posted by Eivind on June 29, 2010, at 9:49 pm
Hi everyone!
As I’ve said earlier, the KWML archetypes form the most popular body of content on this website and I have decided that I should make a product – my first one (yahoooo!) – featuring them.
In this simple introduction, I plan to feature a description of the archetypes, descriptions of movies where they can be found and ways in which they can be accessed in daily life.
This could actually become a REAL RESOURCE for men and I want it to be a collaborative effort.
If you could tell me in the comments section below what you would like to see in such a product, it would be extremely helpful.
Please pass the news around too – the more the merrier. We need to restore the KWML archetypes within ourselves and I’m hoping that this free product will be one small contribution I can make to turn this vision into a reality.
Do you want such a free KWML guide? Then what are you waiting for? Spill the beans below!
Thanks,
Eivind
posted by Eivind on June 27, 2010, at 10:54 pm
I’ve had a curious experience as I’ve been working on developing the man inside over the last several years: Many of the stereotypes about men that I never felt applied to me are becoming increasingly true. It’s as if the “modern man” in me is stepping into the background and a more traditional man is coming to the fore. Although I understand very clearly that this man is actually not a regression to the 50s man, but a maturation of the modern man (you know – that soft, sensitive guy who rides a bike to save the environment and drinks caffe lattes). Transcend and include.
Such as – I’m increasingly interested in exchanging only few words with someone else. I do like deep conversation, but my pull towards silence is increasing. The emotional drama of women can sometimes just be too much and I find myself having to draw a boundary, when earlier I would’ve enjoyed “joining in”. Some humor that I once enjoyed has become irritating, simply because of the immaturity involved. I’m also becoming more singular in my focus on what I want to achieve with my life. And out of the blue some months ago, I realized that my lack of a driver’s license is a huge drawback to me, almost an outrage.
So while I work on this webpage, many of the things more traditional guys take for granted are things I find myself drawn to learning – one by one. It’s a strange process. But the man inside demands it. It’s a matter of integrity. The man inside wants to be free to pursue his calling and the “modern man” inside has been too much of a pansy to bother laying the groundwork for him. But now he’s stepping aside, leaving the real job to someone capable.
Being along for this ride is all rather odd…
posted by Eivind on June 22, 2010, at 11:13 pm
Masculinity Movies, now featured on MSNBC.com
About a week ago, writer Michael Ventre contacted me because he was preparing an article for MSNBC.com on the buffing of male actors in Hollywood. He had found my site by punching in “Masculinity” and “Movies” into Google, for which I appear to be number one in most cases.
I explained to Michael that I was somewhat more interested in and knowledgeable about what I called “inner masculinity” than the “outer masculinity” which I believed his story was about, but explained that I would be more than willing to help him.
So he sent me these two questions:
Do you believe audiences expect their heroes in movies these days to possess a certain kind of physique, and if so, do you think they equate that kind of body with true masculinity?
To which I answered: Yes, I certainly think we have all learned to equate a certain kind of physique with true masculinity. But I see this as being less about our cultural conditioning and more about an evolutionary imprint based in our interest in passing on our genes. On a primal level, Man lives to breed. And if a man is to breed and get strong and healthy children, he requires a healthy and beautiful mate. Life wants to give rise to more life. This impulse is built into the universe. And although mankind has moved on since that time, this drive to procreate is still enormously powerful. It is probably the most powerful impulse that we know.
Daniel Craig as James Bond. Modern day alpha man
Back in the old days, before civilization as we know it arose, men were the hunters and the guardians of the family and the tribe. Since the role of technology was marginal back then, the man who possessed the best physique, the most able body, was the best man for a woman to be with, for he could protect her better than the weaker man, and thus she could carry forward children under relative safety. It was an era that belonged to the alpha man.
It is because of our need to breed that we like our heroes to be alpha men. It is what makes him a hero, to defeat the obstacles and achieve the goal in service of his family, his country and mankind. And although masculine power these days is not only measured in physique, but also in things such as mental capacity and good communication skills, a good physique only further enhances his masculinity. In short, the physique that allowed men to hunt and protect the women and children in the old days is still equated with true masculinity today.
and…
If you could, would you mind giving me your own short, personal definition of masculinity, and then tell me whether you believe having these overly buffed actors in movie roles adds to your definition, or are the muscles simply a Hollywood facade?
And to this I answered: Good question! I want to answer it by describing three stages of masculinity. The first stage of masculinity is characterized by strength, vitality, integrity to your word, power and the protection of those close to you. It is the level of the alpha man of old days. Then there is a second stage of masculinity, which is emerging all over our Western culture these days. Masculinity on this stage can, generally speaking, be characterized by a desire for justice and equality, integrity to your values and service for the greater good (mankind). This level of masculinity is softer, more sensitive and emotional. It is more in tune with the Feminine. In that way, it is a progression towards greater wholeness, but the problem with it is that men at this stage can lose their power, and their ability to do the work that calls them, to the process of trying to be liked and accepted. But then there is a third stage of masculine development. It is characterized, roughly speaking, by presence, enormous power combined with tremendous humility, an appreciation for all life, and integrity to love itself.
This third stage masculinity is completely unknown to our culture. We only know of the first two. We think a man is either a powerful macho dude or a nice and soft, but somewhat domesticated modern man.
Thanks to postmodernism, feminism and the gender liberation movement, we have relativized the genders to the point that they mean nothing at all. And we applaud the good that must come of this. But what we don’t know is that this is causing tremendous suffering for modern men and women. And since we don’t realize there is a third stage to evolve into, we can but look to the first stage. So to feel some juice in our modern, domesticated lives, we look to the movies to remind us that there is such a thing as passion and living life on the edge, qualities we left behind when we stepped out of stage 1, and which we don’t realize wait for us at stage 3 in much more fulfilling and wholesome forms.
So there is certainly room for buffing male actors in my definition of masculinity, but it’s a very primitive form of masculinity if taken on its own. It is pop culture masculinity. Easy to get because there are bulging muscles. But in my opinion, Hollywood is at its best when it manages to portray this more mature masculinity I’m talking about.
Just look at Russell Crowe. There is huge presence to him and his characters. When you look at him, you can’t help but be present to a quality of stillness. And that quality brings us into the moment. This is one of the characteristics of mature masculinity. Crowe portrays noble and powerful characters with great believability. General Maximus of Gladiator fame is a character with a strong physique, but he more importantly has presence, endless love for his family and is dedicated to the greater good: Spiritual life and the wellbeing of the people. That, in my opinion,is true masculinity.
Moving from outer masculinity to inner masculinity
If you read his article Welcome to the era of the buffed actor, you will see that it is indeed largely about outer masculinity (although, I must admit, the discipline and focus that personal trainer Mike Torchia demands of his “victims” is also very much representative of an inner masculinity). And he did a fine job considering the subject matter. And in the context of that, I’m featured as the expert on man’s need to breed. I’m slightly amused by this, because I don’t really know that much about evolutionary biology. I know little enough not to know whether my quote is even within the realms of what people call evolutionary biology.
It doesn’t matter. I was happy to see that my answer to question #1 provided an alternative view on a subject matter which could too easily be reduced to mere pop culture, when it is in fact hugely important in a larger socio-cultural context. And although I think Michael’s article is interesting, I’m even more interested in what the trend he observes stems from. I believe the reason is that our world is starving for mature masculinity, but since we don’t know what that is, the best we can do is to make actors – torchbearers of the archetypes for which we long – look ripped.
I’m very grateful to Michael Ventre for reaching out and featuring my site, providing me with a timely and much appreciated traffic boost. Although I’m hopeful that next time, MSNBC.com will request a slightly different article from him – one in which he looks at what makes a man masculine from the inside out – and not from the outside in.
I think we are ready for that.
That said, I’d rather have a trimmed body than the alternative. Outer masculinity definitely does have its uses 🙂
posted by Eivind on June 19, 2010, at 8:18 pm
On Wednesday June 16, my six week No Woman Diet came to an end. It’s been a pretty crazy experience for me and I have learned so much about myself in the process. I have written some blog posts about the Diet already and this will be the last one.
One of my memories from early on in the diet isn’t of a woman at all. I was standing on a boat in a cool, but pleasant sunset breeze, leaning against the white metal railing as the city lights approached in the distance. A guy was standing next to me and I had the feeling that he would be a nice bloke to have a casual conversation with. I didn’t open my mouth.
The No Woman Diet turned out to be less about women than it would be about learning about all the artificial ways I use to prop up my ego and self esteem, my drugs of choice being random conversation, meaningless flirting, social media and all sorts of other things. I realized how incredibly draining it was to project my own value into other people’s response to me and was shocked at how ubiquitous that tendency it was in my life. I do after all consider myself a pretty confident guy.
But there it was, my ego craved the validation of being seen by another human being, and I didn’t give it what it wanted. I think this was the first time in the Diet I visualized smoke coming out of my ears – and it was far from the last. I experienced incredible fatigue for a couple of weeks in the middle of the diet, something which seems to have been very closely related to my experience of pulling into my little antisocial cave. However, this case was not a hideout, it was a furnace. It burned through layers of need and in the end – it has burned through to something deeper. A silent place, vibrating with the low hum of some primordial power I imagine I must have had, but that I lost.
I discovered some big anger in me which led me to do anger release work for the first time in my life, probably scaring my neighbors with the hard punching on my walls. (I must find a more isolated place to let loose completely I have understood). And my boundaries have transformed from being flowery meadows for people to wander into to being borders guarded by heavily armed warriors. Some people have had my swords swung at them and funnily enough many have enjoyed the experience. This has told me a lesson or two about the value of authentic expression.
I have also learned to own my dark, animal sexuality. For the first time in my life, I don’t feel shame when I think of looking deeply..deeply into the eyes of a woman and telling her “I feel so fucking turned on by you right now,” while having the strange and paradoxical feeling that I can say that WITHOUT being attached to any sexual outcome with her. I have yet to try it out – the diet just ended and I’m not about to turn into a headless chicken overnight – but I have it within my feeling realms for the first time. And that will soon enough materialize into reality.
Also, I have learned to value the warrior-like consciousness that I have had to foster during this diet. Distraction is starting to not only feel draining, but downright sickening. Too much hedonistic pleasures, I understand, will just kill my enjoyment of life, because they damage my samurai focus and hence reduce my enjoyment and potency in ALL walks of life. This is fucking HUGE.
I will retain many of the disciplines from the Diet in my life even as I transition into a normal lifestyle again. They have been really good for me. The big question now of course is “how about women?”. As I have learned to enjoy to the conservation of my energy that comes from not sperming my energy in the direction of every sexy, flowing and curvaceous little kitten that enters my vision through the course of a day, I have chosen to stay committed to not shooting too much precious energy into the tits and asses that inspire my sexual charge. Through the course of the Diet, I have had one or two opportunities to take it further with women who clearly enjoyed my strong presence, but I obviously didn’t do that. There was my integrity to consider. So if I keep to this practice, intimacy with women will come without my needing to be obsessive about it. I can merely stay open to what life brings to my porch. That seems healthy to me and way more of a mature masculine approach than running around looking for pussy.
I’m curious as to how all of this will play out. Last night, I had a conversation with a cute dancer chick on the way home from hosting Masculinity Movies Live #2. I understood her feet were aching when she took off her high heels and slipped them with delight into her sneakers. Turned out she had been dancing on-stage for hours. I shared the moment with her without further agenda than taking good care of her. I did notice some nervous energy in me simply from talking with a woman again, but mostly, I just sat there and held the space for her while we spoke casually. It was a nice encounter – and it didn’t have to go anywhere at all. And as it so happened, I was more than happy to have us break up without asking for a phone number (although I was pleased to understand that she had enjoyed our time together). What mattered most to me was my authenticity. That is my gift to women, my Brothers, and the world.
It is a liberating new space to be this post-NWD inner landscape. The days and weeks ahead will tell how much has REALLY come of this experience. Right now, I’m still in the process of finding my bearings in my newly gained inner freedom.
Thanks to Bryan Bayer and Decker Cunov of AMP for facilitating such a potent cradle of growth.
