Reflections on sexual polarity from the land of the Midnight Sun

posted by Eivind on July 15, 2009, at 9:50 pm

vesteraalenI’m currently on holiday in the North of Norway, staying in the childhood home of my girlfriend’s mother. We drove from the Norwegian capital Oslo up along the spine of Norway to the glorious Vesterålen, where I’m currently surrounded with nature’s splendour. Spending extended time with her like this, driving for days and now spending time here where the sun never sets, brings on a wide array of opportunities for feeling into and reflecting on the dynamics between man and woman, Masculine and Feminine.

As is the case with many of my friends, I’m in a relationship where she has a driver’s license and I don’t. This is a natural consequence of the gender roles that are so idealized on the leading edge of Western culture: The independence and direction of women, and the softening, increased flow and emotionality of men. Since much of my life’s focus is about creating the best intimate relationship I possibly can, this situation of her driving the car and me sitting idly by has many inherent lessons in it, as the dynamics of Masculine and Feminine are such a huge part of these efforts.

As it is the function of the Masculine – among many other things – to establish the direction where the relationship is going, it becomes subtly depolarizing to have the woman drive the car with the man as passenger. Don’t take my word for it, feel into it yourself by riding with your lady (for days). It can de-juice the relationship. There is the ever so slight sense that the man is dependent on his woman to get anywhere, which is a feeling that many people like when it’s epitomized in the concept of girl power, but that few like in actual real life terms. It’s a challenging place to be when trying to build the sort of relationship that David Deida describes as third stage.

Now, through the way my life is developing, and through my increased sensitivity to the movement of sexual energy (the energy of Masculine and Feminine), I’ve come to the realization that I must get a driver’s license. I understand I cannot make things happen to the same degree that I need to by relying only on public transport (my time is becoming increasingly valuable and scarce). But things being as they are right now, I must find creative ways to polarize her into her Feminine and myself into my Masculine, while in the passenger seat. Some of the things that become vital, I have found, are keeping track of petrol usage and spendage, establishing distance goals as well as the legs of the journey, knowing always where we are etc. If we get to an intersection where it is not entirely clear where we must go, I must be on the ball straight away. When I fail to do these things, she becomes the vehicle of my life in ways that are unhealthy for our relationship. Symbolically she brings me through one decision after another. Eventually, such dynamics evolve into a woman mothering her man in ways that make both puke.

The degree to which I’ve been successful at maintaining polarity between us comes clear when we step out of the car. The first night, we set up a tent in the rain, and she was so strong in her directional energy that she wouldn’t let me take care of it. Consequently, we were fighting over the right to being in authority in the situation, and I got a little pissed, thinking briefly “fuck it, if you don’t need me, here you are – do it yourself” (we got it up in the end, and I recovered from being annoyed quickly).

It’s something I see often in people around me: The woman has become so independent and capable that she doesn’t really need the man anymore. To put it crudely, he becomes to her a provider of sexual services, financial collaboration, and quite pleasant but safe companionship, and he becomes bitter, hurt, impotent, withdrawn. A lot of energy is put into putting up a good front for many modern couples, pretending as if they are happy with their relationship. But really, they are miserable, because they don’t understand or master sexual polarity. So much suffering results from not handling the gradual neutralization of sexual polarity skillfully. When we have not trained ourselves to feel the dynamics of sexual energy – that is the Masculine and the Feminine – in the moment we are in, movement will happen, but in unfortunate directions, normally towards sexual neutralization.

There is a time for “Step aside, woman, this is a man’s job.” Not because you or I want to regress to old fashioned ways of relating. But because we really communicate “Step aside, woman, this is a man’s job. It’s a job for a strong and trustable man who sees you are tired, that you need some rest and the feeling of being taken care of. I’m that man and I will provide you with all of these and more, because I love you. Relax, my sweet. I’m here for you. Always.”

I have practiced relating through and growing the Masculine skillfully with her for a long time now, and as the stress of a Masculine-oriented work situation that often burdens her gradually fades away in the recovery of holiday, it becomes clear how much has been accomplished. We are in a good place her and I.

So love and passion is strong up here in the land of the midnight sun. We’re enjoying ourselves, and I hope you are too.

So I now take care of the tent.

And she’s giving me driving lessons.

Ahem… 🙂

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