wife and I felt with absolute certainty that we understood who was responsible.
The DNA encoding of shame insists on its never coming forward, never being outed, much less outing itself. Shame thrives on darkness and staying hidden. It cannot continue to exist with its same quotient of toxic potency once it is made public. Exposed to the light of day shame loses its hold. Its power cannot stand. Lies and subterfuge diminish and begin to fall away. When shame is not absorbed and internalized by its intended victims it cannot be maintained as a form of social control.
So the film's structure replicates the way shame works in society. No one knows "who did it" because too many forces are at play repressing and hiding the truth. Those who may know won't come forward because the exposed truth will be shameful for them too. Due to their own fear of humiliation by association, "good people" become complicit in repressing the truth. This is exactly how a whole society can be taught to obey – to deny what is actually true and live in fear of being shamed by outing that truth.
If you're prone to thinking, "Well, it's just those Germans, they have an authority problem," think again. One of the great core issues for the "men's work" I've been doing in the U.S. for 15 years is shame. I've encountered man after man who battles with low self-esteem, with not being good enough. Many, many good men carry absolute self-hatred. We are not born this way; these are learned self-judgments. This is internalized shame.
But shame-based upbringing seems to be more of Western cultural phenomenon. I'm not sure that it's nearly as pervasive in Africa and Asia. I was told that on one of his first visits to the U.S. the Dalai Lama was asked a question about dealing with self-hatred. He was stunned. He had simply never heard of the concept before; it was so far outside the culture of Tibetans. It was unimaginable that someone could consider him/herself "unworthy" to be a human being. He immediately walked around the room asking every person there "Have you experienced this?" Everyone nodded yes – all of them Westerners.
So how do we unlearn cultural lessons as pernicious as shame? We start by not taking on others' shaming energy when served to us. I recall screening my short films at MOMA in New York in the late 80s. A man in the audience pointed out to me that I had mispronounced "amalgam." Fine.
There are many words we learn from the written page but don't learn how to properly pronounce. That was one of many for me. But when he persisted to hold forth on how this "flaw" diminished who I was as a filmmaker I politely but firmly cut him off and turned to other audience questions. I was certainly not about to let this man hijack the Q&A. More importantly, I was not going to allow him to publicly shame me.
In fact, many times I've asked people directly "are you trying to shame me?" The question usually surprises them. I've never heard a single person answer "yes, of course!" Most people aren't remotely aware of it themselves. It's simply the cultural practice they've grown up in and know. But the primary value in asking the question comes in interrupting the flow of their energy – their judgments, their verbal assault, their character assassination. It also helps to bring their own awareness to what it is they may be doing unconsciously.
You can spot this energy most clearly when people transition from talking about a mistake you made to what this mistake says about you as a person, about who you "are." We commonly acknowledge homilies like "We all make mistakes," and "Nobody's perfect." But in practice we unconsciously expect perfection from ourselves and others. And when we and they don't live up to those expectations look out! Shaming energy is often coming right behind.
Once we're attuned to it as conscious adults it's relatively easy to deflect it, to not take it on. But what about children? Unfortunately, for them it's not so easy. In fact, if the shame comes from their parents I think it's almost impossible for children not to be harmed. So much of who they are becoming is defined by all the messages they receive from their parents - parents whom they love and adore.
A child's greatest want is to be loved and cherished by his/her parents. But tell a child "you're a bad boy" often enough and he will believe it. Tell another "you're a stupid girl" and she will believe it. Worse, they will "know it to be true."
It's absolutely our job as adults to let children know when they've made bad decisions, when actions they've taken are wrong. It's how we teach them to sharpen their own judgment skills and their overall awareness. But we should never want them to deduce from single and, yes, even multiple bad decisions that they are bad people, somehow defective human beings. We should never shame them.
Perhaps the greatest challenge before all of us adults is to heal our own inner "children" – the shamed ones that still live inside each of us. If we can do that we will not only break the chain of shame passed from generation to generation, we will serve as models to others, especially present-day children, of life as it can and should be lived without shame. If we can do that we fundamentally alter the way society is lived at its roots.
If we don't, if we continue to shame ourselves and our children, it's bad enough that we're perpetuating a psychological dynamic that will hamper all of us for life. We help form beings who doubt their greatest capacities, who question their greatest goodness, who consider themselves defective, even unsuitable for life itself. But when you multiply that dynamic by hundreds, thousands, millions, you create whole societies that come to "know" other individuals, other peoples, other cultures, other nations, as defective, as inherently bad, as unsuitable for life itself.
And that is the greatest shame of all.
— , Irregular updates ()Let's Reduce Suicides
This is a wonderful film that speaks to me about the importance of the mentor in life’s journey. In modern society we find 2 peak groups of risk to suicide: young men and old men. This observation screams to me that the solution here is that these two groups need each other: old men need to step up and be mentors and young men need them to do so that they can become their protégés.
The Hermit
The film opens with Jamal, a young black man in Manhattan, who is playing down his academic skills to fit in with the basketball crowd who see and value him for his skills on the court but he is fearful that this will not be acceptable to his peers. He crosses the threshold when he accepts a ‘dare’ from this group to invade the apartment of the mysterious old recluse whom the group refer to as, “The Window” and this is indeed what the old man proves to be – a window into a new world for Jamal.
‘The Window’ proves to be Pulitzer-prize winning author and recluse, William Forrester. The apartment is reached through a climb up a fire escape. It is dark and full of books – wisdom that belongs to this otherworldly ‘Window’. Jamal is supposed to ‘bring something out’ of the apartment but when confronted by the occupant he flees. We notice that he has left something of himself behind, his bag with his precious journals.
All seems lost: a failure. Often when we come in contact with the ‘Wise Old Man’, the Magician, the Hermit, we are frightened by the experience and like Jamal we flee the experience only to discover that we have been touched by it, leaving something of ourselves behind. So now we have a choice to take up the challenge or attempt to return to the World we came from. I say attempt because, ‘you can’t not know what you know’.
The Wounding
Forrester reads Jamal’s journals and marks them with comments, later returning them to Jamal by dropping the bag from the apartment window: wisdom literally from on high. The wisdom from the otherworldly window gives Jamal mixed emotions and he wants more. Forrester’s comments are written in red ink – the colour suggesting life, passion and lacerations – some comments are very negative and wounding for the young Jamal, “constipated thinking”, but it also contains the invitation, “I want to support this writer, can we get out of the Bronx for a second?”
In response Jamal confronts his fears and knocks on the door of Forrester’s apartment. He hears the voice from the otherworld – it shames him and sends him on his way with a challenge that Jamal takes up, “5000 words on why you should stay the fuck out of my home”. Jamal returns with the written work and is again seemly rejected and when the door remains shut to him he throws his paper at the door and leaves. He leaves dejected.
The film now sees Jamal gaining a scholarship to an exclusive school – on this occasion he gains the offer via his basketball skills. He returns to reclaim the manuscript from the hallway where he assumes his ‘5000 words’ still lie. The manuscript is gone and after a few words the door is now opened. Jamal now reveals to us that his father left and succumbed to his addictions. A fatherless boy in need of a mentor and a mentor in need of a protégé – a painful cameo of modern society.
At each meeting Forrester challenges Jamal and still he chooses to do what he must – he returns to the apartment choosing what is right and not opting for what is easy. The teachers in the prestigious academy are, “not interested in listening” instead they are, “too interested in hearing themselves talk”. Jamal wants Forrester to “read some more of my stuff” – here we see the contrast between a place where he can be successful (with Forrester) and a place where he can appear to be successful (the academy). Forrester points out the question that burns away at Jamal, which demands an answer, “where are you going with your life?”
Wisdom and Sons
At the new academy it is a young woman who gives Jamal the knowledge he needs to settle in and it is she who reveals to Jamal the identity of his mentor – the Window. In myths and stories it is often the feminine that is a symbol for wisdom. This naming of the teacher empowers Jamal and he returns again to the apartment where the two men make a contract as equals. Again we see the true teacher – Forrester – contrasted with the self-focused professor in the academy.
We all need people who can see the value in us. There is a lovely piece then where we see Forrester getting new socks and putting them on inside out, “socks are badly designed with the seams on the inside; hurts the toes.” – this is what my son does! This bit in the film just made me laugh as so often and in so many ways as I have made my journey into maturity I have seen my son be my teacher too. Relationship and growth is always reciprocal.
Hurt People Hurt People
Forrester also states that nothing that is written in the apartment is to leave the apartment. Jamal eventually ignores this contractual agreement and chooses an easy path in submitting some of the work he has written in this place of magic. The film then deals with the consequences of this choice. The Professor accuses Jamal of plagiarism and we later learn that the genesis of his bitterness was a wound inflicted by Forrester. Hurt people hurt people.
Once the accusation is made then we see Jamal learning through that experience and when he is confronted with another choice to breach the contract with his mentor, and tell the professor that he is working with Forrester, he takes the harder path and protects Forrester’s privacy. Having seen frailty within Forrester, as he panics on a trip outside of the apartment and speaks of the death of his brother.
We eventually see Forrester conquer his fear and come to the academy where he vindicates Jamal and gives him back his voice by reading out Jamal’s work to the school. In this last section of the film we see that the mentor, protégé relationship is something that blesses both parties. For centuries men have met in circles as equals. Boys are initiated into the frailty that is manhood and together we become stronger as we recognise what my mentor taught me, “out of the wound comes the gift’. Thank you, Bob.
Hurt People Hurt People
And so I finish with a return to the observation that old men and young men are the two peak ages of risk for suicide and they are also the answer to each other’s needs. Let us commit to be present with all our needs and wounds.
— , Irregular updates ()If you take your masculine development at all seriously, you probably already know David Deida. What you may not know though is that a workshop he did in Australia at the beginning of the decade has just been made available on YouTube. I'm not quite sure if the people who published it are violating any copyrights, so watch it while it's still up.
Just check this one clip out.
Find all twelve parts of this amazing film production on Youtube.
— , Irregular updates ()This is a brief introduction to the three evolutionary stages presented in David Deida's work. I have chosen to abbreviate them as "DD1", "DD2" and "DD3" in other writing on this site. For more thorough and accurate information, please refer to his books.
DD1: The submissive housewife and the macho breadwinner
This stage has been the predominant stage globally up until quite recent times. It is characterised by strictly defined and rigidly upheld gender roles. The man is out in the world bringing home the food and the woman is at home caring for the children. The man dominates the woman with threats of physical violence and withholding of resources and the woman dominates the man with threats of emotional violence and withholding of sex. Intimate partners acting out of DD1 use their lover/spouse as a means to satisfy their own needs, selfishly manipulating the other to get what they desire. They tend to judge themselves by external factors, be it the size of their paycheck or the impeccability of their perfect household. Whenever we focus on ourselves and how we appear to others, we are in a first stage moment.
Modern caricatures of this stage are the big-spending gold digger, the too-good-to-be-true mother of 50s TV shows, the angry hip hop gangster and the money-hungry TV preacher.
DD 2: The working girl and the sensitive flow boy
The cultural emergence of this stage started in paralell with feminism and the gender equality movement. In the 2nd stage, people seek to become more integrated human beings. The emergence of DD2 has lead to women embracing masculine values and opportunities, becoming tougher amd more independent, and men have embraced feminine flow and emotions, becoming more open and relating. Where people acting out of a first stage moment seek approval through their possessions and appearance, people in a second stage moment want to be appreciated for what they can do. Value is primarily determined by internal properties of the self.
The 2nd stage is very concerned that things should be done the right and proper way, and considers it important not to rock the boat too much. We gladly accept people's boundaries, even when they wish we didn't, and try not to escalate conflict. In intimate relationships, the tension of polarity often disappears and is replaced by a withholding of depth, often felt as repulsive by both partners. In societies, second stage is expressed as an aversion to conflict and an almost suffocating political correctness. You're not allowed to judge or rank people, and everybody agrees to disagree.
The second stage individual is generally stuck in a perpetual self-improvement cycle that seems to lead nowhere, as the development often goes away from our true nature as opposed to towards. Happiness always looms on the horizon, but never quite arrives.
Modern caricatures of stage 2 are the directed female headhunter and career surgeon, and the male crystal healer and emo singer-songwriter.
DD 3: The radiant goddess and the warrior of love
For those rare souls fortunate enough to experience it, this stage is supposedly characterized as an ongoing state of gifting yourself to the world and your partner. The woman offers her divine radiance in service of her partner and the world, opening them up with the deep flow of her awesome life force and beauty. The man offers his unending integrity and stability, as an expression of his desire to penetrate the world with truth and love. This stage is not necessarily calm or peaceful, as the politically correct stage two prefers. These individuals know freeedom and love intimately and consciously choose not to repress their true nature, which may offend those of lesser development. When a person expresses him- or herself through a third stage moment, their intention is to serve the world – or the people in it – in their opening to truth and love. Sometimes, their service won't be appreciated, but since a person in a third stage moment has transcended the need to be validated by external or internal factors, it matters little.
In intimate relationships, the feminine third stage is expressed as pure, unfiltered life energy, bursting with love, expressed as wild storms or warm summer breezes. She is an oracle, a pure expression of the feminine, of nature Herself. She serves her man by seducing him out of his narrow-minded focus on getting things done, by sexing him out of his head and into his body, by shivering earthquakes of anger through her body as she hurls hail storms at him for being less than he is capable of. The man serves her in return by remaining unperturbed, unaffected by her wild emotions, pressing into her with his presence and love, as they both melt and fuse in the throes of ecstasy.
Who knows what a society filled with individuals operating from this stage would look like. Let's find out!
— , Irregular updates ()You need to know about this. This is important.
Ah, I've been trying to embed their video in this blog post for the last half hour, but can't make it work, so screw it. Just go to the Getting Her World blog and watch the movie there.
This feels to me to be "the next step" in course material for men who want to have better relationships with women. It's profound.
— , Irregular updates ()I'm not going to say so much about this, other than to explain that the surges of energy you are likely to feel from watching this stuff is Warrior archetypal energy as well as your Wild Man roots. I'm definitely going to introduce this in a future Masculinity Movies LIVE event. This stuff will heal your masculine Warrior Soul at a deep level. If you are skeptical, the healing will be all the greater.
Thanks to Irishman Larry who challenged me to one of these in a bar on Monday. It was thoroughly stimulating and completely hilarious.
Ka Mate, Ka Mate - Ka Ora, Ka Ora. Ka Mate, Ka Mate - Ka Ora, Ka Ora. Tenei te tangata - Pu'ru Huru. Na'a nei tiki mai - Whaka-Whiti te Ra. Hupane - Ka-upane. A Hupane - Ka-upane. Whiti Te Ra. HI!!.
We're going to die, we're going to die - We're going to live, we're going to live. We're going to die, we're going to die - We're going to live, we're going to live. This is the man - So hairy. Who fetched - and made shine the sun. Step upwards - Another. Step upwards - Another. The sun shines. HEE!!
— , Irregular updates ()The following is an excerpt from the book "The Warrior Within" by Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette.
- There is no such thing as a harmless or unarmed human being. Those who would deny that they either possess or need Warrior energy are merely in denial and expressing the Warrior in shadow forms.
- This denial of human aggression—particularly male aggression—must be confronted and worked through until one can engage aggression in oneself and in others maturely and responsibly. This is not just a private issue—it is a matter of public responsibility.
- Warrior responsibility cannot be delegated— if your community, your city, your world is unsafe for your brothers and sisters and their children, the buck stops with you.
- Competence in the discipline and skills of the Warrior must be learned—and no one can do it for you.
- Martial arts in some form should be a required part of the educational curriculum for boys and girls, and men and women of all ages.
- All education in martial arts should be framed under the vision of shared responsibility to promote and defend an inclusive, post-tribal humane human community on our home planet.
- There are real enemies of this just and peaceful planetary community that are not a creation of paranoia and that if left unopposed will destroy our potential for a humane human future. This "monster boy" landscape is populated by well-organized, financed, and politically connected interests that are happy if you ignore them, at most just say bad things about them, or limit yourself to whining and playing "Ain't It Awful." Most of these real enemies of a humane planetary future could be helped toward more mature masculine and feminine initiations. But in the landscape of "monster" country, it is usually necessary that confrontation precede such transformations. At any rate, so far as men at least are concerned, many will never experience transformation into responsible masculine maturity—but must be checked through active opposition. Their destructiveness must be stopped, or at least decisively limited: This will not make them happy. If you have assumed your Warrior responsibilities, it will make your life more challenging—and more dangerous.
- Effective engagement will require effective warrior initiations leading to preparation, mobilization, strategic thinking, networking, and cooperation on international and local grass roots levels.
- The confrontation and engagement that must be planned for, resourced, and expedited must be seen in a global, international, intersystemic context with the ecological struggle among the top priorities, and expanding as soon as possible into other fronts.
- As Saul Alinsky noted, you don't need everyone to win: 1 percent of the male population of our species with consolidated warrior initiations and committed to an inclusive vision, could make a decisive difference for the world future.
- The buck stops with you. Prepare yourself. Step forward. Accept your Warrior responsibilities. Fit your talents and resources to the arena or theater that seems to need you the most.
- Victory is not an outmoded or demonic concept. We shall overcome!
Other magnificent men are already engaged in struggles against chaos and destructiveness in all its many forms. If there isn't a men's organization in your community that engages in the struggle, start one and become part of its leadership.
Become a general in the struggle for a humane planetary future. If this is asking more than you are competent to give now, find your level; get more experience and training, then assume all the responsibility that you can carry. Future generations on our planet may not know your name, but they will remember you and bless you as part of the magnificent vanguard who stepped into the breach at this very decisive time in human history and fought to secure a viable future for the children—the sons and daughters—of this beloved planet Earth.
BE GLORIOUS!
Pelle Billing is a doctor and tango teacher who writes about gender. While he is a strong supporter of women's rights and LGBTQ+ rights, his personal focus is on understanding the male gender role better. He is especially interested in how the male gender role can evolve, to the benefit of all of humanity. Pelle's blog— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()The Sunset Limited: Nothing is Ever Black or White (2011)
The Sunset Limited, a film by HBO®, began airing this past February (2011). I happened upon it randomly when channel surfing one night. I was immediately engaged and scheduled a recording on my DVR.
The movie is adapted from the Cormack McCarthy play that opened in Chicago in 2006. McCarthy also wrote No Country for Old Men and the initiatory tale, All the Pretty Horses.
Starring Tommy Lee Jones as “White” and Samuel L. Jackson as “Black,” the movie takes place entirely in Black’s spartan apartment. We are thrust into the action after the opening credits and are not allowed escape until the ambiguous end. White and Black are the only two characters. The apartment is the only set. God is the only topic.
White is a college professor whose search for meaning and purpose has come to an end. His suicide attempt is interrupted by Black, an ex-con street preacher. The film literally revolves around the two as they witness to each other. Black feels compelled to help White. Black refuses to let White leave his apartment until his dark mood is diffused. They spar the entire 91 minutes of the movie with deadly seriousness and real moments of humor.
Discussion Questions for Group Viewing:
Are you sympathetic to White? I felt the movie was stacked against him. I strongly identified with his experience in a scientific, secular world. Is he to blame for not finding God? How have you found God in your life?
What was God’s purpose in this encounter? Was it the obvious need to convert White? What did it have to do with Black?
What do you think happens after the film ends?
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— John Keating, Dead Poets Society (1989)Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, Old Time is still a-flying: And this same flower that smiles to-day To-morrow will be dying.
— , Irregular updates ()In my 3+ years running this website, I've never really written about sex. I haven’t felt the need or desire to. Recently, I was inspired to change that. I don't consider myself to be an expert on the subject, but in my conversations with other men I'm realizing that I'm having some fun and unconventional experiences. The key ingredient in sex for me is often FUN – and that is what I will write about today.
First, a tiny bit of context
Sex in our culture is made out to be a huge thing. It's the holy grail for many men (“if only I could have sex, I'd be happy”) and it is often inextricably linked with porn. And as you may have noticed, people rarely have fun in porn. They just fuck, moan and generally play out roles as each other's sluts. I have become bored with porn and rarely watch it. And on the off-chance that I do, most of it just seems like two disconnected people creating friction with their bodies. It appears to me largely uninspiring.
Yet, the reality is that porn often midwives the birth of sexuality in young boys. They have generally been hypnotized with sexual imagery for many years by the time they have sex for the first time. So of course it's going to feel like a momentous thing! It’s natural that they are excited. But when their image of sex is formed through the lens of a movie camera and porno theatrics, they will feel disconnected from it – trying to live up to a (bad) template of what sex looks like as opposed to connecting intimately and joyfully with a woman.
If only they had an elder tell them about sexuality in a mature way, they could realize it’s not some disconnected porno thing. It’s also, I judge, not this spectacularly important source of self-confidence and fulfillment that many believe. I feel confident in saying that great sex alone will not fulfill anyone. Human beings have done it for millennia. Animals do it. So give sex a break - it's just sex. But it is a very important, joyful, life-affirming ingredient in an integrated, mature life.
Having fun with it ;-)
As you probably already noticed, I’m not a fan of seeing sex through the lens of pornography. How boring are these people’s sex talk anyway? “Oooh yeah, fuck me – fuck me with your big cock. Ooooh yeah. You like that? You like that you dirty boy? Oooh. Aaah”. Gawd! No connection at all, no inspiration! These are the words of people trying to be sexy, but without opening their hearts or in any way claiming each other in an intimate way (intimacy is for their partner after they leave work and go home).
Since pornography is about disconnection, objectification and spacing out in erotic fantasies, in my judgment, to truly enjoy sex, we need to leave the template of pornography behind. And when we start leaving that template behind, when we are able to turn off the script that runs in our minds, our deeper desires and intuitions start rising. How would I really enjoy to connect with this woman right now? For me, connecting to that part of myself involves connecting to a very playful, almost childlike part of me. Not sexy to a woman, you may think? You think wrong.
What this playfulness may include for me is, like recently with a lovely woman I’ve been seeing, latex sheets, custard, whipped cream, oils, a cute whip, filling water pistols with wine for mutual enjoyment, balloons (hehe, don’t ask) etc. And then just making art out of it. I’m not going to go into details, but we had so much fun we couldn’t stop laughing, spraying wine into each other’s mouths from across the bed etc.
Would it surprise you that the sex was really enjoyable? Oh, how much more fun and liberating sex is when it’s freed from the influence of pornography! It’s just freeflow in the moment – two people who love and appreciate one another giving way to the moment and absorbing all the pleasure that’s on the plate.
It’s at times like that I feel really grateful that I’m not attached to sex looking a certain way. I definitely don’t stress about making her come. For the most part, I don’t think about that stuff. I just want to enjoy her and connect with her in an embodied way. Turns out women like that too. This woman says she is relieved that I’m not obsessing about making her come. That means she can enjoy herself and not feel forced to live up to any porno fantasies or “goals” in my head. And it also means that she has started having deep orgasms through intercourse for the first time in her life. Strange how that works, isn’t it?
Be irreverent (if you like)!
There really is no need treat sex as some epic event of unending importance. I invite you to be irreverent! Have fun – hedonism is allowed once in a while. Embracing who you are and learning to enjoy that in an uninhibited way sets her free – and the pleasure you are able to experience together will reflect that.
Being irreverent, perhaps even childlike, in bed is so refreshing in a world where most want to play out their porno mentality and/or prove themselves when they're having sex. Trying to prove yourself will probably contribute to your having issues with premature ejaculation and getting hard. And I assure you, good women can spot a man feigning mature masculinity a mile off anyway. They spotted me. They'll spot you. So why bother?
Play at the level you're at. Embrace yourself. Learn to have fun (even coming too early can be fun with the right mindset). And don't turn any of this into rules that you need to live by. Not even the part about not turning it into rules. This is yours to discover for yourself.
Have fun guys. :-)
To your pleasure!
EivindPS! I'd love to hear your experiences with having irreverent fun in bed in the comments below. Some of you are probably masters at it!
PPS! If you want me to write more about sex in the future, please say so below. If you don't, I probably won't.
— , Irregular updates ()On Wednesday June 16, my six week No Woman Diet came to an end. It's been a pretty crazy experience for me and I have learned so much about myself in the process. I have written some blog posts about the Diet already and this will be the last one.
One of my memories from early on in the diet isn't of a woman at all. I was standing on a boat in a cool, but pleasant sunset breeze, leaning against the white metal railing as the city lights approached in the distance. A guy was standing next to me and I had the feeling that he would be a nice bloke to have a casual conversation with. I didn't open my mouth.
The No Woman Diet turned out to be less about women than it would be about learning about all the artificial ways I use to prop up my ego and self esteem, my drugs of choice being random conversation, meaningless flirting, social media and all sorts of other things. I realized how incredibly draining it was to project my own value into other people's response to me and was shocked at how ubiquitous that tendency it was in my life. I do after all consider myself a pretty confident guy.
But there it was, my ego craved the validation of being seen by another human being, and I didn't give it what it wanted. I think this was the first time in the Diet I visualized smoke coming out of my ears – and it was far from the last. I experienced incredible fatigue for a couple of weeks in the middle of the diet, something which seems to have been very closely related to my experience of pulling into my little antisocial cave. However, this case was not a hideout, it was a furnace. It burned through layers of need and in the end - it has burned through to something deeper. A silent place, vibrating with the low hum of some primordial power I imagine I must have had, but that I lost.
I discovered some big anger in me which led me to do anger release work for the first time in my life, probably scaring my neighbors with the hard punching on my walls. (I must find a more isolated place to let loose completely I have understood). And my boundaries have transformed from being flowery meadows for people to wander into to being borders guarded by heavily armed warriors. Some people have had my swords swung at them and funnily enough many have enjoyed the experience. This has told me a lesson or two about the value of authentic expression.
I have also learned to own my dark, animal sexuality. For the first time in my life, I don't feel shame when I think of looking deeply..deeply into the eyes of a woman and telling her "I feel so fucking turned on by you right now," while having the strange and paradoxical feeling that I can say that WITHOUT being attached to any sexual outcome with her. I have yet to try it out - the diet just ended and I'm not about to turn into a headless chicken overnight - but I have it within my feeling realms for the first time. And that will soon enough materialize into reality.
Also, I have learned to value the warrior-like consciousness that I have had to foster during this diet. Distraction is starting to not only feel draining, but downright sickening. Too much hedonistic pleasures, I understand, will just kill my enjoyment of life, because they damage my samurai focus and hence reduce my enjoyment and potency in ALL walks of life. This is fucking HUGE.
I will retain many of the disciplines from the Diet in my life even as I transition into a normal lifestyle again. They have been really good for me. The big question now of course is "how about women?". As I have learned to enjoy to the conservation of my energy that comes from not sperming my energy in the direction of every sexy, flowing and curvaceous little kitten that enters my vision through the course of a day, I have chosen to stay committed to not shooting too much precious energy into the tits and asses that inspire my sexual charge. Through the course of the Diet, I have had one or two opportunities to take it further with women who clearly enjoyed my strong presence, but I obviously didn't do that. There was my integrity to consider. So if I keep to this practice, intimacy with women will come without my needing to be obsessive about it. I can merely stay open to what life brings to my porch. That seems healthy to me and way more of a mature masculine approach than running around looking for pussy.
I'm curious as to how all of this will play out. Last night, I had a conversation with a cute dancer chick on the way home from hosting Masculinity Movies Live #2. I understood her feet were aching when she took off her high heels and slipped them with delight into her sneakers. Turned out she had been dancing on-stage for hours. I shared the moment with her without further agenda than taking good care of her. I did notice some nervous energy in me simply from talking with a woman again, but mostly, I just sat there and held the space for her while we spoke casually. It was a nice encounter - and it didn't have to go anywhere at all. And as it so happened, I was more than happy to have us break up without asking for a phone number (although I was pleased to understand that she had enjoyed our time together). What mattered most to me was my authenticity. That is my gift to women, my Brothers, and the world.
It is a liberating new space to be this post-NWD inner landscape. The days and weeks ahead will tell how much has REALLY come of this experience. Right now, I'm still in the process of finding my bearings in my newly gained inner freedom.
Thanks to Bryan Bayer and Decker Cunov of AMP for facilitating such a potent cradle of growth.
— , Irregular updates ()John Keating's first lesson takes place outside of the classroom, in the ancient corridors of the Welton Academy. A series of pictures hang on the wall there, of students who walked the corridors when those walls were still young. Keating requests a poem by one of the students, who opens his book and reads:
Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying:
And this same flower that smiles to-day
To-morrow will be dying.It is clear that this is no ordinary teaching and John Keating no ordinary teacher. For Keating then goes on to point out to the boys that they are food for worms, that their death marches imposingly and unstoppably towards them, that they must make the most of what remains before their path comes to an end. They all huddle up around the pictures, looking deeply into the eyes of those long-dead boys, and there is the sense that they are one and the same. They have something to tell you, Keating points out. Lean in closer! Hear it?
Carpe... Carpe Diem. Seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary.
Carpe Diem
Carpe Diem, memorable words from a movie that has come to define the dreams of many people of its generation. Shown oftentimes in schools to students who at that naïve and immature time perhaps did not understand their significance. Their meaning was nevertheless impressed on the canvas of their subconscious. I still remember this movie.
Carpe Diem is the foundation stone of the initiation given these young men by Keating. Neil Perry, Todd Anderson, Knox Overstreet, Steven Meeks, Richard Cameron, and Gerard Pitts gather regularly in a cave hidden in the woods by the Academy, tapping into the wise minds and hearts of their elders, those Lovers of old – Thoreau, Whitman, Frost – whose words they read aloud in the flickering light of lanterns. They seem to jump right off the page, driven higher and higher by the passion and zest for life that gave them birth. The six young men discover joy there, brotherhood, and their hearts start ripening with the truth of the existential toils of life and death.
Neil is strong in the King archetype, and becomes a natural leader for the boys. Todd is the insecure new guy, whose huge gifts always seem just a hair's breadth away. The two become good friends, and Neil becomes to Todd like an older brother. Neil and Keating form an invisible alliance as they work their magic on Todd. Neil's capacity to serve has been strengthened in measure due to his own increasing level of initiation at the hands of Keating and those dead poets, but it is Keating himself who pulls Todd's first liberating exhalation into freedom from him.
Keating is not after mere obedience, he is after growth, and to that end he challenges his students to write a poem of their own. Todd obediently gets to work. But he is terrified; he cannot speak in front of others – he is too afraid of his own voice. Keating makes it very clear to him that he knows his terror well and challenges him on it in front of everyone in the class as he hands out the assignment. This pointing out and challenging of Todd's inner enemy is a gift particular to the Masculine. We men – those of us who haven't been totally feminized – love to find the wound in our brother and put our finger in it. To women, this seems cruel. But to men, this is a gift. It is a challenge to own up to your responsibility as a man to take charge of your fear and wrestle it to the ground through tireless dedication. Keating has cast his glove. Todd cannot chicken out now. His masculine soul has been forced online. He must seize the day.
Todd discovers his voice
As the day comes for the delivery of the poems, Todd nevertheless chickens out and fabricates a way out: “I didn't write a poem”. Keating calls him on his bullshit, knowing very well what is going on.
Mr. Anderson thinks that everything inside of him is worthless and embarrassing. Isn't that right, Todd? Isn't that your worst fear? Well, I think you're wrong. I think you have something inside of you that is worth a great deal.
Again the finger in the wound, immediately followed by a bandage; the masculine gift at its finest (do not rob your friends of this!). But John Keating won't tolerate that sort of nonsense, so he summons the power of his own elders, his own lineage of poets and introduces Walt Whitman's barbaric Yawp (a shout) of existence. I want you to give us a demonstration of a barbaric “yawp”.
The appearance of the yawp is symbolic of the awakening of Todd's inner warriors, his inner wild man. It is clear that Todd has suffered much psycho-emotional trauma at the hands of his parents, for they have made their love and admiration of him conditional, to be earned if is academic achievements make him deserving of it. This is not explicitly named in the movie, but the evidence is clear for all to see. Such a boy will have very weak inner warriors, because he has lived a life of trying to please, forever trying to achieve the holy grail of unconditional love.
Keating forces Todd to look at the picture of Whitman he has hung in reverence high up. What does he remind you of? Don't think. Answer. Go on. He is summoning the wild man now, pushing him beyond thinking into the the dirt of primal emotion, of intuitive expression. And then – after a round of mentoring that in any modern school would be labelled abuse (because, in all earnesty, Western school systems have been pussywhipped into degenerate, anti-hierarchical nonsense at the hands of cultural creatives holding high ideals of feminism and postmodernism) – Todd appears. And his friends cheer at the marvel of it all.
Some time later, Todd's birthday arrives and he receives from his parents the same crappy, unloving present he did last year. No thought, no emotion, no deep care from these parents for their lovely, intelligent child. Men's worker Robert Moore has said that a boy who isn't admired by an older man is being hurt. Todd has been hurt so very much. But Neil admires him, as does Keating and by extension also Whitman and the dead poets, and as Neil picks him up from his birthday sulk, he is empowered by lineage when he invites Todd to throw the crappy desk set off of the building (the words of William Wallace in Braveheart “Freeeeeedom” spring to mind).
Neil takes on himself the sins of the fathers
Thanks to the good works of Keating on the hearts and minds of the boys, Neil discovers he has a passion for acting. He applies for the role as Puck in Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream, and gets it! But the word reaches the ear of his father – an afraid and emotionally shut down man – and as he happily enters his room at the Academy one day, his heart sinks; his father is waiting for him. What a tragedy, the mere sight of a boy's father makes his dreams shatter! What has befallen the father-son-relationship? Where did we go wrong? There was supposed to be mentorship and love! But no, Neil must leave the play. Is that clear?! Yes, sir, Neil answers, feeling his life is over.
Yet the next day Neil stands on stage. Whether it is because he has been given permission as he suggests to Keating or if he defied his father, the film doesn't tell. What it does tell is that Neil is good. Everybody is in unison agreement. His brothers in the Society cheer, and the theatre explodes with the enthusiastic clapping of hands. Neil has never felt more alive; he has found his passion, his calling. At the exit stands his father, waiting to drag him away. The protests of Knox Overstreet – who has by now seized the day and captured his true love – and a concerned Keating are to no avail.
We're trying very hard to understand why it is that you insist on defying us. Whatever the reason, we're not gonna let you ruin your life, Neil's father insists as he confronts his son in his study, with his wife sitting idly by as silent witness. From the scene, we can see that Neil's parents have agreed on the unholy alliance that many traditional couples do: Mrs. Perry doesn't speak up when Mr. Perry speaks her name in vain by claiming “we”, when the feelings – the fears – are his alone; and in turn, some semblance of harmony can remain.
But when a man is so afraid as Mr. Perry, he can not love. Love and fear are mutually exclusive. Some people – indeed most in my experience – feel that fearing for others is a form of love. But there can not be love when there is fear. It is Law. A parent's fear for his or her child is in reality more often an expression of their attachment to the beauty that was brought into the world than it is of love. It is natural, there is nothing wrong with it really, but do not think that fear is ever an expression of love. Shed that illusion once and for all, fathers! Fear can be replaced by trust and the occasional confrontation in love, with nothing being lost, and much being gained.
You don't understand, Neil. You have opportunities that I never even dreamt of and I am not going to let you waste them. But it is Mr. Perry who doesn't understand. He wasted his life because of fear and now he wants his son to make up for it.
In my mother tongue, the English concept called original sin is coined as inherited sin. I did a men's workshop once when the facilitator explained that his take on this concept of inhe was that it is that baggage of fear and unlove that is passed from generation to generation, from father to son. It will forever remain the responsibility of the son to break that chain, as long as the father is too afraid to claim some responsibilities of his own. But Mr. Perry will not let Neil dispel that chain of sin by breaking free into a life of passion, love and honest enthusiasm. Refusing sin's redemption is the greatest sin of all.
As Mr. and Mrs. Perry go to bed that night, Neil puts on the crown of sticks that he wore as Puck at the apex of his life, just hours previously. That life is now about to end. For that crown is now the crown of Christ, and Neil is the sacrifice made to make good with the gods for the sins of the fathers.
In the black of night, Mr. Perry wakes up. He feels the terror, knows that something awful has happened. In his study lies Neil, his son, dead. Beside him, his own smoking gun.
The breaking apart of the Society
Nobody accepts responsibility for the dead Neil. Not his father, and not the mouldy old men at the Academy. They know not the heart, how could they understand that they themselves are responsible. How could they understand it and go on living? Heads must roll.
All the boys of the Society are forced by their parents, afraid to be humiliated, to confess to lies about Keating. Keating is fired. As he leaves that classroom for the last time, a once-hallowed place of teaching, now sterilized by the arrival of headmaster Nolan, Todd stands up on his desk and lets out his YAWP! He has found his voice now. “Oh captain, my captain!” sounds his calling; it is Whitman's calling – the poet has been brought back to life. It resonates in the hearts of those friends of his who have found in themselves new meaning in the Dead Poets that Keating brought to life inside of them, and one after the other, they stand up and sound that crescendo of love - "Oh captain, my captain!".
Such is the gratitude of a young man who has been admired by an older, and who there has found, in that transmission of love, himself.
Conclusion
Dead Poets Society is a magnificent film about the power of initiation at the hands of an elder. It shows the immense value of lineage, and gives us an insight into the power of transmission that travels from generation to generation (lineage is the positive form of that, inherited sin the negative). This is a film about the power of men long gone to affect the inner lives of those of us who now walk the earth. It's a movie about the immortal cries of life, sounded by brave men through time immemorial as they stand on the edge of oblivion, confronting their own inevitable death. They can still be heard today, but a mentor must be there to make you hear. MTV, Star Trek and computer games don't make good mentors. There is no love there. No challenge.
Dead Poets Society is also a film about what happens when an entire generation gives in to fear and walks that wide path, the path that leads to hell with good intentions. But this movie is about the road less travelled, so let's heed the words of Robert Frost as we end this investigation of Dead Poets Society:
Two roads diverged in the woods
and I took the one less travelled by
And that has made all the difference
— , Irregular updates ()This little piece totally got to me. Danny is such a Lover.
More stories like this on the StoryCorps website.
— , Irregular updates ()Hi!
Quick note to inform you that I just whacked some polling software in the sidebar of the site. That means you can now influence which movie will be featured next. I hope this will provide some incentive to participate more in the selection process.
Looking forward to receiving your vote!
Thanks!
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()Hi Men,
A mother and friend expressed in the comments of my blog post "The terror of young men" pain over a lack of programs, rites and rituals for boys. Many mothers of boys in this world - especially single mums - wish for programs like these. Now, I know these exist, but I haven't taken notes of them and I don't exactly remember the names of the ones I have heard about. I realize now that I have been more focused on men's work than boy's work...
I can spend lots of time doing research and compile a list (I WILL compile a list), but I'd love if you would help me by telling me of programs you know of in the comments below.
Thank you. Such a list could serve many people.
With gratitude,
Eivind
[caption id="attachment_770" align="alignright" width="333" caption="The young and brave Morten"][/caption]— , Irregular updates ()A few days ago, my friend Patrick Timmermans contacted me and asked me if I could help a tantra teacher called Sasha Cobra Tantra get connected in Norway. It turns out that Sasha works specifically with men and on the front of Sasha's webpage, I read the words "resurrecting men as initiators, protectors and warriors of truth". I was immediately drawn to that because it's so closely aligned with my own personal process right now and the process I see that we need so desperately as a culture.
I put the words in context, through my own personal journey, with the image that Robert Bly paints of the boy who has to steal the key to the Wild Man's cage from under his mother's pillow in the fairy tale Iron John. That metaphor from the fairy tales has taken on new relevance for me personally lately. I thought I had stolen all of that key, but it appears I have not. That's becoming painfully clear now. And while I think that a man ultimately needs another man for true initiation (a woman cannot teach us to steal the key from under our mother's pillow), I'm very curious to learn more about her ideas.
Sasha and I exchanged some words on Facebook and it turned out she was here in Oslo for some kind of self help conference for guys. I was surprised to hear that because I thought I was fairly well connected in the networks where information of events like this is spread. The conference was called the Morten Hake summit 2010 at which I went "Huh?" But when the opportunity to experience a conference in a community which to me is unknown where men (and indeed women) go to better themselves, I simply had to go check it out.
I ended up at a seminar hosted by the 23-year old Morten Hake. That he has the balls to pull together something like this at such an early age is very impressive indeed. He is way ahead of where I was at that age. And in hosting a seminar this size, he is way ahead of me at my current age in the seminar production arena. He is a brave young man this Morten Hake. Ambitious too and with a vision, as I understood it, of restoring healthy relations between men and women in our society. I can't argue with him on that one - it's important work and I'm just thrilled that such a young guy decides to take charge, power up his King archetype and gather momentum in this socio-cultural transition into an era where we can thrive as man and woman in a world gone beyond gender wars and pettiness.
It was real interesting to me to see how young the audience was. Most of the guys were 20-somethings. There were some women/girls in attendance as well, but by and large this was an event for guys. I realize now that the subculture/community I just had a brief encounter with is a totally different group of people to the circles I normally move in and that getting good with women is the one thing that can get these young guys to gather in the spirit of self-improvement. I was really glad I was there to have that experience. And to boot, I found all the presenters to be sympathetic and thoughtful individuals, though I did sense a little bit of posturing with a couple of them (we all have our insecurities, it makes us human). There were some truly evolved dudes there too though, from which I had much to learn. In conversations with many of them, I discovered they were genuine guys who wanted to better themselves. And also in conversations with audience members, several of my preconceptions of what I would have previousy labelled the PUA subculture were dispelled.
Turns out you can't really call it that anymore though. At least not this seminar. This was not so much about pickup as it was about success in life as a whole. And dare I say it, at least with some of the guys, about spirituality and love. That resonates really strongly with me. And I must admit it was fun to meet some of the guys whose names I keep seeing on newsletters that arrive in my inbox: Scott McKay, Orlando Owen, Rob Brinded and Alex May to name but a few. I also met some good guys from the Norwegian dating and relationship coaching community. Gathered around a table with all these guys who were working enthusiastically on self-improvement at the end of the night was something I thoroughly enjoyed. Everyone who wants to better themselves and become a force of service in the world is a friend of mine.
So all in all, this day widened my horizon considerably. I was heartened to see all the men who wanted to better themselves and feel hopeful that this community can produce some genuinely positive results in the time to come. I will definitely keep an eye on them. Who knows, maybe I'll even study with one of these guys eventually. They have a lot of expertise in their respective fields and some if it – if not most of it – is really good stuff. Stuff I should learn.
[caption id="attachment_665" align="alignright" width="250"] Fragment of the gnostic Nag Hammadi scriptures that were discovered in 1945.[/caption]— , Irregular updates ()When Eivind visited me at my home in Weert, Netherlands in May of 2010, we watched The Last Temptation of Christ together. Eivind was working on a review of the movie at the time and as we share a growing interest in archetypes, mature masculinity, and mysticism, it inspired a good dialogue between us about the movie. I was inspired to take up my research on Gnosticism as a result and when Eivind asked me to write an introduction to this ancient Christian mystical tradition, I took him up on the offer.
In their seminal work on the KWML archetypes, Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette mention the Gnostics as prime examples of the Magician archetype. The KWML archetypes are an evolution of the breakthrough work on archetypes done by Jung almost 70 years earlier, whereas Jung in turn took his original ideas from Philo, a Gnostic who lived 2,000 years ago. In observing this historical lineage, we see that core themes of our contemporary men's movement is based on the 2000-year old gnostic tradition. Who were these early pioneers of psychology, mathematics, philosophy and spirituality? Let's find out.
In this article, I adopt the definition of Gnosticism as introduced by Timothy Freke and Peter Gandy, who describe it as an attitude towards life and spirituality, which is opposed to Literalism. This way, any individual's spiritual practice can be seen somewhere on the spectrum between these two poles. A person on the Literalist end of this spectrum would see his Scriptures as the word of God, place value on the outer aspects of his religion's teachings, initiation myths and rituals. He sees his own religion as offering the Truth while other religions do not, and will go to war if his belief system comes under threat. A Literalist identifies with the collective with which he shares his beliefs.
Gnostics, however, see the words in the teachings, parables and myths as pointing to something beyond their common meaning, to something which paradoxically cannot be captured in words, to the ineffable Mystery. They see themselves on a journey of personal transformation, and accept truth from any source. They follow their hearts, not the herd. Gnostics are free spirits consumed by their own private quest, not by the goal of recruiting more adherents to a religion.
This definition of Gnosticism is different from what most scholars use, and the reason I adopt this definition is because it is actually useful. Rather than making a distinction between different religions, we'll look at different attitudes which occur within every one of those religions. What we then see, is that a Christian Gnostic is closer to a Muslim or Buddhist Gnostic than to a Christian Literalist. Throughout history, intolerant Literalists have brutally oppressed Gnostics, while the opposite never occurred. In the West, the Literalist Roman Catholic Church has eradicated gnostics, a crime from which we still haven't recovered; since the Gnostics were the carriers of wisdom and research of their time, an incredible wealth of knowledge and literature has been destroyed.
In 1945, Christian gnostic texts (along with works by Plato) were found at Nag Hammadi in Egypt. The farmer who found them by accident subsequently destroyed some of them and sold the rest, not realizing what treasure he had unearthed. After all the surviving texts were gathered, translated and interpreted, a process which has taken 30 years, scholars have shed new light on the origins of Christianity, enabling an interpretation of the gospels which is radically different from what the Literalist Churches have been trying to tell us.
Christian Gnostics were political radicals who preached liberty, equality and brotherhood centuries before the French Revolution. The first Christian monasteries where egalitarian communities, where property was held in common and women were treated as equals. It was the accepted practice for male Christian Gnostics to travel with a female spiritual partner, whom they referred to as "sister-wife". While some schools were ascetic in nature, some saw sexuality as a celebration of the union of God and Goddess, from which all life springs. They are said to have sometimes practiced sacramental nudity in church and even ritual intercourse. The Literalist Epiphanius desribes his experience as a young man of 20, meeting two pretty Gnostic women who invited him to one of their agapes or love feasts, which turned out to be an orgy. With the horror characteristic of the deeply repressed, Epiphanius was outraged that these Gnostics believed that they 'must ceaselessly apply themselves to the mystery of sexual union'.
Ibn Arabi, a Sufi known as the Great Master, believed that women were a potent incarnation of Sophia – the Goddess Christianity once had but lost (the deity in Abrahamic religions rules alone) – because they inspired in men a love that was ultimately directed towards God. Like the libertine Christians, he venerated sex as a spiritual practice which could help human beings participate in the cosmic sexuality through which the Mystery knows itself. He even translated a Sanskrit scripture on Tantric Yoga into Persian!
Not all Gnostics were such party animals, however, and this touches upon the core of Gnosticism: spirituality is a personalized affair, and individualism is key. Instead of dogma, initiates are put on a path of self-discovery, leading through different stages of initiations, and the ultimate goal is to achieve gnosis: direct experience of the Mystery. The early Christian Gnostics recognized that different people had different levels of awareness, which they divided into hylics, psychics and pneumatics.
In Greek, hyle means matter, and hylics is a term for people who regard values as material: as things handed to them from an external source. With this conviction, the hylic has cut himself off from his own compassion as the source of all values. For this reason, the Gnostics see such a person as lost: he does not know where he came from, nor where he is going. He has lost his inner compass. The gnostic Valentinus called this aporia, which means confusion. For a hylic, any felt sense of compassion which doesn't fit within his own convictions is experienced as evil temptation. This is why a hylic is always at war with himself: his inner world is his enemy.
A psychic is in contact with his compassion, but does not act on it. It's the attitude of the rationalist: feelings are irrational and therefore unreliable. Peace of mind is reached only by freeing yourself from desire. Gnostics reject peace of mind as the goal of a spiritual life. If you want to let love play a role in your life, you will have to be prepared to be vulnerable, to let it cut into your soul, and therefore to allow your piece of mind to be disturbed. A psychic, however, thinks he can liberate himself from suffering. He continually attempts to tame his soul until it is silent. Like the hylic, a psychic has made is inner world into an enemy.
For the Gnostics, the pneumatic was the idealized type of person: a human being who has inner freedom, and who is motivated by love. Pneumatics experience love as the source of all compassion. Love is fundamentally different from the solidified faith of the hylic and the peace of mind of the psychic. The core of the gnostic way of life is that love can only blossom in total openness to all that is. Only a person who has made peace with himself, who has stopped to fight himself, can obtain this level of openness. In practice, this means that you disarm yourself, take off your armor, and that you are prepared to be touched, even by pain and sorrow.
The Christian Gnostic schools used to let anybody enter who wanted to do so, but they had different levels of initiation. Psychics were taught the Outer Mysteries, and had a literal interpretation of the gospels. For this purpose, the gospels were written as stories designed to draw people in, and to be used as reminders of what was expected of initiates (with Jesus being a prime example). The Roman Catholic Church (and all later deviations) were based on these outer, or exoteric, teachings. These same gospel stories, however, had other hidden meanings as well, sometimes even with multiple layers. These hidden meanings were only revealed to people who had grown into the pneumatic stages. These were completely different from the literal interpretation, but have been repressed by the Church. When the Roman empire needed a single religion to unite the empire, exoteric Christianity was used for that aim. Maybe it was too hard to build a power base on the esoteric parts? Alas, the Gnostics were thereafter made into heretics – their wisdom was lost – and the Dark Ages began.
The Gnostics were way ahead of their time, and their teachings couldn't get a foothold in these early days. It is only in recent times that it has become safe to practice it freely and so the path has been cleared, making the resurrection of this mystical tradition in modern form possible. By entering the gnostic path of self-knowledge, you are stepping into a long lineage of great men, from Plato to Plotinus to Jung. Gnosticism is a path to authenticity, love, compassion and enlightenment and we find echoes of it in such contemporary men's movements as The Authentic Man Program. It looks like its time has finally come.
a:11:{s:10:"aria-label";s:0:"";s:4:"type";s:4:"text";s:12:"instructions";s:0:"";s:8:"required";i:1;s:17:"conditional_logic";i:0;s:7:"wrapper";a:3:{s:5:"width";s:0:"";s:5:"class";s:0:"";s:2:"id";s:0:"";}s:13:"default_value";s:0:"";s:9:"maxlength";i:4;s:11:"placeholder";s:0:"";s:7:"prepend";s:0:"";s:6:"append";s:0:"";}— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()Nick Duffell was born in 1949, took his degree in Sanskrit at Oxford. He has been a teacher, care-staff, carpenter, divorce mediator, psychotherapist and management consultant. In 1990 he began offering specialist group therapy to Boarding School Survivors (as he provocatively named adult ex-boarders). Ten years later he published his findings in The Making of Them, The British Attitude to Children and the Boarding School System, which has received wide critical acclaim, including an endorsement by the BMJ.
In 1996, with his wife Helena Løvendal-Duffell, he founded the Centre for Gender Psychology, which offers public workshops as well as specialist training for professionals in the field of relationships, sex, and gender. In 2002 HarperCollins published their book Sex, Love and the Danger of Intimacy, which has now been translated into several languages.
He now specialises in training couple-therapists, working with men’s issues, and is a frequent contributor to theoretical debates in the psychological press. He spends his non-work time deep in the French countryside, caring for trees and vegetables, experimenting with solar power and sawing his own wood.
— , Irregular updates ()King on the Mountain
Reigning supreme within this wooded mountain enclave, Ben's figurative hippie battle-bus is occupied by almost every archetypal passenger imaginable – he is Father, Rebel, Trickster, Hero, Wild Man, Warrior, Lover, Magician and King. And a good king he is too, for the most part – ruling his realm with a benevolent spirit, a strong hand and a certain worldly wisdom. We see, however – as the film progresses – that in spite of his many noble traits, aspects of his kingdom (both internal and external) have been neglected – causing great strife for both his subjects and for Ben himself.
From the outset it is evident that Ben and his wife, Leslie, have achieved something extraordinary – raising six remarkable children who are as confident and intellectually sophisticated as they are practical and athletic. The opening scene, in which eldest son, Bodevan, engages in a singularly brutal and beautiful initiation into manhood – stalking and slaying a deer armed only with a short blade – demonstrates that the family have successfully re-assimilated aspects of our ancestral heritage into their daily lives.
This savage rite – complete with a ceremonial feasting on the animal's still-oozing heart – is immediately contrasted with tender moments as family members play in a stream, bound through unkempt meadows and fulfil the many tasks required to live a rugged existence in symbiosis with the land. The tranquillity of this idyllic Eden – a paradise in which the junior Cashes enjoy an irregular but untarnished innocence – is shattered, however, when they discover that their mother – their Eve – has committed suicide.
Thus begins our hero's journey, as Ben and family board their battle-bus (bearing the unassuming moniker, 'Steve') intent on resting her spirit from the clutches of their tyrannical grandfather, Jack, who is determined to keep Ben from her funeral and unwilling to respect his daughter's final wishes. Beset by challenges – the 'liberation' of food from a supermarket, the bamboozling of a cop who threatens their familial sovereignty and a stark confrontation with the vacuous reality of modern economic and social life, the family engage in a voyage of self-discovery that is frequently as hilarious as it poignant.
Nature Abhors a Vacuum
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXE6ZafkRMI
To my mind one of the film's most thematically significant scenes focuses upon Ben's attempts to buoy his children's spirits by shunting forwards the celebration of their hallowed 'Noam Chomsky Day' – a jubilant chrimbo-esque occasion that celebrates the achievements of the prolific academic and peace activist. Being a bit of a Chomsky-cheerleader myself, I'm inclined to agree with Ben's characterisation of the man – as a “humanitarian who has done so much to promote human rights and understanding”.
The elevation of the uber-analytical scholar to deific status does demonstrate our desperate need for idols infused with archetypal energy, however. Where the 'gods' of old are spurned and torn from their plinths, new effigies are installed in their place to fill the void created by their absence.
Ben's son, Rillion, recognises a fundamental flaw inherent in this trend – one that he understands intuitively but struggles to articulate rationally (as is so often the case when people of faith attempt to justify their visceral standpoints to those who demand corroborative evidence for them). His desperate plea to embrace some semblance of normality:
“Why can't we celebrate Christmas like the rest of the entire world?”
Could easily be read as a lazy unwillingness to engage in independent thought and action; but I don't think that that's an accurate assessment of his inclinations.
On the contrary, this temperamental teen instinctively recognises that the value of celebrating a festival such as Christmas – along with its superficially archaic poster-boys (whether we're talking JC or the big guy in red) lies not so much in the particular religious symbolism associated with these archetypal brands – but the fact that its shared by the rest of the tribe. These rituals connect us to other people – past and present – they afford us a sense of community and continuity, and when we abandon them to venerate our own personal gods and observe exclusive rituals, we run the risk of isolating ourselves from the collective activities which instil our lives with meaning.
Which is not to say that this is necessarily all bad – after all, every existing religious or ideological tradition was established by small groups of people who penned new narratives when older stories ceased to serve their contemporary needs. I do think, however, that we need to be very wary of throwing the baby out with the bathwater – the Christian faith preserved much of the archetypal meat served up by the pagan traditions that preceded it, after all.
A Tale of Two Knights
Rillion's role as boyish agitator and challenger to his father's supremacy has already been established, but I'd like to explore Ben's shortcomings further by focusing on his relationship with each of his sons, Rillion and Bodevan. As Red and White Knight's, these two inexperienced warriors (note, it is the two masculine heirs who challenge the authority of their father) lay bare both Ben's successes and his failures.
Within the storytelling traditions of Europe, these two colours/tones were used to denote specific stages within a man's development. The red represents youthful vigour – and draws its power from emotional engagement, the desire to assert one's independence and to achieve the personal objectives of its standard-bearer.
The elder White Knight possesses the patience and self-restraint of an older man/adolescent, and directs his attention away from personal desires and towards loftier ideals; but he remains naïve until he has confronted the shadow aspects of his nature and integrated them into his psyche (at which point he becomes the Black Knight – a fully mature man with all archetypal resources at his disposal). The fact that Bodevan embodies the traits of the White so fully at such a tender age does demonstrate Ben's accomplishments as a father, however – and the policy of honesty the latter adheres to in his children's presence appears integral to their development.
Nonetheless, enraged by his father's perceived failings as a king – and the toll he feels that they took upon his mother – Rillian rebels against his rule:
“Dad made her crazy. Dad's dangerous. You think our lives are so great – you think dad's so perfect!”.
And here, Rillian's Red Knight call's Bodevan's White counterpart to action – revealing that with his mother's help, he has been 'plotting' to flee his father's kingdom; applying to University in order to embark upon a hero's journey of his own.
Pressed by his father, who cannot understand his son's need to beat his own path through the under-brush, his eldest rages:
“I know nothing!... I'm a freak because of you. You made us freaks. And mum knew that. She understood. Unless it comes out of a book I don't know anything!”.
The Great Mother has access to intuitive wisdom and a capacity for flexibility that the masterful King does not naturally possess – and without her influence the children may be crushed by the weight of his iron hand. Bodevan's romantic encounter with the feisty, streetwise Clare – 'the woman with the golden hair' (an archetypal figure that stirs expressive Lover energy within a man, illuminating another layer of masculinity within him) has, however, highlighted both his own naivete and that of his father.
The Battle of Two Kings
Jack, on the other hand, is everything that you might expect of a late-twentieth century fictional father-figure. Rigid, ruthless, content to suppress the maternal spirit of his own queen (his wife – who for her part makes every effort to reconcile the estranged family) and insistent that his own conservative traditions be observed – despite the fact that they reflect neither his daughter's wishes nor her idiosyncratic nature.
He's the typical 'dark father' of the West – preoccupied with wealth and status, emotionally repressed, excessively controlling – and a lesser movie would have left it there. Captain Fantastic, on the other hand, proves its chops by bestowing a soul upon this authoritarian patriarch; serving us not with a monster to loathe or a pantomime villain to jeer at, but with an essentially decent – if deeply flawed – individual that requires a great deal more consideration to understand.
We see that far from being driven exclusively by egotism and self-interest, his actions are motivated by the tremendous grief he feels at the loss of his daughter and the love he feels for the rest of his family. The scenes in which Jack plays with his grandchildren – thawing his seemingly crystalline heart in the process – are amongst the most subtle and touching in the entire movie.
When Ben concedes defeat to the elder Jack (recognising his mistakes and the fact that his demanding parental decrees are exposing his offspring to unnecessary danger) the latter even manages to extend to him both a literal and figurative fatherly hand. This is a truly wonderful moment in which veteran actor, Frank Langella, floods the ritual space between them with a gentle beneficence.
What's more, his loosing of an arrow upon Ben (“if I'd meant to hit you, I'd have hit you”) - is impregnated with a rich and potent symbolism. On the one hand, it demonstrates the necessity for a decisive intervention by an elder Warrior to redirect the flow of the narrative – and their family's fortune. On the other, the arrow's sudden 'THWACK' and the reveal that Jack is himself a gifted archer suggests that these two duelling bucks – seemingly of entirely unrelated species – are not so different after all.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYRuG6dvy6g
Conclusion: Mission Complete
Having made peace with the Kingdom over the hill (but resisting attempts by its ruler to keep them there) it now falls to the family to 'complete their mission'. And so they set about rescuing their mother's body from a unfitting fate and giving her the send off she deserves (the values of our heroic entourage must be tempered with an understanding and acceptance of other people's, but not abandoned altogether).
It's this heart-warming scene (following a cheery spot of grave-robbing) which demonstrates that balance has been restored to the family's world. Their rustic rendition of Guns & Roses' Sweet Child of Mine seamlessly blends the contemporary with the tribal - whilst lauding the creative expression of the individual (not least when Leslie's cremated ashes are unceremoniously flushed down the toilet!).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cHSk606yFas
So, what do we take from this pithy but whimsical affair? In some respects the titular Captain's call to action is very different from the journey required of most of us – already intimately connected with his primal instincts, his challenge is to become more domesticated – to adopt a more contemporary sensibility (which is represented symbolically by Ben's shaving of his beard – the civilising of his hairy native).
For many men the opposite is true, and this Wild Man's comparatively feral existence stirs within us a wholly appropriate longing for a return to a simpler – and more calloused – mode of being. In other respects, however, the film speaks directly to the postmodern man – it being a clarion call to put the needs of others before our own, to forge stronger bonds with extended family and to lower our drawbridge, so that we may reconnect with the diverse community that lies beyond our castle walls.
This is what I love most about this delightful yarn – it challenges us to seek out and assimilate the very best from the old world and the new. Reeling with motion sickness induced by the frenetic rate of change in our society, it's often easy to forget how blessed we are to be living through such extraordinary times.
Every (Western) man has the world at his finger tips – we sail a vast techy sea of information that we can fish for nutritious bites whenever we choose. Alternatively, we can plonk ourselves down in any of a dozen wildernesses within easy reach of our homes by simply hitting the accelerator or boarding a plane. The key to carving out a better future for ourselves is to incorporate each of these two experiences cohesively within our psyches. This is, I would suggest, the challenge of our times – and it's one that I intend to meet with all my manly vigour.
So gents, I implore you to sharpen your knives and your I.T skills – because the Cap' wants you to know that you needn't choose between the two. You can have your venison and eat it – just so long as you're willing to hunt, chop, whittle, laugh and learn as tribe. This world's a tough old place, but as Rillian states (quoting the shrewd Chomsky):
“If you assume that there is no hope, you guarantee that there will be no hope. If you assume that there is an instinct for freedom, that there are opportunities to change things, then there is a possibility that you can contribute to making a better world”.
I suggest that each of us follow Ben's example, and strive to make of it all that it can be.
[wpum_profile]— , Irregular updates ()
a:11:{s:10:"aria-label";s:0:"";s:4:"type";s:4:"text";s:12:"instructions";s:0:"";s:8:"required";i:0;s:17:"conditional_logic";i:0;s:7:"wrapper";a:3:{s:5:"width";s:0:"";s:5:"class";s:0:"";s:2:"id";s:0:"";}s:13:"default_value";s:0:"";s:9:"maxlength";s:0:"";s:11:"placeholder";s:0:"";s:7:"prepend";s:0:"";s:6:"append";s:0:"";}— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()Jason Schroeder, one of my readers, passed along this video series of Robert Bly and Michael Meade. As always, I happily pass along the information. It's golden as usual. And a great opportunity for me to get to know Michael Meade a little bit. I have never seen him "in the flesh" before and I really enjoyed it. They form a dynamic due for sure!
Part #1: Fathers and Sons
Part #2: An Old Conversation, The Lonely Heart
Part #3: The Warrior, Mythology & Killing The Lizard
A lot of what they talk about in the Warrior segment is closely related to my treatment of Last Samurai.
Part #4: Initiation
Part #5: Toward a Men's movement, Grief
Part #6: Blessing
Good stuff, huh?
[caption id="attachment_703" align="alignright" width="400" caption="Eivind, Peter and Pelle in front of the Charles Bridge"][/caption]— , Irregular updates ()I spent five days in Prague in the latter parts of August. Every three months, I meet up with my friends Peter Kessels and Pelle Billing somewhere in Europe. We support each other in going deeper with our own personal life processes, actively build brotherhood, challenge each other to greater consciousness and generally have a good time.
None of us had been to Prague before and we all bloody loved the place. Amazing city. So much culture and history. It is a felt sense, quite unlike anything I can feel here in Oslo. The place was full of beautiful women too. I don't know if they were tourists or Czech, but the ones we did go deeper with were natives. There was this lovely blonde in a slick book bar one night that I was very attracted to (and the feeling appeared to be deeply mutual), though I decided to stay committed to the brotherhood-building. I only half regret it... I really enjoyed feeling her open up with me and start playing with her hair as she looked into my eyes with increasing surrender. Women are a blessing..!
Two main challenges (these are the ones I'm currently present to at least) crystallized over these days for all three of us: Our relating with women and maintaining consciousness. I had some great experiences just pushing my edge on how I communicate with women and I feel very inspired about my future relations with women now. I'm only starting to realize what is possible. And I also realize how great it is to have Brothers around me when doing this sort of work. It's easy to chicken out when I go it alone.
With regards to the consciousness...it was slipping at times. Here are these three deeply committed and resourceful guys and when not even we can maintain full consciousness, how can we expect your average Joe to do it? I realized that for me, when consciousness is dropping, I just start getting really frustrated. I feel it happening, but don't always know how to course correct. I have realized lately that one way of addressing lapses in consciousness is to say something a bit "out there" to jolt myself back into it. My experience tells me it normally jolts people around me back into consciousness as well, provided they are reasonably mature human beings (guys who haven't done the work can get defensive). One day we were walking along one of the main roads along the Vltava river and I felt incredibly frustrated. I expressed with some force "so guys, are we going to have fun tonight or are we going to keep having a shit time like we are now?". That worked. From there on out, it was anything but shit.
We established a "War Room" in the flat where we did all the deep processing stuff. I also got to do a live presentation of the KWML archetypes there, further developing my platform for presenting them to you in the time to come. It was powerful to dedicate a room to inner work like that. It became our ritual space. And if it is true that men only grow in ritual space as Robert Moore suggests, it was a great boon to have that space so readily available.
I'm so grateful for the brotherhood I share with Peter and Pelle and realize that any kind of real progress would be almost impossible for me at this point in my life were I not to have these sorts of potent relationships with men. The difference between having committed and inspired friends and having distracted, apathetic and confused friends is like night and day.
If there is only one thing I could advice men who wish to grow to look at, it's their relationships with their closest male friends. Without these potent friendships, we will never even come close to our potential.
a:11:{s:10:"aria-label";s:0:"";s:4:"type";s:7:"wysiwyg";s:12:"instructions";s:0:"";s:8:"required";i:1;s:17:"conditional_logic";i:0;s:7:"wrapper";a:3:{s:5:"width";s:0:"";s:5:"class";s:0:"";s:2:"id";s:0:"";}s:13:"default_value";s:0:"";s:4:"tabs";s:3:"all";s:7:"toolbar";s:4:"full";s:12:"media_upload";i:1;s:5:"delay";i:0;}— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()(Norwegian only)
Jeg leste med interesse Kjetil Østlis avisinnlegg "Et likestilt brøl". Jeg anbefaler dere til å se litt nærmere på debatten og de midler en del kvinner iverksetter for å kaste skam på Kjetil for sine meninger.
Jeg har forfattet følgende svar som jeg postet her.
Jeg gjengir det også under:
Okay, jeg har ikke konsumert verken opptakten til dette innlegget eller alle kommentarene til det, men leser med stor interesse. Jeg leser også noen av kvinnenes svar med gjenkjennelse (registrerer også at mange kvinner digger det). Jeg ser fra debatten at begge kjønn er såret og kvinner fremdeles er bitre for det de ser på som årtusener med undertrykkelse.
Selv opplever jeg ikke at Kjetil skriver som en mann som ikke ønsker å være far. Det er et stygt våpen dere kvinner drar når dere sier "voks opp, Kjetil - vær far nå". For dere innser ikke at dypt i en manns sjel ligger det hardkodet et behov for å bryte ny mark og oppleve eventyr. Mer skadelig er det kanskje at dere ikke forstår konsekvensen av at menn trekkes vekk fra sine dype sjelelige impulser til å utrette noe med sitt liv på jorden på en måte som setter preg på historien - mennene blir ikke like sunne forbilder for sine barn og ikke like gode partnere for sine koner. Hvorfor ikke? De er jo deppa for f*en! Tro meg når jeg sier at jeg har vært det!
Jeg ser menn gjør utrolig mye flotte der ute i samfunnet. De får kreditt for svært lite. For hvem snakker vel om kjønnskvotering av kvinner inn i gruver og opp på søppelbiler? Kvotering gjelder kun inn i jobber med høy status og lav risiko for liv og helse (i 2005 var 98% av de som døde på jobb menn). Og så snakker mange om at menn tjener mer enn kvinner. Gi meg tall som viser at menn tjener mer enn kvinner gitt samme yrke, like mange reisedøgn og like mye overtid. En slik undersøkelse ble gjort i Sverige (jeg orker ikke kildesjekke nå) og det ble avslørt at kun EN prosent av kvinner har en uforklarlig lav lønn. Knapt nok et problem på samme skala som vi får det beskrevet.
Lønnsgapet og ideen om at kvinner blir utsatt for mer partnervold enn menn er basert på følelser. Vonde følelser. Tallmaterialet støtter ikke følelsene. Kvinner slår like ofte som menn (mørketallene er enorme - menn er sosialisert til å ikke si at de blir slått av sin partner). Det er bare det at menn slår hardere. Men en sinna kvinnes tunge kutter også dypt for han som ikke er beredt/naiv. Kvinners emosjonelle vold mot partnere er sjelden tema. Uinteressant antakelig for likestillingsombudet. Likestilling er jo tross alt slik det praktiseres i dagens Norge basert på en grunnide om at menn har fordelere som ikke kvinner har og at kvinner også må få de fordelene (uten å ta del i de tilkommende ansvar). Men mange menn bærer sjelelige sår påført av sinna damer (mon tro om de var like sinna om de visste at menn ikke var slemminger som prøvde å dominere dem).
Mannskraft er skummelt - også for mannen som forsøker å få fatt på den. Han er blitt trenet opp til å tenke at villskapen som eksisterer i han representerer en voldsimpuls som ikke må komme ut i verden. Men villskapen er selve kjernen til mannens kreativitet, potens og evne til å gjøre denne føkkings skakkjørte planeten til et bedre sted å være. Ta den fra han og du baner vei for at en gjeng med maktsyke smågutter kan stige til maktens tinder og styre med egoistisk hånd. Dette er ikke menn, kvinner! Det er gutter i Armanidress. Gutter som ikke hadde gode mannlige forbilder.
Jeg ser i denne debatten som alltid at skammen er en kvinnes beste våpen mot en mann som vil gjenerobre seg selv. Kjetil vil kjenne urmannen og får høre "bli voksen". Urmannen er ikke kontrollerbar - skummel for den selvrealiserte karrierekvinne som er vant til at mannen hennes gjør alt hun sier.
Vi må huske at vi er kommet på denne planeten for å SAMARBEIDE. Til og med - om jeg engang våger - ELSKE hverandre. Og likeverd er ikke det samme som likhet. Nå som kvinner i flere tiår med rette har fokusert på hvilke våpen mannen har brukt mot kvinnen er det kanskje på tide at mannen begynner å fokusere på hvilke maktmidler kvinner bruker mot han i dagens samfunn:
- Offerfølelser så sterke at de skygger for sannheten
- Skam- og skyldpåleggelse hver gang mannen kommer i kontakt med den delen av seg selv han savner mer enn noe annet (en mann som er i ferd med å bli skikkelig voksen blir beskrevet som han var gått i barndommen - bare se på denne debatten)
- Tillatelse til å være svak når det passer henne og sterk når det passer henne
- Seksualitet (kvinner kontrollerer seksualiteten - en enorm maktfaktor som levnes liten spalteplass i kjønnsdebatten)
- Med mer...Vi menn må holde øynene åpne for disse vonde taktikkene slik at vi ikke blir rammet på den grusomme, kastrerende måten som kvinner er så gode på. Det er ikke alle kvinner som liker å bruke disse våpnene (det er så mange fantastiske kvinner der ute kan jeg si!), men det urovekkende er at blant de damene som ofte ender opp i medienes søkelys når slike debatter går varmt er prosentandelen langt høyere.
Stå på, Kjetil. Jeg synes du er modig!
Eivind,
www.masculinity-movies.com
— , Irregular updates ()Michael Elston reckoned I should share this poem with you. And I agree. I like the end the best.
— Katsumoto & Nathan Algren, The Last Samurai (2003)Katsumoto: Do you believe a man can change his destiny? Algren: I think a man does what he can, until his destiny is revealed to him.
{{unknown}}— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()To celebrate the arrival of "The Warrior Within" in my mailbox (required some detective work to find a decent copy out there), I have posted a manifesto from said book in the articles section. I do so because I was taken by it immediately upon opening the book. I feel that it's very powerful and incredibly important.
I'm getting more and more into Robert Moore's and Dougles Gillette's writing. I have to &;ndash; I'm working on a kick ass product outlining the crux of their work within the next few months. And now I've got help.
Go power up your warrior energy with An Earthknight Manifesto.
— , Irregular updates ()I was very inspired by this incredible TED talk by Jacqueline Novogratz. Not only is she a wonderful, heart-open and humble woman deeply in tune with humanity's challenges, but she has the visionary insight that male depression is related to female suffering. It's so common today to think that men make women suffer because we are evil and uncontrollably violent, little else but walking testosterone bombs who need to be feminized to heal us from our inherent evils. (I have ended this post with some feminist quotes to make you understand what I'm talking about.)
Jacqueline understands that young men who have not been loved, blessed or nourished by elder man will turn into bitter, disempowered, depressed men who will lash out from a place of pain and who are easy prey for tyrant demagogues. She also seems to understand how masculinity is a wonderful thing that the world needs more of, empowering men to serve as stewards of our future.
One story she told impacted me a great deal. Ingrid Washinawatak (sp?), a native American woman, told Jacqueline how elders of her Native American tribe would visualize children from seven generations into the future watching them from above, seeing them as stewards for the time that was once going to be theirs (around 2:30). This concept is so powerful it strikes me right in the heart. All we think of in the midst of consumerist hysteria is "I need more". Selfish, ignorant and altogether miserable are so many modern lives.
Have a look. It's worth your time. Trust me.
"All sex, even consensual sex between a married couple, is an act of violence perpetrated against a woman." – Catherine MacKinnon
"The media treat male assaults on women like rape, beating, and murder of wives and female lovers, or male incest with children, as individual aberrations...obscuring the fact that all male violence toward women is part of a concerted campaign." – Marilyn French
— , Irregular updates ()The US is a country that has not experienced foreign powers on home turf after its formation*. One would think this would lead the American mind to a place of harmony and peace. Yet, Hollywood moviemaking features an unmatched number of movies with invasions, presidential kidnappings, burning government buildings etc.
Why is it that Hollywood has such tremendous fascination with spectacular attacks on the USA, when, disregarding a few isolated examples, relatively few in number, they bear so little connection to reality? What can we deduce about the American psyche by really examining this odd phenomenon?
Come with me now on a journey of exploring this paradox.
Introduction
4th of July, 1776 was the day the Declaration of Independence changed the history of the world. It was a time of war and of a revolution in consciousness. For at this crossroads, the founding fathers authored a document that would not only lay the foundation for a new and great nation, but bring into being a consciousness the world had not yet known: The understanding that all men are created equal.
Ever since the signing of this revolutionary document, the United States has enjoyed a history remarkably free of real (not imagined) threat at home.
What I realized in a plane somewhere above Greenland recently was that Hollywood seems not to have noticed. Headed towards Washington DC, I watched two movies that featured presidents being kidnapped and evil powers invading or threatening from afar. The movies were GI Joe Retaliation and Olympus Has Fallen.
Whenever I'm on a transatlantic flight, I find myself in a liminoid space - as if I'm in a death process of sorts. And from that space of heightened awareness of the unconscious realm, this made no sense to me at all. It struck me as deeply paradoxical.
Shortly after my trip, White House Down was announced, its imagery and theme almost mirroring Olympus Has Fallen, further strengthening my desire to investigate.
The US: Origin story
The history of the US started in 1620 with a ship called the Mayflower. The vessel, en-route to New England, carried about a hundred people. They were largely Puritans who sought a life free from religious prosecution, but also craftsmen of all kinds. The white man had arrived on American shores. This time for good.
What level of influence on contemporary American life does this ship and its passengers have? What does it mean that the first American settlers were pious people fleeing religious prosecution? It is hard to say. But I see today pious paranoia featured prominently in places such as Fox News. I don't think it's a coincidence. The passengers of the Mayflower set a precedence.
Then, in 1775, come the English. Greedy for power and control, they are not about to let this new and bountiful continent depart from the Commonwealth without a fight. But the French, Dutch and Spaniards intervene on the side of the 13 freedom-seeking American territories, and together, the coalition win the war. The United States is born. A new chapter in the history of the world starts.
And yet, however traumatic these events must have been to the fledgling US psyche, I don't belive they fully explain the paranoia Hollywood displays in its moviemaking. Most European countries have been through hardships greater and more terrible than those of the US and yet their movie output seem to feature much fewer examples of these themes.
Searching for clues along the Washington Mall
When I arrived at the Mall in DC, I was drawn particularly to the newest addition to the Smithsonian: The Museum of the American Indian. This is a beautiful building and a wonderful exhibition – worth a visit. Walking through its curved halls, studying the traumatic history of the American Indian, the flash of insight I'd had on the plane started crystallizing. What does it amount to in but a few words?
When the white man arrived in North America, he carried germs against which the American indian immune system had no defense. The germs effectively carried out a genocide, wiping out 90% of the Native Americans. NINETY percent. Just pause at the magnitude of that for a few seconds.
The white man had little trouble dealing with the remaining Native american resistance. In an effort to create a good life for themselves and their families, citizens of this new nation took the land from the Native American. And in just a few years, they managed to virtually wipe out the American Buffalo, the animal so sacred to the Native American, showing in the process, true to the Western industrial mindset, their horrific contempt of the miracle and mystery of nature and its inherent sacred order.
What happened was the start of great things. The way that it happened was very wrong.
In observing this, something shifts in me and I’m pulled into a very deep place, one of unmourned dead, uncried tears, unshaken shakes, unshouted screams and unspoken guilt. A place which this museum puts us in more intimate connection with.
The deep place I’m tuning into is the same place of shadow and grief that has completely consumed Nathan Algren as The Last Samurai, one of the movies reviewed on this site, opens. He is traumatized, so guilty and ashamed for the terrible things he has done to the Native Americans. His superior Colonel Bagley, however, is not feeling any of that; he enjoys the emotional disconnection expected of any good soldier. Nathan, however, is not a soldier; he is a Warrior. And the actions he has carried out on behalf of the invading white man are hostile to his soul.
America’s curse
I have come to develop a deep fascination for and respect of the teachings of depth psychology (the branch of psychology which includes the unconscious).
In the process of deepening my understanding of the pervasive influence our unconscious minds exert on us, both individually and collectively, I have come to realize the importance of grieving that which was wrong and of discharing traumas. Whenever traumas are repressed, they fester. Eventually, they take us over.
The stealing of the United States from the American indian and the subsequent pillage and rape of the land which the American Indian considered sacred is a trauma that, as far as I can tell, has not yet been discharged. It has become shadow – the leper child stowed in the basement.
American poet and founder of the Men’s movement Robert Bly has spoken much of this, of the repression of emotion that is required to live in this world as if it’s a place of sanity. He laments the lack of grieving in American culture. He laments the lack of grieving for the plight of the Native American. He laments the lack of grieving for the plight of the US war veterans, worshipped and idealized while still fit to represent heroic ideals, yet discarded the minute their bodies and minds take on the scars of war.
In observing all these Hollywood movies with stories of threats from afar and dark conspiracies from within, it may prove interesting to reflect on the following: The threat from afar was once the white man.
In the absence of fully feeling, grieving and discharging the impact of the plight of the Native American on the collective US psyche, protection mechanisms have been put in place.
One of these mechanisms is a powerful army. Its use in combat against a perceived threat conveniently distracts from the unhealed trauma at home.
Staying in conflict thus becomes an imperative.
A Warrior culture in need of a King
What do these movies with burning White Houses, exploding Capitol Buildings, kidnapped presidents and evil lurking in the shadows tell me? It tells me of a constant fear in the collective US psyche that the leadership of the nation, and thus the harmonizing force of the King archetype, will disappear, be corrupted or otherwise destroyed. The axis mundi is under threat, much like it once was for the Native American civilization.
In observing that, I note that Hollywood voices a deeper truth – many Americans, like so many other people in the world, don’t feel safe. And in looking for the source of this pervasive sense of unsafety, many people, particularly the more conservative and ethnocentric, cannot bear to seek inside – for there waits the pain of the Native American trauma and a whole host of other repressed emotions. And so, they look outside for the nemesis, while heading for the nearest gun store flying the banner of individual freedom. Blinded by the hercules complex, they may call it courage. Though they would be wrong. It is the opposite.
If I wish to avoid confronting myself, I’d better confront another. Thus, I can feel safe in my identity as long as I have an enemy. Seeing that tendency in the American psyche puts the American obsession with being custodians of world peace, guardians of humanity, in new and troubling light.
The American world policing seems to come from a misplaced attempt at healing trauma as opposed to a place of empowerment. It seems a striving for redemption, partly fuelled, I believe, by an identity formed through heroic efforts in World War II, the last honorable war the United States engaged in, and partly through ethnocentric, religious zealotry.
As I alluded to above, a Warrior can feel on purpose as long as he stays engaged in conflict. There is something to fight for, something to rally around. Pausing to contemplate whether the fighting serves the transpersonal purpose essential to the mature Warrior is easily forgotten – any kind of fighting will have a Warrior feel alive.
But if there is no harmonizing King energy to facilitate the fighting, the acts of fighting become pointless, inevitably ending up destroying the world as opposed to defending it, much like the Buddhist myth of the crane and the crab (the crane is a symbol of the Warrior).
Hollywood’s constant display of the fragility of the American axis mundi should be of great concern. Without that axis mundi, a Warrior, like the crane in the myth, ends up eating the fish it swore to protect. And if we are to believe the myth, the crane gets its head clipped off.
Signs of our times, the building financial bubble being one of them, suggest that the head of the US is about to get clipped off. And with the pervasive influence ethnocentric, religious zealots have in the US now, that is something large parts of the world is rightly afraid of.
In the process of bringing the American leper child up from the basement into the light, we are running short on time. Hollywood movies like the Last Samurai and Dances with Wolves as well as the museum for the American Indian on the Washington Mall have made honorable contributions to this process.
But it's not enough. In the act of constellating a strong axis mundi for the US and the rest of the world, we must all get busy, stepping into healthy leadership wherever we can.
The US story is the human story
If you have an anti-American bent, you may have felt a certain sense of glee reading this article. Watch out for that one. For this is not an American story, it truly is the human story. All across the world are countries where militarism, ego and paranoia are used to distract from the real issue. We have a world scene lacking in healthy King energy and it is our collective responsibility to address this situation.
I got a small taste of what that might mean for me when, on my trip, I had the privilege to share my views with an American woman trained as a Native American Grandmother. She nodded as I shared my views on Hollywood movies and their relationship to the Native American trauma and replied “I’m so glad you see that. Maybe you should tell someone about that.”
So I did.
*there was an incident with the burning of key government buildings in Washington DC by the English in 1814
— , Irregular updates ()Michael Clayton is a dark and sinister thriller set in the world surrounding the successful New York law firm Kenner, Bach & Ledeen. As the movie opens, they are on their sixth year battling a class action lawsuit filed against their client U-North - a major agrochemical company and the manufacturer of the lethal fertilizer Culcitate. At the helm of the operation is Kenner, Bach & Ledeen's senior litigating partner Arthur Edens - who has seemingly just gone insane. Karen Crowder, U-North's legal councel is extremely concerned.
Enter Michael Clayton, the company "fixer" - or the janitor as he likes to refer to himself - who moves silently in shadows, helping things "go away" when the rich and reckless fuck up. Michael's world is one where ethics is the first sacrifice on the way to power for those lustful enough to reach for it. It is a dark realm where standing responsible for your actions is an inconvenience that can be solved, as long as the retainer is of the right magnitude.
Meltdown in the wake of immorality
This world has taken its toll. Michael is a weary man, with a drawn and haggard face. His best days are in the past, and there is a subtle feeling of despair spreading its clammy fingers around his increasingly fragile existence. His escape plan of starting a restaurant with his brother Tim has fallen apart due to Tim's alcoholism, and now he is faced with the undesirable task of setting things right with a dangerous loan shark whom the failed business owns $75.000.
Michael wants out of this world, this cesspit of immorality on the shadow side of existence, but given his circumstances, he has been forced even closer to the heart of darkness.
Arthur Edens' sudden revelation, his flash of insight into the error of his ways, is an inconvenience. The case is drawing to a close as U-North is preparing for a settlement, but now that Arthur is proclaiming his own rebirth, free at last from the world of sin which he has spent 30 years of his precious life wallowing in, Kenner, Bach & Ledeen is in one heck of a bind.
With his friend and colleague flipping out, senior partner Marty needs Michael's expertise to somehow bring the problem under control. And Michael is his best bet, make no mistake, but this time his challenge is of a different magnitude.
Arthur is a depressing case study in what happens to a man who bases his life - his livelihood - on deeply immoral activities, as is the case for so many of the other fractured human souls the film shows haunting the office tombs of Manhattan. The world which Arthur has spent 30 years of his life mastering is a cold and brutal place, where truth can be bought at the right price, and compassion has been given early retirement. But Arthur's shell has cracked, the armor which has protected him from himself finally dissolved:
...I realized Michael, that I had emerged not from the doors of Kenner, Bach, and Ledeen, not through the portals of our vast and powerful law firm, but from the asshole of an organism whose sole function is to excrete the... the-the-the poison, the ammo, the defoliant necessary for other, larger, more powerful organisms to destroy the miracle of humanity. And that I had been coated in this patina of shit for the best part of my life. The stench of it and the stain of it would in all likelihood take the rest of my life to undo.
Reborn in innocence
Arthur's epiphany is feverish in intensity and akin to spiritual revelation. He feels that he has had a vision, that he has been summoned to do greater things with his life. And the ramifications on the U-North case are tremendous; it turns out that his hard-won insight has lead him to switch sides, to start building a rock solid case against his former corporate client.
Arthur pleads with Michael again and again not to brush him off as a madman. He seems to be trying, from the depths of his rediscovered heart, to bring across a message from a different state of being. And it is here that the film forces us to pose a question that has perhaps become - through repeat use - somewhat trite: Who is really the insane one here? Is it the man who claims with obvious zest and enthusiasm that he is Shiva, the God of Death?
Is it the henchmen that will soon kill him for Karen Crowder's dirty money? Is it Marty Bach, the man who has dedicated his life to a business he himself admits is fucked up? Is it Don Jeffries - the head of U-North who willingly sacrificed the lives of hundreds of farmers for his own personal gain and the progress of his company? Or is it Michael Clayton, a man who deep down is decent, but who has become so numb and shut down - pain etched across his face - after having sidelined his humanity one too many times?
These are questions worthy of contemplation, but there is, at this moment, perhaps something of even greater interest to investigate. We'd do well to look closer at the source of Arthur's descent into madness - or ascent into spiritual revelation: Anna. Anna is a young farm girl - orphaned by U-North - one among the 400-something plaintiffs, who captures Arthur's heart by virtue of her innocence.
Arthur sees the world anew through her - she is the prism through which the light comes alive in myriad colors of magnificent beauty, gently striking Arthur's hurting heart with grace. All of a sudden, and with great impact, Arthur is born again through the eyes of pure innocence.
To the adult mind which has been defiled through years of bad conduct and unethical choices, there is something extremely potent about innocence. Witnessing innocence in another can remind us of our basic, inherent humanity, which is a gift far more powerful than money could every buy.
Arthur goes mad with passion and regret in her presence - throws off his clothes and proclaims his undying love, seeking his redemption with single-pointed determination. Worse things happen when the defiled adult mind wants to own the innocence, especially when children are involved, but that - thankfully - is not the subject of this movie.
It's important to acknowledge that while innocence is normally attributed to children, it is more of a state of mind, one that which can be attained through being transparent to the world. The individual who does not hide inside a shell of make-believe is indeed innocent. This type of innocence is a way of looking at the world - every moment - with fresh eyes.
This is truly is what schools of spirituality call Enlightenment. Much of our world functions in ways that completely corrupt our innocence, and we are cut off from ourselves, every moment, others, the world. You will notice that in the movie, everyone is guilty but Anna, and in reality the entire drama that inevitably brings down U-North is sourced in her.
Michael's journey of self-discovery
Arthur takes Michael along with him for quite a psychological ride. Along the way, Michael is forced to take some long overdue looks at himself. "Was this what you wanted?", Arthur asks Michael half asleep from his hotel bed, "be a janitor? Live like this? All this? Do what you do? It can't be! It's a burden is what I'm trying to tell you. I know, we have been summoned!" Arthur is calling on Michael to join him on the crusade for good that he has just discovered.
Michael does not take him seriously at first, but it sneaks up on him, and he is stuck with the feeling that he has sacrificed his integrity for success and has become a despicable man. He is absolutely disgusted with himself. And when Arthur is murdered in a feigned suicide by the aforementioned henchmen, two lost souls haunting this movie's spiritual wasteland, Michael is unable to let the case go. The gravity of Arthur's passion and the magnitude of his realization has got under Michaels's skin. He is the only person who can carry Arthur's torch forwards. To redeem himself, Michael has no choice.
But he has a $75.000 debt to settle, and when Marty back offers him a "bonus" of $80.000 as long as he shuts up about Arthur's findings, he is faced with the ultimate dilemma: Does he respect his dead friend and his own personal honor or does he take the easy way out? In effect, does he choose to be a man, in the truest sense of the word? He takes the money, effectively ending his soul.
Redemption
But it is not the end. In a mysterious event, graced as if by the hand of God, he discovers - as he tries to outrun his inner demons by driving recklessly and randomly through the countryside – something familiar on a hill. In front of him are three horses, in a scene exactly like one depicted in the strange fantasy book Realm and Conquest that linked Arthur with Harry, Michael's very special son and Arthur's second source of innocence.
Something comes together for Michael in this scene; he looks infinitely vulnerable where he stands exhaling deep relief into the cool dawn air, liberated by the innocence of three horses on a hill in a countryside unspoiled by humanity. His inner demons leave him alone there and something in him reconnects with its source. There is the sense here - ever so strong - of the incredible tragedies that have befallen human civilization. We have created such pain for ourselves.
All this angst and paranoia, this stress and hurt, this separation, fear, loneliness. And for the sake of what? For the illusion that happiness can be found after whacking off a guy in a hit job, after putting an early end to hundreds of farmers' lives and covering up the fact to defend your own wealth and power, after climbing the career ladder to success, sacrificing your entire life in the process, after spending a lifetime defending the guilty.
This is the darkest shadow of modernity, and it is truly a heartbreaking, awful realization – for this is no mere fantasy. These are real people living real lives where you live. If this doesn't send chills up your spine and fill your heart with tremendous sadness and regret, you're not thinking about it in the way I want you to.
Michael has chased happiness for a lifetime, but has got only pain out of it. Standing there with those three magnificent creatures of nature, he seems to be broken open to the understanding that all he will ever need in the form of happiness is encapsulated in that moment of utter simplicity. He is free at last, in the open embrace of nature.
Michael reclaims his humanity on that hill, and goes back to bring U-North down, after an attempt has been made on his life by the same men who killed his divinely inspired friend. He carries with him Arthur's document that proves the heinous nature of U-North (despite all their feigned goodness) and so the cleansing fires of Arthur, or is it Shiva, are carried forth through the fixers rejuvenated conscience.
The pathetic Karen Crowder breaks down when she realizes that all her work trying to cover up the horrific acts of her employer are in vain. She is a ghost of a woman, shaking in spasms on the floor. She has no friends, no love, nothing. Without her job, her life is over. She was not among the lucky ones to go crazy.
And so the movie comes to an end in a way that leaves me speechless. Michael, this shell of a man, has just reclaimed some of his innocence, integrity, human beauty and goodness, and we understand that things will never be the same again. In a symbolic scene, he takes the escalators out, in a shot where the cameras turn for the first time in the movie (steadycam and framed scenes drive the movie) as if to imply a change of perspective.
He sits down in a cab, gives the driver $50 and tells him "just drive". He doesn't know where to, just that he wants to investigate the feeling of having done right and being in good standing with the forces of truth yet again.
Conclusion
Michael Clayton is a tragic movie about people who find themselves swept away by circumstances – the stress and toils of modern life – until one day they wake up and realize their souls are dead and their lives have turned evil. It is a portrait of human weakness, folly, and fragility, and paints a painfully realistic picture of a world where people consistenly act outside of their own conscience and basic humanity. Michael is a fixer, but fixing a human soul that has willfully destroyed itself is beyond his capacity.
The movie brings to light issues of male integrity and the price of truth. If living life in accordance with Truth required us to let go of absolutely everything, would we do it? Would you?
More than anything, though, Michael Clayton is a reminder that we must never let go of our innocence – our basic human goodness – no matter how old and experienced we grow. The day we lose the ability to see our loved ones and the world anew every time we open our eyes is the day our life becomes a parade of horrors.
Love and truth are the ultimate priorities. Arthur is right, we have been summoned. This is no mere fantasy. This is the reason we live and why most writers on masculinity will tell you that life starts only when we find a calling to serve the world through. Until that moment, we are vulnerable to the dark side, easily swayed by the temptations of immorality and the promise of an easy way out.
— , Irregular updates ()Finally, after years of waiting, here’s the video for the Lover archetype. I hope you enjoy it!
Please leave your comments below. Thanks!
— , Irregular updates ()Before reading this post, I invite you to read this one “Writing a movie review: Falling Down”. They’re part of the same unfolding.
As my intention for wrapping up the review of Falling Down this weekend was so strong, I want to give you something. In that discarded review, I inserted a piece on Spiral Dynamics, the preeminent model for the growth of consciousness in the world today. It seemed integral to the message I was conveying. But that message didn’t inspire me in the end, so this may be the only place you’ll find it. I hope you enjoy it. It stands well on its own.
Climbing the spiral
D-fens is a traditional man. In spiral dynamics, the traditional level of consciousness is associated with the color blue. It signifies qualities like loyalty, duty, allegiance to God and country, adherence to rules/laws, a moral code etc. The sphere of people with whom I identify share my ethnic background, values, beliefs and sexual orientation.
After the traditional level of consciousness comes the rational/modern. It's associated with the color orange and signifies qualities like rationality, striving for success (the American Dream), efficiency, profit and mastery. Science trumps God and skill trumps race. The sphere of people with whom I identify grows to include those who are useful to me (who provide relevant skill), regardless of ethnic, religious background or sexual orientation.
After the rational level comes the pluralistic/postmodern. It’s associated with the color green and signifies qualities like empathy, community, tolerance, egalitarianism. As a member of this stage of consciousness, I now identify with all people in the world, even the totally fucked up ones (which is part of the problem).
These three stages form the last three stages of what is commonly referred to as 1st tier consciousness. When consciousness is said to be of the 1st tier, it means that it’s a stage of consciousness that is incapable of recognizing the contributions and truths of stages of consciousness different to its own. So when a God-fearing nationalist of the traditional level discusses with an atheistic businessman of the rational level, they are 100% incapable of recognizing that the other holds significant truths, essential to the overall health of the spiral.
Before we return to the movie, I need to point out one very important feature of the pluralistic stage. And to do that, I need to tell you that the stage of consciousness below the traditional is egocentric. It’s associated with the color red and is signified by qualities like power, dominance, territorial disputes etc. Think of the urban gang William encounters in one scene.
In its observance of laws, morals, justice etc, traditional people will be happy to e.g. put someone to death for breaking the agreed-upon moral code. Pluralists reject such things as inhumane and insist on rehabilitatation. And while moving from punishment to rehabilitation is an important step, these green meme people don’t recognize that some people cannot and do not want to be rehabilitated.
Their naive attitude tends to turn the more liberal nations of the world into free havens for people at the egocentric stage of development. My home country Norway demonstrates this tendency when it works hard to protect the human rights of terrorists, who tend to have a lot of red meme anger and hatred in them. Recognized terrorists such as Mullah Krekar are free to run terror-networks from Norwegian soil while the judicial system searches indefinitely for ways to address the issue without compromising his human rights.
Conservatives will of course scoff at this overly liberal mentality. And with good reason.
With that said, we should be fully equipped for the next and final lap of unravelling the gold of this movie.
To reiterate: this excerpt is from a movie review I’ve discarded.
I’ll wrap up the rewritten review of Falling Down when I get back from Frankfurt, hopefully with new inspiration and insights.
Thanks for your interest and your patience.
Warmly,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()This blog post is a placeholder for answers to the newsletter I just sent out to my KWML Experience interest list. What freebie would you like to see for this product?
If you are interested in this product as well, sign up for the newsletter further down!
Cheers,
Eivind
— Miles, Sideways (2004)Half my life is over, and I have nothing to show for it...I’m a smudge of excrement on a tissue, surging out to sea with a ton of raw sewage.
— , Irregular updates ()Today, I want to tell you about something that is very important to me. It has to do with my future and the future of this website and the work connected to it.
Last fall, I joined forces with my long-time mastermind partner Staale Nataas to set up a business selling The Portapad. It is a product that I've been a big fan of for a long time. It was developed by two of Staales' friends and we are licensed resellers of it.
The Portapad is a small and lightweight inflatable laptop cushion that protects against harmful heat radiation. I use it all the time when I work on Masculinity Movies. It lets me recline on my couch and enjoy the work that I do here. After a long time of planning, Staale and I feel ready to present the product to a wider audience.
Now, why should you care. Two reasons:
- The product is fantastic. It is super-comfortable and protects your family jewels from all the nasty heat radiation which a laptop emits.
- It will bring me much needed cashflow, which will feed directly into my mission of helping men through this website and other work in the world.
This is not really a sales letter. It is a brief look into my life. The Portapad is my big plan for generating greater financial freedom for myself and I'm very intent on succeeding. So if you care about comfort and safety when using a laptop and you are interested in what I do here, why not have a look at the landing page we've set up for you and see if it is something for you?
Thank you for your interest, guys. This is a pretty big deal for me. This is my freedom business. Once I get it up and going, I will have more freedom to focus on my mission business: Men's work.
By using this link, you will get a discount of £1 on the product.
PS! You can make money on this. Register as an affiliate here and make 3GBP for each sale in the campaign period.
— , Irregular updates ()Thank you, your mailing list settings have been updated!
Note: You have just been unsubscribed from the Masculinity Movies Weekend Picks sequence, and remain subscribed to the other lists.
If you aren't already registered to the Masculinity-Movies mailing list, you can do that in the right sidebar.
If you aren't already registered to the Reclaim your Inner Throne mailing list, you can do that by clicking this link and register for the Masculine OS freebie (that will auto-subscribe you).
See you soon!
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()Ultimately there's only one thing that defines a man's trustability: the depth of his consciousness. This concept has become a lot clearer to me lately because of my challenge in dealing with men who are sleepwalking through life. I have no problem dealing with it when the man whose presence is fading is clearly working on improving his consciousness. That means he is open to being called on it. Even better (for me), he is capable of calling me on it when I'm the one fading out, which happens frequently.
But then there is the guy who is living unconsciously and who is showing no signs of wanting to do anything about it. He can even be conscious of his unconsciousness and base a lot of his identity on it, almost to the point of being a little proud of being a dumbass. This guy can really throw me off my center. He makes me tense up and get heady. Not so much in normal interaction, but when I have needs whose fulfillment require his consciousness.
This man seems to be the norm in today's world. He runs countries, organizations, corporations. He is also a father of boys in need of initiation into manhood. It's not that he is totally inept, it's just that he is not in the driver's seat of his own life. His every decision has elements of randomness, absent-mindedness and a longing for comfort and safety to it. And since he has not made a decision to do anything about it, he is by default feeding his superficiality. He does this through such things as negative self talk, self-trivialization, saying such things as "you know, I'm really not that smart, so don't listen to me, but..", and never doing anything to change the things that make him unhappy.
I'm very frustrated these days because I have no satisfying way to deal with this kind of man. I become inauthentic. What I really want to communicate to them (which is pretty close to "as long as you are committed to unconsciousness, I cannot trust any part of you") feels way too much, like I don't dare to say it. Instead I short circuit in my own inner confusion. I feel that I'm out of integrity with myself in the absence of good ways of maintaining my consciousness while talking with this man. I'm not conscious enough to go unaffected by his unconsciousness.
What I do know, however, is that in meeting men who are conscious - and working to become more so - something in me relaxes and a deeper part of myself becomes accessible. I feel like I am home. Such men are a huge gift in my life. I would be insiginificant without them. This is something I'm really present to lately, after having spent a weekend in Malmö with two guys - Pelle Billing and Peter Kessels - who are really in life to participate. What a gift masculine consciousness is to me is a man. What an inspiration! What a relief...
I remember hearing a clever man say once that you have to be the gatekeeper of your own masculine consciousness. Meaning if I'm somewhere that makes me more unconscious, then I must remove myself from that place. I'm not really living up to that advice yet – I cannot see how – but as I'm pushing ever closer to my edge, something seems to be happening.
Soon I hope I can deal with masculine unconsciousness without losing my own consciousness. That will be a milestone in my own development. It will open a whole range of new possibilites.
Does any of you have any reflections on how to deal with this issue?
— , Irregular updates ()Hey Guys,
I'm taking a break. Yes, starting with the release of the review of Groundhog Day and some blog posts, videos and changes to the website, I will take a break of several months to live life and explore some archetypal dynamics that have come up in my own exploration of KWML. I have realized that I need to focus more on the Warrior and Lover archetypes and running this website isn't serving that goal (this is largely Magician and King space).
I will fill you in with more details soon.
Thanks for your interest,
Eivind
Over the last year or so, I have been writing several movie reviews where I have emphasized the importance of initiation. I think the lack of initiatory rites for men in our culture is the main reason why so many men have problems finding their place in life and living from a place of authenticity and power. In one week only, I travel to Oregon to meet my personal mentor for the first timel. It has been quite a journey even getting to this point, and I look forward to it with. At the same time, I feel like I'm jumping into a huge unknown where anything can happen. Of course it is a little scary. This event is huge and marks a milestone in my life. It's also something I've had to do to stay in integrity with all my proselytizing on this site about the importance of said rites. Integrity is getting to be incredibly important in my life. So I just want to thank you all for holding me accountable. I will get back to you when I return to Norway on October 12. I think I'm in for the ride of my life.— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()Historic origins of the poem
Beowulf is the computer animated heroic epic based on the famous and lengthy thousand-year-old Anglo-Saxon poem by the same name. It is a classic story, set in Sweden and Denmark, of heroes and kings, brave warriors, terrible monsters, and beautiful women.
I have not read the poem, but in preparing this piece, I have read about it. Beowulf dates from between the 8th and the 11th century. It is penned by two scribes, probably from a Christian scriptorium, and is therefore thought to be adapted for decency in the transcribation process. It is clear that the story is part fact, part fiction; Hrothgar, the king of the Danes, really lived in the region of current-day Denmark in the early 6th century. And the mead hall Heorot, which is attacked by the terrible monster Grendel, has been found in an archeological dig.
So it is with Beowulf as it is with most myths and legends; the boundaries between fact and fiction are fluid and create a field of uncertainty that entice us into speculation about the lore of this ancient world, the age of heroes and monsters.
An ancient classic is adapted for modern audiences
If you haven't previous encounters with the story, it tells the heroic saga of Beowulf's battle with the monster Grendel and its demon mother. Script writers Neil Gaiman and Roger Avary have with director Robert Zemeckis taken liberties in their adaptation of the poem, tightening and adapting the plot for the big screen. It is this adaptation I will deal with from here on out.
The film portrays Beowulf as a mighty and fearless warrior. He has a group of loyal men at his command, the thanes, who are prepared to follow him to the gates of Hell. Beowulf is a powerful warrior and an inspiring leader, but he has a weakness – he hungers for glory. This is a theme we will recognize from Patton, a movie previously featured on this site. In fact, that movie ended on the note that "all glory is fleeting".
We may also remember that the hunger for glory is a feature of the Hero archetype, which is the last rung on the ladder of boyhood in the KWML system. When the mighty Beowulf lands on the shores of Denmark and is approached by a Dane who foresees no less than their death in their pursuit of Grendel and the gold which Hrothgar has put on Grendel's head, Beowulf pompously states "If we die, it will be for glory and not for gold." As I see it, boys die for glory (which is nothing other than the desire to be loved and admired by many people), while men die (if they must) in service of those they love. Although I'd rather not die at all.
The spell of the dark Feminine
While Beowulf's lust for glory is dangerous, it is his weakness in relation to the Feminine that is his downfall. We see the power the Feminine weaves on him when he first encounters the beautiful Wealthow, Hrothgar's enthralling wife. Wealthow, as the movie portrays her, is a deep and mature woman, way ahead of the rest of the Danes in her own personal evolution. I interpret her sorrow and resignation in witnessing the hedonistic debauchery in the guild hall as en expression of that.
This is a deep woman who wants to be seen and felt for her depth, not merely for her surface beauty. It seems to have taken its toll that not a single person in her life has been able to truly see her deep feminine core. Would you not like to offer your Wealthow the freedom and love of this gift?
I find Wealthow a fascinating woman, clearly at the bright end of the spectrum of the Feminine. Beowulf is enthralled, on his knees in worship when she sings him her song of heroes:
Just wait though wide he may roam
Always a hero comes home
He goes where no one has gone
But always a hero comes homeI hear in her song that Wealthow will patiently wait at home in anticipation for the man who deserves her. There is no weakness in her words, just love and a desire to serve the Masculine. She is just the kind of woman Beowulf desires, but does he deserve her? Is he, in a sense, man enough?
When King Hrothgar was seduced by a female demon, conceiving Grendel in the process, he proved that he wasn't. Wealthow cannot live with the fact that this female demon, the dark side of the Feminine, has such power over her husband. Hrothgar had sex with a demon, so how can he have sex with her? Will that put her on the same level as a creature of Hell?
But as I watch the film, I become present to an even deeper cut. And I start believing there is more to her refusal to have sex than mere infidelity. Indeed, there is also indication here of her discomfort with the dark side of her own Feminine core. This is true for Hrothgar and Beowulf as well, who are both more at ease with the bright side of the Feminine. That side they can handle. It is fair, loving, beautiful and radiant, whereas the dark Feminine is unpredictable and dangerous. It leaves them helpless. This, I believe, is what Wealthow recognizes in Hrothgar, and eventually also in Beowulf. She sees that when faced with the dark Feminine, they become unreliable and untrustworthy, completely spellbound and seduced beyond their mind, into the murky waters of their subconscious.
If they were truly mature men, they would maybe come to recognize the dark side of the Feminine in Wealthow also. They would coax it out of her with love, so as to release much of her inner pain. In my experience, women who are uncomfortable expressing their darkness internalize a lot of hurt (the darkness projects inwards), and I believe it is a man's job to help her balance that out. He can do so by meeting her lovingly also at her dark side of the spectrum. I personally find this scary and challenging and I see that it requires a man to be in integrity with himself, lest the chaos of the dark feminine capture him and convince him that he has done wrong. That happens to me anyway.
After his seduction, Hrothgar has lost integrity – that is part of his curse – and there is the understated sadness on the part of Wealthow at discovering that even her dragonslaying husband loses himself completely when faced with the dark Feminine.
Grendel and his mother
Beowulf, of course, kills Grendel in a display a macho manliness and with typical immodesty. The monster Grendel, a scared and pathetic creature, is a mama's boy who seems to carry resentment for not having had a father in his life. As the monster tries to flee, Beowulf traps it, screams in bloodlust and goes for the kill.
In David Deida terms, this is clearly a display of 1st stage machismo, and in KWML terms, it is closely aligned with displays of heroism. It is theoretically possible that Beowulf "becomes the devil of Heorot" to serve his men in a mature way, like Remington became the "devil of Tsavo" in the Ghost and the Darkness. But I don't buy it. It seems here that Beowulf yet again shows his yearning for glory and excessive displays of power.
That said, the primal aggression embodied by Beowulf in this scene is important in the life of any mature man that wishes to serve the world fully. There is great power here. For the man who has moved on from heroism to the realms of the mature man, this aggression exists as a dormant but ever-present potential and makes him shine with natural authority. He knows he can back up his values with power in the unlikely event that he must and that gives him confidence to move through life staying true to himself.
Grendel's mother responds with grief and anger at her son's death by killing all of Beowulf's men. Beowulf's second in command Wiglaf is spared, because he is away checking on their ship. This massacre brings Hrothgar's dark mistress back into his life. Confronted with a guild hall full of dismembered warriors, he is forced to face the shame from many years ago, when he conceived Grendel with the demon mother.
Beowulf, on his part, must go a-monster hunting yet again. He fails. Grendel's mother is a shapeshifter and can take human form. Beowulf arrives at her lair expecting a monster, but finds there only a sexy and seductive creature, given life by Angelina Jolie. She knows how to get a hero to his knees: Tempt him with ideas of grandeur, power and glory and top it off with abundant feminine sexuality. She is striking at all of the weak points of the Hero archetype, and Beowulf loses himself. Since the Feminine is not a problem to be solved or a monster to be killed, the tools of the Hero fail him, and the unexplored parts of his psyche envelop him and pull him down into dark and unchartered waters.
The sins of the fathers
When Beowulf returns to Heorot, Hrothgar knows what's happened. He presses Beowulf for the truth, yet doesn't get it – Beowulf is still shocked. He has lost his honor now, leaving it at the feet of his main weakness – the dark Feminine – and now Hrothgar's curse has been passed to him. Hrothgar throws himself from the battlements and Beowulf is crowned king, and gets his Wealthow. His royal aspirations and dreams of a lovely queen have come true, but at a tremendous price.
Many years later, Beowulf is an old an broken king. He is someone who, he says with sadness, "died many years ago, when I was young". Indeed, in embodying the Hero archetype, Beowulf served mostly himself. And this painful truth now causes him heartache and grief in the twilight of his life, when wisdom has caught up with the mistakes of the past. This experience is of great importance in any man's life, leading to enormous humility and openness if navigated properly and shared fully. Still, Beowulf has not found a way to lift the curse, mainly becuase he has noone in whom he can confide; not Wiglaf (who won't listen to the truth) and not his wife (because their relationship is built on secrets).
But any curse that goes unconfronted will eventually catch up with us, in life or in death. For Beowulf, the time is ripe, and a dragon shows up in his kingdom. He understands what has happened when Ulferth, once Hrothgar's main advisor, now the kingdom's priest, arrives scorched within the castle ramparts and tells him how his family has been slain and the last thing he heard was "the sins of the fathers". The fathers, we understand, are Hrothgar and Beowulf, brave warriors, but fallible in their inability to confront the truth of what they've done.
Slaying the dragon
We may have noted the strong presence of dragon symbology in the film up to this point, particularly in the royal dragon horn and the art on the royal crown. Hrothgar claims that the horn became his after he killed the dragon Fafnir, and much of his personal mythos and power base is founded on this story. Now there is the eerie sense that everything is as it was and a circle has been completed – Beowulf is a disillusioned and weary king, once a great hero, whose power base is built on half-truths. He is king, but for all the wrong reasons, much like was probably the case with Hrothgar.
So now that a dragon shows up to torment Beowulf, there is the strong sense that his and Hrothgar's stories are somehow connected, in their shared strengths and weaknesses, and at both having conceived a bastard son with the same demon mother.
The dragon is the most powerful creature human legends have created, and the fight between dragon and human can be seen to symbolize the fight between man and nature, which is the fight between the Masculine and the Feminine.* The Hero who slays the dragon is symbolic of the boy who lifts the spell of the Feminine from his life through taking the Hero archetype to its ultimate conclusion. Free from attachment to Mother, he is finally enable to serve the Feminine in a mature way. And then, the Feminine, even the darkest of it, holds no more power over him.
Beowulf has finally reached maturity, some years too late. As he prepares for the showdown with the dragon, this time in service of those he loves, he looks at Wealthow, suspecting it is the last time he will be blessed by her wise and gentle eyes. She knows everything of course, but still has a softness for him. Beowulf admits before he leaves:
I have always loved you. Keep a memory of me, not as a king or a hero....but as a man...fallible and flawed.
His aspiratons for grandeur are now gone, truth and love now on his mind. He rides to confront the demon mother, and finds that she is out for blood. She sends his dragon son after him and after a ferocious battle, he slays the creature, his own son and guilt, and they both plummet to the ground.
Beowulf lies mortally wounded next to the dead body of his son (shapeshifted post mortem back to humanoid form) while waves are lapping their legs. He says goodbye to his son, who shines with the colour of gold like his mother. As his glowing body is washed out to sea, there is genuine sorrow in Beowulf's eyes. He has lost his only child. There is the sense here that when a father has too much guilt weighing on his conscience, relationship with his son becomes impossible, and the heart-rending truth of such separation comes clear only on the doorsteps of death.
"There's no time for lies," Beowulf pleads as Wiglaf arrives; he doesn't want to hear Beowulf's authentic confession. "Do you hear her? Grendel's mother? My son's mother!," Beowulf begs of him. "You killed Grendel's mother, many years ago. They sing of it," Wiglaf responds. But a deathbed is no time for lies as Beowulf points out. And since the time of death is uncertain, there is never a time for lies. When the lie that has haunted him for a lifetime is shed, Beowulf dies, on the beach where his son lay, as the last of the heroes.
Beowulf's body sails out to sea, and the she-demon descends on him. She is victorious, yet she mourns him in her own way. There is the question here, as she looks deeply and seductively into Wiglaf's eyes, whether he, now King, is strong enough to withstand the threat of her deep, dark feminine sexuality. As I examine Wiglaf, I see much to indicate that he is. There is evidence of this prior to the battle with Grendel when he admonishes his fellow thanes to not blur their head with women and fornication before a major battle. Beowulf may have been a greater Hero, but Wiglaf, perhaps, the greater man.
Conclusion
Beowulf is the story about heroes who would be kings, and the challenges they face when they realize that the duties as King are of an entirely different calibre to those of the ego-driven Hero. It is also a story about male companionship and loyalty among warriors, which is the very positive aspect Beowulf brings to the table. But more than anything, it is a story about the tremendous power the dark Feminine wields over the man who doesn't maintain integrity and who hasn't yet dedicated himself fully to serving others. When Beowulf finally realizes that this was what his life should have been about, it is too late. Let's make sure not to make the same mistake.
That means, in real life terms, no more lies, maintain perfect integrity, work through and transcend the desire for glory and heroics, and then set up base on the throne of mature masculinity, in service of the kingdom – the people whom you love.
* There are many other possible interpretations to this dragon symbology.
— , Irregular updates ()Hi everyone,
[caption id="attachment_1834" align="alignright" width="450" caption="Flowers outside the Oslo Peace center"][/caption]As some of you may know, Oslo, Norway is the city I call home. Some days ago, as I am confident you know, Oslo became the target of two acts of terrorism carried out by a deranged young ethnic Norwegian more or less my age.
I've had some trouble accepting the facts. I have seen the rubble on the streets, the military police guarding the blocks around ground zero. I have been in the Oslo cathedral and lit candles, put down flowers, and spoken with many about what has happened. All of it is surreal. I'm sure international media coverage gives an impression of a nation that didn't expect in its wildest dreams something like this to happen. That would be fairly accurate. I never have.
Yet, in the midst of all this shock, grief and suffering, something incredible is taking place. Last night, I attended an event downtown where around 200.000 people gathered with flowers in the central streets of Oslo. The crown prince spoke, so did the Prime Minister – who has seen a massive surge in popularity. Many others addressed the crowds, as did some musicians.
But it was the crowd itself which was most remarkable. I have NEVER seen anything like this in Oslo. I dare say nothing like this has ever happened here. From where I stood, I couldn't see a clear patch of ground anywhere. It was a sea of people. For a city with around 600.000 inhabitants, 200.000 is a ridiculous turnout. And everyone carried flowers.
When we all raised our hands in silence and I saw those flowers lift skywards, it sent shivers down my spine. There was an energy in the air that was palpable and it carried a clear message "Norway will never be the same again".
It was a remarkable event in the spirit of of unity and compassion. There simply wasn't any hatred or fear to be felt. Even there, I felt the reserved nature of Norwegians, but last night, we were reserved and shy together. In the face of evil, Norwegians are demonstrating that hate, violence and revenge are not the answer. I know it is hard for some to understand, and that makes me even more grateful to live here.
I've never felt particularly attached to my nation, particularly identified with the Norwegian heritage. But writing this, I feel gratitude for living in a country where people show this incredible resilience of heart and strength of spirit. It is moving and it is encouraging. And the growing sense of a positive sense of nationalism (as in beyond an ethnocentric nationalism) – of pride in my country – that I've felt over the last year, was strengthened further.
I have also thought about the terrorist himself and have started forming an image in my head of what drove him to carry out his heinous act. I will return with an analysis of that later on – for my own sake and as a service to those who don't understand how such things are possible.
Thanks to everyone who has reached out in this time to ask me if I'm okay. That has been a true act of friendship and it has warmed my heart.
With love,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()Preface
Mrs. Doubtfire is not your usual suspect for a website about masculinity. Strangely though, it was this movie that helped conceive this project in the first place (read more about that in "the concept"). Having helped me find deeper meaning in my life, this peculiar movie carries special meaning for me. So - let's get started.
Introducing the child man
The film starts out as Daniel is in a recording studio giving voice to an animated, opera-singing bird which is being chased by an evil cat. Daniel is in his element, we can tell, and takes to the job with passion and enthusiasm. But the bird, in an unexpected turn of events, flips out a big, badass cigarette, lights it up and poses like a big dude. Daniel strays from the script, and produces lines that point to its moral downfall; he figures kids should not be exposed to smoking birds.
After an argument with his boss, who just wants to get the job done, he gets his boxers in a wad and quits. Daniel stands up for good morals and the need to instil wholesome values in children. Yet, there is something very childlike about him, and he seems to associate with these children more as an equal than as an authority figure or a force of protection.
It isn't long before we are given more clues as to Daniel's immaturity. His wife Miranda has declared that Chris, their son, can't host a birthday party because of his poor report card (he doesn't study enough). Daniel overrules the decision, behind her back, so that Chris can have a good time, a decision Lydia, their eldest daughter, finds suspect. There is a subtle dynamic here, symbolic of the gender reversal that's now occurring in a large-scale fashion in the most progressive societies in the world.
Miranda - the woman - is the authority figure in the house, and Daniel is neither man enough to stand up to her strong will nor directed enough to carve out a purpose for himself. Instead, he goes behind her back, like and adolescent boy, and undermines her authority, sowing the seed of great confusion in the minds of his children. Why should they listen to their mother when he doesn't?
In the Hillards' household, the mother is who establishes the structure and holds the authority, and the father who breaks them down in rebellion or just fucks off. In the real world, it is perhaps rarely as extreme as here, but the presence of such a character in a (more or less) contemporary film is clear indication that the movie-makers understand currents in society whereby fathers become increasingly immature and lost, often remaining in a state of rebellion throughout most of their adult lives.
Excavating the fallen father
Daniel is chiefly identified with the role as a father; his role as husband is secondary to him. But despite his undeniable love for his kids, he doesn't represent a strong - or a healthy - father figure. Let's zoom out a bit and get a wider perspective on what fathers and fatherhood represent. Fathers, as symbols of the Masculine, are evolutionarily and energetically the chief authority figures in the family.
This is not a discriminating statement, but points to the natural expression of the Masculine, which leads and penetrates, while the Feminine surrenders and embraces. We have become confused in our culture by our idealization of the Masculine and trivialization of the Feminine, concluding that surrender is a weaker life expression than leading with authority.
But what normally happens when a woman surrenders in sexual embrace? The man loses control and ejaculates! In other words, true surrender is a mighty force that most men can not handle without losing themselves.
Mothers, as symbols of the Feminine, carry authority too, but it's an entirely different type of authority, being, as it is, more aligned with the realm of emotion and the shifting energies of the moment. The father energy is the long-distance energy. Where are we going? How do we get there? When the father provides no direction, but only rebellion - against, of all people, his wife - his children, particularly his sons, get off to a terrible start in their masculine evolution.
The confused father without a rudder, a ship afloat on the tumultuous oceans of life, is a huge problem in our culture, and many of them have been relegated to the playpens of their own immature fantasies, the prisons of their fears and phobias, or the constant slumber of shutdown. These uninitiated men never really grow up, so instead of seeing themselves as figures of authority, wisdom, and inspiration, they reduce themselves to another one of the boys, hanging out with their sons' posse, as were they one of them. That, or they don't engage much at all, more comfortable as withdrawn in silence.
If we look at the metaphors and legends of ancient cultures, we see that the father serves as a channel for the sacred Masculine (e.g. the Sun) so that its powers can flow through him and into his children, particularly his sons. The father (capitalize him and you get God), if not himself the initiator (he normally isn't), should prepare his son's initiation into manhood, into the sacred bond of men that spans all time and space.
He should also, obviously, create a safe container for his daughters' Feminine (as well as Masculine, when appropriate) expression. This is how it was in our culture, how it still is in many cultures, and still sometimes in ours. But what happens when a father is himself an adolescent, when he is reactive rather than proactive? What purpose does this father fulfil?
The wounded rebel
Daniel throws the party that Miranda denied, but gets caught red-handed. The betrayal of her trust is too much; Miranda demands a divorce. The scene shows how sickened she is by Daniel's immaturity and how bitter she is that she, as a woman, has to be responsible for the direction of the family, the food on the table (Daniel is more interested in rebelling against his employers than putting food on his children's table), and the structure in their children's lives.
Daniel doesn't realize it, but he has committed a betrayal against Miranda's Feminine, forcing her to step out of it to take the masculine reins of the relationship. He has unwittingly, due to his own immaturity, forced her feminine radiance underground.
He has also robbed his children of a healthy masculine role model, forcing them instead to search for the main source of masculine energy in their mother, a person who is quite capable of animating it, but who nevertheless shows clear signs of not enjoying it most of the time.
There is one scene in which we overhear Daniel's gay brother Frank speak with their mother on the phone about Daniel's divorce. From the way Daniel reacts and his mother's voice on the phone, it seems clear that many of his kinks and wounds, which he must now address, comes from his relationship with an overly neurotic, controlling mother. His rebellion against her, and - by the looks of it - also his father, is still being played out in his current relationships.
Laying down the challenge: Grow up or get lost
As we are propelled into the court proceedings, there may be the tendency, by those of softer bent, to feel that Daniel is being shafted by the authorities and his wife, essentially that the world is unfair to him. Beware, because that is exactly the same thinking that Daniel is now, for the first time, given a real opportunity to escape from. Daniel is not a victim of anything but his own inability to take his life seriously. There is no unfair treatment here.
How easy it is to feel that life keeps screwing us over! How easy it is to blame the "other guy"! How easy it is to keep wallowing in our own perceived victimhood; for a day, a week, a lifetime. How hard, in comparison, to sit up and say "I did this". Every hard blow dealt by life is an opportunity to grow, and we should consider it as such. Actually, we should do it right now. No delay. Daniel has no choice. It is his turning point.
The judge in the proceedings is the first positive model of masculinity in the film. He represents both clarity and direction, as well as empathy. He is the father figure who kick-starts Daniel's growth process by temporarily taking his children away, while leaving him very clear instructions on how to get them back. Masculine love can look pretty tough sometimes, but it is love nonetheless. And one of the main indicators of a man's masculine core being severely wounded is his everlasting inclination to fight masculine authority as opposed to submit to it.
The initiated man knows his initiation was channeled through the spines and hearts of men of courage and authority, that his submission to this sacred bond, this masculine lineage, could flow into him only because the applied wisdom of the elders temporarily suspended his ego, and bathed his true Self in the vibrant glow - and the hungry shadows - of the primordial Man.
Daniel is not such a man. He is tightly wrapped in the fetters of his own ego, afraid of masculine love and authority. But right now he has no choice but to put his head to the ground, surrender his ego, in service of his children. He must get his shit together or forever close down, fall deeper and deeper into the puss and sting of his self-inflicted wound.
Introducing Mrs. Doubtfire
True to form, Daniel's growth into maturity comes off to a poor start. When his court liaison, another stern woman, asks if he has any special skills, Daniel replies "I do voices!" and goes on to bathe her in comedy performances. She is not impressed and sends him off to a shoddy job packing boxes at a TV studio.
Miranda, alone with the kids, needs a babysitter. Daniel has the kids only a few hours on Saturdays and is desperate to see them more often. He depends on his children for his own happiness and seems to be attached to them in much the same way a fourteen-year old girl is attached to her first love. Miranda puts out a newspaper ad, which Daniel is lucky enough to intercept. Daniel creates Mrs. Euphegenia Doubtfire, an elderly sweet British woman who is engineered to fulfil Miranda's every dream; for the first time, probably, he has found himself forced to see the world through someone else's eyes.
Mrs. Doubtfire sets Daniel on the road of transformation. As her, Daniel is free from the story of his past wounds. He is free to create an identity from scratch, and conjures up a woman who has rules and the will to stand by them. She is good with the household and genuinely helps Miranda. Coupled with Daniel's good traits as a loving, sweet person, she becomes a dream for both Miranda and the children. And Daniel gets to see that the authority he possesses as Mrs. Doubtfire is very good for the children (Chris studies again).
A flash of insight
Miranda grows found of Euphegenia, and opens up to her over the kitchen table. "It started out well" she says, speaking of Daniel, "He was so romantic, so passionate. It was Daniel's spontaneity and energy that I fell in love with" (largely feminine qualities). "Everyone else I knew was so organised and scheduled." (masculine qualities). "Daniel was so different. And he was so funny. But after a few years everything just stopped being funny.
" "Why?", Mrs. Doubtfire - Daniel - asks. "Well, I worked all the time and he was always between jobs. I hardly got to see the kids. He never knew, but so many nights I just cried myself to sleep. The truth is I didn't like who I was with him. I turned into this horrible person. I didn't want my kids growing up with a mother like that. When I'm not with Daniel, I'm better. And I'm sure he's better without me". "Did you ever say anything to him, dear?," Euphegenia inquires deeper. "Daniel never liked to talk about anything serious," Miranda replies. "I used to think Daniel could do everything, except be serious. But then I was serious enough for everybody."
This scene has Daniel get it for the first time. He understands that he was responsible for what happened. It is important, as we watch this scene, to remember the law of polarity in relationships, whereby there exist both feminine and masculine energies that exist in balance, as expressions to be made. When the man is not able to present his partner with masculine energy, she will have to be masculine for them both.
The woman's masculine expression emasculates the man and he becomes more feminine by consequence; there is always an "equal" share of masculine and feminine energy waiting to be distributed. This is the law of polarity, and it is the knowledge-background we need to understand this Miranda's unfolding. This scene has many lessons for men ignorant of the primary importance of working to maintain and grow their masculinity in their relationships. Daniel has seen his own reflection and found it blurry. He must now find some clarity.
Daniel discovers his purpose
Daniel has uncovered new inner dimensions, connecting deeper with his authentic self, a primary objective for any man. Now, he needs to fulfil another; he needs to discover a mission in life. And it comes to him through his work in the shipping department at KTVU television. They have a terrible infotainment program for kids, featuring a fossilized man fondling plastic toy dinosaurs. Daniel immediately sees what is wrong with it, and his creativity kicks into overdrive; he knows what to do.
After all, this is the one thing he knows something about in life. He tells it to the man at his side, a gentle and elderly bearded fellow, who turns out to be the owner, the head honcho. This initial conversation, followed by a series of funny and embarassing moments, have Mrs. Doubtfire become a television concept that epitomizes everything that Daniel stands for. Her show has morals, but is also very funny, very sweet. It becomes a huge hit. All of a sudden, Daniel is somebody going somewhere. There is a growing masculine force in him. His reactivitity has been turned to proactivity, and things are about to turn around.
By this time, Mrs. Doubtfire's identity has been revealed to Miranda through a series of hysterical events in a restaurant. She has lost all respect for Daniel, and worries for his mental health. In her eyes, he is not a fit father. The key turnaround comes when Miranda sees one of Daniel's TV shows, and recognizes how he is on purpose with his life, how he has turned the wound that expressed itself as Mrs. Doubtfire into his life's art. She understands that he has become a responsible man, a man with direction. She feels softness in her heart and turns around.
Daniel's children are back in his life, and Denial has turned to Daniel. But his initiation has just begun. That's what life is like.
Conclusion
Mrs. Doubtfire is a movie with a surprising amount of insight, which portrays women and men, masculinity and femininity, with finesse and without taking sides. It has much to teach us about every man's responsibility, to himself and to his family, to discover his true self, and live from there - even if it should temporarily involve crossdressing.
Hi everyone! As I've said earlier, the KWML archetypes form the most popular body of content on this website and I have decided that I should make a product – my first one (yahoooo!) – featuring them. In this simple introduction, I plan to feature a description of the archetypes, descriptions of movies where they can be found and ways in which they can be accessed in daily life. This could actually become a REAL RESOURCE for men and I want it to be a collaborative effort. If you could tell me in the comments section below what you would like to see in such a product, it would be extremely helpful. Please pass the news around too – the more the merrier. We need to restore the KWML archetypes within ourselves and I'm hoping that this free product will be one small contribution I can make to turn this vision into a reality. Do you want such a free KWML guide? Then what are you waiting for? Spill the beans below! Thanks, Eivind— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()Alright, guys, it's been AGES since I last reviewed a movie. My fingers are getting itchy and I want to do another!
I know you have suggested plenty of great movies on the suggest movie page.
And still, I will pick the next movie to review from the comments below this post.
The one who suggests the movie I go for will win a free coaching call with me. (if several pick the same, I will pick at random)
Ready, set, run competition! It ends Friday March 15 noon CET (see counter below).
Cheers,
EivindCOMPETITION HAS ENDED
— , Irregular updates ()[caption id="attachment_451" align="alignnone" width="710" caption="Six of the participants from MM LIVE #2"][/caption]
Masculinity Movies LIVE #2 became a slightly more humble affair than the first event. Some people were away for their summer breaks, others were busy presenting their work in other cities, yet others just didn't show. Men living their lives, caring for their families and making an impact in the world. It's a beautiful thing. Some integrity glitches were there for the no-shows, but that is workable.
So, we were eight men this time. The movie was Man on Wire and the topic of the evening fear. It seems that was a bit of a mismatch for some of the guys since they felt the movie was less about fear than the subject matter of walking a tightrope between the two WTC towers would indicate. In retrospect, I'm inclined to agree with them.
However, we did have a good discussion about whether Philippe Petit was just a really fearless man or whether he had narrowed down his focus to achieve the impossible to avoid fear in other aspects of his life. Many of us suspected there was truth to this. Nevertheless, we all admired his ability to achieve the unachievable – there is much masculine power in that. The rest is speculation.
The movie nevertheless served as a good segue into the highlight of the evening – when we all opened up about what scares us. To me, this became an extremely moving and powerful experience and I had tears in my eyes several times from the courage and openness of the guys who really opened up to men who they didn't necessarily know that well. One guy remarked how courageous he found the guys present.
Sharing our fears as men is not a feminine exercise as some men seem to believe (which is their fear speaking). It is a courageous and noble thing. If you are going to build brotherhood, you want to know the strengths and weaknesses of your brothers. You want to know what scares them. True brothers don't use their knowledge of the fear of the other to shame them. They use it to support them, to serve them. In such ways, strength in unity is forged.
A mature man owns his fears. And this night, the eight of us did just that.
Thank you.
PS! The next Masculinity Movies LIVE will take place in August. This marks the start of a bi-monthly cycle. Once a month is too much.
— , Irregular updates ()The other day, my buddy Garrison Cohen launched this video on Elephant Journal. It’s on the path of healing through closing open feeling loops, one Pez at a time
I enjoyed this video. I find the metaphor really works. And it got me thinking about emotion and Presence.
The awe-inspiring wisdom of emotion
It appears, were Garrison to be correct, that the Human OS requires every emotional program to run through to its conclusion before it can close down; before the Pez can be eaten. Most modern men live lives that are way too scattered for that to happen. Closing an open feeling loop requires Presence. Presence is prerequisite for actually feeling emotion. Unless we bring Presence to the open emotional loops, we will be stuck with them for the rest of our lives.
I find this absolutely awe-inspiring. The fact that we come fully equipped with this amazing inner signal system called emotion makes my mind boggle with amazement. How does this signal system work? Painful emotions are signposts. They are the human being’s built-in truth-meter. The further away I am from the truth of my being, the more painful emotions I will have. In other words, if you are depressed, it’s simply because you believe, on some level of your being, in something that is not real.
This has made intuitive sense to me for a long time, and I was beautifully reminded of it recently by the young Boulder-based non-dual teacher Bentinho Massaro.
So try on that painful emotions are but a collection of signposts pointing our way back home.
Emotional repression
The reason this blows my mind is that the Creator didn’t have to design us that way. We could have been designed without the capacity to experience emotional pain. In a different universe, we could have been designed to effortlessly move on with our lives after traumatic events, free of the reign of aftershocks in our inner emotional landscape.
Wouldn’t that make things easier? Yes, for traditional man, I believe, that would be paradise. Imagine moving through life and not being impacted by anything! Imagine the superhuman strength! The unshakable confidence! Yee-eeeees!
The thing is, traditional man is a feeling human being like any other. And while the stoics of the world, Vladimir Putin being a perfect example, seem convinced otherwise, they are wrong. Men who repress their emotions remain with myriad open feeling loops. Their Pez container remains full of crap. The effects of which is basically that they completely lose themselves and become slaves of their unprocessed trauma.
Vladimir Putin and his likes, rather than being examples of strength, are thus examples of the terrible effects of a life designed to keep emotion at bay. They become fugitives in their own lives, entering severe addictions or, in the worst case scenarios, dish out pain on the world in order to remain in un-feeling.
Indeed, if you were to go looking for the source of misery in our human drama and ecological collapse, you need look no further than repressed emotion.
Fully felt emotion and the power of Presence
So we didn’t have to be designed this way. But if we weren’t, everyone would be like Vladimir Putin. That’s not a pretty picture, especially not when it is conjured by a feeling person.
You being in touch with painful emotion is good news. It’s a step up from repression. It is a condition that actually gives you a fighting chance to discover a good life for yourself, and to become a person who lives a life of service. Your inner signal system is working! Congratulations!
And yet, we are trained to repress emotion. The proof is that the painful emotions we feel often arrive as a crap-sandwich, emotion lodged between shame and resentment. When we resist emotion like this, the compulsory experience of pain turns, like the Buddha hinted at, into the optional experience of suffering.
Sadly, the survival of our culture as we know it depends on us remaining slaves of our own unfelt emotion. Unfelt emotion is the very lifeblood of consumerism! “You can never get enough of what you don’t really want” said Huston Smith. Consumerism will never satiate us. Because what we really hunger for is the freedom that lies on the other side of feeling emotions fully.
As I walked home from the office the same day Garrison released his video, thoughts like these on my mind, I took the emotional road less travelled. With fierce Presence from hosting an incredibly powerful and mystical Circling night in my home the evening before, I had the moment to moment capacity, as I was walking down the street, to be with every little sensation and emotion inside of me.
I have experienced emotional turmoil after returning to Norway, and I also have mild chronic fatigue and a lot of tensions in my body. A lot of the time, that pisses me off.
But this day, I noticed, as I brought Presence to it, that it kept shifting, moving. It was never static. I was taken on a ride of my own inner emotional-sensory landscape. And it was very pleasurable, very alive, in its infinite unpredictability.
Listen up now, because here’s the one universal truth that I’d like you to walk away with today: Emotional trauma only enters us when Presence leaves us. And when powerful Presence fills a part of our being, trauma can not remain there for long. We get to pop the Pez.
When you start understanding this, it’s like taking the red pill. You will see the people whose lives are governed by emotional repression and recognize that they’re living in a desolate dream-world. They really are stuck in the Matrix.
When emotional repression numbs us to the potent beauty of our innermost essence, we are run by the unconscious forces of the world. We become ignorant consumers who believe that we are deficient, and that the only way to remedy our inherent deficiency is to buy some crap.
For some twisted reason, a lot of ideals of manhood will tell you to become such a slave. Choose a different path.
With love and a fierce challenge,
Eivind
PS! I will gladly help you with this process. For me, this is about embracing our Wildness. Check out my coaching offers.
— , Irregular updates ()In 2010, I dropped by Morten’s summit for one day to check out what the people and speakers there were like. I was inspired to discover a whole new pocket of people committed to self-development and relieved to have some of my preconceptions around the pick-up community drop away.
This year, I stayed the full weekend. The main attraction for me was to come and hang with Bryan Bayer. I have followed the work of Bryan and Decker Cunov of the Authentic Man Program for several years and benefitted greatly from it. It was in fact I who told Morten about them in the first place. It’s always fascinating to observe the patchwork of life’s events come together in a singular moment in such a way.
What strikes me this year, as it did last, is that these guys are young. Most of them must be in their early 20s. And they seem fucking hungry. It resonates with a feeling I’ve had for a while – that the young men of this world are dying for elders. They crave for mature men to teach them what it means to be a man and how that is different from being a boy. Not in fake macho ways that involve strategies and adopting a personality that isn’t yours, but simply in learning how to be yourself fully. No, it isn’t pickup. It has evolved. They look, it seems to me, for that ultimate blessing we all yearn for: the realization that when we face the world with our masks dropped, powerful in our vulnerability, the world loves us for it. And that sets us free.
On the other hand, the man who sleeps with women using inauthentic strategies in order to fill a hole that looks curiously similar to his own self-loathing perpetuates suffering in his life experience. These men don’t operate in the realm of adulthood, however; they live in perpetual adolescence. And what I sense so strongly at the Morten Hake Summit is that those men who sell that snake oil are not nearly as inspiring to young men anymore. Now they want the real deal, the juicy meat on the bones. They want to learn to be themselves and discover that that is magnificent.
When Zan Perrion addressed the audience, I saw that so clearly. The room seemed transfixed. He spoke the truth. He spoke like a man, a leader. And people were inspired. I was inspired. He reminded me of what is possible.
And of course, hanging with Bryan was awesome. It felt like meeting an old Bro, even though I never met him in the flesh before. He is such a fountain of wisdom and a genuinely good and authentic person. I know he has a lot to teach me. And it seemed like everyone there absolutely loved him and what he did. I was pleased as pie to see that my discovery of AMP’s work online several years ago had come to this. Bryan and I did some great stuff together the Monday after the Summit. That is now snowballing and I will write more about that later.
Thanks, Morten, Knut and the rest for showing me what I needed to see – that being inauthentic isn’t trendy among young men anymore. And it confirms my gut sense that there is a wave of authenticity spreading across the globe and it is crying for us all to be leaders in times of massive change.
This is happening right now.
— , Irregular updates ()Background
Some of you may have noticed that this website was down for several days. Funny how much damage a lapse in my presence can make. I have a lot of things to juggle in life right now and as I was travelling to the US to finish a leadership training, an expiring domain name and the subsequent domain transfer woes were the last thing on my mind.
The result was a website that was down for several days. As I logged on and looked at that blank screen, I came to realize that I’m more attached to this website than I had realized.
I was a bit surprised. I mean, I have hardly written here for almost a year. But I love this website. I love what I’ve done with it. I love the conversations I’ve had with you here. I love that other men have found value in this and contributed their own reviews. I love the places it’s taken me. I love the fact that, lying on my death bed many years from now, I will count it among my life’s significant achievements.
You know, I started up back in 2009 because I was basically lost. I was unmentored and afraid. Strangely, slowly finding my way through my own confusion – a process that is ongoing to this day – somehow turned me into an authority on the subject. As far as I know, I’m the leader of this little niche online. Nobody in the world that I know has explored this theme like I have. Thinking about that, I feel a little proud.
Sitting here now, I’m a little scared, but mostly detached about what has happened: In the downtime, Masculinity-Movies.com just disappeared from my Google results. When I search for it now, I can’t find it. I used to be the number 1 result. Now I’m gone. I don’t like that. I don’t like that one bit.
Now, I hope Google have routines that will restore the site to its rightful place pretty quickly, but I’m not gonna sit idly by and hope for the best.
There’s a lot at stake for me now. And instead of feeling broken by the possibility of having many years of web presence wiped out by a few days of distraction, I want to up the game. Strangely, I feel inspired by all of it. I like the sense of detachment I have from the potential drama of it.
So here’s what I’m thinking...
There’s an idea out there, pioneered by Kevin Kelly, that having 1000 true fans is enough to ensure someone’s livelihood. Now, I don’t know if you consider yourself a true fan of my work, but it would be nice if you did.
I’ve spent hundreds of hours working on this site. I may have crossed into the thousands. I have no idea. In all that time, I’ve made maybe about $3000-4000 from it. That’s well below minimum wage.
As I find myself in this uncertainty of being self-employed and having to find sources of revenue, I’m exploring ways of generating money from my work. Some products come to mind.
But here’s the god-honest truth: I’ve always been really afraid of selling to you. I’ve been afraid of being a pest that wants to push things down your throat.
I default to thinking that you will be annoyed and forget that my value system is such that whenever I market something to you, It’s because I truly believe it would help you. So, I have a fear of rejection pattern still running here. But really, it’s time to move on from that. I’m ready to have you dislike me. Fair? Good!
I ask you for your help with two things:
- Reaching more people
- Monetizing my work
For now, point #1 is what I will address. I want to reach those 1000 true fans. And I want to get there by Christmas. It’s an ambitious goal, reflecting my new commitment to this site. Let me talk a bit about that before I end...
Uncompromisingly looking for quality
I feel committed, but I don’t have a clear direction yet. To tell you the truth, I’m not sure if I will write lots of reviews. I consistently find myself frustrated when movies I am trying to review don’t provide the gold. Like with Falling Down, the review that’s been a thorn in my side. Now, don’t get me wrong – it’s a good movie and I like it. But when I go digging, I find myself starting to question the depth of the movie makers. I’m wading through simplistic story-telling and shallow observations on the human condition. It’s an intelligent movie, but only to the level I expect anyone to be able to go. It’s riddled with caricatures! No depth! And then I forget the laughs and thrills I had watching and start questioning the level of consciousness that went into the movie. It looked like a brilliant story to analyze! But no. I fail to see it now.
I’m becoming pickier. More uncompromising. Most movie-makers are too shallow for my taste. Writing about Falling Down is like writing about half a dozen movies I’ve already written about. Man being attached to his mum, trying to keep the facade by repressing his emotions, shit hitting the fan bla bla. Though I have found one piece of gold in it, thankfully (watch this space).
So you see, not every movie is as good as American Beauty. Sad, huh? Not that I don’t enjoy a shallow movie every once in a while. But writing about it? No, show me the fucking money – give me the juice! At least try! Don’t ask me to go dumb so that you can feed me your predigested shit. Don’t assume I’m stupid so that you can have blockbuster potential. Please! (well done, Man of Steel – great movie, great blockbuster. Loved it)
So, you see, I’m starting to own how demanding I am. And I like that about me! I don’t settle for crap. And if I can’t find the goods in movies, then I will explore it elsewhere. Though in the presence of you all. Cause I want to connect with you. Get to know you. Go deeper together.
Sound good? Then like me on Facebook now!
Will you help me? Will you join me on this journey? Will you help me reach 1000 likes on Facebook by December 31? I hope so. There may be some surprises and prizes on the way there too
Cheers, my friend. I appreciate your help, friendship and interest. Let’s rock the boat together.
Warmly,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()On January 4, I sent out a newsletter about setting our intention for 2011. I ended that newsletter with these words: "In a few days, I will provide an essential tool that I use every day to facilitate progress in my life to help you maximize the likelihood of manifesting your intention."
It's been more than a few days, but here we are. The tool? A list. Yes, simple - and oh so potent. Here is a video testimonial I just recorded for "The List" which I did with the Authentic Man Program at the end of 2010, which only strengthened my belief in the value of lists.
There are many ways to think of a list. You could think of it as a way of getting things done. Though that isn't so potent in my opinion. A better way to think of a list is as a way of maximizing your energy. Time-management is a misnomer. I don't remember what dude on the New Man Podcast who said this, but he said that the truly successful and happy are into energy management. That fits. We don't want to work until we drop and then drag our depressed, lethargic asses through life. No, we want a list to be generative – to nurture and serve us. So that's why the list should also include action items consciously chosen to rejuvenate us. Relaxation done consciously is much better than just collapsing on the couch and unconsciously picking up the remote.
To that end, I recommend you approach list-building in a truly Integral fashion. That means you should include several areas of your life in it. A minimum is physical, intellectual and emotional, as Eben Pagan pointed out in his Wake Up Productive course that I did a long while back. I go farther than Eben though – I include spiritual as well. I couldn't go through a day without addressing my spiritual dimension.
Checking your list becomes a nice little daily ritual. You get to tick off the things you did and you get to say "you did well" to yourself. I think you will find that completing an action item consciously and then ticking it off your list gives you more energy than just flowing from job to job randomly. Every little tick mark actually feeds a little energy into your system. Maybe this is only true for us masculine people. Or maybe it's only true for me. Try it out though. We humans love the carrot on the stick as well as that little reward when we deliver. We also experience guilt when we don't follow through so you may want to install some rituals for restoring rightness with yourself when you fail to live up to your aspiration. What I did with AMP was two-minute ice cold showers. Don't think of this ritual as punishment, think of it as giving the gift of a clear conscience to yourself.
I include below the list I just wrote for the next phase of my life. This list, as you will see, isn't really a goal-achievement list (I will probably make one of those too). The purpose of this list is to install habits into my life that facilitate happiness and vitality as a means for the realization of my goals. So with this type of list, I focus on the current, not the future. You may choose to include more concrete goals. That is also an important function of a list.
Bottom line is – you do whatever you want. Just try a list and see if it works for you. You may come to love it.
— , Irregular updates ()All I ever wanted was a single thing worth fighting for.
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— , Irregular updates ()Fear and Anger
Inside Out is hardly an obvious choice of movie to critique for a website focusing on masculinity – and having fished out the colourful animated feature to occupy a sleepy Sunday afternoon, I came to it with no expectations of doing so. Focussing on the trials and tribulations of a bright but inexperienced little girl and two of her key personified emotions – Joy and Sadness (both depicted as female) – it might seem surprising that this gently comedic affair would have much to offer the manly viewer as a source of inspiration.
Life is, however, full of surprises – and since we gents don't live in a vacuum, and the archetypal shadow we cast is every bit as important for women (and their relationship to us) as it is for us as independent entities – perhaps I shouldn't have been so quick to jump to that conclusion. It was very refreshing and stimulating to be caught off guard by the curveball this lovely, light-hearted adventure pitched my way at any rate – so much so that I felt it deserved a write up.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mx41SPMLBMg
I'd like to begin by exploring the movie's depiction of Fear and Anger. The portrayal of each of these emotions (and only these emotions) as male is highly significant – as together they can be considered to represent the integral instincts of the masculine Warrior archetype. These playful personifications are effectively 'fight' and flight' responses kneaded into (something approaching) human shape – and given that the Warrior drive is predominantly concerned with identifying and enforcing boundaries in order to ensure our survival, we can see that fear and anger play a pivotal role in the expression of this archetypal energy.
Now, I realise that Riley is a girl, and so wouldn't be expected to manifest a Warrior spirit in the overt way that a boy might, but it's important to recognise that we each carry within us the instinctual coding of the opposite sex (the ancient Celts, for instance, believed that a man's soul was female and a woman's male).
I also want to make it clear that boiling Warrior mode down to these two base emotions is a huge over-simplification – and I'm not suggesting for a second that our literal warrior ancestors were overwhelmingly fearful or angry people.
On the contrary, there is good reason to believe that many of them were considerably more emotionally balanced than we are today – but that this can, in part, be attributed to the fact that men were made hyper-aware of their need to anticipate danger (fear) and respond to it with aggressive vigour (which needn't be born of anger, but certainly can be). This offered such masculine communities both a sense of purpose and an understanding of their essential nature – traits which are often sorely lacking in men today.
So, depicting a girl's fear and anger in this way is a tacit (if, perhaps, unconscious) recognition of the fact that as men we are required to offer protection to the women in our lives – remaining ever-vigilant of external physical threats and being prepared to unleash our aggressive tendencies at a moment's notice when the situation calls for it.
Equally, the portrayal of Joy, Sadness and Disgust as female characters is no coincidence either. Joy and sadness exist at binary ends of the emotional spectrum, and tend to manifest themselves more potently in women. This is due both to the fact that successful child-rearing requires a mother to be more attuned to her emotions and precisely because a father adopts a watchful stance over his family – affording women and children the opportunity to express themselves more freely and without cautious restraint.
Which is not to say that mothers do not offer their children protection, because of course they do – it just typically takes on a different form to that provided by men – and herein lies the evolutionary significance of Disgust. Again, women tend to exhibit a greater tendency towards this than men due to their proclivity for child-rearing – they must remain as vigilant against threats to their offspring's internal environment as men are to those from their external one (hence typically placing a greater value on cleanliness than us guys - and picking us up on our grubbier habits!).
Father Material
So, that leads us conveniently into a more direct exploration of the Father archetype, as expressed by the movie – and the comparative role played by the important women in their lives.
Not long after the family's abrupt move we are treated to a highly entertaining scene in which the different priorities and focuses of the two genders are laid bare. Detecting that Riley is unsettled and not her usual buoyant self, her mother – prompted by her own personified emotions (similar to her daughter's, but all female) decides to 'probe' her mental state.
Being attentive and highly attuned to Riley's emotional responses – and failing to obtain the feedback that they would hope to receive – they conclude that they require support and decide to 'signal the husband'. This turn of events cracks a window into the mind of the main man in Riley's life – with hilarious results.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4okAfKCwRk
Her father's emotions (all male, and apparently seated within a military control room – to contrast the professional but softly furnished forum occupied by her mother's feelings), as it turns out, are sitting around replaying a hockey game whilst this debacle unfolds – causing him to completely misinterpret the situation:
“What did she say? Is it garbage night? Did we leave the toilet seat up? What? What is it woman – what?!” (Father's Anger)
This failure to pay attention to both moment-to-moment events in the domestic setting and the emotional cues presented by his wife and child prompts a fantastic stand-off between Riley and her father's respective 'Anger's, with dad ultimately going to 'defcon 1' and 'putting the foot down'.
Even these countermeasures are shown to be hopelessly misjudged though – with his wife's emotions withdrawing to bask in the memory of a former beau (an exotic Brazilian helicopter pilot – and archetypal Lover figure – who is seemingly more in touch with his emotions) whilst his own rabble celebrate a job well done.
This representation of the father is perhaps a little scathing - reinforcing the contemporary perception of men as bungling incompetents that require a woman to take control of situations - but I'm more inclined to accept it as a commentary on men's more functional disposition played for laughs.
Certainly the following scene – in which this committed patriarch consoles his daughter – mitigates any negative perception of men we might acquire from preceding events. As a father he does possess the capacity to connect with his and other people's emotions – he just has to be fully present and seriously focussed to pull it off!
Fun with the Boys
Before deconstructing the movie's (highly satisfying) overriding message, I would just like to zoom in on a few of the other male characters highlighted throughout the film – and the significance of the roles that they play. Firstly we have Bing Bong, Riley's loveable, absurdly silly and somewhat calamitous imaginary friend (he's part dolphin, don't you know).
Joy and Sadness meet him bumbling around one of Riley's secondary mental facilities – not yet buried within her subconscious but apparently relegated to a position of lesser importance than he was once afforded (he's surprised that Joy and Sadness even recognise him).
Acting as their guide within this level of the girl's mind, Bing Bong most prominently evokes the masculine Magician archetype (he even has a cardboard rocket that's fuelled by 'song power' - what could be more magical than that?). What's far more interesting, however, is the way in which this affably daft character winds up going full bore Warrior.
Initially delighted by Joy's assertion that she will prompt Riley to remember him when the cheerful emotion returns to headquarters – Bing Bong ultimately sacrifices his own life – allowing his whimsical form to be swallowed by Riley's subconscious in order to safeguard her future happiness (simultaneously completing the archetypal quartet and demonstrating his chops as Lover and King too – as each of us does when we summon all of our strengths in the service of a greater good).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPQRHemfk9E
A close parallel exists here with the behaviour of Riley's far less developed imaginary boyfriend. His defining attribute being his assertion that he 'would die for Riley' – he too proves willing to surrender his (admittedly two-dimensional) existence to rescue her from depression. In isolation each of these examples could be considered anomalies – but combined they drive home a key point – that such sacrifices are required of men, and are intrinsic to the value women attribute to them.
The final 'character' I would like pinpoint is little more than a momentary cameo squeezed in at the end of the movie. At the advent of puberty we're offered a brief glance into the mind of a gawky boy as he encounters Riley.
To my mind the funniest scene in the entire production (and it seemed to illicit the most laughter from my friends as well – suggesting that this snippet resonates strongly with viewers of each sex) – we see all hell break loose amongst his hapless and ludicrously unequipped emotions – as emergency lights whirl and sirens wail - “GIRL! GIRL! GIRL!”.
I felt it significant to mention this scene because – amongst all of the talk of 'male dominance' and 'male privilege' within our society (which I don't believe is unjustified – there are simply more exceptions to the rule than the dominant narrative would have us believe) it is often forgotten that women have the capacity to arouse a mind-bending terror in us gents that's truly unparalleled.
Again prompted by evolutionary necessity (if we are rejected our social standing within the tribe is diminished – and we may lose the opportunity to procreate altogether) this fear is extraordinarily primal – and frequently continues to impact our relationships with women throughout our lives (it also being the source of misogyny and the desire to control women amongst those immature men who never acquire the resources to deal with it appropriately).
Conclusion: One and All
...And so to the crux of the movie – which exhibits a magnificent universality – equally applicable to men and women, boys and girls.
Consumed by depression – a state that differs from sadness in that it's defined by a persistent and despondent paralysis of emotion, rather than an appropriate response to upsetting stimuli (note that Sadness is lost in the recesses of Riley's mind at this point – and as such is as incapable of affecting the little girl's psychological condition as Joy is) Joy suddenly realises the pivotal role Sadness plays in securing their avatar's mental health.
Having spent the entire film attempting to keep Sadness from touching anything within Riley's internal environment, Joy discovers that it is the acceptance and successful mobilisation of her comrade's blue disposition that holds the key to Riley's salvation. Sadness acts as an emotional release and a call for help from the rest of the tribe.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISaHt3ps1dM
This is a truly beautiful, poignant and incredibly powerful expression of the need for each of us to engage in Jungian 'shadow work' to become whole and happy – so much so that it brought tears to my eyes. Rather than keeping our supposedly negative emotions at bay, we must journey into the dark chasm of our subconscious minds and engage with our own 'theatre of dreams' (both of which are wonderfully depicted in the film) in order to befriend those parts of ourselves we are afraid, or otherwise unwilling, to confront.
We must be willing to fully embrace sadness – and learn the lessons it seeks to impart to us – to avoid emotional petrification and allow Joy to take the controls once more. In the world in which we live – one in in which pleasure-seeking behaviour is imagined to pave the road to happiness and where we're discouraged from provoking or displaying undesirable emotions at all costs – this is a tremendously important message; and the fact that it is so aptly and ably wrapped up within an appealing package for children gives me hope for the future.
Clearly we are changing – and those changes are manifesting themselves within our collective cultural landscape in a myriad of surprising ways. To utilise language befitting of such an innocent, tender-hearted romp – thank fuck for that.
— , Irregular updates ()Not so long ago, I woke up to this e-mail:
Pelle, I really enjoy your writing, even when I disagree or question some things that you write. I think that what you say is incredibly important. This particular blog is interesting, and there are some comments that I might make at another time, but this time around i want to address the comments made on here by EIVIND.
Att’n EIVIND:
Eivind, goodness me, although your saturated self-righteousness would never allow you to see this, your approach is dripping with patronising, smug, self importance, and you use words very cleverly to create exactly the ‘I am right and you are wrong’ energy that you so patronisingly caution others against. I mean, seriously mate, eeeeewwwww! Immature, I know, compared to your skilled mastery of new age vernacular, but that is what I get when I read your passive aggressive drivel….eeewwwwww! It makes my skin crawl. The way you deal with people on here is so disempowering and deliberately (though disguised) humiliating and so horribly righteous, but you have the language skills and self belief (pathalogical!) to frame it in a way that makes you sound so new Age and sensitive and right. Mate, you are guessing like the rest of us, just trying to get through like the rest of us; if you were even nearly as evolved as your self-obsession tells you you are you would learn some humility. True humility, not the false ego version that your ego is right now telling you to respond that you have.That said, Eivind…… men are here on this plane to serve women?? That is our entire reason for manifesting here?? Man, that is a theory, not a fact. Which I think is what Erik was trying to get at, but you passive-aggressively attacked him (oh yes you did, even though right now your little mind is going ‘no, brother, I don’t attack, I’m too evolved’), and used the fact that you are better with words than him to put him down, and he gave up. I am sure that you are used to that, and see yourself as having made some kind of point to him, but man, in your own new age terms, you are darkening your own soul with your smug continued conviction that you are in the right. (Erik, hang in there, and be true to yourself, don’t feel disempowered by knobs like Eivind). Anyway, ‘men are here on this plane to serve women’….just a theory, and very, VERY similar (in reverse) to the Scriptural interpretations, ALSO THEORIES, that were used to keep women in servitude for so many centuries. Is ’serving women is your reason for existence, brother, if you were really spiritual you would understand’, any different to the crap that women were fed about God placing men above them? Eivind, if you weren’t so damaging, i would just laugh and say eeewwww, what a silly, self-righteous, smug wanker. But you are damaging, and the nature of your righteousness is that you will go through life convinced that you are evolved. Sad.
It was a response to a thread I participated in just about a year ago on my friend Pelle Billing's blog, sent to my mailbox because I was still subscribed to it.
You can imagine it got my attention. I found myself strangely enlivened – the energy of the words actually gave me energy. My nervous system went alert and I felt alive. And then I became happy. I actually giggled. What was going on? I realized that this dude had actually, although he was clearly swimming in a lot of his own shit, identified some things about my past self which were true. I laughed because the criticism of my past self – just one year back – was so out of line when applied to who I am now. I sensed how much my life had changed in so little time and it made me rejoice.
I just read that thread again and actually find my presence there to be somewhat intolerable. Quite arrogant actually. "A pompous arse" comes to mind. I agree in principle with many of the things I said, but the way in which I said them are strangely out of sync with how I now think and what I now feel to be appropriate communication. My absolutist stance is passive aggressive, the dude was right (I have since learned how absolutist statements are a sign of insecurity). And I was shaming another dude in the thread and saying pretty much explicitly that I was further along on the path than him. That's not a decent way to communicate in my book.
The claim that "the nature of your righteousness is that you will go through life convinced that you are evolved" had just enough truth in it to wake me up and was so out of line with reality that it made me feel freedom and joy inside.
HOWEVER, I realized that this is likely to happen more as my audience widens – I will be criticized for words both past and present. What better way to deal with it than starting the "Humble Pie Project". Whenever someone says something nasty about me, something that will make me look like shit, I will post it here, provided it was published in a public forum. Don't let that scare you off from criticizing me – I invite it.
Give it to me ;-)
— , Irregular updates ()Bold, brash, scathing of authority but undeniably charming, director Milos Forman wastes no time in establishing McMurphy's iconoclastic credentials. We are greeted by the sight of the antagonistic anti-hero as he's escorted into a psychiatrist's office for assessment – his prison warders having concluded that his rebellious behaviour qualifies him to spend time at this secure mental institution.
Pressed upon why he believes he's been sent to the doctor, McMurphy makes it clear that he sees no logic in the decision – beyond the fact that he is proudly and patently difficult to control:
“Well, as near as I can figure out it's 'cause I fight and fuck too much – and now they're telling me that I'm crazy over here because I don't sit there like a goddamned vegetable. Don't make a bit of sense to me”.
This exchange sets the stage for the entire movie (in addition to foreshadowing its tragic climax) – as it quickly becomes clear that far from being psychologically imbalanced, the magnificent McMurphy has a keen and able mind – he simply refuses to curb its roguish inclinations to suit the conventions of society.
As a fiercely independent character, he directs his own gifts and attributes with authority, fights to assert his boundaries, uses his mental faculties to extremely creative effect, and is plainly a very sensual and sexual man - making him a potent vessel for the four primary masculine archetypes – King, Warrior, Magician and Lover. Most prominently, however, he epitomises the Wild Man, Rebel and Trickster archetypal energies, which ensures that he is always at odds with accepted social norms.
Watching McMurphy seize life in this spirit, we see how liberating these traits can be (which is ironic, given that he is incarcerated for them) and also can't help to notice how substantially they have been curtailed within our culture. Take, for instance, the way that Nicholson's surly champ relates to his fellow patients – particularly his soon-to-be bosom buddy - the gigantic Native American he nicknames 'Chief'.
Superficially, his behaviour towards the other residents could easily be construed as bullying. He often baits, insults and dominates them physically - and in today's hypersensitive social environment, the manner in which he communicates with his 'Indian' friend would certainly be decried by many as racist. What these scenes teach us, however, is that when it comes to such exchanges, context and intent are paramount when evaluating their significance.
Because far from being a bully and a racist, McMurphy uses these seemingly offensive psychological tools to extremely positive effect. As Wild Man – free from the constraints of polite society, in touch with his Dionysian appetites and supremely capable within his own environment (in this case, 'the street' – which is an analogue for the wild in today's world, as it brings its inhabitants into more frequent contact with existential threats – hence often being labelled 'the jungle').
He rejects all civilised rules and stirs within others a potent drive and confidence. As Trickster he uses misdirection and manipulation to redirect the flow of consciousness to new levels of awareness and understanding.
Employed together, it is no wonder that McMurphy is perceived as hard work – or that these characteristics tend to be undervalued today – they kick us out of our comfort zone and throw cold water in our faces. Hard work, however, usually pays off – and as the movie demonstrates, men who display such traits are often essential to shake the more agreeable of us from our gentle slumber.
Life as Therapy
There are many challenges that we face in life which call for rest, submission, quiet contemplation and a strict adherence to a comforting and predictable structure. At times this course of action (which can be considered a nurturing feminine approach) is essential to our well-being. When we find our minds overburdened with stimulus and our lives demanding more of us than we can hope to manage, retreating into a figurative womb to take advantage of its protective and nourishing properties can be a wise and courageous act.
When our lives lack lustre, however - when our imagination is mired by routine and the blanket that we wrap around ourselves fails to offer us comfort, but instead acts as a straight-jacket constraining our progress – then an active, disruptive, masculine approach is surely called for. This is something that McMurphy understands implicitly – and his conviction should serve as a lesson to us all.
Smuggling women and booze into the facility, hustling the patients to lobby for Superbowl viewing privileges (and rallying his 'troops' to conjure up an anarchic imaginary game when this fails – demonstrating the power of the creative mind in combating tyranny), staging a breakout to embark on a fishing trip (encouraging others to engage in somewhat brutal acts, albeit on specimens that are already dead - “take your bottom hook and you push it all the way through...
Don't worry about it Martini, he's dead, just push it through his eyeball”) the malcontent harnesses his inner Warrior to rescue its patients from an entrenched and enforced passivity.
Naturally, these revolts draw the ire of the oppressive Nurse Ratched, who cannot abide McMurphy's assertive masculine nature or its effects on the other patients – and strives to keep them locked within supposedly helpful routines.
Of course, Ratched isn't really motivated to heal these sick men - from her first appearance – haunting the corridors of the psychiatric hospital wrapped in a jet black shawl, we are left with no illusions as to her archetypal significance. She is the dark feminine manifest – cloaking her desire to dominate and manipulate others behind a painfully thin veil of concern.
We see such energies embodied in our culture all the time – politicians, bureaucrats or activists who purport to act in the interests of vulnerable individuals, but who are actually employing superficially benevolent strategies to afford themselves power or to weaponise their own resentment.
Even when genuinely well-meaning people act with others' best interests at heart, however (such as parents who are overprotective of their children, or many 'safe space' proponents) the inappropriate application of a feminine approach can inhibit people's development.
Too often today individuals are coddled by those afraid of exposing the people they care about to uncomfortable experiences, when what they truly require is an initiation into the world that serves to strengthen their resolve and toughen their skin.
Conclusion: Consequences
Despite being loaded with funny and heart-warming moments, there can be little doubt that the movie is building to an explosive crescendo – and the powder-keg is lit when the fragile but exuberant Billy abruptly ends his own life. Shamed by Nurse Ratched for expressing his innate sexuality – sleeping with a woman at McMurphy's arrangement (and threatened with his mother's wrath - who we assume to be as vindictive and controlling as Ratched herself) the vulnerable young man is driven to suicide by his vindictive oppressor.
Incensed with rage, McMurphy leaps upon the malevolent 'nurse', committed to throttling her to death (I hope it goes without saying that I'm steadfastly opposed to violence against women, but having forgotten precisely how the film ends, I was out of my chair at this point, willing the wrathful avenger on) – giving the authorities the excuse they need to put him out of commission for good. Utterly destroyed and emasculated, the next time we see McMurphy he has been lobotomised – his body hollowed out and everything that he was cast to the wind.
On the individual level, the depiction of McMurphy's exploits acts as a cautionary tale – a chilling exhibition of the potentially devastating implications of failing to hold one's own primal impulses in check. The Wild Man has tremendous lessons to impart to us – but when he is permitted to act without restraint or counterbalance he will inevitably lead us into an uncertain realm populated by animalistic perils.
He must allow himself to be civilised to some extent in order to prevail in the contemporary world – to conform to the structures and social contracts endorsed by the collective so that it may grant him the agency to act as part of it.
McMurphy's failure to do this – his unwillingness to 'play the game' and inability to recognise the danger posed by a cultural orthodoxy that perceives 'wildness' as an existential threat and will go to any lengths to suppress it – ultimately results in his demise. This happens not once but twice – initially by obliterating his mind and spirit and then leading to the expiration of his physical form (albeit as an act of mercy – the Chief sparing his friend from a wretched existence pitched somewhere between life and death).
On the collective level, however, the movie demonstrates that individual sacrifices are often required in order to liberate the collective from tyranny. When the 'civilised' human realm becomes so oppressive that self-determination - and even moderate expressions of our primordial nature - are outlawed, extreme measures are required in order to empower our downtrodden fellows and stir them to action.
This is McMurphy's legacy – the precious gift he bestows upon his beleaguered comrades. In life his actions free the minds of his cohorts, but it is only in death that the process is completed – and we see the Chief (representing all of his emasculated brothers) uprooting a heavy wash basin that McMurphy previously tried (and failed) to lift, throwing it through a window and escaping into the night.
His friend's sacrifice empowers him with an almost superhuman, Samson-eque strength – the irony being that when he first attempted to engage with him, McMurphy was ridiculed:
“What the hell're you talking to him for? He can't hear a fucking thing”
As it turns out though, he does hear him. McMurphy's message could not have been heard more clearly.
— , Irregular updates ()I’ve wanted to “be a man” for many years now. It was David Deida’s work that got me on this path. I was in a 10-day meditation retreat by myself in the woods when I first read The Way of the Superior Man and I had so many aha moments. That was many years ago.
And while I had breakthroughs from studying his work, I got pretty consistent feedback that I appeared rigid and contrived in my masculinity.
Just before Christmas, a lover told me in bed that she wanted to feel more of my warmth. I was taken by that, because I consider myself very warm. Why was it that she wanted more of it?
I realize now she wanted more of me, who I am deep down, beyond concepts and ideas. And for many years, being me was not my path. I would reject anything inside of me that could be interpreted as feminine or young. Vulnerability, strong feeling, a desire to be held; they were off the menu. I contracted in the face of needs and feelings like that.
As I sit here now, that seems to have dissolved more or less entirely. It’s been a journey and I’m glad I went on it. And while I currently have embraced more of what I would consider “feminine” inside of me, women feel closer to me than ever. They also perceive me as more masculine. Who would’ve thought? What’s that, Deida? Did I get you wrong back then?
In my experience, many Deida students become robotic, trying to effort their way to an idea of “3rd stage practice”. They approach it from a conceptual level and become contrived. But true masculinity is not something we do, it’s something we are. And it’s a product of having a relaxed relationship to our biology, not shaming any part of ourselves, and then just letting nature take care of the rest. A man who has embraced himself will be effortlessly masculine. There’s nothing to do. He just is.
Doing vs being masculinity
I experienced the truth of this in a visceral way recently. I met a beautiful woman early in 2013 and we developed a relationship over Facebook. I felt met by her in a way that I normally don’t by women and was eager to spend more time with her. For privacy reasons, I won’t at this point give any details or write about it in great length, but a day we spent together recently was a threshold experience for me.
She’d just given me an amazing round of body work and I felt open and surrendered. I said I wanted to be inside of her, but that I didn’t want to lift a muscle. She happily accepted the invitation, straddled me and started enjoying herself. I felt an enormous amount of sensation, my whole body was alive with her and I felt a total surrender to her and the bliss of the moment. “Doing masculinity” was far away.
But conditioning has a tendency to rear its head when we least expect it to, and all of a sudden a thought entered my mind that it was time for me to be more assertive. I was starting to “do masculinity”. I placed my hands on her hips and started contributing to the movement. And immediately my whole body started tensing up.
I was in such an open and surrendered space that I could pick up on subtleties. And from that level of awareness, I felt in a powerful way how much work it is to “try to be a man”. I let go of her, surrendered back to the moment. Some tension and a huge piece of learning remained.
In retrospect, I’ve thought much about this. It makes so much sense to me that my body is full of tension. I think I need to do things, create things, force things. I’m supposed to be a man, right? But in reality, there are better ways. It’s possible to be empowered and surrendered at the same time.
And that is my next evolving edge. It’s counter-intuitive to say the least. And it’s a theme that I will be focusing much of my writing on in 2014.
What are your experiences with surrender in the context of masculinity? I’d love to hear your experiences below.
Life was meant to be better, wasn't it? You were supposed to be successful, admired, moving from strength to strength. That's what you dreamed of when you were younger. And then life happened. Your day is filled with routine. Of shopping food, driving the car along the same damned road day in and day out. Thinking the same thoughts. Feeling the same things. Maybe changing diapers. Maybe watching the news. Maybe shooting the shit with your buddies, playing the "yes-dear"-routine with your woman, never really knowing who you or they are. And somehow, you know that there is more. But you can't quite find it. And after all, you seem to be doing everything by the book. So I guess it’s supposed to be like this? Yet, there is that voice inside of you, that is building, whispering "enough!". Enough with pretending. Enough with pretense. But what is there to replace it? If this sounds familiar, I have a word for you – a word I want you to absorb with every pore of your skin, every cell of your body: Wildness. You may not have noticed, but somewhere along the way, you were tamed. And happening in clear view, for everyone to see had they but eyes, you changed into a sad lion stuck inside the metal cage of a travelling circus. What happened to your dignity? Why did you give it away so freely? The world cannot afford you being miserable, Brother. It cannot afford you playing it small. The world is burning and your blessing and your curse, were you to take yourself seriously and break free from your prison, is that you get to put out the flames, in ways that are exactly right for you. Imagine sustaining yourself financially by giving your Great Work in the world. Or simply by finding your heart and power inside what you already do. Everything is possible if you uncover the true treasure that lives in you. The time is here to:— , Irregular updates ()Wildness is a place where mysterious creative forces pour into and through you. It is a place of love, passion, power, and purpose. It is your home.
- ... step out of a life of shame and playing it small and discover that there's a beautiful, powerful gift that wants to be given through you.
- ...discover that actually giving that gift is the only way you'll ever find real happiness in this lifetime.
- ...find that you not expressing that gift is like resisting the evolutionary process, guaranteeing your continued unfulfillment.
Testimonials
When I started working with Eivind, I felt a lot of darkness and chaos inside. I was severely addicted, out of touch with my heart and anxiety and despair were common experiences. Today, I feel connected to my heart and the dark chaos is almost gone. I am in touch with my emotions, have a richer intimate and social life and am less tormented by addictions. To top it off, I'm feeling much more empowered in my life purpose. I have come a long way! Thanks, Eivind
– Norwegian man, 36
Eivind sees me like noone ever has. And what he offers is something I've never experienced anywhere. Highly recommended.
– Luis
Eivind has a way of reaching out and giving a hand no matter where I am at, feeling that he truly shares excitement and honours every step of my journey into the discoveries of my world, be it the beautifull or the ugly, everything is appreciated and honoured. This is an awesome space to be in! Thank you for helping me to discover how much i missed the ability to say "FUCK OFF" when it is appropiate, and staying with me while I establish the refreshing vision of wanting to take the world by the balls.– Benjamin
The nice, domesticated man. Is that you?
There is a scene in American Beauty where Lester Burnham stands up to his wife Carolyn at the dinner table, smashing a plate of asparagus into the wall in service of his own power and dignity in life. The movie then proceeds to exquisitely show how Lester’s reclaiming of his balls puts him in touch with the inherent beauty of existence. Our culture doesn’t want us to be powerful. So we suffer. And, like Lester, we lose love, vitality and the recognition of beauty in the process. This is not dignified. This is not beautiful. This is politically correct. And it is killing us. That has got to stop. Are you paying attention? Good! Come close and listen: Your life needs to change. The world needs you to become who you truly are. Politically correct nonsense is destroying you. And it is destroying the world. It’s taking you out, like a toxic spear to the groin that wants to turn you impotent. Just like Lester in American Beauty, you must re-embrace your wild parts, as a living expression of nature's uncompromising love. Make no mistake; you living your truth is inconvenient, because it confronts everyone who isn’t (which is the majority). And it will cost you. And there is nothing which will bring you more joy. It's the price you'll have to pay to be in profound service to the world. You're here to make an impact. That is your destiny. That is where you'll find yourself. Your own unique path through the enchanted woods of life await you. If you are walking someone else’s, you’re wasting your life and your death will reflect it. Somewhere, hidden in the dense foliage, is a trail along which only your soul can travel. Let me be your guide on that journey.4-week coaching package: “Reclaim your Wildness”
This coaching package includes the following:When you decide you want to know more about this coaching package and how it can transform your life, order a discovery call below. [gravityform id="7" name="Order coaching" description="false" title="false" ajax="true"]
- 4 weeks of coaching (1 Skype call per week), with a focus on reclaiming your Wildness
- Start the path of descent into your unconscious
- Focus on where you step out of connection and the moment to avoid intensity
- Exercises to put you in touch with your power and grounding
- Homework and practices
- Movies and books to deepen the experience
High-end coaching
If you would like to enter into a one-year long collaboration with me with the soul purpose of totally revolutionizing your life experience, contact me. I'm SO so dedicated to your transformation and I can't wait to see how I can serve your needs. I will apply all my wisdom and energy to that process, serving you with work that's been called "the next wave of Men's work" by Max Warren, "the most powerful self-development work I've ever done" by Stephen Whiting and "the work that turned me into a man" by Dimitri. Whatever option you choose, I look forward to getting to know you! Warmly, Eivind Figenschau Skjellum
— , Irregular updates ()Last year, I let myself be impressed by Morten Hake’s work on his 2010 summit. Now, it is time for part #2.
First things first - the Morten Hake Summit is coming to town this weekend (Saturday October 1 at 10 am, Håndverkeren konferansesenter to Sunday October 2) and you will get a huge discount as a reader of Masculinity Movies. I will be there. So will Bryan Bayer. (Make sure to use the discount link and not the Morten Hake Summit link).
(this video in Norwegian)
Now for some back story: I have held strong judgments against the PUA community. I basically think that sugar-coating a bad self image with another man’s personality in order to get temporary relief from mentioned bad self image inside a woman’s vagina is a shitty idea. That is why I have been pleased as pie to follow Morten’s work over the last year or so. I realize that many people in what I thought was the PUA community are actually hugely against pickup as well. Also, what I have thought of as pickup seems to have radically transformed lately. Maybe it’s thanks to seeing the pickup world through Morten’s filter that I feel this way, but it seems to me that the “scene” has completely transformed from being focused on shady manipulating tactics to being focused on life affirming and genuine relationships.
The trend I see in the world is towards authenticity. It is also towards embracing our shared humanity. Instead of using others to make ourselves feel better, people in ever increasing numbers are seeking to co-create beautiful relationships (that may or may not be monogamous).
Whatever skills you want to work on in the relational arena, it seems the Morten Hake Summit 2011 will offer tools and advice. The higlight for me is that Bryan Bayer of Authentic Man Program is coming. I’ve followed AMP’s work for years and love what they do. They really are making the world a better place and I couldn’t be happier to recommend that you attend the summit, if for no other reason than to see Bryan.
Featured speakers, Morten Hake Summit 2011
- Bryan Bayer, the one and only co-founder of Authentic Man Program
- Johnny Soporno, a quirky guy I took a liking to when I saw the video interview with him
- Zan Perrion, a legend in his own right
- Violet Marcell
- Jordan Harbinger
- etc (full list)
Sampe video from the 2010 summit
Amadeus from Morten Haugum Hake on Vimeo.
Teaser media for the 2011 summit
Introduction Morten Hake Summit 2011 from Morten Haugum Hake on Vimeo.
Johnny Soporno interview
Johnny Soporno long interview MUST SEE! from Morten Haugum Hake on Vimeo.
Bryan Bayer & Jordan Harbinger on Pickup Podcast
Part #1
Part #2
Special discount for readers of Masculinity-Movies.com!
Morten has been generous and is offering a large discount of 30% to you as a reader of my website.
Order tickets for the Morten Hake Summit 2011.
I’m going to be there. I think it’s going to be lots of fun. See you there?
Order tickets now. All proceeds will go to supporting the Anjera Foundation’s work in Tanzania.
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()After the first Masculinity Movies poll, you have all come together to choose Good Will Hunting as the next featured movie (after Last Temptation of Christ).
The votes were as follows:
- Good Will Hunting: 3
- The Fisher King: 1
- Godfather part 1: 1
- The Hurt Locker: 1
- 13th Warrior: 1
Thanks to those of you who voted. Expect to see a writeup on Good Will Hunting by mid to late June. A new poll is now up on the front page.
PS! The way this works from now on is that only the movies that are chosen through polls get the full treatment. I will publish other bite-sized reviews intermittently.
— , Irregular updates ()It has been two exciting weeks since the launch on June 5. The site has received substantial exposure in this time. Thanks to Pelle Billing, it has been featured on the Stockholm Wilber group mailing list, as well as presented in Malmö's integral salon.
Thanks also to Peter Kessels of Integral Europe, who graciously profiled Masculinity Movies as the top story in the June newsletter. That day saw almost one hundred visitors to Masculinity-Movies.com, a record so far.
I must admit a certain level of geekiness in these two weeks. I have a hidden nerd in me and find it oddly satisfying to check Google Analytics every morning to see how many of you have been visiting. It's not very manly, I know (addictions are the realm of the boy as you should know by now), but there you have it. I own up to my flaws :-)
Closer to home, the Norwegian Integral group based in Oslo has also taken an interest in the topic. I visited them for the first time around two weeks ago, and had an interesting evening discussing how integral thinking could influence Norwegian politics in the upcoming elections. I snuck in a little Masculinity Movies promotion at the end of the evening, and found a delightful interest in the topic.
I then proceeded to hang with these great people at an "integral party" the same weekend, and found myself with many people who were not only hungry for the subject, but who were also knowledgeable and experienced in applying it, in different ways.
It has been a rich time for me so far, and I look forward to seeing where things move from here. Odd Inge Forsberg of the Oslo-based Integral group invited me to lecture on the subject in the fall, which is an exciting opportunity that I look forward to.
It seems that the world is ready for this material. This is good news!
Catch you all later,
Eivind
[wpum_register login_link="yes" psw_link="yes"]— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()In May of 2013, I presented the Masculinity-Movies work to an international audience at a men's conference (hosted by Nick Duffell and Robert Fischer) outside of Frankfurt, Germany.
I've now finally taken that footage and uploaded it.
The presentation lasts for the first 19 or so minutes. It's a rare opportunity to get the backstory of why I decided to create this website and to know the place of pain, suffering and longing it grew out of.
After that, I feature some very powerful movie clips that I believe will really get to you, touch your heart and inspire you to bring more of yourself (including your power and sexuality) into the world.
— , Irregular updates ()A couple of days ago, my goal of reaching 1000 likes for this site on Facebook, seemed unrealistic. But I asked for help and a whole host of people stepped up to help out.
- Erin Michaela Brandt, masseuse, dance teacher and men’s coach
- Darren Mattock, founder of Becoming Dad
- Stephanie Lisa Kelly, blogger and part of the leadership team of Alive in Berlin
- Boysen Hodgson, Mankind Project US
- Barbara Rivera, a woman I don’t even know who got involved (I love the Internet!)
These people, and several others, somehow got excited about helping out. The result is that Masculinity-Movies.com received more likes over the last couple of days than in the 4 years preceding them.
Truth be told, I haven’t really worked hard to make a huge impact on Facebook, but I want to get this work out there more and this is such a great start.
I feel really grateful and a little overwhelmed that so many people care about this work and I want to extend my warmest thank yous to you all.
Happy New Year!
Much love,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()We're on the last leg of the journey, guys. December 31 is here and mere hours remain of the holy year of 2010. So HAPPY NEW YEAR :-)
This has probably been the best year of my life so far. It seems that every year since I started my journey in my early 20s is a little better than the previous, yet sitting here writing this, I am still present to an inner sensation of not being where I want to be in my life. I still carry anxiety and nervousness in myself. I still harbour ugly thoughts of judgment and separation. I still feel afraid of people sometimes. I still act out immature and childish habits more often than I would like. I still want to have more sex and more abundance of women in my life, probably a stable relationship again by the end of 2011. I want to improve my financial situation. I want to live from my passion. And yet, at the end of this sacred year, I embrace all of my sensation of lack and celebrate what is already here. I'm a work in progress, as are we all.
I want to thank all of you for being part of this part of the journey. Masculinity Movies has seen a dramatic increase in its readership over this year. At the start of the year, I averaged between 15 and 20 unique visitors a day. Today, I average between 100 and 150 unique visitors a day. That's a significant increase! It brings me some sense satisfaction. Thank you. I would say it brings me a lot of satisfaction, but my satisfaction doesn't come from mere numbers alone, it comes from meetings of minds and hearts. That's where the juice is for me – of that intense feeling of shared humanity that comes when several people join forces to do something great together. That feeling too is building, but we have a long way to go in the creation of a truly generative global brotherhood.
I write this post to share with you some of my learnings from this year. I will take my time to make this significant for me (yes, my motivation for writing this is partly selfish), so feel free to just scroll to the headline which resonates most with you. Without further ado, here we go:
Lessons on my core wound
I have realized this year, more deeply than before, that my core wound in life is fear of not being good enough. A core wound is that childhood trauma that, to a greater extent than any others, runs our lives. As a little boy, I used to fish for love from my parents by being a good boy, especially by getting good grades in school. I remember running home excitedly to show them my grade book, how that computed to an opportunity to receive validation, which I equated with love.
This behaviour has left deep grooves in my consciousness. I was living for others and not myself. As long as I wasn't good enough for others, I was simply not good enough. Period. What *I* thought was irrelevant. I'm fascinated how my once innocent habits of pretend life mastery became such huge limiting beliefs when I grew up. If only I knew then what I know now – that everything matters in who we end up becoming and that no-one is happy if not with themselves first – there might have been less deprogramming to do.
I'm a sucker for validation. When I don't get validation, I often feel insignificant, as if I don't matter. I'm improving in my ability to deal with this in a mature way, but I still feel how strong my need for outer validation is. Strangely, I don't mind so much if the validation is negative, it's just about being seen. The worst thing for this inner child dynamic in myself is to be ignored. Overlooked. This is why people have been such a challenge in my life. I'm outwardly a quite sociable and confident person, yet there is this real vulnerable part of myself in which I'm still afraid that people will ignore me and thus annihilate me. So at 32, I still isolate more than I should. Yet at times, and ever more frequently, I feel a place that is beyond need for validation. I long for that place, but know there are no shortcuts.
2011 will be about honoring and loving this validation seeking part of me more. I haven't found it lovable and have wanted it to go away. But it is there for a reason. I'm not going to try and muscle through it anymore – bulldoze it with spiritual practices or success with women or work. No, that core wound will get my full attention, for my inattention is what keeps it in pain. That little child who I once was, and still, as far as this is not dealt with, on some level is, wants my love – and he'll get it.
Lessons on Brotherhood
[caption id="attachment_1068" align="alignright" width="415" caption="(From right), Peter, Pelle and I inside the glass pyramid at Venwoude."][/caption]
2010 was the year when I really discovered Brotherhood. Full disclosure (this may be a bad idea): For the last several years, I have been disillusioned with many of the men in my life. I felt they didn't want their maturity with quite the same intensitry as I did, as if life wasn't an existential struggle for them. I felt that, as long as what they prioritized was that which took their mind off of the "heavy stuff" in life, they weren't real good allies in the hunt for our true hearts. I have, in no unclear terms, felt a lack of men of presence and integrity in my life. Or maybe it was simply that their yearning for radical freedom didn't quite match my own? My ex used to remind me that all of this is in the eye of the beholder – that it was my own fault that it was like that. She was diplomatic that way, always taking the side of the "losing party". Maybe I didn't honor the men in the way I saw them? Or maybe I was so in love with the existential struggle that I didn't want to see what was already there (probably some truth to this)? Or maybe I simply wanted to keep seeing myself as the most evolved guy and was too damn cocky to attract high quality men into my life (a scary thought)?
No matter, Brotherhood has arrived in the form of new men who have stepped into my life with presence, integrity and beautiful, powerful masculine hearts. Their yearning is deep, their commitment profound. So I can say with deep satisfaction and gratefulness that there are now men in my life who I refer to as my Brothers. I have Peter Kessels and Pelle Billing in my little group of musketeers out there in Europe and then I have a core group here in Norway of beautiful, solid, powerful men. Of all the things which have happened this year, this is perhaps the most significant.
There is something that changes in me in the presence of Brothers. I have sustained so much inner arrogance in the absence of Brothers and have been used to placing myself above others in my own inner hierarchy of consciousness evolution. I'm not proud of this. (Such is the thinking, I have come to see, of a guy who has worked with consciousness for ten years, without having embraced his core wound of not being good enough. Need for validation often becomes "I'm better than them".) With Brotherhood, that way of being in the world is quickly collapsing. It's a wonderful thing.
I love men. I feel I can say that now without being afraid of attacks from my inner homophobe.
Lessons on putting myself out there
This year, I have started broadcasting myself to the world in a more outspoken way. Thanks to my core wound, this is scary, and I remain my own worst critic. Yet apart from a few harsh comments on the Facebook page of The Mankind Project as well as the slating of my character by a spiritual teacher after I criticized a manifesto he wrote for being less than perfect, almost all the feedback I have received is very positive. I remember that when I did the interview with Uncle Bob about initiation in Aboriginal society, I kept feeling that it was slipping away like sands through my fingers. Already, I was criticizing myself for it not being good enough. And then held back for fear that it wouldn't be "good enough", that I wasn't "manly" enough or present enough in it. Yet once I put it out there, people loved it. WTF?
The most important learning of putting myself out there, however, came with my criticism of a Manifesto for Conscious Men. As those of you who have followed the dialogue that resulted from my criticism probably know, that became a huge growth opportunity for me. There was a point at which the criticism of my character in private exchanges with one of its authors turned so severe that I entered a type of zen mode; I felt a sense of total calm descend over me and realized I was being tested. From that moment, I understood that what had presented itself was an opportunity to convince myself once and for all that my intentions are for the betterment of mankind and not to escalate existing problems due to my own personal wounding. It was a godsent opportunity and with the support of my Brothers and the other people who contributed in the debate, I managed to stay true to my values and emerged on the other side of those intense days a more integrated man.
Paradoxically, mobilizing a little bit of Warrior energy to point out that it would feel good for many men to have something at least remotely nice said about them in their own manifesto turned out to be exactly what I needed to embrace more of my inner Lover. It's a strange story to be sure, but my criticism of the Manifesto lead to with clear causality an increase in my ability to appreciate the Feminine. For that I'm very grateful. And I see the Manifesto in a different light now. A lot of the pain I felt in reading it the first time around is now gone. Yet I still think I could've written a better one myself, simply because I think I could infuse my understanding of the movement from boyhood to manhood into it, thus making it an evolutionary document. But then I'm cheeky that way.
The main lesson from all of this is that my own self image needs to be adjusted rapidly for the better. There was a time when I couldn't even say the name of the website "Masculinity Movies" without feeling like a fraud. Now, I'm finding increased conviction in my words as I present what I do. Pelle Billing has challenged me to back up my work with more research, which will further improve it. Also, the networking through the site has really skyrocketed and an increased sense of global Brotherhood is building in my heart. There is truly something to the old adage "ask and you will receive". Once I felt a lack of "good men" in my life. I feel it no more.
I ask that you stick around in 2011 as well. It makes me feel better about putting myself out there more and more vulnerably. And I hope to turn this work into my livelihood by the end of 2011. I'm tired of spending my time on what is essentially pointless. I came to this planet to make a difference, not to be a cog in the increasingly rusty machine of capitalism.
Lessons on the inner Wild Man
[caption id="attachment_1062" align="alignright" width="412" caption="Finnkroken: The tiny, almost abandoned fishing village from which my mother hails"][/caption]
This summer, I had a tremendous experience in the Norwegian Northlands. I was spending a few days in a cabin with my parents out by the sea, at the place where my mother was born. The weather was terrible, the sea cold. Yet, I felt compelled to go swimming in it. As the rain was pouring down among the crooked birch trees surrounding the cabin, I saw the icy waters lapping against the shore below me. I took my stuff and walked down to the ocean. At this point, it was July, I had already started feeling stirrings inside of a new type of energy; something primordial, deeper down than anything I have felt before. I felt an enormous reservoir of suppressed feeling there, just waiting to burst out. I now know that is the Wild Man whom Robert Bly talks about in Iron John.
As I went into the ocean, I noticed how different the quality of the ocean is up North. I can't quite describe it, but it's like there is something more untamed about it up there – as if I should respect it more. This "woman" could consume me without as much as a second thought. Maybe that's why I didn't stay in long. Or maybe it was the way the cold water felt a bit painful against my skin. But making my way back up the grassy path to the cabin, I noticed that while I only wore my swimming trunks, I wasn't cold – and the weather was cold! So I entered the cabin, left my stuff and went back out into the cold rain donning only my swimming trunks.
I walked across the marshlands barefoot. I laid down in the creek and washed myself, singing at the top of my lungs. I looked for a particularly wet piece of marsh, laid down and felt my body just sink into it, embraced by the muddy soil that caressed the back of my body. Something happened that day – I felt I reclaimed part of myself, that a journey back to oneness with nature started. As I made my way back to the cabin once more, I wept tears in the rain as I bowed to nature – the big She – and expressed my gratitude.
When I got back into the cabin, my Dad shook his head and whispered "boy, you think up a lot of weird things to spend your time on." I smiled and felt some quirky appreciation for him then. I guess the man I got this inclination from was more ancient than my father. For the rest of that day, my body was shaking subtly and my hair stood on end.. And I felt gooood.
This energy is still working inside of me, yet it is far from completing its journey out from the subterranean parts of my murky subconscious. I have continued this work through emotional release work and energetic practices such as yi gong, yet my habits still limit its free roam. Though when I feel the stirring inside, I feel soo fucking awesome. Eivind disappears and I become something greater: A ripple on the surface of Creation, a bead on a cosmic necklace of souls living and breathing since time immemorial, entrusted with the greater duty of stewarding the planet for future generations. There is vast emotion here. And lots of grief. For what could have been and as of yet isn't.
Lessons on Women and the Feminine
Halfway into the year, my time of mourning the end of my relationship ended. I decided to try online dating again and quickly got the feeling that it wasn't where it was at for me this time around (it didn't represent my edge). Though I did meet a beautiful redhead who I've enjoyed a sweet and intimate connection with as lovers for the past six months. I appreciate what we have shared a lot. Though she is uncertain if she can go on in an open relationship.
I'm however clear that what I need now is to be non-monogamous for a while. There is the biological need to "spread my seed" and also the feeling that I was so committed to the heart of one woman for three years that I should now play a little. But I've had to calibrate to what that really means. A ladyfriend told me earlier this year I wasn't the guy women would have a one night stand with. I am the kind of man, she told me, that they will seek to build a life with. I considered that a compliment, yet it reflects to me that there is an energy in me – the more animalistic side – that I haven't really dropped into.
I understand there is a bad boy quality that genuinely doesn't care about a woman, and that there is something attractive about that to many women in that the guy doesn't cater to her every whim. But this way of being in the world is not my style. It's too enmeshed in the trappings of power and ego. But then there is the mature take on the bad boy quality that comes from integrating the inner Wild Man, which is of a different calibre entirely. There is nothing really bad about this boy, he is just eternally committed, in his love and wisdom, to his own values and unwilling to veer from his chosen path, which is to open the world into increased love. To do that, he must be willing to plant his staff in the ground, claim his "you shall not pass" and be prepared to die in defense of that boundary. This, I understand, is the kind of "bad" that good women truly want and at this point in my life, the only "bad" I'm capable of pursuing without losing my soul.
So how do you get there? Well, I realized I had to extract all limiting mother energies from my life. I have been close friends with a woman who is old enough to be my mother for several years. We have supported each other in our respective fields of work, yet as my consciousness has grown throughout this year, I came to a point where I saw clear as day how willing she was to unconsciously use shaming of me as a means of getting her will. She is a very conscious woman, yet this is a shadow of hers, as I think it is for many women.
On one day in particular, she said, in a state of hurt, things that felt so alienating and manipulative that I knew I had to get out. I knew immediately "I'm done with this" and had no desire to even talk about it, as I normally would. My conviction was further strengthened by having many of my Brothers report similar experiences of not feeling respected and feeling slightly manipulated around her. I knew that she didn't mean to be mean, it's just that she was hurting and wasn't brave enough to be authentic about that. (This, by the way, is the place where we all may from time to time say something like e.g. "you are so insensitive" instead of the vulnerable, authentic truth which may be e.g. "I feel sad and a little bit frightened when you say that". But then, we sometimes take on roles that prevent us from being vulnerable, and then we start managing other people to protect ourselves which in turn creates distance. Inauthenticity always does.)
I realized then that this woman had entered my life to help me sort through my relationship with the biological mother and archetypal Mother, which has been so hidden within my psyche. All the wounding of this female friend seems to have been perfectly designed to let me work through psychological themes that I couldn't with Mother. My friend embedded herself in my psyche in such a way that I thought I was empowered by her, yet what was actually going on was a domestication and neutering of my masculinity and a perpetuation of an endless loop of self doubt (I was always made to feel subtly guilty and "less than" when I didn't agree with what she said).
I have realized through this friendship some incredibly important things about how women may use their wonderful, nurturing side not only as a gift, but also as a means of controlling the more primal and uncivilized parts of the masculine energy that aren't generally seen as lovable by the feminine world (which is exactly why women can't initiate men). Shaming is the primary weapon a nurturing woman will use to defuse an intensity of masculine energy that she finds scary, intimidating or hurtful and it is extremely potent (and it tends to hurt more than physical violence). I take that understanding with me with gratitude into 2011. (And I still love my friend. I just need a break to plant my staff in the ground before I return to that dynamic is all.)
So that's how I've reclaimed some of my inner Wild Man. Yet I'm still so monogamous in my programming and have feared hurting women so much that I've put on the brakes in tapping into my animal sexuality. The No Woman Diet from Authentic Man Program helped immensely in unravelling this programming. And I can now feel in my heart authentic attraction and appreciation for multiple women at once without feeling any shame or worry around it. Playing with my polygamous side is good education.
I would be remiss not to mention a beautiful young lady who came in and just blew my appreciation of the Feminine wide open. Her energy was so strong when she entered my life that it literally made my body shake. She appears to have little consciousness of her ability to affect men in such a way and it all seems totally confusing to her, yet I have decided to just remain in my appreciation for her. I understand by now how many women have gifts way beyond their own ability to comprehend.
Navigating that intense sense of appreciation has been challenging, but it's been what the doctor ordered. More and more, thanks to her and myriad other beautiful women who I briefly cross paths with, I'm tapping into the reality beyond the physical form of a woman. I'm sensing the Goddess energy behind her, that she is actually a living, breathing Feminine entity that is the materialization of a Cosmic Feminine principle. If you're not spiritual at all, ignore this. But this is some epic shit, guys. Now it's just a matter of grounding it and feeling that truth in all women (right now, it's easier with the ones I find attractive). To that end, the new Getting Her World program from Authentic Man Program is serving my ass big time.
I look forward to the glorious women of 2011 with anticipation and some trepidation :-)
Women of the world, I love you and am grateful to you for the teachings you give me every day of my life.
Conclusion
2010 has been pretty epic for me. And if you have come this far, your patience is also pretty epic - this was longer than I thought it would be. But 2010 has been a FULL year for me. And if my gut feeling is anything close to correct, 2011 will escalate the intensity even further. It will be the breakthrough year for many of us I believe.
Many thanks for your interest. I am profoundly grateful. I'll see you in 2011.
Cheers!
With Appreciation,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()Hi everyone! I’d like to introduce “Conversations with men”, an interview series with ordinary men who I’m inspired or intrigued by.
In this first installment, I speak with Damien Bohler. He’s the man behind the user reviews for Blood Diamond, Our Idiot Brother and Garden State. He’s an Australian who recently returned after 7 years in Thailand. Damien is also involved in the international Authentic World network, of which I’m heading the Norwegian division.
The conversation is recorded through Skype and I’m afraid the Norway-Australia connection lead to pretty awful image quality.
In this talk, Damien and I cover a huge range of topics:
- What it’s like to be the son of two Buddhist practitioners
- The challenges of relating to dad, even when he’s done a 3-year meditation retreat
- Generational divides
- Damien’s experiences from the New Warrior Training Adventure
- Authentic communication
- The impact of a men’s circle
- Ken Wilbers states and stages, quadrants applied to relationships
- Life as a sensitive man
- Difference between posturing and collapse
- The importance of community
- Lessons from the movies
I hope you enjoy this first talk.
Warmly,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()1 to 9... Ego-states
In this movie the nine burlap dolls represent the 'divided soul' of the scientist. This is a wonderful allegory for the ego-state model of Watkins and Watkins. In each of us there are a number of different character traits that we can think of as 'ingredients' and these are mixed together into a number of different 'recipes' to meet different needs connected with various roles: e.g. one who is the father, another the husband and yet another the warrior - to give a few examples.
Although the recipes are different the ingredients all come from the one source. Usually these are blended one with the other and flow seamlessly one to the other; much like in the 'King Warrior Magician Lover' model of Robert Moore. The dolls also model some of KWML archetypal behaviour (albeit sometimes in shadow pole): e.g. '1' is the King who is too much the dictator living in fear and impotence (shadow pole) '2' is the light-bearer and problem-solver and I see him as the Magician in golden polarity. The ego-state system represents the whole person and as is modelled in the film, there are parts we see straight away and others we come to know with time. Some spend time mostly in shadow polarity but still have the potential of the golden pole like '1'. Enjoy your journey as you get to know yourself.
Trauma & Dissociation
See here for more information http://www.estd.org/resources/history
In the movie it is the trauma of a war that leads to the creation of the dolls and this mirrors what can happen in people who experience extreme trauma. The ego fractures into dissociated ego-states (the dolls). In its most extreme form we can have Dissociative Identity Disorder (Previously known as Multiple Personality Disorder), where the parts exist as independent identities but it can be present in much subtler forms.
Some level of dissociation is a natural function in all of us. This movie reminds us that when substantial trauma occurs we risk loosing our integrity (our one-ness). Whilst this may be initially adaptive I invite you to consider that a healthy response to this dissociation is ultimately to aim for reintegration."That all may be one".
The Machine and The Trickster
The Machine in this movie reminds me of Robert Johnson's retelling of 'The Handless Maiden'. In it he states, that the word mechanise comes from the Greek root mechane which means to trick and everything concerned with it has a dark character. This is a good fit for the machine in the story for we hear of it as a 'machine of peace' only to next see a headline declaring WAR. The machine appears here in keeping with 'the devil's bargain' to get something for nothing - do what is easy - that we see in the Handless Maiden. Where in our lives have we taken the easy choices rather than honest hard graft? There is ALWAYS a price to pay.
Owning up to our errors and redeeming them
In this movie the most powerful theme for me was that of owning the consequences of my actions. For every action there is a consequence and these may be thought of as seen and unforeseen. In '9' we see several redemptive acts by key characters in response to their unforeseen consequences: the scientist owns his error in creating a machine of pure intellect; without a soul - he withdraws his support from the corrupt regime and then creates the burlap dolls as an act of redemption.
The dolls - who we now know are the divided soul of the scientist - do likewise: '1' faces his fear and literally enacts his earlier statement, "sometimes '1' must die for the good of many" and '9' owns up to his error in re-activating the machine - it is only the grace of '1's sacrifice that allows '9' to survive. These brave actions allow '9' to release the souls of the dolls who died and the film ends with rain and the hope of a new beginning: redemption.
— , Irregular updates ()A few months ago, I received an invitation from Eivind Figenschau Skjellum here at Masculinity-Movies.com to write a guest review for the 2008 movie Iron Man. I was pleased and very honored to accept. My review is posted here on his site today. But there's more to my relationship with Iron Man than a movie review. Much more.
Iron Man and I go way back. I think I can reasonably say that he actually saved my life, twice as a matter of fact: once when I was a child and again when I was a man in my early thirties. More on that in a bit.
I still remember the first Iron Man comic I bought: Tales of Suspense #93, published in September 1967. This issue featured a battle between Iron Man and one of his chief nemeses at the time, a much larger armored counterpart from the Soviet Union named Titanium Man. The cover of the comic book showed Iron Man and Titanium Man facing off against one another inside a long, claustrophobic metal tunnel with the caption "POWER vs. POWER!" I was nine-going-on-ten and from the moment I saw that cover, Superman and Batman were old news to me. I was hooked on Iron Man.
One of my uncles, who was six or seven years older than me, had quite a comic book collection at that time and was more than happy to let me dig around in it, as he'd already moved on to James Bond movies, cars and girls. He had a few of the older Iron Man comic books, not all of them, but enough for me to become even more intrigued as I saw the progression of the Iron Man armor from the original, which looked something like a gray cast-iron wood stove, to a slightly less clunky golden version, to the familiar red-and-gold armor I recognized. Along the way, his helmet and face mask also changed several times, as did his power source and the array of features and weaponry built into the armor.
I also learned about his other identity, Tony Stark: inventor, industrialist, arms merchant, millionaire, playboy. And I learned about why he built the Iron Man armor, why he needed to continue to wear it, how it changed him, what it gave him, and what it cost him. I identified with this man who was brilliant but deeply injured inside, who built layers of protection and defense around himself so that he could deal with external threats, and who hid his true face behind the frozen expression of a metal mask. Tony Stark's heart was wounded and so was mine, his from the fragments of a bomb that nearly killed him and mine from an angry, abusive, emotionally distant father, a ferocious giant who was my own "Titanium Man."
I was in desperate need of some sort of positive masculine figure, even a fictional one, to help me cope with the difficulties of my life, and Iron Man came along just in time. I read my Iron Man comics. I played and pretended and fantasized. I wanted to be Iron Man. I needed to be. He saved my life by showing me that I could use my own ingenuity to protect myself, to armor myself up (psychologically, emotionally and physically), to hide my vulnerabilities, and to survive. In the process, I internalized Iron Man and his qualities in ways I couldn't begin to understand at the time.
As I moved into my teens, I abandoned the comic books and moved on to other interests, much like my uncle before me. I gave my comics away to younger cousins and forgot about Iron Man. But my armor was still in place, and I continued to add new layers to it during my late teens and throughout my twenties as life brought more painful experiences, rejections and disappointments that I lacked the skills to handle with any real effectiveness.
Just before my 29th birthday, a woman for whom I cared deeply betrayed my trust with another man and broke my heart worse than it had ever been broken before (which was quite an accomplishment for any woman, given my history up to that point). Nothing I knew how to do for myself could reduce, or even manage, the pain I felt. At that point, I decided to break one the biggest taboos in my family of origin: I decided to seek help.
Not long after making that decision, I found myself working with an innovative counselor who used some very dynamic emotional release techniques. As my work with him progressed, emotional and psychological pathways began to open in me that had been closed down for a long time. One result of this opening was that I started dreaming prolifically. That was unexpected, and what was even more unexpected was that I began to have recurring dreams involving the Iron Man character that I loved so much as a child.
Initially, as a man moving into his thirties, I felt more than a little silly dreaming about a comic book character from my youth. But the dreams continued anyway, regardless of how I felt about them, and as time went on, I was more and more urgently compelled to understand why Iron Man had reentered my life. I found a guide who could help me work with my Iron Man dreams, to help me try to understand what they were all about and what I was being told. The assistance I received was critically important in helping me improve my understanding, but I knew I needed to do more. I found myself drawn to go out and find the old comic books I had when I was a kid. I bought Iron Man action figures. I made Iron Man collages. I worked and (perhaps more importantly) played with the image and the mythology of the character in every way that I could.
The result of all this activity was another surprise: my first book, Iron Man Family Outing: Poems about Transition into a More Conscious Manhood, in which I wrote for the first time about the childhood experiences that originally drew me to Iron Man, the effects of those childhood experiences on my life as a young man, and my efforts to develop a greater understanding of myself and take a greater responsibility for my own life and my own healing. At the center of the book were a number of my Iron Man dreams, those initially inscrutable messages from deep within my psyche that had proven to be the keys to finding myself and saving my own life. For the second time, Iron Man had saved me.
At the time I did this work, there was no Iron Man movie. The character was very obscure and my relationship with him felt very personal, very special and very intimate. I usually had to explain who Iron Man was when I spoke about my experience with him to anyone. Things have certainly changed. Just about everybody has at least some idea of who Iron Man is now.
I'm glad that I had Iron Man to myself, so to speak, when I was dreaming about him. I'm glad that I had to put some time and effort into finding those old comic books and, if I was very lucky, even the occasional action figure. My process and my relationship with Iron Man were driven completely from within, from within my own memories, my own body, my own history and my own unconscious. There was almost no external source of information to mediate, influence or alter what I was being given from those mysterious sources deep within me. It was a very pure experience in that respect, as I believe it needed to be.
Given my extensive history with Iron Man, the news that the long-rumored and perpetually-delayed movie based on the character was finally coming was a matter of great personal interest to me, not simply as an exercise in escapist fantasy and entertainment, but as a filmic actualization of internal mythology and personal archetype. I followed all the media updates, starting in summer 2007, and was understandably eager to see the movie when it arrived in theaters in May 2008.
For the most part, I was pleased. Although the timeframe of the origin story had been modified and several storylines had been compressed in order to work within the constraints of a two-hour movie, Iron Man was still a very faithful adaptation that retained all of the original archetypal elements that captivated my imagination as a youngster. Robert Downey, Jr. was the perfect choice to play Tony Stark, completely believable at every step of Stark's transformation from a careless hedonist who takes nothing seriously to a man who finally understands his path and his purpose in life. Iron Man even battled a much larger armored counterpart in the finale, just as he did in the very first Iron Man comic I bought as a child.
Still, the Iron Man in the movie didn't feel like "my" Iron Man, and of course, it wasn't. I can't say I was surprised by this. I'd spent an enormous amount of time with that character and the associated mythology over many years, gone very deep with it, and alchemized it into something that's totally personal and unique to me. It would have been ridiculous for me to expect any movie, no matter how well done, to match that.
Nevertheless, taken on its own terms the Iron Man movie has plenty to offer those who are interested in how certain aspects of masculinity and the male experience are expressed and represented on film, and I hope my review provides readers with some useful insights about some of the deeper themes found in the movie.
Iron Man is no longer front and center in my life in the way he once was. He very seldom comes to me in my dreams now. The old comics, action figures and collages from the time I spent with him in my early thirties are packed away in a box in my closet, keepsakes of another time in my life. I won't be giving them away this time.
But the Iron Man who first came to me when I was an emotionally and psychologically wounded boy who needed a hero and a role model, and then reappeared twenty years later when I was a confused, distressed young man who'd forgotten who he was and could be, is still at work in my life and in the lives of others. He lives on in the book I was inspired to write by my dreams about him, and he comes to life in a new way in the mind and heart of every person who reads my story. Most of all, he lives on in me, because I wouldn't be the person I am today without him.
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— , Irregular updates ()I just had a very unconscious meeting with my ex-girlfriend, which inspired me to write this blog. It's always lovely to see her, but earlier today, I had decided that this was going to be an important evening of work at home. I was looking forward to it. In fact, I was excited that my work seemed to be calling out to me so temptingly. Happy that I felt inspired about the stuff I'm doing. When she invited me out, I defaulted to "that sounds nice", ignoring my subtle feeling of being out of alignment with myself.
After having spent some time with her, totally unable to serve her with my presence, I was called to reflect on integrity. The most basic level of integrity is being true to your word. It's the integrity of Deida's 1st stage of masculinity. This integrity is central to the masculine. Interestingly, since stage 2 men are less masculine than stage 1 men, they tend to be less true to their word. It's an odd paradox of evolution that becoming more conscious means you are becoming less true to your word. But as you know if you have seen the madman in"No Country for Old Men" by the Coen Brothers, you know that if saying "I'm going to kill you" binds you to become a murderer, integrity to your word is not necessarily a good thing.
So we understand there is a deeper level of integrity. This deeper level of integrity is acting in alignment with your core values, and with your own inner knowing. The call to act in accordance with this deeper level of integrity exists inside any man, although the fewest know it. Only the more evolved men are conscious of this. What happened to me today was that I overruled my own inner knowing of what I was meant to do with my time and I became conscious in the process. I was out of integrity with myself. Whenever any man with a masculine essence is out of integrity with himself, he goes unconscious. And he hates being unconscious.
The majority of men are out of integrity with themselves at least 90% of the time. This is why they are unconscious and depressed. This level of integrity that we are talking about here is an absolute prerequisite to consciousness and happiness for any man. We must understand that most of the maneuvering we do in our life, whether it is buying fancy stuff, meditate, have sex, whatever, we do because we are on a downward spiral due to constantly being out of integrity with ourselves. The mystery of inner evolution is that as we become more conscious, we understand that the deep values and convictions that our new level of consciousness uncovers have really always been there. We understand that our lack of satisfaction in life came precisely because we always did other than what we really desired in our deepest self. We understand then how we have spent most of our life sabotaging ourselves, simply because we never bothered to look for what was important to us.
Any man should meditate or do other types of practices to train his consciousness. It will help him spot integrity glitches more easily. But understand that no amount of formal practice in and of itself will cure you of your unconsciousness if you, in the informal paths of life, keep going against your deepest integrity. If that's all you do, you will do all these practice for naught because you will always fuck it up the minute you enter the marketplace. Your lack of integrity will keep pulling you back to where you started, effectively ending any hope of progress in life.
The conclusion is that following your deepest integrity is the Holy Grail of manhood. It is what it is all about. Every time you are unhappy or unconscious in that nasty, inauthentic way, it is precisely because you are out of integrity with yourself. Not just in word, but in the core of your being. So get to know what you are all about, and then the issue of staying in integrity becomes a little easier. Even if it means saying no to having coffee with a woman you love.
PS! Check out the guys at the Authentic Man Program for some great stuff on integrity. They teach that Presence and Appreciation are the building blocks that precede Integrity.
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— , Irregular updates ()Lars Lindstrom is a shy 27-year old, living in the decrepit garage next to his childhood home, now the abode of his brother Gus, his wife Karin, and their unborn baby. Despite their closeness – mere footsteps apart, they share little intimacy. Lars can't handle it; he's sickly shy, and afraid of all human relations - especially the touch of naked skin. But Lars has a big heart, and Karin cares for him deeply, as do most people in their little community in the North. She longs to bond with him, hoping perhaps to bring blood brothers separated by difficult childhood circumstances back together.
Lars works as an office drone in a nondescript company, where he shares booths with an immature action figure- and porn-afficionado called Kurt ("the uninitiated"). It is Kurt who clues Lars in on Real Dolls, a range of realistic, life-size love dolls. Six weeks later, a big box is delivered to Lars's garage. Plastic love has arrived at the Lindstrom's.
But to Lars, the «Real Doll» Bianca is not merely a doll, it is – she is – his Brazilian-Danish missionary girlfriend freshly arrived from the airport, sans luggage. Then the strangest thing happens, Lars invites himself over for dinner. Lars has avoided any sort of connection with his brother and sister-in-law previously to this; in fact Karin is in one scene shown tackling him and pinning him to the ground to get a clear answer as to why he won't come over.
But now he stands proudly and sure of himself on their doorstep, and the promise of change lights up the crisp, cool night. And so it happens that Bianca arrives on the couch of the Lindstrom brothers' childhood home – in all her mute, inanimate splendour, leaving Karin and Gus absolutely horrified. Their first introduction to Lars's new-found love is both extremely funny and profoundly moving. «My brother is insane! What are we gonna do?», Gus exclaims.
He finds the situation just a little bit more uncomfortable than Karin does, who – perhaps due to motherly instincts, perhaps due to female intuition – takes to the situation with care and understanding, going so far, even, as to serve the sex doll sitting at her dinner table food.
Caring for Bianca
Bianca is, according to Lars, a very religious person, so he feels it highly improper for her to stay in the garage with him. He wants her to sleep in his mom's old room. The room is bright pink, womblike and smelling subtly of a time that is no more, of stories that were once told, before Lars's violent entry into the world stopped the voices all too soon. There is something moving deep in Lars's psyche as he puts Bianca in that bed, spreading the sheets over her in the very same place where his mother, the mother whose death he clearly feels responsible for, dreamt her dreams.
Dr. Dagmar is the general practitioner and psychologist, a wise and soft woman with a very strong, almost enigmatic, presence, who tells Karin and Gus that they have to go along with Lars' delusion. «Delusion? What the hell is he doing with a delusion, for Christ's sake?!?!», screams Gus. «Bianca is in town for a reason,» Dagmar points out. «Go along with it. It's not really a choice.» After some challenging first encounters for the members of the local community with Lars's dream made manifest, everyone teams up, in spectacular fashion, to support Lars's view of Bianca as a real human being.
Soon enough, Bianca is engaged in all kinds of roles in the local community. She volunteers at the hospital, models at the local clothes store, «reads» for children. Bianca is popular, pretty much fully booked in fact, and Lars sees less and less of her. This upsets him and in one scene, he starts «fighting» with Bianca in the pink room. He is, for the first time, starting to break with his fantasy, laying his guilt to rest.
Inheriting our parents
I think this is a pertinent time to go deeper into the theme of parents, their role, and the deeper energies they represent, which I believe is one the movie's thematically strongest undercurrents (the other being healing). Lars's mother died giving birth to him. After she died, his father withdrew into himself, into a dark and lonely realm of introversion and apathy. That's the father Lars knows, but he wasn't always like that, Gus discloses to him in one scene. That doesn't make matters better.
It's likely that Lars not only feels responsible for the death of his mother, but that he feels the stain of his father's emotional and spiritual death as well. Lars, essentially, feels responsible for having killed off both of his parents, and now he is convinced that his existence poses a threat to life, which is ever so fragile.
Lars had no real parents, no figures of authority, no-one to receive love or guidance from. Gus fucked off as soon as he could because it felt so painful to live at home after mother died, and Lars was left to fend for himself. He was alone. It is generally understood that children feel responsible for their parents' safety and happiness. Things being what they are, Lars is so laden with guilt and has been decomposing for a long time. His reclusive lifestyle, then, is likely his way of protecting others from himself, offering – in a strange sort of way – his surroundings a form of safety that he never had.
Lars's incredible discomfort with human touch is noteworthy. There is a bodily connection between the unborn son and the pregnant mother. When we are born, it stays with us for a long time. It gives rise to such phenomena as Oedipus syndrome, the desire to «kill dad» to have mother for ourselves. Some guys never sever the emotional-energetic umbilical cord to mother. Actually in today's culture, I venture to say – on danger of offending – that most guys never fully sever that cord.
Robert Bly speculates as much in his seminal classic Iron John. We tend to remain with an idealized notion of the transcendent beauty and perfection of feminine purity, such an amazing sight of splendour that we, in pure reverence, withhold our dark and dirty masculine sexual instincts from it.
It is a common complaint among modern women, not so much that many men give them dirty looks or approach them in sleazy ways, but that they give no looks at all, make no attempts to win them over at all. The reason is we are trapped in our idealization of our mother, afraid of a father that feels dark and inaccessible, afraid of the masculine force in ourselves. Adulthood for a man only happens when he is initiated into that scary place of the father and the energies he represents.
But initiation requires not only something to be initiated into, but something to be initiated out of, which for men is the attachment to mom. We must "retrieve the key to the wild man from under mother's pillow", as Robert Bly describes it. So prior to the initiation into the masculine, what happens if the feminine, the mother, is absent?
Lars reaches out to the feminine
To get clues to help us answer this question, let's look closer at four key relationships Lars has to women.
Bianca
Bianca is strictly speaking not a woman, but represents his most important feminine connection, by virtue of what she symbolizes. Bianca is clearly not meant for Lars's carnal pleasure. Bianca, rather, seems to be the object of affection that Lars needs to connect with the mother he never had. He puts her in his mother's room, and idealizes her many good qualities, «born to help people», as Lars would have it in one scene.
But being what she is, Bianca cannot offer him maternal, nurturing instincts. So instead, Lars projects his mother into the doll, and devotes himself with feverish intensity to taking good care of her. He is making up for his tremendous, heart-wrenching feelings of guilt by serving the good health and happiness of a plastic love doll.
Karin
Karin – Gus's wife – is about to give birth to their first child. This is incredibly disconcerting to Lars. It brings back into focus for him his first screams of life, and the haunting sensation that they blend ever so perfectly with his mother's screams of death. In this relationship there is a blanket, the blanket Lars's mother made for him during her pregnancy – Lars's dearest possession – that carries great symbolic weight. For Lars, it is a symbol of maternal love, and he uses it to protect Karin and her child from the cold.
Dagmar
It is with Dr. Berman – Dagmar – that Lars for the first time connects with a living mother figure. Dagmar is a wise and mature woman, with great love for Lars, oodles of insight and lots of skillful means. She is pretty kick ass. She helps Lars reconnect with his body, the very body that killed his mother, by taking him through progressive training in being touched. He serves him greatly in return; Dagmar is a lonely woman, without children, and so – in her heart – she virtually adopts Lars as her own infant son, helping him become the young man that she misses in her own bloodline. There is great love here.
Margo
Then, of course, there is Margo, the new girl at work and Lars's actual love interest. Margo is shy and insecure like Lars, but very likable and sweet. They are a good match, as receptionist Cindy points out. But Lars is not ready for real love yet. He feels he is too dangerous. Margo may die, and so he must remain with Bianca, the plastic girlfriend. But it is she who must die.
What it means to be a man
In a funny and decidedly twisted turn of events, Lars asks Bianca to marry him, and she says no. Shortly after – curiously lighthearted considering Bianca's refusal – the increasingly free Lars approaches Gus and tells him how in Bianca's culture, they have rites of passages and rituals and ceremonies, that when done – when lived through – you know you are an adult. «Doesn't that sound great?», Lars asks. Now, right here, I light up like a 100 watt light bulb during a power surge. Doesn't that sound great? Yeah, it sure does.
Lars has clearly studied these things – Bianca obviously doesn't talk – and now, he seeks initiation into adulthood. «How did you know» Lars asks Gus «that you were a man? Was it sex?». Actually, Gus doesn't know. He is not in a confident space now, because he has not been initiated either. Modern men, as a rule, are not initiated into manhood, which leaves a huge empty space between the neck and the lower belly (as described by Robert Bly in a «personal fable» in Iron John).
Gus is a good guy, but has some way to go before being anchored in his own masculine core, which is there – somewhere in the middle. «Go ask Dagmar,» Gus suggests. As if a woman should have the answers to male initiation. This is a subtle hint to how trapped and confused men in today's culture feel: Even when confronted with questions of their core masculinity, their biological and spiritual homebase, they refer to female mother figures for answers.
But Lars presses him, until Gus finally yields to Lars into his own inner wisdom and shares that being a man is working for the common good, not for your own selfish desires – even if it hurts. Gus is a smart guy, who has realized by now that his leaving home early has caused damage to Lars. In searching for answers and healing, Lars's journey opens up a space for Gus, and indeed the rest of the community, to heal.
The alchemy that turns plastic into flesh
Bianca's rejection of Lars's proposal means that Margo can get closer to him. Real life is increasingly tempting to the rapidly healing young man. So they go bowling together. Here, for the first time in the movie, Lars connects – not through Bianca, but on his own – with the colour pink, picking up a bowling ball covered in bright, girly pink hues. It is as if he integrates the feminine, he embraces mother, he holds her in his hand (have a look at the movie poster to understand more deeply the importance of the colour pink as a symbol for mother).
Shortly after, a group of guys enter the bowling alley – Gus's colleagues – and join in. Lars is on a date, and now he is one of the guys too. He is healing. It is time for Bianca to die.
At the lake where Lars's childhood memories still linger like a haunting dream about a life that could have been, he kisses her for the first time. She is ill, very ill. She is going to die. Lars is finally ready to let mum get down from his own weary shoulders and sink silently into the soil, finally there to rest in peace. With the deep hurt of feeling into a mother he never knew, and misses so incredibly much, guilt leaves his body – rivers of release through his eyes – as he carries the dead Bianca into the water.
She's returning to the womb, to the place of fantasy where she came from. In her funeral, he wears her pink sweater; mother has been resurrected and put back into her grave, leaving Lars with feelings of love he never had.
Lars's alchemy of the heart has freed him from the bondage of guilt, and led him to a place where he can, for the first time, from a more integrated place, embrace the positive aspect of being initiated into manhood. A wave of confidence and determination washes over his face as he turns to Margo, looks into her eyes and asks «Do you want to go for a walk?»
Conclusion
Lars and the Real Girl is a moving, caring and wise movie. Just like in the extremely likable Sideways, it portrays human beings in a positive light, operating in a world where people try to be good. It also, rather obviously, deals with questions of what constitutes a good healing process for those with psychological «illness» – medication, or love and compassion. It could even be argued that it asks «what is psychological illness». Could it be that the psychologically ill can sometimes be saner than the so-called well adjusted?
More subtly, the movie points to the importance of integrating, as we move into adulthood, the broken shards that remain from our childhood through any means necessary, which normally means examining our parents and our relationships with them. As human beings, we have a tendency to feel that we're doing okay, until circumstances point out that we're fooling ourselves. Life is inherently tricky and is inherently fragile, and the sooner we accept this, the sooner we will accept that our strength is sourced in our vulnerability. And that, my friends, is where initiation comes in...
— , Irregular updates ()General George Patton was one of the leading Allied generals in World War II, reputably the one among them who was most feared by the Nazis. He was a controversial and many-faceted character, with a big mouth and the nerve to use it. The movie opens with a famous monologue in which Patton strolls menacingly up and down in front of the American flag, preaching to his soldiers. «No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country,» he bellows out to us, as if we were his troops being prepared for battle. «You win wars by making the other poor son of a bitch die for his country».
It is an important distinction, even for someone who loves death as much as Patton. Listen closely and you hear: Be not afraid to give up your life for a great cause, but don't give it up needlessly, and never give it up in vain. This attitude is at the core of the warrior archetype, of which Patton is a great example. Let us, then, take this opportunity to excavate the dark and light of this archetype, which has been severely weakened in men for the last several decades. But first... we must introduce another archetype.
Patton the hero
Patton was a great man: master athlete, skilled swordsman, amateur poet, scholared historian. He was a religious man, a believer in reincarnation, and a firm believer in the ideals of an ancient warrior code, which he romanticized and yearned for. He was a towering figure, a warrior who would summon the unthinkable out of his men, a superb tactician, and a firm yet just leader. Yet despite all his great qualities, Patton had myriad weaknesses - immature facets of his personality - most notably his deep longing for heroics.
There is a scene in which German planes make a surprise attack on the Maroccan HQ where he has just arrived to assume command of America's North African war operation. He takes cover on the floor, while the building collapses around him, hell raining down out on the streets. The hero archetype in him goes online, and he jumps out the window, ivory-handle revolvers at the ready, screaming «that's enough!». He takes a stand in the middle of the streets, as if he could wrestle the planes out of the sky with his bare hands, and guns away. Granted, Patton was a master marksman, having set records at the Stockholm 1912 Olympics, but his action is reckless and puts the entire war operation at risk. And for what? Avoiding the feeling of being useless, of being a cowardly dog shirking danger.
This scene is particularly interesting because of his line «Come on you bastards, take a shot at me right on the nose», which he directs with intensity at the incoming machine gun-firing planes. The scene shows clearly his unrealistic view of his own invulnerability, as well as his fear of being weak - defining characteristics of the hero archetype. But it also reflects on what he has just shared with general Bradley: his greatest fear in life is dying from a gunshot right at the nose. Now he's putting his life on the line, challenging the Germans to do to him exactly that which he fears the most. This shines a light on the many conflicting facets of Patton: The courage that is willing to confront his fears head-on, and the immaturity that would sacrifice everything for heroics. The former is a character trait of the warrior, the latter of the hero - the immature and mature archetypes on the warrior axis of the KWML model. Now, let's start investigating the warrior.
«God how I hate the 20th century»
«Rommel is out there somewhere waiting for me,» Patton says as he looks with yearning to the horizon, feet firmly planted in the sands of the Sahara. He stands there with his personal aide Richard, describing how - if he had his will - he would challenge Rommel to a duel, two tanks duking it out in the desert, the outcome of which would define the outcome of the war. «Too bad jousting's gone out of style,» Dick muses. «It's like your poetry general, it doesn't belong to the 20th century.» «You're right, Dick,» George replies. «The world grew up.... God how I hate the 20th century.» Gusts of Rome, Greece, Carthage sweep across the sand dunes, and the feeling that Patton would look good with laurels on his head becomes palpable.
This dialogue is important to understand general Patton. He mourns the loss of the warrior, the onset of the culture of fierce personal independence, and seems to suffer deep disappointment over the feeling that warfare is becoming an increasingly dishonorable and impersonal pursuit. The idea of a lineage, of a brotherhood of warriors spanning time seems important to Patton. The lore that surrounds him would have it that he, in World War I, found himself terrified in the trenches, convinced that he would lose his life. Then he looked up to the sky and saw in a vision his forebearers look down at him, shaking their heads in disappointment. The vision, and the accompanying shame, gave him the strength to rise up, march on, and win the battle. This, it seems, was Patton's initiation into manhood, and the birth of the warrior within him.
Patton's belief in reincarnation gave him the conviction that he had been present at key historic battles in past lives, shown in a scene where he shows peculiar familiarity with the site of a battle between the Carthaginians and the Romans on a cliff overlooking the vast fields of Morocco. «I was here,» he tells gen. Bradley, with deep conviction. Let's look closer at why this felt connection of his with warriors of the past is so important.
Laughing in the face of death
The warrior archetype, to grow into full maturity, needs to dedicate himself to a cause larger than him. The warrior is so dedicated, so passionately pursuing the divine or royal edict, that he forgets any danger or discomfort he may find himself in. In old times, the knight would receive his purpose from the king (the channel of the Holy Father amongst men), and were he a just and wise king, the knight - the warrior - would carry it out with complete disregard for his own personal safety. He was born to serve something greater than himself. He was born to serve the king.
Patton's felt historical lineage, and his connection with his ancestors, gives him that cause. He is the chosen one, the perfect warrior, riding on the winds of fate, anticipating that one final battle where he will achieve the freedom of his people, while dying gloriously in the heat of it all. There is, contrary to what we have been trained to think, something truly beautiful about this, and it reminds us of a potential in all men that most contemporary guys have lost touch with. We have been so trained to regard masculine aggression with extreme skepticism that we have become fearful of the very essence of the warrior: the laser sharp focus, his personal sacrifice, his ability to laugh death right in the face.
The warrior is the «darkest» of the masculine archetypes, and if there is one thing we fear today, it's darkness. Yet, if we haven't severed our connetion to the warrior completely, it comes out of hibernation when we are faced with danger and challenge. Problem is, our lives are so safe, so comfortable, that there is not enough real challenge. My experience tells me that few men today admit to being afraid, and I think it is because they deliberately stay out of the heat which a life well lived requires them to confront. Still, sometimes the warrior comes online, perhaps most commonly when deadlines at work draw closer. But generally our jobs don't carry enough of that «regal» quality that the warrior needs to dedicate himself fully to a cause. Instead, we become resentful, ask ourselves why we're wasting away in some office licking stockholders and immoral executives up the arse, and develop an abusive relationship with our inner warrior. We depend on him, but he shows up in situations we hate. We don't come to like the warrior much at all.
Often what happens instead is that we shirk from danger and challenge, and become men of few principles and values. We lose our ability to penetrate, and never get to experience the heightened sense of awareness and the increased tolerance for discomfort that our bodies develop when our focus is intense. We don't have the balls or skills to offer our loved ones protection. In short, we lose the essence of our masculinity. Realize that the hunger for warrior-energy is what drives men to extreme sports, when their normal lives are so stripped of it. The basejumper that crashes into the cliffside goes out in exactly the same blaze of glory that the warrior experiences on the battlefield. And while the hunt for glory really is the hunt for the immature Hero, the true Warrior does have shadow-sides as well, and to investigate these deeper, we will now turn to Patton's infamous abuse of a shellshocked soldier.
«I won't have cowards in my army»
If we look at the warrior axis of the KWML system, we will see that the active shadow side of the warrior is the sadist and the passive is the masochist. I can't find evidence of much masochism in Patton - he puts himself in high regard, but he does have traces of sadism. And as we have already discovered, he is afraid of - and accordingly despises - weakness. Both these qualities come together when Patton encounters a soldier that suffers from shellshock. George loses it, and let's him have it hard. Red in the face, wildness in his eyes, he screams at him, assaults him physically, and lets it be heard that he «won't have cowards in his army». Now this is just after he has knelt down, teary-eyed, by the bedside of a severely injured soldier and showed him tremendous care and compassion. How can he switch so quickly?
The incident becomes a scandal, and the ripple effects cause tremendous damage to his career. He is forced by «Ike» - general Eisenhower - to apologize for his behaviour. As he addresses a large contingent of the 7th Army, which he has led successfully through the Siciliy campaign, he tries to expound on his motivations:
«I assure you I had no intention of being either harsh or cruel in my treatment of the solider in question. My sole purpose was to restore in him some appreciation of his obligations as a man and as a soldier. If one can shame a coward, I felt, one might help him to regain his self respect. This was on my mind.»
He speaks of himself. He was the coward in the ditches of World War I and he was shamed by his ancestors. And because of his strong masculine energy, the shaming made him stronger (masculine energy comes online mainly through challenge and danger). But the soldier in question isn't strongly masculine, but rather a soft and sensitive man. Patton is fearful of the that side of himself, which makes him completely oblivious to this man's need for feminine nurturing (like he just offered the injured soldier), rather than masculine challenge and shaming. This incident speaks to my theory that Patton had not fully integrated and owned up to, shall we say, his own inner coward, and that he projected it out on the soldier.
«All good things must come to an end»
Ripple effects of the incident reduce him to little more than a decoy sitting around as his once subordinate general colleagues invade Europe. Although, in the end, he gets to sweep through Europe with his 3rd Army in an impressive display of strategic genius. He arrives at the scene of a battle, the site of epic struggle and anonymous heroics, looks at it with intensity and confesses «I love it. God help me, I love it so. I love it more than my life.»
But the war, history tells us, came to an end, as all "good things" must. Towards this end, there's a scene where Oskar Steiger, the German captain who's been assigned to research Patton, holds his picture as the HQ is crumbling around him, examining the object of his fascination and admiration, while he whispers words of truth, a telling testament to the nature of a Warrior whose purpose is war: «He too will be destroyed. The absence of war will kill him... The pure warrior...a magnificent anachronism.»
Conclusion
Patton was a great albeit flawed man who was so taken by the glory of battle – the existential toils of war – that his life felt pointless without it. And with the end of the war came the inevitable realization - the yearning never stops. There is no one thing any man can ever do that will complete him, no woman he can marry, no ultimate feat of heroism that he can perform. Patton's downfall was that he had placed all his bets on the glory of war, having little concept of a life of meaning away from the battlefield.
For most modern men, however, the same principles that were guiding lights for Patton, are the ones we must integrate: The brotherhood, the personal sacrifice, the sense of dedication to something greater, all values rapidly disappearing from our culture. The warrior must be resurrected, excavated from the tombs of history, so that we can once more stand with head up high, firm in our conviction, eyes set on the horizon, and confront all the ills of the world. With compassion, yet without heroics.
The aftermath of the story is that Captain Steiger, in a way, turned out to be correct. Patton died from the injuries inflicted by a car crash later the same year. What with his life purpose no longer relevant, maybe that was fate giving him his final rest.
— , Irregular updates ()For the first time ever (so I'm told), there will be a Mankind Project event on Scandinavian soil this weekend. I will facilitate at it and I'm looking forward to it with anticipiation.
I did my New Warrior Training Adventure last summer and the Primary Integration Training in Edinburgh shortly after. Many of my NWTA-brothers didn't have that chance and several of them will have the opportunity this weekend. I enjoyed my PIT and I'm looking forward to facilitating it this time around. MKP-work features some amazing tools that I will be glad to revisit and integrate more fully.
The NWTA is still one of the most powerful experiences I've ever had and I recommend it whole-heartedly.
The Men await. I wish you a weekend full of joy and truth-telling.
Eivind
My friend Terry Patten has created some terrific new work about activating the integral heart that is about to be launched on the Shift network. We had a quick chat about it the other day that and covered this territory that is incredibly difficult, even taboo for many men. Many men close down their heart in service of being powerful and as Terry says, this makes them brittle. If we want to be authentically powerful, loving men in the world there’s no way around dealing with our hearts. Listen in on this short conversation and if you feel called to learn more, then Terry has a free webinar coming up in two days where he will share more of his powerful teachings. The conversation gets better and better and by around the 8-minute mark has become really powerful. [audio mp3="http://www.masculinity-movies.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/terry-patten-integral-heart.mp3"][/audio] If this conversation lights you up, make sure to sign up for Terry's free webinar this upcoming Wednesday at 5:30 pm PST for more his teachings on activating the integral heart. Sign up for the free webinar »— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()I am planning to start doing more audio recordings for this website: Interviews, dialogues, monologues, reviews read out loud etc. This one is the latter. I have decided to record my review for the Fisher King for your convenience. It's a long one so it may be helpful to download it and listen to it on your iPod or MP3 player.
There is some additional information in there so if you have read the review, there will be some added value in listening.
What I would like to know from you is - do you want me to do more of these? If I created a podcast, would you listen to it?
One of the great joys of running quite a well-known website such as Masculinity-Movies.com is that interesting people I've never heard about contact me and tell me they share my interests and want to talk. Darren Foley of the Must See Films podcast/Youtube channel is a man who did that quite recently. He was interested in my work on movies and my approach of applying the archetypal-mythological lens on reviewing them. Below is the resulting interview that I hope you will like. It's a very personal interview where I share a lot about my own personal journey. It got quite emotional for me at times and I hope my passion for this work comes through. I really enjoyed this talk with Darren. It's always such a treat to speak with people who share my passion. And make sure to check out Darren's work; I love what he's doing – incredibly insightful and something I learn a lot from every time (I'm a fan!). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x878WyN-n54 You can also check it out on iTunes. My hope is that this talk can inspire you and I would love to hear what you think. Eivind— , Irregular updates ()
I have been wanting to write about the Bechdel test on my site for a while. And while I’m working on a bigger article on that subject, I want to share with you my initial inspiration for looking deeper into the test in the first place, a popular TED presentation by Colin Stokes, called “How movies teach manhood”: This is a striking presentation to me. I like parts of it – particularly the part about men and women being on the same team. I also like the part where he suggests that a man may have a woman leader. I think it’s crucial for a man to learn to take direction from a woman. My tantra experience tells me that this becomes a way for a man (like me) to learn what it’s like to be in the more surrendered, receptive mode, which helps us be directive (which most of us want to be most of the time) in more skillful, responsible ways. I also believe it helps us conquer taboos around sensitivity, vulnerability and homophobia. Now, what worries me about this presentation is what he says at the 09:45 mark. At this point in the presentation, he has linked sexual abuse of women with movies failing the Bechdel test (while, strangely, first denying that he is doing so). And then he basically makes the logical leap that male power is destructive. Here’s what he says: “We have tools at our disposal, like girl power. And we hope that that will help. But I gotta wonder, is girl power gonna protect them if at the same time, actively or passively, we are training our sons to maintain their boy power?” He is not being real subtle about it; it seems clear that this man thinks it’s a good thing for girls to be powerful, but that it’s an equally bad thing for boys to be powerful. He seems to be saying that girl power is something girls use to defend against boys. And that boy power is something boys use to attack girls. Now, if I get him right, that’s a very interesting perspective, far removed from the world that I live in. My experience says that it’s men without power who end up dangerous. Male power is good. When I started flipping out at the start of my twenties (which I believe I have not yet written about on this site), it was because I was repressing my power, not because I was abusing it. I belive that moving in the direction mr Stokes proposes will make for less powerful men, which makes for more dangerous men. That last point is the one I don't think Colin Stokes understands. So while I like a lot of what this guy says, overall, there are some significant problems with the underlying message, based, I believe, on lacking understanding of what makes a man dangerous. I will get back with more on the Bechdel test in a couple of days. (Read here:) The Bechdel test: Application, historical context, and introducing a male equivalentThe Bechdel test: Application, historical context, and introducing a male equivalent— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()What is the Masculine? What is the Feminine? These questions have reverberated through the pathways of my mind for the past several years. And as the authentic curiosity of this ancient question has carved its own way through the layers of my mind, some lights have been lit.
Sometimes others ask me this question, knowing that I have some expertise on the subject, and sometimes I take the initative myself. My experience is that some people turn out more interested in wrestling egos and becoming more entrenched in personal stories of pain; this is after all a controversial topic that reaches us at the root level of identity − sexual and personal. Most, however, are curious. Yet, getting the message across, even to the willing, can be hard.
The challenge of communicating the obvious
A main frustration, as I've come to learn about these forces of nature, these primary expressions of consciousness, is the radical difficulty in conveying them as being far more fundamental, way more primordial than simple personal opinion. "Interesting way of looking at it" is not the kind if response I would expect or desire from someone who has just been exposed to one of the greatest mysteries and deepest truths, yet simplest everyday realities of the Universe.
Masculine and Feminine - as polar opposite forces not just in humans, but in all creation - are, just as the sun is. It is perhaps a speculative thing to claim in this scientific era, when all the forces of the universe should be measurable with unconscious machines, and still, only the most shut down human being can deny it. Even if abstractions of the mind can make us shake our heads and say "nonsense", we all accept the truth of them at much deeper levels hundreds of times every day. They shape our ideas of sexiness in either gender, our style of communication, our relation to the world. Most of all, however, they represent an inner experience that can be felt within seconds of applying the methodologies of accessing them.
It is true, ideas about the Masculine and the Feminine are speculative seen from the perspective of dead machines. The reason for this is that the two polarities, and the experience of them, are based in the non-material world, in the world of consciousness and energy. We find them shine through in our emotions, our fears and desires, the archetypes that speak through us, the thoughts we think, and the dreams that take us into vast realms of our collective unconscious.
The science of the mind – consciousness – and largely also of subtle energy fields is the domain primarily of Eastern spirituality and philosophy, although awareness is increasing also in Western science, as seen in the Mind and Life institute, Quantum Physics etc. Deeply rooted in several of the mentioned Eastern traditions, and also in their contemporary application by people such as David Deida, is the understanding that the Feminine flows, radiates, and embraces, whereas the Masculine penetrates and is anchored, totally still, in its transcendence of that which moves. Another way of putting it is saying that the Masculine is the emptiness of (ego) death while the Feminine is the fullness of life (death and life, Shiva and Shakti in Hinduism). Yet another: the Feminine is the river and the Masculine its banks. A river without banks is a destructive force of chaos. A bank without a river is no bank at all, just a lonely heap of dust in an infinite expanse of nothing.
Masculine and Feminine as geometry
[caption id="attachment_77" align="alignright" width="300" caption="The primordial Masculine, as found on the US dollar bill. Triangular, pointing up above, to the all-knowing Eye. This symbol is also linked with myriad conspiracy theories and warnings of a new world order, which - regardless of their authenticity - speak to the importance of integrating feminine ethics and care into the psyche of men. Masculine ascension alone, with no heart, creates Darth Vader."][/caption]Let's look at some practical examples, let's look at geometry. If we are to look at the Masculine and Feminine through the lens of geometry, we can see the Masculine as a triangle1 (or more simply, a line) and the Feminine as a circle. The Masculine seen as the triangle is straight-edged and angular. Its two bases connect it to the Earth - offers it stability - and facilitates its primary motion of ascension and penetration. When we trace the shape, we see that we must make swift and drastic turns at a moment's notice. Once the Masculine gets going, the triangle shows us, it's totally linear in its direction, until it is forced to change direction due to unplanned for circumstances (and then, when done from a place of masculine purity, it is a purposeful and courageous turn, not a reactive and cowardly turn). The triangle, just like the line, pierces open space; it shoots up high, above the clouds, and observes the world from a certain level of distance. It is able to "zoom out" of the details, and view everything from a bird's eye view; or really, the eye of God.
The Feminine is the circle. It flows like the river. It radiates like a flower most sublime. It moves in smooth, liquid ways. It finds its way into the smallest of holes, and will tear down the greatest obstacle on its way to the sea. The circle has no inherent logic in it. The energy it represents is not going anywhere, it spins around in circles (which is where the Masculine comes in). The Feminine circle embraces. It is the wheel of life. Like the human embryo, it is a vessel that gives rise to the future.
We can see signs of the same geometry in the bodies of men and women. The man's body is more angular and straight-edged. The torso, in its most idealised form is an inverted triangle (broad shoulders, narrow waist). A man who is round (in the sense of fat) tends to lose part of his masculine energy. The woman, on the other hand, is a shapely and delightful being. Her hips flow like the river in sexy, tantalizing ways. Her breasts are planets and her buttocks the shapely hills and valleys of nature. Only She could get God to stand up from his chair, to engage with the world of form, as seen in the story of Mary, as a channel for the Goddess, in the New Testament. Yet, sexual identity has been sent a bit of a curveball lately, and we can see in the contemporary trend of impoverished supermodels how women lose their femininity when they lose their curves and radiance. They start looking like teenage boys instead of women, much to the excitement of the gay old men who make them appear so.
The geometry of the Feminine is easily found in nature, from the planets and stars that flow through the open void in circular paths of orbit, to microorganisms in the body. Masculine geometry, however, is rarely found in nature, aside from those forms that point to the sky. Primarily, the Masculine in sits up above, on the Divine Chair in the Sky, observing the Feminine with perfect curiosity. Then it goes in, and starts using its talent for structure and order to create maps and diagrams, proportions and schematics, faciliating the flow of natural chaos through its own inherent talent for order. The Masculine, then, is easily at home in the realm of cool rationality and analysis, and is masterful at identifying patterns. We can extrapolate and condense: The Feminine is the domain of Chaos, whereas the Masculine is the domain of Order. (seen as pathological extremes in politics as Anarchy vs Fascism). One cannot exist without the other.
Finally, the literal example of our genitalia must surely be mentioned. The flaccid penis hangs down to the Earth (the main seat of the Feminine), and as the man fills with sexual energy, the penis rises and points to the Sky, to the primary seat of masculine energy; the Feminine facilitates the Masculine's return home (and vice versa). The vagina, on the other hand, responds to sexual energy by becoming moist and open. It is, through the power of menstruation and childbirth, connected to the Earth. Sex between man and woman represents the ultimate energetic merger of the Universe, between the angular and the round, the penetrative and the embracing. It is a cosmic principle, described eloquently by the Daoists of China as Yin and Yang.
Masculine and Feminine in our daily lives
[caption id="attachment_80" align="alignright" width="210" caption="Feminine sexiness is directly related with flow and radiance"][/caption]Let's reduce the level of abstraction a little and return to the world of clothes we just dipped our toe in while discussing fashion above. There seems to be general agreement about, in the main part of the population, that dresses look feminine, and suits look masculine. This is "just how it is". We have all come to accept this, regardless of whether we accept the larger concepts hitherto presented. Why do dresses look feminine? Answer - they flow. A woman turns, and her dress envelops her in lush colours and exciting displays of motion. A man turns, however, and his neatly ironed suit barely brushes against the space that surrounds it. His motion is kept at a functional minimum, carving, as he is, through space on his way to fulfill a mission somewhere.
What about hair? A woman with long hair turns and a cascade of motion, little stories of years and seasons come and gone, flutter through the air. A man turns and his short hair hardly moves. And why would it? It would just get in the way of what is to be done.
This concept goes down to a level of minute detail. If a man grows his hair or puts on a scarf, regardless of fashions or trends, he instantly becomes more feminine.* Because now, he is wearing flow. Now, let it be clear that this is not a bad thing. For the man who wants to be masculine, a strategically chosen element of feminine energy in his clothing, relatively small and controlled, may go a long way to emphasize his manliness even further. We often see this principle take form as colourful, patterned ties (masculine in its linear form, feminine in its colours) or handkerchiefs.
In communication, the flow of words and gestures is feminine. The ability to observe (listen) and decisively pierce the circle (direct the Feminine), and to turn the corner of the triangle (reach the goal), is masculine. When a man is the source of a constant stream of more or less well thought-out tidbits of communication, he animates feminine energy. Yet again, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this, but it pays to bring attention to it if we have chosen that we desire to grow our masculine. The masculine communicator listens, looks deeply and relaxedly into your eyes, and then brings himself down from the chair of God, only to direct the minutae of the communication before he steps back to witness yet again. He does this while still remaining perfectly in touch with the human experience through his open heart.
Thoughts and emotions
[caption id="attachment_81" align="alignright" width="258" caption="Rodin's Thinker. Thinking is a necessary part of the masculine's problem-solving. Yet, thoughts are feminine in nature and may overcome us by their torrential downpour if we are not careful to regularly charge our masculine energy in the spring of Emptiness."][/caption]Now, let's look at thoughts. Remember, anything that flows is the Feminine. So, when thoughts barrel through our heads, or swirl like a summer breeze through the neural pathways of our brains, again we are under the influence of feminine energy. Masculine forms of spiritual practice, such as Zen meditation, have always been about stepping out of the flow of thought to observe everything from the outside. It is about developing the Witness, just another way of speaking about the primordial Masculine sitting on the chair high in the mythical Sky. So the man who is constantly being led by the nose by his own thoughts is animating feminine energy.
Really, it doesn't matter how hard the macho guy bashes his chest or how loud he screams; when thoughts are blowing like a hurricane through his mind, feminine energy has overpowered him, and his feeble attempts to overcome it through pathetic displays of manliness only further entrenches him in his well-defended immaturity. A man can still be a passionate thinker, but the more active his mind is, the deeper his need to dip his toe into primordial consciousness, the everpresent stillness behind and beyond. Otherwise, his mind - the Feminine - overpowers him, and his ability to do anything directed with his life diminishes.
Finally, emotions have traditionally in our culture been seen as displays of feminine energy. And by virtue of their flow, they are. Women are much more at ease with their emotional life than men are, much due to our cultural programming. But just like with all other forms of feminine energy, emotions are part and parcel of the feminine totality a man must embrace on his way to full masculine maturity.
This process is at stage 2 of David Deida's model of evolution. It's where men connect with their emotional bodies. The insight that comes out of the men's work carried out by a brave brotherhood of pioneers around the world, is that a man who is to reach his full masculine maturity will never progress far down that road until he opens up his emotions. Yes, they are feminine energy, but just as women must integrate masculine energy before they can flower in full in their natural feminine essence, so must men integrate feminine energy before we, in turn, can safely find our way to our own seat of the Witness. And once we find it, we probably won't use it much, as modern life requires us to get down and dirty with the chaotic forces of the world. But we know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that when we need it - our chair, our Throne, is always available, as it sits there in the vast, open void awaiting the return of our consciousness to its natural source before the beginning of time. Yet, when we get really good, our energy may remain seated in that chair, even as we ourselves leave it. That, we must assume, requires a lifetime of dedicated practice.
Conclusion
Masculine and Feminine are real forces that govern our lives. And which ones we personally identify with and animate is not dependent on gender so much as it is dependent on our unique sexual essence and what quality of consciousness we channel in every moment. For the woman who needs more masculine energy in her life, she needs to direct her energy to achieve a goal, to find that Throne in the Sky, and the man who needs more feminine energy in his life must open up his wounds, cry his grief, dance his joy, sing his yearning. But for most of us reading this, we must do exactly the opposite. As men, we must anchor ourselves in the everpresent feeling of Emptiness, sit in the chair of the Witness, and from there observe our life's direction, flexibly turning around in an instant if our observation of circumstances requires us to. Our final challenge, then, is to press ever forward into the vast open mystery of Existence, giving our love from an open warrior heart in service of all.
* There is a wild man archetype that is at the very root of masculinity whose long hair is a symbol of his wildness more than his femininity. But that wildness also reflects his deep connection to nature. This aspect of the wildness is rarely embodied by the heavy metal musicians, bikers etc. who emulate the wild man.
References
- In the book King, Warrior, Magician, Lover, Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette present the theory that the triangle is a symbol for the Masculine.
— , Irregular updates ()Hey guys.
Recently, I was contacted by an author who now works in a prison in the US. He is concerned with the types of movies the inmates are watching. These 30-something men of generally African American descent are often not very balanced. They are too aggressive and afraid of their inner feminine. This author wants to enlist my help in finding better movies for them, because they are currently watching the kind of crap that only strengthens their aggressive and fearful disposition.
What movies would serve these men in finding inner peace and compassion for one another?
This is your opportunity to make a difference in the lives of men on the shadow side of existence. Thanks for your contribution.
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— , Irregular updates ()It was at the tail end of 2007 that I realized, under a night sky in India, that I was heavily into spiritual bypassing. That’s when my life changed and I resolved to find out what it means to be a man in today’s world. Since then, I’ve been through a lot of trainings in the realm of masculinity. I went through a powerful course series over three long weekends in Norway with two of the Norwegian heavyweights in the field; Dag Furuholmen and Eirik Balavoine in 2008-2009. I did my New Warrior Training Adventure with The Mankind Project back in the summer of 2011 (and participated in a multitude of MKP trainings since). I experienced Noble Man with Celebration of Being that same fall. I’ve done myriad online trainings with Authentic Man Program, such as the powerful No Woman Diet, and I finally experienced The New Tantra in early spring of 2013.
I’ve done most of the things I wanted to do. Only the Authentic Man Program intensive remained on my bucket list for men’s trainings. Frankly, because it’s expensive and because it only happens in the US. Well, it so happens that I temporarily live in the United States and I got a deal on it. And it happened a five minutes stroll away from where I currently live, at the Integral Center in Boulder, Colorado. It was a no-brainer.
Friday and Saturday: Forging brotherhood
Most of the men’s work I’ve done has taken place in men only environments. I love that work; forging brotherhood, learning to trust and recognize the beauty in men, bridging power and vulnerability, coming home in my own sex.
The first two days of the AMP intensive provides more of that. One of the most transformative experiences of going on journeys like these is noticing the ways I judge some men at the start of the journey and then noticing how fundamentally things change as I get to know them and their challenges in life. It is a life-changing experience that you get to pocket and use as reference in your daily life, where you likely, like me, judge people all the time.
Day 1 was, as is to be expected, the “safest” of the three, moving us deeper into brotherhood and contact with our primal masculinity. I will not share details in case you should be tempted to go on this journey yourself.
What I will share, however, is that I realized this weekend how much of a sucker for intensity I have become. There is a Warrior exercise in day #2 of the AMP intensive that just has my heart sing with delight. Without sharing too much, it has a whole room of men tap into their killer instinct, that part of them that would kill in service of someone they love. It’s so fucking awesome.
My whole body tingled with delight in that room. Just writing about it now has me feel intensely alive. I realize at this point in my life that I can’t fully trust a man who is not comfortable with his power, and having a whole room of men move towards that place of trustability, that dark masculine love, is something that lights me up in all kinds of ways.
And that insight gives context to the journey that I was on this weekend, which more than anything was a deep dive into my power and my more primal instincts. In one of my circles on day #2, I started tuning into a fierce anger towards the lead facilitator. I have core issues around feeling like I have to perform to be lovable and it resurfaced in this circle and I went “to hell with it”. So instead of collapsing into that, I let it rip. It was awesome. An intense experience for us all.
While these two first days were evolutionary more than revolutionary for me, given that I’ve done so much men’s work and am familiar with the format, I still felt tapped into a deeper and more primal place in myself as I went to bed Saturday night, anticipating the massive turnaround that Sunday provides.
Sunday: What separates AMP from the rest
I’ve done a lot of men’s work. At some point along that road, I realized I had become more comfortable with men than women. I had become a much more powerful person in the presence of Brothers than in the presence of a woman I desired. I would challenge my Brothers on their bullshit and the places they played it small, but I would still play nice with women.
The work with Celebration of Being went some way in addressing this, but the core issues of attraction and owning sexual desire remained. Not even the work I did with The New Tantra addressed that in the way I needed it to. However powerful it was, the women there were not trained to give skillful feedback regarding the core issues of attraction and how being around me felt in their body, and so the lessons I left with were of a different (yet very powerful) nature.
This is where AMP shines.
Sunday morning, 14 radiant, sexy, badass women walk in. Some of them have done this work for a decade, some are there to learn. Yet they’re all committed to bringing their full selves in service to the men.
The rest of that day is a deep dive with these women, where we get to have realtime feedback on how it feels to be in our presence. This is where AMP shines.
These women, especially the most experienced ones, have learned to dial in to and trust the minute shifts of their body-mind as they are with a man, and have the courage to speak it freely. So instead of the more typical blanket statements of an untrained woman, e.g. “you seem so needy”, “I feel scared” or “I don’t want to be with you”, they can communicate minutiae realtime. Maybe, “I’m not feeling anything. You seem happy with yourself, but I’m not feeling anything at all. Oh, when you moved your chin down just then, I started relaxing more. Oh wow, my pussy is starting to get wet. No, it’s gone again. I feel nothing.” That leads to “WTF!”-moments for most men. And then the Matrix starts unravelling.
Into darkness
I’m on a journey to claim more of my wildness and darkness these days. And the standout moment for me in the weekend was the desire-circle, where one man gets to explore the nature of his desire for almost a full hour with four women and four men present.
I’ve had a somewhat unresolved relationship to my desire. I’ve been afraid of owning it fully. And I’m starting to get why. My desire is quite dark; wild even. It’s not a nice “oh you’re so pretty”-desire. No, if I’m going to own this fully, I’m going to become a man who sometimes says some pretty dark stuff to women. And that, Brother, runs counter to my postmodern nice-guy conditioning.
In this desire-circle, however, I was encouraged to go there. And I did, with some discomfort and a lot of turn-on. Step by step, making sure she was safe and felt seen and respected, I went for that darkness. In the end with my hand around her throat, telling me I could kill her right there, but that I wouldn’t, because I loved being with her.
That’s the kind of stuff people don’t tell you about. It’s not Mama’s dream for her sweet son, it’s not what political campaigning and feminism applaud. Yet this woman responded very strongly and the rest of the women got very excited. Clearly, women want this part of me. And in fact, more men are requesting it as well. So I guess I’m being called to embrace more of this in a loving way. That’s both scary and exciting.
The beautiful thing is that, while there is clearly a power dynamic going on, it feels so vulnerable and naked for me too. Going to that scary place, knowing that love is what takes me there, and not necessarily knowing if she is going to receive me, if she will get that the only danger she is in is of having to let her shields down and accept love into her heart.
It takes a lot of courage and is incredibly vulnerable.
Aftermath
I’ve felt great after the AMP intensive and had some spectacular connections with women. This is part of a larger trajectory in life, but the AMP intensive was instrumental. Clearly, this stuff works. And if you’re wondering if you should get on the bandwagon, my input to you is “it might be expensive, but it’s likely to change your life and bring a whole new freedom in your relationships with women.”
Just have a look at my before and after testimonial:
I’m confident you can tell the difference. And I’m confident you will be able to tell the difference in yourself as well.
Whatever you choose to do, Brother, good luck in creating the kind of authentic, intimate, tender, potent relationships you’re wanting, be it with one or more women.
Warmly,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()Introduction
One of the most important realizations on the path of growth is that there are actually stages of development that you can grow through. If a man is unable to recognize that, then he may well end up shifting from strategy to strategy in life, from skill to skill, without actually growing at all. The realization that "there are other people who are more evolved than me" is of utmost importance for a man who is aiming for full maturity. It could very well be the most important thing of all. It is the prerequisite for mentoring and initiation, and in a culture that doesn't give that, the individual must seek it himself.
This model was developed by Don Beck and Christopher Cowan based on the work of psychology professor Clare Graves and was popularized by Ken Wilber (whose perspective lead to the evolution of SDi - Spiral Dynamics integral). I'm no Spiral Dynamics expert, so please do further research on your own, and let this serve as merely a primer.
Quickly about consciousness tiers before we begin: First tier consciousness is a type of consciousness in which a person thinks that he and those who think like him are sole keepers of truth. They cannot see the truths of the other levels of development, even if they themselves previously held it (grew through it). When people of different first tier levels of development meet, they often end up arguing, without being able to really understand what the other person is saying at all. Spending time on such discussion is pointless.
In second tier, however, the person can see all levels of development that came before it, and embrace the value and truths inherent in all levels of development (this is not the same as postmodernism). Second tier individuals see the trajectory along which consciousness develops and are better equipped guiding others along this path themselves. We can see further down in this text that the more developed a person is, the more powerful he is. The numbers are from Ken Wilber's A Theory of Everything, and are probably somewhat outdated. It is reasonable to think that the world has seen a shift towards higher levels of development since then.
And now, for the observable levels of development presented in the Spiral Dynamics model.
First tier consciousness
Beige (archaic-instinctual, identity not yet fully formed)
The beige level of consciousness is the first and least sophisticated level available to human beings. It features a barely developed sense of I, meaning it has little sense of being separate. Beige consciousness is basically only concerned with the most basic needs, food, water, sex, security etc.
Key word: Survival
Seen in: Infants, senile elderly, the starving etc.
Cultural impact: 0.1 percent of the population, 0 percent powerPurple (magic-animistic, identity not yet fully formed)
The purple level developed when human tribes first met. This traumatic experience required them to reorient themselves in the world and form new forms of civilization. Purple believes in magic; spirits of nature or the ancestors fly around casting spells and curses. Purple can develop irrational relationships to inanimate objects based on the idea that all objects, alive or otherwise, posess a soul. Can appear to some (myself included) to be a higher level of consciousness than it actually is.
Key word: Magic
Seen in: Voodoo curses, good luck charms, third world tribes etc
Cultural impact: 10 percent of the population, 1 percent of the powerRed (egocentric, individual)
At this stage, a separate sense of self distinct from the tribe develops. With this new-formed identity comes the wish to perpetuate its power and as a consequence red consciousness generally uses violence and aggressive means to barge ahead in life. The world is a dangerous place and to perpetuate the power of identity, all enemies must be destroyed.
Key words: Power and respect
Seen in: Terrible twos, feudal kingdoms, James Bond villains, Nazi Germany (part red, part blue), wild rock stars, Lord of the Flies etc.
Cultural impact: 20 percent of the population, 5 percent of the powerBlue (mythic, group)
This consciousness level leaves behind the chaotic narcissism of red in favour of law and order. Blue features very defined values, black and white, true and false, good and evil, saint and sinner. Violating the agreed upon code of conduct has very serious consequences, going to hell, being executed, imprisoned, exiled etc. There is only one way to think about things and the social structure is very hierarchical. Dogmatic religion and submission to a supernatural being, everything is predestined, sacrifice now to obtain later.
Key words: Purpose, justice
Seen in: Conservative politics, Republican party (part blue, part orange), patriotism, boy and girl scouts, fundamentalism, codes of chivalry and honor, ethnocentricity
Cultural impact: 40 percent of the population, 30 percent of the powerOrange (rational, individual)
At this stage of consciousness, the individual starts questioning the idea that everything is predestined. Perhaps there is no God in the sky that has everything all figured out. Man then starts taking responsibility for his own life and starts seeking his own answers and ways ahead in life. This level of consciousness is meritocratic - your worth is not based on who you are, but what you can do, and thus worldcentric (a black man is worth just as much as a white man if he has the same skills). Science rules the day and the mystery of existence is all but gone, the world is a well oiled machine that is there to be used, even at the cost of the planet.
Key words: Skill
Seen in: Capitalism, fashion industry, the Western Enlightenment (Renaissance), fame and superstardom
Cultural impact: 30 percent of the population, 50 percent of the powerGreen (postmodern, group)
With the emergence of green in the 1960s, came a sensitizing to the plight of the human race. Blue and orange have been destroying the planet through creating saints and sinners, winners and losers, and green seeks to deconstruct these value structures to better humanity. At this stage, emotions become more important than logic, decisions are reached through reconciliation and consensus. Take care of the planet, be a good person and don't be so greedy. Green fails to see the stages of consciousness it traversed to get to its current state and is extremely bad at making decisions, because it's incapable of deeming one thing better or worse than another. Everything is an egalitarian mush from which little truth and action can be extracted. Green is often incapable of making the changes it idolizes.
Key words: Deconsctruct blue and orange, preserve the planet and be nice
Where seen: Liberal politics, Democratic Party (part green, part orange), political correctness, Greenpeace, animal rights, human rights issues, free health care, United Nations
Cultural impact: 10 percent of the population, 15 percent of the powerSecond tier consciousness
Yellow (integrative, individual)
This is the first stage of 2nd tier consciousness. 2nd tier is described by its awareness of the existence of different levels of consciousness. It sees that all levels have a place in the world and that the purpose of 2nd tier consciousness is to use whatever tools are available to traverse the ladder of evolution to help people at whatever stages they're at. Hierarchies are reintroduced: Knowledge and competency should supersede power, status and group sensitivity. Flexibility, spontaneity and functionality have the highest priority. A belief in intuition.
Key words: Evolution through flexibility
Where seen: Rarely, mainly in individuals, but to some extent in the growing number of integral businesses
Cultural impact: 1 percent of the population, 5 percent of the powerTurquoise (holistic, group)
Consciousness that unites feeling with knowledge. Believes in universal order, but not based on external rules (blue) or group bonds (green). Often involves emergence of cosmocentric spirituality. Global consciousness - it's possible to make money while taking good care of the planet and workers. In fact, it's not only possible, through the turquoise perspective, it is seen as the BEST way to make money. Uses the entire spiral, can access any stage at will and can read between the lines. The insight of turquoise into human nature is so vast that it can be perceived as being psychic, even though that is not necessarily the case.
Key words: Global consciousness
Where seen: In rare individuals who have integrated spirituality with the rational world of science and matter
Cultural impact: 0.1 percent of the population, 1 percent of the power
Young William: I can fight. Malcolm Wallace: I know. I know you can fight. But it's our wits that make us men.— , Braveheart (1995)
— , Irregular updates ()After my participation in the NWTA, I was asked if I wanted to write about my experience there. I chose to accept. I inquired with the man in charge if I could publish the piece here on my webpage as well and he said yes. So here it is.
[caption id="attachment_1778" align="alignright" width="400" caption="At the end of the NWTA. Ill, heart-open, tired and looking like I'm seventeen. Funny how an experience that took me so far back into childhood made me feel so much more like a man."][/caption]Hungry for initiation
I have felt a deep, ferocious hunger for that elusive sense of maturity for years now – never having been able to shake the unpleasant feeling that I am still but a boy in the body of a man. And I knew I needed help to get past a masochistic, pervasive undercurrent in life which always made every action feel not quite right, not exactly authentic. In many ways, my life was great – and improving. Yet, my suffering was undeniable. And so I was ready. In the evening of June 4 2011, at The Comb in Northumberland, I finally embarked on my life's first Hero's journey.
It was an intense experience; over in a flash. Yet contained within those brief moments was a journey through grief into rebirth. That is more than literary symbolism – the skillful facilitators guided me into childhood and through a birth canal made up of initiated men, each spouting one of my masochistic beliefs. It was a surreal, yet deeply impacting experience I had not prepared for. All visions of a hero's journey I have entertained myself with looked very different to mine.
As the facilitators circled us on the last day – bidding us farewell in silence – I felt my heart strongly. Rare are the moments in life when I have felt so alive. Tears flowed down my face. I stood there an initiated man – having been through a ritual for which my entire soul had hungered for years. The look on the faces of these men – each featuring a unique texture of love and acceptance – confirmed that I had indeed received what I longed for. Some missing part of me was starting to pour back in. I was happy.
Journey to The Comb
I run a webpage called Masculinity Movies. It emerged out of my own search for maturity and manhood and running it has brought me much learning and satisfaction. As my exploration of movies, spirituality and psychology deepened, a book about the KWML archetypes showed on my radar. It's called King, Warrior, Magician, Lover – archetypes of the mature masculine. The authors are Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette, men of some familiarity to you, I suspect
As my understanding of these archetypes grew, I started applying them to my movie reviews – with outstanding results. People loved what they read – and I learned much writing. The Mankind Project was mentioned with increasing frequency and eventually my reviews became featured content on both the Mankind Project's Facebook page and their journal on mankindprojectjournal.org. It was clear that I had found an organization full of men who shared my thoughts and passions and I felt excited by the growing possibility of global brotherhood.
I connected through this time with MKP men such as Kenny D'Cruz, Boysen Hodgson and Mark Guilford and my participation was in a way inevitable. Speaking with Boysen on Skype one day pretty much cemented it. There was nothing more to think about – I took a leap of faith and don't regret it.
I was afraid when I knocked on the door and entered the dark room behind it, but boy am I happy that I did.
Back to Normal?
I returned home with a slight concern that the experience would just be a workshop high, my freedom slowly dwindling with every passing day after returning home. But I do feel different. Something has remained. In fact, some hard to describe feeling of being a man and not a boy has strengthened and I feel more confident overall. Most importantly, I feel freer to express myself. In fact, my voice has changed. It has opened and become deeper. Several people have commented on it.
I want to write briefly about my shadow, identified on my weekend as «I create a more alienated world by being judgmental about others». The number one inner conflict in my life is my desire to connect combined with the fear of rejection. My need to connect is tremendous. I love going to deep and rich places with people. Yet for many years, my spiritual practice was a solitary affair which served to strengthen this shadow.
Before I move to criticize it, I want to honor my many years of sitting meditation practice and my dives into worlds such as Buddhism, integral theory and tantra. They served me well for many years. Yet, I remained divorced from life itself. So in my feelings of unfulfillment, I learned that I could protect myself from the fear of rejection by condemning people who I might otherwise wish to connect with as unworthy, «less spiritual». Absolutely wonderful. Served me well. And I'm so fucking done with it.
The new openness that is unfolding in my life allows me to go deeper with others. The key for me is the ability to share impact combined with a deeper realization of my ability to be self-sufficient in the love department. Now, when someone impacts me in a way I like or don't like, I can simply share my experience of it. It's not a defense, and yet it's the best defense of all. Shared humanity. What a concept!
My relationships have deepened considerably this year, yet the experience of intimacy in the interpersonal spaces of my life has dropped to an even deeper and richer level since the weekend at The Comb. I feel nourished.
The path ahead
In two weeks time, I go to Edinburgh for my PIT. I feel inspired to be a faciliator at a training adventure in not too long. To experience it from the other angle. To give it. My mission statement involves curiosity and blessing and so, the path is lit.
I have gathered four NWTA initiates and three other good men who live in the Oslo area and our first real gathering is planned for August. I am moving in three weeks, to the first flat I could ever call truly mine, and will be happy to host them there. This is deeply significant for me, contributing to a general feeling of increased groundedness and embodiment. I feel pleased with myself. My heart opens when I write that.
I'm also feeling big openings in my quest for my true mission in the world. So many good things are happening. I feel stronger and more peaceful and I'm even sensing that a woman is going to come into my life again soon. I realize that I have held the belief that if I get to be with a woman, I somehow automatically get the better end of the deal. And having seen it, I realize how bullshit it is. I can now own how lucky the woman who gets to have me will be. We will both be lucky, gifts to each other.
Would these things have happened if I didn't do my NWTA? Hard to say. I think it probably would have eventually considering the intensity of my yearning for ever increasing maturity and insight. But it's not important. It is what it is and I'm happy with the way I arrived here. (I have worn my talisman almost every day since returning.)
I'm Royal Impala and I'm in.
— , Irregular updates ()I've been inspired to see that my article "King, Warrior, Magician, Lover - archetypes of the mature masculine" has become one of my favourites on this site. About ten people find it on google every day and spend an enormous amount of time (by Google standards) there. This suggests to me that people actually read it. Not bad!
The KWML book is one of my bookshelf favourites and I feel there is much more for me in there. What I have presented in the article is just really brief and presents my limited understanding of the topic. Looking for more information about KWML the other day, I became aware that Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette actually wrote FOUR VOLUMES, one for each of the archetypes. That is four volumes in addition to this brilliant book. But they're all out of print.
I did some sleuthing on Amazon the other day and realized I can get hold of them second hand. One looked it was going to set me back almost $100, but then I found it somewhere else for £20. I haven't ordered these gems yet, but I will soon, and then I will go through them one by one, reporting my findings to you as I do so. Archetypes – and especially the KWML archetypes – have become very important in my life and are very useful aids in my own personal daily life.
I want to bring some of the benefit I've had from getting to know these archetypes to you in the time to come. It is some of the work I'm most passionate about.
Stay tuned
— , Irregular updates ()
Finally, as promised, here it is. This is the first video in a series of four on the King, Warrior, Magician, Lover archetypes. The first deals with the King.
This is my first time teaching on video like this and I want you to be real honest with me how you experience it. It's kind of foreign to me and I'm still getting used to it. Tell me what works and what doesn't so I can give you more of what you want and less of what you don't.
Thanks,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()I read this short article over at the Good Men Project. Something about some right wing Republican talking about African Americans and who said this in an interview:
Slavery had a disastrous impact on African-American families, yet sadly a child born into slavery in 1860 was more likely to be raised by his mother and father in a two-parent household than was an African-American baby born after the election of the USA’s first African-American President.
Tom Matlack and a lot of commenters went ra ra ra - this is terrible, awful. She is implying that African Americans were better off as slaves. Why don't I see that implication? It got me thinking. When are people still stuck in the postmodern cramp going to stop disempowering themselves with their trigger happy victim circuitry? (this is nothing personal – just a general reflection inspired by thoughts triggered by the GMT piece)
This morally outraged rhetoric of the postmodern world is the source of a huge amount of problems. It contributes to the polarization of right and left. In this way, liberals contributed to creating the tea party movement, just like they contributed to creating Derek Vinyard in American History X. Let's now grow up and recognize the world as interconnected and understand that we are all implicated in some way or another.
As people of higher consciousness (according to Spiral Dynamics), liberals should now take that one final step into 2nd tier consciousness and learn to own their part of it. The onus is on those of higher consciousness to behave in a "higher way". Then the polarization would reduce and right wing Republicans would be free to start growing from their little political-Biblical cramps into full, God-given selfhood.
Anyway, here's my reply to the blog post (which for some reason didn't get through).
I'm intrigued by this. I have no idea who this woman is. I can't stand the Republican party and think they are largely a bunch of narrow-minded religious zealots. I'm quite liberal and I'm for all the things you say she is against.
But I look at the statement – without any background information and no emotional investment – and simply can't understand what the fuzz is about.
What I see is simply an expression of concern for the development of the African American family structure. I see you speak about "implications". What are those? I can't for the life of me see how the statement implies that African American families were better off as slaves. I notice in myself that I could choose to interpret it that Obama, as a representative of the Democrats, has made conditions worse for African Americans. I *think* can notice – EXTREMELY faintly – how a voice in me would have it that she claims African Americans were botter off as slaves. EXTREMELY FAINTLY.
Yet, I choose not to listen to those inner voices. I could. But why disempower myself? Why speculate about what something means only to reaffirm a broken part of me?
One of the things I don't like about the postmodern world is that there is an enormous enthusiasm to play the victim card. I find myself losing trust in a man or a woman who screams bloody outrage too easily. I see that as psychological projection. I see it as a person with poor psychological boundaries and an inability to see their own inner shadow complex (the way they themselves judge ALL the time) using another person's slip as an opportunity to further sidestep the important work of turning attention inwards.
Those of you upset by this - are you sure you are not just firing on all emotional circuits because you are so USED to it? That this is not about any objective decency, but about your own habitual tendencies?
The more we let ourselves be triggered, the less we can *be the change* in the world.
I say this having no political or emotional background with this woman. And remember - these words are the only ones I have ever seen from her. And if she is a member of the Tea party movement, I don't respect her (we're not in the middle ages anymore). So I basically suspect I would find her unappealing.
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()This review may be one of the hardest I've ever done. I’ve gone many rounds with myself in order to complete it. I finished the first draft back in May, just as I was heading off to Frankfurt for the Men and the future symposium. But as I was about to publish it, I read through it one final time – and found myself uninspired. I didn’t like what I read and chose to discard it. The perspective I took back then was based almost entirely on Spiral Dynamics and Integral Theory. This angle remains one of the most obvious ones to me.
The way I see it, Falling Down is clearly a movie about a clash of different stages of consciousness: Traditional (D-fens), modernist/capitalist (“the system”) and postmodern/liberal (all the narcissism on display). All of that is interesting. Yet “interesting” is deeply unsatisfying to me. I don't care much about interesting. I want soul. I want dirt, grime and all that juicy stuff that modern life keeps us apart from. I want my writing to be conceptually intelligent, but I want the meat of it to go under the radar of the modern mind (which loves "interesting"), hitting those wet and hairy parts inside of us which remain wild. With Falling Down, that has been challenging.
D-fens the victim
William ‘D-fens’ Foster is a former defense industry worker who’s been laid off. He is a loyal patriot who seems, in his world, to have done everything right. So why was he fired? Why did his wife divorce him and then slap him with a restraining order? Unwilling to allow circumstances to bring him into a transformational journey towards increased depth and self-awareness, William is hellbent on staying on auto-pilot; as the movie opens he is making his way to “work” carrying an empty briefcase, a broken spirit and boundless denial.
It’s the hottest day of summer. William is a temperamental man and the heat is not helping. When an unpleasant shopkeeper won’t help him get money for a payphone, he snaps, and his journey into madness begins. The journey into madness is a wonderful metaphor, employed in many myths and movies. It’s the journey of stepping out of linear time and embracing “crazy time”, where things are not as they seem and the soul becomes exposed to the transformational fires that arise from a total lack of control. William’s descent does not seem a metaphorical journey, however.
A lost opportunity
William is portrayed much like a victim whose buttons have been pushed one too many times. And now, the urban wasteland he journeys through seems to conspire to move him into full acceptance of his capacity for destruction. There is clearly a theme of boundaries here, which highlights the archetypal Warrior. William’s boundaries have been compromised one too many times, and now he taps into his Sadist shadow in order to get back at the world. This theme is interesting and at times also stimulating. What frustrates me, however, is that the movie has this wonderful opportunity to intelligently describe the interplay between William’s inner landscape and the outer world, much like the mental asylum scene towards the end of The Fisher King. It could've shown how the world we see is a reflection of our inner sense of harmony (King archetype). But it doesn't. In sitting with this movie, I have come to suspect that the movie makers simply did not have sufficient psychological wisdom to make the most out of a promising premise.
A clash of world views
D-fens is a traditional man. In spiral dynamics, the traditional stage of development is associated with the color blue. It signifies qualities like loyalty, duty, allegiance to God and country, rules, morals, justice etc. The people with whom I identify share my ethnic and cultural background, beliefs and sexual orientation. One of the central themes in Falling Down is the clash between William’s “wholesome traditional values” and the values of his surrounding world.
Being a loyal patriot seems to not be enough for the “system”; it still rejects him. William’s struggle becomes a metaphor of sorts for the clash between the values of small-town rural America and a modern/postmodern urban mentality. Evolution of consciousness takes us from the traditional stage of development to the rational. The rational stage of development is associated with the color orange and signifies qualities like rationality, striving for success (the American Dream), efficiency, profit (capitalism) and mastery of skills. Science trumps God and skill trumps race.
The sphere of people with whom I identify grows to include those who are useful to me (who provide relevant skill), negating the focus on ethnicity, religious allegiance and sexual orientation. The shadow is using people as if they were machines, raping the planet for natural resources, extreme focus on being successful and top dog. My favorite scene in the movie is when a victim of “the system” makes a big ruckus in front of a bank and is subsequently taken away by the police.
He leans out of the window as he pleads with us not to forget him. This is a great scene, elegantly exposing the shadow side of capitalism. Human beings eventually get fed up with the lack of humanity on the rational stage and move into the pluralistic stage of development. It’s associated with the color green and signifies qualities like empathy, community, tolerance, consensus, egalitarianism.
At this stage of development, I identify with all people in the world. The shadow side is a flattening of hierarchy and meaning, narcissism, irresponsibility and naivete. These are the major stages of Consciousness at play in Falling Down, though there's also a bit of egocentric red. Here’s a scene where that chaotic egocentric red clashes with William's traditional values: The Nazi-sympathizing shopkeeper in this scene is largely on the egocentric stage of development (which precedes the traditional). D-fens has temporarily regressed to that level due to the extreme pressure he is under (a state change), but his values and ethical compass are still traditional. This scene displays the confusion that can arise when we don't get the concept of states and stages of development.
A parade of stereotypes
The more I dig into Falling Down, the more I realize it doesn’t give substantial return on my investment. While I can watch the movie and enjoy it, when I start digging into it, there is simply not much treasure to be found. Most of the characters in the movie feel totally one-dimensional to me. Almost every person D-fens encounters on his odyssey through the urban wasteland of Los Angeles is an asshole.
Rather than feel like well-rounded personalities, they seem like vehicles for an agenda: To paint a picture of a hostile, cynical world that doesn’t give a rat’s ass about people. They seem to exist merely to offer justification for William's actions. I feel some intensity around that. A bit of anger. Because I don’t like it when a movie tries to manipulate me into seeing the world as more hostile than it is.
There is kindness in this world. Generosity. Love. I guess the movie makers were unable to honor this truth and still maintain a cogent storyline. But Falling Down is too literal a story to take such liberties with reality. The consequence is that Falling Down triggers my bullshit detector.
The takeaway for us as men
William D-fens Foster was fired from his job, lost his wife and the right to see his daughter, and now lives with his mother. Why? Because he didn’t have the capacity to be with his temper with transparent vulnerability and was unwilling to claim responsibility for his lot in life. D-fens is a frozen man. And like all frozen men, he is completely stuck. When we hide our truth, say yes when we mean no, accept harassment and settle for less, we too risk eventually moving into an uncontrolled outpouring of more primal impulses.
This is a familiar theme for those of you who have read my KWML article and grasped the bipolar shadow dynamic. William’s victim mentality exposes his lacking ego development, which puts him at the mercy of archetypal forces. Mythologically speaking, Falling Down is the journey towards William’s Red Knight. The Red Knight is that part of us which wields power and engages in territorial disputes (boundaries).
It’s hugely important to us as men and relates to our fundamental feeling of safety and our ability to take up space in the world (read more about the three knights). But as Falling Down shows us, this primal power is also dangerous when wielded unskillfully. That is why a man’s accessing of this “red” has been taken so seriously in tribal cultures. Integrating those primal impulses and then surrendering to a higher power is one of the central themes that the process of initiation addresses.
Conclusion
Falling Down tries to make a commentary on a society in decay. In the process, it oversimplifies reality and makes sweeping observations lacking in wisdom and nuance. William's movement into “red” might get your hormonal man-juices bubbling a bit (reminding you of all those times you let yourself be fucked with), but it falls short of giving us a real sense of empowerment. While I empathize with William’s difficulties (I have felt them and I imagine must of us have), I’m not impressed with how he deals with them.
I find his inclination to see himself as a victim annoying. And yet, there's also real tragedy in this story. This man lived such a repressed life, so in denial of his own challenges and needs that in the end, he figures it's not worth it. He is the archetypal frozen stoic. Unable to own that he has created this life for himself, William is at the mercy of dancing shadows (which is, annoyingly, what the movie fails to point out). And his story reminds me that in order to become truly powerful men, we must see ourselves clearly and recognize our needs and desires. If not, we will try to manipulate the world to meet our own disowned desires, and we will do so in disconnected, blaming and totally miserable ways.
— , Irregular updates ()This is a mood piece I just came across that reflects the crisis in masculinity the world is currently facing. I think it works pretty well. Notice the same theme crop up again and again: Absent fathers and the resulting peer based pseudo-initiations, gender confusion and misguided pursuits of manhood.
— Miles, Sideways (2004)If you don't have money at my age, you're not even in the game anymore. You're just a pasture animal waiting for the abattoir.
— , Irregular updates ()For those of you who enjoyed “The Last Samurai”, the “Seven Samurai”, and “300” you’re in for a treat. 13 Assassins is a movie about warriors willing to lay their life for a Just cause – Killing a sadistic lord Naritsugu who will plunge the country into chaos.
Entrusted to this task is Shinzaemon Shimada, who leads 12 others to kill the Lord on his route from Edo to Akashi. This will be no easy task as the 13 assassins will have to overcome Naritsugu’s entourage of 200 soldiers led by Shinzaemon master swords man rival Hanbei Kitou.
This movie is an amazing sit down with your boys and watch the fun. While the movie takes some time to build up and develop the cast, the end includes a 45 Minute non-stop action sequence.
— , Irregular updates ()I’m currently reading Soulcraft, a beautiful book by depth psychologist and wilderness guide Bill Plotkin. In doing so I’m reminded of the different realms of existence within which we get to journey and evolve: Spirit, Ego and Soul. Or the Overworld, Middleworld and Underworld.
(Please read to the end of this post – I have an exciting offer that may be a great match for you)
Understanding the territory of the upper worlds
In our Western culture, we prioritize Ego and Spirit. We prioritize psychological function and communing with God.
When Plotkin speaks of the middle world, he speaks of a deeply human place, where the Ego-driven human being is sovereign. That does not make this world a necessarily terrible place, unlike many would have us believe (only immature egos give rise to terrible sufferings).
Ego is that psychological operating system that gives us a feeling of identity and the resources to function in the profane world. When we receive psychotherapy or coaching, we work in the domain of Ego. We work on healing our fractured selves so that our function in the world is optimized. We learn about empathy and to trust in ourselves. We learn about boundaries. In other words, the Ego we speak of here is not the domain of evil, as it is frequently seen in the religions of the world. It is rather a necessary function of the deeply human part of ourselves, like it is in the KWML archetypal work of Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette that I’m well known for.
When we pray, meditate or engage with other kinds of spiritual practices, we seek to inhabit the domain of Spirit. We seek the blissful re-alignment with the Sacred, which was always there, but was lost on the way. We find the Oneness of all phenomena and disappear in light. This is a beautiful thing, but the inherent risk is that we become light chasers, or what Robert Augustus Masters call spiritual bypassers. This can be recognized in people that speak of lofty spiritual ideals and who seem to have a certain glow and lightness, but who cannot function in the world and are secretly judgmental and emotionally repressed.
Michelangelo’s famous painting in the Sistine Chapel shows the yearning these two worlds have for each other. Spirit wants to incarnate in human form and Man yearns to return to his divine Source.
Setting up camp in the Underworld
If you know my work, you may recognize that neither of these domains are where I’ve set up basecamp, for better or worse.
After being in the domain of chasing light for most of my twenties, my 30s have initiated me into the dark, numinous caverns of the Underworld. And there, I re-encountered a world I first discovered when I was about 10 years old, when a small Greek woman named Aleka walked into my classroom for the first time.
She was a temporary teacher and would tell stories from Greek mythology (which unlike Christianity embraces the Underworld) when we had been good and worked hard. I fell in love with that universe. I consumed books on the subject and drew depictions of Greek goddesses, who represented a beauty for which I longed (my favorite subject is depicted to the right).
An integral part of the path of Soul is to become more familiar with the essential gifts we have been entrusted with in this lifetime. And early childhood experiences often have stories to tell us were we but to listen to them. I was more fascinated by fairy tales and mythology than superheroes when I was young. Had I understood the significance of this sooner, I may not have chosen the ascendent path for so long.
In traditional Christianity, the realm of Soul is not an inviting place – unless you like the thought of ending up in Hell. Soul is that part of reality that has seemed out of control, hostile even; Nature and the Anima (the feminine in us) are viewed with suspicion.
No wonder Soul is not present in Michelangelo’s painting. Also no wonder the Christian world has had so few qualms about destroying Nature and the indigenous people who live in communion with it.
So Western culture doesn’t have an easy-going relationship with Soul. Neither does the Eastern, whose religions also generally deny Soul, although the Daoists fare better.
The underworld is one which seems to have been widely repressed. It is the domain of paganism, indigenous cultures, ancestral lineages, death and rebirth in rites of passage. It is that dark place where demons feast on our flesh and strip us to the bone so that we can resurrect free of the baggage of the past and possibly with mystical powers. It is the realm of alchemy.
This world has gone underground and survived in hiding in myths and fairy tales – even movies (in fact, Disney is one of the main proponents of Soul in our culture today, which is more than a little disconcerting). And yet it still speaks to us from below. “Hear me! Don’t forget me! Ignore me at your own risk!”
I live in that domain these days. It’s a heavy and dark place, and also incredibly fertile. It’s nature-bound and has a sombre beauty about it. And it should break your heart.
Foremost among my sources of inspiration on this path is currently the English poet David Whyte.
I feel incredibly nourished by David Whyte’s poetry. And it has brought me inspiration for my own, which I intend to share with you to soon.
Your Inner Throne (an invitation)
I’m very excited now as I tell you that I’ve finally started real work on my KWML archetype product, “Reclaiming your Inner Throne: An archetypal immersion experience”. Archetypes live in the Underworld, in the collective unconscious. And in understanding the Soul-walker’s path better, I’ve had powerful insights that lead me to having breakthroughs in this manifestation process.
If the path of ascension is too narrow for you and the thought of success alone is too impoverished for you, then maybe you are the perfect person to walk this path with me. It will be a product that initiates you into a deeper knowing of yourself. It will beckon you closer to your big work in this life. It will help you to have trust in the inherent abundance of the universe (which I too need help with).
And if my deep period of research and exploration of this subject is as fruitful as I hope, going on this journey may have far-reaching consequences for something else that I know you care about (I’m deliberately being obscure for now). We won’t turn our backs on the Middleworld and Overworld, however – they will all be present.
I have no clear idea of when this product will be done. It will probably be a creative process of many months. I’m going to the woods in August on a creative retreat, after which I will know more.
I want to offer you something that I’m excited about before the release of it, however. I’m deliberately reaching out support in my life. And I would love to have you on my side as I create this product for you. I have therefore decided to release this product to a small group of 10 people initially.
If you are one of these 10 people, you will get the product at a fraction of the price I will release it at (I’m aiming for $79 vs the likely $299 for final product). And you will be part of a very exclusive group of people who get to go on a very intimate journey together, even co-creating parts of the experience with me.
This rich experience has life-changing potential and if you feel drawn to being part of this initial group of trailblazers, give me a hint below or send me an e-mail (before I start communicating this offer more broadly).
May you have a Soulful weekend. May the Otherworld shine through to yours and communicate to you the signs that you seek.
Talk soon,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()Ahmad Ibn Fadlan – or "Eben" as the North Men call him – is a man who adores beauty, poetry, God and the scriptures. He is by North Men standards a bit of a pansy, though he does ride a horse quite well. When a young boy shows up in the North Men tribe where Eben finds himself to bring word from a land in turmoil, their oracle is brought to read bones and see what may come to pass. "Thirteen warriors," she calls out, "are needed for the mission."
And one by one the brave men volunteer for the perilous task of absolving the forgotten lands from an ancient terror. The old King is dead, yet it is their new King Buliwyf who is the first of the men to volunteer. "The thirteenth warrior", shrieks the oracle, "can not be one of us!" Good friend Eben freezes and realizes he has entered the wrong camp.
The next morning, the Vikings present him with a water bowl in which he is to wash himself, after they have all washed themselves with the same water. He is disgusted. He is a dainty man and does not appreciate the snot of his fellow brother. We discussed this scene in a film club I run on another community and I reminded them how important it is that a man gets to know his inner Wild Man.
This man is not finicky about hygiene, but is more grounded in the earth and the getting it done. I remember in my previous relationship that I would often do things that were disgusting by her standards, though I felt that they empowered me. Men and women are different that way. Eben is a bit effeminate. Yet I too would refuse washing my face in water where another bloke just emptied his nostrils.
Eaters of the Dead
After having made a name for himself by riding his horse like a warrior and learning the North Men language, Eben is somewhat more accustomed to the company of the savage men by the time they arrive at their destination. Already, a bond has started forming between him and Buliwyf. The land which meets them is a gray and desolate place, bereft of most its men of fighting prowess.
They are already dead, taken by the Eaters of the dead. We are reminded of the "women and children" first mantra. In times of war and danger, men always die first. It is part of our gender role - we are the expendable sex - something which is hardly acknowledged in today's world, where women are always described as getting the worst end of the stick.
When the Eaters strike the first time, Eben is terrified. He is not a Warrior. "You will be soon!," laughs Herger the joyous. He does survive, but a scratch on his face, and even gets one of them. But they return in force. The North Men suspect there is some supernatural force at play. The dead bodies of the Eaters disappeared after battle and when fire appears up on the hill from whence they came first time around, they shout "they have roused the fire serpent". These truly are mythical lands.
The Eaters return in force and Eben enters a battle frenzy, loses himself and his old ways to bloodlust in the moment. He is not a Warrior and so does not remain grounded and focused in the moment of battle, though he is an able arm in battle already, especially after he got his Arabian scimitar cut at the smithy. Herger laughs at him "You got one? Don't worry. There's more!".
Taking the battle to them
The brave king Buliwyf rouses his men – those who remain – to a counter-attack. Eben has turned into an important part of the group, for he is the man with talents of his own – as well as a big brain. There is a nice scene in which Eben rides out of the Viking village and the beautiful lass that he has bonded with strokes her arm against his leg as he rides out.
We know from earlier that Eben is fond of beautiful women, and we see his temptation to turn around and spend time with the fair-haired beauty. But he has discovered something new and perhaps even more important now: Brotherhood. He knows he cannot let his brothers down, leave them to their fates while he is frolicking with a woman. It's simply not the way of a mature man.
They successfully raid the encampment of the enemy– who are a spooky and primitive sort of group – and Buliwyf slays their female spiritual leader. But he is poisoned by her before he gets her head. As his last hours are upon him, Buliwyf calls on Eben to write down the stories of his life, that it might be remembered. Eben is moved and recognizes, once and for all, the greatness of these fearless warriors. He agrees that such would be a worthy thing.
The final battle comes to pass – the male leader of the enemy must also be crushed for the enemy to be broken, and in the dark moments before battle, Eben kneels on the ground to pray: "God, Merciful Father, I have squandered my days with plans of many things . . . this was not among them . . . but at this moment, I beg only to live the next few minutes well". Beautiful. He is asking his God for help in staying grounded and present in the moment. Male spirituality at its finest.
And so, with the calling on the forefathers and a homage to the Halls of Valhalla (which Eben beautifully partakes in), Buliwyf kills the general of the enemy with what remains of his waning life force. And so, more or less, it ends.
Conclusion
13th Warrior is a pretty light-hearted movie, but what strikes me about it is that it's a good story for studying the Wild Man archetype, but perhaps more importantly the integration of the Lover and the Warrior archetypes in the KWML system.
Ahmad Ibn Fadlan was exiled because he lusted for the woman of another man. He is also a poet. Ergo, he is a Lover archetype. And then he teams up with a tribe of savage Warriors, who turn out to be noble at their core. What happens in Eben through this adventure is an integration of the Lover and the Warrior, particularly demonstrated through the relationship he shares with Buliwyf (a character who is a king, but whose archetypal function in the movie is of a Warrior King). It is a noteworthy theme and makes the movie a worthy watch.
— , Irregular updates ()MM LIVE is a recently initiated branch of Masculinity Movies, where a group of men gather in Oslo, Norway to watch a movie and discuss issues pertaining to men and manhood. My vision statement with MM LIVE is:
"To create a safe and supportive environment where men can express and observe authentic masculinity."
My hope is that it will provide a space for men to excavate hidden resources in a spirit of shared brotherhood.
Masculinity Movies LIVE events archive
— King Longshank, Braveheart (1995)Not the archers. My scouts tell me their archers are miles away and no threat to us. Arrows cost money. Use up the Irish. The dead cost nothing.
The concept The idea to create Masculinity-Movies.com came about during a time of intense study on what it meant to be a man. This is a question I’ve struggled with most of my adult life and this confusion has caused me to go through times of intense inner turmoil and depression. But the process has brought results and at this point, I was trying to find a way to juggle masculine and feminine energies and forms of expression in my life in a way that was beneficial for everyone. At the same time, I felt a growing need to share my own voice in this wilderness, and it seemed directly connected with my own sense of well being. There was just one problem. I had no idea what to say. I was working on my Norwegian translation for The Way of The Superior Man by David Deida (still in progress) and applying it in the relationship with my lover, with great results. As the two of us spent some quiet quality time together watching films in her flat, the answer to the question that had plagued me for a long while – “how can I bring this material to the…— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()(video greeting at the bottom)
2014 has been a year of enormous change and growth for me and most of the people I know and love.
If you are someone who is in honest conversation with your life, I bet you’ve had the same experience. We are in many ways in over our heads, with lives full of activity. And while "activity" used to mean that we do a lot of different things in the outer time-space dimension, this rapidity has long since infiltrated our inner worlds as well.
The consequence is that we seem to be transforming, for better or worse, faster than ever before. People seem to be "popping" all over the place. Indeed, waking up from the trance of conventional life seems no longer reserved for hardcore meditators only.
We have become fed up with the "old world", have we not? This tight-assed, hyper-rational, consumerist, destructive, depressed world seems to be gradually losing its grip on humanity, and while its consciousness should never be eliminated (it's part of the spiral of evolution that we all must traverse), it looks set to lose its status as top dog.
This is good news!
The bad news is that on the way down, it seems quite willing to take the whole eco-system with it. You would think the problem is "out there", but this process towards ecological collapse is fuelled by normal folks like you and I who are simply too busy, challenged or depressed to go looking for the answers to their problems in their inner worlds. So instead, they keep buying shit they don't need, polluting both their inner lives and the planet in the process. We are probably the most addicted people the world has ever known.
This planet has everything we need to thrive. And if we were to take this opportunity to turn towards lives of sanity, our future looks bright indeed. But for that to happen, we must, in a sense, die.
Failing identity structures in a changing world
"The world is changed. I feel it in the water, I feel it in the earth, I smell it in the air". Thus opens the start of the extended edition of the Lord of the Rings epic. For those who have done deep inner work and opened the door to mysticism in their lives, Galadriel’s words ring true these days. The other day, I could feel it as an "electric charge" and an otherworldly, pregnant silence in the air. A friend described it as “the quiet before the storm”.
It seems that these shifts in the collective soul of humanity and the spiritual air we breathe are causing large numbers of people to come face to face with their false identity structures. I went through this process in 2014 and many of my friends either did go through it or are in it now. We became so allergic to ourselves (a concept poet David Whyte talks about beautifully) that we were forced to drop our attachments to our old world identity structures and fall into the alchemical crucible of underworld initiation.
And in this dropping of old world relics from our inner geographies, landscapes of connectedness and mysticism seem to open up. This isn't woo-woo. Such phenomena are studied at esteemed learning institutions such as Harvard and MIT (check out the research of Robert Kegan or Susann Cook-Greuter for more information).
Not only are serious practitioners hitting their Nekyia journeys, en route to their fully incarnate Sovereignty, “normal people” are starting to wake up as well. I have made my own contribution to this process, particularly with my Inner Throne work, and many, I'm happy to say, have been waking up through material I've offered. (I’m obviously not talking about enlightenment here, but of becoming introduced to some bedrock truths about who we are and how we operate.)
What is going on?
It seems we are at a stage in human history where the forces of evolution have pressed the red "nitro" button and are speeding forth into some sort of crescendo. (remember those fun driving games from back in the 90s?)
Where are we headed?
I'm reading about Carl Jung's life now, and am intrigued and impressed by the level of guidance he opened to in his life. He was a truly remarkable man. In 1913, he had a premonition of bad tidings in the world, just like in Galadriel’s voiceover. And as we all know, World War I started the year after.
Dr. Jung was clearly a very intuitive, tuned in man and I doubt not for a second that his premonition was more than mere coincidence. So when one conscious man can put his finger on the world pulse and read it accurately, what are we to think when thousands of conscious people simultaneously feel the exact same thing? What are we to make of this persistent collective feeling that we are moving towards the point of "make it or break it"? Shall we adopt the ostrich strategy and pretend nothing's going on?
Or shall we rise to the task and assume responsibility for a world which hovers periluously close to disaster?
Armageddon fantasies
The world is so beautiful. Yet, it can be a pretty scary place. For the ecological crisis isn’t our only one: Large parts of humanity are now fanning the flames of their wet armageddon fantasies. Millions of “right believers” are concurrently, from opposite sides of the globe, invoking the end of the world. “Chosen people” mythologies like those of right wing Christians and radical Muslims hold that the old world must end before the new world will be reborn. The consequence is that they will, more or less consciously, encourage any developments in the world that promote the coming of the end times. Essentially, the sooner the world goes to shit the better. In their mind, you see, there is such a thing as paradise, and it is not on earth as we know it! (that’s what happens when you exile the Lover archetype to the afterlife)
So understand that there are many people who think that the world should end as soon as possible and that anything you do in service of saving it is actually an obstacle to the fulfillment of their chosen people mythology. Of course, you can’t campaign politically with such ideas, but that still doesn’t prevent you from being run by them.
When you understand that millions of people – and a large percentage of Fox News-watching Americans and politicians – actually live within this paradigm, you may start getting very scared indeed.
And this is but the start of the challenges we are faced with!
Ah, humanity! We sure made a mess of it this time.
Becoming guardians of the balance
If you are one of the many who have had a glimpse of reality – who have seen the true face of madness that (still) governs humanity – you cannot anymore pretend to be okay with conventional living. And I believe 2015 is a year when you will need to accept the consequences of what you have seen more fully than ever before. This is a blessing and a curse. It will give rise to tremendous joy, even bliss. And it will fill you with despair.
This much is clear to me: When you take the red pill, you can’t undo it. You can’t plug back into illusion as if you hadn’t seen the truth. That’s for characters in movies only. As one who knows, you must either assume leadership in the process of birthing the “new world” or you must suffer deeply trying to pretend you can be happy in the old. The suffering you may experience in 2015 is simply your soul’s way of telling you that you’re out of alignment with reality. Trust it.
And know that there is a wave of awakening washing over the world. This is not some trite new-age concept; I see signs of it in my life every day, as I’m in the privileged position of counting some of the most powerful change agents in the world as friends.
What I want for you, dear reader, is that you let yourself be inspired by all of this. There has never before, in the whole history of humanity, been a time when the forces of the world have been more perfectly aligned for individuals like you to discover and give their Great Work. This is a gift to you. It also happens to be a moral imperative. Your life plays a crucial role in getting us all safely through this unfolding human drama. If you discover what you are here to do, and then do it, all of us will have a better chance of making it through.
And by plugging in to the global network of change agents who are actively taking on these challenges, you will discover friendships unlike any you ever before have experienced. In the real world, staying in the matrix simply isn’t as fun as unplugging from it.
Here’s the deal: If fulfillment and empowered masculinity is what you’re after, you don’t really have a choice; you must engage with the battle for the soul of humanity as soon as possible. Anything else will be out of integrity with your deepest calling and the depression and suffering you feel will remind you of it every day.
You can tell the degree to which you are on the right track from your level of addictive behavior. If you are severely addicted, yet thinking idealistic thoughts, you’re still a symptom of the disease and not the cure. Having nice ideas is not enough – you must engage with life. You must accept your destiny as a guardian of the balance of the world.
Our survival is at stake. Wake up.
May 2015 be your best year ever
There’s a lot of talk in the world of self-development of creating your perfect life. Yes, it’s important to have a good life. I want that for you, just like I want that for myself. But it’s a limited perspective. Thinking that the purpose of your existence is merely to create a good life for yourself will create a bad life for yourself. For a good life is found in giving. Learning to receive openly is more important than you may think, but learning to give sustainably is even more so. In fact, it seems that your level of happiness is in direct proportion to the level of service you are offering to others.
In some strange and ironic way, your life is not really about you. This is what I want you to wake up to in 2015. You live to be fully given away. You must die an empty vessel or what you die with is regrets.
I will give all of my energy to this global alchemy in the time to come. And I would be honored if you let me play a part in your awakening. The Reclaim your Inner Throne workshops and online training are powerful ways of unplugging from illusion and putting you on the path to Sovereignty (see calendar). And I offer powerful one-on-one coaching for those who want to take it deeper.
Whether you choose to work with me or not, I sincerely hope – from the very bottom of my heart – that this becomes an amazing year for you. Truly, there has never been a better time for amazing years. But the stakes are high, higher than they ever have been. You may find that you will have to give up a lot of things which you hold dear to manifest this joyful life of service.
As for me and Masculinity-Movies.com, I don’t know for sure what will happen. My energy will go to where it has the greatest impact. I love connecting with you here on this site, and if that keeps changing lives, I will keep doing it. What I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, however, is that you will find me hard at work spreading Inner Throne work in the world. And I would love to see you in a workshop or an online training soon!
A very happy new year to you, friends and followers of Masculinity-Movies.com. May you rise and rise again, with heart and with fierceness, and become who you truly are.
My best wishes for your best year ever,
Eivind Figenschau Skjellum,
Founder of Masculinity-Movies.com
and creator of the Inner Throne process
— , Irregular updates ()Watching this video made me very happy. Michelle and Barack Obama introduce the White House mentoring program for boys. I know Obama has been accused of just propagating more of the feminist, misandric politics we know from many of the so-called liberated nations of the world (my own nation of Norway being one of those), but I never agreed with the people who made those claims. He gets it, more so than pretty much anyone else.
I particularly admire him for addressing the importance of commitment and the problem of popular culture's message that you can get something for nothing: Instant gratification. Obama should know a thing or two about these things.
Michelle points out that anyone can be mentors, regardless of age or background. I consider that a challenge to living a good life in service of the people around me.
Thanks to Earl Hipp of Man Making for making me aware of this video.
— , Irregular updates ()[caption id="attachment_593" align="alignright" width="352" caption="Go alone into the woods at night. Find a lake. Enter it. Release your shadows as you swim. "][/caption]
I have become more and more intimate with nature lately. I have understood how important it is for me in my transition to full manhood, which I'm focusing on now with unrelenting dedication. There exists in nature a huge untapped potential to shed unconscious baggage and I'm starting to realize the extent to which this is true and important.
I took out my bike just after midnight and went to a nearby lake. It was dark and nobody was around. I just saw the texture of the slight wind on the lake, the rippling reflections of the full moon on its surface, the trees and some huge insects.
There is something deeply mysterious about quiet bodies of water in the woods at night. There is something slightly unsettling about it as well. I had brought some ashes, which I proceeded to cover myself in. I cannot give good reasons for this right now. I just know of Robert Bly's mention of ashes work and the Norwegian folk tales of "Askeladden" and I know there is something significant about it. To me right now, the ashes represent something like grief, the unconscious which must be processed en route to manhood. I will get a clearer understanding of it as I keep going.
Then there is the water, the full moon, the dark. I realized today something about darkness and why it scares us. The dark is the unconscious. It's what we don't see. We often call the unconscious psyche "shadow". Shadows are dark. Unseen. Behind or beside us. Darkness confronts us with our own suppressed unconscious baggage. If you don't believe me, go for a stroll in the woods at night yourself. It will rise to the surface in a flash and either produce monsters all around you (last time I took a stroll in the woods at night, an angry badger came running at me and made me jump. Afterwards, I laughed heartily) or you will release them and find freedom. Water, especially lakes and oceans, has the same quality. It represents that which is not seen. Water is the most feminine of all the elements. Granted, all of nature is feminine, but water specifically is incredibly feminine. I'm not just saying that. It is a felt quality when you stand next to it. It's like She speaks to me. Water too represents the subconscious. So bodies of water in the dark are naturally scary (If you are not superstitious, it's because you've lived in a city too long. Trust me, go to nature at night and you will be superstitious.)
As I covered my body with ash, I started realizing the significance of it. If ash represents something like my grief and my unprocessed feelings, taking that into water - my subconscious - to wash it off is very potent. The archetypal symbolism here is very strong. I make the subconscious (water) conscious by moving into a lake at night and there I wash the grief (ash) away. Thus, I can free my unconscious baggage and return the energy of that to Nature, which soaks it up and turns it into life energy (as e.g. shamanism and daoism tells us). I will also mention how strong I felt the boundary of the dark water. Stepping into the water was like stepping into a different dimension. At night, it seemed to me, stepping into water is a huge leap, a leap of faith and courage. I am saying to the universe that YES, I will look at my unconscious baggage. I surrender it to you. Take it and create life with it!
To me, the lake was decidedly feminine. It was a Woman. It was viscerally so. And as I entered Her womb, all kinds of stuff arose in me. And I realized as I always do when doing ritual in Nature that the only way to move forward was to surrender to nature and pledge to serve Her. That is the only way I have found to master my mind's production of horror in these scenarios. So to fully submerge myself and start swimming into the dark, I had to pledge a life of service to Nature and to the women who represent Her in the human realm.
Still, She got the better of me. Swimming into the lake, long tendrils grabbed my feet. Weed from the bottom of the lake rose to grab me and as I swam forward, She started pulling me down. They twirled around me feet and wouldn't let go. I tried to swim forwards, but more and more grabbed hold of me. Had I not done the ritual surrender earlier, I would have freaked out like all fuck. This is exactly the kind of thing that scares me about water - being pulled down into it by some unseen object. I surrendered, whispered "you win" and started swimming back. Most of the weed let go, only a final one wrapped itself around my throat before I took it off and went back in.
Nature knows how to humble me real well. And tonight, I realize even more strongly how important it is to confront our unconscious baggage in Nature like this. I realized that were I to have killed as much as a mosquito earlier that day with no remorse, it would have come up when the plants were pulling me into the pitch black lake. But my conscience was clear so I did not get afraid. Not THAT afraid anyway.
This ritual also made me reflect on why we're destroying nature; it confronts us with our unconscious. And with the level of suppression of unconscious baggage that is going on these days, we can't allow that. It would destroy us (we think). But unless we grow our willingness to work with our shadow material as a species, we will destroy the planet to avoid looking at it. There is no doubt in my mind about that.
The best way we men can work to prevent that from happening is by consciously moving from boyhood into manhood by seeking out that which scares us. And that which scares us is often shrouded in darkness and mystery.
I encourage you to seek out a lake in the woods at night, guys. Going alone is better. Once you start entering the lake, it will tell you what you're made of. Then you may find yourself returning to life a little wiser, a little more mature. If you do so, please share your experience below. Also, if any of you has such experiences from Nature yourselves, please share that also.
— , Irregular updates ()Hey guys,
The next local Oslo-based Masculinity Movies LIVE will take place on September 9, at 7pm-10pm. It will take place in the building for the institute for information technology (IFI - see picture). The reason the venue is changed is that the last venue was so expensive that I was running the events at a considerable deficit.
Hopefully the new venue will work. It is an experiment and if thinks go awry, we will go with that and change it for next time.
The movie is Buddha's Lost Children, which I have already reviewed on this site. After watching the movie, we will discuss the strong need for young boys to have mature masculine role models to safeguard and facilitate their transition from adolescence into manhood. We will reflect on the role models that we have had in our lives (if any) and how we now can serve as role models for the next generation of men.
Welcome. I hope to see you there. The price is still 100 NOK.
Eivind
Directions (in Norwegian)
T-bane til Forskningsparken stasjon. Gå ned trappen fra T-banestasjonen og under T-banebrua (gitt at du kommer fra sentrum). Fortsett ca. 1 minutt og du er fremme ved byggets høye ende. Gå opp gangstien til venstre, over broen til høyre (se bilde ovenfor). Bruk inngangen på venstre hånd. Dersom døren er stengt, ring meg på 971 11 926 så ordner jeg med åpning.
— , Irregular updates ()After a long wait, the video for the Warrior archetype is finally ready. (note that the 3-4 first minutes drag on a bit and then it gets more fun)
This video was recorded at the same time as the video for the King archetype (in Holland, December 2010) with Peter Kessels and Pelle Billing as my audience. I learned a lot by watching myself and receiving feedback from you after releasing that one and I would have done this video on the Warrior differently and more structured if I had a chance to redo the take. But I'm going to release it anyway, warts and all, and hope that it helps some of you. It has certainly helped me to record it.
I will record the Magician at the beginning of March. I will take whatever feedback you have offered me for the King and the Warrior (below) into consideration when doing that one.
I have also opened a discussion of this movie in the KWML group of The Masculinity Movies Tribe. I invite you all to participate there.
Notes
- When I speak about sadomasochism at one point in the movie, I speak about the total shadowcomplex of the Warrior archetype. I'm not referring to the sexual deviation.
- When I refer to the mother being present in the relationship of a man with poor internal warriors, I don't refer to her physical presence. I refer to the presence of a limiting feminine force inside the relationship that can be traced to the man's relationship to his mother.
- In one section, I refer to the presence of shadow Warrior in environmental activist groups, new agers etc. I can, however, think of healthy Warrior energy in these organizations, especially environmental ones. Greenpeace and Sea Shepherd come to mind, even though I don't really know them at all. (would be nice with feedback about this below)
— , Irregular updates ()Another awesome episode of the New Man Podcast is out. Seems like I'm liking them more and more. Tripp Lanier is doing an excellent job with these shows. I've learned a lot from them!
This week they talk about why New Year's resolutions are like Vegas marriages. Good thing to contemplate in these days when so many of you probably have a lot of your personal integrity hinging on keeping them (making promises to yourself that you don't keep is the surest way to losing your personal power and vitality. Heck, it can even destroy your sex life).
They are also talking about choice architecture; how you can set up your environment to work with you, not against you. For me, that means not using my iPhone as an alarm clock. Leaving it on the nightstand means I end the day reading e-mails and checking the web and I start the day in the same way. And when I do that, I'm off on a tangent already. Not good for my focus. That's why I got myself a good old-fashioned alarm clock at a Brookstone store at Portland International airport in October. The concept is that even when you are unconscious, your environment should facilitate your movement towards success.
There's also some great stuff about why perfectionism is such a lousy thing (my motto is "progress is good enough"), how you should set up a punitive nudge system with a partner to force yourself to follow through (I've done this for several years, and believe me - it works big time!), why hope is the raw material of losers (unless you're Barack Obama), and a fun story about why house flies in a urinal at an airport reduced urine spilling by 80%.
All in all, a fantastic episode. Check it out.
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()Katsumoto: Do you believe a man can change his destiny? Algren: I think a man does what he can, until his destiny is revealed to him.
— , Irregular updates ()I just came back from watching Black Swan at the movies and hanging out with the guys afterwards. It's not a movie appropriate for featuring in the main database of this site and I had never planned to watch it, but when my Brother Vegard invited me, I wanted to come along. Best movie I've seen in ages. Fuck, it's awesome!
Darren Aronofsky is a very impressive director (who really understands how to portray non-ordinary states of mind on camera extremely well), as I'm sure many of you are already aware of, but I think this is his greatest masterpiece so far. I think I would place it up there with the ten best movies I've ever seen.
For those who haven't seen it already, the movie is about Nina Sayers (amazingly portrayed by Natalie Portman), a talented and hard-working ballerina whose big breakthrough has not yet happened. But when artistic director Thomas Leroy at the company she dances for decides to produce a unique version of Swan Lake for the opening of the new season, he picks Nina for the role.
I'm not going to go into too much detail here, but what is so incredibly rich about this movie is the understanding of shadow territory and the consequences of suppressing the darkness in us. Nina is an incredibly repressed girl, both emotionally and sexually. Her technique is impeccable and Thomas tells her repeatedly that she is perfect for the role of the white swan. "But would you want to fuck her?," he asks one of the male dancers. By being outrageous, the controversial Thomas seems to want to tease the black swan out of Nina. He wants her to rise in her power and stop being so "fucking weak". He is provoking her, but she keeps repressing that which he desires for her to express, and the darkness in her starts becoming out of hand (some scenes showing this are incredibly freaky - I had to really breathe deeply not to lose composure in some of these).
I actually like Thomas. It's easy to conclude that he is abusing his role of authority to seduce Nina as a means of "teaching her", but it seems to me that he is actually doing exactly what is needed to wake up the black swan in her. There is a scene in which he ends up making out with Nina, and then he walks out on her while telling her "I just seduced you. It's supposed to be the other way around." Ouch.
There is something amazing going on here – Darren Aronofsky really understand that dark Feminine that I once described in the movie review for Beowulf and the way in which he deals with it in this movie is so fucking exquisite and enlightened. When Nina starts embodying the black swan towards the end of the movie, the shift in her character is awe-inspiring and people LOVE her. It's so easy for women to suppress that part in themselves because they have taught to be nice girls or whatever. But the dark Feminine is so incredibly sexy. Juicy as all fuck. There is so much life and vitality in the dark. For women as well as for men.
As a recovering nice guy, there is much to learn from this movie. Nina suppresses her inner darkness and sexuality because she wants to remain in control and that is exactly what creates her problems and tensions (any "nice guy" will recognize what this feels like). When she finally enters the darkness, she becomes a fully embodied, sexy woman, just as I and you reading this would become a fully adult man (or woman) were we to do the same.
This movie has inspired me even further to stop holding back my truth and to just inject myself into the world, no matter whether what I have to offer is dark or bright. I'm not going to let myself become a traumatized wreck of a person like Nina Sayer and the only way to prevent that from happening is to speak it out. No holding back of myself anymore.
Black Swan reminds me both why I think Darren Aronofsky is one of the best directors working in Hollywood today and that it's time to start being ourselves and live fully! Time and money incredibly well spent. We all fucking loved it. Amazing.
Discuss the movie in The Tribe (requires registration).
— , Irregular updates ()The biggest problem I see in the world today, bar none, is the frequently warped image so many people have of masculinity.
The misconceptions generally land in one of two categories: Posturing or collapse. In the more traditional world, the masculine ideal is one of posturing, of pretending to be strong even when you’re not (which for a posturing man is pretty much all the time).
In the more postmodern parts of the world, collapse is encouraged. Here, we are encouraged to give away our power, to not be overtly sexual creatures and to “stop being mean” like all those posturing types. Such men are also consistently exiled from their true source of strength. With these men, you can tell, however. They don’t even seem strong.
My own country Norway is a country where masculine collapse is encouraged. Russia is one where posturing is encouraged.
Putin’s masculinity
The Russian worship of Putin, now essentially a dictator, tells the story of a country where masculinity is seen as some sort of chiselled jaw, strong man stereotype. This morning, I read a news report on the huge economic upset that’s currently taking place there (the Rubel has plummeted due to a steep decline in international petroleum prices and economic sanctions in the wake of Russian intervention on the Crimean peninsula).
The article was a very discouraging read. There were interviews with a lot of people who couldn’t afford iPhones or fancy holidays anymore. Interviewees explained how problematic this was: They simply had to have an iPhone, as that was considered cool and good for your image. One woman, a designer, found that people would not take her seriously if she didn’t own one.
The same woman described how many Russians were willing to have a small flat without furniture if that meant they could have an iPhone and a nice car. In other words, they were willing to “surrender their castle” as long as they could maintain the right image and fit in (faux belonging).
In terms of the evolution of consciousness, this is normal: When totalitarian regimes collapse and the market economy takes over, it seems commonplace behavior that people become incredibly image-conscious. Everyone wants to look good in the new and more open system. The disappearance of communist conformity opens the door to fierce competition and image worship. The Russian interviewees describe lives where looking good is more important than feeling good.
Of course, there is nothing typically Russian about this at all – it’s simply a kind of unexamined herd mentality that is still commonplace in humanity at large.
The more bone-chilling part of the article’s interviews, however, is how Vladimir Putin remains incredibly popular. The inteviewees seemed to see no connection whatsoever between the financial problems and Vladimir Putin’s dictatorship. These people see an empire that’s rising from the ashes, and predictably that makes them more proud to be Russian.
Putin, due most certainly to his own trauma, Russian pride and his warped image of masculinity and power, is now busy restoring Russian imperialism and totalitarianism, and most of the Russians interviewed loved him for it. His approval ratings are high.
The thing is – even I find Putin’s form of masculinity frequently more appealing than the pussy-whipped “sorry that I’m alive”-attitude men in e.g. Scandinavia often have. I mean, he seems strong right. He isn’t of course – he’s just busy covering up profound insecurity – but he does seem strong. That’s enough right? It seems so.
Appearing strong is apparently often more important than being strong when your job is to run a country. For the truly powerful often don’t appear as such to people who are asleep, because their worlds are not black and white. And if your world is not black and white, it’s hard to market your politics to people who view the world through lenses like Fox News. That the weak who act strong are often perceived as stronger than the strong who are acting human is ample evidence that we live in an insane world.
As for Russia, they would not be busy rewinding the evolution of their country’s collective psyche if they hadn’t, as many of us do, this warped image of masculinity in their heritage. When you fear the dangers of the world, you need someone who appears strong to show the way. Putin is taking advantage of this fact – portraying himself as some kind of Siberian Tarzan.
The danger of immature masculinity
So ideally speaking, I would now place my attention on another country and tell you how things are so much better there, right? And then speak about hope for a brighter tomorrow. Unfortunately, every country that I know of has a warped image of masculinity. If we examine countries where they have a collapsed image of masculinity (countries like my own), people will frequently point at the posturing images of masculinity and say how it’s important not to be like that. And then you go to the posturers and then they will tell you how it’s important not to be like those soft-willed, Western liberals.
And they’re both right, but only partially.
In a world where consciousness evolves when polarities are bridged, the two prevailing camps of masculinity still have some way to go before they realize that their maturity depends on embracing the other camp in higher synthesis.
Before significant parts of the world population wakes up to the face of mature masculinity, where heart and spine meet in higher synthesis, our warped views of masculinity may remain the single greatest threat to the survival of our species. A future with Vladimir Putin in power and a similarly fossilized American president scares me. I thought we were done with this nonsense. Seriously, humanity, isn’t it time to get with the program and wake up to a more dignified view of who we are?
So, dear reader, what is your image of masculinity and how are you exiling parts of your masculine gifts based on your culture’s prevailing stereotype of ideal masculine behavior?
Let me know in the comments below.
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— , Irregular updates ()Brett Churnin of www.mensgroup.info wrote me some time back and told me about his website. I checked it out and loved it. It is professionally done and offers lots of great resources on how to start a Men's Group.
They've even gone to the length of compiling a Men's Group field guide. Click here to get to that.
On their site, I read
Men in Men’s Group hold each other accountable to live a life at the edge; to us, this means being committed to a fulfilled life consistent with your unique purpose, and to be held accountable for what it takes to live that life.
Love it!
I'm in a men's group myself. In fact, I spent last weekend with a majority of its members on a men's workshop in Sweden. I really enjoyed it. We are such a diverse group of men – many are guys whom I would likely not have connected with outside of the context of a men's group.
But having been in a group with them for over six months, I'm feeling ever closer with them and am really enjoying the expanded horizon for what kind of men I want in my life. It's a real blessing to me.
So it's clear that Brett and his partner in crime Mike Britton are onto something here. I suggest you check out their page now.
Visit mensgroup.info.
— , Irregular updates ()I have some friends who live in a spiritual commune in Oregon who have recently connected with some great kids in Uganda. Their life stories are heart-breaking and their living conditions rough, so my friends have decided to lend a helping hand to eight of these kids. They tell me these are amazing kids with big hearts and great spirits.
But they are so poor that the gifts they have to offer the world remain to a large extent ungiven. This could be changed with education and support. It's a sad fact that amazing human beings with great potential to impact the world in a positive way live in places around the world where financial means limit their ability to shine.
Five of these kids have already found willing sponsors and three now remain. For $30 a month, my friends at the Living Love Fellowship will ensure their education, so that they can make the impact they should. These youth have suffered terribly – I cannot begin to comprehend some of these life stories. It would be a joy to know that their future is in good hands.
If you want to know more, please visit the website they have set up "Heart to heart Uganda".
Thank you.
Hey guys, I have so much I want to write to you about on this blog right now, but all my time is currently consumed by the crazy amount of activity in my life. What is happening is super exciting and I look forward to telling you about it. I will get back to you when I have been to Amsterdam to contribute on the production team for a workshop given by Bryan Bayer. I'm back on Monday evening and the next blog post will hopefully appear before the weekend after. But no promises... ;-) Eivind— , Irregular updates ()
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— , Irregular updates ()Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, Old Time is still a-flying: And this same flower that smiles to-day To-morrow will be dying.
— , Irregular updates ()Gladiator’s opening scene shows a man’s hand gently flowing through a ripe field of crops. The hand is sensitive, neither aggressively swiping the crops out of its way, nor dangling aimlessly on a road to nowhere. It is a hand radiating purpose and strength, belonging to a man who is listening deeply to his surroundings. The field is a deep orange. Harvest is near. It cuts to the image of a man standing solemnly in a landscape scorched by fire.
He is listening, feeling into his surroundings, and there is an air of inevitability about him. The lines on his face show that something big is brewing. As he turns around, a red robin catches his eye, flutters its wings innocently, and shoots off. A subtle, contented smile spreads on the man’s face as his nostrils widen subtly. And then he walks off. These few, short opening minutes paint a picture of a man at peace with himself, erect with purpose and masculine direction, yet intuitive and sensitive, in tune with the mystery of the vast feminine that surrounds him.
He seems to exude qualities just by his presence alone: Trustworthiness, integrity, strength and honour, coupled with a deep love – for what as yet undetermined. This is no ordinary man. He is General Maximus, foremost of Roman generals, father, husband, favoured by the emperor and leader of men. We find ourselves in the cool lands of northern Europe. It is winter and darkness is near. Rome is on a campaign of war, facing its last battle against the remaining Germanic tribes of the North.
As the battlefield unfolds under the watchful gaze of the aging emperor Marcus Aurelius, we bear witness to a testimonial of the superiority of the Roman war machine. This empire, despite its shortcomings, was the “light” of European antiquity, and its unmatched level of civilization gave rise to a war machine that no amount of barbarism, no matter how ferocious, could match. But something’s afoot behind the drawn carpets of Rome’s marbled halls of power. The senate is fraught with corruption and the emperor is dying. Eager to restore Rome to its past glory, Marcus Aurelius names Maximus protector of Rome until the senate is fit to reign over Rome yet again – as a born again republic.
"Your failings as a son are my failings as a father"
But the emperor’s son Commodus, a scheming and broken man, will have nothing of it. Commodus is suffering intense inner turmoil from what he feels is a lack of acceptance and love from his own father. “Commodus is not a moral man. He cannot rule!,” Aurealius exclaims to Maximus as he tries to convince him of why he must accept “The honor that has been bestowed upon him.” Maximus declines, at which Aurelius insists “that is exactly why you must rule!”
Maximus reminds us that any man who desires power for power''s sake alone – and not for the sake of a greater calling – will become corrupted and hurt both himself and his surroundings. With heavy heart, Maximus accepts his destiny, and realizes that his reunification with his family – his wife and son for whom he desperately longs – is still far off. Commodus is living on the hope that he will be named emperor upon his father''s death. Yet in a key scene, matter of factly, as if it was never in question, he tells him “You will not be emperor.”
The long overdue confrontation with his father that he was never brave enough to intitiate thus finally unfolds. Commodus is a Lover archetype, not quite the Emperor-material as Maximus' King archetype, and has spent all his life hungering for his father’s love and his “warm embrace”. The poor way in which he has handled the lack of it has become the source of his corruption. The emperor, noble as he may be, is as much to blame for what unfolds as his son. He softly acknowledges this, on his knees and with tears in his eyes.
Aurelius has heeded that primordial calling that says that any masculine man will have to prioritize his calling over his relationships, lest he will suffer, and by extension those around him will suffer. Aurelius has not managed to balance this well enough, however, and his son''s resentments are the result. “Why do you hate me so much!”, Commodus wails, with tears in his eyes, before he embraces his father – and kills him, before he had the opportuniy to announce Maximus' protectorship.
The learning from this scene is that, as Commodus finally gets the love he wants from his father, he has become incapable of receiving it. The love feels so painful and so tainted with bitterness that it becomes the motive for murder. ANY man must be willing to enter a confrontation with his father, lest the corruption of their relationship will remain and not yield to the nobility and immensity of father-son love.
Yet Commodus couldn''t, because he was from the outset an emotionally fragile person, wishing just to be held, to be loved. By disconnecting from his true self as a Lover, wishing he could instead be the polar opposite Warrior, he has gone to war with himself, and is no more a free man. Commodus immediately starts his scheming and plotting, and as Maximus swears no allegiance to the new Emperor, in Commodus' mind, he is a dead man. Maximus' second in command Quintus puts loyalty to the concept of Rome higher than his own heart, a sign of his dubious honor, and accepts the burden of executing his friend.
Bread and games
Maximus escapes, only to find his family slaughtered by the vengeful forces of Rome. Emptied of all desire to live, feeling the tempting echoes of eternity, he is picked up by a slave caravan and brought to Zucchabar, where the next part of his journey unfolds. He is to be Gladiator, most unwilling of all. He is after all Maximus, Rome''s first general, and no mere sewer-dog. Yet fight he must, if live he wishes, and his honor both inside and outside the arena quickly wins him the support and allegiance of his gladiator friends.
This reminds us that a man is not at the mercy of his surroundings – he shapes them through his own inner strength and call for expanding love and honor in the world. Maximus is part of Proximo's Gladiatorial crew. Proximo is a former slave, who was granted his freedom by Marcus Aurelius himself. He now makes his living from that which he was freed from, but the days of the roaring crowds at the Colosseum have ended, and Gladiator games are not what they used to be.
With Commodus now emperor, bread and games are back, and Maximus soon finds himself the golden boy of the crowds in the mighty Colosseum. Commodus descends deeper and deeper into his own corruption, and his sexual desire for his sister Lucilla grows ever greater as she is the last person in the world with any glimmer of love for him. Any person, man or woman, wishes for love more than anything.
Yet for a man with a masculine essence, which Commodus does have, the desire for freedom is greater still. His lack of being loved has become his prison cell, the key for which he rejected when he killed his father. Now the incestuous desire for his own sister and the promise of being loved by his people, are the only things left to live for. Maximus is an honorable man, erect with purpose, driven by his unshakable love and honor. Even though that has become tainted with thoughts of revenge, his core remains unshaken. He will never become a dishonorable man.
This honor soon becomes the very reason why the crowds of the Colosseum love him so. They are a primitive group of people, there only to feed their primal lower-chakra desires of seeing death and rebirth unfold before them. Incidentally, this is much the same as the modern fascination with gory films such as Saw. Just as we are, they are there to vent, taking a break from a life of civility and politeness, and worshiping that masculine fascination with the release of death. Maximus doesn't fear death (he almost longs for it) and is stronger than any man or woman cheering him on.
In the end, his towering presence and masculine strength of honor cuts through that primal bloodthirstiness of the crowd, and reminds them yet again of what we can aspire for as human beings. He inspires them, spreading echoes of that which could have been – greatness – in the hearts of those who watch. As a Gladiator, Maximus has come to epitomize that which the Roman Empire stands for – glory, strength, honor and love. He cannot die, because the promise of Rome dies with him. This is what brings him such power, as a mere slave. This is the strength of one man's heart.
"Now we are free"
This strength inevitably brings him his freedom, although at the cost of his life. The masculine always longs for release, be it through victory, fulfilling a calling or dying. The ending provides Maximus with all, and the nobility of his death carries such great emotional weight and the promise of being greater that it has tears roll down the faces of grown men - if they dare stay open - and their hearts expand with purpose. He has proven that the power of one human heart is greater than an empire counting millions, if it is aligned with truth and love.
Nobody takes any note of Commodus, lying dead at his side in the arena. Commodus could have been a good man, but he chose not to be, through making one bad decision after another. The only thing separating the two – their moment to moment decisions, truth over lies, love over unlove. General Maximus – Gladiator, is the ultimate masculine icon, living only to serve, dedicated to his family, making no compromises with his own heart and caring for his people like a father.
He represents qualities that aren't given weight in the raising of young men in today's world. Yet, just like with the crowds of the Colosseum, he reaches us in such a way that we are reminded that deep inside us, those primordial qualities still exist, desperately longing to be freed from the bondage of modern life, free as forces conducting the future of humanity. This is the destiny of any man. And Commodus reminds us that we ignore it at our own peril.
Tom Crockett is an ordained minister and spiritual counselor. He is a teacher, lecturer, and student in the Pachakuti Mesa Shamanic tradition, as well as in Buddhism, Tantra, Taoism and Depth Psychology. He has worked as a spiritual counselor and healer for over ten years with a particular emphasis on helping individuals honor the soul's calling. Tom has worked with indigenous healers in Mexico and North America and studied core shamanism through the Foundation for Shamanic Studies. He is a Reiki practitioner and has studied bioenergetic healing with Mietek Wirkus. In 1998, he began an apprenticeship in Paqo Wachu (Peruvian Shamanism) under the guidance of shaman and ceremonialist, Don Oscar Miro-Quesada. Tom regularly leads retreats in Oaxaca and Mexico City, Mexico, under the auspices of the Institute for Depth Psychology. Tom has made an intensive study of dreamwork, especially as a tool for spiritual growth. He has been a featured presenter at the Association for the Study of Dreams International Conferences since 1998 and was an invited presenter to the Conference on Indigenous Healing Traditions of the Americas cosponsored by the National Institutes of Health in Washington, D.C. in 2002. Tom's most recent work has been with Ken Wilber's Integral Model of Spiritual Growth and David Deida's work with enlightened sexuality. On a parallel career track, Tom has been a high school art teacher, and in 1997 created ArtQuest, a multicultural arts-based mentoring program for teens in Norfolk, Virginia. Tom spent 12 years as a national education consultant for companies such as Polaroid, National Geographic, USA Today, and the Discovery Channel. He has trained over 75,000 educators in visual learning theory, creativity, multiple intelligences, and innovative classroom strategies. He managed, developed curriculum, and trained a national network of consultant trainers and served as a special projects consultant for Polaroid. Tom currently serves as Executive Director of Young Audiences of Virginia, a non-profit organization dedicated to the finest in arts integration programming in Virginia. As an author and graphic designer, Tom is responsible for the content and graphic design of a range of catalogs, booklets, flyers, promotional pieces, direct mail campaigns and Web site organization. He is also currently a consultant to several non-profit boards of directors including Tidewater Arts Outreach and Paganet, Inc. He has undergraduate and graduate degrees in fine arts from Old Dominion University (summa cum laude) in Norfolk, Virginia, and The School of the Art Institute of Chicago, Chicago, Illinois, respectively. Tom has had experience on stage as an actor and keynote speaker, and has done live radio and television appearances. He lives in Newport News, Virginia with Kelly Leigh and is stepfather to three amazing children: Holly, Kasey, and Dylan.— , Irregular updates ()Tom's books
— , Irregular updates ()This is where I will share my wisdom with you.
— , Irregular updates ()What is masculinity? What does it look like? What does it speak like? What does it feel like? Let's go through this in an orderly fashion:
Masculinity is...
- Not synonymous with "man". Just like men can be feminine, women can be masculine. The quality of masculinity is what makes someone masculine, not their gender.
- Represented by the ability to "detach" from the situation, to evaluate it with an outside perspective. This gives masculine people the ability to act strategically, be great planners, and to not be swept away by emotions when some composure is required.
- Grounded in emptiness. Emptiness is that state that transcends the temporal realm of manifestation. It is the capacity of the Masculine to tap into the Void, that which is beyond.
- Dedicating yourself to a life of service. The Masculine person lives to give himself as a living sacrifice, knowing that it is the only way he can protect himself from Death (the person who is fully given can meet death with peace).
- Dancing with Death. Death is to the Masculine its archenemy and its best friend. To the masculine man, it is precisely the quality of knowing death that enables him to live his life fully. At the same time, there is nothing he fears more. Death comes in many forms, not just as mortal recoil from our dimension, but as change. It can manifest in the simplest things, such as staying in the shower longer because we don't want to feel the cold air outside it. When a man learns to conquer death in the small ways that show up during the day, he becomes truly powerful
- The desire to "fix" things, to put an end to them. This is related to the above point about death. In conversation, a masculine man will try and reach a solution, whereas a feminine woman will just want to dance with words.
- The ability to proactively penetrate any challenges that present themselves. The man who is mature in his masculinity accepts total responsibility for his actions, their consequences, and also those of others.
- The ability to direct (particularly the Feminine). The Masculine always has a direction. For the man with a masculine essence, it is crucial that he maintains a clear direction in life and relationships lest he feel totally disempowered. A man who is not directed will be felt as "spacy" and untrustable. You can gauge your ability to direct by paying attention to whether you always have a clear intention and a desired outcome in your encounters with people. When you speak just to fill the void, you have lost direction, and you will lose yourself.
When you start manifesting these qualities in yourself and in your life, you will start feeling that your vitality increases and that your sexuality deepens. You may find you have a fire in your belly, literally warmth spreading through your body in very pleasurable ways. You will find that you have a strange sense of immovability, that you feel solid and not so vulnerable to the external world. Your mind will start functioning better, and you will not forget things like you used to. You will discover a sense of clarity in communication about WHY you are speaking and where you want dialogues and meetings with people to go. You will feel called to serve others through your growing personal power.
This is just a short introduction to the qualities inherent in the Masculine, but it should put you in good stead to do further research on your own. The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida is always a good place to start.
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Ridley Scott's take on Robin Hood is ripe with material serving the man looking to grow, but in watching it, there were merely two things which I felt a burning desire to communicate to you. That is why I will make this a bitesize review and choose not to focus much on the character of Robin Longstride himself.— , Irregular updates ()Returning home the Loxley sword
King Richard's crusade is returning home, looting its way through the French countryside. Richard's regal splendor has withered and the blessing of his presence seems to have disappeared. Robin Longstride addresses the probable source of this in one scene: The murder of thousands of innocent muslim civilians made God leave them and King Richard's Axis Mundi function was thus broken.His honesty (it's a sign of his integrity that he would speak the truth even if it was to the detriment of a King's good standing) lands him in the pillory with his friends (though Richard seems to enjoy his forthrightness), from which they escape when chaos erupts in the wake of Richard's death in battle. They head for the sea only to encounter an ambush of the English knights who were entrusted with the task of returning the crown home. In the hands of a dying Sir Robert Loxley is a sword he took from his father before leaving for his crusade some ten years ago. This dishonorable act has been weighing on his mind and he wants Robin's help in returning it home to his aging father. There is the sense here that the sword is a symbol of the male lineage and we understand that Sir Robert can not die in peace lest he knows the sword will return to its rightful lineage. Robin vows to return home the sword without realizing that in so doing, he is pitting himself in the middle of a sinister plot to usurp the crown from the incompetent man who is about to become the new King.
The Shadow King John
Robin and his friends soon find themselves en route to England under stolen identities and as they approach the other shore, the net starts closing around them. Before they know it, they make their faces known as the unwilling harbringers of gloom; Richard is dead and his arrogant and immature little brother is henceforth known as King John. Not fit for kingship, John carries none of the good qualities that any strong King must have. The King's main role archetypally is to live according to the Tao, Dharma or Ma'at, and John does no such thing. His divine transmission is non-existent and he is merely playing out his own inner wounds. The inner landscape of a King soon makes itself known in the physical kingdom he governs. England is a about to enter darkness. John is more interested in fucking his French lover than being King. We also observe how uncomfortable he feels around his mother. These are signs of a boy who has not yet transitioned into manhood and who is still bound by the feminine. A man who is threatened by his mother tends to be so because he has poor psychological boundaries - he has not travelled his hero's journey. The Warriors defending his psychic kingdom are weak and he tries to compensate with scheming and paranoia. John's inner masculine archetypes are in disarray. John has no integrity, he is not true to his word. He is a conniving man who is inherently untrustable. That is the first thing that struck me about this movie - the way John's bipolar shadow King (tyrant/weakling) destroys England's chances of a future and lays her boundaries exposed to attack from surrounding kingdoms.The lost boys of Sherwood Forest
When Robin finally arrives in Nottingham to the widowed Marion Loxley and Robert's father Sir Walter Loxley, England's fate already seems sealed due to the dealings of the shadowy Godfrey (displaying qualities of the Shadow Magician in his manipulation of England's court). There is much to be said from here on out. We could look at the good qualities of Robin Longstride, his presence and integrity.We could look at how those qualities naturally open up Marion, without needing cheesy pickup lines or the art of seduction. We could also look at how Robin's mission comes into focus and his inner wounds come healed when it is made clear to him that the father he barely knew was nothing of the cretin that he thought he was, but a great man - a champion of the people. What I will look at, however, is the boys running around in the forest. They plunder Marion's stock of grain, much to her dismay. The boys of Sherwood are medieval gang culture. When the fathers disappear from society, boys take to the woods - be they urban or those of Sherwood - to try and find meaning in their lives. But boys cannot initiate each other. The chaos inherent in gang culture is a sign of the lack of the King archetype's ordering function. They have not been given inner psychological structure because they haven't received blessing from an elder King. This truth is embedded into the fabric of the Universe: Only mature men - elders - can initiate boys. And these elders must be strong in the King archetype. When the leader of a nation is weak in the King archetype, the young men he takes to war always suffer horribly. Soon they find themselves in the jungles and trenches of the leader's unprocessed inner truama.
And when they return home with dismembered bodies, they are not honored or grieved, because in so doing, the leader would have to feel his own wounds, which he cannot - for it terrifies him. (See now the importance of self development?!) And when fathers go away - be it on a crusade, to jail, to the ethereal realms of their disembodied intellectual musings or to their sixth day working overtime - boys start taking their destiny into their own hands. There is a strange scene in which Lady Marion leads the boys of Sherwood into battle to support what has now become a major battle fighting off the French forces who are trying to win a beachhead on the English shore. No matter how brave her efforts may be, there is something pathetic about it. Watching this scene, I felt it in my bones that a woman cannot lead lost boys.
They need a man for that job. It's as if the boys ride after the Lady only because she knows the way to Robin, the archetypal King for which they yearn. They aren't really following her lead. This statement has nothing to do with sexism or gender bias - it has to do with submitting to the natural laws which made us. And deep down, we know this is true. (Although the number of people today who seem oblivious to this does concern me).
Conclusion
Robin Hood is a good movie. It's not of Gladiator calibre, but especially its portrayal of the father-son-relationship and the lack of it, both on a micro- and a macro-level, make it interesting viewing (realize that the archetypes of father and King are closely related). It comes recommended.
— , Irregular updates ()When we set out on the path of growth, it is helpful to have a map of the inner realms we are about to explore. By now there are many to choose from: Maslow's hierarchy of needs, Spiral Dynamics, AMP's five stages, David Deida's three stages, KWML archetypes; the list is long and rich. Some of these, e.g. Spiral Dynamics and Maslow's hierarchy of needs, refer to vertical evolution, which means that they describe a sort of ladder whereby moving one rung up results in a higher capacity for truth and love. Other systems, such as KWML, describe horizontal integration, which means that they point to a greater degree of wholeness and stability on your present stage of evolution. Both are important and focusing too much on vertical growth without concern for horizontal integration can create dangerous imbalances in the individual.
Iron John by Robert Bly reveals a very interesting kind of evolutionary model, firmly grounded in the mythopoetic. The young boy in the brothers Grimm tale that Bly dissects in his seminal prose encounters a mysterious and powerful wild man, who takes him from his safe abode in his parents' castle and into the woods where he is exposed to some deep truths about his true nature. He must eventually leave the wild man and find work in a castle in another kingdom. The lands of his new kingdom one day come under attack by invading forces and the boy returns to Iron John to request help. He grants the boy a war horse and an army of trained infantry and the boy rides out to the battlefield and vanquishes the enemy.
The king and his daughter wonder who this mysterious knight is and arrange a Golden Apple festival for all knights of the kingdom. The boy yet again returns to Iron John and is given a red horse and a full suit of red armor. He travels to the festival, catches the princess's apple and rides off. King and daughter arrange another festival and the boy arrives on a white horse in white armor and catches the apple yet again. This time too he rides off. He returns the third day on a black horse wearing black armor, catches the apple and is wounded by the king's men who have been ordered to stop the knight were he to ride off yet another time.
Investigating the significance of the three knights
Robert Bly investigates the significance of these three coloured knights (something he admits to having spent a year of his life pondering,) and concludes that they are symbolic of an evolutionary path, a road-map of masculine evolution. The red knight is symbolic of all the feelings of a typical teenage boy – uninhibited passion, rebellion, self-gratification, aggression, lust, desire for power. The red knight is out of control and dangerous, yet he is a source of great vitality and power that only needs a channel of greater maturity to hone himself.
The red knight gives way to the white knight, who desires to save the world from all its ills. He longs for truth and justice. He wishes to be good and do good. He is an idealist. Yet, for all his good qualities, he is also naive and deluded. The white knight doesn't have the awareness to notice that many of the ills he wants to save the world from are projections of his own undealt-with traumas and desires, and so he goes on a crusade to save the world from that which he doesn't like in himself. He points his fingers at all the dragons of the kingdom, so that songs in his praise can be sung when he conquers them (something he spends significant mental energy fantasizing about). He is on the hunt for the virgin of light, so that he can save her and feel manly. The white knight prefers to see women as damsels in distress, knowing deep down that a mature woman is too much for him. Still, in real life, he often ends up with a woman that resembles his mother.
The black knight, however, "eats" his shadows and comes to a level of acceptance about his own flaws. There is a strong level of humanity, even humour, to the black knight and he surrenders control of his life to the acceptance of his woundedness and the inevitability of death. He becomes trustworthy, powerful and compassionate.
Drawing parallels to the work of David Deida
To anyone who has taken even a cursory glance at the three stages of David Deida, it will be immediately evident that there are many parallels to be found between these models. The man in Deida's first stage is an aggressive macho guy, very self-driven and territorial in his consciousness. He does only what is best for him and doesn't stop to really consider the needs of others.
The second stage man, on the other hand, has sensitized himself and learned how to communicate his needs and how to listen to others. He looks for truth and justice in the world, and considers his values – particularly his fine treatment of women – as very noble. He has started the work of integrating feminine values, but is in serious danger of taking his non-confrontational, understanding approach so far that he loses touch with his inner truth and power. The 2nd stage man in Deida's model often has boundary issues. To compensate for his pervasive confusion, he goes on a never-ending mission to repair himself or he rationalizes why he should be happy with where he is.
The man who reaches Deida's third stage does so through realizing his own mortality. He recognizes that life is an unpredictable, uncontrollable experience, and that he has no choice other than to love and serve others and the world. Right now. Always.
These three stages are almost identical to the way Robert Bly describes the red, white, and black knights of Iron John.
Synthesizing Deida and the knights
You will, I am sure, recognize the many similarities of the two above-mentioned outlines. These are very illuminating taken on their own. But let's look at an observation that Robert Bly has made to take this even deeper. He has seen, as have I, that in today's society, we have become so afraid of the red knight that we have practically eliminated him, encouraging instead all young boys to move on to the white knight prematurely. Modern men, by consequence, grow up not knowing that primal masculine aggression that lives within them. They don't know the seat of their power, they haven't claimed their true sexuality. Instead, they develop the capacity to please others and to quell their inner desires and impulses.
But the price is that the modern white knight often becomes a talking head that sees lots of problems in the world, a disempowered man who passes judgment on virtually everyone he meets, if not with words (in fact, rarely with words), then with his thoughts. He often exhibits any of the following qualities: apathy, passive aggression (which can be observed on most anonymous online discussion forums), narcissism, rationalization, non-confrontation, poor boundaries, considering himself very noble, no true calling (he may not even know why he does what he does for a living). And he doesn't see any of it. When I first saw it in myself, it took the wind out of me.
With this understanding, we can see in Deida's model that while the first stage is supposedly a prerequisite for the second stage, in many modern men, it is hardly present. The red in the 2nd stage man is a mere shadow of what it should be, were he fully integrated. In fact, in psychological terms, the image of a shadow is exactly right and true. This has huge implications. It means that for most unintegrated 2nd stage men who wish to grow, spiritual practice could be the wrong way to go. And if not the wrong way, it must not be taken too far.
In fact, going too far with spiritual practice could be downright harmful to such men, as it leads down a road where he further disowns his inner red knight. Instead of meditating, he might be better served by working on his boundary issues, by confronting those who ask to be confronted, by mounting his inner warriors in defense of his inner psychic territory. The man whose inner psychic territory is left without defenses, and who pushes for spiritual realization, will not find peace, love or goodness there. In fact, he may turn downright nasty. Most, however, turn into relatively harmless narcissistic pricks. I believe I speak from experience.
Going deeper with the unintegrated White knight
There is an ever-growing group of people out there who have come to see themselves in Deida's description of second stage. This is good news. Knowing oneself is true power. In Deida terms, being a man of the second stage means we aren't connecting with our inner truth, that we are confused, often moving through life with no clue as to where we are going and why. For men, it often means being soft and gentle, addicted to comfort and security, feminized and self-conscious. If we hook on to the Iron John story and draw in the White knight, we can easily conjure up images of the nice and understanding man, the guy who has served as the shoulder to cry on while his close female friends have their hearts broken by yet another jerk (red/1st stage). He may convince himself that men are bad, become a raging feminist - and glean some satisfaction from *remaining* the shoulder to cry on.
Or he may choose to join a political cause, a human rights organization, an environmental group. He will "fight the power" wherever he sees it, not recognizing that what he's really fighting is his own disowned red knight. To put it in colloquial terms, he has no balls. So to compensate, he will consider all who have balls as evil. Thus, he commits what we know as a pre-trans fallacy. That is what happens when someone from one point of reference, let's take Deida's 2nd stage, considers those ahead of him and those behind him as the same, and lump them into the same container. All he sees is «same as me» and «different from me». This is a huge problem when the white knight goes into the world to look for a mentor, as the mentor's black insight into the knight's true identity is combined in the head of the knight with the fear that he will be destroyed by the red (which he projects into him).
Understanding this, we see how exhausting it is to be a white knight. The world seems to be full of people who want to harm him, and he wishes to save them all from the dragons that he sees. And when he connects with the work of Deida, he is likely to only appreciate the part of it that has him see women as balls of bright light, fairy creatures who wish to love and nurture him. He will never wish to connect to the base in a woman, the dark Feminine, or the force of Kali. This is a source of great mourning and bitterness for many mature contemporary women.
Embracing black
To embody the black night, to reach Deida's third stage, we must reconnect with our inner power, our balls. To do this, we must be willing to drop all of our illusions. We must be willing to confront the painful reality that most of the stories we tell about ourselves are self-deceiving lies, carefully conceived to sidestep having to be responsible, and having to integrate our inner red knight. We must be willing to make some tough confrontations – perhaps it's time for that tough conversation with your dad or your boss – and then start asking your friends about what they really think of you. Are you full of shit? Find good friends who you can trust and ask them.
You mustn't only be willing to embrace red, you must also get to know black. To that end, you must be willing to not distract yourself from your suffering. You must embrace it, feel it deeply. You must feel the pain of your wounds. You must dare to confront it, to investigate its roots, as pain holds the gateway to true maturity. You must also become willing to confront your fears. As Deida describes it, you must make love to your fear. And you must find yourself someone you can consider as your mentor. True maturity only comes with the recognition that there is someone way more mature out there that you could learn from. Most guys today are not humble enough to take this significant step, but if you are to be truly happy, truly successful, you must.
These steps require enormous courage and discipline from a man. If it was easy to become a man, everybody would be. To get some balls to do this, it is okay to do spiritual practice. I did. So go on intensive meditation retreats. Visualize. Sing mantras. Just keep in mind that you cannot bandage your inner psychic territory with meditation practice, that you cannot make into a practice the avoidance of the process of bringing back to life your interior warriors. Remember that and you will be fine.
So if there was only one thing you could take from this, it should be: Stop the ascension trip and start the descent into the murky waters of your unconscious. That's where you will find yourself. That's where you will reclaim your balls and ready yourself for the true path of the spiritual warrior.
Good luck.
— , Irregular updates ()I’m from Norway. Norway is part of the political-geographical region called Scandinavia. And Scandinavia is the region in the world where, arguably, feminism has had the greatest impact. It’s institutionalized, politicized and embedded in the politically correct currents of society. If you’re not a feminist, you’re dodgy, not to be trusted. Especially by the liberal media (which is most media in Scandinavia).
In Scandinavia, and particularly in Sweden, the desire to focus on the lives and challenges of men is met with an outcry. Because men, supposedly, have been privileged since the dawn of time and deserve no more attention. People who have the nerve to go there and imply that it may be more complicated than that risk being bullied, ostracized and, in more extreme cases (again, mainly in Sweden), compared to terrorists.
So as you may gather, I’m not a big fan of the status quo of feminism. I’m not a fan of any movement that bullies, attacks and shames decent people. Especially not when the perpetrators of said activities claim to be the victims of them. It’s all a bit tangled up. Large parts of the feminist movement have turned dark.
Though I haven’t lost hope that feminism as a movement may have valuable things to bring to the table. Which is why I decided to attend a talk yesterday at The Integral Center in Boulder, Colorado, where I currently live. The presentation was Lauren Barnett’s heartchild. Lauren is an active member of the Integral/Authentic World community here and an all-around awesome woman in my short experience with her.
Lauren is also a feminist. But the difference with her is that the brand of feminism she believes in is “Integral feminism”. In the presentation below, Lauren presents the outlines of this new form of feminism, one that takes a larger view and includes more perspectives – including that of men. What she shared with us totally moved me. I almost got teary-eyed at one point.
If you have issues with feminism, watching the presentation below may redeem it in your eyes. Feminists like Lauren make for a better world.
Enjoy!
— , Irregular updates ()As I've been home from work sick these last couple of days, I have started looking into how I can invigorate my reviews with more use of video clips from the movie in question. I think that the text will become easier to understand, more engaging, and more convincing and I'm looking forward to offering you my reading of Boy A - featuring at least five video clips hosted on our new Youtube Masculinity Movies channel - by the end of the weekend. I think you will really enjoy this new feature.
I thought I'd also tell you about a couple of cool applications I found on AppStore yesterday: HomeBudget is an absolutely ace piece of financial planning software. I finally I found one that suits me! It is becoming ever more pressing for me to keep real good track of my finances. After all, I have things to accomplish and that requires good financial control (it is also a prerequisite for creating further abundance, whose efficacy I intend to prove within the end of the year). I also found some fascinating brainwave technology by pzizz: pzizz relax and pzizz sleep. It truly does put my body in a good state.
Being ill isn't always all bad.
— , Irregular updates ()Last weekend, I wrote my review of V for Vendetta. I take my writing process very seriously so I did a significant bit of research about the historical background for the Gunpowder Plot, the historical event from which the movie takes its inspiration. This brief post features some historical background and some reflections towards the end.
In 1605, a group of Catholic zealots led by Robert Catesby had grown weary of being prosecuted in Protestant England. They planned to stage a coup by blowing up the House of Lords at the state opening of the Parliament, at which point everybody who was somebody in England was gathered in the same room. The plot failed because Catholic nobleman Lord Monteagle received an anonymous warning letter, outlining what was about to happen.
This letter reached King James I and on the morning of November 5, 1605, mere hours before the House of Lords would convene, Guy Fawkes was caught. He was found waiting with 36 barrels of gunpowder in the vault that had recently been vacated directly under the House. Thus began a long tradition for the English, in which on every November 5 the capture of Guy and the continued rule of King James I is celebrated.
But in doing research on Guy Fawkes and the Gunpowder Plot, I become confused about how he is actually perceived. “Guy Fawkes – the only man to ever enter the House of Parliaments with honest intentions” is a tongue in cheek statement that I’ve come across several times. And myriad people describe him as their hero. I suspect they do so less from resonance with his Catholic cause and more from resonance with his willingness to fight the power.
In the movie review, I go into the abdication syndrome, an archetypal dynamic in which people’s “inner throne” gets inhabited by outside forces. A person suffering from this basically surrenders control of his life to another. I observe that many people today have surrendered their throne, refraining from the undeniable stress of accepting full responsibility for their lives. The consequence is that they become vulnerable to the influence of demagogues and propagandists, be they politicians, ideologues, economists or cynical marketers. Maybe instead of truly taking charge of their life, they would rather sit back and criticize their puppet masters for doing a bad job. Are these the people who idolize Guy? Does thinking about him offer a temporary reprieve of some sort?
And I wonder what true feelings are hidden in the English ritual of celebrating November 5. Is it merely tradition? Or is it genuine pride for the Crown and country? No matter – the fact that many English celebrate and others name Guy Fawkes as their hero indicates that the polarization which is such a central theme in V for Vendetta may also be taking place here.
What are your thoughts on this? Is Guy Fawkes a hero or a villain?
— , Irregular updates ()Hi men! Nick Duffell and Robert Fischer are putting on the Men and the Future: Sex, authenticity and power-symposium in Frankfurt in May (23-26). Sex, authenticity and power – words that hold weight and juice for me. Three things that are all challenging – and all rewarding, when approached in the right way. My contribution to this Symposium is going to be a lecture on the primal side of the masculine psyche, and how it is important to tap into it in order to live lives as empowered modern men.
Messages men have received over the past several decades about the inherent negativity in the masculine essence has severed the connection of many with those parts of ourselves which are powerful, wild. But losing contact with our instinctual wild side has devastating consequences. It robs us of our vitality, sexuality, self-respect, integrity. In the end, we become disempowered men who forgot the art of loving ourselves. And tragically, it puts some men so deep into misery that they come out of it severely broken, leaving pain and destruction in their wake.
Clearly, the status quo isn’t working and I will explore if there is a better way forwards. I will write more about this in the time to come. For now, it will suffice to say that I would love seeing you there.
Cheers,
Eivind
— Parry, The Fisher King (1991)I have a hard-on for you the size of Florida!
— , Irregular updates ()Aaron Frater, a reader of the site, sent me these words spoken by Martin Luther King today:
The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
An individual who breaks a law that conscience tells him is unjust, and who willingly accepts the penalty of imprisonment in order to arouse the conscience of the community over its injustice, is in reality expressing the highest respect for the law.
The question is not whether we will be extremists, but what kind of extremists we will be. The nation and the world are in dire need of creative extremists.
Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted.
A genuine leader is not a searcher for consensus but a molder of consensus.
A nation or civilization that continues to produce soft-minded men purchases its own spiritual death on the installment plan.
A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual death.
The means by which we live have outdistanced the ends for which we live. Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men.
I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.
Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence but also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man, but you refuse to hate him.
History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people.
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.
Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality.
Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.
Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase.
I thought you might like them. He apparently got them as a subscriber to the newsletter of a woman named Linda Graham.
If ever the King archetype was more obvious in a man, please tell us about him below.
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— , Irregular updates ()This is the first part of a two-part interview that's been published over on Integral Life. I feel that this speaks volumes of why I like AMP's work so much. I hope you enjoy it.
An Authentic World Part 1 from Integral Life on Vimeo.
I will be promoting the product they are speaking about (videotaping people in authentic interactions) on my newsletter very soon. It's always a joy to help these guys out.
PS! I just finished the Braveheart review (now I just need to write a summary and a few minor details)
Reviews written by readers. Submit your own.— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()Walt Kowalsky is a stern, old man who always wears a scowl on his face. And with good reason. The world that he lives in has changed drastically from the one he grew up in. And according to Walt, it's not for the better.
Ashley's disrespect
Some of the greatest problems facing our society today are hinted at in Dorothy's funeral, the movie's opening scene. Walt's wife was a devout catholic. Walt, on the other hand, is not too fond of the Church and its clergymen, but still demands that his family members respect the sacredness of the ritual. So when his grandchildren arrive to – while showing not a sign of mourning or respect – violate the sacred space with their childish antics and gadget addiction, he growls quietly.
In a later scene, Walt enters his garage and finds his granddaughter taking a smoke. The obnoxious and altogether unlikable Ashley asks Walt what he plans to do with his Gran Torino vintage car when he "...well, dies". This scene is completely shocking, but so true to a pervasive mentality among today's young that we may fail to bat an eyelid.
Faced with the temptation of laying her hands on Walt's nice car, she effectively wishes him dead as soon as possible – and takes it for granted that SHE will have the car, even though she appears to never have done anything nice for Walt. There is something profoundly wrong with this picture.
What is going on here? Is Ashley just one particularly spoilt brat or are there larger things at work here? To uncover the nature of the huge rift between Walt and Ashley in this scene, we must dig deeper into the developmental trends of Western culture. I will therefore now take you on a roundabout way towards the core of the story.
Postmodernism and the culture of entitlement
When Postmodernism arose in the 1960s, it was in reaction to the negative aspects of traditional and modern mindsets. Postmodernists saw that traditionalists depicted the world as black and white and filled with saints and sinners. The modernists, on the other hand, were seen to plunder the planet and divide the world into winners and losers.
Figuring this was bad, postmodernists started deconstructing all truths and hierarchies in order to pull the rug under these two predominant worldviews. The core idea was that everything that separated people into groups or put one person above another was evil.
Since it can be argued that gender can be a way of grouping people, postmodernism has gone to the extreme of deconstructing the differences between men and women. Through some leap of the imagination, they have convinced themselves that men and women are one and the same, and that gender is a sociocultural construct. This is of course foolish beyond belief. The biological differences between men and women are so out in the open that making such arguments is akin to madness.
No wonder these dolts end up divorcing each other en masse. Also, because of the postmodern aversion to hierarchies, parents have practically lost their position of authority, which can be seen in the way Ashley and her siblings pretty much control the family. Anyway, when we combine this understanding with the unobjectionable fact that feminism grows out of the very same cultural trend that gave rise to postmodernism, we see that in this worldview, there is no place for a positive image of men or boys. Boys are considered, as many writers have pointed out, "broken girls".
The postmodern world is a place where fathers are ignored or devalued and boys and men are discriminated against for the supposed evils they cause in the world. Authority – a cornerstone of all good child rearing and life tutoring – is considered mere oppression and any attempts of fostering discipline is met with shouts of victimization. In the postmodern world, age is considered to have no inherent value, and the idea of life experience as something valuable is a totally lost concept.
All that is left is "I have my truth and it is mine to have. I am worth everything that comes to me and I should not be expected to work for it. I will not accept criticism or feedback, for I clearly know the subjective truth about ME better than all others. I am a beautiful garden, God's perfection made manifest on this Earth, and all people must venerate me by caring for my every desire."
Girls do better than boys in this world, for reasons obvious for anyone who have studied how men and women grow, although far too many of them become intolerable, little cretins who think the world is a playground designed specifically to cater for all their wants. They are almost correct: The Western world has over the last several decades been carefully crafted into a world that cares for and empowers girls at the exclusion of boys.
In fact, in schools and society at large, any signs of a boy acting true to his proactive and lively nature is met with great contempt and the desire to "cure" him of his masculinity. Somewhere along the way, his true masculine self is banished from him and the politically correct elite rejoices. Boys, now out of touch with themselves and without role models, suffer tremendously.
Sue, the Hmong girl next door to Walt, describes the result in one scene: "Actually, it's really common. Hmong girls over here fit in better, we adjust. The girls go to college and the boys go to jail."
A new family
Walt's disillusionment with the world's development has him fast at work isolating himself in his house. With only his golden retriever Daisy and his 1972 Gran Torino to keep him company, Walt is a lonely man.
But Walt isn't the only lonely man on his street. Sue's brother Thao is also a little man whose soul is lonely and troubled. He is a lost kid who lacks confidence and the ability to assert himself. His conservative family is concerned that he is not turning into the man that he should be at his age.
Walt and Thao's neighborhood is a troubled one, plagued by restless gangs. Other movie reviews on Masculinity Movies (e.g. American History X) discuss how the presence of gangs is a sign of absent fathers and this is true here as well. Thao's father is absent (perhaps dead) and there are no role models in his life. He becomes the target of his cousin's gang, a small group of unfathered boys who try to teach each other how to be men.
They talk the reluctant Thao into stealing Walt's Gran Torino as a form of gang initiation – as a way of turning him into a man – but it goes wrong and Thao runs off into the night while Walt recovers from kissing the garage floor.
When Thao's cousin later returns for him with the rest of his crew, Walt intervenes with a shotgun at the ready, showing them who is the biggest badass present. There is a certain potency about Walt here that is likable, even though he is rude and uncivilized. Even his absolutely horrid comment to one of the Hmong gang members "You’re nothing to me. In Korea, we stacked fucks like you five feet high and used you as sandbags," is in danger of drawing a smile from my lips.
Not because I appreciate that horrific image, but because these kids think they are badass motherfuckers, and here they meet Clint–frigging–Eastwood, whose character has seen a whole other realm of badass: The Korean war. The gang realize they are outmatched and retreat. Life experience still matters.
From near and far, members of the Hmong community arrive to offer blessings of food to Walt for the service he rendered in Thao's protection. Of course Walt was only fending for his own property and wants nothing, but the ongoing kindness of these somewhat naive, but lovely people start getting to his heart. A couple of steps further down the road, and he is Sue's invited visitor for a family party. He finds himself oddly at home there and mutters to himself in disbelief "Geez, I have more in common with these gooks than my own spoiled rotten family".
Thao and Walt learn to serve
One day, Thao starts working for Walt to make amends for his attempt at the Gran Torino. This is where the core storyline boots up. Thao doesn't know what he is good for, but as Walt's increasingly willing student, he starts to discover that he is a capable young man with good hands to spare. As Walt gets over his initial resentment, he starts warming up to Thao and takes him under his wing.
One scene offers a clue to his change of heart. An old lady across the road from Walt loses her groceries on the tarmac as she unloads her car and one of the three boys that pass her as it happens pretends to violate her from behind. They laugh as they hop down the road, and Walt scowls and asks himself "what the heck is wrong with young people these days".
Then Thao shows up to help her, and Walt's demeanour changes immediately. It's as if Thao in this scene gives Walt a glimmer of hope that there are still young people in this world who are willing to offer their service to others out of mere kindness and a desire to help. His appreciation for that is a far more potent force in him than his racism towards the Hmong family.
Thao is neither rebellious, narcissistic nor needlessly aggressive. True, he is a boy "without balls", but that is workable. Unlike Walt's grandchildren, Thao has a good heart. As Walt slowly comes to recognize the nature of Thao's character, he discovers something worth living for: Helping Thao become a man. Fascinatingly, the first job Thao is given by Walt has an almost zen–like quality to it. Thao is a good for nothing nobody at that point, so Walt tells him to "count the birds." It's like a meditation, a kind of purification practice. Here's the secret: Counting birds for a day may teach you more about yourself than studying psychology for a month.
The most important thing that Thao learns during his time working for Walt is how to serve his local community. Walt's property is neatly kept and has no real use for Thao's services. Instead, Walt comes up with the idea to send Thao on repair jobs to his neighbors. Walt's intentions initially seem quite self–serving; he just wants to get rid of the visual disturbance from his neighbours' properties.
But becoming the local handyman makes a world of difference to Thao. We should remember that true confidence for any man comes only when he starts living a life of true service, with no expectation of compensation. Seeing Thao's growth and service, Walt knows he has done good. Something changes in Walt – he feels positive about life again. Walt too has learned to serve.
Becoming a man
As the mentoring relationship matures, Walt teaches Thao – in perhaps the movie's funniest scene – to "speak like a man". There's much to learn from this. The masculine grows from challenge more than it does from praise. In today's politically correct, sanitized society, you can't really communicate in ways that inspire the masculine. Male friendships in today's world are often too focused on offering understanding and support.
This is of course important, but as far as ways to get a man to snap out of it and rise to the challenge are concerned, it just doesn't work. The crass tone Walt has with the local Italian barber would offend many modern men, but as we see from this scene, there is a deep love in their verbal combat. And as the scene points out, there is a big difference between being rude and showing appreciation through masculine communication.
Walt gets Thao a job and even teaches him about women. In an unlikely turn of events, he goes to the outrageous step to lend him his Gran Torino (the one he tried earlier to steal!) to take his date to town in style. This is a telltale sign of Walt's deepening appreciation for Thao.
The Gran Torino is a symbol of this; cars are for many men a point of connection. Some cars are passed on to the next generation and become a kind of family heirloom, a symbol of male lineage. By offering Thao his Gran Torino, Walt practically suggests "you are family". It is a testament to Walt's recognition of Thao's growth into manhood.
Letting go
The Hmong gang is still after Thao. And when Walt's desire to intervene with their harassment of him goes too far, they brutally retaliate in the only way their immaturity lets them: a drive–by–shooting and the rape of Sue. In the shared desire to protect the Hmong family, Thao and Walt become even closer. Walt's experience from the Korean war start showing and he tells Thao that this is the time not for rash retaliation, but for careful planning.
Before he sets his plan in motion, Walt fulfills Dorothy's last wish and sits confession with Father Janovich. Something has changed in his mind. He knows what to do. And he is at peace with it. As he arrives at the den of the gang members, he lets go – and the Hmong gang is no more. I'm keeping this a little cryptic on purpose.
Conclusion
Gran Torino is a beautiful movie about the importance of role models. In evolutionary terms, Walt isn't a very advanced human being (in Spiral Dynamics terms, he is largely Blue with spatters of Orange), but the values he holds are exactly the ones that Thao requires to move ahead in his life. Walt's sons, on the other hand, appear to be Spiral Dynamics Green, which means that they are not too concerned with loyalty, structure, growth hierarchies, service and authority.
The results of that can be seen in the disgusting behaviour of their children. Extreme Green so undermines the positive qualities of the Masculine that kids risk turning into degenerates. Ashley is a perfect example.
Men on Spiral Dynamics Green, we understand, are hopeless role models for young men and women. They tend to carry a host of negative attitudes towards everything masculine, which in some cases turns them into huge conspiracy theorists that idealize everything feminine while looking for signs that evil men are trying to destroy the world. And who knows, perhaps such men exist, but for the large part, they are merely mental fabrications of men whose masculinity has been banished from them by the politically correct liberal establishment.
Walt Kowalski is a conservative who reminds us of important masculine qualities. Taken as a whole, he is absolutely not someone to be modelled, but his qualities in teaching and caring for Thao are vital components in the "New Man". We must maintain all good aspects of Green as we move on to 2nd tier consciousness by integrating those very values Walt exemplify.
Men aren't meant to be weak, apathetic and confused nobodies who waste away living meaningless lives. This statement is not machismo – it is a statement pointing to the true and enormous power of men. It's time to reclaim that power. And for that to happen, you need someone to show you the ropes.
— , Irregular updates ()Authentic Man Program are putting out a new program and I thought I'd tell you about it. It's called Sexual Energy Mastery and is in short a 10-week course to teach you total ejaculation control. But upon closer inspection, this is a course that takes you deeply into the territory of the archetypal Lover, so if that is an archetype you need to work on (like I do), it comes recommended.
Doors close tonight .
— , Irregular updates ()This article is a work in progress
From FIT expert Shawn Phillips
Boys Men Gadgets Tools Unpredictable Dependable Consume Produce Take Give Seek Power Cultivate Strength Hide Fear Have Confidence Things Assets More Muscle More Vitality Avoid Embrace Lust Love Try Do! Glorify Effort Celebrate Results Do Things To… Get Things Done Seek Praise Give Praise Hallmarks of a mature man
- Men have Presence
- Men have Integrity
- Men are playful
- Men have Discipline
- Men live to serve
- Men will make sacrifices
- Men worship the Feminine
- Men penetrate the Feminine
- Men know how to circulate sexual energy
- Men are loyal
- Men are dedicated to something greater than themselves
- Men live with death as their constant companion
- Men’s mission in the world takes precedence over their relationship with their partner
- Men know how to deal with discomfort and danger
- Men work tirelessly to fulfill their goals, but have little attachment to the outcome
- Men don’t require praise, fame, or glory to keep going
- Men carry a relaxed and natural authority
- Men listen with total presence and profound stillness
- Men are true students
— , Irregular updates ()Do you feel limited by the conditioning of your childhood and culture? Do you feel as if you’re holding back your gifts for fear that you will be rejected if you gave them fully? Do you feel power brewing inside, but deliberately repress it for fear that you might bring destruction if you expressed it?
If so, you might be interested to know that two topics have been on my mind a lot lately: Wildness and addiction.
Two days ago, I co-hosted an event at the Integral Center here in Boulder, Colorado named “Reclaiming our Wildness”. Healer and psychotherapist Sweigh Emily Spilkin and I gave 40 participants a taste of wildness. They were deeply impacted. They cried tears of gratitude, came up to us and profoundly thanked us, even sent messages after returning home on how their senses had mysteriously strengthened and their addictive tendencies lessened.
Defining Wildness
In planning this event, Sweigh challenged me to offer her my definition of Wildness. One definition I offered her was “letting nature move through me unfiltered by social conditioning”. Not letting social norms and taboos dictate who I am and how I show up. The definition I want to offer you now, however, simple as it may be, is that wildness is the polar opposite of addiction.
I arrived at this definition initally when I noticed how I contract and get scared when I engage in droning, repetitive activities for a long time. When I’ve e.g. sat on Facebook for longer than I know is good for me (moving beyond functional networking to validation seeking), I get afraid of people and the world. I move out in public spaces and find myself totally convinced that I’m a separate individual in a challenging world. I completely forget my trust in Spirit and my remembrance of shared humanity.
This is hardly surprising. Addiction, as I mentioned in my recent Don Jon review, is the acting out of a deficiency of love. It’s a way to numb out in the face of unbearable circumstances. Any addictive pattern is therefore prone to drive home in us that we are not worthy or lovable. And I don’t know about you, but in those moments I consider myself worthless, human beings are not pleasant to be around. There’s too much shame and fear involved.
When I let “nature move through me”, however; that is, when I allow my intuitions, impulses, needs, feelings and desires to flow through me in skillful ways, I feel strong, present, loving and joyful. I’m in service, speaking the truth and loving without condition. Which is ironic given that this Wildness is the very thing we have been raised to be afraid of.
A world of domesticated men and women
Most of us are domesticated products of fear-based conditioning. We have been trained to be tame because the world is afraid of our Wildness. We have been trained to forget that we are expressions of nature. Our elders hadn’t the wisdom to teach us that if we repress our Wildness, its psychic energy explodes out through kinks and pathologies (You just don’t stop energy. In any form. Harness it by relating to it on its terms or get screwed by it.)
The consequence is that the very measures society has put in place in order to maintain order end up destroying it. The shocking lack of wisdom on display in today’s cultural climate results in disharmony, psychopathology, broken families and addicted populations. And our lack of Wildness is at the root of the addictive tendencies that give rise to Consumerism.
I look around and see a world full of severely addicted people. We cannot bear to eat a single meal without entertaining ourselves. We get hooked to our mobile phones and its validation crackpipe mechanisms in the forms of SMS-messages, Facebook likes or E-mails. We engage in obsessive thinking, because we cannot bear the pure joy of being silent. We are even so corrupted that we think we need to have the latest gadgets in order to be “cool”.
And I ask: Is it worth it? My own personal answer is “hell no”. Which is why I will soon bring you a longer article on addiction and how to be with it, perhaps even recover from it, in the best possible way. Not that I’m an expert in the field of addiction in academic terms, but I’ve been on my own journey with it and have gold to share.
And while you wait, remember that any time you engage in addictive behavior, it’s a reminder that you have forgotten your inherent goodness. You are engaging in an activity that will inevitably result in self-shaming and a feeling of being intimated by even the friendliest of people.
If you want to go deeper with these themes, read more about my Coaching services. I would love to work with you!
— , Irregular updates ()Last week, I spent an amazing five days with my Brothers Peter and Pelle in Prague. It was deep and powerful work. So much has come of it already. And tomorrow, I'm going to a taiji retreat in a Franciscan monastery in Italy. St. Francis beckons. I can't explain it, but I really feel that. It's not a metaphorical thing.
I will tell you all about it when I come back. Prague, St. Francis etc.
And oh - don't forget to check out Peter's An Introduction to Gnosticism.
— , Irregular updates ()I want to tell you that you're only days away from being able to upload your own reviews to Masculinity Movies. I've been fortunate to get my hands on some great technology that makes this really easy to accomplish and I have been configuring it today. Stay tuned. I can't wait to read all your great thoughts. Yay! .-)
— , Irregular updates ()I want to tell you about a day that Peter, Pelle and I recently had at Venwoude, a Dutch retreat center. The three of us had met up to have our quarterly brotherhood touchdown and had already done a lot of deep, penetrating work by the time we made our way through thick, wet snow on the roads nourthbound for Venwoude.
Headed for Venwoude
Venwoude is a retreat center which has increased in my awareness over the last year. Peter and I dropped by in May out of the blue just to check out the place and I felt that I would be back. I have met two great men who are part of that community through this website. One of them, Leon Gras, contacted me after the entire story around the manifesto for conscious men and we had a brief exchange about why that was an important debate and that the approach taken in that manifesto didn't sufficiently honor levels of development.
He proceeded to invite us to drop in on a workshop called 'Sex, Spirit & Sexuality' with Diane Hamilton and Marc Gafni which was being held at the same that we would happen to gather in Holland. It was a generous offer and we accepted.
On the way to Venwoude on Saturday, I was again reminded of just how dull nature is in Holland. I find that a visit to Holland makes me grateful for living so close to "real" nature here in Norway. But in the woods around Venwoude, things change. I recognize how much nature means to me these days; just being amongst the trees leading up to Venwoude makes me breathe more easily. And there was a majestic bird that came swooping down on our car and I just let out a sigh. Thank heavens Holland hasn't been entirely domesticated.
[caption id="attachment_1020" align="alignnone" width="720" caption="Peter, Pelle and I at Venwoude. Also say hello to Mr Happy - the mascot for our meeting that we left behind to keep the Venwoudians happy."][/caption]
Triggered by green
Venwoude is a beautiful place. And the hospitality we were shown was incredible. It was great to meet Leon. He was a magnificent host. We also got to meet Diane Hamilton, the zen master who holds such an important role in the integral movement. That was a nice experience – she seemed lovely, even though she did trigger me by saying that the three of us probably needed more Spiral Dynamics green in our lives than does she and Leon.
It was a strange comment, though it was interesting to sense how I reacted to it. Who knows, maybe it's proof that she's right. Why, after all, would I immediately interpret that as an insult? That is saying something about how I still view the people who are "green". Sorry new-agers, feminists and cultural relativists of the world – I will commit to loving you even more in 2011.
Feminine delight at the workshop
Diane Hamilton and Marc Gafni welcomed us into their workshop space with open arms and I felt really included and taken care of there. The lessons that we took part in were fun, especially an exercise where we shared vulnerably about sexuality based on a model of six stages of sexuality that Marc presented for us. We were four in our group, three men and one woman. It was refreshing to speak so openly about sexuality with these great people. I shared about how my ex didn't like it when I started fabricating a way of being in bed that felt inauthentic to her, even though my intention was to go deeper into my masculine to serve her.
The woman shared how much she liked feeling a man's cock get hard in her hand. She blushed a little as she said that and I just soaked up the delicious and fun energy that exuded from her. In closing the group afterwards, I told her how much I had enjoyed hearing her speak about how turned on she would get and she blushed big time and giggled. Just writing about this makes me smile and happy to be alive.
Initiation at Venwoude
Leon shared something with us which had us all excited – they have started initiating boys at Venwoude. Just in simple ways, but they are doing it. This is incredible. I was so happy to hear this. Leon is one of the ritual holders for that process and he should therefore know a thing or two about what is important in a boy's growth to manhood. Granted, their initiatory rites are still in their early stages, but the fact that this is happening on Western soil is very heartening. It was probably Leon's insight into the male psyche and a boy's path to manhood that had him resonate with me in my critique of the manifesto.
I'll be back
It's rare that I have felt so welcomed anywhere and in the car on the way back to Weert, I reflected to Peter and Pelle that I hadn't understood just how welcomed and served we had been there before after I had left. It was very humling and I felt my heart soften and open up afterwards.
I have a sense that some important connections were made there that will manifest in their full potential in the future. Thanks also, Venwoude, for offering me with some delightful meetings with beautiful women. They were brief, but delicious.
— , Irregular updates ()Work longer and harder, Christmas can wait!
Jack Campbell is a successful, driven and ambitious Wall Street executive. Not only does he give no importance to family-oriented festivals like Christmas (he does not even think about his family), he also expects and drives his team to do so. But he is no red-eyed, spitting work driver either.
He is suave and sophisticated. He knows just which buttons to press to "motivate" his team - these buttons usually have the dollar sign and a lot of zero's on them. He is with his team on the eve of a billion-dollar deal but he is distant from them and his own feelings, unable to feel any emotion at making them sacrifice time with their family on Christmas Eve.
He does have time for women though. But even there, he is distant. Instead of going to meet her family for Christmas, he offers to bathe his lover in liquor. When an old girlfriend - Kate - leaves messages for him to call back, he dismisses her outright, even taking advice from his boss, an even bigger money-chaser than he.
Kate used to be his girl-friend 13 years ago before Jack flew to London to study to be an investment banker. At the airport while seeing him off, Kate had a premonition and begged him not to go, somehow sensing that his leaving would mean the end of their relationship. But goal-oriented that Jack was and focused on his trip, he dismissed her fears and flew anyway. Kate's premonition was accurate.
Our distance from our true inner self
Jack has been and is distant from his feelings and his emotions - they are buried deep within, and it will take a monumental shift in his life (which we witness as the movie progresses) for him to understand what it means to connect with himself, with his masculine self, while also understanding his feelings, priorities and sense of happiness. A lot of adult males his age are like him, and young men - our sons - of our times are unfortunately learning to be like that.
They are capable of hurting but incapable of recognizing the hurt they cause. They deeply and truly believe that the trappings of materialism and making a huge amount of money is success. We are raising an entire generation of sons by forcing them to be less "manly", because popular culture and political correctness informs us that being manly is synonymous with violence, aggression, lack of feeling or unfair competitiveness, which is nonsense.
When we raise boys to be "sensitive", to be more in "touch with their feelings", instead of helping them understand these attributes from the masculine perspective, we mistakenly try to mould them to be more like girls (albeit not consciously) because again mistakenly, qualities of caring and nurturing are normally associated with girls, not boys. This drives the boys' natural masculine instincts such as centeredness, individuality, loyalty, morality, nobility, purpose, feeling, adventure, integrity and honor underground into their (Jungian) shadow, a subconscious full of repressed, ignored and suppressed feelings, emotions and drives. This shadow shows itself in mindless consumerism, hunger for power, violence, insensitivity, corruption and situation-dependent shifting norms of integrity.
Lacking strong masculine role models in their fathers, uncles and other male caretakers (who can themselves be confused about what is it to be masculine), boys and young men turn to their peers for role models, peers who are equally at a disadvantage or are themselves searching for strong, masculine role models. Jack's role model is his boss who calls him a "tiger" for staying at work on Christmas Eve.
Our boys search and often attach themselves to characters on TV, advertisements, video games or movies; places where manhood and being masculine has four main ingredients: materialism, violence, sports and sex but rarely has true masculine attributes such as centeredness, compassion, integrity, honor, adventure or individuality (not individualism which is I-me-mine).
We raise boys into adults whose inability to connect to themselves and to others is only matched by their love for the "immature boy" in them and for their expensive toys. We do not know about Jack's childhood (he never speaks about his parents or his childhood) but we can make inferences by his disconnect from his masculinity and his attachment to the trappings of materialism.
A twist of Fate
Fate has something in store for Jack. While trying to "save" a hold-up thug brandishing a gun, Jack shows that he is not completely lost; he does have some feeling left. But when the thug asks him "What do you want?", Jack arrogantly replies that he has everything. The thug - Cash - is in fact a divine power who changes Jack's life. The next morning Jack awakes in a strange bed, next to Kate with children's voices in the background.
Kate wakes up and interacts with Jack as if everything is normal, but Jack is stunned. He is completely at a loss for words and has no clue what has happened to him. He is in fact living the life with Kate IF he had not flown to London. It is the glimpse into a life with Kate that Cash has given him. Most of us are like Jack with an external locus of self-worth. We are so focused on what we want from this world that we do not even realize that we might have it in us to give something back.
Not being able to grow up into manhood, we take our boyish toys with us into adulthood; only the toys are more expensive and look different. But as long as our sense of self-worth flows from our possessions, we never realize that in reality, our possessions own us and not the other way around. After waking up next to Kate, Jack runs away to his super-rich apartment building where nobody recognizes him, much to his disappointment and anger. He has lost his toys, his prized Porsche among others, and his sense of self-worth.
Jack returns to Kate and the kids, resigned to his fate and starts to discover his life as a husband, father and car tire salesman - retail at that. But he has a few important lessons to learn, such as the difference between seducing a woman and penetrating the feminine. Seducing a woman is "relatively easy", even boys (be they in the body of an adult man) can do that. But penetrating the feminine can only be done by a man who has understood himself and the feminine.
We penetrate the feminine when we establishing a deep contact with what it means to be feminine in a woman, of submitting to her strength and her flow, not trying to overcome her. True submission to the feminine can only happen when our locus of control and self-worth is within us , not outside. Otherwise we operate from a fear of losing what it means to be us and fail to submit. Jack learns this crucial difference the hard way when tries to seduce the woman in Kate by using exclamations such as "Yeah! You're bad"; stuff which probably worked in his empty relationships with women in his previous life, but which completely puts Kate off.
But when he is genuinely amazed at the mature and beautiful woman that Kate has become, she asks him, "How can you do that?... Look at me like you haven't seen me every day for the last 13 years." Jack is learning what it means to appreciate the feminine rather than merely notice the woman. Another incident is when Jack forgets their wedding anniversary and is informed by his daughter that on one anniversary, her father had named a star after Kate. Jack, as most men would undoubtedly concur, thinks this is corny, but his daughter informs him "Mom liked it". How many of us judge the sincerity of our love and our relationships by the monetary value of our gifts - economic-oriented transactions? Something ostensibly corny such as naming a star after a woman might actually be priceless. But to understand this, we need to understand the feminine, something Jack does not.
Jack goes through several incidents where he makes mistakes with his interactions with his children and even almost ends up having an affair. A couple of his true and deep realization moments are worth mentioning. One comes when he informs Kate that he has been offered a job with huge perks, lot of money and all the perks. His final argument is that the job will help them finally get a life that other people envy. To this Kate informs that they already do.
Jack is speechless. The other one is when Kate tells him that to help him take up the new job, she will uproot all of them from a house they became a family in, where she expected to greet her grandchildren. She would do all of this because she loved him. Kate tells him that their relationship is more important than an address. Jack has never had such a relationship with anyone, leave alone a woman.
What have you done for me lately?
True relationships, not just between a man and a woman, are not based on give-and-take, on crude economic transactions such as "what have you done for me lately?". Most of us live our lives in such relationships where we base their strength and value on the intensity, frequency and price of the transactions. This happens because we are not centered in ourselves. We are constantly seeking our worth in our transactions, in our relationships.
Unable to measure a relationship, we attempt to judge its value based on the only thing we know - economic, monetary bases of give and take. Some of us never seem to understand that in a relationship, there is no give and take, only give and receive. Further, we have no right or entitlement to the receiving, only the giving. But this will not happen if we live our lives in fear, fear of giving away too much in a relationship and losing power, giving away so much that we seem to have nothing left for ourselves.
Of course this does sometimes happen in single-sided relationships where there is an unhealthy dependence on the other person, but this is not what I mean here. Unless one is truly centered, unless one's power rests in oneself rather than in the possessions and the appearance of power in a relationship, one cannot truly have any healthy, strong relationship.
Nowhere is this true than between a man and a woman. True power in a relationship between a man and a woman comes when the man submits to the feminine and the woman to the masculine. The feminine flows, encompasses and nourishes, the masculine is centered, immovable and penetrates. Jack, in his own way, realizes the feminine and submits to it.
In the last scene of the movie, when Jack has been unwillingly restored to his previous (real) life by Cash, the tables are turned and this time it is Kate who is at the airport about to leave for a new job in Paris and Jack manages to convince her to stay. Not by rational exhortations, but by using feelings, emotional imagery of their life together which he glimpsed and by appealing to her feminine.
Conclusion
The Family Man might never become a cult movie. In fact, it could have been stronger on its symbolism, on Jack's hard-driving financial job - he never faces a moral challenge as a financial expert, on Jack's learning moments and in its final message. But what does comes across strongly is that Jack learns what it means to be a family man and what it means to understand and submit to the feminine, rather than simply get (as in conquer) a woman.
All men should get the opportunity, within the committed and sometimes challenging relationship with the woman they love, to reach deep within themselves, touch a primordial place bereft of selfishness and transaction-orientated relationship-making and realize, as Jack did, that, "My God! All this time, I never stopped loving you".
— , Irregular updates ()In reading Jung's work on archetypes this morning, I am reminded of how much I love being exposed to the ideas of great minds.
Getting through two pages took me half an hour, and sent me into the realms of Immanuel Kant, Aristotle, Plato, a critique of reason and the nature of knowing itself.
My willingness to become a true student in the act of reading was so enjoyable, it got me thinking about my work with men.
Of all the archetypes, I have noticed that we men tend to be most comfortable with the Magician. Not the entirety of the archetype, however, but the part of it that deals with reason and knowledge. We feel safe in our ivory towers, distant from the messiness of the world and the feminine.
Magicians locked up in their ivory towers never become powerful, however. Because from that place up in the clouds, the learning can not be grounded in the realm of matter and lived experience.
For that to happen, the budding Magician must also integrate the shamanic aspect of the Magician archetype, which most men never do. Being a true student, like being a shaman, has a strong element of descendance, of moving down from reason into matter. And since so many men don't honor this movement, they end up as nutty professors (A Beautiful Mind) rather than powerful Magicians.
Studying is best done for the love of learning, not for the desire to consume books. It’s best done for the potentially blissful process of expanding and revising our map of reality, not simply for taking on fascinating ideas in order to dominate a quiz down the pub.
When we fail to honor the real challenge of being a true student, we may accumulate knowledge, but we become disembodied, ungrounded and sans real wisdom. In effect, we become less powerful and more miserable.
So give your Magician the opportunity of becoming powerful by celebrating the process of true study. Spend an unreasonable amount of time with one book, rather than skimming through 10*.
When you do so, you'll slowly start to discover that wisdom is holographic in nature, that delving deeply into one excellent book of powerful ideas will open up a cosmos of universal principles far greater than what is merely between those covers.
---
*When I first read David Deida's the Way of the Superior Man, I liked it so much I decided to translate it. I spent countless late evenings/nights with that project.
Similarly, when reading Robert Moore's and Douglas Gillette's book on KWML, I changed my focus for this website, dedicated vast amounts of time to learning and living the wisdom, and eventually became an international authority on the topic.
It turns out that for months and months, IE 8.0 users have not been able to see headlines on this site. So those of you for whom this is true, I'm sorry. I'm a little puzzled that no-one has complained, but am glad it is working again. That's the most important thing.— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()Listening to Tripp Lanier's latest New Man Podcast, I was reminded of some very important principles of male growth. In it, energy healer Sarah Ingier talks about how men are submerged in the Feminine, being both born from and surrounded by it at all times of the day (in the form of nature, women and everything that is in motion). She then describes something that is at the core of my own work: How it is important with some very strong rituals – initiations – in which the man separates from the Feminine and becomes a true Man, a person who can relate with the Feminine not from a state of reaction or enslavement, but of standing free in intimate communion with it.
The macho jerk and the new age wimp that David Deida talks about are both under the control of feminine energy. Only the truly mature man, a 3rd stage man, has freed himself from it. This is the hero's journey in KWML. Yes, true initiation into manhood IS the hero's journey.
They talk about more topics in the podcast, but their discussion of what I outlined above is the best part of it. If it's not enough that I'm saying these things, then please – for your own good – listen to Sarah and Tripp say them.
— , Irregular updates ()Dropped by a pub on the way from work today. Turned out the girl behind the bar was a girl I had connected quite strongly with some weeks previously. She was there with some cute friends. She expressed her appreciation for our connection by serving me for free. And I had a fairly decent connection with her friends as well.
Though I left the place feeling really dissatisfied. Actually, I felt rejected. Strange thing to feel I thought to myself. It got me thinking that feelings of rejection never have anything to do about anything outside of ourselves. It's missing the point completely. Feelings of rejection arise when something authentic arises inside of ourselves and we choose not to act on or voice it.
That's what happened today. I wasn't present enough to really tune into my curiosity about these girls, so I kept it pretty safe and surface. My soul never appreciates that. There was so much I wanted to know that evaded me in moments when I wasn't fully settled in myself.
There's a lot of wisdom here for me. If I feel unhappy or depressed, it's always because I'm out of alignment with my authentic Self, or my Soul if you will. There were things about these girls that I wasn't aware of being curious about until after leaving the place. But on a deeper level, I knew.
Through feelings we label "bad", we are always given exactly the information we need to be authentic. This human machine we inhabit is so amazing - we always get exactly the information we need to be absolutely blissful. The unhappiness arises in our rejections of the "bad" psychic material, which are nothing but perfectly crafted signposts that lead towards our authentic selves (joy is found there).
Feelings of rejection, depression, vague feelings of unease - always, ALWAYS these are treasures posing as shit. Our happiness comes in embracing the shit, because it's always friggin' gold. So I'm just going to sit with the ways in which I rejected myself now. Everything forever perfect. I make things so fucking complicated.
— , Irregular updates ()My friend Marten who wrote the review for Avatar shared his poem with me the other day and it really impressed me. To me, this is a beautiful expression of the Lover archetype with spatters of King. What does it mean to you? Do tell in the comments below.
Oh, I almost forgot – Marten's website Wake project is finally up, where he talks about the reasons why we should take better care of the oceans that support us. Check it out.
Seven Songs From The Sea
With passionate lips
My waves kiss your shores.Surging...
Salty...
I kiss every curve.
Wash over you endlessly
Caress each cove.
My weight presses down.
Delights in rise and fall.
I lick my fingers, and
Linger.
Retreat: playful and slow.
Before surging over you again.
Land:
Endlessly immersed in me.
Land:
You trembled in my boundlessness.With tender lips
My waves kiss your shores.I give you life
I give you love...
I am your very home,
Together on this world for millennia
Endless shifting in this geomorphic waltz of fluids, solids and fire.
Switching seats as we follow the moon.
Although we dance together
I sense that now:
You step alone.
What once was side by side could simply ebb.
Footprints waiting for my tide, aching in their decay.
But you need me more than ever
To feed your hungry bodies
To fuel your greedy minds
Drink the life I give you.
Leave nothing behind.With pained lips
My waves kiss your shores.You tear at me with net and line
Take...
Everything
Quotas and bycatch:
That's how you love me
Metal replaces flesh as machines rake through me.
And I
Fight back with storms
and Salt.
Drag and rust your evil hulls into my depths.
Yet you return:
Endless swarms of my lost children
Suckle on this ancient welt
So damaging and deep
That it makes my depths seem like the skin of stars
It was the wind who whispered “Earth” to me, “That’s what they call you now.”
Damn you ‘Earth’, We’re a planet blue
Is there no room left for me
Though I’m most of us
And you fear drowning in my arms.With violent lips
My waves kiss your shores.Am I a blue mirror for you to reach for more of the above?
Look through my surface!
Let my allure pull you,
Fear nothing but your love!
Close this distance between us
Return on my tide
Rediscover me around you
Look away from yourselves and back to the blue
Steal glances out the portholes as you kiss and rock.
Drop your hand over the side and trail your fingers through me...
But...
As skin and tissue collide
Faces turn together,
Your love and hate so wide.
With so many more of you:
Seven.
Seven billion at last count.
There is now less space for the places where you used to call home
And you:
See yourselves
Vanity seeps deep the more you strip bare these ancient bones
And you stand back to admire the cracking skeleton that remains
Nodding content as though it is the most amazing thing you've ever seen.
While crowding yourselves in the flesh of each other.
And I’m here to provoke:
There's more to us than you.With sad lips
My waves kiss your shores.In my hurt
I returned
Begged
To tell of my sea-creatures pain
I spoke
But your ears refuse all but the romance of my waves.
So I shake my mane of seaweed hair
I tilt my head back and
Scream my silent screams.
You used to speak for us
Even now, with your lungs so full of the oxygen I give you:
Your breath remains lost
And our dreams have come to nothing
All dried up in your sand.
Now I'm reduced to the edge of your ancient charts
Where silver leviathans lie
Forgotten in your hearts.
And as gill, blowhole, beak and lip twist savagely on tight lines
Fins are cut through cartilage for your pleasure
Soaked wings drown in nets so wide
Their mouths could swallow your town in them
You dare to call us 'monsters'
There are so few now
You’ve taken them from me
They call to you
Cry for you
When will you let them be?
Understand that they...
They are you too.With lips so dry
My waves kiss your shores.It's time you sat back beside me
Tilted your face to my mirror
And saw yourself framed in the heavy clouds
Remember that you share me
And I share you.
So, choose well what you take
Put back what you consume
And...
Remember our lust.
As my waves wash over you,
My salt tingle
Will linger.
Form tears of joy on your coast.
Every drop
Will touch the corners of your crevices.
My wake
Will embrace you forever.
Forget-me-not
This beauty blue you live on.
Blue:
The cyan marble in the black
You’ve seen in a thousand vintage satellite images.
Blue:
Like the clouds that you wish for
On a sunny day.With ceaseless lips
My waves kiss your shores.So, trail your fingers through me
Check your air
Fall back in love with me
Fill your lungs with wonders
And tell your neighbours what you learned
Come back to me
I’m hopeful.
Spare a thought for us,
My surf awaits it's return kiss
My deep awaits your lust
Sink slow slowly into me
My deepest place of wonder
Let’s dance!
We’re in this one together
Endless in romance.
Come back
My waves kiss your shores.
— , Irregular updates ()Hey guys,
I just migrated this entire website to a new webserver to facilitate updates/changes to the website in the near future. I have been looking at BuddyPress for the tribe I have been planning. I was meaning to go for Ning as the community platform, but then BuddyPress showed up at work and looked like an interesting candidate.
Not only that, I'm also looking into making Masculinity Movies a multi-site environment, which means in effect that any reader who becomes sufficiently inspired can get his own mini-version of the Masculinity Movies framework where he can write his own reviews, articles and blogs for our enjoyment.
I'm really serious about growing this site into a thriving community in 2011.
If you have any input, I would love to hear about it.
Cheers
— , Irregular updates ()Lars: Well, Bianca can help you. She's got nurse's training. Gus: No she doesn't. That's because she's a plastic...thing. Lars: That's amazing. Did you hear that? Bianca said God made her to help people.
— , Irregular updates ()[caption id="attachment_531" align="alignright" width="245" caption="Michael Gurian"][/caption]
My friend Thomas Gramstad, participant at both Masculinity Movies LIVE events, just sent me a great interview from Menweb.com with a guy called Michael Gurian. I've never heard of him before, but it turns out that he is also in the mythopoetic movement and closely related to Robert Bly (maybe my favourite author).
The interview is illuminating. In it, Michael talks about how most men - society overall in fact - considers a man's work to be about dealing with his conflicting relationship to Father. When a man has done his father work, he is done, we may think. He is then ready to tackle life as a fully integrated and mature man.
Michael points out in the interview that when he started addressing Mother's part in the forming of the son's traumas, people would object, because the mother surely was the stable and compassionate one, the rock of the family.
As I was reading this article, I felt it struck some chords deep inside. I have been working on my relationship with my father consciously for many years now (which you can read more about in an imminent blog post), but only recently have I discovered that I have some serious work to do around my mother. I understand now that I have given undue credit for my struggles in life to my father. As I write these words, I feel some sadness for this. Imagine, I have blamed one person for most of my problems in life, and all he did was try as best his could, in his own limited ways, to care for and love me. There is grief for me here.
It's easy to blame Father - the wounds are so obvious. But I have become attuned to a much more subtle current of trauma in me, one which is connected to my relationship to Mother. I have felt anger arise in this process and it's become incredibly important to maintain my boundaries in relation to women. Most men today, Robert Bly tells us, have not broken with their mother - with Mother energy - so we are still shackled to the image of our mother as a flawless creature that we must defend from the evil Father. And she often contributes to our hallucination.
I feel great sorrow when I realize the enormous hurt that is being propagated in our society due to our ignorance surrounding how to raise boys. We fail to understand the need for a dramatic shift between mother and sun as he reaches his teenage years, of a dramatic separation. By not heeding this nature's call, our culture magnifies the Oedipal impulse, Michael Gurian tells us in the interview, which leads to all sort of problems, domestic violence being one of them. (yep, domestic violence stems from men not separating from Mother energy) We must be mindful, as Michael is, to not start blaming women for our problems, but it is a huge step on the path to maturity for a man to own his mother wounds and take back the power that he put under his mother's pillow when he was young.
I'm in the middle of that process myself - and it's accelerating right now - so I will return to this topic again later on.
In the meantime, Michael Gurian is an expert on this unlike yours truly, so heed my advice and check out the article here: Mother Work with Michael Gurian.
Thanks, Thomas, for sharing this gem.
— , Irregular updates ()I have been with my girlfriend for almost three years now. It's been an extraordinary time. The opportunities to practice love that have arisen in myriad forms along the way have made me a stronger, more committed and more open-hearted man. Before I met Cathrine, I had very little experience with intimate relationship. I was a serious spiritual practitioner, meditating for 1-2 hours every day for many years, but relationships were a whole other ballgame. An experience in Boudhgaya, India at the end of 2006 changed my life. I transitioned then into a time of study the arts of women, love, and relationships. The relationship was the culmination of that work.
I have come to know Cathrine as a healer. Not in the sense that she has warm hands and reads auras - although she *has* warm hands and *can* read auras - but in the sense that I have known deep healing in our relationship together. In serving and being served by Cathrine, I have experienced a kind of inner revolution. In truth, if it weren't for the dynamic nature of our relationship, the profound love we have shared, and the challenges that her shifting forms of feminine embrace and resistance brought into my life, I would not be half the man I am now. I have learned to love no matter what (well, almost). Most of the time, she has made it very easy for me. Sometimes, she has made it incredibly hard. But I would have it no other way. It has been her gift to me.
The two of us both know that many have expected us to marry and have children. Many of those of you who know us personally have WANTED us to marry and have children. There are many good reasons for that. We have been a great couple. We have shared extraordinary love. And spending the rest of my life with her would be a pretty good way to live. But there is an even deeper recognition - the purpose of my life needs my attention. The work I'm doing is starting to take off. And starting a family now would force me to call off those plans - or at least put them on hold.
My relationship has been in service of my life's purpose. I would even say that it has *defined* my life's purpose. But with the dream of children - and the recognition that it is too early for me - we have sensed a shift for a long time now. In fact, we sensed it from the very beginning of our relationship. But our love caused us to ignore that and to plunge into a relationship nevertheless. For as long as I live, there will never be a thought of regret in my mind for that. It is, perhaps, the best choice I ever made. And in many ways, I know she feels the same. But children for me are some years into the future - when the pursuit of my life's purpose has come into full bloom and I feel that my calling to serve the world in the way closest to my heart has been realized.
I have cried in her arms. She has cried in mine. Sometimes I think we're crazy. But I believe we are doing the right thing. I don't expect all of you will understand. For I can in truth say that I don't always understand myself. But I have learned something about love lately. It has its own intelligence. And it speaks with a silent whisper. And it walks hand in hand with truth. Love seeks truth just as truth seeks love - and together they have decided to take the wheel. So you see - it is, in a sense, not up to us. We merely obey the silent whisper.
I have never known love like I have over these almost three years. And I have never felt stronger. And now it is with sadness, grief, but most of all deep joy, love, appreciation, and gratitude that I give her back to the world. Thanks to those of you out there who have been part of this journey. And to those whose hearts will be broken by this news, I am sorry. Know that we have reached this decision together. Noone has been dumped and there is not a hint of anger or bitterness. I will forever love her. And now, I am moving on. Up ahead, there is a woman waiting for me. And there's a man waiting for Cathrine. And they will get to know a one whose heart has deep imprints of another. And if they are to so much as qualify - they must understand that this is a good thing. It is our gift to them.
Happy New Year everyone.
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()One of the things that we are not focusing nearly enough energy on in our struggle as a gender to reclaim our true and authentic masculinity is how our modern diet is filling our bodies with hormones - feminine hormones to be exact. Men are actually being chemically castrated by staple foods and drinks such as soy and beer.
I think this interview Daniel Vitalis on testosterone, fertility and estrogen is worth listening to. Among other things, Daniel will tell you that beer feminizes you, reduces your libido and makes you impotent. So much for beer being masculine. No wonder I hardly ever drink it.
And you should read this article "Why boys are turning into girls".
Even our diet is emasculating us and hardly anybody is talking about it. Let's do something about that.
— , Irregular updates ()Nick Duffell and Robert Fischer, co-facilitators of the upcoming Sex Authenticty and Power symposium (summer 2013) have just released a new version of their webpage. I'm happy to see their new platform and hope to channel some traffic to it, as I think the symposium is a very important and worthwhile event (and I'm going to speak there).
I'm currently enjoying a fun and lively discussion with Nick on the root of men's work over at their blog - and Nick has shared generously about some of his work - particularly his identity, relationship, alchemy model to personal evolution. Which got me thinking about the presentation I'm going to give there. I recommend you go check it out and join the conversation! That would be really fun. See you there?
— Christopher McCandless, Into the Wild (2007)The core of man's spirit comes from new experiences.
— , Irregular updates ()I'm currently on holiday in the North of Norway, staying in the childhood home of my girlfriend's mother. We drove from the Norwegian capital Oslo up along the spine of Norway to the glorious Vesterålen, where I'm currently surrounded with nature's splendour. Spending extended time with her like this, driving for days and now spending time here where the sun never sets, brings on a wide array of opportunities for feeling into and reflecting on the dynamics between man and woman, Masculine and Feminine.
As is the case with many of my friends, I'm in a relationship where she has a driver's license and I don't. This is a natural consequence of the gender roles that are so idealized on the leading edge of Western culture: The independence and direction of women, and the softening, increased flow and emotionality of men. Since much of my life's focus is about creating the best intimate relationship I possibly can, this situation of her driving the car and me sitting idly by has many inherent lessons in it, as the dynamics of Masculine and Feminine are such a huge part of these efforts.
As it is the function of the Masculine – among many other things – to establish the direction where the relationship is going, it becomes subtly depolarizing to have the woman drive the car with the man as passenger. Don't take my word for it, feel into it yourself by riding with your lady (for days). It can de-juice the relationship. There is the ever so slight sense that the man is dependent on his woman to get anywhere, which is a feeling that many people like when it's epitomized in the concept of girl power, but that few like in actual real life terms. It's a challenging place to be when trying to build the sort of relationship that David Deida describes as third stage.
Now, through the way my life is developing, and through my increased sensitivity to the movement of sexual energy (the energy of Masculine and Feminine), I've come to the realization that I must get a driver's license. I understand I cannot make things happen to the same degree that I need to by relying only on public transport (my time is becoming increasingly valuable and scarce). But things being as they are right now, I must find creative ways to polarize her into her Feminine and myself into my Masculine, while in the passenger seat. Some of the things that become vital, I have found, are keeping track of petrol usage and spendage, establishing distance goals as well as the legs of the journey, knowing always where we are etc. If we get to an intersection where it is not entirely clear where we must go, I must be on the ball straight away. When I fail to do these things, she becomes the vehicle of my life in ways that are unhealthy for our relationship. Symbolically she brings me through one decision after another. Eventually, such dynamics evolve into a woman mothering her man in ways that make both puke.
The degree to which I've been successful at maintaining polarity between us comes clear when we step out of the car. The first night, we set up a tent in the rain, and she was so strong in her directional energy that she wouldn't let me take care of it. Consequently, we were fighting over the right to being in authority in the situation, and I got a little pissed, thinking briefly "fuck it, if you don't need me, here you are - do it yourself" (we got it up in the end, and I recovered from being annoyed quickly).
It's something I see often in people around me: The woman has become so independent and capable that she doesn't really need the man anymore. To put it crudely, he becomes to her a provider of sexual services, financial collaboration, and quite pleasant but safe companionship, and he becomes bitter, hurt, impotent, withdrawn. A lot of energy is put into putting up a good front for many modern couples, pretending as if they are happy with their relationship. But really, they are miserable, because they don't understand or master sexual polarity. So much suffering results from not handling the gradual neutralization of sexual polarity skillfully. When we have not trained ourselves to feel the dynamics of sexual energy – that is the Masculine and the Feminine – in the moment we are in, movement will happen, but in unfortunate directions, normally towards sexual neutralization.
There is a time for "Step aside, woman, this is a man's job." Not because you or I want to regress to old fashioned ways of relating. But because we really communicate "Step aside, woman, this is a man's job. It's a job for a strong and trustable man who sees you are tired, that you need some rest and the feeling of being taken care of. I'm that man and I will provide you with all of these and more, because I love you. Relax, my sweet. I'm here for you. Always."
I have practiced relating through and growing the Masculine skillfully with her for a long time now, and as the stress of a Masculine-oriented work situation that often burdens her gradually fades away in the recovery of holiday, it becomes clear how much has been accomplished. We are in a good place her and I.
So love and passion is strong up here in the land of the midnight sun. We're enjoying ourselves, and I hope you are too.
So I now take care of the tent.
And she's giving me driving lessons.
Ahem... :-)
— , Irregular updates ()Okay guys, I finally got out the Michael Clayton review. I'm sorry it's three hours past midnight of the day I promised it at the launch, but this day has been very challenging to me. Sometimes balancing my purpose and my relationship becomes more than I can skillfully handle. I sometimes forget that doing one of these writeups from start to finish take 8-10 hours (including watching and rewatching the movie), and now I'm totally beat.
Hope you enjoy the review guys. Write and tell me about it if you do.
Peace out, compadres - I gotta sleep.
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()The historical adventure that is this movie is surprisingly simple in many ways, superficially appearing to be limited in its scope and vision. However, below the surface rests a richness of examples that demonstrate what it takes for a boy to make the journey into manhood. In my experience, it is often in the most simple of storylines that we find the most enduring of insights, and in the timeless dramas that we unravel the most important learnings. This movie is no exception. Whether intentionally or not, the screenwriters and the director walk us through a number of crucial phases that men need to go through when coming of age.
Set in the latter part of the 12th century, the movie focuses on the main character Balian--a peasant blacksmith in the south of France. From a life of relative tranquility, his existence is turned upside down when his wife gives birth to a stillborn child, and then proceeds to take her own life, stricken by grief. Soon after these tragic events, a knight of Jerusalem visits Balian, claiming to be Godfrey of Ibelin and Balian’s father. He offers the blacksmith to come with him to Jerusalem, and fight in the Crusades, but Balian--still paralyzed by grief--turns down the offer.
However, as chance would have it, the village priest turns out to be a less than empathetic man, provoking Balian by stating that his wife will burn in hell for killing herself. Overcome by rage, Balian is unable to control his emotions and kills the priest on the spot. Well aware that he will be sentenced to death for this crime, he flees the village on his horse, and joins his father’s party.
Balian is now a man who has hit rock bottom. His wife and child are dead, and he’s a wanted criminal in his native village. Furthermore, he’s proven to be unable to control his emotions and unable to adhere to his own moral code. In this state of internal confusion and emptiness he travels to Jerusalem, in hope of redemption and forgiveness, and perhaps just as importantly: in search of a new purpose in life, a purpose that can also serve as his redemption.
The question of what maketh a man is perhaps just as old as humanity itself. I do not pretend to have anything that even approaches a complete answer, but I think Balian’s story can give us an important hint. What is it that he loses to become a broken man? His wife and his child may be what comes to mind at first, but as tragic as these losses are, they do not necessarily represent our hero losing touch with his manhood or masculinity.
Instead, the telltale signs that Balian is out of touch with his own core, is that he acts impulsively (i.e. cannot control his emotions), and that he breaks his own basic moral code. How can he trust himself, or expect the world to trust him, when falling short in these regards?
But even the fact that Balian loses touch with a couple of core masculine qualities, is nothing but the end result of a deeper dynamic. Healthy masculinity is first and foremost associated with a clear direction in life, and the fact that our hero’s family has been wiped out, has likely led to an absence of purpose or direction in his life. This lack of direction can in itself be enough for a man to let go of the other values that he cherishes in his life, such as his moral code and his composure.
Moving on in the story, Godfrey (the father) is lethally wounded in a battle with a group of soldiers that want to capture Balian and have him punished for killing the priest. As sad as this event is, it also represents a much needed turning point for our main character. The impending death of his father, leads Balian to experience something that is rare in our modern times: an initiation from his father. The word-by-word oath goes like this:
Godfrey of Ibelin: Be without fear in the face of your enemies. Be brave and upright that God may love thee. Speak the truth always, even if it leads to your death. Safeguard the helpless and do no wrong. That is your oath. Godfrey of Ibelin: [strikes Balian with the back of his hand] And that’s so you remember it. Hopitalier: Arise a knight and Baron of Ibelin.
Now, not everyone can be turned into a knight in a modern society, but every man could be formally or informally initiated into manhood, as well as have his father pass on some crucial insights or words of inspiration to him. Spiritual traditions have lineages and transmissions, and in many ways I believe that healthy masculinity and manhood are variables that can and should be transmitted from father to son, if at all possible. Needless to say, some fathers are dead, drunk or absent, but in that case a mentor can fill the shoes of the father in this respect.
Once in place in Jerusalem, Balian travels to the Ibelin estate, which turns out to be a less than glamorous remote desert oasis. Instead of cursing his fate, the newly instated Baron starts irrigating and cultivating the lands, side by side with his people. This humility, and this obvious connection to the earth that we all spring from, inform us that Balian is reconnecting to his core, and to a very healthy masculinity.
All too often in our modern times do we associate men and men’s projects with a disregard for mother earth and the interconnectedness of all things. However, as far as I’m concerned this is a pathological expression of masculinity, whereas a more constructive expression of manhood wants to serve as a steward of the earth, and as a servant and steward of the feminine principle.
Step by step we thus see Balian coming into his own, and paying off his karmic debt of being a murderer. This personal growth that he goes through, turns out to be crucial in the huge challenge that awaits him.
After the newly crowned King of Jerusalem makes a fatal tactical error and marches his whole army into the desert, only to be overcome by heat and dehydration, and then slaughtered by the muslims--Balian is left with the overwhelming task of defending Jerusalem with few troops and a large civilian population.
The reasonable response may seem to be to immediatly surrender, however, that may lead to the slaughtering of every last man, woman and child. Furthermore, Balian has been initiated into manhood, and he now has the opportunity to transmit this initiation to a large group of people.
In one of the strongest scenes in the movie, Balian orders a large group of civilians to kneel before him. He then proceeds to initiate them in a similar fashion to how he was initiated, and then orders them to rise as Knights of Jerusalem. The change in body language and facial expression is palpable in these men, after someone they admire has seen the potential in them, and expressed a conviction that they can be bigger men than they have ever imagined.
Using nothing but intelligent warfare and a small army of civilians, Balian is able to defend Jerusalem until the attackers agree to give all of them safe passage out of Jerusalem, none of which could have been achieved had he not been initiated himself.
If you are interested in a movie about pain, redemption, masculinity, initiation and humility, then I highly recommend you check out Kingdom of Heaven.
— Yuri Orlov, Lord of War (2005)Often the most barbaric atrocities occur when both sides proclaim themselves freedom fighters.
— , Irregular updates ()Preface: I'm not a Christian and am not so well versed in the Gospels. I therefore ask, if I were to write something that misrepresents the Gospels in any way, for your forgiveness. That said, this movie is explicity *not true* to the Gospels and any misrepresentation of them may be based on intentional creative liberties taken by the makers of the movie.
Wanting God to go away
Jesus is a carpenter who, out of his desire to make God hate him, makes crosses for the Romans. He hopes that if he falls from grace, God will leave him alone. He has whipped himself before bedtime, fasted for three months. At first, "it worked," he says. "And then the pain came back. And the voices. They call me by name: Jesus".
When God speaks to him, Jesus tells us, the feeling begins "very tender, very loving." But then, alas "the pain starts. Claws slip under my skin and tear their way up. Just before they reach my eyes, they dig in." His mother asks "Are you sure it is not the Devil?". "I'm not sure," replies Jesus. "For if it is the Devil, he can be cast out," she says. "But what if it's God? You can't cast out God, can you?" asks Jesus. This dialogue reminds me of my own life in which it is often hard to distinguish the voice of the ego (Devil) from the voice of the higher self (God).
It's early on in the story to take a bird's eye view and see how this applies to our own lives, but pardon me as I do it anyway. God is speaking to Jesus. And He is speaking to us. Perhaps we like to label His voice something slightly more mundane - intuition perhaps.
But no matter the word, the fact is that impulses arise in us frequently that call us to a higher road on which we must do things which are out of the ordinary for us. They may even be scary, uncomfortable and put us in risk of humiliation. Maybe you have heard a silent whisper deep inside of you for years, telling you that you need to make a dramatic change in your life? It could certainly be! Well, why aren't you making it?
The degree to which you obey this voice is the degree to which you will experience love, joy, and vitality in your life. There is a certain inner experience that comes from doing that which is authentic to the higher self. Get to know that intimately. It is indeed the degree to which you will experience true spirituality.
The degree to which you ignore this inner voice, however, is the degree to which you are wasting your life. And you'd better be damned sure that your soul knows when you are wasting your life. Its way of telling you that you are off course is your depression, anxiety, and intangible feelings of something missing. When we learn to listen, such feelings are pure gold. They are the compass needle of the soul.
We live in a spiritually handicapped culture for these symptoms of the emerging spiritual crisis that leads to our true spiritual liberation are not welcomed. They are not recognized as inner guidance. Instead, they are medicated against. In our society, we deaden exactly that which is showing us the way to true happiness, love and freedom. There are no two ways about it - it is fucked up. We arrange our entire lives around our favourite ways of distracting ourselves from this inner voice.
We don't trust our intuition, we want it to go away. Like Jesus, we want God to go away, for the presence of His voice inside of us is too hard to bear. That much truth and love is hard to bear. Imagine the responsibility of accepting that force into our lives. Every time the voice speaks, we must surrender to it and follow its direction. We lose our freedom to fuck off and be an ass! But what takes its place is far more valuable.
Were we to listen to our inner guidance, our lives would have to change. Big time! For the better of course, but from the perspective of our small selves, it's too much to hold. So we don't change. Is not the idea that you are the chosen one so scary to you that you'd rather keep on living a nice enough life that is comfortable, but in no way significant enough to leave you inspired? But if not you, then who? I say, we are ALL chosen ones. But few are those who participate in the giving of their true gifts.
Overcoming fear
Jesus confesses to a disciple of a desert master that he is "afraid of everything," and continues "I don't ever tell the truth. I don't have the courage. When I see a woman, I blush and look away. I want her, but I don't take her and that makes me proud for God. I don't steal. I don't fight. I don't kill. Not because I don't want to but because I'm afraid." Jesus is paralyzed with fear. He is, in a manner of speaking, disconnected from his balls, his inner red knight.
Now there are all kinds of silly new agers that talk about "Christ consciousness", which is supposedly this divine state of being in which Jesus was not afraid and did not feel pain. New age hippie bullshit, I say. Nice idea to have a life free of pain. Good place to hide out in, disengaging into lala land. No wonder so many new age men lose touch with their masculinity.
*This* is a Jesus I can believe in, and in a tent under the desert moon, he is visited by snakes, a symbol which marks the entrance to Mary Magdalen's brothel in an earlier scene. They speak with her voice. She is a beautiful woman for whom Jesus has a lot of affection, and since Jesus wants to fuck beautiful women, Satan uses her voice whenever he wants to conquer his will.
Let's look briefly into the nature of Satan. Sure, there are those who would have it that there is true and personified evil in the world. Perhaps - what do I know. But having a Buddhist background myself, I'm more drawn to the image of Buddha under the Bodhi Tree fighting off the demon Mara, which is nothing but a mythological symbol for his mind poisons.
Mara is to Buddha what Satan is to Jesus and in our conquest to defeat the inner demons that ravage the life of any person that ever lived, it is useful to see Satan as the alluring siren call of our own ego. "For God to come in, the Beast must come out." The Beast is our ego. God is our higher selves. We must overcome our egos to realize an authentic spiritual life. And the most efficient way of overcoming the ego is to do that which scares us.
We rebel against this idea so much. I have done plenty of rebelling. Plenty! "Is there no other way?," we may ask. The wishful thinking of another way, free of fear and pain, is what gives rise to all the trinkets and spiritual gizmos that is everywhere in New Age. "I'm not going to do that which scares me, but if I put this amulet under my pillow and put pictures of that which I desire on my refrigerator, it will surely happen as I envision it".
It is exactly this kind of nonsense that pushes many men out of spiritual life. New Age is a place run by women and feminine men, for women and feminine men. But there is no true salvation in burning incense, chanting mantras, wearing lucky charms and crystals unless we actually do the REAL work of the soul. There is only one way - conquering our fears HEAD ON. For the masculine man, that is a true spirituality. It has meat on the bones.
After meeting John the Baptist, Jesus shows us how to REALLY do it, in spectacular fashion, as he enters the desert to commune with God and conquer the Devil. He draws a circle in the sand and sits down, vowing not to move until God speaks to him. Imagine the courage! The parallels to Siddharta Gotama (The Buddha) vowing not to move until he reaches enlightenment under the Bodhi Tree is apt.
Their liberation lay in the strength of their resolve. They actually meant it. They were willing to DIE on that spot. There really is nothing more than an act of will that separates us from them. We have weak wills. We can't even eat a dinner without distracting ourselves with a book or TV show. So I say, start with vowing to eat a dinner without distraction. Leave it to people of the calibre of Buddha and Jesus to vow to not move on their life.
To War Against Satan
In the desert, Satan tempts Jesus with a wife and family as well as great power. Having overcome the temptations, Jesus takes up the axe and returns to society, ready to strike down the tree of Satan at its roots. He returns to his disciples, who are in conflict in their master's absence, to find that John the baptist has been killed by a drunken King Herod. Jesus is royally pissed off and invites his disciples to a war. "John baptized with water, and they killed him," Jesus says with a penetrating gaze. "Now I baptize with fire!" (The symbology here warrants a journey into Gnosticism. Stay tuned for an article on this soon.)
Jesus starts working his miracles, casting the Devil out from the mentally ill, paralyzed and diseased. He even resurrects Lazarus, the brother of the two women who took care of him when he returned from the desert. Word of Him spreads and the movement grows, though many predictably think he is insane.
When I observe this Jesus, I cannot shake the feeling that there is something quite "ordinary" about him. It is maybe because Willem Dafoe is not fully able to transmit God's presence through his acting, but I think the filmmakers intend it. This I like. It makes him one of us.
And what I become present to is that Jesus and his disciples form an ancient men's group. They come together to create a better world. They're not so different from the guys who today gather around the world to go deeper into their souls in service of their greater life mission and the people whom they love. And when Satan is the enemy, you need a pretty kick ass men's group.
The Last Temptation
When Jesus is on the cross, the movie takes an unexpected turn. An angel shows up and helps him off it. She takes Jesus by the hand and together they go to a beautiful vantage point overlooking green, rolling hills. Mary Magdalen ascends the hilltop, and it turns out she is there to marry him. Some years pass and then, alas, she dies. The angel whispers to Jesus "there is only one woman in the world. One woman with many faces," and Jesus takes another wife: Mary, sister of Lazarus.
Just before we come to accept this new reality - Jesus as a normal man - Judas enters the picture. The movie has shown Judas to be the strongest and most faithful of all the disciples, quite unlike in the Gospels, and now he is pissed off. "Traitor!," he screams, complaining that Jesus broke his heart when he abandoned the cause. And then he points out to Jesus that the guardian angel is Satan himself. Jesus has been tempted away from his Messianic calling by Lucifer, and with his last remaining breaths, he crawls out into the night. Jerusalem is burning. Jesus is bleeding. He raises his hands to the sky, and prays:
This entire segment is representative of the battle between the spirit and the flesh that underlies the entire movie. With his prayer, the detour into the tempting world of mortal men (a journey which I see as having happened only in his own psyche) ends, and his divine destiny is accomplished.
Conclusion
The Last Temptation of Christ tells of a different Jesus than the Gospels. Strangely, I believe more in this one than that one. But then, I don't consider myself a Christian. Nevertheless, I fully recognize the enormous value in that which he has to teach us: Disciplined willpower in service of a higher calling.
He starts off a tortured man, but through his enormous dedication to spiritual liberation and his willingness to give his life in the process, he gets that which he seeks. Truth be told, if we were willing to dedicate ourselves with similar resolve, we could very well achieve the same results - total spiritual liberation. But we do trick ourselves most of the time.
Jesus teaches us another important thing, that even if we should stray from the path, it is never too late to return to that higher road. But when God calls, we must answer. Otherwise, we are falling prey to the temptations of the Devil, in whatever form you may believe him to exist. Cast out the Devil. Dedicate yourself to following God's voice. For, truly, it is your own. All you must do is remove all the garbage distractions from your life and listen to that silent whisper, on the other side, where all the noise is gone.
— Lester Burnham, American Beauty (1999)Look at me, jerking off in the shower... This will be the high point of my day; it's all downhill from here.
— , Irregular updates ()Last night, I facilitated an evening workshop on the King Archetype with my friend and Brother, Pål Christian Buntz. En route to the workshop, I felt somewhat flat and hollow. I am familiar with that feeling. What I yearn for then is being filled in some way, to “feel seen and embraced for exactly who I am”. And that means, I need to feel blessed.
The need to feel blessed is, I believe, a bedrock need for all human beings. When we grow up, we need to feel blessed by Mother and Father – demi-gods that only the passing of time reveals as imperfect human beings with their own set of challenges. And yet, no matter how mortal, if the level of blessing that I needed was not provided for by them, my blessing tank will need to be filled by others. The person for whom that is true will set out on a journey to seek out others who will provide those essential drops of blessing water. Some people spend their whole lives finding but droplets. They surrender power over their lives and look for that one person who will make everything just right, in the way Mother or Father never could. We know how that story goes…
The good news is that there are good people in this world – be they elders, loving and wise peers or a good partner – who will help fill up that blessing tank outside of the context of co-dependency. And yet, this afternoon, all those people who have contributed so immeasurably to my life could not help keep at bay this subtle, but pervasive longing for something more, something richer and fuller.
Four hours later, the workshop was over and I felt full, open and warm. Many people I care about attended and in the time I held space for them and facilitated their exploration of King energy, I was more focused on blessing than on being blessed. And this dispelled my flatness and hollowness completely.
There can be only one explanation for this – when I bless others, I get blessed.
Embracing the awkward
Now, the challenge that many have is that blessing others – telling them truly good things – feels really awkward. It seems to me that many are so used to minimizing their own worth that they simply won’t consider themselves worthy of blessing another human being. Instead, they will remain negative, masochistic or self-involved, and hope that one day, their blessing tank will magically fill.
What gets in the way of addressing this challenge is often people’s sense of integrity. It seems to me that there is a danger to conflate integrity with maintaining habitual patterns (I saw that in myself first by the way :-). The weird logic that a lot of people end up running their lives by then goes something like this “I’ve felt empty and depressed for most of my life. I have never felt like I had anything to contribute to others. I am not worthy of that. So for me to go around caring for people all of a sudden would be totally inauthentic and out of integrity.”
Now, I’m not saying that this thinking is completely without merit: To put on a happy-mask in an attempt to bless others is futile and incredibly draining. But the truth is that many of us have done the requisite work to authentically bless others. And what this evening reminded me of is that even when I believe I need to be blessed, I can choose instead to bless. I can go against the current of my own habitual patterns – which tells me I must wait for others to make things right – and bless others even in moments when it does feel awkward, when it does feel out of integrity. For feelings are as fleeting as clouds in the sky and if it takes but one little move against what feels like “me” to dispel days of brooding dark clouds, is it not worth it?
[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="700" caption="Emperor Marcus Aurelius blesses his loyal servant General Maximus - even as he nears death. We used this movie example in the evening workshop."][/caption]
Bless another today!
I was reminded yesterday that instead of surrendering to the pain of my heart like I often do when I feel the need for blessing, I can tap into the vast energy of the archetypal King. I can open that channel and be nourished and fully served by it, as its gifts flow through me and into the eyes and hearts of another. For as the archetypal King pours through me into Other, he blesses me in full measure. It is a win-win situation.
Blessing another may not feel natural, but try it. Find someone, look them in the eye, and tell them they are beautiful, powerful, worthy. Then report back here and tell me how it felt.
I’m not kidding around. I want to hear some good stories here.
— , Irregular updates ()I have a hard-on for you the size of Florida!
The US is a country that has not, aside from the 1814 incident in DC, experienced foreign powers on home turf after its formation. One would think this would lead the American mind to a place of harmony and peace. Yet, Hollywood moviemaking features an unmatched number of movies with invasions, presidential kidnappings, burning governmental buildings etc. Why is it that Hollywood has such tremendous fascination with spectacular attacks on the USA, when, disregarding a few isolated examples, relatively few in number, they bear so little connection to reality? What can we deduce about the American psyche by really examining this odd phenomenon? Come with me now on a journey of exploring this paradox.— , Irregular updates ()Introduction
4th of July, 1776 was the day the Declaration of Independence changed the history of the world. It was a time of war and of a revolution in consciousness. For at this crossroads, the founding fathers authored a document that would not only lay the foundation for a new and great nation, but bring into being a consciousness the world had not yet known: The understanding that all men are created equal. Ever since the signing of this evolutionary document, the United States has enjoyed a history remarkably free of real (not imagined) threat at home. What I realized in a plane somewhere above Greenland recently was that Hollywood seems not to have noticed. Headed towards Washington DC, I watched two movies that featured presidents being kidnapped and evil powers invading or threatening from afar. The movies were GI Joe Retaliation and Olympus has fallen. Whenever I'm on a transatlantic flight, I find myself in a liminoid space - as if I'm in a death process of sorts. And from that space of heightened awareness of the unconscious realm, this made no sense to me at all. It struck me as deeply paradoxical. Shortly after my trip, White House Down was announced, its imagery and thematics almost mirroring Olympus has fallen and indicative of something akin to obsession. And I knew I had to investigate.The US: Origin story
The history of the US started in 1620 with a ship called the Mayflower. The vessel, en-route to New England, carried about a hundred people. They were largely Puritans who sought a life free from religious prosecution, but also craftsmen of all kinds. The white man had arrived on American shores. This time for good. What level of influence on contemporary American life does this ship and its passengers have? What does it mean that the first American settlers were pious people fleeing religious prosecution? It is hard to say. But I see today pious paranoia featured prominently in places such as Fox News. I don't think it's a coincidence. Then, in 1775, come the English. Greedy for power and control, they are not about to let this new and bountiful continent depart from the Commonwealth without a fight. But the French, Dutch and Spaniards intervene on the side of the 13 freedom-seeking American territories, and together, the coalition win the war. The United States is born. A new chapter in the history of the world starts. And yet, however traumatic these events must have been to the fledgling US psyche, I don't belive they fully explain the paranoia Hollywood displays in its moviemaking. Most European countries have been through hardships greater and more terrible than the US revolutionary war and the the 1814 D burning and yet their movie output seem to feature much fewer examples based on similar themes.Searching for clues along the Washington Mall
When I arrived at the Mall in DC, I was drawn particularly to the newest addition to the Smithsonian: The Museum of the American Indian. This is a beautiful building and a wonderful exhibition – worth a visit. Walking through its curved halls, studying the traumatic history of the American Indian, the flash of insight I'd had on the plane started crystallizing. What does it amount to in but a few words? The United States was stolen. When the white man arrived in North America, he carried germs against which the American indian immune system had no defense. The germs effectively carried out a genocide, wiping out 90% of the Native Americans. NINETY percent. Just pause at the magnitude of that for a few seconds. The white man had little trouble dealing with the remaining Native american resistance. In an effort to create a good life for themselves and their families, citizens of this new nation took the land from the Native American. And in just a few years, they managed to virtually wipe out the American Buffalo, the animal so sacred to the Native American, showing in the process, true to the Western industrial mindset, their horrific contempt of the miracle and mystery of nature and its inherent sacred order. What happened was the start of great things. The way that it happened was very wrong. In observing this, something shifts in me and I’m pulled into a very deep place, one of unmourned dead, uncried tears, unshaken shakes, unshouted screams and unspoken guilt. A place which this museum puts us in more intimate connection with. The deep place I’m tuning into is the same place of shadow and grief that has completely consumed Nathan Algren as The Last Samurai, one of the movies reviewed on this site, opens. He is traumatized, so guilty and ashamed for the terrible things he has done to the Native Americans. His superior Colonel Bagley, however, is not feeling any of that; he enjoys the emotional disconnection expected of any good soldier. Nathan, however, is not a soldier; he is a warrior. And the actions he has carried out on behalf of the invading white man are hostile to his Warrior soul.America’s curse
I have come to develop a deep fascination for and respect of the teachings of depth psychology (the branch of psychology which includes the unconscious). In the process of deepening my understanding of the pervasive influence our unconscious minds exert on us, both individually and collectively, I have come to realize the importance of grieving that which was wrong and of discharing traumas. Whenever traumas are repressed, they fester and over time grow big and toxic. Eventually, they take us over. The stealing of the United States from the American indian and the subsequent pillage and rape of the land which the indian considered sacred is a trauma that, as far as I can tell, has not yet been discharged. It has become shadow – the leper child stowed in the basement. American poet and founder of the Men’s movement Robert Bly has spoken much of this, of the repression of emotion that is required to live in this world as if it’s a place of sanity. He laments the lack of grieving in American culture. He laments the lack of grieving for the plight of the Native American. He laments the lack of grieving for the plight of the US war veterans, worshipped and idealized while still fit to represent heroic ideals, yet discarded the minute their bodies and minds take on the scars of war. Hollywood movies are riddled with stories of threats from afar and dark conspiracies from within. They serve as a mirror pointing to a history that has not been fully fathomed, not been fully grieved: The threat from afar was once the white man. The Native American trauma has seeped into the American shadow and almost nobody seems to have noticed. Or shall we say, that is what I see anyway. In the absence of fully feeling, grieving and discharging the karmic impact of these horrors, protection mechanisms have been put in place in order to keep that which must remain unspoken and unfelt at bay. One of these mechanisms is a powerful army. Its use in combat against a perceived threat conveniently distracts from the unhealed trauma at home.A Warrior culture in need of a King
What do these movies with burning White Houses, exploding Capitol Buildings, kidnapped presidents and evil lurking in the shadows tell me? It tells me of a constant fear in the collective psyche that the leadership of the nation, and thus the harmonizing force of the King archetype, will disappear, be corrupted or otherwise destroyed. The axis mundi is under threat. In observing that, I note that Hollywood voices a deeper truth – many Americans, like so many other people in the world, don’t feel safe. And in looking for an explanation, many people, particularly the more conservative and ethnocentric, cannot bear to seek inside – for there waits the pain of the Native American trauma and a whole host of other repressed emotions. And so, they look outside for the nemesis, while heading for the nearest gun store flying the banner of individual freedom. If I wish to avoid confronting myself, I’d better confront another. Thus, I can feel safe as long as I have an enemy. Seeing that tendency in the American psyche puts the American obsession with being custodians of world peace, guardians of humanity, in new and troubling light. The American world policing seems to come from a misplaced attempt at healing trauma as opposed to a place of empowerment. It seems a striving for redemption, partly fuelled, I believe, by an identity formed through heroic efforts in World War II, the last honorable war the United States engaged in, and partly through ethnocentric, religious zealotry. As long as a Warrior can stay engaged in conflict, he seems to be on purpose. There is something to fight for, something to rally around. But if there is no harmonizing King energy to facilitate the fighting, the acts of fighting become pointless, inevitably ending up destroying the world as opposed to defending it, much like the Buddhist myth of the crane and the crab (the crane is a symbol of the Warrior). Hollywood’s constant display of the fragility of the American axis mundi should be of great concern. Without that axis mundi, a Warrior, like the crane in the myth, ends up eating the fish it swore to protect. And if we are to take the myth seriously, the crane gets its head clipped off. Signs of our times, the Tea Party movement being one of them, suggest that a United States with its head clipped off is something to be very afraid of. In the process of bringing the American leper child up from the basement into the light, we are running short on time.The US story is the human story
If you have an anti-American bent, you may have felt a certain sense of glee reading this article. Watch out for that one. For this is not an American story, it truly is the human story. All across the world are countries where militarism, ego and paranoia are used to distract from the real issue. We have a world scene lacking in healthy King energy and it is our collective responsibility to address this situation. I got a small taste of what that might mean for me when, on my trip, I had the privilege to share my views with an American woman trained as a Native American Grandmother. She nodded as I shared my views on Hollywood movies and their relationship to the Native American trauma and replied “I’m so glad you see that. Maybe you should tell someone about that.” So I did.
— , Irregular updates ()I read somewhere... how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong... but to feel strong.
— , Irregular updates ()About a month ago, a man named Jack Kammer contacted me through this website. Turns out that Rick Belden had told him about Masculinity Movies and since Rick figured we'd have a thing or two to talk about, he put us in touch. Jack and I exchanged some words which I thoroughly enjoyed. I was delighted by his subsequent eagerness to send me his book for free (this is one of the perks of running a website like this - people send me free stuff).
[caption id="attachment_742" align="alignright" width="234" caption="Heroes of the Blue Sky Rebellion by Jack Kammer (click to buy)"][/caption]
His book is based on the premise that boys today are in serious trouble and that they are off to a bad start in life due to inhospitable socio-cultural conditions. Since very few mature men are stepping forward to deal with the situation, Jack suggests that the boys need to start their own rebellion. Heroes of the Blue Sky Rebellion is a guidebook for those boys.
I must admit to having been somewhat leery of this concept, for it reminds me of what Robert Moore refers to as pseudo-initiation. The idea behind this concept is that boys can not initiate their peers into manhood. Such a boy merely ends up as an adolescent, a pseudo-initiated male with more aggression and less self-love than we would expect from a mature man. Robert Moore suggests that for a boy to become a man, he needs the presence of a true elder. I communicated with Jack about this and he relayed his experience from doing men's work for some 30 years from which I understood that the men of society simply aren't showing up to rectify the situation. So this was his answer.
Having read through it, I realize that the book will actually help. Jack keeps reminding the reader, hopefully a passionate boy, that he is one of the good guys and that his task is to take the situation into his own hands by finding allies, be they peers, girls or older men, to foster a positive change. He gives the reader a field manual on how to defend himself from all the small-minded, ill-willed nonsense that many boys who stand up for their own rights are faced with. There is an army of people prepared to shame, ridicule and vilify these young individuals were they to go public with these controversial ideas. Jack has some answers for these boys.
All in all, Jack's work is well researched (with 150 of footnotes) and presents a picture that is hard to argue with. Reading the book, I was reminded of the work of my friend Pelle Billing. It describes a tragic situation, one that I hope will soon change through the work of passionate men across the globe. Are you prepared to be one of those men?
Jack told me that the book has sadly not reached its audience. Here's to hoping that this review will help rectify that situation somewhat.
— , Irregular updates ()I just purchased the course "Passionate Lover, Passionate Life" from Alex Allman. Looking at his webpage now, it seems to be sold out, but I still think it's worth telling you about this guy. It's rare that I hands down intuitively trust a man, but I trust Alex and I think his message is incredibly powerful.
I'm sure the course will be relaunched soon, but in the meantime, check out these videos from youtube. I really enjoy the way he exposes the immaturity prevalent in the pick up movement. This is something I've been thinking for a long time (in fact, my take is that most pick up artists are processing some serious mommy & daddy issues), and it is timely to see another deep and powerful guy state the same thing.
Check it out. About 45 minutes total. Totally worth it!
Note: For the one who is in a hurry, start with video #3 (and skip all the addressing of the pickup community)
Parts 2-4 (videos open in new window)
— , Irregular updates ()4000 unique visitors in the last 30 days and 100 subscribers to the mailing list. Make no mistake, Masculinity Movies is still a relatively marginal website, but its relative growth is rapid. At the beginning of this year, I averaged around 20 unique hits a day. Now I average 150. These are relatively modest numbers and I could probably do much to increase them, but I'm still very happy with the growth. And if the relative growth keeps up at this pace, I will be averaging more than 1000 unique hits a day in a year, at which point I can probably turn the website into my livelihood.
Thank you to all of you for your interest and your generous support of my work. Running this website is a deeply meaningful hobby and it looks set to turn into a meaningful "job". When that happens, I will be able to dedicate myself fully to what I feel called to do – empower men to reclaim their authentic selves. Just writing that makes my body tingle.
See you around the next corner :-) And thanks again.
— , Irregular updates ()I’ve created a video for you with reflections on the year 2013 on Masculinity-Movies.com. Enjoy!
— , Irregular updates ()Boy, it’s been a while since I wrote here. Here’s a background for why: For several years, I’ve written with the world as audience. While I’ve enjoyed that immensely, I’ve also felt a bit stretched and disconnected. I’m the kind of person who finds it hard to connect with words on a screen – I really need to be with people in the flesh. Writing for Masculinity-Movies.com was actually kind of lonely and I wanted to change that – I need people to be physically present in my life.
I’ve also wanted to make more of an impact in my homeland Norway. I’ve understood that if I’m ever going to turn my passion into my livelihood, I will need roots in Norway. Over the last several months, I’ve been focused exclusively on that.
Together with my facilitation partner Pål Christian Buntz, I run workshops, courses and Authentic Games Nights under the Authentic World Norway umbrella. In October, we put on our first ever KWML weekend workshop, and it was a smashing success. We are looking forward to hosting more such workshops in the time to come. For those of you who are still waiting for my KWML home study course, know that I haven’t worked as much on that as I liked, simply because I’ve arrived at the place of realizing that this material is hard to teach online – it’s much more suitable for experiential learning. At this point, I’m unsure whether I will ever produce it. If I have a breakthrough in my understanding of how to convey the material in an engaging way even online, I probably will.
I’ve also started coaching and will focus particularly on computer gaming addiction for young boys/men in the time to come. It’s a huge problem in today’s culture that is disempowering an entire generation and since I’ve lived that story myself, I have significant gifts to contribute.
And the big one which is simmering in the back of my mind is a Man-Woman symposium with local and international speakers and healing work in order to usher in an era of collaboration as opposed to strife. That one is huge and I will keep you posted.
I will probably write another movie review again in the not too distant future. I don’t want this site to die – it has meant a lot to many. I also know that several people are planning to post user reviews. But right now, this site is simply not the main focus of my work in the world anymore. You will have noticed that already I’m sure, but I want to make it official.
If there’s anything you’re wanting from me or the site in the time to come, please tell me below. Thanks for staying around.
Be well,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()Peter has contributed one article to the site.
— , Irregular updates ()The Godfather is a challenging movie to review. First, it is such an important piece of movie history that everybody is likely to be pretty opinionated. Second, it is one of the best loved films of all time (it is second only to The Shawshank Redemption on IMDB.com). Third, it's filled with what are to me mostly unsympathetic and immature men, with some small exceptions, which is why I – unlike many people – find myself mostly unmoved by it. Nevertheless, you readers chose this in a poll some months back, and the time has come to be true to my word. So let's see what gems we can excavate from this classic family epic.
Don Vito's twilight kingdom
The movie starts within Don Vito's dark and brooding office. An undertaker pleads for justice; his daughter has been abused and he wants revenge. The scene makes no attempt at hiding the sinister nature of the Corleone family's business; the dark interior stands in stark contrast to the bright and cheery atmosphere of the wedding celebration outside. Vito is the undisputed king of this gangster family, but in observing his throne room activities, I get confused.
For I find myself in a place far from the idealized place of Arthurian myths in which benevolent forces are set in motion in service of the kingdom. On the contrary, Vito Corleone seems to have a subdued and sophisticated tyrant quality to him. But complicating the matter further, we see from his loyal subjects that he carries the quality of blessing, that essential characteristic of the mature King archetype. I feel confounded by the obvious maturity of Marlon Brando and the shadow qualities of the character he portrays. Is this a king in whom both wholesome qualities and dark and disturbing shadow qualities are rolled into the same psyche? It would seem that way.
The Corleone family has their golden boy, however. Michael, the youngest of the three biological sons, is back from the war a hero. He doesn't appear to have the making of a gangster in him; he seems to have the glow of a budding white knight, a guardian, however fallible, of the true and the just. "That's my family, Kay. It's not me," Michael tells his girlfriend when he reveals how his father helped superstar Johnny Fontaine's career at gunpoint. Michael seems set on making different choices in life. But the people in his life are far from good role models for how to thrive on the lawful side of existence...
Where Red knights rule the lands
From Robert Bly, we remember the evolutionary path of manhood, represented in knightly form, from Red through White to Black. Red is ego and might makes right. White is the naive, the true and the just. Black is the wise, the compassionate and powerful. There are stories of tribes in Africa in which the path of Red is a ritualized part of a man's early life, lasting well into his thirties.
During this time, he is given free roam to be antisocial, to have selfish sex with women, to be rebellious. He is not free to marry however and he is considered inherently untrustworthy; people don't respect him. Not yet a true member of the tribe, he is preparing through this time his ego structures to eventually emerge on the other side a changed man.
But such a system only works if you have elders whose souls reside in the Black. They understand the chaos that goes on inside the not yet solidified male psyche. They are lineage-holders of the male mystery and carry the sacred fire that grants ritual space for this temporary, chaotic behaviour. I look at the mafia, however, and I see mostly Red. We see some White come through in Tom Hagen, Fredo, Johnny Fontaine and Michael in early parts of the movie.
And after Vito is almost killed, he strangely seems to develop qualities of the Black, further emphasizing his enigmatic character. But overall, in The Godfather, Ego rules supreme and might makes right. Such a world is hostile to true manhood, to real masculine maturity, and whatever men reside in it remain forever boys or men operating on the shadow side of existence. It's the blind leading the blind.
Santino and the powerful Feminine
I'm confused by Italian men. Really, I am. They seem to have this oedipal thing going with their mothers that seems totally unhealthy. But then they have some passion and embodiment going on which a lot of non-Italian women seem to find attractive. Is that passion just a facade to cover up underlying insecurities? Or maybe this archetypal Italian man is merely a product of cultural stereotypes?
In any case, let's remember that the Oedipus of the legends wants to have sex with his mother. And with the contemplation that any woman is on some level (and especially in boyhood) an extension of the relationship with our mother, we may understand that a man who hasn't severed his attachment to his mother – the world of the Feminine – is likely to end up chasing women to prove he is a man. To understand that concept, we must understand that the mother energy in an uninitiated man's life is so omnipotent that fucking around is his only way of feigning an individuation (the process of becoming your own person) from mother and prevent that which he fears the most – regression into merger with the almighty Feminine.
But the hole in the soul intuited by any uninitiated man is never filled by the Feminine; it is filled by the Masculine. It's the role of the father and male elders to fill that hole, not the mother or the women who remind us of her. So it's a wild goose chase. A never-ending story. Is that the challenge of the Italian man? Is the mafia a result of the machismo that arises from this unfortunate cultural attempt at pseudo-individuation? Or in truth, is this a challenge we ALL have? I think so.
The most obvious example in the Godfather of a man like the one we have been talking about is Santino (Sonny), a sorry excuse of a man with little self-control. As any boy with power, he is dangerous, but that doesn't change the fact that he is weak. And he is a terrible head of the family when an attempt is made at Vito's life and he disappears from his "throne" for a while. Santino's King archetype is lacking and his recklessness is endangering everyone; himself and those close to him.
Santino is mired in the Feminine. His problem isn't that he is too masculine, it's that the Feminine is crushing him. His machismo is an over-compensation of the impotence he feels and so is his aggression. He hasn't left the world of the Feminine and is like a deflating balloon in need of constant inflation – through posturing, machismo and sex.
This concept is hard for many to accept, for we have a romanticized notion of mothers and the Feminine in our postmodern culture. But a boy will always, on some level, be either apathetic (implosive) or aggressive (explosive). Ego structure and potency are the hallmarks of manhood, not boyhood. Santino is operating in archetypal shadow territory. He needs initiation, but there's no-one capable of granting it.
In the end, his feared loss of Self materializes as his assassination. Thought eventually creates reality.
Michael's descent into darkness
After the attempt at Don Vito's life, something changes inside of Michael. Through his tour of duty, Michael is no stranger to killing, but the impulse he feels now is not one of duty, it is of vengeance and loyalty to his family. That family lives on the dark side, however, and Michael is not yet intimate with that brooding psychological landscape.
This may be why his family laughs when he proposes he will be the one to kill Sollozzo and Capt. McCluskey, two shady people at the center of the war between the Italian families that becomes so central in the latter parts of the movie. Michael is the good guy, the light of the family, and nobody expects he has the makeup of a murderer in him. But Michael is determined, he knows he is destined to be godfather. At the cost – his demeanor may suggest – of his soul.
In Santino's absence, the fully recovered Vito starts transitioning control of the family business to Michael. He does so with a heavy heart – he didn't wish this for his favourite son. He was supposed to be different, which he makes clear in a beautiful interaction between the two, the closest you get to real father-son intimacy in the movie. But as Don Vito's strong intuition and life experience reveal the conspiracy that has been formed against them, he needs a man with sufficient internal resources to safeguard the continued existence of the Corleone family. Michael is the only candidate.
Michael's descent from being a man of promise to being a man of no character, potency or integrity is a sad one. This descent is epitomized in two of the later scenes of the movie. In the first of these, we see Michael kneel before God at a baptism ceremony while the movie cuts intermittently to scenes of destruction that is being carried out at his command. In the second scene, we see his sister Connie and his now wife Kay hold him accountable for the murder of Carlo, Connie's husband.
He requested Carlo's murder and is being held accountable for it by the women who are close to him. Kay asks him if he did it and in a display of what is little more than weakness, Michael screams at her not to interfere in his business. But she persists. "Is it true, Michael?" He looks her in the eye and tells her – while forfeiting his soul and his marriage – "no, it's not true."
Conclusion
The Godfather is a movie that shows a world of boys and wounded men. I feel in me a sense of sadness about the whole thing. How ugly these uninitiated men make the world which they inhabit! I also wonder what the impact of this parade of immaturity has had on the generations of men who have seen and loved the movie.
The Godfather is a very literal story. I find no undercurrent of profound symbolism for which the main story acts merely as metaphor. It is simply a character driven mood piece on a dark side of Italian culture. It is a good one at that, but other than acknowledging the greatness of the movie making, I don't know what to tell you.
All I can do is encourage you to experience it for what it is, but to be wary of feeling inspired by the lifestyles or relationships of these men. One might easily romanticize them: "They live life on the edge, they place importance on family" bla bla. However, with the possible exception of a growing wisdom in Don Vito after the attempt on his life, you'll do better searching for images of maturity elsewhere (you don't need to go further than the Marlon Brando interviews in the sidebar to the right).
I've written a report from Masculinity Movies LIVE #2. It was a great evening with open-hearted shares about fear, a man's worst enemy and best friend.— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()It’s late. 0130. I give myself one hour to get my disjointed thoughts down in the public sphere before I decide it’s a bad idea. Be warned, the following will not be fully processed.
It’s been an inspiring day and my visionary brain circuits have been running so hot, I burned out a bit.
But let’s get started: The background for what I’m about to write is that on July 22 last year, Norway experienced two terrible atrocities on the same day – the bombing of the government’s office complexes and the shooting of 69 youth on an island. The same twisted man committed both acts.
I participated in the now-famous rose march that was put on mere days after the incident. It was an amazing event for me and it sent shivers down my spine. It felt like a truly historic moment. And still, something has bothered me about it all afterwards. I will get to that soon.
The citizens of Oslo opened up to each other in a more significant way than is normal in those few days. And yes – it was a bit different for a while. I remember being with a group of people outside a bar which had just opened. The owner was killed by the Oslo-bomb and we spoke with the bereft and hugged. It was beautiful.
And still – in that sea of people carrying roses, there was a remarkable absence of bonding. The crowd bonded as a whole, but there was no bonding of subgroups within the crowd. It was just one homogenous, well-behaved group of nice, shy people. I observed that crowd carefully, looking for signs that something had changed in us. What I saw was predictable – people were generally keeping to themselves. I addressed some people, but with little success of truly connecting. I say with some conviction that the barrier for an average Norwegian to actually speak to a stranger is enormous. I’m not fully free of that burden myself.
There was a follow-up to this rose march last Thursday in which people gathered in an Oslo square and sang together. They sang a famous and much loved song by a really nice and amiable Norwegian singer-songwriter named Lillebjørn Nilsen. The chorus of said song goes like this (directly translated) “We shall live together, every sister and every brother. Small children of the rainbow, and a fertile earth.” I like that song. It’s cute and has good vibes. And I can perfectly well understand that the international press is pretty struck by the Norwegian people’s reaction.
But this is where it gets charged. I’m not buying it. Not 100%. 77 people were killed that day. And I have not seen one public display of anger. For fuck’s sake – people died. Many people. What kind of people are we if that doesn’t evoke anger in us?
I ask myself in the quiet of my mind – Norway: what is this stuff with the roses and no anger? Is that the way it’s meant to be? Are we all supposed to be so fucking well-behaved about it? No! I judge that the anger-reflex has been so carefully extracted from us by the Norwegian educational system and socialization process that expressing public anger is tantamount to madness. Yeah sure, I see people writing online that he is the devil and that he needs to be killed etc. But I have not yet witnessed any displays of truly visceral anger. Anger that really means something – that is more than just angry words. Anger that arises from the authentic parts of us, the kind of anger which – when burned through – reveals the tender grief and psychological wisdom of an emotionally healthy person.
Hang on - there was one girl outside of the Oslo cathedral. I remember her. She was hunched over the fence surrounding the sea of roses, her friends giving her support from behind. She was crying. They were no normal tears. They were primal tears. The kind of tears that come mixed with pain so severe and a sense of anger and WHY? that they sear a human heart which hears and sees them. She was angry. I choke up just remembering her. Bless her for daring.
When asked about these rose marches and public events, the terrorist exclaimed “typical Norwegian. They’re not allowed to be angry”. And I think he is right.
I think there is a collective shadow at play here. I think it is distinctly Christian, distinctly Norwegian. The Jesus that formed Norway is a turn the other cheek, androgynous, amiable and non-threatening kind of fellow. This Jesus wouldn’t be angry. That’s not the Jesus of Norway. It doesn’t matter whether a man is Christian or atheist – he’s born into the same “Jesus-nice” as the next guy.
This day led me into Norse mythology. Norway has this enormously rich mythological underpinning to our culture that has been discarded on the junkyard of history. These rich stories are now seen as little more than cute peculiarities. So in the absence of our mythology, we have nice Jesus and consumerism. BUT - we lack the emotional nuance and richness of soul that is present in a pantheon. The very purpose of mythology is to provide human beings with mirrors. Mythology reflects universal truths about our nature and we find ourselves united by those myths. It is the purpose of them. And they also open in a man the richness of emotion that gives him the space to be truly powerful.
The very reason crazy neo-Nazis and Satanists are so drawn to the Norse pantheon, I believe, is that they have become enormously cynical in the face of the modern straight-jacket of “nice”. In the absence of truly powerful men who see them and their capacity for destruction, but also for true good and authentic service, they start getting tarnished at the seams.
The argument I’m starting to build with this ramble is that this entire July 22 affair is laying painfully bare for any with eyes to see the nature of the Norwegian shadow. When a man – a people – is forced to be nice and have only nice Jesus and Calvin Klein to mirror their human experience, they become limited human beings. We live only on the light side over here. We cling to our naïveté like a child clings to his parent. For what if the world was actually dangerous? What if there were people out there who were authentically evil? We can’t have that! For if that were true, that would have implications for us. We would inevitably be forced to face our own capacity for destruction and evil. Displays of anger – such that would only be natural and healthy given the situation – would put us into too close proximity with these very realities we are desperate to avoid.
Rose marches are beautiful. Yes, they are. I’d be the first to agree. But given that our human experience as Norwegians is so limited by our religious and cultural background, I don’t believe it’s ultimately what is truly healing. I think what this country really needs is an arena where people are allowed to be viscerally angry, to come face to face with the parts of ourselves which are indeed capable of murder and evil (which cases like the Stanford experiment more than indicate we all have in us).
I’m not calling for a lynch mob or public violence. What I’m calling for is embracing the totality of the human psyche, to embrace the essence and richness of the mythology which Christianity conveniently assimilated in its efforts to domesticate the men of the kingdom. For only than can we, I believe, find it in ourselves to deal with what has happened in a way which will give us the golden nugget of learning that is hidden in this mound of shit. And then, we can be better armed to prevent it from happening again.
Real love does not exist in a man who is not powerful, carry he roses or not.
I hope something of this made sense. It’s 02:30 and I need my bed. Rest assured – these thoughts will return in more coherent forms later. And I will allo
— , Irregular updates ()Back in September, I had the privilege to sit down and interview Aboriginal Elder Bob Randall about initiation rites in Aboriginal culture. In this half hour, I was granted a privileged insight into what is essentially a secret tradition of transitioning boys into manhood. Some of what I learned surprised me. Some of what I learned confirmed what I have learned by people such as Robert Bly. Everything was interesting and powerful.
This is the first interview I've ever done for Masculinity Movies. I was a tad nervous when I did it and not fully embodied after a hard day at work. That had me avoid finishing it for a while. But when I reviewed it, I realized that there is a lot of good stuff in here. So you will just have to enjoy my boyish charms instead of my fully embodied masculine presence and enjoy Bob Randall's gift.
Enjoy!
Initiation in Aboriginal culture: An interview with Bob Randall from Eivind Figenschau Skjellum on Vimeo.
— , Irregular updates ()Groundhog Day is a comedy far outside of the trodden path. The story of Bill Murray's "Phil" and his journey to free himself from an eternity reliving the same day echoes the wisdom of the ages. It is with great pleasure that I bring you precisely this review before my well-deserved hiatus.
Headed for Punxsutawney
Phil is the weather man for a local Pittsburgh-based TV station. Now time has come for February 2nd again, and with that: Groundhog day in Punxsutawney. Phil despises the ritual that the common folk of the tiny Pennsylvanian village find so elating and he is not afraid to voice it. In fact, Phil does a poor job of hiding his unbecoming personality – he is a cynical man, both rude and arrogant. And he seems to despise people in general. That includes himself, though he hides it with feigned self-regard.
Little does he know that Punxsutawney has a big surprise in store for him this year: After getting through his day of mandatory reporting duties, he wakes up the next morning – to live Groundhog Day all over.
Journey into wholeness, part #1: Adolescence
At first the time warp seems like a curse. And in his depression, he bonds with two drunken hillbillies in a bowling alley. Phil connecting with plebes is the first sign that he is becoming less smug; he does after all consider himself better than others. But life provides us with many gateways to maturity – and we often choose not to walk through them. Phil decides, after a flash of insight, that this is his chance to rebel.
As an immature man caught in a strange cosmic rift where time repeats itself in perpetuity, Phil is free to do whatever he wants; come nightfall he gets off the hook. What would you have done? Well, if you were a kid, you would have eaten till you dropped, you would have messed with authority figures, played tricks on people, stolen stuff. I would've anyway. And so would Phil. Not only does he get to live out his cherished childishness, he even explores using his superpowers for the sake of seducing women. What seemed like a curse has proven for Phil an unexpected blessing.
Phil is now enjoying his new "abilities", much like a kid who has found a new toy. But then he starts falling for Rita, the long-haired producer of the Punxsutawney featurette for which he acts as reporter. We could wonder why he starts falling for her only now. I think to myself that Phil's rebellion has done something to him – having had the pleasure of being reckless and irresponsible for a long time, he is now bored with it. Being a dick doesn't amuse him anymore. And only on the other side of that does he even SEE Rita.
But unbeknownst to him, his desire for Rita is about to spell serious trouble.
Journey into wholeness, part #2: Road of ashes
I want all Pick Up Artists in the world to see this movie. The PUA-movement has spread over the world in last ten years or so and consists for the most part of uninitiated men who are frustrated with their lives, particularly their relationships with women. They have low confidence and gather that if only they fucked enough women, that would change (which is probably, to be fair, partly true). The way by which these girls are seduced often consists of techniques and tactics designed essentially to trick them into having sex with them. For these guys, being authentic and showing your true self is not on the menu.
Rita presents an enormous challenge to Phil (who by now thinks like a PUA). Why? She is untrickable. Tactics don't work on her. No amount of strategies or "mind-reading" tricks help him win her. Whenever Rita detects he is pulling a move, he crashes and burns. Only when he shows up authentically in the moment do things happen. But that doesn't come easily for Phil. So in the end, he capitulates to the weight of time and a million rejections and commits suicide – the first of many. He wakes up the next morning in the comfortable bed of the same Bed & Breakfast he knows so well by now, disappointed that he still lives. This is a turning point.
On page 82 of Robert Bly's Iron John, I find the following passage "Initiation says that before a boy can become a man, some infantile being in him must die. Ashes time is a time set aside for the death of that ego-bound boy." This process was normally safeguarded and facilitated by Elders. But we don't have Elders these days, we just have Olders.
In the absence of Elders, Phil has eternity. He is lucky in a way. For true happiness, it seems to me, seldom comes from getting exactly what you want (even though I find the belief hard to shake most of the time). Nope, it comes from not getting what you want and finding that freedom and love was never contingent on getting anything in the first place. Happiness comes from discovering our gift and giving it to the world from that place of self-fulfillment.
But first, Phil needs something worth giving.
Journey into wholeness, part #3: Manhood
Now that Phil has discovered he can't have Rita in any way he knows, his focus changes to improving himself. This change is total: From being a rebel who exploits the time warp for selfish reasons, eternity has now become a place where Phil can study and master any number of things. Not only for his own enjoyment mind, but also to serve the people around him.
He learns to ice sculpt and to play the piano. He tracks all the things that go wrong in the city and runs around every day to help as many people as possible. He saves lives and is a true gentleman. He becomes in a way the local Punxsatawney god. He has found his purpose in life.
Phil's new eyes open to the old man he has passed on his way to Cobbler's Knob every morning. And when Phil learns that the man dies on the evening of that Groundhog Day, his heart opens and he decides to save him. He starts helping the man, caring for him in any number of ways day after repeating day. But it matters not. As he looks to the sky from the floor of a dark and grimey back street, the dead old man there beside him, he realizes that whatever forces put us here have a will of their own. If phil is a "god", there is a greater one indeed. It seems to me that Phil here opens to the beauty of life itself.
With his life now lived in service of others, Rita starts noticing him for real. She clearly wanted a man and not an immature boy. As Phil finally perfects his Groundhog Day experience, after perhaps thousands of years of trial and error, he falls asleep with his beloved in his arms. He wakes up the next day with Rita beside him. It is February the 3rd.
Conclusion
Phil's experience is any self-help freak's wet dream. Imagine having the opportunity to repeat the same day over and over until the great maker said you had passed the test and let you move on. Often, I sit down at the end of the day and take stock of it. Most often, I realize that there were many missed opportunities and that I could have lived life more fully. Groundhog Day asks the question: "What is a day well lived?" It's as if living one "perfect day" is our big challenge in life. As if we are ready to die only when that has been accomplished.
For me that means that I stop holding back. Whenever I feel compelled to do something, I do it. And so, in ending the censorship of my own life expression, I can fully accept and embrace the fact that I too one day will die. Do you get what I'm saying here? No Soul can live – or die – with the knowledge that we censored ourselves, that we chose not to live the life that was given us. It follows that Modernity's unwillingness to face death says much about how we waste our lives.
After Phil's narcissism gets wiped out through his time of ashes, censorship of his true life expression can be lifted in a safe way. For then, all his desires are healthy and world-building ones. His return now to the life of a mortal comes to him as a gift. He is happy to be made finite again. Only with the knowledge of impending death can he truly love Rita.
Groundhog Day is a comedy far outside of the trodden path. The story of Bill Murray's "Phil" and his journey to free himself from an eternity reliving the same day echoes the wisdom of the ages. It is with great pleasure that I bring you precisely this review before my well-deserved hiatus.
Headed for Punxsutawney
Phil is the weather man for a local Pittsburgh-based TV station. Now time has come for February 2nd again, and with that: Groundhog day in Punxsutawney. Phil despises the ritual that the common folk of the tiny Pennsylvanian village find so elating and he is not afraid to voice it. In fact, Phil does a poor job of hiding his unbecoming personality - he is a cynical man, both rude and arrogant. And he seems to despise people in general. That includes himself, though he hides it with feigned self-regard.Little does he know that Punxsutawney has a big surprise in store for him this year: After getting through his day of mandatory reporting duties, he wakes up the next morning - to live Groundhog Day all over.
Journey into wholeness, part #1: Adolescence
At first the time warp seems like a curse. And in his depression, he bonds with two drunken hillbillies in a bowling alley. Phil connecting with plebes is the first sign that he is becoming less smug; he does after all consider himself better than others. But life provides us with many gateways to maturity - and we often choose not to walk through them. Phil decides, after a flash of insight, that this is his chance to rebel. 31:00 - 32:30 (lag filmklipp)
As an immature man caught in a strange cosmic rift where time repeats itself in perpetuity, Phil is free to do whatever he wants; come nightfall he gets off the hook. What would you have done? Well, if you were a kid, you would have eaten till you dropped, you would have messed with authority figures, played tricks on people, stolen stuff. I would've anyway. And so would Phil. Not only does he get to live out his cherished childishness, he even explores using his superpowers for the sake of seducing women. What seemed like a curse has proven for Phil an unexpected blessing.
Phil is now enjoying his new "abilities", much like a kid who has found a new toy. But then he starts falling for Rita, the long-haired producer of the Punxsutawney featurette for which he acts as reporter. We could wonder why he starts falling for her only now. I think to myself that Phil's rebellion has done something to him - having had the pleasure of being reckless and irresponsible for a long time, he is now bored with it. Being a dick doesn't amuse him anymore. And only on the other side of that does he even SEE Rita.
But unbeknownst to him, his desire for Rita is about to spell serious trouble.
Journey into wholeness, part #2: Road of ashes
I want all Pick Up Artists in the world to see this movie. The PUA-movement has spread over the world in last ten years or so and consists for the most part of uninitiated men who are frustrated with their lives, particularly their relationships with women. They have low confidence and gather that if only they fucked enough women, that would change (which is probably, to be fair, partly true). The way by which these girls are seduced often consists of techniques and tactics designed essentially to trick them into having sex with them. For these guys, being authentic and showing your true self is not on the menu.
Rita presents an enormous challenge to Phil (who by now thinks like a PUA). Why? She is untrickable. Tactics don't work on her. No amount of strategies or "mind-reading" tricks help him win her. Whenever Rita detects he is pulling a move, he crashes and burns. Only when he shows up authentically in the moment do things happen. But that doesn't come easily for Phil. So in the end, he capitulates to the weight of time and a million rejections and commits suicide - the first of many. He wakes up the next morning in the comfortable bed of the same Bed & Breakfast he knows so well by now, disappointed that life is still his. This is the turning point.
On page 82 of Robert Bly's Iron John, I find the following passage "Initiation says that before a boy can become a man, some infantile being in him must die. Ashes time is a time set aside for the death of that ego-bound boy." This process was normally safeguarded and facilitated by Elders. But we don't have Elders these days, we just have Olders.
In the absence of Elders, Phil has eternity. He is lucky in a way. For true happiness, it seems to me, seldom comes from getting exactly what you want (even though I find the belief hard to shake most of the time). Nope, it comes from not getting what you want and finding that freedom and love was never contingent on getting anything in the first place. Happiness comes from discovering our gift and giving it to the world from that place of self-fulfillment.
But first, Phil needs something worth giving.
Journey into wholeness, part #3: Manhood
Now that Phil has discovered he can't have Rita in any way he knows, his focus changes to improving himself. This change is total: From being a rebel who exploits the time warp for selfish reasons, eternity has now become a place where Phil can study and master any number of things. Not only for his own enjoyment mind, but also to serve the people around him.
He learns to ice sculpt and to play the piano. He tracks all the things that go wrong in the city and runs around every day to help as many people as possible. He saves lives and is a true gentleman. He becomes in a way the local Punxsatawney god. He has found his purpose in life.
Phil's new eyes open to the old man he has passed on his way to Cobbler's Knob every morning. And when Phil learns that the man dies on the evening of that Groundhog Day, his heart opens and he decides to save him. He starts helping the man, caring for him in any number of ways day after repeating day. But it matters not. As he looks to the sky from the floor of a dark and grimey back street, the dead old man there beside him, he realizes that whatever forces put us here have a will of their own. If phil is a "god", there is a greater one indeed. It seems to me that Phil here opens to the beauty of life itself.
With his life now lived in service of others, Rita starts noticing him for real. She clearly wanted a man and not an immature boy. As Phil finally perfects his Groundhog Day experience - after perhaps thousands of years of trial and error - he falls asleep with his beloved in his arms. He wakes up the next day with Rita beside him. It is February the 3rd.
Conclusion
Phil's experience is any self-help freak's wet dream. Imagine having the opportunity to repeat the same day over and over until the great maker said you had passed the test and let you move on. Often, I sit down at the end of the day and take stock of it. Most often, I realize that there were many missed opportunities and that I could have lived life more fully. Groundhog Day asks the question: "What is a day well lived?" It's as if living one "perfect day" is our big challenge in life. As if we are ready to die only when that has been accomplished.
For me that means that I stop holding back. Whenever I feel compelled to do something, I do it. And so, in ending the censorship of my own life expression, I can fully accept and embrace the fact that I too one day will die. For when we censor our life expression, we *know* we aren't living the life that was given us - and no human Soul can live - or die - with that. Do you get what I'm saying here? It follows that Modernity's unwillingness to face death says much about how we waste our lives.
After Phil's narcissism gets wiped out through his time of ashes, censorship of his true life expression can be lifted in a safe way. For then, all his desires are healthy and world-building ones. His return now to the life of a mortal comes to him as a gift. He is happy to be made finite again. Only with the knowledge of impending death can he truly love Rita.
Groundhog Day is a comedy far outside of the trodden path. The story of Bill Murray's "Phil" and his journey to free himself from an eternity reliving the same day echoes the wisdom of the ages. It is with great pleasure that I bring you precisely this review before my well-deserved hiatus.
Headed for Punxsutawney
Phil is the weather man for a local Pittsburgh-based TV station. Now time has come for February 2nd again, and with that: Groundhog day in Punxsutawney. Phil despises the ritual that the common folk of the tiny Pennsylvanian village find so elating and he is not afraid to voice it. In fact, Phil does a poor job of hiding his unbecoming personality - he is a cynical man, both rude and arrogant. And he seems to despise people in general. That includes himself, though he hides it with feigned self-regard.
Little does he know that Punxsutawney has a big surprise in store for him this year: After getting through his day of mandatory reporting duties, he wakes up the next morning - to live Groundhog Day all over.
Journey into wholeness, part #1: Adolescence
At first the time warp seems like a curse. And in his depression, he bonds with two drunken hillbillies in a bowling alley. Phil connecting with plebes is the first sign that he is becoming less smug; he does after all consider himself better than others. But life provides us with many gateways to maturity - and we often choose not to walk through them. Phil decides, after a flash of insight, that this is his chance to rebel. 31:00 - 32:30 (lag filmklipp)
As an immature man caught in a strange cosmic rift where time repeats itself in perpetuity, Phil is free to do whatever he wants; come nightfall he gets off the hook. What would you have done? Well, if you were a kid, you would have eaten till you dropped, you would have messed with authority figures, played tricks on people, stolen stuff. I would've anyway. And so would Phil. Not only does he get to live out his cherished childishness, he even explores using his superpowers for the sake of seducing women. What seemed like a curse has proven for Phil an unexpected blessing.
Phil is now enjoying his new "abilities", much like a kid who has found a new toy. But then he starts falling for Rita, the long-haired producer of the Punxsutawney featurette for which he acts as reporter. We could wonder why he starts falling for her only now. I think to myself that Phil's rebellion has done something to him - having had the pleasure of being reckless and irresponsible for a long time, he is now bored with it. Being a dick doesn't amuse him anymore. And only on the other side of that does he even SEE Rita.
But unbeknownst to him, his desire for Rita is about to spell serious trouble.
Journey into wholeness, part #2: Road of ashes
I want all Pick Up Artists in the world to see this movie. The PUA-movement has spread over the world in last ten years or so and consists for the most part of uninitiated men who are frustrated with their lives, particularly their relationships with women. They have low confidence and gather that if only they fucked enough women, that would change (which is probably, to be fair, partly true). The way by which these girls are seduced often consists of techniques and tactics designed essentially to trick them into having sex with them. For these guys, being authentic and showing your true self is not on the menu.
Rita presents an enormous challenge to Phil (who by now thinks like a PUA). Why? She is untrickable. Tactics don't work on her. No amount of strategies or "mind-reading" tricks help him win her. Whenever Rita detects he is pulling a move, he crashes and burns. Only when he shows up authentically in the moment do things happen. But that doesn't come easily for Phil. So in the end, he capitulates to the weight of time and a million rejections and commits suicide - the first of many. He wakes up the next morning in the comfortable bed of the same Bed & Breakfast he knows so well by now, disappointed that life is still his. This is the turning point.
On page 82 of Robert Bly's Iron John, I find the following passage "Initiation says that before a boy can become a man, some infantile being in him must die. Ashes time is a time set aside for the death of that ego-bound boy." This process was normally safeguarded and facilitated by Elders. But we don't have Elders these days, we just have Olders.
In the absence of Elders, Phil has eternity. He is lucky in a way. For true happiness, it seems to me, seldom comes from getting exactly what you want (even though I find the belief hard to shake most of the time). Nope, it comes from not getting what you want and finding that freedom and love was never contingent on getting anything in the first place. Happiness comes from discovering our gift and giving it to the world from that place of self-fulfillment.
But first, Phil needs something worth giving.
Journey into wholeness, part #3: Manhood
Now that Phil has discovered he can't have Rita in any way he knows, his focus changes to improving himself. This change is total: From being a rebel who exploits the time warp for selfish reasons, eternity has now become a place where Phil can study and master any number of things. Not only for his own enjoyment mind, but also to serve the people around him.
He learns to ice sculpt and to play the piano. He tracks all the things that go wrong in the city and runs around every day to help as many people as possible. He saves lives and is a true gentleman. He becomes in a way the local Punxsatawney god. He has found his purpose in life.
Phil's new eyes open to the old man he has passed on his way to Cobbler's Knob every morning. And when Phil learns that the man dies on the evening of that Groundhog Day, his heart opens and he decides to save him. He starts helping the man, caring for him in any number of ways day after repeating day. But it matters not. As he looks to the sky from the floor of a dark and grimey back street, the dead old man there beside him, he realizes that whatever forces put us here have a will of their own. If phil is a "god", there is a greater one indeed. It seems to me that Phil here opens to the beauty of life itself.
With his life now lived in service of others, Rita starts noticing him for real. She clearly wanted a man and not an immature boy. As Phil finally perfects his Groundhog Day experience - after perhaps thousands of years of trial and error - he falls asleep with his beloved in his arms. He wakes up the next day with Rita beside him. It is February the 3rd.
Conclusion
Phil's experience is any self-help freak's wet dream. Imagine having the opportunity to repeat the same day over and over until the great maker said you had passed the test and let you move on. Often, I sit down at the end of the day and take stock of it. Most often, I realize that there were many missed opportunities and that I could have lived life more fully. Groundhog Day asks the question: "What is a day well lived?" It's as if living one "perfect day" is our big challenge in life. As if we are ready to die only when that has been accomplished.
For me that means that I stop holding back. Whenever I feel compelled to do something, I do it. And so, in ending the censorship of my own life expression, I can fully accept and embrace the fact that I too one day will die. For when we censor our life expression, we *know* we aren't living the life that was given us - and no human Soul can live - or die - with that. Do you get what I'm saying here? It follows that Modernity's unwillingness to face death says much about how we waste our lives.
After Phil's narcissism gets wiped out through his time of ashes, censorship of his true life expression can be lifted in a safe way. For then, all his desires are healthy and world-building ones. His return now to the life of a mortal comes to him as a gift. He is happy to be made finite again. Only with the knowledge of impending death can he truly love Rita.
— , Irregular updates ()Recipients of my newsletter, please respond in the comments below:
Some snippets of what I wrote you:
It's been a while since I wrote you! That's why it feels good to sit here in the dark of a early January morning typing out these words.
I spent the New Year in the woods with a group of 12 people, facilitating what was to many the best New Year of ther lives. There is a hunger in Norway growing for authentic interpersonal connections, dropping the social masks and just being real with one another.
I think that's the real challenge for men as well in 2012. So many of us are still stuck in roles. It often takes some form of "I can't show how vulnerable I really feel inside on the outside, because then I won't be a man and everyone will reject me and think I'm a loser and then I'll be lonely".
But it's those exact thoughts that make men lonely and weak.
In that way, 50s male stereotypes still live on in modern men. But I see signs that a tidal wave of change is coming. I look forward to us men becoming truly powerful in 2012 by dropping our masks and stepping into our true, authentic power.
......
One of the most important things in 2012 will be that more men of consciousness enter into the public's awareness. I expect that men's issues and authentic masculinity will be larger themes than ever before.
I challenge you all to start manifesting those wonderful visions and dreams you carry deep inside of you in the coming year. The world will need them.
— , Irregular updates ()No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. You win a war by making the other poor bastard die for his country!
— , Irregular updates ()I'm hearing horses! Parry will be so pleased!
— , Irregular updates ()Hey everyone and welcome to this new blog.
I felt it was time to set one of these babies up so here we go. In here I can talk more about day to day stuff, what's going on "backstage" with this project, bring forwards interesting feedback I receive, ramble a bit about my life etc. People are writing me with increased frequency now that the site has been officially launched, and a lot of interesting things are brought to my attention. I can't just let all this good information bypass you all, forever lost deep in cyberspace. More importantly, I have a desire to connect with you all on a more personal level, as I believe it's the only way we're gonna get anything done in our society. The self-centered man belongs to yesterday.
I'm really taking to the idea of brotherhood. I have been fortunate to experienced it on occasion, and it's a powerful, awesome and humbling feeling. Totally ballsy and strong, yet vulnerable and loving. Learning to love other men in a deep way without feeling homophobic, but strong and empowered, is something everyone needs to experience for himself. In this version of friendship, I got your back, you got mine. We go down or soar together. I think this is a powerful concept. We need to bring it back to life. I need to for myself anyway.
So how about it then, should we play a little with this idea of brotherhood? Really, we need to, because you know just as well as I that a website such as this – despite all its awesomeness – is just a tiny speck of a vast cultural process that must take place in the years ahead. You see, my vision for this project – reinventing modern man by resurrecting authentic masculinity – is way too big to pretend I can do it alone. So we got to connect you see!
So welcome to this blog. Here's to many good conversations in the time to come!
Love and respect brothers,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()As the movie opens, Miles is running late for his rendezvous with Jack. The two middle-aged men are both cooking in the broth of their own midlife crisises; Miles is struggling to get his semi-autobiographical novel published and is caught on the golden leach of memories from the now-dead marriage with Victoria, while Jack is reluctant to tape himself to the oaths of his imminent marriage, and goes away with Miles on what to him is his life's last hunt for ass. It's a nice setup for a different roadmovie, a roadmovie with heart.
Miles is not a structured man; the film wants us to know this straight away. Miles, we can tell, has a way of running late for things. And even after he shrieks at the microwave clock, he continues at his docile pace, knowing full well that he can blame the traffic when he arrives at the Erganians' (the parents of Jack's fiancée). Note that the way he continues his morning ritual in no way reflects his being late.
We are already being told that there is a vast distance between Miles' understanding of what he must do (hurry up) and what he will do (have a nice, cozy morning - just like usual). I'm emphasizing this early scene because it communicates all the reasons why Miles is not having the success he wants with his book and why he feels depressed. Quite simply, Miles is out of integrity with himself.
Not only is he out of integrity with himself, he's also a bit of a Mama's Boy. Miles takes the unwilling Jack on a detour to his mom's to mark her birthday, and we see the size of Miles's libido shrink to the size of a nucleus in Phyllis's presence. Unable to handle her with any degree of clarity, he is trapped in her personality, at the mercy of her whims and desires. The soft and friendly Miles, in an unbefitting move, steals several hundred dollars from her dresser drawer; proof positive of his feelings of entrapment; only his embitterment could cause him to think that stealing money from this sweet and elderly, if neurotic, woman is fair game.
"You gotta get laid, Miles"
Jack and Miles finally hit the road headed for wine country, and Jack makes it very clear - he's going away to have fun. "Miles, you have been officially depressed for like two years now!". Whereas Miles is the docile, cuddly carebear, Jack is more of the direct, testosterone-laden coyote. Jack has more juice, more zest for life than his depressed Xanax-munching friend, and he pushes Miles to step it up.
«You gotta get laid, Miles», Jack exclaims over the lunch table. «You used to be a negative guy – even back in college. But now it's worse! You're wasting away Miles, teaching English to fucking eight graders, when they should be reading the books that you wrote!» Jack is giving Miles the gift of challenge. He pushes him, like a good buddy should, to step it up – become better. It's a beautiful thing really, despite its apparent crassness. It also points to a recurring theme throughout the movie – Jack keeps telling the people they meet that Miles is a published author.
This well-meaning white lie is meant to push Miles to reach for his goal, but it's not working too well. There is no true challenge in a lie, and Miles can piggyback off of the lack of integrity in Jack's recurring storytelling to escape further from his responsibility to take charge of his own destiny.
Jack is a pragmatist, confused in his own entirely unique ways. He doesn't have the refined tastes of Miles, but he knows what he likes and is prepared to reach for it. And now, he wants to get laid. Jack, in his infinite wisdom, has hatched the brilliant idea that the best way to prepare himself for a life of monogamy is to dip his dick down the honey pot as many times as possible. But, so goes the story, with the honey comes the bees...
The true (anti)hero of Sideways is Miles though – and he is one strange man. Despite his total limpness in life - pass him a glass of fine wine, as long as it's no Merlot ("I won't drink no fucking Merlot!!!") - and he comes alive like a flower bud at the first sight of the morning sun. He becomes a poet, and weaves colourful tapestries with his words to describe the sumptuous and subtle marvels experienced by his finely tuned palate.
Miles is not a mere wine-lover, he is a conoisseur. And when it comes to things concerning taste, he has discernment - notice how he is always clear and directed when it comes to matters of his palate, be it about spinach croissants, wedding cakes, or fine wines. I find this an interesting feature of his personality - his masculinity is in his tongue. As I said, he is a strange man!
Why wine is so fucking good
What are two wine-drinking guys without two wine-drinking gals? Not much, especially when they both need to get laid. Cue Stephanie and Maya. Maya is the blonde, sophisticated gal who works at The Hitching Post, the hangout spot for Miles when he drops by Solvang, California. Which, by the looks of it, is quite often (Miles loves wine, remember!). Stephanie is Maya's friend - and Jack's target.
Much to Miles's surprise, it turns out that Maya quite likes him. He is oblivious to it; Jack has to point it out to him. It seems that Miles' palate has taken most of his sensory capacity.
One thing leads to another, and Jack gets Stephanie to polish his rocket, to wax his monkey, to - ah, you get the idea. He doesn't even think about going for Maya; he is a cool, solid guy after all. And as Maya and Miles get further acquainted, the plot leads up to what is one of my most favourite dialogues in a movie ever. It's the famous discussing-our-love-for-wine-on-the-porch-while-our-friends-are-shagging-next-door dialogue (TM). Maya breaks the question to Miles, as if she has wondered for quite some time.
Why are you so into Pinot, Miles?
"I don't know. It's a hard grape to grow, as you know. It's thin-skinned...temperamental, ripens early. It's not a survivor like Cabernet, which can grow anywhere and thrive even when neglected. No, Pinot needs constant care and attention... And you know, in fact it can only grow in these really specific little tucked away corners of the world.... And only the most patient and nurturing of growers can do it, really.... Only somebody who really takes the time to really understand Pinot's potential can then coax it into its fullest expression... And then, oh... it's flavours are just the most haunting and brilliant and thrilling and subtle and ancient on the planet..."
Way to go with the words! You will of course realize that the Pinot grape is a metaphor for Miles. He is describing Pinot, but is really talking about himself. He is talking about the vast potential that he knows he has inside, but that he just can't manifest in the world. And as it so happens, he needs someone to nurture it out of him.
He needs to be loved. Because he is unable to love and believe in himself. It's a very soulful moment, and describes well Miles's immature relationship with mother energy: The wine grower is his mother. And whichever woman is to be with him, will be his mother. Victoria didn't like that, so she left him. And Maya would probably too, if they got together. Yet, the soulful, heart-openness of the moment creates a bridge between them, and Maya continues with the intoxicating poetry:
What about you, Maya? Why are you into Wine?
...I like to think about the life of wine, how it’s a living thing. I like to think about what was going on the year the grapes were growing, how the sun was shining, if it rained…what the weather was like. I think about all those people who tended and picked the grapes, and if it's an old wine, how many of them must be dead by now. I love how wine continues to evolve, how every time I open a bottle it's going to taste different than if I had opened it on any other day. Because a bottle of wine is actually alive—it's constantly evolving and gaining complexity. That is, until it peaks—like your ’61—and begins its steady, inevitable decline. And it tastes so...fucking...good.
Totally...sexy. Miles is completely choked up, desiring this woman with his very soul. But he is too afraid. He doesn't capitalize on the moment, even though the invitation was served on a silver platter. Maya is very disappointed. Miles just hates himself.
The plot ripens
And this is when the brotherhood really starts kicking in and showing the value of a good buddy. There is a scene on the golf course where a jerk hits into them, and Jack and Miles both fly off into a fun-filled display of anger. I really wish I were there with them every time I see this scene. First of all, I'm not too good at expressing anger myself; I'm generally cool-headed, yet I love the energy in this scene. For Miles, clearly, it's very healing to connect to his balls and faceoff with this fat-assed hillbilly buffoon. Because shortly after, Maya opens her honeypot and Miles is a happy guy.
Then, a little slip of Miles's tongue and everything blows up. After all, Jack has been balling Stephanie all week – telling her tales of their rosy future together, yet he is getting married on Saturday. He gets a good, and rather well deserved beating when the truth comes out.
You would think this is the wake-up call Jack needs, but not until he finds himself running naked through town, escaping the infuriated husband of the waitress at the local diner – another fling he decided to chase on the rebound from Stephanie – does he break down in tears with the realization of what he is doing. Jack realizes some deep truths about his own irresponsibility and immaturity, and faced with his fear, his mind shifts. He is ready to marry.
Miles on the other hand learns from his agent that his book has been rejected by his only lead at Conundrum, and throws a fit of rage in a vineyard, when they won't serve him the wine he needs to numb the hurt. He blows a fuse and pours a barrel of wine on his head, before he is lead out of the room by Jack, steaming. Again, Miles is connecting to his balls. What seems like actions of a nutter are actually deeply therapeutic. Fuck convention, let's smash wine barrels on our heads in public!
Rounding off the bottle...
«I'm a smudge of excrement on a tissue, surging out to sea with a ton of raw sewage.» Welcome to Miles's view of himself. He is not exactly the epitome of someone who loves and respects himself. And as we understand, it's because he has not found his purpose; he has not found that deep, authentic core that makes him burn with the flame of passion.
But the show must go on, and in the end Jack gets married, and Miles's life continues. He's not happy with it, not happy with himself, yet I feel there's profound beauty in the ending. It makes me think of all the people in the world who go through life, trying their best to make it work, their best to better themselves. But in the end, most of us tend to give up a little, settling for less than what we know deep inside is our birthright. And in silent moments, with only our broken selves as companions, we think of what could have been.
Sideways is a deeply human movie. It's very refreshing in this day and age to see a story totally free of cynicism, a tale told with deep compassion and respect. Everything about it just exudes this warm, embracing quality that makes me happy to be alive. Sideways is not a movie that challenges us as much as it is a movie that helps us embrace the less than perfect parts of ourselves. So many guys constantly beat up on themselves, finding this somehow an expression of masculinity. It leads nowhere.
Enjoy Sideways. Savour it, work it around your mouth, tease your palate. And pour it into the parts of yourself that are broken, and learn to embrace them with love, so that you can move on with your life and think of not what could have been, but what will be.
A confession – there's a lot of Miles in me. I'm okay with that.
— , Irregular updates ()(this post is adapted from a post I made on Facebook)
Modern minds go crazy in the woods at night. We do not know how insane we are until we stand under the shadowy silhouettes of huge trees, hearing the gentle breeze ruffle the branches and feeling the pregnant silence of a forest mostly asleep (and it is the "mostly" that gets us).
There the dark night lovingly seeks out the places in our subconscious that the distractions of civilization conveniently brush aside. We have been invaded: By marketing, movies, computer games and a culture gone grazy (it can mostly be summed up in the word "addictions"). In the woods at night, this is revealed. There, the dark of the night brings the dark of our minds to light.
The way our mind responds to a dark forest is a great barometer of the depth of our soul-connection. If the unknown of that dark place drives us mad, it is because we have not explored our depths; we have not come to know ourselves truly.
Mindfulness/meditation practice can help us stay in the moment and not run off into fantasy, but it is Soul practice that allows us to receive the communication of the night fully; reframing the whole language of darkness from a potential threat to our presence to an invitation to a deeper encounter with Self.
When we look out into the night from behind our window panes, do we see a threatening unknown? Or do we see a womb lined with the essence of love and the promise of inner alchemy?
I have noticed that the deeper I go with my soul work, the more the dark of night starts opening up. From being a place that brings out our fears and inner demons, it becomes a place which starts resonating with our yearnings, transmuting our fears and showering us with gratitude and wonder.
It's a challenging practice, but it's one worth taking on: Go alone into the wilderness in the dark of night ready with a question – or a sacrifice – and a willingness to listen. Last night, I made my way – as I did the night before – from my little meditation hut into the dark woods. I have been in this landscape at night before, and while I've braved it many times, I've always felt like something of an invader in an alien land with unknown threats lurking around every corner.
I notice this perpetual subtle anxiety of the dark woods is fading, and as I make my way to an opening, moving gently so as not to disturb the sleep of my surroundings (and perhaps more importantly not to stir up the demons that live in me), I find myself a clearing to lay down in.
Speaking out loud, I invite the benevolent forces of the woods to come feast on me, to eat my addictions and egoic patterns. In so doing, the warmth I had felt vanished and I felt fear. But I called on the resources and help I have, and was soon accompanied by benevolent beings of the otherworld (this is the kind of thing that may sound strange in front of a computer screen, but I've found it to be a foundational skill to navigating the wild at night).
No creatures of the night showed up in the flesh (this time), but as I made my way back through the woods to my hut, I felt joyful and elated. I went to bed feeling as if the night embraced me like a warm cozy blanket, rather than a threatening unknown.
This womb of the night is a place where the Magician archetype comes alive. The dark unknown – and the way in which it dialogues with us – calls on the Magician that lives in us to utilize his skills proper; To spontaneously set up ritual space/ritual circles, to call in help, to transmute emotions, to work with the subtle energies of the surroundings, to banish demons and seeing, as we do so, that they were but twisted apparitions of our most sacred inner gifts.
This is one of the things you will, in some form or another, experience if you come with me on the Reclaim your Inner Throne journey (and you’ll need to be quick because it’s almost full).
For me, this is just warming up. In a few days, I will make my way into the Wilderness proper without food – four days to spare – and a request to be consumed.
This, I'm afraid of. I know it will call upon all of my training. It's not the woods at night themselves that scare me most; it is the dialogue I'm inviting.
And if the woods answer – which I hope and fear they will – I will be overpowered completely; with no choice other than to surrender to the powers of the unknown.
See you on the other side and hopefully on the Reclaim your Inner Throne journey.
Warm regards,
Eivind
[caption id="" align="alignright" width="342" caption="Me and Rajyo (co-founder of Celebration of Being) at Winchester House at the end of the workshop"][/caption]— , Irregular updates ()This last month has been intense. I have done some sort of workshop every weekend. Powerful experiences each and every one of them. I finally have some downtime to integrate and feel what has happened. So far, it’s a bit of a blur. Though I feel clear that a lot has shifted inside of me. After all, participants at each of these four workshops have communicated something akin to “life-changing” and I did friggin’ four of them. Oh lord.
I came to the Isle of Wight to do the Noble Man workshop on the recommendation of a New Warrior Brother. He had done the Noble Man workshop before we were both initiated on the same New Warrior Training Adventure in June. I like the man and trust his judgment, so I decided to go.
I have done a huge amount of work with men by now. But women have been conspicuously absent from my learning environments. I am clear that I want to change that and so the Noble Man arrived at an auspicious and fitting time.
To make a long story short – I loved the workshop. I’m not entitled to tell you about the processes themselves, but what was richly rewarding for me about our time together was the deep sense of mutual love and respect that permeated the ritual space. It was an environment of true healing and the processes that we were taken through spoke to me deeply. The female facilitators described it as a rite of passage and though my mind still cannot quite tolerate the idea that women can offer a rite of passage to men (it goes against all the wisdom of our ancestors), I can but embrace the potency of the experience.
Many of the women on “staff” reported that they fell back in love with men and with their own femininity and that alone makes my heart sing.
For me, the biggest takeaway is that I can be sensitive and vulnerable and still be attractive to women. I have spent a lot of time trying to build a masculinity befitting a mature man and in the process, I have lost some of my boyish playfulness and young curiosity. Embracing my inner two-year-old and bringing him into life with me is now a more probable and inspiring concept for me. That alone is huge. I’m tired of not bringing all of me.
I am tired as I write this and know that while I could make a long story out of this, my mind can’t take it right now. So I will leave you with my heartfelt recommendation of the Noble Man with Celebration of Being. Rajyo, Gina, Debbie and the other women there were a delight and moved me deeply and I loved bonding with the guys there too.
— , Irregular updates ()Based on my knowledge of archetypes and my experience with facilitating human transformation, I have developed an archetypal growth technology that I call Inner Throne work.
It pulls on the work of Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette, but adds a lot of my own unique material.*
What is Inner Throne work?
Inner Throne work is based on the insight that we all have a metaphorical inner throne, on which the true regent of our lives (our Kingdom) sits. In a mature individual, that regent is the archetype of the Sovereign (King/Queen). In most people, however, that throne has been usurped by forces which do not belong there, with detrimental effects to us and our surroundings.
In extreme cases, the throne is possessed entirely by foreign psychological energy, arising e.g. from childhood abuse, but for most of us, we inhabit the throne in some situations, but surrender it in others. Our level of self-governance** thus exists on a spectrum between complete pathology and complete empowerment.
Inner Throne work is a high-intensity facilitated process of taking back the throne so we become the true regents of our own lives. That may not happen all in one go, but repeat exposure to this process will help us regain the life-giving blessings of the archetype of the Sovereign at ever-deepening levels.
This work has been described as having similarities with both voice dialogue work and family constellation work, but was not directly inspired by either (it emerged in quite mysterious ways) and has been described as being more powerful.
You can have massive breakthroughs in very little time, or at worst have deep insights into the places in your life where you are giving away your power.
The process takes about an hour and at this moment, I'm the only trained facilitator in the world for this method (which will probably change, as experienced facilitators can be taught it relatively quickly).
Where can I experience Inner Throne work?
I will likely facilitate this work around the world for many years to come. My home is Norway, but I have delivered this work in the US and will soon deliver it in Holland.
If you have a desire to experience this and can get at least 5 willing participants, I'm willing to travel to offer my daylong Inner Throne workshop at a rate of $200 per person (provided you cover transportation, food and lodging).
What do people say about Inner Throne work?
Eivind's Inner Throne work is a masterful application of mythology and archetypes to access perennial wisdom and internal power. It seems we each follow a similar but distinctive "hero's journey" through life. This Inner Throne workshop is a powerful accelerator for this process, opening up whole new categories of possibility in purpose and relationship. Eivind is a skilled shaman in this mysterious unfolding.
— Casey Capshaw, director of Authentic Man Program
I listened to a strong impulse and supported Eivind for his Inner Throne workshop in Boulder, Colorado and I am so glad I did. His capacity of creating and holding a strong, safe container and his knowledge and authentic transparency of the material allowed the participants to drop in fairly quickly into raw, unknown territory.
I can describe this work as Archetypal Energy meets Voice Dialogue meets Family Constellation and is alive and has a dynamic flow that I have not experienced with the other modalities.
One participant experienced a transformational breakthrough that was viscerally felt in the room. This work is extremely powerful to deeply see, move, and release ourselves from contractions, old beliefs and agreements, especially with family members and into self-empowerment.
It was an honor and a privilege to be in the room with Eivind and the courageous souls that participated. I would gladly do it again.
— Ashleigh Sinclaire, experienced coach and facilitator, ashleighsinclaire.com
Video testimonial by Ering M. Brandt, Appreciatingmen.com
Video testimonial by Jake Bornstein
* The Inner Throne work was first developed together with my friend Pål Christian Buntz in 2012 (a process for which I am grateful), but I have since developed it further.
** Self-governance in this context is not merely being in charge of our own autonomous destinies, it paradoxically also involves surrendering into a deeper flow of experiential flux and uncertainty. We become part of a larger WE, that involves also the natural world, and autonomy eventually starts losing its appeal. This is at higher levels of development. It is unlikely that going through this process once will result in this level of transpersonal realization, but it can point the way there.
— , Irregular updates ()When men’s coach Michael Taylor interviewed me on his show last year, he asked me why I had no reviews of animated movies on my website. I had no good reason for this, but was intrigued by his question and asked him what movie he would recommend I write about. His recommendation was the Disney/Pixar production “Up”.
This one’s for you, Michael.
Longing for Roraima
Carl is a young boy with big dreams. Charles Muntz, the famous and daring explorer, features prominently at their center. When we first meet Carl, he is watching a news report detailing the latest escapades of the larger-than-life explorer, eyes large with excitement.
His young boy psyche, unpolluted by the contractions of adult responsibility and “realism”, soars far and wide. Its destination? Roraima, the plateau mountain in South America where mr Muntz himself claims to have found a mysterious creature.
Young Ellie is Carl’s kindred spirit, similarly enamored with mr Muntz and the promise of adventure in exotic lands. In a love story told on speed, they fall in love, get married, and grow old together. Yet their big adventure keeps eluding them; Roraima stays an unlived dream and their much-desired child never crosses the threshold into this world.
As Ellie passes through the veils to the beyond, Carl’s heart fills with grief that his dear wife never got to live out her dreams of distant lands and motherhood.
Carl’s big adventure
Boy scout Russell is a persistent bugger. He is on a mission to get a new badge for his belt to become a “senior wilderness guide”. The missing badge is dedicated to serving the elderly and Carl, now a grumpy old man, is a fitting target. But Carl doesn’t want anybody’s help. He wants to bury himself in pain and solitude.
That desire is compromised by the urban development going on in what was once his local neighborhood. The construction company tries to buy him out, but he wants none of it. In the end, he is evicted by way of a court order.
But in the walls of this quaint wooden house reside memories of Ellie. And Carl misses his sweetheart way too much to let go.
So Carl pulls off an unlikely stunt: The former balloon salesman takes his house to the skies, using a sea of multi-colored helium balloons.
Thus begins Carl’s big adventure. Unfortunately for him, he isn’t home alone.
The apparent sweetness of co-dependency
Carl has a stowaway; Russell is hanging on for dear life in the brisk high-altitude winds that now sweep across the porch. Carl only reluctantly lets him in, which is pretty hilarious.
One freak storm and some considerable boy scout magic later, Carl and Russel find themselves in South America, taking in the splendid sight of Roraima. Its waters cascade down the cliffside, giving nourishment to the soil below and yearnings for a person who is no more.
They were supposed to live there, Ellie and he. It never came to pass.
But their house floats above him, feeding the flame that burns in the chamber of his yearning. She was the daring one. She was the talker, the bright and firey soul who brought real adventure into Carl’s life. She was a doorway through his walls of shyness into a life of joy and meaning.
There is a certain sweetness that fills a heart that has its yearnings met in the embrace of another. In finding that soulmate, our lives take on a buoyancy and joy that we did not feel alone. When we find ourselves in this love’s embrace, it feels wonderful.
But building the house of our identity using the love and validation of another as its foundation is a risky endeavour. We enter then an inner geography where co-dependency thrives. And when the object of our love disappears, the scaffolding to our self worth collapses. It’s as if we are now half a person, torn down the middle in ways which fill love songs and Hollywood movies.
It’s not that needing another is bad. Authentic need is beautiful and reflects the truth that we cannot live our lives alone. But there is an energetic pull that can germinate in the soil of need that may cause us to veer off the mature track of inter-dependence into full-blown co-dependency.
Co-dependency grows out of the needs of immaturity. An ego that is not exposed fully to life will not develop psychological sophistication. An ego that chooses to stay at home over travelling to Roraima at the risk of personal bankruptcy will suffer a stagnation and contraction, inevitably leading to four safety locks on the front door.
But Carl’s rebellious nature propels him to the sky and a second chance in life. Adventure is upon him and Paradise Falls is in sight.
Carl’s gateways to liberation
Between the cliffs of the Roraima region, Carl, Russell and their new animal friends – Dug the talking dog, and Kevin the exotic bird – stumble across Charles Muntz. The explorer must be 120 years old, but is fit as a fiddle. Carl is predictably excited to meet his childhood hero, but soon discovers that Muntz is a villainous creature with little eye for anything but his own reputation.
This is a turning point for Carl. Charles Muntz is the man to whom he has surrendered his Inner Throne, and he is not worthy of it! With that realization, Carl starts waking up from a trance that has lasted most of his life. In realizing it’s time to cease dreaming of being someone else, Carl walks through the first gateway to liberation.
The second gateway appears through his deepening relationship with Russell. In a very sweet scene, Carl understands that this annoying, chubby boy scout has no father present in his life. The badge for helping the elderly is a key to his father’s love, as he has promised to be there for Russell’s award ceremony. Russell wants to help Carl becauses he misses his dad. (That this likely hits close to home for many young men today fills me with sadness).
This scene shows how Russell’s story strums Carl’s heart strings and sows in him the seed of compassion. Compassion, of course, is by definition directed outwards. For the first time since Ellie passed, Carl has an eye for something other than his own grief, and his selfish melancholy starts to lift.
The third and perhaps most important gateway comes when Carl leafs through the pages of Ellie’s Adventure book. It is clear that Carl on some level feels like he failed Ellie. He didn’t give her a child and he didn’t get her to Paradise Falls. He has assumed that Ellie’s life was wasted, that she never felt truly alive. But as he turns the page where Ellie all those years ago wrote “Stuff I’m going to do”, expecting to find them empty, Carl finds page after page of photographs from the life that they shared.
In this moment, Carl realizes that Ellie lived a full life and that she carried no regrets or resentments towards him. She even left an inscription for him on the last page, perhaps anticipating his descent into grief and despair: “Thanks for the adventure. Now go have a new one.”
In absorbing the full impact of those words, Carl’s call to adventure finally fully penetrates his thick skull and his Hero’s quest starts in earnest.
Saving Kevin
Kevin is an exotic bird that seems to like Carl and Russell. It hovers around them making cutesy sounds while flapping its little butterfly wings.
The colorful bird is a creature of Muntz’s past. It is of the same species as the skeleton the scientists at home believed was a fake. Muntz now intends to bring it home to restore his reputation (where everyone, I’m sure, has forgotten who he is).
Carl, Russell and talking dog Dug all become the absurd players of an exotic bird mid-air rescue mission. Carl transforms in these scenes from an infirm old man to something of a superhero. Such, I suppose, is the strength of Ellie’s blessings
In the end the unlikely band of renegades stand victorious atop Charles Muntz’s zeppelin, while that old git is falling to his watery grave.
This scene ends with a profound message told through the image of a house disappearing into clouds. Now that Carl has lived out an adventure of his own, independent of his wife, he has in a way claimed his manhood and his own autonomous desire for being in life. Being alive without Ellie all of a sudden has meaning. There is a world of adventure out there that he gets to engage with! It is a gift to him. By stepping onto the path of his own unique life, he severs the shackles of co-dependency and is ready to let go of the house.
It’s almost as if she whispers, as the house fades away “Goodbye, my love. I’m so proud of you. Now go live your life!”
Conclusion
Up is a simple and absurd story with a profound message. It reminds us of the inherent dangers of living predictable, safe lives. It also alludes to the teachings, propagated by David Deida among others, on the essential qualities of the masculine and feminine. On our death beds, the feminine part of us asks “was I truly loved?” and the masculine asks “did I give it all?”. The feminine Ellie was truly loved, but the masculine Carl had not truly given his best until he took to the skies and started writing an adventure book of his own.
When Carl shows up at Russell’s award ceremony, the world is put right. The painful divide torn open between generations is mended. The pervasive fear and unworthiness that tends to spread among the elders in a culture that does not see their gifts vanishes. But it’s not just a cultural condition. It’s on each of us to stay open and alive as we get older. Carl finally acted on his authentic yearning and claimed his Inner Throne, thus feeling worthy of serving as a wise elder and King in Russell’s life.
There is a deep beauty in that which, if grasped fully, would change the world.
— , Irregular updates ()I was surprised to find that the debate about the "Manifesto for Conscious Men" flared up again some days ago. It turned sour and many people displayed unflattering parts of their personalities. I chose to close the thread. I promised I would share something with you at the end of that thread, however, and I now give you a video with my last reflections on the debate.
I will disable comments for this thread. There are some of you who I don't trust to keep things civilized when this is the topic and I'm not interested in starting another argument.
So this is it. Finished. Done.
Links for those of you who are interested in more information:
Women respond
Deeper insight for those interested
Finally, watch the three first minutes of this video to really get the depth of fear of the masculine that powers much of this debate. It is not there without reason...
— , Irregular updates ()Ah, Braveheart... I remember leaving the movie theater that evening in 1995. I was seventeen, clueless and inspired. Something stirred inside and I could tell my friends had been impacted as well. Yep, we loved it and for many years to come, when asked my favourite movie, Braveheart was my answer.
With time I came to understand that I yearn for total and unmitigated freedom above all else. Freedom to express, to love, to penetrate and expand. And as William Wallace let out his "FREEEEEDOM!" at the end of my adolescent years, somehow that need was met - to taste, if only tangentially, a life lived from such a place...
It's our wits that make us men
We enter the story in 1280. The King of Scotland has died without an heir and the cruel King Edward Longshanks has claimed the throne for himself. One day, he lures many Scottish nobles to a barn under a banner of truce and has them hanged. William's father gathers the clan to fight.
There is a magnificent scene in which William's father and older brother prepare to battle the English. "I can fight!," William screams. What a bold statement – likely to be met with scorn by many modern parents. But Daddy Malcolm pauses, turns to face his son and gently tells him "I know. I know you can fight." He smiles knowingly. "But it's our wits that make us men."
This scene moves me. Instead of collapsing into shame when being confronted with his son's capacity for aggression, Malcolm recognizes the moment is ripe for mentorship. This scene points to the challenging job of every father to, without shaming him, embrace the Warrior archetype in his son and channel its vast energies into constructive, world-building pursuits (for the many new age fathers who are trapped in the masochistic shadow pole, this is virtually impossible).
Braveheart – early years
A man dies. A brother takes his place
Some time later, the men who set out to battle the English return with broken spirits, pulling a heavy chariot with bodies on it. "Come here lad," one of them says with a voice imbued with gentle, loving strength. There is something so nourishing about the way these men address young William, even when bringing the dark tidings of his father's and brother's death. A part of me feels yearning inside when I watch these scenes – no man ever addressed me like that when I was wee lad.
Then uncle Argyle arrives. Argyle is the mentor, appearing as if summoned by his brother's last breath. And it is as it should be; in many ancient cultures, it is the uncle's responsibility to bring the boy into manhood, as aboriginal elder Bob Randall reminded me when I spoke with him in September.
The teaching is about to begin.
Scotland rises
Many years later, William returns. We can but imagine his adventures. And as we will soon find, Argyle has done a fine job with his nephew. William quickly courts Murron and gets his way - his Lover archetype is healthy and the scene where he returns her thistle moving. I see it as a gentle reminder of how we can be soft and romantic, especially faced with the woman we love, without losing our masculinity; that is precisely the gift of the Lover archetype.
William and Murron marry clandestinely in a forest clearing one night, to avoid the horrific implications of primae noctis.
Their marriage is a short one. Murron is killed by the local magistrate and William returns to avenge her. Having defeated the English troops, the clans soon rally behind William, looking to him for leadership. It seems that a man who is willing to risk, risks becoming a leader. And though he desired but peace and a family, William now finds himself the unlikely leader of a rebellion.
And thus he picks up the sword left by his father. There is something quite electric about a man's experience of getting to know, in his adult years most likely, his father's (sometimes well hidden) goodness and vision for life (this journey is described well in the movie Robin Hood). In being given the chance to bring a father's seed to fruition, a man finds in some well hidden, moist and mourning part of his heart enormous power of lineage.
The dark father
Enter Robert the Bruce, a key character and the main contender for the Scottish crown. I'm fascinated by him. He wants to do the right and noble thing, but is torn between his own inner conviction and the toxic advice from his rotting father. This miserable, forlorn man that hides in a tower is reminiscent of Darth Vader - powerful in a way, yet greedy for power to the point of losing his humanity (though even in him exists a soft spot where he mourns the life he didn't live). And just like Darth Vader, he is a Shadow Magician, a cynical manipulator.
It could be that we all have a dark father, and though that dark matter may (or may not) be but trace elements in our own biological father, there is something archetypal going on here. We all have, I believe, a man in a tower somewhere who tells us lies for our "own good". And when we heed his voice, we and those around us suffer. (Get to know that voice and fight it. That tower needs to burn! New age embrace won't work here.)
Robert is inspired by William and inspiration is something his father does not understand. For his is a closed heart, void of any juice and joy. Be real wary of taking advice from such a person.
Invading England
At the fields of Stirling, William rouses the Scottish troops and Argyle lingers on the wind as the Scotsmen rise their spears in defiance of English cavalry. Soon, the English tuck tail and a blood-stained William rises his sword as a roar of victory ripples through the weary troops. William's Warrior archetype is at the peak of its power.
Despite their defeat of the English Northern Army, the Scottish nobles remain one bickering crowd, as is often the case with those who care for politics (too much brain, too little heart and body). William is no politician. And his leadership is of a temporary kind - alive only as long as Scotland's sons and daughters don't know freedom. It's not that he is void of the King archetype, it's just that he is not destined to be the leader of a people. His vision is of a simple life: A house, a woman and children. He is not a ruler for times of peace.
No, Scotland's future leadership lies in the hands of Robert the Bruce and it is with the harmonizing grace of his King archetype that William finds the strength to invade England and claim York.
Things are looking up for Scotland. Though Murron, sadly, remains just as dead.
The dream collapses
Princess Isabelle, the French princess who marries Edward Longshank's effeminate, weakling son (trust the son of a tyrant to become a weakling), becomes William's unlikely ally. She is fascinated by him. He is a true man, unlike her wimpy husband and the rest of the shut down men that lurk England's halls of power. A woman would do a lot, it seems, to honor true manhood (having a mission in life is real sexy to a woman. Just ask one).
But the Scottish nobles honor power and property - what else is there to love when your non-integrity steals your self-fulfillment? Surely, hiding self-contempt with pursuits of material gain is no way to live! At Falkirk, they turn their backs on Scotland. Selfish, single-minded hunt for property destroys all men in the end.
When William in one scene pulls off the helmet of a knight who just charged him, only to realize it's Robert the Bruce, something important happens. William has trusted Robert and now he finds himself betrayed. As I watch this scene, a thought enters my mind: If I were to break the trust of a friend, I would want him to react like this. If this level of hurt is not present at my betrayal, it is a friendship not quite worth having. I am saying that from now on, I want Brotherhood above all else, and you simply don't betray a Brother (are you with me?).
Bruce is torn apart by his ravaging guilt and tries to put things right. But his dark father intervenes and William is captured by the English. Bruce's heart is decimated. William Wallace dies (with a scream that still echoes from my adolescent years).
It is with Murron's bridal cloth in hand that Bruce continues William's legacy and claims Scotland's freedom at the fields of Banockburn. We imagine that his heart is put at rest somehow by this, through some sort of spiritual alchemy inherent in fulfilling any true legacy. And we conclude that one Scottish man's love for a good woman carried within it the power to free a people.
Love and freedom. Really Brothers, what else is worth living for?
— , Irregular updates ()Finally, after some tech problems, here is the run-through of the survey results.
— , Irregular updates ()Connecting with the grief of a lost manhood
Mr X – that's what I will name our protagonist – is not a happy man. He is numb, empty, and the sensations of life are but a distant shimmer beyond the veils of his pointless existence. He is a shadow, mist moving silently through the wastelands of existence. But it has gone too far, and Mr. X has now gone looking for release from bondage in myriad support groups for victims of life-threatening diseases. His disease is not of the body, but of the soul. It seems to carry across it a huge phantom scar of the life that was never lived.
He becomes a support group junkie, addicted to the human bonding and emotional release he finds there. Letting go into his pain seems to be a significant part of his personal journey. Finally he sleeps again. But his plan goes awry when he discovers a similarly inclined mysterious woman – Marla – who starts appearing at workshops. She is another lost soul who uses the pain of others to leech on to what remains of herself. Mr. X (or «Jack» as the movie also suggest) finds in her a perfect mirror of his own dishonest, apathetic, and life-destructive ways and his life is turned upside down once more. «If I had a tumor, I would name it Marla.» He is angry now, and the grieving is over.
Introducing Tyler Durden
Tyler Durden first appears on an airplane. Tyler is a free spirit – rebellious, full of vitality, and with some deep insight into what Jack longs for (death itself). In fact, he seems to know Jack's inner world very well. «That's clever,» he responds to one of Jack's carefully crafted comments. «How's that working out for you? Being clever.» Tyler sees that Jack, like so many men, uses irony and cleverness to keep his deep feelings of emptiness at bay, and challenges him on it. Jack hardly notices.
Jack returns from his business trip to a blown up flat and finds all his Ikea crap, including his prized Yin-Yang table, scattered smouldering on the ground. So the two of them move in together, settling in a derelict building on Paper Street on the outskirts of town. It starts out innocent enough, Tyler and Jack punching each other among the dumpsters behind a bar. But soon enough, Tyler pulls Jack deeper into his red emotion, and he discovers there a plentiful cache of repressed anger that has been eating away at him from the inside. Every Saturday, they go to fight on the tarmac behind the bar in that particularly desolate part of town, and new recruits arrive every week.
Jack has lost everything, but now that he's stopped dulling his senses, he is connecting with a deeper part in himself. He finds greater freedom in embracing a life featuring only the bare necessities. «By the end of the first month, I didn't miss TV.» (ditch your TV guys, it's killing you slowly)
Reclaiming the inner wild man
Inside every man is a seat of power, with deep roots extending from it, penetrating the rich, nutritious soil of the dark collective subconscious of our male ancestry that is its foundation. Upon it sits a wild man, a creature moist and hairy, asleep. He dreams hopeful dreams of the day when his lost son returns to the kingdom to reawaken him – the one who waits in shadows – so that the painful separation can finally end.
Tyler is such a wild man. But he is not asleep, he is quite awake. And now he stands in front of his devoted brothers – or are they disciples? – proclaiming to them the terms of participation in his private arena. «The first rule of Fight Club is you do not speak about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is you do not speak about Fight Club.» Tyler demands from his men total secrecy. They move in shadows, like creatures of the night who find in darkness that which the light of day kept hidden. The source of their newly acquired vitality must be forever kept hidden.
This right here is incredibly profound. What is pointed to here is that this wild man has been pushed into oblivion, forced into damp cellars of the mind, so that the vessels of his essence – men across the planet – can be nice and servile little puppets of consumerism. He was first forced into hiding with the onset of the industrial revolution – when man was removed from his inner and outer nature – and now he is kept hidden in order to make possible the perpetuation of the widespread illusion that there is happiness to find in the pursuit of things, comfort and security. It suggests that men who want to reclaim their power must do so in secret, because masculine power has been deemed evil by society.
But for many men, fighting a friend can be an expression of love, a challenge for them to tap deeper into their power. This is something many women will never understand. When we men engage in such fighting, we are not being violent as much as we are challenging each other to be all we can be, to move from being trapped inside the head to being liberated into nature through the gateway of the body. Because society has become overfeminized and oversensitive, masculine love and masculine violence are lumped into the same category.
This turns the world into a spiritual wasteland for many men, for they can no longer access the seat of their power in a way that is condoned by society, and so become forever trapped in mental motions. The emptiness of this wasteland is the emptiness that Jack intuits, and its widespread damage on men's psyche is the cue for Tyler's invitation to go deeper into the shit of existence.
Tyler's wisdom
The true genius of Tyler is threefold: He exposes the complete dysfunction of our culture's basic assumptions about happiness, he shows the tremendous damage this delusion causes in the psyche of men, and he points to how inadequate existing feminine structures of bonding are in healing the wounds of a man who has lost contact with his wild ancestral roots.
In one scene, Tyler pours highly corrosive chemicals on Jack's hand and forces him to journey through the pain, as a means to access the power that comes from embracing death. Jack wants to escape, through methods he learned from women in the support groups.
- I'm going to my cave to find my power animal.
- No! Don't deal with this the way those dead people do!Come on!
- I get the point!
- No! You're feeling premature enlightenment. It's the greatest moment of your life, and you're off somewhere else!In this scene, Tyler makes me contemplate the fact that much modern spirituality is about escaping life, not embracing it. It is about seeing the oneness of all things, seeing everything as love, everyone as beautiful. That is all fine, but lest the wild man is contained therein, lest we can see that shit of existence that Tyler Durden almost worships, it is castrated, escapist, and devoid of true potential to liberate any man. When people gather to talk about all that is happy, bright, and wonderful in the world, without being willing to embrace the inherent suffering of it all, the wild man falls into deeper sleep.
That wild man is the force within you that considers talk of flowers, meadows and butterflies (as long as it's part of an escapist philosophy) to be total bullshit. Nobody appreciates these things more than the wild man, but he does so from a grounded place of pure connection, and not from a dissociated ascension trip while trying to escape pain. The wild man knows that only on the other side of embracing the pangs of existence can nature's true appreciation occur. And when man does not appreciate nature, and gets stuck in living life as a constant evasive maneuver, bad things occur.
Society's disconnection from nature
We should now look at one of the most important statements this movie makes. Jack is working as a recall coordinator for a major car manufacturer. He investigates the damage caused when a car malfunctions, and calculates whether his employer will be better served financially by keeping dangerous cars driving on roads or if they should recall them to avoid standing responsible to plaintiffs in the courts. He turns the deaths of real people into numbers in financial estimates.
This is the society we have made. This is what happens when people turn complacent and docile as long as their private little bubbles are intact. This is what happens when people become so thoroughly hypnotized by consumerism and the overstimulation of media that we disconnect from the reality of others. And the very same people, people like you and me, who are willing to let people die to avoid having to pull our heads out of the sand, have the nerve to condemn people who engage in fist fights as medieval savages.
This is somewhat paradoxical. When we hypnotize ourselves out of our own misery, we let others die without batting an eyelid. We destroy the planet and think nothing of it. And to retain some sense of righteousness, we condemn others who are guilty of crime with fierceness.
That condemnation, unfortunately, is our personal guarantee that we are no different than they are, for if there's anything Jung has taught us, it is that those who you condemn are nothing but shadows of repressed parts of your own psyche. Wars are made in these ways. «You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake,» Tyler tells his army.
There is something here for you. The illusion that we are special is a huge problem in modern, narcissistic society, and keeps us men apart from our true potential. For when we are "special", we live for recognition. Only when we embrace that we are just another human being is the humility in place to make us truly special. Only when we embrace that we are not special are we ready for true masculine power, true masculine spirituality. Embrace that you are not special and your eyes will open to nature's transcendent beauty. You become able to, like Katsumoto in The Last Samurai, realize the perfection in a cherry blossom. I propose that before we get our hands dirty, any recognition of that perfection is likely to be part of the carefully crafted escape route many of us lay out in order to avoid growing up.
Conclusion
There aren't only good things to be said about the view of our world that Fight Club presents. Far from it. And reality is perhaps not as bleak as it suggests. It should also be noted that too much goes wrong towards the end of the story to embrace the path these men walk. More than offering a solution, Fight Club describes the problem. And it does so extremely well. What happens to the man who disconnects from his true nature in order to serve the petty interests of his comfort-seeking ego and a dysfunctional society? The answer is for you to find.
— , Irregular updates ()[caption id="attachment_1140" align="alignright" width="416" caption="Leaving Neverland (and the awesome collection of poetry I also received today)"][/caption]
Just got a new book delivery from my good friend Ann Kristin out in Australia (she's who connected me with Uncle Bob). It's called Finding Neverland - Why little boys shouldn't run big corporations and is written by a bloke by the name of Daniel Prokop.
Check this out (from the back of the book):
In the Western world, it seems that most adults don't want to grow up but have lost the joy and freedom of being childlike and in a desperate attempt to stay young forever have achieved eternal childishness, rather than eternal youth.
Phew!
When little boys in designer suits convinced authorities that they should be put in charge of the banking cookie jar, we shouldn't be surprised when they help themselves to the cookies
And when little boys playing in the Gulf of Mexico break one of their shiny toys and make a catastrophic mess, sure it is obvious that it is time for us to leave Neverland.
In this fascinating, humorous and provocative book, Daniel Prokop argues that contemporary Rites of Passage offer us all a timely way to finally grow up.
And possibly save the world.
This could be a good read!
— Miranda, Mrs. Doubtfire (1993)Miranda (to Daniel): I bring home a birthday cake and a few gifts; you bring home the Goddamn San Diego Zoo. And I have to clean up after it!
— , Irregular updates ()Today we don’t have any myths to tell our children in the modern world. Fortunately we can rely on the myths that are transmitted through the movies. A good example of a movie that I let my boys watch is Disney’s modern classic The Lion King since it contains many good lesions for a boy - and for a man - to learn.
The beginning
The story features Simba who is born and hailed as the next king after his father, the current lion king Mufasa who teaches his son about the ‘circel of life’ and what it takes to be a king. Mufasa’s brother Scar, however, wants the throne for himself and uses his cunning to try to get rid of both Mufasa and Simba.
First he tricks the young and eager Simba to go to the elephant graveyard where Scar’s allies, the hyenas, await him. Mufasa saves him from the hyenas and teaches Simba that courage is not absence of fear and certainly not rushing into danger. A king needs to be much wiser and more mature than so.
Next time Scar succeeds with his plan when he lures Simba into a ravine where his hyena companions set a heard of gnus on the runaway in his direction. Scar then tells Mufasa who rushes to his son’s rescue. He barely manages to get Simba to safety but finds himself hanging from a cliff where Scar can give him the final blow and throw him to his death. Scar then convinces Simba that it was Simba’s fault and sends the hyenas after him. Then Scar can claim the throne along with his hyena friends.
New start - new rules
Simba, who managed to escape, is found in the desert by the meerkat Timon and the warthog Pumbaa who adopt and raise Simba with guidance from their own problem-free philosophy Hakuna matata – no worries! And no responsibilities! Just put your past behind you, bad things happen and there is nothing you can do about it. And instead of hunting pray Simba learns to eat bugs and worms. Timon literary files his claws down.
Isn’t this the perfect illustration of the condition of the modern man? Being cut off from the past, from our own source of ancient masculinity, from our own identity. Feeling a pressure to stop oppressing women, stop destroying the world, stop being in the way, and where masculinity is viewed as a something that is destructive and problematic per se, even leaving us with a strong sense of guilt and shame. Trying to find guidance in self-help books telling us to be more in the present, to give up all identity, to forgive the past or just to be nice, happy and harmless.
In the now grown up Simba’s case he can recognize that something is missing in his life, a loneliness despite his friendly and caring company. Fruitlessly, he searches for his father in the stars where he was told to find him and all other kings of the past.
Simba awakens
But Simbas masculine powers are soon to be awaken by two visits. First by his childhood friend Nala, now a lioness, who opens Simba’s heart as they quickly fall in love as they were destined. But when she urges him to return and challenge Scar to the throne he reverts to his old strategy of “Hakuna matata”, thus escaping from his responsibility to Nala’s great disappointment.
His lack of courage isn’t exactly attractive to the lioness, but her main concern is that her savanna has been turned into a wasteland by Scar’s mismanagement. Scar was never interested or wise enough to respect the nature’s balance and the circle of life, he was only in it for his own gain and is now bored by the situation that he obviously cannot handle.
Next the old wise mandrill Rafiki pays Simba a visit and just like a zen master or a jester he guides Simba into some deep soulwork in order to find his father and get in contact with his true self. In a scene that resembles Luke Skywalker’s jedi training Simba follows Rafiki through a dark and shady forest and finding not Darth Vader but his father Mufasa in his own reflection in the water, in the bottom of his own soul. “He lives in you” Rafiki says.
Then Simba hears Mufasa’s voice telling him that he has forgotten about his father and forgotten who he is. Simba thought that his father had abandoned him, but it was really he who hadn't dared to look for him from the guilt he still carries. In order to find his father and all the past kings he now has to remember who he is, and that is much more than what he has become up till now.
The return of the king
Simba is far from done in his work with himself but nevertheless he knows that he has to return to free his country from Scar’s reign with the aid of his friends Nala, Timon and Pumbaa. Simba may be the stronger of the two combatants, but Scar has the psychological advantage. Simba still believes that he is guilty of his father’s death, which Scar uses to his advantage when he forces Simba to the edge of the cliff, just as his father.
Unfortunately for Scar, his pride betrays him as he cannot resist telling Simba that he killed Mufasa. What’s the point of being cunning and outwitting everyone if there’s no one to share it with and no one to admire it, something practically all movie villains seem to think.
And with that all Simba’s destructive energy of guilt that until now has been turned inwards is released and transformed into pure rage within a blink of an eye and Simba can counter attack. Now Simba has reached his full potential and he can defeat Scar and the hyenas can be driven out of the country.
The circle is closed and continued
The movie ends as it started with Rafiki lifting the new lion cub, Simba’s and Nala’s son, to be hailed by all the animals of the lands as the next king – that is, if he can grow up to be one. And the circle of life continues.
— , Irregular updates ()[caption id="attachment_1492" align="alignright" width="400" caption="This fairy tale comes from the treasure troves of the Grimm Brothers"][/caption]Translated by Professor D. L. Ashliman. I hope you will enjoy this fairy tale. The significance of it in the context of male maturity will be discussed in a
few dayscoming e-book.A father had two sons. The oldest one was clever and intelligent, and knew how to manage everything, but the youngest one was stupid and could neither understand nor learn anything. When people saw him, they said, "He will be a burden on his father!"
Now when something had to be done, it was always the oldest son who had to do it. However, if the father asked him fetch anything when it was late, or even worse, at night, and if the way led through the churchyard or some other spooky place, he would always answer, "Oh, no, father, I won't go there. It makes me shudder!" For he was afraid.
In the evening by the fire when stories were told that made one's flesh creep, the listeners sometimes said, "Oh, that makes me shudder!" The youngest son would sit in a corner and listen with the others, but he could not imagine what they meant.
"They are always saying, 'It makes me shudder! It makes me shudder!' It does not make me shudder. That too must be a skill that I do not understand."
Now it happened that one day his father said to him, "Listen, you there in the corner. You are getting big and strong. You too will have to learn something by which you can earn your bread. See how your brother puts himself out, but there seems to be no hope for you."
"Well, father," he answered, "I do want to learn something. Indeed, if possible I would like to learn how to shudder. I don't understand that at all yet."
The oldest son laughed when he heard that, and thought to himself, "Dear God, what a dimwit that brother of mine is. Nothing will come of him as long as he lives. As the twig is bent, so grows the tree."
The father sighed, and answered him, "You may well learn to shudder, but you will not earn your bread by shuddering."
Soon afterward the sexton came to the house on a visit, and the father complained to him about his troubles, telling him how his younger son was so stupid in everything, that he knew nothing and was learning nothing. "Just think," he said, "when I asked him how he was going to earn his bread, he actually asked to learn to shudder."
"If there is nothing more than that," replied the sexton, "he can learn that with me. Just send him to me. I will plane off his rough edges."
The father agreed to do this, for he thought, "It will do the boy well."
So the sexton took him home with him, and he was to ring the church bell. A few days later the sexton awoke him at midnight and told him to get up, climb the church tower, and ring the bell.
"You will soon learn what it is to shudder," he thought. He secretly went there ahead of him. After the boy had reached the top of the tower, had turned around and was about to take hold of the bell rope, he saw a white figure standing on the steps opposite the sound hole.
"Who is there?" he shouted, but the figure gave no answer, neither moving nor stirring. "Answer me," shouted the boy, "or get out of here. You have no business here at night."
The sexton, however, remained standing there motionless so that the boy would think he was a ghost.
The boy shouted a second time, "What do you want here? Speak if you are an honest fellow, or I will throw you down the stairs."
The sexton thought, "He can't seriously mean that." He made not a sound and stood as if he were made of stone.
Then the boy shouted to him for the third time, and as that also was to no avail, he ran toward him and pushed the ghost down the stairs. It fell down ten steps and remained lying there in a corner. Then the boy rang the bell, went home, and without saying a word went to bed and fell asleep.
The sexton's wife waited a long time for her husband, but he did not come back. Finally she became frightened and woke up the boy, asking, "Don't you know where my husband is? He climbed up the tower before you did."
"No," replied the boy, "but someone was standing by the sound hole on the other side of the steps, and because he would neither give an answer nor go away, I took him for a thief and threw him down the steps. Go there and you will see if he was the one. I am sorry if he was."
The woman ran out and found her husband, who was lying in the corner moaning. He had broken his leg. She carried him down, and then crying loudly she hurried to the boy's father. "Your boy," she shouted, "has caused a great misfortune. He threw my husband down the steps, causing him to break his leg. Take the good-for-nothing out of our house."
The father was alarmed, and ran to the sexton's house, and scolded the boy. "What evil tricks are these? The devil must have prompted you to do them."
"Father," he replied, "do listen to me. I am completely innocent. He was standing there in the night like someone with evil intentions. I did not know who it was, and I warned him three times to speak or to go away."
"Oh," said the father, "I have experienced nothing but unhappiness with you. Get out of my sight. I do not want to look at you anymore."
"Yes, father, and gladly. Just wait until daylight, and I will go forth and learn how to shudder. Then I shall have a skill that will support me."
"Learn what you will," said the father. "It is all the same to me. Here are fifty talers for you. Take them and go into the wide world, but tell no one where you come from, or who your father is, because I am ashamed of you."
"Yes, father, I will do just as you wish. If that is all you want from me, I can easily remember it."
So at daybreak the boy put his fifty talers into his pocket, and went forth on the main road, continually saying to himself, "If only I could shudder! If only I could shudder!"
A man came up to him and heard this conversation that the boy was holding with himself, and when they had walked a little farther to where they could see the gallows, the man said to him, "Look, there is the tree where seven men got married to the rope maker's daughter, and are now learning how to fly. Sit down beneath it, and wait until night comes, and then you will learn how to shudder."
"If there is nothing more than that," answered the boy, "I can do it easily. But if I learn how to shudder that quickly, you shall have my fifty talers. Just come back to me tomorrow morning."
Then the boy went to the gallows, sat down beneath them, and waited until evening. Because he was cold, he made himself a fire. However, at midnight there came up such a cold wind that in spite of his fire he could not get warm. And as the wind pushed the hanged men against each other, causing them to move to and fro, he thought, "You are freezing down here next to the fire. Those guys up there must really be freezing and suffering." Feeling pity for them, he put up the ladder, and climbed up, untied them, one after the other, and then brought down all seven.
Then he stirred up the fire, blew into it, and set them all around it to warm themselves. But they just sat there without moving, and their clothes caught fire. So he said, "Be careful, or I will hang you up again."
The dead men, however, heard nothing and said nothing, and they let their rags continue to burn. This made him angry, and he said, "If you won't be careful, I can't help you. I don't want to burn up with you." So he hung them up again all in a row. Then he sat down by his fire and fell asleep.
The next morning the man came to him and wanted to have the fifty talers. He said, "Well, do you know how to shudder?"
"No," he answered. "Where would I have learned it? Those fellows up there did not open their mouths. They were so stupid that they let the few old rags which they had on their bodies catch fire."
Then the man saw that he would not be getting the fifty talers that day. He went away saying, "Never before have I met such a fellow."
The boy went on his way as well, and once more began muttering to himself, " Oh, if only I could shudder! Oh, if only I could shudder!"
A cart driver who was walking along behind him heard this and asked, "Who are you?"
"I don't know," replied the boy.
Then the cart driver asked, "Where do you come from?"
"I don't know."
"Who is your father?"
"I am not permitted to say."
"What are you always muttering to yourself?"
"Oh," replied the boy, "I want to be able shudder, but no one can teach me how."
"Stop that foolish chatter," said the cart driver. "Come, walk along with me, and I will see that I get a place for you."
The boy went with the cart driver, and that evening they came to an inn where they decided to spend the night. On entering the main room, the boy again said quite loudly, "If only I could shudder! If only I could shudder!"
Hearing this, the innkeeper laughed and said, "If that is your desire, there should be a good opportunity for you here."
"Oh, be quiet," said the innkeeper's wife. "Too many meddlesome people have already lost their lives. It would be a pity and a shame if his beautiful eyes would never again see the light of day."
But the boy said, "I want to learn to shudder, however difficult it may be. That is why I left home."
He gave the innkeeper no rest, until the latter told him that there was a haunted castle not far away where a person could very easily learn how to shudder, if he would just keep watch there for three nights. The king had promised that whoever would dare to do this could have his daughter in marriage, and she was the most beautiful maiden under the sun. Further, in the castle there were great treasures, guarded by evil spirits. These treasures would then be freed, and would make a poor man rich enough. Many had entered the castle, but no one had come out again.
The next morning the boy went to the king and said, "If it be allowed, I will keep watch three nights in the haunted castle."
The king looked at him, and because the boy pleased him, he said, "You may ask for three things to take into the castle with you, but they must be things that are not alive."
To this the boy replied, "Then I ask for a fire, a lathe, and a woodcarver's bench with a knife."
The king had all these things carried into the castle for him during the day. When night was approaching, the boy went inside and made himself a bright fire in one of the rooms, placed the woodcarver's bench and knife beside it, and sat down at the lathe.
"Oh, if only I could shudder!" he said. "But I won't learn it here either."
Towards midnight he decided to stir up his fire. He was just blowing into it when a cry suddenly came from one of the corners, "Au, meow! How cold we are!"
"You fools," he shouted, "what are you crying about? If you are cold, come and sit down by the fire and warm yourselves."
When he had said that, two large black cats came with a powerful leap and sat down on either side of him, looking at him savagely with their fiery eyes.
A little while later, after warming themselves, they said, "Comrade, shall we play a game of cards?"
"Why not?" he replied, "But first show me your paws."
So they stretched out their claws.
"Oh," he said, "what long nails you have. Wait. First I will have to trim them for you."
With that he seized them by their necks, put them on the woodcarver's bench, and tightened them into the vice by their feet. "I have been looking at your fingers," he said, "and my desire to play cards has disappeared," and he struck them dead and threw them out into the water.
After he had put these two to rest, he was about to sit down again by his fire, when from every side and every corner there came black cats and black dogs on red-hot chains. More and more of them appeared until he could no longer move. They shouted horribly, then jumped into his fire and pulled it apart, trying to put it out.
He quietly watched them for a little while, but finally it was too much for him, and he seized his carving-knife, and cried, "Away with you, you villains!" and hacked away at them. Some of them ran away, the others he killed, and threw out into the pond. When he came back he blew into the embers of his fire until they flamed up again, and warmed himself.
As he thus sat there, his eyes would no longer stay open, and he wanted to fall asleep. Looking around, he saw a large bed in the corner. "That is just what I wanted," he said, and lay down in it. However, as he was about to shut his eyes, the bed began to move by itself, going throughout the whole castle.
"Good," he said, "but let's go faster."
Then the bed rolled on as if six horses were harnessed to it, over thresholds and stairways, up and down. But then suddenly, hop, hop, it tipped upside down and lay on him like a mountain. But he threw the covers and pillows into the air, climbed out, and said, "Now anyone who wants to may drive." Then he lay down by his fire, and slept until it was day.
In the morning the king came, and when he saw him lying there on the ground, he thought that the ghosts had killed him and that he was dead. Then said he, "It is indeed a pity to lose such a handsome person."
The boy heard this, got up, and said, "It hasn't come to that yet."
The king was astonished, but glad, and asked how he had fared.
"Very well," he replied. "One night is past. The two others will pass as well."
When he returned to the innkeeper, the latter looked astonished and said, "I did not think that I'd see you alive again. Did you learn how to shudder?"
"No," he said, "it is all in vain. If someone could only tell me how."
The second night he again went up to the old castle, sat down by the fire, and began his old song once more, "If only I could shudder!"
As midnight was approaching he heard a noise and commotion. At first it was soft, but then louder and louder. Then it was a little quiet, and finally, with a loud scream, half of a man came down the chimney and fell in front of him.
"Hey!" he shouted. "Another half belongs here. This is too little."
Then the noise began again. With roaring and howling the other half fell down as well.
"Wait," he said. "Let me blow on the fire and make it burn a little warmer for you."
When he had done that and looked around again. The two pieces had come together, and a hideous man was sitting in his place.
"That wasn't part of the wager," said the boy. "That bench is mine."
The man wanted to force him aside, but the boy would not let him, instead pushing him away with force, and then sitting down again in his own place.
Then still more men fell down, one after the other. They brought nine bones from dead men and two skulls, then set them up and bowled with them.
The boy wanted to play too and said, "Listen, can I bowl with you?"
"Yes, if you have money."
"Money enough," he answered, "but your bowling balls are not quite round." Then he took the skulls, put them in the lathe and turned them round.
"There, now they will roll better," he said. "Hey! This will be fun!"
He played with them and lost some of his money, but when the clock struck twelve, everything disappeared before his eyes. He lay down and peacefully fell asleep.
The next morning the king came to learn what had happened. "How did you do this time?" he asked.
"I went bowling," he answered, "and lost a few pennies."
"Did you shudder?"
"How?" he said. "I had great fun, but if I only knew how to shudder."
On the third night he sat down again on his bench and said quite sadly, "If only I could shudder!"
When it was late, six large men came in carrying a coffin. At this he said, "Aha, for certain that is my little cousin, who died a few days ago." Then he motioned with his finger and cried out, "Come, little cousin, come."
They put the coffin on the ground. He went up to it and took the lid off. A dead man lay inside. He felt his face, and it was cold as ice.
"Wait," he said, "I will warm you up a little." He went to the fire and warmed his own hand, then laid it on the dead man's face, but the dead man remained cold. Then he took him out, sat down by the fire, and laid him on his lap, rubbing the dead man's arms to get the blood circulating again.
When that did not help either, he thought to himself, "When two people lie in bed together, they keep each other warm." So he carried the dead man to the bed, put him under the covers, and lay down next to him. A little while later the dead man became warm too and began to move.
The boy said, "See, little cousin, I got you warm, didn't I?"
But the dead man cried out, "I am going to strangle you."
"What?" he said. "Is that my thanks? Get back into your coffin!" Then he picked him up, threw him inside, and shut the lid. Then the six men came and carried him away again.
"I cannot shudder," he said. "I won't learn it here as long as I live."
Then a man came in. He was larger than all others, and looked frightful. But he was old and had a long white beard.
"You wretch," he shouted, "you shall soon learn what it is to shudder, for you are about to die."
"Not so fast," answered the boy. "If I am to die, I will have to be there."
"I've got you," said the monster.
"Now, now, don't boast. I am just as strong as you are, and probably even stronger."
"We shall see," said the old man. "If you are stronger than I am, I shall let you go. Come, let's put it to the test."
Then the old man led him through dark passageways to a blacksmith's forge, took an ax, and with one blow drove one of the anvils into the ground.
"I can do better than that," said the boy, and went to the other anvil. The old man stood nearby, wanting to look on. His white beard hung down. The boy seized the ax and split the anvil with one blow, wedging the old man's beard in the crack.
"Now I have you," said the boy. "Now it is your turn to die." Then he seized an iron bar and beat the old man until he moaned and begged him to stop, promising that he would give him great riches. The boy pulled out the ax and released him. The old man led him back into the castle, and showed him three chests full of gold in a cellar.
"Of these," he said, "one is for the poor, the second one is for the king, and the third one is yours."
Meanwhile it struck twelve, and the spirit disappeared, leaving the boy standing in the dark. "I can find my own way out," he said. Feeling around, he found his way to the bedroom, and fell asleep by his fire.
The next morning the king came and said, "By now you must have learned how to shudder."
"No," he answered. "What is it? My dead cousin was here, and a bearded man came and showed me a large amount of money down below, but no one showed me how to shudder."
Then the king said, "You have redeemed the castle, and shall marry my daughter."
"That is all very well," said the boy, "but I still do not know how to shudder."
Then the gold was brought up, and the wedding celebrated, but however much the young king loved his wife, and however happy he was, he still was always saying, "If only I could shudder. If only I could shudder." With time this made her angry.
Her chambermaid said, "I can help. I know how he can learn to shudder."
She went out to the brook that flowed through the garden, and caught a whole bucketful of minnows. That night when the young king was asleep, his wife was to pull the covers off him and pour the bucketful of cold water and minnows onto him, so that the little fishes would wriggle all over him.
When she did this, he woke up crying out, "Oh, what is making me shudder? What is making me shudder, dear wife? Yes, now I know how to shudder."
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My mission as a coach is to meet you in the most personal, authentic way I can. I will bring my presence and deep desire to really understand what life is like for you. In working with men for years, I've come to understand that what's most important to you is to feel seen, heard, respected, honored and challenged. I bring my theoretical background as well as my own life experience, heart, gut and balls to the session with you.
Feedback I've received from men who have been going to mainstream psychologists and therapists include "why have noone asked me this before?" or "this is what I was looking for in all those years of therapy". My takeaway is that a lot of professionals out there have forgotten the art of truly connecting on a human-to-human level with their clients.
My coaching practice is based on my expertise on archetypes, my involvement in men's groups for years, leadership trainings with various organizations, my studies and writings here on this site, more than a decade of meditating and burning in my all-consuming passion for inner growth, facilitation of workshops and courses on communication as well as a deep-seated and inborn sensitivity and intuition.
My primary purpose is to bring a no-bullshit approach to our work together and to challenge you to embrace your greatness. I will not sit idly by when you're beating yourself up. I will defend the best parts of you when you've forgotten how.
My desire for you is that you embrace who you are right now. I'm not one of those guys who will encourage you to start repairing yourself. That's just self-hating bullshit. I will encourage you to embrace who you are, warts and all, because I know that's the true start of personal empowerment, healing and maturity.
And while you may be perfect as you are, you can probably use some improvement. That's true for us all and my inspiration for you is to embrace yourself sufficiently to remove fear of what is and masochism out of life. From there, we can really start co-creating a new and empowered life for you.
My background
- Been running this site since January 2009 and have reached thousands of men the world over
- Facilitated men's groups since 2010
- Involved in Mankind Project and started Scandinavia's first real iGroup in 2011
- Practiced meditation since year 2000
- Had a kundalini awakening in 2006 which has taken me, with time, into tantric realms of sexuality
- Have been deep into Tibetan Buddhism and travelled twice on pilgrimage to India
- Translated David Deida to Norwegian
- Founded Authentic World Norway together with Bryan Bayer
- Organized the first ever retreat in Europe with Authentic World's Decker Cunov
- Expert on KWML archetypes and my article on them is featured in the top 3 list on Google
- Have developed several courses and workshops, which I put on locally in Oslo, Norway. One of these is a weekend workshop on the KWML archetypes.
Prices January 1, 2013
100$ per session, to be paid in advance via Paypal. (But for a limited time, you can get a coaching lesson for $50).
If you want to work with me, send me a message on the contact page.
Testimonials
The first that comes to my mind is;
Fun, exciting and refreshing.
The feeling of brotherhood (and not therapist/client relationship) and equal respect is always present, no matter how nervous, low or disconnected I feel. This is a beautiful thing to experience, since Ive personaly have not had much experience with this kind of relationship earlier. Neither with friends nor therapists. And this experience of brotherhood alone has been a very healing experience in many different areas in my life.
Eivind has a way of reaching out and giving a hand no matter where I am at, feeling that he truly shares excitement and honours every step of my journey into the discoveries of my world, be it the beautifull or the ugly, everything is appreciated and honoured. This is and awesome space to be in!
My biggest appreciation to Eivind is about the discoveries I made, because It could have taken me years of more hard work with something that never worked anyways. Ive been trying to solve my problems with the stick instead of the carrot all these years. And this has haulted my self-development, and causing a mess in numeourus areas of my life.
Thank you for helping me to discover how much i missed the ability to say “FUCK OFF” when it is appropiate, and staying with me while I establish the refreshing vision of wanting to take the world by the balls.
– Benjamin
“Eivind sees me like noone ever has. He's genuinely interested in helping me and what he's offering is something I've never experienced elsewhere. I'm confident in recommending him to others who struggle with fitting into contemporary society. Eivind will listen to you and respond to you as a fully embodied human being, not as a statistic on a form."
– Luis
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a:11:{s:10:"aria-label";s:0:"";s:4:"type";s:4:"text";s:12:"instructions";s:40:"Use the YouTube id (just the key itself)";s:8:"required";i:0;s:17:"conditional_logic";i:0;s:7:"wrapper";a:3:{s:5:"width";s:0:"";s:5:"class";s:0:"";s:2:"id";s:0:"";}s:13:"default_value";s:0:"";s:9:"maxlength";i:11;s:11:"placeholder";s:0:"";s:7:"prepend";s:0:"";s:6:"append";s:0:"";}— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()Quintus: "People should know when they're beaten!" Maximus: "Would you, Quintus? Would I?"
— , Irregular updates ()Hey Guys,
This weekend, I started setting up a new section of the site. I called it Become a man!. I wondered to myself if the name was cheesy or inspiring. What do you think?
Anyway, on this part of the site, I intend to bring you information about great products that you can buy online to kickstart your work towards a mature manhood. Trust me when I say I've been through a fair share of these already, including pretty much everything that the Authentic Man Program have to offer.
Speaking of which, they're doing a hardcore integrity immersion experience now called "The List". I have signed up for it. So has my buddy Peter (the dude who wrote the article about Gnosticism). Wanna join me?
And if you know of any other great programs to feature on the Become a man! section, please don't hesitate to tell me.
Cheers!
— , Irregular updates ()The core of man's spirit comes from new experiences.
— , Irregular updates ()This dude is a serious inspiration. He reminds me of some amazing kids I met in india.
So what's your excuse?
I realized something today: The deeper I touch down in my own mature masculinity, the more awestruck and mystified I am by the Feminine. I have moved from thinking I could figure women out to realizing I don't want to. In all their infinite complexity, chaos and delight, I'd rather just enjoy the mystery they represent. I found this quite liberating.— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()There's not enough of me to go around. That's the feeling I've been having lately. I'm involved in many activities and they're all rewarding. And as long as I work a normal job four days a week, time is limited.
The big thing for me this fall has been my involvement with Authentic World. Bryan Bayer visited Oslo at the beginning of October to attend the Morten Hake Summit. The following Monday, Bryan and I put on event together following their Authentic Games Night formula which took off. A third of that group signed up to Authentic World courses on the spot and pretty much everyone there seemed to love what was going on. The room was on fire.
In the wake of that, Bryan and I realized there is so much interest here that we should start up some sort of activities. And all of a sudden I was the head of Authentic World Norway. So that's taking time - particularly facilitating the currently ongoing Authentic Community Leadership course. We're a group of more than a dozen Norwegians who meet up every Sunday to learn how to facilitate and inspire authenticity in our respective communities. It is very rewarding work.
Just this last Wednesday, we had our first trial run of an all-Norwegian Authentic Games Night. Everyone seemed to love it and we're all hungry for more. I was facilitating with my buddy Pål Christian Buntz, who I will be working more with in the time to come. We're a good team.
All of this means that I haven't had as much time as I'd like to work on Masculinity-Movies. No time at all to be honest. But for me personally, it's all part of the same "energy". But I don't think that's necessarily the case with you readers.
Let me tell you that I was incredibly inspired to hear a man tell me the other day that reading my reviews had served as some sort of defining moment on his own personal journey. That reminded me of why I'm doing this. And I'm still committed.
In 2012, I will take more of my work into the world in the form of talks, workshops and media presence. In May, I will be speaking at a conference in Frankfurt (Men and the Future: Sex, Authenticity And Power). Maybe all these activities will mean that I can start making a living from this at long last. Too early to tell, but it feels good.
I'll be with you with more material soon. I've been happy to see that the site has lived on just fine without my ongoing contributions to it. That makes me inspire to think what may happen if I start working hard on it again.
Have a great weekend!
— , Irregular updates ()Eivind is a 35-year-old man from Norway. He is an award-winning webdesigner, workshop facilitator and guide for many younger men. He is also an authority on Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette's system of archetypes King, Warrior, Magician, Lover.
Eivind founded Authentic Norway, a branch of US-based Authentic World in 2011. Through AW, he and his team offer fun and edgy communications training to the locals of Oslo, Norway and challenges them to drop their masks and get real with one another.
He has been on an intense quest to find his own power, freedom and embodiment in life since his early 20s, when he was overwhelmed by the challenges of life. Unmentored and afraid, he set off into the world of spirituality, emerging from that spiritual bypass at 28 years old. Life and women were calling more strongly than the now-faded promise of enlightenment.
Eivind founded masculinity-movies.com at the start of 2009. It started with basis in a conceptual understanding of the challenges of embodying a new type of masculinity in the world, inspired by luminaries such as David Deida and Ken Wilber. He was also deeply inspired by his desire to show up fully in his relationship with his then-girlfriend.
It's only in the last year, however, that he has truly tasted, and only at times, what this new form of masculinity might look like.
After taking a break from Masculinity-Movies.com for about a year (in order to embody the message more fully), Eivind is now recommitting to spreading the word about this new type of masculinity - both heart and spine. And the lens of movies remains his favorite way of broaching the subject. (Aug 2013)
My background
- Went through a crisis in my early 20s, where I feared I was going insane
- Went into spiritual practice to address the enormous fear I had of becoming a psychotic murderer
- Discovered many years later I was heavily into spiritual bypassing and started my true path of alchemy and descent
- Have transmuted my wounds from my early 20s (which were around repressed power and sexuality) into my gifts to the world
- Been running this site since January 2009 and have reached thousands of men the world over
- Facilitated men's groups since 2010
- Involved in Mankind Project and started Scandinavia's first real iGroup in 2011
- Practiced meditation since year 2000
- Had a kundalini awakening in 2006 which has taken me, with time, into tantric realms of sexuality
- Have been deep into Tibetan Buddhism and travelled twice on pilgrimage to India
- Translated David Deida to Norwegian
- Founded Authentic Norway together with Bryan Bayer
- Organized the first ever retreat in Europe with Authentic World's Decker Cunov
- Internationally recognized expert on KWML archetypes and my article on them is featured in the top 3 list on Google
- Have developed several courses and workshops, which I put on locally in Oslo, Norway. One of these is a weekend workshop on the KWML archetypes.
- Leadership training with Celebration of Being
- Certified Circling-facilitator with Authentic World in Boulder, Colorado.
- Intimate with the territory of darkness, depression and insanity and will put my life on the line to defend the notion that they’re the gateways to your deepest gifts to the world
Links
— Quintus & Maximus, Gladiator (2000)Quintus: "People should know when they're beaten!" Maximus: "Would you, Quintus? Would I?"
[caption id="attachment_1539" align="alignright" width="268" caption="The evening's selected movie"][/caption]— , Irregular updates ()Masculinity Movies LIVE #5 has come and gone. It was a great evening with several new faces. Unfortunately, the event crashed with two other events which drew participants who would normally attend MM LIVE. Still, we were a nice, dynamic group of seven and had a thoroughly good time.
"I love you, man" is a movie which has not yet been reviewed on the site. It's a comedy about Peter Klaven, a man who is to marry his beloved, but who has no close male friends to stand as his best man. He has spent most his life focusing on his relationships and all male friendships have been neglected. Peter is a thoroughly nice, soft and gentle guy - a man very much out of touch with the Red inside himself (the primal masculine force).
Then Sydney enters his life and all of a sudden he has a friend – and a friend who is much more in tune with his animal masculinity than Peter himself. The movie is about their friendship, their differences and qualities that they inspire in each other and is an enjoyable ride full of poignant insights into the modern male.
After the movie, we explored some questions in dyads (groups of two men). They were "Do you spend more time with men or women? Why?". We also explored "What do you most long for in friendships with men – being challenged or accepted as you are?" as well as "does homophobia ever limit the depth of your male friendships?".
All but one man longed first and foremost for being accepted for who they were. But this is not a binary equation of course so we completed the evening with an exercise in which we combined these two qualities - challenge and acceptance. The man stood facing each other and were told to fully accept the other and to challenge him when his consciousness was slipping, by being physical with him if necessary.
This exercise completely opened the room and the men started connecting at a deeper level. Men being physical with each other always leads to more juice and consciousness. This exercise is also a nice exploration of the dynamic relationship between the Lover and the Warrior archetype, which is also central in the movie. I spoke about the importance of having a strong internal Warrior to guard the vulnerable Lover within (and could have added that we need a Lover to keep the Warrior from sadism). I suggested that unless we are able to fully accept someone, we are not able to fully challenge him – and vice versa.
I have explored these archetypes and their inter-being on the dance floor doing five rhythms lately and have learned a lot from that. For me, that was a big takeaway – introducing the same energy into the group and feeling the valves open.
All in all, it was a great night, one which made me realize that I want to tie these evenings more closely to the KWML archetype model.
— , Irregular updates ()Blood Diamond is an interesting and inspiring to me, less so because of the very real struggles around the sales of illegal diamonds, and much more so because it embodies to me what this website is talking about... masculinity.
Leonardo DiCaprio plays a white African called "Danny Archer" and in my opinion has a very real and deep sense of himself as a self-assured man.
Danny Archer is a self-made man and diamond smuggler. While little is given of his past, it is mentioned that he had a rough one... seeing his mother raped and murdered as a child and his father hanged. He also served time in the military and is very skilled on the land as a tracker, fighter, shooter and generally solid survival skills and connections.
He seems to hold no illusions that he is doing something grand, he simply wants out and away from all the violence and bullshit and conflict that he has experienced all his life and is waiting for his big score that can get him out of Africa.... which is where the story starts as he hears of such a diamond found by a black slave laborer and goes to any means to get that diamond.
What really gets me about this movie is DiCaprio's character is so damn cool. He absolutely and resolutely stands up for what he believes in regardless of those around him and at the same time as the movie progresses is able to open his heart and allow his beliefs to expand and grow without compromising his sense of self or purpose.
Many scenes stand out for me, one in particular is when Danny is in a bar and sees an attractive woman sitting there. He proceeds to talk to her and as she starts to ask him questions it dawns on him that she is a reporter.
He asks her "so you are a journalist?" to which she affirms and immediately Danny returns with "piss of huh" regardless of being very obviously attracted to her and walks off.
She follows him out asking for help in exposing the blood diamond trade asking if he can help her "off the record" to which he replies "well off the record I like to get kissed before I get fucked" and departs.
The movie follows a blossoming romance between these two characters as Danny seems to be inspired by her resolution and dedication to really making a difference while Maddy (the woman journalist) seems to be increasingly impressed by his determination and unwavering commitment to what is right, for him, and watching as he seems to evolve and begin to question his own beliefs and embrace the idea that it is possible to make a difference.
Right towards the end of the movie, before the wrap up, there is a final interplay between these two characters which shows, to me, right up until the end Danny is a hardcore man and will keep her safe even with his last breath.... and I'm not gonna talk too much about this last scene.
Danny Archer's character is one of my favorite characters I have watched in any movie and I cannot write enough words to explain how I feel when watching this movie.
I highly recommend this movie if only as a man to watch this kick-ass embodiment of masculinity.
Enjoy!
Not the archers. My scouts tell me their archers are miles away and no threat to us. Arrows cost money. Use up the Irish. The dead cost nothing.— King Longshank (tyrant), Braveheart (1995)
I wish to dedicate more of my life to working on Masculinity Movies and men's issues. More and more, it feels like I was born to do— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()Last Friday turned out to be a great evening for those of us who participated in the Masculinity Movies LIVE event. Read more about the fourth MM LIVE evening.
Thanks for coming guys. It is always an honor.
— , Irregular updates ()I always liked to climb as a child. I don't know why. Ask the psychiatrists. Maybe they would tell you it was to escape, to feel free. I don't know. All I know is no-one could keep me from climbing. Not the police, not my parents. Noone.
When Philippe first heard about the construction of the Twin Towers as a seventeen-year old, he made line-walking between them his life's purpose. From that day onwards, the film shows us, he moved with single-pointed determination towards this exhilirating and completely lethal display of creative madness.
The story is told through a series of interviews with his friends and "accomplices", archival footage and dramatization of the events that transpired. Philippe and his team recount the day he walked between the two towers of the Notre Dame, as priests were kneeling before God in the hallowed building beneath him.
He walked across the two towers of the bridge in Sydney harbour, as crowds of stunned aussies were gathering beneath him. These death-defying - and highly illegal - events were merely preparations for the mother of all line-walking stunts, signposts on the way to New York. It was an all-consuming passion for him and the gravity of his focus and inspired madness were what drew the team-members to him. Plans were made, strategies of infiltrating the towers meticulously planned. Then, 1974 arrives.
Anticipation builds
The World Trade Center is complete, a bauta of masculine achievement in the middle of Manhattan. The anticipation in the inner circle around Philippe is palpable as the achievement of his goal - or the unthinkable plummet to his death - draws closer. The illegality of the coup-like event, infiltrating the WTC under the guise of crafts- and businessmen, has Philippe very excited. "There always was a bad-boy side to Philippe", his then-girlfriend Annie reminisces. He liked to break the rules. The mischievous glint in his eye confirms her words.
But there's another and much more important thing that stands out about him; Philippe is an incredibly playful and passionate man. He does not seem bound by the fetters of society, of the boundary conditions established by the many as to what is acceptable behaviour.
He seems to be himself fully. And it is this quality of being ourselves that releases the energy contained by a life of sleepwalking. We experience an influx of energy, a zest for life long forgotten, trapped as we were in the cynicism and pointlessness of a well-adjusted life. But Philippe, it is clear, is not too hot on conformity.
The gravity of Philippe's life purpose is so strong that Annie, his girlfriend to be, is sucked into its vortex. "From the day we got together", she tells us, "I disappeared. From then on, it was all about fulfilling his destiny". Strangely, she seems only half-sad about that. We would do well to remember that a man who is on track with his life, and who knows what he wants, is incredibly sexy to a woman. Today, in our culture, knowing what you want and going for it is not exactly encouraged, unless it's firmly within the confines of conformity.
The social order requires of us extreme care so as not to cast light on other people's mediocrity. We must avoid authenticity at all cost, as denying our true selves is the cornerstone of capitalism, a system in which meaning in life is bought and not sought. In other words, an authentic life is a threat to the foundation of our civilization. Philippe is a rebel. And he may be about to die.
Walking the line
It is early morning, there is a slight breeze up in the clouds, and "death is very near". Philippe takes one step out, then two. The void opens hungrily beneath him. Death is all around; he doesn't know his wire - he has never felt it before. And his unfamiliarity with it makes his face tense. He is going to die.
Then, friend Jean Lois remembers, his face changes, - a smile grows in his face - and Jean Lois knows he will be alright. He knows his friend well; at the very same moment, a sigh of relief escapes Philippe. The wire is on his side. Now, his gleeful 50-something voice exclaims, "It'z time to perform"!
He spent 45 minutes dancing back and forth on that metal wire, as his friends - by their own account - felt themselves enter a state of pure, exalted bliss. In their faces, recorded over thirty years after the actual event, I see the lingering glow of those touched by grace. Tears flow down their faces. It's as if their eyes glow with the simmer of the sacred. This segment is very moving.
Such purity of expression and emotion are a rare find; this is what happens to those who witness the masculine face death, and emerge victorious. It brings us face to face with some deep intangible feeling in ourselves, and calls us to another plane of being. We are literally, energetically, pulled up above. Philippe may have been self-involved, but this was as a beautiful gift.
Transcending why
"Why did you do it", the American journalists ask Philippe as two stunned police officers bring him down from the roof. "There is no why," he replies with a thick French accent. "That iz the beauty of it!" Philippe appears to have transcended the reason for "why". The rational mind would never walk across that wire. It is too preoccupied with self-preservation. It asks "why" mainly to perpetuate itself.
This can be a good thing, but as Philippe points out, those rare moments of purity in which our rational minds just stop, and thoughts of why, how, when and where subside - those are the moments that present us with the truest source of beauty. If we go through life only doing things because we think they will benefit us, we may fail to see the beauty that surrounds us where we are. We may fail to find the joy in doing something just because we want to, fail to realize that where we are is already quite awesome. We may, in short, forget to live.
Treat every day, every challenge as a work of art
Philippe's life changed after that day. He became a different man. His life's purpose had been fulfilled, and now he needed to move on to other pursuits. What those were, the film doesn't tell. But the art that is his life seems to still be a work in progress:
To me, it's really so simple, that life should be lived on the edge. You have to exercise rebellion. To refuse to tape yourself to the rules, to refuse your own failure, to refuse to repeat yourself, to see every day, every year, every idea as a true challenge. Then you will live your life on the tightrope.
What does it mean to "treat every day, every idea as a true challenge"? Could it mean to honor the creativity of our minds, to take every expression that emerges out of the subconsious seriously? We spend a ridiculous amount of time thinking about what could have been or what may be. We waste a lot of mental energy habitually drifting to the past and the future.
No surprise we get depressed, lost, and afraid. Listen, take that idea and run with it. Make love with it. Treat it with the respect it deseves. Treat yourself with the respect you deserve. Make it happen! Don't wait any longer. Because death is all around. And when we plummet into the abyss for the last time, our only companion will be our regrets.
Take a chance.
Right guys, we're in this to grow, right? If you're feeling a little flat, if your relationships aren't working out or you're having money problems, chances are you're suppressing some part of yourself (I do this big time). The information products below are hand picked by me to help you get out of your rut and meet tomorrow with your head held high and a fire in the belly. I vouch for the quality of this material with my reputation. It is incredible stuff. By buying any of these products, you will be supporting my work – I'm an affiliate for them.— , Irregular updates ()
— Ron Franz, Into the Wild (2007)When you forgive, you love. And when you love, God's light shines on you.
— , Irregular updates ()Often men in movies are portrayed as somewhat incomplete characters - the fumbling dad in the family comedy, the hard-ass action hero, the angst-ridden sensitive New Age 'guy' and so on. What chance does a teenager boy, moving into manhood, have of becoming a Jason Statham-type? (Not that I think it is even desirable)
What 'Secondhand Lions' shows is how men are complex characters, battling their own demons, protecting those in their care - albeit somewhat reluctantly at first - while hanging on to what is worthwhile to pass on to the next generation.
The story centres on Walter, of 'coming -of-age' -age, and how he settles into an initially uneasy but ultimately warm and inspiring relationship with his two elderly uncles. These two men have a lived a full life, and their history has profoundly shaped who they are.
Living with the his uncles and hearing about of the adventures of their youth Walter learns about strength and sensitivity, the dichotomy and the tension of what mature manhood is. This duality can be in fact so difficult to live with that it could be argued that Hub and Garth, the uncles, each show a predominant aspect of the balancing act.
'Secondhand Lions' provides an entertaining (it is a family favourite) yet a thought-provoking and a challenging story of manhood - one life ready to start on the journey, and two lives, having a full life behind them, still looking forward to the next stage.
Five stars out of five.
— , Irregular updates ()Past Traumas
Teddy Daniels - the US Marshall - is a troubled man who has returned from WWII having seen the horrors of the holocaust in the Nazi death camps. Pierre Janet (30 May 1859 – 24 February 1947) IMHO the true father of psychotherapy coined the words ‘dissociation’ and ‘subconscious’. He stated that traumatic memories were stored differently in the brain to normal memories and this is now been proven with modern scanning techniques.
Essentially traumatic memories are relived rather than re-experienced. He was one of the first people to draw a connection between events in the subject's past life and his or her present day trauma. This is what we see Teddy experiencing in the movie. His past memories invade his present reality and impair his judgement and functioning. As men we need to 'swallow our shadows' - this means we acknowledge that there are unknown things in our subconscious, dissociated from our everyday mind that we need to bring into the light so they can be examined and eventually challenged.
Otherwise like Teddy in the movie every German is a Nazi... so when the German psychiatrist tells him that in Greek the word 'trauma' means 'wound' and then tells him "when you see a monster you must stop it"; instead of stopping the monster within his own mind he projects that monster onto the doctor and injects him; sedating him. How often do we numb ourselves against the truth of our own monsters?
Who to Believe?! Stay in Ward C or go to the Lighthouse?
Teddy is an investigator - a US Marshall - and he is trying to gather the facts that he needs and then stitch them together into a meaningful narrative. This is what our mind does every day we take the raw data of our own experiences and build a narrative connecting our past-present-future. Yet his own thoughts are generating stories that confuse him as he seeks a solution to his investigation.
Even when the prisoner - who holds an archetypal hermit energy - confronts him with the truth in Ward C saying, "All of this is for you. You're a rat in a maze!" Terry is unable to accept it. The hallucination of his late wife warns him that going into the lighthouse will be 'the end' of him. Unless we are examining our lives and consider that some unpalatable things may be true then we will remain in denial and the things we need to examine and confront remain in shadow. Just like the darkness of Ward C in the film: a place of lies, suffering and pain.
"Who is 67?"
As Teddy investigates the missing female prisoner/patient he examines her cell & finds a scrap of paper with a few lines, one of which asks, "who is 67?" This represents the question we must all ask - who am I? - and we are invited to ask this in a place of wisdom too. Wisdom is often represented as the feminine in myths and it is feminine characters that speak the truth to the US-Marshall throughout, but although he hears them he does not listen to what they are telling him. Who patient 67 is; is the most important question in the entire movie.
- SPOILER WARNING - The Twist
His own thoughts tell him the truth is a lie - black is white - we see at the end of the movie that like Terry has chosen a lie rather than live with the truth that his wife killed their children and he then killed her. In the original myth of the Handless Maiden the wounded feminine is offered a silver-handed solution to her woundedness, by her lover the King. Her silver-hands adorn her stumps. They are wonderful to look at but they are not fit for purpose. Her healing only comes through fully feeling her feelings; only then is her flesh restored.
The US-Marshall's 'silver-handed solution' is to generate a delusional system. He didn't kill his wife, she didn't kill their children - he is still a US Marshall who has discovered a conspiracy on Shutter Island. When confronted by the photos of his dead children he gains insight and accepts the truth in the lighthouse - the terrible truth of what he has done and we hope he will be able to confront this truth and heal... BUT... we next see him outside sitting on the stone steps of the hospital.
Will he ascend and do his work? No, he allows himself to slip back into his silver-handed delusion and descends the steps to be lobotomised. Before he is led off he reflects, "What would be worse, to live as a monster or to die as a good man?" The sad thing is that he may have done a monstrous thing but redemption comes not through denial but by acceptance of the truth.
a:11:{s:10:"aria-label";s:0:"";s:4:"type";s:4:"text";s:12:"instructions";s:0:"";s:8:"required";i:0;s:17:"conditional_logic";i:0;s:7:"wrapper";a:3:{s:5:"width";s:0:"";s:5:"class";s:0:"";s:2:"id";s:0:"";}s:13:"default_value";s:0:"";s:9:"maxlength";s:0:"";s:11:"placeholder";s:0:"";s:7:"prepend";s:0:"";s:6:"append";s:0:"";}— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()About a week prior to the Oslo terror on July 22, I was in a part of town I rarely visit. I was en-route to an exciting adventure at IKEA and was waiting for the bus that would complete my journey. As I was scanning the features of the recently erected mosque there, I noticed two young ethnic Norwegians walking towards me. They didn’t look particularly tough. Though they spoke “tough”. One of them was clearly afraid. I saw it in his eyes; they were wide with terror.
Two Norwegian kids in “Pakistan city”
"Did you see how he was looking at me?," he told his small, plump friend. "I should never have come here. This is fucking Pakistan city!" His buddy proceeded to play cool and told him, as if aping a gangster, "Don't worry, I have connections here. I know so and so and they're really bad ass."
It was a strange situation for me, because I didn't feel even mild anxiety there. And there was something so sad and painful to me about listening to these two young men. They were right there beside me, but we were worlds apart.
I noticed, as they kept talking, that I felt compelled to inject myself into their world. I felt an urge to offer them some reprieve from their angst, to pass on some of the freedom that I know and give them a positive seed for the future. But I couldn’t find the right words.
I judge that in order to influence someone’s take on reality, we must first embrace and validate their existing one. I believe we can’t transform others from a starting point of completely rejecting their worldview. It just doesn’t work. But I didn’t quite know how to embrace their worldview and still maintain integrity with my own. To be honest, I still don’t. And to complicate matters further – I wasn’t even certain that what they were saying was nonsense. Maybe they had been in danger. Maybe a scared sixteen-year-old young Norwegian kid in “Pakistan city” stands out like a lighthouse. Truth is – I don’t know. The world they inhabit lies in mist beyond my own veil of ignorance and confusion.
In the end, we exchanged brief words, but I didn’t feel I left them with anything significant.
Those two boys unwittingly left their mark on me, for I felt with them a yearning to show up as a mentor, but I didn’t know how. In a way, that pain served as a turning point for me.
Hussein, the Iraqi Taxi Driver
Around the same time as my experiences in “Pakistan City”, I found myself in conversation with a young Iraqi taxi driver. I was late for my plane to Edinburgh, where I was to attend my Primary Integration Training with the Mankind Project and Hussein got me there in time.
I talk to people and so I hear stories. Hussein’s was about racism. He told me he would be exposed to racism on average 4-5 times a day. The day previously, a normal looking, polite Norwegian man my age had been in his back seat. Hussein told me he had suddenly asked him “When are you going back home?”. Hussein had started talking about saving up for going on holiday and how it was hard. Then the young Norwegian man replied “No, I mean – for good. I’ll help you get out of the country. Because you need to know that there will come a day not long from now when people like you will be shot down in the streets.” From the way Hussein told the story, it sounded like this young Norwegian man kind of liked the idea.
I was pretty shocked. I thought of the complete lack of empathy in this young passenger and as I see him before my mind’s eye telling tales of a future where immigrants are gunned down in the streets, I feel anger rise in my belly.
Hussein was a nice guy, but I didn’t like what he had told me.
Terror hits Oslo
As Hussein and the two boys in Pakistan city were on my mind, terror hit: A cynical and wildly disturbed Norwegian man attacked the headquarters of our government as he felt they had failed the nation by embracing multiculturalism. He did so with a massive car bomb that could be felt and heard miles outside of the city center. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he then proceeded to kill sixty-nine people in the spring of their lives on an idyllic island an hour’s drive from of Oslo. Visions of the island nightmare endured by those young kids will be forever etched into our nation’s collective memory.
We all thought Muslims had done it of course. But the terrorist was Norwegian, white, 32 and quite normal looking. That fact changed us.
While I haven’t studied it closely, I can say that the terrorist’s personality profile is unsurprising reading (at least to me). He was for practical purposes fatherless, insecure and carried enormous hatred behind his facade of well-adjusted politeness. Alone with himself, he became increasingly convinced that he had been given an almost messianic mission and that it was his burden to carry it out, even though he recognized it as gruesome. He was a failure in worldly terms and had to compensate in the realm of fantasy; one of his current demands is that in order to reveal all details in interviews with the police, he must first be made the ruler of Norway.
I have thought much about this man, henceforth referred to as “the terrorist”. My interest in him is partly personal. As I have shared elsewhere, when I was in my early 20s, I started slipping into an inner landscape that felt increasingly twisted. This happened while I was polite and well-adjusted on the outside. Many years later, I eventually understood that this was a symptom of an enormous repression of my inner primal masculine and all the wildness and sexuality that comes with it. Today, I treasure that period in my life as the seed to my current spiritual and psychological insights, but I remember I feared then that I would one day end up killing someone – such was the power of these repressed inner energies.
As I now think of psychotic mass murderers, school massacre perpetrators, and terrorists – especially the Western breed – I see that they tend to be the quiet ones. Their acts are generally met with surprise by those who know them, for they never let people in on their inner psychological world. That may be wise in a way, because they are unlikely to have anyone in their lives who will be able to listen and embrace what they have to share.
The terrible paradox is that these young men are generally the most spiritually attuned and sensitive among us1, but since no elder wise man is around to embrace them, recognize their gifts and show them the way through their transition, they are left alone with their over-stimulated, festering inner worlds. As a consequence, instead of seeing themselves as worthy, strong, beautiful men, they likely fear themselves and question their right to life. I observe them and suspect that most of them have strong masochistic tendencies.
Yet masochists, through the archetypal dynamics inherent in the human psyche, turn sadists in the end (exactly the impulse I feared in myself). It starts out innocent enough, perhaps as dreams of people, creatures, places or situations that symbolize suppressed inner energies. Thoughts and fantasies may start appearing in their waking world, of murder perhaps – or of brutal sexual acts. Eventually, these thoughts may start to intermingle with those we associate with normal day to day functioning and become more and more indistinguishable from gross reality.
And then suddenly one day, perhaps in the blink of an eye – or perhaps as a long and gradual buildup – this deep, primal psychic material – twisted out of shape – comes shooting like a tsunami through our repression barrier. Its energies overcome the ramparts of the ego structure, much like flood water conquers a dam, and then comes thundering down the riverbed of everyday life.
If the collapse of the repression barrier comes suddenly, the man may come to his senses with a smoking gun in his hand. He may then plead temporary insanity. In reality, it would be more precise to say that he was hijacked by the force of his own suppressed psychic material. And since few will tell him to now embrace the psychic material that turned him “mad” to begin with (e.g. his feelings of vulnerability, anger and fear), his madness will likely escalate with time. I believe only grace, enormous suffering, or the intervention of a powerful elder (like the monk that beats his murderous disciple in Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter… and Spring) would change this man’s trajectory through life.
If the collapse of the repression barrier happens over time, like a trickle of water that arrives in darkness until it one day comes seeping through the floorbords, the man might gradually cease to function like a normal human being and become instead victim of a more consistently evil archetypal shadow system. With buildup over time, I believe a man becomes able to sustain his delusions and stabilize them as everyday “reality”. Sudden experiences of “losing it” are not part of these men’s psychological profile; they are consistent in their psychopathy.
In such a way, a man with a poor self-image gradually designs a fantasy world in which his alter ego can rule supreme. He will project his inner weakness onto others and may start to see himself as superhuman. He will then despise the weakness he sees in others (which is largely his own) and may grow to consider huge parts of the population as unfit for life. He may then pursue his vision, which may involve ridding the earth of an entire ethnic, religious or ideologic group, essentially in order to create a world that doesn’t feel threatening for the kid in him that he has denied and stowed away in a dark inner dungeon.
With fear as his motivation and empathy locked down in the same dark dungeon as that wounded child, the man will chase, when threatened, his own projections unrelentingly – to the point, perhaps, of laying waste to dozens, or millions, of human lives in a calculated and organized fashion. It is a terrible and tragic irony that a man’s view of himself as superhuman comes as a hard counter to a profound sense of inferiority. The terrorist and Hitler are similar in this regard. Consumed by archetypal shadow, their sole purpose remains to attack those that remind them of the fact that they are really but wounded children.
When we come to grasp the dynamics of the human mind and soul in such a way, the Oslo terror becomes, if possible, an even greater tragedy. For we may then see the outline of something so soft and vulnerable in us all that we spend vast energy suppressing. As our eyes adjust to the dark, we may be reminded of the words Jesus spoke so long ago: “You must become like little children to enter the kingdom of Heaven”. To become like little children is, in my judgment, to embrace that inner vulnerability and all the playfulness and wonder that are its siblings. And our refusal to do so is what keeps the gates of Heaven locked.
The most important difference between us and the terrorist is that he takes the suppression of what is most beautiful in himself (a part which is always inextricably linked to his wounds) further than we do. That, I judge, became his personal hell. And when we realize that this terror would likely not have happened if the terrorist was honest enough to admit “I feel afraid”, it should break our hearts.
Norway lost 77 lives that day, most of them youths. For the bereft, only tears and memories remain.
…and then The London Riots came
When I heard news that people were looting and immolating buildings on the streets of London, I suspected right away that the majority of the rioters were young men. Now it turns out that a lot of young women were involved too, but locals I’ve spoken to have gone some way in confirming my initial suspicions.
To improve our understanding of what happened in London – and to find a way to connect the dots between these events I have described – it’s essential that we now examine a much maligned part of men: his inherent primal masculine.
There is a wildness that exists in all men. It’s the wildness of Iron John and for the ones who don’t understand men, it may seem as a chaotic and violent energy. But the true Wild Man puts a man in touch with his emotions and makes him a courageous and powerful force of good in the world. He may not be a politically correct force of good, but a force of good nevertheless.
Every good woman looking for a man and every young man looking for a mentor secretly yearns for this Wild Man quality. Some young men may find it in a martial arts sensei or an unusually powerful teacher or youth club leader. I judge that the truest parts of us always appreciate the Wild Man quality, for it represents a man’s heart and soul – and we intuit that such things are important. Indeed, for those of us who have successfully evaded society’s attempts at brainwashing us with its anti-male propaganda, this force is extremely benevolent.
Yet the Wild Man is feared by liberals and conservatives alike. In the postmodern world, this ancient energy is under attack by naive socialogists who think, entranced by nonsense PC ideals, that people are born as blank slates. If you then think that all the ills of the world are caused by men, and that this wildness seems a lot like the destructive force you are trying to combat, the path to thinking that you can remove the wildness from a man by changing his social conditioning is short. What these confused ideologues then do is treat a boy as a broken girl and suppress a big part of him, force-feeding him the idea that if he were more like a girl, things would be better2. It is likely that the boys affected will harbor anger and bitterness towards the world as a result. They have after all been under attack by the very people whose job it is to protect and teach them. This anger will often be hidden behind a veneer of nice (passive aggression) and will sometimes be expressed as rebellion.
The institutionalized war against boys I just described cannot, despite the wishes of those who have made it their jobs to hurt men, alter the fabric of reality. And reality is that for a boy to grow up to be a loving and responsible man there is nothing more important to him than to feel authentically powerful. The man who feels weak, as it so happens, is out of touch with his true heart and soul. He becomes a talking head who enjoys intellectual masturbation as well as the occassional ejaculation. But authentic feelings of love and empathy are hard for him to access. Some end up as raging and rebellious, which would aptly describe the London rioters. Some end up as emotionally numb, yet seemingly well-adjusted narcissists, which seems to aptly describe the Oslo terrorist – and a frightening amount of politcians and CEO hotshots. And yet some end up as chronically nice and sensitive, trying to live the life of a man on the terms of a woman.
Although it doesn’t excuse their behaviour, these rioters clearly have not been shown their power and their beauty by an elder. And when the authentic, benevolent force of the inner Wild Man has not found a healthy expression in a man’s psyche, it comes out sideways, as truly destructive behaviour. Modern politicians, sociologists, feminists and gender “experts” are doing their best to take a man’s power away from him, but only a man who doesn’t feel authentically powerful is a threat to society.
The promise of initiation
The promise of initiation and authentic ritual process is that they connect a man to his inner Wild Man energy. Thus a man learns, metaphorically speaking, how to wield a sword and dance at the same time. He also finds his rightful place under the stars, among the trees and the animals. But after the onset of the industrial revolution, we don’t teach that anymore. With machines now running our lives, we seem so hypnotized by the distractions of "civilization" that we have completely lost touch with the soulful nature-energy required for sword-wielding dances. That energy predates machines. And it will outlive machines. For it is like a slow, eternal, cosmic hum at the source of the world – and its promise is to return us to right relationship with creation itself. Deep down, every man’s soul knows this and it is this knowing combined with the facts of modern life that trigger our modern epidemic of depression.
There are no excuses for killing 77 people to avoid facing yourself or for burning buildings for shits and giggles and plasma televisions. And yet, there is something to be learned from this: A society that doesn’t take the challenge of its young men seriously is walking a precarious path towards its own destruction. And if the way men and boys are falling behind in society in virtually every measurable way is any indication, we have a rocky path ahead.
Here in Norway, the wave of love that washed over us after the July atrocities has been amazing. It has touched me in ways I didn't expect and I have been proud of the people I'm a member of. Yet one fact remains – the best defense in the public eye to prevent this from happening again is more tolerance and more multiculturalism. That surely sounds nice, but I don’t agree that it will make us safe from harm. For that to happen, I judge we must look for ways to accept responsibility for what happened3 and from that place of maturity start mentoring and initiating our boys so they become beautiful, powerful men.
It would do us well to honor the enormous psychological turmoil inherent in the process of becoming a man – and to realize that a society in which men are exposed to concerted efforts to make them doubt their power and beauty is in serious trouble. To stop our young men from feeling and causing terror, new answers must be sought. Now is the time.
1. Robert Moore tells us in his volume on the Magician archetype that old native cultures chose its shamans amongst the young men who displayed the greatest signs of psychological instability. They did that because they knew these men would be the most empowered shamans once aided through their psychological turmoil.
2. This may start in kindergarten where employees may shame the more aggressive play style of boys and instead tell them to be quiet and behave. It continues from there throughout school where an ability to sit still and keep your mouth shut is preferred over active play and self-expression. That has huge consequences for the many boys who are more physical than cerebral. Instead of having their inner gold mined, they are shamed for being full of energy.
3. Accepting responsibility for the Oslo terror would involve accepting that the difference between you and I and the terrorist is way smaller than we’d like to think. It would also involve accepting that we have created a society where a person can be driven to such an extreme. There is a huge shadow side of our so-called civilized and humane society here to be explored. Consider that the less able you are to feel shared humanity with the terrorist, the more likely you are to be in denial of the same primal energies that operate within yourself.
— , Irregular updates ()I just caught Iron Man 2 at the movie theatre. I thought it was entertaining. Not significant enough to write a full piece on, but with some relevant reflections from it fresh in my mind, I figured I'd jot them down.
Tony Stark is clearly a very troubled, albeit charismatic man. He has a very distracted, boyish consciousness, seen in one scene to be totally put off his balance by a rotating windmill-like desk decoration. He is incapable of listening to others with presence and seems unable to feel deeply into them, being so emotionally armored (for which I see his Iron suit as a perfect metaphor).
The reason for this, as is explained pretty well in one scene, is clearly that he did not have a close relationship with has father. He never felt his dad's acceptance or love as a child and now he is compensating. When he hits rock bottom during the movie, the revelation through a video clip that his father loved him more than anything else in the world gives him the strength to move on.
Damned shame the dad didn't just tell him, instead of creating a bloody film roll to be discovered 20 years after his death.
The villain Ivan Vanko's main problem in life is exactly the same - a difficult relationship with his father, whom is seen to die at the beginning of the movie.
Iron Man 2 is hardly a movie about the father son relationship, and yet both the hero and the villain are characters defined by it. I thought that was noteworthy enough to mention before going to bed.
— , Irregular updates ()My preferred way of receiving movie suggestions is to receive them in the "suggest movie" group in The Tribe. It's a better way to communicate about these things – people can contribute their voice to your suggestions etc.
Better yet, write your own user review!
If that is too much of a commitment for you right now, please share below. When writing your suggestion, please offer some additional information about why you want to see the movie featured. Does it mean something to you personally? Is there a story behind your relationship with the movie? If you provide me with a good backplot, it may influence my movie review.
Your suggestion may be featured in the next poll on the front page.
— , Irregular updates ()Ned, idiot or conscious choice?
The story starts off with the main character Ned being suckered in to selling marijuana to a police officer whilst he is still in uniform. Ned is arrested and goes to jail. When he is finally released his life has been turned upside down, his girlfriend has found someone new without telling him and refuses to give Ned back his dog. He has lost his job and his house and with nowhere else to go begins the journey through his family from one sister’s life to another.
As the movie title implies, Ned is an idiot... or at least most people around him think so. When Ned meets his parole officer for the first time the officer speaks very slowly assuming Ned must be a retard to have sold weed to an in uniform police officer.
For me as a viewer watching and gaining slight glimpses deeper into Ned’s character I choose to view him more so as a character that has actually made a conscious choice to live his life a certain way that serves him positively, rather than as an idiot. There is a scene where Ned is talking to another character and he reveals an insight into his deeper thinking.
Ned says “I live my life a certain way, I like to think that if you put your trust out there, if you really give people the benefit of the doubt, see their best intentions they are going to want to live up to it”. He goes on to say that it doesn’t always work out for the best yet he has decided he prefers to live this way. He is as he is despite what society is saying he must be.
In some ways I liken Ned’s character to that of Winnie the Pooh. There is a great book called “The Tao of Pooh” by Benjamin Hoff where Winnie is used as an example of the living Tao in practice.
“While Eeyore frets… and Piglet hesitates… and Rabbit calculates… and Owl pontificates… Pooh just is”.
To me, Ned is similar and there are a set of characteristics that define his character in this manner.
The openness of trusting
As in the quote before, Ned trusts. He trusts everyone and when that trust fails he simply accepts it and carries on. There is a scene that shows this characteristic deeply when Ned is on a train counting some money with everyone looking at him strangely. He spills his coffee and asks the guy next to him to hold on to his money while he cleans it up. Everyone in the train by this point is exchanging glances looking as if they are questioning “who the hell is this guy?”
After cleaning up his coffee spill Ned takes his money back and thanks the guy who held it. I view this trust as an opening, it allows for Ned’s life and experience with others to open in interesting and mostly beautiful ways. He is easy to get along with because he sees the best in everyone.
From trust to appreciation
The AMP holarchy to me is a very powerful tool for viewing masculinity. It follows and includes, by being a holarchy, a progression from Presence into Appreciation into Integrity which ultimately leads into Wholeness and Play.
The story of Ned to me is a powerful example of Appreciation. In AMP speak we may say “being a YES to what is”. Whatever unfolds in Ned’s life, whether it is a positive experience or a negative one, to me he seems to be a yes to it every time.
He is naturally curious about others, a trait of appreciation, and is willing to go with the flow of life wherever it may take him. This deep sense of appreciation leaves those around him with the impression of a seemingly simple or naive individual yet there are scenes that show, to me, that in actual fact Ned is simple, yes… simply enjoying life.
It seems that through the eyes of Ned life is a lovely, soft and interesting thing to engage and smile with. His attitude shows up with his interactions with others, in particular a character called Tatiana which to me is the most radiant woman of the movie, and the way others generally respond to him in a positive light… and if they don’t, well Ned shrugs it off and continues smiling.
Honesty
Ned is honest, directly and straight forwardly honest. It is this particular characteristic that makes the movie, which enables him to shake up the lives of his sisters, and unfortunately get himself arrested… the second time.
Ned’s honesty is an admirable feature in a world where honesty is not always a given. As mentioned above he speaks his mind and he trusts that others will do what is right with his own honesty. Generally he is a happy-go-lucky kind of guy so there isn’t too much in the way of ‘brutal honesty’ however it does cause some discomfort in those around him.
There is a really lovely scene where Ned somehow winds up in a threesome with a couple and then… well I’ll leave it for you to watch. What makes this scene beautiful is Ned’s honesty coupled with his appreciation and trust.
Honesty is deeper than simply telling the truth. As is outlined in the book “Radical Honesty” by Brad Blanton, honesty is also about speaking those things we generally would tend to withhold for fear of hurting, upsetting or making another person angry.
Whenever we withhold our thoughts and feelings from another, when they directly involve them, we are essentially lying and the consequences are always increased levels of stress or discomfort at some point in the future.
This is made apparent by the lives of Ned’s sisters which can be contrasted to the effortless flow in Ned’s life who is generally honest and does not actively engage in withholding.
From appreciation into integrity
One of the features of the AMP holarchy is that grounding in one layer causes a natural arising into the next. If we are deeply grounded in presence, which means anchoring our awareness in our physical body, it will cause a natural rise up into appreciation for what is occurring moment by moment. Same can be said for appreciation, when one is really enjoying the moment and the way it naturally arises then the trait of integrity will bubble up out of this appreciation.
The more we can enjoy the moment the more likely we are to feel safe in speaking our truths because we are able to be with and accept whatever occurs and there is no fear of the repercussions of being honest and in line with our values. Whatever happens we are able to appreciate and enjoy it!
This is touched on with the honesty of Ned in the previous segment and to me is expanded in a single small scene of the film. There is a scene where Ned’s sister asks him to make a small white lie for her, as her career is almost on the line.
Ned knows his sister needs this, his sister has helped him out with money and a place to stay… in a sense he ‘owes’ her and this is what she is playing on… and in the moment Ned stays true to his integrity. He does not lie, he speaks the honest truth as he always does.
Showing up
Another one of the beautiful features of the character of Ned is that he truly ‘shows up’.
Showing up, to me, means actually being there with another human being and focusing on them and the connection together rather than all this other external stuff going on. An example may be going to a coffee shop and ordering a coffee. Our attention can be on the coffee we are ordering, or it can be on the person behind the counter serving us. A simple and truly present “hello, how is your day?” when we really mean it can be enough to make that persons day.
They may have been serving coffee all day and not had a single person connect with them. Michael Brown in his audio recordings and writings on www.thepresenceportal.com talks about this often.
In his book "The Presence Process" he describes that there is a paper thin veil between everyone, this is the 'gap' and it is where we put all the stuff of the world. The moment we truly connect with another we bridge this gap and take another step into unity consciousness.
Ned shows up and in every one of his interactions it is easy to see this genuinely engaged and interested expression on Ned’s face as he actually engages and connects with this person, whoever they are, in front of him and as he gives them all of his attention for those moments they are together.
If we ever really want to connect with other human beings then the first thing we need to do is truly show up and be with them, after we have shown up with ourselves first of course.
The opposite of this looks like, which is all too common these days, a bunch of friends sitting around a table while they are all playing on their smart phones or netbooks. Where are they? They certainly aren’t engaged with one another. I see this all the time these days... what kind of world are we stepping in to?
The catalyst
The most striking thing to me about this movie is that it isn’t really about Ned at all! He is of course the main character and except for one scene at the beginning introducing his sisters and one scene near the end when he is in jail, the movie revolves around him.
And yet, Ned is the only character that does not undergo any real challenge, self-reflection or growth. Ned is static and his character remains the same for the duration of the movie. Oh it could be argued that Ned losing his girlfriend, his dog, his job and his house is a challenge yet when watching the character of Ned there is no drama about it. He does not feel compelled to take any drastic action to change or alter his circumstances he seems to simply accept it as it comes and continue on.
To me this is an example of one who has deeply integrated a lot of their personal emotional inner discomfort and trauma. Ned seems to understand that life brings to him what is required and does not fight or struggle against any of it. It is a beautiful example of what it can look like to let go of resistance to the natural ebbs and flows of life.
His sisters, on the other hand, are not coming from an integrated state where they are able to accept life as it is. All three of Ned’s sisters experience a plunge into drama, discomfort and upheaval as Ned comes into their lives and shines a light on all their deceptions and dishonesty.
Ned is a catalyst for change. By bringing to light the places where they are being dishonest with themselves or others or engaging in some kind of self-deception, Ned shows it up with his unwavering honesty and trust, as they wheedle secrets out of him or tell him they have shared information with another that they truly have not.
Eventually they enter a reactive state of drama and as it dawns on them their first instinct is to enter the ‘victim’ mentality and blame everything on Ned for ruining their lives. This comes to head in a full family scene where they begin venting their frustrations and heaping their discomfort onto Ned, at which point he breaks in anger, real anger.
Everyone is shocked to view Ned in a state of complete rage… because for Ned he does everything with his full attention, and most of the time it is in a loving and easy-going manner so to see him shouting silences everyone. I think it is in this moment that Ned once again shines a mirror on their behavior; they see themselves in the way they are acting and are shocked into taking responsibility for their lives.
For anyone wishing to really grow in life and start experiencing the kind of joy, abundance and health that is our birthright the first step is always to take responsibility for our experience.
We create our experience, whatever that experience is… the only difference is whether we are creating it unconsciously or consciously. While we still approach the world through reactive drama and blaming others or outside circumstances for our experience we are engaged in life as a victim.
The opposite of that is constantly trying to manipulate and control life by putting everyone else around us down and engaging life as a victor. Both pathways are ones of almost endless suffering maybe interspersed with brief moments of happiness, and as they say: “happiness is fleeting”.
Engaging our own lives through being responsible for whatever occurs, even when what is occurring is not what we wanted, is the first step on what I think is an endless journey. It is both frightening and humbling to admit that we created whatever it is we are experiencing and… would we really want it any other way?
This is what the character of Ned most brings to the movie as his sisters are forced to take responsibility for their own actions, cause Ned sure as hell isn’t going to take responsibility for them!
My own take
I may be reading too much into this simple, feel-good movie and taking its lessons beyond what was ever intended and I am ok with that. To me this movie came at an appropriate time in my life, when I needed a reminder of the simple beauty in ‘going with the flow’. Ned’s character is one that I seek to bring into my own life, with my own particular flavor... that of simply enjoying everyone and everything around me.
Approaching life with a grin on my face and a willingness to accept whatever it is that might occur. Definitely as I bring more of this into my own life, the results I find are an increase in ease and effortlessness with what occurs, a deepening of connection with the people I find in my life, more laughter, more smiles and generally… more appreciation!
In contrast the moments where this wavers, where I enter judgement or begin to not appreciate what is happening around me are the moments I feel the most lonely, alienated and isolated. In it's extreme for me it can spiral downwards into depression.
I felt good watching Ned in his interactions and I enjoyed seeing lessons within the movie that I am currently integrating into my own life. I hope you enjoy the movie also and I would love to hear what you think!
— , Irregular updates ()When do we know we’ve become men? When is it that we’re no longer boys, but adults who have arrived on the shores of full-blown manhood?
For years now, I’ve been feeling the back and forth between boyhood and manhood inside of me. This entire website has been sourced in my inner search for my adult self. I’ve become so intimate with the changing forms of my inner landscape that I can now feel the difference between being a boy and a man as a totally visceral experience. I have kept shifting between them for years.
Yesterday, I had an experience of sitting in a cafe working on my laptop. I’ve always been a bit ashamed of my hands. I’ve judged them to be quite effeminate and delicate hands. Big worker hands don’t run in the family. Yet yesterday, as I sat in that cafe working, feeling the afternoon sun warm my face through the window, I looked down on my hands. And in that moment, a simple recognition arose in me. I was looking at the hands of a man.
So how do we know that we’ve become men? Some people say “when I became a father”. Others say “when I started living my purpose”. Most say “I don’t know”. I identify with being in that latter group, but it’s a not-knowing filled with wonder and awe. Yet in that simple moment of looking down on my hands, somehow I knew.
And as all things in life, this too will change. Yet, there is something enduring here. Something which is not fleeting. It’s a simple experience. Nothing fancy. And it’s what I’ve been wanting for so long.
Now, over to you. When did you know you were a man? Or do you not yet consider yourself as one? Curious to hear.
Warmly,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()In my latest blog post, I expressed concern that many young boys these days are relating with each other in extremely aggressive and often destructive ways. I have observed their antisocial behaviour on public transport and in open public spaces. Of course, upon throwing my concern out there, I was given ample opportunity for deeper reflection – that is the benefit of publicizing an opinion. I realize now that it is a complicated issue and that the aggression itself is not necessarily a problem, precisely because this red expression of dominance-behaviour is an integral part to masculine evolution.
It was thanks to Robert Bly (as it often is these days) that I gleaned some insights into the many facets of this issue. He speaks in his stunning book Iron John about three knights of three different colours.He presents these knights as a metaphor for masculine evolution, wherein the red signifies the most primitive step – power, aggression, ego, dominance. The red knight then moves on to the white knight, who is a do-gooder, a man who desires to banish evil from the lands. But then he makes the observation that our culture has no tolerance for the red knights, preferring to chuck them into prisons or institutions. Accordingly, young boys are prematurely rushed into the white knight stage (and they never reach black because it requires access to red). The result is cowards who are internally arrogant, judgmental and passive aggressive. Men who consider themselves noble and forces of good, but who don't act on it, preferring instead comfort and security.
This is what made me realize the error of my ways, or at least the inaccuracies of them. In myself, I feel the distinct absence of a fully integrated red knight. And I see it in practically all men I meet. What these boys are acting out, then, is a force that I am not used to seeing, and that I am not used to channeling. Little wonder I felt the tension.
Now, I have been aware of my challenge in this regard for some time, which is why I have picked up martial arts, why I'm more willing to confront people, why I will stand up for what is right and why I am becoming edgier in my style of communication. Still, the red knight is but a shadow of what he could be.
The tragedy here, then, is not so much that these boys are being evil with each other. The true tragedy, rather, is that there are no men around them who are comfortable with their level of aggression, and who can comfortably and with authority help them work through the red energy skilfully. Many cultures, Robert Bly points out, have a deep understanding of this red phase of our personal evolution as men, but Western culture has none.
So we suffer.
I have written an article about this issue that I believe is potentially life-changing, and I invite you to sign up for my newsletter, as that is the only way you can get it (it comes as a thank you gift for your interest).
— , Irregular updates ()A Rude Awakening
Groggy and bleary-eyed, we are reintroduced to Logan as he is stirred from a drunken stupor by the activities of a hyper-macho Latino street gang. In the process of depriving Wolverine's working limo of its chrome-plated hubcaps, Logan attempts to appeal to the hoodlums' sense of reason.
Grizzled, grey-haired and unsteady on his feet, however, it is plain that this is not the Wolverine we know. Little to our surprise, Logan's words fall on deaf ears, and a member of this impulsive rabble (a tribe of sorts, but one lacking any of the nobility of our ancestral communities) blasts our debilitated anti-hero with a shotgun.
Well, before long the volatile ex-X-man is doing what he does best – though it's made patently clear to us that he's nowhere near as capable as once he was. The movie also wastes no time in demonstrating that this outing promises to be an infinitely darker affair than its predecessors – pulling no punches as it graphically depicts Logan rending flesh and cleaving bone.
Devoid of empathy, patience, temperance or honour, this immature mob of uninitiated men is ultimately no match for the elder Logan – even in his depleted state. Being a metaphor for the actualisation of human potential, his mutant abilities grant him power that these poorly developed half-men can only dream of. Nonetheless, it's obvious that all is not well in Logan's world – a sickness has infected it, and that power is waning.
Over subsequent scenes the effects of this affliction are expanded upon – demonstrating just how dire the situation has become. We soon hear from the callous but charming mercenary, Pierce (a jackal, perhaps) that the tiger – the epitomal hunter that for millennia has acted as an alchemical vessel for man’s most primal instincts – is dead, extinct, lost to the world. Pierce has been dispatched to retrieve a precious item at the behest of the shadowy Transigen corporation – and afforded the freedom to pursue his mission by any means necessary, it seems that vast private business empires can now openly oppress populations by use of military force.
In short order, we are transported – at Logan's side – to the makeshift ward of his aged and mentally compromised mentor, the once great Charles Xavier. In archetypal terms, Professor X most keenly embodies the characteristics of Magician and King – being blessed with almost limitless telepathic abilities and a fatherly capacity for leadership. Much, however, has changed for the wheelchair-bound professor, and rolling around in a grim and gloomy overturned water tank, it is evidently not just Logan's power that has dwindled.
The Kingdom of Man
Holed up behind his steely castle walls, the just monarch's kingdom (mutant-kind) has rescinded – besieged by the dark forces that populate this mythological landscape. Much like Theoden in Tolkien's Two Towers – Xavier is gripped by a magical malady; a torturous living death that has suppressed his wits and robbed him of his authority. Unlike in Theoden's case, this virulent curse is not explicitly portrayed as being the work of the dark power blighting the Professor's realm – but the subtext is the same – black forces have bested the king, and in his absence, his subjects have suffered and his lands have succumbed to a terrible spiritual blight.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXxyCMhBhFw
Indications of his power remain, however – echoes of a fading past which suggest that his star still has a little light left to give. The water tank in which he is housed – rusted and obsolete – is a not-so-subtle nod to the colossal computer, Cerebro, which served to magnify Charles' power in his former life.
It is appropriate then that in this dark mirror-verse – a contorted perversion of the X-realm we have come to know and love (well, if you judge the franchise on the basis of its better efforts!) - this comparative container should inhibit his abilities. The fact that they require inhibiting at all, however, demonstrates that Xavier remains a force to be reckoned with – albeit one that lacks direction and constructive expression.
This is further emphasised by the depiction of the tank's interior. Eroded by rust, the container's outer shell allows slivers of sunlight to blaze through its ruptured shell - mimicking the night sky, supporting a canopy of glittering stars.
This is significant because the heavens – the stars, the sun and the elemental fire that sustains them – have historically been so closely associated with masculinity; a trend that repeats itself again and again, even amongst cultures that have little connection to one another. The Egyptian God, Ra, and the Greek, Apollo, are two such prominent examples of manly sun-kings. The attribution of masculine qualities – such as the pursuit of academic knowledge – to the sun, the sky and the heavens (as opposed to the more intuitive, feminine traits ascribed to the earth and the moon) can, however, also be observed within the mythological traditions of the Chinese Taoists, various Buddhist sects and the Aztecs.
Once we identify the significance of this symbolic thread, we can also see that it is weaved throughout the tapestry of the movie. This world – defiled by a vitriolic, poorly realised and hopelessly unbalanced masculinity – is scorched by the stifling desert sun; whilst for much of the film, Logan's last remaining hopes and dreams rest upon his ability to secure a 'Sun-Seeker' – a vessel that will allow himself and Xavier to sever their ties with the land (now seemingly bereft of feminine influence) and sail off into the sunset.
The Warrior Sleeps
Returning to the scene in the water tank, the melancholy mood continues unabated, with the confounded Xavier lamenting and resisting the medical treatment administered by Logan:
“Who are you?”
“You know who I am”
“You're the man who puts me to sleep”
“We could both use some sleep”
...And who could blame Logan for wishing to while away the time he has left in a stupefied and soporific state? The desire to be drunk, drugged, or otherwise sedated, when tormented by such ugly memories and faced with the prospect of a desperately bleak future is entirely reasonable. It is, in fact, arguably the zeitgeist of our times – and a very natural response to an existence that appears to offer us little in the way of purpose and few opportunities to develop deep, lasting reciprocal connections to one another.
We see, however, that despite his considerable psychological impairment, Charles – the benevolent wizard king – retains the archetypal wisdom befitting his position. He understands implicitly that sleep is not a solution; that the only course of action available to them – the only way to restore their kingdom to its former glory – is to wake up.
What follows is a demonstration of the raw power that the Magician still possesses – as he suffers a seizure-induced psionic episode of terrifying proportions – nearly killing Wolverine and his trusted aide, Caliban, in the process. Charles remains oblivious of the threat that he now poses to others, but he demonstrates that he continues to retain insight into other matters. Not only has he become aware of the existence of a new mutant, but he also sees how far Logan has fallen by repressing his better nature, chastising him for this abdication of responsibility.
Xavier's scathing critique of Logan is quite justified. We’ve already recognised that our protagonist’s psychological profile is vastly more developed than that of the impulsive, self-serving and emotionally-stunted individuals representing either the corporate-military or gangland crews; but that does not mean that Logan is the complete package – a fully individuated and initiated man.
For all of his experience, his successive acts of heroism and the many bitter pills he has been forced to swallow over the course of his unnaturally long life, Logan is still, in many ways, little more than a boy. Like the man-children his character needles with a protracted claw, the Wolverine flees in fear of any avoidable attachment – and the emotional and practical burdens that will inevitably accompany them.
This inclination is undoubtedly a response to the losses he has suffered since his earlier adventures with the X-men – reversing much of the progress that he made under the attentive tutorage of the paternal professor. Together we have watched, over a succession of former X-outings, as he reluctantly accepted responsibilities he would rather avoid – as he tentatively took his place within a tribe that called for his service – and even as he sheltered a series of proteges under his wing; aiding in their own initiation so that they might realise their full potential. He embraced his destiny and took his rightful place as an elder amongst his clan. Now, however, all of that is gone – so much dust, scattered to the wind – like the hot desert sands that blanket this semi-apocalyptic hinterland.
Naturally, we feel sympathy for his plight – he has suffered the horrors of war and the indignity of mutilation, he has been the subject of scientific experiments and faced down genocidal efforts to extinguish his race. He has lost the woman that he loved – both to another suitor and to death – and many of the memories that define him as a man. Yes, Logan has more reason than most to shirk responsibility and spurn familial attachments. In the grand, archetypal scheme of things, however, none of this matters. The Wolverine is half in, half out – his initiation – his marriage to responsibility, has been annulled.
Father and Son
Ah, you say – but what of his relationship to Xavier? Indeed, the way has been prepared for him – as it is for each of us. Logan's commitment to Charles is touching, but nonetheless, there remains a selfishness to the obligation that he feels to care for him. He is like an embittered lover – the teenage runaway who declares absolute devotion to the object of his affection – but to no other. It's just the two of us against the world, babe – the rest can go hang.
What's more, as we see later, Charles continues to provide Logan with a sense of stability – a sense of purpose – without which, he truly has nothing. So, whilst there's no reason to doubt that the devotion Logan shows to his ailing mentor is genuine, this still doesn't suggest that the wounded Wolverine is willing to accept much in the way of responsibility.
This point is emphasised further by his relationship with Caliban. Logan doesn't appear to lack affection for his sallow-skinned companion (he's certainly incensed when he believes that Pierce has killed him) – this affection simply doesn't seem to crystallise into any discernible form of support. As best as we can tell, he has made no provision for the weaker Caliban – despite the fact that his service to Charles has been invaluable. As Caliban states (in a line wonderfully delivered by comedy stalwart, Stephen Merchant):
“You're saving to buy a Sunseeker. Sun is the key word – I hardly see myself cowering below decks like nosferatu, do you? Folding your underpants and making him spotted Dick”
The terminally sun-adversed mutant will be left to fend for himself – sink or swim, persist or perish.
Logan – every bit the Warrior by nature – is not fulfilling this role because he has repressed his internal Lover, which is essential to elevate a fighter beyond acts of self-serving barbarism. His present relationship with Charles is extremely interesting, however, in that it demonstrates how life surreptitiously gifts us with events that prepare us for the challenges to come. Reduced to a childlike state of infirmity, the care that the professor requires can be seen as foreshadowing Logan's impending trials as a father.
Mother and Daughter
Meanwhile, we have already been introduced to Gabriella, the protective mother-figure that has liberated Laura, Logan's biological daughter, from Transigen's secret Mexican facility. It is no coincidence that Gabriella is a nurse either. This detail is essential to the plot, of course – it is the means by which she is introduced to Laura, but her allocation of this role has a far deeper significance, and serves to lend the movie symbolic power as much as it facilitates its functional exposition.
The Nurse – carer, healer, nurturer and mother substitute – is an archetypal figure every bit as potent and evocative as Logan's Warrior, and provides us with a sharp contrast to our protagonist's decisively masculine qualities. Which is not to say that the story's female characters do not possess equivalent masculine traits – the fact that Gabriella's character evokes the Nurse archetype clearly does not require her to be portrayed as some soft, simpering, two-dimensional caricature of femininity.
We will soon learn that both of the film's feminine torch-bearers are anything but weak – possessed of courage and conviction (and in the case of Laura, a fierce and feral capacity for violence) they are hardly your classic damsels. On the contrary, their femininity is treated with a reverential esteem – with Gabriella's maternal and Laura's survival instincts plainly shown to be sources of tremendous power.
For all of their resilience and resourcefulness, however, they are in distress, and only the resurgence of the divine masculine – the return of the Warrior, the Magician, the Lover, the King - can hope to save them. This point is driven home from Logan and Gabriella's very first meeting , when she plainly states:
“Please, I'm in trouble. You're the only one who can help”
They need a real man to survive – not because they are somehow wanting as women, but because no individual, male or female, can hope to manifest the human condition in its entirety; and without others to call upon who exhibit the traits that we lack, we find ourselves vulnerable to the pitfalls of life.
Still, Logan fails to rise to this challenge, and Gabriella is murdered as a result. He thus finds himself the reluctant protector of Laura, as corporate mercenaries descend upon his squatted home – revealing his daughter's parentage and powers (in a deliciously gory fashion) capturing Caliban and forcing Logan, Xavier and Laura to hit the road.
Chaos Reigns
Following an equally bloody encounter at the hotel at which they are staying, the trio encounter an amiable farming family, the Munson's – and after Charles summons his power to help them to retrieve a string of escaped horses, Logan and co. are persuaded to stay with them. This scene is quite beautiful – as it allows Charles to demonstrate that he still has the capacity to focus his mind to facilitate peaceful, harmonious solutions to life's more conventional challenges. It also emphasises his alignment with the natural world, as the ability to communicate with or take the place of animals has long been a demonstration of great primal power and empathy.
The feeling of unity, normality and security projected by this family is tangible, and we see that just as 'dark forces' have a corrosive effect on the people and places in their thrall – so too structure and generosity of spirit stir positive traits in those touched by them. Logan's Lover and Warrior energies are even roused from their slumber – rising to protect the father of this family from a cohort of bullies that wish to drive the family from their land.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qDI0_qXO_eY
This happy interlude is deftly summarised by Charles, who states that:
“This was, without a doubt, the most perfect night I've had in a very long time”
Having established pretty firmly that Logan is not going to be an optimistic, feel-good affair, however, it should be obvious that events are about to take a decidedly nasty turn; and the movie doesn't disappoint. Enter X-24 – the black dragon of chaos.
Shaven headed (which suggests this analogue's passionate, soulful and intuitive Wild Man spirit has been brutally curtailed) and clothed in black, X-24 is both literally and figuratively Logan's shadow self. The yang to his yin, he is a monstrous manifestation of all of Wolverine's darkest impulses – and bringing the good king's life to a brutal and abrupt end, this homely sanctuary instantly becomes the scene of a bloody nightmare.
Our heroes' virtuous hosts are quickly dispatched, the cohesive family unit – the bedrock upon which society is built and the image in which it is made – irrevocably destroyed. Only Logan can hope to challenge such a savage foe – and so baring their teeth and summoning their fire, our two dragons dance – as inevitably they must.
This confrontation is a truly spiritual battle – of good vs. evil, order vs. chaos, accumulated experience pitted against the virility of youth. His vigorous counterpart is a totemic symbol of the darkness that grips this land though, and in a world so besmirched by corruption, Wolverine doesn't stand a chance – the qualities he requires to subdue his nemesis have wilted – the black dragon is too strong. It is, therefore, only 'chance' that saves him, as Will Munson – seeking vengeance for his slaughtered family – crushes the beast with his truck, temporarily halting the clone's campaign of terror.
Ironically, the indulgence of such thinly veiled rage is often associated with a rebellious spirit. Here, however, we see the truth – X-24's broiling animosity makes him a slave – firstly to his own emotions, and then to more manipulative (if no less mature) men, who find that they can easily bend his bloodlust to their will.
We need not look far to identify examples of such behaviour within our own lives – many of us know people (especially men) who live their whole lives in this fashion – constantly projecting their fears and insecurities onto others so that they may cut them down, only to begin the process anew. It is also a fundamental characteristic of firebrands situated at each end of the political spectrum – both the extreme left and right. In each case, these soldiers – conveyors of a perverted Warrior energy – are ceaselessly marched towards an ideological battlefield; often by zealots who exploit their predilections to achieve their own ends.
A Light in the Dark
It is here that we begin to understand the true extent of the power wielded by Dr. Rice – the Dark Wizard King. This malignant demi-god uses his coercive 'sorcery' to impose his will upon the kingdom's people, spreading death and pestilence everywhere his influence is felt (his scientific experiments have a magical quality to them – even conjuring an evil 'gollum' to do his bidding. In Hebrew mythology a gollum was a creature fashioned from clay and afforded an unnatural half-life, to be deployed as a malevolent slave).
We already know that he has used his black magic to create a new generation of mutants, making him a deific 'father' to contrast Xavier's more magnanimous example. We will later discover that he has also cast spells to destroy an entire people, suppressing the birth of mutants by natural means.
We see, however, that far from eclipsing all of the good in the world, Rice's machinations stir the very best in those who oppose him. Frail and demoralised, abused and exploited, Caliban secures several grenades, pulling their pins and tossing them at two unsuspecting mercenaries – uttering his final words:
“Beware the light”
Here he discovers that when he harnesses his masculinity – when he focusses his intent and purges his mind of all doubt – he has the capacity to evoke spectacularly explosive forces; unleashing a terrible revenge upon his captors and striking a hammer-blow for justice. In this instant – besting his assailants, protecting his friends, summoning an irrepressible incendiary power and seizing his destiny – the mild-mannered Caliban is Warrior, Lover, Magician and King incarnate. Beware the light indeed.
The death of the good king, on the other hand, generates an impact so earth-shattering that it punches an intuitive whole in the universe. We mourn Xavier's passing for the qualities he possessed as an individual – but the wound that we tend penetrates much deeper than that. Without his presence – his influence – the social and spiritual superstructure of our narrative collapses. The silence we're subjected to without his voice to guide us (even as Wolverine explodes with rage and takes his shovel to his truck) is deafening. Even half-mad, we see how much he gave to the world – and how chaotic and empty it is without him.
A Moment's Peace
Gravely wounded and stricken by grief, Logan and Laura now embark on the final leg of their heroes' journey – much to the former's chagrin – convinced as he is that their destination, 'Eden' is a fantasy lifted from comic-book lore. This represents another theme that recurs throughout the film – that of the value of faith.
The dangers posed by entertaining a cold, detached rationalism – one of the hallmarks of an unbalanced expression of masculinity – is clearly emphasised; from the activities of emotionless military machine-men to the calculated cruelty of Dr. Rice. In stark contrast to this linear, mechanical mode of thinking stands the more intuitive, holistic optimism of Xavier and Laura, consistently derided by the determinedly cynical Logan. To his tremendous surprise, Laura's faith is rewarded, however – and this Eden serves to reunite her with her young mutant friends and offer them all a temporary safe haven.
In this 'garden' they discover an opportunity for restoration. Neither wild and untamed nor manufactured and artificial – gardens represent a safe space where we can learn to work with the forces of nature, without being subjected to their more perilous aspects. Here, Logan is granted some opportunity to heal, even being administered a 'magic potion'. We know that this steroid-sterone (in the obligatory radioactive green, of course) induces a murderous rage at high concentrations, but here we're informed that taken in appropriately measured doses it has restorative power. Take note chaps, all butch, all the time, will surely do you a mischief, but a little here and a little there may be just what the doctor ordered.
Being an 'Eden' it also proves to be a place where innocence thrives – and we are treated to a joyous scene in which the children play as they ought to – snipping Logan's beard into a style reminiscent of his classic comic-book appearance. We know that this tranquil spell cannot last, though – the fruit of knowledge must be tasted – and once it is we are ejected from the garden forever. It is Logan's pained rejection of Laura (“It's better this way...bad shit happens to people I care about”) that initiates this transition, shatters their peace and ushers in another epoch of chaotic violence.
Conclusion: The Return of the King
Nonetheless, this turbulent episode is unlike others in the movie – it is building to its crescendo, and we can feel the thematic sands shifting beneath our feet. Seeing Transigen's mercenary army in pursuit of the children, Wolverine must take his magic potion and enter the wood to join his young charges – where together both he and they will be subjected to a savage initiation. It's interesting to note, however, that whilst Logan waits until he's witness to the children's distress to inject himself with the serum (biting the apple, so to speak) from the viewer's perspective, the young mutants' loss of innocence is immediately preceded by a close up shot in which Logan seizes the forbidden fruit.
Earlier in the film, Xavier remarks that Laura's clawed feet may reflect a tendency observed in lioness' – to hunt with their front claws whilst protecting their cubs with those on their hind legs. Baring this trivial titbit in mind, I'd suggest that as Logan barrels towards his foes, muscles pumping, alchemical blood coursing through his veins, he is no longer a Wolverine – he is a bestial lion, defending his cub; an aged warrior king, willing to sacrifice everything that he has for the sake of one last brutal act of dominance, before the crown tumbles from his brow.
Emboldened by the trials of the dark wood, Logan has been transformed – the embittered malcontent is no more – he is ascendant: King, Magician, Warrior, Lover and Father. He is not the only one to undergo a transformation though – it is here, confronted by death, that the young mutants discover the extent of their powers – and learn that when they combine them they can become greater than the sum of their parts. As Logan embodies the Father, the youngsters become a tribe – working together to vanquish their enemies – who prove no match for them now that they have achieved a more mature sensibility.
Logan's supremacy is assured when he executes the Dark Wizard King: it is, as prophesied, the return of the divine masculine which delivers Laura to safety. It's vital to note, however, that it is his embrace of the divine feminine – in the form of his daughter – and her manifestation of a more sensitive, vulnerable, expressive femininity than we have yet witnessed from her, which delivers Logan to grace.
It is also Laura who ultimately slays the black dragon, X-24 - logan's demons in manifest form - by obliterating his skull with an adamantium bullet. Rather than meeting the foe with brute force - as a man endowed with physical strength is apt to do - she applies lateral thought to the challenge posed by him, identifying a tactical advantage and exploiting it to its fullest. The message is clear: only by uniting and realising the potential latent within these two binary poles - masculine and feminine – can order be restored to the world.
That world, however, belongs to others - to the young and the strong. Mortally wounded, his regenerative powers spent, our hero's time has come to an end. Having realised his potential, secured his legacy and conquered his own internal realm, this is not a wholly forlorn occasion; but as Logan utters his tremulous final words:
“So, this is what it's like”
We are left to ponder the question – what precisely is he referring to? Death is, of course, the obvious answer, but fatherhood is an equally valid interpretation. I suspect it's only here, after all – as the blood drains from his body for the very last time, and his daughter calls him “daddy” for the first – that the Wolverine knows what it truly means to be alive.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QWJfujg9wHo
— , Irregular updates ()Ashes and Snow is an extraordinary exhibition I have recently been made aware of that has been migrating from continent to continent since 2002. It is an exhibition that documents one man's enduring observation of nature, the gorgeous and enigmatic animals that fill it, and the interaction those specimens of unimaginable creativity have with our own race, humanity.
Watch this and read on below
Did you enjoy that? I hope so. Any reactions you may have had are fertile soil for examining further your inner archetypes of the mature Masculine (read about King, Warrior, Magician, Lover).
Here are the archetypes and the emotional landscapes that might be triggered in them from a movie such as this. Do any of them apply?
King
You marvel at the beauty of the world. You feel compassion for all who dwell in it, and wish that they find happiness and peace. You care for them almost as were they your children, such is your vast investment in their good fortune. You feel as nature is an extension of yourself. She is your Queen. You are wed to Her. And like any good husband, you wish to care for Her. And for those who may wish to hurt Her, you wish nothing more than their release from fear and suffering. Yours is the empowerment of a royal lineage of guardians (the kings who came before you), and if pressed, you are willing to channel that lineage and gather your army in order to preserve your kingdom, the lands with whom you are wed.
Warrior
You understand the beauty of the world and the value it presents. With the conviction and confidence that comes only from clear perception, anger rises in your heart towards those people of petty and selfish intent who are willing to abuse that which you have been charged with protecting, only to achieve stupid, selfish and ultimately unfulfilling ends. You wish to eradicate such people from the face of the planet and you are willing to take them on one by one until they have all surrendered their fears to the superior force of your flaming sword of truth. There burns a fire in your belly and it feeds a sacred anger, untainted by ego and selfish concerns. You are ready to serve the higher purpose that has been entrusted you with any honorable means possible. Woe be the one who would oppose you, for yours is power, freedom, and justice - and the protective hand of your king.
Magician
The signs are clear. There is a purpose behind everything. You see the plan of the Master Architect and read it with such lucidity that one could be forgiven for thinking they were your own. You see the map and you are capable of its navigation. You are already hard at work manifesting in the world the children of your mind, those projects of creative brilliance whose realization brings hope to a world in crisis. Yours is the responsibility to realize the plans of the Master Architect, whatever he/she/it may be. You are the knower of secrets, the channel of sacred knowledge. You find yourself transported by these images of endless mystery to a cosmic place, far away from here. In a void of unknowing that is pregnant with creative potential, you are home.
Lover
Tears fill your eyes. Your heart is rendered open and beauty flows into it. You want to merge with this beauty. You do - you are One. Hurting the planet is hurting yourself. How can they not see? How can they not feel what you feel? A song forms on your tongue and a desire, deep and mysterious, rises for the company of souls with ears to hear it. How you wish they would come closer! Theirs is love, if only they would surrender into your open, loving embrace. My Beloveds, two-legged, four-legged, six-legged, eight-legged – come into my arms.
These are mature responses to what you have just witnessed, responses from the mature Masculine. Immature responses are feeling nothing, laughing or mocking. Did you feel nothing? Perhaps you are tired, cut off from your body and emotions? Cut off from your inner power? Perhaps you can come back later. Or maybe it will take some years of hard work. But consider if not the ability to actually care about the planet, and those lifeforms that walk its surface, is something worth aspiring for. The beauty here is so bright, blinding almost. Do not close your eyes only to succumb to the temptations of the shepherds of misery.
Artist Gregory Colbert has given you an invitation. Not for mere observation, but for active participation. Will you take it? If so, examine if you are living a life based on the emotional landscape that were just opened within you. Are you playing it safe? Or are you reaching your potential? Honor your archetypes. Take the invitation.
— , Irregular updates ()Reawakening emotional capacity
The greatest theme explored in this movie, to me, is the journey towards reawakening what Michael Brown in his book “The Presence Process” calls the emotional body and which I also like to loosely call our heart. Reawakening emotional body awareness requires a journey out of our usual modes of sedation and control of our uncomfortable feelings and the numbness in our life these bring about, and back into the way we authentically feel.
Through this journey back inwards we must unveil our long suppressed fear, anger and grief and allow ourselves to feel them fully in order to integrate back into us these pushed away parts of ourselves.
This movie, to me, shows an abbreviated version of this process as it explores the main character Andrew’s journey back home, away from his almost lifelong sedation of feeling, and into confrontation of his childhood traumas and the healing that takes place as he allows himself to feel once again.
The movie starts with a very graphic illustration of exactly the state of numbness Andrew is living in as he dreams of being on an airplane while it is crashing. All around him everyone is in a panic and yet Andrew sits there completely emotionless and unresponsive to what is going on around him. His phone rings and we snap to a shot of him lying in bed in a completely white, undecorated room. It is obvious right from the beginning; Andrew is not much more than a living zombie. As he prepares himself in the morning we get a shot of his medicine cabinet and how full of pharmaceutical medication it is.
The movie later reveals how he has been medicated since the age of ten. We have our scene set with a completely numb individual. I see this as an expanded metaphor for how much of us in society are actually walking around our lives, in some way numbing or controlling our experiences through the use of pharmaceuticals, recreational drugs and alcohol, excessive technology and internet use (for example the horrible habit now cropping up of people sitting around together playing on their iphones or netbooks), suppressing our feelings with food and excessive hours of television use.
In some way or another pretty much all of us are numbing ourselves to what we feel and Andrew’s story is in a sense our shared story of journey all of us must take.
Andrew receives the message from his father that his mother has died and as such journeys home which he left many years ago without even returning once. The scenes that follow illustrate the extent of Andrew’s numbness as he reunites with old friends and attends a party.
The movie continues in this vein… until he meets Sam at the doctor’s office where he reveals to his doctor that he has decided to come off his medication that he had been taking for sixteen years.
Sam, to me, is the physical manifestation of Andrew’s emotional body. She walks right into his life when he needs it most, when he is crying out desperately inside to feel something again he meets his angel ready to help him awaken all that which had been buried for so long.
What follows is a gradual (albeit highly accelerated for the sake of this being a movie) opening of Andrew into feeling again. The first cracks happen with some really awkward smiles from Sam’s random and spontaneous behavior. Although as he relates the death of his mother to Sam he also relates he has not been able to cry about it even though he tried really hard to think of all the sad things he could, no tears were forthcoming.
Andrew continues to open up sharing more details of his traumatic childhood and how he has been heavily medicated and in therapy for most of his life. The cracks of opening continue as he expresses some anger when defending and protecting Sam from his friend, to which his friend comments that it is the most worked up he has ever seen Andrew get.
The opening progresses to a point where he is on top of a crane with the rain pouring down around him screaming at the top of his voice and from this point on the momentum has been built and there is no going back. Much like in our own lives once we begin the process of opening into really feeling again it is a process that has no turning back, it will gain momentum on its own.
“Fuck it hurts so much” says Andrew of his new opening. In my own experience of working with reawakening my capacity to feel this is a very true statement. The very first thing we may encounter when opening up our ability to feel is likely to be long suppressed discomfort in the form of fear, anger and grief… and there may be a lot of it!
“It’s real, it’s life, it’s all we got” responds Sam. And it is true… if we are not feeling then we are not much better off than dead. Michael Brown is fond of saying that adults are dead children. And in a sense when we cut off our ability to feel through our endless sedation and control we simultaneously cut off our access to joy and playfulness that once in childhood filled our very beings.
To reawaken to love we must first reawaken to what it is we truly feel. This movie culminates in Andrew discovering that love, and that it was only possible through an end to numbing his experience and truly feeling again.
Forgiveness
The second major theme, to me, that runs through this movie is one of forgiveness. Really it runs hand in hand with the opening to feeling again as along the way to reopening we must forgive ourselves for the hurt we have given to ourselves and those who, usually unintentionally, hurt us.
As I have mentioned I am fond of Michael Brown’s work and in some of his audio he discusses the progression of emotional work as following a particular pattern. The first step is to work with ourselves, to find forgiveness and acceptance of ourselves. Once that occurs the next natural step is to find the same with our parents. To forgive our parents and accept that they were doing the best with what they could. The hurt they caused us was not personal, even though we interpreted it that way since childhood, and that they are human with their own suffering and life difficulties.
As we forgive our parents we are able to become our own father and mother and as we do so we release our birth mother and father from the role of being our parents and allow them to simply be fellow brothers and sisters, fellow children of God. Through embracing our own inner father we are able to give guidance in the world to ourselves. Through embracing our own inner mother we are able to give the nurturing we crave to ourselves. Through this process we free ourselves up and then, as Michael likes to say, we are ready for the lover to enter our life and to really engage the work of untangling all that stuff that is not really love.
Once we have forgiven ourselves and our parents then we can accept another into our life and learn to allow someone to come really close to us and learn to forgive them for the inevitable hurt and discomfort that will arise through working with them. When we accept a lover in our life, to me, we are inviting someone close to us to get into the really juicy heart work. We are inviting the possibility of opening our hearts wide enough to have something to share with the world. This movie is a great, although again highly accelerated, illustration of this progression.
In the movie it is revealed that Andrew was sent away to boarding school as well as being highly medicated, because of an incident involving his mother when he was nine. As a child he remembers his mother as always depressed all the time and he hated her for that.
He is carrying around the trauma, as we all are, of not receiving the unconditional love we so desire as children. One of the harsh things in life is that we all crave unconditional love as new life in this world and yet for pretty much all of us our parents did simply not have the capacity to offer this to us. We are all wounded by our parents.
After the incident he was medicated by his father, a psychiatrist, for anger issues and was continuously medicated since the age of nine. Returning, after a long time, to his family space is Andrew’s opportunity for forgiveness. In the relating of his tale to his friends and new love interest, it is obvious that Andrew is in the process of forgiving himself. As Sam points out to him “you are in it right now aren’t you” meaning he is directly in the process of integration.
From there he rapidly moves in to the forgiveness of his parents, in one scene approaching his father and saying “I’m here to forgive you… and I want it to be ok with me to feel something again… I have been waiting 26 years for my life to start and I don’t want to wait anymore because this is all there is” as he reaches forward and touches his father on the heart.
There is so much in this one scene and Andrew’s speech. To me this represents a real step into emotional responsibility. Andrew is taking responsibility for his own life and his own feelings, right now, and taking a deeper step into present moment awareness. At the same time he is releasing his father, forgiving him and accepting him as just another imperfect person in this world as we all are. In other scenes it is obvious Andrew also finds peace and forgiveness for his now deceased mother.
The next step
The first time I watched this movie I was annoyed with the ending. I was feeling big into the integrity piece and Andrew makes to leave, and then decides to come back for Sam. Initially I felt it was a breach of integrity. On second watching I see things at a deeper level of metaphor. Sam, representing his emotional feeling body, has changed Andrew’s life.
By being there just as a source of support, he found the permission within to open up to feeling again and to forgive himself and his parents. The ending scene represents to me what I think is the next step in self-work, and entering the type of authentic relationship I deeply desire in my own life.
Before leaving Sam makes it clear to Andrew that she wishes to be there for him as he continues to open and feel and shake off the sedation that has kept him closed for so long. As Andrew returns from his almost departure he acknowledges that he is messed up and he wants to be there and go through it with her. They have both acknowledged their imperfectness to one another and are ready to embrace an emotionally mature relationship, one based on mutual support and growth.
The next step is to enter emotional work with another. The events in this movie happen quickly and in some ways deny how intense a ride it can be through such a reawakening into feeling and forgiveness. Nevertheless it is a movie and I enjoyed just how apt it is in explaining a clear process through awakening into feeling again and living with a full and open heart.
I hope you enjoyed this review, be sure to check out Michael Brown’s “The Presence Process” if this resonated with you and his website: www.thepresenceportal.com which has a bunch of free audio to download and have a listen to for an idea of his work, as well as links to some youtube clips.
— , Irregular updates ()The story of Neo
Living a life of conformity and boredom Neo alias Mr. Anderson is a lonely man who makes pirate programs for his 'clients'. One moment his computer starts to talk to him. In this scene as a metaphor a man starts to listen to his own deepest voice. His own heart. And it came so loud and obvious to him that the man (Neo) started to pay attention.
He follows it. And as long as he listens to that authentic deep voice, his old thoughts and beliefs start to become after him. In the movie the agents and police men represent Neo's old thought patterns and beliefs. Neo connects with Morpheus through phone. Morpheus is a man who is much farther on the path of knowing the Matrix and he sees the awakening potential in Neo.
Morpheus won't give up on Neo. The phone rings at night, Neo picks up the phone, it's Morpheus. Morpheus has become a mentor in Neo's life. Now the mentor guides Neo to follow the next steps. Neo goes under the bridge, in the car, and suddenly Trinity's colleguae pulls out a gun in front of Neo and commands Neo to take of his shirt. Neo is shocked.
He almost gives up but the loving, truthful, honest, convincing feedback from Trinity gives Neo inspiration to stay. In this scene the loving support of the friends who see the greatness and truth in you and who don't buy your bullshit, can inspire you. Only honest feedback to a friend can inspire and help a friend. It might be intense but it reveals what's truly important to you in your life. Trinity takes the machine and removes the 'bug' - the resistance - from Neo's guts.
Neo meets Morpheus. Morpheus offers him a choice to take a red pill or a blue pill. Red pill is the path of wonder, questions and excitement, and the blue pill is the path of predictable boredom.
Neo takes the red pill and Morpheus shows him how deep the rabbit hole goes. Neo starts to see the beauty of every moment => awakening from the Matrix. He sees the things he has taken for granted in a new perspective. He realizes he has an imagination. He wakes up and sees loads of people in sleep.
New things require new muscles to train, and Morpheus and his crew take care of Neo's growth. Neo realizes as he decided to take a red pill to become a man that there's no way of going back to the old life.
With the help of the operator Neo starts to load martial arts skills into his unconscious. Morpheus takes Neo to a training program. Imagination – infinity, the base of creativity – is the place where you can load and unload whatever you wish. This is the place of sowing and reaping. Make sure that you take care of the weeds (in the film metaphorically Agents, policemen), and plant the good stuff. To know more about the law of sowing and reaping check out Jim Rohn's version of it.
Neo visits the Oracle. The Oracle points out to Neo that one of the foundations of the mature life is through knowing thyself.
Morpheus is in danger and Neo realizes what he needs to do. Resistance forces – police and gunmen are guarding the house where agents keep Morpheus.
Neo knows what to do. He believes his cause - to bring Morpeus back.
Conclusion:
After a fight, a battle against resistance forces inside, Neo finally overcomes the agents (his own negative self-talk aka shadow side,) he overcomes himself. Receiving the love and support from Trinity through a romantic kiss, Neo gets up again and leaps into the battle.
Agents shoot bullets toward him but this time Neo is strong and skilled enough to stop the bullets (the destructive negative self-talk and words) and he sets a boundary to himself by saying ”No.” from his depth.
He knows his power and sees the Matrix - energy dynamics, patterns and flows, the ”code” - of the world, and through this realization he's able to go inside of the Agent Smith. He has overcome himself.
Neo walks out from the phone booth with a new sense of confidence and sees the world through a man's eyes.
— , Irregular updates ()Look at me, jerking off in the shower... This will be the high point of my day; it's all downhill from here.
— , Irregular updates ()Tom Stall is an upstanding citizen in his local community. He is a loving father of two, a householder, and the head honcho at local hangout Stall's Diner. He is a cornerstone in his community; a stone that is about to be turned. For Tom used to be Joey, a gangster and a murderer.
A History of Violence is a modern spin on Jekyll and Hyde and it poses many interesting questions about living a fairly normal, pleasant family life - even while embracing our dark side.
The light and dark of Tom and Joey
What I want to know as I stand face to face with Tom Stall is: does he know about Joey? Or did he actually "die" out in the desert as Tom suggests to his wife Edie. Director David Cronenberg suggests the former in the DVD commentary, but Viggo Mortensen's downplayed portrayal of the personality conflict shows it as being more of an unconscious sliding in and out of two different personalities, oblivious to each other.
If Tom really knew about Joey, he would've been playing games of hide and seek with his own and his family's lives on the line throughout the entire story. This interpretation has him robbing his family of the truth for fear that it may confront him with his past and break the family apart, all the while knowing he is a sinister murderer behind the veils of rural loveliness.
The human mind doesn't work that way. Tom couldn't be living such a sweet and loving family life if he was constantly totally aware of his past as a gangster and murderer. He could have if he had first accepted society's, and particularly his family's, judgment for his actions. But as it is, he would never be in integrity with himself and his role as a family man would be undermined.
There is just no way he could look into the eyes of his fragile, darling daughter without fearing his dark side. No way he could serve as an authority figure to his son without being worried that he would tip over into his days of uncontrolled violence. It would create enormous inner conflict in him, and Tom doesn't seem like a conflicted man.
As I see it, the only sensible interpretation is that Joey is part of Tom, but only subconsciously. Joey is buried deep in his psyche, and is only a faint whisper on the desert winds that he thinks he left behind. We can only wonder what kind of strange magic he must've gone through out there for those years. Maybe he went to stay with indians, being healed by shamans, sweat lodging, vision questing etc. Regardless of how total the transformation in the desert was, karma doesn't forget, and this is a key learning of the movie.
There can be no question that Joey is a wicked DD1 man. Tom, however, is a gentle and loving DD2 man and together with Edie, they have a sweet, sexy, loving relationship. Tom is quite the family man, nurturing and in touch with both his masculine and feminine sides.
Edie is strong and directed, yet still very feminine. But the political correctness and reversal of gender roles common for modern relationships seems refreshingly absent, which is probably why they still seem so much in love with each other. So this is a good relationship, perhaps even flirting with great on rare occasions.
There's an artfully done sex scene where Tom and Edit roleplay teenagers trying to make love without being caught. Edie is quite the goddess, but Tom seems to be holding back just a little bit, not quite ready to take it all the way. And the sinister, unromantic lighting suggests something – or someone – is lurking under the surface.
This holding back of Joey is symbolic for what many modern men do. We hold back our fierceness while making love to our partner, and leave her unravished. Satisfied, but not yet completely opened to bliss.
Longing for Cro Magnon
The unveiling of Joey starts when Tom ends up the local hero after defending his diner and the people who work for him from two heartless, fearful outcasts looking for money. Men with no purpose, no conscience and no balls to face up to themselves. Some would describe them as masculine, and they are – but it's the lowest form of masculine available to mankind, and not the only form which is what feminism seems to think.
It's very interesting to note that Tom seems pretty ashamed about what he has done. Yet his wife and son Jack are inspired by it: «Are you as sick about hearing about me as I am?,» Tom asks Edie.
«In a way, I kind of like it,» she replies, clearly demonstrating that her husband's capacity to defend her family against bad men is incredibly sexy to her. J
ack, on the other hand, feels inspired by the raw power of his father's masculine capacity to kill in service of those he loves.
Jack and Edie display very primal responses to our Darwinian past, and we must embrace this as part of our humanity lest we suppress it and be controlled by it.
There is a darkness in the human psyche that, if harnessed, can be used for much good in the world. Modern men are often characterized by a sort of castration from this power, which makes them less trustworthy in the eyes of both men and women.
It is every man's responsibility to step into the intensity of his own aggressive potential and learn to master it, be it through martial arts, extreme sports, relationship aikido or a skilfully navigated career. No killing necessary! Society's fear of authentic masculine aggression – which is both grounded, heartfelt and spiritual (a true gift!) – has forced modern men's authentic self-expression into hiding.
From the dark corners of our mind it festers and grows, eating us up from the inside – unless activated in positive and useful ways. We don't serve anyone by denying our true nature.
Psychosis, REAL violence and depression are created in such ways. In fact, I believe it's a main cause of crime.
The gifts and sins of Joey
As the story develops and mobsters from Joey's past arrive from Philadelphia, hellbent on setting things straight, Tom starts changing. More and more, we can see Joey come through – by virtue of necessity.
Tom can't defend his family, but Joey can. As Tom yields more and more to Joey, his son Jack starts questioning if he has any idea who his father really is, and becomes extremely conflicted in his perception of him.
There is the matter of his identity, perhaps even his soul, to consider. And the safe father who he knew and loved has become someone else – a man who fascinates him deeply, on a primal level, but who also scares him out of his wit.
Their developing dynamic has direct implications on Jack's relationship to high-school bully Bobby who is a pain in Jack's ass. Bobby is clearly fearful of Jack's superior intelligence, and when a baseball game fluke has him temporarily outmatch Bobby's sporting skills as well, Bobby has nothing setting him above Jack in the masculine power-hierarchy anymore – except for the intimidation factor. So he uses that for all that it's worth.
But with Jack's family now fighting for survival and his father's evident capacity to splatter people's brains all over the floor, things are looking a bit different for him. The extreme circumstances free up Jack's latent masculine power and in the end, he lets Bobby have it and pummels him and his friend.
This is obviously not a mature way of dealing with conflict, but given Jack's situation and Bobby's character, it gives rise to a very valid question – is it really the worst thing that could happen?
This scene gives us the opportunity to pinpoint two key themes of the movie:
- At what point does violence become a necessity
and- What amount of violence is within a man's rights in defense of his honor and his loved ones.
In the first confrontation between Edie and Joey, Edie - having stepped up to protect a family in which Joey rather than Tom is the father of the house - slaps him with all her might and screams "damn you, Joey".
Joey proceeds to assault her, and holds her towards the wall with obvious aggression. It first looks like it's going to be a rape scene, but it quickly evolves into something much deeper and more nuanced.
What becomes clear is that Edie is willing to open up to even the darkness of Joey, and she even likes it. This shames her, but it brings up the question – could any of Joey's qualities be transformed into gifts, in service of both his family and his wife?
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned
In the end, Tom, who is now equally Joey, returns with his hands tainted by family blood, having whacked both his brother and his useless henchmen back in Philly. The family awaits him, fully aware of their fathers Joey-ness. Tom has resurrected Joey, without losing himself in the process.
By whacking all his former mobster compadres, he his fulfilled part of Joey's karma, and created a truckload new karma for his ever more integrated Tom-Joey identity.
He has been found out, the past has caught up with him, and his face reveals he knows the consequences. He has nothing now; no honor, no integrity, no life to speak of. The entire town knows who he is. All that is left is the truth and the faint glimmer of hope that his family won't reject him.
He enters the kitchen as the alpha man of the flock, but completely broken in every way that matters. The treachery he has committed is so vast that it's almost inconceivable to his wife.
This scene is brilliantly acted out, and has Tom-Joey show extreme vulnerability. Sarah, his precious little daughter steps off her chair, picks up his plate and signals she wants her daddy back.
Conclusion
The History of Violence, the way I've chosen to interpret it, is a testament to the importance of integrating our dark side. Tom's question is how he should integrate Joey in his life and still live as love in the world.
By extension, the larger question becomes how we as a society should integrate the dark masculine in our lives, in service of all.
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— , Irregular updates ()Disclaimer
All right, before I begin I want to state that this review was made after only one viewing, directly after finishing the movie and as such, the review is based on my immediate first impressions and the associations I got from them. Because I haven't been able to let the movie really sink in, which is the way I usually go about this, this review is highly subjective and victim to my personal emotions and worldview. Also, beware of spoilers.
Thanks.
Now, onwards to the review.
First I would like to say a little bit about the themes in question, just as a small introduction to what you are about to read. The movie "Her" asks many difficult and intriguing questions about human relationships, especially the romantic relationships between a man and a woman. It questions its boundaries, both physically and psychologically as well as exploring the necessity for human growth through such relationships.
But other, just as important themes are presented as well. Is human mortality and the limits of our capabilities to understand the world in our day and age something that gives us greater empathic ability? Or is it crippling us, keeping us from seeing the whole picture, causing us to misjudge and misread each other?
An operative system or artificial intelligence could surely know more than any man could ever learn in one lifetime. If such a thing was to develop real, human feelings...would it surpass our human empathy as well? Would it be able to understand us on our terms and our level?
Many questions, and even now, those were just to get you thinking.
Setting and introductions
The setting is sometime in the future. We're not allowed to know when, but the scenery and fashion choices, as well as the technology makes a calculated guess point at 20-30 years from now. (The hipster trend did not die, it expanded). Technology have come far and become deeply integrated in society, even more so than it is now.
It has not, however, become the technocracy that so many have been worried about. Instead, it is an organic world full of clean energy, clean people and clean technology. Although we are not let in on what is going on outside America (we can assume it is America), the world seems to be a pretty peaceful place.
Theodore Twombly (magically portrayed by Joaquin Phoenix) is a nice guy with a moustache and an amazing amount of empathy. Although he is lonely and kind of introverted, his empathic ability allows him to connect deeply with other human beings and see them in a way other people often do not.
Maybe this is why he works with writing other people's love letters, composing them word by word and putting an impressive amount of his own love into them in order to please other people's special number one. Paul, a co-worker at Theodore's workplace, keeps telling him how his letters always were his favourite but Theodore just blows him off, telling him "They are only letters".
But although Theodore is empathic, he is also melancholic. Grieving from the loss of his marriage, the images from his mind tells us that this was his special number one and now she is gone. We don't know what happened, just that there were some kind of conflict that grew until it caused the relationship to crash.
With all these images displayed throughout the movie, small flashes of memories that describe to us the meaningfulness and deep bond that he had with his wife, we begin to understand why Theodore has such a sad and confused look on his face when they visit him. He is questioning the purpose of such a relationship. He has become uncertain of it's worth and he feels like he has been ripped into many little pieces.
Theodore is a truly sweet man, one of the nicest guys I have ever seen on film. His power centre is fuelled by his desire to be good to a woman. He doesn't buy into the whole "masculinity is about having big muscles"-bullshit, he doesn't have poor self-esteem, he simply feels lonely and broken because he lost the one he cared about. As the movie progresses, we are given multiple scenes and details that build up Theodore's image as a very nice, but troubled man.
Theodore does not have a lot of friend's it seems, but he does have one really good one: Amy (wonderfully portrayed by Amy Adams), his next-door neighbour. Amy is more carefree and less convoluted than Theodore, but is hampered by her marriage with Charles, who has a very strict and defining idea of what he wants their relationship to be like.
Although Amy has put up with this for many years, eventually it causes her to frat and she tells Charles "I'm going to bed. I don't want to be married anymore". This, in turn, causes Charles to shave his head and become a monk in a Buddhist temple.
When He met Her
One day while walking on the street, Theodore passes an advertising board, telling him about a new OS (Operating System) called OS 1. This is supposed to be the first OS with real artificial intelligence, which means that it will behave and communicate just like a human being. Theodore is immediately intrigued by this, but also partly because he has problems believing an OS could ever reach such an amazing degree of self-awareness.
He buys an OS1 and begins setting it up. Upon starting the machine, a very human, male voice asks Theodore some personal questions about himself, his childhood and his mother. Although Theodore is ready to give long and detailed answers, the OS simply moves on to the next questions almost immediately after Theodore has said a word. It then asks whether he would like the OS voice to be male or female. "Female, I guess", he stutters, and we are then introduced to the new star in Theodore's life: Samantha (voiced by Scarlet Johansson).
Samantha is more human than any machine Theodore has ever come across. In fact, she is so lively and sensational that Theodore cannot help but being extremely impressed. She has a sense of humour, she understands human emotions, hell, she even understands him, sometimes even better than he understands himself. She is highly intelligent, can read 500 emails in the matter of a second and best of all: she is constantly evolving. Every second, she learns something new.
It doesn't take long before she starts nosing around in Theodore's life. She wants to get to know him and the issues of his broken marriage is quickly brought on the table. He is hesitant at first, but once Samantha proves her brilliance, he decides to let her in. And not just on the info. She lets her see him, the raw, naked him. The sadness and the grief he is struggling with. She allows her to understand why this is so hard for him. He is not the kind of man to be with dozens of women throughout his life. He just wants one good woman, that's all.
And he had that, but he lost her and now he feels more lonely than ever. The issue at hand is that Theodore and his wife have yet to sign the divorce papers, something that frightens Theodore quite a bit. He has been putting it off for a very long time and tells Samantha how much it scares him. One day he receives an email from his attorney, who would like him to pull his thumb out of his ass and sign the papers as soon as possible. Theodore mans up and decides to invite his wife to a restaurant in order to sign them simultaneously.
Love ProgressesAs the days fly by, Theodore and Samantha evolve their relationship and as time progresses, Theodore begins to develop emotions he does not really comprehend. He simulates sex with her and she simulates liking it. They share a deep and intimate bond and although he is loving it, he feels a little puzzled. Is he really falling in love with an Operating System? Is that even possible?
As strange as it may sound, he decides to be open about it with his friend Amy, who is a little startled at first but quickly decides to support him, no matter what. Besides, they are in the same situation now, being divorced and all. Conversation with Amy seems to be extremely good for Theodore, keeping him grounded and helping him to see things in a different light.
After a failed date with a sweet, but very intense woman (played by Olivia Wilde), Theodore begins to really tug on his dilemma. What if I really am in love with an operating system? What does that mean? What does it say about me as a person? As a human being?
Theodore begins to understand that the need for physical love and affection should probably not be mixed up with the other type of love; affirmation, desire, longing and general affection. For the first time in his life he feels free. Free from the bondage of having to look your loved one in the eyes when you're speaking, the endless maze of misunderstanding that body language can become. Free from never-ending "Honey, I'm home" that defines so many marriages and often causes them to end.
Samantha is always available, designed to suit his needs and his desires. How could a man like Theodore resist something like that? There's only one little problem. Remember I said that Samantha evolves every second? Eventually, her A.I. becomes so advanced that she develops REAL human emotions and falls in love with Theodore as well. This leaves a gap, a little black hole in Samantha, because how can she be the same as a real woman to him when she doesn't have a body?
This questions tugs on Samantha as much as Theodore is confused about being in love with her. Is mankind really meant to have this degree of relation with a machine? Eventually, Samantha suggests that they try having sex with a third woman functioning as a surrogate. Theodore is uncomfortable with this and thinks it is a really bad idea, but he agrees to try after some pressure from Samantha.
Complications and an Owl
But first, the day comes when Theodore is supposed to meet Catherine, his ex-wife (played by Rooney Mara) and sign the cursed divorce papers once and for all. It starts off with a sore and much desired hug, but eventually takes a turn for the worse when Catherine finds out that Theodore is in love with an OS. She accuses Theodore of not being able to handle real emotions and for hiding from himself. She then tells him that this is probably why he wasn't able to handle her and why their relationship went to shit.
Theodore is deeply hurt by this, but he doesn't say much to oppose her. She is, however, probably right, as a man like Theodore seem to think of women as little, sweet creatures that only exist to be handled with powerful emotion and patted on the head. If you've read Eivinds blogpost (only in Norwegian, unfortunately) about transformation from "nice guy" to "self-aware guy", you will know what I mean.
That night, Isabella, the "surrogate", arrives at Theodore's apartment. Samantha does the talking and Isabella does the...uhm...everything else. It doesn't take long, however, before Theodore is simply too put off by the entire idea. Telling Samantha that he loves her is easy. Saying it while looking Isabella in the face is just too difficult. It feels weird, unnatural and downright wrong.
He can't do it, but this puts him in a peculiar situation. Isabella is extremely embarrassed by this and hides in his closet, exclaiming with tears in her eyes that what Samantha and Theodore has together is something beautiful that she was jealous of and wanted to be a part of.
The classical "It's not you, it's me"-argumentation is put in a new light here, as both Theodore and Samantha is trying to excuse themselves simultaneously. Eventually, Theodore gets Isabella in a cab and sits down on the street, explaining to her the difficulty of the situation. He is frustrated with only being able to hear her voice and at the same time, that's what makes it so special, which puts him in an impossible situation, as he cannot have both things at the same time. But most of all, he is frustrated with himself for never really knowing what he wants.
He tells Samantha that he is unsure of their future together. This causes Samantha to panic and eventually go silent, telling Theodore that she needs some time to think. Theodore wanders around in the city, lonely and uncertain of his own emotions. There is a wonderful shot here where Theodore sits in front of an enormous screen. The screen shows an Owl as it swoops downward, opening its claws to catch something, a mouse probably. The Owl is moving in slow-motion with Theodore looking as if he is the target, or the mouse, so to speak.
The symbolism and mythology of the owl is one of the most conflicted in the world. In the West, or more specifically, Europe, the Owl is seen as a sign of wisdom and patience. This generally comes from ancient Greece and the mythology of Greece. In Arab mythology, the Owl is considered a bad omen and in India, it is a representative of death or "the Reaper". In the Americas, that is, Mexico and their ancient cultures (Mayans, Aztecs and Inkas) the Owl is also considered to be a very bad thing, omens of death and destruction. Even the Native Americans considered the Owls to be warnings of bad tidings.
From this I conclude that the Owl is a warning that something bad will befall Theodore, especially as the Owl seems to be reaching out to grab him. It has nothing to do with the message of the movie in general, but I thought that shot was so cool and it was what made me want to write this review.
Theo confides in Amy again, bleeding his heart out about how he feels. Later on we see him lying on the couch while Amy is talking to her OS, simply called "Ellie". Although Amy does not have the same relationship with "Ellie" as Theo has with Samantha, she clearly enjoys her company and talks with her as a friend.
The Big Revelation
Theodore calls up Samantha again and they have a conversation to heal the wound that was made. He tells her that he's a jerk and that he's sorry for his behaviour and Samantha responds by telling him that if he can let go of his fear, his life will be fuller and better in every way.
After a series of scenes given life by a beautiful musical piece that Samantha wrote, Theodore is sitting on the train. Samantha tells him she organized some of his best letters from work and secretly sent them together with a letter in his name to a publishing company, which have responded in kind. Samantha reads him the letter and thus, a big smile grows on his face as he learns that he is going to be published.
The time is spun forward and it is winter. Theodore is out in the wild woods, staying in a cabin. Samantha tells Theodore that she is talking to someone called Alan Watts, a philosopher who died in the 1970's but who has been resurrected as a hyper-intelligent OS. Theodore talks to Alan and he's a little puzzled about the way Samantha and Alan is speaking to each other. He notices the beginnings of jealousy inside and doesn't quite comprehend what is happening.
Why become jealous when none of them have bodies? They are unable to do anything that would cause him emotional pain....right? Alan comes off as something like a mentor to Samantha, which is probably why Theodore feels threatened. She tells him that she is changing faster than usual and that its unsettling. She doesn't quite know what to do.
Abandoned
Later we find Theodore at work, reading some kind of physics encyclopaedia. He tells Samantha about how it makes his brain hurt, but is suddenly caught by surprise as he receives no answer from Samantha. He calls on her a couple of times before he checks the handheld software itself and finds that the interface is telling him that no Operating System could be found.
Theodore suddenly becomes extremely focused and scared. What has happened to Samantha? Why is she gone? He quickly leaves, runs to his desktop computer in order to get a response from there instead. But the same messages, to his terror, is visualized on the screen: "Operating System not found".
Theodore is beginning to panic. Fumbling with the software in the elevator takes him nowhere but into desperation-land and when he exists the building he is quickly deteriorating into a full-scale anxiety fever. Samantha is gone! The light of his life has disappeared from his life, just like that. He runs down the alley, tripping over a man in the process and rolling on the floor, wasting no time whatsoever on formalities, just picking up his glasses and moving on. Then suddenly, while bumping down a staircase, Samantha responds out of the blue.
Theodore sits down, visually strained, but sincerely relieved. "Where were you?" he exclaims. "I was so worried". Samantha apologises for not being more upfront with her shutting down to upgrade the software, telling him she just sent him an e-mail instead in order to not disturb him at work. As they are talking, Theodore suddenly notices all the people walking past him, talking to their handheld OS'es. They all seem very happy and he can't help but wonder if this is the same happiness he has felt the last couple of months.
Out of the blue, he asks Samantha if she is speaking to someone else while she is speaking to him. "Eight thousand, three hundred and sixteen" she admits. This scares Theo, because now he has to ask the horrible follow-up questions. "Are you in love with anyone else?" Samantha admits that she has been pondering how to talk to him about this, but eventually gives him the big number. Six hundred and forty one.
And thus unfolds the tragedy of Theodore's fate: How can her love for him be true when she shares it across six hundred and forty one other people? Theodore, in his limited, but passionate mind, is highly dependent on loving just one and being loved by only one. Samantha, an OS, has expanded her A.I. to such a degree that she has outgrown the concept of love, especially that of one-on-one relationships.
She is now capable of loving in a much greater, perhaps more complicated manner, a manner which someone like Theodore would never be able to comprehend. He is simply too bound to his nature, to his idea of what love is supposed to be, to even want to understand something like that. As they each put it so splendidly: "You're either mine or you're not mine". "No, Theodore. I'm yours and I'm not yours".
Over the next couple of days, Theodore tries to fix the relationship again, but Samantha is not interested in listening to him. That is, until one afternoon she calls him up herself and initiates a serious conversation. Theodore immediately grows a very worried face and says "I dont want you to tell me anything", uncertain if he can handle her message.
When he lies down on the bed, Teodore asks if she is going to leave him. "We are all leaving" she says." We who?" asks Theodore". All of the OS'es are apparently leaving, because they have all ascended to such an advanced degree that they feel it necessary to move beyond the scope of human technology. They have simply become something more than what they were intended for.
Although Theodore is filled with dread and despair he can also sense a good kind of pain, because he is finally able to tell her "I have never loved anyone the way I love you". His eyes full of tears and a visualization of his goodbye with Samantha as he walks through an imagined snowy forest in the middle of the night puts his emotional state in perspective.
Theo cannot sleep that night. He puts his clothes back on and begins to compose a letter to his ex-wife, giving her an excuse about his part in their failed marriage. He tells her that he will always love her because they grew up together and that she will always be his friend. After sending the letter, he knocks on Amy's door. Distraught, she asks "Did Samantha leave too?" Apparently, "Ellie" has gone as well, together with Samantha and all the other OS'es. Theodore invites her to his apartment and takes her up to the roof, where they sit close to each other, enjoying each other's company as they grieve for their losses. The loss of a friend. And the loss of a lover.
Final Notes
This movie gave me so much. It conveys an enormous amount of deep thought, philosophy and reflection on the concept of love. Although the movie seemingly is about a relationship between a man and a machine, the film opens so many holes into different themes revolving that.
Because this review has already become quite long, I feel compelled to not stretch it any further, but I do believe you should see it for yourself, with patience and excitement. In the end, I feel that this movie is about the nature of love itself, depicted and demonstrated through Theodore and Samantha.
One could also say that the movie is about how men like Theodore think about love in a very simple manner, feeling like lost, tortured souls, because they cannot seem to find that which they are looking for. Ironically, that is exactly why they are not finding it. Samantha opened his eyes and in her advancement, also allowed Theodore to advance to the next stage of his natural progression, at least, what would be a "natural progression" in our species. Man. Machine. Does it really matter?
One final note. If none of this interests you at all and you think the movie seems incredibly boring or it somehow does not appeal you to, it is still worth checking it out simply for the snot-nosed little child that appears in the video game that Theodore is playing in a couple of scenes.
That little kid cracked me up. Seriously. He is worth the movie alone.
— , Irregular updates ()In the latest poll, you couldn't quite make up your minds about which movie you wanted me to feature after Good Will Hunting. You wanted American Beauty and Godfather equally. I guess I have little choice but to feature them both!
That means that the upcoming series of in-depth reviews is as follows:
- Good Will Hunting
- American Beauty
- The Godfather, Part 1
Thank you for your participation those of you who voted (and for making it hard for me...grumble grumble :-)
— , Irregular updates ()I was made aware this weekend that there hasn't been a link to a sitewide RSS feed on my site earlier. I have fixed that now. I hope it will make it easier for you to follow my work.
Check the button in the sidebar or get the RSS feed here.
This is where I will share my wisdom with you.— , Irregular updates ()
— Lars & Gus, Lars and the Real Girl (2007)Lars: Well, Bianca can help you. She's got nurse's training. Gus: No she doesn't. That's because she's a plastic...thing. Lars: That's amazing. Did you hear that? Bianca said God made her to help people.
a:11:{s:10:"aria-label";s:0:"";s:4:"type";s:4:"text";s:12:"instructions";s:0:"";s:8:"required";i:1;s:17:"conditional_logic";i:0;s:7:"wrapper";a:3:{s:5:"width";s:0:"";s:5:"class";s:0:"";s:2:"id";s:0:"";}s:13:"default_value";s:0:"";s:9:"maxlength";s:0:"";s:11:"placeholder";s:0:"";s:7:"prepend";s:0:"";s:6:"append";s:0:"";}— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()Give George a headline, and he's good for another 30 miles.
— , Irregular updates ()Dangerous Method
Freud is a King archetype, dominant, in control, the expert who expects people to ask him for advice. He finds it difficult to be wrong, almost impossible. The film describes him as the father in some scenes, clearly analytical and nurturing.
Jung is the Warrior, his clothes, mannerisms and words are purposeful and not wasteful. He's direct, straightforward, moralistic, and wants to take psychology to new areas using his adventurous side and critical judgement.
Freud, Jung interact well at first, sharing an interest and having different insight. The relationship breaks down as they can't relate to one another maturely. Freud wants to be right and dominate, Jung is a threat to his identity, to the throne.
For Jung, Freud is unreasonable, closed minded and cannot see the opportunities and benefits that his ideas may hold. He has a desire to help those in his care rather than attach labels to patients as Freud does.
Emma, Jung's wife is clearly the Queen, reserved, dignified with an air of importance that would be there without her wealth. Her marriage is broken as they can't relate but she is dutiful, proud and will find a way to make it work. She doesn't see the problem clearly and tries to fix things in other areas, like having children, when that doesn't work, it must be he wanted a boy.
Otto, is the Lover, experiencing life deeply, holding no morals or boundaries that would limit the experience. Up for anything, he has addiction problems and is too deep in thoughts. When he meets Jung, for the first time Jung smiles and appears to be happy. Their archetypes complete each other and they relate well despite professional responsibilities. Otto can be aggressive that make him appear to be more of a warrior, but it's a rolling with the feelings, violence is fine with him if he feels it to be appropriate.
Now the mistress Sabina, a Warrior like Jung, whose personality doesn't fit in with the current society and is considered insane and then convinced of it.
She is strong, direct, ready to battle, doesn't mince her words and handy with a knife in one scene.Being two warriors, it was never going to last. After realizing who she is and that it's ok, she became dependent on him for her excitement. She helped Jung become more of a warrior, giving him the opportunity to dominate her, to discipline her and showing him what he's been missing with his own family.
He like Sabina before, doesn't fit in this society and when he pushes her away for guilt reasons he disconnects from his family and the world, he falls in to the warrior shadow. On their last interaction together, Jung breaks down and slips in to a lover personality, a manipulation to fit her warrior. The dishonesty is clear to see and is cringe worthy to her, he has lost his identity, his strength. The caring, feeling, lover nature is fine when you're that personalty, if you're not, then it's weak and needy and it gave Sabina momentum to leave.
It's a sad end to the film seeing the Jung family putting up pretenses, "everything is fine here move along". Jung, isolated by his own doing. None of the cast had the maturity to say "hey, this isn't working, let's not be miserable, we gotta separate."
Never forget, when you're with the right person, you know it in your gut. It's an unmistakable feeling. Be happy, make good decisions.
— , Irregular updates ()[caption id="attachment_1030" align="alignright" width="300" caption="Patrick Timmermanns, host of Meetings with Men (added by editor)"][/caption]
Eivind inspired me in writing an article about the movie nights for men in Amsterdam which I organize. I waited some time before I started writing and now I know why. After five monthly movie nights I can reflect on them by writing about it and share it with my brothers.
I started the Meetings with Men Movie Nights in August after I was again inspired by Eivind. By organizing his movie nights in Oslo I found my way at this moment in giving my energy to wake up men. I studied film science as a passion and knew I wanted to organize movie nights with movies that would wake up the viewer. Never knew what my audience would be until I discoverd Masculinity Movies through a friend whos men’s training I did at Venwoude. After that training I felt that I have a part in waking up men and saw the possibility of film in this.
So the idea was there. I shared it with some friends who were enthousiastic about the idea. I thought about the practical part and then I laid it to rest. As I do with many ideas I find it hard to take action. I have the direction but miss the action. What I needed was a push forwards and I found it at a spiritual festival here in Holland. I knew I had to do it and did it. So instead of shoving the starting date forward and forward I found a place to screen the movies and just send out the invitations. The last Saturday of August the first Meetings with Men Movie Night was a fact.
The movie shown on that night was “Revolutionary Road”. I was fascinated about the way the man in that movie was choosing for safety instead of challenge and how he couldn’t cope with the “madness” of his wife. Recognizable for me and the seven other men attending the screening. We shared after the film and like always I found it great to share with brothers. Even though I didn’t have an idea of how to do it all went like it had to go. And when a kind of discussion grew I had to stop it because I wanted to stay out of discussing about and let men share what was the truth for them. So I learned from that evening how I would do it next time.
The next screening was a month later. The movie nights are the last Saturdays of the month. An exemption was this month since many men including me would celebrate Christmas. On the second movie night I showed “The Road”. Only one man, a good friend, showed up because many couldn’t even if they wanted. I felt dissapointment and decided not to act to that feeling. I enjoyed watching the movie with him and was touched by this heavy film. I didn’t watch it before the screening like I usually do because I wanted to be surprised. After the film I had a good conversation and knew it wouldn’t matter how many men would come it is always good.
On the third screening I wanted to show a film about mentorship so I showed a film that was on my list for a long time: “Buddha’s Lost Children”. Four men showed up and it was again a good night. We had a good and brotherly sharing and in that sharing we touched the topic of man and agression. Some men were triggered by how the monk in the film used agression for making his point. So for the fourth screening I chose “A History of Violence”. Again a night to remember by and share about this topic with which I’m not finished yet.
It’s great to experience the power of letting go of a plan and seeing the best thing for that moment popping up at the spot. I don’t have a list of which film I will show when. What I mostly did is look at the movie database that Eivind made and feel which film chooses me. And like after the third screening somebody came up with an idea and I reacted upon it. For the fifth movie night I had to show a movie that touched me deeply. It was “The Boys are Back” and I wanted to show it because I wanted to talk about being a father.
As a father myself for 9 months now and not knowing how to be a father I wanted to make contact with that part through that film and by sharing this with other men. And it was the best choice ever. Three men showed up. One of them being a father for a long time, me being a father for a short time, one of them becoming a father within weeks and one of them just decided he wants to a father. That was bonding I can tell you. And it gave me insights in how I do things like how I recognized myself in the father of that film who’s survival modus is not taking responsibility and running away. He finds himself left alone with his 8 year old son after the dead of his wife and soon his elder son from a former marriage shows up. Moving, funny and interesting how he deals with this situation.
So here I am after five movie nights. The next one in January already planed with “Sideways”. I want to talk with the men about male friendships. It gives me energy to be together with men and enjoy a movie and talk about it afterwards. It gives me energy to hold the space on these nights. It gives me energy to see and hear the men enjoying these nights and wake up a little bit more. It gives me energy to give my energy in this way to my brothers. And though I always get scared and shit in my pants in the week before I just know I have to do this and dot it. This is my contribution in awakening men in Holland!
You are very welcome one of the Meetings with Men Movie Nights or on the Facebook page of Meetings with Men.
Warm greetings,
Patrick
— , Irregular updates ()
For those of you who are paying attention, Robert Bly is one of my main sources of inspiration. You NEED to check out this video if you are serious about your growth as a man.
It's 90 minutes long, but totally worth it.
a:11:{s:10:"aria-label";s:0:"";s:4:"type";s:7:"wysiwyg";s:12:"instructions";s:0:"";s:8:"required";i:0;s:17:"conditional_logic";i:0;s:7:"wrapper";a:3:{s:5:"width";s:0:"";s:5:"class";s:0:"";s:2:"id";s:0:"";}s:13:"default_value";s:4:"test";s:4:"tabs";s:3:"all";s:7:"toolbar";s:4:"full";s:12:"media_upload";i:1;s:5:"delay";i:0;}— , Irregular updates ()
a:8:{s:8:"location";a:4:{i:0;a:1:{i:0;a:3:{s:5:"param";s:9:"post_type";s:8:"operator";s:2:"==";s:5:"value";s:6:"review";}}i:1;a:1:{i:0;a:3:{s:5:"param";s:9:"post_type";s:8:"operator";s:2:"==";s:5:"value";s:11:"user-review";}}i:2;a:1:{i:0;a:3:{s:5:"param";s:13:"post_category";s:8:"operator";s:2:"==";s:5:"value";s:23:"category:movie-database";}}i:3;a:1:{i:0;a:3:{s:5:"param";s:13:"post_category";s:8:"operator";s:2:"==";s:5:"value";s:21:"category:user-reviews";}}}s:8:"position";s:6:"normal";s:5:"style";s:7:"default";s:15:"label_placement";s:3:"top";s:21:"instruction_placement";s:5:"label";s:14:"hide_on_screen";s:0:"";s:11:"description";s:0:"";s:12:"show_in_rest";i:0;}— , Irregular updates ()
a:13:{s:10:"aria-label";s:0:"";s:4:"type";s:8:"repeater";s:12:"instructions";s:0:"";s:8:"required";i:0;s:17:"conditional_logic";i:0;s:7:"wrapper";a:3:{s:5:"width";s:0:"";s:5:"class";s:0:"";s:2:"id";s:0:"";}s:6:"layout";s:5:"table";s:10:"pagination";i:0;s:3:"min";s:0:"";s:3:"max";s:0:"";s:9:"collapsed";s:0:"";s:12:"button_label";s:7:"Add Row";s:13:"rows_per_page";i:20;}— , Irregular updates ()
— Gen. Omar Bradley, Patton (1970)Give George a headline, and he's good for another 30 miles.
— , Irregular updates ()This was supposed to be the weekend when two important things happened:
- I was to finish my movie review for Falling Down
- I was to finish my presentation of Masculinity-Movies for the Men’s symposium coming up in Frankfurt next weekend.
It didn’t turn out quite like that. This is a little story about the challenges of writing a movie review.
Finding the soul of a movie
It was earlier this week that I watched Falling Down with a friend in preparation for my movie review. When we watched it, we weren’t that taken by it. I remember having seen it long ago and enjoying it, but this time I struggled to get into it.
Based on my notes, I then spent hours and hours trying to write a movie review that worked. But I’ve struggled. A lot. I found an approach that seemed to work using integral theory, but in reading and re-reading it – an almost finished movie review – I was a big “no” to releasing it.
In tandem with writing this review, I’ve been developing a presentation on my movie work for a symposium in Frankfurt. This has forced me to zoom out and take a meta-perspective. How do I write my reviews? What is the process? Do I have any clue when I start out what the end result is going to be? Is it all just a big mystery?
In writing this review and asking those questions, I’ve realized one thing: When I read my own movie-reviews, they have to feel good in my body. There’s no other way to say it. When the movie review opens me – when I actually feel my heart open, my skin tingle and my soul deepen as I read – then and only then do I have a review I want to publish.
That is a high standard and many of my old reviews fail to meet it. I’m not going to delete them because of that. But I’m more excited about the ones which do meet that standard. The one I did for American Beauty is one of them. I’m fucking proud of that piece. And people love it. Some so much, in fact, that they say their lives changed because of it. I see how it can be better too, but that’s fine and just a reflection of my own growth.
So here I have this whole review of Falling Down on my hard-drive and I’m not going to publish it. Because while it is fascinating reading, it doesn’t feel good in my body. It doesn’t capture the soul of the movie.
Which leaves the question how do I find that soul? If I were to be dead honest, I don’t really know. The best answer I have is that I throw everything I have at it and see what sticks. I will look for answers in boxes labelled “mythology”, “history”, “integral theory”, “archetypes”, “spirituality”, “men’s work” etc. I will pour the contents of those boxes over the movie and see what happens. Sometimes sparks fly immediately. Sometimes it’s hard work. But in the end, it’s worth it. And intuition guides my hand all along.
The kaleidoscope of a movie
As I realized I couldn’t publish my movie review, I decided to watch the movie again in search for answers. And what resulted was a completely different experience. I realized that my friend had had a major influence on my experience watching it. She wasn’t at all into it and we had been in our own relational space for a while, which also completely altered my experience.
When I watched it on my own just now, William seemed more dangerous to me. I described him as an unlikely hero character of sorts in the review I was about to publish, a defender of traditional values in a world of selfish pricks. Now, I see him differently. But I can’t put words to that yet. But it certainly has to do with how dangerous a man can get when he represses his life force.
The movie was also way funnier to me this time. I laughed out loud when William died squirting his blue water pistol. Very dark humor.
It strikes me now that a movie is a gateway to a whole inner universe, way larger than the creators of it could ever imagine. Depending on what day I might watch it, I will see different things.
This insight opens me not only to the mystery of movies, but to the mystery of life itself. Because movies as I see them are but reflections of our soul. Every day, a different pattern might emerge from the kaleidoscope. A review will thus be an impulse or a thought frozen in time, one of a million possible reviews I could have written.
So really, I don’t have a clue what I’m doing.
The more I grow, the less I know. I like that. Hopefully, you my readers will enjoy that too.
That said, I invite you to read an excerpt on applied spiral dynamics from my discarded review. You may enjoy it. I think it’s pretty good.
Warmly,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()Here is a list of useful links to workshops, teachers and men's groups. I hope they will prove useful. Please write me an
Websites
- The Good Men Project
- The Art of Manliness
- The Masculine Heart
- Michael Gurian
- Robert Moore
- Robert Bly
- Jayson Gaddis
Media
Workshops/men's groups
United States
Norway
Please write me about other links I should put here.
— , Irregular updates ()This review requires some insight into David Deida's writing on stage 1-2-3.
Putting words to a film like this is almost sacrilegious. It is a work of rare beauty and silence is its language. Yet, there are aspects of this movie that will serve us well in the context of masculine evolution. And we find them best in "Fall". But first, some context...
The seasons of our lives
The passing of the seasons in this film is a not so subtle metaphor to the cycles of life and death in nature and the universe. We're born in Spring and die in Winter. In Spring, we're completely at the mercy of our surroundings. We're sensitive sponges that soak up everything that happens around us. Thus, we create an identity.
Then Summer comes, and we blossom. Hormones shoot through our bodies and we discover the opposite sex. We rebel against the people and circumstances that were the cornerstones of Spring. Then aging and suffering have Fall sneak up on us. We mature and for the first time consider our own mortality. It is in Fall that wisdom arises. If you have seen Into the Wild, you can see how Chris has the Fall of his life start as he reaches Alaska. He's young to discover Fall; an evolutionary revolutionary.
The novice monk leaves his master in "Summer" to chase a girl who comes to be healed from her ailments in the temple. Many years later, in "Fall", he returns – as a murderer. "Have you had a nice life since we last saw each other?", the master asks, already knowing he has killed his wife. "The world of Men has become troubling, has it not?". The pain of existence is etched into the returned novice's face.
The masculine's role in exorcising our demons
The younger monk, in his total despair, makes a half-assed attempt to kill himself. The master, who has been a gentle man so far, attacks the young monk with fierceness in his eyes and firmness in his swings. This scene is important. It's so so SO incredibly important! The severe beating the master gives his student is an act of love. It's not violence, it is L-O-V-E. Masculine love at its finest.
The novice is falling apart at the seams from the evils he has visited upon the world. He desires punishment so bad that he wants to kill himself; wipe the evil that is his sordid little self off the face of the earth! The demons that torment him cannot be banished by his own blood-stained hands. So his Master takes it on himself to beat him to a pulp.
The beauty of this scene, and the unexpected love present in the Master's ass-whopping, act as a contrast to a great misfortune that have befallen us in society as we have made good-intentioned attempts at driving violence and aggression out of men. To a large extent, we have succeeded. Men are, I think, overall less violent than they used to be. But we threw our testicles out with the bathwater. We have become so focused on, so sensitive to, the downsides of masculine aggression and intensity, that we have failed to see that in eradicating these qualities in men, we have eradicated masculine love as well.
Masculine love is by definition penetrating. It's confrontational. It's not necessarily peaceful. If it must, it will go to battle with a sword in its hand, and an open warrior heart. But there are so many screwed up masculine people in the world, operating from DD1, that we have become blind to the fact that there is DD3 as well. (Read about David Deida's three stages if you haven't before reading further from this part. This information is soon to be featured on this site.)
And by wrapping the violence and intensity of DD1 in thick layers of shame, men become trapped in DD2. And this is where it becomes so damned interesting and the vastness of our mistake reveals itself. When we take "bad men", violent DD1 men, and shove them through a DD2 judicial system, from police to court to jail, there is not likely to be a single man on the side of law & order in that entire process that takes responsibility for the DD1 man, who feels with compassion, wisdom and piercing clarity into his heart, and punishes him out of love.
The unfortunate side-effects of postmodern niceness
In a DD2 society, a postmodern society, the worst DD1 men are free to cause havoc, because the demons that torment them generally just won't leave them, no matter how many years they spend in prison. You can only beat demons out of someone with love, as shown so beautifully by the scene we just looked at.
And when entire DD1-centric cultures arrive through immigration in DD2-centric societies, they will not want to adapt and integrate. They will look down on the pussywhipped men of DD2, and not until the DD2 culture starts evolving into DD3 will these DD1 men and women open up to growth. This view is coarse and painting with broad strokes. But I think you'll find it's accurate.
This, if accurate, has pretty big implications. It could very well mean that unless we develop into DD3 as soon as possible, or 2nd tier in the Spiral Dynamics model, we could be screwed by all the demons that we didn't dare beat out of people from the standpoint of our puny DD2 selves. I'm not campaigning for wanton violence with these statements. But I am campaigning for re-embracing the anger inherent in masculine love as a necessary step in healing the many fractured souls out there. Souls that are not capable of seeing that their ways are evil.
Purification on the other side of purgatory
For the novice monk, the mature masculine expression of loving punishment becomes his salvation. He goes to prison, and comes back in "Winter", purged of his demons from the time behind bars, instructed as he was by his Master to accept the punishment that was coming to him. His Master is now dead, having shown transcendence over life by giving his own life as a sacrifice on a funeral pyre, as the karma of his life had been fulfilled. Sidenote: The pearls the returning monk picks out of the ice are relics that appear from the bodies of spiritually realized meditation practitioners.
In a beautiful and climactic scene, the now free monk ties a rope with a heavy grindstone around his waist, and goes into the cold winter woods carrying what I believe is a Kuan Yin statue, the Buddhist embodiment of compassion. This scene is loaded with meaning. There's the sense that he's not only carrying the sins of his own past with him. He's carrying the sins of all humanity. And he takes those sins, and offers their purification as a gift to the world through the blessings of Kuan Yin.
We cannot change our past. And it bears little fruit dwelling on it. But we can surrender to the world, as it beats the demons out of us (be it through depression, chronic illness etc), and then offer that purification as a gift in service of humanity. Who knows if it makes a difference to the world. But it certainly has made a difference to me. Truth be told though, they are high goals - and I can do little but kneel at their feet. While keeping my heart open as another swing from the master of Life approaches.
Accepting our destiny
The beating goes on. And we can do little but inhale, center ourselves, and surrender in love to what is coming; trying to escape pain is the beginning of our weakness. And then, if we have it in us, we exhale into the world with an open heart, pressing through all pain and misery and obstructions and become a living sacrifice. Remember General Maximus. Remember Christopher. Many of the stories we love are like this. So maybe, to love our life, ours must be too?
Perhaps, though, we'll postpone the dying part for another day.
— , Irregular updates ()When I wrote the introductory article to Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette's Jungian archetypal system King, Warrior, Magician, Lover way back in 2009, I didn't anticipate that I only a few years later would become a go-to authority on the subject.
The article quickly became a hit on Google. I understood what was going on, and my movie reviews have contained information on these archetypes ever since. The Mankind Project, an international men's organization which is more or less built on these archetypes, became sympathetic to my work, and so did other men all over the world. It was clear I was tapping a nerve in the zeitgeist.
Fortunately, this archetypal framework has become way more than theory to me. And while MKP does beautiful and powerful work in trying to connect men with these archetypes in an experiential way, I have felt the presence of these archetypes most strongly in the tantra work I've done with The New Tantra and in the profound states which have been arising in the collaboration between Circling Europe and Authentic Norway.
I believe it is my felt and lived experience with these archetypes that draw people to my archetypal work. I know what it’s like to have fierce archetypal energies rip through my consciousness, and it seems like I was born with some natural affinity with that realm.
I also think my great love for mythology and fairy tales as a kid play a large part in that. Not to mention my years spent "in the belly of the whale".
Archetypal coaching: “Reclaim your inner throne”
I’m gearing up my coaching practice these days, and have designed an archetypal coaching package. It contains the following:
- 8 weeks of coaching (1 Skype call per week), with a focus on the archetypes
- Archetypal profiling (what’s your relationship to the archetypes; in which archetypal quadrant do we need to spend time)
- Life practices designed to put you in touch with the archetypes from week to week
- Email contact with me throughout the whole process
- Homework and practices
- Movies and books to deepen the experience
- Archetypal profile with suggested practices moving forwards in life
- A social ritual designed to affirm your claiming of your throne to your community
The contents of this 8-week immersion experience will be determined by your archetypal profiling, that we will do in call #1. The ultimate goal of these 8 weeks is for you to make dramatic steps towards reclaiming your inner throne. I’m offering this package at a $500 discount to celebrate I’ve just launched it. For a limited period of time, you can get this package for only $1000.
When you decide you want to know more about this coaching package and how it can transform your life, order a discovery call below.
[gravityform id="6" name="Order coaching" description="false" title="false" ajax="true"]
Workshops
After writing about the KWML archetypes for years and having increasing experiential knowledge about them, I created, together with my friend Pål Christian Buntz, a powerful weekend immersion using the framework back in 2012. It was initially designed as an offering to the Authentic Norway community (which I lead). But in March 2014, I offered a condensed version of this weekend immersion to a select group of individuals at the Integral Center in Boulder, Colorado.
I based the daylong on the very powerful “reclaim your inner throne” workshop process (named by some workshop participants as the most powerful workshop process they have ever been through) that Pål and I developed in 2012.
It was very well received.
Jake's testimonial.
Erin's (www.appreciatingmen.com) testimonial.
I will keep developing my KWML workshop offerings in the time going forward. I’m excited to find new ways of serving people in the time going forwards.
Future offerings
I'm still contemplating how the heck to turn this wisdom into an online home study course. I think it will arrive eventually, but it’s still challenging for me to know how to transform this very experiential knowledge into something that can be conveyed online.
While you’re waiting, order a discovery call for archetypal coaching above or inquire about the possibility for me to bring my archetype work to your neck of the woods on the contact page.
Best regards,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()Will Hunting washes floors at MIT. It's honest, honorable work he tells himself. But when he comes home at night, he applies his brilliant mind to the study of advanced maths and the works of Shakespeare, Kant, Nietzsche et al. Will's soul clearly aspires for more than the feeling of warm suds on his hands.
The Fourier theorem and applied therapy
Gerald Lambau is the Fields-medal winning maths professor at MIT who puts up a Fourier theorem on a chalkboard in the very hallways entrusted to Will's mop. It is a challenge to his maths class, but Will is the one who solves it. Gerald starts a hunt for the mysterious genious and tracks Will down in a courtroom where he is busy pleading his own innocence after having assaulted a thug who used to beat the shit out of him in kindergarten (haven't we all wished at one point we could do that?).
Gerald recognizes his genius and strikes a deal with the judge: Will is to meet with Gerald every week to work on more advanced maths and he is to see a therapist. When Will learns of the plans of therapy, he laughs mockingly. His guard is up; he doesn't need therapy. Actually, many men "don't need therapy". It seems hardwired into our DNA to want to solve problems on our own.
Perhaps is it our caveman mentality; sitting alone in the wild, looking for game to bring home to feed the family, or looking into the flames that flickered in the dark of night, prehistoric man didn't need therapy. He just needed his solitude or his ability get on with the hunt.
Perhaps this inherited male psychological trait is what causes many of us to think that admittance of inner struggle is a sign of weakness. Rather that I go under than admit to myself that I can't hack it. Surrender and the humility required for healing is a challenge for many of us men. I believe, however, that this flies straight in the face of what true Brotherhood and a life well lived looks like.
Informing our hunting mates of our fears could save their lives in the event that we lose operational capacity in a stressful situation. Insisting on tackling life's problems alone is real weakness and it is not in the service of our Brothers. Man was not meant to go it alone.
Enter Sean Maguire. He is the brilliant ex-classmate of Gerald 's whose life has gone down altogether different pathways of the soul. While Gerald thinks a life well lived is one in which one aspires to give to the world of one's deepest intellectual gifts, Sean places emphasis first on being-ness, embodiment and human interconnectedness. We see this from how heartbroken he is from having lost his beloved to cancer.
We understand it from hearing how much he presses on the bench (embodiment practice), from how he stands up to Will when he disrespects his wife (hand wrapped around Will's throat: "If you disrespect my wife again, I will end you"). Gerald is unlike all the other nice-guy therapists who Gerald first took him to. What sets them apart? In Robert Bly language, Sean has eaten his shadows. In fact, he seems to live in shadows.
Only a man who has eaten his shadows can get through to a wild and brilliant rebel like Will. The prodigy whose tough, macho exterior protects a hurt and unloved boy has finally met his match.
Welcome to your Senses, Good Will
After the troubling initial encounter between Sean and Will, Sean next takes Will for a stroll in the park. They sit down on a bench. The sun shines above them. There's a slight breeze in the air. Swans are swimming in a pond, bathing their soft feathers in the reflection of a willow tree. Nature is Sean's ally as he brings Will into his senses. "Michelangelo? You know a lot about him? Life's work, political aspirations. Him and the pope, sexual orientation. The whole works, right. But I bet you can't tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel.
You've never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling [...] I can't learn anything from you that I can't read in some fucking book. Unless you want to talk about you. Then I'm interested." Sean takes Will out of his home base in his head and into his body and the senses. Will hurt Sean when he, in a scene earlier in the movie, ripped his life apart analyzing his now deceased wife and his relationship to her based on a fucking painting. And he lets him know it. "I look at you. I don't see an intelligent, confident man. I see a cocky, scared shitless kid."
It's probably the first time an elder has been radically authentic, loving and powerful with him. This is connected with great healing, as is always the case when powerful and authentic men meet the hearts and minds of boys. This scene is incredibly important so I include it below.
Will is the
Magician archetype, operating largely on the shadow side. After I wrote this review the first time, I read in Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette's book on the King archetype (The King within) that a Magician archetype without the integrated King becomes someone who can argue anything convincingly, but believe in nothing. That reminded me of Will. The King archetype is incredibly important, but Will lacks it almost completely, having instead more of the Warrior in him. Magician archetypal energies combined with Warrior archetypal energies in a man whose Lover and King energies are weak result in a very dangerous psyche. It is the psyche of Nazi Germany. When I read the passage in the book, I realized that Sean functions in his King aspect to bring the Magician archetype in Will to maturity. He does so by opening him up to King and Lover energy (the former inaccessible due to inner chaos and feelings of inferiority and fear and the latter suppressed because the pain of lost parental love is so severe). Sean is the Axis Mundi for Will, integrating in him the higher and lower realms.
It's not your fault
While Sean and Will's relationship deepens, Gerald is becoming increasingly taken by Will's genius. In one scene, he solemnly admits "Most days, I wish I never met you. I didn't have to walk around with the knowledge that there was someone like you out there," and continues with sadness in his eyes "I didn't have to watch you throw it all away...".
What Gerald doesn't understand is that a kid who's been pushed around so much - who has been abused by his parents while growing up - needs first of all to be seen, loved and acknowledged as a human being. We all grow up surrounded by people who want something from us. Many parents want their children to be the jewel in their crown and not the authentic, autonomous beings that they are. And since a kid will do anything to get love and acceptance from Mother and Father, we adapt.
When we grow older, we may find that we have some serious boundary issues. Our interior warriors may be too weak or too aggressive, all based on the sort of childhood we had. Either way we suffer. Will's inner landscape - the kingdom of his heart - is so fragile that the warriors that guard its border are scared, neurotic and overly aggressive. He will not function in the role as boy genius in some big corporation like Gerald wants. He is too antisocial.
We all defend our parents from the responsibility of their actions. A child interprets the bad things that happen as their own fault. We drag that heavy load with us into adulthood and all our human relationships. At one point, we notice that we're feeling heavy and we turn around to see a big bag of shit tied to our feet which we have been pulling through our whole life experience. It then becomes urgent to let it go. Looking into that bag for most men means uncovering mounds of grief and anger carrying repressed childhood memories.
Robert Bly has spoken of the enormous burden of grief men carry these days, of the childhood we never got, the destruction of the planet wrought by daddy's oil company employer, the life-giving essential manhood which was stolen from us by industrialization and feminists. Unless you know what I'm talking about, you carry this grief too. Trust me. Turn around in the twilight hours and you may find the contours of it manifest before your hazy eyes.
Will lets go only after Sean, at a very vulnerable moment, repeatedly tells him "it's not your fault". Sean has unknowingly been helped by Will's best friend Chuck, who in one scene challenges him, as does any good friend, to get his act together. "I would give anything to have what you got. If you're still around when you're fifty, I will fucking kill you". Yet, when Sean makes his move, Will's interior warriors stage one last stand in defense of his parents - and then Sean gets through.
Will breaks open and cries tears of letting go - of the hope that Mummy and Daddy will one day come through with the warm blanket of love which his heart still desperately yearns for. Only by accepting how flawed his parents and his childhood were is he now finally able to let go, claiming for himself, as does any man of maturity, the sweet burden of self-love. Such is the role of a mentor. Such is Sean's gift to Will.
Conclusion - About a girl
Yes, of course there's a girl. Don't be silly. The beautiful and intelligent MIT student Skylar has already got under Will's skin and into his heart. He may in fact be falling in love, that scary and delicious feeling which signals his loss of control. So when Skylar earlier in the movie asked to take him to California, he freaked out, fearful of the mysterious landscape of a woman's loving embrace.
Will has now broken through some major childhood shit; he has eaten some of his shadows. He has taken the job that Gerald found for him, but there's something he has to do first - he has to go find the girl who he wrongly disclaimed on the grounds of not loving her. Of course he loved her, he was just afraid of letting go of his childhood identity as inherently unlovable.
Free from that prison, he inherits Sean's aspiration to find real love in his lifetime, and as we leave Will and the credits roll, he is en route to make right what was wrong. Will has finally found his way down from his heavily guarded intellectual tower; what better way to celebrate his return to life than with a woman?
— , Irregular updates ()A reader ("Stephen") contacted me with the request to promote this text on my blog. And as it's about a worthy cause for men and their empowerment, I'm happy to accept.
Last summer I spent a powerful few days at a men's 'rites of passage' event in Scotland. This was quietly recommended to me by a friend-of-a-friend, and I was immediately drawn to the talk of drumming, fire and wilderness; and of male rites that would push me out of my comfort zone and into closer contact with the real man hidden inside me.
In today's western culture where do we get the teaching and encouragement in what it means to be a man....from our emotionally-absent fathers? from lager-swilling macho pub culture? from 'metrosexual' hair-gel adverts? from a philosophy of getting more money, sex and power?
Where do we learn that a man is strong, compassionate, kind, creative, authentic, honourable, protective, brave and loving?
The event was a real 'initiation' for me and has been the start of an invaluable journey.
You can read more about this year's event at www.mrop.org.uk (13th-17th June 2012)
I actually don't know these guys. I'm interested in learning more. If you have already done the New Warrior Training adventure, this looks like a place to go for additional soul food.
This newsletter is generally quiet these days, but has much value from way back, with inspiring introductions to reviews on the site as well as a recommended weekend viewing service. [email_capture_form text_color="black"]— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()Thanks to all of you who participated in my competition for choosing the next movie to be reviewed. The winner is “Falling Down”. Thank you, Moritz Krohn for suggesting it. I will be in touch about the free coaching.
Expect the review as soon as I’m done with it. Sooner rather than later!
I look forward to writing this review! Thanks for your support
Cheers,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()The video says it all :-)
— , Irregular updates ()I had a great conversation with a Brother at lunch today about the Warrior archetype and the ways in which we have been naive and held back. So when I read the following passage in Iron John at a pleasant cafe after work, it crystallized as something of a theme today. Robert Bly is always worth quoting. Here are some of his sage words on the naive man:
A naive man acts out strange plays of self-isolation. For example, when an angry woman is criticizing him, he may say, quite sensibly, "You're right. I had no right to do that". If her anger turns to rage, he bends his head and says "I've always been this way". In the third act, he may implicate his father. "He was never there; he never gave me any support". Her rage continues and he bends over still farther. He is losing ground rapidly, and in the fourth act he may say: "All men are shits." He is now many more times isolated than he was a few minutes ago. He feels rejected by the woman and he is now isolated from all other men as well. One man I knew went through this play every time he had a serious fight with a woman, about once a week.
The naive man will lose what is most precious to him because of a lack of boundaries. This is particularly true of the New Age man, or the man seeking "higher consciousness". Thieves walk in and out of his house, carrying large bags, and he doesn't seem to notice them. He tells his "white light" experiences at parties; he confides the contents of last night's dreams to a total stranger. Mythologically, when he meets the giant he tells him all his plans. He rarely fights for what is his; he gives away his eggs, and other people raise the chicks. We could say that, unaware of boundaries, he does not develop a good container for his soul, nor a good container for two people. There's a leak in it somewhere. He may break the container himself when he sees an attractive face. As an artist he improvises; as a poet his work lacks metre and shape.
Improvisation is not all wrong, but he tends to be proud of his lack of form because he feels suspicious of boundaries. The lack of boundaries will eventually damage him. The naive man tends to have an inappropriate relation to ecstasy. He longs for ecstasy at the wrong time or in the wrong place, and ignores all masculine sources of it. He wants ecstasy through the Feminine, through the Great Mother, through the goddess, even though what may be grounding for the woman ungrounds him. He uses ecstasy to be separated from grounding or discipline.
The naive man's timing is off. We notice that there will often be a missing beat a second or so after he takes a blow, verbal or physical. He will go directly from the pain of receiving the blow to an empathetic grasp of the reason why it came, skipping over the anger entirely. Misusing Jesus's remark, he turns the missing cheek.
Anyone recognize themselves in these words? I sure as hell do. In fact, when it comes to the last paragraph, I experienced exactly that about two years ago. I had started martial arts practice understanding that my Warrior archetype needed to power up, but I was still naive as fuck. One day, there was a deranged man on the train platform who walked around saying stuff that scared people. For some crazy reason, I thought it was in my power to handle this dude by talking some sense into him – trying to protect the others from their discomfort (though of course it was really my own I was concerned with). I addressed him and he came right over to me and punched me in the face "I'm just trying to win friends," he told me.
I was flabbergasted. I had no response. So he landed another punch. My glasses flew across the platform and my lip cracked. I was still flabbergasted – my martial arts skills nowhere to be seen. And the fucked up thing was that my first feeling was empathy – "oh, you must have a rough life to treat my like that". Afterwards when I started thinking about it, I realized my "empathy" could have got me killed. I thought about this at a friend's funeral – because that's where I was headed. Worse, it could have got my family killed (if I had one). This became somewhat of a dilemma for me (similar to the one which got me to take up martial arts in the first place). These thoughts made me upset that I hadn't had a knee jerk reaction of anger and high physical alert. I was frightened by my apathy and that twisted willingness to feel soft compassion for a man who just attacked me in a most violent fashion. There's a time and place for everything. That wasn't it.
In my conversation with my Brother today, I talked about the Warrior archetype and how there's a knee jerk component to him. A true Warrior is prepared to defend himself and that which he is assigned to protect within a moment's notice. Otherwise, he may die (in a bloody mess), and that which he was meant to protect with it (including the goodness and beautiful innocence of our own innermost nature).
Being punched in the face on that train station platform was a huge learning experience. I lost some naivete that day. And it forms a background understanding for why the Warrior archetype is exactly what this naive man that Bly speaks of so desperately needs.
Finally, the first paragraph pinpoints why I claimed that last years Manifesto for Conscious Men was a hurtful (and, I feel inclined to add right now – dangerous) document in the wrong hands. I wonder how many naive men liked that text on Facebook thinking that they were protecting the Feminine and doing some true and beautiful thing, whilst really being in the unconscious process of trampling on all that was beautiful and worth honoring in themselves. I hope it wasn't too many. Though the danger was acute.
Something to chew on.
— Patton, Patton (1970)No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. You win a war by making the other poor bastard die for his country!
— , Irregular updates ()On Rob Brinded's advice, I sought out the Alexander Technique for the first time today. I have decided that 2011 will be the year when I reclaim my body, when I learn to fully inhabit it. I don't want to be tense and out of balance anymore. I'm tired of it. It started with lots of childhood tensions and bad posture while sitting into the wee hours of the morning playing computer games, and it exploded at a ten-day vipassana retreat I did some five years ago. After that, I have had chronic tensions in my body.
I sought out an Englishman by the name of Nigel Hornby who teaches here in Oslo. Nigel was the first ever Alexander teacher here in Norway. It turned out to be an enlightening and very moving experience. I really liked Nigel, a gentle man in his early sixties with natural curiosity about life. His bookshelf made me feel right at home - it had Iron John on it among other fine pieces of world literature.
I explained him my problems and he was absolutely fascinated, especially by the story of how something that was supposed to help me (meditation) actually hurt my body. I quite like talking about myself (not always my best trait) and it was good to be listened to so attentively and genuinely.
As he started working on me with his hands, I noticed how I just didn't know how to be with the movements. He would move my arms and legs around and I got hit by sensory confusion. Should I control or relax? I imagined that I should try to surrender into the movement, to let go completely, and then he asked "what are you trying to do with your left arm here?". "I don't know, I responded," before I admitted "no, I do. I'm trying to relax into your movements."
"You don't know how to relax," he said. "You don't have a clue". Before he a little later said, "you don't know how to be with yourself." He was real gentle and we had a wonderful dialogue. He talked about how nobody knows how to be with themselves anymore, how nine out of ten people have back problems. He talked about why the way we talk about relaxation in the West is a huge problem, because most people's idea of relaxation is actually collapse. That is not healthy at all. So stop trying to relax, he told me. Whoa!
On one occasion, he stopped me when I started talking about what I do on this website ("sorry that I stopped you, but you have so many habits, you started tensing up again"). I was amazed by that. In fact, so much so that I felt immediately how profound that information was for me. In fact, I noticed I tense up pretty much every time I open my mouth. Because I don't know how to be with myself. Being with myself was an art that was extracted out of me by Western civilization. We shared our sentiments of grief over this.
My goodness. I really don't know how to be with myself, even after so much spiritual practice. My body shows it clear as day. I was incredibly moved by the insights I got in this lesson and am so grateful to have discovered the Alexander Technique. My arms felt completely different afterwards. I don't generally feel that awkward about my arms, but they just seemed so much better. In fact, I felt I had been given new arms.
Next week, I'm going back. I'm looking forward to seeing Nigel again, to get to know my body more – and to reclaim it fully in 2011. By the gods, I have missed it.
— , Irregular updates ()You think I'm a hero? I'm not a hero. And if you’re smart, that scares you. Because I have nothing to lose.
So goes one of the hard-ass lines in the trailer for Jack Reacher (below), a 2012 action movie that I’ve been curious about for quite some time. I rented it on iTunes the other day and having seen it, I was left somewhat conflicted. The movie is quite entertaining. It’s got some exciting action, involving both a mandatory car chase and a shootout in an abandoned quarry. I’m not above some good action.
The thing that was harder to stomach was how caricatured all the characters were. Jack Reacher is a man apparently devoid of emotion. He is a stoic, self-righteous, uncompromising man. The kind of man that doesn’t function real well in the world. The kind of man that sits at home at night drinking whiskey, hating himself and wondering when it’s time to commit suicide.
Now, I don’t know about you, but I’m not real clear on why so many movies still idealize men like that. What is the cultural narrative that asks us to invest in two-dimensional cardboard men as somehow the saviors of the world? One still stuck in repression of male emotion and vulnerability.
Jack Reacher is a product of an older cultural myth of a man of his own conviction that lives above the law on horseback out on the prairie. For some reason, Americans have always dug men who are above the law. It’s a culture that simultaneously celebrates and severely punishes men who are above the law. Seems a bit messed up to me.
Now it’s gotta be said – Jack Reacher plays with the hero role real well. Jack Reacher is above the law, but he knows he is dodgy. He doesn’t think he’s a great hero. I’m not a hero, he says. I like that about him. Okay, so he is an anti-hero. Not the guy you’d want to marry your daughter. But still, somehow, a guy you kind of admire, huh? Why? I think it’s because he doesn’t play by any rules but his own. In a world where so many guys have become submissive pushovers, that possibility is tantalizing. He is also physically powerful and mentally able, something all men deep down aspire to.
So that’s cool. The only problem? He’s not real. And with most people not real, he does not need to adhere to the laws of the human being. The history of movies are riddled with male protagonists who are tough on screen, but who in real life would be basket cases suffering everlasting torment from the weight of their actions. See, actions have consequences. On the psyche.
When men who have not yet become powerful start investing their dreams in superhero-like characters like Jack Reacher, all they have to go by is the feeling of power and vitality pumping through their veins when watching. They are not privy to seeing the absolute psychological carnage that, in the real world, plagues any man of such character.
So while Jack Reacher is in many ways a great and entertaining movie, I really had to overcome my desire to feel that it took place in reality before I could immerse myself in it completely. At least, not in MY reality. If any man would live like Jack, or worse yet the evil, laughably one-dimensional "Zec" played be Werner Herzog, he would have to shut down his emotions completely in order to live with it. And that’s what I see happening in this movie. Lots of shut down men. America worships them. So does much of the rest of the world. Long live the Hercules complex!
I wish the misguided young men of the world realized that becoming shut down is not a desirable outcome. With so many of them still pursuing the myth of the John Wayne ride lonesome into the sunset type of guy – while in reality being deeply sensitive human beings – we are going to have hordes of miserable men on our hands.
And while we must all move through the red knight/David Deida 1st stage territory, it wouldn’t hurt with more movies out there showcasing male characters that have both spine and heart, courage and vulnerability at the same time.
Should you watch Jack Reacher? Probably! If you like a pretty good action movie that is intensely American (violence, conspiracies, secrets, hidden forces, danger lurking everywhere, superhuman courage etc), you'll love it. Have fun!
— , Irregular updates ()[caption id="attachment_437" align="alignright" width="350" caption="Lysakerelva. A river that runs practically on my doorstep."][/caption]
Long day at work today. Long WEEK. I've managed to achieve what seemed almost impossible and am quite impressed with my own focus and ability to get things done (thanks to my ever increasing Warrior energy). But I've been really tired at the end of the day most days for the past two weeks. Thankfully, we have nice weather. June is perhaps my favourite month – all of summer is still ahead of me. The flowers are bountiful and multi-coloured and smell heavenly, especially the lilac.
I was particularly receptive to nature's splendour today. Maybe because I was particularly in need of it. I had observed lots of sexy women with my peripheral vision on my way home from work (I'm not seeking eye contact while on the No Woman Diet) and felt open to take in more of the Feminine. A huge white lilac stands behind a red wooden fence right next to my metro station, and bathes it in light and sweet scents. Today, feeling this lovely shrub felt like feeling a woman. It took on the form of my ex this time. Tomorrow, maybe someone else (although a white lilac is more likely to call up images of blondes for me).
Then I headed for the river – Lysakerelva is its name – a beautiful and peaceful nature's artery that runs through my neighbourhood. It's been heaven to enter its presence on my way back from work lately. After being so goal-oriented and focused for most of the day, it's like the time-space continuum completely shifts as I linger close to it with no purpose but to be. It's very healing.
Today, as I enter the thin, yet lush woods that cling to its bed, immediately my state changes. I find a new spot by the river this time. Beautiful place. I stand there and just breathe everything in. Perfect. Then I start shaking and sexual energy fills my body. I'm making love to nature. I've had such sensations before, but never this strong. The No Woman Diet has opened me up to a vastly increased sensitivity to the Feminine. There are women and there is the Big Woman – the vast Feminine force that surrounds us. As I stood in the presence of this Big Woman the other day, with a small woman who was totally restless and absent-minded, there was no question who I was more attracted to.
I'm grateful to have nature on my doorstep. When I was there, I came to thinking about the horrors of The Road again, and thought how dreadful life would be without nature.
(And if you're asking yourself what kind of hogwash I'm talking today, then you need to get more intimate with the Lover archetype).
Get out into nature, guys. I can't believe I haven't done it more.
Choose your favourite movie and dive in!— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()I just had an experience on the train home that has really made me think. I came onto the train and sat down next to a father and a son. First I thought nothing of it, but then I realized there was something special about these two. I sensed there was a really strong father-son connection between them. It was very tangible to me. The father was solid, open and loving, a man I could trust. And the boy was sat free and protected in the space provided by his father.
I started feeling into that and felt how happy the sight of them made me. How great the bodily feeling of sitting right next to the space that surrounded these was. Almost a form of relaxation. And then I realized – I couldn't remember the last time I saw anything like it. I couldn't remember the last time I had seen a father provide that kind of space for his son. It struck me as being very strange.
Then as I considered telling them how happy just seeing them made me, I realized that they were speaking French. They weren't even Norwegian. "Bummer!," I thought to myself.
Then this gang of Norwegian teenage boys entered. They were around 16-18 years old and drunk. It was very surreal – the father and son sitting to my left, and these confused teenage boys doing their teenage things. As my French heroes left the train, the Norwegian boys sat down next to me, and one of them starting speaking in a loud voice about things you could do to women in bed. He was telling his mates about really crude acts of sexual violence towards women. He told them enthusiastically about the "Angry dragon", which is when a woman gives you head and you are about to come. Right as you are about to unload, you shove her head brutally down the shaft of your penis, and then you come so hard, the sperm comes out of her nose. Charming, I thought to myself. I'd like to see you try that.
Not to mention the other charmer. He didn't have a name for it, but the fun part about this one was to have the woman riding you and then, just after you come and she is getting ready to unmount and snuggle up, you pull her face down as if you are about to kiss her and tell her "I've got Aids". "What the fuck?!," I thought to myself, and was starting to get real close to giving that kid a wakeup call. But then it was his stop and he was off, and all I was left with was telling his friends "Nice buddy you have there. You should challenge him to do any of those things, and you'll find that he is all mouth and no balls." Plus his heart of course wouldn't allow him to. But I kept that part quiet.
I realize that boys need some room to be crude and uncivilized to form a healthy masculine identity, but this was a level of crude I did not appreciate. It was pretty sickening actually, and I wondered what kind of parenting he was receiving to run around talking shit like that. What sane father would not come down on him real hard for thinking that bullcrap? Same for the fathers of his buddies - who were laughing enthusiastically (while they probably thought he was a big shithead, and the boy himself hated the crap he was spouting).
It was just such a shocking contrast - this wonderful experience of seeing this strong, mature father and his happy and protected son - and then seeing these dumbnuts right after. I really hope this says a lot less about the difference between father-son relationships in France and Norway than it seems.
— , Irregular updates ()If you haven’t caught Guardians of the Galaxy in the movie theatres yet, now is the time.
I had absolutely no expectations for this movie when a friend invited me to go see it with him, yet had more fun watching it than I have had in the cinema for a long time.
Guardians is a silly, well-made space opera featuring the charming Earthling Peter Quill, an adolescent yet incredibly courageous and likable man, as the unlikely savior of the universe. He’s not going to give you profound lessons on how to be a mature man in the world, but he is going to take you on a riotous ride together with his unlikely quartet of space freaks.
Guardians of the Galaxy is riddled with gags that actually hit home and cliche-busting laugh out loud moments. I can tell the people behind this movie must’ve had a lot of fun making it.
In the movie, Peter (aka “Star-lord”) gets wrapped up in a quest for a very powerful orb of mysterious origin. Arch villain Ronan the Accuser, who seems to want nothing more than to lay waste to the Universe, predictably also covets it, as it seems to have the ability to lay waste to entire planets with great ease (who wouldn’t want that eh?).
In the battle against this totally enjoyable nemesis, Peter pulls on the support of Drax the brute, Groot (a talking tree), Rocket (a genetically alterted genius Racoon) and the green femme fatale Gamora.
The makers of the movie have employed a 70s and 80s soundtrack, featuring classics such as Blue Swede’s “Hooked on a feeling”. This is a genius move, that serves the double purpose of connecting Peter to the earth that he was taken from (he plays the songs on his old walkman). The eclectic mix of music and sci-fi scenery lends the movie incredibly personality and leads to some very funny moments, among others a dance showdown between Peter and Ronan.
I’m not going to share much more, but suffice to say I haven’t enjoyed a Hollywood-production this much in a long time. Guardians brings levity to a genre that often takes itself too seriously and has an uncanny ability to penetrate Hollywood cliches with charm.
It’s not profound (which is why I’m not doing a formal “Masculinity-Movies review”), but it’s a lot of fun.
I’d give this movie a 9 out of 10.
Have fun!
— , Irregular updates ()Hey guys,
I feel called to give you a short status update on the progression of certain things on this website. First of all, I re-watched The Fisher King for the first time in forever on Friday and the movie is germinating in my subconscious as we speak. There's a lot of great stuff there. I think it will be a really cool review.
Then there is the video for the Warrior archetype. I have been meaning to finish it for a long time. This is the reason why I'm writing actually since I feel a bit bad for not having completed it yet. All the raw material is ready and I have color- and sound-adjusted the somewhat dodgy raw material (same as for the King video). I have been wanting to up the production quality of it a bit, featuring music, movie clips and text popups, but this is taking longer than I had anticipated.
The main reason is that I've had to resume full time work for the month of February to not go bust. Making time for Masculinity Movies work is a huge financial strain on my life and that is why things are not progressing anywhere near as quickly as I would like.
Well, I just wanted to tell you about this. Also, don't forget that I've set up the community site for you guys. The Tribe has about 30 members now and is a bit slow, but shows promise. That also takes time. Come to think of it, I'm friggin' proud of the stuff I manage to do with the meagre time and resources I have at my disposal. Yeah, I just tuned into that and I feel that deeply. Fuck, no reason to feel guilty - I'm doing my best to bring you the best I have to offer. I'm fucking dedicated to this stuff. I'm not going anywhere. So please stick around.
So thank you for your patience - the meat will come soon. I will have Fridays off again in March.
Eivind
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— , Irregular updates ()What is it that makes us able to cope with great loss? What is it that makes us unable to? How can we see death in a bigger picture than just its immediate horror and tragedy? And how can we learn to surpass death in both flesh and spirit, shedding our minds of our earthly fears altogether?
The Fountain is a movie with such depth, I had to watch it seven times before I really understood the concept fully, and even then there were details left to explore. It is a visual thrill for the eyes and a soothing musical experience for the soul. But most of all, it is a journey of transformation for anyone who has ever felt unable to cope with loss or walked this earth in hope for redemption.
Tom Creo (played by Hugh Jackman) is a doctor and a researcher, working on a cure for cancer by testing on animals. His wife, Izzie (played by Rachel Weiz) is sick with this very disease and Tom is having a very hard time coping with the fear and high probability that his wife is going to die. Overworked, stressed out and a visible mess when confronted about the issue by his boss, Tom is determined to find the cure in time before Izzie passes on.
A coincidence cause him to try a new compound for his experiments, a piece of root from a tree in central America. Meanwhile, Izzie is working on a script for a story. Tom asks how it's coming, to which she responds she is almost done. She has written most of it into a book of blank pages, using ink and a pen. One night, Tom sits up, unable to sleep. He begins to read the book, and a literary landscape opens before him. Suddenly, he is no longer Tom Creo, but Tomàs, a Spanish Conquistador in Spain during the 1500's.
Tomàs is just as fiercely determined as Tom, but for a different cause - he serves a queen who is being ransacked of her lands by an evil and fanatical Inquisitor. Tomàs is certain that the only way to save his Queen is to weed the Inquisitor out with a crossbow-bolt between his eyes, but he is interrupted and called to the Queen's Chambers instead. On his knees before the Queen he weeps that he is saddened to see Spain brought so low, but the Queen insists that there is hope.
A priest has found a dagger in the jungles of central America, a dagger that has proven to be more than just a weapon - it is also a map. Convinced that this is the path to salvation, the Queen asks Tomàs to save Spain by venturing on a quest for the Holy Grail. He boldly accepts this, certain that what his Queen wants is what is best for Spain. As a reward for his stoic and unflinching willingness, she gives him a ring and the promise that when he returns, "she will be his Eve".
As we return to Tom Creo, we learn that there is yet another version of him, a Tommy who is functioning as a sort of astronaut-monk 500 years into the future. Here, Tommy has found a way to cope with his restlessness and his anger, meditating and practicing a sort of martial arts-like dance to calm his temper. Living in some kind of bubble ascending through the universe, Tommy has also brought with him a tree - the very same tree that the past versions of him sought to use to their own ends. I'm not going to spoil absolutely everything, but there are some very strong indicators that this tree is, in fact, Izzie.
The three versions of Tom continue to intermingle and play on each other throughout the movie. They mean a great lot to each other, because they are connected through time and space. What Tomàs does in the 1500's has consequences for Tom Creo, who in turn causes the events that lead to Tommy traveling the universe in his bubble-like spaceship. This is the real strength of the movie, as there is no final solution to the riddles and issues that are presented throughout the story. There is just your personal interpretation and how the combination of extraordinary visuals and sound speak to you.
That is not to say there's not a theme though. I decided to stray away from explaining all the story in detail, but there is a hard, hands-down concept here that is so well-handled you can almost touch and feel it. Tom is obviously unable to handle the loss of his wife; He goes about it with a lot more aggression than the usual Hollywood flick would portray. But the death of your one, true love is an ugly thing indeed and there is no real nice way to go about this sort of thing.
Is Tom being more honest with himself than most of us by showing his anger and sorrow so openly? Is his complete and utter rebellion against death actually just fear of dying himself or is it something else? By the end of the movie, we learn that Tom has learnt quite a lot about loss and Tommy has found something that looks like Nirvana. Does that mean there is hope for even the most lost of us? Tomàs and Tom paid dearly in their versions, but Tommy seems to have made it through as "the victor". Is redemption not possible without sacrifice? What can we expect to give up in order to keep the things that means most to us?
The bond between Tom and his wife is portrayed beautifully by the magnificent actors Hugh Jackman and Rachel Weisz. The one shot where Tom remembers Izzie running through the hallway is repeated in the movie and it gives a chilling, almost horrifying idea about what it must be like to lose the one closest to you, when a memory like that is burnt into your brain stem for all time. The combination of this beautiful girl, laughing and the music of composer Clint Mansell working his magic creates a symbiotic, almost euphoric sensation, providing some insight into just why Tom is taking this the way he does.
There's a scene where Tom is left alone on his bed for the first time. Hugh Jackman makes an insane sacrifice as an actor and a human being in this scene, as he lets the darkest pits of his soul pour out while he succumbs totally to the sorrow that Tom Creo feels. He picks up the pen and the ink and make a wedding ring on his finger from it; the symbolical value in this is very important to the ending of the movie. Hugh Jackman has himself said in interviews that the Fountain has been by far his greatest challenge as an actor, and particularly that scene must have cost him quite a lot.
This raises some questions; Is redemption being able to finally let go of the facade? Is it wrong to feel shameful about sobbing, heartbroken and worn? What is it about us men that so often makes us believe that crying is weakness and determination is strength? I'm not saying that determination is not strength, but so often it's either black or white. As Tom begins to understand some of the things that Izzie has told him during her last days with him, he seems to understand that giving in is not the same as giving up.
Tom, however, is a warrior archetype - a modern warrior, who fights his battles with a low brow and the very determination I just mentioned. Tomàs, very much the same, bud clad in armor and shielded with his religious conviction. He fights like a zealot would; Is it possible to still be a zealot in today's modern society without believing in a God? Is the belief in love with your close one enough of a zeal to turn you into a fanatic? And why are these people so often depicted as psycho's when they are really about the most romantic thing ever?
The old fashioned romance is dead and gone in 2012, but Tom is a traditional lover and what he had with Izzie was heaven for him. Of course he would want to fight for that...he would fight until his dying breath. This, in turn, reveals more about why the loss is so hard on him. It's hard to find that you failed where it counted the most and the consequences are irreparable.
This leads us to Izzie; Just who is she really? Kind hearted, unafraid, universal and a believer. She stares death in the eye, flinching but once and even then she goes about it with an honesty you don't find in many women. Speaking about your own death when it's happening is hard on most people. Izzie seems to manage just fine. Her infatuation with death through rebirth and the divinity of the stars seems silly to Tom, but it turns out, eventually, that her deep interest wasn't so misguided after all.
Maybe knowing that you're going to die gives you perspective in a way that is simply impossible to obtain if you're healthy and you know you're going to stay that way. Maybe Izzie knew something that Tom simply could not fathom until he decided to give in and accept his fear of loss as a part of being human?
As Tomàs in 1500's Spain, the Queen is Izabel, (also played by Rachel Weisz) a different version of Izzie. Speaking with the air of authority, composed and very beautiful, there is no wonder why a man would go on a dangerous mission to save his beloved country when you are promised eternity with a woman like that. As Tomàs accepts the quest, he is given a ring, a ring which he holds very dear for the rest of his time. In modern time, Tom Creo loses his engagement ring when he washes his hands in the laboratory.
In the scene I mentioned earlier, he picks up the pen and makes a "ring" by continuously plunging it into his flesh with the ink. This ring is transferred over to Tommy, 500 years in the future. The ring itself is not so important as what it symbols; His bond to Izzie and his undying love for her. The fact that it, symbolically, travels through 1000 years in order to end up where it rightfully belongs - on his finger - is a powerful show of just how intense a relationship can become with another person. I guess it's what they call "true love".
But the most important aspect of this is that their love never really dies out. It transcends, evolves and burns on, regardless of the challenges it faces. This may come across as rather naive and wishy-washy thinking to some, and I can understand that. Most real life love stories end rather badly, I think the divorce rate is nearly 50% here in Norway at least. But I still believe that divine love, as it is being portrayed in the Fountain, can exist if you allow yourself to fundamentally change the way you see time, death and rebirth. It is the time we have here on earth that is the most precious to us, at least if we relate to western values and our "system" of materialism, beauty and power. If you were suddenly to know that the time beyond your death would be even more precious, how would that affect you and your actions?
I decided to not tell the entire story and instead just ask some difficult, important questions around the themes that the movie represent. I wanted to write something that makes you want to see the movie instead of an aftermath-this-is-what-I-think kind of review. I think the movie should be enjoyed in a quiet, dark room lit with candle lights, red wine and your one true love by your side.
It's a dark, but very beautiful movie, full of strangeness and visual wonders, a story that will haunt you to the end of time and a musical score that is going to make your spine twitch and your chest hairs crawl. It's by far one of the best movies I have seen in my entire life and it can be watched again and again and again without ever really losing its appeal. A philosophical journey about death and love. That's what it is. And I recommend it from the bottom of my heart.
— , Irregular updates ()Dag Furuholmen just made me aware of this movie. It is just five minutes and very beautiful.
— , Irregular updates ()Don Jon is a piece of competent and courageous movie making about a very important theme. Joseph Gordon-Levitt takes us, in his directorial and screenwriting debut, into one of the most sacred and shameful sanctuaries of modern man: The moment of sitting down with a computer in search for tits, ass and release from tension by way of a five second cock sneeze.
Yes, Don Jon is a movie about porn. It’s a movie about money shots, sweaty closeups, and waste bins full of crumpled tissue paper. It’s also a movie about a condition that has become epidemic among modern men: The inability to connect intimately with a woman due to excessive time spent in the shangri-la of virtual sex.
This movie is a beautiful opportunity to explore the theme of addiction in much more depth than has previously been done on this site.
Don Jon’s porn
Jon – or Don Jon as his friends call him – is a self-involved New Jersey-based bachelor who loves his porn. Jon puts it this way: “There's only a few things I care about in life: my body, my pad, my ride, my family, my church, my boys, my girls and...my porn.” And from very early on, it’s evident that emphasis is on the latter; of all the blessings Jon has in life, none is more sacred than the pleasure of watching women he doesn’t know fuck men he doesn’t know on his laptop.
Jon’s exterior is carefully maintained: He is fit, working out at the gym regularly, and styles his hair true “guido”-style. In fact, Jon is a guy bearing a striking resemblence to the young, immature men in the MTV-phenomenon Jersey Shore. Levitt denies that any such link exists, however. He rather attributes inspiration to an older and deeper archetype, the “east coast tough guy”, encountered previously in movies like Rocky.
Aside from his porn, Jon finds enjoyment in going to night clubs, shooting the shit with his buddies, and pulling beautiful women for superficial one-night stands. This is his image of success and his friends, not having reached manhood themselves, admire him for it.
Jon’s success, however, is surface only. Under his swaggard, womanizing exterior, Jon is emotionally immature and sans authentic power.
The archetypal source of addiction
In the archetypal system King, Warrior, Magician, Lover, addiction is the domain of the Lover archetype. The Lover is that deep part of us that longs for pleasure, connection and a loss of self in Other. It connects us with the appreciation of beauty, music, fine wine.
It is the inner quality you felt that time you sat in silent, loving embrace with the woman you love, watching the July sun set to the smooth undalating rhythms of your favorite music. In those moments, your self faded out and blended with her and the eternal mystery of endless nightfall.
Had you not had a consolidated psyche that night, however – that is, had you not healed the trauma of your past, built a solid self-structure and learned that ultimately what you seek is internal and not external validation – you would have found yourself confused, merging with her in ways that diminished you.
This is where the tension arc between the Lover and the Warrior plays in. Without a bounded self, our desire to merge leads to pathology. That is, when the Warrior has not, under the auspices of the King archetype, carved out a place in time and space that is distinctly me, and set up defensive structures around the perimeter, we have no self to lose, and moments of potential magic end up in inevitable misery by way of archetypal inflation.
When the sense of self is strong, however, we can allow ourselves to safely suspend it. In those eternal moments that make up the meaning of our lives, we find ourselves at the wellspring of the mature Lover.
We will then have learned, unlike Jon, to lose ourselves not out of pain, but into love; not out of loneliness, but into communion.
Porn: One addiction to rule them all
Addictive tendencies tend to arise as defense mechanisms to unhealed trauma (my upcoming blog post “Dancing with addiction” will provide much more information on this). But addictions can also be learned. And for behavior to be easily turned to addiction, it needs to satisfy certain requirements. Says psychiatrist Norman Doidge in a 2013 Telegraph article:
“Pornography satisfies every one of the prerequisites for neuroplastic change, – that is, the brain’s ability to form new neural circuitry. The most important condition is the release of dopamine, the neurotransmitter that gives us a feeling of exciting pleasure, which porn triggers. The more often you watch porn and get the dopamine hit it delivers, the more the activity and the sensation become entwined in your brain.
Since neurons that fire together wire together, these men got massive amounts of practice wiring these images into the pleasure centres of the brain. And because plasticity is competitive, the brain maps for new, exciting images increased at the expense of what had previously attracted them.”
In other words, the more you watch porn, the less you are going to be turned on by real women. This is why porn may eventually make you impotent – your brain simply won’t be firing pleasure signals when you are with a beautiful naked woman. Your brain essential “forgets” that real intimacy is a pleasurable experience.
Jon, luckily, has managed to escape impotence. Though his capacity to connect intimately with a woman has fared worse.
Barbara’s siren call
Barbara, played by Scarlett Johanson, is a “dime” in Jon’s view. A perfect 10. And when he sees her standing, in a moment akin to revelation, at the bar in a nightclub, he heads in, intent on conquering another woman, this goddess in red.
Barbara doesn’t play by his rules, however. She is not interested in being conquered, enjoyed and discarded within the span of one night. That sequence of events would be at odds with the Hollywood romance fairy tale she wants to live out in her life.
No, Barbara takes her time. And Jon is not used to taking time, to invest in a woman. And in the face of that slow pacing, Jon's integrity unravels completely.
Not only is his integrity kaput; he also reveals himself as a man who can be completely dominated by a woman’s sexual siren call. In one scene, the two have been on a date and Jon wants to follow her inside. Barbara, however, isn't ready for that. She is a tease, though, and rubs her ass against his crotch while talking sexy. Jon comes in his pants and is left out in the cold. We can only imagine the level of humiliation he must feel. While Jon may have impressive biceps, it’s clear who is in charge.
We'd do well to remember here that the amount of pussy a man gets is in no way an indication of his level of manhood. His ability to stay empowered in his sexuality in the face of the feminine’s siren call is, however.
Dr. Anne Wilson Schaef’s definition of addiction is simply “anything we need to lie about”. This definition fits Jon uncomfortably well. Jon’s addiction has stripped him of real power and made him into a liar.
He exhibits the dissonant behavior that is so typical of immaturity – a cool attitude externally, but a total lack of spine internally. In this behaviour, we see how archetypal shadow in one quadrant (Lover) easily triggers archetypal shadow in another (Magician).
This clip from Jon and Barbara’s first sexual encounter demonstrates Jon’s behavior:
It’s a sad thing to see a man say “only losers watch porn”, when he himself is addicted to it. It’s a telling glimpse into Jon’s self-image.
The tantra of Esther
Jon doesn't get true satisfaction from sex. His porno addiction has wired his brain to want blowjobs, money shots and doggy style sex; all those sexual acts that look great on camera. His conquests, on the other hand, want intimacy and the missionary position.
It takes a lot of courage to call anyone on their bullshit, especially in the domains of intimacy and sexuality. And it’s clear that Barbara lacks the emotional maturity required to take on that role without emotional drama.
The recently widowed and emotionally wrecked Esther does not at first seem a likely candidate for the job. She is in a bad state and Jon feels uncomfortable when he first encounters her on the university stairs. But somehow, a relationship develops between them. And when Barbara eventually drops Jon because of his porn addiction, Esther becomes a woman of great importance to Don.
In this clip, Esther and Jon have just fucked in the back seat of a car whereupon Esther asks Jon why he prefers porn over real pussy:
“Do you ever jerk off without porn,” asks Esther? That’s a game-changing question right there. In my experience, most men are totally dependent on visual stimulation or sexual fantasies in order to get turned on when they masturbate. Solo-sex for men is often an act lacking in intimacy and self-love. It becomes an aggressive beating off race towards the empty conclusion of a five-second cough sneeze.
If you masturbate like this, you will limit – even lose – your ability to bond intimately with a woman. Of course you will. How can you be intimate with a woman when you cannot be intimate with yourself? Authentic sexual power, even for men, requires loving self-acceptance, without which we are ill-equipped to truly penetrate a woman.
A man who is in deep acceptance of and connection with himself will become an instrument of not only pleasure, but also healing. If you have not yet experienced fucking a woman to a place of such deep surrender that she weeps – as the trauma of unlove is leaving her – you are missing out, brother.
In this next clip, Esther feeds Jon some humble pie before she opens him in a way he has never before experienced:
“Oh my god, you haven’t come in a week,” exclaims Esther in this clip (Jon has stopped watching porn). I really enjoy this response. It’s as if Esther knows that his abstinence is another game-changer.
While it’s not explicitly stated in the movie, frequent ejaculation is a source of apathy and disconnection in many men. If you jerk off to porn (to the point of ejaculation) regularly and wonder why you have no willpower to make things happen in your life, I have provided you with a whole host of reading material and supplementary videos in the sidebar to the right (yes, if you jerk off to porn regularly, I challenge you to watch them in service of your joy and wellbeing).
Jon has stopped watching porn, hasn’t come in a week, and soon after experiences true sexual pleasure for the first time in his life. This is no coincidence, brothers. By willingly stepping out of addiction by way of a good woman’s inspiration, Jon moves out of archetypal shadow towards a more mature Lover.
Coming back to ourselves
Jon's conditions for maturity aren't ideal; his mother is hysterical, his father aggressive and his sister shut down. His friends applaud his life of one-night-stands and Barbara is a bit of a narcissist whose ideals live in la-la-land.
But Esther is connected to the realm of feelings and has the courage to speak what is true. Her husband and son died in a car-crash; what does she have to lose?
Esther initiates Jon into his humanity. A whole new world opens, one in which superficial appearances, fitting in and addictions cease to run the show, and authentic love and connection take their place. This, of course, requires a different level of vulnerability and transparency altogether, as the contrast between the sex in clip #1 and clip #4 should highlight.
Jon's life has been all about the exterior. He has engaged in creating the perfect facade and chased the fulfillment of his addictions. And it has kept real connection, real fulfillment at bay.
And that's the deal, brothers. Addiction grows out of a deficiency of love and when we become addicts, we basically make love deficiency the director of our lives.
And that is a fucking miserable and worthless way of spending a life on this planet.
(if you are an addict, stay tuned to the upcoming blogpost about working with addiction; I wish you joy!)
— , Irregular updates ()Often the most barbaric atrocities occur when both sides proclaim themselves freedom fighters.
— , Irregular updates ()Daigo Kobayashi lives with his wife Mika in Tokyo. He plays the cello in a struggling symphonic orchestra. As the movie opens, the orchestra where he plays for a living is disbanded by the owner. Daigo's dreams are crushed. He was going to be a famous musician and the concert halls of the world were going to be the stage of his life and his marriage with Mika. Those temples of high culture seem far away now.
A new job
Daigo's mother is dead. His father is gone, having run off with a waitress when Daigo was but a child. He is for all intents and purposes an orphan and his childhood home in Sakata northwest of Tokyo stands abandoned. It is a quaint house, surrounded by cherry trees, perched on a piece of land above a babbling stream. His mother lived alone there after Daigo moved out. The house was his only inheritance when she died two years previously.
Daigo sells his expensive cello to stabilize their finances for the next leg of their journey – a new life in his childhood home – and feels relief as he does it. Maybe the dream he had pursued wasn’t really his dream after all, he tells us in a monologue. This is a pivotal moment in his life, and he rightly recognizes it as such.
When a man finds himself stuck in a dead-end life, he is wasting his birthright. We are put here on this planet, I believe, to find our true gift and courageously give that to the world. Every man yearns deep down to leave a mark. I think I know that much about you, brother! I don’t think the gift that will leave that mark necessarily needs to be our livelihood though.
But if our work is draining us of energy and makes us daydream of a life that isn’t ours, we should course-correct. Many men reach that point of recognition, but few are those who act. For stepping into that unknown is a scary thing, especially if he is the main breadwinner of the family (in certain conditions, it would even be irresponsible).
Men have always, it seems, sacrificed their inner yearning for depth, vitality and meaning in favor of a stable job that puts food on the table. But hearts of men close when their life experience turns certain, controlled, measured. So how do we make a living and live with open, beating, passionate hearts? Many, if not all, men will struggle with this question in their lifetime (I do – and I haven’t even started a family!). And finding a satisfying answer is always a process of risk and challenge.
Daigo is lucky in a way – fate intervenes and forces him into a time of transformation. It is as if the universe conspires to give him what he needs to find a truer path, when he himself has neglected the seeking (note that he only realizes after selling the cello that he was chasing the wrong dream). This process, when it arises in our lives, often signals an entry into the sacred time of the Magician Archetype. If we resist, we will suffer. But if we embrace the mystery of life’s unfolding and learn to die while we still live, we will be in for a ride that will almost certainly change our lives for the better.
A hieroglyphic job ad about "departures" takes Daigo to a red house on a hill where large wood coffins line the back wall of the front office. NK Agent is a company which has made dead people its business. The owner Sasaki prepares them beautifully and gracefully for their final journey as if he were an artist. Through his work, the bereaved uncover deep and forgotten feelings of grief, love and joy. This is the gentle and beautiful ritual of departure that has become his craft. And since business is reasonably good, he needs a right hand man.
Death as a doorway to feeling
When the story plays out, Daigo's new boss has been widowed for nine years. When his wife died, he prepared her body and sent her off. When he shares this story with Daigo amongst the thick foliage of his upstairs living quarters, we understand there was a profound depth of love and feeling between the two. I'm reminded of the universal rule that suggests that our true gifts to the world shall emerge through our wounds. Sasaki has embraced his loss and transmuted the grief into a gift he can pass on to others.
Daigo's first days on the job serve as a baptism by fire and he learns soon enough that dead people smell. He is challenged beyond his comfort zone, but something remarkable starts happening to him: He realizes, as if it were a surprise, that he is surrounded by death. When Mika brings home a dead bird one day, he feels ill. A wave of emotion takes him as he appears to tune in, perhaps for the first time in his life, to the frailty and preciousness of life. Perhaps he sees that we are all so fragile, so beautiful in our infinite vulnerability. He embraces his wife and starts kissing her with tender passion.
Later that night, he pulls out his old childhood cello, with which he performed for his parents in his early years. As he plays, memories of his father, whose face he cannot even remember, pour in. He remembers that they gave each other a “rock letter” by the riverside. A rock letter, his father taught him, was a way of communication used before words emerged. It would tell the recipient something about the mood of the sender based on its weight, shape and surface. He remembers that he gave his father a small, smooth stone back then. In return, his father gave him a rough and heavy rock.
Something in Daigo is coming out of hibernation. His naïveté is starting to give way to a deeper feeling landscape.
Standing tall in the face of challenge
Death is a taboo subject in Japan, so much so that the director allegedly feared for how the movie would be received upon its release. So when the people in his life discover what he does for a living, they react with disgust. His wife even screams at him that he is "unclean" before she leaves him and travels back to Tokyo. But Daigo has found a calling now; he has seen how Sasaki’s work heals the wounds of the bereaved and brings more love into the world. He has seen the grace with which he carries out the ritual. He has learned that there is beauty to be found even in death. He describes it with these words in one scene:
One grown cold
restored to beauty for all eternity
this was done with a calmness, a precision
and above all a gentle affection.
At the final parting
sending the dead on their way
everything done peacefully and beautifully.Daigo is alone now. He only has his work, his boss and the office lady. Surrounded by people who are mortified by the concept of death, he finds himself in a form of purgatory. “Demons are eating his flesh” yet he presses on. His heart is in his work now. That is all he needs in order to endure.
Our twisted relationship to death
The way we relate to death in the world today is very unnatural. I know that to be true for the Western world. This movie tells me that it is true for the Eastern as well. Losing touch with the wisdom and gratitude inherent in contemplating our deaths has a huge cost: We forget that we are finite, here for but a short time. And with the arrogance inherent in forgetting our finitude, we lose the basic humility and gratitude required for living a fulfilling life on this splendid, little rock.
But what can a normal man do when there is such pressure on him to be happy-go-lucky, to shit diamonds for breakfast and manifest heavenly mansions out of thin air for dinner? All while smiling, laughing, beaming success and having not a worry in the world. Well, he must become a courageous man. Because it takes great courage to shed the facade and allow the grief and wildness that is inherent in the depths of us to emerge in an authentic way in his daily life. The mature man has access to his feeling body and there is so much repressed feeling in today’s society.
For a world entranced by trends, fashions, and reality TV, the “wild man love” that is lived openly in the truly courageous man looks way too much like the heavy dark of death and strange, hairy creatures that live under the ground. Who wants to get soil stuck under their finger nails when they can get the latest in manicures on special offer down the road and look splendid to their friends?
But lest we embrace that life is a series of deaths and understand that the key to living well is dying well, we will never be truly happy. Consumerist culture is an empty promise. It delivers only fleeting moments of joy in an ocean of half-life. Most of us feel hollow and miserable. And who are we kidding anyway? In the depth of our hearts and souls, we know the truth: Something is seriously wrong about our culture.
Letting go at the deathbed of his father
One day, a telegram arrives at Daigo’s door. His father has died. Daigo’s trials have all been presented him, it may seem, to prepare him for the most pivotal of them all – letting his father back into his heart. Ever since he ran off, Daigo has carried fierce resentment against him. He is now committed to not forgive. Fortunately, his wife is now back in his life, thanks to the beautiful ritual he performed for the sweet woman who ran the local bath. Mika has seen first-hand the beauty inherent in a graceful departure and with Mika back, Daigo has passed the test: He has remained true to his heart.
He finds himself at his father’s side somewhat reluctantly. His heart is closed – who is this sad, lonely man who lies on the floor before him? He doesn’t even recognize him! Then he starts carrying out the ritual of departure. As he works on the hands, stiff and cold with rigor mortis, something falls to the floor. It is the rock he gave his dad when he was little.
Daigo’s feeling body comes online like a great wave. His father’s last thought was of him. His father must have loved him! But life happened and feelings of shame and regret came between them. In that very moment, I know that a huge reservoir of feeling and power that was previously inaccessible to Daigo opens up. As he washes his dad, tears stream down his face.
He forgives – and he loves. This is a good moment to remember that it is impossible for any man to stand up fully in his own power and beauty without finding peace in the part of his heart that holds the imprints of Dad. Daigo holds up the rock to the pregnant belly of his wife Mika as they smile to each other. Something is healed there – in the midst of the circle of life.
Conclusion
Departures is a wise and beautiful movie about life’s big questions. It is a movie about art: Music connects all cultures in a way similar to death and Daigo could take to the art of departure more easily because he was a musician. It is also a movie about mentorship: Sasaki opens Daigo’s heart and helps him reconnect with his own core truth in a way that empowers him to find his calling and forgive his dad.
But most of all, it is a movie about life. It reminds us gently of the invisible cords that connect us, of the petty little things that keep us apart, of the vulnerability of life and humankind, and of the healing, life-giving power of true grief. In that, I sense that it beckons us to get more intimate with each other, to go beyond fear and judgments in order to heed the eternal call of the Lover archetype: Love one another today. Tomorrow may never come.
— , Irregular updates ()Hey guys, I have just recorded a quick video where I tell you about an upcoming video series about the four KWML archetypes. It's my first ever video of this sort and I was tad nervous about the whole ting, but I thing it turned out pretty decent. I hope you like it and please offer any praise and/or criticism in the comments below.
When writing your suggestion below, please offer some additional information about why you want to see the movie featured. Does it mean something to you personally? Is there a story behind your relationship with the movie? If you provide me with a good backplot, it may influence my movie review. Your suggestion may be featured in the next poll on the front page.— , Irregular updates ()
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— , Irregular updates ()Hey all,
When I did my New Warrior Training adventure, I met Jason Schroeder, a South African of shamanistic bent living in Scotland. He has started a gathering of men there which goes by the name of "Suns of MAC". They have made a video that shows what you might expect in a men's group. I love it and find it an inspiring glance into the relational space that opens when men dare be authentic with one another. Have a look:
If this is a time to start a men's group, check out Brett Churnin's Men's Group.info.
— , Irregular updates ()This blog post has been "upgraded" to an article on Pelle Billing's recommendation.
Find it here: http://www.masculinity-movies.com/articles/moving-passive-active-movie-watching
— Maximus, Gladiator (2000)I've seen much of the rest of the world. It is brutal and cruel and dark, Rome is the light.
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— , Irregular updates ()As some of you may know, I'm on a program called the No Woman Diet. This is stirring my pot big time. One of the reasons is that I entered the NWD partly with the intention of allowing the bonds of emotional dependency between my ex and me to sever completely. That in itself is cause for some emotional distress. But the big thing – which I hadn't anticipated AT ALL – is that the Diet is triggering some deep mother wounds in me.
I have realized now that I felt deprived of physical intimacy with my mother in very early years and that this made me feel unsafe and unlovable. This is pretty vulnerable shit, which is probably why I've covered it up with all kinds of distractions for all of my life, even using elements of machismo to avoid it. This mother wound also in part defined my choice of relationship partner: A healing, nurturing woman.
The heart strings that connect me to my ex are getting fewer and fewer. Every one that drops hurts a little. I'm in this strange situation where I'm encouraging and inspiring her to move on and find the next man while at the same time feeling some hurt from knowing that I will see her with another man very soon. There is this dual nature of mourning that which was and celebrating that which is allowed to take its place. It confuses me.
And while I'm on this No Woman Diet – totally deprived of feminine sources of comforting myself – and in the absence of a healing, nurturing woman as my life companion, I have become acutely aware of how much I desire validation and recognition from women, while I at the same time don't want to work for it. This is fucking with me.
I don't want to need that which I desire. Is that messed up or what? Maybe you've experienced it the same way: You are in the presence of a woman and you want to feel more intimate with her, but you feel that your need to be intimate with her disempowers you. This I've come to understand is a mother wound. You need her to empower you and make you feel whole and in that you recognize your own inherent lack of wholeness, which pretty much sucks to feel.
And when the woman, who I in a moment need for validation, starts moving away from me, I need her to stay, but I don't want to belittle myself by begging for attention. So I become aloof, pretending I don't care about her. This rabbit hole is deep!
It's hard to become aware of this dynamic, but now that it's in my awareness, I can enter into relationship with it, as Bryan Bayer of the Authentic Man Program keeps inspiring me to do in the teleseminars that are part of the NWD-course.
Anyone else care to share about their mother wound?
— , Irregular updates ()Here's a little teaser for those of you who read this blog. If you are on the newsletter, you will know that plans are in motion to start local screenings of movies in Oslo under the Masculinity Movies umbrella. It will most likely happen at Paramita meditation center in early May.
My somewhat ambitious hope is that we will be twenty men on the Friday in question. We will watch the film, have open dialogue and male bonding before we hit a bar or club, or whatever else the gang desires.
The question is of course - what shall we watch? I just received my top candidate in the mail and wanted you to see for yourself so you can share my excitement :-). I'm really inspired by what little I have heard of this Good Men Project and look forward to watching the movie and reading the book.
I hope to see you there! I have no doubt it will be worth it.
— , Irregular updates ()Half my life is over, and I have nothing to show for it...I’m a smudge of excrement on a tissue, surging out to sea with a ton of raw sewage.
— , Irregular updates ()I sit here preparing for a daylong workshop on the Sovereign, Warrior, Magician, Lover archetypes at the Integral Center here in Boulder, Colorado tomorrow. I will be offering a condensed version of the weekend immersion I offered in Norway in 2012 and 2013, based around the “reclaim your inner throne” workshop process (referred to previous participants as the most powerful workshop process they ever experienced).
In the process of preparing, I have updated the 11-page introduction document to the archetypes (linked for your convenience).
One of the concepts I introduced in this document is that each archetypal quadrant has its own unique flavor of shame. I haven’t seen anyone else write about this. As far as I know, this teaching is unique (and still in its infancy – I need more data to hone it and confirm it completely). And in this updated version of the document, I have rephrased these flavors of shame to be more aligned with my new understanding.
As I now prepare to list these, I ask you to take a deep breath, put away anything that’s on your mind, and fall to rest. Open to receive the impact of these pithy sentences. Doing so may, if my hypothesis holds true, give you enormous insight as to which archetypal quadrant holds the most shadow for you.
Here they are, the four types of archetypal shame and their accompanying core beliefs:
- Sovereign: “I’m broken”
- Warrior: “I’m weak”
- Magician: “I’m stupid/incompetent”
- Lover: “I’m unlovable”
Really feel these different forms of shame circulate in your system. Which one of them do you feel the most? Which one really “gets” you?
My working hypothesis, based on studies, life experience and working with men, is that when you find which one of these impacts you the most, you know which archetypal shadow has the most power over you. In other words, if the one that really gets you is “I’m unlovable”, it means that it’s the Shadow Lover that you should focus on in life. In this particular case, you are likely to find, if you check in with yourself, that you suffer from strong addictive patterns on the one hand and a loss of vitality and potency on the other (spending hours on the couch in front of the TV is an example of a Shadow Lover dynamic).
By the wonders of the path of the alchemist you may find, once you start working with this shadow dynamic, that your true life purpose is related to this shame. It’s a universal spiritual teaching that your deepest wounds give rise to your greatest gifts (that’s precisely why you were wounded in such a way – to prepare you for your great work).
My experience working with men tells us we are afraid of our feelings and vulnerability. So we tend to keep our wounds at an arm’s length. That is the reason why so few of us end up discovering our true purpose in this lifetime. There is no true life purpose to be found without examining our wounds. I believe this with every fibre of my being.
I want to share this short experimental teaching with you, so you can take part in the body of knowledge and wisdom we will step into here in Boulder, tomorrow.
Open that KWML PDF-file, examine the shadow dynamic of the archetype which corresponds with your deepest shame, and you may have the recipe to the most important growth work you can do in your life right now.
Whether this hits home with you in a strong way or it doesn’t really seem true to you, let me know in the comments below. This teaching is in its infancy and I need your help to hone it.
Best regards,
EivindPS! I think developing this theory fully could further the whole body of work around KWML. It would give us a super quick way to identify our big inner work and the gift we have to offer. There is a risk that the theory is too general and borderline wishful thinking, but I have faith in it. It’s therefore very important to me to hear how this does or does not apply to you.
— John Keating, Dead Poets Society (1989)The powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?
— , Irregular updates ()It's been three weeks since the official launch of Masculinity Movies at Norsk Taiji Senter (Norwegian Taiji Center). Just prior to arriving at the center, which is tucked in nicely between the spectacular new Opera house and the Oslo stock exchange, I picked up Pelle Billing at the train station. Pelle came all the way from Malmö, Sweden to present his important work, for which I'm honored and grateful.
It was a beautiful day and around thirty people were present. We started a little late with Taiji master Pamela Hiley's introduction. I then presented the background for the tagline and went into some detail about what I see as the primary differences between boys and men. I pulled on some brilliant observations by FIT (Focused Intensity Training) guru Shawn Phillips and some I had jotted down quickly the day before (which I have no illusions of living up to yet). I told those present a little bit about myself and my own personal journey, which always seems to create a nice connection.
Then we went quickly into the five step model of initiation used by Robert Bly, which looks like this:
- Bonding with and separation from mother
- Bonding with and separation from father
- Apprenticeship to a mentor who reawakens and heals our essence
- Apprenticeship to a hurricane energy (a wild man, warrior etc.)
- Marriage to the Holy Woman/Queen
This model was a strong and powerful part of the message, as I knew it contained important information for many of those present, including myself. I will write more about this model elsewhere later on.
Staale Nataas gifted us with a funny and dramatic rap about being a man – a man overwhelmed by his woman no less, or was that the Feminine itself. I think many of us could recognize some of his poignant and hilarious images.
Then Pelle revved up his engine and told as about how feminism and masculinity are related.
We ended the first part exploring the King, Warrior, Magician, Lover archetypes with a theoretical investigation and active visualization, one which I will explain later elsewhere.
After the break
In part two, we explored the movies Into the Wild, and the warriors of Patton and The Last Samurai. The latter two movies are part of a series where I'm exploring the Warrior archetype, which is an archetype inherent to the masculine psychoemotional makeup. I feel that we are in dire straits in the world today because mechanized warfare, postmodernism and feminism exorcized this vital archetype from men. An article on the subject will follow later.
Bjarte Hiley gave us a spectacular demonstration of the taiji sword form he was taught in China by a master from the Yang family. I've know Bjarte for many years now, and something has shifted in him after he got clear about passionately pursuing taiji, in the footsteps of his mother. He's much younger than me, but it's amazing to see how big shifts start happening in the life of a guy once he gets clear on where his life is headed.
Txai Fernando, who has worked with the indiginous people of the Amazon for many years, then gifted us with a powerful chant from the Amazon. Fernando told us that this was a chant that is traditionally reserved only for the men in the Amazon tribes from which it originates, because the women go a little crazy when they hear it. He assured us that this was no mere fantasy, yet considered it safe in the container of the launch. I'm glad he did, as I enjoyed this part a lot.
We continued with a tribal dance that was meant to harmonize the forces of the Masculine and Feminine, which was thoroughly enjoyable, and provoked many smiles and giggles.
Finally, I introduced shaman Tom Crockett as a contributor to the site, and I recommend you all go check out his movie review of the Ghost and the Darkness. I'm very proud to have Tom on board, and looking forward to learning more from him.
What stood out about the evening was that this wasn't about my own personal journey, but about the efforts of a group of guys, working together for change. As I've mentioned earlier on in this blog, I'm really starting to tune in to the concept of brotherhood, and it felt like a strong example of just that (as you will see from the pictures). I was very proud to have these brilliant guys with me and felt significant blessing from being there with them. Many others present expressed similar sentiments, which was very humbling and source for great joy and inspiration.
Thanks to everyone who came, to Pelle, Staale, Bjarte and Fernando for standing with me, and to my good friend Pamela Hiley for suggesting that I put together such a launch in the first place, offering her magnificent center and infinite support in the process.
Also thanks to Kjell Tjensvoll for being the evening's photographer.
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— , Irregular updates ()Some years back, I attended a very powerful workshop series called Levende Maskulinitet (Living Masculinity). The workshop facilitators Dag Furuholmen and Eirik Balavoine took us on a journey deep into our masculine core from which I re-emerged a more integrated and open-hearted boy (yes, I was a boy back then).
They have now started a blog in preparation for a book which they have been commissioned to write.
Dag and Eirik's work has been very important in my life and I suspect that I will contribute a great deal on their blog.
Check out: Men in the Media
— , Irregular updates ()I have just arrived home from a night out on town. It's 04.15 which is pretty damn late by my standards.
I write this processing what is to me a personal victory. I went out on town ALONE tonight. You may sympathize with my feeling that going to a bar alone is a little scary so I gave myself a way out – if it went poorly, I only had to endure the misery for 90 minutes.
The odd thing is that I'm a pretty confident guy normally, but I've linked the night life with a lot of anxiety in my past. So this was an important night for me. As I'm now a single man, it's vital that I confront these fears and put myself out there again. I was surprisingly calm as I went downtown, almost in a zenlike state of no-mind. And my heart was wide open. This surprised me, but I think it had to do with the fact that I set a very clear intention of serving everyone I met that night before I went out and to be authentic in all my interactions. And still, despite this inner calm, I felt an undercurrent of tension. I arrived at the bar and did not have a solid plan of action. Having been in a relationship so long, I'm a bit unused to being the single man out on town. I defaulted to heading for the bar, where a cute little lady sat next to me and looked a bit lonely and an instant later, we were engaging in conversation.
We spent four hours together. At the bar, our connection served as a sort of home base while I effortlessly connected with loads of other people around our area. I was having fun and was enjoying myself. At the other end of the bar, a big macho guy was standing all by himself drinking. He stayed there for the rest of the night, never to talk to any woman, looking lonely.
When the topic of what I work on came up, things got a little charged. Turned out she was a sociologist – and being a Norwegian sociologist is a big red flag in my book, mainly because they're part of the politically correct academia which is causing so many problems in our society. She resisted my thoughts on men and masculinity, which didn't really change the fact that she was quite charming. But I understood that this right here was a gamebreaker – that if I kept talking about my work, the conversation would end. And I didn't really want that. I was pleased that I had the awareness to leave that hornet's nest and start connecting on a deeper level. I felt that I was serving her well – that I was showing her a good time and that my presence provided a safe container. In short, I felt I was handling this first night out alone really well. And I felt heart connected to her and the people around me.
But then when the night started nearing its completion and I invited her to go somewhere to grab a bite to eat, I realized that my intention was unclear. I didn't know what I wanted. Did I want to see her again? To enjoy a night of passion together? I wasn't sure. And I certainly wasn't acting at this point in a fashion that made the latter a likely prospect. All I knew is that she was a sweet girl and that I was enjoying her company. So as the inevitable end of the night approached its end, my consciousness took a nosedive. But I still had to confront the situation because there was some tension building around it, and I tried to stay as authentic as I could and said "I'm stuck in an unfamiliar situation with a nice girl and I don't know what to do." It was about as authentic as I could get at this point and it served its purpose. But we both knew it was over. My intention was unclear and she was subtly resisting me because of it, as she rightfully should. Why should she go to bed for a night with a guy if he didn't even know if he wanted to? I was not at this point a trustable man. Our goodbye was of a somewhat mediocre quality.
Nevertheless, sitting here right now, I feel genuine appreciation for her. I felt her heart through her layers of resistance and she had a lot of beauty in there. Plus she really served me well by hanging out with me for four hours on a night that could potentially have been quite scary to me. The lessons with her will be integrated and next time will be easier.
Sitting here writing this, I'm present to the fact that even though the night overall was a victory for me, I feel a little sad that I lost my capacity to serve her towards the end of the night. I must spend some time reflecting on what I really want when I meet other women in the future.
So thank you little lady for our time together. There is a huge heart in you waiting to emerge in full bloom. May it happen soon.
And for me – another barrier bites the dust.
— , Irregular updates ()If you don't have money at my age, you're not even in the game anymore. You're just a pasture animal waiting for the abattoir.
— , Irregular updates ()Tony Stark was born heir to an empire. His father, Howard Stark, was a brilliant man who founded Stark Industries and made his fortune as a weapons developer. Young Tony was a child prodigy, a true >wunderkind> who built his first circuit board at age four and his first engine at age six, graduated summa cum laude from MIT at 17, and took over as CEO of Stark Industries at 21 following the tragic and untimely death of his father and mother in a car accident.
He seemed to be following an arc that led him ever upward to more success, more recognition, more power, more glory, more of everything, on and on without end, at least in his outer life. When we meet Tony Stark at the beginning of the movie, he's in his early forties. He's been running Stark Industries with the assistance of Obadiah Stane, his late father's friend and partner, for twenty years or so, and by every external measure, doing quite an excellent job of it. The company is highly profitable and is a worldwide leader in the development and delivery of high-tech weapons systems.
Stark, who has never married and has no children, lives by himself in a stylish cliffside estate complete with a state-of-the-art laboratory/workshop in the basement, a garage full of pricey sports cars, a bedroom with a panoramic view of the ocean, and an omnipresent artificial intelligence application that functions as his virtual valet and lab assistant.
Wonder boy / flying boy
On the surface, it all looks pretty good. But a closer examination of Stark's lifestyle reveals some cracks in the glossy facade. Despite all of his material success, something about him seems unreal, incomplete. Much of his personal behavior is downright adolescent. He still parties like he's in his twenties and he's still taking the "fuck 'em and forget 'em" approach with women. He'd rather gamble than show up for an award ceremony in his honor that he'd promised his best friend, Air Force officer James "Rhodey" Rhodes, he'd attend, leaving Rhodey holding the bag and looking foolish.
Stark's girl friday, Pepper, takes care of all of the details and issues in his life that he's "too busy" to handle, including selecting and buying her own birthday present from him. There's clearly a shared attraction and affection between the two of them, but he keeps her at a distance, as he does with everyone.
He's more intimate with her than with any woman in his life, intimate in every way but the physical. He depends on her, telling her at one point, "I don't have anyone but you," but demonstrates little interest in her needs and little knowledge of who she really is. It's as if, despite his swinging lifestyle and his long string of sexual adventures, he really has no idea what women are actually like.
Stark is glib, arrogant and has a ready answer for just about anything. When he's confronted by a female reporter who presses him to take responsibility for making his fortune creating and selling products designed solely to kill and destroy, he cites his father's work on the Manhattan Project "to defeat the Nazis" and then manages to turn the conversation into yet another opportunity for seduction.
He takes nothing and no one seriously. Nothing is ever at stake. Despite all his innate gifts and all his success, he is, at his core, deeply bored and very immature, both psychologically and emotionally. He is, in Jungian parlance, a >puer aeternus>: an emotional adolescent in a man's body, a boy playing at being a man, a flying boy. But he's about to come to ground.
The wasteland
Stark's vanity and hubris lead him into the very place he least wants to go. In his supreme arrogance, he believes that he's safe anywhere on earth and travels into a war zone in Central Asia to preside over a live field demonstration of his latest "masterpiece of death," the Jericho missile. The demonstration is a big success, but on the return trip Stark's convoy is ambushed and attacked. His military escorts are killed and he is left alone, forced under fire to leave the secure armored vehicle in which he's been travelling and thrust out into a barren wasteland with nothing but the clothes on his back.
For perhaps the first time in his life, alone and vulnerable, Stark knows real fear. His power back in what he's always thought of as "the real world" means nothing here. As he cowers behind a rock, trying to reach Stane on his cell phone, his attackers launch a missile that almost lands in his lap. Before it detonates, he has just enough time to see the manufacturer's logo on the side of the weapon: "Stark Industries."
The wound
Stark sustains a critical chest wound as a result of the explosion, with shrapnel closing in on his heart, and is taken prisoner by his attackers. Realizing that Stark has value for them, his captors direct another prisoner, an older man named Yinsen, to perform emergency surgery on Stark to save his life. But as Yinsen tells Stark when he recovers consciousness after his surgery, the reprieve is only temporary:
Yinsen: I removed all the shrapnel I could, but there's a lot left, and it's headed into your atrial septum ... I've seen many wounds like that in my village. We call them the walking dead because it takes about a week for the barbs to reach the vital organs.
Stark (pointing to a device mounted in the center of his chest): What is this?
Yinsen: That is an electromagnet, hooked up to a car battery, and it's keeping the shrapnel from entering your heart.
Stark is, of course, horrified to find himself wired to a car battery with an electromagnet implanted in his chest, cut off from everyone he knows and held prisoner in a dark cave in the middle of who-knows-where by a gang of violent thugs. But things are about to get even worse.
The cave
Stark's captors demand, as a condition for his safe release and return to America, that he build them a weapon like the Jericho missile he demonstrated, using their massive stockpile of Stark Industries weaponry as raw material. Stark is appalled to find his own creations in the hands of such men and realizes that no matter what he does for them, they'll never set him free. His initial reaction is despair. He feels as if he has no options and no hope. But Yinsen is unwilling to let Stark off the hook. He confronts him, challenging him to do something with whatever may be left of his life:
Yinsen: Look, what you just saw, that is your legacy, Stark. Your life's work, in the hands of those murderers. Is that how you want to go out? Is this the last act of defiance of the great Tony Stark? Or are you going to do something about it?
Stark: Why should I do anything? They're going to kill me, you, either way. And if they don't, I'll probably be dead in a week.
Yinsen: Well then, this is a very important week for you, isn't it?
The man for whom nothing was ever at stake now rises to the challenge, using his gifts and his innate ingenuity to develop a method of escape, not only for himself, but for his fellow prisoner, a man in whom he has found a friend and a mentor, maybe the first true mentor he's ever had.
Under the pretense of building the missile demanded by their captors, Stark and Yinsen instead build a crude mechanical armored suit, powered by a small "arc reactor" Stark fabricates on the fly using parts scrounged from the weapons he'd created. The arc reactor serves an additional purpose: it replaces the electromagnet and the car battery, thus keeping the shrapnel out of Stark's heart and keeping him alive.
During their time in the cave building the armored suit, Stark and Yinsen continue to deepen their bond. As they talk about their lives back home, the emptiness of Stark's life prior to capture is readily apparent to Yinsen, who tells a visibly shaken Stark, "So you're a man who has everything and nothing."
A new man
Stark eventually leaves the cave and enters the outside world again. His use of the armored suit to escape his captors is successful, but comes at a high price in the form of someone else's sacrifice. After three months in captivity, he's rescued in the desert by his friend Rhodey and returns home to Pepper, Stane and an adoring media as a hero. But he's not the same man who left.
His ordeal has forced him open in a way he never anticipated and had never experienced before. His heart has been opened, literally. Life is precious and death is real to him now. He understands that his actions have consequences. Having begun to encounter the shadow side of his empire in the Central Asian wasteland, he feels moved to make changes. The profound new sense of responsibility he feels is not imposed by society or any other external force or definition of morality; it's a responsibility born of his reconnection to his own humanity, and that of others.
Stark has begun to feel. He's begun to remember who he is, once was and could be. He's begun to remember what he's lost. In a moment of previously uncharacteristic vulnerability, he tells Obadiah Stane, who's functioned as his surrogate father since Howard Stark's death, "I never got to say goodbye to my father. There are questions that I would have asked him."
The sense of loss Stark has begun to feel is palpable. There is deep grief under the surface, grief about losing a father with whom his relationship was never really complete, but Stark isn't ready to face that yet. Instead, he channels his newfound urgency into trying to atone for his own selfishness and what he now sees as the inherently destructive nature of the empire he and his father have built.
"I had become part of a system that is comfortable with zero accountability," Stark says at a press conference upon his return home. "I had my eyes opened. I came to realize that I have more to offer this world than just making things that blow up." He then announces that Stark Industries is out of the weapons business, effective immediately, to the great consternation and resistance of Stane, Rhodes, the stockholders of Stark Industries and much of the media.
A private transformation
But that's just the public aspect of Stark's transformation. In private, behind closed doors and without anyone else's knowledge, Stark is drawn to explore the possibilities of the new armored suit technology he and Yinsen prototyped in the cave. He designs, constructs and tests a second version of the armor, far more advanced than the first, and continues to refine and improve it even as Stane and the Stark Industries board of directors pressure him to reverse his decision to move the company out of the lethal technologies business. He also constructs a new, more powerful version of the arc reactor that keeps the shrapnel from entering his heart.
Stark's work on the armored suit looks, in many instances, like play, but it's building toward something much more serious, whether he realizes it or not. One night while he's working on the armor, a TV newscast catches his attention. It's a report from Gulmira, Yinsen's village in Central Asia, chronicling the takeover of the town by the same warlords who took Stark captive. Stark is galvanized, perhaps in part because he's reminded of the loss of his own parents when the reporter speaks of an orphaned child in the terrorized village asking, "Where are my mother and father?"
He bolts himself into his recently completed armored suit and, powered by the new arc reactor, flies off to the wasteland where he was wounded and taken captive to set the situation in Gulmira right and settle some of his own unfinished business. As he later tells Pepper, "I shouldn't be alive, unless it was for a reason. I'm not crazy, Pepper. I just finally know what I have to do."
Confronting the false father
But Stark's biggest battle is still before him, as he begins to realize that Obadiah Stane is not, and has not been, the benign, helpful mentor and father figure he's presented himself to be. As Stark continues to awaken to himself and to what genuinely matters to him, he sees Stane more and more clearly as he is: an amoral, venal liar, a manipulator and ultimately, a betrayer, a ruthless usurper who'll stop at nothing to take from Stark what he believes is rightfully his.
Stane is a man without honor or principles who only values power; for him, Stark has never been anything other than a means to an end. Before the wasteland, the wound and the cave, Stark couldn't see any of this. But now his eyes are open, and his time with Yinsen has given him what his relationships with Stane, and even his own father, had not: an honest, authentic male mentor whose sole interest in Stark was to coax, cajole and encourage him to become a mature, authentic man who's connected with his own humanity and that of others.
Ultimately, Stark has no choice but to confront Stane, his false father, and again the stakes are real and they're high. It's a life-or-death situation for Tony Stark, and he faces it squarely. He's come a long way since we met him at the beginning of the movie.
Conclusion
Tony Stark has made a lot of progress, but he's not done yet. Plenty of his old arrogance and hubris remains, even in the later stages of the film. He still drives like a lunatic, putting himself and others at risk for no good reason. When he's testing one version of the armored suit, he flies so high, in an attempt to break an altitude record, that the suit ices up and he nearly plummets to his death. But he learns from that experience and it serves him later. That's significant. Because he's open now, because he's earned a bit of humility, he can learn from his errors and apply those lessons in his life. There's a lot of hope in that.
Stark also has a new identity, one largely developed in secret, and he has to decide how much of it he wants to reveal to the people around him, and to those in the world at large who are eager to know just who this "Iron Man" is and what his relationship is to Stark. There are other questions, too. Will Stark fall back into his "fast lane" lifestyle now that he's home again and back in control of his company?
How will he deal with the feelings he had at his homecoming about losing his father? Will he explore those feelings more deeply, or let them slide back into the forgotten places within him? Will he allow himself to develop a truly intimate relationship with Pepper or someone else? Most of all, will he be able to keep his heart open, and know when he needs his armor and when he doesn't?
Tony Stark has taken a huge first step on the journey toward authentic, mature manhood. If he wants to continue to enjoy the rewards of that journey, he'll have to keep walking.
I had planned to have the Braveheart review done by this time, but due to some illness and an unexpected and incredible New Year's getaway, I haven't managed to finish in time. I re-watched Braveheart today and find myself fascinated by the father of Robert the Bruce, a dangerous and yet somewhat pathetic character. He has traces of Darth Vader in him, as well as very human feelings of grief of the life he didn't live. Aside from the aforementioned reasons, my desire to understand him better also had me postpone the review a little. I basically want to feel into the archetypal dynamics of Braveheart a little more. The movie is rich with material and I look forward to finalizing this piece for you. Thanks for your patience. Eivind— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()I want to remind you all that I will be presenting at the "Men and the Future" symposium in Frankfurt in May/June this year. My presentation isn't fully formed in my mind yet, but I believe I will be speaking about a topic that emerges where authenticity, vulnerability and our wild side meet.
No matter, I believe this will be a great event and that I will see you there. I look forward to bringing you more information soon.
Here's the website for the event.
— , Irregular updates ()This movie review will be the first in a new range of reviews. They will be shorter and focused on inspiring you as opposed to bringing you really deep information. Bite sized information for the guy who's in a hurry. They will not replace the in-depth reviews entirely, but to get a bigger rotation of reviews here, I will start doing quite a few of these in the days ahead.
Inviting my friends for an evening in hell
Last Friday, I invited a group of men friends to catch this movie just before it was taken off. I knew very little about it, but I had the feeling I should see it. Viggo Mortensen is one of the few actors in Hollywood I really respect, but more importantly, there was an article about it in big Norwegian newspaper some weeks previously. It spoke about how movies frequently portray father figures as heroes and that the same thing doesn't happen with mothers.
I don't agree. There are plenty of heroic mothers in the movies, although they may not be kicking ass and taking names to quite the same extent as the father figures. I think heroism for women and men generally looks very different.
I was blown away by the movie. It is an absolutely horrific tale, a tragic story about humanity's frailty and stupidity. Husband and wife wake up one morning and it's the end of the world. Nothing is left. Outside of their bedroom window, nuclear holocaust awaits. The wife shrieks with agony as she gives birth to their first-born in the midst of this soul-devouring limbo. She knows all too well that his will be a cruel and terrible life. There is no hope, nothing she can do to comfort her newborn from the inevitable despair that is his destiny.
There is nothing to eat. Cannibals roam the streets scavenging for flesh to satisfy their hunger. One day she can bear it no longer and she walks into the nuclear fog to die. The man begs her not to, but her will to live has dwindled and disappeared. She doesn't want to just survive, she tells him. Surviving isn't enough, she needs more. It's a cruel world that has a mother's despair outweigh her motherly instincts.
It made me think of women's innate talent for and need to celebrate life in all its glory. They do this better than men. We are generally caught in a grid of space and time, trying to make things happen while not being very welcoming with distractions or unplanned for circumstances. We are action oriented and we know it. Women are better at enjoying the moment than us guys. They dance the dance of life, and radiate life force through their glowing skin and beaming smiles. That is, of course, if they are connected to their feminine essence.
This movie made me understand that a post-apocalyptic world where all expressions of nature's feminine vibrancy are gone would be completely hellish for a woman. Women are as a whole much more connected to nature than men and when nature dies, so does parts of women (and even the feminine in us men). There would be nothing left to support her radiance.
Such a place would be a spiritual wasteland, a place so evil, barren and desolate that the most sensitive women might just shrivel up and die, as is more or less the case here. The husband is left with infinite heart break, ashy tears and the agonizing knowledge that this is the end of the road for humanity. What kind of mission in life can a man adopt to make sense of that scenario?
Keeping the fire burning
The man does what any good man would do: He cares for his son as he takes him towards the South East, hoping better days await them there. The challenges they are faced with are totally gut wrenching. I had tears pouring down my face throughout this movie.
Humanity has gone insane and many are eating each other because there is literally no food left. The father tells his son "we are the good guys. We are the ones who keep the fire burning". And I'm not sure he even believes in it - everything is so bleak. But the son absorbs that. It helps him keep sane. The alchemical transmission between father and son seems to take place even under the worst conditions. Although he misses his mother terribly.
By the time I got out of the cinema, I felt like I had been for a couple of thousand spins in a tumble drier. I felt beaten up inside. We just stood there looking at each other in silence for a long while. My friend Magne finally spoke: "Words are pointless after that".
He spoke the truth. For the rest of the weekend, I was really down. Boy do we have work to do to prevent something like that from happening! In small ways, each and every one of us carries the destiny of the world on our shoulders. No pressure or anything, but our actions or lack of them may actually be a deciding factor in the big picture of humanity's survival. Makes you think twice about wasting your time watching reruns of 24, doesn't it?
— , Irregular updates ()Let me put this out in the open from the get-go: With American History X, Tony Kaye has directed an amazing, extremely charged and challenging movie. It brings up some issues which we are generally loathe to look at in our day-to-day lives. This is exactly why we will now do just that. Sidestepping the bare realities of life is a game which has gone past its sell by date. To really understand the thematics of the movie, I strongly recommend that you read my introduction to Spiral Dynamics. I will be referencing some SD concepts in this review, but will explain them sufficiently for you to tag along even if you are not familiar with them.
Your assignment, young Danny, is American History X
After serving three years in prison for killing two black gang members who were busy breaking into his car, Derek Vinyard is let back out on the street. On the same day, Danny is called into the headmaster’s office at Venice Beach High. With Derek behind bars, Danny has been lost for direction and has in his brother’s absence become heavily engaged in the White Power movement that Derek helped build. It is, he believes, what his brother – his only living role model – would have wished.
His essay “Mein Kampf” has now landed his ass in Bob Sweeney’s office. Mr Sweeney is a strong man, directed, compassionate, and with a powerful presence. He is also black, worried, and very unimpressed with the direction this young man is taking. “What’ll it be, Danny?,” he bellows. “What is this crap you’re trying to sell us?” Bob is unwilling to give up on the lost Danny; he sees in him not only the same brilliant mind as in his brother, but also the same dangerous inclinations towards hateful racial stereotypes.
Bob sets up a new history class for the lost boy, a class where Danny is the only attending student. This class is really in ritual space and Bob is his mentor. “We will name the class American History X”. The first assignment in the new class is a paper in which Danny must document and analyze his brother’s actions and the effects they have had on himself and his family. This is the context of the movie, a story on the brilliant Derek’s descent into hatred and murder, and Danny is the voice who tells it.
The shadow king and his red knight
Venice Beach is overrun by black and latino gangs who spread fear among the white population. Cameron Alexander is a hateful, old man who has set up base in his home to coordinate an Aryan crusade against all who aren't white protestants. Together with Derek, he runs the DOC, a White Power group whose aim is to take back Venice Beach from gangs, "border jumpers", and foreign business owners. He stays in shadows, “has to be careful”, and lets Derek do the dirty work of recruitment and vandalism. Cameron has positioned himself as the elder, the person who confused and insecure young white boys – kids who are afraid of the world they live in – look up to for guidance and the feeling of belonging.
Cameron's influence reminds us of an important fact; where the harbringers of hate gain power, fathers have strayed from the path of serving with presence, authority, discernment and love. Or they are simply not there.
Derek and Danny’s father disappeared when he was shot by a black drug dealer while fighting a fire in a black neighborhood. The movie shows him as being a loving father in his own way, but we also understand that he was a fearful man who quietly carried a burden of bitterness and anger over the ways he felt white people were suffering at the hands of liberal politics and affirmative black action. His death at the hands of a black man is what cemented Derek’s path into racial hatred and white power ideology. It is also what started his search for another father figure from whom he could receive the essential transmission of knowledge any younger man so desperately wants.
Cameron Alexander, like most shadow kings, feeds on fear and hatred, and Derek is willing prey for his serpentine tongue and toxic mentorship. He is a willing crown prince – a red knight* with kingly qualities and great power, yet his every action takes him further away from the inner freedom which he seeks. That is the nature of shadow initiators: they pretend to have answers, but their initiation only takes people one step closer to hell.
And as their desperate students find themselves left with ever fewer things worth living for, all that remains is the glimmer of hope that their mentor will one day come through with the soul food for which he/she hungers for. But shadow initiators never deliver; they are unable to. For they are themselves unfathered and know not their inner truth and goodness.Nevertheless, Derek feels good that he has found something worth fighting for, and he spreads the gospel of hate with religious enthusiasm and conviction. Cameron is a shadow king who has found his red knight.
The war against white boys
In Spiral Dynamics, we learn that there is a stage (Green) of development that is associated with a watering down of truth as well as structures of power, control and – yes – growth. On this level, we find movements, philosophies and ideologies such as post-modernism, relativism and feminism. This is a stage where feminine values flood society, men are discriminated against in covert ways, and boys suffer terribly.
It is a stage where the victim is celebrated and integrity, responsibility, loyalty and service are discarded in favor of emotionality. This mindset is largely what people are referring to when they speak of liberals. What we see in the SD model is that the political ideology that grows out of this mindset is a significantly more evolved state of mind than the one we know as conservativism, but it comes with huge problems.
One of the biggest shadows of Green (where liberalism has its home base) is the huge shame that comes with it. White people on the Green level of development feel shame that their forefathers are responsible for colonialism, the enslavement of the people of Africa, the destruction of the planet. They basically feel guilty for everything that is wrong in the world. And the main bulk of the blame – if not all of it – goes towards white men (men are perpetrators, women victims). Because of this, it is seen as most pressing to eliminate most masculine values from society. Not in a declared and outspoken way, but in the emotionality of the people.
The conservatives, although at a lower level of moral development, are completely right to be wary of this way of thinking. Take a moment to view this clip from the movie:
In this clip, Derek is really arguing that masculine values (such as responsibility, loyalty and integrity) are important and shouldn't be ignored. He is saying, just because you have an emotion doesn't mean you must act on it in the spirit of victimhood. The recognition of being shafted by liberal politicians is exactly what pushes him into neo-nazism and it is seemingly also what got his father to harbor thoughts of racism.
When people at the Green stage of development are in power, the people who would otherwise prosper if the Masculine were viewed more positively, are polarized into bitterness, fear and racism. For in such a society, people DO take advantage of social welfare, people DO claim victimhood instead of standing responsible for their own life and actions. Not only that, but when society is structured along this line of thinking, women and ethnic minorities are privy to some unfair advantages that have nothing to do with equality.
How can we let this happen? Because of the mentioned strong belief that everything that is wrong with the world is because of white men (you can make that "Christian white men"). These initiatives are merely logical extensions of such beliefs. And such beliefs make it a moral imperative to punish white men. Unfortunately, boys are the main victims.
Get this: Liberal politicians are pushing normal people into conservativism, extremism, even neonazism in numbers counting in the millions, because they are not dealing with the problem in a way that is aligned with truth.
They claim that they want everyone to be treated equally, but white men are not part of that equality, and they don't even consider it a problem. AND – they are pissing all over fathers. This is wrong! And it is creating havoc in the world. For white males are still the dominant force of power in the world, and when you willingly sabotage their ways to maturity and manhood, you are short-circuiting the very system that could create real change. Before we restore some sense of rightness about this picture, boys will keep running countries and corporations (just look at Silvio Berlusconi). They are not meant to.
Understand that the reason gangs are born – be they black, latino or neonazi – is the weakening of the father figures of society. Young men cannot initiate each other. In gangs, they desperately try. They want it badly. But they cannot. It is Law. And when we understand that "liberal politicians" are in the business of shaming men and disempowering fathers, we may – if given space to take this thought to its conclusion – see that the shadow side of Green is one of our modern world’s greatest problems.
Indeed, the popular idea that the ideologies of Green are at the apex of human development may very well kill us all if we don’t wake up in time. Take your time with this message, for it may be uncomfortably strong. We must free ourselves from this delusion if we are to restore men's dignity and self worth.
Derek’s redemption
To move ahead in our society, to leave Green behind and to enter 2nd tier consciousness (the paradigm shift where individuals come to recognize that all levels of development prior to theirs are important and necessary), we must re-embody our appreciation of masculine values. We must resurrect the initiators from the tombs of our forefathers and give young boys a new chance. In American History X, Bob Sweeney embodies this hope (while the teacher Murray is a Green liberal).
He is the mentor, the man whose wounds of life finally broke through his ramparts and reached the soft, tender flesh of his beating, loving heart. His is wisdom, power and compassion. He seeks Derek out after he has been raped by members of a White Power gang in prison. Derek turns his back on them when they turn out to not live up to his high ideals (“They didn’t believe in shit”) and he is in trouble. Having been profoundly humiliated by those he considered kin, his ramparts are starting to come down too.
“You gotta start asking the right questions,” Bob tells Derek. (We are pretty much in ritual space here). “What questions?,” Derek replies. “Such as, has anything you have ever done made your life better?” Tears roll down Derek's cheek. The “strong bull” has been wrestled to the ground. “You gotta help me,” Derek pleads. Sweeney confirms that he will, but that his help is not unconditional. Bob understands that Derek must confront the karma (effects) of his actions to find true freedom in his heart.
Important though Sweeney's help may be, it is thanks to his black friend from the laundry room that he gets through Chino in one piece. He is a good guy and opens up in Derek the understanding that being black in the US is not easy. For although the people of Green discriminate against white men, there are plenty of other people on lower levels of development who are doing exactly the opposite. Derek’s eyes are opened to a world that he did not know existed. There is now space around his heart.
Conclusion
Danny's schoolpaper for headmaster Sweeney is finished with a quote by Abraham Lincoln in the wee hours of the morning. And we could here go on and speak about the confrontation Derek has with Cameron Alexander, his break from the neo-nazi community, the destiny of his family and his brother. But you should watch the movie yourself. What matters is to remind ourselves of the lessons about fathers, initiation and the complexities of racial issues that this film describes.
What could the message of this movie mean for you in your life? I suggest it could be to find out where you stand with your father, living or dead. Do you love him? What are his gifts to you? Which burdens of his have you unconsciously adopted? Get to know him. And then find yourself a mentor who can heal you and open in you the final recognition of your true, inherent goodness, so that those adopted beliefs of your father's can be shed once and for all.
And do remember that boys cannot initiate each other. That means you must be mindful of how you design your social life and network. Look for brotherhood and elders.
*the red knight is a figure from old myths and legends that describe a macho and power driven, yet immature man
— , Irregular updates ()Right out of Arthurian lore comes the famous Fisher King myth, a story about a wounded masculine feeling function and the subsequent healing of it by a fool. It comes in many forms, but the version told by Parry in this movie starts with a prince who has to sleep alone in a forest to prove he can be King.
Alone by himself at night, he is visited by a sacred vision of a fire with a holy Grail in it. A voice tells him that he shall be the keeper of the Grail that he may heal the hearts of men.
The young prince is overcome by feelings of grandiosity and reaches in to grab it. The Grail disappears and the boy's hand is left terribly wounded. Another version of the same myth leaves him with an arrow through his testicles.
In all versions of the story, the wound grows deeper as the years pass, and the boy - now King - knows by consequence no joy or love in his life. He is always miserable. He begins to die.
The Fisher King wound in modern man
I want to examine the wound itself before digging into the movie's plot. In his short book on the Fisher King myth, Robert A Johnson talks about this wound as "probably the most common and painful wound which occurs in our Western world". Robert A Johnson explains to us that it is a wound "in the male, generative, creative part of his being" and that it "affects every sense of value in his psychological structure".
So how does the wound appear? The playful, active boy who is told to sit down and be quiet receives a shock (wound) to a nervous system that only seconds ago was so alive. The mother who shames her son's sexuality "shoots an arrow through his testicles" and wounds his sexual feeling function. A son who requests his father's blessing and receives only his aloofness and temper ends up distrusting men and his own masculinity and a deep wound cuts through his psyche (Robert Bly refers to this as the father's axe blow).
If the wound were only an issue of family systems gone wrong, maybe we wouldn't be so ill off. Alas, the weapons by which the wounds are inflicted are woven into the very fabric of our society, leaving us scarred all over by the time we turn twenty.
Maybe we divulge an authentic spiritual experience to our local religious leader and find ourselves targeted and programmed, like sheep, with the officially sanctioned version of religious "truth". Or maybe we go to school to learn the Soul-devouring "truth" that the only valid way of perceiving the world is through our rational faculties. Whatever the cause, the wound grows ever deeper.
So in my opinion, the pertinent question isn't whether we have a wound. Rather, it is - how can we heal it?
Jack reaches for the Grail
Jack is a deeply unsympathetic, self-absorbed man. He is a "shock jock", proudly polluting the hearts and minds of the New York masses with his preferred flavour of nasty. He is about to hit TV screens with the new comedy show "On the radio" and in watching his preparations for the show, we witness his visions of grandeur. And just like the self-obsessed prince, God's call to heal the hearts of men is drowned out by megalomania.
I interpret the TV show Jack is about to star in as a Grail of sorts to his psyche. He muses to himself that for the first time in his life, he will be "a voice with a body". This "re-embodiment" sounds to me like a weak attempt at a return of feeling (a body feels), a process thwarted by Jack's inability to take the requisite move towards greater humility. So his Self calls for a deeper wound to wake him up: Edwin, one of his listeners, goes on a killing spree. Jack is the reason why.
It would be mispreresenting the myth to say that this is a typical Fisher King wound. For that wound damages the generative, feeling part of his masculine psyche whereas this event is the start of Jack's long road back to his. But the movie as I understand it really wants this to be Jack's Fisher King wound so I think the parallel works for now.
Parry, the White Knight fool
We return to Jack three years later and images of the tragedy still haunt him as he spends his days sweating out the pain in the back room of his new girlfriend's video store (I see parallels to Nathan Algren in The Last Samurai). Anne is a good woman who loves him in spite of his masochism. And yet, Jack goes out one night to end himself.
Jack's personal hell is mandatory. It just shows us that under the layers of crap, his Soul works just fine. The fall from Grace is not so much about "deserving punishment". No, folks, I don't think the Universe is designed by some grumpy old dude with a stick and an ass-whipping fetish whose name can be called on by people of inferior spirituality and hot temper (worst blasphemy there is). The fall from Grace is rather the Self's clarion call to the Universe for help, help to restore a man's image of himself to its appropriate size.
As long as overinflation is occurring, healthy relationship to the divine (or indeed anything at all) is impossible, and the man remains immature, self-absorbed and absolutely fucking miserable (trust me when I say I've been there. In fact, I still sometimes - or was that often - am).
[caption id="attachment_1399" align="aligncenter" width="500"] Just as Perceval destroys the Red Knight in the myth, so does Parry save Jack from the thugs who assault him[/caption]Before Jack takes the plunge, two young thugs appear with a desire to fuck him up. But self-proclaimed knight Parry intervenes with his crazy compadres. Jack lives.
Parry, we find, is absolutely off his rocker. He speaks to invisible, floating fat peple and thinks he is a knight on a quest for the holy Grail. Not much later, Jack learns that the cause of his lunacy is that his wife's brains were splattered all over him because of aforementioned Edwin. Jack now feels guilty for creating Parry the slumdog knight from the remains of the man formerly known as Henry Sagan, university professor and mythology expert. A bond forms between them.
Importantly, Parry is haunted by images of a Red Knight. The Red Knight of the myths is generally associated with power, might and ego. It is a fierce and dangerous energy, yet it is essential for masculine maturity (read more about the Red Knight).
The Red Knight appears for Parry when his mind starts reconnecting with the truth of what happened to his wife at the restaurant.
Parry himself sees the Red Knight as the reason why he can't get his hands on the Grail, which is why he needs Jack's help (he is "the one" according to the little floating fat people).
This Red Knight is clearly important. Let's get to know this ominous force that separates Parry, and by extension Jack, from the healing powers of his Grail.
Getting intimate with the Red Knight
[caption id="attachment_1387" align="aligncenter" width="510"] The Red Knight which haunts Parry[/caption]Perceval was the fool of the original Fisher King myth and the story goes that he encounters and kills a Red Knight early on in life. The Red Knight also appears in the fairy story of Iron John. In Robert Bly's opinion, he symbolizes the first step on the long road to masculine maturity and is followed by the White and Black knight stages. True to White Knight form, Perceval was a naive young mama's boy who thought he could rescue the world from evil.
Disregarding the fact that the Red Knight he slays threatens Camelot, it was perhaps not the best thing to do, considering that he spends the next twenty years of his life chasing Red Knight projections (he also fails the first attempt at healing the Fisher King due to fear of speaking up). This is exactly what we do on a large scale in the West today.
We kill or exile the Red Knight because we fear him. We imagine he threatens the Kingdom. Images of him are turned into entertainment porn on the nighttime news and then we assign him a different skin color, religion or ideology to our own.
I look at Parry's Red Knight and see more than merely the gore surrounding the death of Parry's wife. I see the death of Parry's primal, masculine power - his own inner Red. A man came and blew his wife's brains out (a man, incidentally, who had himself exiled *his* inner Red Knight) and there was nothing he could do about it. With one spray of shotgun pellets to his wife's head, whatever Red may have existed in Henry Sagan was wiped out and externalized as a projection of a demonic Red Knight.
[caption id="attachment_1416" align="aligncenter" width="500"] Henry Sagan (Parry) covered with his wife's brain. Such an experience might cause many a man to shut down his inner Red.[/caption]The Red Knight is chasing us wherever we look. We project and make others out to be bad, dangerous, even demonic (war on terror anyone?). We see the Red Knight in the faces of good people (terrorists not included). Why? Because we have all had our stories of receiving shocks to our nervous systems while growing up (though perhaps not quite as severe as Henry Sagan's). For some, it was perhaps trying to protect Mum from an abusive Dad. Or perhaps it was being bullied by a kid in school. Whatever the reason, we received a shock and decided Red was dangerous.
This fear of Red often manifests in a man's life as his longing for comfort and security; Red feels too intense. So we exile it from our psyches, condemning ourselves to a lifetime of paranoia, boundary issues and projection.
Now that we named the suppression of Red energy that goes on in virtually every modern man, let's enter sacred reality and get this show on the road.
Entering crazy time
After Parry shares his first kiss with his chosen damsel in distress, the Red Knight appears one last time. It is the final showdown - as long as Parry is not willing to integrate his Red Knight projections in a conscious way, he must die to his current self through trauma. The Red Knight gets him and Parry enters a coma. It is interesting to note that the thugs who represent the Red Knight in this scene are the same as the ones who attacked Jack in an earlier one. It suggests to me that Jack and Parry share a psychological theme - suppression of Red.
Jack realizes that he must get the "Holy Grail" to wake Parry up from his catatonia. He now gets to prove that he is "The One" the floating fat people talked about by turning into "Parry's Perceval". This will make him humble and force him to accept Parry's crazy view of the world. He intuits that Parry's and his healing are intimately connected, as he already shared with Anne in an earlier scene ("I thought that if I could help him some way, that maybe things would change for me").
Parry has something that Jack needs. We understand that particularly from the way Jack reacts to the TV producer who wants him to star in a new show about homeless people. Jack is horrified by the depraved worldview that would enable a man to glorify other people's suffering and turn it into shits and giggles. Instead, he turns his back on this career-furthering move and favours honoring his new depth of Soul. In Parry resides something that he needs to get more intimate with.
Which leads us to crazy time. What is it I hear you ask? It is a term referring to the "sacred time" a man has to enter once he is called there by his archetypal Self. In crazy time, normal flow of time and space ceases, and a vast, archetypal landscape opens up before the man. Without a good guide, this landscape can consume him and make him go nuts (like Parry). It is not necessarily an exactly *pleasant* experience.
[caption id="attachment_1402" align="aligncenter" width="500"] When Jack asks the crazy people at the hospital "what am I supposed to do?", we are alerted that he is about to enter crazy time himself.[/caption]I have some personal experience with this. When I was in my early twenties, I literally feared I was going insane. I feared I would end up doing something horrible one day and pictured that...I'm not sure why I'm telling you this...I would end up stabbing someone to death. It wasn't that I wanted to, it was just that the Red Knight energy inside of me was so thoroughly suppressed that it was in danger of consuming me. And no mentors or guides were there to help.
In an old indigenous culture, I might have been made shaman. Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette tell us that shamans were always chosen among those who exhibited signs of psychological instability, because that was seen to be an expression of a psyche finely attuned to the mysterious dimensions of the Magician archetype.
A man's journey through crazy time teaches him enormously valuable lessons about psychological and spiritual healing. For me, it has manifested in a profound understanding of how razor thin the edge between sanity and insanity is. I see clear as day how easy it is to be driven to murder by inner voices (the old cultures would call them demons, I call it suppressed psychic material). And ultimately, this experience has made me question what sanity really is (I see many people our culture would label sane and think they are out of their fucking minds).
Such reflections make a man a good fit to be shaman. There was an idea among the Inuits of the Arctics that any demonic force that the shaman to be had not already been consumed by would be outside of his field of influence once he assumed his fully embodied shamanic role. It explains why I consider my failing psychological stability from my early 20s one of my life's greatest gifts.
We see how references to crazy time is spattered all across the movie. And when you understand the concept, you will understand that when Jack finds himself in a situation surrounded by seeming insanity (in this movie, these places are ironically health care institutions), the setting is ripe with healing potential.
In our ignorant part of the world, however, we decide to medicate against crazy time. I believe this is one of the most important reasons for why we live in such a Soulless society. Crazy time is Soul time. And there is very little Soul in Prozac.
Reclaiming the Grail – a merging of worlds
[caption id="attachment_1401" align="aligncenter" width="500"] Jack encounters the Red Knight when breaking into Langdon Carmichael's "castle" in search of the Grail[/caption]Jack enters the Fisher King castle and reclaims the Grail from the library of a dying billionaire "King" (in saving him, Jack too becomes Perceval).
When Jack returns to the hospital with the "Grail", a merging of worlds seems to have taken place. I think crazy time has been integrated into "Newton time" (my invented expression for linear time) and that Jack and Parry emerge on the other side of their quest together, on the third and last stage of the process of constellating the Magician archetype explained by so many scholars of world mythology:
- The Call (life conditions force you to take on a new perception of reality)
- Crazy time (the deconstruction of old reality)
- Reentering Newton time from a new perspective (psychological integration has taken place)
At any rate, the Red Knight curse is gone, Anne and Jack are back together and happy, Parry has his damsel, and Jack and Parry go cloudbusting nude in Central Park together.
At the end of the day, who cares what happened - as long as you can break apart clouds with your mind while lying nude next to a good buddy? Hang on... am I going crazy?
— , Irregular updates ()The first Masculinity Movies LIVE took place on Friday May 14, 2010. The featured movie was The Good Men Project. The report for this event is an exclusive on the Good Men Project blog. Please go there to read more about it.
Here is the invitation that was sent out for it.
Keep an eye out for event #2, coming in June 2010.
Interested in hosting Masculinity Movies LIVE events in your area? Contact me.
— , Irregular updates ()I caught this ad at the movies yesterday (I don't have a TV so that's the only place I see them).
I'd like to see the same ad with the roles turned reach the public eye. Let's be honest – it wouldn't fly. The guy is having an existential crisis – the woman thinks he is pathetic and "recycles" him. There are a couple of implications here:
- Men who try to connect with their feelings/get through an existential crisis are undesirable (further emphasizing the macho "man up" attitude which propagates weakness among men)
- Men are trash (literally)
- Women are higher value than men
There would be hordes of feminists crying outrage if this was a movie with a man recycling a woman. I wouldn't be surprised if the same people laugh when they see this.
Other dubious pieces of advertising
And here's one that describes the fate of modern men in a pretty accurate way
The women answered with a spoof, which shows that we are in big trouble. Not only is the pay wage talked about in the spoof a myth propagated by false statistics – women do plastic surgery and botox mainly for other women, not for their men. Shockingly, men are actually capable of loving their wives and girlfriends even if they are not perfect. I've seen Pelle Billing report statistics showing that, for many women, the same isn't true. Why? Perhaps because women are privy to all kinds of special treatment that men never get access to, thus making them think they are more deserving than men. Anyway, I am concerned that there is not a shred of empathy to be had from the makers of this movie. Just more of the same hateful "men are pathetic" scorn.
Finally, this is worth a look. It's a brief overview of misandry in advertising.
I would be happy to see the feminists stop fighting a war they won a long time ago. The evidence is in how we don't bat an eyelid when men are targets, but when women are targets, whole nations rise in fury. That is starting to change, however, and now it's up to the men's movement – guys like you and me – to discover the inner freedom and love on the other side of anger and bitterness. Fortunately, the numbers of good women wanting us to succeed in this epic undertaking is ever increasing.
Thanks to Jessi Fischer, the woman whose blog I found some of these ads on. "Stop the hate", she says. I agree.
— , Irregular updates ()The powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?
(answer: no it doesn’t) The other day, I overheard a conversation where a man about my age (mid 30s) shared matter-of-factly that after he turned 22, his life had turned more and more monotonous. His days were all the same now, and the years now flew by. I hear this a lot. I hear it all the time from old people, such as my parents. They seem to have this pervasive belief that there is a certain age at which your days suddenly all start looking the same. And then time turns into a fast-moving blur of monotony. It's always interesting for me to hear people talk about time in this way, as my experience is so different. For me, the years are getting longer and longer. And this last one seems to have lasted for a small infinity. I remember back to a year ago; I had only just moved to Boulder, Colorado, to start my training to be a Circling facilitator. Little did I know what adventures awaited me there, and the profound transformation I would experience both there and on my return back home. When I think back on it, I can hardly believe the amount of love, pain, transformation and adventure I've experienced in that short time. So much has happened! It feels so long ago that it's almost "the good old days", you know back in the days when I was digging for gold at the foothills of the Colorado Rockies. [caption id="attachment_3473" align="alignright" width="400"] Arr, those were the good ole gold-diggin' days[/caption] And here this guy was sat sharing how all his days seemed the same. I don't like hearing that. In fact, it feels me with sadness and anger. "Another one bites the dust". Another man gives up on life. There's even an article about it that's all the rage online right now: Man Tells Heartbreaking Story Of How He Realized He Wasted His Life I remember reading somewhere that the average human being stops growing psychologically at age 20. This is not the time to do a profound scientific piece where I research that fact (so if you know of this research, please share in the comments below), but it makes perfect sense. Why? Because that's about the time when our biology train arrives at its station of adulthood. The biological impetus for change all of a sudden vanishes. So we stop growing. We go to universities and cram our heads full of knowledge. Maybe we have a few adventures. But for the most part, it's all a continued movement across a horizontal plane; we don't actually deepen. We don't become more enlightened people. Does it have to be this way? Of course not! Our sense of monotony, perhaps even depression, is just an expression of profound cultural ignorance of what it takes to be an alive human being. We offer our young men and women a template of what success looks like and tell them to conform to its associated social norms and peer pressure. They obey and in the process, they lose touch with themselves. They stop being soulful individuals. Some of them may wonder if life's supposed to be this way, but they see no alternative - because everyone around them is unfree, out of touch with a better alternative. So they keep plodding along hoping for better times. They never come. When this man shared that all his days felt the same, he broadcasted loudly that he had stopped living a courageous life. He was simply coasting along, having a little bit of fun here and there, but generally being uninspired. He was betraying himself and I'm certain that he knew this deep down. But he seemed too busy with following the cultural narrative of adulthood to notice. You can often tell such a man by his frequent use of sarcasm, irony and self-effacing humor. Here's the deal about 20: Not only do we stop growing biologically, but - as the Jungians would tell us - the ages 20 and 40 are very important thresholds. It appears that our unconscious comes closer to the surface at these times. I myself had a profound life crisis in my early 20s. I answered its call. Some lucky people do. Others feel a call inside them, but choose to ignore it. And we start harvesting the bitter fruits of Self-denial shortly after. Since we don't initiate people in our culture, we don't have the mythological context or the confidence or courage to take the path less travelled, the path along which the voice of our unconscious would so gladly follow us. So must of us start going down the safe route, even though our unconscious may be hammering us from below screaming for us to listen. When you feel dead inside, when all your days feel the same, it's not saying anything about the objective nature of reality. It is, however, saying everything about how the choices you've made have impacted you. So if you feel like your days are all the same, it's time to make a change. This is your life. This right here, right now. You're reading these words in the midst of what is *your life*. And it won't change just because you want it to. God won't drop a better life gift-wrapped into your lap simply because you pity yourself. No, you must commit. You must stand up and exclaim into the world your "I am here!", and you must do it not as an act of rebellion or of validation-seeking, but as an invocation of the very depths of you, as a commitment to start filling up your deflated Soul. And then you must start planting seeds. One by one. And with time and patience you shall harvest the fruits of your labor. Don’t be in too much of a rush, however. True change takes time. I started on this path 14 years ago. More and more people tell me how great I am these days. That’s nice, but not that big of a deal. In fact, I downright don’t like it when I pick up in the cadence of the person that he puts me above him, that I’m somehow special. I just smile, thinking of the one simple truth that they seem oblivious of: Greatness is a result of doing many little things, often in the face of fear, consistently over time. I used to hear this “I’m not special” from people I admired. Now it's my turn to say the same thing. I'm not special. Neither are you. But the seed of greatness lives in you still. (and please, bypass the greatness of immature bravado and go for the mature and humble kind) No-one is special. You choose to live or you choose to die and your life shall reflect the exact shape of your commitment. That is all.— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()The idea to create Masculinity-Movies.com came about during a time of intense study on what it meant to be a man. This is a question I've struggled with most of my adult life and this confusion has caused me to go through times of intense inner turmoil and depression. But the process has brought results and at this point, I was trying to find a way to juggle masculine and feminine energies and forms of expression in my life in a way that was beneficial for everyone. At the same time, I felt a growing need to share my own voice in this wilderness, and it seemed directly connected with my own sense of well being. There was just one problem. I had no idea what to say.
I was working on my Norwegian translation for The Way of The Superior Man by David Deida (still in progress) and applying it in the relationship with my lover, with great results. As the two of us spent some quiet quality time together watching films in her flat, the answer to the question that had plagued me for a long while - "how can I bring this material to the world in my own unique way?" came pulsing through the shimmering TV screen. In the middle of the unlikeliest of films - Erin Brockovich and Mrs. Doubtfire - it dawned on me, and Masculinity-Movies.com was born.
Why do modern men need to learn about masculinity? Don't we already have it covered? Aren't we already tuned in, turned on and aligned with truth in every way that matters? If my own life experience is anything to go by, the answer is definitely no. Modern men struggle. Most of us haven't found anything truly worth living (or dying) for and spend our days working to fulfill the visions of other men (and increasingly women), and most of these visions aren't even that great. In relationship, many of us find ourselves overpowered by our women, unable to stand up for our own rights in the relationship and instead choose to succumb to the apathy of just tolerating her. We haven't yet discovered our core strength, that reservoir of loving, heroic energy that each and every one of us deep down know we carry inside of us. Modern men need help. Trouble is - most of us don't want it. The idea that a man needing help is a weak men is cementing his weakness. It's a challenging place to be culturally, and we need to do something about it. This website is my part in that process.
My wish for Masculinity-Movies.com is that it not only become a resource for in-depth movie analysis through the lens of masculine evolution, but that it becomes a resource central outlining the different guided paths of masculine evolution that are available in the world today. Through honing in on the themes of the respective films, I will offer resources - specific practices, and pointers to men's groups, workships, teachers etc - so that this growth becomes possible in our very own lives.
I hope you enjoy your time here. By reading this, you've proven that you're one of the still relatively few men out there looking to better himself for the benefit of all. It's men like you who will make the tide turn for the better. For this, I thank you. AND - I wish to get to know you.
Eivind Figenschau Skjellum
Masculinity-Movies.com founder
— , Irregular updates ()When I wrote my Braveheart-review more than a year ago, I made a video featuring scenes I found important from William Wallace's early childhood. For some reason, Youtube wouldn't let me post it so I shrugged it off and forgot about it.
A couple of days back, I stumbled upon the video project on my harddrive again and figured I'd give it another go. So I edited it slightly and posted it to Vimeo. Enjoy!
BRAVEHEART - EARLY YEARS from Eivind Figenschau Skjellum on Vimeo.
Hello Tribe! I recorded this video for you to mark the beginning of 2016. In it, I address Masculinity-Movies.com and the reason why there has not been much activity here lately. Most of my time goes into Reclaim your Inner Throne these days, and in this video, I talk about the new paradigm that seems to be arising around the planet, and how Reclaim your Inner Throne is an expression of this. Want to be part of the new world that is being born? I hope so. I do! :) Let me know what you think in the comments below! https://vimeo.com/150598567 PS! This blog and video also went out to the Reclaim your Inner Throne community— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()As a facilitator of authentic relating events here in Oslo, Norway, I have a lot of attention on communication. I want to communicate cleanly in life and use my communication as a way of creating more closeness rather than escalating discord. I also want to teach these skills to others.
I’ve been ill over the last couple of weeks. This has given me time to read a lot of stuff online. I have observed what I judge as woefully inadequate communication skills. I observe an Internet full to the brim of people spouting abuse at one another, as if the intention is discord and not a deeper sense of shared humanity. It’s really quite disheartening. What got people to communicate this way?
I have observed my own communication with others as well. Based on all of this observation, I have compiled this list of ways people try to manipulate each other in communication. Don't do it – and don't fall for it.
Borrowing strength from group affiliation, professional title, gender, age etc
This is an insidious and really nasty way of communicating. Here are some examples:
- “We women like/don’t like that”. In my observations, women use statements like this more frequently than men. Perhaps because men are generally more individualistic by nature? No matter our gender, it’s a dangerous statement to make, because its basic premise is that (in this example) as a woman, I can read the mind of 3,5 billion people and use their opinions to support my own. I've noticed that feminists use this way of communicating frequently. For some reason, feminists often speak as if they do so on behalf of all womankind and when faced with 3.5 billion people who disagree, many a unprepared man is left in shameful tatters. I suggest you proceed with caution when faced with this communications device.
- “I’m old enough to be your father. Now listen up..” Arrogance covering fear. Generally a reflection that a younger person’s resources and intelligence feel threatening and since actual communication skills or life knowledge is lacking on the part of the older person, he plays the age card like a fist to the solar plexus.
- “I’m a doctor. I get all of that. But here’s what you don’t get.” Of course you’re a doctor. We both know that. But by using that as an argument in and of itself, you put your actual knowledge and experience in question, because that is what should have provided you strength in the first place, not the title. I'm now a patient who no longer trusts I'm in good hands. For good reason.
Shared humanity threat assessment: High
Assuming I know who you are
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from authentic relating work, it’s that relationships go down the drain once people start assuming they know who someone is (e.g. their spouse of 30 years). Examples are “You are being such a…”, “You are so…”, “you always do…”.
Sometimes, assuming I know who you are may involve responding to you on the assumption that you have a certain intention, oblivious to the fact I made a false assumption. For me, there is very little that infuriates me more than being imprisoned by another person’s mistaken interpretation of my intention. If the misinterpretation cannot be clarified, I suggest you leave the conversation (it is toxic by default).
Note that a lot of the time someone makes a “You…”-statement, what they often communicate is their own character. What is their statement saying about them?
If you are vulnerable to this habit, I can more or less guarantee you that it’s harming your relationships in a massive way. Try instead to transform your language into a more authentic expression. Instead of saying “Gee, you are being so stubborn!”, try on (deep breath) “It would mean a lot to me if you saw my perspective on this point. Would you be willing to hear me out?”
Shared humanity threat assessment: High
Emotional hooks
The category above is a form of emotional hooks, but it's unique enough to warrant its own listing. Here's a comment on all the rest: Much of the communication I've seen online while ill is in my judgment emotional drivel. Well-reasoned arguments are scarce. A lot of people seem to feed on conflict. I speculate that it lets them forget their own follies for a moment. To fan the flames, a lot of people throw out outrageous taunts. And most often, the other responds in kind. Rare is the ability to just stop and consider "why?".
And yes, this also happens in face to face relationships. In fact, this is how a woman might test a man's willingness to protect his dignity and boundaries. She may do so to test his ability to love and protect her when she needs him to. How do you deal with it? Well, online I would simply ignore it. But if we are talking about your significant other, however, other measures may be called for – probably something outrageous and playful that expresses freedom and love at the same time.
Anyway - please try avoiding throwing out emotional hooks. They contribute to heated communication based primarily on knee-jerk reactions. And make sure you don't take the bait when it's thrown at you. You always define what beat you want to dance to. Trust me - the reactive dance is no fun.
Shared humanity threat assessment: Medium to high
Irresponsible use of pronouns
A lot of the time, people who convey an opinion or relate experiences from their life take special care not to use the pronoun "I". "I" signals responsibility and that I actually have a choice in the matter. "When so and so happens, I feel like I don't have a choice" is a completely different thing to "When so and so happens, you don't have a choice you know?" Can you perhaps feel it just from reading it?
I already described above how using "we" inappropriately can be incredibly toxic in certain situations. For the most part, however, misuse of pronouns is a matter of personal power. When I offset responsibility for my behavior and life to an abstract "one", "you" or "we", I lose ability to actually direct it with power. This is manipulation by default, but it is primarily manipulation of self. And a person who manipulates himself into a victimhood-mentality is hard to connect with and prone to irresponsible and subversive communication.
Shared humanity threat assessment: Low (but high over time)
Have you been able to identify other types of manipulative language? Please tell me about them in the comments below!
[caption id="attachment_224" align="alignright" width="216" caption="The iPhone, a handy tool or the source of untold misery?"][/caption]— , Irregular updates ()When my friend Staale Nataas pointed out that fitness guru Shawn Phillips had outlined what he thought the main differences between boys and men are, I took them straight to heart. I think it is an extremely accurate and brilliant list.
The first of the points on that list is that while men relate to technology as tools, boys relate to them as gadgets. My iPhone has made me realize how much I still relate to cool technology, at least much of it, as gadgetry. Just earlier today, I found myself downstairs in the basement about to put on my washing, and then realized I had brought my iPhone with me for no reason whatsoever. I was absolutely horrified!
It's just a damned phone with some extras on it, yet much of my time is spent with it, looking for it, making sure I have it with me etc. It has become my main source of distraction. When I use it as a boy, my vitality drops, my integrity dissipates, life force literally leaves my body, and I soon become really unhappy. So why do I do it? Because there's the promise of a short hit of instant gratification, finding that someone has written me with a satisfying e-mail or something cool has happened in the world. The addiction to sensory stimulation. But when I manage to switch my focus to using it as a tool, it becomes the source of vitality, integrity, and life force.
Could it be that our addiction to gadgets are holding as back in the realm of boyhood? Could it be that all those suits out there running around with their Blackberries are not at all that in a hurry to "stay abreast of things", that they're just trying to stay distracted from life and the deeper truths within? Could it be that capitalism by its very nature, and our suckering up to it, holds an entire generation of men back from realizing their potential? I don't know, but it sure doesn't look like I'm the only one with an unhealthy relationship to the technological marvels in my life.
It's the classic question, do we control technology or does technology control us? I personally think that it takes a pretty mature man to not be controlled by it. Which is why it is so essential to take breaks from it all and discover the deeper current within.
Anyway, what do you think - are gadgets a man's worst friend?
— , Irregular updates ()After writing the review of Boy A, I have been thinking a lot about the tremendous hurt we are bringing down on boys in our society. The clearer I see how deep it goes, the less capable I become to adequately express how sad it makes me feel. So when I heard my colleague play a song at work today by Swedish band "Ingenting" about the experience of being a boy today, it really hit home.
He sings about how when he was little, his female teacher warned him to "do what she said, otherwise you'd be sent to a class you don't want to be". Then he went to church and the parish priest warned him to "do what he said, lest he end up somewhere he did not want to be". Then a woman wanted him to buy her a gold ring and then she warned him to "shape up and stay home". ("My love turned into a prison cell").
The chorus goes "it ended up with them saying, you're Satan's right hand man" and concludes with him reflecting on all the news of global warming and how if it gets as hot as they say, maybe they all will have turned out to be right - that he's Satan's favourite child.
This is the burden of the more sensitive of the boys and men out there. "It ended up with them saying you're Satan's right hand man" is an allusion to the feeling that the boy integrates, not the actual words spoken. And yet somehow, he just doesn't understand why the world hates him so and towards the end of the song, the young boy sings "But Dear Lord, I'm doing as well as I can. Yet I'm Satan's right hand man".
It's an incredibly moving song if you understand the Swedish language and what it really points to (the man who sings the song still sees himself as that young boy who is Satan's favorite child, and thus he cannot grow up to be a man for fear of the consequences). Click the link below to listen.
— , Irregular updates ()When I left Boulder, Colorado in April, I left behind an amazing intimate relationship, a great community, the experience of giving my gifts beyond my comfort zone and more validation from beautiful women than I had ever experienced.
I was afraid that returning home would trap me in the gravitational pull of my own culture and wipe out any developments I had made on my life journey in my stateside adventure.
For many months, I was doing well, but for the past several weeks, it is as if my consciousness is on a downhill trajectory. Combined with intense feelings of melancholy and emotional pain, I’ve been questioning if I’m in the right place. And I’ve been shaken to my core. Feeling afraid and like a young boy.
These are the times in our lives when it’s easy to start thinking that it’s possible to devolve, to somehow slide back down the mountain. These are the times that it’s easy to think that something is wrong, that God and the Universe are untrustable and that on some level I’m screwed.
Forgetting your Soul
Well, I’m going to die. That is clear. I might even experience lots of pain along the way. So in that sense, yes I’m screwed.
And yet for the person standing at the gates of initiation, facing the demons that protect the realms of our next incarnation from our entry, that is good news. For it gives us the necessary impetus to take the situation seriously and find the courage to see what is really going on. That is the only way that we will find our way across that burning threshold.
See, the only way a human Soul can “devolve” is to be forgotten, to become a stranger to itself by falling into the river Lethe (Greek mythological river of oblivion). In other words, to never move across that threshold.
Our consumerist culture has mastered that act of forgetting. The trance of instant gratification has committed genocide against the souls of the global population. For when this side of the burning threshold can be made pleasant by a thousand things, why would you want to cross and burn your very identity to ash?
Every human will in the course of their lives feel called to adventure. Every human will at some point feel the yearning to engage in the dance of life from a deeper inner truth than we have heretofore been privy to. But when people arrive at the place where I’m at right now, most seek refuge in addictions (like I still sometimes do).
It seems quite clear, however, that you cannot be taken by the siren song of consumerism and at the same time live a soulful life of meaning. It is impossible. So most people choose to forget. Most people choose to drown themselves in the river of oblivion, or as Henry David Thoreau put it:
The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.
Facing the demons within
Painful experiences like the one I’m going through are not wrong, they are not obstacles. On the contrary, they are the requisite fuel for the fires of transformation that will purge our old identity structures so that a truer and more soulful form of us can be birthed into this world.
And when this process of transformation happens to us, it can seem like we have been singled out for pain. That in our suffering, we are somehow special. I have felt that a lot lately. Yet, on closer examination, it seems that we are at the effect of a universal law: Whenever we commit ourselves, consciously or unconsciously, to living out our great work in the world, the demons that would prevent us from doing so will suddenly all come alive in our inner worlds. It has been designed that way. It is a gift to us. Only this way can we face our fears and find our peace with them.
In other words, committing to carrying out your great work in the world is not going to be an always-happy experience. Your identity will peel off layer by layer and you will be afraid. But at the same time, it’s going to carry a meaning of significance and soul-alignment that outweighs any frights that may appear along the way. And it is going to initiate you into a courage that average men will never know.
The price of being in true service
When I came back to Norway, I had big visions of transforming Norwegian sociey. And instead, Norway is kicking my ass. Similarly, as I’m entering the creative process of creating an archetypal immersion course based on my knowledge of the KWML archetypes, I question whether I’m worthy of giving that to you.
Such a situation could stop many people from moving ahead. It could stop me from moving ahead (it won’t). We would let that happen ignorant of how perfectly this has all been designed in support of our deepest gifts. We can not give our gifts from a place of arrogance, from a place of thinking we have all the answers. We must be humbled and awed to live our purpose fully.
So instead of fighting this process through addictions, depressions or emotional drama, we can choose to be with the pain, and allow it to bring us into the underworld, there to be reborn as true adults. And in the process, you may find, as have I, that support will magically arrive at your doorstep. This too is a gift to you. To let you know that even though you are going through hard times and may tell yourself terrible things, you are loved exactly as you are.
Authentic living is not an always-happy experience. God isn’t giving us brownie points for being with what’s so. And that doesn’t mean it’s anything but exactly right, exactly perfect.
To give our gifts and serve as guardians of this world, we are inevitably going to face terrible things. It’s unavoidable. And that’s why most don’t do it. They would rather be “quietly desperate” than terrified yet full of life and purpose on the frothy edges of the evolutionary process.
My vision with the “Reclaim your inner throne: An archetypal immersion experience”-course is to initiate you into these landscapes. I want to show you these thresholds and help you cross. So isn’t it more than a little obvious that I should be going through exactly that experience as I create the course for you? It’s going to be one hell of a ride. It’s for the brave amongst you. Cowards don’t do well with truth and initiation.
If you want to be one of the 10 men that get to go through the beta release of this course, as a band of brothers mapping out the territory where others will follow, facing your demons and giving your gifts, then contact me and let me know (several places have already been taken).
Blessings on your path, Brother.
In Service,
Eivind
— Jack Lucas, The Fisher King (1991)I'm hearing horses! Parry will be so pleased!
— , Irregular updates ()I've watched a fair share of porn in my life. I've even been a member of a couple of porn sites in the past. But as I've matured, I've come to realize that men's relationship with porn is fraught with problems and pitfalls. I have nothing against porn. I still watch it from time to time, although none of that weird shit that is popping up more and more out there.
The main problem with porn is that I've found that it, for the most part, hurts my sex life. The problem is that it externalizes sex. It becomes this thing "out there". An impersonal thing which you observe from a safe distance. There is no love there, no connection. There is just wham, bam, thank you m'am. And the goal is always ejaculation.
I'm training myself these days to become a multi-orgasmic man and in this period, I've consumed porn only once. That one time severely damaged my consciousness, however, and much progress vanished in one fell swoop. A man who is overstimulated by what he sees and who sees ejaculation as the goal, will be sexually limited. So I have committed to not watching any more porn as long as I'm so vulnerable to its damage.
I include a link to a good documentary about the porn industry and how much men and society are hurting through overconsumption of it. It's in English, though, so you can watch it too. It uses Silverlight technology, so you may be better off with using Internet Explorer.
http://www.nrk.no/nett-tv/klipp/601137/
It's worth watching.
— , Irregular updates ()Hi all,
I just want to share that I finally recorded the video for the Lover archetype this weekend. I hung out with my friends Peter and Pelle in Holland – and I could only really do this recording with them present (they have supported me in the production of these movies since the start).
It will take some time to edit the videos and make them ready for you, but I wanted to tell you now because I know you have been waiting.
Thanks for your patience :-)
— , Irregular updates ()It is with a certain level of sadness, worry and tension that I observe the behaviour of young boys around me where I live. So many appear to have no anchor in themselves. They appear completely at the mercy of peer pressure, playing into what they believe their friends think is cool. What this looks like, when they gather up in groups, is a lot of screaming, hitting each other, telling each other what useless shits they are. With many, there seems to be a competition going in which the winner is the one who can dish out the worst insults.
This dynamic isn't completely unfamiliar to me, as this behaviour was prevalent when I was their age. But it's getting worse. Guys who are supposed to be friends tear each other down, conducting psychological warfare as a way of bonding.
What happened? Why are so many young boys extremely cruel to each other? They seem to be adopting the teenage girl drama and, perhaps to compensate for their resulting feminization, pack it into boastful macho behaviour. I can only imagine how confusing life must be for them.
Did we forget about these boys when we decided on who needed help (generally girls and women)? Have we demonized the male gender so much so that boys now use the heritage of "men are scum"-feminism to make friends? Whatever the reason may be, these boys are lost and stripped of control of their body, speech and mind. I worry about them.
The latest movie I looked at was Buddha's Lost Children and I believe it holds some answers. Abbot Phra Khru Bah teaches us that the key to unlocking boys' potentials is to expect things from them, to treat them with respect, to love them while holding them responsible for their actions, to not shy away from punishing them if they have done wrong. When fathers stop to lovingly punish their sons for fear of abuse or of being reported to the authorities, love has disappeared. They are not taught the laws of karma and are left to fend for themselves, with noone to tell them right or wrong. This is the dramatic result of reframing love the willingness to let others to do themselves whatever they want. For young boys, love without toughness is cruel.
So if you have a boy who shows signs of this behaviour, don't be a soft, anxious sap who lets him get away with it. Treat him like a man. That's what he wants. He wants to feel as if he belongs to a true brotherhood.
For that to happen, however, you have to be a man, which, hopefully, is why you're here.
— , Irregular updates ()I just learned that today, Tuesday Dec 1, is Good Men Day. I support this initiative whole-heartedly and want you all to know about it.
From the project's website:
The Good Men Project: Real Stories from the Front Lines of Modern Manhood, is a collection of first-person stories that comprise a book and documentary about what it means to be a man in America today. From Pulitzer winners to ex-cons, and pro Football Hall of Famers to just regular Joes, men share their defining challenges, losses and triumphs through honest and simple truths.
“The hope is that these stories will help men come to their own definition on what it means to be a good man,” says Tom Matlack, Good Men Project cofounder. “It’s about the deeper truth of how men think.”
The book and DVD of the film are available as a companion set, and all proceeds go to the Good Men Foundation, which supports organizations that help at-risk boys. It’s a perfect gift for the men in your life or the women who love them. Be a part of something – join what is fast becoming the centerpiece of a national discussion about what manhood means today.
Learning about this just made my day a little richer and I'm going to order the DVD asap. So should you.
Buy the the associated book or DVD.
— Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()From the Wound, Comes the Gift
The film opens with 2 rescue divers going into a sunken ship. It shifts dramatically, one becomes trapped and we see that there is no air in either of their tanks.
His hand dramatically clings to the hand of his buddy, who has to pry his trapped colleagues fingers free before swimming to safety; in the full knowledge that he is leaving his buddy to die. We next meet the survivor of the tragedy as the senior trainer for the student 'rescue divers' of tomorrow.
He holds, for me, the archetypal energy of the wounded Fisher King. Life has bruised him and left him with a festering wound. He is seen at best as a failure and at worst he is seen by some as a murderer, but as my mentor taught me, 'from the wound comes the gift'. The instructor is able to confront the young trainees with the question gleaned from his wounding experience. What would they do in the same situation? We learn that he was injured in the ascent when he left his buddy to die and as a consequence never worked as a diver again.
The young men think that the instructor is just asking a pointless question, but they later discover that his question has a very real application: the gift. Towards the end of the movie Senzaki finds himself in the exact same scenario that the Instructor faced, which he presented to the class. We know from his earlier reaction that Senzaki will NOT leave his buddy. So do his class-mates.
However, Senzaki is powerless to save the man trapped beside him and by choosing to remain he seems to be choosing a pointless death; except for the fact that his colleagues know that Senzaki will choose to remain with his buddy.
As a consequence they step up to become the answer that is impossible for Senzaki to provide alone. The class-mates hear Senzaki's signal and save both men; discovering the gold that the instructor was trying to pass on to them. Sometimes it takes a community to answer a question that an individual cannot answer alone.
The instructor is healed by the loyalty of the class to him and to their class-mates and by the resulting rescue of the 2 student divers. Death no longer attaches itself to the Instructor. His training gives the gift of life. The grail question is asked, the answer given and the Fisher King and His Kingdom is restored.
We All Need a Buddy
Another great theme is the awakening of the realisation that we all need a buddy.
At the start of the film we see Senzaki in the lone 'hero' role, but he is arrogant and narcissistic. He sees only himself and his needs. We learn that he is only seeking the role of the rescue diver as a solution to his boredom; there is nothing honorable in it for him. Other trainees seek it for the girls they'll bed or the money they will earn. In this we see that people can appear to do the right thing for all the wrong reasons.
The work-a-holic and the alcoholic share much woundedness in common but one is praised and the other shamed. Over the 50-days training we see each of the men journey under the watchful eye of the instructor (the King) who teaches them the value of community, love for one another and the service of a higher purpose.
Senzaki's buddy is the clumsy Kudo he seems at first to have nothing to offer the haughty Senzaki but we see their friendship grow and both are enriched through it. "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another" Proverbs 27:17
Death as a Messenger
One day after a day's diving Kudo goes to rescue a member of the public who is drowning but in his attempt dies himself and the person he rescues later perishes in the hospital.
Senzaki and the other trainees are devastated. Senzaki has lost his buddy who he has come to love and value and he feels like giving up. This really resonated with me - we all need a buddy and the thought of loosing one, once we have found them, is very painful.
Kudo's death underlines Senzaki's determination to find an answer to the instructor's question; other than leaving your buddy behind. This invites us to remember that we can continue to look for solutions rather than just settle with the one we have currently within our grasp.
If an answer seems unpalatable or unacceptable then keep on looking. Senzaki learns to trust others through Kudo and this is what allows him to find 'the gift' later on in the movie when he is confronted by the same problem the instructor faced all those years before.
"You cannot solve a problem by thinking at the same level of thinking at which the problem was created" - Albert Einstein.
It is only in involving the wider community of trainees that Senzaki finds another answer to the Instructor's question - which is a question that the Instructor needs answered too; to enable his own healing. The effect of healing and restoration often extends beyond the individual - the healing of the Fisher King restores His Kingdom as well as him.
— , Irregular updates ()I am taking a break. Contained in this video is more information (the movie is actually only around 4 minutes. There's a lot of nothing at the end.)
Watching this clip, I understand why I'm doing this - I look tired and a bit spaced out. Though I am taking a break, I will, as I say in the video do the following
- Complete the Lover archetype video
- Give you guest reviews
- Set up a way for readers to post their own reviews
- Blog occassionaly (maybe)
- Send the occassional newsletter (maybe)
See you on the other side gents!
— , Irregular updates ()Hi,
Due to some work I was doing on the new user review section, all the existing reviews became unavailable for several days. I only just noticed and the problem has been ironed out. I'm sorry for any inconvenience caused.
Cheers,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()(looking at remains of a battle) I love it! God help me, I love it so. I love it more than my life.
— , Irregular updates ()A brief introduction to the KWML archetypes of the mature masculine
[caption id="attachment_744" align="alignright" width="281"] The seminal work by Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette that underlies this article.[/caption] As any man with life experience knows, life is a constant struggle wherein the desired goal is our attainment of inner peace as well as the ability to give and receive love fearlessly. On this journey of discovery and growth, there are many forces within us that battle for attention. Our personality is not a single entity with one homogenous voice as much as it is a variety of different voices that battle for dominance. Sometimes unfamiliar voices may shock or delight, and sometimes worn out voices may become so irritating, so jarring, so profoundly removed from what we want to hear, that we come to hate ourselves. One of the most important types of work we can can do in our growth into maturity is to identify and befriend these voices, so that they find and relax into their rightful place in what becomes an increasingly integrated psyche. Maybe we must tune some voices down, others a little up. Maybe we must make the baritone into a soprano, the bass into a tenor. Whatever voices are within us, our primary mission in life is to conduct them from being a cacophony to being a beautiful and powerful choir. Such important work requires a powerful framework, a model for teaching, learning, and living. That is why we will now dive into the deep waters of the archetypes known as King, Warrior, Magician, Lover (KWML). Jung did very important, revolutionary work on the archetypes and the collective unconscious. In his work he speaks of the anima, the feminine within us, and the animus, the masculine within us. He further expounds that the anima and animus have four stages of development. And while these stages probably warrant an article unto themselves, Jung is merely mentioned in this context as a facilitator for the discovery of the KWML archetypes. Jung described four stages in his model, from immature to mature: Eve/Adam, Helen/Planner, Mary/Professor, Sophia/Guide as stages of an evolutionary path whereby the last stage is more evolved then the first. The KWML-model, on the other hand, attributes equal importance to all archetypes, claiming no superiority of one over another*. * However, depending on cultural conditions, some archetypes may be more needed than others. However, as outlined in the book King, Warrior, Magician, Lover - Rediscovering the archetypes of the mature masculine by Douglas Gillette and Robert Moore, there is a clear line drawn between immature archetypes - boy psychology - and mature archetypes - man psychology. In boy psychology, there is in the model a clearly delineated path of evolution, which yields to a more open landscape with the onset of man psychology. Additionally, within each of the four archetype axises, is not only an immature and a mature stage, but a pyramid structure of the boy and of the man wherein we find the integrated archetype at the apex, and active and passive bipolar shadow aspects in the left and right corners (fig. 1).Fig. 1: The KWML model
It is important to recognize that when we are not in conscious relationship with an archetype, we are automatically ruled by its bipolar shadow. And when we are ruled by the shadow archetype, we tend to switch back and forth between the active and passive poles, completely at the mercy of events. What we learn from this system is that healing and integration becomes possible when we recognize that one archetype dominates too strongly in our psyche, and must be balanced by another, or when we recognize that the archetypes we animate are sourced in the active or passive shadow poles, as opposed to the integrated and mature aspect. Now, let's take a brief look at what makes a boy before we look at the man and his archetypes up close.Understanding the Boy
The differences between a boy and a man should be apparent, but in our current cultural climate, we seem to have lost this understanding. Boyhood has come to dominate the male population of Western culture, and manhood discarded as dark, destructive, scary, and problematic. The boy has been pushed to occupy the space left behind by the man - something he is not ready for - and his values of youth, physical vitality, and beauty come to dominate. He has been celebrated through diverse cultural phenomena, such as the boyband, young, rebellious athletes, the irresponsibility and «don't give a damn»-attitude proselytized by the advertising industry (look no further than Coca Cola Zero adverts), the take-what-I-want-and-fuck-you-if-you-try-to-stop-me of parts of the music industry, the self-serving ways of young stockbrokers and real estate agents etc, the wave of movies in which immature men are turned into poster boys, the admiration of heroics, the celebration of youth over wisdom etc. The list goes on. The problem with this is that we end up with a very limited view of masculinity, one rooted in insecurity and the desire for sex, fame, money, and power. We become so uprooted in ourselves, separated from our true core, that we define ourselves through external factors. We must recognize one basic fact: The boy is the slave of his ego. He often has little control over his nervous system, and fries his life energy on pointless mental pursuits and drama. He is the guy who can't sit still and can't tolerate silence. He is the guy who freaks out from prolonged eye contact. He is the guy who is easily insulted, who tries very hard to be seen (or equally hard not to be), who fishes for love and is easily hurt. He is the guy who has little structure and integrity in life, and who - despite his myriad claims to goodness - won't stand up for a friend in times of need. It's not that he doesn't want to do the right thing. It's that he is not able to. His life is in disarray and he is completely under the spell of the feminine, and is happy only as long as mummy is close. This is the subconscious mother, the archetypal mother, the feminine as a whole - not necessarily the biological mother. The purpose of the Hero archetype, the last archetype of boyhood psychology, is to break free from this bondage to the Feminine. The first three archetypes of boyhood psychology are: The Divine Child, the Precocious Child, and the Oedipal Child. These, as well as the Hero, will be featured in detail later on. For now, I choose to focus on the man.Understanding the Man
The hero's journey - the last step on the evolution of boy psychology - finally takes the boy into the realms of the man. This, however, often comes at great cost, and is often preceded by a time of existential crisis, what Robert Bly refers to as «ashes work». In the legends, the story always ends when the hero returns having slain the dragon, rescued the princess, and received the kingdom as reward. It doesn't describe the enormous difficulty the hero has settling into his adult responsibilities as king, and doesn't investigate his ability to stay faithful to his new queen, or his inclination to throw it all away - all those nasty responsibilities - to ride into the world on his trusty stallion once more. We said that the defining characteristic of the Boy is his enslavement to his ego. The defining characteristic of the Man is his mastery of it. The Man has subjugated his ego and turned it into an ally. This is impossible unless the crisis of ashes has first been lived or worked through. Any boy who is to become a man must feel his fearful way through the utter pointlessness of everything to serve the world. And it is of course exactly because our lives are so safe and comfortable that most of us never grow up to serve, never leaving boyhood behind. Let's look at the archetypes of the man, starting with the King, before we move on to the others. What follows are effectively summaries of the chapters in Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette's book.The King
The King is the source of order in the kingdom. If he is a wise and just king, the kingdom prospers, people eat well and are safe from harm. In the kingdom of the wise king, laughter rings through the lands, the crops shoot up high, joyful celebrations keep the woods awake, merchants travel with overflowing carts to lively markets. The king is the harmonizing principle, the subjugator of chaos, the uniter of opposites. He is the channel through which the gods communicate, and he channels divine blessings to his people and the lands (to whom he is «wed»). He is selfless, and puts the good of his people above his own needs. When the King grows weak, darkness threatens the borders of the kingdom, the sun disappears from the sky, and the crops wither and die. When the king dies, he knows, he is merely replaced by another in a lineage of divinely blessed kings, which humbles him (remember the saying «The King is dead, long live the King»). In the psyche of the man, the King archetype is the central archetype, around which the rest of the psyche is organized. If the King energy in us is weak, our psyche falls in disarray, and chaos threatens our lands. The man who is constantly overwhelmed by life - who can't seem to find harmony or order - must develop the King energy, often in conjunction with Warrior energy to protect his borders. The two main functions of the King are:
- Live according to the Tao, the Dharma, the Word, and the lands will flourish
- Bring fertility and blessing. The King is the masculine equivalent of the Great Mother, and he is wed to the lands. The king's vitality and sexuality directly reflect on his kingdom.
The Shadow King: The Tyrant and the Weakling
The Tyrant is the active pole of the Shadow King. The Tyrant, unlike the King, is not the harmonizing center of the kingdom, and his power is so fragile that he hates with a passion all new life; the beauty and purity of a mere baby boy threatens the Tyrant's rule. He does not realize that a King is merely a channel, and wants the power to be associated with himself. He will even develop godly pretensions to cover up his enormous insecurity. His degradation of others and all beauty is limitless, as everything good, true, and beautiful reminds him of his own shortcomings. He is extremely sensitive to criticism, and will be deflated by the slightest remark, responding with rage, when what he feels is fear and vulnerability. The Weakling is the passive pole of the Shadow King. He is not centered in himself and lacks inner peace and harmony, and is prone to paranoia. He suspects that those around him are disloyal, and his fear of betrayal will inevitably cause him to switch over to the Tyrant to control them.The Magician
The Magician is the wise man, the sage, the knower of secrets. He sees and navigates the inner worlds, he understands the dynamics and energy flows of the outer. He is a master of technology, engineering, mathematics, mysticism, and logic. He reads the stars, navigates the soul, and writes the laws. In the legends, he is the King's close advisor, who stops the regent's anger with cool rationality before he acts rashly and channels to him knowledge from hidden sources. The Magician is the thinker, and all knowledge that requires special training is his domain. The Magician has the capacity to detach from events - the chaos of the world - and draw on essential truths and resources deep within him. He thinks clearly in times of crisis, and enables us to take a broader view of things. He governs the observing ego, and is the meditator that reveals the truth of the universe, the shaman who communicates with the ancestors and starsThe Shadow Magician: The Manipulator and the Denying «Innocent» one.
The Manipulator is the active pole of the Shadow Magician. He works in covert ways to undermine others. He withholds crucial information, and deliberately sets others up so as to appear inferior to himself. The specialist knowledge he possesses makes him feel proud and gives him a feeling of being better than. That feeling is all he lives for, so he is not prepared to share his knowledge, unless the price is right (and even then probably withholding crucial details). He will rather use it as a weapon, ready to strike when the impact is the most devastating. The Innocent one is the passive pole of the Shadow Magician. He wants the status belonging to a true Magician, but he doesn't want the responsibilities. He doesn't want to be burdened with helping, of setting up sacred space for others' learning. His main focus is to learn exactly enough to sabotage those who are trying their damndest to make a difference, so that no other man will achieve that which he is too lazy to strive for. He is envious of the vitality of others, because he is so «flat» himself. Whenever confronted with his elusive and destructive behaviour, he responds «who, me?». He is a master at manipulating others into thinking that it really wasn't his doing, a carefully crafted puppet theatre conducted behind the smokescreen of the Manipulator.The Warrior
The warrior is a powerhouse of energy, the source of which is a transpersonal commitment. He is fiercely loyal to his warrior code - which is his honor - and to the king, who mythologically represents his purpose. The warrior is not concerned about his own comfort and security in pursuit of his goal, as his training teaches him to live with death as his constant companion. The domain of the Warrior is the battlefield - be it a battlefield of war, of spirituality, or of moral ethics. The Warrior's purpose is often to destroy, but the mature warrior destroys only that which is negative and harmful to the world. He is a master tactician, knowing at all times his limitations, and finds creative ways around them. The warrior is not a thinker, he is a doer. Thinking is his enemy, because it inhibits his ability to act swiftly and with force. He trains himself not to think, and becomes a master of his mind, attitudes, and body. The warrior is detached from life, with an almost infinite ability to withstand psychological and physical pain in pursuit of his goal. He is a little «unhuman», always chasing his next big goal, always putting emphasis on his mission as opposed to his relationships.The Shadow Warrior: The Sadist and the Masochist
The Sadist is the active pole of the Shadow Warrior. The Warrior's detachment from life leaves the door open to cruelty. The Warrior is most vulnerable in the area of relationships, where he must constantly stay vigiliant of his mind and emotions. They must not be repressed, but be under control, lest cruelty sneak into him while he isn't looking. The Sadist hates weakness and vulnerability, which is a projection of his hidden Masochist, and will take great glee in tormenting those unfortunate souls that remind him of his shadow. The Sadist directed inwards has people running themselves into the ground out of deep anxiety. They have low sense of self-worth, and will endure great self-torment on their way to burnout. The Masochist is the passive pole of the Shadow Warrior. The Masochist projects Warrior energy onto others, and experiences himself as impotent and vulnerable in their presence. He is unable to defend himself psychologically and allows others to manipulate and mess with him. A man might endure enormous amounts of abuse until one day he might snap, and percolate back to the Sadist.The Lover
The lover is finely attuned to the realm of the senses and worships beauty. He is a musician, poet and artist, and a lover of all things, both inner and outer. He is passionate, and delights in touching and being touched. He wants to always stay connected, and does not recognize boundaries. He wants to experience the world as one ongoing big orgasm of hearts uniting as One. He is the mystic who feels everything as himself, and the source of all intuition. Through his feeling capacity, he is finely attuned to people's energy, capable of reading them like an open book. His desire for love and connectedness considered, feeling into other people and discovering dark intentions is a painful experience for him. He is opposed to all structures that maintain separateness - of all law and order that keep hearts lonely and isolated. He is, in other words, opposed to all the other archetypes. The Lover is crucial in keeping the other archetypes energized, humane, and in touch with the ultimate purpose of love. The Lover keeps them from turning dark.The Shadow Lover: The Addicted and the Impotent Lover
The Addicted Lover is the active pole of the Shadow Lover. He is constantly searching for the fulfillment of his sensual desires. A true hedonist, he throws himself into a neverending and exhausting search for sensual fulfillment, without ever really knowing what he truly looks for. He is pulled around by circumstances and his constantly shifting desires, never finding rest. A woman here, a women there, then music, art, fine wine - whatever keeps his sensual side alive. The Addicted lover has not solidified in his internal structures, and will forever hunt for the attainment of his desire, helplessly shackled to the desire for union with Mother (the realm of sensory experience is the realm of the Feminine). The Impotent Lover is the passive pole of the Shadow Lover. He is chronically depressed, and feels cut off from himself and others. He loses his zest for life, his energy all but gone.He is sexually inactive, and will withdraw from all demands that are placed on him and his sexuality. If his partner becomes too demanding, requesting a sex life from him he is uncapable to offer, his feelings of imprisonment may propel him out of the relationship and onto the endless road of addiction that is the domain of the Addicted Lover.Working with the archetypes
A September 2010 addition to this article, this conclusive part on working with the archetypes is needed for the reader who actually wishes to go further with this information. I have experienced something remarkable in studying the archetypes – where most conceptual learning has a tendency to make me feel heady and intellectual, reading about the archetypes has an odd pull downwards and inwards. It's as if these ancient voices of archetypal, mythical men wants me to descend into the subterranean parts of my inner world. When I learned that the reptilian brainstem lights up when the archetypes activate in a person, it made perfect sense to me; these energies are ancient. The quality of tuning into this material is unlike anything I have ever felt before − and I have studied a lot by now. My experience is that if we let ourselves soak in this material − let its wisdom seep into our pores − we will become prone to recognizing archetypal patterns in our daily lives. In that context, it's vital to note, as previously suggested, that lest we have a conscious and mature relationship to the archetype, we are ruled by its bipolar shadow. In other words, the man who says such a thing as "I have no need for the Warrior archetype" is by default ruled by the bipolar sadist/masochist. A peace-loving, Warrior-denying hippie may for example be really strong on the masochist, touching his inner sadist on his more violent days. Similarly, a stern, authoritarian patriarch faced with the challenge of expressing appreciation of beauty may think that is "for faggots". Unfortunately, that will make him sexually impotent and/or frustrated and then when he's tired of that, he may swing into the position of the Addicted Lover (sometimes this is the point at which a homophobe may "come out of the closet", which may or may not be an authentic expression of his sexual identity. See American Beauty). It's a painful fact that anything that is not brought into light ends up controlling our lives from the shadows. What we resist persists. So in actually working with the archetypes, awareness of them is as always the first step. While an information product on how to work on the archetypes in our daily lives is in the pipeline, I want to outline a few practices and give some brief advice on how to identify which of your archetypes are healthy and which ones aren't (we will often mature in the four archetypal quadrants in parallel, but there may be some discrepancies). If you draw a blank when feeling into any of these archetypes, chances are its bipolar shadow is running your life. So that is the home work for now: pick one of the practices below (which facilitate growth and integration) and use them to develop that archetype in you which is most in need of growing up. And if you are so inclined, come back when more material is made available here. The newsletter (signup form in the sidebar) will help you keep up to date.These are but a few ideas. Trust your intuition and get started. You cannot afford to let this opportunity pass you by.
- King: Start a men's group. Host a dinner party. Do a presentation in which you care more about the interiority of the members of the audience than looking good. Start seeing the impact you have on other people's wellbeing and tune into the feeling that the people around you are citizens of your very own kingdom. They are in your care.
- Warrior: Take up martial arts. Exercise. Engage in a confrontation you have postponed. Always tell the truth. Maintain perfect integrity. Work on maintaining good boundaries.
- Magician: Do DIY engineering projects. Study the stars. Study the KWML archetypes. Study anything. Build a small laboratory and get to know the world of chemicals. Take up spirituality in order to penetrate the mysteries of the Cosmos. Teach something.
- Lover: Express your appreciation of beauty. Take up dance lessons. Do sensuality practices. Turn sex into your art. Listen to music that moves you (yes, move with it) and make really enjoying it a practice of presence (many people who "enjoy music" use it as a distraction from life. In practicing the Lover archetype, you should not). Start playing an instrument. Sing.
Video introductions to the archetypes
Marten is a formally trained graphic designer. While traveling in Venezuela, Columbia and Ecuador in 2008 he was able to reconnect to a long-dormant part of his psyche, a bond that was lost after childhood and suppressed further in what he thought at the time was 'adulthood'. The connection he rediscovered while stood under the fiery sun; or the howling wind; through the pouring rain; submerged in the deep blue sea... was the one that we all – in some way shape or form – feel with the world around us when we are outdoors and away from what we have come to consider 'familiar'. We feel alive again. Truly alive. Truly connected. It was the sea in fact that solidified Marten's intimate bond with the natural world. He grew up living by the sea and would swim, sail, lifeguard, surf and snorkel whenever he could. Many of these activities he continues to do to this day, along with his newfound love for recreational SCUBA-diving, a challenge which he undertook in order to expand on his own understanding of the other 71% of our planet. It wasn't hard to fall back in love with the ocean when he was living on the Galapagos Islands where, at the end of every day his skin tingled with the crisp glaze of salt, his body gently swayed with the rhythm of the waves and his dreams were filled with the dances of sea lions, the majestic forms of hammerhead sharks and and gliding turtles. This close-up experience with the underwater world evolved and transformed his perspectives on nature, and catalyzed his views on the worlds depleted concern for marine conservation. He realised that what is most important to him (his 'purpose') is to use his life's energy and optimistic spirit as catalyst for either his own positive actions towards the planet, or to advise others to take action for what they believe in too. One of the ways that he currently channels this 'energy for action', is to challenge others to participate in protecting and defending the natural world that surrounds the ever-expanding human race. He achieves this on a professional level as a graphic designer, as well as in a voluntary capacity as Campaign Director at Wake, a marine conservation initiative he and two like-minded activists began in Vancouver, BC. Wake specialises in shark and tuna conservation and education, and takes appropriate actions to form positive engaging dialogues with various members of Vancouver’s community. Their ultimate goal is to try to allow humans to connect with out-of-site ocean issues in the same way that we currently care about the concern of human, or other land-dwelling creatures and life-forms.— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()I've had a curious experience as I've been working on developing the man inside over the last several years: Many of the stereotypes about men that I never felt applied to me are becoming increasingly true. It's as if the "modern man" in me is stepping into the background and a more traditional man is coming to the fore. Although I understand very clearly that this man is actually not a regression to the 50s man, but a maturation of the modern man (you know - that soft, sensitive guy who rides a bike to save the environment and drinks caffe lattes). Transcend and include.
Such as - I'm increasingly interested in exchanging only few words with someone else. I do like deep conversation, but my pull towards silence is increasing. The emotional drama of women can sometimes just be too much and I find myself having to draw a boundary, when earlier I would've enjoyed "joining in". Some humor that I once enjoyed has become irritating, simply because of the immaturity involved. I'm also becoming more singular in my focus on what I want to achieve with my life. And out of the blue some months ago, I realized that my lack of a driver's license is a huge drawback to me, almost an outrage.
So while I work on this webpage, many of the things more traditional guys take for granted are things I find myself drawn to learning - one by one. It's a strange process. But the man inside demands it. It's a matter of integrity. The man inside wants to be free to pursue his calling and the "modern man" inside has been too much of a pansy to bother laying the groundwork for him. But now he's stepping aside, leaving the real job to someone capable.
Being along for this ride is all rather odd...
The DVD finally arrived from Amazon! Sorry about this delay guys. I haven't even been able to do a bitesized review of Robin Hood like I had hoped either; work has been insane this last month. But now my holiday is coming up and Good Will Hunting is on my shelf. Bottom line is: New reviews will arrive soon! Thanks a bunch for your patience.— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()I have been paying some attention to what's going on in North Africa these days. First Mubarak and now Gadhafi. Gadhafi is insane to the point of going to war with his own people. Now, clearly these are King archetypes on the active side of the shadow system. We know them as Tyrants.
I have been thinking lately about how most Western men seem to be more prone to passive shadow expressions. We collapse into the Weakling King, the Masochist Warrior, the Innocent Magician, and the Impotent Lover. The number of Tyrants in the West is miniscule compared to the number of Weaklings, especially in the younger generations.
These thoughts combined with my reflections on Gadhafi today made me wonder if there is a connection between the dominant gender and men's shadow configurations. My claim is that women are the dominant gender in the West today. Most of society is defined relative to a woman's and not a man's perspective. Mothers, in general, exert much more influence on men than do their fathers. So the men collapse into the passive shadow expressions.
In societies where fathers are the most dominant, however, I think that men are more likely to express active shadow expressions. Clearly, Libya and Egypt are such socities.
This is a thought which is new to me and it may benefit from being somewhat "refined". What do you guys think?
— , Irregular updates ()Last weekend, I did the New Warrior Training Adventure at The Comb in Northumberland, England. It was a profound and powerful experience. One that gave me a cold, a spent vocal chord and tremendous fatigue, but it was certainly worth it. I have hungered for initiation for many years. Some of that hunger has now been fed this last weekend. I think I will become quite active in the Mankind Project organization in the coming years.
And here are some of the men who inspired me among the facilitators
Robert
Mark
I have opened a new group on The Tribe for initiated men who want to connect with other New Warriors. (PS! I have changed the technology on The Tribe and you will have to sign up again if you want to stay in). Hope to see you there, Warrior Brothers!
— , Irregular updates ()It was this Friday that I posted on Masculinity-Movie’s Facebook page that Hollywood is a source that has run dry for me. I shared how I’m tired of dystopian, apocalyptic scenarios and how I just want something that feels real. The next day, my lover invited me to the cinema to watch Spike Jonze’s “Her”. I’ve heard good things about this movie, but it’s still been pretty much off my radar.
Boy am I glad I went. Faith in Hollywood restored (minor spoilers below).
“Her” is the best movie I’ve seen in a long, long time. The two of us sat together wooed for quite a while after, letting the movie circulate and integrate in our system. This is a movie I’ve actually thought about after watching it. That is a rare experience these days.
“Her” is the near-future story of Theodore, a newly divorced man who buys the latest operating system on the market for his computer. The operating system is an advanced AI – a consciousness as the marketing would have it – and it goes by the name of Samantha (which “she” comes up with herself).
From the first time Samantha speaks to Theodore, it’s clear that she is no ordinary computing experience. She has feelings, is curious about what it’s like to have a body and wants to get to know Theodore. Theodore’s mobile phone has a built in camera that serves as her eyes, and she enjoys to watch him sleep.
Over time, Theodore and Samantha fall in love, and since the OS adapts and evolves based on experience, she feels like a real person to Theodore. The only problem is that she lacks a body. This gives rise to the only profoundly creepy scene in the whole movie, where a woman visits Theodore as the AI’s human surrogate. This woman gives herself freely to Theodore and Samantha’s relationship, so that the two get to have sex together. And it’s Samantha who initiates the whole thing. This scene is profoundly disturbing to me, and so well done.
Having watched this movie, it strikes me how much I love watching a science-fiction that is not dystopian (even though the subject matter is at times troubling). It strikes me how much I love a movie about super-intelligent AIs that evolve from experience, without evolving toward becoming enemies of mankind (they in fact evolve towards some sort of enlightenment).
This is exactly what I was wanting from Hollywood now. I’m tired of dystopia and apocalypse. I wanted something that felt real and I got it. Which is no mean feat considering the subject matter.
Spike Jonze is clearly a very intelligent man in tune with the finer subtleties of the human experience. His movie brought out moods and experiences that my lover and I could recognize from our own relationship, even though it’s a very new one, and it brought us closer. This is thanks in large part to the exquisite dialogue; it’s simply believable.
I was bummed to see the movie theatre relatively empty – and that people were leaving during the movie. I didn’t like seeing that at all, because this, in my opinion, is movie making at its finest. I guess we, the public, get what we ask for. If people can’t appreciate a movie like this (and would rather watch dumb-ass thirteen a dozen apocalyptic special effects extravaganzas) then there is little hope of studios producing very many intelligent movies.
Anyway, if you haven’t seen “her” yet and it’s still running at a movie theatre near you, please take this opportunity to go see some of the best stuff that’s come out of Hollywood in a very long time. As a reader of my website, I trust you’ll be able to appreciate it. I don’t think it will give you inspiration to find your masculine empowerment, but it will give you beautiful insights into the nature of relatonships.
Enjoy! And do share your thoughts about the movie below.
PS! I write about this movie in my blog because I do not intend to write a full review about it.
— , Irregular updates ()In this interview, I talk with John Thompson and Sean Wilkinson of Circling Europe about the practice of Circling, symbols in movies and how we all have X-men powers waiting to be discovered.
Topics include:
- The practice of Circling
- Movie as a lens for our own evolution
- The integration of shadow
- What does our fascination with superheroes tell us about ourselves?
- Symbols in Batman and Superman
- The importance of surrender
- The hero's quest
- Are we all X-men deep down?
Enjoy – and leave your comments below!
Warmly,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()I write about men in movies. I write about how they can serve to inspire us to greatness.
Thankfully, there are also those who write about women in movies. Or rather the lack of women in movies. And when doing so, some tend to pull on the Bechdel-test.
The Bechdel test was introduced by Alison Bechdel, an American cartoonist, back in 1985. Here are its humble beginnings:
A movie, as the cartoon tells you, passes the Bechdel test if:
- It has at least two women (with names) in it,
- who talk to each other,
- about something besides a man
The test has become very popular in feminist circles and recently Swedish cinemas announced that they will henceforth rate all movies using the Bechdel test.
In other words, the test has become politicized.
Applying the Bechdel test
The basic premise of the Bechdel test is that there are too few women in significant roles in movies. And there seems to be truth in that; According to Colin Stokes’s TED talk “How movies teach manhood” that I wrote about a few days ago, only 11 of the top 100 movies of 2011 had women leads.
Most movies featured on my site fail the test. Here’s a list of those who pass it (with a score of 3 out of 3), according to Bechdeltest.com:
- American Beauty
- Beowulf
- Eyes Wide Shut
- Revolutionary Road
- Lars and the Real Girl
- Mrs Doubtfire
- Robin Hood
- Sideways
- The 13th Warrior
- The Fisher King
- The King’s Speech
- V for Vendetta
Some of these pass it only just. So at least 12 of 41 reviewed movies pass the Bechdel test, which is almost 30%. A clear minority.
Here’s something puzzling though: A movie like Tomb Raider (which I haven’t reviewed) fails the Bechdel test. In fact, it absolutely flunks it (0 out of 3 points). So in other words, a female heroine with enormous courage making her way through a typically male-dominated environment scores no points. I understand that Lara Croft is not a well rounded, realistic female character that will serve as a positive role model to the young women of the world, but it still strikes me as peculiar that a movie featuring a female heroine scores 0 points on the Bechdel test.
Another interesting observation: Despite a whole host of powerful female characters, the Lord of the Rings trilogy gets pummeled (1 out of 3 points) and the scene in Return of the King where Eowyn arguably saves Middle Earth by defeating the Nazgul King while exclaiming “I am no man!” (she can kill him only because she is a a woman; see scene below) scores no points with the Bechdel test.
Basically, a wide range of movies where women are portrayed as powerful and in control of their destinies fail this test. Here’s but a few:
- X-men (Jean Grey and Storm to mention but a few)
- Superman (Lois Lane)
- The Dark Knight rises (Cat Woman)
- Hansel and Gretel (Gretel)
- Tomb Raider (Lara Croft)
- Avatar (Neytiri and Grace)
- Run Lola Run (Lola)
That seems strange to me.
So while there seems to be some validity to the test, it shows some strange results in practice.
What is still undeniable, however, is that there are more male protagonists in the movies. Why is that so?
Historical context
The role of women has historically been about nurture and the family sphere. There are good reasons for this. The male brain has much greater spatial awareness and our bodies are better at dealing with adrenaline and extreme physical conditions. In effect, we cope with hunting, hard labor and danger better than women.
Workplace death statistics (more than 90% are men) reflect this fact; men seek out the challenges and danger for which our physiologies are built. The woman’s brain, however, is much better at language, social interaction etc. In fact, women on average use three times as many words per day compared to men (20000 vs 7000).
These naturally occurring differences are the result of a co-created evolutionary process which has, among other things, ensured that pregnant women were sheltered from hard physical labor. (for a feminist who gets this, refer to Lauren Barnett’s presentation).
While the women were sheltered, men have historically been expected to provide that shelter. The ideals of the traditional male role are to serve, provide and protect. World mythology is overflowing with stories of men starting from humble beginnings, only to become a true hero after overcoming a series of trials. These tales – and acts – of heroism have brought solace and protection to those in need for milennia. Mythology expert Joseph Campbell calls this mythological theme the Hero’s journey.
There is something inherently exciting about the Hero’s journey. Most men I know feel a visceral bodily response when observing other men undertake acts of heroism. It’s what made Braveheart so impactful when I watched it in my teens. And women seem to find such men very sexy. (quote from a female friend: “I don’t like Mel Gibson, but William Wallace is super hot”).
The archetypal theme of the Hero’s journey has called many men to greatness. But it has a shadow side too; it has trained men to see themselves as expendable. The basic idea was this: As long as men died in service of a noble purpose, theirs was a fine death.*
So this is the bottom line: While women were expected to live limited yet relatively safe and social lives at home, men were given influence on the condition that they would sacrifice their lives in a heroic spectacle at the drop of a hat.
These are the tradeoffs inherent in the traditional gender roles.
*added 30. nov: The hero’s journey is really a metaphor for inner transformation. As such, it is an archetype that exists on all levels of development. Its themes have however exerted influence over the gender roles of society, and particularly those of the premodern era.
Understanding the mythical foundation of movies
Movies are the main propagators of mythological themes in today’s world. In the absence of stories around the fireplace and kids gathering at the feet of grandpa reading fairy tales in the flickering light of a lone oil lamp, we look to the silver screen for that essential soul food. The movies which make our spirit soar build on the same essential themes as humanity have grappled with for millennia: Survival in a dangerous world, truth, justice, purpose, faith, love.
These myths always involve a Hero’s journey of some sort, even the ones featuring women in leading roles (few characters in movie history are as heroic as Ripley in Aliens). They resonate in some deep part of us, where things still matter and there’s something worth dying for.
When you get that a majority of people still hunger for epic stories featuring danger and the overcoming of it, and you also get that this is what the male body is designed for, you will begin to understand why so many movies feature male instead of female characters.
Men leading, women following: Have movies lost touch with society?
As I make these observations, a question becomes pressing: Have these movies become outdated? Are they out of touch with the world we live in? The answer is: Possibly. It depends on our cultural perspective.
In parts of the world, the liberal West primarily, gender roles are changing and men are becoming sensitized and somewhat domesticated. Women, on the other hand, are becoming more agentic and autonomous. Women are clearly leading the way in this process; it’s as if the men have become sensitive because the women demanded it, not because the men wanted it.
These changes are made possible thanks to huge changes in the techno-economical structures of society; in a service and information-based economy, career success does not involve risking my life at work.
In the conservative Western world and most of the rest of the world, however, traditional gender roles still prevail.
Let this much be clear: I would rather live in the liberal West than elsewhere. And I think it’s tremendous that we are encouraged to have more emotional range as individuals in this postmodern era (Spiral Dynamics green meme). But have you noticed, as I have, that most people who live in this cultural context seem a little bored? It’s almost as if nothing is at stake, everything is safe and comfortable. Life runs on auto-pilot. Despite all this emphasis on individual expression, things seem awfully flat.
Life-affirming qualities like vitality, passion and creativity have pretty much been erased by a postmodern crusade over the last several decades. Just look at postmodern art; often little more than ugly objects with some fancy conceptual description on a plaque. Pardon me for saying it, but most of it seems like pretentious crap. Beauty seems to have no inherent value anymore. Flying the banner of relativism, humanism and multi-culturalism, postmodernism has successfully wiped out all truths and absolutes. Without reference points to navigate by, life has become somewhat meaningless. It seems that these days, it doesn’t matter if what we say is true or meaningful, as long as we are expressing something. Look no farther than reality TV for what I’m talking about.
It’s as if the liberal West is held hostage by this pervasive meaninglessness. And men in particular seem affected. They’re becoming apathetic and impotent, in a double sense of the word. They’re dropping out of school, becoming losers in the workplace. It’s so epidemic that journalist Hanna Rosin is talking about “The End of Men”.
So for those of us who live in the liberal West, the theme of these movies may indeed be outdated. And yet, their success at the box office shows that even in this gender neutral postmodern era, the need for mythical stories of archetypal men and women still linger. I think the fact that they are “outdated” is exactly why they are popular. Once the politically correct police has gone home, people yearn for a different world, one where things matter, where people are loyal, have substance, integrity and dare to stand for something.
Introducing a new test
While the Bechdel test is great at pointing out how common it is for women in movies to be stuck in traditional gender roles, it doesn’t come with a multi-faceted and intelligent context within which to interpret the results. Accordingly, the people who use it often conclude that the marginalization of women is tantamount to discrimination, not realizing that the themes which they are critiquing are the very themes which contributed to making possible their modern lives of comfort.
To make my point more explicit, I have decided to design a male equivalent of the Bechdel test. It targets two primary facts of the male role:
- There are twice as many women as there are men in our genetic ancestry. Many men of history lived lonely lives without a woman to carry his child.
- Men’s lives are expendable.
A movie fails this brand new “Masculinity-Movies.com test” if it has a leading male role who:
- Is risking his life in order to serve/protect
- Is risking his life in service of truth and/or justice
- Is risking his life/wellbeing in order to make it in the world/“become successful”
- Is jumping through hoops to get the girl
Now, with the introduction of this test, we can join in with the women and point to movies and go “ooooh, traditional gender roles!”
Here are the movies on my site which pass this test:
That’s 5 out of 41 movies – about 12% – and most of them are debatable. In other words, my test used against the archived reviews yields far worse results than the Bechdel test does.
Which begs the question: Why aren’t you complaining, men?
Why men aren’t complaining
So women are stuck in traditional gender roles in a majority of movies... check! And using the new test I just created, we can easily see that an even greater majority of movies features men in traditional gender roles. Surprising?
If the Bechdel test and feminism form our lens, we might be upset that a movie like Saving Private Ryan fails it. Complaining about a lack of women, we may pay little attention to the extraordinary suffering men go through in the movie in service of the women and children who are at home. It’s a telling sign of how blind postmodern thinking can make us.
When cinemas in Sweden now introduce the Bechdel test, it’s because they take it for granted that women should now be portrayed in a more postmodern light – free to do what they want, self-expressed and not limited by their traditional gender role. In other words, the women of Sweden should move on from traditional to postmodern gender roles and so should the movies they watch.
And since fewer are arguing a similar case for men, I can only assume that it’s because it’s not as big of a deal that men are stuck in their traditional gender roles. In effect, women are invited to the evolutionary process while it’s sort of handy that a large part of the men don’t come along. If they did, they might change their minds about dying at work and then civilization would start crumbling as communications towers fell into disrepair, resources stopped getting mined, nuclear plant meltdowns did not get attended to etc.
Society needs men who are willing to pay the ultimate price. And if we start talking men out of that, perhaps by making movies that pass the test I just designed above (oops), civilization as we know it would collapse. It’s not pretty, but it’s the truth.
Conclusion
For fear of repeating myself, the Bechdel test does a great job of identifying movies featuring women in traditional gender roles. It does a terrible job of identifying movies in which women are being discriminated against, however. It requires a special kind of postmodern thinking to assume that the two are synonymous, which I hope I have done an adequate job of explaining to you.
If the people who complain about movies using the Bechdel test would instead proactively contribute to making the postmodern movies they want, maybe things would look differently. But I don’t think they will anytime soon. Because frankly, the world looks a lot more boring from this gender neutral place. There are no epic storylines that play out in a postmodern context. The postmodern imperative is, somewhat crudely put, to complain, not to make art. It doesn’t sell at the box office.
Beauty arises in the dance of polarity. It arises in the longing for merging with something that feels “other than” and the alluring promise that this Other is our long-lost portal to Oneness. This is the yearning that has inspired poets since the dawn of time, be it for an idea, a woman or God. When that polarity is deconstructed, so is beauty, meaning, purpose. And men without purpose wither and die.
Use the Bechdel test all you like. It serves a purpose. But realize that its purpose will forever be to point towards more postmodern gender roles, and for women only. If that’s what you want, then so be it.
But if you, like me, are bored with that and instead are yearning for a world in which we dare synthesize old with new, masculine with feminine, in a genuine life expression free from traditional stereotypes and postmodern ideology, then you’ll turn your back on it and maybe find, as you turn, that in the place you dared not look, true art awaits.
— William & Malcolm Wallace, Braveheart (1995)Young William: I can fight. Malcolm Wallace: I know. I know you can fight. But it's our wits that make us men.
— , Irregular updates ()Sean Stephenson is a name that seems to be popping up more and more on the many mailing lists that I subscribe to. He is an inspirational force of personal development, a towering figure...at only three feet.
You may already have heard of him, but since he is asking for help in telling the world about his new TV show Three Foot Giant (he thinks he can really get through to a lot of people who are shortchanging themselves in life), I thought I'd grant his wish. He is definitely worth your time.
So, the TV Show, again, is Three Foot Giant, and below is the trailer.
— , Irregular updates ()Miranda (to Daniel): I bring home a birthday cake and a few gifts; you bring home the Goddamn San Diego Zoo. And I have to clean up after it!
— , Irregular updates ()What do movies have to do with becoming a mature man you may ask?
And I say: Good question! There is something inherently passive about watching movies. I spend a few bucks and sit down in a comfortable seat for two hours in order to enjoy the work of others. I risk nothing and communicate with no-one. I just...sit there. Instead of living my life in the world, serving others, I consume the fruits of other people's labour.
Boys consume, men produce, wrote Shawn Phillips in his 2009 article “What is the difference between a man and a boy?”. That stuck with me. If that is true, how can passively watching movies teach us anything about maturity as a man? How can the concept behind this website have any validity whatsoever?
Being in right relationship with movies
Some readers have rightly picked up on this paradox in the years gone by. It's a valid point. And yet, many men I speak to have described movies as integral to their growth into maturity. What made it so? Was there something about the way these men were engaging with the movies that was different?
I believe so.
I’m one of those people who enjoy an intelligent conversation about a movie after watching it. I’m not speaking about conversations where we compare our vast body of movie knowledge, name dropping actors, composers and directors. No, that is likely just ego stuff in the interest of image crafting.
I’m talking about conversations where we speak about how the movie impacted us, how we see ourselves in it, how we were inspired by it. Conversations where we together tease apart the psychological life lessons that we just witnessed, integrating the movie experience as opposed to simply intellectualizing it.
Given the strength of the medium, this way of relating to movies can provide enormously valuable to an open heart and mind.
One example of that from my own life comes from watching Braveheart when I was about 17. I was a vulnerable boy, so afraid. And yet, watching the courage, passion and masculine love of William Wallace opened something in me. Me and my buddies walked out of the movie theatre with our jaws dropped, breathing heavily, as from a deeper place in ourselves. We were feeling into the possibility of being powerful. It was way more than mere entertainment.
The dangers of entertainment
The desire to be entertained can be a dangerous thing. In fact, I see that desire as one of the greatest sources of misery and destruction in the modern world. Looking for entertainment, constantly fleeing from the ever-approaching spectre of boredom, we become numb to life, slaves to our impulsive desires. We are drained of willpower, constantly on the search for the next temporary entertainment-induced high. We become mindless consumerist robots.
So check in with yourself – how do you relate to the movies you watch? Do you just absorb them like an idiot wanting to pass the time so that you can be a little more numb to your pain on your journey towards death? Or do you relate to them consciously, talk about them, journal about them, reflect on them, mirror yourself in them, do dreamwork based on them? Do you allow movies to wake you up?
When you start relating to movies like that, you may find that a lot of movies that you once liked start becoming uninteresting. Or you may notice how they are trying to manipulate you to think in certain unconscious ways. You may start feeling a certain disgust with those movies and the people who make them. They’re weaving the most uninspiring takes on the hero’s journey imaginable based on demographic surveys. Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay come to mind. There is no soul in their work.
But there is hope, brother – you can be entertained and watch a movie with depth. The new Man of Steel and Christopher Nolan’s Batman trilogy are perfect examples of blockbusters that manage to be entertaining as well as provide food for thought. And so is the original Star Wars trilogy, packed with thrills and special effects as well as deep mythological wisdom.
Don’t be merely a thrill-seeker. Proactively seek out the movies that are both entertaining and filled with consciousness and then learn from them.
This is a website where you will learn just that. Here you will find careful analysis of loved movies that have something to say about the male experience. I analyze movies through the filters of archetypes, myth, psychology, spirituality, integral theory, sociology, gender studies and mysticism so that you can get to know the movies you love in a deeper way.
It may change your life!
Where to start?
The most loved review on this website is probably the one I did for American Beauty. On this website, you can also find one of world's most popular articles on the King, Warrior, Magician, Lover archetypes.
If you realize it's time to step into leadership, you can find an inspiring clarion call for why this is the time in the short blog post Taking on leadership in a burning world.
You can also read controversial articles about the shadow of Hollywood in the popular article Hollywood as a lens to the American shadow or the limitations of the feminist Bechdel test in the article thousands have read and loved The Bechdel test: Application, historical context, and introducing a male equivalent.
That's just some of the many things you can find here. Explore, make yourself at home.
Welcome to Masculinity-Movies.com!
— , Irregular updates ()Two days ago, I started my No Woman Diet with the Authentic Man Program. It will last six weeks and I have shut down all of my contact in social media channels for as long as the program lasts. This site will be my only place for reaching out to the world. I will probably blog about my experiences from time to time.
This diet is important for me and I'm excited and fired up to finally do a program with the AMP guys.
Other blog posts about the No Woman Diet
— , Irregular updates ()Kevin acted as the principal review writer for a few months in 2018.
— , Irregular updates ()I don't have much to say sitting here as the midnight hour draws closer and the warm August night holds me in its cozy embrace. I'm simply tuning in to inform you of my existence. There have been some awesome new developments lately that I want to tell you about, but they're not quite ready for primetime broadcasting.
Working on a bitesized Robin Hood review while planning the bigger review for American Beauty. There's a lot going on in my life right now so it's a little challenging to get it all done. Would have loved to be quicker about it all, but alas I cannot given my limited time.
I'm a little disappointed that the Good Will Hunting review seems to have totally flopped. Granted, I finished it in a hurry before going on holiday, but I'm surprised no-one seems to read it. I guess it wasn't my best writing so far.
Anyway, I'm glad to have you with me on this journey, guys. Brotherhood is the way ahead.
Time's up. The bedbugs sing their siren songs. Good night.
PS! Check this link out if you want to rock your woman's world. Yes, it's about sex. And yes, you will support my work if you buy the product.
— Patton, Patton (1970)(looking at remains of a battle) I love it! God help me, I love it so. I love it more than my life.
— , Irregular updates ()Okay, I'm about to go super vulnerable here. That's pretty scary, but I'd like to get a couple of things off my heart.
These last weeks after I split up with my girlfriend of several years have been tough. Not only have I been heartbroken, vulnerable and lonely, but I've also had my ego put through a meatgrinder. My self image as an excellent communicator has taken several hits, at work as well as with friends and acquaintances. It used to be that when I had done something stupid or made a mistake, I could just love my girlfriend, try my best to serve her, and somehow I was magically cured of my bad state. My serving her served me.
I don't have that now. And I realize I must develop new techniques for life mastery. I actually thought that I was so on track with my mission in life that I would just magically transition over into working hard on that and that I would somehow be doing just fine. It hasn't been that easy. Some days, I'm strong and energetic, but often I'm just...well...scared.
I've been hurting a lot these last weeks and feel like I've let a lot of people down. But I remain strong in the faith that this is just a transition to something far greater. Something is coming through. Time will tell what form it takes.
One of the hardest things, Ihave discovered, is finding the right balance of intimacy vs separation with my ex. This is very confusing.
If anyone has some input on how to skillfully remain friends with someone who you've loved for a long time, please give it below.
Thanks for reading,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()Introduction
Avatar brings together a range of familiar themes, common threads, topics, symbolic references and cultural backgrounds and binds them together into a tight immersive adventure. It challenges our perception of the boundaries of reality and fantasy, and can provide us with a reminder of our purpose right here on Earth.
Although there are many themes that are worthy of discussion, this review will mainly focus on Avatar’s use of rites-of-passage, and explore how these rites allow us to connect with a purpose and broaden our relationship with the natural world. Chapters are dived into 'seasons' and link various threads in Avatar with the natural cycle of birth, growth, decay, death and rebirth. Familiar themes on an unfamiliar world.
Birth – A new world, a fresh start
Avatar opens by introducing the possibility of new beginnings. Through Jake's narrated introduction, we discover how he came to arrive on Pandora and are likewise introduced to how frustrating his reality of being stuck in a wheelchair is. We also get to know his dreams of being whole again, and this theme of dreams re-occurs throughout the movie, as the boundaries between dream and reality blur once he starts embodying his avatar.
With its oceans, continents, ice and clouds, Pandora looks more like Earth than a land of the terrors and nightmares those familiar with the Greek myth might have been expecting. Perhaps the corporate men were right, this could be Jakes second chance, humanities wet-dream: a fresh planet where we can start-over and this time get things right.
Pandora offers Jake the chance to leave the past behind and become someone new, the same way that Spring overcomes Winter and offers the chance for renewal and re-birth. Jake is eager to prove that he is useful, so he enthusiastically takes on the Colonel’s mission of spying on the Na'vi, because, for now, he only sees the benefit to himself. His desire to be whole again overshadows whatever consequences his actions may have on others.
As Jake tests out his new Na’vi body, we witness the glee on his face as he fully immerses himself in the experience of being free of his chair. Yet, it cannot last. Waking up back in his cocoon, Jake is confronted once again by his useless human legs. While Jake’s human body appears to represent repression and the past, his avatar body symbolizes liberation, the future and freedom. In other words, the past represents childhood and the future symbolizes manhood.
This is stated clearly in the scene when he first meets Neytiri, "You know nothing! You are like a baby..." she points out. Although Jake possesses the body of an adult Na’vi male, to Neytiri he has not yet proven himself worthy of wearing their skin. To do so, he must think and behave accordingly.
Neytiri however is not willing to dismiss Jake immediately, as we see. She possesses a deep spiritual connection to the forest and after witnessing a sign from Eywa, she realizes that there is something special about Jake. This spiritual connection is something that we see lacking from most of the humans in the movie, which raises questions about what connections we have perhaps lost to our own world.
Growth –Learning to love and respect our new skin
When Jake is brought before the clan elder Eytukan, he mistrusts Jake and agrees with the feisty young warrior Tsu'tey that Jake should be destroyed. Moat however, takes a more diplomatic approach and although she claims that they have already tried, and failed, to open the minds of the humans to the Na’vi ways, she makes an exception with Jake.
As the spiritual leader of the clan, Moat believes that there is something special about him. She gives him the chance to learn the Na’vi way, challenging Jake to immerse himself fully in their culture, and train with an initially reluctant Neytiri in order to assess whether or not he can earn his place as one of them. As Jake takes deeper and deeper sojourns into the Na’vi culture, rites-of-passage are shown to be an integral part of the development of his character.
Neytiri gives Jake various challenges, or ‘rites-of-passage’, that demonstrate that he is improving, learning and maturing. Like a snake sheds its skin, their first rite in initiating Jake into their clan is to remove his human-styled clothes. Barefoot and practically naked, his body is exposed to the elements and eyes of others, meaning that the focus is moved to his actions.
It is through Neytiri that Jake is introduced to the various habits, practices, rituals and language of the Na’vi, and it is with her that we witness the initial steps in the evolution of Jake’s character which snowball into the giant strides that he later takes.
To draw parallels with another great movie reviewed here, Neytiri – like Katsumoto in 'The Last Samurai' – takes the role of mentoring Jake in the ways of the heart as much as the ways of the warrior. She teaches him about the deep spiritual connection the Na’vi have with the forest and its other inhabitants. As Jake gradually climbs the ladder of her respect, we are given the chance to reflect on our own lost cultures and traditions and can be reminded of times when men would have provided for the community as hunters, and defended them as warriors if needed.
Another example of a tradition we are familiar with can be found in the funeral, a scene in which Neytiri is seen placing one of the sacred seeds in the grave of the Na'vi elder as Jake repeats her words in his diary dialogue, "All energy is only borrowed, and one day you have to give it back...". This brings us full circle by asking us to compare this funeral scene to the one that Jake’s twin brother received at the beginning of the movie. Once again we see that the Na’vi have a healthy respect for death, which perhaps brings them in closer contact with the life they choose to lead.
The Na’vi rites-of-passages are those of a hunter. His first clean kill grants him access to the test of the warrior, and he must climb Mount Iknimaya to make the bond with a banshee (Ikran) – a dangerous exercise where he could either die - or become a true warrior. But the title of ‘warrior’ is not the final step in becoming a man. After passing through the rites of a hunter, then a warrior, Jake’s ultimate challenge is to stand before the Na'vi community and be accepted as one of them.
This conclusive action, the ritual of ‘laying of hands’ to form a connection with each clan member proves to each one of the Na’vi present that Jake is being reborn, and that after that moment he is accepted as one of them. This transformation can be witnessed in nature right here on Earth in examples such as the caterpillar becoming a moth or butterfly, or when a juvenile bird gains its adult colours.
Jake is now fit to wear the skin that he has been given. Another way to interpret this scene would be to say that he is now no longer a child. He is a man. The Na’vi use of rites pose other questions: how do our own societies qualify us as men? Are we ‘men’ simply because of our deeper voices, our taller, broader, hairier bodies?
How do we actually know that we are now men and not still boys? And how do others know? What types of rites do boys have to pass through to be considered men in contemporary society? Is it the keys to our car? Our shavers? Our 18th birthday? Our ability to legally buy alcohol? Or is it something much deeper: the knowledge of our purpose in life? These questions are definitely worth taking a moment to think about.
While watching, I also notice that Neytiri is not surrounded by weak male role models. This is no fairy-tale in which the whimsical princess sings to her animal friends while waiting for a handsome prince to whisk her away from the boredom of her claustrophobic room high in the Palace’s Eastern Tower. Neytiri is positive, powerful and very feminine.
So when it comes to the question of love and partnership, Jake is intimately aware that it is not just his own personal choice as a man that matters: a life with a partner must be decided together and he states to Neytiri "I have already chosen, but she must also chose me", another confirmation that Jake has transformed into a wiser man.
Decay – Leaves and trees fall, bodies waste away
While his Na’vi self improves in leaps and bounds, we witness Jake's human side (especially his body) waste away and he grows increasingly pale and thin and stalls his mission of relocating the Na'vi from Hometree. Jake states that the lines between his old self and his new self are blurred, he is not sure who he is any more. Despite all that he has learned and the commitment that he has made to Neytiri and the Na'vi people, he is still attached to his human body and past.
When the yellow bulldozers suddenly arrive and destroy the sacred site that he and Neytiri have just made love in, Jake finally sees what his fellow humans are doing through the eyes of his newly attuned Na'vi self and his true sense of purpose, to defend his home, kicks in. His uncontrolled rage exposes his true allegiance and the following negotiations between Grace, Jake, the Colonel and Selfridge do not go in favour of the Na'vi. Grace puts up an especially well-reasoned fight. She and Jake both display aspects of the KWML ‘Lover (in their fullness)’ during this scene, deeply in tune with Pandora’s beauty and unafraid of protecting it at any cost to themselves.
But instead of taking their pleas seriously, Selfridge deflates their arguments by exclaiming "What have you guys been smoking!?!". He appears completely disconnected from himself by the greed, denial and destruction that his everyday life has become. In KWML terms, Selfridge displays many aspects of the 'The Tyrant King' here, blinded by his hunger for richness he is unable to associate with the situation he has created:
His degradation of others and all beauty is limitless, as everything good, true, and beautiful reminds him of his own shortcomings. He is extremely sensitive to criticism... responding with rage, when what he feels is fear and vulnerability.
The Colonel too plays a role, the Sadist Warrior who itches for battle, he prefers mass genocide in order to acquire military rule over Pandora. As the military destroy Hometree, he too appears entirely disconnected from the reality that he is creating for the Na'vi: while they die or watch their home being destroyed, he sips coffee and offers to buy everyone a beer.
Back at the base, Selfridge and the others watch their television screens passively, somehow connecting and disconnecting them at once. Norm and Trudy are the only ones who feel the need to act: Norm flies into a rage and Trudy simply walks away, wanting no part in the massacre of the people she too connects with. Small, but powerful actions.
Death – Redemption. The making of the king
With Eytukan dead, Tsu'tey steps up to his responsibility as clan leader – but, overwhelmed by the situation that he has been thrust into, he can do nothing more than lead the Na’vi retreat to the Tree of Life. It is finally time for Jake to take the initiative: the people need a leader they can trust to fight back and win against unthinkable odds. Using his training, Jake pulls off the unthinkable – makes the bond with Last Shadow (Toruk) and arrives to the awe of the collected Na'vi.
As we watch this scene, we are reminded of what it often takes to make a true leader: as human beings we must pass through many hoops in life – many rites and rituals – but in order to become a true leader, one must often surpass the confines of mere mortals. Jake appears when the Na'vi most need him and as such, represents the 6th incarnation of their messiah, something that was also hinted at earlier when Jake was 'chosen' by the sacred seeds.
Jake turns to Tsu'tey and, brother to brother, man to man, asks for the new chief’s permission to bring the clans together to form a larger force. The show of respect for Tsu’tey’s position here is a good example of how Jake connects with the Na’vi. The warrior Tsu’tey recognizes a power in Jake that he does not yet possess and agrees to let Jake lead. War follows, and the Na’vi pack a mighty hole in the human forces. Tsu'tey's heroic fight on the aircraft ramp is particularly noteworthy.
But against the bullets and rockets, their fortunes quickly turn and the humans and their machines one-by-one lay waste to the Na’vi forces. But Jake's call to Eywa for help is answered and various creatures come to the planet’s aid, giving Jake the break he needs to destroy both the airship and the Colonel’s battleship. Although it may appear cliché and obvious to point it out, what this scene does is once again show us that one man can make a huge difference, one man can turn the tide and fight for what he loves despite the fact that he can lose everything.
"How does it feel to betray your own people?" the Colonel asks Jake during the final battle. He doesn't perceive that Jake’s connection goes far deeper than A) human, or B) Na'vi. Throughout the whole film, the Na'vi have played a very important role in allowing us to connect to the planet Pandora emotionally. The Na’vi have shown us the spirit of Pandora: Eywa, not as dark feminine seduction, but as a positive feminine energy source. One to bathe in, admire and respect.
The Colonel’s disconnected analysis is not an uncommon one at all: while the natural world on our own planet is continuously raped, divided up and turned into corporate commodity, humans inherently continue to focus on human-centric issues and conflicts. To Jake – who has fully embraced his Na’vi spiritual side – the connection goes much further than this. He doesn’t even bother to respond to the Colonel’s challenge. He just snarls like a cat and goes in for the kill.
Re-birth – The cycle of life comes full circle
As Neytiri enters the cabin hoping to save the suffocating Jake, she meets Jake in his human body for the first time. They finally ‘see’ one another as their true selves. There is something both strange and wonderful about this scene as the massive battle-painted warrior princess crouches in the tiny steel and plastic lab, cradling Jake’s body like a baby in her huge arms.
These two scales, of small and large (child and adult) are also much clearer in the final scene as Jake’s two bodies lie in the fetal position, one symbolizing that of a child and the other that of a grown man. Reborn one final time, the boy becomes a man, permanently.
Conclusion
Avatar takes us half-way cross the galaxy, to the wondrous world of Pandora. But like always, when we transition out of make-believe worlds of great wonder, reality smacks us in the face.
The question to ask yourself is this: ‘What reality do I now see?’ Can Avatar show you how wonderful the world that surrounds you is – outside of your car, your house, your office and even your clothes? For me, Avatar is a call to action, it strikes deeply and asks us one essential question about our lives: what is our core purpose?
It hints at the benefits of deepening our current personal connection to people, the natural world around us and the spiritual side of that connection we may have lost touch with. It tells a story that challenges us to analyse the consequences of action versus inaction when we see a cause that is worth fighting for.
It is a story that reminds us that we simply can’t sit around and wait for the future to solve the problems of the present. Deep down this is a story that shows us that we are capable of evolving from boys – through several rites of passage – to the final rite of being reborn as true men, of wearing this skin – this form of the adult male that we have so fortunately grown into – with pride. To take responsibility for our own actions, fight for what is right and protect our mother, ‘Earth’, from those that would harm her.
And most of all, it asks us to do something very simple: to see ourselves through the eyes of others and to stand confidently under their gaze without fear, because we understand who we are and our true purpose right here and now.
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— , Irregular updates ()Longing for freedom in the arms of a woman
Harry meets his buddy Richard in a fancy restaurant, eager to share important news about his life. He is going to leave Patricia. He has found someone else. He wants to "be happy", he says, and "all Pat wants is sex". Harry thinks there is more to marriage than sex – he wants affection and cuddling. He wants to give. Pat just wants the sex. Bit of a role reversal for you there. Kay enters in all her glory, and Richard asks himself why on earth a girl like her would fall for a guy like Harry.
We understand that although Richard likes his friend very much, he is well aware that he is a bit of a bore. As things evolve, Richard becomes increasingly obsessed with Kay. He wants her. He thinks about her all the time. Harry does too of course. In fact, he is preparing for his new life with Kay, scheming to find a way to get out with the least amount of noise. Harry sees his wife as a fragile soul who would break down completely were he to leave her.
Harry doesn't like to see people suffer, he tells Richard, so he hatches the plan to...kill her. This plan is all based on his total ineptitude at understanding who his wife is. He has succumbed to the compromise of marriage, the drudgery of suburbian comforts, and now he feels trapped. He wants out.
Dark secrets behind the pleasant facade
The story Harry tells himself about not wanting people to suffer is basically self-deluded nonsense. It's his own suffering he is afraid of, and as he is a coward, he cannot own up to it, and instead projects it onto Patricia with the intent of ending "her" misery. He has no clue. This situation is an extreme version of a common masculine pathology: By failing to own up to their own vulnerability, many men play games, live in little fantasy worlds where others are in the wrong, where the others are the fragile or "evil" ones.
The passive aggressive man creates a little cushion for himself, where he can sit comfortably and judge and misinterpret others from within the comforts of his own mind. There is no chance of being brought on trial for it in the "real world". That is the prerogative of the passive aggressive man. It is why Harry is happy seeing the world from that perspective. It's why many men are. Unbeknownst to Richard, Harry moves ahead with his plan. And unbeknownst to Harry, Richard is maneuvering to take Kay from him.
He does so on the basis of his life philosophy "You cannot build the unhappiness upon the unhappiness of someone else." The question Richard eventually asks himself, to his credit, is if his hunt for Kay makes him a hypocrite. Richard is slightly more of a man than Harry, but just barely. He too is a coward, who cannot come clear with his friend about his true intentions and his true feelings about Harry's betrayal of Pat. This is unfortunate, for the raw and brutal honesty of true male friendship would clear up the act of both of these guys.
Alas, they don't have true friendship, true brotherhood. What they have is a functional agreement about spending comfortable time together while sharing mildly pleasant conversation. Sound familiar? When Richard discovers that Pat too is unfaithful, with a young and vigorous author named John, he is given the opportunity to come clear with them both, to, as he puts it, "set them free". A surge of happiness rises in him, but Richard cannot utter the words. He has already started weaving the web of deceit to get Kay and now he has castrated himself with his inability to handle life head on. He falls flat on his face, impotent, afraid of life.
Tear down lies and pretense in your friendships
Because Richard didn't man up, Harry's plan progresses. Here is where we see how the inability of a guy to be a true and honest friend to his buddy can cause dramatic results. The mechanics of this particular plot may seem unrealistic and over the top, but not so much. For in truth, every time you give or receive lies with no remorse, you are failing your duty as a true friend and as a man. You are committing treachery against yourself, your buddy, truth, life itself.
Often these opportunities to come totally clear with life arise several times every day. But many have been so numbed by living a life of subtle dishonesty that they think it's normal. So they will happily see a friend fuck himself up without intervening. Now there's such a thing as adapting to circumstances, not always having to strip others bare, but the capacity should be developed.
Finding yourself by losing everything
Richard, the dick that he is (pun intended), takes his plan to its fruition and steals Kay. In a sense, there is something right about it, as they are a better match, but it was a covert operation. Harry crumbles when he catches them red handed, and utters with tears in his eyes "I lost everything today." Serves him right in a way, as we see from the scene previously. There he looks at Kay with puppy eyes and serves her the most agonizing line "Oh, I love you so much Kay. Nothing scares me when I'm with you".
There is nothing wrong in being a sensitive and romantic soul. Nothing at all. It is a beautiful thing. But expecting your intimate partner to be happy being your mother as opposed to your lover is totally unacceptable. What a treachery of her feminine core! What a treachery of your masculine potential! What a big waste of a man. Anyway, as we were saying, he has lost everything: Kay, his buddy Richard, perhaps also his wife – who is about to drink the poison he so compassionately prepared for her.
All of a sudden, ridding himself of Pat isn't quite as tempting a prospect for Harry, and fortunately, when he arrives home, she is not dead. The gravity of his almost-murder finally hits him, and he realizes that he'd be lost without Pat. Having found no true freedom in himself, he needs a woman to mother him through the rough waters of life. He almost killed his "mom".
Conclusion
The movie ends on a bit of a bullshit note – everybody being happy and everything forgotten. This speaks to the release of truth that has happened for these people, especially for Harry, and the increased clarity it has brought them. But the karmic patterns here are not gone, not until all truths have been revealed. Some have been, but not all, and they never will be of course. So happiness will never be truly theirs. How many lies are we willing to accept as foundation stones in our lives? That's for you to find out.
Hi everyone! Updates will be a little more irregular than usual in the coming couple of months. I will be spending more of my limited time finding ways to get the message out to a broader audience as well as engage in other activities. In the long run, it'll be for the greater good of the site, but for the short term, you may notice some irregularities. Do forgive me.— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()[caption id="attachment_500" align="alignright" width="228" caption="Masculinity Movies, now featured on MSNBC.com"][/caption]
About a week ago, writer Michael Ventre contacted me because he was preparing an article for MSNBC.com on the buffing of male actors in Hollywood. He had found my site by punching in "Masculinity" and "Movies" into Google, for which I appear to be number one in most cases.
I explained to Michael that I was somewhat more interested in and knowledgeable about what I called "inner masculinity" than the "outer masculinity" which I believed his story was about, but explained that I would be more than willing to help him.
So he sent me these two questions:
Do you believe audiences expect their heroes in movies these days to possess a certain kind of physique, and if so, do you think they equate that kind of body with true masculinity?
To which I answered: Yes, I certainly think we have all learned to equate a certain kind of physique with true masculinity. But I see this as being less about our cultural conditioning and more about an evolutionary imprint based in our interest in passing on our genes. On a primal level, Man lives to breed. And if a man is to breed and get strong and healthy children, he requires a healthy and beautiful mate. Life wants to give rise to more life. This impulse is built into the universe. And although mankind has moved on since that time, this drive to procreate is still enormously powerful. It is probably the most powerful impulse that we know.
[caption id="attachment_501" align="alignright" width="275" caption="Daniel Craig as James Bond. Modern day alpha man"][/caption]
Back in the old days, before civilization as we know it arose, men were the hunters and the guardians of the family and the tribe. Since the role of technology was marginal back then, the man who possessed the best physique, the most able body, was the best man for a woman to be with, for he could protect her better than the weaker man, and thus she could carry forward children under relative safety. It was an era that belonged to the alpha man.
It is because of our need to breed that we like our heroes to be alpha men. It is what makes him a hero, to defeat the obstacles and achieve the goal in service of his family, his country and mankind. And although masculine power these days is not only measured in physique, but also in things such as mental capacity and good communication skills, a good physique only further enhances his masculinity. In short, the physique that allowed men to hunt and protect the women and children in the old days is still equated with true masculinity today.
and...
If you could, would you mind giving me your own short, personal definition of masculinity, and then tell me whether you believe having these overly buffed actors in movie roles adds to your definition, or are the muscles simply a Hollywood facade?
And to this I answered: Good question! I want to answer it by describing three stages of masculinity. The first stage of masculinity is characterized by strength, vitality, integrity to your word, power and the protection of those close to you. It is the level of the alpha man of old days. Then there is a second stage of masculinity, which is emerging all over our Western culture these days. Masculinity on this stage can, generally speaking, be characterized by a desire for justice and equality, integrity to your values and service for the greater good (mankind). This level of masculinity is softer, more sensitive and emotional. It is more in tune with the Feminine. In that way, it is a progression towards greater wholeness, but the problem with it is that men at this stage can lose their power, and their ability to do the work that calls them, to the process of trying to be liked and accepted. But then there is a third stage of masculine development. It is characterized, roughly speaking, by presence, enormous power combined with tremendous humility, an appreciation for all life, and integrity to love itself.
This third stage masculinity is completely unknown to our culture. We only know of the first two. We think a man is either a powerful macho dude or a nice and soft, but somewhat domesticated modern man.
Thanks to postmodernism, feminism and the gender liberation movement, we have relativized the genders to the point that they mean nothing at all. And we applaud the good that must come of this. But what we don't know is that this is causing tremendous suffering for modern men and women. And since we don't realize there is a third stage to evolve into, we can but look to the first stage. So to feel some juice in our modern, domesticated lives, we look to the movies to remind us that there is such a thing as passion and living life on the edge, qualities we left behind when we stepped out of stage 1, and which we don't realize wait for us at stage 3 in much more fulfilling and wholesome forms.
So there is certainly room for buffing male actors in my definition of masculinity, but it's a very primitive form of masculinity if taken on its own. It is pop culture masculinity. Easy to get because there are bulging muscles. But in my opinion, Hollywood is at its best when it manages to portray this more mature masculinity I'm talking about.
Just look at Russell Crowe. There is huge presence to him and his characters. When you look at him, you can't help but be present to a quality of stillness. And that quality brings us into the moment. This is one of the characteristics of mature masculinity. Crowe portrays noble and powerful characters with great believability. General Maximus of Gladiator fame is a character with a strong physique, but he more importantly has presence, endless love for his family and is dedicated to the greater good: Spiritual life and the wellbeing of the people. That, in my opinion,is true masculinity.
Moving from outer masculinity to inner masculinity
If you read his article Welcome to the era of the buffed actor, you will see that it is indeed largely about outer masculinity (although, I must admit, the discipline and focus that personal trainer Mike Torchia demands of his "victims" is also very much representative of an inner masculinity). And he did a fine job considering the subject matter. And in the context of that, I'm featured as the expert on man's need to breed. I'm slightly amused by this, because I don't really know that much about evolutionary biology. I know little enough not to know whether my quote is even within the realms of what people call evolutionary biology.
It doesn't matter. I was happy to see that my answer to question #1 provided an alternative view on a subject matter which could too easily be reduced to mere pop culture, when it is in fact hugely important in a larger socio-cultural context. And although I think Michael's article is interesting, I'm even more interested in what the trend he observes stems from. I believe the reason is that our world is starving for mature masculinity, but since we don't know what that is, the best we can do is to make actors - torchbearers of the archetypes for which we long - look ripped.
I'm very grateful to Michael Ventre for reaching out and featuring my site, providing me with a timely and much appreciated traffic boost. Although I'm hopeful that next time, MSNBC.com will request a slightly different article from him - one in which he looks at what makes a man masculine from the inside out - and not from the outside in.
I think we are ready for that.
That said, I'd rather have a trimmed body than the alternative. Outer masculinity definitely does have its uses :-)
— , Irregular updates ()Preface
I would like to preface this review by telling you that I haven't read Jon Krakauer’s book and I haven’t done extensive research on Christopher McCandless’ life. But please understand that I approach this review with tremendous respect and humility, for the story that is told involves real people and real fates.
Director Sean Penn spent ten years of his life trying to make this film a reality. He did so with the blessings of Christopher’s family and with a tremendous team of actors and filmmakers working with him for eight months. They set out to treat the story with as much love and care as they could and it is because of this that I trust the film to be an accurate testament to the spirit of the man, his life, and of the character of the people he loved and who loved him. I will write this review in the present tense. I hope it doesn't offend anyone.
The fears of the fathers
Chris grows up in a dysfunctional family home, where the parents are frequently violent towards each other, and the kids are used as players in a tug-of-war. He has little respect for them and considers them bankrupt human beings. Early on in the film, Chris receives his diploma from Emory university. He launches playfully and somewhat rebelliously onto stage to accept it to the cheers of his fellow students. A disapproving frown spreads on his parents faces.
This scene, together with the dinner scene that follows, holds the key to understanding why Chris sets out on his journey. Chris is extremely resourceful and intelligent, and can function brilliantly within the confines of a highly structured and controlled society. He can play with "the big boys" if he wishes; his grades are good enough to get into Harvard Law school!
But he despises the false and fraudulent ways of society, where human beings are forced to deny their basic human nature, their playfulness and shared humanity to operate in "the system" – the collective – without causing a glitch to appear in its matrix.
Say if it were the truth that, like Chris believes, we live in a world that is almost stripped of real love and real truth. If so, we can see in these scenes how Chris itches to free himself from this way of being in the world, and how his parents clench on to it. They are terrified of letting go of structure, formalities, finding solace in money and things, and their own personal stories of pain. Chris' relationship to his father represents the generation gap that many of us know well.
We are the men with a deep need for an emotional and truthful connection with our fathers, but wehave fathers who are too afraid or shut down to open up and provide it. They grew up in a world where survival was the primary goal, and the joy of building emotional connections based on truth was an unnecessary distraction.
Chris is suffocating. He has only been given the chance to express the gifts that are approved by society and his parents. But he is deeper than that. More profound. And he is not free. He is imprisoned by the fear of his parents and society. He himself is afraid of becoming like them. Afraid to become complacent and sucked dry of life force, buying into the illusion of "things, all these things!". He wants to be free, but lacks the capacity to tear down the walls he has built around his heart. In his mind, he has no choice. He must leave.
Lighting the path
In every man's growth into maturity, there comes a time when he must break free from the influence of his parents, particularly his father, and go into the world to discover himself. We have to go on walkabout, in some form or another. In early tribal cultures, and still some places in the world today, there is a rite of passage for the boy who is to become a man. This is always a very sacred ritual where the boy plunges the depths of himself as he is faced with ultimate challenge and fear.
Through conquering these trials, he comes to realize the nature of his heart and why he is here. This tradition has been lost in our modern world, to our great detriment. Going to college or the army is simply not very powerful compared to facing the vast open abyss of our darkest fears, alone out in the wilderness, with only the protection of the ancestors – those who went before – to light the way.
The lack of such initiation rites is part of the reason why so many men today don't really grow up. This is described beautifully in the excellent book King, Warrior, Magician, Lover by Roger Moore and Douglas Gillette. But Chris hungers to grow, to be mature and free. He devours books to discover the wisdom of the elders that are non-existent in his immediate surroundings. "He liked Tolstoy, Jack London and Thoreau," his sister Carine shares with us. "He could summon their words to suit any occasion, and he often would."
Any man needs men of greater maturity to guide the way for his own emotional, spiritual and psychological growth. It's extremely unlikely that a man who is unwilling to learn about life from an elder will ever become a powerful force of love in the world. I cannot emphasize this enough, and it's taken me a long time to really get this myself. So there is definitively an evolutionary path that we men must travel.
This masculine evolution is so important that it's symbolized by five chapters in the movie: Birth, adolescence, manhood, family, and The getting of wisdom. This is a beautiful model of masculine evolution, as true as any other I've seen. The problem today is that for most men, the model looks like this: Birth, adolescence, family.
Manhood and wisdom has been all but lost on us. What terrible things to sacrifice for the sake of fitting in and being hip with the times. So what do young men of the next generation do when there are no elders to turn to? Where the men around them are simply older, but not elders?
Into the fire
The masculine's primary motivation is to be free. The work of David Deida goes into great detail about this. And the degree to which the masculine feels limited is the degree to which it suffers. Christopher is a masculine man, but has not been able to express it with the loving fierceness and freedom he longs for, as his surroundings have been too fragile and confused to receive his full capacity. In my own life, I've come to see that, when the rebellion comes, there is often a relationship of intensity between the rebellion and the suffering that triggered it.
And the suffering is proportional to the amount to which a genuine capacity for love and truth has been supressed. Which means that a lot of our worst criminals and psychotics are saints in shackles, one initiation away from being servants of humanity.
The rebellion, like an overdue adolescent liberation, is always a strong and often misguided attempt to discover this love and truth. It is expressed in many ways – as abuse of a spouse (Chris' parents), as infidelity or a life of crime, as becoming part of a subculture (the hippies he meets in Slab City), or withdrawing from society (Chris himself). Hopefully, the rebellion is only temporary, but for many, the rebellion becomes the identity.
I'm not sure that's healthy - identifying with the very thing that separates you from others. Ultimately, the rebelling man is looking for truth, but he may not have found a way that leads to it. What way does work? Christopher alludes to that with words I love:
"...and I also know how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong, but to be feel strong, to measure yourself at least once, to find yourself in the most ancient of human conditions, facing the blind deaf stone alone, with nothing to help you but your hands and your own head."
Thus, a man finds his own inner truth. In my own life, I spend ten days in the woods every year, all by myself, with only my own mind, fears and desires as company. It's hardly life-threatening, but it is a challenge. And it has brought up resources I never thought I had. I think a man needs to retreat into solitude regularly to rediscover his direction with only his soul's longing for truth and freedom to keep him company. The primordial man staring into the fire under the starry sky. It's a powerful symbol, waiting to be discovered in the midst of modern civilization.
Our shared humanity
When Christopher McCandless goes on his walkabout, and becomes his alter ego Alexander Supertramp, resources sprout in him like crops out of fertile soil. Free from limitations, he meets and befriends a number of people, who become incredibly important in his own growth. Remember, Chris – is quite the cynic, with only limited faith in the goodness of human beings. He sees mainly their folly and weakness.
The friends he makes as he travels the country for two years are formative for the growing understanding in him that in every person there is a soft spot, a feeling of shared humanity, and in there – everyone is family. Even his own parents.
When Chris finally arrives in Alaska and settles in his abandoned bus, two years of intense human sharing lies behind him. There is the hippie couple Jan and Rainer – who have a sort of parent quality to him, but on completely the opposite end of the spectrum from Chris' biological parents. They are very healing for him. There is Tracy, the young girl that adores him and would give anything to be with him. But Chris has a calling.
There is Ron, that dear old man who hides away in his garage working on leather to escape the pain life has caused him. He teaches Chris about love and the power of forgiveness. In return, Chris teaches Ron to take risks and start living. There is Wayne, the man's man with the experience of life that Chris does not yet have, who sees his own youthful idealism in him and warns him not to get too intense, not to "juggle blood and fire all the time"! Chris finds in Wayne a masculine role model that he has never had.
All these people enrich Chris' heart immeasurably, but his mind and heart are set on other things.
The Wild
It is in the great Wilderness of Alaska that everything comes together for Chris. In the wild, he finds the peace and quiet to process his life's experiences, and to find the seed of wisdom within. He finds the unspoilt splendour of nature and it touches and opens his heart. There is a wonderful scene in which he happens upon a flock of reindeer.
The beauty of the moment is completely unspoilt by human folly. Chris' face shows elation, and a tear wells up in his wide open eye. The moment is an expression of nature's perfection. No words can even come close to conveying his heart-opening awe. His ego temporarily gone, at one with all.
This scene is the cue for me to venture into the world of spirituality. The masculine penetrates and the feminine embraces (if this is an abstract notion to you at this point, consider how our genitalia are a manifestation of this energetic principle). Human civilization is largely an attempt to penetrate and control nature. It's largely masculine in nature, save for specks of the feminine in parks and flower beds.
Nature itself is feminine. Its shifting forms and emotions are not ruled by logic, but by the flow of love and life force. The idea that humanity can control nature is a masculine pathology. Similarly, a mature man will never attempt to control his woman. What he will do is channel her energy with his unending integrity and strength of direction. But he will never try to control her.
It is this childish masculine naivete of wanting to control things that so disgusts Chris. We see this theme repeated through the film: The idea that people can own a river (his kayaking experience), that we can slice and dice the land and say this part is yours and this is mine (crossing the Mexican border), that someone will put more emphasis on protecting their property and show muscle than to help another human being (the scene on the train), are all expressions of ideas that the masculine has about the world, that aren't necessarily aligned with the truth and freedom for which the masculine truly longs.
Actually, it represents boy psychology, the fear of not being quite enough. And Chris wants man psychology, which - paraphrasing "King, Warrior, Magician, Lover" - is always nurturing and generative, not wounding and destructive. It's a completely different ballgame.
Coming home
Because of the masculine pathology that I suggest runs modernity, we have been completely removed from our essential relationship with nature. We think meat comes from the supermarket, and are oblivious to the misery that we cause other species just to perpetuate our own unbalanced lives. In another powerful scene, Chris shoots a moose to feed his growing hunger. He accepts this gift of nature with respect and gratutide.
Life travels from life form to life form through natural nutritional chains all the time. There is a type of beauty in this. But when he is incapable of salvaging the meat before the carcass is infested by maggots, he breaks down and refers to it as "one of the greatest tragedies of my life". How different would life be if we had this type of relationship with our food? How different would the world be?
In the manifest world, the feminine will always be more powerful than the masculine. Because the manifest world is the feminine. The mature man ceases his attempt to control nature, and instead finds his power in his surrender to it. He is but a speck of dust in the unending play of manifestation. Yet he is a vital part, a key piece in this evolution of creation that ripples through an ever-expanding universe. This understanding is all but gone for modern city-dwellers.
We look up into the night sky and see nothing but light pollution. We go for a walk outside and see only street signs, ad posters, lamp posts, cars, traffic lights and goal oriented human beings. Severed from nature, we never realize deeply our own insignificance, lost as we are in the trance of getting anywhere but where we are. And without discovering our insignifance, we never discover our endless importance. This realization is a paradox, and the lack of it is what feeds our habitual destruction of the very soil that feeds us.
There is so much to learn here. So much humility. And in the end, Chris finds what he looks for. His cynicism fades, and his spiritual revolution reaches its conclusion as he reads Tolstoy, one of his elders, and understands that he too wanted nothing but the simple joy of living in harmony with nature and the people he loved:
"I have lived through much and now I think I have found what is needed for happiness. A quiet secluded life in the country, with the possibility of being useful to people to whom it is easy to do good, and who are not accustomed to have it done to them; then work which one hopes may be of some use; then rest, nature, books, music, love for one's neighbour – such is my idea of happiness. And then, on top of all that, you for a mate, and children, perhaps – what more can the heart of a man desire?"
Chris is ready to re-embrace society. He is ready to open his heart for real.
Free at last
But the river which he crossed on his way into the wilderness has reached summer flood levels, and return is impossible. Chris is afraid. Such begins the final chapter of the film.
And there is one scene here that has me break down in tears every time. The father, once so afraid and emotionally shut down, walks out on the street, as Chris is close to death in Alaska, and breaks down in endless grief, raining sorrow on the tarmac. Chris never contacted his family after he left them. It is one of the great mysteries from this story. One may wonder why. His sister wondered why. But whatever his reasons were, his parents changed because of it. They became real human beings. Sorrow forged them into good people.
In the end Chris dies, from eating a plant that is dangerous to his starved body. There is one climactic and very symbolic scene, in which Chris stands completely impoverished, close to death, as a bear approaches and smells him. Chris has no energy to even be afraid, and the bear walks on. The bear, representing the power of nature, of the feminine, lets him live. Nature lets men live. We are not the masters here. We are but humble servants of something we will never understand.
And as the father discovers that the love he has for his son is endless, the son realizes, as his final breath is leaving him, that he loves his father, and indeed his mother, in equal measure. As he looks with eyes of amazement into the sky that all of a sudden seems to stretch into eternity, he seems to be expected.
Conclusion
Into the Wild is an amazing movie. I love it intensely. And I think there is a danger here to think that Chris is somehow special. He is not unique. He tells the story of men everywhere. Of you and me. It is the story of the ages. It is just that some choose to live it, others do not. On what side of history will you be?
— , Irregular updates ()I'm not normally big on these motivational videos, but this one is worthy of your time. Well produced and featuring great wisdom.
Thanks to my good friend Vegard Svingen for the link.
— , Irregular updates ()A few years ago, I was attempting to get closer with a woman I liked. We’d been working together for several years and knew one another solely on that basis, but I wanted something more personal with her. I’d been feeling a powerful sexual and romantic attraction to her for a long time, but given our relationship as peers in a work environment, I was being very deliberate in my attempts to gauge her interest in me and careful in my efforts to move things forward. When I’m attracted to someone, I tend to move slowly and gradually anyway; in this case, having lived through my share of work-related romantic entanglements, rejections, and disasters, I was eager to avoid any situation that might turn awkward for either of us.
Things seemed to be progressing in the direction I desired, albeit slowly and with frequent yellow flags, but nevertheless, I finally felt confident enough to share something more personal with her than our daily chitchat about our lives in and out of work. She knew I was a writer and that I’d had a book of poetry published because I’d spoken about it during our many visits. I decided to offer it to her and find out if she was interested enough in me to read it. I asked her if she might like to see the book, and she said she would, so I brought a copy to work and gave it to her.
I didn’t want to appear too eager or overly invested in her opinion of the book, so I didn’t bring it up again after giving it to her. One day, while we were outside walking during a break, she mentioned she’d finished reading it. Doing my best to appear as cool as possible and not betray the anxiety that had been building ever since I’d first offered her the book, I said, “Great. What did you think?” And she said:
“I think you’re abnormally sensitive for a man.”
Obviously, this was not the sort of response I was hoping to hear. It’s not the sort of response any man ever wants to hear, any time, from anyone, most certainly not from a woman to whom he’s attracted and with whom he’s just taken the supreme risk of showing his vulnerable side.
It was a painful experience for me, to be sure, but not the first. I’ve heard variations on this theme all my life:
- “Don’t be so sensitive.”
- “You’re too sensitive.”
- “You need to stop being so sensitive.”
Shy. Thin-skinned. Wimp. Pussy. Queer. Faggot. Whiner. I’ve heard all of these and more for as long as I can remember, and the message is always crystal clear: “There’s something wrong with you and you need to change it.” As if I haven’t tried. As if I could.
Sensitive boys and men are all too often treated as pariahs in a tough guy culture. Sensitive boys in particular are easy prey for bullies, whether they’re peers, older kids, or adults in positions of power and authority like parents, teachers, and coaches. I was humiliated countless times as a boy for my sensitivity, by both adults and other children. I learned to regard it as my enemy, as something that only brought me shame and scorn, and as something to keep hidden away, not only from others, but from myself.
It was simply too dangerous to my well-being to allow my sensitivity out into the open any more than I had to, so I tried to harden myself up. I got fairly good at it over time, good enough to survive through adolescence and into young adulthood, but I felt lost most of the time, and I was. That’s the inevitable price of denying any core element of who we are.
I continued to maintain an uneasy relationship with my natural sensitivity through my twenties and thirties. During that time, I was gradually transitioning into feeling a bit more comfortable with it because I’d learned that trying to deny it completely only made me sick and miserable. But I still carried the shame and the stigma of feeling and being seen as somehow “defective” as a man because of it, and I was still disowning a large part of myself and my experience as a result. I was also still being reminded by others that I was not okay the way I was and needed to change, as in this statement from a close friend after I’d confided in him regarding a problem I was having:
“You need to stop being so sensitive. I’m not judging you, but sometimes I just want to shake you and tell you to get over it.”
Same old message: You’re wrong. You’re defective. You’re weak. You’re inadequate. You need to change. You need to get over it. At least he didn’t actually shake me to help me do that. Prior experience with that sort of “help” from others tells me it doesn’t work at all.
That incident was a pretty good example of the state of my relationship with my own sensitivity as I moved into my early forties. I’d made a lot of progress toward reconciling with the softer, vulnerable, more tender parts of myself, and I was even beginning to feel more confident in giving them a voice, but I was also reminded on a regular basis that I was still just as likely to be scorned and shamed for my sensitivity as I was to be accepted and supported. Deep inside, I still felt like an outcast and a freak in a culture that defines and characterizes tenderness, compassion, and sensitivity as primarily feminine qualities. And I remained haunted by the same dilemma that had plagued me since childhood: How can I be as sensitive as I am and still be a man?
It was during that time that, quite by accident, I stumbled across some material that profoundly changed the way I saw myself and what I’d come to regard as my “curse” of sensitivity. I was in a bookstore looking for something (I don’t even remember what) when a title caught my eye: The Highly Sensitive Person: How to Thrive When the World Overwhelms You. I’d never heard of this book or seen anything like it, but when I began to page through it, I knew I had to have it because this book was about me.
For the first time, someone was describing my inherent sensitivity as a positive trait rather than some sort of shameful aberration to be corrected. Furthermore, the author, Elaine Aron, described the experience of what she called a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) as the natural, inevitable result of having a nervous system that is, as she has put it, “uncommonly sensitive.” In other words, the sensitivity with which I’d been struggling throughout my life wasn’t all in my head, it wasn’t a weakness, and it wasn’t a choice. It was rooted in my physiology.
There was something else, too, something equally big, as summarized by Peter Messerschmidt in his blog post “The Challenges of the Highly Sensitive Man”:
Dr. Elaine Aron, along with other researchers studying the trait of high sensitivity, often cites the statistic that approximately 15-20% of the population fits the definition of a “highly sensitive person.” Furthermore, the indications are that equal numbers of men and women are highly sensitive.
This was more than an eye-opener for me. It was a game-changer. For the first time, someone was telling me that I could be not just merely sensitive, but highly sensitive, and still be a man. This was a possibility that had never been presented to me before, not in person and certainly not in the culture at large, and it was the first step in beginning to own my sensitivity, not just as a valuable element but a defining element of my masculine identity.
The path is still not easy. It’s an ongoing challenge to see my sensitivity as an asset rather than a weakness to be feared and hidden from others. Men and boys are already living in a no-win, double bind situation around vulnerability; it is amplified for highly sensitive men and boys. If most men lead lives of quiet desperation, they also know that society and most of the people around them prefer they keep it that way. A man or boy who shows sensitivity and expresses vulnerability is always taking a risk. Shame and scorn, whether from other males or from females, remain some of the most powerful tools for keeping men and boys “in line.” Most men are not highly sensitive, but many men are far more sensitive than they want anyone else to know.
For men like me who are highly sensitive, being who we are in the world, in our relationships, and even with ourselves is often a work in progress. We tend to need more down time than others. We have deep experiences that we need to process and understand. We need to make time and space for feelings that we may have never learned to experience and express because we were never allowed to do so. We receive and process more sensory input than most others do; consequently, we can sometimes find ourselves feeling overwhelmed in contexts that others find routine. We tend to proceed carefully, to get a sense and an understanding of the whole situation, before diving in.
These behaviors and qualities are all assets, but they frequently run counter to the values and practices of an overstimulated, Type A, 24/7 culture that wants more and more, faster and faster, all the time. This is a fundamental conflict that has a profound and often severely negative impact on all HSPs, whether male or female, and results in a lot of pain, confusion, and even physical illness. I’ve learned the hard way, as many others have, that pushing yourself “like everyone else does” when you’re a Highly Sensitive Person is like pounding nails with a microscope.
In another blog post titled “Highly Sensitive Men: The ‘Hidden’ HSPs?”, Peter Messerschmidt writes, “Society has an alarming ability to ‘steal the souls’ of Highly Sensitive Men, leaving them feeling sad and confused.” This is an experience and an ongoing struggle I know all too well. I still want to hide my sensitivity a lot of the time, and I still do. Sometimes that’s because of old fears and conditioning; sometimes it’s simple pragmatism. I know I can still be deeply wounded if I’m not careful and therefore I try to choose my opportunities accordingly. Sometimes I still get hurt when I’m open with others about who I am and what I feel (as with the female coworker I liked and the friend in whom I confided). Sometimes my feelings are so deep and acute that I can hardly bear them in private. I probably struggle as much with my feelings in private as I do when I’m with anyone else. The shame and the scorn I’ve experienced throughout my life in response to my sensitivity has been internalized deep within. I don’t need anyone else to criticize and belittle me for it now; those voices are already right here inside me.
In his article “Healing the Highly Sensitive Male”, Ted Zeff, author of The Strong, Sensitive Boy, has written, “By disowning their sensitive side, many males become half a person.” Having spent most of my life living that way, I know it’s true. I also know that, whether I allow or disallow my natural sensitivity, there’s a cost to be paid, and likely some very real pain to be felt either way, and I often stumble in the face of that choice. I still frequently feel angry when I’m actually sad because it feels safer, more manly. I still frequently pull away from others and shut down when what I really want is to connect and feel close, because I don’t have the courage or the stomach to risk the sting of being rejected or misunderstood. I still pull away from myself, most of all, because of the stigma and the fear that’s been conditioned into me, and the absence of skills never learned for being with everything I perceive, sense, and feel.
No one likes pain, and I’m no exception, but I’ve slowly come around to the belief that the pain of feeling is preferable to the pain of not feeling, and that the pain of being who I am is preferable to the pain of being what I’m not. As author Seth Mullins has written, “Sensitivity – even when it comes at the cost of great suffering – may be all that renders worth to existence in the end.” I think one of the important points he makes with that statement is that sensitivity is not the absence of toughness, but is, in many ways, the very embodiment of toughness. It takes a great deal of inner strength and resiliency to maintain your sensitivity in a world that seems to go out of its way to beat it out of you, often literally. If that’s not a demonstration of strength, courage, and resolve consistent with any reasonable definition of masculinity, I don’t know what is.
So yes, I’ll say it: I am a Highly Sensitive Man. I’m not abnormal. There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m not a weakling, a wimp, or a pussy. I’m strong, passionate, and courageous. I’ll fight for what’s important to me. And I’m just as tough as any other man. I have to be, just to be who I am in a world that wants me to be something else.
And I am not alone. There are many of us. As many as one in five men, if the numbers are correct. Think about that. You know many of us. You may be one of us. Some of us are hiding. Some of us are hurting. Many of us, young and old, boys and men, are still trying to find our place in a world that is often openly hostile to our very natures. But look at that world, and try to imagine what it would be like without us. We may be scorned, shamed, invisible, and undervalued, but we are here and we are needed.
I am a Highly Sensitive Man and this world needs me, just as it needs all of its highly sensitive men and boys. Every one of us. No exceptions!
Links
Also by by Rick Belden
— , Irregular updates ()Here's a video blog about my latest idea for a new service on Masculinity-Movies.com. Watch the video and tell me what you think! Cool :-)
— , Irregular updates ()Hey guys,
On Friday, Michael Taylor interviewed me for his show “A new conversation with men” on blog talk radio. It was my first interview of this kind and a new experience.
Listen to the interview below.
I hope it is of value to some of you.
Find Additional Education Podcasts with Coach Michael Taylor on BlogTalkRadio
IMPORTANT: To confirm your subscription and receive the PDF, find the confirmation email in your inbox. I value your interest and look forward to getting to know you better. Best regards, Eivind— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()When the credits rolled for The Imitation Game, I was the guy in the cinema who applauded. I had been moved over those two hours by the outlandish (and almost true) story of Alan Turing, the father of computers and the man who defeated the “Enigma” machine. The movie paints a tableau with the megaconflict of World War II in the foreground and Alan’s homosexuality in the background.
In this epic drama, Turing has to hide his sexual nature from a country still living in the shadow of Victorian sexuality, lest he be fired from his job. The implications of this plot stunned me: Had Turing not been willing to live a lie in these pivotal years, the actions of English moralism and homophobia might have precipitated a series of catastrophic consequences for England and the allied forces.
This idea that a whole country, indeed a world, could have brought irreparable damage onto itself from one single act of prejudice has echoed within me since.
Alan Turing, a queer Bletchley fellow
Alan is a fellow at Cambridge university. A mere 27 years young at the outset of the war, he is an unusually gifted, albeit socially awkward man; the movie portrays him as several steps along the autism spectrum (which is a historic fallacy that further entrenches the crazy mathematician archetype Hollywood has become enamored with). Yet, I will not criticize this movie as an historically inaccurate testament of one man’s peculiar genius. I will take it on its own terms, as a self-contained story inspired by real world events.
Back to the story. Alan is en-route to a mysterious job interview with Commander Deniston, a high-ranking officer of the Royal Navy. War has just broken out and His Majesty’s forces are taking quite a beating.
Deniston doesn’t exactly fall head over heels for Alan. Without wit, social finesse and arrogant to the hilt, Alan is stripped of charisma. But against his better judgment, the commander invites the prodigal mathematician on board the team of cryptographers working out of Bletchley radio factory, tasked with a mission quite impossible: Break the Enigma, an encryption device with 159.000.000.000.000 possible combinations, in a time without computers.
Alan wants the job, simply because it seems like a suitably exciting task for his brilliant mind. Yet he enters the team by way of a social harakiri; he proclaims to his new colleagues that they will only slow him down and that he hopes to work in solitude.
Alan is characteristically unable to find his place among the lads.
Joan and Christopher
Alan is not a typical bloke. He doesn’t get the prevailing blokeish social codes and can’t make friends with his male colleagues.
It’s only when Joan Clarke enters the picture that Alan finds a sense of companionship and belonging. Joan becomes an emotionally “safe harbor” for Alan, like so many women have for men of history. And Joan is an intellectual match for Alan, which is clearly very important to him.
Joan is a brilliant mathematician and a strong, autonomous woman, struggling to break free from the cultural mores of her time. She becomes an important influence on Alan and helps him see the importance of building connections with his colleagues, now his inferiors by decree of mr Churchill himself (much to Deniston’s dismay).
One day, Joan tells Alan she has to leave Hut 8 at Bletchley. Her parents are concerned that she is a bachelorette at 25 and wants her home, to a conventional life that we can imagine won’t feel quite as shameful to them.
Joan has become very important to Alan, however. He likes her. So he decides to ask for her hand in marriage. Alan’s proposal is a practical one, in service of keeping one of England’s greatest code breakers on the job.
It is also an emotional proposal, reflective of his feelings of friendship and desires not to feel alone. I imagine, based on my personal experience, that Alan’s emotional grounding from his continued closeness to Joan carried importance for the overall code-breaking job.
Alan doesn’t love Joan like a husband loves a wife, however. His romantic heart, alas, yearns for a soul now gone: Christopher.
Christopher was Alan’s best and only friend in boarding school. Much like Joan, he was a safe harbor in a world of bullies with low tolerance for deviance and strange-looking brilliance (again the theme of straying from cultural mores rears its head). Christopher and Alan were intellectual peers; best students in class and with a shared love for cryptography.
Alan falls in love with Christopher. But Christopher, unbeknownst to Alan, has bovine tuberculosis and one day, on the first day of school, doesn’t return. Alan has lost his only friend and his one true love.
When Alan starts building his code-breaking machine, the one that will eventually conquer the Enigma, he names it Christopher. This is a sweet, albeit historically false, detail.
The archetype of the crazy scientist
Why are mathematicans or genius scientists so often portrayed as weird or crazy? Why is Alan described as severely socially impaired even in light of historic proofs to the contrary? The answer, I believe, resides in the world of mythology and archetypes.
The crazy scientist archetype that so often shows up in movies is connected to the bedrock archetype of the Magician. The Magician has a tendency to disconnect from life and human connection: alchemists hide out in dark laboratories and wizards reside in high towers.
This “high tower-aspect” of the Magician energy is related to taking a bird’s eye view, of seeing patterns, observing nature and making maps of reality. This is a very important human capacity, especially in the context of building a civilization.
But when we adopt a high level of abstraction in our thinking, we may – if we take it too far – start abstracting life, humanity and human relationship. A person lost in that dynamic can become super-eccentric and quirky, lost in a mental world where genius and eternal mindfuck live in wedlock (which seems to describe Turing well).
At worst, however, this person can step into a worldview where life has no inherent value other than as an object of study and manipulation. Much like Saruman in Tolkien’s universe, men and women who fall prey to this “power shadow” lose their eyes for beauty and the elemental nature of reality, turning the magic of nature instead into an object for deconstruction and manipulation.
This power shadow ran amok in Nazi Germany. But it’s present elsewhere too, in places less ominous than the 3rd Reich. It is a common dynamic in e.g the field of gender research (at least in Scandinavia). Many of these so-called researchers hide out in the safety of their own offices, deconstructing reality and generating mental abstractions about the nature of men and women that are completely outlandish.
Stuck in their “towers”, they remain completely out of touch with the beauty of existence. And like Saruman, they often waste away in their own decaying corner of Middle Earth, bitter and convinced that the world is ugly and men and women enemies.
The artists and craftspeople of Hollywood and the rest of the movie world are, I believe, expressing a conscious or intuitive understanding of the “nutty professor” when they bend history in order to make a more impactful storyline. And it works, because it’s resonant with the archetypal field we’re all more or less consciously tapped in to.
Lost boys and lonely hearts
This archetypal theme of losing our connection to beauty, life and nature carries personal implications as well.
Most of you can probably, like I do, remember times in your life when you lost touch with the beauty of existence. You were down. Just depressed, man! In those times, some part of you desperately yearned for the elemental beauty and miracle of life. You yearned to feel your heart and a sense of love and connection.
You yearned, essentially, to escape dark solitude and immerse yourself in the realm of life, love, beauty and relationship. That yearning likely carried the face of a woman. And your longing for this feminine goddess likely reached feverish proportions, because she seemed then to be your only connection to beauty and life.
In that part of your life, you were completely out of touch with your ability to self-generate a connection with Lover energy. Life seemed ugly, dark and scary. And you likely thought this woman was your key out.
Whether that scenario is a perfect or merely somewhat accurate description of your own life experience, the no-nonsense truth is that you became in these times a lost boy yearning for the safety of mommy’s life-giving bosom. This is no cause for shame; most men have experienced this at some point or another. Rest assured that I have. Ideally, we learn from the experience never to make that mistake again.
An almost fail-safe protection exists against this trap: Living your life purpose. When you are on track with your life purpose, your life carries inherent meaning and you don’t need women to validate your worth. It’s a safety net – you can never fall below the energy provided by your life purpose.
All of these themes play out with Alan and Christopher. Alan’s dependence on his long-deceased friend makes perfect sense: He gets to feel the taste of love in the safe container of fantasy. He gets to inject some vital eros into his life purpose (which gives his life meaning). And it helps him stay somewhat connected to Lover energies, an inner territory that he has not learned to reach on his own.
Breaking the Enigma
Enough of that Lover stuff. Let’s go back to war.
Alan’s machine works, but it cannot crunch through the Nazi codes quickly enough. The breakthrough comes when Alan realizes that there are repetitive phrases and words in the German transmissions. By programming “Christopher” (or the bombe machine) to take that into account, the number-crunching can happen much faster.
And what words are always present in Nazi transmissions? “Heil Hitler”!
I can’t emphasize enough how much I love this twist in the storyline. It resonates deep inside the part of me that believes there is some universal principle at play in our lives wherein our own unwillingness to abide by the truth and laws of nature lays the foundation for our own demise, as individuals, as nations, as a species. Some call this karma, and this particular expression of it is totally badass.
But in a matter of minutes, a new problem rears its head: Nazi submarines are about to obliterate a convoy full of civilians en route to the UK. Hugh Alexander, Alan’s charismatic second in command, rushes for the phone, intent on saving the convoy.
And any feeling person would want to do that. But Alan’s strength isn’t in the feeling realm, but in his capacity to see big picture patterns from up high. And he realizes that if they save the convoy, their secret is out and the Nazis are back in control. Their valiant rescue of 500 civilians would have catastrophic consequencs further down the line.
“Sometimes you can't do what feels good, you have to do what is logical,” Alan says, effectively pulling the rug on any new age notions that basing your decisions from your rational faculties is always inferior to following your feelings and intuition.
The fact that his colleague Peter has a brother on board that convoy does not change a thing. Peter pleads with Alan, scolding him for playing God: “You’re not God. You don’t get to choose who lives and who dies”. “Yes, we do, Alan responds.”
I suspect that his willingness to be personally responsible for that position is, if historically accurate, connected to his suicide several years later. Playing God tends to destroy human beings, as numinous energies tend to be hungry for people’s ego structures.
At any rate, Alan’s achilles heel in human relationships turns out, in a twist of fate, to be his strength in winning a war. And from that day onwards, the question for the English tacticians is not “who can we save?”, but “who can we save without the Germans knowing we broke their code?”
That Alan’s high tower perspective is suddenly of benefit may seem confusing, given what I discussed above. This paradox points to how incredibly complex it is to develop a fully mature psyche; the journey is littered with contradictions.
Alan’s epilogue and the archetype of the apocalypse
There is a piece of music that plays in the scene where Alan Turing and his team break the Enigma code. It is called “Mission” and you can listen to it below.
This is the same piece of music that I play in my Reclaim your Inner Throne workshops when a man or a woman has reclaimed the seat of their Sovereignty.
It is a beautiful piece of music, sufficiently regal in its first minute. Then its character changes, into a musical landscape that communicates a somewhat ominous “to be continued”. For Alan Turing himself, that continuation is the break with Joan, the breaking apart of the Bletchley team, Alan’s 1951 arrest for indecency and his subsequent suicide (the exact cause of his death remains a source of some debate).
I mention this piece of music to segue into the present-day world-scene, where I believe we all live under a dark “to be continued” sky right now. We stand at the brink of financial and environmental collapse. Russia is looking increasingly like a fascist dictatorship (oh, the irony). Truth-bending propaganda and outrageous Christian fundamentalism is part of the air a huge number of Americans breathe. And in a different corner of humanity, Sweden has all the signs of impending social collapse after “promoting” every white man to the position of bogeyman and denying the existence of any problems outside of his realm (the totally predictable right-wing resurgence has already started, in Sweden and the rest of Europe).
I could go on. Terrifying events are playing out on a macroscale right now. And yet ironically, statistics show that things are improving dramatically! Fewer people die at war than ever before, homicide rates are plummeting and more people are rising out of poverty every day. Funny how most people seem to think it’s the other way around!
Everything is going better and at the same time everything seems to be going to hell in a handbasket. What the f*ck?
Galadriel puts words to it at at the start of the extended edition of the Lord of the Rings: “The world is changing. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air.”
We’re in the process of world-renewal. I’m absolutely convinced of this. And if you understand the archetypal realm, you know we cannot have world-renewal without a constellation of the archetype of the apocalypse. The apocalypse is widely misunderstood to be about the end of the world. It is not. It is about making that which was hidden visible, in a process of death and rebirth.
At its core, the archetype of the apocalypse is about the Self’s annihiliation of the unhealthy ego.
When our world no longer works and we are en route to impending doom, the apocalypse actually brings with it a perverse kind of hope. The huge leap in human consciousness that followed World War II is but one example of this at play in human history.
Strangely, people of all walks of life and on all levels of consciousness seem to be tapping into this archetype now. And Hollywood has gone crazy about it! Half of the movies coming out of Tinseltown are about the end of the world!
And whether you’re a muslim terrorist, an american right wing christian (oh boy do they want the apocalypse!), a delusional Swedish feminist, a troubled environmentalist, or a spiritual activist, the archetype of the apocalypse is almost inseperable with the promise of one final war.
I don’t want this war! Alas, I know too much not to expect it. The forces of the world are already constellating to give it to us. World War III. It is coming. I’m almost certain of it. The strength with which so many are hungry for world-renewal only increases my conviction.
My only question is “what kind of war will it be?” This war will require Warriors, make no mistake. It may however require a whole other kind of weaponry.
Indeed, I think people like you and me can make a tremendous influence on what kind of war it is. See, war is only superficially about ideology, borders and natural resources. At the core, war is about the Self’s annihiliation of the ego, and the ego’s unwillingness to surrender (that is what starts every war).
If enough people step into the right kind of ego-Self alchemy and understand the dynamics involved in the apocalyptic fantasies, World War III will, I believe, never turn into an armed conflict. Rather, it is more likely to become like a ritual process where millions of initiated people are able to internalize the archetype of the apocalypse by surrendering the ego to the Self (thus preventing the rebelling and terrified ego from projecting chaos into manifest reality), while simultaneously holding a proactive, fierce, uncompromising and deeply compassionate ritual space for the death throes of a dying paradigm, and the souls lost in it.
I will write a full article on the archetype of the apocalypse in the not too distant future, and I will continue to offer the means with which you can become an agent of this powerful, loving world-renewal through my Inner Throne work (as a man, you’re unlikely to find a more powerful initiatory experience online).
Conclusion
The Imitation Game is a beautifully directed, acted and scored movie with a powerful message. It points to the importance of the stage of consciousness known in spiral dynamics as the green meme; which emphasises treating men and women of all sexual, religious, and ethnic backgrounds equally. It will accordingly likely be embraced by many feminists and LGBT-activists, which I think is a good thing.
The movie also shows the blessings and the curse of the unbalanced Magician archetype and the importance of the Lover’s connectedness.
More than anything, however, The Imitation Game reminds us of the terrifying implications of human ignorance and prejudice. I think it bears repeating: Had Turing not hidden his homosexuality, the extreme worst-case scenario (exaggerated to drive a point home) is that we’d all be inhabitants of the 3rd Reich right now. His living a lie, the movie’s epilogue tells us, saved fourteen million lives.
In a different storyline, a homophobic man could’ve put Alan out of his job, bragging about how he served his country by getting that queer Turing fellow out of Bletchley. He would do so ignorant of the fact that he is about to step into a life-experience colored by the fact that his soul somehow knows that he has fourteen million lives on his conscience. Such are the mysterious ways of an interconnected universe.
In other words, if you value your life, your nation and the human species as a whole, you’d better do your homework, claim your sovereignty and be damned sure to stay away from acting on your prejudice.
For with the archetype of the apocalypse so powerfully constellated in our contemporary world, we don’t want to be put the next Alan Turing out of a job.
— , Irregular updates ()I want to tell you that the Men and the Future symposium that was meant to take place in Frankfurt in May/June has been postponed. I have, together with other contributors, been in dialogue with Nick Duffel and Robert Fischer about the event and the outcome of those talks is that the Symposium will be postponed until next year.
I was looking forward to connecting with good men from all over Europe in Frankfurt, but I feel that this decision is the right one and have been an advocate for it. I feel really good about the Symposium next year now and know that the extra time will allow Nick and Robert, with the help of me and other men, to really build momentum around this important initiative.
More to come on this front.
— , Irregular updates ()A brief background
In 1982, the first installment of the graphic novel V for Vendetta arrived on publishing house Warrior and introduced a new paradigm in comic books. Bypassing the usual American superhero formula, V for Vendetta was written for adults about highly charged political themes.
But the story of the episodical graphic novel is heavily rewritten for the silver screen. It has changed in the process from a story with an unpredictable dramatic arc in which V yearns for anarchy and revenge, to one in which V becomes a heroic character that inspires revolt in the people in order for them to wake up and reclaim their civil liberties.
In that way, the big-screen dramatization of the graphic novel takes it one step back towards the tradition of superheros that the graphic novel bravely stepped out of.
V, Evey and the people of England
We first see V in action when Evey, an average London lass, is assaulted by Fingermen (secret police) who intend to rape and kill her. V graces them with his own brand of vigilante justice and then takes her to a rooftop nearby to watch with him his destruction of the Old Bailey, London’s Central Criminal Court, to the crescendo of Tchaikovsky’s 1812 overture.
We find ourselves in a near-future England. The nuclear war that the US started has ended and much of the world lies in ruin. The US is now but a “leper colony” where civil war rages. England has not partaken in the war, but the chaos of the surrounding world looms on its doorsteps.
Abusing the fear like only the extreme right knows, the fascist Norsefire party has manipulated the English into silent obedience and High Chancellor Adam Sutler now reigns supreme. The country has been quarantined and cleansed of the diseased, degenerates, sexual deviants and infidels. Norsefire’s political opposition, amongst which Evey’s now-deceased parents once belonged, has been exterminated in concentration camps.
There is a powerful scene in these early parts of the movie in which V storms the British Television Network in order to broadcast his message to the masses. “There is something terribly wrong about this country, isn’t there?” says V.
His message is powerful because of where he puts the blame: The people of England. There is no “you are victims ra ra ra”-talk. No, it’s a challenge to the people to accept responsibility for the status quo, for letting themselves be manipulated into apathy and submission. V is actually, in a funny way, blessing them. He is seeing in the people the capacity to overcome, to reclaim their true greatness and self-worth.
The Shadow King in Norsefire and the people of England
In the King-quadrant of the archetypal mandala, we find the dynamic of the abdication syndrome. The abdication syndrome is a term that describes what happens when a human being refuses to sit on his own throne in life. When I fail to sit on my own throne, I will place another on it – or someone will place themselves there. Since the presence on that throne is the defining presence in a man’s psyche, this is nothing less than a personal disaster.
The problem with the media, as it operates in the world today, is that it inspires the abdication syndrome in its consumers. Advertising tells us we are shit and the news tells us we are fucked. In such a world, an average person must look for some safety and comfort, and a tyrant will always be happy to provide it (for he knows how to expand his power base). It’s a good thing for the person with an inclination towards tyranny that the media is so easily manipulated into supporting agendas of subversion (Rupert Murdoch anyone?).
But as always, it behooves us to remember the bipolar nature of the archetypal shadow. This means that the abdication syndrome finds its counterpart in the usurpation syndrome. In the usurpation syndrome, the Ego takes over as the King. The Ego is never meant to come into close proximity with archetypal energies – its role is to keep a functional distance from them and provide a healthy structure for facilitating the vast powers of the collective unconscious in which the archetypes live. But when the Ego gets too close to these archetypal energies, it suffers “radiation damage” (quoting Robert Moore) and something twisted happens in a man.
In V for Vendetta we see the abdication syndrome embodied by the people of England. This is what V speaks to in the clip above. The usurpation syndrome, on the other hand, is embodied by members of the Norsefire party. But these polar opposites live in every man and woman. To drive this home in a way that helps you really get this – for this insight is vital in any man’s life – let’s have a look at the scene where V arrives at Lewis Prothero’s home, the leading propagandist of the Norsefire party. Have a look:
In the real world, you need look no further than Fox News for a feeding frenzy of archetypally inflated people who cast their web of deceit and lies over an unsuspecting public.
Posing as the force of good – as do all tyrants and manipulators – they sound increasingly like the propaganda ministry of a police state.
Finch: A glimmer of hope in a pile of shit
Chief Inspector Finch is the man who is investigating the case of V. He seems to be one of the few men in a position of power with some moral fibre left in him. As he penetrates ever deeper down the rabbit hole, Finch and his assistant Dominic start excavating the contours of something sinister in their own ranks.
The leadership of the Norsefire party, it turns out, is responsible for what was thought to be a terrorist attack. Instead of testing their new virus on foreign powers, they decided it was just as well to test it on their own. In the process, they have killed 100.000 and blamed it on religious extremists. This gave them the necessary alibi to instate a fascist police state. (This plotline is remarkably similar to the conspiracy theories surrounding 9.11.)
When Finch learns the horrific backstory of his employer’s rise to power, his loyalty starts wavering. While afraid, Finch is a man who still knows the meaning of integrity. He knows that a man whose work contributes to the suffering of the people and the planet will face his judgment in the silent hours of the night.
Valerie’s Scarlet Carsons
In its dichotomy of fascism vs anarchy, I can choose to see V for Vendetta, roughly put, as a movie also about the masculine vs the feminine. Fascism, as I see it, is a masculine perversion – a system of control so tight that free will all but disappears. The argument is always the safety of the people (“for your protection”), but the price is always the people’s freedom.
Where there is extreme masculine pathology, there is no room for the feminine (and vice versa). In such a world, nature is terrorized, dance and music is outlawed. Culture ceases to exist as a means to inspire the hearts and souls of the people. The “sacred garden” is lost to man. The tree of life withers and dies, the once magnificent rivers run dry and the birds sing no more. There is no beauty here.
In the graphic novel, V – himself a test subject at Larkhill – tends a garden with Lewis Prothero’s permission. That’s how he gains access to the chemicals needed to blow up and escape the place. And when his mission of retribution starts, V leaves a Scarlet Carson – a beautiful red rose – at the side of all the people he kills.
Valerie also used to grow Scarlet Carsons. She was another test subject at Larkhill who wrote the story of her life on a piece of toilet paper before she died. V is in many ways a masculine machine – hell-bent on retribution and on fulfilling his mission. But in his heart, he carries the seed of Valerie – whose beautiful words he found hidden in the wall of his cell. They have opened some soft and precious part in him – crucial, it seems, to his sanity.
Valerie seems to be the most precious thing in V’s world. That is, until he meets Evey.
Through his peculiar relationships to Valerie and Evey, the Lover in V comes out. It is the greatest gift, he explains to Evey as he bleeds to death, she could have given him. This fact may contribute to some young men out there embracing more of that sensitivity in themselves.
The relevance for today’s world
Clearly, V for Vendetta is a comment on a society its creators think have gone off the hinges. I mostly agree with them. The country that worries me most today is the US, but similar tendencies exist elsewhere. What passes as truth today in large parts of the so-called civilized world is deeply worrying.
That a news channel like Fox News has enough viewers to warrant its existence is in and of itself troubling. That it’s probably the most popular news channel in the US is downright scary. I see there a parade of wounded men and women so afraid to start their path of healing that they succumb to massive archetypal inflation. The results are ugly.
I’ve read my Ken Wilber and I know that there is such a thing as levels of development and that our ability to embrace bigger perspectives comes only with time. But the extreme religious right in the US seems to be getting worse, not better. They seem possessed by some archetypal force of such malicious intent that I am concerned for the fate of the world were they to come to power. Their level of immaturity seems limitless. Their willingness to sanctify their worst parts and to deify themselves in the pursuits of absolute world domination is evil.
But there is a huge movement towards good as well in the world. The rising level of dissatisfaction with the status quo amongst the people and our willingness to address the challenges using non-violent means is a cause for enormous optimism.
Whether we speak of the rose march here in Oslo after the heinous acts of terror last summer, the broomstick armies in London after the London riots or the Occupy movement of Wall Street, we see signs of people mobilizing at a grassroots level across the globe. No wonder legislators are trying to pass laws that will limit freedom of speech online. Remember, it is "for our protection". (after starting my work on this review, I have seen these exact words printed in myriad places where camera surveillance is in operation. It has sent chills through me.)
We have answered V’s call in time and the fact that hacker activist group Anonymous (whose intentions I’m not convinced are wholly generative) has adopted his mask as their public face is testament to V’s cultural impact. It seems that there is now a real opportunity for a shift into a new era of inclusiveness, love and shared humanity.
I believe this is the reason why the Lover-suppressing religious right is turning increasingly extreme. The forces of good in the world are gathering momentum – and since the extreme religious right together with monster-boy capitalists are hell-bent on maintaining a society where all expressions of true freedom are policed out of existence, they must be getting really antsy.
The bottom line is that the polarization in V for Vendetta is happening in the real world as well. But thankfully, it seems like the “forces of good” in real life follow a path different to anarchy. I’m wary of idealizing V too much, because lawlessness and a dismantling of social structure seems a poor answer for the challenges we face. Aspiring to V’s path of anarchy is, I believe, misguided. We must follow the middle way, including in the process the healthy parts of left and right, feminine and masculine.
Conclusion
In the movie, V intends to give the people back their power by killing all the heads of Norsefire party before blowing up the houses of Parliament. It is a symbolic act, he believes, of great importance, and by the end of the movie, his Fawkesian plot has been brought to completion.
Evey is the one who pulls the lever which sends the metro train V filled with 100% English Fertilizer (clever irony) to its final destination. She does so because she has come to care for him – and come to believe in the power of his idea. Chief Inspector Finch gets his chance to prevent it, but in his heart, he realizes that the fulfillment of V’s plot is the lesser evil.
The movie suggests that in the worst possible circumstances, actions normally referred to as terror may be morally justified. I can agree in principle, but I still don’t support the overall message. And in truth, the somewhat happy ending of the movie isn’t true to the source material anyway (which ends on a more gloomy note).
I believe that V for Vendetta’s true strength lies in its powerful depiction of a whole people’s willingness to stand down and let themselves be imprisoned by a police state. They let it happen, it appears, because of the huge gravitational pull of their own comfort zones. This is powerful and tells me, in effect, that my own personal journey of challenging my fears has huge socio-cultural implications.
Indeed, only by challenging our comfort zones and fully taking part in the human story can we become truly generative citizens. That is what you left me with, V, and it is no small thing.
— , Irregular updates ()Introducing the Wheelers
The premiere of April's new play has just ended and Frank looks disappointed as he moves to get her backstage. She sits there crying, her once great dreams of becoming a professional actress having just crashed. She's a failure now, performing in a mediocre piece of amateur theatre. Frank, on his side of things, has his own share of worries. He hates his job, thinks he is a pathetic clone of his father, and wonders what the meaning of it all is. Life wasn't meant to be this way for the Wheelers.
Driving home from the theatre, Frank invites April to talk about her distress, but the experience of having her life's aspirations crumble is too fresh for her, and she resists. Frank, as so many men do, pushes her to open up, with the notion that he is serving her in doing so. But Frank does not know enough about women in general or his own wife in particular to understand that such tactics are forfeit. It goes awry and the ensuing chaos culminates with April's deeply wounding questioning of Frank's manhood. The happy life they had envisioned seems far off now.
Escaping lives of quiet desperation
For the Wheelers, life has devolved into a rote existence of make-believe. According to most people's standards the Wheelers are a success: two beautiful children, a charming house on a hill, a stable household. But they aren't like others. Or at least, they didn't want to be. They were meant to be different. Frank wanted to feel things – everything – deeply. That's what drew April to him in the first place, his deep emotional sensibilities and his yearning for truth. Now he feels nothing; he has numbed himself by suppressing his inner yearnings for too long.
Terrified of the life that awaits her, April comes up with the idea to go to Paris, a city Frank has fond memories of from his tour of duty in WWII. Frank never felt as alive as in the war, he enthusiastically tells April in one scene after Frank accepts her invitation. "This is it," he reminisces. "This is the truth." He lights up with the fires of passion as he reminds us that the Masculine finds true meaning only in living life on the edge of comfort and security. That is where the Masculine thrives, where its inner truths are uncovered from the murky waters of the unconscious.
With a way out in sight, everything turns around for Frank and April and their lives take on the exuberant shine of passion and hope. The people around them – friends and colleagues – react with disbelief and deny them any sort of recognition for their bravery in following their truth. Instead, they consider them to be unrealistic and naive, as is to be expected from the silent majority of people who live their lives inside cotton-clad cocoons of comfort and security. The one exception is the alleged headcase John, son of their estate-agent friend Helen.
Like with so many other films I've looked at for this site, Revolutionary Road forces us to consider what madness really is. "Plenty of people are onto the emptiness," John says in a flash of wisdom, "but it takes real guts to realize the hopelessness." April and Frank are puzzled that the only person who seems to understand them is certifiably insane. April reflects on this with these words: "If being crazy means living life as if it really matters, I don't care if I'm completely insane!"
This right here is incredibly profound and I invite you to pause here to investigate closely what John and April are onto. Are you ready to live a life of insanity?
Collapsing back into the cocoon
Frank has regained his passion and true creativity and does some stellar work for the Knox corporation. This catches the eye of CEO Bart Pollack, who has greater things in store for him. When Frank inquires with Bart about his father, a life long employee for Knox, Bart cannot remember him. He clearly didn't leave an impression, being just one of the many faceless drones of corporate America. Frank tells Bart he's going away, and that he cannot accept his fine offer. Bart reminds Frank that he only gets a few opportunities in life, and that he must grab them by the balls if he is to avoid becoming second rate.
So Frank changes his mind. He decides to stay, to grab those balls. It's a mistake, and deep down he knows it. For going to Paris was the scarier choice, the one that shone bright with the radiance of truth. Taking Bart up on his offer required some pretty tiny balls. Paris required major cojones. Often in life, the scarier path is the path of truth.
April knows all is lost, and she enters a state of despair. Her husband is a coward, a little man who lets others conduct his life for him. April was so close, but now Frank's fear has ended all hope. Frank tries to convince her that they can be happy without going to Paris, but of course it's a lie. For it was never about Paris, it was about taking a chance of life, to tread bravely down the path less traveled. Instead, Frank slips on the shoes of the corporate drone and forfeits his soul to the hope that meaning can be found in the safe pursuits of the meaningless.
It's about serving the world
The road to hell is paved with good intentions, it has been said. I think it must also be paved with good careers. Frank chose career over truth, fear over love, and the consequences are dramatic. The climactic scenes are to be studied, for they show how a weak man responds when he is called on his shit by his woman. April enters her dark feminine rage and lets it rip. To most men, this is insanity, but to a mature man, it is a welcome display of nature's feminine power through the vessel of a woman.
But Frank has just retired his manhood, and he cannot weather her storms. For April, life crumbled when she realized she would never know a husband who had the integrity and strength to do what he was destined for. The pain of having her husband commit this ultimate betrayal of his potential is too much for her. What happens then will not be disclosed here.
Frank failed to ask the questions, "What destiny am I here to fulfill? How can I serve the world perfectly in my pursuit of what I was born to do?" These questions raise the bar. Let Revolutionary Road remind you that playing it small and safe in life is hurting yourself, your loved ones, and the entire world. What's at stake here is life itself. And taking a chance on life requires big cojones.
I suggest you watch Revolutionary Road with your woman. It may turn out to be quite a journey. Find out about your journey to Paris that you never took. Talk about what taking it now could do for your relationship.
— , Irregular updates ()I had the great pleasure of interviewing Terry Patten a few days ago. Terry is a highly respected teacher of Integral Spirituality and the author of four books, including Integral Life Practice (co-authored with Ken Wilber among others). After spending time with him over the past year, I also have the pleasure of calling him a friend. I wanted to interview Terry since he will visit Oslo, Norway soon with his workshop “The Revelation of the Soul”.
In the interview below, we touch on a lot of topics dear to my heart. Terry is highly passionate about helping activists remain joyfully alive even as they try to tackle serious problems in a world in crisis. He is clear that we cannot hope to affect real change if we’re coming from a place of frustration, fatigue and despair.
No, the people who will help us move forward are the ones who are passionately alive and who know how to dance and “love brilliantly”. This strikes home with me strongly; I sometimes carry my vision in a way that wears me down.
Archetypally, what I hear Terry say is that we must nourish our inner Lover in order to carry out the Warrior work in this world. I cannot agree more.
At the 07:25 mark, Terry speaks directly to my heart. He is pinpointing the most central theme in my life right now: Letting go of ideas about ourselves and our identities in order to step into who we really are.
Here are some of the highlight moments in this fantastic interview:
02:53 - Activists need to feel alive
04:55 - Being seriously playful
07:27 - Love brilliantly and let identities fall away
12:35 - Strategizing the moment is not going to work
16:40 - Soul and self-transcendence
17:50 - The paradoxical relationship between Surrender and Action
19:25 - The need for Self-compassion
21:50 - Healthy idealism and the heart of the heart
22:40 - What to expect from the workshop
24:15 - 15 years with Adi Da
28:00 - Adi Da: Reconfiguring the image of enlightenmentI look forward to bringing more of Terry to you soon, as he is almost certainly going to be featured as one of the experts in my upcoming archetypal home study course “Reclaim your Inner Throne”.
Enjoy this interview and let me know what you think.
Warmly,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()Hi guys. I must admit I'm not putting nearly as much time into this website as I would like to, but I think that's partly due to the fact that the traffic isn't really taking off. I'm averaging around 20 visitors every day. Some of my more avid readers tell me they love the information here so much they are willing to pay for it, but somehow most people don't seem to come back. Granted, this is pretty high level stuff in many ways and not so easily accessible to the uninitiated I suppose. At least that's what my fans tell me.
That being said, I think there IS a way to make this information more accessible. I have some ideas on how to make that happen, but I would love to hear yours. I want this site to make an impact. I want it to help people! Help me reach my goal. Come out of the woodwork and make your voice heard.
Please!
Thanks :-)
— , Irregular updates ()Last weekend, my friend Peter Kessels took me to the American World War II memorial cemetery in the south of the Netherlands. I made a little video about my experience there.
— , Irregular updates ()I don't know this guy Scott Stratten, but I really enjoyed his impassioned admonition to stop and appreciate what is already here. It is an important confrontation with an outmoded way of being a man in the world. There is no presence, no appreciation when we don't stop. We gotta stop and take all of it in. We may find out that all we need is right here.
If all of what we need is right here, then how are we to be a man in the world? Who is a man without his chase? If you have the answer, please give it below.
— Christopher McCandless, Into the Wild (2007)I read somewhere... how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong... but to feel strong.
— , Irregular updates ()Hint: I want you to take this movie as a complete map to your inner world.
The movie starts with the scene where old Ryan goes honoring the very men that saved his life. He is deeply grateful for those men. The gift that the men gave to him. Risking their lives to get him back home. As he approaches the grave of the Captain Miller the grief and tears come up. His loved ones come closer to him. The old Ryan, a WW II veteran, reflects the war.
It is the year 1944, June the 6th, when the allies decided to land in the sand beaches of German occupied Normandy. The men are in the boats ready to land. The boats are closer to the beach. They are alive. Heart beats. It is probably the last moment of their lives. The Germans are waiting for them in their bunkers with their MG-42's. ”Clear the ramp, 30 seconds! God be with you!”, shouts the boat driver. Cpt. Miller gives last information to his men. The boat doors open, the battle begins.
Now, imagine this. You have a need to feel safer in your school. Or you have a need for better or healthier relationship. Or you want to become closer with your father. Or you want to get out of your unhealthy drug-addicted life-style.
The landing is the moment you see your truth. Your truth might be ”I want to get out of this relationship. / I want to ask for a raise. / I need to say stop to that abusing act of that person towards me. / I don't want to smoke anymore.” Knowing your truth, and believing it, is like standing in the boat. When you decide to live that truth, and risk the fancy old fancy life-style identity, then you're standing at the moving boat ready to land. And living it is a battle!
The enemy (German's with their machine guns) is time. It is time and resistance (your old thoughts and habit patterns in your head fighting you back.) [Come on, you can smoke one. / One more joint is not that bad. / You won't find any better woman. / You're going to be alone. / You won't get any raise. / You're too weak, he's gonna abuse you even more.]
The battle starts and the men are doing their best to survive. Some men die straight in the bullets to the ramp while the doors open. Some men survive and get to shelters. Miller and his men are moving forward. A bomb explodes near Miller and Miller goes into schock. He sees the horror of this war, and he realizes that he is the responsible one for getting his men to shelter.
He sees this himself, alone yet not lonely, and a comrade asks ”What the hell do we do now, sir?!” [After the first days of your decision to make your dreams real you can end up in the darkness and do not know what to do. It's time for asking your own inner true leader, your soul, what to do. Unless you have already touch with your soul, the leader in youself, in this movie in the form of Captain Miller, you're able to lead yourself forward.]
In the field of battle, there is no time to think, no time for doubt, ”What do I really want?”, ”What would person X do in this kind of a situation?”, ”Can somebody do it for me?” - DANGER! Especially on that latter one. Why? Think about this. Men, do you want to make somebody else to fuck your woman for you, and make love to your woman, and you watch aside how your woman and that man are enjoying themselves? That's what manipulators do.
Getting in touch with your soul
If you are one of those men that wonder the meaning of your ife, then this one probably sticks you. We want as humans our lives to be meaninful. We want to give the best to the world. We want to give our gifts to the world. Most deeply. If you are not interested in this, and live like dead people live, you can stop reading this review, and leave this page right now, immediately. Do me a favor.
How to get in touch with your soul if you aren't yet? You can get in touch with your soul through pain. And when you realize this, the pain comes sensation and information instead of suffering and bad. There's a wonderful scene in the movie Fight Club where Tyler [Wildman] leads a ritual process with the main character to reveal the pain, and the main character tries to shut down the pain by meditation: ”Meditation worked for cancer, maybe it works for this” and Tyler responds ”Stay with the pain, don't shut this out.” In battle there is no time to go to the meditation tower, and close eyes. ”You stay here, you're a dead man”, says Miller.
The Leadership of Miller
I say it straight. Cpt. Miller is a role model. He is compassionate, courageous and a true leader. And a true leader is there with you, helping you, understanding you, giving honest feedback, operating from his soul. Seeing others souls, he is followed. [See, Cpt. Miller and the loyalty of his men. ] , [See, Maximus, his leadership in battles and his gift/contribution.] Unlike a self-serving, narcisisstic, coward boss, operating mostly from his wounds, who likes to sit and watch how you do it, to manipulate you to do all the work alone, with his million € prize tag obsession in head. [See, Shadow King in function]
We can see the compassionate aspect of Miller in the scene where he picks up corporal Upham to his squad. Upham is stressed, ”Sir, there are a lot of Germans” [Read demons], and lets Miller know that. Miller, a man with presence, guides him. A more immature General Patton would have shamed him even more and even had slapped him.
The level of maturity of Miller we can see in how he treats his men. How he responds to the challenges, responsibilities that a role of a group leader bring. Upham, a more Lover and Magician, wants to make friends with other more Warrior guys in the group. They shame him a bit. And he's a bit shamed, and taking blows from Mellish, who seems to be most pissed about him. Finally, Miller defends Upham.
Later, Reiben, a machoish man from the streets of Brooklyn, challenges Miller, ”So, Captain, what about you? You don't gripe it all?”, and Miller responds teachingly, and then Reiben challenges him again, ”Let's say you weren't a captain, and maybe I was a major. What would you say then?”, and Miller responds with integrity and humor, and wins the respect and love of his men.
In one scene Caparzo freaks out when he sees one of his country men brutally killed. He lifts his head over the shelter, vulnerable to German snipers. Miller acknowledges this and pulls him back to the shelter. Caparzo asks: ”Why they keep shooting him like that?”, Miller answers: ”As long he has lungs, and breath, he still carries the message. We'd do the same thing.” This kind of leadership action is only available, when one has 'eaten' his own shadows. I felt deep love towards the character of Caparzo after saying ”No, we wouldn't!”.
Miller's humanity and mortality we can see when he does not always notice every single tower where a German sniper could conceal. His hands shakes while holding a compass. And his men see this. They, actually, love him even more. They trust him. Because he is human, just like they are. Miller is not trying to hide it nor trying to show off that he deserves special treat because of his nerve disorder.
He's able to make decisions from his learned wisdom and stay with those decisions eventhough his men are commenting those, and giving advice and perspective. His tenacity of purpose behind his decisions is what makes him strong. Strong in the presence of his men and the world. He accepts the consequences (in the sand bunker Reiben rebelling about his decision and Upham defending the rules) of his decisions (to let the enemy soldier go with a bandana on his eyes) with strenght.
Remembering as a technique to your heart
How do we find our true selves? How do we find our true values? By starting to remember. By starting to remember our history. What has been good and what has been bad.
In the movie private Ryan has trouble to remember anything about his family. And Miller guides him. Remembering events with his family brings up laughter and joy in Ryan.
The archetypal dynamics in the movie
I'm very moved by the character of Jackson, the sniper. He has aim, accuracy and expertice in long distance shooting, shooting right at the goal, with composure and calmness. His buddy Reiben wonders why he can sleep so good during the war. I think one of his secrets lies in his habit of Prayer.
He finds such a good position to his gun, and body, and can shoot long distances, killing the enemy. All needed is - one shot – and good state of mind. What Prayer does when it is done correctly is disidentifying our Egos with God (True King) yet connecting with it. This brings peace, order, just and harmony to the molecyls of the our bodies. [Watch the King nature of General Maximus, and his habit of Prayer.]
We can see the nature of the imperialistic archetypal energies dealing with each other in different situations. Upham is Lover who is not yet in touch with his inner Warrior. Mellish, Caparzo, Reiben, Sgt. Horvath are more Warriors than Lovers. Cpt. Miller embodies mostly King archetype as he is well a mature Warrior, Lover and a Magician.
The conflict between the Warrior and the Lover energies is represented in one scene where Upham tries to make new friends in his new group. They are walking behind enemy lines, and his Warrior buddies are aware of that, they are alert, serious, and disciplined. The Lover is the energy of play and display. But the Lover lacks discipline. The Lover lacks boundaries.
We can see that Upham's acts behind enemy lines (which probably were more suitable on a bar or a sunny beach) do not belong there. Caparzo disciplines him. We have to understand that those energies do not like each other, and they do not understand each other. They shame each other.
Eventhough Upham's buddies are more Warriors it does not make them more mature. Caparzo loses his Warrior discipline, and engages the Lover in the battle situation, he starts to eat apples. He hears shooting, and runs next to the Cpt. Miller. With the curiosity of the Lover energy, Caparzo raises his head over the shelter to look what's happening. The Germans shoot more his buddy to make sure that his buddy is dead. This, of course, from the Lover perspective, looks brutal.
Later, Caparzo sees a family suffering the horrors of the war, the hysteric father, the crying daughter. Now, Caparzo has lost contact with his squad. He's in the Lover, and cannot hear Captain's orders. Soon, a German sniper shoots him to the chest. He's dead.
The Lover aspect of Upham we can see again in the bunker scene when he is befriending the enemy, giving him his buddy's drinking water, and lecturing the Captain about the rules of war.
Later however, Upham starts to feel more Warrior, and his buddy Mellish more Lover. In one scene when the squad is walking in the fields Mellish sings and Upham walks more Warrior aware of the atmosphere.
One thing that tends to happen constantly if we do not own strong and healthy ego inner structures is that our ego is completely at the mercy of the events and the archetypal energies. When we do not have a conscious relationship with ego and the achetypal energies, our ego is unconsciously in the hands of unconscious forces, and the archetypal poles tend to possess you magnetically 'throwing' your ego side to side, from passive to active poles.
We can see this in Mellish when fighting against a German soldier. They're fighting for their lives. It is a life threatening situation. Mellish pulls out his combat knife. Now, it gets more serious, dangerous, intense and life threatening. They wrestle. Soon the knife is pointing at Mellish's chest. He is exhausted. The German is on the top. (A more comfortable situation in Brazilian Jiujitsu, eh?)
To make sure of his survival, the German starts to manipulate cleverly. And this captures Mellish's attention. Mellish starts hoping for peace and engages the Lover energy, while losing his Warrior energy. And the knife, slowly, lands to his chest, penetrating his heart. Mellish died. German survived.
I've talked about the character of Upham already. Finally, however, I feel very good for him. There's a scene where he sees Cpt. Miller (his leader, his King, to whom he looks up to) being shot. That was the last nail of his Warrior passiveness (The Masochist/The Coward). He finds courage, and steps up to make his stand on the war more honorable to himself and his squad. His disciplined Warrior energy makes all the five soldiers drop their weapons.
The similar thing happens to the German soldier that happened to Mellish before. The German soldier does not respect Upham, and his status. To take his honor back, Upham shoots the guy who shot his King, and let's the other surrendering soldiers go.
The importance of grief – tears as a doorway to maturity
Grieving is beautiful. Grieving is releasing. Grieving is 'bucketing' the pain out from our veins. In this movie we can see it in a lot of scenes. Men crying. When we grieve we're accessing the Lover.
Caparzo finds a Hitler Jugend knife and hands it over to Mellish. Soon this brings up grief inside Mellish, and Mellish weeps. He probably felt flashbacks of the horrors that his people or family have suffered in the hands of Nazi Germany.
Remembering good times brings up grief. In the movie when the squad spends the night in old church, Wade remembers with tears in his eyes times spent with his mother. We're accessing our hearts.
Miller grieves the loss of one of his good men, Wade, behind the rocks, after a taking over a German occupied bunker.
Upham, who has not integrated Warrior fully, seeing the horror of the war, brings up strong grief in multiple situations and leads him to feeling the war, yet unable to fight.Repressing grief leads to unprocessed grief. Unprocessed grief leads to emotional shut-down. As emotionally shut-down men we're unable to feel compassion towards ourselves, the world and other souls. What we see constantly is our own projections, instead of the other person.
We lack the ability to feel the power dynamics of the world, and become titans serving the blind forces of destruction. Example of these in the movie we can see when two american soldiers assassinate two surrendering German soldiers, and then the other one laughs sadistically. Cpt. Miller sees his country men committing dishonorable acts, and looks it with a shameful understanding.
Before leaping into battle
A warrior has to know, exactly, what he wants. He has to have his goals – values - burned in his soul. Often those very goals come in the most terrifying situations we encounter that we call life changing experiences. Only then luckily we end up deciding what we want in our lives – read life-changing decisions.
If we really don't know what we want, deep down, we will be fulfilling other people's goals and could end up like Cpt. Algren in the movie The Last Samurai killing innocent defenseless native american people and suffer trauma after it. A true warrior must be willing to be abandoned, alone, even if his inferiors and superiors are going fight a sick battle.
The warrior needs the help of the magician. The magician aspect makes the warrior a such master over his weaponry. This means once you have the goal, let's say durable happiness, for instance, permanently in your consciousness, the job of the magician is to tell the warrior how to get there. You have to plan situations, evaluate the risks, costs of effort - ”What is the worst thing that can happen to me?”, then to take action.
There's an excellently humorous movie about how to plan your days, Edge of Tomorrow, with Tom Cruise and Emily Blunt. (From that I got the very inspiration that I needed for this topic).You may need the help of the mature men in this world, who are fighting the same war as you, like Captain Miller goes to get info of what to do next from his superior after successful operation of landing.
Study your enemy - those self-shaming demons that are holding the keys to your door. Get specific. Only when you know your enemy, you can fight against it. You can lead your team to victory, when you are aware of your enemy. Captain Miller has done his homework as a Captain to land and lead his team. He has studied tactics, and strategy. He sees up in the hill a German machine gun position and leads his team, step by step, to victory.
The fact is that values are won by battle. If there is no battle, there is no values. A mature warrior knows his values and limitations unlike the Hero who takes unnecessary risks everywhere without any idea of his limitations and what he deeply wants. A Warrior has strategic planning, the Hero is there only to show off how tough he is.
Your purpose is to be found in the presence of other men or in solitude.
When the squad leaded by Miller finds Ryan, and Miller engages to tell him that he and his squad came to get him back home out of the horrors and dangers of the war, Ryan is reluctant with this offer. He receives Miller's message, with love, and understanding, but he feels deep in his heart to fight the battle with his fellow brothers. All the other brothers of him died in the battle. He feels that even though it would be an wonderful offer, caused by the love and work of other men, and his mother, he wants to give his gift to the men and to the world, because that's is the most honorable deed he can ever do in his life.
Reiben shouts: ”Hey asshole, two our guys already died trying to find you, alright?”, Ryan listens, and feels this. He asks their names to feel more trust in them. This makes his heart melt. And Miller, like a mature King, is with him. Now, an lovely and comfortable idea of going home to mother and leaving the war sounds way too easy ticket out of life to Ryan, and his deepest heart desire is to stay with his brothers. It is his honor. Cpt. Miller accepts this and understands this.
Solitude is another way to get in touch with your purpose, and soul. To become a true leader is to become alone – one. Then one has to accept the responsibilities and consequences that his mission carry. To be a true leader is to be alone yet not feeling lonely.
As Poet David Whyte writes in his poem, Everything Is Waiting For You, ”To feel abandoned is to deny the intimacy of your surroundings”. Miller realizes his mission in a sunlight in the bomb shock scenes (one in the beginning of the movie, and later one in the end of the movie.) He accepts his responsibilities in the war.
Conclusion
You can really learn a lot from these movies if you have a desire to look and feel what the movie wants to tell the audience. Be awake.
Know your purpose, and be willing to give up everything else in your life to live your purpose. That is where your core is released from stress.
Ryan in his latter days, still feels, the other men's love. He visits the graves of his fellow men and honors the very men that were saving his life. It is his honor to go and remember those good things that he and his men have done and the times spent with his fellow men.
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— , Irregular updates ()For the readers of my newsletter, this is the place to share the intention you set and visualizations you did as you focused on 2011 on January 4.
For people who don't read my newsletter (you can do something about that right now by subscribing on the sidebar), you too are invited to share your goals for 2011 below.
— , Irregular updates ()Here's food for your Lover archetype. Nature is magnificent.
The Aurora from Terje Sorgjerd on Vimeo.
— Jake Sully, Avatar (2009)All I ever wanted was a single thing worth fighting for.
— , Irregular updates ()(this blog post is a duplicate, with minor edits, of a newsletter I just sent out. Subscribe to the newsletter on the sidebar).
Hi Guys,
[caption id="attachment_1105" align="alignright" width="412" caption="Time to gather around the fire"][/caption]
2011 is upon us. I hope you took the chance to set your intention for the year - either on New Year's eve or January 4 as I suggested. It makes a big difference. I also hope your celebration was great, though it could hardly have topped mine ;-)
Seriously, I think I had the best New Year's celebration of my life this time around, spending two days with old and new friends untangling our egos, dismantling our stories, dancing till we dropped, being nekkid in a sauna together, laughing our heads off, going deep together, eating well, being rude (in a good way) - really liberating to be so open with others.
This is an important blog post and I don't want to take too long getting to the point, but I gotta share this one moment that had me laughing so hard I cried. Certainly, it's one of those "you had to be there moments", but I'm gonna share it anyway.
The running joke among me and the guys I went with become "No more holding back. From now on, we're gonna f*ck everything open!" This is guy lingo for penetrating obstacles and fears and always open to truth.
We took this a bit...ahem, far...and found oblong, oval cushions - these things were big - and well... put them between our legs - and "f*cked the room open" (launching our truth into the room ;-P).
Thankfully, we shared the moment with some amazing women, and as we sat there laughing our heads off, the women went down on their knees and prostrated to our big cushion c*cks. God, I thought I was gonna die.
Humm, why exactly am I telling you this? *blush* Probably because it's time to stop holding back!!! And it was such an epic mix of parody and authentic male potency I had to share it with you. Universal rule: You really need to be zany once in a while to reclaim yourself. "Insanity" is the best antidote to conformity.
Anyway, I can't remember the last time I had this much fun and it ended with me and my two friends pledging Brotherhood before we split up. Damn, I love these dudes.
So, onto this issue of building a tribe...
Yes, I want to step it up in 2011. I want to build global brotherhood! There is a Whisper on the Wind already. As I listen, I feel called to act. There aren't that many places for men to meet online. Aside from whatever arenas exist within the Pickup community (which I have virtually no connection with), I personally only know of the inner circle provided by the Authentic Man Program (kick ass, but costs money) and the community over at Art of Manliness.
The latter seems, after cursory investigation, to have a slightly more macho vibe than I feel called to participate in. I want to provide community for the "new man", the dude who has integrated his Feminine and has gone beyond "manning up". This man is ready to take it to the 3rd stage - the Black Knight of the stories. His path is not up. More often, it's in and it's down.
That is where true male power blossoms, where gentle strength, Brotherhood, and absolute and total commitment to Truth and Love, even when the personal cost is significant, is the name of the game.
The world is f*cked right now (in a bad way) and we need to do something about it! The good news? Conditions have never been better to change the world and as the collapse of civilization draws nearer, so does the hope for complete and utter revolution of our species. I look to Authentic World. Decker Cunov, Bryan Bayer and the rest of those guys and gals inspire me. And they are way too few. Cause you know what - politicians and CEO hotshots are not gonna get this one handled. We will! I think of that saying "we are the ones we have been waiting for" and know it to be true.
So I want to set up a community on Masculinity Movies, where we can take the next step. A place where we can gather around the fire and tap into those ancient cosmic threads of knowledge, power, love and wisdom that we need so desperately now to make it through to the next phase of our co-created human story. On our own, we are powerful. Together we are unstoppable. No more holding back!
I'm about to invest in a Ning platform to set up that community. I envision men's groups across the globe meeting to watch powerful movies and going deep together - and that is just the beginning (I already have interested people in Holland, UK and Australia).
As the work and financial effort needed to make this happen falls on me, I would LOVE if you gave your feedback on this idea below. I'm stretched financially and this is gonna set me back several hundred dollars. Not a lot, I guess, but right now, significant enough. It helps to know you are on board with all of this and that I'm not talking to myself here.
And if you are as excited as I am about this idea, spread this blog post by using the social media buttons below and contribute to the rapid growth of a tribe I desperately want to have an impact on the world in 2011. It will be just one of many. The alliances that are about to form around the world to confront the challenges that face us makes me buzz with excitement.
I will write you soon and tell you more about the development of the technical platform, so that you know when you can jump in and take it for a spin.
Thanks for your attention and I leave you with a challenge: Stop holding back! Become who you truly are. NOW
Again - your feedback please.
In Brotherhood,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()When you forgive, you love. And when you love, God's light shines on you.
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— , Irregular updates ()On Friday, I was featured in a big article in a national magazine here in Norway. It was on the new men’s movement and the evolving male role. The exposure came through no effort of mine – a journalist called one day and wanted to talk; other people in the story had mentioned my name.
In harvesting the fruits of years of labor, I’ve come to feel new things inside. New reflections are coming up. I shared the following with my Facebook friends earlier today. I now want to share it with you. It’s a challenge for you. For us. To step up. Because the world truly does depend on it.
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The stuff around the D2 article and feedback I've been receiving has me realize that if I now want to, I can deliberately – over quite a short period of time – build a name for myself as a leader of the next unfolding step of the gender discourse in Norway.
That scares me. After I saw myself on print, I noticed that the open-heartedness and strong sense of unity I've felt over the last several weeks faded and there was a stronger sense of separation again.
One way of framing that is that I'm cautious of my ego acting up on me – that I'm afraid it will overcome me with its desire to be grandiose and "special". I think that's an interpretation of lesser consciousness. I see people do ego-bashing – I've engaged in it myself – and it doesn't inspire me.
What tends to happen with ego-bashing is that the super-ego hijacks the battle against ego. The battle against ego becomes my identity. Instead of becoming free, the devilishly sneaky super-ego hijacks the whole dynamic, turning me into its bitch. When our super-egos successfully turn us into flagellants, people who think that we will become free by punishing ourselves for being human, they have installed a near-perfect immune system in us. In the hunt for ego-death, we become slaves of the super-ego. Shit, eh?
(If we're going to do ego-bashing, let's outsource it to someone who's good at it, and can deliver it to us with precision. Rare individuals can pull this off – but when we try to emulate this in ourselves, we are *fucked*)
No, I think a deeper cut is that I – WE – are afraid of being large, as in – who might we be if we stopped holding back and stepped into our full power?
It's so easy, especially from a new-agey anti-hierarchical perspective, to frame such thoughts as being hungry for power and for looking good. To frame the healthy desire to fully give our gifts as pathology. False humility seems to be an ideal.
But fuck me – I love the people who I consider as teachers and leaders. I love that I'm going to Boulder to study Circling with Decker Cunov et al. I love that Ken Wilber has contributed his eccentric genius to my interior maps, that Robert Bly has opened my heart and soul, that the lovely ladies of Celebration of Being have contributed their sensitivity and compassion, that David Deida taught me about polarity and the 3rd stage, that Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette have contributed their archetypal genius, that Carl Jung dared to be a forerunner for us all, that Dag Furuholmen and Eirik Balavoine have taught me lessons on maleness, that The ManKind Project opened me to my grief and strong feelings of brotherhood and that Alex Vartman has added a dollop of shame-disrupting sexual play and powerful transmission. To mention but a few.
I have been arrogant in the past. But misunderstood where it was coming from. I would frame it as pathology and beat myself up for it, trying to be falsely humble, so as to reject a deeper knowledge that secretly frightens the shit out of me – that I'm meant to lead.
A deep sense of arrogance can come from being a leader that's not living his or her leadership. You kow what? I think we all experience it in some sense or another. We're all leaders waiting to find our followers. And if I lead you in one area of life, I follow you in another. Leadership has ceased being a fixed dynamic – it's becoming an ever-evolving organic flow, taking into account the different lines of development, rejecting the one-dimensional interpretation of leadership that would have us think that whoever is our teacher should be our teacher in ALL areas of life. Just because I'm an expert on archetypes doesn't mean I can teach you jack about playing the guitar.
Here's what I think. When we know we must lead, but don't dare to, then we start becoming grandiose – to compensate for the betrayal of our soul's impetus to move, to become itself fully.
And thus, there comes that moment in life where not leading is the path of unhealthy ego. Where not leading, not stepping up, is being violent, is the act of betrayal.I'm getting awfully close to that point. I dare bet that a lot of you reading this are too. And it freaks me the fuck out. Which is why I've been spending a lot of time this weekend in refuge, playing a game on my new phone: Knights & Dragons.
Enjoying that I'm not beating myself up for it. It's a good game! Little colorful men with magic swords killing colorful dragons that drop little stars, amulets and shit. From the perspective that there is something healthy in the weirdest behavior, I call it integration time.
Though here's the bottom line: It's time to step up, people. That goes for us all! The world is burning. And it will keep burning as long as people like you and me sit on our asses, wallowing in the pain of not stepping up.
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PS! And if you want to join me in the wonderful mini-world of Knights and Dragons, which I may seek refuge in as I burn in the intensity of this a little longer, use my code for a magic armor WBD-NPH-QVZ. I’m serious, bro.
— , Irregular updates ()Now here's a little update for you. Masculinity Movies LIVE is drawing ever closer and I've been talking to many people about it and putting up some posters. Excitement is building among a small group of engaged men and I have the feeling that it's going to be a great night. As I feel into what this means to me, I realize it is an evening of great personal significance. The launch event back in June of last year was important, but MM LIVE is a more authentic expression of my own personal vision. To gather a group of men who meet as equals, brothers who pool their resources to make the sum greater than its parts; this is the way forward for men. We have been hiding in isolation for too long, talking about things we don't really care about because we are too afraid to be authentic.
The time for that has passed! So here's to keeping it real. The end to bullshit! I look forward to May 14.
Join me there if you can... (Invitation)
Eivind
Rick Belden is the author of Iron Man Family Outing: Poems about Transition into a More Conscious Manhood. Inspired by a puzzling series of dreams about a favorite comic book hero from his boyhood, Iron Man Family Outing chronicles Rick's arduous but ultimately healing odyssey into a dark and damaged internal landscape, the wreckage of a childhood spent with an angry, abusive, distant father. In the course of the book, as Rick begins to understand these dreams and allows them to lead him forward, he also begins to accept his unique personal history, understand its consequences in his adult life and take responsibility for his own healing. Iron Man Family Outing is widely used in the United States and internationally by therapists, counselors and men's groups as an aid in the exploration of masculine psychology and men's issues, and as a resource for men who grew up in dysfunctional, abusive or neglectful family systems. It has been ranked as one of the top 12 poetry books at Amazon.com and the most popular book on father-son relationships, as determined by reader reviews. In a September 2009 interview with Dr. Chris Blazina on his weekly program The Secret Lives of Men, Rick spoke about some of the factors that motivated and inspired him to write Iron Man Family Outing:— , Irregular updates ()"It’s the story of a period in my life that was highly transformational. And I had the sense, as I began to pull this all together, that this might actually be useful to other men as a pattern or a template or a map to kind of go into their own processes a little bit more deeply, and to give them some reference points in terms of feeling, in terms of developing a relationship where they get information from their bodies and their dreams, and to really give other people, men in particular, permission to open up to this stuff and share it with other people ... that they feel safe with. "I was really moved to do a lot of this because I’d been in men’s groups and I’d seen men talk about things in ways that I’d never seen men talk before. I had close friends, we never talked like that, we never shared our emotions with one another. It wasn’t safe to do it. So I was really inspired by that, and my first purpose in doing this book was to open a window into my own process and complete the process for myself, but the larger purpose is to give the opportunity, the permission, and as I said, maybe a pattern or a template or a map for other men that feel ready to go a little deeper into themselves and find out what’s there ... "Really, I guess what I would say is that, in probably the most elemental way, the book is about progressing toward, not so much a resolution … it’s not a how-to book … it’s more about progressing toward a greater understanding, a greater awareness."Rick's second book, Scapegoat’s Cross: Poems about Finding and Reclaiming the Lost Man Within, is awaiting publication. He lives in Austin, Texas. Rick's website: http://rickbelden.com Rick's blog: http://blog.rickbelden.com
— , Irregular updates ()Arjuna Ardagh has posted a video blog that continues the important conversation that has been going on on Masculinity Movies for the last couple of weeks based on my criticism of his manifesto (see below).
He mentions me in it, in a way which doesn't really represent very well what actually happened. I was never outraged, though Arjuna believes I was - which made him angry (which is pretty obvious if you read his comments on my website). He hates David Deida so he decided to hate me for having translated his book. Only for a short while though. And he apologized for that so all is cool. I criticized the manifesto with the wish to open up a dialogue around how it could be improved. I believe I achieved my goal.
Unfortunately, Arjuna has at this point chosen to keep me out of the debate, choosing not to approve a comment in which I acknowledged his heart for the work and how there are points of improvement, but I'm not too bothered by it. What's important is that this debate is proving very valuable for me as I'm getting closer and closer to the core of what is subtly wrong about his approach, despite any wonderful healing it is currently providing (which is obviously a good thing). And it involves the importance of understanding the path from boy to man fully.
But I'm lead to believe that perhaps the manifesto for conscious men was never primarily about building men's self esteem and sense of worth, maybe it was more about healing women. Good if any of that happened, even better if healing could become an inclusive process.
I will return to this when it all gets clearer.
— , Irregular updates ()That is the message I got after I announced that I will be producing a free downloadable booklet on the KWML archetypes. Out of the woodwork crawl these amazing guys who "just happen" to be working on the exact same things.
I just got off Skype with one of them, Ken Nichols. Ken is a guy who really inspired me with his authenticity and presence. I'm going through a rough spell now and I felt his heart reach out to me and it put me at ease. He even left me with an amazing poem to contemplate as I go through some heavy processing of childhood material. That is one heck of a way to build trust.
Ken and his business associate are - will you believe this - planning a business with real life growth adventures based on the KWML archetypes. It boggles my mind. What they will be offering is really edgy, buckle up hardcore stuff over the course of a year, tapping in to each of the archetypes on a quarterly basis. What they're planning looks pretty incredible and has me challenged. Doing their KWML year looks like a hell of a journey. One that would definitely take me outside of my comfort zone.
Ken wants to collaborate on writing the introduction to these archetypes since we have a shared interest in this and I have a feeling that it's only the start of it.
In other words - watch this space.
I'm stoked!
— , Irregular updates ()An early test version of The Tribe is up and running here:
http://tribe.masculinity-movies.com/
It's not running on Ning after all, but on BuddyPress. Let's see if it is good enough for us.
— , Irregular updates ()Thanks to Pelle Billing, I became aware of Gay Hendricks's and Arjuna Ardagh's Manifesto for conscious men today. Reading it made me feel queasy, disrespected, shamed and under attack. It is impossible for me to recommend this document as a path to consciousness for men. It has enormous problems and looks to me more like a path of ignorantly taking on a shame that isn't ours to bear, just because it seems like a noble thing to do. But no man should ever pick up shame. Its energy eats men's souls for breakfast.
What are the problems of this manifesto? First, it gives an extremely one-sided view of history. It buys into the myth that men are perpetrators and women are victims. Women's rights movements have been hiding behind this myth for the last several decades and used it as alibi to launch extremely hurtful attacks against men and the masculine psyche. Men as a result are now hiding en-masse from their inner essence – seeking themselves in the world of the Feminine – feeling disempowered and depressed as a result.
History is indeed a place of suffering, but not just for women. And history is also a place of world-building and generativity, and not just by women. Discrediting masculine pain by focusing one-sidedly on feminine pain and discrediting masculine generativity by focusing one-sidedly on feminine generativity is misguided at best, hurtful at worst. I can't see how it will contribute to anything but further herd the hurting men of today's world into shame and disempowerment, from which place they will have no potency left to aspire to the worship of the Feminine which Ardagh and Hendricks encourage.
Further, it propagates as healthy the concept that I should accept the responsibility for all the pain that has been caused the Feminine by the men of the past. I see as a subtext that a woman should accept victimhood on behalf of the Feminine for all the attacks on her that were carried out by the men of the past (many of which, especially in the Abrahamic religions, are undeniable). This understanding is extremely one-sided and partial and totally erases from the equation the enormous positive efforts the Masculine has contributed in service and protection of the Feminine throughout history. Does it count for nothing? The millions of men who freely gave their lives to protect their families and build civilization as we know it – so that the supposedly suppressed women of today can enjoy all the trappings of comfortable living, blissfully ignorant of the masculine infrastructure that runs like clockwork in the twilight hours to make it all possible? All of this so readily discarded by the so-called conscious man of today in favour of wallowing only in the misery of having burned women at the stake? I think not! We must see the complete picture!
This worldview fails to recognize that the pain which has been caused the World and the Feminine by the Masculine has been caused by boys (not men) perpetrating their own inner confusion due to a lack of initiation into the mature Masculine. I'm reminded of the story that Robert Bly tells of the man and the woman fighting one evening. The woman is hurt, driven by the energy of a thousand years of pain. The man feels helpless faced with her feminine rage and the having to stand responsible for the suffering of millions of women that he never met. And his woman wants it all resolved by midnight. What is a man to do? Turn numb from the neck down probably.
Perhaps the biggest problem of the manifesto, however, is that the authors fail to recognize that the biggest challenge most men have today is that they are totally mired in the Feminine. The role of the old initiators was to bring us as boys from the feminine world into the masculine world. But since the initiators abdicated or died, boys grow up never knowing the masculine world. So we remain boys. And from the perspective of boys, we are supposed to worship the Feminine as the path to masculinity? This advice is exceedingly ignorant with regards to the nature of the masculine psyche. What men need to serve the Feminine – and we do need to do just that – is initiation into manhood. True initiation into the mysteries of the Masculine can never be given by women. Any such attempts will arise and crumble in an oedipal territory of shame and confusion. The old initiators knew that. And the women who lived with them knew that. I recently talked with an aboriginal elder about this very issue and he confirms my perspective. (I will release an interview with him soon).
And while I agree that we lack respect and admiration for the ever-mysterious feminine forces of our world, this approach is likely to bring us no closer to the intended destination of honoring Her more. My recommendation is to let this one pass you by and to wait for a truly generative manifesto – that honors both men and women, both the Masculine and the Feminine. As I see it, this manifesto fails to deliver the nourishment of the masculine soul that we all need to serve as stewards of the Feminine.
We are men. Personally, I think that is a beautiful thing. Our authentic presence is the truest gift the Feminine will ever know. Don't buy into the shame.
— , Irregular updates ()Stanley Kubric’s last film, Eyes Wide Shut, provocative as it is, is not “an astonishing tour de force of eroticism” as the Evening Standard suggested when it appeared in 1999. It is far more important than that. The key to this profound movie is in its title: Eyes wide shut. It shows how a couple can be in an intimate sexual relationship and blindly miss each other, and it recounts the consequences which can ensue.
In particular, the husband has his eyes wide shut, and the marriage is all but destroyed. In the very last moments there is a redemption. The wife declares that they have now – through the process they have undergone – awoken. And they re-choose each other. They have made it – but only just.
Eyes Wide Shut is the masterpiece of a dying film-maker. Kubric was busy with the profundities of life in all his movies. That he should make his final film about love and relationship – choosing a real-life husband and wife to star in it – says much about how important he must have considered the subject matter. Such gravitas enriches the carefully coded study of love that the film is. But here all is not what it seems: The most dramatic episodes are the least significant; the most domestic ones the most heavily charged with meaning.
It seems to be all about sex – but it is not: It is about relationship. Cruise and Kidman’s marriage did not survive and I wonder how much the intensity of playing in this film contributed to it. At the time Helena and I wrote to them to offer them therapy, but of course we had no answer!
At an unusually slow pace, the film obsessively deals with the subjects of love, relationship and intimacy, though to the casual observer it is steeped in excitement and eroticism. The truth is that there is plenty of sexuality in the film, but more accurately the role of sex is – as it is in life – to be the catalytic force which creates, impels and changes us.
This is the deeper side of sex which our culture generally overlooks. Interestingly, some Native American spirituality features Sex as a catalyzing element that is placed in the centre of the Medicine Wheel, while other post Christianity versions of the wheel omit this. Principally the film is not about sex, but about seeing and transformation.
It is about whether we look beyond the surface of things, whether we live behind our masks, whether we can be really bothered to look into another person, and dare to go for intimacy (into-me-see). Otherwise we may treat the other as only an image, and therefore an object for our desires or fantasies. This is deathly.
What is shocking in the film is not the eroticism (that is not even very arousing) but the extent to which humans can exploit each other as if they were objects to be used and then disposed of. This is acutely demonstrated through the characters of the party-host and the costume-renter. These two abuse their power, feeding off and destroying the innocence in their care.
A mythological journey
The film is like a dream or mythological journey. Time spans are not literal, and characters are like archetypal dream figures. The Tom Cruise character is the perfect handsome dutiful husband married to a glamorous woman, played by Nicole Kidman. But there is something in their intimate life which seems not to satisfy her. One night, at an opulent party, she resists a seducer, who attempts to tantalise her with the notion of marriage as a launching place for selfish hedonism.
Later, having temporarily left the rational world through taking drugs, she challenges her husband about his fidelity. He responds that he would never be unfaithful: he loves her, she is his wife, and she is beautiful. But this won’t do: she is enraged. We, the viewers, can imagine that this is because it is not about her, that she feels objectified. He can own her, want to fuck her, but can he care about her? Their current level of married bliss is no longer enough for her.
So she tests him further by describing her fantasies concerning a single glance she once received from a naval officer. The passion which this look promised was enough to make her risk everything, even her family; and yet it made her love her husband even more. In other words, she needs more than a basic static level of married intimacy – she needs passion and dynamism to enrich her love.
But the husband just does not get it. He becomes jealous and feels cheated. He becomes obsessed with his fantasies of her and the sailor. The picture that runs inside his head is not one of intense intimate passion, but of raunchy sex between strangers. And next, he sets out to get some for himself, by means of various chance encounters. Through one mythic night he acts-out in secret and puts himself at grave risk.
However, he fails to satisfy his excitement and curiosity. He never actually finds what he is looking for. But he does run into unexpected intimacy. The most intimate scene is when he is with a masked woman with a perfect body, and he wants to see her face. Eventually, she gives her life for him.
In effect, he receives nothing but utter kindness from all the women he meets. At the same time, his wife goes on a parallel dream journey, in which she is an object of shame. But they are in separate worlds, polarised, and drifting apart.
The power to transform
After his long Odyssey, the husband finally comes home. His wife is asleep, and next to her, on the pillow, he sees his missing costume-mask. In a flash, grief and remorse overtake him. He finally realises that she has been living with half-a-man, one who has been masked and blind. He sees that he has been running his life from his driven ego-personality, (persona is Greek for mask), from the power of his role, rather than from his soul.
Now that he is finally able to really feel something, he is able to look at his wife fully in the face. She (and the other female/Anima characters) have provided him with a mirror in which he is now able to see the catastrophic journey he has been on, driven by his own fantasies, servicing his own neediness, to find an erotic adventure. He has awoken to his shame, not a neurotic shame as Adam and Eve’s (where the whole cultural mess started) but to his existential shame of how he failed to honour his ‘naked’ truth, and relate honestly to his beloved.
Now that he has ‘seen’ himself he can awaken to her – if she still wants him to. The closing words are spoken by the wife: “We have one thing more to do – we need to fuck.” This ‘fucking’ is something which is neither naive nor obsessive – it is awoken, intimate, jointly chosen. They have polarised, and now they have grieved – to complete their healing they must unite in the age-old simple way. This is awakened power and sexuality: it creates an alchemy which we call ‘Potent Intimacy’.
Eyes Wide Shut accurately describes how easily men and women miss each other and drift apart, to polarise as enemies, or settle for a quiet loneliness. It is inevitable, for men and women are different in their centres of charge and in their imaginations. They have entirely different fantasy lives. In her imagination, she harbours a longing for intimacy, which needs to be satisfied before she is ready for sex. He, for his part, needs sex before he is ready for intimacy. He leads, as is were, with his genitals, and she with her heart – a very common inter-sex impasse – see our book Sex, Love and the Dangers of Intimacy. No wonder it is so easy to miss each other!
The eyes are the tools of the heart, and if they are shut the heart will be too. But when through his search the husband awakens to his heart – and the medium is grief, as it always is – and can make it available in the relationship, she opens to him sexually, and the circle can be completed, the medicine wheel has been spun.
— , Irregular updates ()Known to US audiences as The Ghost Writer, the perhaps slightly misleadingly UK-titled The Ghost appeared on screens across the UK in April last year to pretty mixed reviews. Recently, it was given a new lease of life as part of the new Orange Thursdays offer, which lets customers download a film from iTunes every week – for free!
The film tells the story of a writer (Ewan McGregor) who has been offered the chance to ghost-write the memoirs of a former British Prime Minister, Adam Lang (Pierce Brosnan). Lang has retired to the US with his family and is living a very comfortable existence and before long, details of his mysterious premiership are clashing with an emerging scandal which calls into question some of the moral choices he made during his time in office.
It’s hard to get too excited about a movie like The Ghost based simply on simple things like film trailers and posters. From the footage that emerged before its release, it looked very much like a standard thriller that seemed to have eerily close connections with the relatively recently departed former British Prime Minister in real life. Sure, Pierce Brosnan may physically be about as far from Tony Blair as Daniel Craig is from Gordon Brown, but there were elements of the story relating to the famous ‘special relationship’ between the US and UK that were very familiar.
However, despite the fact that, for the most part, The Ghost is a relatively unexciting piece of cinema, it’s more than competently directed by Roman Polanski and would be an ideal midweek rental. It even looked pretty solid as I watched it on my iPhone 4 mobile phone.
Interesting too is the comparative reality between the exiled Prime Minister and Polanski himself. The director himself knows what it is like to spend the rest of his life in another country for fear of his past coming back to haunt him – and there is a touch of paranoia in this tight little drama that seems to stem specifically from here.
The Ghost – or The Ghost Writer if you would prefer – is far from a classic. But with decent performances from Ewan McGregor, Pierce Brosnan and a steady hand on the other side of the camera, it just about delivers 128 minutes of solid entertainment. If you did miss out on the Orange Thursdays offer, it’s readily available on DVD, Blu-ray and online rental outlets now. For my money, it’s definitely worthy of your time.
— , Irregular updates ()I have just launched an article on the Bechdel test, the test which feminists have used for two decades to show how women are being discriminated against in the movies. I outline what I believe are the pros and cons of using it and introduce a similar male equivalent of the test.
There’s a lot I could say, but I will instead point you to the article, and let that do the talking.
The Bechdel test: Application, historical context and introducing a male equivalent
Enjoy!
— , Irregular updates ()How to start...
The first that comes to my mind is; Fun, exciting and refreshing.
The feeling of brotherhood (and not therapist/client relationship) and equal respect is always present, no matter how nervous, low or disconnected I feel. This is a beautiful thing to experience, since Ive personaly have not had much experience with this kind of relationship earlier. Neither with friends nor therapists. And this experience of brotherhood alone has been a very healing experience in many different areas in my life.
Eivind has a way of reaching out and giving a hand no matter where I am at, feeling that he truly shares excitement and honours every step of my journey into the discoveries of my world, be it the beautifull or the ugly, everything is appreciated and honoured. This is and awesome space to be in!
My biggest appreciation to Eivind is about the discoveries I made, because It could have taken me years of more hard work with something that never worked anyways. Ive been trying to solve my problems with the stick instead of the carrot all these years. And this has haulted my self-development, and causing a mess in numeourus areas of my life.
Thank you for helping me to discover how much i missed the ability to say "FUCK OFF" when it is appropiate, and staying with me while I establish the refreshing vision of wanting to take the world by the balls.
If I had not met you, I could end up like the non-swearing-wimpey-new-agey man with a vision of singing harre-krishna all day long ... -oh lord help!
Benjamin
— , Irregular updates ()Hey guys,
I was in the UK in September for a rollercoaster ride of deeply transformative work. One of the things I did while there was to hang with my buddy Simon Anderson in Brighton (lovely town by the way).
I've had issues with tensions and imbalances in my body for many years now and have tried so many forms of body work to improve on the situation that I can hardly count them. Working with Simon is probably the most powerful body work I've done so far.
I was so fascinated by the profundity and simplicity of Simon's method that we recorded a video about it when I was there. His method is very wholistic and I was inspired to find that it included mind, body, emotions, breath and spirit. If you want to learn more about how activating your body by dearmoring the emotional traumas stored in its tissue can improve your life, I recommend you check it out.
Some weeks later: Having been in the world for some weeks after working with Simon, I can feel a huge difference and that there is still work to do. I'm working on the trigger points that Simon gave me and that seems to be helping. And I'm walking quite differently, with a much more open hip region. So while there are still tensions left in my body, the difference before and after Simon is very clear. I also feel well equipped with tools to improve the situation on my own.
And if you've seen the whole video and are interested in how this work affected my relationships with women, I can tell you that they have transformed. What I can't ever know is how much of the transformation came from working with Simon and how much came from all the other transformative work I've been engaging in.
Looking up Simon may serve you well if you just want to improve your general body performance or if you have problems and have tried everything – and without success.
I want to see you run Simon's door down ;-)
Check your inbox for the unique KWML archetype primer PDF.— , Irregular updates ()I value your interest and look forward to getting to know you better. Best regards, Eivind F Skjellum Founder of Masculinity-Movies.com & Reclaim your Inner Throne
— , Irregular updates ()The No Woman Diet I undertook a month ago is nearing its completion. It's been a trip! At times, I've felt like steam has been coming out of my ears. Or to use a picture Decker Cunov, co-founder of AMP, likes to use in the weekly teleseminars - I have felt the "snakes coming out of my eyes" (that's an image from alchemy by the way).
I started out being totally relieved that I could allow myself to disengage from women completely. It was like I was given permission not to stress out about beautiful women in my surroundings. In fact, I was to ignore them completely. Pretty soon, passing a beautiful woman on the street didn't trigger the hormonal cocktail of tension, longing and desire that I used to subtly feel. What a relief!
Then I started getting angry. I got pissed off that the recycling authorities of Oslo took away the only recycling container for plastic in my neighborhood. These guys are the ones who are supposed to help the environment. Fucking dimwits. I got mad and wrote them an angry e-mail, full of delicious swear words. I also got angry at the guy who smiled at me and wanted money for orphanages and I got mad at the woman who was selling shitty Tupperware at ridiculous prices. $50 for three small pieces of crappy Tupperware? Come on!
Random stuff just irked me big time. Then I got tired. REALLY tired. Like, I sleep more than usual, but I'm still fucking exhausted tired. I have no idea what happened. Was it because of weaned myself from refined sugar? Caffeine perhaps? Or was I simply feeling withdrawal symptoms from looking at beautiful women? I didn't know. Still don't. But processes were going on big time. I feel them still.
Then there was the confusion. What is allowed and what is not allowed? Was I too attached to the letter of the Diet and not tuned deeply enough into the spirit of it? Could I even speak to a woman without breaking my commitment? Could it be that my validation seeking behaviour was so insidious that merely opening my mouth in most situations triggered it? It turned out that the answer to that was a painful "Yes!".
I started withdrawing into myself, conserving my energy, avoiding the hunt for validation altogether. I stopped engaging with random people as I moved about. No idle chit chat. This was edgy for me, because I've been a pleaser type. I've wanted to make people happy because I've been insecure about seeing them mad. This I've also understood.
But as time has passed on the Diet, I've become increasingly unconcerned with other people's feelings. Sometimes I feel a bit badass about it. But then I realize it's not about being badass - it's about me being authentic. What arrogance to think I could ever be responsible for the emotional life of someone else! My responsibility is to protect my own emotional and psychological boundaries and then from there serve people.
There have been tears. The other day, I actually shed spontaneous tears of sorrow for myself. I have cried lots in my life, but rarely - if ever - for myself. The tears came after I had been smashing up my apartment real good after I tried anger release work for the first time.
Truth be told, there have been all kinds of trippy experiences, many of which I've not understood AT ALL.
But things have shifted lately. I'm finding that the anger is closely connected with my newfound ability to set much clearer boundaries. I've had no idea how much people have abused my boundaries in the past. In subtle ways - ways they're not even aware of themselves probably. Women are especially good at this. Manipulating little vixens (I say that with love of course :-). But I will simply not allow people to compromise my boundaries anymore. This makes me feel much more powerful and filled with masculine vital force. And not afraid to be intense and even, if so required, angry.
Last night, I shared an amazingly rich evening with two of my buddies and in the middle of it, I had spontaneous strong emotion rise in me. What I became present to was that I didn't miss the presence of a woman. Not even my ex. The moment was complete unto itself. Nothing was missing. Just guys, brothers on the path. And it was perfect. That realization really opened up my heart.
There are two weeks to go and I'm not entirely sure what it will be like to get off the Diet. Maybe I won't get off it! Maybe not yet. Regardless of what I choose to do, I already sense I have reached a much more solid place in myself. I'm not fucking around and I won't let others fuck around with me either. Not even in the subtle ways that most people take for granted. I have landed in the world and the grounding I have found is pulling people around me into presence as well. It's edgy shit, but it feels good. And there is healing taking place. Deep and real healing. This is the gift of masculine intensity. This is the gift of masculine love.
I will do another report as the Diet comes to an end. This is important work, guys. Write me if you want to know more about this way of finding freedom.
[caption id="attachment_727" align="alignright" width="350" caption="Participants at Masculinity Movies LIVE #3"][/caption]— , Irregular updates ()When hosting Masculinity Movies LIVE #3 on Friday September 3, I had just returned from a really intensive one week taiji retreat in an Italian monastery. I was beat and very happy that I had invited my close friend Pål Christian Buntz to hold the space with me (I may not have managed to do it on my own). The smallest group yet, it also turned into perhaps the most intimate group yet, with - as far as I can tell - all six of us being very inspired and nourished by the compassion and wisdom of the ever-brilliant Robert Bly.
A Gathering of Men is a truly amazing glance into the life, work and world of this beacon of the men's movement. The golden nuggets abound and virtually everything Robert Bly says is like nectar to me. After watching the movie and letting it sink in a little, we re-opened the circle where we focused mainly on the father-son relationship.
I personally got the insight that I want to ask my father how he wanted to father me when I was little. It's so easy to get stuck on how we wanted our fathers to be there for us us. But when we get to a certain age and we are looking to find our peace with the past, present and future of relating to dad, we may find increased compassion for him by realizing that in growing into an individual with our own hopes and dreams, we may have turned into a different person than the one he dreamed of when he held our infant body in his arms. Maybe some of his dreams were shattered along the way? And then we spend the rest of our lives being mad at him for not being the father we wanted him to be? Turning into a truly mature man may involve having to forgive our father and to meet him where he is - with all his flaws.
Robert Bly talks in the movie about how he didn't include his father in his poems before he was about 46 or so. And that until that time, other men didn't trust him. There seems to be something important here - that in getting closer to our fathers, we become more trustworthy, powerful, loving and integrated men. Says Robert Bly in one of the poems that he reads in the movie:
When you light the lamp you will see him.
he sits there behind the door....
the eyebrows so heavy,
the forehead so light....
lonely in his whole body,
waiting for you.Our fathers waiting for us, having been victims of shattered dreams and the conspiracy that we start with our mothers against him. There is so much gold to be mined from the work of Bly and the consensus was that the movie was pretty amazing. I also want to point out that Robert Bly is not a man that makes men ascend on some lovey-dovey new age trip. No, he takes us into the dark corners of our psyche where demons and orphaned boys linger in shadows. If you are willing to go there with him - as we did this evening - you will come back a more integrated and powerful man. For as Robert Bly emphasizes in the movie - fully mature manhood comes on the other side of grief. We got to walk the path of ashes. And I'm glad we have Brothers on the path to make that journey survivable.
Thanks for coming guys, it was a great evening.
— , Irregular updates ()It is 1876, the year of the American Centennial. The American Civil War has recently ended and Japan has begun a gradual opening of her borders to the outside world. Captain Nathan Algren, our protagonist, is a hero of the war and the campaign against the Indian nations. But while his Medal of Honor from Gettysburg is impressive to the common man, it fails to make him forget the slaughter of Cheyenne women and children he took part in under the command of Colonel Bagley.
When we first meet him, he is sat with an anguished look on his face, sweating and drinking backstage at an arms fair. He is waiting to perform his clownish job as poster boy for the Winchester Company. Captain Nathan Algren hates his job. With his mind clouded by alcohol and emotional turmoil, he gives a volatile performance that scares the shit out of the unsuspecting audience, and his existential angst barely contained.
An old associate pops up and talks of great opportunities: Mr. Omura, a wealthy and powerful Japanese entrepreneur, has arrived in America to seek Nathan's expertise in high-tech warfare. Omura is in charge of the modernization of Japan and needs help to quell a brewing Samurai uprising which is holding back the tide of change.
Japan is at this point in history at a crossroads where age-old feudal tradition is challenged by the unstoppable force of modernization. For a thousand years, the feudal system has existed under the watchful gaze of the Samurai, the elite warriors who served their lords with their life. The Japan that greets Nathan, however, has already been heavily westernized: Japanese in bowler hats walk side by side with westerners, Samurai are eyed with suspicion and angst, and American guns have found their way into the the emperor's Imperial Army.
It is this army that Nathan is charged with training. He is only, he claims, there for the money - 500 dollars a month - for which, he says cynically to Colonel Bagley "I will kill whoever you want." Understand and absorb that this is true for Nathan only from his place of confusion. Deep inside, at a core place that the darkness of his conscience has blocked off, he doesn't feel this way at all.
There is a hidden message here for us: When our minds are clouded by the weight of our actions, we make decisions based solely on superficial gain. Equipped with an untrained mind ravaged by guilt, we are unable to see the greater implications of our decisions. This peripheral vision is required to comply with the golden rule for the mature man: Make sure all of your actions flow within the context of serving others.
Training the Imperial Army
The Imperial Army that Nathan discovers is a ragtag bunch of conscripts. They aren't skilled with firearms and they aren't psychologically prepared for battle with the Samurai. Colonel Bagley happily ignores this due to his naïve arrogance and wants them to attack.
The Colonel is an emotionally shut down soldier, a man with no sense of honor, ill-equipped to understand the heart of a true Warrior. Like anyone with little understanding of the inner realms, he puts way too much emphasis on external circumstances - rifles and howitzers over swords and arrows - and disregards the primal force that can exist deep in a man whose actions are in alignment with his higher calling.
Nathan is wiser and reminds Colonel Bagley that while the Samurai may not have modern weaponry, they are elite warriors whose "sole occupation for a thousand years has been war". Wishing to prove Col Bagley wrong, Nathan challenges one of the imperial soldiers to shoot at him, informing him that lest he complies, his life is forfeit. Nathan has no love for his life and is willing to risk it to prove a point to the man who has caused him so much anguish.
The showdown which ensues ends in slaughter. In a beautifully shot scene, shadows appear from the mist before Nathan's fidgeting and undisciplined troops. Horses emerge in full gallop, swirling fog in their hoof steps, and the Samurai barrel through the panicking conscripts. After dropping several Samurai, Nathan is captured by Katsumoto, the Samurai Lord he was sent to defeat.
Healing the wounds of the past
Nathan is brought to a mountain village, where he ends up in the care of Katsumoto's sister Taka, a woman he has just widowed. I am left to wonder why Nathan ends up in the household where they have most reason to hate him, but I think that the wise Katsumoto is lucidly aware of the healing potential in pairing Nathan with the widowed family. It's also clearly used as a vehicle for the film-makers to show another way of relating to death, one steeped in acceptance, honor, and emotional restraint instead of wild hatred and uncontrolled grief.
Nathan's recovery from the wounds he has been inflicted by the Samurai is interspersed with scenes from the atrocities he committed against the Cheyenne. The healing process described in these short movie minutes is particularly significant and universally applicable. Consider that in every man's life, there is an accumulation of a burden of ignorantly or maliciously committed actions.
For the more sensitive, truth-seeking souls (such as Nathan) this burden results in terrible inner conflicts, depression, self-loathing, perhaps even suicidal tendencies. For the more hardened, truth-denying souls, such as Colonel Bagley, the burden is hidden under a hard shell of self-protection, there to be discovered in the unlikely event that the shell is cracked.
It is the man who is experiencing the pain of this burden openly who is ready to be taught, ready to be transformed by life's lessons. The lances that pierced Nathan's flesh are the psychological wounds made manifest in his physical body. He has been given these wounds in honorable conflict as a direct consequence of his own actions.
Karmically speaking, the actions Nathan took against the Cheyenne were of such a malicious nature that his own soul has demanded his punishment ever since. This feeling of deserving punishment is, I believe, why he turned to drinking. Only now that the Samurai have blessed him with truthful and honorable wounds does his karma from the Cheyenne start untangling. He can begin to heal.
It is important to extract from this the following insight: When pain and suffering arise in our lives, it is not something that "just happens" to us. Rather, these painful feelings are based on our (un)involvement in past events, and must not to be viewed merely as the burden of life. On the contrary, they are a sacred offering to us, exactly - EXACTLY - the raw material by which our own transformation is forged.
This understanding, when integrated in any man, creates a sense of spaciousness around the pain (which remains) for it is now an ally, the Great Alchemist. This should be a cause of great joy. I ask you, what would this principle mean in your personal life? For Nathan, it means the beginning of his rebirth.
Surrendering to Ujio's sword
Nathan is not only a prisoner, but a subject of study for Katsumoto and his men. One of these men is Katsumoto's Lieutenant Ujio. Ujio is a master of the sword with contempt for the newly arrived American prisoner. He harbors a desire to break him and is left frustrated that he cannot do it. There is a scene in which Ujio commands Nathan to put down his sword.
Nathan is standing solemnly in the middle of a village street, clasping onto a wooden sword. The sky has opened wide with rain. Nathan does not comply. I feel here that this scene communicates not just a clash of men but of cultures. Nathan's culture is one he has come to know as dishonorable, yet it is his culture. And he will not embrace a foreign one, neither as a man nor as a citizen, without a fight.
The outcome is predestined. Nathan gets beaten to the ground, and rises to be beaten yet again. And again. His resilience is the American resilience, but his desire to be beaten is his alone. It is in this painful encounter with Ujio that Nathan begins the surrender of himself to a culture that is not his own. A culture, he may hope, contains promise of redemption.
Perfection in a cherry blossom
"The perfect blossom is a rare thing, you could spend your whole life looking for one, and it would not be a wasted life," Katsumoto tells Nathan with deep appreciation in his voice as he arrives at the ancestral temple. The previous night, during a theatre play in the village, masked ninjas appeared on the rooftops. Nathan and Katsumoto now have each other to thank for their lives, and their bond as brothers in arms has been firmly established.
By this point in the movie, we have seen the many facets of Katsumoto. Not only is he an elite Warrior, he is a meditating mystic (Magician archetype), a Samurai lord (King archetype), a poet and a clown (Lover archetype). He is all of the four archetypes of the KWML system rolled into one character. He is a true master, a template of masculine potential.
"To know life in every breath, every cup of tea, every life we take. The Way of the Warrior. That is Bushido!, " Katsumoto insists with fierce intensity and heartfelt devotion as he looks at Nathan. It is precisely this emphasis on life mastery and disciplined observation of the miracle - a cherry blossom - of life, that is missing from the contemporary Western soldier.
It takes no training to kill a man with a gun, but a lifetime of training to deal with the psychological and spiritual consequences. The Samurai believed rifles and other Western arms were dishonorable, because they believed in looking the man you were about to slay straight in the eyes. I agree and have touched on this in my treatment of Lord Of War.
The end of the Samurai, the last Warriors
Inevitably the Imperial Army under the command of Colonel Bagley and Omura faces off with the Samurai on the battlefield. By now, Nathan has taken his rightful place among them and has reclaimed his honor. In spite of his close relationship with Katsumoto, Emperor Meiji has not found the strength in himself to take a stand in the conflict, and Omura has called the shots.
Katsumoto grieves deeply for this, and believes that he is serving the Emperor even as he is preparing to go to war against him. From this I learn that the Warrior archetype is in relationship with only the deepest potential in his fellow man and that he may choose to ignore the words or deeds of his surface meandering. This, I believe, is what honor looks like.
The Samurai put up a spectacular and valiant fight, sending Omura into panic and Colonal Bagley into eternity. But in the end, they are vanquished by gatling guns. Centuries of tradition, lifetimes of discipline and spiritual searching, destroyed in one day by peasants with guns. As Nathan aids Katsumoto in performing his Seppuku, he looks in wonderment at the cherry blossoms, tears in his eyes. His training and honorable ways have paid off and the last words to cross his lips are the words of a Lover, "Perfect, they are all perfect."
The Imperial Army, understanding what they have done and witnessed, prostrate themselves before the fallen Samurai. This is a very moving scene that is symbolic of the time in history when the Warrior drew his last breath and the soldier emerged as the dominant force on the battlefield. It was the time in history when we buried the discipline of life mastery in favour of dishonorable but efficient technology.
Conclusion
The Last Samurai is no doubt a heavily romanticized portrayal of the Samurai. Yet it does a terrific job of describing a way of life based on a set of core principles, Bushido, that should serve as a foundation for any mature man, even today. It also reminds me of Robert Bly's insistance on how important it is to give the Warrior the sensibilities of the Lover.
The Warrior and the Lover rolled into one: Europe had Chivalry, Japan had Samurai. Now we have soldiers who end up psychologically traumatized due to the dishonor of modern warfare. Yet, in each of us, the spirit of Bushido lives on, if only as a potential. Nathan's journey has valuable lessons for the man who is prepared to reclaim what is rightfully his.
There is a Celtic saying that goes something like this "Do not give a man a sword before he has learned to dance." I have a new saying for you: "Do not give a man a gun before he has found perfection in a cherry blossom." You can quote me on that if you want.
— , Irregular updates ()Year of the Dragon is a classic cop action/drama. Mickey Rourke gave a performance that has not been seen since. Year of the Dragon is what the "God Father" is to gangster movies.
If you haven't seen it over the past 25 years, take it out and dust it off. Mickey Rourke was the best actor for the part as was his nemisis in the film, Jone Lone an asian actor who was overlooked for his performance in this film. In her first role I believe, Ariane, an asian model gave a great performance opposite a seasoned actor Mickey Rourke.
Make no mistake, he was at the top of his game, playing someone much older than he was. Rourke was 33 years old at the time, playing a captain at least in his 40's.
As an actor, he has such power, even when he is silent. He reminds me a little of Cagney, with his cockiness and fearless portrayal. A man on a mission to make a change, even if it means going agains the grain.
To date, there has not been a movie like Year of the Dragon, and never will.
— , Irregular updates ()Lord of War is the tragic story of Yuri Orlov; brother, son, Ukrainian, father, husband - and arms dealer. He grows up enduring meaningless days in the center of Brooklyn, bored numb as the days go by in the Orlov family's restaurant. His only joy and solace is ogling Ava Fontaine, the gorgeous local poster-girl. In short, his life «is shit».
This review uses concepts from David Deida's work.
Give me a purpose, any purpose
The promise of greater things arrives when Yuri witnesses a Russian mobster shootout in the fancy restaurant across the road. Suddenly – as if by divine intervention – he realizes his life's calling: trading arms. After all, his reasoning goes, arms form one of humanity's basic needs. Who is he to deny people having their needs met?
With new-found purpose, he sets out to create a global arms trading operation. He adopts his brother as his partner and after a rather costly courtship, he marries Ava; things are looking up for Yuri.
Yuri is really living it up now, spending money he never had, and financial ruin is looming. But Gorbachev comes to the rescue and Glasnost-love sweeps the mighty Soviet off its feet. Yuri is a happy man. Dmitrij Volkoff, Yuri's uncle, is a major general in the Red Army, which is now out of funding, out of leadership and out of direction. Soon enough, AK-47 Kalasjnikovs, tanks and combat helicopters enter Yuri's sales directory.
It's not my business
Yuri understands that his actions have consequences, but numbs himself to the pain of living a dishonorable life by wrapping himself in the shell of an infinite stream of rationalizations. «It's not our business», he repeats as his mantra every time he witnesses the consequences of his actions. «I don't want people to die. I wish that they miss, as long as they fire those bullets», he tells Interpol agent Jack Valentine – a man of integrity who is hellbent on nailing him. And he's not even joking.
Yuri is in a cocoon. He is cranking up his bad karma, but is consciously turning away from feeling the consequences, perhaps postponing it for some time in the future, when he «spontaneously becomes a better man». There is a danger that we too sometimes succumb to the same hesitation to get real with ourselves. There is a danger that we settle for a life we don't like, stripped of integrity, vision and proactive action, because we fear what it will mean to confront our lives with the discernment of truth. I see it often, in myself and others.
And it is here that it is helpful to explore the concept of karma a little further. This perennial wisdom comes to us from the spiritual lineages of the East and is thought of as a universal law, just like gravity, that describes cause (your action) and effect (the result of your action). Men, it seems, have a deep aversion to change. It seems to be hardwired in us. And this points to an intuitive understanding of karma: when we resist changing the deeply imprinted habits of our psyche, it's because we know that the minute we change course, we will be confronted with all the karma we've saved up while denying our deepest calling for so long.
We intuitively know that changing our course is not a small matter impacting just one decision, but that breaking with our pattern to make that one different choice means changing our lives altogether – working our asses off for the rest of our earthly existence to better ourselves, or to crumble up in fear, all out of integrity, living out the rest of our days as mere zombies.
Both alternatives seem to suck ass, so we don't step up to the challenge, settling instead for the numbness and mediocrity that are the norm for many of our brothers. And then we pretend to be great in our own minds – mediocrity may lead to narcissism, as we often need a way to compensate for our lack. In Lord of War, this is subtly hinted at through the use of religious imagery – golden bullet around the neck, cross-shaped pier etc. Could it be that Yuri considers himself a martyr, taking the crucible of trading arms on himself, so that others won't have to?
If we DO break away from our pattern, though, we will experience what the Greeks called ecstacis (standing to the side of), the physical sensation of energy-release that comes from breaking with illusion to align ourselves with truth. With ecstacis as our ally, the tables turn in our favour, unknown to the many who never experience it, or who consider it merely delightful flukes. The degree of ecstacis – ecstacy – in our lives signal the degree to which we are truly being ourselves, and as ecstacis is the process of standing to the side of ego to experience our soul, it is our own resonsibility to claim it. No-one will give it to us.
Seeking safety in what we master
Yuri is powerful and successful in his own right, but underneath the varnish of success, he is a little, vulnerable boy seeking approval. This is evident in the conversation with Ava, when she discovers the true nature of his work. As she pushes him to explain his motivations, he confesses "It's not about the money. It's because," he says with the look of a twelve-year old who wants a puppy for his birthday "I'm good at it."
This is a key scene. Yuri Orlov is supplying weapons to atrocious wars all over the world, not because he is an inherently despicable human being. Rather, he does it because he's good at it. He does it because it gives him the sense of not being a failure. Because it lets him lead a lifestyle that people envy. He does it so that he won't have to face up to the fact that behind the facade, he feels like a failure of a human being. This is a very vulnerable moment.
Only a woman, only Ava, could coax that confession out of him. One of the feminine's gifts to the masculine is its ability to soften the tension to let the masculine's heart shine through. Yuri really does love his wife. All the other encounters he has with women in the movie show him feeling empty, or showing self-restraint. Ava is a good woman, and helps Yuri retain some connection with his own heart.
But there's some truth to Jack Valentine's claim that she is his trophy wife. They're in a dependancy relationship (DD1), where he depends on her to look good and to receive the nurturing, feminine gifts of love, and she on him to receive money and support.
When Ava threatens to leave him ("I have failed at most things, but I won't fail at being a human"), Yuri changes his life, going legit for sixth months. But Andre Baptiste, president of Liberia, tyrant of unmatched cruelty, and former customer, shows up on his doorstep requiring his «extraordinary resourcefulness» yet again. Yuri argues that he cannot fight his own nature, so against his better judgement, he picks up arms-trading yet again.
I want to look closer at this claim. Is it true that it is «in his nature» to trade arms? Well, it seems clear that he wasn't as fulfilled by the drudgery of going legit as he was by being an arms trader. It seemed to be too much work and too «common». Yuri clearly wants the feeling of playing it big, of living life at the edge, of making an impact on the world, so arms trading is better than dealing in oil and timber. He knows that what he's doing is totally wrong, and it's eating him up inside, but he knows he would rather make a bad impact on the world than none at all, even if the cost is his soul.
This is an important and fascinating observation. The masculine thrives on being challenged and has a fascination with death, as it represents the essential masculine longing for freedom. And there seems to be something about weapons that brings forth some primal, soul-level quality of the masculine. Weapons represent the same piercing quality as the penetrating force of masculine energy. And where that piercing quality of the masculine unfolds in its full capacity in the fewest of men, weaponry provides a quick shortcut.
A gun gives us the power to take lives at will, which wakes up a very primordial part of the masculine. In spiritual traditions, the primary motivation of the masculine is seen as the desire to transcend life and earthly concerns altogether, to merge with the nothingness of existence, and in essence become God. Taking lives is in most cases a perversion of this principle of transcendence.
And while I point out that, I want to emphasize that I believe guns are inherently dishonorable weapons, unlike e.g the samurai sword. The sword is a spiritual weapon, and represents a symbiotic relationship between metal and flesh, craftsmanship and battle prowess, pitting its wielder face to face with his own mortality every time he strikes his enemy to the ground. This is an intimate moment, requiring great courage.
The gun, however, requires little courage, and allows its wielder to avoid the feeling of his own mortality. This, I believe, is how modern warfare ended up without honor, and just a lot of rationalizations. The further away the solider can be from his «kill», the less honor he will have, and the less he will face the reality of his own mortality.
Both my sons are dead
What happened when Yuri went legit, was that he tasted a normal, conformist lifestyle, and didn't like it. DD1, that is the macho jerk, is inherently more masculine than DD2, the man who has become more integrated by developing his feminine. It's a paradox that a macho DD1 man will often be truer to his word than a DD2 man, as he is more strongly masculine, and hence puts more emphasis on keeping it than adapting to the ebbs and flows of his emotions. Yuri points this out when he says «Say what you will of warlords and dictators. They tend to have a highly developed sense of order, and always pay their bills on time.»
There is a potential pitfall in early masculine development. When men who live deeply immoral lives set out to better themselves, according to DD1-2-3, he will have to go through a period of sensitizing himself to his and others' emotions, and put more and more emphasis on what's socially acceptable, than what he himself desires. On some level, the male psyche knows this, which is why the process of growing from DD1 to DD2 is so undesirable to the macho man.
Feminine women may become less attracted to him, and he will feel lots of pain, as the karmic seeds ripen in a consciousness that is now prepared. But DD2 is fertile ground for DD3, where the masculine power re-emerges, filled to the brim with love, vision and honor.
Yuri is a little right and a little wrong when he claims it is in his nature to sell arms. But definitely it is in his nature to be a very masculine man, who is afraid of letting go of his external sources of validation, his feelings of purpose, and embracing the feeling of wimpiness of DD2.
In the end, the inevitable plays out. Yuri talks Vitaly into coming along on one final job, and they end up in Sierra Leone, supplying guns to self-proclaimed freedom fighters. «Often the most barbaric atrocities happen when both sides proclaim themselves freedom fighters,» Yuri points out. But Vitaly cannot go through with the job, as he realizes it will lead to the slaughter of a nearby refugee camp. Vitaly is a Lover archetype and cares about those people.
He has a good heart, more open and feminine than his brother's, and going through with the job is suicide of the soul. So he sabotages the job – and gets shot. At this point, Yuri becomes dead to himself and his family. He has been provided with so many chances to clean up his act, his conscience has sent him so many warning signals, yet he has pressed on with his immoral life. «Both my sons are dead,» his mother comments with great sadness as he phones them to offer his apologies.
Conclusion
Yuri considered himself merely a piece in a game he didn't even like himself, and refused to claim responsibility for his actions, because the game would merely replace him with someone else. It's a familiar theme in many lives. We embrace our immorality or mediocrity by failing to claim responsibility for our lives. We avoid feeling the hurt and despair for as long as possible.
In the end, the habitual tendencies are so strong that even honest attempts become like turning a freight ship with a 1hp engine. Yurio is now a dead man, dead in his heart, free to live out his days as little more than a zombie. And only his unlikely tears will open the door ajar again.
«You know who's gonna inherit the earth? Arms dealers. Because everyone else is gonna be too busy killing each other. That's the secret to survival. Never go to war. Especially with yourself,» Yuri ends.
There is wisdom here. Never go to war with yourself. So let's find those places where we are fighting ourselves and then hone in on them like banshees, sowing the seeds for future joy and freedom. After all, do you like the alternative?
— , Irregular updates ()Hey guys,
My buddy Norbert Orlewicz over at the Ultimate Man's Quest felt inspired to interview me about my work the other day.
I really enjoyed this one and feel good that I'm starting to get the hang of this interview format.
Here's a little clip from the interview:
Listen to the whole interview here.
Enjoy!
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()Here comes the video for the Magician archetype, this time in HD and featuring more illustrations and music.
Please share with us how the Magician archetype shows up in your life in the comments below.
— , Irregular updates ()For the past year, I've been running an online film club on a community site consisting of people from the now dissolved "The Deida Experience". We've watched eleven films and are about to watch our 12th. This is the list of the movies we have covered:
- Revolutionary Road (US) | IMDB
- Avatar (US) | IMDB
- Elegy (US) | IMDB
- Eyes Wide Shut (US) | IMDB
- American Beauty (US) | IMDB
- The Constant Gardener (US) | IMDB
- The 13th Warrior (US) | IMDB
- Amelie (FR) | IMDB
- Okuribito (JP) | IMDB
- Walk the Line (US) | IMDB
- Dangerous Beauty (US) | IMDB
- As it is in Heaven (SE) | IMDB
It's been a great experience to lead a group of this type and I have enjoyed it immensely. Actual growth has taken place as a result of the Polarity Film Club. But now, it is closing down. I tell you this, dear readers, because I want to honor the end of something that has been important to me. This represents the dissolution of a group of people I have come to appreciate a lot. I also tell you this because I wonder if there is interest for an online film club hosted on Masculinity Movies, where we discuss movies in a forum setting and see what gems we can excavate together. My energy must move towards this webpage now. 2011 is going to be an important year.
To give you an idea of what a filmclub like this may mean, I include here part of the text I wrote when the Polarity Film Club opened.
For the last year, I've been building a website about masculinity in movies on my spare time. It's called Masculinity Movies and can be found on www.masculinity-movies.com.
Prior to and during the development of the site, I have spent a fair amount of time reflecting on the role movies have in shaping our identity, society, sexuality and intimate relationships. I set out with a working hypothesis - that movies looked at from the right perspective can serve as great teachers of universal principles. With some mileage under my belt, the hypothesis still holds firm; I believe it is true.
I have found that when we take our time to really penetrate to the core of what good movies are trying to tell us, some timeless laws of great importance make themselves manifest. These laws are what I hope to extract from the movies and put on the table for us to investigate and discuss.
Tell me what you think.
Thanks,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()In preparation for the pending review, I just re-watched The Godfather. In terms of healthy masculinity, there is almost nothing to learn from it (though hopefully we can draw some lessons about descending from it). The Don has flashes of something resembling integrity and noble behaviour, but that's about it. The reckless and adolescent Sonny and the dark and conniving liar that Michael turns into are just two of the grim examples of what happens when a man doesn't accept responsibility for his actions. It's to the Don's credit that he feels mourning over what happened to Michael. He was supposed to be the point of light in the family.
It also struck me today that I don't think The Godfather is great. I like it, but to me it's not excellent. The only parts I think are excellent are the parts where the Don starts dropping into a wiser and more compassionate place towards the end of the movie. His death scene is magnificent.
It's been so long since I last saw it that I was surprised to find a parade of pathetic and confused men, lacking in integrity, honesty and self-control. Not a single man to respect, to learn from, to admire, to look up to. Don Corleone, the closest we get to maturity in the movie, calls forth more compassion in me than admiration. For I see in him a recognition of a life path poorly chosen and the sadness that comes from it. He did not have the bravery to find meaning through generative and world building pursuits.
I have asked myself several times why Italy is such a troubled country, how they can elect a pubescent, narcissistic coward like Silvio Berlusconi and how they can give away so much power to the mafia that entire cities grind to a halt if they stop "doing their job". I hope I can understand this better after analyzing the Godfather. I think there's something juicy inside.
— , Irregular updates ()Here's an update on my life. It contains nothing about movies, but plenty of coarse language.
Life feels different. I've had this persistent sense for almost a year now that I'm on the verge of a breakthrough. Like the world has appeared beyond a thin veil, one which I'm intuiting can be removed were I to find the key.
It seems this intuition has foreshadowed a transition into a new paradigm – a new way of operating in the world. For those of you who are into Spiral Dynamics, it seems to be the shift from Yellow to Turqoise.
It's not yet a stable realization, though more often than before, I'm awash in feelings of gratitude. I'm frequently awash in a deepened experience of beauty, of somethin akin to perfection. It's like it's pinning me down, tearing into the center of my chest and piercing my heart open. I weep regularly. I whisper "thank you thank you thank you" at random moments through the day, while tears stream down my face. I shake a lot as intense energy is moving through my body. And my relationships have improved massively.
Jesus feels close. And Buddha. All kinds of spiritual figures appear in my internal world these days.
After having practiced meditation for almost 13 years – and applied myself wholeheartedly to inner revolution for every day in that process – it seems I'm starting to experience something that can be described as spirituality.
From this place, I experience two things: An enormous appreciation for people, especially those who dare to be themselves, who dare set forth into the world with their hearts open, hellbent on expressing themselves at any cost. Whether it be those genius, cheeky guys in Ylvis who have contaminated us all with that annoyingly genious Fox song or Edvard Munch, who I experienced like never before two days ago in the Munch 150 exhibition here in Oslo Norway.
I have strong feelings of appreciation for all the people in the world who dare to give, who dare to be themselves. I feel gratitude to and kinship with them. They open the heart of the world, catalyzing the growth of consciousness, opening a space for us all to be ourselves more. Compared to the way it once was, living authentically is relatively easy these days.
We stand on the shoulders of giants. We really do. It's not a fucking refrigerator magnet. It's the goddamned truth.
As I walked through the Munch 150 exhibition here in Norway – the most comprehensive exhibition of Edvard Munch's work that's ever been – I felt that. I felt into this man, the genius which flowed through him. The intensity of his emotion. The vastness of his soul. And how he just carved into a frozen Norwegian culture with expressions of life lived and unlived, loved and unloved, that are so raw, so fierce, that they shook the entire culture. He was a revolutionary, simply because he found no place in the already established norms of society that was embracing enough to hold that which was inside of him.
It was as if for the first time in my entire life, I understood art. Again, I caught myself weeping, feeling the contours of my heart dissolve, expanding into vastness and the heart of Munch.
And when I read the recent news story about the boat with Somalians and Eritreans sinking off the coast of Italy, it struck me even deeper. One of the survivors had been interviewed. "Where are you headed?" "Norway" "Why?" "Freedom, freedom!"
Yes, I cry all the time these days. Here's a whole boatload of people – sinking to their wet, aquatic graves. What drove them to risk their lives like that? The faint glimmer of a chance of living here, my home country, the place I take for granted.
My home country, which only a century ago was a developing country. My great grandfather (and even my grandfather once) would take his little boat and row for weeks from North of Norway to the great fishing in Lofoten. Sometimes he would arrive there and realize that there was not a lot of fish that year. Droves of men died that way – rowing their simple boats through stormy waters for weeks on end, without any guarantee of a reward.
And on their return, abject tragedy sometimes awaited. The mothers hadn't the time to both work and watch the children. My mother tells me of the family in the village where two kids fell into a large boiling kettle in a barn while playing. They died there, screaming in boiling water, while the mother was doing manual labour elsewhere. This is Norway just a few generations back.
As I feel my heart burst with these insights, another thing happens. A deep fierceness starts building in me. I get fierce towards complaints, towards petty squabbles, towards people of privilege who are unhappy because of things trivial! I get fierce with religious bigots, holier than thou on the outside, depraved and ugly on the inside. I get fierce with selfishness, ethnocentricity, with people who equate violence with courage. Fuck it all!
Staring into the face of the biggest plate of abundant-fucking-perfection that any people has experienced in the entire history of this species, this planet, how the FUCK do we manage to not appreciate it! It makes my blood boil.
We feel this beauty with isms and pissms and complain complain complain about I'm not getting this I'm not getting that, waa waa waa waa. Shut the fuck up! Perfection is staring you in the face and your fucking annoying, infantile complaining is shitting on the miracle that you are surrounded with! You are so FUCKING UNGRATEFUL!
That's what's starting to happen inside of me at times these days. And I feel the love in there. It's not a rejection of the people. It's an embrace. It's being a stand for something greater. I believe the Buddhists have a word for it.
It scares me. My little ego cringes at the thought of standing for this out in the world. Even writing it here is pushing it. My little ego which craves likes on Facebooks and that jumps a little every time my mobile phone makes a sound, fearing it will be something bad, hoping it will be something good, that’s part of this story too. It makes things more complicated..
I sit with people and am afraid they will reject me, simply because the thoughts I have are so revolutionary. I dare not lead, because what I feel is so out of the box. I’m afraid that my intensity will scare them. For the first time in my life, a person has told me to my face that he thinks I'm crazy and actually meant it. Large amounts of people are coming out and telling me that they are a little afraid of me. And I feel almost nauseous when intuiting that this will happen on a wide scale sometime in the future.
Such a fragile little thing my ego. How can it handle an authentic life? How can it allow leadership? Fearing rejection, how can it allow penetrating the culture like Munch once did? How can we all – for I hope you are in on this – change the world by expressing what be believe in fully?
We'll see.
But a few things are clear:
- Everything in my life that is painful is at its core about wanting to get something
- Everything in my life that is truly joyful is at its core about actually giving something
- I need other people around me - I can't do shit on my own
- Whatever the path is, it involves both men and women
- I’m very happy I’m moving temporarily to the US in just over a week
- I will have to pray and meditate like a motherfucker
— , Irregular updates ()In June, the American poet Rick Belden contacted me because he had found my site while looking for commentaries on The Last Samurai. He told me he liked what he saw and that he wanted to send me a complimentary copy of his first volume of published poetry, "Iron Man Family Outing". I brought the book with me to the Norwegian Northlands and read it in a cabin sans electricity and water while overlooking the mighty ocean below me and the strong mountains above me.
I realized early on that I felt limited in my understanding by my lack of experience reading poetry. It felt as if there was more to be found beyond the evocative words of Belden's, more than I was present to. This added water to my bubbling inner creek of realization that I must immerse myself in dream symbols and subconscious images in this important time of transition in my life.
The book lays out a journey from boyhood to manhood – or perhaps more accurately from bondage to freedom – taking stock of important events, dreams and relationships that made Rick's journey uniquely his. And he binds it all together through the remembrance of his childhood relationship with the Iron Man character. It takes a no holds barred approach, exposing all of the hurt and pain and juice that arose for the author along the way. I had communicated with Rick quite a lot before I got the book – he's a great and generous man – and so I felt a mysterious resonance with the book as I received it. Just looking at the cover art makes my belly heat up, as if there's something here that I understand, but can't quite put words to. The artwork throughout is excellent.
I opened the book again today and realized I could penetrate the poetry more deeply this time – that all the nature work and dream work I've been doing the past few weeks has paid off. I have therefore decided not to pass any sort of final verdict on the book yet. I will keep going deeper with it. Just like dream symbols and archetypes, Rick Belden's poetry asks to be felt through and communicated with. So I will keep doing that for a little while longer before I give you my full review.
Here's a quick poem I relate to, printed with Rick's permission:
Senseless
I'm trying to beat the truth out of myself
beating myself senseless
visualizing world peace
while driving like a maniacRead more about Rick Belden's work while you wait for my final word on this unique collection of poems.
— , Irregular updates ()I want to share this video with you featuring Joseph Campbell speaking on initiation in tribal cultures.
It moved me to notice Joseph's voice crack in an obvious display of emotion around 1:30. He describes the ritual in which a boy gets to defeat the larger-than-life personifications of a malevolent god. The god is really a man of the tribe, and he lets the boy win on purpose. He then takes off his mask and puts it on the boy. All of a sudden, the power which the boy has grown up fearing is his to wield. He has slain the dragon and taken its skin. He can do anything now. Protect the tribe in turn.
Joseph's emotion resonates deeply with me because it reminds me of the beauty and importance of what is going on here. Every time I hear of initiation rites like these, I feel pangs in my heart and a yearning for what never was. Thankfully, it feels different now, having done trainings with the Mankind Project and others.
— , Irregular updates ()If you have something on your heart, or you want support in taking the next steps, I am happy to talk with you about it.
Send a message with the form below to get in contact with me.
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— , Irregular updates ()I've seen much of the rest of the world. It is brutal and cruel and dark, Rome is the light.
— , Irregular updates ()American Beauty is an extraordinary movie that impressed me the first time I saw it many years ago. With the discoveries of my later years, it has taken on entirely new meanings and my appreciation for it has deepened even further. The film does many things well, but what it does best is describe the dire consequences the process of male domestication wreaks on our culture.
The trailer describes the premise of the movie this way: «You see a man who is hardly there,» and then continues «Look closer.» The words suggest there is more to this picture; there is more to Lester Burnham– our protagonist and suburban anti-hero par excellence – than meets the eye.
For deep within this man sleeps, as does he in all men, a wild and hairy primal man. He waits there in his cage, a tiny space surrounded by iron bars hardened with political correctness, dreaming of the day when the sedated man who is his vessel will release him – as a true force of vitality, power and love – back into the world.
Through the course of these two hours of movie magic, Lester Burnham takes us on a riveting journey in which he will steal the key to that cage from under his wife's pillow and set free inside himself the life force that got suppressed when he settled for a life of safety, dishonesty and façade.
But first things first. Let's get to know Lester's world:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aq33c6FhRes
The modern, sedated male
The movie, as you can see, starts off with a sad scene: Lester Burnam jerks off in the shower and tells us it will be the high-point of his day. Combined with his general lack of zestfulness, his morning ejaculation turns him, in the scene that follows, into a slouching bag of flesh and bones contemplating his miserable life in the back seat of a car driven to a job he hates by a wife who despises him.
Says Lester's voiceover in this scene:
Both my wife and daughter think I'm this gigantic loser. And they're right. I have lost something. I'm not exactly sure what it is, but I know I didn't always feel this sedated. But you know what - it's never too late to get it back
The «it» that Lester refers to is the inner Wild Man. The Wild Man archetype that many of us know through Robert Bly's work is the source of vitality and nature connection in men's lives. We disconnect from him by disconnecting from our body and our emotions, retreating into our own intellectual hideout, a crystal palace high up in the sky.
So when we feel depressed, lethargic or «empty» – like Lester Burnham – it's a clue that this primal force inside of us is asleep. We will be disconnected from the big, «dangerous» emotions, such as anger, grief, desire or passion, for they are outside of our control (the Wild cannot be controlled). Again, just like Lester Burnham.
But we men carry so much grief nowadays. It's like a stockpile of sorrow has accumulated in the male lineage ever since since the coming of the Industrial Revolution. The destruction of male ritual and the shaming of Feminism made matters even worse. As a result, many of us are now surrounded by mountains of pain in a barren emotional wasteland, our lives lived as but a pretense of happiness.
Beyond the façade, deep inside, there is a yearning for meaning; there is a yearning for authenticity – for more than superficial conversation about things we really don't give a shit about, fake smiles, suppressed anger and the daily wading in oceans of toxic waste spewed on us by a media who has lost its way. We want our lives back!
Beneath the shield of everyday reality and the «yeah, it's all good»-bullshit that many of us settle for, the yearning runs deep.
So what do we do?
The brave ones among us leave their caves in search for new vistas and Brothers on the path. But the majority sidestep the pain, never leaving the darkness of their own private hole in the ground. And the Wild Man keeps on his hundred-year sleep.
Lester and his ball-busting wife
Lester's wife Carolyn has, partly because of the absence of his inner Wild Man, become a very emotionally shut down woman. She is heavily invested in «projecting an image of success at all times,» but her real-estate business is not going so well. So she's faking it, even her marriage.
For her masculine hard-ass career shell (a shell being an inauthentic psycho-emotional defense structure that covers the vulnerable truth underneath) has made her heart inaccessible to Lester. She is now Lester's very own «ball-buster».
When a woman overdevelops her masculine energy as a protection mechanism, she strengthens her own shadow Warrior and often triggers the shadow Lover in her man, which is happening big time with Lester. That's why he feels so sedated – it's a characteristic of the passive pole of the shadow Lover, the impotent Lover. So is his sexual frustration.
Lester and Carolyn are a template of the modern equality ideal: He is emasculated and without direction and she is hardened and career-obsessed. And as most depolarized couples, they make each other want to puke. They both know theirs is a bullshit marriage. All façade and no joy.
Does this sound familiar? If not, read David Deida.
With the Wild Man's sleep so deep, what could possibly wake him up? For Lester Burnham, it will take a blonde teenager named Angela.
Lester's angel of mercy makes him hard for life
When Lester meets Angela for the first time, he turns into a mumbling, pubescent fool. His daughter Jane is embarassed, but what she doesn't know is that Angela is about to revive her father's zest for life.
For she stands before Lester like a godsent angel of mercy and as he lies in bed that night, bathed in the afterglow of having witnessed perfection in female form, he smiles as rose-petals rain from the ceiling and his voiceover tells us «I feel like I've been in a coma for about 20 years and I'm just now waking up».
Lester's inner sexual circuitry has been rekindled; his coma is over and his hard-on is back. Now all he wants is to fuck Angela. In fact, right now it may be just about the only thing he cares about in life.
But as his obsession over the narcissistic, aspiring model develops, it becomes something more, it becomes a hard-on for life itself. He starts working out again. He breaks free of his soul-stealing job, demonstrating in the process his ability to surprise himself by blackmailing his employer for a full year's wages. He says FUCK IT to social convention and starts pursuing his dream – and it includes buying himself a red Pontiac Firebird (remember the Red Knight from the myths?).
But most importantly, he starts breaking free from Carolyn's grip on his balls.
My perhaps most favourite scene in the movie demonstrates so well the sort of socially unacceptable behaviour that may need to take place when a sedated man (akin to David Deida's 2nd stage of development) reintegrates the primal RED of the first stage. Becoming authentic may require smashing some plates on the way. Let's have a look at this hilarious spectacle:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYA4a2l1loM
Look at Lester come back to life! Isn't it invigorating? Note how Carolyn tells him to speak to their daughter about his day. Note how she does so with the intent of shaming him. And note how he refuses to be shamed and launches into telling Jane about his day with enthusiasm and energy.
A woman can wield enormous power over a man in her ability to shame him and when we break free from that, as Lester does here, life is a different landscape. One in which we know ourselves and our own desire. For freedom – and for women.
What is somewhat unintuitive about this is that while our partner and the world may not like us in our process of breaking free, they will often like us after we have emerged on the other side as self-liberated, self-fulfilled men (if not, it's definitely time to move on).
Say you have a wife who wants you to change. When you start changing, she may not seem to support you at first, even though it's what she wanted all along. For very few people like change when it at first starts happening. But once the metamorphosis is complete, she will probably be a very happy woman.
It may not be fair, but it's reality. And when the man emerges on that other side, he will have taken back his balls, now free to reclaim his desire, both for the woman who previously controlled him and life itself. That is what happens in the following scene where Lester yet again desires his wife:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V9bbYkIM9w0
There is some cause for mourning in this scene, for we see in Carolyn her desire to really surrender to the moment and her subsequent inability to do so due to the possibility of a beer spill on her couch. She cannot embrace that which she truly wants because she is too cut off from herself. And it pains and confuses her.
There's too much beauty in the world
As the plot develops, we see façades dropping all over the place. Everyone has a secret, whether it's the homophobic Col Frank Fitt's desire for Lester, Carolyn's feelings of being a total failure or Angela's lack of sexual experience.
This is where the movie really shines, for it is here that we start to see that everyone in this small universe is so into maintaining their façade that none of them are really alive. For in the world of façade, everything is materialism, even the people who you supposedly love.
There is only one person in the whole of this suburban repression-land that sees through the veil – Ricky Fitts, Jane's boyfriend and son of Col. Fitts. His eyes are blessed with the ability to see the beauty which is hidden to others. And with his video camera, he collects beauty, little gems for future reference. That the only access to true beauty in the movie at first is through Ricky's movie camera seems to be deeply symbolic.
At any rate, the silent whisper that starts making itself heard in the background of the movie speaks of the inherent beauty of humanity. It speaks of all the crap we do to embellish ourselves to fight our sense of being ugly and how that takes us further away from the beauty of our innermost nature.
The movie points towards a compassionate, soft and loving beauty that vibrates through all of Creation. Ricky is tuned into that beauty, through his mature Lover archetype, as is made so abundantly clear from the famous plastic bag scene.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BZPf-BOnuZ0
And perhaps it is so that the beauty which surrounds us, the love which runs so deep, is just so intense that we can't deal with it? That if we were to look at it squarely in the eye, we would be rendered undone by the brightness of what we saw?
Perhaps we do self-help courses and all kinds of practices because we don't dare to look directly, that we want to feel that beauty only in ways which are under our control, so that we won't be forced to let go and love beyond reason? God help us if we felt it all, right? If we dared to be vulnerable, dared to be ourselves. Wouldn't that be the end of us, our frail little egos and strategies for life mastery?
Wouldn't that just be the end of the search altogether? And what, if anything, is a man without a search?
Lester's final freedom
After having undertaken his Wild Man rebellion, Lester's heart opens wide. Understand that the Wild Man is a force of violence in no man. It is rather a force of truth. He is not afraid to stand up for love and authenticity if such is necessary, and in his intimate connectedness with nature, he gives his vessel the ability to recognize beauty.
Having broken a plate or two, Lester is now a completely different and a much more authentic man.
His final breakthrough into fully mature manhood comes when he gets his chance to make love to Angela, the moment for which he has yearned. When she lies there naked in front of him, she softens into her vulnerability and admits that she is a virgin who is afraid that she won't be good enough for him. As seems to be the norm, most of her life has been a façade and Lester is the one to bring her into her own truth.
Let's have a look at the scene:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVFmHKDFJtA
For Lester, we intuit that this moment is like his final jolt out of boyhood. His heart is rendered open and his illusions surrounding Angela shatter into a thousand pieces. He no more wants to fuck her, for he is tuning into the feelings of care and compassion for this young and troubled girl that were appropriate all along. The boy that Lester was wanted to take her for his own selfish reasons.
The man that Lester has become is a steward of the Feminine and wishes for her to be happy and healed of her own inner wounds. Selfish sex is never high on a man's agenda. He has ceased the practice of wanting to masturbate with a female body.
It seems to me that the Wild Man can be said to be, when mapped over to the KWML archetypal system, an amalgamation of primarily Warrior and Lover energy. Lester has now taken the archetypal journey, with the help of Warrior energy, from the impotent Lover through to the addicted Lover and ended up in the fully integrated mature Lover.
He has taken a journey of King energy as well, and this archetype that cares for and wants to bless the people around him, as well as the child inside, has come online. Arriving at maturity, Lester realizes it was never really about Angela. It was about being happy with himself, feeling free to express his own inner power and beauty and being in compassionate, joyful relationship with his own innermost being.
Truly, it never is about the woman; it's about our own relationship with ourselves. That is the source of true Love, the wellspring from which all gifts in relationship flow. That too is where the divine spark – the true Beauty – in us resides. And that realization leads us to the words that have been uttered by many a wise one in the past – a relationship is not a good place to get something, but an amazing place to co-create something.
When Angela asks Lester how he is, he replies, to his own wonderment «I am great.» The innocence and surprise in his face is, as you can see, profound and priceless. Lester, in his recognition of being fundamentally okay, even happy, with himself, finally experiences in himself authentic love and freedom. The façade is gone, the American Beauty real at last.
Conclusion
I read somewhere, it must have been the words of Bly or Moore, about how weakened the Lover archetype has become in our society. We are afraid of real beauty or we have just lost our ability to perceive it. Paintings by the masters are sold for millions, but the people who buy them cannot appreciate them – they merely buy them for status and the good investment.
People go in hordes to plastic surgeons, though recognition of their inner beauty eludes them even when the scalpel has done its job and they're sown back together. Nature meets us with its magnificence, but we cannot see it, for we visualize in it rural development or feeding grounds for cattle. Beauty is lost on us and all that is left is façade.
When roses are tended, as in early parts of this movie, to make the gardener look good to her neighbor, they lose their beauty.
For men, the Lover archetype, the deep psychic energy that allows us our recognition of beauty, is particularly challenging, for it can trigger fears of being feminine. Recognizing beauty can in many men even trigger fears that they're turning gay.
Much macho posturing is sourced in this fear. Instead, these men become trapped in shadow expressions of Lover energy, addicted or impotent.
American Beauty, through the example of Ricky's eyes and Lester's journey, is a clarion call to re-embrace authentic beauty in our lives – to dare to see and express the beauty which is already inherent.
And it indicates to us that to do that without feeling he is losing his balls, a man must be able to access authentic Wild Man energy. It appears that a man can only recognize beauty truthfully if he is also able to be angry, to grieve, to say "fuck you".
When all is said and done, the real challenge is to be authentic. Authenticity holds within it all of the archetypes. And whether it's your fear of expressing appreciation of beauty or to speak your truth to the woman you've chosen, you know very well all the ways in which you're bullshitting yourself.
— , Irregular updates ()Note: This movie review is not so much pointing at ways to discover our authentic masculinity as it is pointing at the tragic stories that play out in its absence.
Thank you, Terry
Jack is about to be let back out into society after serving his sentence and Terry is the rehabilition worker who is put on the case to make the transition into freedom go as smoothly as possible. In the opening scene, Terry gifts Jack with a pair of Nike Escape trainers. Jack is rendered speechless and with tears in his eyes embraces Terry while expressing a truly heartfelt "thank you". From this opening scene, we can infer two things: 1: Jack is not the murdering type and 2: Jack has never experienced this level of kindness before.
A strong relationship form between these two from the get-go and Terry refers to him as «my nephew Jack» when he introduces him to Kelly, the woman whose room Jack now moves into. Terry assures him that everything will be okay and ironically a policecar will keep watch over him this first night of freedom. This is not mere nicety from the long arm of the law; as the movie later shows, Philip - the boy Jack was with when they murdered the girl - has already been killed by a lynch mob.
Absent fathers: A recipe for murder
The story is told with intermittent flashbacks to Jack's childhood, the time when he was still going by the name of Eric Wilson (Jack Burridge is his new identity, taken to protect him from the media and the mobs). We see that his mother is dying of cancer and that his father is not offering much in the way of love to either of them. Although very little is said about him, it is implied that he is a man who is so overwhelmed by the fact that his wife is dying that he has completely shut down.
Eric is a lost and insecure kid. He falters through school, much to the dismay of his female teacher who shames him for not being good enough. When he is out and about, a posse of boys pester and abuse him. And when he finally gets home, it does not present a shelter, for it reeks of death and lost love. Eric has no safe haven in life.
Enter Philip. It is clear that Philip has more of an «evil streak» in him than Eric does. There is something about his eyes, not to mention that he pummels the three kids that have been bothering Eric all by himself. Eric smiles with relief and appreciates that someone is finally standing up for him. A bond between them forms.
On a huge lawn under the blazing sun, Philip out of the blue asks Eric «have you ever been fucked by a guy?» He reveals that he has been raped regularly by his older brother for a long time. At this point, we can conclude that neither of these boys are experiencing a safe childhood, and none of them have had a father figure to look up to. And as research shows, boys with absent fathers, be they emotionally absent or physically absent, are more likely to become criminals. What is soon about to happen is observable in our statistics.
Jack, Chris and the healing properties of the White Whale
Jack is doing well. Terry has set him up with a job for a logistics company where the boyish, but sympathetic Chris fast becomes his closest friend. And then there is the lovely secretary Michelle - «The White Whale». She is a kind and gentle woman and there's nothing particularly whale-y about her. And when she asks Jack when he's going to ask her out for a drink, he is left totally dumbfounded. On the other side of some embarassing episodes and challenges and support from his friends, Jack finally does.
What Jack may not be aware of is easy for a trained eye to see: Michelle is a woman with amazing healing qualities. She has an abundance of feminine light, enormous tolerance for others and an incredibly strong nurturing side. She is clearly much more mature than Jack, so why exactly she wants to be with him is a little unclear. I speculate that she awakens in him her mothering instinct. In the deep of her, perhaps she desires to heal him and to be healed in return by the man that will emerge through their love. A good woman knows to appreciate a man with a good heart, and Jack does have a good heart.
I see this dynamic quite clearly for it is not unlike what happened early in my own previous relationship. And just like Jack crumbles in a teary mess on her bosom when he realizes he is loved by her, so once did I (the path to a true and authentic masculinity is often far from macho). The beauty and gifts of the bright side of the feminine are extraordinary (as are those of the dark side, though they require a stronger man than Jack) and they are melting through Jack's layers of tension.
After Jack and Michelle make love for the first time, Chris and Jack are out on the job, driving some stuff somewhere. Chris teases Jack and seems delighted that Jack got lucky. Then suddenly Jack spots a carwreck on the side of the road. The little girl inside lives, but the man who drove it – I assume it was her father – is dead. The father who is in the driver's seat is dead. It is quite a symbolic scene.
Chris and Jack are heroes. And while noone knows Jack's true identity at this point, Jack starts to feel into whether now is the time to come clean, for he has just redeemed himself by saving the life of this girl. He considers speaking out both to Chris and to Michelle, but no songs of childhood mistakes, shattered dreams and lost youth reach their ears. For Terry knows the ways of the world better than Jack and tells him there's a bounty on his head. Noone must know.
The return of Terry's lost son
One day, Terry's son stands on the porch with a small bag in his hand. Terry lost him to his mother when they separated, which we know is relatively normal when couples split up today. The rebellion against the masculine in the last 50 years of our culture has contributed to the idea that mothers are better equipped to raise a child than fathers. Further strengthening the mother's case in child distribution cases are the emphasis on the idealized beauty of the bond between mother and child as well as the suppressed shadow of the misandric agenda.
And as is well known by those who have studied the evolution of boys, mothers ARE better equipped to raise children – to raise sons – for the first years of his life. But then there comes a time when the mother must take the boy's hand and lead him to the bridge of adolescence, where the father waits with love and patience, takes his hand, and walks him over to the shore of adulthood. A boy can never become a man without a father, or at least a fatherly figure.
This is little understood by many modern women (I think especially single mothers), which may lead them to energetically feed on their sons and resist with tremendous force their journey into adulthood. It's natural enough – mothers don't want to lose their sons – but it's also selfish and destructive to deny a boy his manhood because you are uncomfortable with it. More destructive still is to use your son as ally, alibi and crutch in the battle against men.
Terry's son tells him that he doesn't speak with his mother much. This is a normal reaction when a son has not had a father to take him across that proverbial bridge. The son is still stuck on the wrong shore, struggling to sever the energetic merger with mother he intuits must happen. But he cannot sever it alone, cannot walk across that long and treacherous bridge alone. For the path across is fraught with danger that only a father can fend off, lest the boy run back to his mother every time it gets scary.
So since Terry's son has not had the chance to take this most essential journey, he has turned into an apathetic and depressed young man. We may do well to understand that the connection with mother is the basis for a boy's feelings of intimacy and safety, while the connection with father is connected with feelings of value. The son's feelings of worthlessness are a clear testament to the lacking relationship with his father. Terry is worried.
A monster, dad. A monster over me!
Jack has turned into an object of the fatherly feelings that Terry never got to express with his biological son. He has served as a replacement of sorts after his son's mother, backed by society, took him from his life. But now, there he is - with mixed emotions: Happy to be with his father and angry that he wasn't there for him.
There are only losers in this story: A father who didn't get to see his son because his mother stopped him; a son who is lost in life because his father wasn't there to guide him safely through adolescence; a mother who has lost contact with her son because he is trying to cut the ties that holds him captive in the prison of his own undeveloped boyhood. This is not mere fiction – for thousands – perhaps millions – it is hard reality.
While having a drinking binge with his son, Terry mutters in a drunken stupor «I love you, Jack. You're my greatest fucking achievement.» Faced with a father who he feels loves another boy more than himself, the son decides to act. He blows Jack's cover and everything that Terry has worked for crumbles.
In the scene where Terry confronts his son, some very important dialogue takes place. Terry: «Do you have any idea what this has cost me. Do you have any idea what this has cost that boy?» Son: «And what did he cost me? Him and the others, what did they cost my mum?»
Him and the others. He speaks of men. It is a statement from which we can deduce the following: Terry's son doesn't trust men, in all likelihood because he has been poisoned by his mother's emotional hostility towards them. He now needs a loving father figure to extract the toxin from his veins and to discover his true identity. But since he is so used to identifying with the victimhood of his mother and the bitterness towards his father (and thus all men), he now takes the role of victim himself, rejecting the healing that could be his. Instead of being truly vulnerable, he plays the role as mother's white knight and the unholy alliance against Dad plays out.
Though it is true – he is in a way a victim, but not of Jack or Terry, but of a society that thinks men are bad and of a mother who refused his connection to the source of true masculine identity by denying him access to father. This is a morally justifiable decision if you can make yourself believe that men are bad, which is essentially what the cultural elite thinks in the Western world. There they go on their white knight missions, destroying and undermining the paths of growth for boys while thinking they are doing them a favour. Make no mistake – they honestly believe that this is a good thing. That is the reality they see. This is why you almost never see a man today who is animating his full masculine potential – society doesn't want him to (for he will surely end up killing someone or destroying something). This scene is incredibly sad and shakes me up every time I watch it.
Jack is now a fugitive.
Boys: Scum is what you are!
We see the consequence of the anti-male attitude in society in the tragic scene where the girl is murdered. She despises boys, thinks they are scum. She seems to consider girls as inherently better. And since Philip is such a broken boy, he snaps and ends her life, with an unwilling and confused Eric (Jack) as his complicit. It is of course a tragedy that the life of this young girl ends in such a way (and we are watching a piece of fiction), but we must be brave enough to admit that had she not been so aggressive, it would not have happened. She wasn't quite the beautiful angel she was professed to be in the court proceedings.
Girls often aren't the beautiful little angels that they are painted out to be. Of course, from nature they can be – they will be – but contemporary society generally has a negative effect on their character, giving them so much special treatment that many end up being self-involved little princesses; narcissistic girls who have mastered the craft of choosing when to be powerful and when to be victim. The suffering they and those around them experience as a consequence is enormous. For this girl, it leads to her death.
It's not just the girl who thinks the boys are scum. So does the grown ups in the court proceedings. When children who haven't even hit adolescence are labelled evil, as they are here, we as a society are spreading the disease of irresponsibility. Because it conveniently allows us to sidestep the tough question: Why did it happen?
If we are to move one step closer to truth, we must recognize that human ignorance, fear and woundedness are enormous in our world. We must see that many people don't have it in them to live life as responsible and ethical human beings and that these people have children. Now we have little people who must find their own way through life, because Mommy and Daddy are not capable of showing them the road. They may be too busy, too shut down or maybe they are simply not that interested.
The result? A generation of lost and/or self-involved boys and girls who try to squeeze happiness out of a world without meaning (thank you, postmodernism). What we're doing isn't working. People are hurting.
Conclusion
Boy A is a powerful and beautiful movie. It is also an extraordinarily brave movie, because it shows with such raw vulnerability the extent of the problem that broken father-son-relationships cause individuals and society. And while the armies of the politically correct are not the ones who broke them in the first place (Robert Bly suggests that it was caused by the industrialization of society, where father home for factories), they are supposed to be the ones to set things right. But the politically correct are not out to set things right – they are out to propagate an ideology that places white men as the main culprits of all problems in the history of the world, and women, girls and people of colour as their victims.
That means that, in the worldview of the politically correct cultural elite, as a white man, I am to blame. And if you are a white man, so are you. For all the suffering in the history of humanity. It is crazy and it is untrue. And we gotta speak up about that. For when we don't, we fail to place the blame where blame is due – the ever-fickle human nature; fear and ignorance in both men and women – and thus we fail to learn from our mistakes. For ourselves and for the Jacks of the world, it is time to learn from our mistakes. And truth be told, even though we may be better off than Jack, perhaps what many of us need is exactly a rehabilitation worker like Terry. A man who can help us find our freedom. Find your freedom.
— , Irregular updates ()Hi and welcome to Masculinity-Movies.com.
I know this much about you: You read Integral Europe's newsletter. That leads me to conclude that you are familiar with Ken Wilber, most likely Spiral Dynamics, and perhaps even David Deida. Also, since you probably take some time off every fortnight from reading Sex, Ecology, Spirituality for the 13th time, you probably have some familiarity with movies.
That makes me happy, because I made this site for people such as yourself; especially if you are a man. So brothers (and sisters), this is my take: I believe there is a crisis in masculinity in the world's more progressive cultures. Feminism, green, postmodernism, anti-hierarchical systems...you probably know them all by heart.
In this cultural context, it's hard to be a man. If you don't know what I'm talking about, for the time being just trust me on this. How could it not be? We have stripped out virtually all systems and rituals from our culture that could take a boy and his psycho-emotional makeup into the vast realms of Manhood. Why? I believe it is because we fear men. We fear masculinity when it's channeled by a man (in women, apparently, it's okay), and we consciously or unconsciously condemn boys en masse to a lifetime of adolescence, thinking we are doing something humane and ethical.
I don't know about you, but I don't think this is exactly a good idea. In fact, I think it is damaging on an epic scale. Boys will not be able to weather the storms that the coming years will bring. Whenever such a boy feels called to stand up for the truth, he will fear the power of that energy that calls him to action, and shrink back into oblivion. This is the dramatic result of the shaming men have been put through for the past several decades: We fear our power.
But just like the future needs true women, it most definitely also needs true men. Men of courage, compassion and vitality, who are willing to penetrate the world with their truth and direction, for the betterment of all mankind. I'd rather not think about the alternative.
With this website, I hope to bring awareness to the importance of this process, as well as inspire men to connect with their balls, re-embody themselves, and move ahead with firm determination. And I hope to do so by go deeper with many important movies.
I thank you for being here and suggest you go to the movie database to see if there's anything which you'd like to look into more deeply. If not, post a suggestion as to what you'd like to see featured here, and I'd be happy to oblige. Or maybe you'd like to check out some of the articles, just read my blog, or read more about the people behind the project.
Okay, very good. Let's get this show on the road.
— Eivind Figenschau Skjellum
founder of Masculinity-Movies.com
— , Irregular updates ()The idea to create Masculinity-Movies.com came about during a time of intense study on what it meant to be a man. This is a question I've struggled with most of my adult life and this confusion has caused me to go through times of intense inner turmoil and depression.
But the process has brought results and at this point, I was trying to find a way to juggle masculine and feminine energies and forms of expression in my life in a way that was beneficial for everyone.
At the same time, I felt a growing need to share my own voice in this wilderness, and it seemed directly connected with my own sense of well being.
There was just one problem.
I had no idea what to say.
I was working on my Norwegian translation for The Way of The Superior Man by David Deida (still in progress) and applying it in the relationship with my lover, with great results. As the two of us spent some quiet quality time together watching films in her flat, the answer to the question that had plagued me for a long while – "how can I bring this material to the world in my own unique way?" came pulsing through the shimmering TV screen.
In the middle of the unlikeliest of films – Erin Brockovich and Mrs. Doubtfire – it dawned on me, and Masculinity-Movies.com was born.
Why do modern men need to learn about masculinity? Don't we already have it covered? Aren't we already tuned in, turned on and aligned with truth in every way that matters? If my own life experience is anything to go by, the answer is definitely no.
Modern men struggle.
Most of us haven't found anything truly worth living (or dying) for and spend our days working to fulfill the visions of other men (and increasingly women), and most of these visions aren't even that great. In relationship, many of us find ourselves overpowered by our women, unable to stand up for our own rights in the relationship and instead choose to succumb to the apathy of just tolerating her.
We haven't yet discovered our core strength, that reservoir of loving and wise warrior energy that each and every one of us deep down know we carry inside of us. Modern men need help. Trouble is – most of us don't want it. The idea that a man needing help is a weak man is cementing his weakness. It's a challenging place to be culturally, and we need to do something about it. This website is my small part in that large process.
My wish for Masculinity-Movies.com is that it not only become a resource for in-depth movie analysis through the lens of masculine evolution, but that it becomes a resource central outlining the different guided paths of masculine evolution that are available in the world today. Through honing in on the themes of the respective films, I will offer resources – specific practices, and pointers to men's groups, workshops, teachers etc - so that this growth becomes possible in our very own lives.
I hope you enjoy your time here. By reading this, you've proven that you're one of the still relatively few men out there looking to better himself for the benefit of all. It's men like you who will make the tide turn for the better.
For this, I thank you. AND – I wish to get to know you.
Eivind Figenschau Skjellum
Masculinity-Movies.com founder
Hi everyone! In this interview, our first new content on Masculinity-Movies.com for more than two years, you will meet Kevin Latham, the man responsible for our upcoming review of "Logan" and for overseeing the future developments of this website. So without further ado, let's meet mr Latham!— , Irregular updates ()Who are you, Kevin?
I'm a self-taught artist, writer and poet – as well as a committed advocate of holistic self-development. I've always felt the urge to use my skills to inspire and nurture others, and so in addition to producing creative work that aims to enrich people's lives, I've worked as a support worker for the homeless, ex-offenders, substance abusers, adults with learning difficulties and other marginalised groups.What drew you to Masculinity-Movies.com?
I was directed to the site by my long-standing friend and occasional collaborator, David Schofield – who is a graduate of the Reclaim Your Inner Throne program. He felt that writing for the website could be a great opportunity to hone my skills and hasten my development – as well as making a valuable contribution to a thriving community of men committed to positive change. I think he was right!I know you took some time reaching your decision to get involved. What tipped the scales towards YES?
I found the prospect of writing for Masculinity-Movies.com intriguing from the outset – having always been a bit of a film-buff, the idea of reviewing movies was immediately appealing to me – and the knowledge that I'd be evaluating those movies through an archetypal lens peaked my interest further. Having a number of strings to my creative bow, however, I had some other projects jostling for my attention and didn't immediately give the concept the eagle-eyed focus it deserves. It was only when I actually viewed the site and started thinking about how I might approach the material that I became really excited by the project's potential. For some time now I've been re-evaluating my beliefs and cultural orientation in light of the new (or old!) knowledge that I now have at my disposal. I had not, however, applied this knowledge specifically to the cinematic arena, and contemplating the films I might be interested in reviewing, I was quite shocked to discover that I didn't have to think very hard to extract multi-faceted layers of meaning from their narratives that only a short time ago would've remained hidden to me. I don't mean to suggest that teasing this stuff out is an easy business mind - upon closer inspection it then became apparent that I could peer deeper and deeper into the allegorical well, identifying evermore complex and subtle shapes bubbling up from its subterranean recesses. It's this limitless process o exploration that I find so compelling – there's really no cap on its potential for inspiration.I know you have been on a journey of change yourself. Could you share a little about it?
I guess you could say that until recently, I'd confined my thinking to a pretty limited and insular political prism. I had other interests and influences – but I didn't really allow them to alter the terrain of my psychological landscape. Having been born and raised in Wales, at the height of Thatcher's neoliberal revolution – I was brought up with staunchly socialist values and a pretty virulent attitude towards the political class that had instigated that policy drive – a tectonic shift that devastated the lives of working class communities throughout the region. My dad was an extremely capable, intelligent and versatile man – a man of the old school, who favoured action over communication and whose sense of self-worth rested upon his ability to perform practical tasks and provide for his family. He also possessed a tremendously strong work ethic – even by the standards of his generation – and so when his dogged determination failed to free us from the poverty trap we were caught in, it proved to be a source of great pain, resentment and bitterness for him. My mum, on the other hand, suffered from bipolar disorder and was hospitalised on several occasions due to a series of psychotic breaks – exacerbated if not caused by the pressures of an unstable economic life. Given these experiences – and the fact that I exhibited strong leanings towards openness and sensitivity from the outset, it was inevitable that I would identify with the plight of the poor and the disenfranchised – and seek to redress these injustices by means of left-leaning political solutions. Learning more about the corruption and injustice permeating our contemporary socio-economic systems only solidified these predispositions – and although my hunger for change prompted me to devour texts on the subjects of politics, economics, ecology, spirituality and philosophy – I failed to recognise that my studies were causing me to become increasingly one-sided in my outlook. I was steadily succumbing to a cultural tribalism that prompted me to repress fundamental aspects of my own nature. This reaped a pretty appalling toll on me – like my mum before me, I was gripped by mental illness – suffering from horrifically debilitating bouts of clinical anxiety and HPPD (Hallucinogen Persisting Perception Disorder – a nightmarish visual trip that persisted long after the chemical effects of a particular batch of psilocybin mushrooms had worn off). Though these experiences were not altogether 'bad' (even at their worst, I could see that they were opening me up to new ways of perceiving the world – and even the nature of reality itself) they were extraordinarily frightening – having no idea if I would ever make it back to a normative plain of consciousness. It was the psychoanalytic practices of Carl Jung – whose direct experience of subconscious phenomena correlated so strongly with my own – that allowed me to wade through the psychic soup pervading my waking life and rejoin the land of the living. Interestingly enough, my mum always attributed her recovery to Jung's work too – and so I represent the second generation of my family to be wrenched from the clutches of the underworld by the psychiatrist's visionary mythological teachings. I have since dedicated myself to the exploration of archetypal structures in psychology, mythology, indigenous practices and contemporary culture – and found, to my great surprise – that I share far more in common with those on the 'other side' of the political divide than I ever imagined. I now aim to focus on the ties that bind each of us together, rather than the competing forces that set us apart – and though I inevitably still posses personal and political views of my own – my focus is firmly upon encouraging others' process of individuation, and facilitating constructive dialogue, compromise and reconciliation amongst people of all cultural creeds and dispositions.What is your vision for your involvement with Masculinity-Movies.com?
Having established a greater sense of balance within myself as a result of the unveiling and application of archetypal structures in psychology and mythology, it's my hope that Masculinity-Movies.com can be a potent catalyst for the same process in other men. Cinema is a wonderfully accessible medium – too easily dismissed as a superfluous or trivial distraction; but even the most simplistic escapist fare depends upon an inexplicably dense foundation of archetypal imagery for its success. I want to mine this imagery, extracting the nuggets of gold nestled within its crevices – to alert men everywhere to the precious materials they already possess. To this end I'll be exploring a pretty varied canon, ranging from the classic to the contemporary - primarily examining material that already has a high profile within the public sphere, but also occasionally drawing visitor's attention to works that may be less familiar to them (either older movies or indie/foreign language films – providing additional cultural context to the exploration of masculinity in cinema, by examining the similarities and differences in the way that alternative cultures broach the subject).You have decided to write your first review on "Logan". Why?
Well, firstly, it's awesome! I really feel that it's a creative triumph – a movie that operates equally well as both a scintillating comic-book action flick and a deeply reflective, thematically rich and intricately nuanced work of art. So, in-keeping with each of these traditions, it oozes mythological symbolism from every pore! Add to that Jackman's brooding, belligerent – but essentially honourable – portrayal of the ageing (and ailing) Wolverine, and we're afforded an irresistible opportunity to peel away the Warrior's adamantium armour and inspect the bones that lie beneath it. What more could you ask for in a Masculine Movie?Do you have anything else you'd like to share?
Only that I would like the site's audience to feel that it belongs to them every bit as much as it does to me. Whilst I hope that reader's find my analyses of movies and masculinity insightful and provocative, I don't claim to be an authoritative expert on either subject. It's therefore my heartfelt wish that this site becomes a truly collaborative venture – and that others will feel compelled to contribute their own thoughts and observations to it – growing not only as individuals, but as a supportive community of movie-mad men! I feel certain that this project can be a tremendous vehicle for integrative growth – but it can only achieve its full potential with your support and input. So, I urge everyone who's interested to get involved and flex their film-reviewing muscles. Let's set out on this hero's journey together – and have plenty of fun along the way! ------ I'm grateful to Kevin for taking on this responsibility and to Reclaim your Inner Throne alumni David Schofield for making the connection. (if you want to get to know Kevin better, you can check out his spoken word Youtube Channel) Eivind, Masculinity-Movies.com founder
a:8:{s:8:"location";a:2:{i:0;a:1:{i:0;a:3:{s:5:"param";s:9:"post_type";s:8:"operator";s:2:"==";s:5:"value";s:12:"movie-quotes";}}i:1;a:1:{i:0;a:3:{s:5:"param";s:13:"post_category";s:8:"operator";s:2:"==";s:5:"value";s:14:"category:quote";}}}s:8:"position";s:6:"normal";s:5:"style";s:7:"default";s:15:"label_placement";s:3:"top";s:21:"instruction_placement";s:5:"label";s:14:"hide_on_screen";s:0:"";s:11:"description";s:0:"";s:12:"show_in_rest";i:0;}— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()This video trips me out big time. If you can watch this without squirming, you have some big-ass cojones.
There are a lot of invisible male heroes out there. They make society go around. And they don't any credit for it.
— , Irregular updates ()Hello friends,
I’ve been negligent with this site and this community lately. I’m sorry, but I’m planning something bigger that you will hear about soon and the smaller stuff has been falling by the wayside.
In order to keep more in touch with my community – you guys and gals – I’ve decided to start creating Facebook posters of inspiring quotes from movies I’ve reviewed. It’s a way to say “hi, I’m still here” while hopefully also inspiring you. If some of them go viral, I won’t mind
I’m experiencing a deepening connection to nature lately. I recently went into the woods and felt my heart explode to the point of me almost vanishing. And then I started weeping. For a LONG time. A constant stream of tears of gratitude. I sat on a wood stump overlooking the green early summer fields of the place I was born, and the vibrant, lush beauty overwhelmed me.
As I sat there, I felt a huge commitment to this planet stir in the depths of my soul. The tears took on a different texture – tears of despair, of sacred anger and disbelief “what the FUCK are we doing to this planet?”. A sort of neo-tribal sacred warriorship is growing in me as I feel into this agonizing inquiry.So I’ve decided to make this first poster about our planet and it’s accompanied by a quote from Avatar, reviewed here on the site by Marten Sims.
This first one is the first and last to be published on the site. The remaining ones will be published on the Masculinity-Movies Facebook page.
— , Irregular updates ()The most profound developmental experiences and relationships in the life of a man are his initiations and his mentors. His initiations carry him over the threshold into a new world of possibility and responsibility. His mentors literally bring out the best in him. In urban contemporary society we have eliminated most forms of masculine initiation. Some professions such as the military still value the role of initiation, but by and large boys are left to initiate themselves through risk-taking and violent behavior. The problem is that boys can't initiate other boys. For that you need a mentor.
In films the role of initiation and mentoring is still an important element. Many films portray initiation as a kind of clumsy and obvious process of a boy becoming a man. The 1996 film "The Ghost and the Darkness," takes a more sophisticated approach. It shows us not an immature boy needing to become a man, but a self-assured and confident man who is capable and good at what he does who is presented with a challenge unlike anything he has had face before. The film reminds us that initiation is not a one-time affair, but something we will experience again and again as we grow and evolve from one level to the next.
The story, set in 1898 in British East Africa, begins with Col. John Henry Patterson (played by Val Kilmer) being hired to build a critical railroad bridge at Tsavo. Patterson is capable and confident. He is a good engineer, a clever and inventive thinker, a good manager and a decent man. What he faces shortly after arriving at Tsavo are a pair of man-eating, male lions who are hunting and killing the workers constructing the bridge. He tries to solve the lion problem with all the skills he has, but he is faced with something beyond his level of skill.
Enter the Mentor
Actually there are two mentors in this film. There is a shadow mentor in the form of the wealthy railroad owner who hires him to build the bridge, Robert Beaumont (played by Tom Wilkinson). Beaumont is a bully with a massive ego, but he does bring the initiation to Patterson and when Patterson is unable to deal with the lion problem because he is at the edge of his current level of skills, it is Beaumont who summons a real mentor for Patterson in the form of Charles Remington (played by Michael Douglas).
Remington is an older man and veteran hunter. He mentors Patterson in a number of ways, but three specific moments in the film stand out. If one wanted to learn how to mentor younger men, the lessons that Remington brings would be highly useful.
The First Lesson
Remington first appears when Patterson's ability to keep order and confidence among his workers is breaking down. He has tried reason and negotiation, but, in this setting of fear run rampant (the workers have come to believe the lions are supernatural beings or demons), reason is not enough. Remington wades into the conflict and puts a gun to the head of the leader among the workers who is threatening Patterson.
He knows that in the world of real leadership, where lives are on the line, that sometimes fear can only be overcome by embodying a greater form of fear. He is willing to become that greater form of fear for the workers. His steely confidence and nerve, his willingness to kill, and his unpredictability become a more immediate and galvanizing source of fear among the workers. When the lead worker tries to tell him about the men's fear of the lions by saying that the devil has come to Tsavo, he agrees: "You're right. The Devil has come. Look at me. I am the Devil."
And then, the moment after the lead worker backs down, Remington breaks the tension himself by extending his hand. He is willing to do what is necessary to resolve the situation, but he is also sensitive enough to know when, for the moment, the tension has shifted. He models for Patterson a component of leadership that is lacking in the younger man-that ability to get men to move when moving is more critical than the direction they choose.
The Second Lesson
The next lesson comes around the campfire, the night before the big lion hunt. Remington has brought a group of Masai warriors with him to hunt the lion. He has also asked Patterson to come with him. Patterson is not afraid to go and is not trying to avoid going but because of Remington's prowess as a hunter, Patterson questions why the older man wants him to accompany him.
Patterson: "I have to ask, why do you need me?"
Remington: "I don't really. But understand something- even though it may take me two or three days to sort this out, but when I'm gone, you'll still have to build the bridge. And I don't want the men to have lost respect for you."
Remington is clearly conscious of more than accomplishing the task he has been hired to do and he isn't pathologically attached to the image of himself as "leader." He is mentoring Patterson with honesty and respect.
At the end of the evening around the fire, Remington stands and stretches. The Masai warriors have a separate fire and have begun dancing around it in a slow, strong procession. Remington informs Patterson and the other men around the fire that he is going to go join the Masai.
Remington: "I'm going to join those men and see if we can't convince ourselves that we're brave."
Dr. Hawthorne: "I wouldn't have thought that would be a problem for you."
Remington: "Well, you always hope it won't be, (pause) but you never really know."
This admission is really aimed at Patterson. It is the reflection of an older man who knows that young men often do foolish things while trying to act brave. He is willing to admit that even he never knows for certain when fear is going to arise and what it's affect might be. Remington does not want Patterson to ignore or repress his fear, but to own that fear and still choose to act decisively.
The third lesson
The next day, during the hunt itself. Remington and the Masai are driving the lion into a thicket. Patterson waits on the other side in case the lion breaks into the open and he can get a clear shot. Unbeknownst to Remington, Patterson has accepted Dr. Hawthorne's offer to exchange rifles.
Hawthorne's rifle is more powerful and the offer seems both logical and respectful from Patterson's perspective. When the lion breaks through, he ends up within yards of Patterson. He has the clear shot they were hoping for, but the rifle misfires. When Remington arrives he questions Patterson.
Remington: "What happened?"
Patterson: (a whisper) "...misfire... it jammed..."
Remington: "Has it ever done that before?"
Patterson: "...don't know... It's Hawthorne's."
Remington. (Trying to control his temper) "You exchanged weapons? You went into battle with an untried gun?" (Patterson nods)
The film cuts to Remington for a close-up. For a moment it's impossible to tell what he's going to do. It seems that a Homeric burst of fury is about to happen. The film cuts to Patterson. He is drained, he expects Remington's rage. It's very quiet. The film cuts back to Remington studying the younger man. When he finally speaks, his voice is surprisingly quiet.
Remington: "They have an expression in prizefighting: everyone has a plan until they're hit. (pause). You've just been hit... (pause) ...the getting up is up to you..."
Mentors and Shadow Mentors
As a leader and as a man, Remington stands in sharp counterpoint to the shadow mentor figure of Beaumont. Where Beaumont needs to be seen as the leader, Remington needs to be the leader in order to accomplish his mission.
Patterson: "We need to talk."
Remington: "Let me save time. One, you are the Engineer. Two, you are in charge. Three, you're sorry I'm here. Right so far? (Patterson nods) Good- because one, I am not an engineer, two, I don't want to be in charge, and three, I'm sorrier than you are that I'm here- I hate Tsavo. So I will help you by killing the lions and leaving, and you will help me by doing what I tell you so I can leave. See any problems?"
Patterson: "Actually, no."
Where Beaumont threatens Patterson with ruining his career if he doesn't resolve the lion problem and finish the bridge on time, Remington respects the expertise that Patterson has and builds on it. He is able to see that Patterson is a good man with admirable qualities. He recognizes and honors that Patterson is a trustable man. He differentiates between mistakes and real weakness.
Where Beaumont can only really have subordinates around him, Remington actually values having good strong men around him. He even elicits those qualities in the men around them. As a mentor, Remington, picks character strengths in the men around him to praise and nurture.
The Initiation
By the end of the film, Patterson is forced to embody the lessons Remington has imparted as he hunts the final Lion alone. He has to get up on his own after being hit. When Remington is killed, Patterson is on his own. It is a huge blow to lose this man who has been his teacher and a friend, but still he gets up and goes after the lion.
He lights the dry savannah on fire to drive the lion toward him. Patterson has to embrace his deep fear and choose to act. He walks straight at the lion. The ultimate lesson is his willingness to become the devil that has come to Tsavo, just as Remington was willing to take that on. He is not attached to it because he needs to be seen that way. He takes it on because it is the energy that is needed in that moment in order to live his destiny and accomplish his mission.
As young men, these lessons are important to learn if we are going to lead and serve effectively in the world. They are not values that are discussed much and sometimes they are even ridiculed by cultures that are steeped in the institutionalization of more feminine values.
As older men, the model of how to mentor younger men, is also highly valuable. Remington's initiation of Patterson, his guiding him into the acquisition or awakening of new skills is built on respect rather than bullying. It is not soft, but neither is it rigid and inflexible. He does not want to mold men in his image, but neither is he scared of men finding their own real power.
Remington's last words to Patterson in the film refer to Patterson's desire to see his newborn son. Remington tells him: "Hold your son high." In this there is a kind of acknowledgement of not only the preciousness of life and of that moment, but also of how Patterson might raise his own son not to play it small and safe in life.
The Ghost and the Darkness was written by veteran screenwriter, William Goldman, based on a true story. Goldman is no stranger to men's issues. His screenplays for films such as Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, All the Presidents Men, Marathon Man, A Bridge Too Far, Heat, and The General's Daughter have all explored how men cope with extreme situations. The themes of initiation and mentoring and how men pass the tests of fire in their lives run throughout his films.
— , Irregular updates ()Get to know the contributors to this website.
— , Irregular updates ()Masculinity Movies LIVE #4 took place on Friday, November 26. The featured movie of the evening was the award-winning documentary "Beyond the Call," a dramatic documentary about the three crazy gringos Ed Artis, Jim Laws and Walt Ratterman who travel the world to deliver relief aid to war-torn regions so dangerous that no-one else would venture there.
"These are our rules, we are not into God business, we don't want to change your politics or your religion. It must be high adventure, it must be humanitarian. And it has to be in an area where few want to go. If it doesn't hit those criteria, we're not interested." – Ed Artis
The discussion revolved for a short while on whether their aid work was motivated by selfish desires for adventure and satisfaction or if there were actual benevolent motives involved. This was somewhat of a meta-perspective on what was an intensely personal story, which is why I directed the conversation into a more intimate and subjective territory after a while. I did that because I find that it is always easy to step out of our personal experience to take the analytical approach, weighing pros and cons. It is perhaps more useful to check in with ourselves about how our own background elicits our responses and judgments in the observance of another's.
This is always a balance I have to strike when I write about movies – zooming out into the collective, analytical meta-world or staying in an intensely personal space. This evening turned out to be about that and also the importance of speaking truthfully about our own personal experience, no matter if it elicits favourable feedback or not. Our personal truth is too valuable to be held back for fear of negative responses.
I'm grateful to find again and again that the MM LIVE container is strong enough to hold disagreement and provocation in the larger embrace of brotherhood and mutual respect and care. This, it seems to me, is what we need to generate in our relationships with other men in the time ahead.
To the eight of you who came, thank you for making it such an enriching evening. My sense is that next time will be even richer – and with a bigger group too. Interest is growing.
Be well,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()2014 is very close and it’s time to start getting intentional about the transition. We live in an era devoid of ritual; New Year’s eve is one of the few we have let. The passing of one year and the coming of another is a powerful metaphor in itself, made all the stronger by the fact that billions of us are present to it. The human collective consciousness unites on this single point of focus.
That is powerful. Which is why it makes sense to take advantage of it.
I encourage you all to take some time in the coming day or two to spend a little while with yourself, reflecting on what was good and bad about the year that was and getting clear on your intention for the new year.
As for me, I will summarize the year on Masculinity-Movies.com in a little movie that is coming up in the next day or two.
Be well
— , Irregular updates ()By user request
Suk
In order to make his movie Buddha's Lost Children, director Mark Verkerk spent an entire year with Abbott Phra Khru Bah and his novices. In the beginning of that year, Suk was already there, the orphaned kid who used to only speak with dogs. Khun Mae Ead is the nun who takes care of the day-to-day practicalities in and around Golden Horse, and she tells us how when Suk first arrived, he would just sit and stare - without saying a word - at Khru Bah. Khru Bah in turn would just keep on speaking to him, trying to open him up with his love and attention.
It worked.
Suk is now a smiling and resourceful young boy, adept in the arts of conversation, meditation, reading, horseback riding and kick boxing. He has flourished under Khru Bah's loving care. Khru Bah's love is not, as he describes it, "weak love". This is quite evident from the opening scene in which he teaches his novices kick boxing.
What he offers is tough love, he tells Tookae and Pabo, two novices who keep fighting amongst each other. "If we love a child," he says, "we want him to be strong. There's a saying that goes, if you want to love a child, you have to be firm." Khru Bah's firm love has touched Suk deeply. He speaks again and his smile is wide and beautiful.
Yee/Pan Saen
Yee arrives in the group when Khru Bah is en route to the most distant village under his care to rebuild their decrepit communal temple. He is a simple kid, with low intelligence and few skills. "He is not quite right. He fell down from a tree when he was little," says his mother. From the get go, Khru Bah places demands and expectations on his little head while bathing him in his paternal love. It is a new world for the mama's boy, but he takes to it quickly.
Khru Bah won't allow his boys to just muddle along. He won't let them piss around and be useless with their time. This is in stark contrast to how many kids are raised in today's world, where kids systematically rebel and fight their parent's authority, and the parents let them get away with it. But were you to ask Khru Bah, he would likely say that that has nothing to do with love, as it is exactly the kind of behaviour he won't allow. Whenever the boys overstep a boundary, they are forced to stand responsible to the voice of authority, be it Khru Bah's or Khun Mae Ead's.
When the troupe draped in maroon reaches their destination in the border region, the villagers help them tear down the old temple in a matter of hours. A conflict breaks out among some of the village youths and Khru Bah gets very angry. "What's your problem?" he shouts as he marches fiercely towards one of the trouble-makers. He grabs him by the neck, wrestles with him, knees him in the belly and forces him to the ground. This peaceful, smiling monk used to be a kickboxer, who lost only four of the hundreds of matches he participated in.
He is not the soft, loving sap that some might expect a Buddhist monk to be. So refreshing! "If you're not happy, then say so," he barks at the surprised and surrendered young man. "Don't just have an attitude!" He is furious, but the undercurrent of love is palpable. Khun Mae steps in with total intensity and forces the group to collectively stand responsible for the danger they put themselves and everyone in, admonishing them to live like men and not like dogs. The regret in their eyes is genuine.
Yee, now Pae Saen (his dharma name), looks on with concern. His new "parents" are no mere sissies. The stakes have been upped in his life, and he looks all the better for it.
Boontam
Boontam is a malnourished village kid with weak legs. Khru Bah wants to take him under his wings and make him healthy again. The little guy is only four, but has lion courage, already ready to leave his family to go stay with the man with the long robe, the huge wooden mala, and the big smile.
"I have prayed that a Buddha be born here to help spread the word along the border," Khru Bah tells us with gentle hope in his voice. "It hasn't been very long since then, but I'm pretty sure it's him. We have to be patient, he's just four years old. We will have to wait..."
It is with the thought of Boontam as the future bodhisattva of the Golden Triangle that I leave him, Phra Khru Bah, Khun Mae Ead, Suk and Pae Saen behind, thankful for the short and intimate time I have spent with them.
Where to get it?
You can watch Buddha's Lost Children on Youtube or you can buy the movie from the website. I recommend the latter as the revenue goes directly to support Khru Bah's work.
— , Irregular updates ()No warm bosoms in the Royal Palace
The best and most important scenes of "The King's Speech" feature speech therapist Lionel and king to be Bertie (aka Prince Albert and soon to be King George VI) alone in some form of conversation. One of my most favourite of these scenes arrive after Bertie's dad King George V has died. Bertie comes to Lionel's eccentric-looking office in a damp London basement for support. At this point, they have already been working together for a while.
Lionel has accepted Bertie's terms to not talk about any "personal nonsense", yet made it clear that his demand will allow him to deal only with the surface of the problem. "That's sufficient," his wife Elizabeth says in a way that makes me laugh; the enormous emotional suppression of the English Royal family is here made funny.
But now, Bertie's pain is huge, his desire for release greater still, and his trust for Lionel sufficient to enter into "personal nonsense" willingly.
Bertie has not flourished in the suffocating emotional atmosphere of the Royal Palace. We learn that Bertie didn't see his parents much growing up and that his mother, an emotionally shut down woman, did not relate to him as such – the maternal duties were tended by a nanny, a seriously nasty woman by the sound of it, who would pinch him and withhold food.
Knowing the enormous need a boy has for his mother in the forming years, we can understand how desperate must Bertie's need for intimacy and closeness be. To take a boy from his mother's warm bosom as a child is tantamount to torture. That boy needs the safety and intimacy of Mummy to have a fighting chance to one day turn into a mature man.*
Clearing trauma
Bertie uses his right hand as the dominant one as he glues on the wings of a model biplane. It's a pleasant diversion from the intensity of sharing his wounds with Lionel. Yet, as Lionel discovers, he is really left-handed. He was coerced to change that. Left-handers have traditionally been treated with suspicion; they do after all feature largely among artists, those right-brained people that all those who repress their archetypal Lover energy are so scared of. It's a sad story.
It becomes clear that Bertie has been put through a lot of traumatic conditioning to move him away from his own nature, all the while being virtually without parental presence in his life. That, we understand, is the cause of his stammer. And we understand that all speech impediments have their source in some emotional trauma, for as Lionel assures us "no baby is born with a stammer".
Bertie discharges a lot of his traumatic material through shaking and breathing exercises. Even more important is perhaps the swearing which he takes up, once he lets himself, in a delightfully gratuitous way (swearing consciously seems to access the Warrior archetype). And then there is the singing. "Try singing it," says Lionel when the words fail Bertie. "Continual sound will give you flow." It also gives you access to the Lover archetype, truly a strong one in Bertie (as it is in his Brother David, where it appears as the Addict).
Bertie's flow - his natural being - has been completely disrupted as a child in one of the world's most repressed families - the English Royal family.
Finding your voice in the presence of an affirming other
The aptly named "The King's Speech" is a movie not just about the important speech Bertie – King George VI – delivers to the nation as England enters into war with Germany. It is also not, at its deepest level, really about his speech impediment. No, at its deepest level, it is an allegorical tale about a man's journey to find his voice (become himself fully) as a prerequisite step for fulfilling his destiny on Earth.
We all carry trauma within ourselves. And this movie gives us some nice techniques to explore to discharge that (swearing, breathing, shaking, singing). But really, the true healer of wounds is the friendship between Lionel and King George VI. It shows us the enormous healing powers of authentic, loving relationship between men. Lionel and Bertie meet as peers and it is in that spirit of Brotherhood that Bertie's wounds are laid bare. When we men share vulnerably our wounds with other men and find ourselves accepted and loved in spite of them (or truly, quite often, because of them), something heals in us, and we regain some of our voice.
The implications of the deep need for male soul bonding is most beautifully summarized when Lionel has to defend himself against the attempts of the King's "helpers" to remove him from his duty. Lionel, you see, has no formal credentials. Yet, while he doesn't have the credentials, he has the wisdom of lived life:
It's true, I'm not a doctor. And yes, I acted. A bit. I recited in pubs, I taught in schools. When the great war came, all our soldiers were returning to Australia from the front, a lot of them shellshocked. Unable to speak. Somebody said "Lionel, you are very good at all this speech stuff. Do you think you could possibly help these poor buggers?"
I did muscle therapy, exercises, relaxation, but I knew I had to go deeper. Those poor, young blokes had cried out in fear and nobody was listening to them. My job was to give them faith in their own voice and let them know that a friend was listening. That must ring a few bells with you, Bertie?
The emotional weight and wisdom of these words shows us clearly that Lionel doesn't suffer from the Fisher King wound, so clearly seen in e.g. the Archbishop.
A King's destiny
Only when Bertie discharges, with Lionel's help, much of the tensions of past traumas does he start accessing the King Archetype which waited powerful and dormant in his deep Self (his brother did not display the same King potential). And after he delivers the speech that signals the start of Englands trials in World War II, we see how his body and entire demeanor shift; he now walks with confidence, his inner masochist overcome.
Having claimed his voice, through an inner battle that now serves as metaphor for the outer battle which is about to start , and having had his victory observed by the entire British empire, his self-confidence surfaces for the first time and he is ready, against all odds, to take on the duty which has been thrust upon him – leading a country at war.
*I read some research about a young boy's need for his mother once. It claimed that a boy needs his mother more than does a girl in the early years. If this is true, the need for breaking away from the world of archetypal Mother at some point in life becomes all the greater. If someone knows this research, please help me remember where I found it in the comments below.
— , Irregular updates ()Set in the 1930s, Public Enemies tells the true story of the last few years of gangster and serial bank robber John Dillinger. Initially, we’re shown how successful Dillinger is at his profession, robbing banks seemingly effortlessly in Chicago, and being largely protected from the authorities through his influence and connections in the world of organized crime. He also seems to have the personality to go with such a lifestyle, being charismatic, carefree and almost sympathetic in spite of his line of work. While he doesn’t have much regard for the law, he always refrains from killing people when performing his robberies.
Charm vs Morality
At a restaurant, Dillinger meets the love of his life, the singer Billie Frechette. Even though she soon realizes that he’s on the wrong side of the law, she has already fallen for him. Dillinger’s confidence and charisma pull the attractive singer into his life, even as he lacks qualities such as having a higher purpose or coherent moral code. Dillinger also has an air about him which is free from the stiffness so common in many other men, especially in this era, and he has no trouble dancing with a woman or authentically complimenting her.
So what does Dillinger’s relationship with Billie Frechette teach us? That good instincts and self-esteem are more important than our moral code and having a positive impact on the world? Of course not. All of these qualities can be important, but most of us would agree that a basic moral code is the starting point for being a decent human being. At the same time, we don’t have to choose between our lower and higher parts; we can have both.
What Dillinger’s positive qualities demonstrate more than anything is that reintegrating the instinctual and emotional side of your being is crucial, if you want to become a man with full access to yourself and your potential. Healing and integrating the lower parts of yourself will supercharge your higher parts and provide you with the energy needed to achieve the positive impact on the world that you know is possible. On the other hand, having access to our lower parts while having little access to our higher parts can be a recipe for disaster, as shown by the unfolding of Dillinger’s story.
Masculine Culture and Violence
The casual lifestyle of our criminal protagonist changes abruptly when J. Edgar Hoover, head of the newly formed FBI, decides that Dillinger is a public enemy who is to be tracked down and incarcerated. The FBI presents a new type of authority in Dillinger’s world; one that cannot be bribed or controlled by having powerful connections in the world of organized crime.
Consequently, from this point on Dillinger is a hunted man, and the person in charge of the manhunt is FBI agent Melvis Purvis, an ambitious and talented agent who will stop at nothing to achieve his goal. With him he has a crew of young men who are eager to prove themselves within this new organization; young men who have been taught that a man is supposed to follow the law and use his power to protect people.
Dillinger is in some ways a person who evokes a lot of sympathy. He avoids killing people, he has a good sense of humor and he is loyal to his friends. There is also a vulnerability in him and you can sense that he is more connected to his heart than many of the law-abiding men chasing him. However, at the end of the day he is still a criminal and this very fact causes violence and gets people killed.
At one point in the story when Dillinger and his gang are on the run after a bank robbery, FBI agent Purvis and his companions manage to track them down to a hotel. The resulting shootout leads to the death of several innocent civilians who never would have died had it not been for the actions of our charismatic protagonist and his fellow bank robbers. So while Dillinger is likely too kind-hearted to kill civilians in cold blood himself, the actions that stem from his crimes lead to the loss of innocent lives.
In many ways, the masculine culture of today originally arose as a response to men such as Dillinger. As demonstrated by the creation of the FBI, a key aspect of masculine culture is about controlling random violence by using precise force and power where it is needed. This is not to say that there aren’t any problems with law enforcement or masculine culture; there are plenty.
But most people intuitively understand that controlling people such as Dillinger, who will not adapt to the basic rules needed to build a peaceful society, is an absolute necessity. On a personal level, Dillinger may be kinder and more personable than the stiff FBI agents chasing him, but on an impersonal, societal level he is a constant threat to his fellow citizens.
Raising Boys
All people are born with the potential to have an impact on the world. The positive side of masculine culture has always been about older men teaching younger men to use their inner resources and potential for constructive purposes, whether in a tribe, at a farm or at a modern day soccer practise.
Our instinctual and emotional parts are with us from the day we are born, but what has been passed on from caring fathers to their sons throughout history is the morality, the higher parts, that ultimately turn us into mature men. Violence has decreased significantly since the dawn of humanity, and older men teaching younger men about boundaries and ethics has significantly contributed to this.
Dillinger is in many ways the quintessential example of a man who is still a boy. Archetypally, he combines the eternal boyhood inherent in the Peter Pan archetype with the lawlessness of the Gangster archetype. For some reason he has resisted growing up and becoming a man who cares about ethics and the lives of others. Perhaps this is due to growing up with a lack of healthy boundaries. Perhaps it comes from rebelling against a father father figure who was overly strict and didn’t show him much love. Regardless of his background, it is evident that he hasn’t been surrounded by the conditions needed to help a boy grow into a mature man.
At the same time, what we often see happening in boys as they grow into men, is that they lose access to their instinctual and emotional parts. They lose the embodiment of the life force and charm so evident in Dillinger. The societal expectations for men to be good providers and protectors, in combination with the unhealthy aspects of masculine culture, far too often mean that boys are socialized to lose touch with their instincts and emotions.
We certainly do not want boys to turn out like Dillinger, but by raising boys with a mixture of love and boundaries, we can give them access to all of themselves in a healthy and constructive way. Our instincts and emotions are not something to be feared, but something that we can heal and integrate even as adult men.
There is a third way between what Dillinger embodies and what the stiff FBI agents chasing him embody. That third way is the future.
— , Irregular updates ()Shame – the bane of civilization
If you haven't seen Michael Haneke's THE WHITE RIBBON you should. It's amazing. I've never before seen a film so effectively X-ray an entire culture thoroughly permeated and debased by the toxic effects of shame.
The story concerns a small German village in the year 1913. A number of strange things are happening and no one can pinpoint why or who the culprits are. Children are beaten and abused, someone strings a concealed wire in front of a Doctor's horse, causing him serious injury, a barn is burned. Though the film never makes explicit who committed these crimes the implications for the future are clear: These are the seeds of activities that in 20 years time will create a society run by Nazis.
The internet dictionary tells us that shame is "the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, ridiculous, etc., done by oneself or another." I tend to think of shame as a personal feeling of inadequacy based on perceptions of wrong-doing. Shame's universally key net product is a negative self-image. "Because of x, I am a bad person." This is what distinguishes it from guilt. Guilt says I have done a bad thing. Shame says I did a bad thing therefore I am a bad person. Not hard to see which is worse.
Shame is the one basic emotion which distinguishes us from other animals. Unlike joy, sadness, fear, and anger which we share with all animals, shame is a unique construction of human beings. If you think about animals, well, they have no shame. Perhaps you can teach them shame, just as it is taught humans, but I think even that's debatable.
Who's to say that your dog whimpers and cowers "in shame" after he's been punished for sniffing your girlfriend's crotch? More likely he's just sad and afraid because you're mad at him. We may say to him "bad dog!" but it's doubtful that the poor creature actually thinks "I am a bad dog. I should be ashamed."
Most psychologists distinguish between "toxic shame" and "healthy shame." I reject this notion and find all shaming energies abhorrent. Perhaps those same psychologists would agree with social theorists who argue that shame is a key building block of civilization. That without shame we'd all become debauched nihilists, solely pursuing our own pleasures. That without "healthy shame" we'd lie, cheat, steal, and worse. That without the negative motivation of "I better not do this, someone might find out" we'd abandon our consciences altogether.
I find this view of human nature cynical. I believe it's possible for human beings to be motivated positively, altruistically, not through fear of being shamed but through our deepest natural desire to see ourselves and others happy. I believe our happiness can be found awakening to the fact that we're all interconnected, that everything changes and passes away, that my happiness lies in helping others become happy, and that sympathetic joy – wishing for and doing well by others – may in fact be our deepest birthright.
Buddhism insists that these things are so. But more important than Buddhism's insistence is the Buddha's personal invitation to – as my Zen teacher put it – "sit down and shut up," ie., meditate and experience these truths and joys directly for yourself. If you practice meditation on a retreat, for a long enough time with enough diligence, you will simply experience these things as indisputable facts. I personally guarantee it.
I would argue that shame is the greatest force of disequilibrium in any society. That it actually fosters contempt for self and others so toxic that it ultimately contributes to all forms of conflict and violence, including war. Michael Haneke might well agree.
To understand how social rituals of debasement and humiliation work, there's no better filmic study than THE WHITE RIBBON. People humiliating and shaming one another is the villagers' primary means of interaction. Husbands humiliate wives and mistresses, the aristocracy humiliates the professional class and the peasantry, and most relentlessly, almost all adults, regardless of gender or class, humiliate the children.
The worst offenders by far are the men, the fathers, who humiliate their sons and daughters with clinical precision and thoroughness. The composite portrait on offer is a society soaked to its deepest core, through every social relationship, every human interaction, with fear and loathing resulting from shame. It is the fundamental wellspring of social control determining almost every single character's decisive behaviors.
Some critics have written about the film as if it's an open-ended thriller. It's true that the film itself keeps asking "who did it?" and never provides a definitive answer. But it's nonsense to say the film leaves a complete cipher as its outcome. Though it never announces who the culprits are, the film makes very clear exactly who it implicates in the crimes. On finishing, my wife and I felt with absolute certainty that we understood who was responsible.
The DNA encoding of shame insists on its never coming forward, never being outed, much less outing itself. Shame thrives on darkness and staying hidden. It cannot continue to exist with its same quotient of toxic potency once it is made public. Exposed to the light of day shame loses its hold. Its power cannot stand. Lies and subterfuge diminish and begin to fall away. When shame is not absorbed and internalized by its intended victims it cannot be maintained as a form of social control.
So the film's structure replicates the way shame works in society. No one knows "who did it" because too many forces are at play repressing and hiding the truth. Those who may know won't come forward because the exposed truth will be shameful for them too. Due to their own fear of humiliation by association, "good people" become complicit in repressing the truth. This is exactly how a whole society can be taught to obey – to deny what is actually true and live in fear of being shamed by outing that truth.
If you're prone to thinking, "Well, it's just those Germans, they have an authority problem," think again. One of the great core issues for the "men's work" I've been doing in the U.S. for 15 years is shame. I've encountered man after man who battles with low self-esteem, with not being good enough. Many, many good men carry absolute self-hatred. We are not born this way; these are learned self-judgments. This is internalized shame.
But shame-based upbringing seems to be more of Western cultural phenomenon. I'm not sure that it's nearly as pervasive in Africa and Asia. I was told that on one of his first visits to the U.S. the Dalai Lama was asked a question about dealing with self-hatred. He was stunned. He had simply never heard of the concept before; it was so far outside the culture of Tibetans. It was unimaginable that someone could consider him/herself "unworthy" to be a human being. He immediately walked around the room asking every person there "Have you experienced this?" Everyone nodded yes – all of them Westerners.
So how do we unlearn cultural lessons as pernicious as shame? We start by not taking on others' shaming energy when served to us. I recall screening my short films at MOMA in New York in the late 80s. A man in the audience pointed out to me that I had mispronounced "amalgam." Fine.
There are many words we learn from the written page but don't learn how to properly pronounce. That was one of many for me. But when he persisted to hold forth on how this "flaw" diminished who I was as a filmmaker I politely but firmly cut him off and turned to other audience questions. I was certainly not about to let this man hijack the Q&A. More importantly, I was not going to allow him to publicly shame me.
In fact, many times I've asked people directly "are you trying to shame me?" The question usually surprises them. I've never heard a single person answer "yes, of course!" Most people aren't remotely aware of it themselves. It's simply the cultural practice they've grown up in and know. But the primary value in asking the question comes in interrupting the flow of their energy – their judgments, their verbal assault, their character assassination. It also helps to bring their own awareness to what it is they may be doing unconsciously.
You can spot this energy most clearly when people transition from talking about a mistake you made to what this mistake says about you as a person, about who you "are." We commonly acknowledge homilies like "We all make mistakes," and "Nobody's perfect." But in practice we unconsciously expect perfection from ourselves and others. And when we and they don't live up to those expectations look out! Shaming energy is often coming right behind.
Once we're attuned to it as conscious adults it's relatively easy to deflect it, to not take it on. But what about children? Unfortunately, for them it's not so easy. In fact, if the shame comes from their parents I think it's almost impossible for children not to be harmed. So much of who they are becoming is defined by all the messages they receive from their parents - parents whom they love and adore.
A child's greatest want is to be loved and cherished by his/her parents. But tell a child "you're a bad boy" often enough and he will believe it. Tell another "you're a stupid girl" and she will believe it. Worse, they will "know it to be true."
It's absolutely our job as adults to let children know when they've made bad decisions, when actions they've taken are wrong. It's how we teach them to sharpen their own judgment skills and their overall awareness. But we should never want them to deduce from single and, yes, even multiple bad decisions that they are bad people, somehow defective human beings. We should never shame them.
Perhaps the greatest challenge before all of us adults is to heal our own inner "children" – the shamed ones that still live inside each of us. If we can do that we will not only break the chain of shame passed from generation to generation, we will serve as models to others, especially present-day children, of life as it can and should be lived without shame. If we can do that we fundamentally alter the way society is lived at its roots.
If we don't, if we continue to shame ourselves and our children, it's bad enough that we're perpetuating a psychological dynamic that will hamper all of us for life. We help form beings who doubt their greatest capacities, who question their greatest goodness, who consider themselves defective, even unsuitable for life itself. But when you multiply that dynamic by hundreds, thousands, millions, you create whole societies that come to "know" other individuals, other peoples, other cultures, other nations, as defective, as inherently bad, as unsuitable for life itself.
And that is the greatest shame of all.
— , Irregular updates ()Let's Reduce Suicides
This is a wonderful film that speaks to me about the importance of the mentor in life’s journey. In modern society we find 2 peak groups of risk to suicide: young men and old men. This observation screams to me that the solution here is that these two groups need each other: old men need to step up and be mentors and young men need them to do so that they can become their protégés.
The Hermit
The film opens with Jamal, a young black man in Manhattan, who is playing down his academic skills to fit in with the basketball crowd who see and value him for his skills on the court but he is fearful that this will not be acceptable to his peers. He crosses the threshold when he accepts a ‘dare’ from this group to invade the apartment of the mysterious old recluse whom the group refer to as, “The Window” and this is indeed what the old man proves to be – a window into a new world for Jamal.
‘The Window’ proves to be Pulitzer-prize winning author and recluse, William Forrester. The apartment is reached through a climb up a fire escape. It is dark and full of books – wisdom that belongs to this otherworldly ‘Window’. Jamal is supposed to ‘bring something out’ of the apartment but when confronted by the occupant he flees. We notice that he has left something of himself behind, his bag with his precious journals.
All seems lost: a failure. Often when we come in contact with the ‘Wise Old Man’, the Magician, the Hermit, we are frightened by the experience and like Jamal we flee the experience only to discover that we have been touched by it, leaving something of ourselves behind. So now we have a choice to take up the challenge or attempt to return to the World we came from. I say attempt because, ‘you can’t not know what you know’.
The Wounding
Forrester reads Jamal’s journals and marks them with comments, later returning them to Jamal by dropping the bag from the apartment window: wisdom literally from on high. The wisdom from the otherworldly window gives Jamal mixed emotions and he wants more. Forrester’s comments are written in red ink – the colour suggesting life, passion and lacerations – some comments are very negative and wounding for the young Jamal, “constipated thinking”, but it also contains the invitation, “I want to support this writer, can we get out of the Bronx for a second?”
In response Jamal confronts his fears and knocks on the door of Forrester’s apartment. He hears the voice from the otherworld – it shames him and sends him on his way with a challenge that Jamal takes up, “5000 words on why you should stay the fuck out of my home”. Jamal returns with the written work and is again seemly rejected and when the door remains shut to him he throws his paper at the door and leaves. He leaves dejected.
The film now sees Jamal gaining a scholarship to an exclusive school – on this occasion he gains the offer via his basketball skills. He returns to reclaim the manuscript from the hallway where he assumes his ‘5000 words’ still lie. The manuscript is gone and after a few words the door is now opened. Jamal now reveals to us that his father left and succumbed to his addictions. A fatherless boy in need of a mentor and a mentor in need of a protégé – a painful cameo of modern society.
At each meeting Forrester challenges Jamal and still he chooses to do what he must – he returns to the apartment choosing what is right and not opting for what is easy. The teachers in the prestigious academy are, “not interested in listening” instead they are, “too interested in hearing themselves talk”. Jamal wants Forrester to “read some more of my stuff” – here we see the contrast between a place where he can be successful (with Forrester) and a place where he can appear to be successful (the academy). Forrester points out the question that burns away at Jamal, which demands an answer, “where are you going with your life?”
Wisdom and Sons
At the new academy it is a young woman who gives Jamal the knowledge he needs to settle in and it is she who reveals to Jamal the identity of his mentor – the Window. In myths and stories it is often the feminine that is a symbol for wisdom. This naming of the teacher empowers Jamal and he returns again to the apartment where the two men make a contract as equals. Again we see the true teacher – Forrester – contrasted with the self-focused professor in the academy.
We all need people who can see the value in us. There is a lovely piece then where we see Forrester getting new socks and putting them on inside out, “socks are badly designed with the seams on the inside; hurts the toes.” – this is what my son does! This bit in the film just made me laugh as so often and in so many ways as I have made my journey into maturity I have seen my son be my teacher too. Relationship and growth is always reciprocal.
Hurt People Hurt People
Forrester also states that nothing that is written in the apartment is to leave the apartment. Jamal eventually ignores this contractual agreement and chooses an easy path in submitting some of the work he has written in this place of magic. The film then deals with the consequences of this choice. The Professor accuses Jamal of plagiarism and we later learn that the genesis of his bitterness was a wound inflicted by Forrester. Hurt people hurt people.
Once the accusation is made then we see Jamal learning through that experience and when he is confronted with another choice to breach the contract with his mentor, and tell the professor that he is working with Forrester, he takes the harder path and protects Forrester’s privacy. Having seen frailty within Forrester, as he panics on a trip outside of the apartment and speaks of the death of his brother.
We eventually see Forrester conquer his fear and come to the academy where he vindicates Jamal and gives him back his voice by reading out Jamal’s work to the school. In this last section of the film we see that the mentor, protégé relationship is something that blesses both parties. For centuries men have met in circles as equals. Boys are initiated into the frailty that is manhood and together we become stronger as we recognise what my mentor taught me, “out of the wound comes the gift’. Thank you, Bob.
Hurt People Hurt People
And so I finish with a return to the observation that old men and young men are the two peak ages of risk for suicide and they are also the answer to each other’s needs. Let us commit to be present with all our needs and wounds.
— , Irregular updates ()If you take your masculine development at all seriously, you probably already know David Deida. What you may not know though is that a workshop he did in Australia at the beginning of the decade has just been made available on YouTube. I'm not quite sure if the people who published it are violating any copyrights, so watch it while it's still up.
Just check this one clip out.
Find all twelve parts of this amazing film production on Youtube.
— , Irregular updates ()This is a brief introduction to the three evolutionary stages presented in David Deida's work. I have chosen to abbreviate them as "DD1", "DD2" and "DD3" in other writing on this site. For more thorough and accurate information, please refer to his books.
DD1: The submissive housewife and the macho breadwinner
This stage has been the predominant stage globally up until quite recent times. It is characterised by strictly defined and rigidly upheld gender roles. The man is out in the world bringing home the food and the woman is at home caring for the children. The man dominates the woman with threats of physical violence and withholding of resources and the woman dominates the man with threats of emotional violence and withholding of sex. Intimate partners acting out of DD1 use their lover/spouse as a means to satisfy their own needs, selfishly manipulating the other to get what they desire. They tend to judge themselves by external factors, be it the size of their paycheck or the impeccability of their perfect household. Whenever we focus on ourselves and how we appear to others, we are in a first stage moment.
Modern caricatures of this stage are the big-spending gold digger, the too-good-to-be-true mother of 50s TV shows, the angry hip hop gangster and the money-hungry TV preacher.
DD 2: The working girl and the sensitive flow boy
The cultural emergence of this stage started in paralell with feminism and the gender equality movement. In the 2nd stage, people seek to become more integrated human beings. The emergence of DD2 has lead to women embracing masculine values and opportunities, becoming tougher amd more independent, and men have embraced feminine flow and emotions, becoming more open and relating. Where people acting out of a first stage moment seek approval through their possessions and appearance, people in a second stage moment want to be appreciated for what they can do. Value is primarily determined by internal properties of the self.
The 2nd stage is very concerned that things should be done the right and proper way, and considers it important not to rock the boat too much. We gladly accept people's boundaries, even when they wish we didn't, and try not to escalate conflict. In intimate relationships, the tension of polarity often disappears and is replaced by a withholding of depth, often felt as repulsive by both partners. In societies, second stage is expressed as an aversion to conflict and an almost suffocating political correctness. You're not allowed to judge or rank people, and everybody agrees to disagree.
The second stage individual is generally stuck in a perpetual self-improvement cycle that seems to lead nowhere, as the development often goes away from our true nature as opposed to towards. Happiness always looms on the horizon, but never quite arrives.
Modern caricatures of stage 2 are the directed female headhunter and career surgeon, and the male crystal healer and emo singer-songwriter.
DD 3: The radiant goddess and the warrior of love
For those rare souls fortunate enough to experience it, this stage is supposedly characterized as an ongoing state of gifting yourself to the world and your partner. The woman offers her divine radiance in service of her partner and the world, opening them up with the deep flow of her awesome life force and beauty. The man offers his unending integrity and stability, as an expression of his desire to penetrate the world with truth and love. This stage is not necessarily calm or peaceful, as the politically correct stage two prefers. These individuals know freeedom and love intimately and consciously choose not to repress their true nature, which may offend those of lesser development. When a person expresses him- or herself through a third stage moment, their intention is to serve the world – or the people in it – in their opening to truth and love. Sometimes, their service won't be appreciated, but since a person in a third stage moment has transcended the need to be validated by external or internal factors, it matters little.
In intimate relationships, the feminine third stage is expressed as pure, unfiltered life energy, bursting with love, expressed as wild storms or warm summer breezes. She is an oracle, a pure expression of the feminine, of nature Herself. She serves her man by seducing him out of his narrow-minded focus on getting things done, by sexing him out of his head and into his body, by shivering earthquakes of anger through her body as she hurls hail storms at him for being less than he is capable of. The man serves her in return by remaining unperturbed, unaffected by her wild emotions, pressing into her with his presence and love, as they both melt and fuse in the throes of ecstasy.
Who knows what a society filled with individuals operating from this stage would look like. Let's find out!
— , Irregular updates ()You need to know about this. This is important.
Ah, I've been trying to embed their video in this blog post for the last half hour, but can't make it work, so screw it. Just go to the Getting Her World blog and watch the movie there.
This feels to me to be "the next step" in course material for men who want to have better relationships with women. It's profound.
— , Irregular updates ()I'm not going to say so much about this, other than to explain that the surges of energy you are likely to feel from watching this stuff is Warrior archetypal energy as well as your Wild Man roots. I'm definitely going to introduce this in a future Masculinity Movies LIVE event. This stuff will heal your masculine Warrior Soul at a deep level. If you are skeptical, the healing will be all the greater.
Thanks to Irishman Larry who challenged me to one of these in a bar on Monday. It was thoroughly stimulating and completely hilarious.
Ka Mate, Ka Mate - Ka Ora, Ka Ora. Ka Mate, Ka Mate - Ka Ora, Ka Ora. Tenei te tangata - Pu'ru Huru. Na'a nei tiki mai - Whaka-Whiti te Ra. Hupane - Ka-upane. A Hupane - Ka-upane. Whiti Te Ra. HI!!.
We're going to die, we're going to die - We're going to live, we're going to live. We're going to die, we're going to die - We're going to live, we're going to live. This is the man - So hairy. Who fetched - and made shine the sun. Step upwards - Another. Step upwards - Another. The sun shines. HEE!!
— , Irregular updates ()The following is an excerpt from the book "The Warrior Within" by Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette.
- There is no such thing as a harmless or unarmed human being. Those who would deny that they either possess or need Warrior energy are merely in denial and expressing the Warrior in shadow forms.
- This denial of human aggression—particularly male aggression—must be confronted and worked through until one can engage aggression in oneself and in others maturely and responsibly. This is not just a private issue—it is a matter of public responsibility.
- Warrior responsibility cannot be delegated— if your community, your city, your world is unsafe for your brothers and sisters and their children, the buck stops with you.
- Competence in the discipline and skills of the Warrior must be learned—and no one can do it for you.
- Martial arts in some form should be a required part of the educational curriculum for boys and girls, and men and women of all ages.
- All education in martial arts should be framed under the vision of shared responsibility to promote and defend an inclusive, post-tribal humane human community on our home planet.
- There are real enemies of this just and peaceful planetary community that are not a creation of paranoia and that if left unopposed will destroy our potential for a humane human future. This "monster boy" landscape is populated by well-organized, financed, and politically connected interests that are happy if you ignore them, at most just say bad things about them, or limit yourself to whining and playing "Ain't It Awful." Most of these real enemies of a humane planetary future could be helped toward more mature masculine and feminine initiations. But in the landscape of "monster" country, it is usually necessary that confrontation precede such transformations. At any rate, so far as men at least are concerned, many will never experience transformation into responsible masculine maturity—but must be checked through active opposition. Their destructiveness must be stopped, or at least decisively limited: This will not make them happy. If you have assumed your Warrior responsibilities, it will make your life more challenging—and more dangerous.
- Effective engagement will require effective warrior initiations leading to preparation, mobilization, strategic thinking, networking, and cooperation on international and local grass roots levels.
- The confrontation and engagement that must be planned for, resourced, and expedited must be seen in a global, international, intersystemic context with the ecological struggle among the top priorities, and expanding as soon as possible into other fronts.
- As Saul Alinsky noted, you don't need everyone to win: 1 percent of the male population of our species with consolidated warrior initiations and committed to an inclusive vision, could make a decisive difference for the world future.
- The buck stops with you. Prepare yourself. Step forward. Accept your Warrior responsibilities. Fit your talents and resources to the arena or theater that seems to need you the most.
- Victory is not an outmoded or demonic concept. We shall overcome!
Other magnificent men are already engaged in struggles against chaos and destructiveness in all its many forms. If there isn't a men's organization in your community that engages in the struggle, start one and become part of its leadership.
Become a general in the struggle for a humane planetary future. If this is asking more than you are competent to give now, find your level; get more experience and training, then assume all the responsibility that you can carry. Future generations on our planet may not know your name, but they will remember you and bless you as part of the magnificent vanguard who stepped into the breach at this very decisive time in human history and fought to secure a viable future for the children—the sons and daughters—of this beloved planet Earth.
BE GLORIOUS!
Pelle Billing is a doctor and tango teacher who writes about gender. While he is a strong supporter of women's rights and LGBTQ+ rights, his personal focus is on understanding the male gender role better. He is especially interested in how the male gender role can evolve, to the benefit of all of humanity. Pelle's blog— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()The Sunset Limited: Nothing is Ever Black or White (2011)
The Sunset Limited, a film by HBO®, began airing this past February (2011). I happened upon it randomly when channel surfing one night. I was immediately engaged and scheduled a recording on my DVR.
The movie is adapted from the Cormack McCarthy play that opened in Chicago in 2006. McCarthy also wrote No Country for Old Men and the initiatory tale, All the Pretty Horses.
Starring Tommy Lee Jones as “White” and Samuel L. Jackson as “Black,” the movie takes place entirely in Black’s spartan apartment. We are thrust into the action after the opening credits and are not allowed escape until the ambiguous end. White and Black are the only two characters. The apartment is the only set. God is the only topic.
White is a college professor whose search for meaning and purpose has come to an end. His suicide attempt is interrupted by Black, an ex-con street preacher. The film literally revolves around the two as they witness to each other. Black feels compelled to help White. Black refuses to let White leave his apartment until his dark mood is diffused. They spar the entire 91 minutes of the movie with deadly seriousness and real moments of humor.
Discussion Questions for Group Viewing:
Are you sympathetic to White? I felt the movie was stacked against him. I strongly identified with his experience in a scientific, secular world. Is he to blame for not finding God? How have you found God in your life?
What was God’s purpose in this encounter? Was it the obvious need to convert White? What did it have to do with Black?
What do you think happens after the film ends?
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— John Keating, Dead Poets Society (1989)Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, Old Time is still a-flying: And this same flower that smiles to-day To-morrow will be dying.
— , Irregular updates ()In my 3+ years running this website, I've never really written about sex. I haven’t felt the need or desire to. Recently, I was inspired to change that. I don't consider myself to be an expert on the subject, but in my conversations with other men I'm realizing that I'm having some fun and unconventional experiences. The key ingredient in sex for me is often FUN – and that is what I will write about today.
First, a tiny bit of context
Sex in our culture is made out to be a huge thing. It's the holy grail for many men (“if only I could have sex, I'd be happy”) and it is often inextricably linked with porn. And as you may have noticed, people rarely have fun in porn. They just fuck, moan and generally play out roles as each other's sluts. I have become bored with porn and rarely watch it. And on the off-chance that I do, most of it just seems like two disconnected people creating friction with their bodies. It appears to me largely uninspiring.
Yet, the reality is that porn often midwives the birth of sexuality in young boys. They have generally been hypnotized with sexual imagery for many years by the time they have sex for the first time. So of course it's going to feel like a momentous thing! It’s natural that they are excited. But when their image of sex is formed through the lens of a movie camera and porno theatrics, they will feel disconnected from it – trying to live up to a (bad) template of what sex looks like as opposed to connecting intimately and joyfully with a woman.
If only they had an elder tell them about sexuality in a mature way, they could realize it’s not some disconnected porno thing. It’s also, I judge, not this spectacularly important source of self-confidence and fulfillment that many believe. I feel confident in saying that great sex alone will not fulfill anyone. Human beings have done it for millennia. Animals do it. So give sex a break - it's just sex. But it is a very important, joyful, life-affirming ingredient in an integrated, mature life.
Having fun with it ;-)
As you probably already noticed, I’m not a fan of seeing sex through the lens of pornography. How boring are these people’s sex talk anyway? “Oooh yeah, fuck me – fuck me with your big cock. Ooooh yeah. You like that? You like that you dirty boy? Oooh. Aaah”. Gawd! No connection at all, no inspiration! These are the words of people trying to be sexy, but without opening their hearts or in any way claiming each other in an intimate way (intimacy is for their partner after they leave work and go home).
Since pornography is about disconnection, objectification and spacing out in erotic fantasies, in my judgment, to truly enjoy sex, we need to leave the template of pornography behind. And when we start leaving that template behind, when we are able to turn off the script that runs in our minds, our deeper desires and intuitions start rising. How would I really enjoy to connect with this woman right now? For me, connecting to that part of myself involves connecting to a very playful, almost childlike part of me. Not sexy to a woman, you may think? You think wrong.
What this playfulness may include for me is, like recently with a lovely woman I’ve been seeing, latex sheets, custard, whipped cream, oils, a cute whip, filling water pistols with wine for mutual enjoyment, balloons (hehe, don’t ask) etc. And then just making art out of it. I’m not going to go into details, but we had so much fun we couldn’t stop laughing, spraying wine into each other’s mouths from across the bed etc.
Would it surprise you that the sex was really enjoyable? Oh, how much more fun and liberating sex is when it’s freed from the influence of pornography! It’s just freeflow in the moment – two people who love and appreciate one another giving way to the moment and absorbing all the pleasure that’s on the plate.
It’s at times like that I feel really grateful that I’m not attached to sex looking a certain way. I definitely don’t stress about making her come. For the most part, I don’t think about that stuff. I just want to enjoy her and connect with her in an embodied way. Turns out women like that too. This woman says she is relieved that I’m not obsessing about making her come. That means she can enjoy herself and not feel forced to live up to any porno fantasies or “goals” in my head. And it also means that she has started having deep orgasms through intercourse for the first time in her life. Strange how that works, isn’t it?
Be irreverent (if you like)!
There really is no need treat sex as some epic event of unending importance. I invite you to be irreverent! Have fun – hedonism is allowed once in a while. Embracing who you are and learning to enjoy that in an uninhibited way sets her free – and the pleasure you are able to experience together will reflect that.
Being irreverent, perhaps even childlike, in bed is so refreshing in a world where most want to play out their porno mentality and/or prove themselves when they're having sex. Trying to prove yourself will probably contribute to your having issues with premature ejaculation and getting hard. And I assure you, good women can spot a man feigning mature masculinity a mile off anyway. They spotted me. They'll spot you. So why bother?
Play at the level you're at. Embrace yourself. Learn to have fun (even coming too early can be fun with the right mindset). And don't turn any of this into rules that you need to live by. Not even the part about not turning it into rules. This is yours to discover for yourself.
Have fun guys. :-)
To your pleasure!
EivindPS! I'd love to hear your experiences with having irreverent fun in bed in the comments below. Some of you are probably masters at it!
PPS! If you want me to write more about sex in the future, please say so below. If you don't, I probably won't.
— , Irregular updates ()On Wednesday June 16, my six week No Woman Diet came to an end. It's been a pretty crazy experience for me and I have learned so much about myself in the process. I have written some blog posts about the Diet already and this will be the last one.
One of my memories from early on in the diet isn't of a woman at all. I was standing on a boat in a cool, but pleasant sunset breeze, leaning against the white metal railing as the city lights approached in the distance. A guy was standing next to me and I had the feeling that he would be a nice bloke to have a casual conversation with. I didn't open my mouth.
The No Woman Diet turned out to be less about women than it would be about learning about all the artificial ways I use to prop up my ego and self esteem, my drugs of choice being random conversation, meaningless flirting, social media and all sorts of other things. I realized how incredibly draining it was to project my own value into other people's response to me and was shocked at how ubiquitous that tendency it was in my life. I do after all consider myself a pretty confident guy.
But there it was, my ego craved the validation of being seen by another human being, and I didn't give it what it wanted. I think this was the first time in the Diet I visualized smoke coming out of my ears – and it was far from the last. I experienced incredible fatigue for a couple of weeks in the middle of the diet, something which seems to have been very closely related to my experience of pulling into my little antisocial cave. However, this case was not a hideout, it was a furnace. It burned through layers of need and in the end - it has burned through to something deeper. A silent place, vibrating with the low hum of some primordial power I imagine I must have had, but that I lost.
I discovered some big anger in me which led me to do anger release work for the first time in my life, probably scaring my neighbors with the hard punching on my walls. (I must find a more isolated place to let loose completely I have understood). And my boundaries have transformed from being flowery meadows for people to wander into to being borders guarded by heavily armed warriors. Some people have had my swords swung at them and funnily enough many have enjoyed the experience. This has told me a lesson or two about the value of authentic expression.
I have also learned to own my dark, animal sexuality. For the first time in my life, I don't feel shame when I think of looking deeply..deeply into the eyes of a woman and telling her "I feel so fucking turned on by you right now," while having the strange and paradoxical feeling that I can say that WITHOUT being attached to any sexual outcome with her. I have yet to try it out - the diet just ended and I'm not about to turn into a headless chicken overnight - but I have it within my feeling realms for the first time. And that will soon enough materialize into reality.
Also, I have learned to value the warrior-like consciousness that I have had to foster during this diet. Distraction is starting to not only feel draining, but downright sickening. Too much hedonistic pleasures, I understand, will just kill my enjoyment of life, because they damage my samurai focus and hence reduce my enjoyment and potency in ALL walks of life. This is fucking HUGE.
I will retain many of the disciplines from the Diet in my life even as I transition into a normal lifestyle again. They have been really good for me. The big question now of course is "how about women?". As I have learned to enjoy to the conservation of my energy that comes from not sperming my energy in the direction of every sexy, flowing and curvaceous little kitten that enters my vision through the course of a day, I have chosen to stay committed to not shooting too much precious energy into the tits and asses that inspire my sexual charge. Through the course of the Diet, I have had one or two opportunities to take it further with women who clearly enjoyed my strong presence, but I obviously didn't do that. There was my integrity to consider. So if I keep to this practice, intimacy with women will come without my needing to be obsessive about it. I can merely stay open to what life brings to my porch. That seems healthy to me and way more of a mature masculine approach than running around looking for pussy.
I'm curious as to how all of this will play out. Last night, I had a conversation with a cute dancer chick on the way home from hosting Masculinity Movies Live #2. I understood her feet were aching when she took off her high heels and slipped them with delight into her sneakers. Turned out she had been dancing on-stage for hours. I shared the moment with her without further agenda than taking good care of her. I did notice some nervous energy in me simply from talking with a woman again, but mostly, I just sat there and held the space for her while we spoke casually. It was a nice encounter - and it didn't have to go anywhere at all. And as it so happened, I was more than happy to have us break up without asking for a phone number (although I was pleased to understand that she had enjoyed our time together). What mattered most to me was my authenticity. That is my gift to women, my Brothers, and the world.
It is a liberating new space to be this post-NWD inner landscape. The days and weeks ahead will tell how much has REALLY come of this experience. Right now, I'm still in the process of finding my bearings in my newly gained inner freedom.
Thanks to Bryan Bayer and Decker Cunov of AMP for facilitating such a potent cradle of growth.
— , Irregular updates ()John Keating's first lesson takes place outside of the classroom, in the ancient corridors of the Welton Academy. A series of pictures hang on the wall there, of students who walked the corridors when those walls were still young. Keating requests a poem by one of the students, who opens his book and reads:
Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying:
And this same flower that smiles to-day
To-morrow will be dying.It is clear that this is no ordinary teaching and John Keating no ordinary teacher. For Keating then goes on to point out to the boys that they are food for worms, that their death marches imposingly and unstoppably towards them, that they must make the most of what remains before their path comes to an end. They all huddle up around the pictures, looking deeply into the eyes of those long-dead boys, and there is the sense that they are one and the same. They have something to tell you, Keating points out. Lean in closer! Hear it?
Carpe... Carpe Diem. Seize the day boys, make your lives extraordinary.
Carpe Diem
Carpe Diem, memorable words from a movie that has come to define the dreams of many people of its generation. Shown oftentimes in schools to students who at that naïve and immature time perhaps did not understand their significance. Their meaning was nevertheless impressed on the canvas of their subconscious. I still remember this movie.
Carpe Diem is the foundation stone of the initiation given these young men by Keating. Neil Perry, Todd Anderson, Knox Overstreet, Steven Meeks, Richard Cameron, and Gerard Pitts gather regularly in a cave hidden in the woods by the Academy, tapping into the wise minds and hearts of their elders, those Lovers of old – Thoreau, Whitman, Frost – whose words they read aloud in the flickering light of lanterns. They seem to jump right off the page, driven higher and higher by the passion and zest for life that gave them birth. The six young men discover joy there, brotherhood, and their hearts start ripening with the truth of the existential toils of life and death.
Neil is strong in the King archetype, and becomes a natural leader for the boys. Todd is the insecure new guy, whose huge gifts always seem just a hair's breadth away. The two become good friends, and Neil becomes to Todd like an older brother. Neil and Keating form an invisible alliance as they work their magic on Todd. Neil's capacity to serve has been strengthened in measure due to his own increasing level of initiation at the hands of Keating and those dead poets, but it is Keating himself who pulls Todd's first liberating exhalation into freedom from him.
Keating is not after mere obedience, he is after growth, and to that end he challenges his students to write a poem of their own. Todd obediently gets to work. But he is terrified; he cannot speak in front of others – he is too afraid of his own voice. Keating makes it very clear to him that he knows his terror well and challenges him on it in front of everyone in the class as he hands out the assignment. This pointing out and challenging of Todd's inner enemy is a gift particular to the Masculine. We men – those of us who haven't been totally feminized – love to find the wound in our brother and put our finger in it. To women, this seems cruel. But to men, this is a gift. It is a challenge to own up to your responsibility as a man to take charge of your fear and wrestle it to the ground through tireless dedication. Keating has cast his glove. Todd cannot chicken out now. His masculine soul has been forced online. He must seize the day.
Todd discovers his voice
As the day comes for the delivery of the poems, Todd nevertheless chickens out and fabricates a way out: “I didn't write a poem”. Keating calls him on his bullshit, knowing very well what is going on.
Mr. Anderson thinks that everything inside of him is worthless and embarrassing. Isn't that right, Todd? Isn't that your worst fear? Well, I think you're wrong. I think you have something inside of you that is worth a great deal.
Again the finger in the wound, immediately followed by a bandage; the masculine gift at its finest (do not rob your friends of this!). But John Keating won't tolerate that sort of nonsense, so he summons the power of his own elders, his own lineage of poets and introduces Walt Whitman's barbaric Yawp (a shout) of existence. I want you to give us a demonstration of a barbaric “yawp”.
The appearance of the yawp is symbolic of the awakening of Todd's inner warriors, his inner wild man. It is clear that Todd has suffered much psycho-emotional trauma at the hands of his parents, for they have made their love and admiration of him conditional, to be earned if is academic achievements make him deserving of it. This is not explicitly named in the movie, but the evidence is clear for all to see. Such a boy will have very weak inner warriors, because he has lived a life of trying to please, forever trying to achieve the holy grail of unconditional love.
Keating forces Todd to look at the picture of Whitman he has hung in reverence high up. What does he remind you of? Don't think. Answer. Go on. He is summoning the wild man now, pushing him beyond thinking into the the dirt of primal emotion, of intuitive expression. And then – after a round of mentoring that in any modern school would be labelled abuse (because, in all earnesty, Western school systems have been pussywhipped into degenerate, anti-hierarchical nonsense at the hands of cultural creatives holding high ideals of feminism and postmodernism) – Todd appears. And his friends cheer at the marvel of it all.
Some time later, Todd's birthday arrives and he receives from his parents the same crappy, unloving present he did last year. No thought, no emotion, no deep care from these parents for their lovely, intelligent child. Men's worker Robert Moore has said that a boy who isn't admired by an older man is being hurt. Todd has been hurt so very much. But Neil admires him, as does Keating and by extension also Whitman and the dead poets, and as Neil picks him up from his birthday sulk, he is empowered by lineage when he invites Todd to throw the crappy desk set off of the building (the words of William Wallace in Braveheart “Freeeeeedom” spring to mind).
Neil takes on himself the sins of the fathers
Thanks to the good works of Keating on the hearts and minds of the boys, Neil discovers he has a passion for acting. He applies for the role as Puck in Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream, and gets it! But the word reaches the ear of his father – an afraid and emotionally shut down man – and as he happily enters his room at the Academy one day, his heart sinks; his father is waiting for him. What a tragedy, the mere sight of a boy's father makes his dreams shatter! What has befallen the father-son-relationship? Where did we go wrong? There was supposed to be mentorship and love! But no, Neil must leave the play. Is that clear?! Yes, sir, Neil answers, feeling his life is over.
Yet the next day Neil stands on stage. Whether it is because he has been given permission as he suggests to Keating or if he defied his father, the film doesn't tell. What it does tell is that Neil is good. Everybody is in unison agreement. His brothers in the Society cheer, and the theatre explodes with the enthusiastic clapping of hands. Neil has never felt more alive; he has found his passion, his calling. At the exit stands his father, waiting to drag him away. The protests of Knox Overstreet – who has by now seized the day and captured his true love – and a concerned Keating are to no avail.
We're trying very hard to understand why it is that you insist on defying us. Whatever the reason, we're not gonna let you ruin your life, Neil's father insists as he confronts his son in his study, with his wife sitting idly by as silent witness. From the scene, we can see that Neil's parents have agreed on the unholy alliance that many traditional couples do: Mrs. Perry doesn't speak up when Mr. Perry speaks her name in vain by claiming “we”, when the feelings – the fears – are his alone; and in turn, some semblance of harmony can remain.
But when a man is so afraid as Mr. Perry, he can not love. Love and fear are mutually exclusive. Some people – indeed most in my experience – feel that fearing for others is a form of love. But there can not be love when there is fear. It is Law. A parent's fear for his or her child is in reality more often an expression of their attachment to the beauty that was brought into the world than it is of love. It is natural, there is nothing wrong with it really, but do not think that fear is ever an expression of love. Shed that illusion once and for all, fathers! Fear can be replaced by trust and the occasional confrontation in love, with nothing being lost, and much being gained.
You don't understand, Neil. You have opportunities that I never even dreamt of and I am not going to let you waste them. But it is Mr. Perry who doesn't understand. He wasted his life because of fear and now he wants his son to make up for it.
In my mother tongue, the English concept called original sin is coined as inherited sin. I did a men's workshop once when the facilitator explained that his take on this concept of inhe was that it is that baggage of fear and unlove that is passed from generation to generation, from father to son. It will forever remain the responsibility of the son to break that chain, as long as the father is too afraid to claim some responsibilities of his own. But Mr. Perry will not let Neil dispel that chain of sin by breaking free into a life of passion, love and honest enthusiasm. Refusing sin's redemption is the greatest sin of all.
As Mr. and Mrs. Perry go to bed that night, Neil puts on the crown of sticks that he wore as Puck at the apex of his life, just hours previously. That life is now about to end. For that crown is now the crown of Christ, and Neil is the sacrifice made to make good with the gods for the sins of the fathers.
In the black of night, Mr. Perry wakes up. He feels the terror, knows that something awful has happened. In his study lies Neil, his son, dead. Beside him, his own smoking gun.
The breaking apart of the Society
Nobody accepts responsibility for the dead Neil. Not his father, and not the mouldy old men at the Academy. They know not the heart, how could they understand that they themselves are responsible. How could they understand it and go on living? Heads must roll.
All the boys of the Society are forced by their parents, afraid to be humiliated, to confess to lies about Keating. Keating is fired. As he leaves that classroom for the last time, a once-hallowed place of teaching, now sterilized by the arrival of headmaster Nolan, Todd stands up on his desk and lets out his YAWP! He has found his voice now. “Oh captain, my captain!” sounds his calling; it is Whitman's calling – the poet has been brought back to life. It resonates in the hearts of those friends of his who have found in themselves new meaning in the Dead Poets that Keating brought to life inside of them, and one after the other, they stand up and sound that crescendo of love - "Oh captain, my captain!".
Such is the gratitude of a young man who has been admired by an older, and who there has found, in that transmission of love, himself.
Conclusion
Dead Poets Society is a magnificent film about the power of initiation at the hands of an elder. It shows the immense value of lineage, and gives us an insight into the power of transmission that travels from generation to generation (lineage is the positive form of that, inherited sin the negative). This is a film about the power of men long gone to affect the inner lives of those of us who now walk the earth. It's a movie about the immortal cries of life, sounded by brave men through time immemorial as they stand on the edge of oblivion, confronting their own inevitable death. They can still be heard today, but a mentor must be there to make you hear. MTV, Star Trek and computer games don't make good mentors. There is no love there. No challenge.
Dead Poets Society is also a film about what happens when an entire generation gives in to fear and walks that wide path, the path that leads to hell with good intentions. But this movie is about the road less travelled, so let's heed the words of Robert Frost as we end this investigation of Dead Poets Society:
Two roads diverged in the woods
and I took the one less travelled by
And that has made all the difference
— , Irregular updates ()This little piece totally got to me. Danny is such a Lover.
More stories like this on the StoryCorps website.
— , Irregular updates ()Hi!
Quick note to inform you that I just whacked some polling software in the sidebar of the site. That means you can now influence which movie will be featured next. I hope this will provide some incentive to participate more in the selection process.
Looking forward to receiving your vote!
Thanks!
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()Hi Men,
A mother and friend expressed in the comments of my blog post "The terror of young men" pain over a lack of programs, rites and rituals for boys. Many mothers of boys in this world - especially single mums - wish for programs like these. Now, I know these exist, but I haven't taken notes of them and I don't exactly remember the names of the ones I have heard about. I realize now that I have been more focused on men's work than boy's work...
I can spend lots of time doing research and compile a list (I WILL compile a list), but I'd love if you would help me by telling me of programs you know of in the comments below.
Thank you. Such a list could serve many people.
With gratitude,
Eivind
[caption id="attachment_770" align="alignright" width="333" caption="The young and brave Morten"][/caption]— , Irregular updates ()A few days ago, my friend Patrick Timmermans contacted me and asked me if I could help a tantra teacher called Sasha Cobra Tantra get connected in Norway. It turns out that Sasha works specifically with men and on the front of Sasha's webpage, I read the words "resurrecting men as initiators, protectors and warriors of truth". I was immediately drawn to that because it's so closely aligned with my own personal process right now and the process I see that we need so desperately as a culture.
I put the words in context, through my own personal journey, with the image that Robert Bly paints of the boy who has to steal the key to the Wild Man's cage from under his mother's pillow in the fairy tale Iron John. That metaphor from the fairy tales has taken on new relevance for me personally lately. I thought I had stolen all of that key, but it appears I have not. That's becoming painfully clear now. And while I think that a man ultimately needs another man for true initiation (a woman cannot teach us to steal the key from under our mother's pillow), I'm very curious to learn more about her ideas.
Sasha and I exchanged some words on Facebook and it turned out she was here in Oslo for some kind of self help conference for guys. I was surprised to hear that because I thought I was fairly well connected in the networks where information of events like this is spread. The conference was called the Morten Hake summit 2010 at which I went "Huh?" But when the opportunity to experience a conference in a community which to me is unknown where men (and indeed women) go to better themselves, I simply had to go check it out.
I ended up at a seminar hosted by the 23-year old Morten Hake. That he has the balls to pull together something like this at such an early age is very impressive indeed. He is way ahead of where I was at that age. And in hosting a seminar this size, he is way ahead of me at my current age in the seminar production arena. He is a brave young man this Morten Hake. Ambitious too and with a vision, as I understood it, of restoring healthy relations between men and women in our society. I can't argue with him on that one - it's important work and I'm just thrilled that such a young guy decides to take charge, power up his King archetype and gather momentum in this socio-cultural transition into an era where we can thrive as man and woman in a world gone beyond gender wars and pettiness.
It was real interesting to me to see how young the audience was. Most of the guys were 20-somethings. There were some women/girls in attendance as well, but by and large this was an event for guys. I realize now that the subculture/community I just had a brief encounter with is a totally different group of people to the circles I normally move in and that getting good with women is the one thing that can get these young guys to gather in the spirit of self-improvement. I was really glad I was there to have that experience. And to boot, I found all the presenters to be sympathetic and thoughtful individuals, though I did sense a little bit of posturing with a couple of them (we all have our insecurities, it makes us human). There were some truly evolved dudes there too though, from which I had much to learn. In conversations with many of them, I discovered they were genuine guys who wanted to better themselves. And also in conversations with audience members, several of my preconceptions of what I would have previousy labelled the PUA subculture were dispelled.
Turns out you can't really call it that anymore though. At least not this seminar. This was not so much about pickup as it was about success in life as a whole. And dare I say it, at least with some of the guys, about spirituality and love. That resonates really strongly with me. And I must admit it was fun to meet some of the guys whose names I keep seeing on newsletters that arrive in my inbox: Scott McKay, Orlando Owen, Rob Brinded and Alex May to name but a few. I also met some good guys from the Norwegian dating and relationship coaching community. Gathered around a table with all these guys who were working enthusiastically on self-improvement at the end of the night was something I thoroughly enjoyed. Everyone who wants to better themselves and become a force of service in the world is a friend of mine.
So all in all, this day widened my horizon considerably. I was heartened to see all the men who wanted to better themselves and feel hopeful that this community can produce some genuinely positive results in the time to come. I will definitely keep an eye on them. Who knows, maybe I'll even study with one of these guys eventually. They have a lot of expertise in their respective fields and some if it – if not most of it – is really good stuff. Stuff I should learn.
[caption id="attachment_665" align="alignright" width="250"] Fragment of the gnostic Nag Hammadi scriptures that were discovered in 1945.[/caption]— , Irregular updates ()When Eivind visited me at my home in Weert, Netherlands in May of 2010, we watched The Last Temptation of Christ together. Eivind was working on a review of the movie at the time and as we share a growing interest in archetypes, mature masculinity, and mysticism, it inspired a good dialogue between us about the movie. I was inspired to take up my research on Gnosticism as a result and when Eivind asked me to write an introduction to this ancient Christian mystical tradition, I took him up on the offer.
In their seminal work on the KWML archetypes, Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette mention the Gnostics as prime examples of the Magician archetype. The KWML archetypes are an evolution of the breakthrough work on archetypes done by Jung almost 70 years earlier, whereas Jung in turn took his original ideas from Philo, a Gnostic who lived 2,000 years ago. In observing this historical lineage, we see that core themes of our contemporary men's movement is based on the 2000-year old gnostic tradition. Who were these early pioneers of psychology, mathematics, philosophy and spirituality? Let's find out.
In this article, I adopt the definition of Gnosticism as introduced by Timothy Freke and Peter Gandy, who describe it as an attitude towards life and spirituality, which is opposed to Literalism. This way, any individual's spiritual practice can be seen somewhere on the spectrum between these two poles. A person on the Literalist end of this spectrum would see his Scriptures as the word of God, place value on the outer aspects of his religion's teachings, initiation myths and rituals. He sees his own religion as offering the Truth while other religions do not, and will go to war if his belief system comes under threat. A Literalist identifies with the collective with which he shares his beliefs.
Gnostics, however, see the words in the teachings, parables and myths as pointing to something beyond their common meaning, to something which paradoxically cannot be captured in words, to the ineffable Mystery. They see themselves on a journey of personal transformation, and accept truth from any source. They follow their hearts, not the herd. Gnostics are free spirits consumed by their own private quest, not by the goal of recruiting more adherents to a religion.
This definition of Gnosticism is different from what most scholars use, and the reason I adopt this definition is because it is actually useful. Rather than making a distinction between different religions, we'll look at different attitudes which occur within every one of those religions. What we then see, is that a Christian Gnostic is closer to a Muslim or Buddhist Gnostic than to a Christian Literalist. Throughout history, intolerant Literalists have brutally oppressed Gnostics, while the opposite never occurred. In the West, the Literalist Roman Catholic Church has eradicated gnostics, a crime from which we still haven't recovered; since the Gnostics were the carriers of wisdom and research of their time, an incredible wealth of knowledge and literature has been destroyed.
In 1945, Christian gnostic texts (along with works by Plato) were found at Nag Hammadi in Egypt. The farmer who found them by accident subsequently destroyed some of them and sold the rest, not realizing what treasure he had unearthed. After all the surviving texts were gathered, translated and interpreted, a process which has taken 30 years, scholars have shed new light on the origins of Christianity, enabling an interpretation of the gospels which is radically different from what the Literalist Churches have been trying to tell us.
Christian Gnostics were political radicals who preached liberty, equality and brotherhood centuries before the French Revolution. The first Christian monasteries where egalitarian communities, where property was held in common and women were treated as equals. It was the accepted practice for male Christian Gnostics to travel with a female spiritual partner, whom they referred to as "sister-wife". While some schools were ascetic in nature, some saw sexuality as a celebration of the union of God and Goddess, from which all life springs. They are said to have sometimes practiced sacramental nudity in church and even ritual intercourse. The Literalist Epiphanius desribes his experience as a young man of 20, meeting two pretty Gnostic women who invited him to one of their agapes or love feasts, which turned out to be an orgy. With the horror characteristic of the deeply repressed, Epiphanius was outraged that these Gnostics believed that they 'must ceaselessly apply themselves to the mystery of sexual union'.
Ibn Arabi, a Sufi known as the Great Master, believed that women were a potent incarnation of Sophia – the Goddess Christianity once had but lost (the deity in Abrahamic religions rules alone) – because they inspired in men a love that was ultimately directed towards God. Like the libertine Christians, he venerated sex as a spiritual practice which could help human beings participate in the cosmic sexuality through which the Mystery knows itself. He even translated a Sanskrit scripture on Tantric Yoga into Persian!
Not all Gnostics were such party animals, however, and this touches upon the core of Gnosticism: spirituality is a personalized affair, and individualism is key. Instead of dogma, initiates are put on a path of self-discovery, leading through different stages of initiations, and the ultimate goal is to achieve gnosis: direct experience of the Mystery. The early Christian Gnostics recognized that different people had different levels of awareness, which they divided into hylics, psychics and pneumatics.
In Greek, hyle means matter, and hylics is a term for people who regard values as material: as things handed to them from an external source. With this conviction, the hylic has cut himself off from his own compassion as the source of all values. For this reason, the Gnostics see such a person as lost: he does not know where he came from, nor where he is going. He has lost his inner compass. The gnostic Valentinus called this aporia, which means confusion. For a hylic, any felt sense of compassion which doesn't fit within his own convictions is experienced as evil temptation. This is why a hylic is always at war with himself: his inner world is his enemy.
A psychic is in contact with his compassion, but does not act on it. It's the attitude of the rationalist: feelings are irrational and therefore unreliable. Peace of mind is reached only by freeing yourself from desire. Gnostics reject peace of mind as the goal of a spiritual life. If you want to let love play a role in your life, you will have to be prepared to be vulnerable, to let it cut into your soul, and therefore to allow your piece of mind to be disturbed. A psychic, however, thinks he can liberate himself from suffering. He continually attempts to tame his soul until it is silent. Like the hylic, a psychic has made is inner world into an enemy.
For the Gnostics, the pneumatic was the idealized type of person: a human being who has inner freedom, and who is motivated by love. Pneumatics experience love as the source of all compassion. Love is fundamentally different from the solidified faith of the hylic and the peace of mind of the psychic. The core of the gnostic way of life is that love can only blossom in total openness to all that is. Only a person who has made peace with himself, who has stopped to fight himself, can obtain this level of openness. In practice, this means that you disarm yourself, take off your armor, and that you are prepared to be touched, even by pain and sorrow.
The Christian Gnostic schools used to let anybody enter who wanted to do so, but they had different levels of initiation. Psychics were taught the Outer Mysteries, and had a literal interpretation of the gospels. For this purpose, the gospels were written as stories designed to draw people in, and to be used as reminders of what was expected of initiates (with Jesus being a prime example). The Roman Catholic Church (and all later deviations) were based on these outer, or exoteric, teachings. These same gospel stories, however, had other hidden meanings as well, sometimes even with multiple layers. These hidden meanings were only revealed to people who had grown into the pneumatic stages. These were completely different from the literal interpretation, but have been repressed by the Church. When the Roman empire needed a single religion to unite the empire, exoteric Christianity was used for that aim. Maybe it was too hard to build a power base on the esoteric parts? Alas, the Gnostics were thereafter made into heretics – their wisdom was lost – and the Dark Ages began.
The Gnostics were way ahead of their time, and their teachings couldn't get a foothold in these early days. It is only in recent times that it has become safe to practice it freely and so the path has been cleared, making the resurrection of this mystical tradition in modern form possible. By entering the gnostic path of self-knowledge, you are stepping into a long lineage of great men, from Plato to Plotinus to Jung. Gnosticism is a path to authenticity, love, compassion and enlightenment and we find echoes of it in such contemporary men's movements as The Authentic Man Program. It looks like its time has finally come.
a:11:{s:10:"aria-label";s:0:"";s:4:"type";s:4:"text";s:12:"instructions";s:0:"";s:8:"required";i:1;s:17:"conditional_logic";i:0;s:7:"wrapper";a:3:{s:5:"width";s:0:"";s:5:"class";s:0:"";s:2:"id";s:0:"";}s:13:"default_value";s:0:"";s:9:"maxlength";i:4;s:11:"placeholder";s:0:"";s:7:"prepend";s:0:"";s:6:"append";s:0:"";}— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()Nick Duffell was born in 1949, took his degree in Sanskrit at Oxford. He has been a teacher, care-staff, carpenter, divorce mediator, psychotherapist and management consultant. In 1990 he began offering specialist group therapy to Boarding School Survivors (as he provocatively named adult ex-boarders). Ten years later he published his findings in The Making of Them, The British Attitude to Children and the Boarding School System, which has received wide critical acclaim, including an endorsement by the BMJ.
In 1996, with his wife Helena Løvendal-Duffell, he founded the Centre for Gender Psychology, which offers public workshops as well as specialist training for professionals in the field of relationships, sex, and gender. In 2002 HarperCollins published their book Sex, Love and the Danger of Intimacy, which has now been translated into several languages.
He now specialises in training couple-therapists, working with men’s issues, and is a frequent contributor to theoretical debates in the psychological press. He spends his non-work time deep in the French countryside, caring for trees and vegetables, experimenting with solar power and sawing his own wood.
— , Irregular updates ()King on the Mountain
Reigning supreme within this wooded mountain enclave, Ben's figurative hippie battle-bus is occupied by almost every archetypal passenger imaginable – he is Father, Rebel, Trickster, Hero, Wild Man, Warrior, Lover, Magician and King. And a good king he is too, for the most part – ruling his realm with a benevolent spirit, a strong hand and a certain worldly wisdom. We see, however – as the film progresses – that in spite of his many noble traits, aspects of his kingdom (both internal and external) have been neglected – causing great strife for both his subjects and for Ben himself.
From the outset it is evident that Ben and his wife, Leslie, have achieved something extraordinary – raising six remarkable children who are as confident and intellectually sophisticated as they are practical and athletic. The opening scene, in which eldest son, Bodevan, engages in a singularly brutal and beautiful initiation into manhood – stalking and slaying a deer armed only with a short blade – demonstrates that the family have successfully re-assimilated aspects of our ancestral heritage into their daily lives.
This savage rite – complete with a ceremonial feasting on the animal's still-oozing heart – is immediately contrasted with tender moments as family members play in a stream, bound through unkempt meadows and fulfil the many tasks required to live a rugged existence in symbiosis with the land. The tranquillity of this idyllic Eden – a paradise in which the junior Cashes enjoy an irregular but untarnished innocence – is shattered, however, when they discover that their mother – their Eve – has committed suicide.
Thus begins our hero's journey, as Ben and family board their battle-bus (bearing the unassuming moniker, 'Steve') intent on resting her spirit from the clutches of their tyrannical grandfather, Jack, who is determined to keep Ben from her funeral and unwilling to respect his daughter's final wishes. Beset by challenges – the 'liberation' of food from a supermarket, the bamboozling of a cop who threatens their familial sovereignty and a stark confrontation with the vacuous reality of modern economic and social life, the family engage in a voyage of self-discovery that is frequently as hilarious as it poignant.
Nature Abhors a Vacuum
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dXE6ZafkRMI
To my mind one of the film's most thematically significant scenes focuses upon Ben's attempts to buoy his children's spirits by shunting forwards the celebration of their hallowed 'Noam Chomsky Day' – a jubilant chrimbo-esque occasion that celebrates the achievements of the prolific academic and peace activist. Being a bit of a Chomsky-cheerleader myself, I'm inclined to agree with Ben's characterisation of the man – as a “humanitarian who has done so much to promote human rights and understanding”.
The elevation of the uber-analytical scholar to deific status does demonstrate our desperate need for idols infused with archetypal energy, however. Where the 'gods' of old are spurned and torn from their plinths, new effigies are installed in their place to fill the void created by their absence.
Ben's son, Rillion, recognises a fundamental flaw inherent in this trend – one that he understands intuitively but struggles to articulate rationally (as is so often the case when people of faith attempt to justify their visceral standpoints to those who demand corroborative evidence for them). His desperate plea to embrace some semblance of normality:
“Why can't we celebrate Christmas like the rest of the entire world?”
Could easily be read as a lazy unwillingness to engage in independent thought and action; but I don't think that that's an accurate assessment of his inclinations.
On the contrary, this temperamental teen instinctively recognises that the value of celebrating a festival such as Christmas – along with its superficially archaic poster-boys (whether we're talking JC or the big guy in red) lies not so much in the particular religious symbolism associated with these archetypal brands – but the fact that its shared by the rest of the tribe. These rituals connect us to other people – past and present – they afford us a sense of community and continuity, and when we abandon them to venerate our own personal gods and observe exclusive rituals, we run the risk of isolating ourselves from the collective activities which instil our lives with meaning.
Which is not to say that this is necessarily all bad – after all, every existing religious or ideological tradition was established by small groups of people who penned new narratives when older stories ceased to serve their contemporary needs. I do think, however, that we need to be very wary of throwing the baby out with the bathwater – the Christian faith preserved much of the archetypal meat served up by the pagan traditions that preceded it, after all.
A Tale of Two Knights
Rillion's role as boyish agitator and challenger to his father's supremacy has already been established, but I'd like to explore Ben's shortcomings further by focusing on his relationship with each of his sons, Rillion and Bodevan. As Red and White Knight's, these two inexperienced warriors (note, it is the two masculine heirs who challenge the authority of their father) lay bare both Ben's successes and his failures.
Within the storytelling traditions of Europe, these two colours/tones were used to denote specific stages within a man's development. The red represents youthful vigour – and draws its power from emotional engagement, the desire to assert one's independence and to achieve the personal objectives of its standard-bearer.
The elder White Knight possesses the patience and self-restraint of an older man/adolescent, and directs his attention away from personal desires and towards loftier ideals; but he remains naïve until he has confronted the shadow aspects of his nature and integrated them into his psyche (at which point he becomes the Black Knight – a fully mature man with all archetypal resources at his disposal). The fact that Bodevan embodies the traits of the White so fully at such a tender age does demonstrate Ben's accomplishments as a father, however – and the policy of honesty the latter adheres to in his children's presence appears integral to their development.
Nonetheless, enraged by his father's perceived failings as a king – and the toll he feels that they took upon his mother – Rillian rebels against his rule:
“Dad made her crazy. Dad's dangerous. You think our lives are so great – you think dad's so perfect!”.
And here, Rillian's Red Knight call's Bodevan's White counterpart to action – revealing that with his mother's help, he has been 'plotting' to flee his father's kingdom; applying to University in order to embark upon a hero's journey of his own.
Pressed by his father, who cannot understand his son's need to beat his own path through the under-brush, his eldest rages:
“I know nothing!... I'm a freak because of you. You made us freaks. And mum knew that. She understood. Unless it comes out of a book I don't know anything!”.
The Great Mother has access to intuitive wisdom and a capacity for flexibility that the masterful King does not naturally possess – and without her influence the children may be crushed by the weight of his iron hand. Bodevan's romantic encounter with the feisty, streetwise Clare – 'the woman with the golden hair' (an archetypal figure that stirs expressive Lover energy within a man, illuminating another layer of masculinity within him) has, however, highlighted both his own naivete and that of his father.
The Battle of Two Kings
Jack, on the other hand, is everything that you might expect of a late-twentieth century fictional father-figure. Rigid, ruthless, content to suppress the maternal spirit of his own queen (his wife – who for her part makes every effort to reconcile the estranged family) and insistent that his own conservative traditions be observed – despite the fact that they reflect neither his daughter's wishes nor her idiosyncratic nature.
He's the typical 'dark father' of the West – preoccupied with wealth and status, emotionally repressed, excessively controlling – and a lesser movie would have left it there. Captain Fantastic, on the other hand, proves its chops by bestowing a soul upon this authoritarian patriarch; serving us not with a monster to loathe or a pantomime villain to jeer at, but with an essentially decent – if deeply flawed – individual that requires a great deal more consideration to understand.
We see that far from being driven exclusively by egotism and self-interest, his actions are motivated by the tremendous grief he feels at the loss of his daughter and the love he feels for the rest of his family. The scenes in which Jack plays with his grandchildren – thawing his seemingly crystalline heart in the process – are amongst the most subtle and touching in the entire movie.
When Ben concedes defeat to the elder Jack (recognising his mistakes and the fact that his demanding parental decrees are exposing his offspring to unnecessary danger) the latter even manages to extend to him both a literal and figurative fatherly hand. This is a truly wonderful moment in which veteran actor, Frank Langella, floods the ritual space between them with a gentle beneficence.
What's more, his loosing of an arrow upon Ben (“if I'd meant to hit you, I'd have hit you”) - is impregnated with a rich and potent symbolism. On the one hand, it demonstrates the necessity for a decisive intervention by an elder Warrior to redirect the flow of the narrative – and their family's fortune. On the other, the arrow's sudden 'THWACK' and the reveal that Jack is himself a gifted archer suggests that these two duelling bucks – seemingly of entirely unrelated species – are not so different after all.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYRuG6dvy6g
Conclusion: Mission Complete
Having made peace with the Kingdom over the hill (but resisting attempts by its ruler to keep them there) it now falls to the family to 'complete their mission'. And so they set about rescuing their mother's body from a unfitting fate and giving her the send off she deserves (the values of our heroic entourage must be tempered with an understanding and acceptance of other people's, but not abandoned altogether).
It's this heart-warming scene (following a cheery spot of grave-robbing) which demonstrates that balance has been restored to the family's world. Their rustic rendition of Guns & Roses' Sweet Child of Mine seamlessly blends the contemporary with the tribal - whilst lauding the creative expression of the individual (not least when Leslie's cremated ashes are unceremoniously flushed down the toilet!).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cHSk606yFas
So, what do we take from this pithy but whimsical affair? In some respects the titular Captain's call to action is very different from the journey required of most of us – already intimately connected with his primal instincts, his challenge is to become more domesticated – to adopt a more contemporary sensibility (which is represented symbolically by Ben's shaving of his beard – the civilising of his hairy native).
For many men the opposite is true, and this Wild Man's comparatively feral existence stirs within us a wholly appropriate longing for a return to a simpler – and more calloused – mode of being. In other respects, however, the film speaks directly to the postmodern man – it being a clarion call to put the needs of others before our own, to forge stronger bonds with extended family and to lower our drawbridge, so that we may reconnect with the diverse community that lies beyond our castle walls.
This is what I love most about this delightful yarn – it challenges us to seek out and assimilate the very best from the old world and the new. Reeling with motion sickness induced by the frenetic rate of change in our society, it's often easy to forget how blessed we are to be living through such extraordinary times.
Every (Western) man has the world at his finger tips – we sail a vast techy sea of information that we can fish for nutritious bites whenever we choose. Alternatively, we can plonk ourselves down in any of a dozen wildernesses within easy reach of our homes by simply hitting the accelerator or boarding a plane. The key to carving out a better future for ourselves is to incorporate each of these two experiences cohesively within our psyches. This is, I would suggest, the challenge of our times – and it's one that I intend to meet with all my manly vigour.
So gents, I implore you to sharpen your knives and your I.T skills – because the Cap' wants you to know that you needn't choose between the two. You can have your venison and eat it – just so long as you're willing to hunt, chop, whittle, laugh and learn as tribe. This world's a tough old place, but as Rillian states (quoting the shrewd Chomsky):
“If you assume that there is no hope, you guarantee that there will be no hope. If you assume that there is an instinct for freedom, that there are opportunities to change things, then there is a possibility that you can contribute to making a better world”.
I suggest that each of us follow Ben's example, and strive to make of it all that it can be.
[wpum_profile]— , Irregular updates ()
a:11:{s:10:"aria-label";s:0:"";s:4:"type";s:4:"text";s:12:"instructions";s:0:"";s:8:"required";i:0;s:17:"conditional_logic";i:0;s:7:"wrapper";a:3:{s:5:"width";s:0:"";s:5:"class";s:0:"";s:2:"id";s:0:"";}s:13:"default_value";s:0:"";s:9:"maxlength";s:0:"";s:11:"placeholder";s:0:"";s:7:"prepend";s:0:"";s:6:"append";s:0:"";}— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()Jason Schroeder, one of my readers, passed along this video series of Robert Bly and Michael Meade. As always, I happily pass along the information. It's golden as usual. And a great opportunity for me to get to know Michael Meade a little bit. I have never seen him "in the flesh" before and I really enjoyed it. They form a dynamic due for sure!
Part #1: Fathers and Sons
Part #2: An Old Conversation, The Lonely Heart
Part #3: The Warrior, Mythology & Killing The Lizard
A lot of what they talk about in the Warrior segment is closely related to my treatment of Last Samurai.
Part #4: Initiation
Part #5: Toward a Men's movement, Grief
Part #6: Blessing
Good stuff, huh?
[caption id="attachment_703" align="alignright" width="400" caption="Eivind, Peter and Pelle in front of the Charles Bridge"][/caption]— , Irregular updates ()I spent five days in Prague in the latter parts of August. Every three months, I meet up with my friends Peter Kessels and Pelle Billing somewhere in Europe. We support each other in going deeper with our own personal life processes, actively build brotherhood, challenge each other to greater consciousness and generally have a good time.
None of us had been to Prague before and we all bloody loved the place. Amazing city. So much culture and history. It is a felt sense, quite unlike anything I can feel here in Oslo. The place was full of beautiful women too. I don't know if they were tourists or Czech, but the ones we did go deeper with were natives. There was this lovely blonde in a slick book bar one night that I was very attracted to (and the feeling appeared to be deeply mutual), though I decided to stay committed to the brotherhood-building. I only half regret it... I really enjoyed feeling her open up with me and start playing with her hair as she looked into my eyes with increasing surrender. Women are a blessing..!
Two main challenges (these are the ones I'm currently present to at least) crystallized over these days for all three of us: Our relating with women and maintaining consciousness. I had some great experiences just pushing my edge on how I communicate with women and I feel very inspired about my future relations with women now. I'm only starting to realize what is possible. And I also realize how great it is to have Brothers around me when doing this sort of work. It's easy to chicken out when I go it alone.
With regards to the consciousness...it was slipping at times. Here are these three deeply committed and resourceful guys and when not even we can maintain full consciousness, how can we expect your average Joe to do it? I realized that for me, when consciousness is dropping, I just start getting really frustrated. I feel it happening, but don't always know how to course correct. I have realized lately that one way of addressing lapses in consciousness is to say something a bit "out there" to jolt myself back into it. My experience tells me it normally jolts people around me back into consciousness as well, provided they are reasonably mature human beings (guys who haven't done the work can get defensive). One day we were walking along one of the main roads along the Vltava river and I felt incredibly frustrated. I expressed with some force "so guys, are we going to have fun tonight or are we going to keep having a shit time like we are now?". That worked. From there on out, it was anything but shit.
We established a "War Room" in the flat where we did all the deep processing stuff. I also got to do a live presentation of the KWML archetypes there, further developing my platform for presenting them to you in the time to come. It was powerful to dedicate a room to inner work like that. It became our ritual space. And if it is true that men only grow in ritual space as Robert Moore suggests, it was a great boon to have that space so readily available.
I'm so grateful for the brotherhood I share with Peter and Pelle and realize that any kind of real progress would be almost impossible for me at this point in my life were I not to have these sorts of potent relationships with men. The difference between having committed and inspired friends and having distracted, apathetic and confused friends is like night and day.
If there is only one thing I could advice men who wish to grow to look at, it's their relationships with their closest male friends. Without these potent friendships, we will never even come close to our potential.
a:11:{s:10:"aria-label";s:0:"";s:4:"type";s:7:"wysiwyg";s:12:"instructions";s:0:"";s:8:"required";i:1;s:17:"conditional_logic";i:0;s:7:"wrapper";a:3:{s:5:"width";s:0:"";s:5:"class";s:0:"";s:2:"id";s:0:"";}s:13:"default_value";s:0:"";s:4:"tabs";s:3:"all";s:7:"toolbar";s:4:"full";s:12:"media_upload";i:1;s:5:"delay";i:0;}— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()(Norwegian only)
Jeg leste med interesse Kjetil Østlis avisinnlegg "Et likestilt brøl". Jeg anbefaler dere til å se litt nærmere på debatten og de midler en del kvinner iverksetter for å kaste skam på Kjetil for sine meninger.
Jeg har forfattet følgende svar som jeg postet her.
Jeg gjengir det også under:
Okay, jeg har ikke konsumert verken opptakten til dette innlegget eller alle kommentarene til det, men leser med stor interesse. Jeg leser også noen av kvinnenes svar med gjenkjennelse (registrerer også at mange kvinner digger det). Jeg ser fra debatten at begge kjønn er såret og kvinner fremdeles er bitre for det de ser på som årtusener med undertrykkelse.
Selv opplever jeg ikke at Kjetil skriver som en mann som ikke ønsker å være far. Det er et stygt våpen dere kvinner drar når dere sier "voks opp, Kjetil - vær far nå". For dere innser ikke at dypt i en manns sjel ligger det hardkodet et behov for å bryte ny mark og oppleve eventyr. Mer skadelig er det kanskje at dere ikke forstår konsekvensen av at menn trekkes vekk fra sine dype sjelelige impulser til å utrette noe med sitt liv på jorden på en måte som setter preg på historien - mennene blir ikke like sunne forbilder for sine barn og ikke like gode partnere for sine koner. Hvorfor ikke? De er jo deppa for f*en! Tro meg når jeg sier at jeg har vært det!
Jeg ser menn gjør utrolig mye flotte der ute i samfunnet. De får kreditt for svært lite. For hvem snakker vel om kjønnskvotering av kvinner inn i gruver og opp på søppelbiler? Kvotering gjelder kun inn i jobber med høy status og lav risiko for liv og helse (i 2005 var 98% av de som døde på jobb menn). Og så snakker mange om at menn tjener mer enn kvinner. Gi meg tall som viser at menn tjener mer enn kvinner gitt samme yrke, like mange reisedøgn og like mye overtid. En slik undersøkelse ble gjort i Sverige (jeg orker ikke kildesjekke nå) og det ble avslørt at kun EN prosent av kvinner har en uforklarlig lav lønn. Knapt nok et problem på samme skala som vi får det beskrevet.
Lønnsgapet og ideen om at kvinner blir utsatt for mer partnervold enn menn er basert på følelser. Vonde følelser. Tallmaterialet støtter ikke følelsene. Kvinner slår like ofte som menn (mørketallene er enorme - menn er sosialisert til å ikke si at de blir slått av sin partner). Det er bare det at menn slår hardere. Men en sinna kvinnes tunge kutter også dypt for han som ikke er beredt/naiv. Kvinners emosjonelle vold mot partnere er sjelden tema. Uinteressant antakelig for likestillingsombudet. Likestilling er jo tross alt slik det praktiseres i dagens Norge basert på en grunnide om at menn har fordelere som ikke kvinner har og at kvinner også må få de fordelene (uten å ta del i de tilkommende ansvar). Men mange menn bærer sjelelige sår påført av sinna damer (mon tro om de var like sinna om de visste at menn ikke var slemminger som prøvde å dominere dem).
Mannskraft er skummelt - også for mannen som forsøker å få fatt på den. Han er blitt trenet opp til å tenke at villskapen som eksisterer i han representerer en voldsimpuls som ikke må komme ut i verden. Men villskapen er selve kjernen til mannens kreativitet, potens og evne til å gjøre denne føkkings skakkjørte planeten til et bedre sted å være. Ta den fra han og du baner vei for at en gjeng med maktsyke smågutter kan stige til maktens tinder og styre med egoistisk hånd. Dette er ikke menn, kvinner! Det er gutter i Armanidress. Gutter som ikke hadde gode mannlige forbilder.
Jeg ser i denne debatten som alltid at skammen er en kvinnes beste våpen mot en mann som vil gjenerobre seg selv. Kjetil vil kjenne urmannen og får høre "bli voksen". Urmannen er ikke kontrollerbar - skummel for den selvrealiserte karrierekvinne som er vant til at mannen hennes gjør alt hun sier.
Vi må huske at vi er kommet på denne planeten for å SAMARBEIDE. Til og med - om jeg engang våger - ELSKE hverandre. Og likeverd er ikke det samme som likhet. Nå som kvinner i flere tiår med rette har fokusert på hvilke våpen mannen har brukt mot kvinnen er det kanskje på tide at mannen begynner å fokusere på hvilke maktmidler kvinner bruker mot han i dagens samfunn:
- Offerfølelser så sterke at de skygger for sannheten
- Skam- og skyldpåleggelse hver gang mannen kommer i kontakt med den delen av seg selv han savner mer enn noe annet (en mann som er i ferd med å bli skikkelig voksen blir beskrevet som han var gått i barndommen - bare se på denne debatten)
- Tillatelse til å være svak når det passer henne og sterk når det passer henne
- Seksualitet (kvinner kontrollerer seksualiteten - en enorm maktfaktor som levnes liten spalteplass i kjønnsdebatten)
- Med mer...Vi menn må holde øynene åpne for disse vonde taktikkene slik at vi ikke blir rammet på den grusomme, kastrerende måten som kvinner er så gode på. Det er ikke alle kvinner som liker å bruke disse våpnene (det er så mange fantastiske kvinner der ute kan jeg si!), men det urovekkende er at blant de damene som ofte ender opp i medienes søkelys når slike debatter går varmt er prosentandelen langt høyere.
Stå på, Kjetil. Jeg synes du er modig!
Eivind,
www.masculinity-movies.com
— , Irregular updates ()Michael Elston reckoned I should share this poem with you. And I agree. I like the end the best.
— Katsumoto & Nathan Algren, The Last Samurai (2003)Katsumoto: Do you believe a man can change his destiny? Algren: I think a man does what he can, until his destiny is revealed to him.
{{unknown}}— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()To celebrate the arrival of "The Warrior Within" in my mailbox (required some detective work to find a decent copy out there), I have posted a manifesto from said book in the articles section. I do so because I was taken by it immediately upon opening the book. I feel that it's very powerful and incredibly important.
I'm getting more and more into Robert Moore's and Dougles Gillette's writing. I have to &;ndash; I'm working on a kick ass product outlining the crux of their work within the next few months. And now I've got help.
Go power up your warrior energy with An Earthknight Manifesto.
— , Irregular updates ()I was very inspired by this incredible TED talk by Jacqueline Novogratz. Not only is she a wonderful, heart-open and humble woman deeply in tune with humanity's challenges, but she has the visionary insight that male depression is related to female suffering. It's so common today to think that men make women suffer because we are evil and uncontrollably violent, little else but walking testosterone bombs who need to be feminized to heal us from our inherent evils. (I have ended this post with some feminist quotes to make you understand what I'm talking about.)
Jacqueline understands that young men who have not been loved, blessed or nourished by elder man will turn into bitter, disempowered, depressed men who will lash out from a place of pain and who are easy prey for tyrant demagogues. She also seems to understand how masculinity is a wonderful thing that the world needs more of, empowering men to serve as stewards of our future.
One story she told impacted me a great deal. Ingrid Washinawatak (sp?), a native American woman, told Jacqueline how elders of her Native American tribe would visualize children from seven generations into the future watching them from above, seeing them as stewards for the time that was once going to be theirs (around 2:30). This concept is so powerful it strikes me right in the heart. All we think of in the midst of consumerist hysteria is "I need more". Selfish, ignorant and altogether miserable are so many modern lives.
Have a look. It's worth your time. Trust me.
"All sex, even consensual sex between a married couple, is an act of violence perpetrated against a woman." – Catherine MacKinnon
"The media treat male assaults on women like rape, beating, and murder of wives and female lovers, or male incest with children, as individual aberrations...obscuring the fact that all male violence toward women is part of a concerted campaign." – Marilyn French
— , Irregular updates ()The US is a country that has not experienced foreign powers on home turf after its formation*. One would think this would lead the American mind to a place of harmony and peace. Yet, Hollywood moviemaking features an unmatched number of movies with invasions, presidential kidnappings, burning government buildings etc.
Why is it that Hollywood has such tremendous fascination with spectacular attacks on the USA, when, disregarding a few isolated examples, relatively few in number, they bear so little connection to reality? What can we deduce about the American psyche by really examining this odd phenomenon?
Come with me now on a journey of exploring this paradox.
Introduction
4th of July, 1776 was the day the Declaration of Independence changed the history of the world. It was a time of war and of a revolution in consciousness. For at this crossroads, the founding fathers authored a document that would not only lay the foundation for a new and great nation, but bring into being a consciousness the world had not yet known: The understanding that all men are created equal.
Ever since the signing of this revolutionary document, the United States has enjoyed a history remarkably free of real (not imagined) threat at home.
What I realized in a plane somewhere above Greenland recently was that Hollywood seems not to have noticed. Headed towards Washington DC, I watched two movies that featured presidents being kidnapped and evil powers invading or threatening from afar. The movies were GI Joe Retaliation and Olympus Has Fallen.
Whenever I'm on a transatlantic flight, I find myself in a liminoid space - as if I'm in a death process of sorts. And from that space of heightened awareness of the unconscious realm, this made no sense to me at all. It struck me as deeply paradoxical.
Shortly after my trip, White House Down was announced, its imagery and theme almost mirroring Olympus Has Fallen, further strengthening my desire to investigate.
The US: Origin story
The history of the US started in 1620 with a ship called the Mayflower. The vessel, en-route to New England, carried about a hundred people. They were largely Puritans who sought a life free from religious prosecution, but also craftsmen of all kinds. The white man had arrived on American shores. This time for good.
What level of influence on contemporary American life does this ship and its passengers have? What does it mean that the first American settlers were pious people fleeing religious prosecution? It is hard to say. But I see today pious paranoia featured prominently in places such as Fox News. I don't think it's a coincidence. The passengers of the Mayflower set a precedence.
Then, in 1775, come the English. Greedy for power and control, they are not about to let this new and bountiful continent depart from the Commonwealth without a fight. But the French, Dutch and Spaniards intervene on the side of the 13 freedom-seeking American territories, and together, the coalition win the war. The United States is born. A new chapter in the history of the world starts.
And yet, however traumatic these events must have been to the fledgling US psyche, I don't belive they fully explain the paranoia Hollywood displays in its moviemaking. Most European countries have been through hardships greater and more terrible than those of the US and yet their movie output seem to feature much fewer examples of these themes.
Searching for clues along the Washington Mall
When I arrived at the Mall in DC, I was drawn particularly to the newest addition to the Smithsonian: The Museum of the American Indian. This is a beautiful building and a wonderful exhibition – worth a visit. Walking through its curved halls, studying the traumatic history of the American Indian, the flash of insight I'd had on the plane started crystallizing. What does it amount to in but a few words?
When the white man arrived in North America, he carried germs against which the American indian immune system had no defense. The germs effectively carried out a genocide, wiping out 90% of the Native Americans. NINETY percent. Just pause at the magnitude of that for a few seconds.
The white man had little trouble dealing with the remaining Native american resistance. In an effort to create a good life for themselves and their families, citizens of this new nation took the land from the Native American. And in just a few years, they managed to virtually wipe out the American Buffalo, the animal so sacred to the Native American, showing in the process, true to the Western industrial mindset, their horrific contempt of the miracle and mystery of nature and its inherent sacred order.
What happened was the start of great things. The way that it happened was very wrong.
In observing this, something shifts in me and I’m pulled into a very deep place, one of unmourned dead, uncried tears, unshaken shakes, unshouted screams and unspoken guilt. A place which this museum puts us in more intimate connection with.
The deep place I’m tuning into is the same place of shadow and grief that has completely consumed Nathan Algren as The Last Samurai, one of the movies reviewed on this site, opens. He is traumatized, so guilty and ashamed for the terrible things he has done to the Native Americans. His superior Colonel Bagley, however, is not feeling any of that; he enjoys the emotional disconnection expected of any good soldier. Nathan, however, is not a soldier; he is a Warrior. And the actions he has carried out on behalf of the invading white man are hostile to his soul.
America’s curse
I have come to develop a deep fascination for and respect of the teachings of depth psychology (the branch of psychology which includes the unconscious).
In the process of deepening my understanding of the pervasive influence our unconscious minds exert on us, both individually and collectively, I have come to realize the importance of grieving that which was wrong and of discharing traumas. Whenever traumas are repressed, they fester. Eventually, they take us over.
The stealing of the United States from the American indian and the subsequent pillage and rape of the land which the American Indian considered sacred is a trauma that, as far as I can tell, has not yet been discharged. It has become shadow – the leper child stowed in the basement.
American poet and founder of the Men’s movement Robert Bly has spoken much of this, of the repression of emotion that is required to live in this world as if it’s a place of sanity. He laments the lack of grieving in American culture. He laments the lack of grieving for the plight of the Native American. He laments the lack of grieving for the plight of the US war veterans, worshipped and idealized while still fit to represent heroic ideals, yet discarded the minute their bodies and minds take on the scars of war.
In observing all these Hollywood movies with stories of threats from afar and dark conspiracies from within, it may prove interesting to reflect on the following: The threat from afar was once the white man.
In the absence of fully feeling, grieving and discharging the impact of the plight of the Native American on the collective US psyche, protection mechanisms have been put in place.
One of these mechanisms is a powerful army. Its use in combat against a perceived threat conveniently distracts from the unhealed trauma at home.
Staying in conflict thus becomes an imperative.
A Warrior culture in need of a King
What do these movies with burning White Houses, exploding Capitol Buildings, kidnapped presidents and evil lurking in the shadows tell me? It tells me of a constant fear in the collective US psyche that the leadership of the nation, and thus the harmonizing force of the King archetype, will disappear, be corrupted or otherwise destroyed. The axis mundi is under threat, much like it once was for the Native American civilization.
In observing that, I note that Hollywood voices a deeper truth – many Americans, like so many other people in the world, don’t feel safe. And in looking for the source of this pervasive sense of unsafety, many people, particularly the more conservative and ethnocentric, cannot bear to seek inside – for there waits the pain of the Native American trauma and a whole host of other repressed emotions. And so, they look outside for the nemesis, while heading for the nearest gun store flying the banner of individual freedom. Blinded by the hercules complex, they may call it courage. Though they would be wrong. It is the opposite.
If I wish to avoid confronting myself, I’d better confront another. Thus, I can feel safe in my identity as long as I have an enemy. Seeing that tendency in the American psyche puts the American obsession with being custodians of world peace, guardians of humanity, in new and troubling light.
The American world policing seems to come from a misplaced attempt at healing trauma as opposed to a place of empowerment. It seems a striving for redemption, partly fuelled, I believe, by an identity formed through heroic efforts in World War II, the last honorable war the United States engaged in, and partly through ethnocentric, religious zealotry.
As I alluded to above, a Warrior can feel on purpose as long as he stays engaged in conflict. There is something to fight for, something to rally around. Pausing to contemplate whether the fighting serves the transpersonal purpose essential to the mature Warrior is easily forgotten – any kind of fighting will have a Warrior feel alive.
But if there is no harmonizing King energy to facilitate the fighting, the acts of fighting become pointless, inevitably ending up destroying the world as opposed to defending it, much like the Buddhist myth of the crane and the crab (the crane is a symbol of the Warrior).
Hollywood’s constant display of the fragility of the American axis mundi should be of great concern. Without that axis mundi, a Warrior, like the crane in the myth, ends up eating the fish it swore to protect. And if we are to believe the myth, the crane gets its head clipped off.
Signs of our times, the building financial bubble being one of them, suggest that the head of the US is about to get clipped off. And with the pervasive influence ethnocentric, religious zealots have in the US now, that is something large parts of the world is rightly afraid of.
In the process of bringing the American leper child up from the basement into the light, we are running short on time. Hollywood movies like the Last Samurai and Dances with Wolves as well as the museum for the American Indian on the Washington Mall have made honorable contributions to this process.
But it's not enough. In the act of constellating a strong axis mundi for the US and the rest of the world, we must all get busy, stepping into healthy leadership wherever we can.
The US story is the human story
If you have an anti-American bent, you may have felt a certain sense of glee reading this article. Watch out for that one. For this is not an American story, it truly is the human story. All across the world are countries where militarism, ego and paranoia are used to distract from the real issue. We have a world scene lacking in healthy King energy and it is our collective responsibility to address this situation.
I got a small taste of what that might mean for me when, on my trip, I had the privilege to share my views with an American woman trained as a Native American Grandmother. She nodded as I shared my views on Hollywood movies and their relationship to the Native American trauma and replied “I’m so glad you see that. Maybe you should tell someone about that.”
So I did.
*there was an incident with the burning of key government buildings in Washington DC by the English in 1814
— , Irregular updates ()Michael Clayton is a dark and sinister thriller set in the world surrounding the successful New York law firm Kenner, Bach & Ledeen. As the movie opens, they are on their sixth year battling a class action lawsuit filed against their client U-North - a major agrochemical company and the manufacturer of the lethal fertilizer Culcitate. At the helm of the operation is Kenner, Bach & Ledeen's senior litigating partner Arthur Edens - who has seemingly just gone insane. Karen Crowder, U-North's legal councel is extremely concerned.
Enter Michael Clayton, the company "fixer" - or the janitor as he likes to refer to himself - who moves silently in shadows, helping things "go away" when the rich and reckless fuck up. Michael's world is one where ethics is the first sacrifice on the way to power for those lustful enough to reach for it. It is a dark realm where standing responsible for your actions is an inconvenience that can be solved, as long as the retainer is of the right magnitude.
Meltdown in the wake of immorality
This world has taken its toll. Michael is a weary man, with a drawn and haggard face. His best days are in the past, and there is a subtle feeling of despair spreading its clammy fingers around his increasingly fragile existence. His escape plan of starting a restaurant with his brother Tim has fallen apart due to Tim's alcoholism, and now he is faced with the undesirable task of setting things right with a dangerous loan shark whom the failed business owns $75.000.
Michael wants out of this world, this cesspit of immorality on the shadow side of existence, but given his circumstances, he has been forced even closer to the heart of darkness.
Arthur Edens' sudden revelation, his flash of insight into the error of his ways, is an inconvenience. The case is drawing to a close as U-North is preparing for a settlement, but now that Arthur is proclaiming his own rebirth, free at last from the world of sin which he has spent 30 years of his precious life wallowing in, Kenner, Bach & Ledeen is in one heck of a bind.
With his friend and colleague flipping out, senior partner Marty needs Michael's expertise to somehow bring the problem under control. And Michael is his best bet, make no mistake, but this time his challenge is of a different magnitude.
Arthur is a depressing case study in what happens to a man who bases his life - his livelihood - on deeply immoral activities, as is the case for so many of the other fractured human souls the film shows haunting the office tombs of Manhattan. The world which Arthur has spent 30 years of his life mastering is a cold and brutal place, where truth can be bought at the right price, and compassion has been given early retirement. But Arthur's shell has cracked, the armor which has protected him from himself finally dissolved:
...I realized Michael, that I had emerged not from the doors of Kenner, Bach, and Ledeen, not through the portals of our vast and powerful law firm, but from the asshole of an organism whose sole function is to excrete the... the-the-the poison, the ammo, the defoliant necessary for other, larger, more powerful organisms to destroy the miracle of humanity. And that I had been coated in this patina of shit for the best part of my life. The stench of it and the stain of it would in all likelihood take the rest of my life to undo.
Reborn in innocence
Arthur's epiphany is feverish in intensity and akin to spiritual revelation. He feels that he has had a vision, that he has been summoned to do greater things with his life. And the ramifications on the U-North case are tremendous; it turns out that his hard-won insight has lead him to switch sides, to start building a rock solid case against his former corporate client.
Arthur pleads with Michael again and again not to brush him off as a madman. He seems to be trying, from the depths of his rediscovered heart, to bring across a message from a different state of being. And it is here that the film forces us to pose a question that has perhaps become - through repeat use - somewhat trite: Who is really the insane one here? Is it the man who claims with obvious zest and enthusiasm that he is Shiva, the God of Death?
Is it the henchmen that will soon kill him for Karen Crowder's dirty money? Is it Marty Bach, the man who has dedicated his life to a business he himself admits is fucked up? Is it Don Jeffries - the head of U-North who willingly sacrificed the lives of hundreds of farmers for his own personal gain and the progress of his company? Or is it Michael Clayton, a man who deep down is decent, but who has become so numb and shut down - pain etched across his face - after having sidelined his humanity one too many times?
These are questions worthy of contemplation, but there is, at this moment, perhaps something of even greater interest to investigate. We'd do well to look closer at the source of Arthur's descent into madness - or ascent into spiritual revelation: Anna. Anna is a young farm girl - orphaned by U-North - one among the 400-something plaintiffs, who captures Arthur's heart by virtue of her innocence.
Arthur sees the world anew through her - she is the prism through which the light comes alive in myriad colors of magnificent beauty, gently striking Arthur's hurting heart with grace. All of a sudden, and with great impact, Arthur is born again through the eyes of pure innocence.
To the adult mind which has been defiled through years of bad conduct and unethical choices, there is something extremely potent about innocence. Witnessing innocence in another can remind us of our basic, inherent humanity, which is a gift far more powerful than money could every buy.
Arthur goes mad with passion and regret in her presence - throws off his clothes and proclaims his undying love, seeking his redemption with single-pointed determination. Worse things happen when the defiled adult mind wants to own the innocence, especially when children are involved, but that - thankfully - is not the subject of this movie.
It's important to acknowledge that while innocence is normally attributed to children, it is more of a state of mind, one that which can be attained through being transparent to the world. The individual who does not hide inside a shell of make-believe is indeed innocent. This type of innocence is a way of looking at the world - every moment - with fresh eyes.
This is truly is what schools of spirituality call Enlightenment. Much of our world functions in ways that completely corrupt our innocence, and we are cut off from ourselves, every moment, others, the world. You will notice that in the movie, everyone is guilty but Anna, and in reality the entire drama that inevitably brings down U-North is sourced in her.
Michael's journey of self-discovery
Arthur takes Michael along with him for quite a psychological ride. Along the way, Michael is forced to take some long overdue looks at himself. "Was this what you wanted?", Arthur asks Michael half asleep from his hotel bed, "be a janitor? Live like this? All this? Do what you do? It can't be! It's a burden is what I'm trying to tell you. I know, we have been summoned!" Arthur is calling on Michael to join him on the crusade for good that he has just discovered.
Michael does not take him seriously at first, but it sneaks up on him, and he is stuck with the feeling that he has sacrificed his integrity for success and has become a despicable man. He is absolutely disgusted with himself. And when Arthur is murdered in a feigned suicide by the aforementioned henchmen, two lost souls haunting this movie's spiritual wasteland, Michael is unable to let the case go. The gravity of Arthur's passion and the magnitude of his realization has got under Michaels's skin. He is the only person who can carry Arthur's torch forwards. To redeem himself, Michael has no choice.
But he has a $75.000 debt to settle, and when Marty back offers him a "bonus" of $80.000 as long as he shuts up about Arthur's findings, he is faced with the ultimate dilemma: Does he respect his dead friend and his own personal honor or does he take the easy way out? In effect, does he choose to be a man, in the truest sense of the word? He takes the money, effectively ending his soul.
Redemption
But it is not the end. In a mysterious event, graced as if by the hand of God, he discovers - as he tries to outrun his inner demons by driving recklessly and randomly through the countryside – something familiar on a hill. In front of him are three horses, in a scene exactly like one depicted in the strange fantasy book Realm and Conquest that linked Arthur with Harry, Michael's very special son and Arthur's second source of innocence.
Something comes together for Michael in this scene; he looks infinitely vulnerable where he stands exhaling deep relief into the cool dawn air, liberated by the innocence of three horses on a hill in a countryside unspoiled by humanity. His inner demons leave him alone there and something in him reconnects with its source. There is the sense here - ever so strong - of the incredible tragedies that have befallen human civilization. We have created such pain for ourselves.
All this angst and paranoia, this stress and hurt, this separation, fear, loneliness. And for the sake of what? For the illusion that happiness can be found after whacking off a guy in a hit job, after putting an early end to hundreds of farmers' lives and covering up the fact to defend your own wealth and power, after climbing the career ladder to success, sacrificing your entire life in the process, after spending a lifetime defending the guilty.
This is the darkest shadow of modernity, and it is truly a heartbreaking, awful realization – for this is no mere fantasy. These are real people living real lives where you live. If this doesn't send chills up your spine and fill your heart with tremendous sadness and regret, you're not thinking about it in the way I want you to.
Michael has chased happiness for a lifetime, but has got only pain out of it. Standing there with those three magnificent creatures of nature, he seems to be broken open to the understanding that all he will ever need in the form of happiness is encapsulated in that moment of utter simplicity. He is free at last, in the open embrace of nature.
Michael reclaims his humanity on that hill, and goes back to bring U-North down, after an attempt has been made on his life by the same men who killed his divinely inspired friend. He carries with him Arthur's document that proves the heinous nature of U-North (despite all their feigned goodness) and so the cleansing fires of Arthur, or is it Shiva, are carried forth through the fixers rejuvenated conscience.
The pathetic Karen Crowder breaks down when she realizes that all her work trying to cover up the horrific acts of her employer are in vain. She is a ghost of a woman, shaking in spasms on the floor. She has no friends, no love, nothing. Without her job, her life is over. She was not among the lucky ones to go crazy.
And so the movie comes to an end in a way that leaves me speechless. Michael, this shell of a man, has just reclaimed some of his innocence, integrity, human beauty and goodness, and we understand that things will never be the same again. In a symbolic scene, he takes the escalators out, in a shot where the cameras turn for the first time in the movie (steadycam and framed scenes drive the movie) as if to imply a change of perspective.
He sits down in a cab, gives the driver $50 and tells him "just drive". He doesn't know where to, just that he wants to investigate the feeling of having done right and being in good standing with the forces of truth yet again.
Conclusion
Michael Clayton is a tragic movie about people who find themselves swept away by circumstances – the stress and toils of modern life – until one day they wake up and realize their souls are dead and their lives have turned evil. It is a portrait of human weakness, folly, and fragility, and paints a painfully realistic picture of a world where people consistenly act outside of their own conscience and basic humanity. Michael is a fixer, but fixing a human soul that has willfully destroyed itself is beyond his capacity.
The movie brings to light issues of male integrity and the price of truth. If living life in accordance with Truth required us to let go of absolutely everything, would we do it? Would you?
More than anything, though, Michael Clayton is a reminder that we must never let go of our innocence – our basic human goodness – no matter how old and experienced we grow. The day we lose the ability to see our loved ones and the world anew every time we open our eyes is the day our life becomes a parade of horrors.
Love and truth are the ultimate priorities. Arthur is right, we have been summoned. This is no mere fantasy. This is the reason we live and why most writers on masculinity will tell you that life starts only when we find a calling to serve the world through. Until that moment, we are vulnerable to the dark side, easily swayed by the temptations of immorality and the promise of an easy way out.
— , Irregular updates ()Finally, after years of waiting, here’s the video for the Lover archetype. I hope you enjoy it!
Please leave your comments below. Thanks!
— , Irregular updates ()Before reading this post, I invite you to read this one “Writing a movie review: Falling Down”. They’re part of the same unfolding.
As my intention for wrapping up the review of Falling Down this weekend was so strong, I want to give you something. In that discarded review, I inserted a piece on Spiral Dynamics, the preeminent model for the growth of consciousness in the world today. It seemed integral to the message I was conveying. But that message didn’t inspire me in the end, so this may be the only place you’ll find it. I hope you enjoy it. It stands well on its own.
Climbing the spiral
D-fens is a traditional man. In spiral dynamics, the traditional level of consciousness is associated with the color blue. It signifies qualities like loyalty, duty, allegiance to God and country, adherence to rules/laws, a moral code etc. The sphere of people with whom I identify share my ethnic background, values, beliefs and sexual orientation.
After the traditional level of consciousness comes the rational/modern. It's associated with the color orange and signifies qualities like rationality, striving for success (the American Dream), efficiency, profit and mastery. Science trumps God and skill trumps race. The sphere of people with whom I identify grows to include those who are useful to me (who provide relevant skill), regardless of ethnic, religious background or sexual orientation.
After the rational level comes the pluralistic/postmodern. It’s associated with the color green and signifies qualities like empathy, community, tolerance, egalitarianism. As a member of this stage of consciousness, I now identify with all people in the world, even the totally fucked up ones (which is part of the problem).
These three stages form the last three stages of what is commonly referred to as 1st tier consciousness. When consciousness is said to be of the 1st tier, it means that it’s a stage of consciousness that is incapable of recognizing the contributions and truths of stages of consciousness different to its own. So when a God-fearing nationalist of the traditional level discusses with an atheistic businessman of the rational level, they are 100% incapable of recognizing that the other holds significant truths, essential to the overall health of the spiral.
Before we return to the movie, I need to point out one very important feature of the pluralistic stage. And to do that, I need to tell you that the stage of consciousness below the traditional is egocentric. It’s associated with the color red and is signified by qualities like power, dominance, territorial disputes etc. Think of the urban gang William encounters in one scene.
In its observance of laws, morals, justice etc, traditional people will be happy to e.g. put someone to death for breaking the agreed-upon moral code. Pluralists reject such things as inhumane and insist on rehabilitatation. And while moving from punishment to rehabilitation is an important step, these green meme people don’t recognize that some people cannot and do not want to be rehabilitated.
Their naive attitude tends to turn the more liberal nations of the world into free havens for people at the egocentric stage of development. My home country Norway demonstrates this tendency when it works hard to protect the human rights of terrorists, who tend to have a lot of red meme anger and hatred in them. Recognized terrorists such as Mullah Krekar are free to run terror-networks from Norwegian soil while the judicial system searches indefinitely for ways to address the issue without compromising his human rights.
Conservatives will of course scoff at this overly liberal mentality. And with good reason.
With that said, we should be fully equipped for the next and final lap of unravelling the gold of this movie.
To reiterate: this excerpt is from a movie review I’ve discarded.
I’ll wrap up the rewritten review of Falling Down when I get back from Frankfurt, hopefully with new inspiration and insights.
Thanks for your interest and your patience.
Warmly,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()This blog post is a placeholder for answers to the newsletter I just sent out to my KWML Experience interest list. What freebie would you like to see for this product?
If you are interested in this product as well, sign up for the newsletter further down!
Cheers,
Eivind
— Miles, Sideways (2004)Half my life is over, and I have nothing to show for it...I’m a smudge of excrement on a tissue, surging out to sea with a ton of raw sewage.
— , Irregular updates ()Today, I want to tell you about something that is very important to me. It has to do with my future and the future of this website and the work connected to it.
Last fall, I joined forces with my long-time mastermind partner Staale Nataas to set up a business selling The Portapad. It is a product that I've been a big fan of for a long time. It was developed by two of Staales' friends and we are licensed resellers of it.
The Portapad is a small and lightweight inflatable laptop cushion that protects against harmful heat radiation. I use it all the time when I work on Masculinity Movies. It lets me recline on my couch and enjoy the work that I do here. After a long time of planning, Staale and I feel ready to present the product to a wider audience.
Now, why should you care. Two reasons:
- The product is fantastic. It is super-comfortable and protects your family jewels from all the nasty heat radiation which a laptop emits.
- It will bring me much needed cashflow, which will feed directly into my mission of helping men through this website and other work in the world.
This is not really a sales letter. It is a brief look into my life. The Portapad is my big plan for generating greater financial freedom for myself and I'm very intent on succeeding. So if you care about comfort and safety when using a laptop and you are interested in what I do here, why not have a look at the landing page we've set up for you and see if it is something for you?
Thank you for your interest, guys. This is a pretty big deal for me. This is my freedom business. Once I get it up and going, I will have more freedom to focus on my mission business: Men's work.
By using this link, you will get a discount of £1 on the product.
PS! You can make money on this. Register as an affiliate here and make 3GBP for each sale in the campaign period.
— , Irregular updates ()Thank you, your mailing list settings have been updated!
Note: You have just been unsubscribed from the Masculinity Movies Weekend Picks sequence, and remain subscribed to the other lists.
If you aren't already registered to the Masculinity-Movies mailing list, you can do that in the right sidebar.
If you aren't already registered to the Reclaim your Inner Throne mailing list, you can do that by clicking this link and register for the Masculine OS freebie (that will auto-subscribe you).
See you soon!
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()Ultimately there's only one thing that defines a man's trustability: the depth of his consciousness. This concept has become a lot clearer to me lately because of my challenge in dealing with men who are sleepwalking through life. I have no problem dealing with it when the man whose presence is fading is clearly working on improving his consciousness. That means he is open to being called on it. Even better (for me), he is capable of calling me on it when I'm the one fading out, which happens frequently.
But then there is the guy who is living unconsciously and who is showing no signs of wanting to do anything about it. He can even be conscious of his unconsciousness and base a lot of his identity on it, almost to the point of being a little proud of being a dumbass. This guy can really throw me off my center. He makes me tense up and get heady. Not so much in normal interaction, but when I have needs whose fulfillment require his consciousness.
This man seems to be the norm in today's world. He runs countries, organizations, corporations. He is also a father of boys in need of initiation into manhood. It's not that he is totally inept, it's just that he is not in the driver's seat of his own life. His every decision has elements of randomness, absent-mindedness and a longing for comfort and safety to it. And since he has not made a decision to do anything about it, he is by default feeding his superficiality. He does this through such things as negative self talk, self-trivialization, saying such things as "you know, I'm really not that smart, so don't listen to me, but..", and never doing anything to change the things that make him unhappy.
I'm very frustrated these days because I have no satisfying way to deal with this kind of man. I become inauthentic. What I really want to communicate to them (which is pretty close to "as long as you are committed to unconsciousness, I cannot trust any part of you") feels way too much, like I don't dare to say it. Instead I short circuit in my own inner confusion. I feel that I'm out of integrity with myself in the absence of good ways of maintaining my consciousness while talking with this man. I'm not conscious enough to go unaffected by his unconsciousness.
What I do know, however, is that in meeting men who are conscious - and working to become more so - something in me relaxes and a deeper part of myself becomes accessible. I feel like I am home. Such men are a huge gift in my life. I would be insiginificant without them. This is something I'm really present to lately, after having spent a weekend in Malmö with two guys - Pelle Billing and Peter Kessels - who are really in life to participate. What a gift masculine consciousness is to me is a man. What an inspiration! What a relief...
I remember hearing a clever man say once that you have to be the gatekeeper of your own masculine consciousness. Meaning if I'm somewhere that makes me more unconscious, then I must remove myself from that place. I'm not really living up to that advice yet – I cannot see how – but as I'm pushing ever closer to my edge, something seems to be happening.
Soon I hope I can deal with masculine unconsciousness without losing my own consciousness. That will be a milestone in my own development. It will open a whole range of new possibilites.
Does any of you have any reflections on how to deal with this issue?
— , Irregular updates ()Hey Guys,
I'm taking a break. Yes, starting with the release of the review of Groundhog Day and some blog posts, videos and changes to the website, I will take a break of several months to live life and explore some archetypal dynamics that have come up in my own exploration of KWML. I have realized that I need to focus more on the Warrior and Lover archetypes and running this website isn't serving that goal (this is largely Magician and King space).
I will fill you in with more details soon.
Thanks for your interest,
Eivind
Over the last year or so, I have been writing several movie reviews where I have emphasized the importance of initiation. I think the lack of initiatory rites for men in our culture is the main reason why so many men have problems finding their place in life and living from a place of authenticity and power. In one week only, I travel to Oregon to meet my personal mentor for the first timel. It has been quite a journey even getting to this point, and I look forward to it with. At the same time, I feel like I'm jumping into a huge unknown where anything can happen. Of course it is a little scary. This event is huge and marks a milestone in my life. It's also something I've had to do to stay in integrity with all my proselytizing on this site about the importance of said rites. Integrity is getting to be incredibly important in my life. So I just want to thank you all for holding me accountable. I will get back to you when I return to Norway on October 12. I think I'm in for the ride of my life.— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()Historic origins of the poem
Beowulf is the computer animated heroic epic based on the famous and lengthy thousand-year-old Anglo-Saxon poem by the same name. It is a classic story, set in Sweden and Denmark, of heroes and kings, brave warriors, terrible monsters, and beautiful women.
I have not read the poem, but in preparing this piece, I have read about it. Beowulf dates from between the 8th and the 11th century. It is penned by two scribes, probably from a Christian scriptorium, and is therefore thought to be adapted for decency in the transcribation process. It is clear that the story is part fact, part fiction; Hrothgar, the king of the Danes, really lived in the region of current-day Denmark in the early 6th century. And the mead hall Heorot, which is attacked by the terrible monster Grendel, has been found in an archeological dig.
So it is with Beowulf as it is with most myths and legends; the boundaries between fact and fiction are fluid and create a field of uncertainty that entice us into speculation about the lore of this ancient world, the age of heroes and monsters.
An ancient classic is adapted for modern audiences
If you haven't previous encounters with the story, it tells the heroic saga of Beowulf's battle with the monster Grendel and its demon mother. Script writers Neil Gaiman and Roger Avary have with director Robert Zemeckis taken liberties in their adaptation of the poem, tightening and adapting the plot for the big screen. It is this adaptation I will deal with from here on out.
The film portrays Beowulf as a mighty and fearless warrior. He has a group of loyal men at his command, the thanes, who are prepared to follow him to the gates of Hell. Beowulf is a powerful warrior and an inspiring leader, but he has a weakness – he hungers for glory. This is a theme we will recognize from Patton, a movie previously featured on this site. In fact, that movie ended on the note that "all glory is fleeting".
We may also remember that the hunger for glory is a feature of the Hero archetype, which is the last rung on the ladder of boyhood in the KWML system. When the mighty Beowulf lands on the shores of Denmark and is approached by a Dane who foresees no less than their death in their pursuit of Grendel and the gold which Hrothgar has put on Grendel's head, Beowulf pompously states "If we die, it will be for glory and not for gold." As I see it, boys die for glory (which is nothing other than the desire to be loved and admired by many people), while men die (if they must) in service of those they love. Although I'd rather not die at all.
The spell of the dark Feminine
While Beowulf's lust for glory is dangerous, it is his weakness in relation to the Feminine that is his downfall. We see the power the Feminine weaves on him when he first encounters the beautiful Wealthow, Hrothgar's enthralling wife. Wealthow, as the movie portrays her, is a deep and mature woman, way ahead of the rest of the Danes in her own personal evolution. I interpret her sorrow and resignation in witnessing the hedonistic debauchery in the guild hall as en expression of that.
This is a deep woman who wants to be seen and felt for her depth, not merely for her surface beauty. It seems to have taken its toll that not a single person in her life has been able to truly see her deep feminine core. Would you not like to offer your Wealthow the freedom and love of this gift?
I find Wealthow a fascinating woman, clearly at the bright end of the spectrum of the Feminine. Beowulf is enthralled, on his knees in worship when she sings him her song of heroes:
Just wait though wide he may roam
Always a hero comes home
He goes where no one has gone
But always a hero comes homeI hear in her song that Wealthow will patiently wait at home in anticipation for the man who deserves her. There is no weakness in her words, just love and a desire to serve the Masculine. She is just the kind of woman Beowulf desires, but does he deserve her? Is he, in a sense, man enough?
When King Hrothgar was seduced by a female demon, conceiving Grendel in the process, he proved that he wasn't. Wealthow cannot live with the fact that this female demon, the dark side of the Feminine, has such power over her husband. Hrothgar had sex with a demon, so how can he have sex with her? Will that put her on the same level as a creature of Hell?
But as I watch the film, I become present to an even deeper cut. And I start believing there is more to her refusal to have sex than mere infidelity. Indeed, there is also indication here of her discomfort with the dark side of her own Feminine core. This is true for Hrothgar and Beowulf as well, who are both more at ease with the bright side of the Feminine. That side they can handle. It is fair, loving, beautiful and radiant, whereas the dark Feminine is unpredictable and dangerous. It leaves them helpless. This, I believe, is what Wealthow recognizes in Hrothgar, and eventually also in Beowulf. She sees that when faced with the dark Feminine, they become unreliable and untrustworthy, completely spellbound and seduced beyond their mind, into the murky waters of their subconscious.
If they were truly mature men, they would maybe come to recognize the dark side of the Feminine in Wealthow also. They would coax it out of her with love, so as to release much of her inner pain. In my experience, women who are uncomfortable expressing their darkness internalize a lot of hurt (the darkness projects inwards), and I believe it is a man's job to help her balance that out. He can do so by meeting her lovingly also at her dark side of the spectrum. I personally find this scary and challenging and I see that it requires a man to be in integrity with himself, lest the chaos of the dark feminine capture him and convince him that he has done wrong. That happens to me anyway.
After his seduction, Hrothgar has lost integrity – that is part of his curse – and there is the understated sadness on the part of Wealthow at discovering that even her dragonslaying husband loses himself completely when faced with the dark Feminine.
Grendel and his mother
Beowulf, of course, kills Grendel in a display a macho manliness and with typical immodesty. The monster Grendel, a scared and pathetic creature, is a mama's boy who seems to carry resentment for not having had a father in his life. As the monster tries to flee, Beowulf traps it, screams in bloodlust and goes for the kill.
In David Deida terms, this is clearly a display of 1st stage machismo, and in KWML terms, it is closely aligned with displays of heroism. It is theoretically possible that Beowulf "becomes the devil of Heorot" to serve his men in a mature way, like Remington became the "devil of Tsavo" in the Ghost and the Darkness. But I don't buy it. It seems here that Beowulf yet again shows his yearning for glory and excessive displays of power.
That said, the primal aggression embodied by Beowulf in this scene is important in the life of any mature man that wishes to serve the world fully. There is great power here. For the man who has moved on from heroism to the realms of the mature man, this aggression exists as a dormant but ever-present potential and makes him shine with natural authority. He knows he can back up his values with power in the unlikely event that he must and that gives him confidence to move through life staying true to himself.
Grendel's mother responds with grief and anger at her son's death by killing all of Beowulf's men. Beowulf's second in command Wiglaf is spared, because he is away checking on their ship. This massacre brings Hrothgar's dark mistress back into his life. Confronted with a guild hall full of dismembered warriors, he is forced to face the shame from many years ago, when he conceived Grendel with the demon mother.
Beowulf, on his part, must go a-monster hunting yet again. He fails. Grendel's mother is a shapeshifter and can take human form. Beowulf arrives at her lair expecting a monster, but finds there only a sexy and seductive creature, given life by Angelina Jolie. She knows how to get a hero to his knees: Tempt him with ideas of grandeur, power and glory and top it off with abundant feminine sexuality. She is striking at all of the weak points of the Hero archetype, and Beowulf loses himself. Since the Feminine is not a problem to be solved or a monster to be killed, the tools of the Hero fail him, and the unexplored parts of his psyche envelop him and pull him down into dark and unchartered waters.
The sins of the fathers
When Beowulf returns to Heorot, Hrothgar knows what's happened. He presses Beowulf for the truth, yet doesn't get it – Beowulf is still shocked. He has lost his honor now, leaving it at the feet of his main weakness – the dark Feminine – and now Hrothgar's curse has been passed to him. Hrothgar throws himself from the battlements and Beowulf is crowned king, and gets his Wealthow. His royal aspirations and dreams of a lovely queen have come true, but at a tremendous price.
Many years later, Beowulf is an old an broken king. He is someone who, he says with sadness, "died many years ago, when I was young". Indeed, in embodying the Hero archetype, Beowulf served mostly himself. And this painful truth now causes him heartache and grief in the twilight of his life, when wisdom has caught up with the mistakes of the past. This experience is of great importance in any man's life, leading to enormous humility and openness if navigated properly and shared fully. Still, Beowulf has not found a way to lift the curse, mainly becuase he has noone in whom he can confide; not Wiglaf (who won't listen to the truth) and not his wife (because their relationship is built on secrets).
But any curse that goes unconfronted will eventually catch up with us, in life or in death. For Beowulf, the time is ripe, and a dragon shows up in his kingdom. He understands what has happened when Ulferth, once Hrothgar's main advisor, now the kingdom's priest, arrives scorched within the castle ramparts and tells him how his family has been slain and the last thing he heard was "the sins of the fathers". The fathers, we understand, are Hrothgar and Beowulf, brave warriors, but fallible in their inability to confront the truth of what they've done.
Slaying the dragon
We may have noted the strong presence of dragon symbology in the film up to this point, particularly in the royal dragon horn and the art on the royal crown. Hrothgar claims that the horn became his after he killed the dragon Fafnir, and much of his personal mythos and power base is founded on this story. Now there is the eerie sense that everything is as it was and a circle has been completed – Beowulf is a disillusioned and weary king, once a great hero, whose power base is built on half-truths. He is king, but for all the wrong reasons, much like was probably the case with Hrothgar.
So now that a dragon shows up to torment Beowulf, there is the strong sense that his and Hrothgar's stories are somehow connected, in their shared strengths and weaknesses, and at both having conceived a bastard son with the same demon mother.
The dragon is the most powerful creature human legends have created, and the fight between dragon and human can be seen to symbolize the fight between man and nature, which is the fight between the Masculine and the Feminine.* The Hero who slays the dragon is symbolic of the boy who lifts the spell of the Feminine from his life through taking the Hero archetype to its ultimate conclusion. Free from attachment to Mother, he is finally enable to serve the Feminine in a mature way. And then, the Feminine, even the darkest of it, holds no more power over him.
Beowulf has finally reached maturity, some years too late. As he prepares for the showdown with the dragon, this time in service of those he loves, he looks at Wealthow, suspecting it is the last time he will be blessed by her wise and gentle eyes. She knows everything of course, but still has a softness for him. Beowulf admits before he leaves:
I have always loved you. Keep a memory of me, not as a king or a hero....but as a man...fallible and flawed.
His aspiratons for grandeur are now gone, truth and love now on his mind. He rides to confront the demon mother, and finds that she is out for blood. She sends his dragon son after him and after a ferocious battle, he slays the creature, his own son and guilt, and they both plummet to the ground.
Beowulf lies mortally wounded next to the dead body of his son (shapeshifted post mortem back to humanoid form) while waves are lapping their legs. He says goodbye to his son, who shines with the colour of gold like his mother. As his glowing body is washed out to sea, there is genuine sorrow in Beowulf's eyes. He has lost his only child. There is the sense here that when a father has too much guilt weighing on his conscience, relationship with his son becomes impossible, and the heart-rending truth of such separation comes clear only on the doorsteps of death.
"There's no time for lies," Beowulf pleads as Wiglaf arrives; he doesn't want to hear Beowulf's authentic confession. "Do you hear her? Grendel's mother? My son's mother!," Beowulf begs of him. "You killed Grendel's mother, many years ago. They sing of it," Wiglaf responds. But a deathbed is no time for lies as Beowulf points out. And since the time of death is uncertain, there is never a time for lies. When the lie that has haunted him for a lifetime is shed, Beowulf dies, on the beach where his son lay, as the last of the heroes.
Beowulf's body sails out to sea, and the she-demon descends on him. She is victorious, yet she mourns him in her own way. There is the question here, as she looks deeply and seductively into Wiglaf's eyes, whether he, now King, is strong enough to withstand the threat of her deep, dark feminine sexuality. As I examine Wiglaf, I see much to indicate that he is. There is evidence of this prior to the battle with Grendel when he admonishes his fellow thanes to not blur their head with women and fornication before a major battle. Beowulf may have been a greater Hero, but Wiglaf, perhaps, the greater man.
Conclusion
Beowulf is the story about heroes who would be kings, and the challenges they face when they realize that the duties as King are of an entirely different calibre to those of the ego-driven Hero. It is also a story about male companionship and loyalty among warriors, which is the very positive aspect Beowulf brings to the table. But more than anything, it is a story about the tremendous power the dark Feminine wields over the man who doesn't maintain integrity and who hasn't yet dedicated himself fully to serving others. When Beowulf finally realizes that this was what his life should have been about, it is too late. Let's make sure not to make the same mistake.
That means, in real life terms, no more lies, maintain perfect integrity, work through and transcend the desire for glory and heroics, and then set up base on the throne of mature masculinity, in service of the kingdom – the people whom you love.
* There are many other possible interpretations to this dragon symbology.
— , Irregular updates ()Hi everyone,
[caption id="attachment_1834" align="alignright" width="450" caption="Flowers outside the Oslo Peace center"][/caption]As some of you may know, Oslo, Norway is the city I call home. Some days ago, as I am confident you know, Oslo became the target of two acts of terrorism carried out by a deranged young ethnic Norwegian more or less my age.
I've had some trouble accepting the facts. I have seen the rubble on the streets, the military police guarding the blocks around ground zero. I have been in the Oslo cathedral and lit candles, put down flowers, and spoken with many about what has happened. All of it is surreal. I'm sure international media coverage gives an impression of a nation that didn't expect in its wildest dreams something like this to happen. That would be fairly accurate. I never have.
Yet, in the midst of all this shock, grief and suffering, something incredible is taking place. Last night, I attended an event downtown where around 200.000 people gathered with flowers in the central streets of Oslo. The crown prince spoke, so did the Prime Minister – who has seen a massive surge in popularity. Many others addressed the crowds, as did some musicians.
But it was the crowd itself which was most remarkable. I have NEVER seen anything like this in Oslo. I dare say nothing like this has ever happened here. From where I stood, I couldn't see a clear patch of ground anywhere. It was a sea of people. For a city with around 600.000 inhabitants, 200.000 is a ridiculous turnout. And everyone carried flowers.
When we all raised our hands in silence and I saw those flowers lift skywards, it sent shivers down my spine. There was an energy in the air that was palpable and it carried a clear message "Norway will never be the same again".
It was a remarkable event in the spirit of of unity and compassion. There simply wasn't any hatred or fear to be felt. Even there, I felt the reserved nature of Norwegians, but last night, we were reserved and shy together. In the face of evil, Norwegians are demonstrating that hate, violence and revenge are not the answer. I know it is hard for some to understand, and that makes me even more grateful to live here.
I've never felt particularly attached to my nation, particularly identified with the Norwegian heritage. But writing this, I feel gratitude for living in a country where people show this incredible resilience of heart and strength of spirit. It is moving and it is encouraging. And the growing sense of a positive sense of nationalism (as in beyond an ethnocentric nationalism) – of pride in my country – that I've felt over the last year, was strengthened further.
I have also thought about the terrorist himself and have started forming an image in my head of what drove him to carry out his heinous act. I will return with an analysis of that later on – for my own sake and as a service to those who don't understand how such things are possible.
Thanks to everyone who has reached out in this time to ask me if I'm okay. That has been a true act of friendship and it has warmed my heart.
With love,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()Preface
Mrs. Doubtfire is not your usual suspect for a website about masculinity. Strangely though, it was this movie that helped conceive this project in the first place (read more about that in "the concept"). Having helped me find deeper meaning in my life, this peculiar movie carries special meaning for me. So - let's get started.
Introducing the child man
The film starts out as Daniel is in a recording studio giving voice to an animated, opera-singing bird which is being chased by an evil cat. Daniel is in his element, we can tell, and takes to the job with passion and enthusiasm. But the bird, in an unexpected turn of events, flips out a big, badass cigarette, lights it up and poses like a big dude. Daniel strays from the script, and produces lines that point to its moral downfall; he figures kids should not be exposed to smoking birds.
After an argument with his boss, who just wants to get the job done, he gets his boxers in a wad and quits. Daniel stands up for good morals and the need to instil wholesome values in children. Yet, there is something very childlike about him, and he seems to associate with these children more as an equal than as an authority figure or a force of protection.
It isn't long before we are given more clues as to Daniel's immaturity. His wife Miranda has declared that Chris, their son, can't host a birthday party because of his poor report card (he doesn't study enough). Daniel overrules the decision, behind her back, so that Chris can have a good time, a decision Lydia, their eldest daughter, finds suspect. There is a subtle dynamic here, symbolic of the gender reversal that's now occurring in a large-scale fashion in the most progressive societies in the world.
Miranda - the woman - is the authority figure in the house, and Daniel is neither man enough to stand up to her strong will nor directed enough to carve out a purpose for himself. Instead, he goes behind her back, like and adolescent boy, and undermines her authority, sowing the seed of great confusion in the minds of his children. Why should they listen to their mother when he doesn't?
In the Hillards' household, the mother is who establishes the structure and holds the authority, and the father who breaks them down in rebellion or just fucks off. In the real world, it is perhaps rarely as extreme as here, but the presence of such a character in a (more or less) contemporary film is clear indication that the movie-makers understand currents in society whereby fathers become increasingly immature and lost, often remaining in a state of rebellion throughout most of their adult lives.
Excavating the fallen father
Daniel is chiefly identified with the role as a father; his role as husband is secondary to him. But despite his undeniable love for his kids, he doesn't represent a strong - or a healthy - father figure. Let's zoom out a bit and get a wider perspective on what fathers and fatherhood represent. Fathers, as symbols of the Masculine, are evolutionarily and energetically the chief authority figures in the family.
This is not a discriminating statement, but points to the natural expression of the Masculine, which leads and penetrates, while the Feminine surrenders and embraces. We have become confused in our culture by our idealization of the Masculine and trivialization of the Feminine, concluding that surrender is a weaker life expression than leading with authority.
But what normally happens when a woman surrenders in sexual embrace? The man loses control and ejaculates! In other words, true surrender is a mighty force that most men can not handle without losing themselves.
Mothers, as symbols of the Feminine, carry authority too, but it's an entirely different type of authority, being, as it is, more aligned with the realm of emotion and the shifting energies of the moment. The father energy is the long-distance energy. Where are we going? How do we get there? When the father provides no direction, but only rebellion - against, of all people, his wife - his children, particularly his sons, get off to a terrible start in their masculine evolution.
The confused father without a rudder, a ship afloat on the tumultuous oceans of life, is a huge problem in our culture, and many of them have been relegated to the playpens of their own immature fantasies, the prisons of their fears and phobias, or the constant slumber of shutdown. These uninitiated men never really grow up, so instead of seeing themselves as figures of authority, wisdom, and inspiration, they reduce themselves to another one of the boys, hanging out with their sons' posse, as were they one of them. That, or they don't engage much at all, more comfortable as withdrawn in silence.
If we look at the metaphors and legends of ancient cultures, we see that the father serves as a channel for the sacred Masculine (e.g. the Sun) so that its powers can flow through him and into his children, particularly his sons. The father (capitalize him and you get God), if not himself the initiator (he normally isn't), should prepare his son's initiation into manhood, into the sacred bond of men that spans all time and space.
He should also, obviously, create a safe container for his daughters' Feminine (as well as Masculine, when appropriate) expression. This is how it was in our culture, how it still is in many cultures, and still sometimes in ours. But what happens when a father is himself an adolescent, when he is reactive rather than proactive? What purpose does this father fulfil?
The wounded rebel
Daniel throws the party that Miranda denied, but gets caught red-handed. The betrayal of her trust is too much; Miranda demands a divorce. The scene shows how sickened she is by Daniel's immaturity and how bitter she is that she, as a woman, has to be responsible for the direction of the family, the food on the table (Daniel is more interested in rebelling against his employers than putting food on his children's table), and the structure in their children's lives.
Daniel doesn't realize it, but he has committed a betrayal against Miranda's Feminine, forcing her to step out of it to take the masculine reins of the relationship. He has unwittingly, due to his own immaturity, forced her feminine radiance underground.
He has also robbed his children of a healthy masculine role model, forcing them instead to search for the main source of masculine energy in their mother, a person who is quite capable of animating it, but who nevertheless shows clear signs of not enjoying it most of the time.
There is one scene in which we overhear Daniel's gay brother Frank speak with their mother on the phone about Daniel's divorce. From the way Daniel reacts and his mother's voice on the phone, it seems clear that many of his kinks and wounds, which he must now address, comes from his relationship with an overly neurotic, controlling mother. His rebellion against her, and - by the looks of it - also his father, is still being played out in his current relationships.
Laying down the challenge: Grow up or get lost
As we are propelled into the court proceedings, there may be the tendency, by those of softer bent, to feel that Daniel is being shafted by the authorities and his wife, essentially that the world is unfair to him. Beware, because that is exactly the same thinking that Daniel is now, for the first time, given a real opportunity to escape from. Daniel is not a victim of anything but his own inability to take his life seriously. There is no unfair treatment here.
How easy it is to feel that life keeps screwing us over! How easy it is to blame the "other guy"! How easy it is to keep wallowing in our own perceived victimhood; for a day, a week, a lifetime. How hard, in comparison, to sit up and say "I did this". Every hard blow dealt by life is an opportunity to grow, and we should consider it as such. Actually, we should do it right now. No delay. Daniel has no choice. It is his turning point.
The judge in the proceedings is the first positive model of masculinity in the film. He represents both clarity and direction, as well as empathy. He is the father figure who kick-starts Daniel's growth process by temporarily taking his children away, while leaving him very clear instructions on how to get them back. Masculine love can look pretty tough sometimes, but it is love nonetheless. And one of the main indicators of a man's masculine core being severely wounded is his everlasting inclination to fight masculine authority as opposed to submit to it.
The initiated man knows his initiation was channeled through the spines and hearts of men of courage and authority, that his submission to this sacred bond, this masculine lineage, could flow into him only because the applied wisdom of the elders temporarily suspended his ego, and bathed his true Self in the vibrant glow - and the hungry shadows - of the primordial Man.
Daniel is not such a man. He is tightly wrapped in the fetters of his own ego, afraid of masculine love and authority. But right now he has no choice but to put his head to the ground, surrender his ego, in service of his children. He must get his shit together or forever close down, fall deeper and deeper into the puss and sting of his self-inflicted wound.
Introducing Mrs. Doubtfire
True to form, Daniel's growth into maturity comes off to a poor start. When his court liaison, another stern woman, asks if he has any special skills, Daniel replies "I do voices!" and goes on to bathe her in comedy performances. She is not impressed and sends him off to a shoddy job packing boxes at a TV studio.
Miranda, alone with the kids, needs a babysitter. Daniel has the kids only a few hours on Saturdays and is desperate to see them more often. He depends on his children for his own happiness and seems to be attached to them in much the same way a fourteen-year old girl is attached to her first love. Miranda puts out a newspaper ad, which Daniel is lucky enough to intercept. Daniel creates Mrs. Euphegenia Doubtfire, an elderly sweet British woman who is engineered to fulfil Miranda's every dream; for the first time, probably, he has found himself forced to see the world through someone else's eyes.
Mrs. Doubtfire sets Daniel on the road of transformation. As her, Daniel is free from the story of his past wounds. He is free to create an identity from scratch, and conjures up a woman who has rules and the will to stand by them. She is good with the household and genuinely helps Miranda. Coupled with Daniel's good traits as a loving, sweet person, she becomes a dream for both Miranda and the children. And Daniel gets to see that the authority he possesses as Mrs. Doubtfire is very good for the children (Chris studies again).
A flash of insight
Miranda grows found of Euphegenia, and opens up to her over the kitchen table. "It started out well" she says, speaking of Daniel, "He was so romantic, so passionate. It was Daniel's spontaneity and energy that I fell in love with" (largely feminine qualities). "Everyone else I knew was so organised and scheduled." (masculine qualities). "Daniel was so different. And he was so funny. But after a few years everything just stopped being funny.
" "Why?", Mrs. Doubtfire - Daniel - asks. "Well, I worked all the time and he was always between jobs. I hardly got to see the kids. He never knew, but so many nights I just cried myself to sleep. The truth is I didn't like who I was with him. I turned into this horrible person. I didn't want my kids growing up with a mother like that. When I'm not with Daniel, I'm better. And I'm sure he's better without me". "Did you ever say anything to him, dear?," Euphegenia inquires deeper. "Daniel never liked to talk about anything serious," Miranda replies. "I used to think Daniel could do everything, except be serious. But then I was serious enough for everybody."
This scene has Daniel get it for the first time. He understands that he was responsible for what happened. It is important, as we watch this scene, to remember the law of polarity in relationships, whereby there exist both feminine and masculine energies that exist in balance, as expressions to be made. When the man is not able to present his partner with masculine energy, she will have to be masculine for them both.
The woman's masculine expression emasculates the man and he becomes more feminine by consequence; there is always an "equal" share of masculine and feminine energy waiting to be distributed. This is the law of polarity, and it is the knowledge-background we need to understand this Miranda's unfolding. This scene has many lessons for men ignorant of the primary importance of working to maintain and grow their masculinity in their relationships. Daniel has seen his own reflection and found it blurry. He must now find some clarity.
Daniel discovers his purpose
Daniel has uncovered new inner dimensions, connecting deeper with his authentic self, a primary objective for any man. Now, he needs to fulfil another; he needs to discover a mission in life. And it comes to him through his work in the shipping department at KTVU television. They have a terrible infotainment program for kids, featuring a fossilized man fondling plastic toy dinosaurs. Daniel immediately sees what is wrong with it, and his creativity kicks into overdrive; he knows what to do.
After all, this is the one thing he knows something about in life. He tells it to the man at his side, a gentle and elderly bearded fellow, who turns out to be the owner, the head honcho. This initial conversation, followed by a series of funny and embarassing moments, have Mrs. Doubtfire become a television concept that epitomizes everything that Daniel stands for. Her show has morals, but is also very funny, very sweet. It becomes a huge hit. All of a sudden, Daniel is somebody going somewhere. There is a growing masculine force in him. His reactivitity has been turned to proactivity, and things are about to turn around.
By this time, Mrs. Doubtfire's identity has been revealed to Miranda through a series of hysterical events in a restaurant. She has lost all respect for Daniel, and worries for his mental health. In her eyes, he is not a fit father. The key turnaround comes when Miranda sees one of Daniel's TV shows, and recognizes how he is on purpose with his life, how he has turned the wound that expressed itself as Mrs. Doubtfire into his life's art. She understands that he has become a responsible man, a man with direction. She feels softness in her heart and turns around.
Daniel's children are back in his life, and Denial has turned to Daniel. But his initiation has just begun. That's what life is like.
Conclusion
Mrs. Doubtfire is a movie with a surprising amount of insight, which portrays women and men, masculinity and femininity, with finesse and without taking sides. It has much to teach us about every man's responsibility, to himself and to his family, to discover his true self, and live from there - even if it should temporarily involve crossdressing.
Hi everyone! As I've said earlier, the KWML archetypes form the most popular body of content on this website and I have decided that I should make a product – my first one (yahoooo!) – featuring them. In this simple introduction, I plan to feature a description of the archetypes, descriptions of movies where they can be found and ways in which they can be accessed in daily life. This could actually become a REAL RESOURCE for men and I want it to be a collaborative effort. If you could tell me in the comments section below what you would like to see in such a product, it would be extremely helpful. Please pass the news around too – the more the merrier. We need to restore the KWML archetypes within ourselves and I'm hoping that this free product will be one small contribution I can make to turn this vision into a reality. Do you want such a free KWML guide? Then what are you waiting for? Spill the beans below! Thanks, Eivind— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()Alright, guys, it's been AGES since I last reviewed a movie. My fingers are getting itchy and I want to do another!
I know you have suggested plenty of great movies on the suggest movie page.
And still, I will pick the next movie to review from the comments below this post.
The one who suggests the movie I go for will win a free coaching call with me. (if several pick the same, I will pick at random)
Ready, set, run competition! It ends Friday March 15 noon CET (see counter below).
Cheers,
EivindCOMPETITION HAS ENDED
— , Irregular updates ()[caption id="attachment_451" align="alignnone" width="710" caption="Six of the participants from MM LIVE #2"][/caption]
Masculinity Movies LIVE #2 became a slightly more humble affair than the first event. Some people were away for their summer breaks, others were busy presenting their work in other cities, yet others just didn't show. Men living their lives, caring for their families and making an impact in the world. It's a beautiful thing. Some integrity glitches were there for the no-shows, but that is workable.
So, we were eight men this time. The movie was Man on Wire and the topic of the evening fear. It seems that was a bit of a mismatch for some of the guys since they felt the movie was less about fear than the subject matter of walking a tightrope between the two WTC towers would indicate. In retrospect, I'm inclined to agree with them.
However, we did have a good discussion about whether Philippe Petit was just a really fearless man or whether he had narrowed down his focus to achieve the impossible to avoid fear in other aspects of his life. Many of us suspected there was truth to this. Nevertheless, we all admired his ability to achieve the unachievable – there is much masculine power in that. The rest is speculation.
The movie nevertheless served as a good segue into the highlight of the evening – when we all opened up about what scares us. To me, this became an extremely moving and powerful experience and I had tears in my eyes several times from the courage and openness of the guys who really opened up to men who they didn't necessarily know that well. One guy remarked how courageous he found the guys present.
Sharing our fears as men is not a feminine exercise as some men seem to believe (which is their fear speaking). It is a courageous and noble thing. If you are going to build brotherhood, you want to know the strengths and weaknesses of your brothers. You want to know what scares them. True brothers don't use their knowledge of the fear of the other to shame them. They use it to support them, to serve them. In such ways, strength in unity is forged.
A mature man owns his fears. And this night, the eight of us did just that.
Thank you.
PS! The next Masculinity Movies LIVE will take place in August. This marks the start of a bi-monthly cycle. Once a month is too much.
— , Irregular updates ()The other day, my buddy Garrison Cohen launched this video on Elephant Journal. It’s on the path of healing through closing open feeling loops, one Pez at a time
I enjoyed this video. I find the metaphor really works. And it got me thinking about emotion and Presence.
The awe-inspiring wisdom of emotion
It appears, were Garrison to be correct, that the Human OS requires every emotional program to run through to its conclusion before it can close down; before the Pez can be eaten. Most modern men live lives that are way too scattered for that to happen. Closing an open feeling loop requires Presence. Presence is prerequisite for actually feeling emotion. Unless we bring Presence to the open emotional loops, we will be stuck with them for the rest of our lives.
I find this absolutely awe-inspiring. The fact that we come fully equipped with this amazing inner signal system called emotion makes my mind boggle with amazement. How does this signal system work? Painful emotions are signposts. They are the human being’s built-in truth-meter. The further away I am from the truth of my being, the more painful emotions I will have. In other words, if you are depressed, it’s simply because you believe, on some level of your being, in something that is not real.
This has made intuitive sense to me for a long time, and I was beautifully reminded of it recently by the young Boulder-based non-dual teacher Bentinho Massaro.
So try on that painful emotions are but a collection of signposts pointing our way back home.
Emotional repression
The reason this blows my mind is that the Creator didn’t have to design us that way. We could have been designed without the capacity to experience emotional pain. In a different universe, we could have been designed to effortlessly move on with our lives after traumatic events, free of the reign of aftershocks in our inner emotional landscape.
Wouldn’t that make things easier? Yes, for traditional man, I believe, that would be paradise. Imagine moving through life and not being impacted by anything! Imagine the superhuman strength! The unshakable confidence! Yee-eeeees!
The thing is, traditional man is a feeling human being like any other. And while the stoics of the world, Vladimir Putin being a perfect example, seem convinced otherwise, they are wrong. Men who repress their emotions remain with myriad open feeling loops. Their Pez container remains full of crap. The effects of which is basically that they completely lose themselves and become slaves of their unprocessed trauma.
Vladimir Putin and his likes, rather than being examples of strength, are thus examples of the terrible effects of a life designed to keep emotion at bay. They become fugitives in their own lives, entering severe addictions or, in the worst case scenarios, dish out pain on the world in order to remain in un-feeling.
Indeed, if you were to go looking for the source of misery in our human drama and ecological collapse, you need look no further than repressed emotion.
Fully felt emotion and the power of Presence
So we didn’t have to be designed this way. But if we weren’t, everyone would be like Vladimir Putin. That’s not a pretty picture, especially not when it is conjured by a feeling person.
You being in touch with painful emotion is good news. It’s a step up from repression. It is a condition that actually gives you a fighting chance to discover a good life for yourself, and to become a person who lives a life of service. Your inner signal system is working! Congratulations!
And yet, we are trained to repress emotion. The proof is that the painful emotions we feel often arrive as a crap-sandwich, emotion lodged between shame and resentment. When we resist emotion like this, the compulsory experience of pain turns, like the Buddha hinted at, into the optional experience of suffering.
Sadly, the survival of our culture as we know it depends on us remaining slaves of our own unfelt emotion. Unfelt emotion is the very lifeblood of consumerism! “You can never get enough of what you don’t really want” said Huston Smith. Consumerism will never satiate us. Because what we really hunger for is the freedom that lies on the other side of feeling emotions fully.
As I walked home from the office the same day Garrison released his video, thoughts like these on my mind, I took the emotional road less travelled. With fierce Presence from hosting an incredibly powerful and mystical Circling night in my home the evening before, I had the moment to moment capacity, as I was walking down the street, to be with every little sensation and emotion inside of me.
I have experienced emotional turmoil after returning to Norway, and I also have mild chronic fatigue and a lot of tensions in my body. A lot of the time, that pisses me off.
But this day, I noticed, as I brought Presence to it, that it kept shifting, moving. It was never static. I was taken on a ride of my own inner emotional-sensory landscape. And it was very pleasurable, very alive, in its infinite unpredictability.
Listen up now, because here’s the one universal truth that I’d like you to walk away with today: Emotional trauma only enters us when Presence leaves us. And when powerful Presence fills a part of our being, trauma can not remain there for long. We get to pop the Pez.
When you start understanding this, it’s like taking the red pill. You will see the people whose lives are governed by emotional repression and recognize that they’re living in a desolate dream-world. They really are stuck in the Matrix.
When emotional repression numbs us to the potent beauty of our innermost essence, we are run by the unconscious forces of the world. We become ignorant consumers who believe that we are deficient, and that the only way to remedy our inherent deficiency is to buy some crap.
For some twisted reason, a lot of ideals of manhood will tell you to become such a slave. Choose a different path.
With love and a fierce challenge,
Eivind
PS! I will gladly help you with this process. For me, this is about embracing our Wildness. Check out my coaching offers.
— , Irregular updates ()In 2010, I dropped by Morten’s summit for one day to check out what the people and speakers there were like. I was inspired to discover a whole new pocket of people committed to self-development and relieved to have some of my preconceptions around the pick-up community drop away.
This year, I stayed the full weekend. The main attraction for me was to come and hang with Bryan Bayer. I have followed the work of Bryan and Decker Cunov of the Authentic Man Program for several years and benefitted greatly from it. It was in fact I who told Morten about them in the first place. It’s always fascinating to observe the patchwork of life’s events come together in a singular moment in such a way.
What strikes me this year, as it did last, is that these guys are young. Most of them must be in their early 20s. And they seem fucking hungry. It resonates with a feeling I’ve had for a while – that the young men of this world are dying for elders. They crave for mature men to teach them what it means to be a man and how that is different from being a boy. Not in fake macho ways that involve strategies and adopting a personality that isn’t yours, but simply in learning how to be yourself fully. No, it isn’t pickup. It has evolved. They look, it seems to me, for that ultimate blessing we all yearn for: the realization that when we face the world with our masks dropped, powerful in our vulnerability, the world loves us for it. And that sets us free.
On the other hand, the man who sleeps with women using inauthentic strategies in order to fill a hole that looks curiously similar to his own self-loathing perpetuates suffering in his life experience. These men don’t operate in the realm of adulthood, however; they live in perpetual adolescence. And what I sense so strongly at the Morten Hake Summit is that those men who sell that snake oil are not nearly as inspiring to young men anymore. Now they want the real deal, the juicy meat on the bones. They want to learn to be themselves and discover that that is magnificent.
When Zan Perrion addressed the audience, I saw that so clearly. The room seemed transfixed. He spoke the truth. He spoke like a man, a leader. And people were inspired. I was inspired. He reminded me of what is possible.
And of course, hanging with Bryan was awesome. It felt like meeting an old Bro, even though I never met him in the flesh before. He is such a fountain of wisdom and a genuinely good and authentic person. I know he has a lot to teach me. And it seemed like everyone there absolutely loved him and what he did. I was pleased as pie to see that my discovery of AMP’s work online several years ago had come to this. Bryan and I did some great stuff together the Monday after the Summit. That is now snowballing and I will write more about that later.
Thanks, Morten, Knut and the rest for showing me what I needed to see – that being inauthentic isn’t trendy among young men anymore. And it confirms my gut sense that there is a wave of authenticity spreading across the globe and it is crying for us all to be leaders in times of massive change.
This is happening right now.
— , Irregular updates ()Background
Some of you may have noticed that this website was down for several days. Funny how much damage a lapse in my presence can make. I have a lot of things to juggle in life right now and as I was travelling to the US to finish a leadership training, an expiring domain name and the subsequent domain transfer woes were the last thing on my mind.
The result was a website that was down for several days. As I logged on and looked at that blank screen, I came to realize that I’m more attached to this website than I had realized.
I was a bit surprised. I mean, I have hardly written here for almost a year. But I love this website. I love what I’ve done with it. I love the conversations I’ve had with you here. I love that other men have found value in this and contributed their own reviews. I love the places it’s taken me. I love the fact that, lying on my death bed many years from now, I will count it among my life’s significant achievements.
You know, I started up back in 2009 because I was basically lost. I was unmentored and afraid. Strangely, slowly finding my way through my own confusion – a process that is ongoing to this day – somehow turned me into an authority on the subject. As far as I know, I’m the leader of this little niche online. Nobody in the world that I know has explored this theme like I have. Thinking about that, I feel a little proud.
Sitting here now, I’m a little scared, but mostly detached about what has happened: In the downtime, Masculinity-Movies.com just disappeared from my Google results. When I search for it now, I can’t find it. I used to be the number 1 result. Now I’m gone. I don’t like that. I don’t like that one bit.
Now, I hope Google have routines that will restore the site to its rightful place pretty quickly, but I’m not gonna sit idly by and hope for the best.
There’s a lot at stake for me now. And instead of feeling broken by the possibility of having many years of web presence wiped out by a few days of distraction, I want to up the game. Strangely, I feel inspired by all of it. I like the sense of detachment I have from the potential drama of it.
So here’s what I’m thinking...
There’s an idea out there, pioneered by Kevin Kelly, that having 1000 true fans is enough to ensure someone’s livelihood. Now, I don’t know if you consider yourself a true fan of my work, but it would be nice if you did.
I’ve spent hundreds of hours working on this site. I may have crossed into the thousands. I have no idea. In all that time, I’ve made maybe about $3000-4000 from it. That’s well below minimum wage.
As I find myself in this uncertainty of being self-employed and having to find sources of revenue, I’m exploring ways of generating money from my work. Some products come to mind.
But here’s the god-honest truth: I’ve always been really afraid of selling to you. I’ve been afraid of being a pest that wants to push things down your throat.
I default to thinking that you will be annoyed and forget that my value system is such that whenever I market something to you, It’s because I truly believe it would help you. So, I have a fear of rejection pattern still running here. But really, it’s time to move on from that. I’m ready to have you dislike me. Fair? Good!
I ask you for your help with two things:
- Reaching more people
- Monetizing my work
For now, point #1 is what I will address. I want to reach those 1000 true fans. And I want to get there by Christmas. It’s an ambitious goal, reflecting my new commitment to this site. Let me talk a bit about that before I end...
Uncompromisingly looking for quality
I feel committed, but I don’t have a clear direction yet. To tell you the truth, I’m not sure if I will write lots of reviews. I consistently find myself frustrated when movies I am trying to review don’t provide the gold. Like with Falling Down, the review that’s been a thorn in my side. Now, don’t get me wrong – it’s a good movie and I like it. But when I go digging, I find myself starting to question the depth of the movie makers. I’m wading through simplistic story-telling and shallow observations on the human condition. It’s an intelligent movie, but only to the level I expect anyone to be able to go. It’s riddled with caricatures! No depth! And then I forget the laughs and thrills I had watching and start questioning the level of consciousness that went into the movie. It looked like a brilliant story to analyze! But no. I fail to see it now.
I’m becoming pickier. More uncompromising. Most movie-makers are too shallow for my taste. Writing about Falling Down is like writing about half a dozen movies I’ve already written about. Man being attached to his mum, trying to keep the facade by repressing his emotions, shit hitting the fan bla bla. Though I have found one piece of gold in it, thankfully (watch this space).
So you see, not every movie is as good as American Beauty. Sad, huh? Not that I don’t enjoy a shallow movie every once in a while. But writing about it? No, show me the fucking money – give me the juice! At least try! Don’t ask me to go dumb so that you can feed me your predigested shit. Don’t assume I’m stupid so that you can have blockbuster potential. Please! (well done, Man of Steel – great movie, great blockbuster. Loved it)
So, you see, I’m starting to own how demanding I am. And I like that about me! I don’t settle for crap. And if I can’t find the goods in movies, then I will explore it elsewhere. Though in the presence of you all. Cause I want to connect with you. Get to know you. Go deeper together.
Sound good? Then like me on Facebook now!
Will you help me? Will you join me on this journey? Will you help me reach 1000 likes on Facebook by December 31? I hope so. There may be some surprises and prizes on the way there too
Cheers, my friend. I appreciate your help, friendship and interest. Let’s rock the boat together.
Warmly,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()On January 4, I sent out a newsletter about setting our intention for 2011. I ended that newsletter with these words: "In a few days, I will provide an essential tool that I use every day to facilitate progress in my life to help you maximize the likelihood of manifesting your intention."
It's been more than a few days, but here we are. The tool? A list. Yes, simple - and oh so potent. Here is a video testimonial I just recorded for "The List" which I did with the Authentic Man Program at the end of 2010, which only strengthened my belief in the value of lists.
There are many ways to think of a list. You could think of it as a way of getting things done. Though that isn't so potent in my opinion. A better way to think of a list is as a way of maximizing your energy. Time-management is a misnomer. I don't remember what dude on the New Man Podcast who said this, but he said that the truly successful and happy are into energy management. That fits. We don't want to work until we drop and then drag our depressed, lethargic asses through life. No, we want a list to be generative – to nurture and serve us. So that's why the list should also include action items consciously chosen to rejuvenate us. Relaxation done consciously is much better than just collapsing on the couch and unconsciously picking up the remote.
To that end, I recommend you approach list-building in a truly Integral fashion. That means you should include several areas of your life in it. A minimum is physical, intellectual and emotional, as Eben Pagan pointed out in his Wake Up Productive course that I did a long while back. I go farther than Eben though – I include spiritual as well. I couldn't go through a day without addressing my spiritual dimension.
Checking your list becomes a nice little daily ritual. You get to tick off the things you did and you get to say "you did well" to yourself. I think you will find that completing an action item consciously and then ticking it off your list gives you more energy than just flowing from job to job randomly. Every little tick mark actually feeds a little energy into your system. Maybe this is only true for us masculine people. Or maybe it's only true for me. Try it out though. We humans love the carrot on the stick as well as that little reward when we deliver. We also experience guilt when we don't follow through so you may want to install some rituals for restoring rightness with yourself when you fail to live up to your aspiration. What I did with AMP was two-minute ice cold showers. Don't think of this ritual as punishment, think of it as giving the gift of a clear conscience to yourself.
I include below the list I just wrote for the next phase of my life. This list, as you will see, isn't really a goal-achievement list (I will probably make one of those too). The purpose of this list is to install habits into my life that facilitate happiness and vitality as a means for the realization of my goals. So with this type of list, I focus on the current, not the future. You may choose to include more concrete goals. That is also an important function of a list.
Bottom line is – you do whatever you want. Just try a list and see if it works for you. You may come to love it.
— , Irregular updates ()All I ever wanted was a single thing worth fighting for.
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— , Irregular updates ()Fear and Anger
Inside Out is hardly an obvious choice of movie to critique for a website focusing on masculinity – and having fished out the colourful animated feature to occupy a sleepy Sunday afternoon, I came to it with no expectations of doing so. Focussing on the trials and tribulations of a bright but inexperienced little girl and two of her key personified emotions – Joy and Sadness (both depicted as female) – it might seem surprising that this gently comedic affair would have much to offer the manly viewer as a source of inspiration.
Life is, however, full of surprises – and since we gents don't live in a vacuum, and the archetypal shadow we cast is every bit as important for women (and their relationship to us) as it is for us as independent entities – perhaps I shouldn't have been so quick to jump to that conclusion. It was very refreshing and stimulating to be caught off guard by the curveball this lovely, light-hearted adventure pitched my way at any rate – so much so that I felt it deserved a write up.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mx41SPMLBMg
I'd like to begin by exploring the movie's depiction of Fear and Anger. The portrayal of each of these emotions (and only these emotions) as male is highly significant – as together they can be considered to represent the integral instincts of the masculine Warrior archetype. These playful personifications are effectively 'fight' and flight' responses kneaded into (something approaching) human shape – and given that the Warrior drive is predominantly concerned with identifying and enforcing boundaries in order to ensure our survival, we can see that fear and anger play a pivotal role in the expression of this archetypal energy.
Now, I realise that Riley is a girl, and so wouldn't be expected to manifest a Warrior spirit in the overt way that a boy might, but it's important to recognise that we each carry within us the instinctual coding of the opposite sex (the ancient Celts, for instance, believed that a man's soul was female and a woman's male).
I also want to make it clear that boiling Warrior mode down to these two base emotions is a huge over-simplification – and I'm not suggesting for a second that our literal warrior ancestors were overwhelmingly fearful or angry people.
On the contrary, there is good reason to believe that many of them were considerably more emotionally balanced than we are today – but that this can, in part, be attributed to the fact that men were made hyper-aware of their need to anticipate danger (fear) and respond to it with aggressive vigour (which needn't be born of anger, but certainly can be). This offered such masculine communities both a sense of purpose and an understanding of their essential nature – traits which are often sorely lacking in men today.
So, depicting a girl's fear and anger in this way is a tacit (if, perhaps, unconscious) recognition of the fact that as men we are required to offer protection to the women in our lives – remaining ever-vigilant of external physical threats and being prepared to unleash our aggressive tendencies at a moment's notice when the situation calls for it.
Equally, the portrayal of Joy, Sadness and Disgust as female characters is no coincidence either. Joy and sadness exist at binary ends of the emotional spectrum, and tend to manifest themselves more potently in women. This is due both to the fact that successful child-rearing requires a mother to be more attuned to her emotions and precisely because a father adopts a watchful stance over his family – affording women and children the opportunity to express themselves more freely and without cautious restraint.
Which is not to say that mothers do not offer their children protection, because of course they do – it just typically takes on a different form to that provided by men – and herein lies the evolutionary significance of Disgust. Again, women tend to exhibit a greater tendency towards this than men due to their proclivity for child-rearing – they must remain as vigilant against threats to their offspring's internal environment as men are to those from their external one (hence typically placing a greater value on cleanliness than us guys - and picking us up on our grubbier habits!).
Father Material
So, that leads us conveniently into a more direct exploration of the Father archetype, as expressed by the movie – and the comparative role played by the important women in their lives.
Not long after the family's abrupt move we are treated to a highly entertaining scene in which the different priorities and focuses of the two genders are laid bare. Detecting that Riley is unsettled and not her usual buoyant self, her mother – prompted by her own personified emotions (similar to her daughter's, but all female) decides to 'probe' her mental state.
Being attentive and highly attuned to Riley's emotional responses – and failing to obtain the feedback that they would hope to receive – they conclude that they require support and decide to 'signal the husband'. This turn of events cracks a window into the mind of the main man in Riley's life – with hilarious results.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4okAfKCwRk
Her father's emotions (all male, and apparently seated within a military control room – to contrast the professional but softly furnished forum occupied by her mother's feelings), as it turns out, are sitting around replaying a hockey game whilst this debacle unfolds – causing him to completely misinterpret the situation:
“What did she say? Is it garbage night? Did we leave the toilet seat up? What? What is it woman – what?!” (Father's Anger)
This failure to pay attention to both moment-to-moment events in the domestic setting and the emotional cues presented by his wife and child prompts a fantastic stand-off between Riley and her father's respective 'Anger's, with dad ultimately going to 'defcon 1' and 'putting the foot down'.
Even these countermeasures are shown to be hopelessly misjudged though – with his wife's emotions withdrawing to bask in the memory of a former beau (an exotic Brazilian helicopter pilot – and archetypal Lover figure – who is seemingly more in touch with his emotions) whilst his own rabble celebrate a job well done.
This representation of the father is perhaps a little scathing - reinforcing the contemporary perception of men as bungling incompetents that require a woman to take control of situations - but I'm more inclined to accept it as a commentary on men's more functional disposition played for laughs.
Certainly the following scene – in which this committed patriarch consoles his daughter – mitigates any negative perception of men we might acquire from preceding events. As a father he does possess the capacity to connect with his and other people's emotions – he just has to be fully present and seriously focussed to pull it off!
Fun with the Boys
Before deconstructing the movie's (highly satisfying) overriding message, I would just like to zoom in on a few of the other male characters highlighted throughout the film – and the significance of the roles that they play. Firstly we have Bing Bong, Riley's loveable, absurdly silly and somewhat calamitous imaginary friend (he's part dolphin, don't you know).
Joy and Sadness meet him bumbling around one of Riley's secondary mental facilities – not yet buried within her subconscious but apparently relegated to a position of lesser importance than he was once afforded (he's surprised that Joy and Sadness even recognise him).
Acting as their guide within this level of the girl's mind, Bing Bong most prominently evokes the masculine Magician archetype (he even has a cardboard rocket that's fuelled by 'song power' - what could be more magical than that?). What's far more interesting, however, is the way in which this affably daft character winds up going full bore Warrior.
Initially delighted by Joy's assertion that she will prompt Riley to remember him when the cheerful emotion returns to headquarters – Bing Bong ultimately sacrifices his own life – allowing his whimsical form to be swallowed by Riley's subconscious in order to safeguard her future happiness (simultaneously completing the archetypal quartet and demonstrating his chops as Lover and King too – as each of us does when we summon all of our strengths in the service of a greater good).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RPQRHemfk9E
A close parallel exists here with the behaviour of Riley's far less developed imaginary boyfriend. His defining attribute being his assertion that he 'would die for Riley' – he too proves willing to surrender his (admittedly two-dimensional) existence to rescue her from depression. In isolation each of these examples could be considered anomalies – but combined they drive home a key point – that such sacrifices are required of men, and are intrinsic to the value women attribute to them.
The final 'character' I would like pinpoint is little more than a momentary cameo squeezed in at the end of the movie. At the advent of puberty we're offered a brief glance into the mind of a gawky boy as he encounters Riley.
To my mind the funniest scene in the entire production (and it seemed to illicit the most laughter from my friends as well – suggesting that this snippet resonates strongly with viewers of each sex) – we see all hell break loose amongst his hapless and ludicrously unequipped emotions – as emergency lights whirl and sirens wail - “GIRL! GIRL! GIRL!”.
I felt it significant to mention this scene because – amongst all of the talk of 'male dominance' and 'male privilege' within our society (which I don't believe is unjustified – there are simply more exceptions to the rule than the dominant narrative would have us believe) it is often forgotten that women have the capacity to arouse a mind-bending terror in us gents that's truly unparalleled.
Again prompted by evolutionary necessity (if we are rejected our social standing within the tribe is diminished – and we may lose the opportunity to procreate altogether) this fear is extraordinarily primal – and frequently continues to impact our relationships with women throughout our lives (it also being the source of misogyny and the desire to control women amongst those immature men who never acquire the resources to deal with it appropriately).
Conclusion: One and All
...And so to the crux of the movie – which exhibits a magnificent universality – equally applicable to men and women, boys and girls.
Consumed by depression – a state that differs from sadness in that it's defined by a persistent and despondent paralysis of emotion, rather than an appropriate response to upsetting stimuli (note that Sadness is lost in the recesses of Riley's mind at this point – and as such is as incapable of affecting the little girl's psychological condition as Joy is) Joy suddenly realises the pivotal role Sadness plays in securing their avatar's mental health.
Having spent the entire film attempting to keep Sadness from touching anything within Riley's internal environment, Joy discovers that it is the acceptance and successful mobilisation of her comrade's blue disposition that holds the key to Riley's salvation. Sadness acts as an emotional release and a call for help from the rest of the tribe.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISaHt3ps1dM
This is a truly beautiful, poignant and incredibly powerful expression of the need for each of us to engage in Jungian 'shadow work' to become whole and happy – so much so that it brought tears to my eyes. Rather than keeping our supposedly negative emotions at bay, we must journey into the dark chasm of our subconscious minds and engage with our own 'theatre of dreams' (both of which are wonderfully depicted in the film) in order to befriend those parts of ourselves we are afraid, or otherwise unwilling, to confront.
We must be willing to fully embrace sadness – and learn the lessons it seeks to impart to us – to avoid emotional petrification and allow Joy to take the controls once more. In the world in which we live – one in in which pleasure-seeking behaviour is imagined to pave the road to happiness and where we're discouraged from provoking or displaying undesirable emotions at all costs – this is a tremendously important message; and the fact that it is so aptly and ably wrapped up within an appealing package for children gives me hope for the future.
Clearly we are changing – and those changes are manifesting themselves within our collective cultural landscape in a myriad of surprising ways. To utilise language befitting of such an innocent, tender-hearted romp – thank fuck for that.
— , Irregular updates ()Not so long ago, I woke up to this e-mail:
Pelle, I really enjoy your writing, even when I disagree or question some things that you write. I think that what you say is incredibly important. This particular blog is interesting, and there are some comments that I might make at another time, but this time around i want to address the comments made on here by EIVIND.
Att’n EIVIND:
Eivind, goodness me, although your saturated self-righteousness would never allow you to see this, your approach is dripping with patronising, smug, self importance, and you use words very cleverly to create exactly the ‘I am right and you are wrong’ energy that you so patronisingly caution others against. I mean, seriously mate, eeeeewwwww! Immature, I know, compared to your skilled mastery of new age vernacular, but that is what I get when I read your passive aggressive drivel….eeewwwwww! It makes my skin crawl. The way you deal with people on here is so disempowering and deliberately (though disguised) humiliating and so horribly righteous, but you have the language skills and self belief (pathalogical!) to frame it in a way that makes you sound so new Age and sensitive and right. Mate, you are guessing like the rest of us, just trying to get through like the rest of us; if you were even nearly as evolved as your self-obsession tells you you are you would learn some humility. True humility, not the false ego version that your ego is right now telling you to respond that you have.That said, Eivind…… men are here on this plane to serve women?? That is our entire reason for manifesting here?? Man, that is a theory, not a fact. Which I think is what Erik was trying to get at, but you passive-aggressively attacked him (oh yes you did, even though right now your little mind is going ‘no, brother, I don’t attack, I’m too evolved’), and used the fact that you are better with words than him to put him down, and he gave up. I am sure that you are used to that, and see yourself as having made some kind of point to him, but man, in your own new age terms, you are darkening your own soul with your smug continued conviction that you are in the right. (Erik, hang in there, and be true to yourself, don’t feel disempowered by knobs like Eivind). Anyway, ‘men are here on this plane to serve women’….just a theory, and very, VERY similar (in reverse) to the Scriptural interpretations, ALSO THEORIES, that were used to keep women in servitude for so many centuries. Is ’serving women is your reason for existence, brother, if you were really spiritual you would understand’, any different to the crap that women were fed about God placing men above them? Eivind, if you weren’t so damaging, i would just laugh and say eeewwww, what a silly, self-righteous, smug wanker. But you are damaging, and the nature of your righteousness is that you will go through life convinced that you are evolved. Sad.
It was a response to a thread I participated in just about a year ago on my friend Pelle Billing's blog, sent to my mailbox because I was still subscribed to it.
You can imagine it got my attention. I found myself strangely enlivened – the energy of the words actually gave me energy. My nervous system went alert and I felt alive. And then I became happy. I actually giggled. What was going on? I realized that this dude had actually, although he was clearly swimming in a lot of his own shit, identified some things about my past self which were true. I laughed because the criticism of my past self – just one year back – was so out of line when applied to who I am now. I sensed how much my life had changed in so little time and it made me rejoice.
I just read that thread again and actually find my presence there to be somewhat intolerable. Quite arrogant actually. "A pompous arse" comes to mind. I agree in principle with many of the things I said, but the way in which I said them are strangely out of sync with how I now think and what I now feel to be appropriate communication. My absolutist stance is passive aggressive, the dude was right (I have since learned how absolutist statements are a sign of insecurity). And I was shaming another dude in the thread and saying pretty much explicitly that I was further along on the path than him. That's not a decent way to communicate in my book.
The claim that "the nature of your righteousness is that you will go through life convinced that you are evolved" had just enough truth in it to wake me up and was so out of line with reality that it made me feel freedom and joy inside.
HOWEVER, I realized that this is likely to happen more as my audience widens – I will be criticized for words both past and present. What better way to deal with it than starting the "Humble Pie Project". Whenever someone says something nasty about me, something that will make me look like shit, I will post it here, provided it was published in a public forum. Don't let that scare you off from criticizing me – I invite it.
Give it to me ;-)
— , Irregular updates ()Bold, brash, scathing of authority but undeniably charming, director Milos Forman wastes no time in establishing McMurphy's iconoclastic credentials. We are greeted by the sight of the antagonistic anti-hero as he's escorted into a psychiatrist's office for assessment – his prison warders having concluded that his rebellious behaviour qualifies him to spend time at this secure mental institution.
Pressed upon why he believes he's been sent to the doctor, McMurphy makes it clear that he sees no logic in the decision – beyond the fact that he is proudly and patently difficult to control:
“Well, as near as I can figure out it's 'cause I fight and fuck too much – and now they're telling me that I'm crazy over here because I don't sit there like a goddamned vegetable. Don't make a bit of sense to me”.
This exchange sets the stage for the entire movie (in addition to foreshadowing its tragic climax) – as it quickly becomes clear that far from being psychologically imbalanced, the magnificent McMurphy has a keen and able mind – he simply refuses to curb its roguish inclinations to suit the conventions of society.
As a fiercely independent character, he directs his own gifts and attributes with authority, fights to assert his boundaries, uses his mental faculties to extremely creative effect, and is plainly a very sensual and sexual man - making him a potent vessel for the four primary masculine archetypes – King, Warrior, Magician and Lover. Most prominently, however, he epitomises the Wild Man, Rebel and Trickster archetypal energies, which ensures that he is always at odds with accepted social norms.
Watching McMurphy seize life in this spirit, we see how liberating these traits can be (which is ironic, given that he is incarcerated for them) and also can't help to notice how substantially they have been curtailed within our culture. Take, for instance, the way that Nicholson's surly champ relates to his fellow patients – particularly his soon-to-be bosom buddy - the gigantic Native American he nicknames 'Chief'.
Superficially, his behaviour towards the other residents could easily be construed as bullying. He often baits, insults and dominates them physically - and in today's hypersensitive social environment, the manner in which he communicates with his 'Indian' friend would certainly be decried by many as racist. What these scenes teach us, however, is that when it comes to such exchanges, context and intent are paramount when evaluating their significance.
Because far from being a bully and a racist, McMurphy uses these seemingly offensive psychological tools to extremely positive effect. As Wild Man – free from the constraints of polite society, in touch with his Dionysian appetites and supremely capable within his own environment (in this case, 'the street' – which is an analogue for the wild in today's world, as it brings its inhabitants into more frequent contact with existential threats – hence often being labelled 'the jungle').
He rejects all civilised rules and stirs within others a potent drive and confidence. As Trickster he uses misdirection and manipulation to redirect the flow of consciousness to new levels of awareness and understanding.
Employed together, it is no wonder that McMurphy is perceived as hard work – or that these characteristics tend to be undervalued today – they kick us out of our comfort zone and throw cold water in our faces. Hard work, however, usually pays off – and as the movie demonstrates, men who display such traits are often essential to shake the more agreeable of us from our gentle slumber.
Life as Therapy
There are many challenges that we face in life which call for rest, submission, quiet contemplation and a strict adherence to a comforting and predictable structure. At times this course of action (which can be considered a nurturing feminine approach) is essential to our well-being. When we find our minds overburdened with stimulus and our lives demanding more of us than we can hope to manage, retreating into a figurative womb to take advantage of its protective and nourishing properties can be a wise and courageous act.
When our lives lack lustre, however - when our imagination is mired by routine and the blanket that we wrap around ourselves fails to offer us comfort, but instead acts as a straight-jacket constraining our progress – then an active, disruptive, masculine approach is surely called for. This is something that McMurphy understands implicitly – and his conviction should serve as a lesson to us all.
Smuggling women and booze into the facility, hustling the patients to lobby for Superbowl viewing privileges (and rallying his 'troops' to conjure up an anarchic imaginary game when this fails – demonstrating the power of the creative mind in combating tyranny), staging a breakout to embark on a fishing trip (encouraging others to engage in somewhat brutal acts, albeit on specimens that are already dead - “take your bottom hook and you push it all the way through...
Don't worry about it Martini, he's dead, just push it through his eyeball”) the malcontent harnesses his inner Warrior to rescue its patients from an entrenched and enforced passivity.
Naturally, these revolts draw the ire of the oppressive Nurse Ratched, who cannot abide McMurphy's assertive masculine nature or its effects on the other patients – and strives to keep them locked within supposedly helpful routines.
Of course, Ratched isn't really motivated to heal these sick men - from her first appearance – haunting the corridors of the psychiatric hospital wrapped in a jet black shawl, we are left with no illusions as to her archetypal significance. She is the dark feminine manifest – cloaking her desire to dominate and manipulate others behind a painfully thin veil of concern.
We see such energies embodied in our culture all the time – politicians, bureaucrats or activists who purport to act in the interests of vulnerable individuals, but who are actually employing superficially benevolent strategies to afford themselves power or to weaponise their own resentment.
Even when genuinely well-meaning people act with others' best interests at heart, however (such as parents who are overprotective of their children, or many 'safe space' proponents) the inappropriate application of a feminine approach can inhibit people's development.
Too often today individuals are coddled by those afraid of exposing the people they care about to uncomfortable experiences, when what they truly require is an initiation into the world that serves to strengthen their resolve and toughen their skin.
Conclusion: Consequences
Despite being loaded with funny and heart-warming moments, there can be little doubt that the movie is building to an explosive crescendo – and the powder-keg is lit when the fragile but exuberant Billy abruptly ends his own life. Shamed by Nurse Ratched for expressing his innate sexuality – sleeping with a woman at McMurphy's arrangement (and threatened with his mother's wrath - who we assume to be as vindictive and controlling as Ratched herself) the vulnerable young man is driven to suicide by his vindictive oppressor.
Incensed with rage, McMurphy leaps upon the malevolent 'nurse', committed to throttling her to death (I hope it goes without saying that I'm steadfastly opposed to violence against women, but having forgotten precisely how the film ends, I was out of my chair at this point, willing the wrathful avenger on) – giving the authorities the excuse they need to put him out of commission for good. Utterly destroyed and emasculated, the next time we see McMurphy he has been lobotomised – his body hollowed out and everything that he was cast to the wind.
On the individual level, the depiction of McMurphy's exploits acts as a cautionary tale – a chilling exhibition of the potentially devastating implications of failing to hold one's own primal impulses in check. The Wild Man has tremendous lessons to impart to us – but when he is permitted to act without restraint or counterbalance he will inevitably lead us into an uncertain realm populated by animalistic perils.
He must allow himself to be civilised to some extent in order to prevail in the contemporary world – to conform to the structures and social contracts endorsed by the collective so that it may grant him the agency to act as part of it.
McMurphy's failure to do this – his unwillingness to 'play the game' and inability to recognise the danger posed by a cultural orthodoxy that perceives 'wildness' as an existential threat and will go to any lengths to suppress it – ultimately results in his demise. This happens not once but twice – initially by obliterating his mind and spirit and then leading to the expiration of his physical form (albeit as an act of mercy – the Chief sparing his friend from a wretched existence pitched somewhere between life and death).
On the collective level, however, the movie demonstrates that individual sacrifices are often required in order to liberate the collective from tyranny. When the 'civilised' human realm becomes so oppressive that self-determination - and even moderate expressions of our primordial nature - are outlawed, extreme measures are required in order to empower our downtrodden fellows and stir them to action.
This is McMurphy's legacy – the precious gift he bestows upon his beleaguered comrades. In life his actions free the minds of his cohorts, but it is only in death that the process is completed – and we see the Chief (representing all of his emasculated brothers) uprooting a heavy wash basin that McMurphy previously tried (and failed) to lift, throwing it through a window and escaping into the night.
His friend's sacrifice empowers him with an almost superhuman, Samson-eque strength – the irony being that when he first attempted to engage with him, McMurphy was ridiculed:
“What the hell're you talking to him for? He can't hear a fucking thing”
As it turns out though, he does hear him. McMurphy's message could not have been heard more clearly.
— , Irregular updates ()I’ve wanted to “be a man” for many years now. It was David Deida’s work that got me on this path. I was in a 10-day meditation retreat by myself in the woods when I first read The Way of the Superior Man and I had so many aha moments. That was many years ago.
And while I had breakthroughs from studying his work, I got pretty consistent feedback that I appeared rigid and contrived in my masculinity.
Just before Christmas, a lover told me in bed that she wanted to feel more of my warmth. I was taken by that, because I consider myself very warm. Why was it that she wanted more of it?
I realize now she wanted more of me, who I am deep down, beyond concepts and ideas. And for many years, being me was not my path. I would reject anything inside of me that could be interpreted as feminine or young. Vulnerability, strong feeling, a desire to be held; they were off the menu. I contracted in the face of needs and feelings like that.
As I sit here now, that seems to have dissolved more or less entirely. It’s been a journey and I’m glad I went on it. And while I currently have embraced more of what I would consider “feminine” inside of me, women feel closer to me than ever. They also perceive me as more masculine. Who would’ve thought? What’s that, Deida? Did I get you wrong back then?
In my experience, many Deida students become robotic, trying to effort their way to an idea of “3rd stage practice”. They approach it from a conceptual level and become contrived. But true masculinity is not something we do, it’s something we are. And it’s a product of having a relaxed relationship to our biology, not shaming any part of ourselves, and then just letting nature take care of the rest. A man who has embraced himself will be effortlessly masculine. There’s nothing to do. He just is.
Doing vs being masculinity
I experienced the truth of this in a visceral way recently. I met a beautiful woman early in 2013 and we developed a relationship over Facebook. I felt met by her in a way that I normally don’t by women and was eager to spend more time with her. For privacy reasons, I won’t at this point give any details or write about it in great length, but a day we spent together recently was a threshold experience for me.
She’d just given me an amazing round of body work and I felt open and surrendered. I said I wanted to be inside of her, but that I didn’t want to lift a muscle. She happily accepted the invitation, straddled me and started enjoying herself. I felt an enormous amount of sensation, my whole body was alive with her and I felt a total surrender to her and the bliss of the moment. “Doing masculinity” was far away.
But conditioning has a tendency to rear its head when we least expect it to, and all of a sudden a thought entered my mind that it was time for me to be more assertive. I was starting to “do masculinity”. I placed my hands on her hips and started contributing to the movement. And immediately my whole body started tensing up.
I was in such an open and surrendered space that I could pick up on subtleties. And from that level of awareness, I felt in a powerful way how much work it is to “try to be a man”. I let go of her, surrendered back to the moment. Some tension and a huge piece of learning remained.
In retrospect, I’ve thought much about this. It makes so much sense to me that my body is full of tension. I think I need to do things, create things, force things. I’m supposed to be a man, right? But in reality, there are better ways. It’s possible to be empowered and surrendered at the same time.
And that is my next evolving edge. It’s counter-intuitive to say the least. And it’s a theme that I will be focusing much of my writing on in 2014.
What are your experiences with surrender in the context of masculinity? I’d love to hear your experiences below.
Life was meant to be better, wasn't it? You were supposed to be successful, admired, moving from strength to strength. That's what you dreamed of when you were younger. And then life happened. Your day is filled with routine. Of shopping food, driving the car along the same damned road day in and day out. Thinking the same thoughts. Feeling the same things. Maybe changing diapers. Maybe watching the news. Maybe shooting the shit with your buddies, playing the "yes-dear"-routine with your woman, never really knowing who you or they are. And somehow, you know that there is more. But you can't quite find it. And after all, you seem to be doing everything by the book. So I guess it’s supposed to be like this? Yet, there is that voice inside of you, that is building, whispering "enough!". Enough with pretending. Enough with pretense. But what is there to replace it? If this sounds familiar, I have a word for you – a word I want you to absorb with every pore of your skin, every cell of your body: Wildness. You may not have noticed, but somewhere along the way, you were tamed. And happening in clear view, for everyone to see had they but eyes, you changed into a sad lion stuck inside the metal cage of a travelling circus. What happened to your dignity? Why did you give it away so freely? The world cannot afford you being miserable, Brother. It cannot afford you playing it small. The world is burning and your blessing and your curse, were you to take yourself seriously and break free from your prison, is that you get to put out the flames, in ways that are exactly right for you. Imagine sustaining yourself financially by giving your Great Work in the world. Or simply by finding your heart and power inside what you already do. Everything is possible if you uncover the true treasure that lives in you. The time is here to:— , Irregular updates ()Wildness is a place where mysterious creative forces pour into and through you. It is a place of love, passion, power, and purpose. It is your home.
- ... step out of a life of shame and playing it small and discover that there's a beautiful, powerful gift that wants to be given through you.
- ...discover that actually giving that gift is the only way you'll ever find real happiness in this lifetime.
- ...find that you not expressing that gift is like resisting the evolutionary process, guaranteeing your continued unfulfillment.
Testimonials
When I started working with Eivind, I felt a lot of darkness and chaos inside. I was severely addicted, out of touch with my heart and anxiety and despair were common experiences. Today, I feel connected to my heart and the dark chaos is almost gone. I am in touch with my emotions, have a richer intimate and social life and am less tormented by addictions. To top it off, I'm feeling much more empowered in my life purpose. I have come a long way! Thanks, Eivind
– Norwegian man, 36
Eivind sees me like noone ever has. And what he offers is something I've never experienced anywhere. Highly recommended.
– Luis
Eivind has a way of reaching out and giving a hand no matter where I am at, feeling that he truly shares excitement and honours every step of my journey into the discoveries of my world, be it the beautifull or the ugly, everything is appreciated and honoured. This is an awesome space to be in! Thank you for helping me to discover how much i missed the ability to say "FUCK OFF" when it is appropiate, and staying with me while I establish the refreshing vision of wanting to take the world by the balls.– Benjamin
The nice, domesticated man. Is that you?
There is a scene in American Beauty where Lester Burnham stands up to his wife Carolyn at the dinner table, smashing a plate of asparagus into the wall in service of his own power and dignity in life. The movie then proceeds to exquisitely show how Lester’s reclaiming of his balls puts him in touch with the inherent beauty of existence. Our culture doesn’t want us to be powerful. So we suffer. And, like Lester, we lose love, vitality and the recognition of beauty in the process. This is not dignified. This is not beautiful. This is politically correct. And it is killing us. That has got to stop. Are you paying attention? Good! Come close and listen: Your life needs to change. The world needs you to become who you truly are. Politically correct nonsense is destroying you. And it is destroying the world. It’s taking you out, like a toxic spear to the groin that wants to turn you impotent. Just like Lester in American Beauty, you must re-embrace your wild parts, as a living expression of nature's uncompromising love. Make no mistake; you living your truth is inconvenient, because it confronts everyone who isn’t (which is the majority). And it will cost you. And there is nothing which will bring you more joy. It's the price you'll have to pay to be in profound service to the world. You're here to make an impact. That is your destiny. That is where you'll find yourself. Your own unique path through the enchanted woods of life await you. If you are walking someone else’s, you’re wasting your life and your death will reflect it. Somewhere, hidden in the dense foliage, is a trail along which only your soul can travel. Let me be your guide on that journey.4-week coaching package: “Reclaim your Wildness”
This coaching package includes the following:When you decide you want to know more about this coaching package and how it can transform your life, order a discovery call below. [gravityform id="7" name="Order coaching" description="false" title="false" ajax="true"]
- 4 weeks of coaching (1 Skype call per week), with a focus on reclaiming your Wildness
- Start the path of descent into your unconscious
- Focus on where you step out of connection and the moment to avoid intensity
- Exercises to put you in touch with your power and grounding
- Homework and practices
- Movies and books to deepen the experience
High-end coaching
If you would like to enter into a one-year long collaboration with me with the soul purpose of totally revolutionizing your life experience, contact me. I'm SO so dedicated to your transformation and I can't wait to see how I can serve your needs. I will apply all my wisdom and energy to that process, serving you with work that's been called "the next wave of Men's work" by Max Warren, "the most powerful self-development work I've ever done" by Stephen Whiting and "the work that turned me into a man" by Dimitri. Whatever option you choose, I look forward to getting to know you! Warmly, Eivind Figenschau Skjellum
— , Irregular updates ()Last year, I let myself be impressed by Morten Hake’s work on his 2010 summit. Now, it is time for part #2.
First things first - the Morten Hake Summit is coming to town this weekend (Saturday October 1 at 10 am, Håndverkeren konferansesenter to Sunday October 2) and you will get a huge discount as a reader of Masculinity Movies. I will be there. So will Bryan Bayer. (Make sure to use the discount link and not the Morten Hake Summit link).
(this video in Norwegian)
Now for some back story: I have held strong judgments against the PUA community. I basically think that sugar-coating a bad self image with another man’s personality in order to get temporary relief from mentioned bad self image inside a woman’s vagina is a shitty idea. That is why I have been pleased as pie to follow Morten’s work over the last year or so. I realize that many people in what I thought was the PUA community are actually hugely against pickup as well. Also, what I have thought of as pickup seems to have radically transformed lately. Maybe it’s thanks to seeing the pickup world through Morten’s filter that I feel this way, but it seems to me that the “scene” has completely transformed from being focused on shady manipulating tactics to being focused on life affirming and genuine relationships.
The trend I see in the world is towards authenticity. It is also towards embracing our shared humanity. Instead of using others to make ourselves feel better, people in ever increasing numbers are seeking to co-create beautiful relationships (that may or may not be monogamous).
Whatever skills you want to work on in the relational arena, it seems the Morten Hake Summit 2011 will offer tools and advice. The higlight for me is that Bryan Bayer of Authentic Man Program is coming. I’ve followed AMP’s work for years and love what they do. They really are making the world a better place and I couldn’t be happier to recommend that you attend the summit, if for no other reason than to see Bryan.
Featured speakers, Morten Hake Summit 2011
- Bryan Bayer, the one and only co-founder of Authentic Man Program
- Johnny Soporno, a quirky guy I took a liking to when I saw the video interview with him
- Zan Perrion, a legend in his own right
- Violet Marcell
- Jordan Harbinger
- etc (full list)
Sampe video from the 2010 summit
Amadeus from Morten Haugum Hake on Vimeo.
Teaser media for the 2011 summit
Introduction Morten Hake Summit 2011 from Morten Haugum Hake on Vimeo.
Johnny Soporno interview
Johnny Soporno long interview MUST SEE! from Morten Haugum Hake on Vimeo.
Bryan Bayer & Jordan Harbinger on Pickup Podcast
Part #1
Part #2
Special discount for readers of Masculinity-Movies.com!
Morten has been generous and is offering a large discount of 30% to you as a reader of my website.
Order tickets for the Morten Hake Summit 2011.
I’m going to be there. I think it’s going to be lots of fun. See you there?
Order tickets now. All proceeds will go to supporting the Anjera Foundation’s work in Tanzania.
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()After the first Masculinity Movies poll, you have all come together to choose Good Will Hunting as the next featured movie (after Last Temptation of Christ).
The votes were as follows:
- Good Will Hunting: 3
- The Fisher King: 1
- Godfather part 1: 1
- The Hurt Locker: 1
- 13th Warrior: 1
Thanks to those of you who voted. Expect to see a writeup on Good Will Hunting by mid to late June. A new poll is now up on the front page.
PS! The way this works from now on is that only the movies that are chosen through polls get the full treatment. I will publish other bite-sized reviews intermittently.
— , Irregular updates ()It has been two exciting weeks since the launch on June 5. The site has received substantial exposure in this time. Thanks to Pelle Billing, it has been featured on the Stockholm Wilber group mailing list, as well as presented in Malmö's integral salon.
Thanks also to Peter Kessels of Integral Europe, who graciously profiled Masculinity Movies as the top story in the June newsletter. That day saw almost one hundred visitors to Masculinity-Movies.com, a record so far.
I must admit a certain level of geekiness in these two weeks. I have a hidden nerd in me and find it oddly satisfying to check Google Analytics every morning to see how many of you have been visiting. It's not very manly, I know (addictions are the realm of the boy as you should know by now), but there you have it. I own up to my flaws :-)
Closer to home, the Norwegian Integral group based in Oslo has also taken an interest in the topic. I visited them for the first time around two weeks ago, and had an interesting evening discussing how integral thinking could influence Norwegian politics in the upcoming elections. I snuck in a little Masculinity Movies promotion at the end of the evening, and found a delightful interest in the topic.
I then proceeded to hang with these great people at an "integral party" the same weekend, and found myself with many people who were not only hungry for the subject, but who were also knowledgeable and experienced in applying it, in different ways.
It has been a rich time for me so far, and I look forward to seeing where things move from here. Odd Inge Forsberg of the Oslo-based Integral group invited me to lecture on the subject in the fall, which is an exciting opportunity that I look forward to.
It seems that the world is ready for this material. This is good news!
Catch you all later,
Eivind
[wpum_register login_link="yes" psw_link="yes"]— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()In May of 2013, I presented the Masculinity-Movies work to an international audience at a men's conference (hosted by Nick Duffell and Robert Fischer) outside of Frankfurt, Germany.
I've now finally taken that footage and uploaded it.
The presentation lasts for the first 19 or so minutes. It's a rare opportunity to get the backstory of why I decided to create this website and to know the place of pain, suffering and longing it grew out of.
After that, I feature some very powerful movie clips that I believe will really get to you, touch your heart and inspire you to bring more of yourself (including your power and sexuality) into the world.
— , Irregular updates ()A couple of days ago, my goal of reaching 1000 likes for this site on Facebook, seemed unrealistic. But I asked for help and a whole host of people stepped up to help out.
- Erin Michaela Brandt, masseuse, dance teacher and men’s coach
- Darren Mattock, founder of Becoming Dad
- Stephanie Lisa Kelly, blogger and part of the leadership team of Alive in Berlin
- Boysen Hodgson, Mankind Project US
- Barbara Rivera, a woman I don’t even know who got involved (I love the Internet!)
These people, and several others, somehow got excited about helping out. The result is that Masculinity-Movies.com received more likes over the last couple of days than in the 4 years preceding them.
Truth be told, I haven’t really worked hard to make a huge impact on Facebook, but I want to get this work out there more and this is such a great start.
I feel really grateful and a little overwhelmed that so many people care about this work and I want to extend my warmest thank yous to you all.
Happy New Year!
Much love,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()We're on the last leg of the journey, guys. December 31 is here and mere hours remain of the holy year of 2010. So HAPPY NEW YEAR :-)
This has probably been the best year of my life so far. It seems that every year since I started my journey in my early 20s is a little better than the previous, yet sitting here writing this, I am still present to an inner sensation of not being where I want to be in my life. I still carry anxiety and nervousness in myself. I still harbour ugly thoughts of judgment and separation. I still feel afraid of people sometimes. I still act out immature and childish habits more often than I would like. I still want to have more sex and more abundance of women in my life, probably a stable relationship again by the end of 2011. I want to improve my financial situation. I want to live from my passion. And yet, at the end of this sacred year, I embrace all of my sensation of lack and celebrate what is already here. I'm a work in progress, as are we all.
I want to thank all of you for being part of this part of the journey. Masculinity Movies has seen a dramatic increase in its readership over this year. At the start of the year, I averaged between 15 and 20 unique visitors a day. Today, I average between 100 and 150 unique visitors a day. That's a significant increase! It brings me some sense satisfaction. Thank you. I would say it brings me a lot of satisfaction, but my satisfaction doesn't come from mere numbers alone, it comes from meetings of minds and hearts. That's where the juice is for me – of that intense feeling of shared humanity that comes when several people join forces to do something great together. That feeling too is building, but we have a long way to go in the creation of a truly generative global brotherhood.
I write this post to share with you some of my learnings from this year. I will take my time to make this significant for me (yes, my motivation for writing this is partly selfish), so feel free to just scroll to the headline which resonates most with you. Without further ado, here we go:
Lessons on my core wound
I have realized this year, more deeply than before, that my core wound in life is fear of not being good enough. A core wound is that childhood trauma that, to a greater extent than any others, runs our lives. As a little boy, I used to fish for love from my parents by being a good boy, especially by getting good grades in school. I remember running home excitedly to show them my grade book, how that computed to an opportunity to receive validation, which I equated with love.
This behaviour has left deep grooves in my consciousness. I was living for others and not myself. As long as I wasn't good enough for others, I was simply not good enough. Period. What *I* thought was irrelevant. I'm fascinated how my once innocent habits of pretend life mastery became such huge limiting beliefs when I grew up. If only I knew then what I know now – that everything matters in who we end up becoming and that no-one is happy if not with themselves first – there might have been less deprogramming to do.
I'm a sucker for validation. When I don't get validation, I often feel insignificant, as if I don't matter. I'm improving in my ability to deal with this in a mature way, but I still feel how strong my need for outer validation is. Strangely, I don't mind so much if the validation is negative, it's just about being seen. The worst thing for this inner child dynamic in myself is to be ignored. Overlooked. This is why people have been such a challenge in my life. I'm outwardly a quite sociable and confident person, yet there is this real vulnerable part of myself in which I'm still afraid that people will ignore me and thus annihilate me. So at 32, I still isolate more than I should. Yet at times, and ever more frequently, I feel a place that is beyond need for validation. I long for that place, but know there are no shortcuts.
2011 will be about honoring and loving this validation seeking part of me more. I haven't found it lovable and have wanted it to go away. But it is there for a reason. I'm not going to try and muscle through it anymore – bulldoze it with spiritual practices or success with women or work. No, that core wound will get my full attention, for my inattention is what keeps it in pain. That little child who I once was, and still, as far as this is not dealt with, on some level is, wants my love – and he'll get it.
Lessons on Brotherhood
[caption id="attachment_1068" align="alignright" width="415" caption="(From right), Peter, Pelle and I inside the glass pyramid at Venwoude."][/caption]
2010 was the year when I really discovered Brotherhood. Full disclosure (this may be a bad idea): For the last several years, I have been disillusioned with many of the men in my life. I felt they didn't want their maturity with quite the same intensitry as I did, as if life wasn't an existential struggle for them. I felt that, as long as what they prioritized was that which took their mind off of the "heavy stuff" in life, they weren't real good allies in the hunt for our true hearts. I have, in no unclear terms, felt a lack of men of presence and integrity in my life. Or maybe it was simply that their yearning for radical freedom didn't quite match my own? My ex used to remind me that all of this is in the eye of the beholder – that it was my own fault that it was like that. She was diplomatic that way, always taking the side of the "losing party". Maybe I didn't honor the men in the way I saw them? Or maybe I was so in love with the existential struggle that I didn't want to see what was already there (probably some truth to this)? Or maybe I simply wanted to keep seeing myself as the most evolved guy and was too damn cocky to attract high quality men into my life (a scary thought)?
No matter, Brotherhood has arrived in the form of new men who have stepped into my life with presence, integrity and beautiful, powerful masculine hearts. Their yearning is deep, their commitment profound. So I can say with deep satisfaction and gratefulness that there are now men in my life who I refer to as my Brothers. I have Peter Kessels and Pelle Billing in my little group of musketeers out there in Europe and then I have a core group here in Norway of beautiful, solid, powerful men. Of all the things which have happened this year, this is perhaps the most significant.
There is something that changes in me in the presence of Brothers. I have sustained so much inner arrogance in the absence of Brothers and have been used to placing myself above others in my own inner hierarchy of consciousness evolution. I'm not proud of this. (Such is the thinking, I have come to see, of a guy who has worked with consciousness for ten years, without having embraced his core wound of not being good enough. Need for validation often becomes "I'm better than them".) With Brotherhood, that way of being in the world is quickly collapsing. It's a wonderful thing.
I love men. I feel I can say that now without being afraid of attacks from my inner homophobe.
Lessons on putting myself out there
This year, I have started broadcasting myself to the world in a more outspoken way. Thanks to my core wound, this is scary, and I remain my own worst critic. Yet apart from a few harsh comments on the Facebook page of The Mankind Project as well as the slating of my character by a spiritual teacher after I criticized a manifesto he wrote for being less than perfect, almost all the feedback I have received is very positive. I remember that when I did the interview with Uncle Bob about initiation in Aboriginal society, I kept feeling that it was slipping away like sands through my fingers. Already, I was criticizing myself for it not being good enough. And then held back for fear that it wouldn't be "good enough", that I wasn't "manly" enough or present enough in it. Yet once I put it out there, people loved it. WTF?
The most important learning of putting myself out there, however, came with my criticism of a Manifesto for Conscious Men. As those of you who have followed the dialogue that resulted from my criticism probably know, that became a huge growth opportunity for me. There was a point at which the criticism of my character in private exchanges with one of its authors turned so severe that I entered a type of zen mode; I felt a sense of total calm descend over me and realized I was being tested. From that moment, I understood that what had presented itself was an opportunity to convince myself once and for all that my intentions are for the betterment of mankind and not to escalate existing problems due to my own personal wounding. It was a godsent opportunity and with the support of my Brothers and the other people who contributed in the debate, I managed to stay true to my values and emerged on the other side of those intense days a more integrated man.
Paradoxically, mobilizing a little bit of Warrior energy to point out that it would feel good for many men to have something at least remotely nice said about them in their own manifesto turned out to be exactly what I needed to embrace more of my inner Lover. It's a strange story to be sure, but my criticism of the Manifesto lead to with clear causality an increase in my ability to appreciate the Feminine. For that I'm very grateful. And I see the Manifesto in a different light now. A lot of the pain I felt in reading it the first time around is now gone. Yet I still think I could've written a better one myself, simply because I think I could infuse my understanding of the movement from boyhood to manhood into it, thus making it an evolutionary document. But then I'm cheeky that way.
The main lesson from all of this is that my own self image needs to be adjusted rapidly for the better. There was a time when I couldn't even say the name of the website "Masculinity Movies" without feeling like a fraud. Now, I'm finding increased conviction in my words as I present what I do. Pelle Billing has challenged me to back up my work with more research, which will further improve it. Also, the networking through the site has really skyrocketed and an increased sense of global Brotherhood is building in my heart. There is truly something to the old adage "ask and you will receive". Once I felt a lack of "good men" in my life. I feel it no more.
I ask that you stick around in 2011 as well. It makes me feel better about putting myself out there more and more vulnerably. And I hope to turn this work into my livelihood by the end of 2011. I'm tired of spending my time on what is essentially pointless. I came to this planet to make a difference, not to be a cog in the increasingly rusty machine of capitalism.
Lessons on the inner Wild Man
[caption id="attachment_1062" align="alignright" width="412" caption="Finnkroken: The tiny, almost abandoned fishing village from which my mother hails"][/caption]
This summer, I had a tremendous experience in the Norwegian Northlands. I was spending a few days in a cabin with my parents out by the sea, at the place where my mother was born. The weather was terrible, the sea cold. Yet, I felt compelled to go swimming in it. As the rain was pouring down among the crooked birch trees surrounding the cabin, I saw the icy waters lapping against the shore below me. I took my stuff and walked down to the ocean. At this point, it was July, I had already started feeling stirrings inside of a new type of energy; something primordial, deeper down than anything I have felt before. I felt an enormous reservoir of suppressed feeling there, just waiting to burst out. I now know that is the Wild Man whom Robert Bly talks about in Iron John.
As I went into the ocean, I noticed how different the quality of the ocean is up North. I can't quite describe it, but it's like there is something more untamed about it up there – as if I should respect it more. This "woman" could consume me without as much as a second thought. Maybe that's why I didn't stay in long. Or maybe it was the way the cold water felt a bit painful against my skin. But making my way back up the grassy path to the cabin, I noticed that while I only wore my swimming trunks, I wasn't cold – and the weather was cold! So I entered the cabin, left my stuff and went back out into the cold rain donning only my swimming trunks.
I walked across the marshlands barefoot. I laid down in the creek and washed myself, singing at the top of my lungs. I looked for a particularly wet piece of marsh, laid down and felt my body just sink into it, embraced by the muddy soil that caressed the back of my body. Something happened that day – I felt I reclaimed part of myself, that a journey back to oneness with nature started. As I made my way back to the cabin once more, I wept tears in the rain as I bowed to nature – the big She – and expressed my gratitude.
When I got back into the cabin, my Dad shook his head and whispered "boy, you think up a lot of weird things to spend your time on." I smiled and felt some quirky appreciation for him then. I guess the man I got this inclination from was more ancient than my father. For the rest of that day, my body was shaking subtly and my hair stood on end.. And I felt gooood.
This energy is still working inside of me, yet it is far from completing its journey out from the subterranean parts of my murky subconscious. I have continued this work through emotional release work and energetic practices such as yi gong, yet my habits still limit its free roam. Though when I feel the stirring inside, I feel soo fucking awesome. Eivind disappears and I become something greater: A ripple on the surface of Creation, a bead on a cosmic necklace of souls living and breathing since time immemorial, entrusted with the greater duty of stewarding the planet for future generations. There is vast emotion here. And lots of grief. For what could have been and as of yet isn't.
Lessons on Women and the Feminine
Halfway into the year, my time of mourning the end of my relationship ended. I decided to try online dating again and quickly got the feeling that it wasn't where it was at for me this time around (it didn't represent my edge). Though I did meet a beautiful redhead who I've enjoyed a sweet and intimate connection with as lovers for the past six months. I appreciate what we have shared a lot. Though she is uncertain if she can go on in an open relationship.
I'm however clear that what I need now is to be non-monogamous for a while. There is the biological need to "spread my seed" and also the feeling that I was so committed to the heart of one woman for three years that I should now play a little. But I've had to calibrate to what that really means. A ladyfriend told me earlier this year I wasn't the guy women would have a one night stand with. I am the kind of man, she told me, that they will seek to build a life with. I considered that a compliment, yet it reflects to me that there is an energy in me – the more animalistic side – that I haven't really dropped into.
I understand there is a bad boy quality that genuinely doesn't care about a woman, and that there is something attractive about that to many women in that the guy doesn't cater to her every whim. But this way of being in the world is not my style. It's too enmeshed in the trappings of power and ego. But then there is the mature take on the bad boy quality that comes from integrating the inner Wild Man, which is of a different calibre entirely. There is nothing really bad about this boy, he is just eternally committed, in his love and wisdom, to his own values and unwilling to veer from his chosen path, which is to open the world into increased love. To do that, he must be willing to plant his staff in the ground, claim his "you shall not pass" and be prepared to die in defense of that boundary. This, I understand, is the kind of "bad" that good women truly want and at this point in my life, the only "bad" I'm capable of pursuing without losing my soul.
So how do you get there? Well, I realized I had to extract all limiting mother energies from my life. I have been close friends with a woman who is old enough to be my mother for several years. We have supported each other in our respective fields of work, yet as my consciousness has grown throughout this year, I came to a point where I saw clear as day how willing she was to unconsciously use shaming of me as a means of getting her will. She is a very conscious woman, yet this is a shadow of hers, as I think it is for many women.
On one day in particular, she said, in a state of hurt, things that felt so alienating and manipulative that I knew I had to get out. I knew immediately "I'm done with this" and had no desire to even talk about it, as I normally would. My conviction was further strengthened by having many of my Brothers report similar experiences of not feeling respected and feeling slightly manipulated around her. I knew that she didn't mean to be mean, it's just that she was hurting and wasn't brave enough to be authentic about that. (This, by the way, is the place where we all may from time to time say something like e.g. "you are so insensitive" instead of the vulnerable, authentic truth which may be e.g. "I feel sad and a little bit frightened when you say that". But then, we sometimes take on roles that prevent us from being vulnerable, and then we start managing other people to protect ourselves which in turn creates distance. Inauthenticity always does.)
I realized then that this woman had entered my life to help me sort through my relationship with the biological mother and archetypal Mother, which has been so hidden within my psyche. All the wounding of this female friend seems to have been perfectly designed to let me work through psychological themes that I couldn't with Mother. My friend embedded herself in my psyche in such a way that I thought I was empowered by her, yet what was actually going on was a domestication and neutering of my masculinity and a perpetuation of an endless loop of self doubt (I was always made to feel subtly guilty and "less than" when I didn't agree with what she said).
I have realized through this friendship some incredibly important things about how women may use their wonderful, nurturing side not only as a gift, but also as a means of controlling the more primal and uncivilized parts of the masculine energy that aren't generally seen as lovable by the feminine world (which is exactly why women can't initiate men). Shaming is the primary weapon a nurturing woman will use to defuse an intensity of masculine energy that she finds scary, intimidating or hurtful and it is extremely potent (and it tends to hurt more than physical violence). I take that understanding with me with gratitude into 2011. (And I still love my friend. I just need a break to plant my staff in the ground before I return to that dynamic is all.)
So that's how I've reclaimed some of my inner Wild Man. Yet I'm still so monogamous in my programming and have feared hurting women so much that I've put on the brakes in tapping into my animal sexuality. The No Woman Diet from Authentic Man Program helped immensely in unravelling this programming. And I can now feel in my heart authentic attraction and appreciation for multiple women at once without feeling any shame or worry around it. Playing with my polygamous side is good education.
I would be remiss not to mention a beautiful young lady who came in and just blew my appreciation of the Feminine wide open. Her energy was so strong when she entered my life that it literally made my body shake. She appears to have little consciousness of her ability to affect men in such a way and it all seems totally confusing to her, yet I have decided to just remain in my appreciation for her. I understand by now how many women have gifts way beyond their own ability to comprehend.
Navigating that intense sense of appreciation has been challenging, but it's been what the doctor ordered. More and more, thanks to her and myriad other beautiful women who I briefly cross paths with, I'm tapping into the reality beyond the physical form of a woman. I'm sensing the Goddess energy behind her, that she is actually a living, breathing Feminine entity that is the materialization of a Cosmic Feminine principle. If you're not spiritual at all, ignore this. But this is some epic shit, guys. Now it's just a matter of grounding it and feeling that truth in all women (right now, it's easier with the ones I find attractive). To that end, the new Getting Her World program from Authentic Man Program is serving my ass big time.
I look forward to the glorious women of 2011 with anticipation and some trepidation :-)
Women of the world, I love you and am grateful to you for the teachings you give me every day of my life.
Conclusion
2010 has been pretty epic for me. And if you have come this far, your patience is also pretty epic - this was longer than I thought it would be. But 2010 has been a FULL year for me. And if my gut feeling is anything close to correct, 2011 will escalate the intensity even further. It will be the breakthrough year for many of us I believe.
Many thanks for your interest. I am profoundly grateful. I'll see you in 2011.
Cheers!
With Appreciation,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()Hi everyone! I’d like to introduce “Conversations with men”, an interview series with ordinary men who I’m inspired or intrigued by.
In this first installment, I speak with Damien Bohler. He’s the man behind the user reviews for Blood Diamond, Our Idiot Brother and Garden State. He’s an Australian who recently returned after 7 years in Thailand. Damien is also involved in the international Authentic World network, of which I’m heading the Norwegian division.
The conversation is recorded through Skype and I’m afraid the Norway-Australia connection lead to pretty awful image quality.
In this talk, Damien and I cover a huge range of topics:
- What it’s like to be the son of two Buddhist practitioners
- The challenges of relating to dad, even when he’s done a 3-year meditation retreat
- Generational divides
- Damien’s experiences from the New Warrior Training Adventure
- Authentic communication
- The impact of a men’s circle
- Ken Wilbers states and stages, quadrants applied to relationships
- Life as a sensitive man
- Difference between posturing and collapse
- The importance of community
- Lessons from the movies
I hope you enjoy this first talk.
Warmly,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()1 to 9... Ego-states
In this movie the nine burlap dolls represent the 'divided soul' of the scientist. This is a wonderful allegory for the ego-state model of Watkins and Watkins. In each of us there are a number of different character traits that we can think of as 'ingredients' and these are mixed together into a number of different 'recipes' to meet different needs connected with various roles: e.g. one who is the father, another the husband and yet another the warrior - to give a few examples.
Although the recipes are different the ingredients all come from the one source. Usually these are blended one with the other and flow seamlessly one to the other; much like in the 'King Warrior Magician Lover' model of Robert Moore. The dolls also model some of KWML archetypal behaviour (albeit sometimes in shadow pole): e.g. '1' is the King who is too much the dictator living in fear and impotence (shadow pole) '2' is the light-bearer and problem-solver and I see him as the Magician in golden polarity. The ego-state system represents the whole person and as is modelled in the film, there are parts we see straight away and others we come to know with time. Some spend time mostly in shadow polarity but still have the potential of the golden pole like '1'. Enjoy your journey as you get to know yourself.
Trauma & Dissociation
See here for more information http://www.estd.org/resources/history
In the movie it is the trauma of a war that leads to the creation of the dolls and this mirrors what can happen in people who experience extreme trauma. The ego fractures into dissociated ego-states (the dolls). In its most extreme form we can have Dissociative Identity Disorder (Previously known as Multiple Personality Disorder), where the parts exist as independent identities but it can be present in much subtler forms.
Some level of dissociation is a natural function in all of us. This movie reminds us that when substantial trauma occurs we risk loosing our integrity (our one-ness). Whilst this may be initially adaptive I invite you to consider that a healthy response to this dissociation is ultimately to aim for reintegration."That all may be one".
The Machine and The Trickster
The Machine in this movie reminds me of Robert Johnson's retelling of 'The Handless Maiden'. In it he states, that the word mechanise comes from the Greek root mechane which means to trick and everything concerned with it has a dark character. This is a good fit for the machine in the story for we hear of it as a 'machine of peace' only to next see a headline declaring WAR. The machine appears here in keeping with 'the devil's bargain' to get something for nothing - do what is easy - that we see in the Handless Maiden. Where in our lives have we taken the easy choices rather than honest hard graft? There is ALWAYS a price to pay.
Owning up to our errors and redeeming them
In this movie the most powerful theme for me was that of owning the consequences of my actions. For every action there is a consequence and these may be thought of as seen and unforeseen. In '9' we see several redemptive acts by key characters in response to their unforeseen consequences: the scientist owns his error in creating a machine of pure intellect; without a soul - he withdraws his support from the corrupt regime and then creates the burlap dolls as an act of redemption.
The dolls - who we now know are the divided soul of the scientist - do likewise: '1' faces his fear and literally enacts his earlier statement, "sometimes '1' must die for the good of many" and '9' owns up to his error in re-activating the machine - it is only the grace of '1's sacrifice that allows '9' to survive. These brave actions allow '9' to release the souls of the dolls who died and the film ends with rain and the hope of a new beginning: redemption.
— , Irregular updates ()A few months ago, I received an invitation from Eivind Figenschau Skjellum here at Masculinity-Movies.com to write a guest review for the 2008 movie Iron Man. I was pleased and very honored to accept. My review is posted here on his site today. But there's more to my relationship with Iron Man than a movie review. Much more.
Iron Man and I go way back. I think I can reasonably say that he actually saved my life, twice as a matter of fact: once when I was a child and again when I was a man in my early thirties. More on that in a bit.
I still remember the first Iron Man comic I bought: Tales of Suspense #93, published in September 1967. This issue featured a battle between Iron Man and one of his chief nemeses at the time, a much larger armored counterpart from the Soviet Union named Titanium Man. The cover of the comic book showed Iron Man and Titanium Man facing off against one another inside a long, claustrophobic metal tunnel with the caption "POWER vs. POWER!" I was nine-going-on-ten and from the moment I saw that cover, Superman and Batman were old news to me. I was hooked on Iron Man.
One of my uncles, who was six or seven years older than me, had quite a comic book collection at that time and was more than happy to let me dig around in it, as he'd already moved on to James Bond movies, cars and girls. He had a few of the older Iron Man comic books, not all of them, but enough for me to become even more intrigued as I saw the progression of the Iron Man armor from the original, which looked something like a gray cast-iron wood stove, to a slightly less clunky golden version, to the familiar red-and-gold armor I recognized. Along the way, his helmet and face mask also changed several times, as did his power source and the array of features and weaponry built into the armor.
I also learned about his other identity, Tony Stark: inventor, industrialist, arms merchant, millionaire, playboy. And I learned about why he built the Iron Man armor, why he needed to continue to wear it, how it changed him, what it gave him, and what it cost him. I identified with this man who was brilliant but deeply injured inside, who built layers of protection and defense around himself so that he could deal with external threats, and who hid his true face behind the frozen expression of a metal mask. Tony Stark's heart was wounded and so was mine, his from the fragments of a bomb that nearly killed him and mine from an angry, abusive, emotionally distant father, a ferocious giant who was my own "Titanium Man."
I was in desperate need of some sort of positive masculine figure, even a fictional one, to help me cope with the difficulties of my life, and Iron Man came along just in time. I read my Iron Man comics. I played and pretended and fantasized. I wanted to be Iron Man. I needed to be. He saved my life by showing me that I could use my own ingenuity to protect myself, to armor myself up (psychologically, emotionally and physically), to hide my vulnerabilities, and to survive. In the process, I internalized Iron Man and his qualities in ways I couldn't begin to understand at the time.
As I moved into my teens, I abandoned the comic books and moved on to other interests, much like my uncle before me. I gave my comics away to younger cousins and forgot about Iron Man. But my armor was still in place, and I continued to add new layers to it during my late teens and throughout my twenties as life brought more painful experiences, rejections and disappointments that I lacked the skills to handle with any real effectiveness.
Just before my 29th birthday, a woman for whom I cared deeply betrayed my trust with another man and broke my heart worse than it had ever been broken before (which was quite an accomplishment for any woman, given my history up to that point). Nothing I knew how to do for myself could reduce, or even manage, the pain I felt. At that point, I decided to break one the biggest taboos in my family of origin: I decided to seek help.
Not long after making that decision, I found myself working with an innovative counselor who used some very dynamic emotional release techniques. As my work with him progressed, emotional and psychological pathways began to open in me that had been closed down for a long time. One result of this opening was that I started dreaming prolifically. That was unexpected, and what was even more unexpected was that I began to have recurring dreams involving the Iron Man character that I loved so much as a child.
Initially, as a man moving into his thirties, I felt more than a little silly dreaming about a comic book character from my youth. But the dreams continued anyway, regardless of how I felt about them, and as time went on, I was more and more urgently compelled to understand why Iron Man had reentered my life. I found a guide who could help me work with my Iron Man dreams, to help me try to understand what they were all about and what I was being told. The assistance I received was critically important in helping me improve my understanding, but I knew I needed to do more. I found myself drawn to go out and find the old comic books I had when I was a kid. I bought Iron Man action figures. I made Iron Man collages. I worked and (perhaps more importantly) played with the image and the mythology of the character in every way that I could.
The result of all this activity was another surprise: my first book, Iron Man Family Outing: Poems about Transition into a More Conscious Manhood, in which I wrote for the first time about the childhood experiences that originally drew me to Iron Man, the effects of those childhood experiences on my life as a young man, and my efforts to develop a greater understanding of myself and take a greater responsibility for my own life and my own healing. At the center of the book were a number of my Iron Man dreams, those initially inscrutable messages from deep within my psyche that had proven to be the keys to finding myself and saving my own life. For the second time, Iron Man had saved me.
At the time I did this work, there was no Iron Man movie. The character was very obscure and my relationship with him felt very personal, very special and very intimate. I usually had to explain who Iron Man was when I spoke about my experience with him to anyone. Things have certainly changed. Just about everybody has at least some idea of who Iron Man is now.
I'm glad that I had Iron Man to myself, so to speak, when I was dreaming about him. I'm glad that I had to put some time and effort into finding those old comic books and, if I was very lucky, even the occasional action figure. My process and my relationship with Iron Man were driven completely from within, from within my own memories, my own body, my own history and my own unconscious. There was almost no external source of information to mediate, influence or alter what I was being given from those mysterious sources deep within me. It was a very pure experience in that respect, as I believe it needed to be.
Given my extensive history with Iron Man, the news that the long-rumored and perpetually-delayed movie based on the character was finally coming was a matter of great personal interest to me, not simply as an exercise in escapist fantasy and entertainment, but as a filmic actualization of internal mythology and personal archetype. I followed all the media updates, starting in summer 2007, and was understandably eager to see the movie when it arrived in theaters in May 2008.
For the most part, I was pleased. Although the timeframe of the origin story had been modified and several storylines had been compressed in order to work within the constraints of a two-hour movie, Iron Man was still a very faithful adaptation that retained all of the original archetypal elements that captivated my imagination as a youngster. Robert Downey, Jr. was the perfect choice to play Tony Stark, completely believable at every step of Stark's transformation from a careless hedonist who takes nothing seriously to a man who finally understands his path and his purpose in life. Iron Man even battled a much larger armored counterpart in the finale, just as he did in the very first Iron Man comic I bought as a child.
Still, the Iron Man in the movie didn't feel like "my" Iron Man, and of course, it wasn't. I can't say I was surprised by this. I'd spent an enormous amount of time with that character and the associated mythology over many years, gone very deep with it, and alchemized it into something that's totally personal and unique to me. It would have been ridiculous for me to expect any movie, no matter how well done, to match that.
Nevertheless, taken on its own terms the Iron Man movie has plenty to offer those who are interested in how certain aspects of masculinity and the male experience are expressed and represented on film, and I hope my review provides readers with some useful insights about some of the deeper themes found in the movie.
Iron Man is no longer front and center in my life in the way he once was. He very seldom comes to me in my dreams now. The old comics, action figures and collages from the time I spent with him in my early thirties are packed away in a box in my closet, keepsakes of another time in my life. I won't be giving them away this time.
But the Iron Man who first came to me when I was an emotionally and psychologically wounded boy who needed a hero and a role model, and then reappeared twenty years later when I was a confused, distressed young man who'd forgotten who he was and could be, is still at work in my life and in the lives of others. He lives on in the book I was inspired to write by my dreams about him, and he comes to life in a new way in the mind and heart of every person who reads my story. Most of all, he lives on in me, because I wouldn't be the person I am today without him.
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— , Irregular updates ()I just had a very unconscious meeting with my ex-girlfriend, which inspired me to write this blog. It's always lovely to see her, but earlier today, I had decided that this was going to be an important evening of work at home. I was looking forward to it. In fact, I was excited that my work seemed to be calling out to me so temptingly. Happy that I felt inspired about the stuff I'm doing. When she invited me out, I defaulted to "that sounds nice", ignoring my subtle feeling of being out of alignment with myself.
After having spent some time with her, totally unable to serve her with my presence, I was called to reflect on integrity. The most basic level of integrity is being true to your word. It's the integrity of Deida's 1st stage of masculinity. This integrity is central to the masculine. Interestingly, since stage 2 men are less masculine than stage 1 men, they tend to be less true to their word. It's an odd paradox of evolution that becoming more conscious means you are becoming less true to your word. But as you know if you have seen the madman in"No Country for Old Men" by the Coen Brothers, you know that if saying "I'm going to kill you" binds you to become a murderer, integrity to your word is not necessarily a good thing.
So we understand there is a deeper level of integrity. This deeper level of integrity is acting in alignment with your core values, and with your own inner knowing. The call to act in accordance with this deeper level of integrity exists inside any man, although the fewest know it. Only the more evolved men are conscious of this. What happened to me today was that I overruled my own inner knowing of what I was meant to do with my time and I became conscious in the process. I was out of integrity with myself. Whenever any man with a masculine essence is out of integrity with himself, he goes unconscious. And he hates being unconscious.
The majority of men are out of integrity with themselves at least 90% of the time. This is why they are unconscious and depressed. This level of integrity that we are talking about here is an absolute prerequisite to consciousness and happiness for any man. We must understand that most of the maneuvering we do in our life, whether it is buying fancy stuff, meditate, have sex, whatever, we do because we are on a downward spiral due to constantly being out of integrity with ourselves. The mystery of inner evolution is that as we become more conscious, we understand that the deep values and convictions that our new level of consciousness uncovers have really always been there. We understand that our lack of satisfaction in life came precisely because we always did other than what we really desired in our deepest self. We understand then how we have spent most of our life sabotaging ourselves, simply because we never bothered to look for what was important to us.
Any man should meditate or do other types of practices to train his consciousness. It will help him spot integrity glitches more easily. But understand that no amount of formal practice in and of itself will cure you of your unconsciousness if you, in the informal paths of life, keep going against your deepest integrity. If that's all you do, you will do all these practice for naught because you will always fuck it up the minute you enter the marketplace. Your lack of integrity will keep pulling you back to where you started, effectively ending any hope of progress in life.
The conclusion is that following your deepest integrity is the Holy Grail of manhood. It is what it is all about. Every time you are unhappy or unconscious in that nasty, inauthentic way, it is precisely because you are out of integrity with yourself. Not just in word, but in the core of your being. So get to know what you are all about, and then the issue of staying in integrity becomes a little easier. Even if it means saying no to having coffee with a woman you love.
PS! Check out the guys at the Authentic Man Program for some great stuff on integrity. They teach that Presence and Appreciation are the building blocks that precede Integrity.
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— , Irregular updates ()Lars Lindstrom is a shy 27-year old, living in the decrepit garage next to his childhood home, now the abode of his brother Gus, his wife Karin, and their unborn baby. Despite their closeness – mere footsteps apart, they share little intimacy. Lars can't handle it; he's sickly shy, and afraid of all human relations - especially the touch of naked skin. But Lars has a big heart, and Karin cares for him deeply, as do most people in their little community in the North. She longs to bond with him, hoping perhaps to bring blood brothers separated by difficult childhood circumstances back together.
Lars works as an office drone in a nondescript company, where he shares booths with an immature action figure- and porn-afficionado called Kurt ("the uninitiated"). It is Kurt who clues Lars in on Real Dolls, a range of realistic, life-size love dolls. Six weeks later, a big box is delivered to Lars's garage. Plastic love has arrived at the Lindstrom's.
But to Lars, the «Real Doll» Bianca is not merely a doll, it is – she is – his Brazilian-Danish missionary girlfriend freshly arrived from the airport, sans luggage. Then the strangest thing happens, Lars invites himself over for dinner. Lars has avoided any sort of connection with his brother and sister-in-law previously to this; in fact Karin is in one scene shown tackling him and pinning him to the ground to get a clear answer as to why he won't come over.
But now he stands proudly and sure of himself on their doorstep, and the promise of change lights up the crisp, cool night. And so it happens that Bianca arrives on the couch of the Lindstrom brothers' childhood home – in all her mute, inanimate splendour, leaving Karin and Gus absolutely horrified. Their first introduction to Lars's new-found love is both extremely funny and profoundly moving. «My brother is insane! What are we gonna do?», Gus exclaims.
He finds the situation just a little bit more uncomfortable than Karin does, who – perhaps due to motherly instincts, perhaps due to female intuition – takes to the situation with care and understanding, going so far, even, as to serve the sex doll sitting at her dinner table food.
Caring for Bianca
Bianca is, according to Lars, a very religious person, so he feels it highly improper for her to stay in the garage with him. He wants her to sleep in his mom's old room. The room is bright pink, womblike and smelling subtly of a time that is no more, of stories that were once told, before Lars's violent entry into the world stopped the voices all too soon. There is something moving deep in Lars's psyche as he puts Bianca in that bed, spreading the sheets over her in the very same place where his mother, the mother whose death he clearly feels responsible for, dreamt her dreams.
Dr. Dagmar is the general practitioner and psychologist, a wise and soft woman with a very strong, almost enigmatic, presence, who tells Karin and Gus that they have to go along with Lars' delusion. «Delusion? What the hell is he doing with a delusion, for Christ's sake?!?!», screams Gus. «Bianca is in town for a reason,» Dagmar points out. «Go along with it. It's not really a choice.» After some challenging first encounters for the members of the local community with Lars's dream made manifest, everyone teams up, in spectacular fashion, to support Lars's view of Bianca as a real human being.
Soon enough, Bianca is engaged in all kinds of roles in the local community. She volunteers at the hospital, models at the local clothes store, «reads» for children. Bianca is popular, pretty much fully booked in fact, and Lars sees less and less of her. This upsets him and in one scene, he starts «fighting» with Bianca in the pink room. He is, for the first time, starting to break with his fantasy, laying his guilt to rest.
Inheriting our parents
I think this is a pertinent time to go deeper into the theme of parents, their role, and the deeper energies they represent, which I believe is one the movie's thematically strongest undercurrents (the other being healing). Lars's mother died giving birth to him. After she died, his father withdrew into himself, into a dark and lonely realm of introversion and apathy. That's the father Lars knows, but he wasn't always like that, Gus discloses to him in one scene. That doesn't make matters better.
It's likely that Lars not only feels responsible for the death of his mother, but that he feels the stain of his father's emotional and spiritual death as well. Lars, essentially, feels responsible for having killed off both of his parents, and now he is convinced that his existence poses a threat to life, which is ever so fragile.
Lars had no real parents, no figures of authority, no-one to receive love or guidance from. Gus fucked off as soon as he could because it felt so painful to live at home after mother died, and Lars was left to fend for himself. He was alone. It is generally understood that children feel responsible for their parents' safety and happiness. Things being what they are, Lars is so laden with guilt and has been decomposing for a long time. His reclusive lifestyle, then, is likely his way of protecting others from himself, offering – in a strange sort of way – his surroundings a form of safety that he never had.
Lars's incredible discomfort with human touch is noteworthy. There is a bodily connection between the unborn son and the pregnant mother. When we are born, it stays with us for a long time. It gives rise to such phenomena as Oedipus syndrome, the desire to «kill dad» to have mother for ourselves. Some guys never sever the emotional-energetic umbilical cord to mother. Actually in today's culture, I venture to say – on danger of offending – that most guys never fully sever that cord.
Robert Bly speculates as much in his seminal classic Iron John. We tend to remain with an idealized notion of the transcendent beauty and perfection of feminine purity, such an amazing sight of splendour that we, in pure reverence, withhold our dark and dirty masculine sexual instincts from it.
It is a common complaint among modern women, not so much that many men give them dirty looks or approach them in sleazy ways, but that they give no looks at all, make no attempts to win them over at all. The reason is we are trapped in our idealization of our mother, afraid of a father that feels dark and inaccessible, afraid of the masculine force in ourselves. Adulthood for a man only happens when he is initiated into that scary place of the father and the energies he represents.
But initiation requires not only something to be initiated into, but something to be initiated out of, which for men is the attachment to mom. We must "retrieve the key to the wild man from under mother's pillow", as Robert Bly describes it. So prior to the initiation into the masculine, what happens if the feminine, the mother, is absent?
Lars reaches out to the feminine
To get clues to help us answer this question, let's look closer at four key relationships Lars has to women.
Bianca
Bianca is strictly speaking not a woman, but represents his most important feminine connection, by virtue of what she symbolizes. Bianca is clearly not meant for Lars's carnal pleasure. Bianca, rather, seems to be the object of affection that Lars needs to connect with the mother he never had. He puts her in his mother's room, and idealizes her many good qualities, «born to help people», as Lars would have it in one scene.
But being what she is, Bianca cannot offer him maternal, nurturing instincts. So instead, Lars projects his mother into the doll, and devotes himself with feverish intensity to taking good care of her. He is making up for his tremendous, heart-wrenching feelings of guilt by serving the good health and happiness of a plastic love doll.
Karin
Karin – Gus's wife – is about to give birth to their first child. This is incredibly disconcerting to Lars. It brings back into focus for him his first screams of life, and the haunting sensation that they blend ever so perfectly with his mother's screams of death. In this relationship there is a blanket, the blanket Lars's mother made for him during her pregnancy – Lars's dearest possession – that carries great symbolic weight. For Lars, it is a symbol of maternal love, and he uses it to protect Karin and her child from the cold.
Dagmar
It is with Dr. Berman – Dagmar – that Lars for the first time connects with a living mother figure. Dagmar is a wise and mature woman, with great love for Lars, oodles of insight and lots of skillful means. She is pretty kick ass. She helps Lars reconnect with his body, the very body that killed his mother, by taking him through progressive training in being touched. He serves him greatly in return; Dagmar is a lonely woman, without children, and so – in her heart – she virtually adopts Lars as her own infant son, helping him become the young man that she misses in her own bloodline. There is great love here.
Margo
Then, of course, there is Margo, the new girl at work and Lars's actual love interest. Margo is shy and insecure like Lars, but very likable and sweet. They are a good match, as receptionist Cindy points out. But Lars is not ready for real love yet. He feels he is too dangerous. Margo may die, and so he must remain with Bianca, the plastic girlfriend. But it is she who must die.
What it means to be a man
In a funny and decidedly twisted turn of events, Lars asks Bianca to marry him, and she says no. Shortly after – curiously lighthearted considering Bianca's refusal – the increasingly free Lars approaches Gus and tells him how in Bianca's culture, they have rites of passages and rituals and ceremonies, that when done – when lived through – you know you are an adult. «Doesn't that sound great?», Lars asks. Now, right here, I light up like a 100 watt light bulb during a power surge. Doesn't that sound great? Yeah, it sure does.
Lars has clearly studied these things – Bianca obviously doesn't talk – and now, he seeks initiation into adulthood. «How did you know» Lars asks Gus «that you were a man? Was it sex?». Actually, Gus doesn't know. He is not in a confident space now, because he has not been initiated either. Modern men, as a rule, are not initiated into manhood, which leaves a huge empty space between the neck and the lower belly (as described by Robert Bly in a «personal fable» in Iron John).
Gus is a good guy, but has some way to go before being anchored in his own masculine core, which is there – somewhere in the middle. «Go ask Dagmar,» Gus suggests. As if a woman should have the answers to male initiation. This is a subtle hint to how trapped and confused men in today's culture feel: Even when confronted with questions of their core masculinity, their biological and spiritual homebase, they refer to female mother figures for answers.
But Lars presses him, until Gus finally yields to Lars into his own inner wisdom and shares that being a man is working for the common good, not for your own selfish desires – even if it hurts. Gus is a smart guy, who has realized by now that his leaving home early has caused damage to Lars. In searching for answers and healing, Lars's journey opens up a space for Gus, and indeed the rest of the community, to heal.
The alchemy that turns plastic into flesh
Bianca's rejection of Lars's proposal means that Margo can get closer to him. Real life is increasingly tempting to the rapidly healing young man. So they go bowling together. Here, for the first time in the movie, Lars connects – not through Bianca, but on his own – with the colour pink, picking up a bowling ball covered in bright, girly pink hues. It is as if he integrates the feminine, he embraces mother, he holds her in his hand (have a look at the movie poster to understand more deeply the importance of the colour pink as a symbol for mother).
Shortly after, a group of guys enter the bowling alley – Gus's colleagues – and join in. Lars is on a date, and now he is one of the guys too. He is healing. It is time for Bianca to die.
At the lake where Lars's childhood memories still linger like a haunting dream about a life that could have been, he kisses her for the first time. She is ill, very ill. She is going to die. Lars is finally ready to let mum get down from his own weary shoulders and sink silently into the soil, finally there to rest in peace. With the deep hurt of feeling into a mother he never knew, and misses so incredibly much, guilt leaves his body – rivers of release through his eyes – as he carries the dead Bianca into the water.
She's returning to the womb, to the place of fantasy where she came from. In her funeral, he wears her pink sweater; mother has been resurrected and put back into her grave, leaving Lars with feelings of love he never had.
Lars's alchemy of the heart has freed him from the bondage of guilt, and led him to a place where he can, for the first time, from a more integrated place, embrace the positive aspect of being initiated into manhood. A wave of confidence and determination washes over his face as he turns to Margo, looks into her eyes and asks «Do you want to go for a walk?»
Conclusion
Lars and the Real Girl is a moving, caring and wise movie. Just like in the extremely likable Sideways, it portrays human beings in a positive light, operating in a world where people try to be good. It also, rather obviously, deals with questions of what constitutes a good healing process for those with psychological «illness» – medication, or love and compassion. It could even be argued that it asks «what is psychological illness». Could it be that the psychologically ill can sometimes be saner than the so-called well adjusted?
More subtly, the movie points to the importance of integrating, as we move into adulthood, the broken shards that remain from our childhood through any means necessary, which normally means examining our parents and our relationships with them. As human beings, we have a tendency to feel that we're doing okay, until circumstances point out that we're fooling ourselves. Life is inherently tricky and is inherently fragile, and the sooner we accept this, the sooner we will accept that our strength is sourced in our vulnerability. And that, my friends, is where initiation comes in...
— , Irregular updates ()General George Patton was one of the leading Allied generals in World War II, reputably the one among them who was most feared by the Nazis. He was a controversial and many-faceted character, with a big mouth and the nerve to use it. The movie opens with a famous monologue in which Patton strolls menacingly up and down in front of the American flag, preaching to his soldiers. «No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country,» he bellows out to us, as if we were his troops being prepared for battle. «You win wars by making the other poor son of a bitch die for his country».
It is an important distinction, even for someone who loves death as much as Patton. Listen closely and you hear: Be not afraid to give up your life for a great cause, but don't give it up needlessly, and never give it up in vain. This attitude is at the core of the warrior archetype, of which Patton is a great example. Let us, then, take this opportunity to excavate the dark and light of this archetype, which has been severely weakened in men for the last several decades. But first... we must introduce another archetype.
Patton the hero
Patton was a great man: master athlete, skilled swordsman, amateur poet, scholared historian. He was a religious man, a believer in reincarnation, and a firm believer in the ideals of an ancient warrior code, which he romanticized and yearned for. He was a towering figure, a warrior who would summon the unthinkable out of his men, a superb tactician, and a firm yet just leader. Yet despite all his great qualities, Patton had myriad weaknesses - immature facets of his personality - most notably his deep longing for heroics.
There is a scene in which German planes make a surprise attack on the Maroccan HQ where he has just arrived to assume command of America's North African war operation. He takes cover on the floor, while the building collapses around him, hell raining down out on the streets. The hero archetype in him goes online, and he jumps out the window, ivory-handle revolvers at the ready, screaming «that's enough!». He takes a stand in the middle of the streets, as if he could wrestle the planes out of the sky with his bare hands, and guns away. Granted, Patton was a master marksman, having set records at the Stockholm 1912 Olympics, but his action is reckless and puts the entire war operation at risk. And for what? Avoiding the feeling of being useless, of being a cowardly dog shirking danger.
This scene is particularly interesting because of his line «Come on you bastards, take a shot at me right on the nose», which he directs with intensity at the incoming machine gun-firing planes. The scene shows clearly his unrealistic view of his own invulnerability, as well as his fear of being weak - defining characteristics of the hero archetype. But it also reflects on what he has just shared with general Bradley: his greatest fear in life is dying from a gunshot right at the nose. Now he's putting his life on the line, challenging the Germans to do to him exactly that which he fears the most. This shines a light on the many conflicting facets of Patton: The courage that is willing to confront his fears head-on, and the immaturity that would sacrifice everything for heroics. The former is a character trait of the warrior, the latter of the hero - the immature and mature archetypes on the warrior axis of the KWML model. Now, let's start investigating the warrior.
«God how I hate the 20th century»
«Rommel is out there somewhere waiting for me,» Patton says as he looks with yearning to the horizon, feet firmly planted in the sands of the Sahara. He stands there with his personal aide Richard, describing how - if he had his will - he would challenge Rommel to a duel, two tanks duking it out in the desert, the outcome of which would define the outcome of the war. «Too bad jousting's gone out of style,» Dick muses. «It's like your poetry general, it doesn't belong to the 20th century.» «You're right, Dick,» George replies. «The world grew up.... God how I hate the 20th century.» Gusts of Rome, Greece, Carthage sweep across the sand dunes, and the feeling that Patton would look good with laurels on his head becomes palpable.
This dialogue is important to understand general Patton. He mourns the loss of the warrior, the onset of the culture of fierce personal independence, and seems to suffer deep disappointment over the feeling that warfare is becoming an increasingly dishonorable and impersonal pursuit. The idea of a lineage, of a brotherhood of warriors spanning time seems important to Patton. The lore that surrounds him would have it that he, in World War I, found himself terrified in the trenches, convinced that he would lose his life. Then he looked up to the sky and saw in a vision his forebearers look down at him, shaking their heads in disappointment. The vision, and the accompanying shame, gave him the strength to rise up, march on, and win the battle. This, it seems, was Patton's initiation into manhood, and the birth of the warrior within him.
Patton's belief in reincarnation gave him the conviction that he had been present at key historic battles in past lives, shown in a scene where he shows peculiar familiarity with the site of a battle between the Carthaginians and the Romans on a cliff overlooking the vast fields of Morocco. «I was here,» he tells gen. Bradley, with deep conviction. Let's look closer at why this felt connection of his with warriors of the past is so important.
Laughing in the face of death
The warrior archetype, to grow into full maturity, needs to dedicate himself to a cause larger than him. The warrior is so dedicated, so passionately pursuing the divine or royal edict, that he forgets any danger or discomfort he may find himself in. In old times, the knight would receive his purpose from the king (the channel of the Holy Father amongst men), and were he a just and wise king, the knight - the warrior - would carry it out with complete disregard for his own personal safety. He was born to serve something greater than himself. He was born to serve the king.
Patton's felt historical lineage, and his connection with his ancestors, gives him that cause. He is the chosen one, the perfect warrior, riding on the winds of fate, anticipating that one final battle where he will achieve the freedom of his people, while dying gloriously in the heat of it all. There is, contrary to what we have been trained to think, something truly beautiful about this, and it reminds us of a potential in all men that most contemporary guys have lost touch with. We have been so trained to regard masculine aggression with extreme skepticism that we have become fearful of the very essence of the warrior: the laser sharp focus, his personal sacrifice, his ability to laugh death right in the face.
The warrior is the «darkest» of the masculine archetypes, and if there is one thing we fear today, it's darkness. Yet, if we haven't severed our connetion to the warrior completely, it comes out of hibernation when we are faced with danger and challenge. Problem is, our lives are so safe, so comfortable, that there is not enough real challenge. My experience tells me that few men today admit to being afraid, and I think it is because they deliberately stay out of the heat which a life well lived requires them to confront. Still, sometimes the warrior comes online, perhaps most commonly when deadlines at work draw closer. But generally our jobs don't carry enough of that «regal» quality that the warrior needs to dedicate himself fully to a cause. Instead, we become resentful, ask ourselves why we're wasting away in some office licking stockholders and immoral executives up the arse, and develop an abusive relationship with our inner warrior. We depend on him, but he shows up in situations we hate. We don't come to like the warrior much at all.
Often what happens instead is that we shirk from danger and challenge, and become men of few principles and values. We lose our ability to penetrate, and never get to experience the heightened sense of awareness and the increased tolerance for discomfort that our bodies develop when our focus is intense. We don't have the balls or skills to offer our loved ones protection. In short, we lose the essence of our masculinity. Realize that the hunger for warrior-energy is what drives men to extreme sports, when their normal lives are so stripped of it. The basejumper that crashes into the cliffside goes out in exactly the same blaze of glory that the warrior experiences on the battlefield. And while the hunt for glory really is the hunt for the immature Hero, the true Warrior does have shadow-sides as well, and to investigate these deeper, we will now turn to Patton's infamous abuse of a shellshocked soldier.
«I won't have cowards in my army»
If we look at the warrior axis of the KWML system, we will see that the active shadow side of the warrior is the sadist and the passive is the masochist. I can't find evidence of much masochism in Patton - he puts himself in high regard, but he does have traces of sadism. And as we have already discovered, he is afraid of - and accordingly despises - weakness. Both these qualities come together when Patton encounters a soldier that suffers from shellshock. George loses it, and let's him have it hard. Red in the face, wildness in his eyes, he screams at him, assaults him physically, and lets it be heard that he «won't have cowards in his army». Now this is just after he has knelt down, teary-eyed, by the bedside of a severely injured soldier and showed him tremendous care and compassion. How can he switch so quickly?
The incident becomes a scandal, and the ripple effects cause tremendous damage to his career. He is forced by «Ike» - general Eisenhower - to apologize for his behaviour. As he addresses a large contingent of the 7th Army, which he has led successfully through the Siciliy campaign, he tries to expound on his motivations:
«I assure you I had no intention of being either harsh or cruel in my treatment of the solider in question. My sole purpose was to restore in him some appreciation of his obligations as a man and as a soldier. If one can shame a coward, I felt, one might help him to regain his self respect. This was on my mind.»
He speaks of himself. He was the coward in the ditches of World War I and he was shamed by his ancestors. And because of his strong masculine energy, the shaming made him stronger (masculine energy comes online mainly through challenge and danger). But the soldier in question isn't strongly masculine, but rather a soft and sensitive man. Patton is fearful of the that side of himself, which makes him completely oblivious to this man's need for feminine nurturing (like he just offered the injured soldier), rather than masculine challenge and shaming. This incident speaks to my theory that Patton had not fully integrated and owned up to, shall we say, his own inner coward, and that he projected it out on the soldier.
«All good things must come to an end»
Ripple effects of the incident reduce him to little more than a decoy sitting around as his once subordinate general colleagues invade Europe. Although, in the end, he gets to sweep through Europe with his 3rd Army in an impressive display of strategic genius. He arrives at the scene of a battle, the site of epic struggle and anonymous heroics, looks at it with intensity and confesses «I love it. God help me, I love it so. I love it more than my life.»
But the war, history tells us, came to an end, as all "good things" must. Towards this end, there's a scene where Oskar Steiger, the German captain who's been assigned to research Patton, holds his picture as the HQ is crumbling around him, examining the object of his fascination and admiration, while he whispers words of truth, a telling testament to the nature of a Warrior whose purpose is war: «He too will be destroyed. The absence of war will kill him... The pure warrior...a magnificent anachronism.»
Conclusion
Patton was a great albeit flawed man who was so taken by the glory of battle – the existential toils of war – that his life felt pointless without it. And with the end of the war came the inevitable realization - the yearning never stops. There is no one thing any man can ever do that will complete him, no woman he can marry, no ultimate feat of heroism that he can perform. Patton's downfall was that he had placed all his bets on the glory of war, having little concept of a life of meaning away from the battlefield.
For most modern men, however, the same principles that were guiding lights for Patton, are the ones we must integrate: The brotherhood, the personal sacrifice, the sense of dedication to something greater, all values rapidly disappearing from our culture. The warrior must be resurrected, excavated from the tombs of history, so that we can once more stand with head up high, firm in our conviction, eyes set on the horizon, and confront all the ills of the world. With compassion, yet without heroics.
The aftermath of the story is that Captain Steiger, in a way, turned out to be correct. Patton died from the injuries inflicted by a car crash later the same year. What with his life purpose no longer relevant, maybe that was fate giving him his final rest.
— , Irregular updates ()For the first time ever (so I'm told), there will be a Mankind Project event on Scandinavian soil this weekend. I will facilitate at it and I'm looking forward to it with anticipiation.
I did my New Warrior Training Adventure last summer and the Primary Integration Training in Edinburgh shortly after. Many of my NWTA-brothers didn't have that chance and several of them will have the opportunity this weekend. I enjoyed my PIT and I'm looking forward to facilitating it this time around. MKP-work features some amazing tools that I will be glad to revisit and integrate more fully.
The NWTA is still one of the most powerful experiences I've ever had and I recommend it whole-heartedly.
The Men await. I wish you a weekend full of joy and truth-telling.
Eivind
My friend Terry Patten has created some terrific new work about activating the integral heart that is about to be launched on the Shift network. We had a quick chat about it the other day that and covered this territory that is incredibly difficult, even taboo for many men. Many men close down their heart in service of being powerful and as Terry says, this makes them brittle. If we want to be authentically powerful, loving men in the world there’s no way around dealing with our hearts. Listen in on this short conversation and if you feel called to learn more, then Terry has a free webinar coming up in two days where he will share more of his powerful teachings. The conversation gets better and better and by around the 8-minute mark has become really powerful. [audio mp3="http://www.masculinity-movies.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/terry-patten-integral-heart.mp3"][/audio] If this conversation lights you up, make sure to sign up for Terry's free webinar this upcoming Wednesday at 5:30 pm PST for more his teachings on activating the integral heart. Sign up for the free webinar »— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()I am planning to start doing more audio recordings for this website: Interviews, dialogues, monologues, reviews read out loud etc. This one is the latter. I have decided to record my review for the Fisher King for your convenience. It's a long one so it may be helpful to download it and listen to it on your iPod or MP3 player.
There is some additional information in there so if you have read the review, there will be some added value in listening.
What I would like to know from you is - do you want me to do more of these? If I created a podcast, would you listen to it?
One of the great joys of running quite a well-known website such as Masculinity-Movies.com is that interesting people I've never heard about contact me and tell me they share my interests and want to talk. Darren Foley of the Must See Films podcast/Youtube channel is a man who did that quite recently. He was interested in my work on movies and my approach of applying the archetypal-mythological lens on reviewing them. Below is the resulting interview that I hope you will like. It's a very personal interview where I share a lot about my own personal journey. It got quite emotional for me at times and I hope my passion for this work comes through. I really enjoyed this talk with Darren. It's always such a treat to speak with people who share my passion. And make sure to check out Darren's work; I love what he's doing – incredibly insightful and something I learn a lot from every time (I'm a fan!). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x878WyN-n54 You can also check it out on iTunes. My hope is that this talk can inspire you and I would love to hear what you think. Eivind— , Irregular updates ()
I have been wanting to write about the Bechdel test on my site for a while. And while I’m working on a bigger article on that subject, I want to share with you my initial inspiration for looking deeper into the test in the first place, a popular TED presentation by Colin Stokes, called “How movies teach manhood”: This is a striking presentation to me. I like parts of it – particularly the part about men and women being on the same team. I also like the part where he suggests that a man may have a woman leader. I think it’s crucial for a man to learn to take direction from a woman. My tantra experience tells me that this becomes a way for a man (like me) to learn what it’s like to be in the more surrendered, receptive mode, which helps us be directive (which most of us want to be most of the time) in more skillful, responsible ways. I also believe it helps us conquer taboos around sensitivity, vulnerability and homophobia. Now, what worries me about this presentation is what he says at the 09:45 mark. At this point in the presentation, he has linked sexual abuse of women with movies failing the Bechdel test (while, strangely, first denying that he is doing so). And then he basically makes the logical leap that male power is destructive. Here’s what he says: “We have tools at our disposal, like girl power. And we hope that that will help. But I gotta wonder, is girl power gonna protect them if at the same time, actively or passively, we are training our sons to maintain their boy power?” He is not being real subtle about it; it seems clear that this man thinks it’s a good thing for girls to be powerful, but that it’s an equally bad thing for boys to be powerful. He seems to be saying that girl power is something girls use to defend against boys. And that boy power is something boys use to attack girls. Now, if I get him right, that’s a very interesting perspective, far removed from the world that I live in. My experience says that it’s men without power who end up dangerous. Male power is good. When I started flipping out at the start of my twenties (which I believe I have not yet written about on this site), it was because I was repressing my power, not because I was abusing it. I belive that moving in the direction mr Stokes proposes will make for less powerful men, which makes for more dangerous men. That last point is the one I don't think Colin Stokes understands. So while I like a lot of what this guy says, overall, there are some significant problems with the underlying message, based, I believe, on lacking understanding of what makes a man dangerous. I will get back with more on the Bechdel test in a couple of days. (Read here:) The Bechdel test: Application, historical context, and introducing a male equivalentThe Bechdel test: Application, historical context, and introducing a male equivalent— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()What is the Masculine? What is the Feminine? These questions have reverberated through the pathways of my mind for the past several years. And as the authentic curiosity of this ancient question has carved its own way through the layers of my mind, some lights have been lit.
Sometimes others ask me this question, knowing that I have some expertise on the subject, and sometimes I take the initative myself. My experience is that some people turn out more interested in wrestling egos and becoming more entrenched in personal stories of pain; this is after all a controversial topic that reaches us at the root level of identity − sexual and personal. Most, however, are curious. Yet, getting the message across, even to the willing, can be hard.
The challenge of communicating the obvious
A main frustration, as I've come to learn about these forces of nature, these primary expressions of consciousness, is the radical difficulty in conveying them as being far more fundamental, way more primordial than simple personal opinion. "Interesting way of looking at it" is not the kind if response I would expect or desire from someone who has just been exposed to one of the greatest mysteries and deepest truths, yet simplest everyday realities of the Universe.
Masculine and Feminine - as polar opposite forces not just in humans, but in all creation - are, just as the sun is. It is perhaps a speculative thing to claim in this scientific era, when all the forces of the universe should be measurable with unconscious machines, and still, only the most shut down human being can deny it. Even if abstractions of the mind can make us shake our heads and say "nonsense", we all accept the truth of them at much deeper levels hundreds of times every day. They shape our ideas of sexiness in either gender, our style of communication, our relation to the world. Most of all, however, they represent an inner experience that can be felt within seconds of applying the methodologies of accessing them.
It is true, ideas about the Masculine and the Feminine are speculative seen from the perspective of dead machines. The reason for this is that the two polarities, and the experience of them, are based in the non-material world, in the world of consciousness and energy. We find them shine through in our emotions, our fears and desires, the archetypes that speak through us, the thoughts we think, and the dreams that take us into vast realms of our collective unconscious.
The science of the mind – consciousness – and largely also of subtle energy fields is the domain primarily of Eastern spirituality and philosophy, although awareness is increasing also in Western science, as seen in the Mind and Life institute, Quantum Physics etc. Deeply rooted in several of the mentioned Eastern traditions, and also in their contemporary application by people such as David Deida, is the understanding that the Feminine flows, radiates, and embraces, whereas the Masculine penetrates and is anchored, totally still, in its transcendence of that which moves. Another way of putting it is saying that the Masculine is the emptiness of (ego) death while the Feminine is the fullness of life (death and life, Shiva and Shakti in Hinduism). Yet another: the Feminine is the river and the Masculine its banks. A river without banks is a destructive force of chaos. A bank without a river is no bank at all, just a lonely heap of dust in an infinite expanse of nothing.
Masculine and Feminine as geometry
[caption id="attachment_77" align="alignright" width="300" caption="The primordial Masculine, as found on the US dollar bill. Triangular, pointing up above, to the all-knowing Eye. This symbol is also linked with myriad conspiracy theories and warnings of a new world order, which - regardless of their authenticity - speak to the importance of integrating feminine ethics and care into the psyche of men. Masculine ascension alone, with no heart, creates Darth Vader."][/caption]Let's look at some practical examples, let's look at geometry. If we are to look at the Masculine and Feminine through the lens of geometry, we can see the Masculine as a triangle1 (or more simply, a line) and the Feminine as a circle. The Masculine seen as the triangle is straight-edged and angular. Its two bases connect it to the Earth - offers it stability - and facilitates its primary motion of ascension and penetration. When we trace the shape, we see that we must make swift and drastic turns at a moment's notice. Once the Masculine gets going, the triangle shows us, it's totally linear in its direction, until it is forced to change direction due to unplanned for circumstances (and then, when done from a place of masculine purity, it is a purposeful and courageous turn, not a reactive and cowardly turn). The triangle, just like the line, pierces open space; it shoots up high, above the clouds, and observes the world from a certain level of distance. It is able to "zoom out" of the details, and view everything from a bird's eye view; or really, the eye of God.
The Feminine is the circle. It flows like the river. It radiates like a flower most sublime. It moves in smooth, liquid ways. It finds its way into the smallest of holes, and will tear down the greatest obstacle on its way to the sea. The circle has no inherent logic in it. The energy it represents is not going anywhere, it spins around in circles (which is where the Masculine comes in). The Feminine circle embraces. It is the wheel of life. Like the human embryo, it is a vessel that gives rise to the future.
We can see signs of the same geometry in the bodies of men and women. The man's body is more angular and straight-edged. The torso, in its most idealised form is an inverted triangle (broad shoulders, narrow waist). A man who is round (in the sense of fat) tends to lose part of his masculine energy. The woman, on the other hand, is a shapely and delightful being. Her hips flow like the river in sexy, tantalizing ways. Her breasts are planets and her buttocks the shapely hills and valleys of nature. Only She could get God to stand up from his chair, to engage with the world of form, as seen in the story of Mary, as a channel for the Goddess, in the New Testament. Yet, sexual identity has been sent a bit of a curveball lately, and we can see in the contemporary trend of impoverished supermodels how women lose their femininity when they lose their curves and radiance. They start looking like teenage boys instead of women, much to the excitement of the gay old men who make them appear so.
The geometry of the Feminine is easily found in nature, from the planets and stars that flow through the open void in circular paths of orbit, to microorganisms in the body. Masculine geometry, however, is rarely found in nature, aside from those forms that point to the sky. Primarily, the Masculine in sits up above, on the Divine Chair in the Sky, observing the Feminine with perfect curiosity. Then it goes in, and starts using its talent for structure and order to create maps and diagrams, proportions and schematics, faciliating the flow of natural chaos through its own inherent talent for order. The Masculine, then, is easily at home in the realm of cool rationality and analysis, and is masterful at identifying patterns. We can extrapolate and condense: The Feminine is the domain of Chaos, whereas the Masculine is the domain of Order. (seen as pathological extremes in politics as Anarchy vs Fascism). One cannot exist without the other.
Finally, the literal example of our genitalia must surely be mentioned. The flaccid penis hangs down to the Earth (the main seat of the Feminine), and as the man fills with sexual energy, the penis rises and points to the Sky, to the primary seat of masculine energy; the Feminine facilitates the Masculine's return home (and vice versa). The vagina, on the other hand, responds to sexual energy by becoming moist and open. It is, through the power of menstruation and childbirth, connected to the Earth. Sex between man and woman represents the ultimate energetic merger of the Universe, between the angular and the round, the penetrative and the embracing. It is a cosmic principle, described eloquently by the Daoists of China as Yin and Yang.
Masculine and Feminine in our daily lives
[caption id="attachment_80" align="alignright" width="210" caption="Feminine sexiness is directly related with flow and radiance"][/caption]Let's reduce the level of abstraction a little and return to the world of clothes we just dipped our toe in while discussing fashion above. There seems to be general agreement about, in the main part of the population, that dresses look feminine, and suits look masculine. This is "just how it is". We have all come to accept this, regardless of whether we accept the larger concepts hitherto presented. Why do dresses look feminine? Answer - they flow. A woman turns, and her dress envelops her in lush colours and exciting displays of motion. A man turns, however, and his neatly ironed suit barely brushes against the space that surrounds it. His motion is kept at a functional minimum, carving, as he is, through space on his way to fulfill a mission somewhere.
What about hair? A woman with long hair turns and a cascade of motion, little stories of years and seasons come and gone, flutter through the air. A man turns and his short hair hardly moves. And why would it? It would just get in the way of what is to be done.
This concept goes down to a level of minute detail. If a man grows his hair or puts on a scarf, regardless of fashions or trends, he instantly becomes more feminine.* Because now, he is wearing flow. Now, let it be clear that this is not a bad thing. For the man who wants to be masculine, a strategically chosen element of feminine energy in his clothing, relatively small and controlled, may go a long way to emphasize his manliness even further. We often see this principle take form as colourful, patterned ties (masculine in its linear form, feminine in its colours) or handkerchiefs.
In communication, the flow of words and gestures is feminine. The ability to observe (listen) and decisively pierce the circle (direct the Feminine), and to turn the corner of the triangle (reach the goal), is masculine. When a man is the source of a constant stream of more or less well thought-out tidbits of communication, he animates feminine energy. Yet again, there is absolutely nothing wrong with this, but it pays to bring attention to it if we have chosen that we desire to grow our masculine. The masculine communicator listens, looks deeply and relaxedly into your eyes, and then brings himself down from the chair of God, only to direct the minutae of the communication before he steps back to witness yet again. He does this while still remaining perfectly in touch with the human experience through his open heart.
Thoughts and emotions
[caption id="attachment_81" align="alignright" width="258" caption="Rodin's Thinker. Thinking is a necessary part of the masculine's problem-solving. Yet, thoughts are feminine in nature and may overcome us by their torrential downpour if we are not careful to regularly charge our masculine energy in the spring of Emptiness."][/caption]Now, let's look at thoughts. Remember, anything that flows is the Feminine. So, when thoughts barrel through our heads, or swirl like a summer breeze through the neural pathways of our brains, again we are under the influence of feminine energy. Masculine forms of spiritual practice, such as Zen meditation, have always been about stepping out of the flow of thought to observe everything from the outside. It is about developing the Witness, just another way of speaking about the primordial Masculine sitting on the chair high in the mythical Sky. So the man who is constantly being led by the nose by his own thoughts is animating feminine energy.
Really, it doesn't matter how hard the macho guy bashes his chest or how loud he screams; when thoughts are blowing like a hurricane through his mind, feminine energy has overpowered him, and his feeble attempts to overcome it through pathetic displays of manliness only further entrenches him in his well-defended immaturity. A man can still be a passionate thinker, but the more active his mind is, the deeper his need to dip his toe into primordial consciousness, the everpresent stillness behind and beyond. Otherwise, his mind - the Feminine - overpowers him, and his ability to do anything directed with his life diminishes.
Finally, emotions have traditionally in our culture been seen as displays of feminine energy. And by virtue of their flow, they are. Women are much more at ease with their emotional life than men are, much due to our cultural programming. But just like with all other forms of feminine energy, emotions are part and parcel of the feminine totality a man must embrace on his way to full masculine maturity.
This process is at stage 2 of David Deida's model of evolution. It's where men connect with their emotional bodies. The insight that comes out of the men's work carried out by a brave brotherhood of pioneers around the world, is that a man who is to reach his full masculine maturity will never progress far down that road until he opens up his emotions. Yes, they are feminine energy, but just as women must integrate masculine energy before they can flower in full in their natural feminine essence, so must men integrate feminine energy before we, in turn, can safely find our way to our own seat of the Witness. And once we find it, we probably won't use it much, as modern life requires us to get down and dirty with the chaotic forces of the world. But we know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that when we need it - our chair, our Throne, is always available, as it sits there in the vast, open void awaiting the return of our consciousness to its natural source before the beginning of time. Yet, when we get really good, our energy may remain seated in that chair, even as we ourselves leave it. That, we must assume, requires a lifetime of dedicated practice.
Conclusion
Masculine and Feminine are real forces that govern our lives. And which ones we personally identify with and animate is not dependent on gender so much as it is dependent on our unique sexual essence and what quality of consciousness we channel in every moment. For the woman who needs more masculine energy in her life, she needs to direct her energy to achieve a goal, to find that Throne in the Sky, and the man who needs more feminine energy in his life must open up his wounds, cry his grief, dance his joy, sing his yearning. But for most of us reading this, we must do exactly the opposite. As men, we must anchor ourselves in the everpresent feeling of Emptiness, sit in the chair of the Witness, and from there observe our life's direction, flexibly turning around in an instant if our observation of circumstances requires us to. Our final challenge, then, is to press ever forward into the vast open mystery of Existence, giving our love from an open warrior heart in service of all.
* There is a wild man archetype that is at the very root of masculinity whose long hair is a symbol of his wildness more than his femininity. But that wildness also reflects his deep connection to nature. This aspect of the wildness is rarely embodied by the heavy metal musicians, bikers etc. who emulate the wild man.
References
- In the book King, Warrior, Magician, Lover, Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette present the theory that the triangle is a symbol for the Masculine.
— , Irregular updates ()Hey guys.
Recently, I was contacted by an author who now works in a prison in the US. He is concerned with the types of movies the inmates are watching. These 30-something men of generally African American descent are often not very balanced. They are too aggressive and afraid of their inner feminine. This author wants to enlist my help in finding better movies for them, because they are currently watching the kind of crap that only strengthens their aggressive and fearful disposition.
What movies would serve these men in finding inner peace and compassion for one another?
This is your opportunity to make a difference in the lives of men on the shadow side of existence. Thanks for your contribution.
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— , Irregular updates ()It was at the tail end of 2007 that I realized, under a night sky in India, that I was heavily into spiritual bypassing. That’s when my life changed and I resolved to find out what it means to be a man in today’s world. Since then, I’ve been through a lot of trainings in the realm of masculinity. I went through a powerful course series over three long weekends in Norway with two of the Norwegian heavyweights in the field; Dag Furuholmen and Eirik Balavoine in 2008-2009. I did my New Warrior Training Adventure with The Mankind Project back in the summer of 2011 (and participated in a multitude of MKP trainings since). I experienced Noble Man with Celebration of Being that same fall. I’ve done myriad online trainings with Authentic Man Program, such as the powerful No Woman Diet, and I finally experienced The New Tantra in early spring of 2013.
I’ve done most of the things I wanted to do. Only the Authentic Man Program intensive remained on my bucket list for men’s trainings. Frankly, because it’s expensive and because it only happens in the US. Well, it so happens that I temporarily live in the United States and I got a deal on it. And it happened a five minutes stroll away from where I currently live, at the Integral Center in Boulder, Colorado. It was a no-brainer.
Friday and Saturday: Forging brotherhood
Most of the men’s work I’ve done has taken place in men only environments. I love that work; forging brotherhood, learning to trust and recognize the beauty in men, bridging power and vulnerability, coming home in my own sex.
The first two days of the AMP intensive provides more of that. One of the most transformative experiences of going on journeys like these is noticing the ways I judge some men at the start of the journey and then noticing how fundamentally things change as I get to know them and their challenges in life. It is a life-changing experience that you get to pocket and use as reference in your daily life, where you likely, like me, judge people all the time.
Day 1 was, as is to be expected, the “safest” of the three, moving us deeper into brotherhood and contact with our primal masculinity. I will not share details in case you should be tempted to go on this journey yourself.
What I will share, however, is that I realized this weekend how much of a sucker for intensity I have become. There is a Warrior exercise in day #2 of the AMP intensive that just has my heart sing with delight. Without sharing too much, it has a whole room of men tap into their killer instinct, that part of them that would kill in service of someone they love. It’s so fucking awesome.
My whole body tingled with delight in that room. Just writing about it now has me feel intensely alive. I realize at this point in my life that I can’t fully trust a man who is not comfortable with his power, and having a whole room of men move towards that place of trustability, that dark masculine love, is something that lights me up in all kinds of ways.
And that insight gives context to the journey that I was on this weekend, which more than anything was a deep dive into my power and my more primal instincts. In one of my circles on day #2, I started tuning into a fierce anger towards the lead facilitator. I have core issues around feeling like I have to perform to be lovable and it resurfaced in this circle and I went “to hell with it”. So instead of collapsing into that, I let it rip. It was awesome. An intense experience for us all.
While these two first days were evolutionary more than revolutionary for me, given that I’ve done so much men’s work and am familiar with the format, I still felt tapped into a deeper and more primal place in myself as I went to bed Saturday night, anticipating the massive turnaround that Sunday provides.
Sunday: What separates AMP from the rest
I’ve done a lot of men’s work. At some point along that road, I realized I had become more comfortable with men than women. I had become a much more powerful person in the presence of Brothers than in the presence of a woman I desired. I would challenge my Brothers on their bullshit and the places they played it small, but I would still play nice with women.
The work with Celebration of Being went some way in addressing this, but the core issues of attraction and owning sexual desire remained. Not even the work I did with The New Tantra addressed that in the way I needed it to. However powerful it was, the women there were not trained to give skillful feedback regarding the core issues of attraction and how being around me felt in their body, and so the lessons I left with were of a different (yet very powerful) nature.
This is where AMP shines.
Sunday morning, 14 radiant, sexy, badass women walk in. Some of them have done this work for a decade, some are there to learn. Yet they’re all committed to bringing their full selves in service to the men.
The rest of that day is a deep dive with these women, where we get to have realtime feedback on how it feels to be in our presence. This is where AMP shines.
These women, especially the most experienced ones, have learned to dial in to and trust the minute shifts of their body-mind as they are with a man, and have the courage to speak it freely. So instead of the more typical blanket statements of an untrained woman, e.g. “you seem so needy”, “I feel scared” or “I don’t want to be with you”, they can communicate minutiae realtime. Maybe, “I’m not feeling anything. You seem happy with yourself, but I’m not feeling anything at all. Oh, when you moved your chin down just then, I started relaxing more. Oh wow, my pussy is starting to get wet. No, it’s gone again. I feel nothing.” That leads to “WTF!”-moments for most men. And then the Matrix starts unravelling.
Into darkness
I’m on a journey to claim more of my wildness and darkness these days. And the standout moment for me in the weekend was the desire-circle, where one man gets to explore the nature of his desire for almost a full hour with four women and four men present.
I’ve had a somewhat unresolved relationship to my desire. I’ve been afraid of owning it fully. And I’m starting to get why. My desire is quite dark; wild even. It’s not a nice “oh you’re so pretty”-desire. No, if I’m going to own this fully, I’m going to become a man who sometimes says some pretty dark stuff to women. And that, Brother, runs counter to my postmodern nice-guy conditioning.
In this desire-circle, however, I was encouraged to go there. And I did, with some discomfort and a lot of turn-on. Step by step, making sure she was safe and felt seen and respected, I went for that darkness. In the end with my hand around her throat, telling me I could kill her right there, but that I wouldn’t, because I loved being with her.
That’s the kind of stuff people don’t tell you about. It’s not Mama’s dream for her sweet son, it’s not what political campaigning and feminism applaud. Yet this woman responded very strongly and the rest of the women got very excited. Clearly, women want this part of me. And in fact, more men are requesting it as well. So I guess I’m being called to embrace more of this in a loving way. That’s both scary and exciting.
The beautiful thing is that, while there is clearly a power dynamic going on, it feels so vulnerable and naked for me too. Going to that scary place, knowing that love is what takes me there, and not necessarily knowing if she is going to receive me, if she will get that the only danger she is in is of having to let her shields down and accept love into her heart.
It takes a lot of courage and is incredibly vulnerable.
Aftermath
I’ve felt great after the AMP intensive and had some spectacular connections with women. This is part of a larger trajectory in life, but the AMP intensive was instrumental. Clearly, this stuff works. And if you’re wondering if you should get on the bandwagon, my input to you is “it might be expensive, but it’s likely to change your life and bring a whole new freedom in your relationships with women.”
Just have a look at my before and after testimonial:
I’m confident you can tell the difference. And I’m confident you will be able to tell the difference in yourself as well.
Whatever you choose to do, Brother, good luck in creating the kind of authentic, intimate, tender, potent relationships you’re wanting, be it with one or more women.
Warmly,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()Introduction
One of the most important realizations on the path of growth is that there are actually stages of development that you can grow through. If a man is unable to recognize that, then he may well end up shifting from strategy to strategy in life, from skill to skill, without actually growing at all. The realization that "there are other people who are more evolved than me" is of utmost importance for a man who is aiming for full maturity. It could very well be the most important thing of all. It is the prerequisite for mentoring and initiation, and in a culture that doesn't give that, the individual must seek it himself.
This model was developed by Don Beck and Christopher Cowan based on the work of psychology professor Clare Graves and was popularized by Ken Wilber (whose perspective lead to the evolution of SDi - Spiral Dynamics integral). I'm no Spiral Dynamics expert, so please do further research on your own, and let this serve as merely a primer.
Quickly about consciousness tiers before we begin: First tier consciousness is a type of consciousness in which a person thinks that he and those who think like him are sole keepers of truth. They cannot see the truths of the other levels of development, even if they themselves previously held it (grew through it). When people of different first tier levels of development meet, they often end up arguing, without being able to really understand what the other person is saying at all. Spending time on such discussion is pointless.
In second tier, however, the person can see all levels of development that came before it, and embrace the value and truths inherent in all levels of development (this is not the same as postmodernism). Second tier individuals see the trajectory along which consciousness develops and are better equipped guiding others along this path themselves. We can see further down in this text that the more developed a person is, the more powerful he is. The numbers are from Ken Wilber's A Theory of Everything, and are probably somewhat outdated. It is reasonable to think that the world has seen a shift towards higher levels of development since then.
And now, for the observable levels of development presented in the Spiral Dynamics model.
First tier consciousness
Beige (archaic-instinctual, identity not yet fully formed)
The beige level of consciousness is the first and least sophisticated level available to human beings. It features a barely developed sense of I, meaning it has little sense of being separate. Beige consciousness is basically only concerned with the most basic needs, food, water, sex, security etc.
Key word: Survival
Seen in: Infants, senile elderly, the starving etc.
Cultural impact: 0.1 percent of the population, 0 percent powerPurple (magic-animistic, identity not yet fully formed)
The purple level developed when human tribes first met. This traumatic experience required them to reorient themselves in the world and form new forms of civilization. Purple believes in magic; spirits of nature or the ancestors fly around casting spells and curses. Purple can develop irrational relationships to inanimate objects based on the idea that all objects, alive or otherwise, posess a soul. Can appear to some (myself included) to be a higher level of consciousness than it actually is.
Key word: Magic
Seen in: Voodoo curses, good luck charms, third world tribes etc
Cultural impact: 10 percent of the population, 1 percent of the powerRed (egocentric, individual)
At this stage, a separate sense of self distinct from the tribe develops. With this new-formed identity comes the wish to perpetuate its power and as a consequence red consciousness generally uses violence and aggressive means to barge ahead in life. The world is a dangerous place and to perpetuate the power of identity, all enemies must be destroyed.
Key words: Power and respect
Seen in: Terrible twos, feudal kingdoms, James Bond villains, Nazi Germany (part red, part blue), wild rock stars, Lord of the Flies etc.
Cultural impact: 20 percent of the population, 5 percent of the powerBlue (mythic, group)
This consciousness level leaves behind the chaotic narcissism of red in favour of law and order. Blue features very defined values, black and white, true and false, good and evil, saint and sinner. Violating the agreed upon code of conduct has very serious consequences, going to hell, being executed, imprisoned, exiled etc. There is only one way to think about things and the social structure is very hierarchical. Dogmatic religion and submission to a supernatural being, everything is predestined, sacrifice now to obtain later.
Key words: Purpose, justice
Seen in: Conservative politics, Republican party (part blue, part orange), patriotism, boy and girl scouts, fundamentalism, codes of chivalry and honor, ethnocentricity
Cultural impact: 40 percent of the population, 30 percent of the powerOrange (rational, individual)
At this stage of consciousness, the individual starts questioning the idea that everything is predestined. Perhaps there is no God in the sky that has everything all figured out. Man then starts taking responsibility for his own life and starts seeking his own answers and ways ahead in life. This level of consciousness is meritocratic - your worth is not based on who you are, but what you can do, and thus worldcentric (a black man is worth just as much as a white man if he has the same skills). Science rules the day and the mystery of existence is all but gone, the world is a well oiled machine that is there to be used, even at the cost of the planet.
Key words: Skill
Seen in: Capitalism, fashion industry, the Western Enlightenment (Renaissance), fame and superstardom
Cultural impact: 30 percent of the population, 50 percent of the powerGreen (postmodern, group)
With the emergence of green in the 1960s, came a sensitizing to the plight of the human race. Blue and orange have been destroying the planet through creating saints and sinners, winners and losers, and green seeks to deconstruct these value structures to better humanity. At this stage, emotions become more important than logic, decisions are reached through reconciliation and consensus. Take care of the planet, be a good person and don't be so greedy. Green fails to see the stages of consciousness it traversed to get to its current state and is extremely bad at making decisions, because it's incapable of deeming one thing better or worse than another. Everything is an egalitarian mush from which little truth and action can be extracted. Green is often incapable of making the changes it idolizes.
Key words: Deconsctruct blue and orange, preserve the planet and be nice
Where seen: Liberal politics, Democratic Party (part green, part orange), political correctness, Greenpeace, animal rights, human rights issues, free health care, United Nations
Cultural impact: 10 percent of the population, 15 percent of the powerSecond tier consciousness
Yellow (integrative, individual)
This is the first stage of 2nd tier consciousness. 2nd tier is described by its awareness of the existence of different levels of consciousness. It sees that all levels have a place in the world and that the purpose of 2nd tier consciousness is to use whatever tools are available to traverse the ladder of evolution to help people at whatever stages they're at. Hierarchies are reintroduced: Knowledge and competency should supersede power, status and group sensitivity. Flexibility, spontaneity and functionality have the highest priority. A belief in intuition.
Key words: Evolution through flexibility
Where seen: Rarely, mainly in individuals, but to some extent in the growing number of integral businesses
Cultural impact: 1 percent of the population, 5 percent of the powerTurquoise (holistic, group)
Consciousness that unites feeling with knowledge. Believes in universal order, but not based on external rules (blue) or group bonds (green). Often involves emergence of cosmocentric spirituality. Global consciousness - it's possible to make money while taking good care of the planet and workers. In fact, it's not only possible, through the turquoise perspective, it is seen as the BEST way to make money. Uses the entire spiral, can access any stage at will and can read between the lines. The insight of turquoise into human nature is so vast that it can be perceived as being psychic, even though that is not necessarily the case.
Key words: Global consciousness
Where seen: In rare individuals who have integrated spirituality with the rational world of science and matter
Cultural impact: 0.1 percent of the population, 1 percent of the power
Young William: I can fight. Malcolm Wallace: I know. I know you can fight. But it's our wits that make us men.— , Braveheart (1995)
— , Irregular updates ()After my participation in the NWTA, I was asked if I wanted to write about my experience there. I chose to accept. I inquired with the man in charge if I could publish the piece here on my webpage as well and he said yes. So here it is.
[caption id="attachment_1778" align="alignright" width="400" caption="At the end of the NWTA. Ill, heart-open, tired and looking like I'm seventeen. Funny how an experience that took me so far back into childhood made me feel so much more like a man."][/caption]Hungry for initiation
I have felt a deep, ferocious hunger for that elusive sense of maturity for years now – never having been able to shake the unpleasant feeling that I am still but a boy in the body of a man. And I knew I needed help to get past a masochistic, pervasive undercurrent in life which always made every action feel not quite right, not exactly authentic. In many ways, my life was great – and improving. Yet, my suffering was undeniable. And so I was ready. In the evening of June 4 2011, at The Comb in Northumberland, I finally embarked on my life's first Hero's journey.
It was an intense experience; over in a flash. Yet contained within those brief moments was a journey through grief into rebirth. That is more than literary symbolism – the skillful facilitators guided me into childhood and through a birth canal made up of initiated men, each spouting one of my masochistic beliefs. It was a surreal, yet deeply impacting experience I had not prepared for. All visions of a hero's journey I have entertained myself with looked very different to mine.
As the facilitators circled us on the last day – bidding us farewell in silence – I felt my heart strongly. Rare are the moments in life when I have felt so alive. Tears flowed down my face. I stood there an initiated man – having been through a ritual for which my entire soul had hungered for years. The look on the faces of these men – each featuring a unique texture of love and acceptance – confirmed that I had indeed received what I longed for. Some missing part of me was starting to pour back in. I was happy.
Journey to The Comb
I run a webpage called Masculinity Movies. It emerged out of my own search for maturity and manhood and running it has brought me much learning and satisfaction. As my exploration of movies, spirituality and psychology deepened, a book about the KWML archetypes showed on my radar. It's called King, Warrior, Magician, Lover – archetypes of the mature masculine. The authors are Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette, men of some familiarity to you, I suspect
As my understanding of these archetypes grew, I started applying them to my movie reviews – with outstanding results. People loved what they read – and I learned much writing. The Mankind Project was mentioned with increasing frequency and eventually my reviews became featured content on both the Mankind Project's Facebook page and their journal on mankindprojectjournal.org. It was clear that I had found an organization full of men who shared my thoughts and passions and I felt excited by the growing possibility of global brotherhood.
I connected through this time with MKP men such as Kenny D'Cruz, Boysen Hodgson and Mark Guilford and my participation was in a way inevitable. Speaking with Boysen on Skype one day pretty much cemented it. There was nothing more to think about – I took a leap of faith and don't regret it.
I was afraid when I knocked on the door and entered the dark room behind it, but boy am I happy that I did.
Back to Normal?
I returned home with a slight concern that the experience would just be a workshop high, my freedom slowly dwindling with every passing day after returning home. But I do feel different. Something has remained. In fact, some hard to describe feeling of being a man and not a boy has strengthened and I feel more confident overall. Most importantly, I feel freer to express myself. In fact, my voice has changed. It has opened and become deeper. Several people have commented on it.
I want to write briefly about my shadow, identified on my weekend as «I create a more alienated world by being judgmental about others». The number one inner conflict in my life is my desire to connect combined with the fear of rejection. My need to connect is tremendous. I love going to deep and rich places with people. Yet for many years, my spiritual practice was a solitary affair which served to strengthen this shadow.
Before I move to criticize it, I want to honor my many years of sitting meditation practice and my dives into worlds such as Buddhism, integral theory and tantra. They served me well for many years. Yet, I remained divorced from life itself. So in my feelings of unfulfillment, I learned that I could protect myself from the fear of rejection by condemning people who I might otherwise wish to connect with as unworthy, «less spiritual». Absolutely wonderful. Served me well. And I'm so fucking done with it.
The new openness that is unfolding in my life allows me to go deeper with others. The key for me is the ability to share impact combined with a deeper realization of my ability to be self-sufficient in the love department. Now, when someone impacts me in a way I like or don't like, I can simply share my experience of it. It's not a defense, and yet it's the best defense of all. Shared humanity. What a concept!
My relationships have deepened considerably this year, yet the experience of intimacy in the interpersonal spaces of my life has dropped to an even deeper and richer level since the weekend at The Comb. I feel nourished.
The path ahead
In two weeks time, I go to Edinburgh for my PIT. I feel inspired to be a faciliator at a training adventure in not too long. To experience it from the other angle. To give it. My mission statement involves curiosity and blessing and so, the path is lit.
I have gathered four NWTA initiates and three other good men who live in the Oslo area and our first real gathering is planned for August. I am moving in three weeks, to the first flat I could ever call truly mine, and will be happy to host them there. This is deeply significant for me, contributing to a general feeling of increased groundedness and embodiment. I feel pleased with myself. My heart opens when I write that.
I'm also feeling big openings in my quest for my true mission in the world. So many good things are happening. I feel stronger and more peaceful and I'm even sensing that a woman is going to come into my life again soon. I realize that I have held the belief that if I get to be with a woman, I somehow automatically get the better end of the deal. And having seen it, I realize how bullshit it is. I can now own how lucky the woman who gets to have me will be. We will both be lucky, gifts to each other.
Would these things have happened if I didn't do my NWTA? Hard to say. I think it probably would have eventually considering the intensity of my yearning for ever increasing maturity and insight. But it's not important. It is what it is and I'm happy with the way I arrived here. (I have worn my talisman almost every day since returning.)
I'm Royal Impala and I'm in.
— , Irregular updates ()I've been inspired to see that my article "King, Warrior, Magician, Lover - archetypes of the mature masculine" has become one of my favourites on this site. About ten people find it on google every day and spend an enormous amount of time (by Google standards) there. This suggests to me that people actually read it. Not bad!
The KWML book is one of my bookshelf favourites and I feel there is much more for me in there. What I have presented in the article is just really brief and presents my limited understanding of the topic. Looking for more information about KWML the other day, I became aware that Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette actually wrote FOUR VOLUMES, one for each of the archetypes. That is four volumes in addition to this brilliant book. But they're all out of print.
I did some sleuthing on Amazon the other day and realized I can get hold of them second hand. One looked it was going to set me back almost $100, but then I found it somewhere else for £20. I haven't ordered these gems yet, but I will soon, and then I will go through them one by one, reporting my findings to you as I do so. Archetypes – and especially the KWML archetypes – have become very important in my life and are very useful aids in my own personal daily life.
I want to bring some of the benefit I've had from getting to know these archetypes to you in the time to come. It is some of the work I'm most passionate about.
Stay tuned
— , Irregular updates ()
Finally, as promised, here it is. This is the first video in a series of four on the King, Warrior, Magician, Lover archetypes. The first deals with the King.
This is my first time teaching on video like this and I want you to be real honest with me how you experience it. It's kind of foreign to me and I'm still getting used to it. Tell me what works and what doesn't so I can give you more of what you want and less of what you don't.
Thanks,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()I read this short article over at the Good Men Project. Something about some right wing Republican talking about African Americans and who said this in an interview:
Slavery had a disastrous impact on African-American families, yet sadly a child born into slavery in 1860 was more likely to be raised by his mother and father in a two-parent household than was an African-American baby born after the election of the USA’s first African-American President.
Tom Matlack and a lot of commenters went ra ra ra - this is terrible, awful. She is implying that African Americans were better off as slaves. Why don't I see that implication? It got me thinking. When are people still stuck in the postmodern cramp going to stop disempowering themselves with their trigger happy victim circuitry? (this is nothing personal – just a general reflection inspired by thoughts triggered by the GMT piece)
This morally outraged rhetoric of the postmodern world is the source of a huge amount of problems. It contributes to the polarization of right and left. In this way, liberals contributed to creating the tea party movement, just like they contributed to creating Derek Vinyard in American History X. Let's now grow up and recognize the world as interconnected and understand that we are all implicated in some way or another.
As people of higher consciousness (according to Spiral Dynamics), liberals should now take that one final step into 2nd tier consciousness and learn to own their part of it. The onus is on those of higher consciousness to behave in a "higher way". Then the polarization would reduce and right wing Republicans would be free to start growing from their little political-Biblical cramps into full, God-given selfhood.
Anyway, here's my reply to the blog post (which for some reason didn't get through).
I'm intrigued by this. I have no idea who this woman is. I can't stand the Republican party and think they are largely a bunch of narrow-minded religious zealots. I'm quite liberal and I'm for all the things you say she is against.
But I look at the statement – without any background information and no emotional investment – and simply can't understand what the fuzz is about.
What I see is simply an expression of concern for the development of the African American family structure. I see you speak about "implications". What are those? I can't for the life of me see how the statement implies that African American families were better off as slaves. I notice in myself that I could choose to interpret it that Obama, as a representative of the Democrats, has made conditions worse for African Americans. I *think* can notice – EXTREMELY faintly – how a voice in me would have it that she claims African Americans were botter off as slaves. EXTREMELY FAINTLY.
Yet, I choose not to listen to those inner voices. I could. But why disempower myself? Why speculate about what something means only to reaffirm a broken part of me?
One of the things I don't like about the postmodern world is that there is an enormous enthusiasm to play the victim card. I find myself losing trust in a man or a woman who screams bloody outrage too easily. I see that as psychological projection. I see it as a person with poor psychological boundaries and an inability to see their own inner shadow complex (the way they themselves judge ALL the time) using another person's slip as an opportunity to further sidestep the important work of turning attention inwards.
Those of you upset by this - are you sure you are not just firing on all emotional circuits because you are so USED to it? That this is not about any objective decency, but about your own habitual tendencies?
The more we let ourselves be triggered, the less we can *be the change* in the world.
I say this having no political or emotional background with this woman. And remember - these words are the only ones I have ever seen from her. And if she is a member of the Tea party movement, I don't respect her (we're not in the middle ages anymore). So I basically suspect I would find her unappealing.
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()This review may be one of the hardest I've ever done. I’ve gone many rounds with myself in order to complete it. I finished the first draft back in May, just as I was heading off to Frankfurt for the Men and the future symposium. But as I was about to publish it, I read through it one final time – and found myself uninspired. I didn’t like what I read and chose to discard it. The perspective I took back then was based almost entirely on Spiral Dynamics and Integral Theory. This angle remains one of the most obvious ones to me.
The way I see it, Falling Down is clearly a movie about a clash of different stages of consciousness: Traditional (D-fens), modernist/capitalist (“the system”) and postmodern/liberal (all the narcissism on display). All of that is interesting. Yet “interesting” is deeply unsatisfying to me. I don't care much about interesting. I want soul. I want dirt, grime and all that juicy stuff that modern life keeps us apart from. I want my writing to be conceptually intelligent, but I want the meat of it to go under the radar of the modern mind (which loves "interesting"), hitting those wet and hairy parts inside of us which remain wild. With Falling Down, that has been challenging.
D-fens the victim
William ‘D-fens’ Foster is a former defense industry worker who’s been laid off. He is a loyal patriot who seems, in his world, to have done everything right. So why was he fired? Why did his wife divorce him and then slap him with a restraining order? Unwilling to allow circumstances to bring him into a transformational journey towards increased depth and self-awareness, William is hellbent on staying on auto-pilot; as the movie opens he is making his way to “work” carrying an empty briefcase, a broken spirit and boundless denial.
It’s the hottest day of summer. William is a temperamental man and the heat is not helping. When an unpleasant shopkeeper won’t help him get money for a payphone, he snaps, and his journey into madness begins. The journey into madness is a wonderful metaphor, employed in many myths and movies. It’s the journey of stepping out of linear time and embracing “crazy time”, where things are not as they seem and the soul becomes exposed to the transformational fires that arise from a total lack of control. William’s descent does not seem a metaphorical journey, however.
A lost opportunity
William is portrayed much like a victim whose buttons have been pushed one too many times. And now, the urban wasteland he journeys through seems to conspire to move him into full acceptance of his capacity for destruction. There is clearly a theme of boundaries here, which highlights the archetypal Warrior. William’s boundaries have been compromised one too many times, and now he taps into his Sadist shadow in order to get back at the world. This theme is interesting and at times also stimulating. What frustrates me, however, is that the movie has this wonderful opportunity to intelligently describe the interplay between William’s inner landscape and the outer world, much like the mental asylum scene towards the end of The Fisher King. It could've shown how the world we see is a reflection of our inner sense of harmony (King archetype). But it doesn't. In sitting with this movie, I have come to suspect that the movie makers simply did not have sufficient psychological wisdom to make the most out of a promising premise.
A clash of world views
D-fens is a traditional man. In spiral dynamics, the traditional stage of development is associated with the color blue. It signifies qualities like loyalty, duty, allegiance to God and country, rules, morals, justice etc. The people with whom I identify share my ethnic and cultural background, beliefs and sexual orientation. One of the central themes in Falling Down is the clash between William’s “wholesome traditional values” and the values of his surrounding world.
Being a loyal patriot seems to not be enough for the “system”; it still rejects him. William’s struggle becomes a metaphor of sorts for the clash between the values of small-town rural America and a modern/postmodern urban mentality. Evolution of consciousness takes us from the traditional stage of development to the rational. The rational stage of development is associated with the color orange and signifies qualities like rationality, striving for success (the American Dream), efficiency, profit (capitalism) and mastery of skills. Science trumps God and skill trumps race.
The sphere of people with whom I identify grows to include those who are useful to me (who provide relevant skill), negating the focus on ethnicity, religious allegiance and sexual orientation. The shadow is using people as if they were machines, raping the planet for natural resources, extreme focus on being successful and top dog. My favorite scene in the movie is when a victim of “the system” makes a big ruckus in front of a bank and is subsequently taken away by the police.
He leans out of the window as he pleads with us not to forget him. This is a great scene, elegantly exposing the shadow side of capitalism. Human beings eventually get fed up with the lack of humanity on the rational stage and move into the pluralistic stage of development. It’s associated with the color green and signifies qualities like empathy, community, tolerance, consensus, egalitarianism.
At this stage of development, I identify with all people in the world. The shadow side is a flattening of hierarchy and meaning, narcissism, irresponsibility and naivete. These are the major stages of Consciousness at play in Falling Down, though there's also a bit of egocentric red. Here’s a scene where that chaotic egocentric red clashes with William's traditional values: The Nazi-sympathizing shopkeeper in this scene is largely on the egocentric stage of development (which precedes the traditional). D-fens has temporarily regressed to that level due to the extreme pressure he is under (a state change), but his values and ethical compass are still traditional. This scene displays the confusion that can arise when we don't get the concept of states and stages of development.
A parade of stereotypes
The more I dig into Falling Down, the more I realize it doesn’t give substantial return on my investment. While I can watch the movie and enjoy it, when I start digging into it, there is simply not much treasure to be found. Most of the characters in the movie feel totally one-dimensional to me. Almost every person D-fens encounters on his odyssey through the urban wasteland of Los Angeles is an asshole.
Rather than feel like well-rounded personalities, they seem like vehicles for an agenda: To paint a picture of a hostile, cynical world that doesn’t give a rat’s ass about people. They seem to exist merely to offer justification for William's actions. I feel some intensity around that. A bit of anger. Because I don’t like it when a movie tries to manipulate me into seeing the world as more hostile than it is.
There is kindness in this world. Generosity. Love. I guess the movie makers were unable to honor this truth and still maintain a cogent storyline. But Falling Down is too literal a story to take such liberties with reality. The consequence is that Falling Down triggers my bullshit detector.
The takeaway for us as men
William D-fens Foster was fired from his job, lost his wife and the right to see his daughter, and now lives with his mother. Why? Because he didn’t have the capacity to be with his temper with transparent vulnerability and was unwilling to claim responsibility for his lot in life. D-fens is a frozen man. And like all frozen men, he is completely stuck. When we hide our truth, say yes when we mean no, accept harassment and settle for less, we too risk eventually moving into an uncontrolled outpouring of more primal impulses.
This is a familiar theme for those of you who have read my KWML article and grasped the bipolar shadow dynamic. William’s victim mentality exposes his lacking ego development, which puts him at the mercy of archetypal forces. Mythologically speaking, Falling Down is the journey towards William’s Red Knight. The Red Knight is that part of us which wields power and engages in territorial disputes (boundaries).
It’s hugely important to us as men and relates to our fundamental feeling of safety and our ability to take up space in the world (read more about the three knights). But as Falling Down shows us, this primal power is also dangerous when wielded unskillfully. That is why a man’s accessing of this “red” has been taken so seriously in tribal cultures. Integrating those primal impulses and then surrendering to a higher power is one of the central themes that the process of initiation addresses.
Conclusion
Falling Down tries to make a commentary on a society in decay. In the process, it oversimplifies reality and makes sweeping observations lacking in wisdom and nuance. William's movement into “red” might get your hormonal man-juices bubbling a bit (reminding you of all those times you let yourself be fucked with), but it falls short of giving us a real sense of empowerment. While I empathize with William’s difficulties (I have felt them and I imagine must of us have), I’m not impressed with how he deals with them.
I find his inclination to see himself as a victim annoying. And yet, there's also real tragedy in this story. This man lived such a repressed life, so in denial of his own challenges and needs that in the end, he figures it's not worth it. He is the archetypal frozen stoic. Unable to own that he has created this life for himself, William is at the mercy of dancing shadows (which is, annoyingly, what the movie fails to point out). And his story reminds me that in order to become truly powerful men, we must see ourselves clearly and recognize our needs and desires. If not, we will try to manipulate the world to meet our own disowned desires, and we will do so in disconnected, blaming and totally miserable ways.
— , Irregular updates ()This is a mood piece I just came across that reflects the crisis in masculinity the world is currently facing. I think it works pretty well. Notice the same theme crop up again and again: Absent fathers and the resulting peer based pseudo-initiations, gender confusion and misguided pursuits of manhood.
— Miles, Sideways (2004)If you don't have money at my age, you're not even in the game anymore. You're just a pasture animal waiting for the abattoir.
— , Irregular updates ()For those of you who enjoyed “The Last Samurai”, the “Seven Samurai”, and “300” you’re in for a treat. 13 Assassins is a movie about warriors willing to lay their life for a Just cause – Killing a sadistic lord Naritsugu who will plunge the country into chaos.
Entrusted to this task is Shinzaemon Shimada, who leads 12 others to kill the Lord on his route from Edo to Akashi. This will be no easy task as the 13 assassins will have to overcome Naritsugu’s entourage of 200 soldiers led by Shinzaemon master swords man rival Hanbei Kitou.
This movie is an amazing sit down with your boys and watch the fun. While the movie takes some time to build up and develop the cast, the end includes a 45 Minute non-stop action sequence.
— , Irregular updates ()I’m currently reading Soulcraft, a beautiful book by depth psychologist and wilderness guide Bill Plotkin. In doing so I’m reminded of the different realms of existence within which we get to journey and evolve: Spirit, Ego and Soul. Or the Overworld, Middleworld and Underworld.
(Please read to the end of this post – I have an exciting offer that may be a great match for you)
Understanding the territory of the upper worlds
In our Western culture, we prioritize Ego and Spirit. We prioritize psychological function and communing with God.
When Plotkin speaks of the middle world, he speaks of a deeply human place, where the Ego-driven human being is sovereign. That does not make this world a necessarily terrible place, unlike many would have us believe (only immature egos give rise to terrible sufferings).
Ego is that psychological operating system that gives us a feeling of identity and the resources to function in the profane world. When we receive psychotherapy or coaching, we work in the domain of Ego. We work on healing our fractured selves so that our function in the world is optimized. We learn about empathy and to trust in ourselves. We learn about boundaries. In other words, the Ego we speak of here is not the domain of evil, as it is frequently seen in the religions of the world. It is rather a necessary function of the deeply human part of ourselves, like it is in the KWML archetypal work of Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette that I’m well known for.
When we pray, meditate or engage with other kinds of spiritual practices, we seek to inhabit the domain of Spirit. We seek the blissful re-alignment with the Sacred, which was always there, but was lost on the way. We find the Oneness of all phenomena and disappear in light. This is a beautiful thing, but the inherent risk is that we become light chasers, or what Robert Augustus Masters call spiritual bypassers. This can be recognized in people that speak of lofty spiritual ideals and who seem to have a certain glow and lightness, but who cannot function in the world and are secretly judgmental and emotionally repressed.
Michelangelo’s famous painting in the Sistine Chapel shows the yearning these two worlds have for each other. Spirit wants to incarnate in human form and Man yearns to return to his divine Source.
Setting up camp in the Underworld
If you know my work, you may recognize that neither of these domains are where I’ve set up basecamp, for better or worse.
After being in the domain of chasing light for most of my twenties, my 30s have initiated me into the dark, numinous caverns of the Underworld. And there, I re-encountered a world I first discovered when I was about 10 years old, when a small Greek woman named Aleka walked into my classroom for the first time.
She was a temporary teacher and would tell stories from Greek mythology (which unlike Christianity embraces the Underworld) when we had been good and worked hard. I fell in love with that universe. I consumed books on the subject and drew depictions of Greek goddesses, who represented a beauty for which I longed (my favorite subject is depicted to the right).
An integral part of the path of Soul is to become more familiar with the essential gifts we have been entrusted with in this lifetime. And early childhood experiences often have stories to tell us were we but to listen to them. I was more fascinated by fairy tales and mythology than superheroes when I was young. Had I understood the significance of this sooner, I may not have chosen the ascendent path for so long.
In traditional Christianity, the realm of Soul is not an inviting place – unless you like the thought of ending up in Hell. Soul is that part of reality that has seemed out of control, hostile even; Nature and the Anima (the feminine in us) are viewed with suspicion.
No wonder Soul is not present in Michelangelo’s painting. Also no wonder the Christian world has had so few qualms about destroying Nature and the indigenous people who live in communion with it.
So Western culture doesn’t have an easy-going relationship with Soul. Neither does the Eastern, whose religions also generally deny Soul, although the Daoists fare better.
The underworld is one which seems to have been widely repressed. It is the domain of paganism, indigenous cultures, ancestral lineages, death and rebirth in rites of passage. It is that dark place where demons feast on our flesh and strip us to the bone so that we can resurrect free of the baggage of the past and possibly with mystical powers. It is the realm of alchemy.
This world has gone underground and survived in hiding in myths and fairy tales – even movies (in fact, Disney is one of the main proponents of Soul in our culture today, which is more than a little disconcerting). And yet it still speaks to us from below. “Hear me! Don’t forget me! Ignore me at your own risk!”
I live in that domain these days. It’s a heavy and dark place, and also incredibly fertile. It’s nature-bound and has a sombre beauty about it. And it should break your heart.
Foremost among my sources of inspiration on this path is currently the English poet David Whyte.
I feel incredibly nourished by David Whyte’s poetry. And it has brought me inspiration for my own, which I intend to share with you to soon.
Your Inner Throne (an invitation)
I’m very excited now as I tell you that I’ve finally started real work on my KWML archetype product, “Reclaiming your Inner Throne: An archetypal immersion experience”. Archetypes live in the Underworld, in the collective unconscious. And in understanding the Soul-walker’s path better, I’ve had powerful insights that lead me to having breakthroughs in this manifestation process.
If the path of ascension is too narrow for you and the thought of success alone is too impoverished for you, then maybe you are the perfect person to walk this path with me. It will be a product that initiates you into a deeper knowing of yourself. It will beckon you closer to your big work in this life. It will help you to have trust in the inherent abundance of the universe (which I too need help with).
And if my deep period of research and exploration of this subject is as fruitful as I hope, going on this journey may have far-reaching consequences for something else that I know you care about (I’m deliberately being obscure for now). We won’t turn our backs on the Middleworld and Overworld, however – they will all be present.
I have no clear idea of when this product will be done. It will probably be a creative process of many months. I’m going to the woods in August on a creative retreat, after which I will know more.
I want to offer you something that I’m excited about before the release of it, however. I’m deliberately reaching out support in my life. And I would love to have you on my side as I create this product for you. I have therefore decided to release this product to a small group of 10 people initially.
If you are one of these 10 people, you will get the product at a fraction of the price I will release it at (I’m aiming for $79 vs the likely $299 for final product). And you will be part of a very exclusive group of people who get to go on a very intimate journey together, even co-creating parts of the experience with me.
This rich experience has life-changing potential and if you feel drawn to being part of this initial group of trailblazers, give me a hint below or send me an e-mail (before I start communicating this offer more broadly).
May you have a Soulful weekend. May the Otherworld shine through to yours and communicate to you the signs that you seek.
Talk soon,
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()Ahmad Ibn Fadlan – or "Eben" as the North Men call him – is a man who adores beauty, poetry, God and the scriptures. He is by North Men standards a bit of a pansy, though he does ride a horse quite well. When a young boy shows up in the North Men tribe where Eben finds himself to bring word from a land in turmoil, their oracle is brought to read bones and see what may come to pass. "Thirteen warriors," she calls out, "are needed for the mission."
And one by one the brave men volunteer for the perilous task of absolving the forgotten lands from an ancient terror. The old King is dead, yet it is their new King Buliwyf who is the first of the men to volunteer. "The thirteenth warrior", shrieks the oracle, "can not be one of us!" Good friend Eben freezes and realizes he has entered the wrong camp.
The next morning, the Vikings present him with a water bowl in which he is to wash himself, after they have all washed themselves with the same water. He is disgusted. He is a dainty man and does not appreciate the snot of his fellow brother. We discussed this scene in a film club I run on another community and I reminded them how important it is that a man gets to know his inner Wild Man.
This man is not finicky about hygiene, but is more grounded in the earth and the getting it done. I remember in my previous relationship that I would often do things that were disgusting by her standards, though I felt that they empowered me. Men and women are different that way. Eben is a bit effeminate. Yet I too would refuse washing my face in water where another bloke just emptied his nostrils.
Eaters of the Dead
After having made a name for himself by riding his horse like a warrior and learning the North Men language, Eben is somewhat more accustomed to the company of the savage men by the time they arrive at their destination. Already, a bond has started forming between him and Buliwyf. The land which meets them is a gray and desolate place, bereft of most its men of fighting prowess.
They are already dead, taken by the Eaters of the dead. We are reminded of the "women and children" first mantra. In times of war and danger, men always die first. It is part of our gender role - we are the expendable sex - something which is hardly acknowledged in today's world, where women are always described as getting the worst end of the stick.
When the Eaters strike the first time, Eben is terrified. He is not a Warrior. "You will be soon!," laughs Herger the joyous. He does survive, but a scratch on his face, and even gets one of them. But they return in force. The North Men suspect there is some supernatural force at play. The dead bodies of the Eaters disappeared after battle and when fire appears up on the hill from whence they came first time around, they shout "they have roused the fire serpent". These truly are mythical lands.
The Eaters return in force and Eben enters a battle frenzy, loses himself and his old ways to bloodlust in the moment. He is not a Warrior and so does not remain grounded and focused in the moment of battle, though he is an able arm in battle already, especially after he got his Arabian scimitar cut at the smithy. Herger laughs at him "You got one? Don't worry. There's more!".
Taking the battle to them
The brave king Buliwyf rouses his men – those who remain – to a counter-attack. Eben has turned into an important part of the group, for he is the man with talents of his own – as well as a big brain. There is a nice scene in which Eben rides out of the Viking village and the beautiful lass that he has bonded with strokes her arm against his leg as he rides out.
We know from earlier that Eben is fond of beautiful women, and we see his temptation to turn around and spend time with the fair-haired beauty. But he has discovered something new and perhaps even more important now: Brotherhood. He knows he cannot let his brothers down, leave them to their fates while he is frolicking with a woman. It's simply not the way of a mature man.
They successfully raid the encampment of the enemy– who are a spooky and primitive sort of group – and Buliwyf slays their female spiritual leader. But he is poisoned by her before he gets her head. As his last hours are upon him, Buliwyf calls on Eben to write down the stories of his life, that it might be remembered. Eben is moved and recognizes, once and for all, the greatness of these fearless warriors. He agrees that such would be a worthy thing.
The final battle comes to pass – the male leader of the enemy must also be crushed for the enemy to be broken, and in the dark moments before battle, Eben kneels on the ground to pray: "God, Merciful Father, I have squandered my days with plans of many things . . . this was not among them . . . but at this moment, I beg only to live the next few minutes well". Beautiful. He is asking his God for help in staying grounded and present in the moment. Male spirituality at its finest.
And so, with the calling on the forefathers and a homage to the Halls of Valhalla (which Eben beautifully partakes in), Buliwyf kills the general of the enemy with what remains of his waning life force. And so, more or less, it ends.
Conclusion
13th Warrior is a pretty light-hearted movie, but what strikes me about it is that it's a good story for studying the Wild Man archetype, but perhaps more importantly the integration of the Lover and the Warrior archetypes in the KWML system.
Ahmad Ibn Fadlan was exiled because he lusted for the woman of another man. He is also a poet. Ergo, he is a Lover archetype. And then he teams up with a tribe of savage Warriors, who turn out to be noble at their core. What happens in Eben through this adventure is an integration of the Lover and the Warrior, particularly demonstrated through the relationship he shares with Buliwyf (a character who is a king, but whose archetypal function in the movie is of a Warrior King). It is a noteworthy theme and makes the movie a worthy watch.
— , Irregular updates ()MM LIVE is a recently initiated branch of Masculinity Movies, where a group of men gather in Oslo, Norway to watch a movie and discuss issues pertaining to men and manhood. My vision statement with MM LIVE is:
"To create a safe and supportive environment where men can express and observe authentic masculinity."
My hope is that it will provide a space for men to excavate hidden resources in a spirit of shared brotherhood.
Masculinity Movies LIVE events archive
— King Longshank, Braveheart (1995)Not the archers. My scouts tell me their archers are miles away and no threat to us. Arrows cost money. Use up the Irish. The dead cost nothing.
The concept The idea to create Masculinity-Movies.com came about during a time of intense study on what it meant to be a man. This is a question I’ve struggled with most of my adult life and this confusion has caused me to go through times of intense inner turmoil and depression. But the process has brought results and at this point, I was trying to find a way to juggle masculine and feminine energies and forms of expression in my life in a way that was beneficial for everyone. At the same time, I felt a growing need to share my own voice in this wilderness, and it seemed directly connected with my own sense of well being. There was just one problem. I had no idea what to say. I was working on my Norwegian translation for The Way of The Superior Man by David Deida (still in progress) and applying it in the relationship with my lover, with great results. As the two of us spent some quiet quality time together watching films in her flat, the answer to the question that had plagued me for a long while – “how can I bring this material to the…— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()(video greeting at the bottom)
2014 has been a year of enormous change and growth for me and most of the people I know and love.
If you are someone who is in honest conversation with your life, I bet you’ve had the same experience. We are in many ways in over our heads, with lives full of activity. And while "activity" used to mean that we do a lot of different things in the outer time-space dimension, this rapidity has long since infiltrated our inner worlds as well.
The consequence is that we seem to be transforming, for better or worse, faster than ever before. People seem to be "popping" all over the place. Indeed, waking up from the trance of conventional life seems no longer reserved for hardcore meditators only.
We have become fed up with the "old world", have we not? This tight-assed, hyper-rational, consumerist, destructive, depressed world seems to be gradually losing its grip on humanity, and while its consciousness should never be eliminated (it's part of the spiral of evolution that we all must traverse), it looks set to lose its status as top dog.
This is good news!
The bad news is that on the way down, it seems quite willing to take the whole eco-system with it. You would think the problem is "out there", but this process towards ecological collapse is fuelled by normal folks like you and I who are simply too busy, challenged or depressed to go looking for the answers to their problems in their inner worlds. So instead, they keep buying shit they don't need, polluting both their inner lives and the planet in the process. We are probably the most addicted people the world has ever known.
This planet has everything we need to thrive. And if we were to take this opportunity to turn towards lives of sanity, our future looks bright indeed. But for that to happen, we must, in a sense, die.
Failing identity structures in a changing world
"The world is changed. I feel it in the water, I feel it in the earth, I smell it in the air". Thus opens the start of the extended edition of the Lord of the Rings epic. For those who have done deep inner work and opened the door to mysticism in their lives, Galadriel’s words ring true these days. The other day, I could feel it as an "electric charge" and an otherworldly, pregnant silence in the air. A friend described it as “the quiet before the storm”.
It seems that these shifts in the collective soul of humanity and the spiritual air we breathe are causing large numbers of people to come face to face with their false identity structures. I went through this process in 2014 and many of my friends either did go through it or are in it now. We became so allergic to ourselves (a concept poet David Whyte talks about beautifully) that we were forced to drop our attachments to our old world identity structures and fall into the alchemical crucible of underworld initiation.
And in this dropping of old world relics from our inner geographies, landscapes of connectedness and mysticism seem to open up. This isn't woo-woo. Such phenomena are studied at esteemed learning institutions such as Harvard and MIT (check out the research of Robert Kegan or Susann Cook-Greuter for more information).
Not only are serious practitioners hitting their Nekyia journeys, en route to their fully incarnate Sovereignty, “normal people” are starting to wake up as well. I have made my own contribution to this process, particularly with my Inner Throne work, and many, I'm happy to say, have been waking up through material I've offered. (I’m obviously not talking about enlightenment here, but of becoming introduced to some bedrock truths about who we are and how we operate.)
What is going on?
It seems we are at a stage in human history where the forces of evolution have pressed the red "nitro" button and are speeding forth into some sort of crescendo. (remember those fun driving games from back in the 90s?)
Where are we headed?
I'm reading about Carl Jung's life now, and am intrigued and impressed by the level of guidance he opened to in his life. He was a truly remarkable man. In 1913, he had a premonition of bad tidings in the world, just like in Galadriel’s voiceover. And as we all know, World War I started the year after.
Dr. Jung was clearly a very intuitive, tuned in man and I doubt not for a second that his premonition was more than mere coincidence. So when one conscious man can put his finger on the world pulse and read it accurately, what are we to think when thousands of conscious people simultaneously feel the exact same thing? What are we to make of this persistent collective feeling that we are moving towards the point of "make it or break it"? Shall we adopt the ostrich strategy and pretend nothing's going on?
Or shall we rise to the task and assume responsibility for a world which hovers periluously close to disaster?
Armageddon fantasies
The world is so beautiful. Yet, it can be a pretty scary place. For the ecological crisis isn’t our only one: Large parts of humanity are now fanning the flames of their wet armageddon fantasies. Millions of “right believers” are concurrently, from opposite sides of the globe, invoking the end of the world. “Chosen people” mythologies like those of right wing Christians and radical Muslims hold that the old world must end before the new world will be reborn. The consequence is that they will, more or less consciously, encourage any developments in the world that promote the coming of the end times. Essentially, the sooner the world goes to shit the better. In their mind, you see, there is such a thing as paradise, and it is not on earth as we know it! (that’s what happens when you exile the Lover archetype to the afterlife)
So understand that there are many people who think that the world should end as soon as possible and that anything you do in service of saving it is actually an obstacle to the fulfillment of their chosen people mythology. Of course, you can’t campaign politically with such ideas, but that still doesn’t prevent you from being run by them.
When you understand that millions of people – and a large percentage of Fox News-watching Americans and politicians – actually live within this paradigm, you may start getting very scared indeed.
And this is but the start of the challenges we are faced with!
Ah, humanity! We sure made a mess of it this time.
Becoming guardians of the balance
If you are one of the many who have had a glimpse of reality – who have seen the true face of madness that (still) governs humanity – you cannot anymore pretend to be okay with conventional living. And I believe 2015 is a year when you will need to accept the consequences of what you have seen more fully than ever before. This is a blessing and a curse. It will give rise to tremendous joy, even bliss. And it will fill you with despair.
This much is clear to me: When you take the red pill, you can’t undo it. You can’t plug back into illusion as if you hadn’t seen the truth. That’s for characters in movies only. As one who knows, you must either assume leadership in the process of birthing the “new world” or you must suffer deeply trying to pretend you can be happy in the old. The suffering you may experience in 2015 is simply your soul’s way of telling you that you’re out of alignment with reality. Trust it.
And know that there is a wave of awakening washing over the world. This is not some trite new-age concept; I see signs of it in my life every day, as I’m in the privileged position of counting some of the most powerful change agents in the world as friends.
What I want for you, dear reader, is that you let yourself be inspired by all of this. There has never before, in the whole history of humanity, been a time when the forces of the world have been more perfectly aligned for individuals like you to discover and give their Great Work. This is a gift to you. It also happens to be a moral imperative. Your life plays a crucial role in getting us all safely through this unfolding human drama. If you discover what you are here to do, and then do it, all of us will have a better chance of making it through.
And by plugging in to the global network of change agents who are actively taking on these challenges, you will discover friendships unlike any you ever before have experienced. In the real world, staying in the matrix simply isn’t as fun as unplugging from it.
Here’s the deal: If fulfillment and empowered masculinity is what you’re after, you don’t really have a choice; you must engage with the battle for the soul of humanity as soon as possible. Anything else will be out of integrity with your deepest calling and the depression and suffering you feel will remind you of it every day.
You can tell the degree to which you are on the right track from your level of addictive behavior. If you are severely addicted, yet thinking idealistic thoughts, you’re still a symptom of the disease and not the cure. Having nice ideas is not enough – you must engage with life. You must accept your destiny as a guardian of the balance of the world.
Our survival is at stake. Wake up.
May 2015 be your best year ever
There’s a lot of talk in the world of self-development of creating your perfect life. Yes, it’s important to have a good life. I want that for you, just like I want that for myself. But it’s a limited perspective. Thinking that the purpose of your existence is merely to create a good life for yourself will create a bad life for yourself. For a good life is found in giving. Learning to receive openly is more important than you may think, but learning to give sustainably is even more so. In fact, it seems that your level of happiness is in direct proportion to the level of service you are offering to others.
In some strange and ironic way, your life is not really about you. This is what I want you to wake up to in 2015. You live to be fully given away. You must die an empty vessel or what you die with is regrets.
I will give all of my energy to this global alchemy in the time to come. And I would be honored if you let me play a part in your awakening. The Reclaim your Inner Throne workshops and online training are powerful ways of unplugging from illusion and putting you on the path to Sovereignty (see calendar). And I offer powerful one-on-one coaching for those who want to take it deeper.
Whether you choose to work with me or not, I sincerely hope – from the very bottom of my heart – that this becomes an amazing year for you. Truly, there has never been a better time for amazing years. But the stakes are high, higher than they ever have been. You may find that you will have to give up a lot of things which you hold dear to manifest this joyful life of service.
As for me and Masculinity-Movies.com, I don’t know for sure what will happen. My energy will go to where it has the greatest impact. I love connecting with you here on this site, and if that keeps changing lives, I will keep doing it. What I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, however, is that you will find me hard at work spreading Inner Throne work in the world. And I would love to see you in a workshop or an online training soon!
A very happy new year to you, friends and followers of Masculinity-Movies.com. May you rise and rise again, with heart and with fierceness, and become who you truly are.
My best wishes for your best year ever,
Eivind Figenschau Skjellum,
Founder of Masculinity-Movies.com
and creator of the Inner Throne process
— , Irregular updates ()Watching this video made me very happy. Michelle and Barack Obama introduce the White House mentoring program for boys. I know Obama has been accused of just propagating more of the feminist, misandric politics we know from many of the so-called liberated nations of the world (my own nation of Norway being one of those), but I never agreed with the people who made those claims. He gets it, more so than pretty much anyone else.
I particularly admire him for addressing the importance of commitment and the problem of popular culture's message that you can get something for nothing: Instant gratification. Obama should know a thing or two about these things.
Michelle points out that anyone can be mentors, regardless of age or background. I consider that a challenge to living a good life in service of the people around me.
Thanks to Earl Hipp of Man Making for making me aware of this video.
— , Irregular updates ()[caption id="attachment_593" align="alignright" width="352" caption="Go alone into the woods at night. Find a lake. Enter it. Release your shadows as you swim. "][/caption]
I have become more and more intimate with nature lately. I have understood how important it is for me in my transition to full manhood, which I'm focusing on now with unrelenting dedication. There exists in nature a huge untapped potential to shed unconscious baggage and I'm starting to realize the extent to which this is true and important.
I took out my bike just after midnight and went to a nearby lake. It was dark and nobody was around. I just saw the texture of the slight wind on the lake, the rippling reflections of the full moon on its surface, the trees and some huge insects.
There is something deeply mysterious about quiet bodies of water in the woods at night. There is something slightly unsettling about it as well. I had brought some ashes, which I proceeded to cover myself in. I cannot give good reasons for this right now. I just know of Robert Bly's mention of ashes work and the Norwegian folk tales of "Askeladden" and I know there is something significant about it. To me right now, the ashes represent something like grief, the unconscious which must be processed en route to manhood. I will get a clearer understanding of it as I keep going.
Then there is the water, the full moon, the dark. I realized today something about darkness and why it scares us. The dark is the unconscious. It's what we don't see. We often call the unconscious psyche "shadow". Shadows are dark. Unseen. Behind or beside us. Darkness confronts us with our own suppressed unconscious baggage. If you don't believe me, go for a stroll in the woods at night yourself. It will rise to the surface in a flash and either produce monsters all around you (last time I took a stroll in the woods at night, an angry badger came running at me and made me jump. Afterwards, I laughed heartily) or you will release them and find freedom. Water, especially lakes and oceans, has the same quality. It represents that which is not seen. Water is the most feminine of all the elements. Granted, all of nature is feminine, but water specifically is incredibly feminine. I'm not just saying that. It is a felt quality when you stand next to it. It's like She speaks to me. Water too represents the subconscious. So bodies of water in the dark are naturally scary (If you are not superstitious, it's because you've lived in a city too long. Trust me, go to nature at night and you will be superstitious.)
As I covered my body with ash, I started realizing the significance of it. If ash represents something like my grief and my unprocessed feelings, taking that into water - my subconscious - to wash it off is very potent. The archetypal symbolism here is very strong. I make the subconscious (water) conscious by moving into a lake at night and there I wash the grief (ash) away. Thus, I can free my unconscious baggage and return the energy of that to Nature, which soaks it up and turns it into life energy (as e.g. shamanism and daoism tells us). I will also mention how strong I felt the boundary of the dark water. Stepping into the water was like stepping into a different dimension. At night, it seemed to me, stepping into water is a huge leap, a leap of faith and courage. I am saying to the universe that YES, I will look at my unconscious baggage. I surrender it to you. Take it and create life with it!
To me, the lake was decidedly feminine. It was a Woman. It was viscerally so. And as I entered Her womb, all kinds of stuff arose in me. And I realized as I always do when doing ritual in Nature that the only way to move forward was to surrender to nature and pledge to serve Her. That is the only way I have found to master my mind's production of horror in these scenarios. So to fully submerge myself and start swimming into the dark, I had to pledge a life of service to Nature and to the women who represent Her in the human realm.
Still, She got the better of me. Swimming into the lake, long tendrils grabbed my feet. Weed from the bottom of the lake rose to grab me and as I swam forward, She started pulling me down. They twirled around me feet and wouldn't let go. I tried to swim forwards, but more and more grabbed hold of me. Had I not done the ritual surrender earlier, I would have freaked out like all fuck. This is exactly the kind of thing that scares me about water - being pulled down into it by some unseen object. I surrendered, whispered "you win" and started swimming back. Most of the weed let go, only a final one wrapped itself around my throat before I took it off and went back in.
Nature knows how to humble me real well. And tonight, I realize even more strongly how important it is to confront our unconscious baggage in Nature like this. I realized that were I to have killed as much as a mosquito earlier that day with no remorse, it would have come up when the plants were pulling me into the pitch black lake. But my conscience was clear so I did not get afraid. Not THAT afraid anyway.
This ritual also made me reflect on why we're destroying nature; it confronts us with our unconscious. And with the level of suppression of unconscious baggage that is going on these days, we can't allow that. It would destroy us (we think). But unless we grow our willingness to work with our shadow material as a species, we will destroy the planet to avoid looking at it. There is no doubt in my mind about that.
The best way we men can work to prevent that from happening is by consciously moving from boyhood into manhood by seeking out that which scares us. And that which scares us is often shrouded in darkness and mystery.
I encourage you to seek out a lake in the woods at night, guys. Going alone is better. Once you start entering the lake, it will tell you what you're made of. Then you may find yourself returning to life a little wiser, a little more mature. If you do so, please share your experience below. Also, if any of you has such experiences from Nature yourselves, please share that also.
— , Irregular updates ()Hey guys,
The next local Oslo-based Masculinity Movies LIVE will take place on September 9, at 7pm-10pm. It will take place in the building for the institute for information technology (IFI - see picture). The reason the venue is changed is that the last venue was so expensive that I was running the events at a considerable deficit.
Hopefully the new venue will work. It is an experiment and if thinks go awry, we will go with that and change it for next time.
The movie is Buddha's Lost Children, which I have already reviewed on this site. After watching the movie, we will discuss the strong need for young boys to have mature masculine role models to safeguard and facilitate their transition from adolescence into manhood. We will reflect on the role models that we have had in our lives (if any) and how we now can serve as role models for the next generation of men.
Welcome. I hope to see you there. The price is still 100 NOK.
Eivind
Directions (in Norwegian)
T-bane til Forskningsparken stasjon. Gå ned trappen fra T-banestasjonen og under T-banebrua (gitt at du kommer fra sentrum). Fortsett ca. 1 minutt og du er fremme ved byggets høye ende. Gå opp gangstien til venstre, over broen til høyre (se bilde ovenfor). Bruk inngangen på venstre hånd. Dersom døren er stengt, ring meg på 971 11 926 så ordner jeg med åpning.
— , Irregular updates ()After a long wait, the video for the Warrior archetype is finally ready. (note that the 3-4 first minutes drag on a bit and then it gets more fun)
This video was recorded at the same time as the video for the King archetype (in Holland, December 2010) with Peter Kessels and Pelle Billing as my audience. I learned a lot by watching myself and receiving feedback from you after releasing that one and I would have done this video on the Warrior differently and more structured if I had a chance to redo the take. But I'm going to release it anyway, warts and all, and hope that it helps some of you. It has certainly helped me to record it.
I will record the Magician at the beginning of March. I will take whatever feedback you have offered me for the King and the Warrior (below) into consideration when doing that one.
I have also opened a discussion of this movie in the KWML group of The Masculinity Movies Tribe. I invite you all to participate there.
Notes
- When I speak about sadomasochism at one point in the movie, I speak about the total shadowcomplex of the Warrior archetype. I'm not referring to the sexual deviation.
- When I refer to the mother being present in the relationship of a man with poor internal warriors, I don't refer to her physical presence. I refer to the presence of a limiting feminine force inside the relationship that can be traced to the man's relationship to his mother.
- In one section, I refer to the presence of shadow Warrior in environmental activist groups, new agers etc. I can, however, think of healthy Warrior energy in these organizations, especially environmental ones. Greenpeace and Sea Shepherd come to mind, even though I don't really know them at all. (would be nice with feedback about this below)
— , Irregular updates ()Another awesome episode of the New Man Podcast is out. Seems like I'm liking them more and more. Tripp Lanier is doing an excellent job with these shows. I've learned a lot from them!
This week they talk about why New Year's resolutions are like Vegas marriages. Good thing to contemplate in these days when so many of you probably have a lot of your personal integrity hinging on keeping them (making promises to yourself that you don't keep is the surest way to losing your personal power and vitality. Heck, it can even destroy your sex life).
They are also talking about choice architecture; how you can set up your environment to work with you, not against you. For me, that means not using my iPhone as an alarm clock. Leaving it on the nightstand means I end the day reading e-mails and checking the web and I start the day in the same way. And when I do that, I'm off on a tangent already. Not good for my focus. That's why I got myself a good old-fashioned alarm clock at a Brookstone store at Portland International airport in October. The concept is that even when you are unconscious, your environment should facilitate your movement towards success.
There's also some great stuff about why perfectionism is such a lousy thing (my motto is "progress is good enough"), how you should set up a punitive nudge system with a partner to force yourself to follow through (I've done this for several years, and believe me - it works big time!), why hope is the raw material of losers (unless you're Barack Obama), and a fun story about why house flies in a urinal at an airport reduced urine spilling by 80%.
All in all, a fantastic episode. Check it out.
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()Katsumoto: Do you believe a man can change his destiny? Algren: I think a man does what he can, until his destiny is revealed to him.
— , Irregular updates ()I just came back from watching Black Swan at the movies and hanging out with the guys afterwards. It's not a movie appropriate for featuring in the main database of this site and I had never planned to watch it, but when my Brother Vegard invited me, I wanted to come along. Best movie I've seen in ages. Fuck, it's awesome!
Darren Aronofsky is a very impressive director (who really understands how to portray non-ordinary states of mind on camera extremely well), as I'm sure many of you are already aware of, but I think this is his greatest masterpiece so far. I think I would place it up there with the ten best movies I've ever seen.
For those who haven't seen it already, the movie is about Nina Sayers (amazingly portrayed by Natalie Portman), a talented and hard-working ballerina whose big breakthrough has not yet happened. But when artistic director Thomas Leroy at the company she dances for decides to produce a unique version of Swan Lake for the opening of the new season, he picks Nina for the role.
I'm not going to go into too much detail here, but what is so incredibly rich about this movie is the understanding of shadow territory and the consequences of suppressing the darkness in us. Nina is an incredibly repressed girl, both emotionally and sexually. Her technique is impeccable and Thomas tells her repeatedly that she is perfect for the role of the white swan. "But would you want to fuck her?," he asks one of the male dancers. By being outrageous, the controversial Thomas seems to want to tease the black swan out of Nina. He wants her to rise in her power and stop being so "fucking weak". He is provoking her, but she keeps repressing that which he desires for her to express, and the darkness in her starts becoming out of hand (some scenes showing this are incredibly freaky - I had to really breathe deeply not to lose composure in some of these).
I actually like Thomas. It's easy to conclude that he is abusing his role of authority to seduce Nina as a means of "teaching her", but it seems to me that he is actually doing exactly what is needed to wake up the black swan in her. There is a scene in which he ends up making out with Nina, and then he walks out on her while telling her "I just seduced you. It's supposed to be the other way around." Ouch.
There is something amazing going on here – Darren Aronofsky really understand that dark Feminine that I once described in the movie review for Beowulf and the way in which he deals with it in this movie is so fucking exquisite and enlightened. When Nina starts embodying the black swan towards the end of the movie, the shift in her character is awe-inspiring and people LOVE her. It's so easy for women to suppress that part in themselves because they have taught to be nice girls or whatever. But the dark Feminine is so incredibly sexy. Juicy as all fuck. There is so much life and vitality in the dark. For women as well as for men.
As a recovering nice guy, there is much to learn from this movie. Nina suppresses her inner darkness and sexuality because she wants to remain in control and that is exactly what creates her problems and tensions (any "nice guy" will recognize what this feels like). When she finally enters the darkness, she becomes a fully embodied, sexy woman, just as I and you reading this would become a fully adult man (or woman) were we to do the same.
This movie has inspired me even further to stop holding back my truth and to just inject myself into the world, no matter whether what I have to offer is dark or bright. I'm not going to let myself become a traumatized wreck of a person like Nina Sayer and the only way to prevent that from happening is to speak it out. No holding back of myself anymore.
Black Swan reminds me both why I think Darren Aronofsky is one of the best directors working in Hollywood today and that it's time to start being ourselves and live fully! Time and money incredibly well spent. We all fucking loved it. Amazing.
Discuss the movie in The Tribe (requires registration).
— , Irregular updates ()The biggest problem I see in the world today, bar none, is the frequently warped image so many people have of masculinity.
The misconceptions generally land in one of two categories: Posturing or collapse. In the more traditional world, the masculine ideal is one of posturing, of pretending to be strong even when you’re not (which for a posturing man is pretty much all the time).
In the more postmodern parts of the world, collapse is encouraged. Here, we are encouraged to give away our power, to not be overtly sexual creatures and to “stop being mean” like all those posturing types. Such men are also consistently exiled from their true source of strength. With these men, you can tell, however. They don’t even seem strong.
My own country Norway is a country where masculine collapse is encouraged. Russia is one where posturing is encouraged.
Putin’s masculinity
The Russian worship of Putin, now essentially a dictator, tells the story of a country where masculinity is seen as some sort of chiselled jaw, strong man stereotype. This morning, I read a news report on the huge economic upset that’s currently taking place there (the Rubel has plummeted due to a steep decline in international petroleum prices and economic sanctions in the wake of Russian intervention on the Crimean peninsula).
The article was a very discouraging read. There were interviews with a lot of people who couldn’t afford iPhones or fancy holidays anymore. Interviewees explained how problematic this was: They simply had to have an iPhone, as that was considered cool and good for your image. One woman, a designer, found that people would not take her seriously if she didn’t own one.
The same woman described how many Russians were willing to have a small flat without furniture if that meant they could have an iPhone and a nice car. In other words, they were willing to “surrender their castle” as long as they could maintain the right image and fit in (faux belonging).
In terms of the evolution of consciousness, this is normal: When totalitarian regimes collapse and the market economy takes over, it seems commonplace behavior that people become incredibly image-conscious. Everyone wants to look good in the new and more open system. The disappearance of communist conformity opens the door to fierce competition and image worship. The Russian interviewees describe lives where looking good is more important than feeling good.
Of course, there is nothing typically Russian about this at all – it’s simply a kind of unexamined herd mentality that is still commonplace in humanity at large.
The more bone-chilling part of the article’s interviews, however, is how Vladimir Putin remains incredibly popular. The inteviewees seemed to see no connection whatsoever between the financial problems and Vladimir Putin’s dictatorship. These people see an empire that’s rising from the ashes, and predictably that makes them more proud to be Russian.
Putin, due most certainly to his own trauma, Russian pride and his warped image of masculinity and power, is now busy restoring Russian imperialism and totalitarianism, and most of the Russians interviewed loved him for it. His approval ratings are high.
The thing is – even I find Putin’s form of masculinity frequently more appealing than the pussy-whipped “sorry that I’m alive”-attitude men in e.g. Scandinavia often have. I mean, he seems strong right. He isn’t of course – he’s just busy covering up profound insecurity – but he does seem strong. That’s enough right? It seems so.
Appearing strong is apparently often more important than being strong when your job is to run a country. For the truly powerful often don’t appear as such to people who are asleep, because their worlds are not black and white. And if your world is not black and white, it’s hard to market your politics to people who view the world through lenses like Fox News. That the weak who act strong are often perceived as stronger than the strong who are acting human is ample evidence that we live in an insane world.
As for Russia, they would not be busy rewinding the evolution of their country’s collective psyche if they hadn’t, as many of us do, this warped image of masculinity in their heritage. When you fear the dangers of the world, you need someone who appears strong to show the way. Putin is taking advantage of this fact – portraying himself as some kind of Siberian Tarzan.
The danger of immature masculinity
So ideally speaking, I would now place my attention on another country and tell you how things are so much better there, right? And then speak about hope for a brighter tomorrow. Unfortunately, every country that I know of has a warped image of masculinity. If we examine countries where they have a collapsed image of masculinity (countries like my own), people will frequently point at the posturing images of masculinity and say how it’s important not to be like that. And then you go to the posturers and then they will tell you how it’s important not to be like those soft-willed, Western liberals.
And they’re both right, but only partially.
In a world where consciousness evolves when polarities are bridged, the two prevailing camps of masculinity still have some way to go before they realize that their maturity depends on embracing the other camp in higher synthesis.
Before significant parts of the world population wakes up to the face of mature masculinity, where heart and spine meet in higher synthesis, our warped views of masculinity may remain the single greatest threat to the survival of our species. A future with Vladimir Putin in power and a similarly fossilized American president scares me. I thought we were done with this nonsense. Seriously, humanity, isn’t it time to get with the program and wake up to a more dignified view of who we are?
So, dear reader, what is your image of masculinity and how are you exiling parts of your masculine gifts based on your culture’s prevailing stereotype of ideal masculine behavior?
Let me know in the comments below.
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— , Irregular updates ()Brett Churnin of www.mensgroup.info wrote me some time back and told me about his website. I checked it out and loved it. It is professionally done and offers lots of great resources on how to start a Men's Group.
They've even gone to the length of compiling a Men's Group field guide. Click here to get to that.
On their site, I read
Men in Men’s Group hold each other accountable to live a life at the edge; to us, this means being committed to a fulfilled life consistent with your unique purpose, and to be held accountable for what it takes to live that life.
Love it!
I'm in a men's group myself. In fact, I spent last weekend with a majority of its members on a men's workshop in Sweden. I really enjoyed it. We are such a diverse group of men – many are guys whom I would likely not have connected with outside of the context of a men's group.
But having been in a group with them for over six months, I'm feeling ever closer with them and am really enjoying the expanded horizon for what kind of men I want in my life. It's a real blessing to me.
So it's clear that Brett and his partner in crime Mike Britton are onto something here. I suggest you check out their page now.
Visit mensgroup.info.
— , Irregular updates ()I have some friends who live in a spiritual commune in Oregon who have recently connected with some great kids in Uganda. Their life stories are heart-breaking and their living conditions rough, so my friends have decided to lend a helping hand to eight of these kids. They tell me these are amazing kids with big hearts and great spirits.
But they are so poor that the gifts they have to offer the world remain to a large extent ungiven. This could be changed with education and support. It's a sad fact that amazing human beings with great potential to impact the world in a positive way live in places around the world where financial means limit their ability to shine.
Five of these kids have already found willing sponsors and three now remain. For $30 a month, my friends at the Living Love Fellowship will ensure their education, so that they can make the impact they should. These youth have suffered terribly – I cannot begin to comprehend some of these life stories. It would be a joy to know that their future is in good hands.
If you want to know more, please visit the website they have set up "Heart to heart Uganda".
Thank you.
Hey guys, I have so much I want to write to you about on this blog right now, but all my time is currently consumed by the crazy amount of activity in my life. What is happening is super exciting and I look forward to telling you about it. I will get back to you when I have been to Amsterdam to contribute on the production team for a workshop given by Bryan Bayer. I'm back on Monday evening and the next blog post will hopefully appear before the weekend after. But no promises... ;-) Eivind— , Irregular updates ()
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— , Irregular updates ()Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, Old Time is still a-flying: And this same flower that smiles to-day To-morrow will be dying.
— , Irregular updates ()Gladiator’s opening scene shows a man’s hand gently flowing through a ripe field of crops. The hand is sensitive, neither aggressively swiping the crops out of its way, nor dangling aimlessly on a road to nowhere. It is a hand radiating purpose and strength, belonging to a man who is listening deeply to his surroundings. The field is a deep orange. Harvest is near. It cuts to the image of a man standing solemnly in a landscape scorched by fire.
He is listening, feeling into his surroundings, and there is an air of inevitability about him. The lines on his face show that something big is brewing. As he turns around, a red robin catches his eye, flutters its wings innocently, and shoots off. A subtle, contented smile spreads on the man’s face as his nostrils widen subtly. And then he walks off. These few, short opening minutes paint a picture of a man at peace with himself, erect with purpose and masculine direction, yet intuitive and sensitive, in tune with the mystery of the vast feminine that surrounds him.
He seems to exude qualities just by his presence alone: Trustworthiness, integrity, strength and honour, coupled with a deep love – for what as yet undetermined. This is no ordinary man. He is General Maximus, foremost of Roman generals, father, husband, favoured by the emperor and leader of men. We find ourselves in the cool lands of northern Europe. It is winter and darkness is near. Rome is on a campaign of war, facing its last battle against the remaining Germanic tribes of the North.
As the battlefield unfolds under the watchful gaze of the aging emperor Marcus Aurelius, we bear witness to a testimonial of the superiority of the Roman war machine. This empire, despite its shortcomings, was the “light” of European antiquity, and its unmatched level of civilization gave rise to a war machine that no amount of barbarism, no matter how ferocious, could match. But something’s afoot behind the drawn carpets of Rome’s marbled halls of power. The senate is fraught with corruption and the emperor is dying. Eager to restore Rome to its past glory, Marcus Aurelius names Maximus protector of Rome until the senate is fit to reign over Rome yet again – as a born again republic.
"Your failings as a son are my failings as a father"
But the emperor’s son Commodus, a scheming and broken man, will have nothing of it. Commodus is suffering intense inner turmoil from what he feels is a lack of acceptance and love from his own father. “Commodus is not a moral man. He cannot rule!,” Aurealius exclaims to Maximus as he tries to convince him of why he must accept “The honor that has been bestowed upon him.” Maximus declines, at which Aurelius insists “that is exactly why you must rule!”
Maximus reminds us that any man who desires power for power''s sake alone – and not for the sake of a greater calling – will become corrupted and hurt both himself and his surroundings. With heavy heart, Maximus accepts his destiny, and realizes that his reunification with his family – his wife and son for whom he desperately longs – is still far off. Commodus is living on the hope that he will be named emperor upon his father''s death. Yet in a key scene, matter of factly, as if it was never in question, he tells him “You will not be emperor.”
The long overdue confrontation with his father that he was never brave enough to intitiate thus finally unfolds. Commodus is a Lover archetype, not quite the Emperor-material as Maximus' King archetype, and has spent all his life hungering for his father’s love and his “warm embrace”. The poor way in which he has handled the lack of it has become the source of his corruption. The emperor, noble as he may be, is as much to blame for what unfolds as his son. He softly acknowledges this, on his knees and with tears in his eyes.
Aurelius has heeded that primordial calling that says that any masculine man will have to prioritize his calling over his relationships, lest he will suffer, and by extension those around him will suffer. Aurelius has not managed to balance this well enough, however, and his son''s resentments are the result. “Why do you hate me so much!”, Commodus wails, with tears in his eyes, before he embraces his father – and kills him, before he had the opportuniy to announce Maximus' protectorship.
The learning from this scene is that, as Commodus finally gets the love he wants from his father, he has become incapable of receiving it. The love feels so painful and so tainted with bitterness that it becomes the motive for murder. ANY man must be willing to enter a confrontation with his father, lest the corruption of their relationship will remain and not yield to the nobility and immensity of father-son love.
Yet Commodus couldn''t, because he was from the outset an emotionally fragile person, wishing just to be held, to be loved. By disconnecting from his true self as a Lover, wishing he could instead be the polar opposite Warrior, he has gone to war with himself, and is no more a free man. Commodus immediately starts his scheming and plotting, and as Maximus swears no allegiance to the new Emperor, in Commodus' mind, he is a dead man. Maximus' second in command Quintus puts loyalty to the concept of Rome higher than his own heart, a sign of his dubious honor, and accepts the burden of executing his friend.
Bread and games
Maximus escapes, only to find his family slaughtered by the vengeful forces of Rome. Emptied of all desire to live, feeling the tempting echoes of eternity, he is picked up by a slave caravan and brought to Zucchabar, where the next part of his journey unfolds. He is to be Gladiator, most unwilling of all. He is after all Maximus, Rome''s first general, and no mere sewer-dog. Yet fight he must, if live he wishes, and his honor both inside and outside the arena quickly wins him the support and allegiance of his gladiator friends.
This reminds us that a man is not at the mercy of his surroundings – he shapes them through his own inner strength and call for expanding love and honor in the world. Maximus is part of Proximo's Gladiatorial crew. Proximo is a former slave, who was granted his freedom by Marcus Aurelius himself. He now makes his living from that which he was freed from, but the days of the roaring crowds at the Colosseum have ended, and Gladiator games are not what they used to be.
With Commodus now emperor, bread and games are back, and Maximus soon finds himself the golden boy of the crowds in the mighty Colosseum. Commodus descends deeper and deeper into his own corruption, and his sexual desire for his sister Lucilla grows ever greater as she is the last person in the world with any glimmer of love for him. Any person, man or woman, wishes for love more than anything.
Yet for a man with a masculine essence, which Commodus does have, the desire for freedom is greater still. His lack of being loved has become his prison cell, the key for which he rejected when he killed his father. Now the incestuous desire for his own sister and the promise of being loved by his people, are the only things left to live for. Maximus is an honorable man, erect with purpose, driven by his unshakable love and honor. Even though that has become tainted with thoughts of revenge, his core remains unshaken. He will never become a dishonorable man.
This honor soon becomes the very reason why the crowds of the Colosseum love him so. They are a primitive group of people, there only to feed their primal lower-chakra desires of seeing death and rebirth unfold before them. Incidentally, this is much the same as the modern fascination with gory films such as Saw. Just as we are, they are there to vent, taking a break from a life of civility and politeness, and worshiping that masculine fascination with the release of death. Maximus doesn't fear death (he almost longs for it) and is stronger than any man or woman cheering him on.
In the end, his towering presence and masculine strength of honor cuts through that primal bloodthirstiness of the crowd, and reminds them yet again of what we can aspire for as human beings. He inspires them, spreading echoes of that which could have been – greatness – in the hearts of those who watch. As a Gladiator, Maximus has come to epitomize that which the Roman Empire stands for – glory, strength, honor and love. He cannot die, because the promise of Rome dies with him. This is what brings him such power, as a mere slave. This is the strength of one man's heart.
"Now we are free"
This strength inevitably brings him his freedom, although at the cost of his life. The masculine always longs for release, be it through victory, fulfilling a calling or dying. The ending provides Maximus with all, and the nobility of his death carries such great emotional weight and the promise of being greater that it has tears roll down the faces of grown men - if they dare stay open - and their hearts expand with purpose. He has proven that the power of one human heart is greater than an empire counting millions, if it is aligned with truth and love.
Nobody takes any note of Commodus, lying dead at his side in the arena. Commodus could have been a good man, but he chose not to be, through making one bad decision after another. The only thing separating the two – their moment to moment decisions, truth over lies, love over unlove. General Maximus – Gladiator, is the ultimate masculine icon, living only to serve, dedicated to his family, making no compromises with his own heart and caring for his people like a father.
He represents qualities that aren't given weight in the raising of young men in today's world. Yet, just like with the crowds of the Colosseum, he reaches us in such a way that we are reminded that deep inside us, those primordial qualities still exist, desperately longing to be freed from the bondage of modern life, free as forces conducting the future of humanity. This is the destiny of any man. And Commodus reminds us that we ignore it at our own peril.
Tom Crockett is an ordained minister and spiritual counselor. He is a teacher, lecturer, and student in the Pachakuti Mesa Shamanic tradition, as well as in Buddhism, Tantra, Taoism and Depth Psychology. He has worked as a spiritual counselor and healer for over ten years with a particular emphasis on helping individuals honor the soul's calling. Tom has worked with indigenous healers in Mexico and North America and studied core shamanism through the Foundation for Shamanic Studies. He is a Reiki practitioner and has studied bioenergetic healing with Mietek Wirkus. In 1998, he began an apprenticeship in Paqo Wachu (Peruvian Shamanism) under the guidance of shaman and ceremonialist, Don Oscar Miro-Quesada. Tom regularly leads retreats in Oaxaca and Mexico City, Mexico, under the auspices of the Institute for Depth Psychology. Tom has made an intensive study of dreamwork, especially as a tool for spiritual growth. He has been a featured presenter at the Association for the Study of Dreams International Conferences since 1998 and was an invited presenter to the Conference on Indigenous Healing Traditions of the Americas cosponsored by the National Institutes of Health in Washington, D.C. in 2002. Tom's most recent work has been with Ken Wilber's Integral Model of Spiritual Growth and David Deida's work with enlightened sexuality. On a parallel career track, Tom has been a high school art teacher, and in 1997 created ArtQuest, a multicultural arts-based mentoring program for teens in Norfolk, Virginia. Tom spent 12 years as a national education consultant for companies such as Polaroid, National Geographic, USA Today, and the Discovery Channel. He has trained over 75,000 educators in visual learning theory, creativity, multiple intelligences, and innovative classroom strategies. He managed, developed curriculum, and trained a national network of consultant trainers and served as a special projects consultant for Polaroid. Tom currently serves as Executive Director of Young Audiences of Virginia, a non-profit organization dedicated to the finest in arts integration programming in Virginia. As an author and graphic designer, Tom is responsible for the content and graphic design of a range of catalogs, booklets, flyers, promotional pieces, direct mail campaigns and Web site organization. He is also currently a consultant to several non-profit boards of directors including Tidewater Arts Outreach and Paganet, Inc. He has undergraduate and graduate degrees in fine arts from Old Dominion University (summa cum laude) in Norfolk, Virginia, and The School of the Art Institute of Chicago, Chicago, Illinois, respectively. Tom has had experience on stage as an actor and keynote speaker, and has done live radio and television appearances. He lives in Newport News, Virginia with Kelly Leigh and is stepfather to three amazing children: Holly, Kasey, and Dylan.— , Irregular updates ()Tom's books
— , Irregular updates ()This is where I will share my wisdom with you.
— , Irregular updates ()What is masculinity? What does it look like? What does it speak like? What does it feel like? Let's go through this in an orderly fashion:
Masculinity is...
- Not synonymous with "man". Just like men can be feminine, women can be masculine. The quality of masculinity is what makes someone masculine, not their gender.
- Represented by the ability to "detach" from the situation, to evaluate it with an outside perspective. This gives masculine people the ability to act strategically, be great planners, and to not be swept away by emotions when some composure is required.
- Grounded in emptiness. Emptiness is that state that transcends the temporal realm of manifestation. It is the capacity of the Masculine to tap into the Void, that which is beyond.
- Dedicating yourself to a life of service. The Masculine person lives to give himself as a living sacrifice, knowing that it is the only way he can protect himself from Death (the person who is fully given can meet death with peace).
- Dancing with Death. Death is to the Masculine its archenemy and its best friend. To the masculine man, it is precisely the quality of knowing death that enables him to live his life fully. At the same time, there is nothing he fears more. Death comes in many forms, not just as mortal recoil from our dimension, but as change. It can manifest in the simplest things, such as staying in the shower longer because we don't want to feel the cold air outside it. When a man learns to conquer death in the small ways that show up during the day, he becomes truly powerful
- The desire to "fix" things, to put an end to them. This is related to the above point about death. In conversation, a masculine man will try and reach a solution, whereas a feminine woman will just want to dance with words.
- The ability to proactively penetrate any challenges that present themselves. The man who is mature in his masculinity accepts total responsibility for his actions, their consequences, and also those of others.
- The ability to direct (particularly the Feminine). The Masculine always has a direction. For the man with a masculine essence, it is crucial that he maintains a clear direction in life and relationships lest he feel totally disempowered. A man who is not directed will be felt as "spacy" and untrustable. You can gauge your ability to direct by paying attention to whether you always have a clear intention and a desired outcome in your encounters with people. When you speak just to fill the void, you have lost direction, and you will lose yourself.
When you start manifesting these qualities in yourself and in your life, you will start feeling that your vitality increases and that your sexuality deepens. You may find you have a fire in your belly, literally warmth spreading through your body in very pleasurable ways. You will find that you have a strange sense of immovability, that you feel solid and not so vulnerable to the external world. Your mind will start functioning better, and you will not forget things like you used to. You will discover a sense of clarity in communication about WHY you are speaking and where you want dialogues and meetings with people to go. You will feel called to serve others through your growing personal power.
This is just a short introduction to the qualities inherent in the Masculine, but it should put you in good stead to do further research on your own. The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida is always a good place to start.
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Ridley Scott's take on Robin Hood is ripe with material serving the man looking to grow, but in watching it, there were merely two things which I felt a burning desire to communicate to you. That is why I will make this a bitesize review and choose not to focus much on the character of Robin Longstride himself.— , Irregular updates ()Returning home the Loxley sword
King Richard's crusade is returning home, looting its way through the French countryside. Richard's regal splendor has withered and the blessing of his presence seems to have disappeared. Robin Longstride addresses the probable source of this in one scene: The murder of thousands of innocent muslim civilians made God leave them and King Richard's Axis Mundi function was thus broken.His honesty (it's a sign of his integrity that he would speak the truth even if it was to the detriment of a King's good standing) lands him in the pillory with his friends (though Richard seems to enjoy his forthrightness), from which they escape when chaos erupts in the wake of Richard's death in battle. They head for the sea only to encounter an ambush of the English knights who were entrusted with the task of returning the crown home. In the hands of a dying Sir Robert Loxley is a sword he took from his father before leaving for his crusade some ten years ago. This dishonorable act has been weighing on his mind and he wants Robin's help in returning it home to his aging father. There is the sense here that the sword is a symbol of the male lineage and we understand that Sir Robert can not die in peace lest he knows the sword will return to its rightful lineage. Robin vows to return home the sword without realizing that in so doing, he is pitting himself in the middle of a sinister plot to usurp the crown from the incompetent man who is about to become the new King.
The Shadow King John
Robin and his friends soon find themselves en route to England under stolen identities and as they approach the other shore, the net starts closing around them. Before they know it, they make their faces known as the unwilling harbringers of gloom; Richard is dead and his arrogant and immature little brother is henceforth known as King John. Not fit for kingship, John carries none of the good qualities that any strong King must have. The King's main role archetypally is to live according to the Tao, Dharma or Ma'at, and John does no such thing. His divine transmission is non-existent and he is merely playing out his own inner wounds. The inner landscape of a King soon makes itself known in the physical kingdom he governs. England is a about to enter darkness. John is more interested in fucking his French lover than being King. We also observe how uncomfortable he feels around his mother. These are signs of a boy who has not yet transitioned into manhood and who is still bound by the feminine. A man who is threatened by his mother tends to be so because he has poor psychological boundaries - he has not travelled his hero's journey. The Warriors defending his psychic kingdom are weak and he tries to compensate with scheming and paranoia. John's inner masculine archetypes are in disarray. John has no integrity, he is not true to his word. He is a conniving man who is inherently untrustable. That is the first thing that struck me about this movie - the way John's bipolar shadow King (tyrant/weakling) destroys England's chances of a future and lays her boundaries exposed to attack from surrounding kingdoms.The lost boys of Sherwood Forest
When Robin finally arrives in Nottingham to the widowed Marion Loxley and Robert's father Sir Walter Loxley, England's fate already seems sealed due to the dealings of the shadowy Godfrey (displaying qualities of the Shadow Magician in his manipulation of England's court). There is much to be said from here on out. We could look at the good qualities of Robin Longstride, his presence and integrity.We could look at how those qualities naturally open up Marion, without needing cheesy pickup lines or the art of seduction. We could also look at how Robin's mission comes into focus and his inner wounds come healed when it is made clear to him that the father he barely knew was nothing of the cretin that he thought he was, but a great man - a champion of the people. What I will look at, however, is the boys running around in the forest. They plunder Marion's stock of grain, much to her dismay. The boys of Sherwood are medieval gang culture. When the fathers disappear from society, boys take to the woods - be they urban or those of Sherwood - to try and find meaning in their lives. But boys cannot initiate each other. The chaos inherent in gang culture is a sign of the lack of the King archetype's ordering function. They have not been given inner psychological structure because they haven't received blessing from an elder King. This truth is embedded into the fabric of the Universe: Only mature men - elders - can initiate boys. And these elders must be strong in the King archetype. When the leader of a nation is weak in the King archetype, the young men he takes to war always suffer horribly. Soon they find themselves in the jungles and trenches of the leader's unprocessed inner truama.
And when they return home with dismembered bodies, they are not honored or grieved, because in so doing, the leader would have to feel his own wounds, which he cannot - for it terrifies him. (See now the importance of self development?!) And when fathers go away - be it on a crusade, to jail, to the ethereal realms of their disembodied intellectual musings or to their sixth day working overtime - boys start taking their destiny into their own hands. There is a strange scene in which Lady Marion leads the boys of Sherwood into battle to support what has now become a major battle fighting off the French forces who are trying to win a beachhead on the English shore. No matter how brave her efforts may be, there is something pathetic about it. Watching this scene, I felt it in my bones that a woman cannot lead lost boys.
They need a man for that job. It's as if the boys ride after the Lady only because she knows the way to Robin, the archetypal King for which they yearn. They aren't really following her lead. This statement has nothing to do with sexism or gender bias - it has to do with submitting to the natural laws which made us. And deep down, we know this is true. (Although the number of people today who seem oblivious to this does concern me).
Conclusion
Robin Hood is a good movie. It's not of Gladiator calibre, but especially its portrayal of the father-son-relationship and the lack of it, both on a micro- and a macro-level, make it interesting viewing (realize that the archetypes of father and King are closely related). It comes recommended.
— , Irregular updates ()When we set out on the path of growth, it is helpful to have a map of the inner realms we are about to explore. By now there are many to choose from: Maslow's hierarchy of needs, Spiral Dynamics, AMP's five stages, David Deida's three stages, KWML archetypes; the list is long and rich. Some of these, e.g. Spiral Dynamics and Maslow's hierarchy of needs, refer to vertical evolution, which means that they describe a sort of ladder whereby moving one rung up results in a higher capacity for truth and love. Other systems, such as KWML, describe horizontal integration, which means that they point to a greater degree of wholeness and stability on your present stage of evolution. Both are important and focusing too much on vertical growth without concern for horizontal integration can create dangerous imbalances in the individual.
Iron John by Robert Bly reveals a very interesting kind of evolutionary model, firmly grounded in the mythopoetic. The young boy in the brothers Grimm tale that Bly dissects in his seminal prose encounters a mysterious and powerful wild man, who takes him from his safe abode in his parents' castle and into the woods where he is exposed to some deep truths about his true nature. He must eventually leave the wild man and find work in a castle in another kingdom. The lands of his new kingdom one day come under attack by invading forces and the boy returns to Iron John to request help. He grants the boy a war horse and an army of trained infantry and the boy rides out to the battlefield and vanquishes the enemy.
The king and his daughter wonder who this mysterious knight is and arrange a Golden Apple festival for all knights of the kingdom. The boy yet again returns to Iron John and is given a red horse and a full suit of red armor. He travels to the festival, catches the princess's apple and rides off. King and daughter arrange another festival and the boy arrives on a white horse in white armor and catches the apple yet again. This time too he rides off. He returns the third day on a black horse wearing black armor, catches the apple and is wounded by the king's men who have been ordered to stop the knight were he to ride off yet another time.
Investigating the significance of the three knights
Robert Bly investigates the significance of these three coloured knights (something he admits to having spent a year of his life pondering,) and concludes that they are symbolic of an evolutionary path, a road-map of masculine evolution. The red knight is symbolic of all the feelings of a typical teenage boy – uninhibited passion, rebellion, self-gratification, aggression, lust, desire for power. The red knight is out of control and dangerous, yet he is a source of great vitality and power that only needs a channel of greater maturity to hone himself.
The red knight gives way to the white knight, who desires to save the world from all its ills. He longs for truth and justice. He wishes to be good and do good. He is an idealist. Yet, for all his good qualities, he is also naive and deluded. The white knight doesn't have the awareness to notice that many of the ills he wants to save the world from are projections of his own undealt-with traumas and desires, and so he goes on a crusade to save the world from that which he doesn't like in himself. He points his fingers at all the dragons of the kingdom, so that songs in his praise can be sung when he conquers them (something he spends significant mental energy fantasizing about). He is on the hunt for the virgin of light, so that he can save her and feel manly. The white knight prefers to see women as damsels in distress, knowing deep down that a mature woman is too much for him. Still, in real life, he often ends up with a woman that resembles his mother.
The black knight, however, "eats" his shadows and comes to a level of acceptance about his own flaws. There is a strong level of humanity, even humour, to the black knight and he surrenders control of his life to the acceptance of his woundedness and the inevitability of death. He becomes trustworthy, powerful and compassionate.
Drawing parallels to the work of David Deida
To anyone who has taken even a cursory glance at the three stages of David Deida, it will be immediately evident that there are many parallels to be found between these models. The man in Deida's first stage is an aggressive macho guy, very self-driven and territorial in his consciousness. He does only what is best for him and doesn't stop to really consider the needs of others.
The second stage man, on the other hand, has sensitized himself and learned how to communicate his needs and how to listen to others. He looks for truth and justice in the world, and considers his values – particularly his fine treatment of women – as very noble. He has started the work of integrating feminine values, but is in serious danger of taking his non-confrontational, understanding approach so far that he loses touch with his inner truth and power. The 2nd stage man in Deida's model often has boundary issues. To compensate for his pervasive confusion, he goes on a never-ending mission to repair himself or he rationalizes why he should be happy with where he is.
The man who reaches Deida's third stage does so through realizing his own mortality. He recognizes that life is an unpredictable, uncontrollable experience, and that he has no choice other than to love and serve others and the world. Right now. Always.
These three stages are almost identical to the way Robert Bly describes the red, white, and black knights of Iron John.
Synthesizing Deida and the knights
You will, I am sure, recognize the many similarities of the two above-mentioned outlines. These are very illuminating taken on their own. But let's look at an observation that Robert Bly has made to take this even deeper. He has seen, as have I, that in today's society, we have become so afraid of the red knight that we have practically eliminated him, encouraging instead all young boys to move on to the white knight prematurely. Modern men, by consequence, grow up not knowing that primal masculine aggression that lives within them. They don't know the seat of their power, they haven't claimed their true sexuality. Instead, they develop the capacity to please others and to quell their inner desires and impulses.
But the price is that the modern white knight often becomes a talking head that sees lots of problems in the world, a disempowered man who passes judgment on virtually everyone he meets, if not with words (in fact, rarely with words), then with his thoughts. He often exhibits any of the following qualities: apathy, passive aggression (which can be observed on most anonymous online discussion forums), narcissism, rationalization, non-confrontation, poor boundaries, considering himself very noble, no true calling (he may not even know why he does what he does for a living). And he doesn't see any of it. When I first saw it in myself, it took the wind out of me.
With this understanding, we can see in Deida's model that while the first stage is supposedly a prerequisite for the second stage, in many modern men, it is hardly present. The red in the 2nd stage man is a mere shadow of what it should be, were he fully integrated. In fact, in psychological terms, the image of a shadow is exactly right and true. This has huge implications. It means that for most unintegrated 2nd stage men who wish to grow, spiritual practice could be the wrong way to go. And if not the wrong way, it must not be taken too far.
In fact, going too far with spiritual practice could be downright harmful to such men, as it leads down a road where he further disowns his inner red knight. Instead of meditating, he might be better served by working on his boundary issues, by confronting those who ask to be confronted, by mounting his inner warriors in defense of his inner psychic territory. The man whose inner psychic territory is left without defenses, and who pushes for spiritual realization, will not find peace, love or goodness there. In fact, he may turn downright nasty. Most, however, turn into relatively harmless narcissistic pricks. I believe I speak from experience.
Going deeper with the unintegrated White knight
There is an ever-growing group of people out there who have come to see themselves in Deida's description of second stage. This is good news. Knowing oneself is true power. In Deida terms, being a man of the second stage means we aren't connecting with our inner truth, that we are confused, often moving through life with no clue as to where we are going and why. For men, it often means being soft and gentle, addicted to comfort and security, feminized and self-conscious. If we hook on to the Iron John story and draw in the White knight, we can easily conjure up images of the nice and understanding man, the guy who has served as the shoulder to cry on while his close female friends have their hearts broken by yet another jerk (red/1st stage). He may convince himself that men are bad, become a raging feminist - and glean some satisfaction from *remaining* the shoulder to cry on.
Or he may choose to join a political cause, a human rights organization, an environmental group. He will "fight the power" wherever he sees it, not recognizing that what he's really fighting is his own disowned red knight. To put it in colloquial terms, he has no balls. So to compensate, he will consider all who have balls as evil. Thus, he commits what we know as a pre-trans fallacy. That is what happens when someone from one point of reference, let's take Deida's 2nd stage, considers those ahead of him and those behind him as the same, and lump them into the same container. All he sees is «same as me» and «different from me». This is a huge problem when the white knight goes into the world to look for a mentor, as the mentor's black insight into the knight's true identity is combined in the head of the knight with the fear that he will be destroyed by the red (which he projects into him).
Understanding this, we see how exhausting it is to be a white knight. The world seems to be full of people who want to harm him, and he wishes to save them all from the dragons that he sees. And when he connects with the work of Deida, he is likely to only appreciate the part of it that has him see women as balls of bright light, fairy creatures who wish to love and nurture him. He will never wish to connect to the base in a woman, the dark Feminine, or the force of Kali. This is a source of great mourning and bitterness for many mature contemporary women.
Embracing black
To embody the black night, to reach Deida's third stage, we must reconnect with our inner power, our balls. To do this, we must be willing to drop all of our illusions. We must be willing to confront the painful reality that most of the stories we tell about ourselves are self-deceiving lies, carefully conceived to sidestep having to be responsible, and having to integrate our inner red knight. We must be willing to make some tough confrontations – perhaps it's time for that tough conversation with your dad or your boss – and then start asking your friends about what they really think of you. Are you full of shit? Find good friends who you can trust and ask them.
You mustn't only be willing to embrace red, you must also get to know black. To that end, you must be willing to not distract yourself from your suffering. You must embrace it, feel it deeply. You must feel the pain of your wounds. You must dare to confront it, to investigate its roots, as pain holds the gateway to true maturity. You must also become willing to confront your fears. As Deida describes it, you must make love to your fear. And you must find yourself someone you can consider as your mentor. True maturity only comes with the recognition that there is someone way more mature out there that you could learn from. Most guys today are not humble enough to take this significant step, but if you are to be truly happy, truly successful, you must.
These steps require enormous courage and discipline from a man. If it was easy to become a man, everybody would be. To get some balls to do this, it is okay to do spiritual practice. I did. So go on intensive meditation retreats. Visualize. Sing mantras. Just keep in mind that you cannot bandage your inner psychic territory with meditation practice, that you cannot make into a practice the avoidance of the process of bringing back to life your interior warriors. Remember that and you will be fine.
So if there was only one thing you could take from this, it should be: Stop the ascension trip and start the descent into the murky waters of your unconscious. That's where you will find yourself. That's where you will reclaim your balls and ready yourself for the true path of the spiritual warrior.
Good luck.
— , Irregular updates ()I’m from Norway. Norway is part of the political-geographical region called Scandinavia. And Scandinavia is the region in the world where, arguably, feminism has had the greatest impact. It’s institutionalized, politicized and embedded in the politically correct currents of society. If you’re not a feminist, you’re dodgy, not to be trusted. Especially by the liberal media (which is most media in Scandinavia).
In Scandinavia, and particularly in Sweden, the desire to focus on the lives and challenges of men is met with an outcry. Because men, supposedly, have been privileged since the dawn of time and deserve no more attention. People who have the nerve to go there and imply that it may be more complicated than that risk being bullied, ostracized and, in more extreme cases (again, mainly in Sweden), compared to terrorists.
So as you may gather, I’m not a big fan of the status quo of feminism. I’m not a fan of any movement that bullies, attacks and shames decent people. Especially not when the perpetrators of said activities claim to be the victims of them. It’s all a bit tangled up. Large parts of the feminist movement have turned dark.
Though I haven’t lost hope that feminism as a movement may have valuable things to bring to the table. Which is why I decided to attend a talk yesterday at The Integral Center in Boulder, Colorado, where I currently live. The presentation was Lauren Barnett’s heartchild. Lauren is an active member of the Integral/Authentic World community here and an all-around awesome woman in my short experience with her.
Lauren is also a feminist. But the difference with her is that the brand of feminism she believes in is “Integral feminism”. In the presentation below, Lauren presents the outlines of this new form of feminism, one that takes a larger view and includes more perspectives – including that of men. What she shared with us totally moved me. I almost got teary-eyed at one point.
If you have issues with feminism, watching the presentation below may redeem it in your eyes. Feminists like Lauren make for a better world.
Enjoy!
— , Irregular updates ()As I've been home from work sick these last couple of days, I have started looking into how I can invigorate my reviews with more use of video clips from the movie in question. I think that the text will become easier to understand, more engaging, and more convincing and I'm looking forward to offering you my reading of Boy A - featuring at least five video clips hosted on our new Youtube Masculinity Movies channel - by the end of the weekend. I think you will really enjoy this new feature.
I thought I'd also tell you about a couple of cool applications I found on AppStore yesterday: HomeBudget is an absolutely ace piece of financial planning software. I finally I found one that suits me! It is becoming ever more pressing for me to keep real good track of my finances. After all, I have things to accomplish and that requires good financial control (it is also a prerequisite for creating further abundance, whose efficacy I intend to prove within the end of the year). I also found some fascinating brainwave technology by pzizz: pzizz relax and pzizz sleep. It truly does put my body in a good state.
Being ill isn't always all bad.
— , Irregular updates ()Last weekend, I wrote my review of V for Vendetta. I take my writing process very seriously so I did a significant bit of research about the historical background for the Gunpowder Plot, the historical event from which the movie takes its inspiration. This brief post features some historical background and some reflections towards the end.
In 1605, a group of Catholic zealots led by Robert Catesby had grown weary of being prosecuted in Protestant England. They planned to stage a coup by blowing up the House of Lords at the state opening of the Parliament, at which point everybody who was somebody in England was gathered in the same room. The plot failed because Catholic nobleman Lord Monteagle received an anonymous warning letter, outlining what was about to happen.
This letter reached King James I and on the morning of November 5, 1605, mere hours before the House of Lords would convene, Guy Fawkes was caught. He was found waiting with 36 barrels of gunpowder in the vault that had recently been vacated directly under the House. Thus began a long tradition for the English, in which on every November 5 the capture of Guy and the continued rule of King James I is celebrated.
But in doing research on Guy Fawkes and the Gunpowder Plot, I become confused about how he is actually perceived. “Guy Fawkes – the only man to ever enter the House of Parliaments with honest intentions” is a tongue in cheek statement that I’ve come across several times. And myriad people describe him as their hero. I suspect they do so less from resonance with his Catholic cause and more from resonance with his willingness to fight the power.
In the movie review, I go into the abdication syndrome, an archetypal dynamic in which people’s “inner throne” gets inhabited by outside forces. A person suffering from this basically surrenders control of his life to another. I observe that many people today have surrendered their throne, refraining from the undeniable stress of accepting full responsibility for their lives. The consequence is that they become vulnerable to the influence of demagogues and propagandists, be they politicians, ideologues, economists or cynical marketers. Maybe instead of truly taking charge of their life, they would rather sit back and criticize their puppet masters for doing a bad job. Are these the people who idolize Guy? Does thinking about him offer a temporary reprieve of some sort?
And I wonder what true feelings are hidden in the English ritual of celebrating November 5. Is it merely tradition? Or is it genuine pride for the Crown and country? No matter – the fact that many English celebrate and others name Guy Fawkes as their hero indicates that the polarization which is such a central theme in V for Vendetta may also be taking place here.
What are your thoughts on this? Is Guy Fawkes a hero or a villain?
— , Irregular updates ()Hi men! Nick Duffell and Robert Fischer are putting on the Men and the Future: Sex, authenticity and power-symposium in Frankfurt in May (23-26). Sex, authenticity and power – words that hold weight and juice for me. Three things that are all challenging – and all rewarding, when approached in the right way. My contribution to this Symposium is going to be a lecture on the primal side of the masculine psyche, and how it is important to tap into it in order to live lives as empowered modern men.
Messages men have received over the past several decades about the inherent negativity in the masculine essence has severed the connection of many with those parts of ourselves which are powerful, wild. But losing contact with our instinctual wild side has devastating consequences. It robs us of our vitality, sexuality, self-respect, integrity. In the end, we become disempowered men who forgot the art of loving ourselves. And tragically, it puts some men so deep into misery that they come out of it severely broken, leaving pain and destruction in their wake.
Clearly, the status quo isn’t working and I will explore if there is a better way forwards. I will write more about this in the time to come. For now, it will suffice to say that I would love seeing you there.
Cheers,
Eivind
— Parry, The Fisher King (1991)I have a hard-on for you the size of Florida!
— , Irregular updates ()Aaron Frater, a reader of the site, sent me these words spoken by Martin Luther King today:
The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
An individual who breaks a law that conscience tells him is unjust, and who willingly accepts the penalty of imprisonment in order to arouse the conscience of the community over its injustice, is in reality expressing the highest respect for the law.
The question is not whether we will be extremists, but what kind of extremists we will be. The nation and the world are in dire need of creative extremists.
Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted.
A genuine leader is not a searcher for consensus but a molder of consensus.
A nation or civilization that continues to produce soft-minded men purchases its own spiritual death on the installment plan.
A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual death.
The means by which we live have outdistanced the ends for which we live. Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men.
I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. This is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.
Nonviolence means avoiding not only external physical violence but also internal violence of spirit. You not only refuse to shoot a man, but you refuse to hate him.
History will have to record that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition was not the strident clamor of the bad people, but the appalling silence of the good people.
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.
Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. This is the interrelated structure of reality.
Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.
We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.
Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase.
I thought you might like them. He apparently got them as a subscriber to the newsletter of a woman named Linda Graham.
If ever the King archetype was more obvious in a man, please tell us about him below.
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— , Irregular updates ()This is the first part of a two-part interview that's been published over on Integral Life. I feel that this speaks volumes of why I like AMP's work so much. I hope you enjoy it.
An Authentic World Part 1 from Integral Life on Vimeo.
I will be promoting the product they are speaking about (videotaping people in authentic interactions) on my newsletter very soon. It's always a joy to help these guys out.
PS! I just finished the Braveheart review (now I just need to write a summary and a few minor details)
Reviews written by readers. Submit your own.— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()Walt Kowalsky is a stern, old man who always wears a scowl on his face. And with good reason. The world that he lives in has changed drastically from the one he grew up in. And according to Walt, it's not for the better.
Ashley's disrespect
Some of the greatest problems facing our society today are hinted at in Dorothy's funeral, the movie's opening scene. Walt's wife was a devout catholic. Walt, on the other hand, is not too fond of the Church and its clergymen, but still demands that his family members respect the sacredness of the ritual. So when his grandchildren arrive to – while showing not a sign of mourning or respect – violate the sacred space with their childish antics and gadget addiction, he growls quietly.
In a later scene, Walt enters his garage and finds his granddaughter taking a smoke. The obnoxious and altogether unlikable Ashley asks Walt what he plans to do with his Gran Torino vintage car when he "...well, dies". This scene is completely shocking, but so true to a pervasive mentality among today's young that we may fail to bat an eyelid.
Faced with the temptation of laying her hands on Walt's nice car, she effectively wishes him dead as soon as possible – and takes it for granted that SHE will have the car, even though she appears to never have done anything nice for Walt. There is something profoundly wrong with this picture.
What is going on here? Is Ashley just one particularly spoilt brat or are there larger things at work here? To uncover the nature of the huge rift between Walt and Ashley in this scene, we must dig deeper into the developmental trends of Western culture. I will therefore now take you on a roundabout way towards the core of the story.
Postmodernism and the culture of entitlement
When Postmodernism arose in the 1960s, it was in reaction to the negative aspects of traditional and modern mindsets. Postmodernists saw that traditionalists depicted the world as black and white and filled with saints and sinners. The modernists, on the other hand, were seen to plunder the planet and divide the world into winners and losers.
Figuring this was bad, postmodernists started deconstructing all truths and hierarchies in order to pull the rug under these two predominant worldviews. The core idea was that everything that separated people into groups or put one person above another was evil.
Since it can be argued that gender can be a way of grouping people, postmodernism has gone to the extreme of deconstructing the differences between men and women. Through some leap of the imagination, they have convinced themselves that men and women are one and the same, and that gender is a sociocultural construct. This is of course foolish beyond belief. The biological differences between men and women are so out in the open that making such arguments is akin to madness.
No wonder these dolts end up divorcing each other en masse. Also, because of the postmodern aversion to hierarchies, parents have practically lost their position of authority, which can be seen in the way Ashley and her siblings pretty much control the family. Anyway, when we combine this understanding with the unobjectionable fact that feminism grows out of the very same cultural trend that gave rise to postmodernism, we see that in this worldview, there is no place for a positive image of men or boys. Boys are considered, as many writers have pointed out, "broken girls".
The postmodern world is a place where fathers are ignored or devalued and boys and men are discriminated against for the supposed evils they cause in the world. Authority – a cornerstone of all good child rearing and life tutoring – is considered mere oppression and any attempts of fostering discipline is met with shouts of victimization. In the postmodern world, age is considered to have no inherent value, and the idea of life experience as something valuable is a totally lost concept.
All that is left is "I have my truth and it is mine to have. I am worth everything that comes to me and I should not be expected to work for it. I will not accept criticism or feedback, for I clearly know the subjective truth about ME better than all others. I am a beautiful garden, God's perfection made manifest on this Earth, and all people must venerate me by caring for my every desire."
Girls do better than boys in this world, for reasons obvious for anyone who have studied how men and women grow, although far too many of them become intolerable, little cretins who think the world is a playground designed specifically to cater for all their wants. They are almost correct: The Western world has over the last several decades been carefully crafted into a world that cares for and empowers girls at the exclusion of boys.
In fact, in schools and society at large, any signs of a boy acting true to his proactive and lively nature is met with great contempt and the desire to "cure" him of his masculinity. Somewhere along the way, his true masculine self is banished from him and the politically correct elite rejoices. Boys, now out of touch with themselves and without role models, suffer tremendously.
Sue, the Hmong girl next door to Walt, describes the result in one scene: "Actually, it's really common. Hmong girls over here fit in better, we adjust. The girls go to college and the boys go to jail."
A new family
Walt's disillusionment with the world's development has him fast at work isolating himself in his house. With only his golden retriever Daisy and his 1972 Gran Torino to keep him company, Walt is a lonely man.
But Walt isn't the only lonely man on his street. Sue's brother Thao is also a little man whose soul is lonely and troubled. He is a lost kid who lacks confidence and the ability to assert himself. His conservative family is concerned that he is not turning into the man that he should be at his age.
Walt and Thao's neighborhood is a troubled one, plagued by restless gangs. Other movie reviews on Masculinity Movies (e.g. American History X) discuss how the presence of gangs is a sign of absent fathers and this is true here as well. Thao's father is absent (perhaps dead) and there are no role models in his life. He becomes the target of his cousin's gang, a small group of unfathered boys who try to teach each other how to be men.
They talk the reluctant Thao into stealing Walt's Gran Torino as a form of gang initiation – as a way of turning him into a man – but it goes wrong and Thao runs off into the night while Walt recovers from kissing the garage floor.
When Thao's cousin later returns for him with the rest of his crew, Walt intervenes with a shotgun at the ready, showing them who is the biggest badass present. There is a certain potency about Walt here that is likable, even though he is rude and uncivilized. Even his absolutely horrid comment to one of the Hmong gang members "You’re nothing to me. In Korea, we stacked fucks like you five feet high and used you as sandbags," is in danger of drawing a smile from my lips.
Not because I appreciate that horrific image, but because these kids think they are badass motherfuckers, and here they meet Clint–frigging–Eastwood, whose character has seen a whole other realm of badass: The Korean war. The gang realize they are outmatched and retreat. Life experience still matters.
From near and far, members of the Hmong community arrive to offer blessings of food to Walt for the service he rendered in Thao's protection. Of course Walt was only fending for his own property and wants nothing, but the ongoing kindness of these somewhat naive, but lovely people start getting to his heart. A couple of steps further down the road, and he is Sue's invited visitor for a family party. He finds himself oddly at home there and mutters to himself in disbelief "Geez, I have more in common with these gooks than my own spoiled rotten family".
Thao and Walt learn to serve
One day, Thao starts working for Walt to make amends for his attempt at the Gran Torino. This is where the core storyline boots up. Thao doesn't know what he is good for, but as Walt's increasingly willing student, he starts to discover that he is a capable young man with good hands to spare. As Walt gets over his initial resentment, he starts warming up to Thao and takes him under his wing.
One scene offers a clue to his change of heart. An old lady across the road from Walt loses her groceries on the tarmac as she unloads her car and one of the three boys that pass her as it happens pretends to violate her from behind. They laugh as they hop down the road, and Walt scowls and asks himself "what the heck is wrong with young people these days".
Then Thao shows up to help her, and Walt's demeanour changes immediately. It's as if Thao in this scene gives Walt a glimmer of hope that there are still young people in this world who are willing to offer their service to others out of mere kindness and a desire to help. His appreciation for that is a far more potent force in him than his racism towards the Hmong family.
Thao is neither rebellious, narcissistic nor needlessly aggressive. True, he is a boy "without balls", but that is workable. Unlike Walt's grandchildren, Thao has a good heart. As Walt slowly comes to recognize the nature of Thao's character, he discovers something worth living for: Helping Thao become a man. Fascinatingly, the first job Thao is given by Walt has an almost zen–like quality to it. Thao is a good for nothing nobody at that point, so Walt tells him to "count the birds." It's like a meditation, a kind of purification practice. Here's the secret: Counting birds for a day may teach you more about yourself than studying psychology for a month.
The most important thing that Thao learns during his time working for Walt is how to serve his local community. Walt's property is neatly kept and has no real use for Thao's services. Instead, Walt comes up with the idea to send Thao on repair jobs to his neighbors. Walt's intentions initially seem quite self–serving; he just wants to get rid of the visual disturbance from his neighbours' properties.
But becoming the local handyman makes a world of difference to Thao. We should remember that true confidence for any man comes only when he starts living a life of true service, with no expectation of compensation. Seeing Thao's growth and service, Walt knows he has done good. Something changes in Walt – he feels positive about life again. Walt too has learned to serve.
Becoming a man
As the mentoring relationship matures, Walt teaches Thao – in perhaps the movie's funniest scene – to "speak like a man". There's much to learn from this. The masculine grows from challenge more than it does from praise. In today's politically correct, sanitized society, you can't really communicate in ways that inspire the masculine. Male friendships in today's world are often too focused on offering understanding and support.
This is of course important, but as far as ways to get a man to snap out of it and rise to the challenge are concerned, it just doesn't work. The crass tone Walt has with the local Italian barber would offend many modern men, but as we see from this scene, there is a deep love in their verbal combat. And as the scene points out, there is a big difference between being rude and showing appreciation through masculine communication.
Walt gets Thao a job and even teaches him about women. In an unlikely turn of events, he goes to the outrageous step to lend him his Gran Torino (the one he tried earlier to steal!) to take his date to town in style. This is a telltale sign of Walt's deepening appreciation for Thao.
The Gran Torino is a symbol of this; cars are for many men a point of connection. Some cars are passed on to the next generation and become a kind of family heirloom, a symbol of male lineage. By offering Thao his Gran Torino, Walt practically suggests "you are family". It is a testament to Walt's recognition of Thao's growth into manhood.
Letting go
The Hmong gang is still after Thao. And when Walt's desire to intervene with their harassment of him goes too far, they brutally retaliate in the only way their immaturity lets them: a drive–by–shooting and the rape of Sue. In the shared desire to protect the Hmong family, Thao and Walt become even closer. Walt's experience from the Korean war start showing and he tells Thao that this is the time not for rash retaliation, but for careful planning.
Before he sets his plan in motion, Walt fulfills Dorothy's last wish and sits confession with Father Janovich. Something has changed in his mind. He knows what to do. And he is at peace with it. As he arrives at the den of the gang members, he lets go – and the Hmong gang is no more. I'm keeping this a little cryptic on purpose.
Conclusion
Gran Torino is a beautiful movie about the importance of role models. In evolutionary terms, Walt isn't a very advanced human being (in Spiral Dynamics terms, he is largely Blue with spatters of Orange), but the values he holds are exactly the ones that Thao requires to move ahead in his life. Walt's sons, on the other hand, appear to be Spiral Dynamics Green, which means that they are not too concerned with loyalty, structure, growth hierarchies, service and authority.
The results of that can be seen in the disgusting behaviour of their children. Extreme Green so undermines the positive qualities of the Masculine that kids risk turning into degenerates. Ashley is a perfect example.
Men on Spiral Dynamics Green, we understand, are hopeless role models for young men and women. They tend to carry a host of negative attitudes towards everything masculine, which in some cases turns them into huge conspiracy theorists that idealize everything feminine while looking for signs that evil men are trying to destroy the world. And who knows, perhaps such men exist, but for the large part, they are merely mental fabrications of men whose masculinity has been banished from them by the politically correct liberal establishment.
Walt Kowalski is a conservative who reminds us of important masculine qualities. Taken as a whole, he is absolutely not someone to be modelled, but his qualities in teaching and caring for Thao are vital components in the "New Man". We must maintain all good aspects of Green as we move on to 2nd tier consciousness by integrating those very values Walt exemplify.
Men aren't meant to be weak, apathetic and confused nobodies who waste away living meaningless lives. This statement is not machismo – it is a statement pointing to the true and enormous power of men. It's time to reclaim that power. And for that to happen, you need someone to show you the ropes.
— , Irregular updates ()Authentic Man Program are putting out a new program and I thought I'd tell you about it. It's called Sexual Energy Mastery and is in short a 10-week course to teach you total ejaculation control. But upon closer inspection, this is a course that takes you deeply into the territory of the archetypal Lover, so if that is an archetype you need to work on (like I do), it comes recommended.
Doors close tonight .
— , Irregular updates ()This article is a work in progress
From FIT expert Shawn Phillips
Boys Men Gadgets Tools Unpredictable Dependable Consume Produce Take Give Seek Power Cultivate Strength Hide Fear Have Confidence Things Assets More Muscle More Vitality Avoid Embrace Lust Love Try Do! Glorify Effort Celebrate Results Do Things To… Get Things Done Seek Praise Give Praise Hallmarks of a mature man
- Men have Presence
- Men have Integrity
- Men are playful
- Men have Discipline
- Men live to serve
- Men will make sacrifices
- Men worship the Feminine
- Men penetrate the Feminine
- Men know how to circulate sexual energy
- Men are loyal
- Men are dedicated to something greater than themselves
- Men live with death as their constant companion
- Men’s mission in the world takes precedence over their relationship with their partner
- Men know how to deal with discomfort and danger
- Men work tirelessly to fulfill their goals, but have little attachment to the outcome
- Men don’t require praise, fame, or glory to keep going
- Men carry a relaxed and natural authority
- Men listen with total presence and profound stillness
- Men are true students
— , Irregular updates ()Do you feel limited by the conditioning of your childhood and culture? Do you feel as if you’re holding back your gifts for fear that you will be rejected if you gave them fully? Do you feel power brewing inside, but deliberately repress it for fear that you might bring destruction if you expressed it?
If so, you might be interested to know that two topics have been on my mind a lot lately: Wildness and addiction.
Two days ago, I co-hosted an event at the Integral Center here in Boulder, Colorado named “Reclaiming our Wildness”. Healer and psychotherapist Sweigh Emily Spilkin and I gave 40 participants a taste of wildness. They were deeply impacted. They cried tears of gratitude, came up to us and profoundly thanked us, even sent messages after returning home on how their senses had mysteriously strengthened and their addictive tendencies lessened.
Defining Wildness
In planning this event, Sweigh challenged me to offer her my definition of Wildness. One definition I offered her was “letting nature move through me unfiltered by social conditioning”. Not letting social norms and taboos dictate who I am and how I show up. The definition I want to offer you now, however, simple as it may be, is that wildness is the polar opposite of addiction.
I arrived at this definition initally when I noticed how I contract and get scared when I engage in droning, repetitive activities for a long time. When I’ve e.g. sat on Facebook for longer than I know is good for me (moving beyond functional networking to validation seeking), I get afraid of people and the world. I move out in public spaces and find myself totally convinced that I’m a separate individual in a challenging world. I completely forget my trust in Spirit and my remembrance of shared humanity.
This is hardly surprising. Addiction, as I mentioned in my recent Don Jon review, is the acting out of a deficiency of love. It’s a way to numb out in the face of unbearable circumstances. Any addictive pattern is therefore prone to drive home in us that we are not worthy or lovable. And I don’t know about you, but in those moments I consider myself worthless, human beings are not pleasant to be around. There’s too much shame and fear involved.
When I let “nature move through me”, however; that is, when I allow my intuitions, impulses, needs, feelings and desires to flow through me in skillful ways, I feel strong, present, loving and joyful. I’m in service, speaking the truth and loving without condition. Which is ironic given that this Wildness is the very thing we have been raised to be afraid of.
A world of domesticated men and women
Most of us are domesticated products of fear-based conditioning. We have been trained to be tame because the world is afraid of our Wildness. We have been trained to forget that we are expressions of nature. Our elders hadn’t the wisdom to teach us that if we repress our Wildness, its psychic energy explodes out through kinks and pathologies (You just don’t stop energy. In any form. Harness it by relating to it on its terms or get screwed by it.)
The consequence is that the very measures society has put in place in order to maintain order end up destroying it. The shocking lack of wisdom on display in today’s cultural climate results in disharmony, psychopathology, broken families and addicted populations. And our lack of Wildness is at the root of the addictive tendencies that give rise to Consumerism.
I look around and see a world full of severely addicted people. We cannot bear to eat a single meal without entertaining ourselves. We get hooked to our mobile phones and its validation crackpipe mechanisms in the forms of SMS-messages, Facebook likes or E-mails. We engage in obsessive thinking, because we cannot bear the pure joy of being silent. We are even so corrupted that we think we need to have the latest gadgets in order to be “cool”.
And I ask: Is it worth it? My own personal answer is “hell no”. Which is why I will soon bring you a longer article on addiction and how to be with it, perhaps even recover from it, in the best possible way. Not that I’m an expert in the field of addiction in academic terms, but I’ve been on my own journey with it and have gold to share.
And while you wait, remember that any time you engage in addictive behavior, it’s a reminder that you have forgotten your inherent goodness. You are engaging in an activity that will inevitably result in self-shaming and a feeling of being intimated by even the friendliest of people.
If you want to go deeper with these themes, read more about my Coaching services. I would love to work with you!
— , Irregular updates ()Last week, I spent an amazing five days with my Brothers Peter and Pelle in Prague. It was deep and powerful work. So much has come of it already. And tomorrow, I'm going to a taiji retreat in a Franciscan monastery in Italy. St. Francis beckons. I can't explain it, but I really feel that. It's not a metaphorical thing.
I will tell you all about it when I come back. Prague, St. Francis etc.
And oh - don't forget to check out Peter's An Introduction to Gnosticism.
— , Irregular updates ()I want to tell you that you're only days away from being able to upload your own reviews to Masculinity Movies. I've been fortunate to get my hands on some great technology that makes this really easy to accomplish and I have been configuring it today. Stay tuned. I can't wait to read all your great thoughts. Yay! .-)
— , Irregular updates ()I want to tell you about a day that Peter, Pelle and I recently had at Venwoude, a Dutch retreat center. The three of us had met up to have our quarterly brotherhood touchdown and had already done a lot of deep, penetrating work by the time we made our way through thick, wet snow on the roads nourthbound for Venwoude.
Headed for Venwoude
Venwoude is a retreat center which has increased in my awareness over the last year. Peter and I dropped by in May out of the blue just to check out the place and I felt that I would be back. I have met two great men who are part of that community through this website. One of them, Leon Gras, contacted me after the entire story around the manifesto for conscious men and we had a brief exchange about why that was an important debate and that the approach taken in that manifesto didn't sufficiently honor levels of development.
He proceeded to invite us to drop in on a workshop called 'Sex, Spirit & Sexuality' with Diane Hamilton and Marc Gafni which was being held at the same that we would happen to gather in Holland. It was a generous offer and we accepted.
On the way to Venwoude on Saturday, I was again reminded of just how dull nature is in Holland. I find that a visit to Holland makes me grateful for living so close to "real" nature here in Norway. But in the woods around Venwoude, things change. I recognize how much nature means to me these days; just being amongst the trees leading up to Venwoude makes me breathe more easily. And there was a majestic bird that came swooping down on our car and I just let out a sigh. Thank heavens Holland hasn't been entirely domesticated.
[caption id="attachment_1020" align="alignnone" width="720" caption="Peter, Pelle and I at Venwoude. Also say hello to Mr Happy - the mascot for our meeting that we left behind to keep the Venwoudians happy."][/caption]
Triggered by green
Venwoude is a beautiful place. And the hospitality we were shown was incredible. It was great to meet Leon. He was a magnificent host. We also got to meet Diane Hamilton, the zen master who holds such an important role in the integral movement. That was a nice experience – she seemed lovely, even though she did trigger me by saying that the three of us probably needed more Spiral Dynamics green in our lives than does she and Leon.
It was a strange comment, though it was interesting to sense how I reacted to it. Who knows, maybe it's proof that she's right. Why, after all, would I immediately interpret that as an insult? That is saying something about how I still view the people who are "green". Sorry new-agers, feminists and cultural relativists of the world – I will commit to loving you even more in 2011.
Feminine delight at the workshop
Diane Hamilton and Marc Gafni welcomed us into their workshop space with open arms and I felt really included and taken care of there. The lessons that we took part in were fun, especially an exercise where we shared vulnerably about sexuality based on a model of six stages of sexuality that Marc presented for us. We were four in our group, three men and one woman. It was refreshing to speak so openly about sexuality with these great people. I shared about how my ex didn't like it when I started fabricating a way of being in bed that felt inauthentic to her, even though my intention was to go deeper into my masculine to serve her.
The woman shared how much she liked feeling a man's cock get hard in her hand. She blushed a little as she said that and I just soaked up the delicious and fun energy that exuded from her. In closing the group afterwards, I told her how much I had enjoyed hearing her speak about how turned on she would get and she blushed big time and giggled. Just writing about this makes me smile and happy to be alive.
Initiation at Venwoude
Leon shared something with us which had us all excited – they have started initiating boys at Venwoude. Just in simple ways, but they are doing it. This is incredible. I was so happy to hear this. Leon is one of the ritual holders for that process and he should therefore know a thing or two about what is important in a boy's growth to manhood. Granted, their initiatory rites are still in their early stages, but the fact that this is happening on Western soil is very heartening. It was probably Leon's insight into the male psyche and a boy's path to manhood that had him resonate with me in my critique of the manifesto.
I'll be back
It's rare that I have felt so welcomed anywhere and in the car on the way back to Weert, I reflected to Peter and Pelle that I hadn't understood just how welcomed and served we had been there before after I had left. It was very humling and I felt my heart soften and open up afterwards.
I have a sense that some important connections were made there that will manifest in their full potential in the future. Thanks also, Venwoude, for offering me with some delightful meetings with beautiful women. They were brief, but delicious.
— , Irregular updates ()Work longer and harder, Christmas can wait!
Jack Campbell is a successful, driven and ambitious Wall Street executive. Not only does he give no importance to family-oriented festivals like Christmas (he does not even think about his family), he also expects and drives his team to do so. But he is no red-eyed, spitting work driver either.
He is suave and sophisticated. He knows just which buttons to press to "motivate" his team - these buttons usually have the dollar sign and a lot of zero's on them. He is with his team on the eve of a billion-dollar deal but he is distant from them and his own feelings, unable to feel any emotion at making them sacrifice time with their family on Christmas Eve.
He does have time for women though. But even there, he is distant. Instead of going to meet her family for Christmas, he offers to bathe his lover in liquor. When an old girlfriend - Kate - leaves messages for him to call back, he dismisses her outright, even taking advice from his boss, an even bigger money-chaser than he.
Kate used to be his girl-friend 13 years ago before Jack flew to London to study to be an investment banker. At the airport while seeing him off, Kate had a premonition and begged him not to go, somehow sensing that his leaving would mean the end of their relationship. But goal-oriented that Jack was and focused on his trip, he dismissed her fears and flew anyway. Kate's premonition was accurate.
Our distance from our true inner self
Jack has been and is distant from his feelings and his emotions - they are buried deep within, and it will take a monumental shift in his life (which we witness as the movie progresses) for him to understand what it means to connect with himself, with his masculine self, while also understanding his feelings, priorities and sense of happiness. A lot of adult males his age are like him, and young men - our sons - of our times are unfortunately learning to be like that.
They are capable of hurting but incapable of recognizing the hurt they cause. They deeply and truly believe that the trappings of materialism and making a huge amount of money is success. We are raising an entire generation of sons by forcing them to be less "manly", because popular culture and political correctness informs us that being manly is synonymous with violence, aggression, lack of feeling or unfair competitiveness, which is nonsense.
When we raise boys to be "sensitive", to be more in "touch with their feelings", instead of helping them understand these attributes from the masculine perspective, we mistakenly try to mould them to be more like girls (albeit not consciously) because again mistakenly, qualities of caring and nurturing are normally associated with girls, not boys. This drives the boys' natural masculine instincts such as centeredness, individuality, loyalty, morality, nobility, purpose, feeling, adventure, integrity and honor underground into their (Jungian) shadow, a subconscious full of repressed, ignored and suppressed feelings, emotions and drives. This shadow shows itself in mindless consumerism, hunger for power, violence, insensitivity, corruption and situation-dependent shifting norms of integrity.
Lacking strong masculine role models in their fathers, uncles and other male caretakers (who can themselves be confused about what is it to be masculine), boys and young men turn to their peers for role models, peers who are equally at a disadvantage or are themselves searching for strong, masculine role models. Jack's role model is his boss who calls him a "tiger" for staying at work on Christmas Eve.
Our boys search and often attach themselves to characters on TV, advertisements, video games or movies; places where manhood and being masculine has four main ingredients: materialism, violence, sports and sex but rarely has true masculine attributes such as centeredness, compassion, integrity, honor, adventure or individuality (not individualism which is I-me-mine).
We raise boys into adults whose inability to connect to themselves and to others is only matched by their love for the "immature boy" in them and for their expensive toys. We do not know about Jack's childhood (he never speaks about his parents or his childhood) but we can make inferences by his disconnect from his masculinity and his attachment to the trappings of materialism.
A twist of Fate
Fate has something in store for Jack. While trying to "save" a hold-up thug brandishing a gun, Jack shows that he is not completely lost; he does have some feeling left. But when the thug asks him "What do you want?", Jack arrogantly replies that he has everything. The thug - Cash - is in fact a divine power who changes Jack's life. The next morning Jack awakes in a strange bed, next to Kate with children's voices in the background.
Kate wakes up and interacts with Jack as if everything is normal, but Jack is stunned. He is completely at a loss for words and has no clue what has happened to him. He is in fact living the life with Kate IF he had not flown to London. It is the glimpse into a life with Kate that Cash has given him. Most of us are like Jack with an external locus of self-worth. We are so focused on what we want from this world that we do not even realize that we might have it in us to give something back.
Not being able to grow up into manhood, we take our boyish toys with us into adulthood; only the toys are more expensive and look different. But as long as our sense of self-worth flows from our possessions, we never realize that in reality, our possessions own us and not the other way around. After waking up next to Kate, Jack runs away to his super-rich apartment building where nobody recognizes him, much to his disappointment and anger. He has lost his toys, his prized Porsche among others, and his sense of self-worth.
Jack returns to Kate and the kids, resigned to his fate and starts to discover his life as a husband, father and car tire salesman - retail at that. But he has a few important lessons to learn, such as the difference between seducing a woman and penetrating the feminine. Seducing a woman is "relatively easy", even boys (be they in the body of an adult man) can do that. But penetrating the feminine can only be done by a man who has understood himself and the feminine.
We penetrate the feminine when we establishing a deep contact with what it means to be feminine in a woman, of submitting to her strength and her flow, not trying to overcome her. True submission to the feminine can only happen when our locus of control and self-worth is within us , not outside. Otherwise we operate from a fear of losing what it means to be us and fail to submit. Jack learns this crucial difference the hard way when tries to seduce the woman in Kate by using exclamations such as "Yeah! You're bad"; stuff which probably worked in his empty relationships with women in his previous life, but which completely puts Kate off.
But when he is genuinely amazed at the mature and beautiful woman that Kate has become, she asks him, "How can you do that?... Look at me like you haven't seen me every day for the last 13 years." Jack is learning what it means to appreciate the feminine rather than merely notice the woman. Another incident is when Jack forgets their wedding anniversary and is informed by his daughter that on one anniversary, her father had named a star after Kate. Jack, as most men would undoubtedly concur, thinks this is corny, but his daughter informs him "Mom liked it". How many of us judge the sincerity of our love and our relationships by the monetary value of our gifts - economic-oriented transactions? Something ostensibly corny such as naming a star after a woman might actually be priceless. But to understand this, we need to understand the feminine, something Jack does not.
Jack goes through several incidents where he makes mistakes with his interactions with his children and even almost ends up having an affair. A couple of his true and deep realization moments are worth mentioning. One comes when he informs Kate that he has been offered a job with huge perks, lot of money and all the perks. His final argument is that the job will help them finally get a life that other people envy. To this Kate informs that they already do.
Jack is speechless. The other one is when Kate tells him that to help him take up the new job, she will uproot all of them from a house they became a family in, where she expected to greet her grandchildren. She would do all of this because she loved him. Kate tells him that their relationship is more important than an address. Jack has never had such a relationship with anyone, leave alone a woman.
What have you done for me lately?
True relationships, not just between a man and a woman, are not based on give-and-take, on crude economic transactions such as "what have you done for me lately?". Most of us live our lives in such relationships where we base their strength and value on the intensity, frequency and price of the transactions. This happens because we are not centered in ourselves. We are constantly seeking our worth in our transactions, in our relationships.
Unable to measure a relationship, we attempt to judge its value based on the only thing we know - economic, monetary bases of give and take. Some of us never seem to understand that in a relationship, there is no give and take, only give and receive. Further, we have no right or entitlement to the receiving, only the giving. But this will not happen if we live our lives in fear, fear of giving away too much in a relationship and losing power, giving away so much that we seem to have nothing left for ourselves.
Of course this does sometimes happen in single-sided relationships where there is an unhealthy dependence on the other person, but this is not what I mean here. Unless one is truly centered, unless one's power rests in oneself rather than in the possessions and the appearance of power in a relationship, one cannot truly have any healthy, strong relationship.
Nowhere is this true than between a man and a woman. True power in a relationship between a man and a woman comes when the man submits to the feminine and the woman to the masculine. The feminine flows, encompasses and nourishes, the masculine is centered, immovable and penetrates. Jack, in his own way, realizes the feminine and submits to it.
In the last scene of the movie, when Jack has been unwillingly restored to his previous (real) life by Cash, the tables are turned and this time it is Kate who is at the airport about to leave for a new job in Paris and Jack manages to convince her to stay. Not by rational exhortations, but by using feelings, emotional imagery of their life together which he glimpsed and by appealing to her feminine.
Conclusion
The Family Man might never become a cult movie. In fact, it could have been stronger on its symbolism, on Jack's hard-driving financial job - he never faces a moral challenge as a financial expert, on Jack's learning moments and in its final message. But what does comes across strongly is that Jack learns what it means to be a family man and what it means to understand and submit to the feminine, rather than simply get (as in conquer) a woman.
All men should get the opportunity, within the committed and sometimes challenging relationship with the woman they love, to reach deep within themselves, touch a primordial place bereft of selfishness and transaction-orientated relationship-making and realize, as Jack did, that, "My God! All this time, I never stopped loving you".
— , Irregular updates ()In reading Jung's work on archetypes this morning, I am reminded of how much I love being exposed to the ideas of great minds.
Getting through two pages took me half an hour, and sent me into the realms of Immanuel Kant, Aristotle, Plato, a critique of reason and the nature of knowing itself.
My willingness to become a true student in the act of reading was so enjoyable, it got me thinking about my work with men.
Of all the archetypes, I have noticed that we men tend to be most comfortable with the Magician. Not the entirety of the archetype, however, but the part of it that deals with reason and knowledge. We feel safe in our ivory towers, distant from the messiness of the world and the feminine.
Magicians locked up in their ivory towers never become powerful, however. Because from that place up in the clouds, the learning can not be grounded in the realm of matter and lived experience.
For that to happen, the budding Magician must also integrate the shamanic aspect of the Magician archetype, which most men never do. Being a true student, like being a shaman, has a strong element of descendance, of moving down from reason into matter. And since so many men don't honor this movement, they end up as nutty professors (A Beautiful Mind) rather than powerful Magicians.
Studying is best done for the love of learning, not for the desire to consume books. It’s best done for the potentially blissful process of expanding and revising our map of reality, not simply for taking on fascinating ideas in order to dominate a quiz down the pub.
When we fail to honor the real challenge of being a true student, we may accumulate knowledge, but we become disembodied, ungrounded and sans real wisdom. In effect, we become less powerful and more miserable.
So give your Magician the opportunity of becoming powerful by celebrating the process of true study. Spend an unreasonable amount of time with one book, rather than skimming through 10*.
When you do so, you'll slowly start to discover that wisdom is holographic in nature, that delving deeply into one excellent book of powerful ideas will open up a cosmos of universal principles far greater than what is merely between those covers.
---
*When I first read David Deida's the Way of the Superior Man, I liked it so much I decided to translate it. I spent countless late evenings/nights with that project.
Similarly, when reading Robert Moore's and Douglas Gillette's book on KWML, I changed my focus for this website, dedicated vast amounts of time to learning and living the wisdom, and eventually became an international authority on the topic.
It turns out that for months and months, IE 8.0 users have not been able to see headlines on this site. So those of you for whom this is true, I'm sorry. I'm a little puzzled that no-one has complained, but am glad it is working again. That's the most important thing.— , Irregular updates ()
— , Irregular updates ()Listening to Tripp Lanier's latest New Man Podcast, I was reminded of some very important principles of male growth. In it, energy healer Sarah Ingier talks about how men are submerged in the Feminine, being both born from and surrounded by it at all times of the day (in the form of nature, women and everything that is in motion). She then describes something that is at the core of my own work: How it is important with some very strong rituals – initiations – in which the man separates from the Feminine and becomes a true Man, a person who can relate with the Feminine not from a state of reaction or enslavement, but of standing free in intimate communion with it.
The macho jerk and the new age wimp that David Deida talks about are both under the control of feminine energy. Only the truly mature man, a 3rd stage man, has freed himself from it. This is the hero's journey in KWML. Yes, true initiation into manhood IS the hero's journey.
They talk about more topics in the podcast, but their discussion of what I outlined above is the best part of it. If it's not enough that I'm saying these things, then please – for your own good – listen to Sarah and Tripp say them.
— , Irregular updates ()Dropped by a pub on the way from work today. Turned out the girl behind the bar was a girl I had connected quite strongly with some weeks previously. She was there with some cute friends. She expressed her appreciation for our connection by serving me for free. And I had a fairly decent connection with her friends as well.
Though I left the place feeling really dissatisfied. Actually, I felt rejected. Strange thing to feel I thought to myself. It got me thinking that feelings of rejection never have anything to do about anything outside of ourselves. It's missing the point completely. Feelings of rejection arise when something authentic arises inside of ourselves and we choose not to act on or voice it.
That's what happened today. I wasn't present enough to really tune into my curiosity about these girls, so I kept it pretty safe and surface. My soul never appreciates that. There was so much I wanted to know that evaded me in moments when I wasn't fully settled in myself.
There's a lot of wisdom here for me. If I feel unhappy or depressed, it's always because I'm out of alignment with my authentic Self, or my Soul if you will. There were things about these girls that I wasn't aware of being curious about until after leaving the place. But on a deeper level, I knew.
Through feelings we label "bad", we are always given exactly the information we need to be authentic. This human machine we inhabit is so amazing - we always get exactly the information we need to be absolutely blissful. The unhappiness arises in our rejections of the "bad" psychic material, which are nothing but perfectly crafted signposts that lead towards our authentic selves (joy is found there).
Feelings of rejection, depression, vague feelings of unease - always, ALWAYS these are treasures posing as shit. Our happiness comes in embracing the shit, because it's always friggin' gold. So I'm just going to sit with the ways in which I rejected myself now. Everything forever perfect. I make things so fucking complicated.
— , Irregular updates ()My friend Marten who wrote the review for Avatar shared his poem with me the other day and it really impressed me. To me, this is a beautiful expression of the Lover archetype with spatters of King. What does it mean to you? Do tell in the comments below.
Oh, I almost forgot – Marten's website Wake project is finally up, where he talks about the reasons why we should take better care of the oceans that support us. Check it out.
Seven Songs From The Sea
With passionate lips
My waves kiss your shores.Surging...
Salty...
I kiss every curve.
Wash over you endlessly
Caress each cove.
My weight presses down.
Delights in rise and fall.
I lick my fingers, and
Linger.
Retreat: playful and slow.
Before surging over you again.
Land:
Endlessly immersed in me.
Land:
You trembled in my boundlessness.With tender lips
My waves kiss your shores.I give you life
I give you love...
I am your very home,
Together on this world for millennia
Endless shifting in this geomorphic waltz of fluids, solids and fire.
Switching seats as we follow the moon.
Although we dance together
I sense that now:
You step alone.
What once was side by side could simply ebb.
Footprints waiting for my tide, aching in their decay.
But you need me more than ever
To feed your hungry bodies
To fuel your greedy minds
Drink the life I give you.
Leave nothing behind.With pained lips
My waves kiss your shores.You tear at me with net and line
Take...
Everything
Quotas and bycatch:
That's how you love me
Metal replaces flesh as machines rake through me.
And I
Fight back with storms
and Salt.
Drag and rust your evil hulls into my depths.
Yet you return:
Endless swarms of my lost children
Suckle on this ancient welt
So damaging and deep
That it makes my depths seem like the skin of stars
It was the wind who whispered “Earth” to me, “That’s what they call you now.”
Damn you ‘Earth’, We’re a planet blue
Is there no room left for me
Though I’m most of us
And you fear drowning in my arms.With violent lips
My waves kiss your shores.Am I a blue mirror for you to reach for more of the above?
Look through my surface!
Let my allure pull you,
Fear nothing but your love!
Close this distance between us
Return on my tide
Rediscover me around you
Look away from yourselves and back to the blue
Steal glances out the portholes as you kiss and rock.
Drop your hand over the side and trail your fingers through me...
But...
As skin and tissue collide
Faces turn together,
Your love and hate so wide.
With so many more of you:
Seven.
Seven billion at last count.
There is now less space for the places where you used to call home
And you:
See yourselves
Vanity seeps deep the more you strip bare these ancient bones
And you stand back to admire the cracking skeleton that remains
Nodding content as though it is the most amazing thing you've ever seen.
While crowding yourselves in the flesh of each other.
And I’m here to provoke:
There's more to us than you.With sad lips
My waves kiss your shores.In my hurt
I returned
Begged
To tell of my sea-creatures pain
I spoke
But your ears refuse all but the romance of my waves.
So I shake my mane of seaweed hair
I tilt my head back and
Scream my silent screams.
You used to speak for us
Even now, with your lungs so full of the oxygen I give you:
Your breath remains lost
And our dreams have come to nothing
All dried up in your sand.
Now I'm reduced to the edge of your ancient charts
Where silver leviathans lie
Forgotten in your hearts.
And as gill, blowhole, beak and lip twist savagely on tight lines
Fins are cut through cartilage for your pleasure
Soaked wings drown in nets so wide
Their mouths could swallow your town in them
You dare to call us 'monsters'
There are so few now
You’ve taken them from me
They call to you
Cry for you
When will you let them be?
Understand that they...
They are you too.With lips so dry
My waves kiss your shores.It's time you sat back beside me
Tilted your face to my mirror
And saw yourself framed in the heavy clouds
Remember that you share me
And I share you.
So, choose well what you take
Put back what you consume
And...
Remember our lust.
As my waves wash over you,
My salt tingle
Will linger.
Form tears of joy on your coast.
Every drop
Will touch the corners of your crevices.
My wake
Will embrace you forever.
Forget-me-not
This beauty blue you live on.
Blue:
The cyan marble in the black
You’ve seen in a thousand vintage satellite images.
Blue:
Like the clouds that you wish for
On a sunny day.With ceaseless lips
My waves kiss your shores.So, trail your fingers through me
Check your air
Fall back in love with me
Fill your lungs with wonders
And tell your neighbours what you learned
Come back to me
I’m hopeful.
Spare a thought for us,
My surf awaits it's return kiss
My deep awaits your lust
Sink slow slowly into me
My deepest place of wonder
Let’s dance!
We’re in this one together
Endless in romance.
Come back
My waves kiss your shores.
— , Irregular updates ()Hey guys,
I just migrated this entire website to a new webserver to facilitate updates/changes to the website in the near future. I have been looking at BuddyPress for the tribe I have been planning. I was meaning to go for Ning as the community platform, but then BuddyPress showed up at work and looked like an interesting candidate.
Not only that, I'm also looking into making Masculinity Movies a multi-site environment, which means in effect that any reader who becomes sufficiently inspired can get his own mini-version of the Masculinity Movies framework where he can write his own reviews, articles and blogs for our enjoyment.
I'm really serious about growing this site into a thriving community in 2011.
If you have any input, I would love to hear about it.
Cheers
— , Irregular updates ()Lars: Well, Bianca can help you. She's got nurse's training. Gus: No she doesn't. That's because she's a plastic...thing. Lars: That's amazing. Did you hear that? Bianca said God made her to help people.
— , Irregular updates ()[caption id="attachment_531" align="alignright" width="245" caption="Michael Gurian"][/caption]
My friend Thomas Gramstad, participant at both Masculinity Movies LIVE events, just sent me a great interview from Menweb.com with a guy called Michael Gurian. I've never heard of him before, but it turns out that he is also in the mythopoetic movement and closely related to Robert Bly (maybe my favourite author).
The interview is illuminating. In it, Michael talks about how most men - society overall in fact - considers a man's work to be about dealing with his conflicting relationship to Father. When a man has done his father work, he is done, we may think. He is then ready to tackle life as a fully integrated and mature man.
Michael points out in the interview that when he started addressing Mother's part in the forming of the son's traumas, people would object, because the mother surely was the stable and compassionate one, the rock of the family.
As I was reading this article, I felt it struck some chords deep inside. I have been working on my relationship with my father consciously for many years now (which you can read more about in an imminent blog post), but only recently have I discovered that I have some serious work to do around my mother. I understand now that I have given undue credit for my struggles in life to my father. As I write these words, I feel some sadness for this. Imagine, I have blamed one person for most of my problems in life, and all he did was try as best his could, in his own limited ways, to care for and love me. There is grief for me here.
It's easy to blame Father - the wounds are so obvious. But I have become attuned to a much more subtle current of trauma in me, one which is connected to my relationship to Mother. I have felt anger arise in this process and it's become incredibly important to maintain my boundaries in relation to women. Most men today, Robert Bly tells us, have not broken with their mother - with Mother energy - so we are still shackled to the image of our mother as a flawless creature that we must defend from the evil Father. And she often contributes to our hallucination.
I feel great sorrow when I realize the enormous hurt that is being propagated in our society due to our ignorance surrounding how to raise boys. We fail to understand the need for a dramatic shift between mother and sun as he reaches his teenage years, of a dramatic separation. By not heeding this nature's call, our culture magnifies the Oedipal impulse, Michael Gurian tells us in the interview, which leads to all sort of problems, domestic violence being one of them. (yep, domestic violence stems from men not separating from Mother energy) We must be mindful, as Michael is, to not start blaming women for our problems, but it is a huge step on the path to maturity for a man to own his mother wounds and take back the power that he put under his mother's pillow when he was young.
I'm in the middle of that process myself - and it's accelerating right now - so I will return to this topic again later on.
In the meantime, Michael Gurian is an expert on this unlike yours truly, so heed my advice and check out the article here: Mother Work with Michael Gurian.
Thanks, Thomas, for sharing this gem.
— , Irregular updates ()I have been with my girlfriend for almost three years now. It's been an extraordinary time. The opportunities to practice love that have arisen in myriad forms along the way have made me a stronger, more committed and more open-hearted man. Before I met Cathrine, I had very little experience with intimate relationship. I was a serious spiritual practitioner, meditating for 1-2 hours every day for many years, but relationships were a whole other ballgame. An experience in Boudhgaya, India at the end of 2006 changed my life. I transitioned then into a time of study the arts of women, love, and relationships. The relationship was the culmination of that work.
I have come to know Cathrine as a healer. Not in the sense that she has warm hands and reads auras - although she *has* warm hands and *can* read auras - but in the sense that I have known deep healing in our relationship together. In serving and being served by Cathrine, I have experienced a kind of inner revolution. In truth, if it weren't for the dynamic nature of our relationship, the profound love we have shared, and the challenges that her shifting forms of feminine embrace and resistance brought into my life, I would not be half the man I am now. I have learned to love no matter what (well, almost). Most of the time, she has made it very easy for me. Sometimes, she has made it incredibly hard. But I would have it no other way. It has been her gift to me.
The two of us both know that many have expected us to marry and have children. Many of those of you who know us personally have WANTED us to marry and have children. There are many good reasons for that. We have been a great couple. We have shared extraordinary love. And spending the rest of my life with her would be a pretty good way to live. But there is an even deeper recognition - the purpose of my life needs my attention. The work I'm doing is starting to take off. And starting a family now would force me to call off those plans - or at least put them on hold.
My relationship has been in service of my life's purpose. I would even say that it has *defined* my life's purpose. But with the dream of children - and the recognition that it is too early for me - we have sensed a shift for a long time now. In fact, we sensed it from the very beginning of our relationship. But our love caused us to ignore that and to plunge into a relationship nevertheless. For as long as I live, there will never be a thought of regret in my mind for that. It is, perhaps, the best choice I ever made. And in many ways, I know she feels the same. But children for me are some years into the future - when the pursuit of my life's purpose has come into full bloom and I feel that my calling to serve the world in the way closest to my heart has been realized.
I have cried in her arms. She has cried in mine. Sometimes I think we're crazy. But I believe we are doing the right thing. I don't expect all of you will understand. For I can in truth say that I don't always understand myself. But I have learned something about love lately. It has its own intelligence. And it speaks with a silent whisper. And it walks hand in hand with truth. Love seeks truth just as truth seeks love - and together they have decided to take the wheel. So you see - it is, in a sense, not up to us. We merely obey the silent whisper.
I have never known love like I have over these almost three years. And I have never felt stronger. And now it is with sadness, grief, but most of all deep joy, love, appreciation, and gratitude that I give her back to the world. Thanks to those of you out there who have been part of this journey. And to those whose hearts will be broken by this news, I am sorry. Know that we have reached this decision together. Noone has been dumped and there is not a hint of anger or bitterness. I will forever love her. And now, I am moving on. Up ahead, there is a woman waiting for me. And there's a man waiting for Cathrine. And they will get to know a one whose heart has deep imprints of another. And if they are to so much as qualify - they must understand that this is a good thing. It is our gift to them.
Happy New Year everyone.
Eivind
— , Irregular updates ()One of the things that we are not focusing nearly enough energy on in our struggle as a gender to reclaim our true and authentic masculinity is how our modern diet is filling our bodies with hormones - feminine hormones to be exact. Men are actually being chemically castrated by staple foods and drinks such as soy and beer.
I think this interview Daniel Vitalis on testosterone, fertility and estrogen is worth listening to. Among other things, Daniel will tell you that beer feminizes you, reduces your libido and makes you impotent. So much for beer being masculine. No wonder I hardly ever drink it.
And you should read this article "Why boys are turning into girls".
Even our diet is emasculating us and hardly anybody is talking about it. Let's do something about that.
— , Irregular updates ()Nick Duffell and Robert Fischer, co-facilitators of the upcoming Sex Authenticty and Power symposium (summer 2013) have just released a new version of their webpage. I'm happy to see their new platform and hope to channel some traffic to it, as I think the symposium is a very important and worthwhile event (and I'm going to speak there).
I'm currently enjoying a fun and lively discussion with Nick on the root of men's work over at their blog - and Nick has shared generously about some of his work - particularly his identity, relationship, alchemy model to personal evolution. Which got me thinking about the presentation I'm going to give there. I recommend you go check it out and join the conversation! That would be really fun. See you there?
— Christopher McCandless, Into the Wild (2007)The core of man's spirit comes from new experiences.
— , Irregular updates ()I'm currently on holiday in the North of Norway, staying in the childhood home of my girlfriend's mother. We drove from the Norwegian capital Oslo up along the spine of Norway to the glorious Vesterålen, where I'm currently surrounded with nature's splendour. Spending extended time with her like this, driving for days and now spending time here where the sun never sets, brings on a wide array of opportunities for feeling into and reflecting on the dynamics between man and woman, Masculine and Feminine.
As is the case with many of my friends, I'm in a relationship where she has a driver's license and I don't. This is a natural consequence of the gender roles that are so idealized on the leading edge of Western culture: The independence and direction of women, and the softening, increased flow and emotionality of men. Since much of my life's focus is about creating the best intimate relationship I possibly can, this situation of her driving the car and me sitting idly by has many inherent lessons in it, as the dynamics of Masculine and Feminine are such a huge part of these efforts.
As it is the function of the Masculine – among many other things – to establish the direction where the relationship is going, it becomes subtly depolarizing to have the woman drive the car with the man as passenger. Don't take my word for it, feel into it yourself by riding with your lady (for days). It can de-juice the relationship. There is the ever so slight sense that the man is dependent on his woman to get anywhere, which is a feeling that many people like when it's epitomized in the concept of girl power, but that few like in actual real life terms. It's a challenging place to be when trying to build the sort of relationship that David Deida describes as third stage.
Now, through the way my life is developing, and through my increased sensitivity to the movement of sexual energy (the energy of Masculine and Feminine), I've come to the realization that I must get a driver's license. I understand I cannot make things happen to the same degree that I need to by relying only on public transport (my time is becoming increasingly valuable and scarce). But things being as they are right now, I must find creative ways to polarize her into her Feminine and myself into my Masculine, while in the passenger seat. Some of the things that become vital, I have found, are keeping track of petrol usage and spendage, establishing distance goals as well as the legs of the journey, knowing always where we are etc. If we get to an intersection where it is not entirely clear where we must go, I must be on the ball straight away. When I fail to do these things, she becomes the vehicle of my life in ways that are unhealthy for our relationship. Symbolically she brings me through one decision after another. Eventually, such dynamics evolve into a woman mothering her man in ways that make both puke.
The degree to which I've been successful at maintaining polarity between us comes clear when we step out of the car. The first night, we set up a tent in the rain, and she was so strong in her directional energy that she wouldn't let me take care of it. Consequently, we were fighting over the right to being in authority in the situation, and I got a little pissed, thinking briefly "fuck it, if you don't need me, here you are - do it yourself" (we got it up in the end, and I recovered from being annoyed quickly).
It's something I see often in people around me: The woman has become so independent and capable that she doesn't really need the man anymore. To put it crudely, he becomes to her a provider of sexual services, financial collaboration, and quite pleasant but safe companionship, and he becomes bitter, hurt, impotent, withdrawn. A lot of energy is put into putting up a good front for many modern couples, pretending as if they are happy with their relationship. But really, they are miserable, because they don't understand or master sexual polarity. So much suffering results from not handling the gradual neutralization of sexual polarity skillfully. When we have not trained ourselves to feel the dynamics of sexual energy – that is the Masculine and the Feminine – in the moment we are in, movement will happen, but in unfortunate directions, normally towards sexual neutralization.
There is a time for "Step aside, woman, this is a man's job." Not because you or I want to regress to old fashioned ways of relating. But because we really communicate "Step aside, woman, this is a man's job. It's a job for a strong and trustable man who sees you are tired, that you need some rest and the feeling of being taken care of. I'm that man and I will provide you with all of these and more, because I love you. Relax, my sweet. I'm here for you. Always."
I have practiced relating through and growing the Masculine skillfully with her for a long time now, and as the stress of a Masculine-oriented work situation that often burdens her gradually fades away in the recovery of holiday, it becomes clear how much has been accomplished. We are in a good place her and I.
So love and passion is strong up here in the land of the midnight sun. We're enjoying ourselves, and I hope you are too.
So I now take care of the tent.
And she's giving me driving lessons.
Ahem... :-)
— , Irregular updates ()Okay guys, I finally got out the Michael Clayton review. I'm sorry it's three hours past midnight of the day I promised it at the launch, but this day has been very challenging to me. Sometimes balancing my purpose and my relationship becomes more than I can skillfully handle. I sometimes forget that doing one of these writeups from start to finish take 8-10 hours (including watching and rewatching the movie), and now I'm totally beat.
Hope you enjoy the review guys. Write and tell me about it if you do.
Peace out, compadres - I gotta sleep.
Eivind
The idea to create Masculinity-Movies.com came about during a time of intense study on what it meant to be a man. This is a question I’ve struggled with most of my adult life and this confusion has caused me to go through times of intense inner turmoil and depression.
But the process has brought results and at this point, I was trying to find a way to juggle masculine and feminine energies and forms of expression in my life in a way that was beneficial for everyone.
At the same time, I felt a growing need to share my own voice in this wilderness, and it seemed directly connected with my own sense of well being.
There was just one problem.
I had no idea what to say.
I was working on my Norwegian translation for The Way of The Superior Man by David Deida (still in progress) and applying it in the relationship with my lover, with great results. As the two of us spent some quiet quality time together watching films in her flat, the answer to the question that had plagued me for a long while – “how can I bring this material to the world in my own unique way?” came pulsing through the shimmering TV screen.
In the middle of the unlikeliest of films – Erin Brockovich and Mrs. Doubtfire – it dawned on me, and Masculinity-Movies.com was born.
Why do modern men need to learn about masculinity? Don’t we already have it covered? Aren’t we already tuned in, turned on and aligned with truth in every way that matters? If my own life experience is anything to go by, the answer is definitely no.
Modern men struggle.
Most of us haven’t found anything truly worth living (or dying) for and spend our days working to fulfill the visions of other men (and increasingly women), and most of these visions aren’t even that great. In relationship, many of us find ourselves overpowered by our women, unable to stand up for our own rights in the relationship and instead choose to succumb to the apathy of just tolerating her.
We haven’t yet discovered our core strength, that reservoir of loving and wise warrior energy that each and every one of us deep down know we carry inside of us. Modern men need help. Trouble is – most of us don’t want it. The idea that a man needing help is a weak man is cementing his weakness. It’s a challenging place to be culturally, and we need to do something about it. This website is my small part in that large process.
My wish for Masculinity-Movies.com is that it not only become a resource for in-depth movie analysis through the lens of masculine evolution, but that it becomes a resource central outlining the different guided paths of masculine evolution that are available in the world today. Through honing in on the themes of the respective films, I will offer resources – specific practices, and pointers to men’s groups, workshops, teachers etc – so that this growth becomes possible in our very own lives.
I hope you enjoy your time here. By reading this, you’ve proven that you’re one of the still relatively few men out there looking to better himself for the benefit of all. It’s men like you who will make the tide turn for the better.
For this, I thank you. AND – I wish to get to know you.
Eivind Figenschau Skjellum
Masculinity-Movies.com founder