Report from my New Warrior Training Adventure (NWTA)

posted by Eivind on July 2, 2011, at 3:39 pm

After my participation in the NWTA, I was asked if I wanted to write about my experience there. I chose to accept. I inquired with the man in charge if I could publish the piece here on my webpage as well and he said yes. So here it is.

At the end of the NWTA. Ill, heart-open, tired and looking like I'm seventeen. Funny how an experience that took me so far back into childhood made me feel so much more like a man.

Hungry for initiation

I have felt a deep, ferocious hunger for that elusive sense of maturity for years now – never having been able to shake the unpleasant feeling that I am still but a boy in the body of a man. And I knew I needed help to get past a masochistic, pervasive undercurrent in life which always made every action feel not quite right, not exactly authentic. In many ways, my life was great – and improving. Yet, my suffering was undeniable. And so I was ready. In the evening of June 4 2011, at The Comb in Northumberland, I finally embarked on my life's first Hero's journey.

It was an intense experience; over in a flash. Yet contained within those brief moments was a journey through grief into rebirth. That is more than literary symbolism – the skillful facilitators guided me into childhood and through a birth canal made up of initiated men, each spouting one of my masochistic beliefs. It was a surreal, yet deeply impacting experience I had not prepared for. All visions of a hero's journey I have entertained myself with looked very different to mine.

As the facilitators circled us on the last day – bidding us farewell in silence – I felt my heart strongly. Rare are the moments in life when I have felt so alive. Tears flowed down my face. I stood there an initiated man – having been through a ritual for which my entire soul had hungered for years. The look on the faces of these men – each featuring a unique texture of love and acceptance – confirmed that I had indeed received what I longed for. Some missing part of me was starting to pour back in. I was happy.

Journey to The Comb

I run a webpage called Masculinity Movies. It emerged out of my own search for maturity and manhood and running it has brought me much learning and satisfaction. As my exploration of movies, spirituality and psychology deepened, a book about the KWML archetypes showed on my radar. It's called King, Warrior, Magician, Lover – archetypes of the mature masculine. The authors are Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette, men of some familiarity to you, I suspect

As my understanding of these archetypes grew, I started applying them to my movie reviews – with outstanding results. People loved what they read – and I learned much writing. The Mankind Project was mentioned with increasing frequency and eventually my reviews became featured content on both the Mankind Project's Facebook page and their journal on mankindprojectjournal.org. It was clear that I had found an organization full of men who shared my thoughts and passions and I felt excited by the growing possibility of global brotherhood.

I connected through this time with MKP men such as Kenny D'Cruz, Boysen Hodgson and Mark Guilford and my participation was in a way inevitable. Speaking with Boysen on Skype one day pretty much cemented it. There was nothing more to think about – I took a leap of faith and don't regret it.

I was afraid when I knocked on the door and entered the dark room behind it, but boy am I happy that I did.

Back to Normal?

I returned home with a slight concern that the experience would just be a workshop high, my freedom slowly dwindling with every passing day after returning home. But I do feel different. Something has remained. In fact, some hard to describe feeling of being a man and not a boy has strengthened and I feel more confident overall. Most importantly, I feel freer to express myself. In fact, my voice has changed. It has opened and become deeper. Several people have commented on it.

I want to write briefly about my shadow, identified on my weekend as «I create a more alienated world by being judgmental about others». The number one inner conflict in my life is my desire to connect combined with the fear of rejection. My need to connect is tremendous. I love going to deep and rich places with people. Yet for many years, my spiritual practice was a solitary affair which served to strengthen this shadow.

Before I move to criticize it, I want to honor my many years of sitting meditation practice and my dives into worlds such as Buddhism, integral theory and tantra. They served me well for many years. Yet, I remained divorced from life itself. So in my feelings of unfulfillment, I learned that I could protect myself from the fear of rejection by condemning people who I might otherwise wish to connect with as unworthy, «less spiritual». Absolutely wonderful. Served me well. And I'm so fucking done with it.

The new openness that is unfolding in my life allows me to go deeper with others. The key for me is the ability to share impact combined with a deeper realization of my ability to be self-sufficient in the love department. Now, when someone impacts me in a way I like or don't like, I can simply share my experience of it. It's not a defense, and yet it's the best defense of all. Shared humanity. What a concept!

My relationships have deepened considerably this year, yet the experience of intimacy in the interpersonal spaces of my life has dropped to an even deeper and richer level since the weekend at The Comb. I feel nourished.

The path ahead

In two weeks time, I go to Edinburgh for my PIT. I feel inspired to be a faciliator at a training adventure in not too long. To experience it from the other angle. To give it. My mission statement involves curiosity and blessing and so, the path is lit.

I have gathered four NWTA initiates and three other good men who live in the Oslo area and our first real gathering is planned for August. I am moving in three weeks, to the first flat I could ever call truly mine, and will be happy to host them there. This is deeply significant for me, contributing to a general feeling of increased groundedness and embodiment. I feel pleased with myself. My heart opens when I write that.

I'm also feeling big openings in my quest for my true mission in the world. So many good things are happening. I feel stronger and more peaceful and I'm even sensing that a woman is going to come into my life again soon. I realize that I have held the belief that if I get to be with a woman, I somehow automatically get the better end of the deal. And having seen it, I realize how bullshit it is. I can now own how lucky the woman who gets to have me will be. We will both be lucky, gifts to each other.

Would these things have happened if I didn't do my NWTA? Hard to say. I think it probably would have eventually considering the intensity of my yearning for ever increasing maturity and insight. But it's not important. It is what it is and I'm happy with the way I arrived here. (I have worn my talisman almost every day since returning.)

I'm Royal Impala and I'm in.

  • EivindFS

    Thanks, Mark :-)

    As it says in the text, I will do my PIT in Edinburgh in just two weeks. I look forward to it.

    E

  • http://theWebalyst.com/ Mark the Webalyst

    Welcome Eivind, I did the NWTA in September 2009. If you can make it I highly recommend the PIT follow up.

    Love Mark

  • Bob Gallagher

    Great writing!  And of course, A HO! I am glad that you accepted the call and chose to go down into the ashes of your life and re-emerging as a new man. I recommend that you read the the Moore/Gillette book “The King Within” if you havent already. Blessings to you as you progress further into the many realms of your life. Bob G. Haimowoods/Chicago 1991

  • Ghostbustersaustralia Phil

    Brother Royal Impala,

    Much GratitudenRespectnHonornLovenLightnBlessings to connect with you and desire to honor your journey and questing and longing and courage to respect and honor your own masculinity and manhood, and great work and piece of writing, from Wedge Tail Eagle, initiated Woodman Point, Western Australia, Australia, Oct. 2006

  • Rafiki

    AHO Royal Impala
    The PIT gave me even more than the NWTA. Hope your growth continues too.From your brother Rafiki,initiated Oct 08 Camp Woody West Australia

  • mkp Thunderbird

    All of you is welcome Eivind, always.
    Casey, Thunderbird
    Indiana USA

  • EivindFS

    Thanks, Bob. I have indeed read the book and thanks for noticing that I’m close to the King archetype.

    I’ve read all four of the individual volumes and am making videos for each of the archetypes (for the King, it is this one http://www.masculinity-movies.com/blog/introducing-the-kwml-archetypes-the-king).

    They are incredible.

  • EivindFS

    Aho Rafiki!

    Wow, I’m excited to hear that the PIT was such a big deal for you. I haven’t regarded is as such until now. I look forward to it.

    Cheers :-)

  • Georgedaranyi

    Elvind,

    Brillian piece. You have captured the essence of why I became an initiated man; and, why for nearly twenty years I have devoted a big part of my life to bringing men to life. Blessings to you as you continue on this incredible path.
    Daranyi
    Black Hawk
    Tucson, Arizona

  • Eliroyale

    Welcome home! I’ve been a reader of your site for a while, just finished my weekend in May of 2011. You’ve written brilliantly here and I concur. I am a changed man, but also because of what iGroup brings to my life.
    Eli
    Ecstatic Wolf

  • EivindFS

    Thanks, Ecstatic Wolf (wow, a juicy animal name!) I will start my own iGroup in August, Eli. I look forward to it a great deal.

    Thanks for writing (and for reading).

    Eivind

  • EivindFS

    Thank you, Black Hawk!

  • EivindFS

    Yes, that felt good. Thanks.

    E

  • JASON

    Aha what a small world we live in Eivind. We have connected previously about films etc on your site and I watched your King archetype video when you made it. However I did not recognise you amongst those men at the Comb. I do recognise the man in the photo above however, changed indeed. On my NWTA in Sep 2009 I also embarked on a rebirth experience and it has brought much to my thinking and opening of my heart. Beautiful to ‘see’ its you doing this ‘service’ through creative media and sharing yourself authentically with others. A gift you have indeed.

    The PIT for me was also a great deepening of what I had touched on during the weekend which was my first step in initiated manhood ‘witnessed’ by other men. It was the ‘witnessing’ of my journey by other men that created the primal ‘click’ to happen in me. I felt that again when I looked into your eyes at the Comb, revisited the first time I had felt it on my NWTA and acknowledged the wisdom of those that have been before, once again. Thank you for sharing your experience as it supports the reasons and sometimes challenges the doubts of why I have continued to staff and be of service to others as they are to me.
    Many blessings of open heartedness to you brother. I look forward to our paths crossing in service to others from the other side of the circle if that is your path.
    The journey continues…..
    Jason
    White Fox

  • EivindFS

    Dear Jason,

    I’m afraid I don’t know exactly who you are and I would love to. I have communicated with many Jasons through my website. Could you send your picture to my e-mail eivind[at]masculinity-movies.com so that I can confirm your identity? Please do that and thanks for your message. I did my PIT in Edinburgh just over a week ago. That too was powerful for me. I’m still in a kind of strange space after it. It may be because of other things too – my moving and the Oslo terror.

    The journey continues!
    Eivind

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  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Rosanna-Padoin/1590526283 Rosanna Padoin

    I so f… envy you guys! There is after all hope for my three grandsons, and for my
    granddaughter! Somehow women were deprived to be women and we got husbands that
    didn’t know how to be men and only saw the mother in us! Does anyone here know
    of any initiative that may bring women back to genuine womanhood?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Rosanna-Padoin/1590526283 Rosanna Padoin

    Eivind, jeg var i utlandet da du holdt foredrag og viste filmen. Er den filmen tilgjengelig?

  • http://www.masculinity-movies.com/ Eivind Figenschau Skjellum

    Yes, Rosanna! MKP has a sister organization called Woman Within (http://womanwithin.org/). There are also myriad other organizations. I’m starting these days to collaborate with women in Norway in order to eventually create a workshop that includes both men and women in rather unique ways. Stay in touch for more info. :)

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