posted by Eivind on July 26, 2011, at 1:05 pm
Hi everyone,
Flowers outside the Oslo Peace center
As some of you may know, Oslo, Norway is the city I call home. Some days ago, as I am confident you know, Oslo became the target of two acts of terrorism carried out by a deranged young ethnic Norwegian more or less my age.
I’ve had some trouble accepting the facts. I have seen the rubble on the streets, the military police guarding the blocks around ground zero. I have been in the Oslo cathedral and lit candles, put down flowers, and spoken with many about what has happened. All of it is surreal. I’m sure international media coverage gives an impression of a nation that didn’t expect in its wildest dreams something like this to happen. That would be fairly accurate. I never have.
Yet, in the midst of all this shock, grief and suffering, something incredible is taking place. Last night, I attended an event downtown where around 200.000 people gathered with flowers in the central streets of Oslo. The crown prince spoke, so did the Prime Minister – who has seen a massive surge in popularity. Many others addressed the crowds, as did some musicians.
But it was the crowd itself which was most remarkable. I have NEVER seen anything like this in Oslo. I dare say nothing like this has ever happened here. From where I stood, I couldn’t see a clear patch of ground anywhere. It was a sea of people. For a city with around 600.000 inhabitants, 200.000 is a ridiculous turnout. And everyone carried flowers.
When we all raised our hands in silence and I saw those flowers lift skywards, it sent shivers down my spine. There was an energy in the air that was palpable and it carried a clear message “Norway will never be the same again”.
It was a remarkable event in the spirit of of unity and compassion. There simply wasn’t any hatred or fear to be felt. Even there, I felt the reserved nature of Norwegians, but last night, we were reserved and shy together. In the face of evil, Norwegians are demonstrating that hate, violence and revenge are not the answer. I know it is hard for some to understand, and that makes me even more grateful to live here.
I’ve never felt particularly attached to my nation, particularly identified with the Norwegian heritage. But writing this, I feel gratitude for living in a country where people show this incredible resilience of heart and strength of spirit. It is moving and it is encouraging. And the growing sense of a positive sense of nationalism (as in beyond an ethnocentric nationalism) – of pride in my country – that I’ve felt over the last year, was strengthened further.
I have also thought about the terrorist himself and have started forming an image in my head of what drove him to carry out his heinous act. I will return with an analysis of that later on – for my own sake and as a service to those who don’t understand how such things are possible.
Thanks to everyone who has reached out in this time to ask me if I’m okay. That has been a true act of friendship and it has warmed my heart.
With love,
Eivind
posted by Eivind on July 9, 2011, at 11:46 am
I read this short article over at the Good Men Project. Something about some right wing Republican talking about African Americans and who said this in an interview:
Slavery had a disastrous impact on African-American families, yet sadly a child born into slavery in 1860 was more likely to be raised by his mother and father in a two-parent household than was an African-American baby born after the election of the USA’s first African-American President.
Tom Matlack and a lot of commenters went ra ra ra – this is terrible, awful. She is implying that African Americans were better off as slaves. Why don’t I see that implication? It got me thinking. When are people still stuck in the postmodern cramp going to stop disempowering themselves with their trigger happy victim circuitry? (this is nothing personal – just a general reflection inspired by thoughts triggered by the GMT piece)
This morally outraged rhetoric of the postmodern world is the source of a huge amount of problems. It contributes to the polarization of right and left. In this way, liberals contributed to creating the tea party movement, just like they contributed to creating Derek Vinyard in American History X. Let’s now grow up and recognize the world as interconnected and understand that we are all implicated in some way or another.
As people of higher consciousness (according to Spiral Dynamics), liberals should now take that one final step into 2nd tier consciousness and learn to own their part of it. The onus is on those of higher consciousness to behave in a “higher way”. Then the polarization would reduce and right wing Republicans would be free to start growing from their little political-Biblical cramps into full, God-given selfhood.
Anyway, here’s my reply to the blog post (which for some reason didn’t get through).
I’m intrigued by this. I have no idea who this woman is. I can’t stand the Republican party and think they are largely a bunch of narrow-minded religious zealots. I’m quite liberal and I’m for all the things you say she is against.
But I look at the statement – without any background information and no emotional investment – and simply can’t understand what the fuzz is about.
What I see is simply an expression of concern for the development of the African American family structure. I see you speak about “implications”. What are those? I can’t for the life of me see how the statement implies that African American families were better off as slaves. I notice in myself that I could choose to interpret it that Obama, as a representative of the Democrats, has made conditions worse for African Americans. I *think* can notice – EXTREMELY faintly – how a voice in me would have it that she claims African Americans were botter off as slaves. EXTREMELY FAINTLY.
Yet, I choose not to listen to those inner voices. I could. But why disempower myself? Why speculate about what something means only to reaffirm a broken part of me?
One of the things I don’t like about the postmodern world is that there is an enormous enthusiasm to play the victim card. I find myself losing trust in a man or a woman who screams bloody outrage too easily. I see that as psychological projection. I see it as a person with poor psychological boundaries and an inability to see their own inner shadow complex (the way they themselves judge ALL the time) using another person’s slip as an opportunity to further sidestep the important work of turning attention inwards.
Those of you upset by this – are you sure you are not just firing on all emotional circuits because you are so USED to it? That this is not about any objective decency, but about your own habitual tendencies?
The more we let ourselves be triggered, the less we can *be the change* in the world.
I say this having no political or emotional background with this woman. And remember – these words are the only ones I have ever seen from her. And if she is a member of the Tea party movement, I don’t respect her (we’re not in the middle ages anymore). So I basically suspect I would find her unappealing.
Eivind
posted by Eivind on July 2, 2011, at 3:39 pm
After my participation in the NWTA, I was asked if I wanted to write about my experience there. I chose to accept. I inquired with the man in charge if I could publish the piece here on my webpage as well and he said yes. So here it is.
At the end of the NWTA. Ill, heart-open, tired and looking like I'm seventeen. Funny how an experience that took me so far back into childhood made me feel so much more like a man.
I have felt a deep, ferocious hunger for that elusive sense of maturity for years now – never having been able to shake the unpleasant feeling that I am still but a boy in the body of a man. And I knew I needed help to get past a masochistic, pervasive undercurrent in life which always made every action feel not quite right, not exactly authentic. In many ways, my life was great – and improving. Yet, my suffering was undeniable. And so I was ready. In the evening of June 4 2011, at The Comb in Northumberland, I finally embarked on my life’s first Hero’s journey.
It was an intense experience; over in a flash. Yet contained within those brief moments was a journey through grief into rebirth. That is more than literary symbolism – the skillful facilitators guided me into childhood and through a birth canal made up of initiated men, each spouting one of my masochistic beliefs. It was a surreal, yet deeply impacting experience I had not prepared for. All visions of a hero’s journey I have entertained myself with looked very different to mine.
As the facilitators circled us on the last day – bidding us farewell in silence – I felt my heart strongly. Rare are the moments in life when I have felt so alive. Tears flowed down my face. I stood there an initiated man – having been through a ritual for which my entire soul had hungered for years. The look on the faces of these men – each featuring a unique texture of love and acceptance – confirmed that I had indeed received what I longed for. Some missing part of me was starting to pour back in. I was happy.
Journey to The Comb
I run a webpage called Masculinity Movies. It emerged out of my own search for maturity and manhood and running it has brought me much learning and satisfaction. As my exploration of movies, spirituality and psychology deepened, a book about the KWML archetypes showed on my radar. It’s called King, Warrior, Magician, Lover – archetypes of the mature masculine. The authors are Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette, men of some familiarity to you, I suspect
As my understanding of these archetypes grew, I started applying them to my movie reviews – with outstanding results. People loved what they read – and I learned much writing. The Mankind Project was mentioned with increasing frequency and eventually my reviews became featured content on both the Mankind Project’s Facebook page and their journal on mankindprojectjournal.org. It was clear that I had found an organization full of men who shared my thoughts and passions and I felt excited by the growing possibility of global brotherhood.
I connected through this time with MKP men such as Kenny D’Cruz, Boysen Hodgson and Mark Guilford and my participation was in a way inevitable. Speaking with Boysen on Skype one day pretty much cemented it. There was nothing more to think about – I took a leap of faith and don’t regret it.
I was afraid when I knocked on the door and entered the dark room behind it, but boy am I happy that I did.
Back to Normal?
I returned home with a slight concern that the experience would just be a workshop high, my freedom slowly dwindling with every passing day after returning home. But I do feel different. Something has remained. In fact, some hard to describe feeling of being a man and not a boy has strengthened and I feel more confident overall. Most importantly, I feel freer to express myself. In fact, my voice has changed. It has opened and become deeper. Several people have commented on it.
I want to write briefly about my shadow, identified on my weekend as «I create a more alienated world by being judgmental about others». The number one inner conflict in my life is my desire to connect combined with the fear of rejection. My need to connect is tremendous. I love going to deep and rich places with people. Yet for many years, my spiritual practice was a solitary affair which served to strengthen this shadow.
Before I move to criticize it, I want to honor my many years of sitting meditation practice and my dives into worlds such as Buddhism, integral theory and tantra. They served me well for many years. Yet, I remained divorced from life itself. So in my feelings of unfulfillment, I learned that I could protect myself from the fear of rejection by condemning people who I might otherwise wish to connect with as unworthy, «less spiritual». Absolutely wonderful. Served me well. And I’m so fucking done with it.
The new openness that is unfolding in my life allows me to go deeper with others. The key for me is the ability to share impact combined with a deeper realization of my ability to be self-sufficient in the love department. Now, when someone impacts me in a way I like or don’t like, I can simply share my experience of it. It’s not a defense, and yet it’s the best defense of all. Shared humanity. What a concept!
My relationships have deepened considerably this year, yet the experience of intimacy in the interpersonal spaces of my life has dropped to an even deeper and richer level since the weekend at The Comb. I feel nourished.
The path ahead
In two weeks time, I go to Edinburgh for my PIT. I feel inspired to be a faciliator at a training adventure in not too long. To experience it from the other angle. To give it. My mission statement involves curiosity and blessing and so, the path is lit.
I have gathered four NWTA initiates and three other good men who live in the Oslo area and our first real gathering is planned for August. I am moving in three weeks, to the first flat I could ever call truly mine, and will be happy to host them there. This is deeply significant for me, contributing to a general feeling of increased groundedness and embodiment. I feel pleased with myself. My heart opens when I write that.
I’m also feeling big openings in my quest for my true mission in the world. So many good things are happening. I feel stronger and more peaceful and I’m even sensing that a woman is going to come into my life again soon. I realize that I have held the belief that if I get to be with a woman, I somehow automatically get the better end of the deal. And having seen it, I realize how bullshit it is. I can now own how lucky the woman who gets to have me will be. We will both be lucky, gifts to each other.
Would these things have happened if I didn’t do my NWTA? Hard to say. I think it probably would have eventually considering the intensity of my yearning for ever increasing maturity and insight. But it’s not important. It is what it is and I’m happy with the way I arrived here. (I have worn my talisman almost every day since returning.)
I’m Royal Impala and I’m in.
posted by Eivind on June 14, 2011, at 11:30 am
Hi,
Due to some work I was doing on the new user review section, all the existing reviews became unavailable for several days. I only just noticed and the problem has been ironed out. I’m sorry for any inconvenience caused.
Cheers,
Eivind
