Lars: Well, Bianca can help you. She's got nurse's training. Gus: No she doesn't. That's because she's a plastic...thing. Lars: That's amazing. Did you hear that? Bianca said God made her to help people.
In 2010, I dropped by Morten’s summit for one day to check out what the people and speakers there were like. I was inspired to discover a whole new pocket of people committed to self-development and relieved to have some of my preconceptions around the pick-up community drop away.
This year, I stayed the full weekend. The main attraction for me was to come and hang with Bryan Bayer. I have followed the work of Bryan and Decker Cunov of the Authentic Man Program for several years and benefitted greatly from it. It was in fact I who told Morten about them in the first place. It’s always fascinating to observe the patchwork of life’s events come together in a singular moment in such a way.
What strikes me this year, as it did last, is that these guys are young. Most of them must be in their early 20s. And they seem fucking hungry. It resonates with a feeling I’ve had for a while – that the young men of this world are dying for elders. They crave for mature men to teach them what it means to be a man and how that is different from being a boy. Not in fake macho ways that involve strategies and adopting a personality that isn’t yours, but simply in learning how to be yourself fully. No, it isn’t pickup. It has evolved. They look, it seems to me, for that ultimate blessing we all yearn for: the realization that when we face the world with our masks dropped, powerful in our vulnerability, the world loves us for it. And that sets us free.
On the other hand, the man who sleeps with women using inauthentic strategies in order to fill a hole that looks curiously similar to his own self-loathing perpetuates suffering in his life experience. These men don’t operate in the realm of adulthood, however; they live in perpetual adolescence. And what I sense so strongly at the Morten Hake Summit is that those men who sell that snake oil are not nearly as inspiring to young men anymore. Now they want the real deal, the juicy meat on the bones. They want to learn to be themselves and discover that that is magnificent.
When Zan Perrion addressed the audience, I saw that so clearly. The room seemed transfixed. He spoke the truth. He spoke like a man, a leader. And people were inspired. I was inspired. He reminded me of what is possible.
And of course, hanging with Bryan was awesome. It felt like meeting an old Bro, even though I never met him in the flesh before. He is such a fountain of wisdom and a genuinely good and authentic person. I know he has a lot to teach me. And it seemed like everyone there absolutely loved him and what he did. I was pleased as pie to see that my discovery of AMP’s work online several years ago had come to this. Bryan and I did some great stuff together the Monday after the Summit. That is now snowballing and I will write more about that later.
Thanks, Morten, Knut and the rest for showing me what I needed to see – that being inauthentic isn’t trendy among young men anymore. And it confirms my gut sense that there is a wave of authenticity spreading across the globe and it is crying for us all to be leaders in times of massive change.
Me and Rajyo (co-founder of Celebration of Being) at Winchester House at the end of the workshop
This last month has been intense. I have done some sort of workshop every weekend. Powerful experiences each and every one of them. I finally have some downtime to integrate and feel what has happened. So far, it’s a bit of a blur. Though I feel clear that a lot has shifted inside of me. After all, participants at each of these four workshops have communicated something akin to “life-changing” and I did friggin’ four of them. Oh lord.
I came to the Isle of Wight to do the Noble Man workshop on the recommendation of a New Warrior Brother. He had done the Noble Man workshop before we were both initiated on the same New Warrior Training Adventure in June. I like the man and trust his judgment, so I decided to go.
I have done a huge amount of work with men by now. But women have been conspicuously absent from my learning environments. I am clear that I want to change that and so the Noble Man arrived at an auspicious and fitting time.
To make a long story short – I loved the workshop. I’m not entitled to tell you about the processes themselves, but what was richly rewarding for me about our time together was the deep sense of mutual love and respect that permeated the ritual space. It was an environment of true healing and the processes that we were taken through spoke to me deeply. The female facilitators described it as a rite of passage and though my mind still cannot quite tolerate the idea that women can offer a rite of passage to men (it goes against all the wisdom of our ancestors), I can but embrace the potency of the experience.
Many of the women on “staff” reported that they fell back in love with men and with their own femininity and that alone makes my heart sing.
For me, the biggest takeaway is that I can be sensitive and vulnerable and still be attractive to women. I have spent a lot of time trying to build a masculinity befitting a mature man and in the process, I have lost some of my boyish playfulness and young curiosity. Embracing my inner two-year-old and bringing him into life with me is now a more probable and inspiring concept for me. That alone is huge. I’m tired of not bringing all of me.
I am tired as I write this and know that while I could make a long story out of this, my mind can’t take it right now. So I will leave you with my heartfelt recommendation of the Noble Man with Celebration of Being. Rajyo, Gina, Debbie and the other women there were a delight and moved me deeply and I loved bonding with the guys there too.
I have so much I want to write to you about on this blog right now, but all my time is currently consumed by the crazy amount of activity in my life.
What is happening is super exciting and I look forward to telling you about it. I will get back to you when I have been to Amsterdam to contribute on the production team for a workshop given by Bryan Bayer. I’m back on Monday evening and the next blog post will hopefully appear before the weekend after. But no promises…
posted by Eivind on September 28, 2011, at 9:55 pm
Last year, I let myself be impressed by Morten Hake’s work on his 2010 summit. Now, it is time for part #2.
First things first – the Morten Hake Summit is coming to town this weekend (Saturday October 1 at 10 am, Håndverkeren konferansesenter to Sunday October 2) and you will get a huge discount as a reader of Masculinity Movies. I will be there. So will Bryan Bayer. (Make sure to use the discount link and not the Morten Hake Summit link).
(this video in Norwegian)
Now for some back story: I have held strong judgments against the PUA community. I basically think that sugar-coating a bad self image with another man’s personality in order to get temporary relief from mentioned bad self image inside a woman’s vagina is a shitty idea. That is why I have been pleased as pie to follow Morten’s work over the last year or so. I realize that many people in what I thought was the PUA community are actually hugely against pickup as well. Also, what I have thought of as pickup seems to have radically transformed lately. Maybe it’s thanks to seeing the pickup world through Morten’s filter that I feel this way, but it seems to me that the “scene” has completely transformed from being focused on shady manipulating tactics to being focused on life affirming and genuine relationships.
The trend I see in the world is towards authenticity. It is also towards embracing our shared humanity. Instead of using others to make ourselves feel better, people in ever increasing numbers are seeking to co-create beautiful relationships (that may or may not be monogamous).
Whatever skills you want to work on in the relational arena, it seems the Morten Hake Summit 2011 will offer tools and advice. The higlight for me is that Bryan Bayer of Authentic Man Program is coming. I’ve followed AMP’s work for years and love what they do. They really are making the world a better place and I couldn’t be happier to recommend that you attend the summit, if for no other reason than to see Bryan.
Featured speakers, Morten Hake Summit 2011
Bryan Bayer, the one and only co-founder of Authentic Man Program
Johnny Soporno, a quirky guy I took a liking to when I saw the video interview with him
A mother and friend expressed in the comments of my blog post “The terror of young men” pain over a lack of programs, rites and rituals for boys. Many mothers of boys in this world – especially single mums – wish for programs like these. Now, I know these exist, but I haven’t taken notes of them and I don’t exactly remember the names of the ones I have heard about. I realize now that I have been more focused on men’s work than boy’s work…
I can spend lots of time doing research and compile a list (I WILL compile a list), but I’d love if you would help me by telling me of programs you know of in the comments below.
